Transcript

HOW BOYS LOVE · Relatables

0:00
Speaker 1: Coming up on Relatables.
0:02
Speaker 2: The hardest thing about love is taking accountability that your
0:08
Speaker 2: loving methods might not always be healthy, and.
0:13
Speaker 1: It's so difficult to accept that once you've had that
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Speaker 1: thought relatable. The Relatables podcast is hosted by myself.
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Speaker 2: Whatdy Clark aka Mummy and my partner and cry mister
0:35
Speaker 2: Jake Craig.
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Speaker 1: I thought i'd get you there sat quickly.
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Speaker 2: Al right, Jake, I want to know if you agree
0:45
Speaker 2: with what I'm about to say. When you start to
0:50
Speaker 2: see someone, there is an emotional connection that starts to happen,
0:55
Speaker 2: the thing that we call love. And I'm going to
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Speaker 2: do my best to describe the process of how a
1:01
Speaker 2: male's brain thinks when he starts to fall in love.
1:04
Speaker 1: Okay, and I want to know if you agree that's
1:08
Speaker 1: how you've sort of fell in love too. All right,
1:11
Speaker 1: all right? That makes sense? Should Should we preface that
1:14
Speaker 1: this episode is like a deep one like about love? Yeah? Yeah,
1:20
Speaker 1: this is an episode about love, yes, because we love love. Yes.
1:24
Speaker 2: So what a male brain thinks about when he starts
1:28
Speaker 2: to fall in love? So all these thoughts go on
1:31
Speaker 2: through our head and the partner kind of has no idea.
1:35
Speaker 1: Right, it's leading to it. So firstly, we just start
1:39
Speaker 1: to feel on top of the world, fair invincible, yep, invincible,
1:44
Speaker 1: and we start to constantly think about her and feel
1:47
Speaker 1: this experience that's like sort of euphoric. Yep.
1:50
Speaker 2: So that's pretty granted. Most people would probably assume that, yeah.
1:54
Speaker 1: Fall in love. It happens to both genders.
1:56
Speaker 2: But this is where I get Ianna to know if
1:58
Speaker 2: you agree, So okay for me. I next start to
2:01
Speaker 2: feel very vulnerable. And you can even take this two ways.
2:06
Speaker 2: You let the vulnerability win and you start to trust
2:09
Speaker 2: your partner and open up with your emotions, or you
2:13
Speaker 2: let doubt win and you put all your walls up
2:17
Speaker 2: because you're not ready. And then, not being crude, you
2:20
Speaker 2: think of any excuse, the most minute little thing not
2:23
Speaker 2: to like her because you're scared of commitment and like love.
2:27
Speaker 1: Shit, ah, I mean, I mean I can't argue with that.
2:35
Speaker 1: I'll keep going and tell me what you think of it. Yeah, Like,
2:37
Speaker 1: I can't say i'd argue with that.
2:38
Speaker 2: And if you let that vulnerability stage win, you then
2:42
Speaker 2: go on to the daydreaming planning stage. You think about
2:44
Speaker 2: what your life's going to be like together with each other, Okay,
2:48
Speaker 2: and then This next stage is where the partner comes in.
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Speaker 2: If I get through all these stages of love, I
2:55
Speaker 2: then start to open up to my partner emotionally, art
3:00
Speaker 2: to connect deeper than ever before and open up about
3:03
Speaker 2: my emotions and experiences.
3:05
Speaker 1: And I might even let him meet my dog. How lucky,
3:11
Speaker 1: how lucky you've heard of me meet your dog?
3:16
Speaker 2: And is this like, did you just think of that?
3:19
Speaker 2: That's how I fall and that's how you fall in love?
3:21
Speaker 2: And I wanted to know if that's how you fall
3:23
Speaker 2: in love and do reckon? That can be a bit
3:25
Speaker 2: of a depiction for all men.
