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How To Influence People – Simplicity · The Missing Secret Podcast

• 0:00
  Kelly Hatfield: Welcome to The Missing Secret Podcast. I'm Kelly Hatfield,
• 0:03
  John Mitchell: Hey, and I'm John Mitchell. So got a good topic today, how to influence people in 2026 it's all about simplicity and the energy you convert. And just to give you a little background on this, as as as many of you know, both Kelly and I are big fans of Darren Hardy, and I'm watching that video last week, and he's talking about how it's changed over the last few years, how to influence people. And I just think it's exceptional and and rather than be blabbing on about it. I'm thinking, while we show them the video, and I'm going to let my very technically proficient partner here launch that So Kelly, it's all in your hands,
• 0:58
  Darren Hardy: if they're still trying to persuade still working to be heard, still pushing people to act. You're playing the old game and the old game, it's dead. You'll notice the most powerful people that you know barely try to convince anyone. They walk in, they speak, people move. I've spent 35 years inside billion dollar boardrooms working with leaders who actually move markets, and I started noticing something. The rules have changed. 10 years ago, whoever had the loudest voice is the one who won. Whoever had the biggest platform won, whoever could outvolume the competition won. But now everybody has a platform. Everybody has a voice. Everyone is screaming and nobody's listening. Attention used to mean power, now it's worthless, because attention without influence, is just noise. And once I started teaching these new rules, I watched leaders who were being drowned out by the noise become the ones everyone stopped to hear. Here's what's changed. We're living through the biggest power shift in human history, and most leaders don't even see it happening. The new power isn't about reach. It's about residents. It's not who speaks the loudest, it's who people believe. Because people aren't starved for information anymore. They're drowning in it. What we are starved for is somebody that they can trust, and trust doesn't come from what you say. It comes from how you make them feel. So three laws govern modern influence. Master these and you'll never have to convince anyone again. Law Number one, energy leads people don't decide if they trust you with their mind. They decide with their body. Before you finish your first sentence, they've already scanned your energy. Are you calm or anxious? Certain or hesitant, grounded or scattered, and they've made a choice to follow or to ignore. Here's what this means, your state matters more than your strategy. You may have the best pitch in the world, but if your energy feels off, they won't hear a word you say.
• 3:04
  Here's the fix before you walk into any room, before you start any conversation, ask yourself, what energy am I bringing? Because whatever you bring, they'll mirror. If you're anxious, they'll feel anxious. If you're scattered, they'll feel confused. If you're certain, they'll feel safe. Your energy sets the tone for everything that follows law number two, clarity wins in a world of infinite noise, the clearest message wins every time. Here's what most people do wrong. They over explain, they add context, they try to cover every angle, and the more they say, the less people remember. Clarity isn't about saying more. It's about saying less with more precision. Here's the test, if somebody walked out of the room right now, could they repeat your one main point, not three, not five, one. If they can't, you weren't clear enough. Here's what to do instead, before you speak, strip it down. What's the one thing you need them to believe say that then stop. Simplicity creates confidence, and confidence drives action. And law number three, calm commands, this is the law most leaders violate without even knowing it. In chaos, people look for the calmest person in the room, not the loudest, not the smartest, the calmest, because calm signals control, and everybody wants to follow the person who's in control. Here's what happens in high pressure moments. Most leaders energy spikes. Their voice gets faster, their movements get sharper, their words get rushed, and everybody feels it. But the leaders who win those moments, they slow down, their tone drops, their pace stays steady, their body stays still, and everybody in the room gravitates towards that. So here's the fix. Next time pressure hits, don't react faster. React slower. Pause before you speak, take a breath. Let the silence sit. That discomfort you feel, that's exactly what creates influence. Now here's why these three laws are so powerful. They compound. Think about the leaders who move the
• 5:16
  world. When Steve Jobs unveiled the iPhone, he didn't explain it. He enchanted with it. When Oprah speaks, people don't just listen. They feel seen. When Warren Buffet talks, the world goes quiet. None of them are trying to convince you they've mastered the three laws, and their influence is inevitable if you want to learn how to do this, how to walk into any room and command belief without pushing, without convincing, without exhausting yourself. I built riveting it's the communication transformation system that teaches you the art and science of modern influence, the exact systems I used with billion dollar CEOs to help them move markets, shape decisions and lead with certainty. How to control your energy so people feel safe around you. How to clarify your message so that it sticks, how to stay calm so people follow you through chaos. Now it's not for everyone, but if you're ready to stop trying to influence and start being influential, the link is in the description, and I'll show you exactly how to build influence that lasts you.
