Latest / Rooted Conversations with Mitch Webb / Unpacking Trauma & Finding Your Authentic Self with Selden Beylouni

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Unpacking Trauma & Finding Your Authentic Self with Selden Beylouni · Rooted Conversations with Mitch Webb

• 0:02
  Selden, how long have we known each other? Oh
• 0:06
  my god, not even a year. And it feels like, well,
• 0:09
  do you want to know the soul? Like, the soul
• 0:13
  number? The soul number is like, I just got the
• 0:17
  number thousands. Like, we may have known each
• 0:21
  other in a lifetime like thousands of years ago.
• 0:26
  But in this lifetime, it's not even been a year,
• 0:30
  which is crazy. After a thousand lifetimes, Selden
• 0:33
  still decided to play Hard to Get when we met
• 0:37
  in this lifetime. Playing Hard to Get, you're
• 0:42
  married. I was like, hey, I'm here. I know you.
• 0:46
  Talk to me and you're like, no. Oh, really? Oh,
• 0:50
  that's so interesting. I didn't even know that
• 0:52
  I did that. about what we're talking about. There
• 0:55
  wasn't intentional. I know, I'm kidding. Well,
• 0:58
  what we're talking about is we met through Irene
• 1:01
  in the SPT group and we started getting on these
• 1:03
  like preliminary calls and I'm like, who's this
• 1:06
  girl? She looks so familiar. And I'm like, put
• 1:09
  it on my screen. I'm like, where do I bring her
• 1:11
  from? Same. That has been happening to me a lot
• 1:14
  lately. So when I first thought that about you
• 1:16
  is when you did your interview with Irene and
• 1:19
  I saw you and I was like, oh, I know him. I know
• 1:22
  him from my party days, I think, and I kept searching
• 1:25
  my memory bank to just be like, and then I was
• 1:29
  like, wait, he is so much younger than me. Like
• 1:32
  when I was in my party days, you were like -
• 1:35
  In Haskell or something? Not even. Not even.
• 1:39
  You were like 10 years older than me, right?
• 1:43
  No, you're 80 years older than me, man. I thought
• 1:46
  I was 10. It's close to 10, but it's not. I know
• 1:49
  that. How old are you? 30 man I had to think
• 1:52
  about it. Oh, yeah, you're right. Okay, so I'm
• 1:54
  25 going on 40. So eight years old Eight years
• 1:58
  older than you see. Yeah. Anyway, then I was
• 2:01
  like, so wait I don't know him from now. I'm
• 2:03
  like, oh shit This is some past life stuff. Well,
• 2:05
  I said that to you when you were walking across
• 2:08
  the room because I was like, all right I'm sick
• 2:09
  of I'm sick of playing easy easy stuff here and
• 2:12
  I was like, hey I think I know you're right and
• 2:15
  and you're like, yeah Like whatever dude and
• 2:17
  I was like from not from another lifetime and
• 2:19
  you're like like deer in the headlights, and
• 2:23
  then you step down. I was like, okay, here we
• 2:24
  go. Well, I was like, oh, I didn't know that
• 2:27
  you would roll like that. I was like, oh, he's
• 2:32
  down. Okay, okay. Cause I was just like, I'm
• 2:34
  not sure. It's really interesting that you say
• 2:36
  that though. I'm surprised we're going here,
• 2:40
  but let's just do it. You're not the first person
• 2:43
  that's told me that I'm a little bit standoffish
• 2:45
  at first in person, which is really interesting,
• 2:48
  because now that I know my human design, I'm
• 2:50
  a 5 '1", there is like a... And it's obviously
• 2:54
  something that I'm working on in my own nervous
• 2:57
  system, my relational patterns and things like
• 3:00
  that. Boundaries, healthy boundaries too. There's
• 3:02
  healthy boundaries, but there's also some fear.
• 3:05
  There's also some fear around getting, or there
• 3:07
  always has been around getting close to people
• 3:09
  or fear of like what they think of me or, and
• 3:12
  I think it comes off like I don't like know necessarily
• 3:18
  that I'm doing it, but I'm just, I'm trying to
• 3:20
  be in my own energy, but I think I think that's
• 3:23
  really hard for me with when I'm like with people
• 3:26
  and in groups because my energy tends to get
• 3:28
  really really big Yeah, even if like I'm not
• 3:31
  the kind of person that can walk into a room
• 3:33
  and just hide for some reason like people Like
• 3:37
  hide like some people always seem to notice me
• 3:41
  or like you know not like in a hockey way or
• 3:44
  anything But like it just seems that like people
• 3:46
  always you know So I think that I don't know
• 3:51
  that about. I've never really known that about
• 3:52
  myself, so I think I've always just tried to
• 3:55
  be incognito, and then it comes off as like standoffish
• 4:00
  sometimes. So that's interesting. You taught
• 4:05
  me about the human design stuff, and that really
• 4:07
  resonated for me, and mine is like, wait for
• 4:12
  things to come to me, and that shows up in my
• 4:15
  healing journey so much, but like... I think
• 4:17
  when I go with the invitation instead of waiting
• 4:21
  for someone to come to me, then I can feel like
• 4:23
  very aggressive, abrasive too much, and like
• 4:26
  come off as like, whoa, but if it's like, if
• 4:30
  somebody introduces me, it's so, so much more
• 4:32
  strong that we kind of go from there. Yeah, exactly.
• 4:37
  And I think it's also this process for me of
• 4:39
  like unlearning that font. of like having to
• 4:44
  be the one who's social and nice and talking
• 4:49
  to everybody like that social butterfly was part
• 4:52
  of my identity for so long and as i'm regulated
• 4:56
  i'm like that's first of all it's it's actually
• 4:59
  a lot of energy to requires a lot of energy for
• 5:01
  us to just because we're basically fawning to
• 5:04
  a whole group of people right yeah i'm trying
• 5:06
  to get them to like uh try to be fragile it's
• 5:09
  perfection Yeah 100 % it's like it's like what
• 5:13
  you just said I realized just the other day it's
• 5:15
  like I feel like in relationship especially like
• 5:19
  I have I'm responsible for everything not like
• 5:22
  hey I'm gonna take this first step put this thing
• 5:26
  out there and trust that the universe is or the
• 5:28
  person is gonna respond it's like oh no I've
• 5:31
  gotta handle all this stuff and yeah He's been
• 5:38
  so stressful and fatigued. And it's like, it's
• 5:42
  so much more authentic and relaxing to just be
• 5:49
  instead of like, performing for love and trying
• 5:53
  to control everything to feel safe. Because underneath
• 5:57
  it's just, there's not safety and we're working
• 6:00
  on that. Exactly, yeah. There wasn't safety and
• 6:04
  we're building it. Exactly. I think as that dissolves
• 6:07
  though, you know, I wonder if the pendulum just
• 6:10
  kind of swings like back to that standoffish
• 6:12
  thing. It's like, you know, trying not to do
• 6:15
  that swings you a little bit into the other direction
• 6:18
  of maybe being standoffish until you kind of
• 6:20
  come back into balance, which I think I hope
• 6:22
  is happening now. But oh yeah, no, I see it.
• 6:25
  I see it in you. Even like talking like two weeks
• 6:29
  or something like that feels like A year again,
• 6:31
  and it's like so much I've seen you develop and
• 6:34
  we're the same way like we're the same in our
• 6:37
  heat We're very similar and very different Yeah,
• 6:40
  what we're gonna talk about today, but it's like
• 6:42
  we go through like a while ago And I'm this is
• 6:46
  probably still the same I could always go to
• 6:48
  you and be like hey, I'm going through this thing
• 6:49
  and you're like, oh, yeah I went through that
• 6:52
  then and then this, but also I go really freaking
• 6:56
  fast. I think both of them. Dude, so fucking
• 6:58
  fast. Holy shit. You've been like a volcano that's
• 7:01
  erupted. Literally. It's like your volcano erupted
• 7:05
  around... Man, I'm getting all these. I love
• 7:10
  it. Love it went on with the open person, because
• 7:13
  the information has come around November, December.
• 7:17
  It was like this eruption, right? And through
• 7:20
  February. And then it's like that eruption just
• 7:24
  started to kind of settle. And now there's like,
• 7:28
  there's like these little bit bursts, but that
• 7:30
  big, like the boulder, right? The boulder. That
• 7:35
  was a big piece of it. But then it was like that
• 7:37
  boulder almost unlocked so much right after that
• 7:40
  for you, I think. Yeah. And what you're talking
• 7:43
  about, I believe, is we're like realizing how
• 7:48
  I made myself small and would avoid confrontation
• 7:52
  to keep the peace. And I'm like all the in parts
• 7:56
  of me and just, you know, that's control. And
• 8:01
  for me, I like to be just in the moment and 100
• 8:07
  % myself. And I feel like I've got to dance around
• 8:11
  and walk on eggshells to to stay in connection
• 8:15
  with someone or something, like it just became
• 8:17
  more and more evident that that's what was going
• 8:20
  on. And every time I would do that, I would just
• 8:23
  shut down. And it was kind of in line with what
• 8:27
  was going on energetically as well, which you
• 8:29
  guys taught me that a lot about that, like the
• 8:32
  Horsescope and the Hematizapin and all that,
• 8:36
  guys. But yeah, it is like, that's kind of how
• 8:39
  it is for me. It's like these big wide open bursts
• 8:42
  and then chilling and then boom. But yeah, it's,
• 8:47
  I mean... It's been amazing to see. It's been
• 8:50
  a really, it's been quite like a joy to witness.
• 8:54
  Oh yeah, and thanks for being, yeah man, like
• 8:56
  so much along with and been working on safety
• 8:59
  and uncertainty and so many times like having
• 9:01
  someone that's been a couple of steps ahead of
• 9:04
  you in the journey to say like... What the fuck
• 9:07
  is going on? And you're like, oh, yeah, yeah.
• 9:10
  That's part for the course, baby. Totally. Yeah.
• 9:13
  Cause we don't know. And you don't know when
• 9:15
  you get into this work, just like that term sneaky
• 9:19
  powerful has been coming up for me again in the
• 9:21
  last couple of days. I heard Irene say it on
• 9:23
  a podcast here for the truth and like, man, it's
• 9:27
  really like, um, sorry. Sorry, Rose. I know.
• 9:33
  Hold on a second. Sorry about that. Um, someone
• 9:35
  tried to call me. I have to turn my phone off.
• 9:38
  Sorry about that. You're good. This is the first
• 9:42
  episode. I think this is my first episode that
• 9:44
  I've done. So like, yeah, where I'm not really
• 9:47
  editing things and there's going to be some bleep.
• 9:49
  I know. I know. Sorry. Authenticity. Real life
• 9:53
  shit happening right now. Hold on. Yeah. Okay.
• 9:58
  Got it. We're on do not disturb now. Sorry about
• 10:01
  that. I can't remember what I was saying though.
• 10:05
  What was I saying? I don't know. We're just talking
• 10:07
  about how we're similar and, you know, just some
• 10:12
  of the stuff that we've been through this year
• 10:13
  and it was like a lot, you know, big waves and
• 10:16
  stuff. Yeah. Oh, that's what it was. Yeah. So
• 10:18
  like when this work, when we start doing this
• 10:21
  work and we start releasing some of those big
• 10:24
  things, like a lot happens after like we, we
• 10:28
  don't really know what to expect. That's why
• 10:30
  I. it's really important, I think, to have a
• 10:33
  want to, you know, have a practitioner that you're
• 10:34
  working with. But for us, we're so fortunate
• 10:37
  that we had that group, the SPT group and had
• 10:40
  her other, you know, to just because everybody's
• 10:44
  a little bit different stages in their process
• 10:47
  and stuff. And we can say, like, to me, it was
• 10:51
  so It's just so supportive to hear, like, oh,
• 10:57
  that's normal for that to happen. Oh, yeah. Like,
• 10:59
  you know, it's normal for you to be really activated.