3:28
Speaker 1: I don't actually like, I wouldn't say I have a
3:34
Speaker 1: thought process of how like I of how I fall
3:39
Speaker 1: in love. I mean what you said there, I mean,
3:43
Speaker 1: to be honest with you, I ould assume is how
3:44
Speaker 1: everyone falls in love. To be honest like, because like
3:50
Speaker 1: when when you meet someone that you really like, for me,
3:55
Speaker 1: at least, you're quite infatuated with. Yeah, when infatuation comes
4:01
Speaker 1: to mind, you know, like you really are, You're very
4:05
Speaker 1: you're infatuated with them. You just always want to hang
4:08
Speaker 1: out with them, And I always like in that moment,
4:16
Speaker 1: it's sort of I guess honeymoonish phase, you think like, oh,
4:20
Speaker 1: I could fall in love with this person. I'm just
4:26
Speaker 1: trying to think, like, because I can't say I know
4:29
Speaker 1: how because you're so what was your your events was?
4:34
Speaker 1: Get them up again? What was your events?
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Speaker 2: Are euphoric feeling at the start, you're feeling on top
4:37
Speaker 2: of the world.
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Speaker 1: Definitely? Yeah.
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Speaker 2: And then the next stage is vulnerability And I ever
4:42
Speaker 2: choose to be vulnerable and open up my heart to
4:44
Speaker 2: that person, yeap? Or I let I reckon up until
4:47
Speaker 2: I was twenty two to twenty three. I never let
4:51
Speaker 2: vulnerability win, right because I reckon like nothing against the partner.
4:56
Speaker 2: I think it was all on me. For the fact
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Speaker 2: that I didn't fall in love with anyone prior to
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Speaker 2: my Yeah, is because I was scared of what opening
5:02
Speaker 2: up my emotions meant and I wasn't ready because I
5:06
Speaker 2: thought someone might step on them fair and I reckon
5:11
Speaker 2: being you know, I don't know what made me vulnerable
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Speaker 2: and open up, but it just happened. And then the
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Speaker 2: other stage is like, once I get vulnerable, you start
5:19
Speaker 2: to daydream and plan shit like fucking white pick at fence.
5:22
Speaker 2: And then the last stage is like you commit to
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Speaker 2: your emotions and you'd share those with that person and
5:26
Speaker 2: then that's when the partner comes in.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, because I've always found it interesting, like when you
5:30
Speaker 1: go on a date or you start seeing a partner
5:33
Speaker 1: or anything like that, Like I would love to know
5:37
Speaker 1: the takeaway of their thinking process straight after the date.
5:40
Speaker 1: And I was trying to give an insight for how
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Speaker 1: men think after the first couple of dates. I would
5:47
Speaker 1: say I have not in an unhealthy way. Ah, the
5:54
Speaker 1: I would if a first date goes well, I will
5:58
Speaker 1: have like a little daydreaming moments. Then right after a
6:01
Speaker 1: first date, if it goes well, like I don't have
6:04
Speaker 1: that same order of like like order of operations. Yeah,
6:08
Speaker 1: I would say more of a yeah, like I'll have
6:11
Speaker 1: a little like nothing embarrassing, but yeah, you just have
6:13
Speaker 1: little daydreaming moments with them of like I guess what
6:16
Speaker 1: a relationship would be like and just getting like yeah,
6:21
Speaker 1: just infatuated with that person. But I remember the moment
6:25
Speaker 1: that I like realized that I was in love. And
6:29
Speaker 1: before that, I I didn't even know how to explain it,
6:35
Speaker 1: Like I can't believe that you have like this. I
6:39
Speaker 1: feel like I just don't even have like a series
6:40
Speaker 1: of operations. It just happened, like like I can't say
6:45
Speaker 1: I ever, Like there's times where maybe there was a
6:50
Speaker 1: moment in time where I could open up about something
6:52
Speaker 1: deep and I chose not to yet because I wasn't ready,
6:55
Speaker 1: and then maybe a few weeks later I was ready,
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Speaker 1: So it's like, oh, actually, like on that topic, like
7:01
Speaker 1: this is like it's like I trust you enough to
7:03
Speaker 1: know this now type of thing. But I don't think
7:06
Speaker 1: doing that like has would make me like I don't
7:09
Speaker 1: think that needs to be done before anything else, if
7:12
Speaker 1: that makes sense. You've never really had an order, nah,
7:14
Speaker 1: Like I've never had an order where I like, because
7:16
Speaker 1: I've had three girlfriends now, like I've never had an
7:19
Speaker 1: I like with all three of them. I don't think
7:21
Speaker 1: I could. There's nothing in my mind where I'm like, oh,
7:23
Speaker 1: there's an order to this like this, like I know
7:25
Speaker 1: who I am in a way of like how I
7:26
Speaker 1: fall in love.
