Latest / The Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast / Choosing Harmony Over Feeling Heard: ☀️ EnneaSummer Track Five

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Choosing Harmony Over Feeling Heard: ☀️ EnneaSummer Track Five · The Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast

• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the Enea Summer Mystery Series, a special storytelling journey from Simply Wholehearted.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: Over these nine special episodes, I'm inviting you to step into someone else's shoes, to feel their hopes, fears, and longings before you even know their Enneagram type.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: It is a fun guessing game, but also the invitation is this: to hear your own story differently.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: To experience how grace, truth, and transformation meets you right where you find yourself.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_00: If you love Jesus in the Enneagram, well, you have found the right place, and I know you'll feel right at home.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, Amy Wicks, your wholehearted coach and guide by the side.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: Let's begin.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: Imagine a peaceful lake at sunrise.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: Everything looks calm, still, and quiet, almost perfect.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: But just beneath the surface, there's movement.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_00: Ripples, currents, unspoken tensions that never quite reach the surface.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: And today, you're gonna step into the life of someone who values harmony, avoids conflict, and quietly carries more than most people know.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: It's also someone who often puts their own needs last, not because they don't matter, but because peace feels safer than disruption.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: Can you guess who it might be?
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_00: Well, let's take a walk in their world.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: It's the kind of summer day that should feel perfect.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: The lake is still and glassy, broken only by the ripple of a canoe gliding past.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_00: Birds are chirping from the trees, the scent of sunscreen and grilled burgers hang in the air.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_00: And someone's laughter echoes from the dock.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: The old lake house has been in our family for years.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_00: It's full of memories, chipped mugs, creaky floorboards, and a long list of things that still need to be fixed.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: Every summer, though, we all gather here.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_00: Parents, siblings, cousins, the whole tribe shows up.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: And every summer I try to blend in, keep the vibe chill and not stir anything up.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: But this morning, things started unraveling early.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: First, the coffee pot overflowed.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_00: Then my brother snapped at my sister about never pitching in.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: And my mom handed me a to-do list before I'd even had a bite of breakfast.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_00: Of course, I just smiled, nodded, and grabbed a dish gel.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: But then I decided to slip out quietly to the dock, hoping no one would notice, especially not my mom.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_00: I really needed to find some peace.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_00: The sun was so warm on my legs, and the water shimmered, and I sat there still, trying to settle myself.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: But instead of peace, I felt a blink.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_00: My jaw is tight and my thoughts are scattered.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_00: I decided to go to my phone.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_00: I scroll through Instagram.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: I daydream, I numb.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: I told myself that I was just resting.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: But the truth, I was choosing to disappear again.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_00: This all brought me back to being a kid.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_00: Hiding in my room when things got loud, staying quiet so I wouldn't have to make it worse.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: And back then it was survival.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_00: But now it just feels lonely.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_00: I look around, I can tell that everyone else was doing their thing.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_00: They were up there on the deck playing cards and laughing.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: Of course, there were those who were also complaining and being bossy, but they were connected in the messiness of it all.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: Uh here I was.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_00: I was alone, sitting in my quiet corner, and it seemed like no one even noticed that I was gone or missing.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_00: And that's when the ache hit.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: It wasn't loud, but it it did run deep.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_00: I knew the choice was mine.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_00: So I decided to ask for help.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_00: I prayed a simple prayer that I've been taught before, and remembered in the end that help is a full prayer.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_00: I knew I wanted to come back to the Holy Spirit's presence, to my family, to my body, and to the people I love.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: I took a deep breath and stood feeling the wood of the dock under my legs.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: I heard the wind through the pines and noticed how long it had been since I looked someone in the eye.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_00: As I made my way back to the family, I didn't rehearse a speech.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_00: I wasn't going to confront anyone.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_00: It was just me offering my presence, going back to the busyness, going back to the fray, even going back to the to-do list.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_00: Even though the day was going to be full of noise, busyness, and perhaps even tension, I decided that the rest of the day that I would choose to stay present, to be fully available, because the peace that I was looking for wasn't going to be found in hiding.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_00: So did that feel familiar?
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: Or maybe you thought of someone you love who quietly disappears when tension rises?
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: Someone who chooses to keep the peace even when it costs them their voice.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_00: Now, before I reveal this Enneagram type, take a second.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: What's your guess?
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_00: Who wrestles between wanting to be connected but fearful that speaking up might break the peace?
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_00: Is it a type 2, a type 9, or a type 6?