• 11:02
  Like, when I learned, oh, the process of releasing
• 11:05
  freeze from the system is that the activation
• 11:09
  has to come out. So, like, you know, when that
• 11:12
  I - And you get excited about that. Like, now.
• 11:15
  I get excited about it now. Oh, yeah. I'm like,
• 11:17
  let's go, dude. Yeah, it's totally, but remember
• 11:20
  when it used to scare us, so much. So bad. So
• 11:23
  bad. Ew, terrified, terrified of the symptoms.
• 11:27
  I got something for you. I just realized, and
• 11:30
  tell me if I'm right, that like, because when
• 11:33
  we're in class and Irene would say, you know,
• 11:36
  something's coming up, can you be with it? I
• 11:39
  think that is how we take it to completion, right?
• 11:42
  It's literally just sitting and observing and
• 11:44
  saying, hey, I'm not gonna turn away, I'm not
• 11:46
  gonna. He'll get this leather thing, I'm not
• 11:49
  gonna avoid you, I'm not gonna numb you. I'm
• 11:51
  just gonna sit here and watch you and be like,
• 11:53
  this is fucking awesome. I'm gonna cheer you
• 11:55
  on. And that feels like that's something I've
• 11:58
  been able to do more. And it feels like you do
• 12:00
  go up, boom, and then you hit this thing and
• 12:03
  it's like, I just forget what I was doing because
• 12:05
  now it's - Right. Yeah, does that mean we see
• 12:07
  it? I mean, that I think is the shift. That I
• 12:11
  think is like one of the biggest shifts because
• 12:13
  - In that, at least in the beginning, when we
• 12:17
  sit with that activation and what's happening,
• 12:20
  we are always faced with the fear of whatever
• 12:23
  it was that happened to us when that thing got
• 12:26
  trapped. And then on top of that, the societal
• 12:31
  programming that we have around... Put a bandaid,
• 12:34
  I'm gonna... Well, around fearing symptoms, right?
• 12:38
  Allopathic medicine. I mean, it's bad to have
• 12:41
  a symptom. body's doing something wrong. Like,
• 12:46
  you know, where's this going? Well, you could
• 12:47
  have a heart defect or what, you know, all the
• 12:51
  things that they, the fear, the fear is just
• 12:53
  like, that's like global, global fear of sensation
• 12:57
  and symptom, right? Yeah. Global eye activation.
• 13:00
  And so when we're able to like pause and take
• 13:06
  space and just feel what's happening without
• 13:09
  trying to fix it or change it, We are really
• 13:12
  processing through a ton of fear around the symptom
• 13:16
  in that moment. You know, making sense of actually
• 13:20
  just be here and where is that fear? Cause there's
• 13:25
  like the fears there and then there's the activation.
• 13:28
  So it's always coupled in there, you know, to
• 13:31
  get. That's what I've been working on a lot recently
• 13:33
  through this brain retraining stuff. And it's
• 13:36
  so funny because I feel like there's a war that
• 13:38
  I'm on the side of somatic of between and bottom
• 13:43
  up, right? And I would say I'm gonna go to bottom
• 13:46
  up, but in this scenario, and Lena, someone shout
• 13:51
  out to Lena, really helped me with this, but
• 13:53
  I was doing it without knowing that's what brain
• 13:56
  retraining was. And it's basically what we're
• 13:59
  talking about. It's recognizing the symptoms.
• 14:02
  and you pair them together as a way I do it.
• 14:05
  Recognize that it's in your system, figure out
• 14:08
  where's it in my body, what's it feel like, what's
• 14:10
  it saying, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then notice
• 14:13
  the action towards fixing. And it's where you,
• 14:18
  that's the brain stuff. You go, oh, I know that
• 14:21
  this is urgent, that I wanna be afraid of this
• 14:23
  fear, of this thought that I'm having, of this
• 14:26
  sensation in my body. I'm gonna run to fix it.
• 14:29
  So instead of doing that, I'm gonna notice the
• 14:31
  urgency. I'm gonna sit with that part. I'm gonna
• 14:34
  talk really nice to it. And I'm gonna go back
• 14:36
  to what I was doing. It may be some soothing
• 14:39
  or something like that. And within, for someone
• 14:42
  like me who adds so much fatigue, we were talking
• 14:45
  about this yesterday, adds so much fatigue. And
• 14:47
  I think for me, it's less about, Mitch, you're
• 14:50
  doing too much. It's your thinking there's danger
• 14:53
  too much. Exactly. But I had to interrupt that
• 14:57
  process. And for those that are listening, these
• 14:58
  are a lot of the guys that I work with. They
• 15:00
  got so much fatigue, a bunch of activation underneath
• 15:04
  it. And it's like, we're the biohackers, we're
• 15:08
  the fixers, we're the athletes. And sometimes
• 15:11
  it's better to just notice the thought and go
• 15:14
  back to what you're doing. I'd say within one
• 15:16
  week, my fatigue dropped by 50%. That's awesome.
• 15:20
  Same thing with Lena. I think she had a month
• 15:23
  of it and she's doing a lot better too. Yeah,
• 15:26
  because of that shift. And it's like, I want
• 15:29
  to debate which way is better, up or down. But
• 15:32
  it's like, nah, they actually work. They're both
• 15:34
  great. But the thing that I will say, at least
• 15:38
  this was the truth for me, I couldn't do... any
• 15:43
  kind of mindset stuff until I had capacity. Well,
• 15:47
  that's exactly right. I agree with that. You
• 15:49
  know, because when you're in your rumination
• 15:53
  and your anxiousness and your worry and your
• 15:56
  dysregulation to the level that you and I had,
• 16:00
  there's no trying to retraining your brain and
• 16:04
  like even hypnotherapy. It's actually almost
• 16:07
  like quite frustrating because when you can't
• 16:09
  do it, Yes, not possible until you have at least
• 16:14
  a layer or a few layers of safety and capacity
• 16:16
  Already there like it really is quite difficult
• 16:21
  and people make it sound easy. Just just Just
• 16:24
  that number being like I am so like I would get
• 16:29
  angry so much anger would come up around that
• 16:32
  because I'd be like, it's not that easy for me.
• 16:35
  Like, I have no control. There's no control,
• 16:38
  like, for lack of better work. There's no safety.
• 16:41
  There's no safety. It's never been safety in
• 16:43
  the systems ever. It's in survival and that amygdala
• 16:47
  is going crazy. It's like, dude, you can't try
• 16:51
  to control that. It doesn't want it. It needs
• 16:53
  to have that safety built there. And then...
• 16:57
  that somatic work obviously does all those things
• 17:00
  and we get more embodied and have that capacity.
• 17:04
  And then it's like, all of a sudden that mindset
• 17:07
  stuff is like, it's pretty easy for me now. I
• 17:11
  mean, easy because none of this work is like
• 17:13
  easy per se, but not a struggle, you know, it's
• 17:17
  not a struggle. I'm just like, Oh, that's a part
• 17:20
  coming up. It's interesting. Wow. That need right
• 17:24
  now, you know, And that fear, that worry and
• 17:28
  fear around like, oh, what does this mean? And
• 17:30
  the shame around like, why can't I? Because that
• 17:34
  was what it was. Like in the, in any kind of
• 17:37
  mindset work that I did before this work was
• 17:39
  like the shame around why I couldn't do it. Because
• 17:42
  it's easy for everybody. So I would just shame
• 17:44
  myself. Yeah. Well, because that is control and
• 17:48
  that is safety is a shame myself. Well, then
• 17:51
  the other people don't have to do it. and what
• 17:53
  you're talking about with the capacity is so
• 17:55
  interesting. As you're describing that, I couldn't
• 17:57
  have done that a year ago, right? I don't know
• 18:01
  what safety is. How could I make this stop? But
• 18:03
  what happens is, and this happened for me in
• 18:06
  a one -on -one session, and this demonstrates
• 18:08
  what we're talking about, about the building
• 18:10
  capacity. So maybe when you will know it's time
• 18:14
  or what that looks like, it's like I would feel
• 18:18
  a part coming up. but prior to that, it felt
• 18:22
  like this is me, this is my identity, this is
• 18:25
  my activation or my anxiety, and then what happened
• 18:29
  is it came up and I was going into it and I went,
• 18:32
  boom, and it's like I was holding it now. And
• 18:35
  I'm like gearing for this part and I'm going
• 18:39
  like, but and it was certain. It was outside
• 18:41
  of you now. It was psychedelic. because only
• 18:44
  when I grabbed it it was like quantum psychedelic
• 18:47
  because I'm really crying for the grief that
• 18:52
  this thing is holding. I'm feeling the activation
• 18:56
  and I'm soothing it and I'm laughing at the same
• 18:59
  time. Because I'm like what the fuck is going
• 19:02
  what happened like I'm just getting so many amazing
• 19:05
  images right now What happened was that part
• 19:07
  of you detached itself from your identity, right?
• 19:11
  And so you grieved that's a piece of you that
• 19:14
  has tried so hard to keep you safe for so long
• 19:17
  So you grieved you had to say goodbye to that
• 19:21
  part and that is like It's like saying goodbye
• 19:24
  to a relationship. I mean is it does it really
• 19:27
  go anywhere though? Is it going somewhere or
• 19:30
  is it just like? uncoupling the identity of it.
• 19:33
  What happens is alchemy, right? What happens
• 19:37
  is that piece transforms into what part of the
• 19:42
  more embodied, because what happened was you
• 19:45
  just allowed space for more authenticity and
• 19:48
  more embodiment to occur within you. And so that's
• 19:51
  the transformation that energy is never created
• 19:55
  or destroyed, right? So that energy, that old
• 19:58
  stuff moved out and then In this, like the oldest
• 20:02
  really, the purest version of you, a part of
• 20:05
  that light was able to come through, right? So
• 20:08
  - You're an adult self coming online, because
• 20:10
  it feels more - Exactly. It doesn't feel like,
• 20:13
  ugh, and that's what happens. It's like, now
• 20:15
  that we have capacity, these things that we're
• 20:19
  talking about, these sensations, these emotions,
• 20:21
  they're coming up, and instead of being like,
• 20:23
  oh my God, we go, oh my God. we move towards
• 20:26
  it instead of moving away from it, because that's
• 20:28
  one thing I was asking my clients. I'm like,
• 20:31
  they're like, hey, this party is coming up. I'm
• 20:32
  like, what's your immediate reaction? Get slow
• 20:35
  that down. And are you like going, fuck, or are
• 20:38
  you being like, no, or are you going like, yes.
• 20:42
  And it happens like, first you'll have the recoil.
• 20:45
  And you notice that the next time you may recoil
• 20:48
  and go into it. And another time it's going to
• 20:50
  come up and you're going to go, ah. You're gonna
• 20:53
  be a big hug. I was just like, hey, hey, what's
• 20:57
  going on? Well, here's another one, too. Like,
• 21:00
  treat it like it's a little kid that's trying
• 21:02
  to, like, scare you. It is. It's running in the
• 21:05
  room, and it's not like, it's going, oh, my,
• 21:07
  right. And you go, oh, my God, you scared me.
• 21:13
  Right, let's see. What do you have to say? Yeah,
• 21:20
  you are welcome here. I'm not anywhere. And the
• 21:22
  energy is so sweet, you know? Usually like it's
• 21:26
  interesting because when people do inner child
• 21:29
  work before they like have the capacity and safety
• 21:33
  there's a lot around like I have clients and
• 21:38
  even friends who've told me like whenever I connect
• 21:40
  with my inner child I'm like angry or annoyed.
• 21:44
  I'm like annoyed with them. And I'm like, Oh
• 21:46
  man. Okay. Cool. Yeah. Let's do some more embodiment
• 21:49
  work. Keep building capacity. It's okay. And
• 21:52
  then eventually that's going to shift. And when
• 21:54
  that shifts into that compassion, like when I
• 21:57
  picture my inner child, man, I used to have like
• 21:59
  just uncontrollable tears around it, just so
• 22:03
  much emotion. And now I'm like, Oh, she's so
• 22:06
  sweet. You know, she just wants to be loved and
• 22:10
  she's still. scared and all these things are
• 22:13
  still, they're still there, you know, but it
• 22:16
  does feel like it's not driving the bus for me
• 22:20
  anymore. Yeah, that's a great way of saying that.