7:27
Speaker 2: Do you reckon the fact that you've had more partners
7:29
Speaker 2: is because their sort of hasn't been an order of
7:33
Speaker 2: operations and you just let things happen.
7:35
Speaker 1: Like Willia Niel.
7:36
Speaker 2: It's not saying that's a bad thing, but like my
7:38
Speaker 2: head works in a more logical way, and I chose
7:42
Speaker 2: not to let I reckon, I could have had three girls,
7:44
Speaker 2: not being cocky, like I could have had three girlfriends
7:46
Speaker 2: if I want, Yeah, definitely, And do you reckon I
7:48
Speaker 2: didn't have them because of my order of operations, and
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Speaker 2: like I never let him in because I have this
7:52
Speaker 2: little logical thinking process, whereas you, on the other hand,
7:55
Speaker 2: workers just like free.
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Speaker 1: Flowing and what happens happens God. So maybe that takes
7:59
Speaker 1: take question. But also, like if you with anyone in
8:04
Speaker 1: the you know, in prior to your girlfriend, you know something,
8:09
Speaker 1: there's also an argument to say that if you really
8:11
Speaker 1: liked them, like, maybe you wouldn't have thought like that.
8:13
Speaker 1: So maybe the reason that you were thinking like that,
8:17
Speaker 1: Like like you know how you just said you don't
8:19
Speaker 1: know why it worked out with your girlfriend, I mean
8:24
Speaker 1: worked out because you actually just really liked her Like
8:28
Speaker 1: the other ones you may have just not really liked
8:29
Speaker 1: that much. True, you know, true, true, true, you know,
8:32
Speaker 1: because there's no particular reason as to why I worked
8:35
Speaker 1: out with your girlfriend other than the fact that she's
8:37
Speaker 1: just the one you felt most comfortable with, Like unless
8:40
Speaker 1: it is a thing of like you matured enough to
8:43
Speaker 1: to realize what you were doing in the past. I
8:45
Speaker 1: don't know.
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Speaker 2: I think they became a stage in my life that
8:49
Speaker 2: I unconsciously did that made myself ready to open up
8:54
Speaker 2: to someone else and let someone else's emotions in. Maybe
8:56
Speaker 2: when I was talking to other people in the past,
8:59
Speaker 2: I never felt truly ready to have someone else's emotions
9:04
Speaker 2: like in my life. Yeah, I didn't think I've had
9:08
Speaker 2: the mental capacity to deal with my emotions and someone
9:11
Speaker 2: else's properly without hurting one another.
9:14
Speaker 1: Yeah. Fair, Fair, that's so interesting And because.
9:18
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't know, maybe I'm making logic out of
9:20
Speaker 2: something that isn't logical, because love definitely isn't logical now.
9:24
Speaker 2: But I was just trying to like gauge how a
9:28
Speaker 2: guy's brain works and help people think because a lot
9:30
Speaker 2: of the times these takeaways on dates and it's like,
9:32
Speaker 2: I wonder if he liked me, And like we've said before,
9:35
Speaker 2: the men fall in love or like someone more when
9:37
Speaker 2: they're apart, and these are sort of the thoughts going
9:39
Speaker 2: on in my head when we're apart.
9:40
Speaker 1: Is just like do I want to be vulnerable with her?