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: Well, if you guess the type 9, you're correct.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_00: Nines are often described as the peacemakers, the ones who bring calm into chaos and keep people connected, even when everything else feels fractured.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_00: But underneath the surface is often a hidden tension.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_00: A fear that if they speak up, they'll create conflict, a belief that their presence might be too much or not enough.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_00: So they blend, adapt, they go along to get along.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_00: Not because they don't have opinions, but because keeping the peace feels safer than being fully seen or even trying to be fully understood.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_00: Now, a nine's core fear is disconnection, conflict, and even being in the way because their core desire is to feel at peace inside and out.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: Now, nines do have struggles.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_00: Typically, this can be summed up in the word sloth, not necessarily laziness, but almost a spiritual sleepiness, a tendency to forget their own priorities.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_00: And if you couldn't tell from our fictional story, a nine longs to hear that their presence matters.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: So when an Enneagram nine does begin to trust that their voice has value, not just their agreement or consensus, they become strong, steady anchors in a very noisy world.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_00: Now, nines can teach the rest of us something powerful: that peace isn't found in pretending everything's okay.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: It's found in offering presents, opinions, and what matters.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_00: They remind us that the gentlest people often carry the deepest strength and that avoiding conflict might keep things quiet, but stepping forward with honesty does create true connection in the end.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: Now I want to introduce you to someone who knows what it's like to be caught in the tension between harmony and honesty.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_00: This wholehearted woman has lived that classic nine dilemma: the desire to avoid conflict, to keep the peace, while also carrying the weight of unspoken stress, relational tension, and the quiet fear of being seen as the bad guy.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_00: But through her wholehearted journey, she discovered how to return to herself, how to take up space without the guilt, how to speak the truth in love, and how to build a life rooted in both peace and purpose.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_00: Now here's Holly sharing her story in her own words.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_01: Hi, my name is Holly Garcia.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_01: I live in Cristobal, Texas, and here is my wholehearted journey.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_01: I think for me, the moment that I knew I needed help was specifically last summer.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_01: So my husband and I, we've been married almost 15 years, and he is from California, and I'm from here in Texas, from St Angelo.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_01: We've lived here in Cristobal now for 10 years, and we live on the South Concho River.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_01: Last summer, this would be the summer of 2024, we were talking on the river, and he was like, Oh, maybe we need family counseling or family coaching.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_01: And to give a point of reference for that, we live on family property near my family, and we worked with one of his close family members.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_01: And so we are very much involved with family, which is a blessing, but can also present some challenges.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_01: I think when you're married and trying to create a family culture of your own, I think you start to notice and realize the dysfunction from your own family.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_01: And sometimes it's easier to see the dysfunction in your spouse's family, but we all have dysfunction in our families.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_01: So I think for my husband and I specifically, there's definite blessings from both sides of our family that we want to continue to pass down.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_01: But then there are also some things where we're like, okay, the buck stops here with this, and that we some unhealthy patterns that we don't want to pass down.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_01: So I think with us living near and having worked with family, we I've known I needed help for a long time, to be honest.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_01: And I have been getting help these last 10 years, I would say, since I moved back to my roots as we started our marriage and had our two girls in California and then our two boys here in Texas.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_01: Well, that conversation last summer on the river when my husband Matt was mentioning us getting help.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, well, I think we need to start with ourselves and make sure that we're working on ourselves.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_01: And I started, or Amy, I think, had reached back out to me.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_01: It was August, I believe, and just to see if on the timing things were good.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_01: And I began my wholehearted counseling with her in October of 2024.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_01: And the main thing was just feeling more so stuck in that pattern, specifically with working with a with my husband's family member, with a close family member there.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_01: That was presenting a challenge.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_01: It's a family member that we love and care a hundred percent about, but with work, we were just getting in unhealthy patterns because we all have our strengths and struggles, as Brene Brown says.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_01: But I think this, our family member was working in a position where she had some strengths, but the struggles and weaknesses were outweighing that.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_01: It was tough because it's someone that I do love and a hundred percent care about, but in that moment and in a way, it's almost like felt like I was a bad guy for a while.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_01: And but just being able to walk through that and not be too hard on myself or beat myself up over it, but just to know that we did make the decision that we feel is best like for us and for our business.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so I appreciate Amy for helping me through that and continuing to help me through that because like I said, this is a close family member and someone that I have made like fond memories and connections with, even while at work, but just now starting in a on a new path with this family member, that's something I'm still walking through and working out and and need to do moving forward.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_01: I think also for me, aside from the family member situation and in my counseling with Amy, something else that I realized I needed to do was start working out again.
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_01: I'm in my early 40s, and to be honest, in in these last 10 years, I hadn't really consistently worked out.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_01: Not that I was like overweight or anything, but just needing to just get that movement again and to sweat and to just get healthy in that way again.
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_01: So I did, I felt like a good step for me would be to join a gym locally.
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_01: So I joined our local Orange Theory Fitness, and I've been doing that these last couple of months.
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_01: That's been really good for me.