• 22:22
  And, you know, I'm in the front seat. You heard
• 22:25
  me, my stuff with the, once we can start to have
• 22:29
  compassion for those parts that we were so, we
• 22:32
  hated, we start to see that for other people.
• 22:35
  And it's like, I'm - Wow. cheering on the underdog
• 22:38
  now. I'm cheering on people that used to trigger
• 22:41
  me because of their symptoms of what they got
• 22:43
  going on. You can see that little kid in them,
• 22:47
  and you're like, oh, I get it, dude. And it's
• 22:49
  like, this isn't about me, and you're not trying
• 22:52
  to be mean to me. You're in your stuff. You're
• 22:56
  old. Do you see your parents that way now? That's
• 23:00
  exactly what that's coming from, where we had
• 23:02
  a conversation where I'm like, Okay, I had no
• 23:06
  contact with my parents for a year. I reached
• 23:08
  out to my mom like yesterday, right, for the
• 23:11
  first time in a long time. And it's because I
• 23:14
  realized the more I did this inner child work,
• 23:18
  the more I realized I could not judge. myself,
• 23:23
  and if I'm judging myself, or I'm judging other
• 23:25
  people, I might as well be, for being in their
• 23:27
  trauma stuff, for not being perfect, that I might
• 23:31
  as well be doing that to me, and I'm not willing
• 23:33
  to do that anymore, and so it softens that. Because,
• 23:36
  honestly, whenever we're doing this, I mean,
• 23:40
  it's the four -figure, it's projecting what we're
• 23:42
  really feeling about ourselves. Thank you for
• 23:45
  doing this work, you more you see that, and you
• 23:47
  go to do that, and you're like, oh, shit, boy.
• 23:50
  And that happens simultaneously, you know? That's
• 23:52
  why it's like when we focus on just our own healing
• 23:55
  work, we do end up very soon. Once that shift
• 24:01
  happens where we have compassion for ourselves,
• 24:03
  that starts to ripple out into having compassion
• 24:06
  for other people, you know? It definitely happens.
• 24:10
  Because I was here and in sadness. How could
• 24:12
  we, that's what I realized is like I would watch
• 24:15
  people even in the group getting emotional or
• 24:18
  even watching myself get emotional. And I just
• 24:20
  feel so uncomfortable. And now that's not, but
• 24:23
  nobody makes us. Totally. I mean, you know, we
• 24:25
  feel what's in a process than us. And I just
• 24:29
  realized like, oh, like the more compassion I
• 24:33
  can have for myself. and for other people, the
• 24:35
  more I can show up and help more people and help
• 24:38
  myself and have more compassion and it, you know,
• 24:41
  this work is like a, it's like 5D healing. It's
• 24:44
  always like, I love that I'm in the space now
• 24:47
  and practicing all the time because the clients
• 24:50
  I work with is me helping me. Exactly. It's me.
• 24:54
  And I'd like to laugh when they told me, Because
• 24:57
  I'm like, I'm not laughing because it's funny.
• 25:00
  I'm laughing because I'm like, yeah, me too.
• 25:02
  Like, I get it. Like, I'm speaking my language,
• 25:05
  right? Yeah. Good stuff. Yeah. Good start. Good
• 25:11
  start. So do we want to pivot and talk about
• 25:15
  like the, I'll let you take it from here. How
• 25:18
  about that? With the free stuff? Oh, um, sure.
• 25:25
  Yeah. Um, So one thing that I like I've been
• 25:30
  noticing this for a while but I've like what
• 25:35
  I'm what I'm noticing more now is that nobody
• 25:38
  really says it like we were all kind of dancing
• 25:41
  around it and what I notice in like just other
• 25:44
  social media people that I follow that are doing
• 25:47
  you know nervous system stuff is like everybody's
• 25:49
  posting about People post about different behaviors,
• 25:52
  I think, because it captures the thing, you know,
• 25:55
  it captures the attention. It's people blazing
• 25:57
  and stuff like that. But what I don't hear people
• 26:03
  talking about, and it's literally probably the
• 26:06
  most significant part of this, is that we...
• 26:10
  Like we demonize the freeze so much, right? Because
• 26:13
  that's what leads to us being non -functional.
• 26:16
  And the societal programming around being non
• 26:19
  -functional is that it's unacceptable, right?
• 26:22
  You have to be functioned. You have to be producing.
• 26:25
  I mean, this is part of this big shift into this
• 26:28
  matriarchal paradigm that we're stepping into,
• 26:30
  this more feminine paradigm that we're stepping
• 26:32
  into. But what is most important, the shutdown
• 26:36
  is not the thing. That's more protection. It's
• 26:42
  the activation that's there. That's underneath.
• 26:46
  That's underneath, that didn't get to get mobilized.
• 26:49
  Is it like when we pause right there with activation
• 26:54
  underneath, it's built up so much that the system
• 26:59
  says, hey, I'm gonna put a clamp on this. Because
• 27:02
  if I continue to spin at this rate, I'm gonna...
• 27:07
  if shut down there then death is being sensed
• 27:14
  you know in some capacity right because death
• 27:18
  doesn't I mean freeze doesn't come on I mean
• 27:21
  it has to be too much too fast for too long yeah
• 27:25
  for chronic freeze to I don't want to say freeze
• 27:28
  because freeze is technically what happens in
• 27:29
  the in the moment where there's a actual like
• 27:33
  life -threatening thing but let's say chronic
• 27:35
  shutdown chronic shutdown yeah chronic shutdown
• 27:38
  like doesn't happen or doesn't become chronic
• 27:41
  and by the way and this makes me feel sad again
• 27:44
  for my little inner child but um It has to be
• 27:48
  that has to be happening for a long time before
• 27:51
  you go into collapse to go into chronic collapse
• 27:54
  and chronic shutdown and chronic symptoms What
• 27:56
  we're talking about is like when that autoimmune
• 27:59
  and syndrome stuff really takes hold That's gas
• 28:02
  and break have been on for a long time And that's
• 28:06
  when the chronic like shut down stuff starts
• 28:09
  to happen, right? So you know in that situation
• 28:12
  if someone's coming to us and they're collapsed
• 28:16
  We know there's likely a component of early childhood,
• 28:19
  early developmental trauma that's been simmering
• 28:23
  under the surface. It doesn't have to be. There
• 28:26
  could have been some little things and then a
• 28:28
  big shock trauma. There could have been right.
• 28:30
  There could have been a big car accident. There
• 28:32
  could have been one particular abusive thing
• 28:35
  that led to shut down. But usually if one event
• 28:39
  does that much like quote -unquote damage for
• 28:42
  lack of a better word. There was already some
• 28:45
  stuff happening. I mean, we're in the Western
• 28:47
  world, so most of us are working through complex
• 28:50
  trauma. That could even be that old -going threat
• 28:53
  could just be chronic stress and answering emails.
• 28:56
  Well, so that's what I'm getting to. So like
• 29:00
  when we talk about just our daily habits and
• 29:03
  our daily patterns, people come to me like, how
• 29:05
  do I move freeze? How do I get out of shutdown?
• 29:08
  How do I move the... And as I start listening
• 29:11
  to their day, like, well, tell me what you did
• 29:13
  that, you know, they'll, for example, somebody
• 29:15
  might say, Oh, I went into freeze. I went into
• 29:18
  shutdown. I couldn't move for three days. Okay.
• 29:21
  So what happened before that? What were I doing?
• 29:24
  Oh, I felt amazing. I went on a 10 mile hike
• 29:27
  and then I had this big, but I then I had this
• 29:29
  big fight with my boyfriend. But then I went
• 29:32
  to a sound bath and then, and I'm like, like,
• 29:35
  you blew your system out. Like that is so much,
• 29:39
  right? So we're dealing with people who already
• 29:42
  have a small amount of capacity. And what I think
• 29:44
  is the misconception is that when I have energy,
• 29:49
  I have to do everything I can. When will that
• 29:53
  collapse happen again? And most of the time,
• 29:56
  nine times out of 10, we can actually avoid that
• 29:59
  shutdown by just slowing down. But there's been
• 30:03
  no interception. There's no ability to say, oh,
• 30:08
  like what else do I think we're trust? It might
• 30:10
  be too much. Yeah, it's like yesterday I was
• 30:13
  getting tired and I was telling myself, do I
• 30:15
  want to go like do a walk or something like that?
• 30:19
  And I was like, no, I think I really just need
• 30:22
  to like contain and fill my body for a minute.
• 30:25
  And it's like all I needed was that. 20 minutes
• 30:28
  of sitting and pausing and do it because then
• 30:31
  I started yawning. And so that's the thing is
• 30:34
  if we can build this awareness, now we sense
• 30:37
  the need to pause because, and we don't have
• 30:40
  that, because likely we were constantly performing
• 30:43
  and overriding and abandons itself to say, change
• 30:47
  someone else. Yeah, the performing and the fawning
• 30:50
  and the overriding, you know? It's conditioning.
• 30:53
  It's conditioning and it's, you know, but it's
• 30:57
  just so interesting. It's been really interesting
• 30:59
  for me to like notice and kind of unpack how
• 31:02
  much everyone's so focused on that shutdown and
• 31:05
  it's like, dude, you will avoid the shutdown
• 31:08
  if you just shift a couple of things in your
• 31:10
  life. You know, but there's no capacity. There's
• 31:14
  no safety. I mean, that's part of the dysregulation,
• 31:17
  but we don't treat the shutdown. You know? I
• 31:20
  mean, we do indirectly, but if we go to like,
• 31:23
  what's that other thing? What's that look like?
• 31:26
  You know? With me and my girlfriends recently,
• 31:29
  just the deeper layers of that font expression
• 31:31
  for women, it's just so heavy. So for a lot of
• 31:35
  women, it's like, oh, well, I don't really know
• 31:37
  what was happening. I don't really know what
• 31:39
  was happening. And as we get deeper in the conversation,
• 31:41
  oh, well, I saw my in -laws this weekend. Oh,
• 31:45
  really? So tell me about that. Well, it's always
• 31:47
  so uncomfortable for me. And I feel like I can't
• 31:51
  be myself. And da -da -da -da -da -da. And then
• 31:54
  they say, oh. I had my shutdown happened the
• 31:58
  next day. You left yourself. You left yourself
• 32:03
  to this. And you overwrote, but you overwrote
• 32:07
  for an extended period of time. So just that
• 32:09
  awareness, right? Like, okay, so what do we think
• 32:12
  is the max of the capacity that you might have
• 32:15
  in an interaction like that? One hour, 30 minutes.
• 32:18
  Do you need to not have contact with them for
• 32:22
  a period of time to see, to build, right? And
• 32:26
  then from there, like a lot happens, you know,
• 32:30
  a lot happens because that's actually working
• 32:32
  with the freeze. Because the freeze makes us
• 32:34
  dissociated. It's the thing that makes us disconnected
• 32:37
  from that authenticity, from what's really happening.
• 32:41
  So when we go with that, that awareness is actually
• 32:44
  moving the freeze, you know, also. Those little
• 32:48
  dick disease. I see the same thing with men and
• 32:51
  myself and the guys that I work with where you
• 32:54
  got high -performing athletes, special operators
• 32:57
  in the military. And what they have done is they
• 33:00
  have blown themselves out by saying, you know,
• 33:05
  I can't cry. I can't rest. I can't do this. And
• 33:08
  you can't do that shit in war. So we understand.
• 33:12
  But it's recognizing these patterns. And I would
• 33:16
  say there's likely a lot of the things that we're
• 33:18
  talking about. There's likely some early developmental
• 33:21
  trauma. There's likely conditioning that says,
• 33:23
  I can't stop. I can't cry. I gotta hold it in.