9:43
Speaker 1: Do I want to open myself up more? And I'm
9:45
Speaker 1: also fucking daydreaming about her. You know what I like,
9:48
Speaker 1: actually genuinely think is that to you, Like there's probably
9:55
Speaker 1: plenty of men out there that would hear what you
9:57
Speaker 1: said and go like, oh no, that yeah's how I
9:58
Speaker 1: do it too. But also I think that I'll go
10:04
Speaker 1: into something pretty shortly, but love to every individual like
10:13
Speaker 1: like like I true love like can't really be studied, no,
10:17
Speaker 1: in a sense, because it's it's every single individual. It's different,
10:24
Speaker 1: like you know, like I don't know how you feel
10:26
Speaker 1: about your girlfriend, and you don't know how I feel
10:28
Speaker 1: about mine, And then like I don't know if we
10:31
Speaker 1: don't know how our parents feel about each other, like
10:33
Speaker 1: true love to them might be not as strong as
10:35
Speaker 1: what we think true love should be, Like that type
10:36
Speaker 1: of thing, you know, I've.
10:37
Speaker 2: Always wanted to know if people feel what I feel, yeah,
10:42
Speaker 2: or if people feel more than what I feel or less,
10:44
Speaker 2: like as people as lucky as me.
10:46
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, Like he's like we feel really lucky, but
10:48
Speaker 1: compared to someone else, Like there's another couple that could
10:51
Speaker 1: be like maybe it's like a way more intense love.
10:55
Speaker 1: And then if you were to feel that, you'd be like, well,
10:57
Speaker 1: mine's not like that, Like I I thought was like
11:00
Speaker 1: as strong as they could get. Yeah, that's why I think,
11:01
Speaker 1: and so I think that they can't really study it.
11:04
Speaker 1: But I think that what Yeah, I think that what
11:06
Speaker 1: you're saying is definitely like an individual thing. God, there's
11:09
Speaker 1: got to be so many people that relate to that.
11:11
Speaker 1: But but I don't reckon I relate to it. I don't, like,
11:14
Speaker 1: I don't. I don't know, like I relate to the
11:16
Speaker 1: part where you you are like you're infatuated, like you
11:20
Speaker 1: you just feel really good at the start, because I
11:23
Speaker 1: think that just happens with like all of them. Yeah,
11:26
Speaker 1: but I don't know, like what I would say I
11:32
Speaker 1: necessarily look for, like I personally would say, I kind
11:36
Speaker 1: of after a first date, feel like I have enough
11:40
Speaker 1: information obviously, I don't like, you find out way more. Yeah,
11:44
Speaker 1: but like I have this thing where it's like, because
11:47
Speaker 1: like I've been on dates where right after it, I'm
11:50
Speaker 1: like maybe even an hour in or five minutes in, yeah,
11:54
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, like this this is not happening again. Yeah. Yeah,
11:56
Speaker 1: And then you know when on the date first up,
11:58
Speaker 1: my girlfriend and I was like, when's our second date?
12:02
Speaker 1: And it was like the week after, not even or
12:05
Speaker 1: something like that. I think I think I'm went and
12:06
Speaker 1: saw it like two days later. Actually, to be fair,
12:08
Speaker 1: I think I went and saw it like two days later.
12:11
Speaker 2: I've also I've always wondered, like I see some of
12:15
Speaker 2: our friends love in so many different ways, and they
12:19
Speaker 2: also show it in different ways. And it's also like
12:23
Speaker 2: maybe who am I to judge, like not saying I'm
12:26
Speaker 2: judging badly.
12:26
Speaker 1: But I'm still judging them. Yeah, I mean you judge
12:29
Speaker 1: everyone about everything that it can be good all a bad.
12:30
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm judging the way they love and they show
12:32
Speaker 2: affection and how fast they say I love you and stuff. Yeah,
12:36
Speaker 2: And like it's really like maybe your theory just like
12:40
Speaker 2: it's down to feeling in sense and there is no
12:42
Speaker 2: logic behind it.
12:43
Speaker 1: Yeah, Like I don't think about it. Actually, here you go.
12:46
Speaker 1: Here's what it is is you think about it? Yeah,
12:48
Speaker 1: I do think about you think about it like you
12:49
Speaker 1: you have a thought process, Like I don't think about it.