• 6:23
  Kelly Hatfield: Oh, boy, that was good, right there? Yeah, that was good. Um, I took some good little notes here. It's so funny because we have touched, I mean, this, like, this is we touch on these kinds of things every time we talk, almost. But I mean, right influence is one of my favorite topics, right?
• 6:42
  John Mitchell: So, so, how would you use that in your business?
• 6:46
  Kelly Hatfield: How would I use the three key pieces, the three components, right? They all tell you how I use them. I can give you all kinds of examples when we're talking about energy leading, you know, so that your state matters more than your strategy does. And you know what? And asking yourself, what energy am I bringing into a situation, right? So, you know, as far as energy is concerned, I know this similar is similar to calm, right? Calm commanding, right, right? The energy I when I am passionate about something, and speaking about something like that's contagious. We talk all of the time about energy begets energy, right? So it's the same thing. If I'm interviewing someone, and they're all slumped down in their seat, you know? And but maybe they're saying one, they're saying something, but their energy is is telling me something else. There's a lack of congruence there, and that impacts my perception of them and my you know. And so I think we use the energy piece, you know, and I, as a leader, use it. And again, tying that back to calm, I know that how I show up directly impacts the energy of the team.
• 8:01
  John Mitchell: Of course, that's exactly why you're taking 12 minutes a day to read your life GPS template. You're, you've, you've instilled that, that calmness into who you are. That's who you naturally are. That's, that's why it shows up automatically without thinking, right?
• 8:17
  Kelly Hatfield: Yeah, absolutely. And I think, you know, when I'm looking to with the calm, for example, you know, I'll, I'll have, let's say, you know, an employee, or one of the leaders at our company who will reach out to me, like, I need to talk to you right away, you know? And it's something like the sky is falling, like something's either happening with a deal and it's falling apart or whatever. And, you know, immediately for me, it's just like, okay, you know. Well, let's just talk this through for a second, you know, share that facts with me, you know. And like, so you know, you're changing the tonality of your voice, right? As you mentioned, you're taking a breath, you know, here before you speak, you know. And it sets the tone versus, you know, if you're like, oh my gosh, well, what's happening? Tell me all about like, if you're coming to the table with that kind of energy you're just going to continue to escalate the situation versus, you know, creating, again, that sense of calm, where your brain works differently when you're in that state, yeah, right, all problems when you are, you know, in a heightened state. And I know we're talking specifically about influence here, but that's how I influence my team and how, you know, I show up the inner I know for a fact that the energy that I show up with makes a huge difference. And then, of course, when we're talking about clients and candidates, you know, with my business being a recruiting business, right, everything we do is influence, right, right? You know, around this so, you know. And if somebody were to ask me, and somebody has asked me, you know, if you were to use have one word to define leadership, what would that word be? And I influence? Yeah, you know, that's how I would define leadership, as influence, you know, so, and then the key piece, the other point that we haven't touched on, which is that clarity wins. So. Of the clearest message wins every time, you know. And I've
• 10:02
  learned that the hard way.
• 10:04
  John Mitchell: Oh, me too, you know
• 10:07
  Kelly Hatfield: And so I have, you know, so many and like, I'm still learning that, yeah, oh yeah. Example, just last you know where we before we started recording where I'm like, okay, if I'm thinking about this particular component and influence, right? How did I need? How should I have presented that information to the team, where they were walking away with a lot of clarity and basically, like one idea, like, what did I know? What was I trying to convey in this versus, you know, I think what that meeting was about, which was, you know, we were covering several different things in that meeting. And there were right, were a bunch of things we were touching on. But anyway, no, I loved this. What are your thoughts around this?