• 33:26
  And so then what happens is we start to shut
• 33:30
  down. And so as men, we want to be the provider.
• 33:33
  We wanna do. We wanna be active if that's what
• 33:37
  we've done. And so we don't know how to rest
• 33:40
  and we just shame ourselves and beat ourselves
• 33:42
  up. And what do we do? We try to, we try to fix
• 33:45
  it with drugs and alcohol or supplements or helping
• 33:49
  or working out. And it's like, it's really, it's
• 33:54
  just what you said. It's slowing the stuff way
• 33:56
  down so that we can see these patterns. And like
• 34:00
  we were talking about earlier, it's like, I don't
• 34:02
  know all the time that it's, I've done too much,
• 34:05
  but it's I've left my body so much. and abandon
• 34:09
  my needs because I don't know how to listen and
• 34:12
  my conditioning says I shouldn't do that. I'm
• 34:16
  boxed in to this like, this reminds me of what
• 34:21
  we were talking about, walking on eggshells and
• 34:22
  making stuff small. My world is getting so small
• 34:26
  because this is all I got, you know? You know
• 34:29
  we can start to express ourselves and the way
• 34:33
  that we want to and rest when we need to and
• 34:37
  I mean that's a journey and that's a lot. It's
• 34:40
  a journey I mean look this does take again this
• 34:42
  is why those basics are so important this is
• 34:45
  why the foundation and the building safety building
• 34:47
  capacity is so important because we won't even
• 34:50
  have those awarenesses we won't even be able
• 34:53
  to slow down right if we're really really stuck
• 34:56
  in that survival and so it's just the these titrating
• 34:59
  these little pieces. I mean, the people that
• 35:02
  I see, my clients that can really make that shift
• 35:05
  quickly, they've been seeing me for a while.
• 35:07
  They have some capacity built up, right? And
• 35:10
  that's huge for them. But there are newer people
• 35:13
  that I bring the awareness to and it's like,
• 35:14
  okay, this is gonna take some time to shift.
• 35:17
  Like don't expect this pattern to just shift
• 35:20
  tomorrow, right? Or even this week. It's like
• 35:24
  just start to notice. Right? Because you're going
• 35:27
  to overshoot this and then you're going to undershoot
• 35:29
  it a million times before you really can get
• 35:33
  tuned into what, again, that somatic intuition,
• 35:35
  which is my favorite term, um, like until that
• 35:40
  really comes online. And that's really, really,
• 35:42
  it's fine. It's almost like it's precise, right?
• 35:46
  So it becomes really precise. I like that you
• 35:49
  said building capacity as a foundation because
• 35:52
  I think that's something, I was having a conversation
• 35:54
  with someone this morning who was reaching out
• 35:56
  to me and they're like, hey, what do you know
• 35:58
  about EMDR? And like, have you done that? I've
• 36:01
  done it, I started with it. If I could go back
• 36:03
  and do it again, I would build capacity first,
• 36:05
  not to say that it's not a solid modality. I
• 36:08
  think it really needs, I think any of this work,
• 36:10
  I think 20 things. Needs capacity. And what I
• 36:14
  mean by that is, you got to be able to sit in
• 36:18
  the fire with your symptoms and know that they're
• 36:21
  not gonna hurt you. And that's going back to
• 36:23
  the conversation that we started with. And until
• 36:26
  then, you need to learn to feel your butt in
• 36:29
  the chair and be in your environment without
• 36:32
  being somewhere else. And it is - So all the
• 36:36
  fitter coming up without shaming them or trying
• 36:40
  to push them away or getting, you know, like.
• 36:43
  You gotta be able to just be with them and, you
• 36:46
  know, feel them to their completion or through
• 36:50
  that experience. You know? You come into this
• 36:53
  work with that survival energy, I'm gonna fix
• 36:58
  it and I'm gonna get it done now. And like, I
• 37:00
  see how EMDR can be like an exclamation of, like,
• 37:06
  looked at like that, like... That's not how it
• 37:09
  works. This is a lifestyle and you but yeah,
• 37:11
  it's like eating good food and you if you can
• 37:14
  just show up every week or every other week and
• 37:17
  do your work and and rest and integrate and focus
• 37:20
  on other things Yeah, you know you this there's
• 37:25
  a lot of times I got so burnt out because I was
• 37:28
  taking that survival energy into this and being
• 37:31
  like am I gonna fix it now am I gonna fix it
• 37:33
  now and if I didn't fix it I'm gonna shame myself
• 37:35
  and beat myself up and it's like nah dude it's
• 37:38
  just another week another session another day
• 37:40
  and when you allow it and you quit trying to
• 37:46
  control it, then it kind of, boom, it can blow
• 37:49
  open. You can have those big moments, but you
• 37:51
  don't want to have those big moments all the
• 37:53
  time, you know? Right, exactly. Your system,
• 37:56
  that's what I learned recently. Your nervous
• 37:58
  system is your map. You don't have to control
• 38:01
  or figure it out. You just got to show up and
• 38:05
  observe and be with what it is and what needs
• 38:08
  to come out is going to come up. Yeah. 100%.
• 38:11
  I think the people that can do those modalities,
• 38:15
  like even plant medicine, especially plant medicine
• 38:18
  actually, that can do those modalities and actually...
• 38:25
  not have a big setback or not have a lot happen,
• 38:29
  right? And experience a lot. They already may
• 38:32
  have a better foundation, right? They may have
• 38:34
  had a little bit better attachment. They may
• 38:37
  have had, I mean, everybody's so different, but
• 38:40
  that's why it's like going into this work, building
• 38:44
  safety and building capacity is so important
• 38:46
  because you don't know often. I mean, if you've
• 38:49
  got a syndrome and you know you've got shut down
• 38:52
  and you know you've got autoimmune, that's a
• 38:53
  clear sign that you don't have a lot of capacity,
• 38:56
  right? Yeah, that's good. Or if you've got complex
• 38:58
  PTSD or something like that, then okay, you know
• 39:01
  you're working with small capacity. But oftentimes
• 39:03
  people don't know. And they go into something
• 39:06
  like even a sound bath, you know? I worked at
• 39:08
  an addiction treatment center for two years before
• 39:11
  I came out on my own. And, you know, these guys
• 39:14
  couldn't sit through a sound bath. Like, often
• 39:16
  they were having, like, anxiety attacks. Global
• 39:20
  high, right? What? That's a global high. And
• 39:24
  global high, like, I thought, because of my global
• 39:27
  high, which means I'm very sympathetic, I thought
• 39:30
  my capacity was huge, but I was, it was razor
• 39:34
  thin. Exactly. So I'm constantly - Your ability
• 39:38
  to override was huge. Exactly. Right? Your capacity
• 39:43
  was really the same with me. I could fake it.
• 39:46
  Oh my God, it's the best faker. But once I started
• 39:49
  realizing like this, oh, this is like, I'm just
• 39:52
  overriding. And then eventually that catches
• 39:55
  up. Eventually we have some outburst that's unwarranted
• 39:59
  or we have or shut down or we have, right, some
• 40:02
  behavior. It catches up, right? The fatigue comes
• 40:05
  out later. I heard you say that. If the fatigue
• 40:08
  comes out later, it seems like it's the beginning.
• 40:11
  And then we either, I think there's a couple
• 40:14
  scenarios of fatigue, right? Where we come out
• 40:18
  of the sympathetic and we feel how much we've
• 40:21
  been running on that treadmill our whole life.
• 40:23
  Or we are processing a ton of stuff and that's
• 40:28
  fatiguing. And we can all be in a collapse. Exactly.
• 40:34
  You know what I mean? Look, we could be in a
• 40:36
  healing process. Right and that's not really
• 40:40
  necessarily class. That's just your body's gotta
• 40:42
  go But that's that's why it's like fine -tuning
• 40:45
  that somatic intuition because we know like we
• 40:48
  know oh this is like you know and Again, we might
• 40:52
  miss it sometimes like if I'm feeling really
• 40:54
  tired one day. I might be like what's happening
• 40:56
  right now? It's okay I think this is just me
• 40:58
  like moving through something that I moved through
• 41:00
  whatever it is, but is it still freeze? if it's
• 41:04
  fatigue from processing or moving through a healing
• 41:07
  phase? Um, nah, I wouldn't call it that. How
• 41:13
  do I say no to that? And the difference I didn't
• 41:15
  know is, does the fatigue come with this like
• 41:19
  apathy and like, um, I don't want to do anything.
• 41:24
  So it's like, I'm afraid to move like kind of
• 41:26
  situation like, I'm in the mud is what I would
• 41:28
  call that. That's also what it feels like when
• 41:30
  you're processing in the mud. versus like, with
• 41:37
  the apathy stuff, like I don't wanna do anything
• 41:39
  today. Yeah. I want a hard kind of thing. For
• 41:43
  me, exactly. For me, the internal conversation
• 41:48
  is different. That makes sense. It's shut down,
• 41:52
  it's kind of like, Maybe what I don't really
• 41:58
  do this much anymore in any scenario, but like
• 42:01
  you know, what's what's wrong kind of yeah That's
• 42:03
  what we did that but me and you were talking
• 42:05
  yesterday, and that's a big shift for us. Yeah,
• 42:09
  because Let's say six months ago. We would be
• 42:14
  trying to figure everything out together I mean
• 42:19
  You're like, oh, I've dealt with this for a couple
• 42:20
  of days. What do you think this is? And we're
• 42:23
  both like, what do you get when I, that's what
• 42:24
  we would say. What do you get when you hear that?
• 42:26
  Maybe it was eight months ago, but like, it's,
• 42:28
  we've only known each other for a year, so it
• 42:30
  had to be six months ago. That would be in like
• 42:31
  November, December. I felt like we did. I feel
• 42:35
  like I was already kind of able to know for the
• 42:39
  most part, but yeah, I mean, I think that it
• 42:42
  just, the conversation around the, I tend to,
• 42:47
  I tend to not outsource that much. Let's stop
• 42:50
  doing that, too. I care less and less about somebody
• 42:53
  telling me what to do and that's like, yes. Part
• 42:55
  of me feels like, yeah, part of me would feel
• 42:59
  like, um, man, do I need to connect more? But
• 43:02
  I just don't really share much. when I'm like,
• 43:07
  if I'm have, you know, I just wait, I just wait,
• 43:09
  I'm like, okay, just wait, just wait it out.
• 43:11
  You know, something's happening. For me, it's
• 43:14
  like, if it's shut down, or if it's healing,
• 43:16
  it's just, it's the same medicine to me. It's
• 43:19
  just like, oh, my body, it doesn't change what
• 43:22
  I do necessarily. Um, if it's a, you know, if
• 43:27
  I can pinpoint maybe what has happened or what
• 43:30
  has occurred, and I'm, I'm like in some of that.
• 43:33
  lower energy stuff um Yeah, I might just I'm
• 43:40
  just kind of like what what can I where can I
• 43:42
  give myself space today? Like what do I need
• 43:45
  to do for myself today? Yeah, you know and the
• 43:48
  question that I've been using is like what the
• 43:51
  I think it's terrible rock It's like the rain
• 43:54
  thing and she's like recognized. Where's it out
• 43:56
  in your body and the question is um if you knew
• 43:59
  this was going to shift and go away eventually,
• 44:02
  because I think that's a big fear that we have
• 44:04
  is that this is never going to go away and something's
• 44:06
  wrong with me, if you can trust that this is
• 44:10
  going to go away tomorrow, how can you meet,
• 44:12
  what would you do differently? And so instead
• 44:14
  of trying to fix it and figure it out, you just,
• 44:17
  you would have tuned to it. You'd be like, yeah,
• 44:19
  dude, you're tired, like let's rest. Instead
• 44:23
  of like... And I don't have any issues with rest
• 44:26
  anymore, especially now that I know I'm a projector.