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_01: There's some other Cristobal moms that go there, so I love the relational aspect too of being with friends or people that that are in our own community that I've been to on a semi-regular basis.
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_01: So that's been really good for me.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_01: And two, I think also I unfortunately I got shingles recently and I thought, oh gosh, what's going on here?
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_01: I thought I was had a good hold on stress and was managing stress well.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_01: But I think it was just a reminder that even though, yes, I'm working out again and that's good for me, that, and even though I've been able to have these monthly conversations with Amy, I think it's just a reminder, like, oh, I need to make sure that I'm not trying to do too much and that I am making time for that Sabbath or time away from my phone or whatnot to de-stress and make sure I'm managing that well.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_01: So that was eye-opening and not very fun at all.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_01: But it was just a wake-up call, like, oh, I need to make sure I'm managing stress well, even though I wasn't necessarily feeling super overwhelmed.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_01: It was just a harsh reminder.
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm still definitely in process.
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_01: I know in these last few months I've been able to make to make hard decisions and follow through with them.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that's my main takeaway of what these months of like working with Amy has helped me do.
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_01: I do appreciate her.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_01: She's definitely someone that you can talk to and entrust hard information to.
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_01: And she's not gonna judge you, she helps guide you in the right direction.
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm looking forward to continuing the next several months with Amy as well.
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_01: And over the summer, especially with the kids being home from school, I'm looking forward just to continuing talking things out and working things out with her for my own life, just to help continue to go in that confidence and just to be more grounded in who I am and what I bring to the relationship and also just looking to this summer, just what I want it to look like for my kids and me, especially.
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_01: So that will be nice.
• 18:19
  SPEAKER_01: So, yeah, thank you for for listening to my story.
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_01: If you're on the fence or teetering about whether or not you should do this wholehearted Enneagram counseling, I do recommend it.
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_01: And especially coming from Amy's perspective, it's been really cool to learn about the Enneagram.
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_01: I was not well versed in that at all.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_01: So it was very insightful to learn about being an Enneagram nine.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_01: As my brother and I, we both are type nines, which is funny to me, but I definitely see it more so in the both of us, the more that I've learned.
• 18:55
  SPEAKER_01: And again, thank you for listening to my story.
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_01: I hope it's encouraged you, and I hope everyone is having a great summer.
• 19:05
  SPEAKER_01: Thanks.
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_00: Did you take note of some of Holly's pivotal moments?
• 19:15
  SPEAKER_00: There were a few times that she chose to not back down from strife, tension, or disruption, things that had typically kept her stuck in the past.
• 19:27
  SPEAKER_00: Instead, she chose to show up fully present, fully honest, ready to face the challenging decisions and have those difficult conversations.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_00: It's easy to underestimate how brave those moments were.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_00: But this is the quiet power of a nine on the move.
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_00: A nine who is no longer avoiding the difficulty, the disruption, and the possible tension, but instead bringing peace into those very moments.
• 20:03
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're a nine or you love a nine, I want to invite you to enjoy this next moment.
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_00: This is for you.
• 20:13
  SPEAKER_00: So join me in pausing and let's take a breath together.
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_00: So we breathe in and whisper these words.
• 20:24
  SPEAKER_00: I return to presence, breathing out, and bringing peace with me.
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_00: Lord, when the world feels loud and heavy, when conflict stirs and the easiest thing would be to slip away.
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_00: Remind me that I'm not called to disappear.
• 20:45
  SPEAKER_00: That you created me with voice, with presence, with purpose.
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_00: Help me to choose rest that restores, not just numbs.
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_00: Help me to speak up even when it's scary.
• 20:58
  SPEAKER_00: And help me to believe that peace is not the absence of noise or conflict, but the presence of you.
• 21:05
  SPEAKER_00: Right here in the middle of it all.
• 21:11
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, I'm dying to know what part of Holly's story stirred something in you.
• 21:17
  SPEAKER_00: Was it the tension of working with family, the fear of being seen as the one causing conflict, or maybe the gentle courage it took to finally take up space?
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_00: Whether her story or the fictional one that I shared felt familiar, I want to invite you to consider allowing someone to be your guide.
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_00: Someone like me.
• 21:39
  SPEAKER_00: I'm offering a few things for you to take your next step, and you can find it at simply wholehearted.com forward slash any summer.
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_00: You will get a guide sheet created for just your type, and you can even send it to your friends.
• 21:53
  SPEAKER_00: Plus, there is a link to book your own clarity call with me, because you don't have to keep quiet.
• 21:59
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to keep going at it alone, and there's space for your voice here too.
• 22:06
  SPEAKER_00: Now, my friend, as we end here, I want to remind you the heartbeat of Simply Wholehearted.
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_00: We're all broken, we're all blowing it, but the brave one, she does something about it.