• 10:47
  John Mitchell: John, well, I think, I think it's great. I think the three rules of energy, leads, clarity wins and Kong commands is, is all true. And I particularly like this, this clarity piece, because, of course, to me, that's the essence of the secret of the topic of the world, on on success is just create immense clarity about your life. But as it relates to interacting with another person, like, like, I've been totally guilty of, of over talking, I think, and, and I'll give you an example this. This might be be interesting. I'll, I'll show you two examples. Like, when I explain, think it'd be it, I'll, uh, I'll explain it two different ways, and you tell me which one is more powerful. Now, I like both of these, but one's, I think, a little clearer than the other, and I'll do the one that maybe is a little longer. And so here's what I would say. Do you think your results in life, in life, match your potential and level of intelligence, if not just consider this, your daily actions determine your six success in each area of your life, but 95% of your daily actions are unconscious. Hey, they're they're reactionary. They're in the moment. They're on autopilot. And since they're unconscious, they are directed by your greatest asset, your conscious mind, intelligence and intellect, and that's why you can only do your key intentions and actions radically, but doing them consistently, really is the difference between having the exceptional life and the adverse life, and you're playing the game of life at 5% of your potential. So I you got to fix that problem if you want the exceptional life and and so that's, that's, that's one way to explain it. Now I'm not given the solution, yeah, but I'm, I guess I'm amplifying the problem. Here's another way, maybe a little simple. The most important thing I ever learned in life is this, 95% of your daily actions are unconscious, and the significance of that is, since they are unconscious, you don't control the very
• 13:14
  thing that determines your success. Just appreciate the profound ramifications of that you don't control the very thing that has determined your success, but you can fix that by rewiring your autopilot. And it takes 12 minutes a day, then the right actions happen automatically, and you begin to play the game of life at 100% of your potential, rather than 5% as most people do, so which one do you like better?
• 13:44
  Kelly Hatfield: I like the second one better because it was shorter and more concise, and it had the one message in it, which was 95% of your thoughts were right unconscious. So I think I like the second one. Both of them are great, but I like the second one, because it was shorter and working, right?
• 14:03
  John Mitchell: Yeah, I and, you know, I see I do this in my class, where I will say something, I'll let it stick for a second, just pause, then I'll say it again. And I see that always is helpful, but that's, that's interesting. So, and I guess, I guess, if you, if you make people see the problem deep enough and allude to the solution that's better than the driving the problem Adam, and then giving them the solution, immediately, you think, so,
• 14:39
  Kelly Hatfield: Yeah, I think It just depends on so you were going on the first one, you were just, there was no solution. It was just kind of, you kept going over like the the problem, and explaining the problem, right, right, yeah, basically, yeah, right. And then the second one, there was the a little bit of a solution, a quicker, yep, a quicker pain point that you. And then the solution along with it. So I like the I liked that, versus going on about the pain points,
• 15:07
  John Mitchell: Right, right? Yeah. And, you know, it's interesting. I really do see this is true, and I don't know that I've ever done as good a job as I like to. But really, the difference between the exceptional life, and the average life is being able to do your key actions consistently, rather than sporadically. I mean, how does it get any simpler, really, really, and what? And, you know, what sort of people buy into that. And then you make, oh, did you know that 95% of your daily actions are unconscious, then this opens all a whole new thing that that impacts how to make them happen consistently rather than sporadically. Yeah, and so, you know, just fatty as as I, as I get older, I I just appreciate how how simple life is and how simple success is, and how so many people struggle to figure it out. And when you ask them, how do you create success, they have no clue at all. They're just totally clueless. I mean, they'll say something, but they'll oftentimes listen to it. They go, Oh yeah, I guess I don't know.
• 16:21
  Kelly Hatfield: Yeah, totally. And again, it goes back to we've talked about this a million times because people aren't thinking about how they create success
• 16:28
  John Mitchell: Yeah, yeah, as you said 100 times, which is so true. They're just not, you know, that's the fundamental problem. Forget the intellectual problem. Yeah, yeah, that's the fundamental problem. They're not thinking about it. But yeah, the people that are serious about success, by God, they are obsessed with it. Yeah, those people don't have any trouble. They're not just gliding through life. But that's the difference between the 98% and the 2% don't you think,
• 16:59
  Kelly Hatfield: Oh yeah, absolutely, yeah. And I think, you know, one thing I want to mention, too, going back to this topic of influence, you know, I just talked about this specifically related to business, that was your question. But think about, I want you to think about any interaction that you've had in your personal life, you know, like, because we all have, you know whether you've got a significant other, you know, whether you've got children, you know whether you've got brands. You know, there's people in your life that you've got these interpersonal relationships with. And so think about maybe a challenging, you know, conversation that you've recently had, like, how, what was the outcome of that? You know, because I bet, if you analyze it and you think about your energy level. What energy did I bring into that conversation? Because if you came in hot, likely the results going to be again, that's the energy you're bringing. Energy begets energy. And you've already started that conversation of influence off on the wrong foot, because you came in a certain way aggressive, whatever the case may be. And then think about clarity. Like, what was the conversation about? How clear was the message and the point that you were trying to get across? And then, like, again, calm commands, you know, coming in, and you've got a level head, and you've got to so I love thinking about influence in all of the different aspects of your life, but it's really easy to kind of, like, now, if you're thinking about a recent conversation or something, maybe that was a conversation that either went really well or or, you know, didn't go well. And you think about these three areas of influence, I bet you can pinpoint, you know, where maybe either things went off the rails, or why the conversation went
• 18:38
  John Mitchell: Great, right? You know, I tell you, you made such a great, good point about, basically, the the tone with which you explain something. I and, and this is interesting. I have, I have noticed now I'm, I've been married, what is it like 13 years, I think, or 14 years, I don't know. It's one of that but, and of course, you're a veteran. When was your at 30?