• 44:29
  I'm just like, oh, I need rest. Cool. You know,
• 44:31
  after every session, I'm out on my grass, I'm
• 44:34
  on my couch, I'm just closing my eyes and feeling
• 44:37
  into what's happening. Like, you know, and that
• 44:40
  gives me, for projectors, like it definitely
• 44:42
  gives us more energy when we, the more we rest,
• 44:46
  you know, like we, we, that's how we build energy.
• 44:49
  So that actually, that the human design stuff
• 44:52
  has actually been huge for me. That's where I'm
• 44:54
  different than you two. Now, I need to absolutely,
• 44:57
  I need little pauses to connect. So I'm with
• 45:00
  you on that. Like, I've even thought recently,
• 45:02
  like, can I do like 45 to 50 minutes of work
• 45:06
  and then take 10 to 15 minutes to just lay on
• 45:09
  the floor? Yeah. I also need to be active like
• 45:13
  crazy. And when I say active, I mean like walking,
• 45:17
  I probably get in 15 ,000 steps a day in the
• 45:21
  sun, try to do barefoot as much as I can. You
• 45:24
  know, I work out three times a week, but I'm
• 45:25
  doing Qigong, I'm doing Feldenkrais, and I started
• 45:28
  doing yoga again. And it's just like, how can
• 45:31
  I work these smaller movements, not like exhausting
• 45:34
  myself, but like it builds me up. Interesting.
• 45:39
  Yeah, I need an article to use the rest. I can't
• 45:42
  it's interesting because I've been working out
• 45:44
  with a trainer again So I stopped all that a
• 45:47
  few years ago try to heal my adrenals and my
• 45:50
  my hormones and stuff and just recently I was
• 45:53
  like I have a buddy that's a trainer and I'm
• 45:55
  like Hey, would you work with my capacity because
• 45:57
  like, you know, I would love to do just a 30
• 46:00
  minute He wouldn't do a 30 minute, but we're
• 46:01
  doing 45 And he is like 30 minutes. I'm like,
• 46:05
  no, I'm telling you, like that's all I need.
• 46:08
  And so, but anyway, we do 35 and I'm like, okay,
• 46:10
  we have to just, you're gonna work with me probably
• 46:12
  differently than you do anybody else because
• 46:14
  I just have to go really, really slow. I have
• 46:18
  to be paying attention to my breath. My heart
• 46:20
  rate can't go up too much. And we overshot it
• 46:24
  a little bit on Friday. And what I mean by over
• 46:28
  shooting it, I mean, we did like, I wish I could
• 46:32
  give you an example, or I don't know the names
• 46:35
  of like the things, but like very, it's very
• 46:38
  little. It's very little, like some squats with
• 46:40
  some weights, bicep curls, do a little bit of
• 46:44
  this, but everything's slow. There's not like,
• 46:47
  you know, we only did 30 minutes actually on
• 46:50
  Friday. Paying attention to my heart rate breaks
• 46:54
  between every single round, right? Brady, quater,
• 46:59
  sit. Not like how most people work out and we
• 47:04
  overshot it like I didn't sleep. I haven't slept
• 47:06
  well since then since then like last night and
• 47:11
  the night before I didn't get good sleep over
• 47:13
  the weekend was actually okay But I know that
• 47:18
  it's from that because I know that my cordial
• 47:20
  just all shot shot up It's also like if I'm on
• 47:23
  screens more than usual that can do it but If
• 47:26
  I get too much movement, my joints will start,
• 47:31
  my cortisol shoots. Cortisol, yeah. Yeah, because
• 47:35
  I get really excited, usually, when I get that
• 47:39
  adrenalized feeling. And what I noticed with
• 47:42
  him, and we teased this out together, I love
• 47:46
  him for this, but like... When I meet him, I
• 47:50
  get so excited at the interaction, which is like
• 47:52
  a good thing, right? I get so like, oh my God.
• 47:59
  Me like, when you call me. We, we burned each
• 48:04
  other out yesterday. And it's, I like. Yeah.
• 48:08
  And then I'm crashing. If I'm crashing by the
• 48:10
  afternoon, I know. Oh, I went, it was too much.
• 48:13
  Like just be in your own body. Well, and that's
• 48:16
  what I hear though, is that you really know your
• 48:19
  own body. I mean, yeah, I do with my clients
• 48:22
  because I'm a health coach and still less now,
• 48:25
  but it's like. Let's find a workout that can
• 48:28
  support your body that's not too much, that doesn't
• 48:32
  cause these things. And to be able to do what
• 48:34
  you just described of, this is how much I mean,
• 48:37
  this is where my heart rate needs to be, that's
• 48:38
  just, I mean, that's knowing your body and attuning
• 48:41
  to yourself and you'll be able to... Just like
• 48:45
  we stretch ourselves in therapy, you stretch
• 48:48
  yourself this time, and does that mean it's bad?
• 48:51
  No, that means you did - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
• 48:53
  yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
• 48:54
  yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
• 48:55
  yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
• 48:55
  yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
• 48:56
  yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
• 48:56
  yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
• 48:56
  yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
• 48:58
  yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
• 48:58
  yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
• 48:59
  yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
• 49:07
  yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
• 49:14
  yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah When you have
• 49:14
  the nervous system lens, it really, because now
• 49:18
  I'm listening to my body, I'm attuning to myself,
• 49:21
  I'm doing what I need, I'm working within my
• 49:23
  capacity, I'm containing if I need to, I'm resourcing.
• 49:26
  And it's like, man, the gym becomes a nervous
• 49:29
  system playground because now it's like, if I
• 49:32
  got some anger going, I'm going to the gym after
• 49:33
  this. And I got some anger from some stuff yesterday.
• 49:36
  I'm like, I can't wait because I could feel it
• 49:38
  coming up and I can just like get into that.
• 49:42
  I can use the voice, I can feel my feet in the
• 49:44
  ground, I can, instead of, I'm just doing this
• 49:47
  shit. Repeating with this person or whatever.
• 49:52
  It's like, now I'm competing with me in the moment
• 49:54
  and the thing is to stay with myself and to,
• 49:57
  it's like, that's long term. healthy exercise
• 50:02
  is listening to our body working with the activation
• 50:06
  and even the fatigue if it's there. And if there's
• 50:10
  fatigue and I'm going into a workout where I'm
• 50:12
  going to move way slower, I'm going to drop the
• 50:15
  weights down more, I'm going to be talking to
• 50:17
  myself the whole time. I used to go, I'm going
• 50:20
  to get this hard workout and you're going to
• 50:22
  shut the fuck up and we're going to get a bunch
• 50:23
  of adrenaline going. And now it's like, no, we're
• 50:26
  going to do this together. This is going to be
• 50:27
  safe. It's going to be good. Talk to me. Let
• 50:30
  me know that feeling. And then that's constant
• 50:34
  capacity building. And that's what we want. Exactly.
• 50:37
  Yeah. Yeah, I noticed it's interesting, the workout
• 50:41
  thing. I can go for a walk, I could probably
• 50:45
  do, I would love to do some yin, I did some qigong
• 50:49
  last week. Love it. But for women, it's like,
• 50:52
  you know, we, because we're on that 28 to 30
• 50:55
  -ish day cycle, and you guys are on your energy.
• 51:00
  technically rebuilds every 24 hours like you're
• 51:02
  on a 24 -hour cycle ours is not so it's like
• 51:05
  for the ladies that are listening to this podcast
• 51:07
  now we have more about that i do not work out
• 51:10
  during my luteal and in my menstrual phases you're
• 51:15
  saying like under help me understand the energy
• 51:18
  of i know On the luteal phase, it's more sensitive.
• 51:22
  You need carbohydrates, and you've got to change
• 51:24
  the way you eat and move. Our cycles, like you
• 51:31
  restore, you rebuild, you restore 24 hours. Right?
• 51:36
  You have phases in that 24 -hour cycle where
• 51:39
  you might need more rest, you have more energy,
• 51:42
  you need to write all the things, socially engaged,
• 51:45
  like that all happens in 24 hours. For us, it's
• 51:48
  a 28. to 31, 32 days cycle. So like we have weeks
• 51:54
  or a week of production, right? Right, like our
• 51:59
  ovulation phase and the what's leading up to
• 52:02
  the ovulation phase, the ovulation and hold on.
• 52:13
  Anyway, Those two phases are when we're most
• 52:17
  productive. For you, you're productive. You have
• 52:21
  a phase of production every day, right? From
• 52:25
  like 11 to 3 probably. I don't know exactly what
• 52:28
  it is, but it's the middle of the day. You can
• 52:30
  produce. We can only produce those two weeks.
• 52:35
  That's hardly like 10 to 4. Those other two weeks,
• 52:40
  we feel like you feel... when you're at the end
• 52:43
  of your day. We feel like that all day for two
• 52:47
  weeks in those two cycles. And that's where you
• 52:49
  guys can die. I used to do this for my health
• 52:51
  coaching with women, especially if you had PCOS
• 52:54
  and endometriosis. And they, you know, we would
• 52:57
  do more fasting that first week of their cycle
• 53:00
  and lower car. And then from there, it's like
• 53:03
  slowly increasing to where you hit the luteal
• 53:06
  and then you're blasting car. It's a good. Right.
• 53:09
  But what happens with lemon is they shame themselves
• 53:12
  because we have this diet culture that says carbs
• 53:16
  are bad. Oh, man. My wife's body starts to crave
• 53:22
  carbohydrates, and they're saying, I can't have
• 53:25
  those. Then what does that do to your cycle?
• 53:27
  What does that do to your mood? Oh, my God. It's
• 53:31
  the follicular phase. That's another, when our
• 53:35
  energy is starting to build to production. After
• 53:38
  I've been if you guys neglect these These needs
• 53:44
  from your body of give me more carbs give me
• 53:47
  overriding and instead you're that's what happens
• 53:49
  give me the keto world was like I'm gonna eat
• 53:52
  like a man like I've got a book called Dude cannot
• 53:56
  it. Yeah, then it's like that would just That's
• 54:00
  why your hair's falling out. That's why you're
• 54:02
  having your cycle. That's why you're gaining
• 54:05
  weight. And it's like, it's not that you're doing
• 54:07
  keto, Rome. You're doing keto like a man. Exactly.
• 54:12
  I eat potatoes every, every single morning. I
• 54:16
  eat potatoes, either sweet or regular potatoes
• 54:19
  or a winter squash. If it's winter, I get what's
• 54:22
  local, right? And then a couple of eggs or a
• 54:25
  little bit of beef sausage. every single morning
• 54:28
  and then you know sometimes I'll eat you know
• 54:31
  another because if you don't do that your cortisol
• 54:34
  adrenaline is going to go up and like the way
• 54:36
  that I do not feel good and most people here's
• 54:39
  the thing most people like that feeling of adrenaline
• 54:43
  and cortisol they just know we like to not have
• 54:47
  that because they're in a functional freeze because
• 54:50
  they're in functional freeze and because of the
• 54:52
  societal programming this is really global high
• 54:54
  this is like global global this is the societal
• 55:00
  global high because it's like everyone is is
• 55:04
  programmed to believe that we should be producing
• 55:08
  functioning every single day the same way you
• 55:12
  know and it's that is not the way that is not
• 55:16
  the when you can listen to your body and wake
• 55:19
  up and go what do i need and give it what it
• 55:22
  needs instead of not not what do i think i need
• 55:24
  what do i feel that i need and like what i can
• 55:28
  do is i can go today i'm feeling a little low
• 55:31
  energy I'm gonna just have meat and fat, or protein
• 55:35
  and fat at breakfast. But if I did that again
• 55:38
  at lunch, like I know that if I do that, at lunchtime
• 55:41
  I gotta eat a shit ton of carbs. Because I don't...
• 55:45
  Talk about if you're low energy. If I'm low energy,
• 55:47
  it can give me like a little bit more... A little
• 55:49
  boost. A little boost. But if I did that multiple
• 55:52
  days in a row, or if I... Why are you trying
• 55:57
  to fix the low energy? That would be my... It
• 55:59
  just feels good. I'm not trying to fix it. It's
• 56:02
  just like today, like today I did that. It's
• 56:04
  like, you know what? I went to grab a mango and
• 56:07
  I was like, I don't, I don't want that. You know,
• 56:09
  like that, there you go. Okay. So that's her.
• 56:11
  It's more, I don't, not I'm trying. I don't want
• 56:13
  that. I don't, yeah. I went and I went and cut
• 56:16
  out. It's like, I got so many peaches and mangoes
• 56:18
  right now and watermelon. And I was like, ugh,
• 56:22
  I just don't, it just feels better to not have
• 56:24
  that today. And if I didn't. load up on carbs
• 56:29
  later. I would be snacking at dinner time. Yeah.
• 56:32
  Because now my mom is like. Exactly, exactly.
• 56:36
  So yeah, if I don't eat carbs in the morning,
• 56:39
  I'm too hungry in the evening. So I try not to
• 56:41
  eat past four or five actually. No. And that
• 56:44
  I eat, I eat for women, especially we should
• 56:47
  eat in the first, like at least the first hour
• 56:50
  that we're awake. I try to eat in the first 30
• 56:52
  minutes I'm awake. You know, and I eat the biggest
• 56:55
  meal of the day. either breakfast or lunch like
• 56:58
  yesterday I had a massive ribeye with I've been
• 57:03
  making this gazpacho it's like tomato basically
• 57:06
  I'm just drinking my salad it's really good it's
• 57:12
  a lot of tomato and cucumbers and garlic and
• 57:14
  well that's the season right now oh it's so good
• 57:16
  yeah all the local stuff And I wasn't hungry
• 57:20
  for the rest of the night. In round seven, I
• 57:23
  had a little snack. So I was like, I don't want
• 57:24
  to be too hungry when I go to bed. But I mean,
• 57:26
  it's just, you know, that's really how we should
• 57:28
  be eating. It smells so good for your sleep.
• 57:31
  Like, I don't know if I eat later. It's just
• 57:33
  like sitting on my stomach and it just didn't.
• 57:37
  It's the perfect balance. It's the perfect balance.
• 57:40
  Because if you don't eat enough during the day,
• 57:42
  that will spike cortisol. And I don't sleep.
• 57:45
  I'm better. My sleep is better if I've eaten
• 57:49
  too much than if I've not eaten enough for me.
• 57:52
  Oh yeah, and I like to, like you said, backlight.
• 57:54
  I like to have biggest meal. And something I've
• 57:57
  been doing a little bit differently too, I would
• 57:58
  definitely agree with you on the eat 30 minutes
• 58:01
  to an hour after waking up for hormones. And
• 58:04
  the same thing with this morning, like not eating
• 58:07
  carbs, I give myself, I just eat when I'm hungry.
• 58:10
  And sometimes that'll be 10. It's been with the
• 58:13
  heat, I guess. It's like I'll go for a walk in
• 58:16
  the morning. I just don't want to eat. So I'm
• 58:17
  just drinking water. And I've even had some fasting
• 58:20
  days where like I won't eat until lunchtime.
• 58:23
  Let's say you're 10 o 'clock. I didn't eat till
• 58:24
  10 the day. Just feels good. And it's all about
• 58:28
  is it, I could plan out all this shit and like
• 58:32
  try to make it a routine, but it's like, nah,
• 58:34
  I'm just listening to what's happening and feeling
• 58:36
  into the day. And no matter what it is, if I'm
• 58:41
  doing that, I think that's what we're talking
• 58:42
  about. That's what feels good. It's like, it's
• 58:44
  so hard to say, this is how I do things. You
• 58:47
  know, it's like, it kind of changes all the time.
• 58:51
  Yeah, I did have a morning the other day that
• 58:54
  I didn't want the potatoes. And I was like, oh,
• 58:56
  that's interesting. And so I switched up. Yeah.
• 58:58
  I mean, you see, I would be freaking out. What
• 59:00
  does that mean? I didn't have my potatoes this
• 59:02
  morning. Like, bro, like, no, just listen to
• 59:04
  your body. You don't have to gaslight yourself
• 59:07
  or think the worst possible thing. But we also
• 59:10
  controlled everything. And so that's De -commissioning.
• 59:15
  It's like, I don't have to control myself. I
• 59:17
  can give myself permission to do what I feel
• 59:18
  is good in the moment. Well, we have more space,
• 59:21
  you know, and you have more regulation, you have
• 59:22
  more space to just be. You don't have to. Oh,
• 59:25
  here's one. So I heard this another day that,
• 59:27
  like, it really made me cry so much. And it's
• 59:30
  talking about the divided mind. Have you ever
• 59:32
  heard of that? No. So the divided mind is I'm
• 59:36
  trying to make a decision. Okay? And I'm divided
• 59:40
  because I'm trying to make the right decision.
• 59:42
  This is the good segue into what I was going
• 59:45
  to talk about next. Perfect. So it's like, that's
• 59:48
  the problem. There's no such thing as the right
• 59:50
  decision. And it makes so much sense in an environment
• 59:55
  that's not safe growing up, because if I don't
• 59:57
  make the right decision, what happens? My ass
• 1:00:00
  is going to laugh. Right so it's like when I
• 1:00:03
  realized that I'm like oh my god I'm trying to
• 1:00:05
  make the perfect decision So I avoid and I went
• 1:00:09
  down this whole rabbit hole of self -inquiry
• 1:00:11
  I'm trying to make the perfect decision So I
• 1:00:14
  avoid being punished because if I'm being punished
• 1:00:16
  that means I'm bad and that's like the worst
• 1:00:19
  that's like my core thing that I'm working with
• 1:00:21
  right now of This just like control control control
• 1:00:25
  perfect perfect perfect And the irony of it is,
• 1:00:28
  is there's never a wrong decision. Right. Can
• 1:00:31
  we, why don't you? Never a wrong decision. Literally,
• 1:00:34
  we make decisions based on where we are in our
• 1:00:37
  evolutionary process in that moment. And let
• 1:00:39
  yourself feel, and if you don't know what, I'm
• 1:00:42
  sorry, I forgive. Like, let me try again. That's
• 1:00:47
  exactly how, like, failure is awesome because
• 1:00:51
  it's feedback. It's like, man, getting a... Feedback
• 1:00:56
  from Irene in the beginning of the SPT was so
• 1:00:59
  fucking scary cuz I'm like, oh my god, I suck
• 1:01:02
  so bad Now in the in the last thing that we did
• 1:01:06
  I've loved getting feedback because I'm like,
• 1:01:09
  oh Yeah, I see that that and that and I can see
• 1:01:11
  that in my videos and like now I can do better
• 1:01:14
  So that's like I can learn and so yeah, we can
• 1:01:17
  show ourselves We don't make it about us being
• 1:01:21
  bad anymore. That's uncoupled from your psyche.
• 1:01:24
  Yeah. Let me give you constructive criticism
• 1:01:29
  coupled with that means I'm bad. That's no longer
• 1:01:32
  what that means for you. It just means like,
• 1:01:34
  oh, you know. But yeah, when we talk about intuitive
• 1:01:38
  development, receiving these messages, knowing
• 1:01:43
  what you're... decision is, right? I mean, that's,
• 1:01:47
  that's what I work with with my clients for the
• 1:01:49
  most part. That's how you heal your suba. It's
• 1:01:52
  just, what does it feel? What does your yes feel
• 1:01:56
  like? And when I'm working with women, I'm like,
• 1:01:58
  think about when you know it's a yes. Hell yes
• 1:02:03
  or no. Sit with that. Sit with the yes. Like,
• 1:02:07
  cause it's just, we've been talking about sitting
• 1:02:09
  with the discomfort, sitting with the discomfort,
• 1:02:11
  but it's just as important to sitting with the
• 1:02:13
  comfort. Yeah, dude. Yes. Yes. We don't know
• 1:02:17
  what, what, what the fuck's the goal here? Right?
• 1:02:20
  We're just looking for the, right? Is that that's
• 1:02:23
  where the resourcing comes in. That's why it's
• 1:02:25
  so important. Feel your resource. Yeah. When
• 1:02:28
  you're resource, when you're in that contained
• 1:02:31
  sense, it's like, what is the feeling? Oh, my
• 1:02:35
  heart feels expanded. Like that. What does your
• 1:02:37
  yes feel like, you know? We had so many nos,
• 1:02:40
  we're so used to looking for the worst thing.
• 1:02:43
  That's why I love glimpsing, I believe it's called.
• 1:02:46
  So you're glimpsing over to what's good. Instead
• 1:02:52
  of going, ah man, today's, it sucks outside,
• 1:02:55
  it's hot in the world, it's ending. But three
• 1:02:58
  is yeah. Oh, God, that little tree is dope. This
• 1:03:02
  leaf here feels good. Here's the thing. I mean,
• 1:03:04
  look, the world is ending and all catastrophe
• 1:03:08
  is happening based on our politics. Like that
• 1:03:11
  is literally just a person's perception. And
• 1:03:15
  that's created, manufactured for you to be stressed
• 1:03:18
  out. Yeah. Cause for a lot of us that it's the
• 1:03:21
  opposite thing. You know, that's what we were
• 1:03:23
  talking about yesterday. It's like, my kid is
• 1:03:25
  enrolled in this blindfold vision class. Like,
• 1:03:28
  and, and. Two things to that the first is this
• 1:03:32
  is part of the practice in the very beginning
• 1:03:34
  for these kids, right? Which I've already been
• 1:03:36
  working on with my kids. So I think it's like
• 1:03:38
  a beautiful, you know extension to the work that
• 1:03:42
  I'm already doing Is what is that? when you nail
• 1:03:47
  it, when you got it right, like what does that
• 1:03:49
  feel like? Just both the hell yes. Yeah, it feels
• 1:03:53
  different. You know, and I'm already been talking
• 1:03:54
  to my daughter about that. She's going into seventh
• 1:03:57
  grade. It's like when you're making big decisions
• 1:04:00
  or you're thinking about boys, right? Or you're
• 1:04:02
  having things go come up with your friends and
• 1:04:05
  stuff like you know you're yes because she's
• 1:04:08
  manifesting generating the generator too. So
• 1:04:11
  I've been trying to, I don't say it in these
• 1:04:14
  words to her, but it's like there is a holy hell
• 1:04:17
  yeah I actually I do say those words but her
• 1:04:19
  sacral yes she's about sacral yeses right but
• 1:04:23
  she knows oh because the kids get it because
• 1:04:26
  they've not been as programmed as us right so
• 1:04:28
  like she's like I mean I saw her face go Like
• 1:04:32
  she got it, right? Oh, I know my yes. You might
• 1:04:35
  not always know when it's a no, but you know
• 1:04:38
  when it's a yes. Keep feeling your yeses. And
• 1:04:40
  then that is how you are directed and where you
• 1:04:44
  go in life. Always. That's it, right? So I'm,
• 1:04:47
  I'm approaching this blindfold vision. And that's
• 1:04:49
  like the first step is like when they, when they,
• 1:04:51
  they're blindfolded, these kids are blindfolded.
• 1:04:53
  This is it for people who are listening that
• 1:04:55
  don't have any idea what we're talking about
• 1:04:58
  is that kids can be trained to see Blindfolded
• 1:05:02
  and it's a phenomenon that's been happening.