• 19:03
  Kelly Hatfield: Yeah, we just, we had our 30 last in August of last year. So, well,
• 19:08
  John Mitchell: I'm just a rookie compared to you, but, but I see there is truly an art to being married, and there is a I see, at least for myself, it's a continually refining the art. And I noticed, like the other day, not too long ago, maybe a week or so, or two, Ginger says something that pisses me off. We're just, you know, we're just, and it was sort of insulting. She didn't mean to be insulting, but it was insulting. And so I went after with, you know, fairly respectfully, but, but she could tell I was agitated. Yeah, and what I've learned, and I actually have this in my live GPS template, if she ever and she doesn't say things that rear take very often, but every once while she will. Because that's the nature of being married. Yeah. I mean and, and now I'm like, Okay, first, first, what I noticed my irritation. Just shut up. Just just take a moment and gather my thoughts and figure out the intelligent response with a new twist to it is, is give the calm response, which may take another, you know, 30 Seconds to really think about how to do it calmly. But I see that if, if she says something that irritating is that's irritating, and I am feeling that irritation, and I'm going after it's, it's a little more aggressive conversation than if I wait 15 seconds and go, babe, you know, and sort of laugh, yeah, I know you did mean to insult me. I mean, I'm deeply hurt by this, but, but I think I'll recover. You know, play it with her a little, yeah, and if I do it like that, and, and so you see how I might not have taken that the best, a completely different reaction on her part than me immediately feeling the irritation and going after. And that's, that's influence, that's what he's talking about, is being being relaxed and calm. And the other thing I like what he says, is being certain, and, you know, and, and I see that like, like, I'm gonna my class. My new class starts tomorrow. So I've got 45 lives that were being given tomorrow, and we're going to go
• 21:45
  on this three month journey. Well, I'm so sure of what I'm teaching them works and it hurts. I mean, I and and as I've I don't know if I really tell them this. I probably don't, but I'm going to teach to the 20% 30% that really get it and and the other 70% you know, I'm playing up here. I don't know if y'all want to play lower. That's up to you, but I'm playing up here. I'm going to teach you how to play up here. And I saw last semester that literally, I felt like 80% of them were really into it, and which is good, I almost find that hard to believe that 80% really would be into it, because that's an exceptionally high number of people, and if I was talking to adults, it wouldn't be anywhere close to that. It may be the 2% Yeah, I have a I have a feeling some of it, two factors are probably at play. When I have three months of seeing them twice a week, I'm developing rapport and a relationship, and they see I care. And so that's a factor. The other thing is, when they're 20 years old, I don't think they have sorted out themselves the way that adults that are 40 are, you know, I think that's true.
• 23:16
  Kelly Hatfield: Oh, for sure, yeah, their brains aren't even fully developed yet, right, right.
• 23:21
  John Mitchell: Well, and you know, maybe we can develop those brains in the right direction, exactly. Thank you. I mean, so, you know, it's, it's interesting, but I guess the point of of today's podcast is to consider what, what Darren has pointed out to us, again, the three rules are energy leads. So you want to make sure that that you're clear about what your energy is. And then when you give your message, err in the side of making it too simple, then too complex. Again, most people make it way more complex than it has to be. And then the third one is calm commands. So consider those three as you influence your employees, your boss or your husband or wife. So until next time, we'll see.