• 1:05:05
  There's trainings that are going on. It's a hundred
• 1:05:07
  percent success rate with this one particular
• 1:05:09
  Practitioner, maybe we can put her in the show
• 1:05:12
  notes. Dr. Edith Ubantu Ubantu UDNTU Anyway The
• 1:05:24
  other thing to this is like we who are on this
• 1:05:29
  like for lack of a better term, like spiritual
• 1:05:32
  awakening. Ascension. Yeah, ascension, consciousness,
• 1:05:37
  consciousness, basically journey, like this shit
• 1:05:42
  that is happening in the world right now, and
• 1:05:44
  we are being, like, what are we realizing what
• 1:05:48
  we are capable of as humans? And you want to
• 1:05:51
  pay attention to politics first? We're mind blowing,
• 1:05:54
  like, we're like, holy crap, this is ascension,
• 1:05:58
  like, we are... in a 5d consciousness 100 % and
• 1:06:02
  the reason why I know that is because when I
• 1:06:04
  go back into 3d when I have to I'm like this
• 1:06:08
  is like what is everybody like I have you know
• 1:06:11
  other parents of my kids friends and stuff that
• 1:06:14
  are in that world and and I'm just like the freaking
• 1:06:18
  hours the world and those and others and I'm
• 1:06:21
  just like oh you're in a different world than
• 1:06:24
  me like you're in a different timeline like the
• 1:06:27
  consciousness is totally different so it's really
• 1:06:30
  interesting because man I don't think it's doomsday
• 1:06:34
  at all I think We've just fucking entered into
• 1:06:38
  like part of what it means to feel bliss. It's
• 1:06:42
  like one of the greatest times to be alive, you
• 1:06:44
  know? Oh my god, 100 % like no wonder I came
• 1:06:47
  back for this shit, you know? I went through
• 1:06:50
  that, like I was 3D just a couple of months ago,
• 1:06:53
  I felt like. What did I say to you? Like when
• 1:06:57
  Trump won I was like, I said I have. I restored
• 1:07:04
  my faith in humanity and I was like I Was like
• 1:07:10
  that then they did exactly what they wanted to
• 1:07:12
  do well And I think it's like you look at the
• 1:07:15
  the globalist and you look at the deep state
• 1:07:17
  and the cabal and and and it looks like to me
• 1:07:22
  that like That is more on the left, and that's
• 1:07:26
  the way it's pushed. But the deeper you go into
• 1:07:28
  it, it's both sides pulling extremes and shifting
• 1:07:32
  culture is more what it is. Well, they just watch.
• 1:07:35
  They watch for who's losing faith, and then they
• 1:07:39
  throw that party the bone. but so that they restore
• 1:07:42
  faith, which is there was a really interesting
• 1:07:44
  way that you said that, because I was like...
• 1:07:46
  So we're going to bring up the testing files.
• 1:07:48
  We're going to do all this. We're going to get
• 1:07:50
  rid of the corruption. We're going to clean up
• 1:07:51
  the swamp. Todd was the perfect person for them
• 1:07:53
  to put into place. And then I started picking
• 1:07:56
  up. Yeah. Now is that the left is having the
• 1:08:03
  exact conversations that the right was having
• 1:08:05
  four years ago. Right like we went on this trip
• 1:08:08
  and over spring break and my kids invited two
• 1:08:11
  of their friends and their parents came and some
• 1:08:14
  of the conversations they were having I just
• 1:08:16
  sat back and listened but They they were like
• 1:08:20
  I mean I've never been considered a conspiracy
• 1:08:22
  theorist, but like now I'm really questioning
• 1:08:24
  9 -11 and I'm questioning You know all these
• 1:08:27
  things and I'm like and these are left left people
• 1:08:29
  so I'm like it's all great waiting interesting
• 1:08:32
  right but the problem is is they think Trump
• 1:08:35
  is the problem it's like oh yeah but he's not
• 1:08:38
  the he's just a he's just a person put there
• 1:08:42
  to like speed up whatever this is it's still
• 1:08:48
  both sides are I really like what you're talking
• 1:08:51
  about is ping -ponging but it's really just It's
• 1:08:54
  still awakening. It's still getting different
• 1:08:56
  people to wake up. If all this didn't happen,
• 1:09:00
  we all wouldn't have woken the fuck up the way
• 1:09:02
  we did, right? All this had to happen for us
• 1:09:05
  to be doing what we're doing, you know? And more
• 1:09:08
  and more people will wake up and some won't,
• 1:09:10
  right? But the whole thing is like, what I said
• 1:09:13
  to them on the boat was like, they're like, they're
• 1:09:16
  like, oh, Trump doesn't drum that. I'm like,
• 1:09:18
  do you guys understand that that wouldn't be
• 1:09:21
  happening unless... What happened over the last
• 1:09:24
  four years like they set it up perfectly like
• 1:09:28
  when you see all from this this bird's eye view
• 1:09:30
  You're like, oh man. That was brilliant. It was
• 1:09:33
  brilliant for them to do all of it So that then
• 1:09:35
  they could swing into this because this actually
• 1:09:38
  is is pushing us more into that AI and surveillance
• 1:09:41
  and all that really fast. Um, and then, and then
• 1:09:45
  they'll go back the other way again, you know,
• 1:09:48
  it's like Seth, Seth Lyon, uh, Irene's husband,
• 1:09:50
  like his book, it's on medium. It's called the,
• 1:09:53
  the multiverse, I believe. That's what blew my
• 1:09:57
  head open. And it's basically, and this is going
• 1:10:00
  to blow a lot of people's heads off. It's like
• 1:10:02
  there's a, a cabal that the incarnate, I don't
• 1:10:06
  know, incarnated, but came to this planet. Whenever
• 1:10:09
  Atlantis was around where they were trying to
• 1:10:12
  make this tree of life that's gonna help life
• 1:10:14
  on the planet evolve and this cabal of 12 evil
• 1:10:19
  Extremely evolved intelligent species showed
• 1:10:22
  up and these Atlantean people were basically
• 1:10:25
  like This is what God wants, kind of Buddhist.
• 1:10:28
  It's light and the dark. We're just gonna let
• 1:10:29
  it be here. And this cabal is what has infiltrated
• 1:10:33
  itself into our politics, into our entertainment,
• 1:10:37
  into everything that we do. Dude, our water,
• 1:10:42
  our everything. And them keeping us stressed.
• 1:10:46
  keeps us in our trauma, keeps us out of our higher
• 1:10:51
  brain and thinking. And so we're just chasing
• 1:10:54
  whatever they're puppeting. And then they put
• 1:10:57
  these, like, right or left, and it becomes like,
• 1:11:01
  I'm a Duke basketball fan. It's like Duke in
• 1:11:04
  Carolina. That's what it feels like, these rivalries.
• 1:11:07
  People in the middle, we really kind of want
• 1:11:09
  the same themes, but we've been fed into these
• 1:11:12
  algorithms of these puppets, and they're just
• 1:11:15
  doing this shit. Yeah. And so I got really excited
• 1:11:18
  with Trump coming in and it's like, oh, we're
• 1:11:21
  gonna up in the deep state and we're gonna get
• 1:11:24
  the cabal. And it's like, not real. Now it's
• 1:11:29
  like, here's the dusting vials, but like, yeah,
• 1:11:31
  they don't exist. Don't think about it. I'm like,
• 1:11:33
  what? Because that exposes it all. And we can't
• 1:11:36
  do that. So yeah, I mean, I think that's a whole
• 1:11:41
  that's a whole circus in of itself as well Like
• 1:11:43
  why do we need why do we we are we are to me
• 1:11:46
  like we talked about this yesterday like That
• 1:11:50
  is a theater the whole Epstein files thing. That's
• 1:11:54
  just theater like it's that happened and probably
• 1:11:57
  every single person that's I mean dare I say
• 1:12:01
  every person. I don't know that's true But a
• 1:12:03
  lot of people are on that list right? But to
• 1:12:06
  me, it's not about the list. I could give a shoe
• 1:12:08
  shits about the list, right? It's like, oh, they're
• 1:12:11
  like, yeah, that is happening. That's been happening.
• 1:12:15
  That's been happening for thousands of years,
• 1:12:18
  probably. Yeah. You know, that's how they infiltrate
• 1:12:21
  our psyche. That's how they expand that consciousness.
• 1:12:24
  You can see that. You can see that. You don't
• 1:12:27
  care about like... Let's get that out. You get
• 1:12:30
  all wrapped up and like oh, they're gonna they're
• 1:12:32
  gonna do it. They're not gonna do it. No, no,
• 1:12:33
  no, that's just like speaking you away from your
• 1:12:37
  work Yeah, like and you're in and you're relying
• 1:12:40
  on I did you suck to take care of us and it's
• 1:12:43
  really like nah step out You can laugh at it.
• 1:12:47
  It's like oh, yeah these these they're lying
• 1:12:49
  to us They know that we know we know that they
• 1:12:52
  know we know that they know that we know and
• 1:12:54
  we're still playing this fucking game and yeah
• 1:12:56
  That somebody's gonna save me nah Put your head
• 1:12:59
  down, do your work and love yourself and love
• 1:13:03
  the people around you and change your community.
• 1:13:05
  Yeah, exactly. It's all voluntarism is what the
• 1:13:08
  term is for what is happening now, which is like
• 1:13:11
  us stepping outside of that system. It's so smart
• 1:13:14
  and orchestrated and it takes a lot. I think
• 1:13:17
  Seth's book is what really cracked my department.
• 1:13:20
  And then the stuff you were telling me about
• 1:13:21
  started making sense. I was like, oh, oh, because
• 1:13:25
  I found myself getting into one side and getting
• 1:13:30
  mad. I would be in traffic and somebody in a
• 1:13:33
  Prius would cut me off and I'd look book and
• 1:13:35
  liberal, you know? And I'm like, is that how
• 1:13:38
  I wanna be? Is that who I wanna be? Is like,
• 1:13:41
  hating someone? And I'm like, nah, dude, I love
• 1:13:44
  everybody. I'm trying to be more accepting of
• 1:13:45
  myself and other people. And I can't be paying
• 1:13:49
  attention to this politics. The media makes us
• 1:13:52
  hate each other. Hate each other. It's crazy.
• 1:13:56
  It must be years ago. Yeah, I was in it too a
• 1:14:00
  few years ago. It's getting so frustrated at
• 1:14:03
  my kids' school for this. I mean, it's just like,
• 1:14:08
  count. I remember this constant. Write everything
• 1:14:13
  that. I don't think that they should be sending
• 1:14:16
  emails for the parents to encourage their children
• 1:14:20
  to go to Pride. Or to get on hormone blockers,
• 1:14:25
  that's a big problem. Well, they don't, I don't
• 1:14:27
  think they encourage that at the school, but
• 1:14:29
  I don't know because I don't have kids that have
• 1:14:30
  that issue. Well, like the law that just said,
• 1:14:34
  you know, they made it to where, if parents,
• 1:14:38
  and correct me if I'm wrong, if parents asked
• 1:14:40
  about, like if a kid wanted gender care or whatever
• 1:14:42
  you call that, and they, something about it,
• 1:14:47
  the parents went to therapy to talk about it,
• 1:14:50
  like they would be sent to child protective services.
• 1:14:54
  Child custody stuff because it's like as you're
• 1:14:57
  denying the child's right. Yeah. Yeah, what I
• 1:15:01
  don't know that that's true, right? You have
• 1:15:03
  to look these things up yourself oftentimes That's
• 1:15:07
  my that's propaganda to get you off. I can't
• 1:15:09
  know exactly. Yeah, you don't know that that's
• 1:15:12
  true, but It's so easy to suck you in with these
• 1:15:16
  little fucking pinks Exactly. Oh my god. I did
• 1:15:20
  what most of the liberals that I know have a
• 1:15:23
  pretty solid reasonable perspective on that topic.
• 1:15:29
  But if you look at the news and the media, and
• 1:15:31
  now there are extremists that are definitely
• 1:15:34
  pushing for these types of things, in my opinion,
• 1:15:37
  obviously like children should not be. changing
• 1:15:41
  their gender at all. At least until 25. That
• 1:15:45
  should not happen. Just because we can be confused
• 1:15:49
  and there's all kinds of... And you told me this
• 1:15:52
  too. We can be, no, somebody else. I think Magda
• 1:15:54
  told me this. She said, what if they're living
• 1:15:56
  like a past, remembering a past life? Well, that's
• 1:16:00
  true. Yeah. I mean, and there's also like, there's
• 1:16:03
  also just the hormone disruptors and all the
• 1:16:07
  stuff in our water. dry phoenix, and a flora,
• 1:16:12
  and all this bullshit that's in. You can't get
• 1:16:14
  clean water. Yeah, so it's just like, exactly.
• 1:16:17
  So it's just like, there's a lot of factors,
• 1:16:20
  but I mean. And when have we ever had clean water
• 1:16:23
  in human history? How often? Well, we haven't
• 1:16:29
  had prescription traces of prescriptions. I have
• 1:16:37
  a friend who has a niece who is since she was
• 1:16:44
  born -ish or like you know and also there's a
• 1:16:48
  vaccine issue with this too because there's you
• 1:16:51
  know you have a boy and they're injected with
• 1:16:54
  DNA of a female. 75 times which is what the you
• 1:17:00
  know the schedule basically is then that's gonna
• 1:17:03
  does that have an effect like we studied that
• 1:17:05
  right but so this little girl was presenting
• 1:17:09
  like a boy ever since she was very little my
• 1:17:13
  my is one of my best friends she says that ever
• 1:17:16
  since she can remember she was just boy like
• 1:17:20
  she was just always right And so like she became,
• 1:17:26
  I don't know how old she is now, but I think
• 1:17:28
  she's in her 20s and started like transitioning
• 1:17:30
  or whatever. I don't know that she's had any
• 1:17:32
  kind of surgery, but I do think she takes hormones.
• 1:17:35
  But my friend is like, he just wants to be, so
• 1:17:39
  he now, he just wants to be left alone. He just
• 1:17:43
  wants to live his life as a man. He's not out
• 1:17:46
  protesting. He's not talking to children. He
• 1:17:51
  just literally wants to live his life as a man,
• 1:17:54
  because he feels like he's always been a man.
• 1:17:57
  That's how he thinks of himself. He just wants
• 1:18:00
  to be left alone. This whole ID thing was hard
• 1:18:04
  for him because their family lives in Italy.
• 1:18:07
  I guess his ID said male. And now the Trump administration
• 1:18:12
  says that, but now it's confusing when he tries
• 1:18:15
  to travel because now his ID says he's a female,
• 1:18:19
  right? So it's like, it's like in situations
• 1:18:22
  like that, you know, that's really hard, you
• 1:18:26
  know, this is not, this is a really peaceful,
• 1:18:28
  sweet. I've met this person, like so sweet. Again,
• 1:18:32
  just wants to live his life. So there's context
• 1:18:35
  with everything. there's context there's like
• 1:18:38
  and there's we have to have compassion now if
• 1:18:40
  it's there's abuse involved and i've seen that
• 1:18:44
  you know um in pedophilia and these types of
• 1:18:47
  things then yeah of course there's we it's it's
• 1:18:50
  just so it's not it's not nuanced like it's there's
• 1:18:53
  so much There's often trauma. Let's just say
• 1:18:58
  what it is. Like there's often trauma. There's
• 1:19:01
  often sexual abuse. There's a reason why somebody
• 1:19:04
  cannot connect with their biology or is terrified
• 1:19:07
  of their biology. You know, I worked with a trans
• 1:19:09
  girl and she said I was abused and ever since
• 1:19:13
  then it doesn't feel safe to me to be a woman.
• 1:19:16
  I don't want to be a woman. I need to be strong
• 1:19:19
  like a man so I can fight for myself. Okay? And
• 1:19:23
  what if why are we having these conversations?
• 1:19:26
  You know why why having a conversation that can't
• 1:19:28
  so let me ask you this. Well, we are but like
• 1:19:31
  why isn't this being talked about because people
• 1:19:33
  are scared people are hearing that type of situation
• 1:19:37
  with someone who is abused and they get they
• 1:19:41
  work on themselves their trauma does that shift
• 1:19:43
  that I mean we don't know But is that possible?
• 1:19:47
  Actually, I think it is possible. In German New
• 1:19:50
  Medicine, it's a constellation that happens.
• 1:19:54
  We all have constellations. This is when both
• 1:19:57
  sides of the brain have been affected by trauma.
• 1:20:00
  And we've seen in CAT scans as we've looked at
• 1:20:05
  these types of things. Pete practitioners who
• 1:20:08
  are way more involved in this science than I
• 1:20:10
  am but that has been done Where the constellation
• 1:20:14
  the degree of the constellation has gone down
• 1:20:16
  So how that shows up in your life and the like
• 1:20:20
  symptoms around it, which is usually behavioral
• 1:20:23
  goes way way down I mean, think about what has
• 1:20:28
  happened for you in terms of... I was just thinking
• 1:20:30
  about, I watch... I'm way more feminine. I'm
• 1:20:33
  way more like... Masculine here and more masculine
• 1:20:36
  for me too. Yeah, I mean, think about how all
• 1:20:39
  of these subtle ways that, like my voice has
• 1:20:42
  changed, right? My voice... The voice is deeper,
• 1:20:44
  yeah. Yeah. So all these ways, once the bracing
• 1:20:48
  stops and right, I mean, with our bit of like
• 1:20:52
  Felden Chrissy and teachings with Irene, it's
• 1:20:55
  like all the ways that the body's holding that
• 1:20:58
  survival stress. Once all that starts to open
• 1:21:00
  up, I mean, think about for a woman, those hips
• 1:21:03
  start to open up. It's safer for her to drop
• 1:21:05
  in that womb, right? She's safer to be connected
• 1:21:09
  to her womb, to her cycles. That all happens
• 1:21:12
  through regulation and embodiment. So, yeah,
• 1:21:15
  I mean, I think that that can change, you know?
• 1:21:19
  The goal is not ever to fix again. Right, there
• 1:21:24
  we go. I was about to say that. It's not to change
• 1:21:26
  and fix. It's to go back to who you really are.
• 1:21:30
  Right, but it's sort of just being in the process
• 1:21:34
  and seeing what happens, right? It's like, well,
• 1:21:36
  if I had some sort of identity, Issue I I mean
• 1:21:40
  I let's say I've had many identity crises, right?
• 1:21:43
  But it's not shown up for me in terms of gender
• 1:21:45
  But if it did and I you know where I am in this
• 1:21:49
  work, it would just be like let me see how it
• 1:21:51
  unfolds You know, goal is not for me to try to
• 1:21:54
  be a man or a woman or like be anxious about
• 1:21:57
  that. It's just like, oh, I'm open. I'm open
• 1:22:02
  to like allowing this to unfold and see what
• 1:22:05
  happens. And I am okay to change. That's the
• 1:22:09
  thing is there's an identification that's happened.
• 1:22:11
  So there becomes fear around, well, what if I'm
• 1:22:16
  not Like, dare I say, I mean, even my cancel
• 1:22:20
  culture stuff is coming up for me right now,
• 1:22:22
  but like, what if someone was like, oh, I'm actually
• 1:22:25
  not gay anymore? Like, would their groups accept
• 1:22:28
  them? You know, we make these things are so clean
• 1:22:35
  to our identity and our groups and what we believe
• 1:22:38
  in and it has to be this way that like, there's
• 1:22:41
  no freedom to just, ah, you know what? That's
• 1:22:44
  not me anymore. Well, that's what trauma is a
• 1:22:47
  trauma takes away from myself and it we take
• 1:22:50
  on all these Well, we have to identify with a
• 1:22:53
  group because we have to fit in because that
• 1:22:57
  wolf mentality that pack mentality and if that's
• 1:23:01
  our pack and we're doing something to separate
• 1:23:04
  ourselves from that pack, that is terrifying
• 1:23:06
  for someone who hasn't worked through their trauma.
• 1:23:08
  And performing like that, like always having
• 1:23:11
  to be a wolf pack, like, damn, that sounds pretty
• 1:23:13
  fatigued. Right, so it's what we're talking about.
• 1:23:17
  Yeah. Oh yeah, of course you're tired. You're
• 1:23:20
  actually cheated and you've been pretending to
• 1:23:22
  be a wolf. That's me. I was... such a hard ass,
• 1:23:27
  such a mean in sports, I was a mean person. And
• 1:23:30
  I thought that was so cool. And I realized now
• 1:23:34
  I was hurting other kids because I was hurting.
• 1:23:37
  That's what made me likeable because if you can't
• 1:23:42
  touch me or hurt me and you're afraid that I'm
• 1:23:44
  gonna hurt you, well now I had the control. And
• 1:23:47
  now I'm cool. I'm not possible to be, I'm processing
• 1:23:50
  this out loud right now. It's like, oh, you can't.
• 1:23:53
  hurt me and you got to lie to me because I'll
• 1:23:56
  hurt you and it's like no I'm just doing here
• 1:23:59
  it is I'm just doing what was done to me yeah
• 1:24:03
  I'm treating myself that's the motherfucker in
• 1:24:06
  this work is how we were treated we're gonna
• 1:24:09
  we're gonna treat ourselves like that and that's
• 1:24:10
  usually unconscious and we're gonna project that
• 1:24:13
  out into the world as well and we're gonna call
• 1:24:15
  these patterns me that are really controlling
• 1:24:18
  so I can feel safe. And I'm gonna have people
• 1:24:20
  please and I'm gonna be perfect and I'm gonna
• 1:24:22
  intellectualize and I'm gonna do these things.
• 1:24:24
  And I'm gonna change this, I'm gonna change that.
• 1:24:27
  I'm gonna change, change, change. I'm gonna be
• 1:24:29
  addicted to change. And this work is unwinding,
• 1:24:33
  backing, going, you know what? Like, that ain't
• 1:24:35
  me. And that takes a lot of courage and compassion
• 1:24:41
  to see that and to grieve that. and to accept
• 1:24:46
  the part of you that we buried so long ago. Yeah,
• 1:24:50
  absolutely. I think it's a pretty good place
• 1:24:54
  to wrap up. I was just gonna say, I think I'm
• 1:24:56
  at my max conversation. I'm glad that we're doing
• 1:25:00
  this thing now. I can feel my eyes getting kind
• 1:25:04
  of glassy, like I can feel myself kind of starting
• 1:25:07
  to zone out a little bit. Yeah, we did that last
• 1:25:09
  night too where you're like, hey, I'm getting
• 1:25:10
  real activated this conversation. I was like,
• 1:25:12
  me too. I gotta go. I was like. I'm like, this
• 1:25:16
  is it. This is it. Um, Selden, where can we find
• 1:25:21
  you online? So right now my website is seldom
• 1:25:26
  integrative healing, but that's about to change
• 1:25:29
  You can find me on Instagram at somatic intuitive.
• 1:25:32
  So all my links are there in case my website
• 1:25:35
  does change Or it is gonna change in the next
• 1:25:38
  couple months. So I'm somatic underscore intuitive
• 1:25:42
  on Instagram and That's it cool definitely hit
• 1:25:50
  up I almost called you Irene Seldin. And yeah,
• 1:25:54
  for mine is Mitch Webb. I'm Kay Mitch Webb on
• 1:25:57
  instagrammitchweb .com. And I also throw this
• 1:26:00
  out there since we're going to be sharing this
• 1:26:02
  on both platforms. Oh yeah. You guys think about
• 1:26:05
  the combo. Like we've talked about doing a podcast.
• 1:26:09
  Like you guys want to hear more of this, more
• 1:26:12
  guest time. Do we need to do a little thing together?
• 1:26:15
  Whatever. But it's in the end. This has been
• 1:26:17
  a lot of fun. Any last words? No, I think just
• 1:26:23
  everybody, for people who are here, I'm assuming
• 1:26:26
  they're probably on their healing journey, or
• 1:26:28
  they're doing their work, so my only words are
• 1:26:31
  just keep going. Yeah, make it a lifestyle, dude.
• 1:26:35
  Just make it like eating good food, it's just
• 1:26:37
  what we do. Yeah, exactly. Thank you so much,
• 1:26:41
  Sal, and I appreciate you. Yeah, all right, bye.