12:54
Speaker 1: I I solely go off feeling and then get to
13:01
Speaker 1: a point where I maybe have a realization of like
13:04
Speaker 1: oh yes, definitely want to ask you to be my girlfriend,
13:06
Speaker 1: and then oh yes, oh I do love her, like
13:09
Speaker 1: mine is a moment in my head like I don't
13:10
Speaker 1: think I'll ever forget it. It was in an uber.
13:12
Speaker 2: Do you try and do you ever try to describe
13:16
Speaker 2: the feeling of how your girlfriend you're in love with
13:20
Speaker 2: makes you feel?
13:21
Speaker 1: Nah? Really? Nah? Right? I do all the time.
13:24
Speaker 2: Nah, I've never just I try to voice it into words.
13:28
Speaker 1: Like I say, like I feel happy, Like I'm like
13:29
Speaker 1: I feel happy, but I wouldn't say, no, I don't
13:31
Speaker 1: think I've ever described My recent one was it's unfathomable, unfathomable,
13:37
Speaker 1: how much I love you unfathomable. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I
13:42
Speaker 1: always try and put it in the words. It's funny.
13:43
Speaker 1: It's funny, like finding out even like I I think
13:46
Speaker 1: that's normal for me to like try and put into
13:48
Speaker 1: words like the feelings that she makes me feel or
13:51
Speaker 1: your partner makes you feel, and yours is more like
13:53
Speaker 1: we just feel it obviously, like it's just there. We
13:55
Speaker 1: just feel it, Like I'm trying to think, like I
14:01
Speaker 1: would say my absolute favorite thing in the whole world
14:04
Speaker 1: is for some reason, both will get like not every night,
14:09
Speaker 1: but it's like majority maybe but like well, like it's
14:12
Speaker 1: like I guess you call it the zoomies. Yeah, like
14:15
Speaker 1: right before we go to bed for some reason, like
14:18
Speaker 1: videos are funnier, like everything's just funnier. Yeah, and I
14:23
Speaker 1: just think that I just yeah, like I don't know,
14:26
Speaker 1: like I just think Beth is like like super funny,
14:28
Speaker 1: and so I just like sometimes then I wouldn't ever
14:32
Speaker 1: say I can describe a feeling, but I will like
14:36
Speaker 1: think in the moment, maybe how fun it is. I
14:40
Speaker 1: don't know, Like if I was to describe love or
14:42
Speaker 1: like my love, I think I would also I would
14:47
Speaker 1: almost want to use the word like safe or like
14:49
Speaker 1: contempt content content. Yeah, what isn't contempt, Like like I
14:54
Speaker 1: don't like you, like I have contempt. You've done that before.
14:58
Speaker 1: I feel like I think I the word content. But
15:01
Speaker 1: that's interesting. So yours is more like.
15:04
Speaker 2: The experiences of being with the person, whereas more mine
15:07
Speaker 2: is more figuring out what those experiences are making me
15:11
Speaker 2: feel and telling them.
15:13
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I don't think deeply about it, Yeah,
15:16
Speaker 1: which is very interesting. Yeah, like I do think I'm niche. Yeah,
15:18
Speaker 1: like sometimes I will randomly, maybe I'll uh, I'll get
15:24
Speaker 1: this wave of missing death and I'll just text her
15:30
Speaker 1: and just say like I love you, But I just
15:34
Speaker 1: can't think. I can't say I ever once thought how
15:37
Speaker 1: do I describe this or yeah, what was my process
15:41
Speaker 1: of falling in love? Interesting? One thing I did in
15:43
Speaker 1: the past actually was thinking we've spoken about this before,
15:47
Speaker 1: was thinking that my partner would be perfect for me.
15:52
Speaker 2: Yeah, my girlfriend would be We've talked about that. There's
15:55
Speaker 2: no perfect person for anyone.
15:56
Speaker 1: Yeah, that was one thing I used to think in
15:58
Speaker 1: the past a lot.
15:58
Speaker 2: Actually, like when I thought that as well, actually like
16:01
Speaker 2: we are perfect for each other?
16:02
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah about being young and delusional
16:06
Speaker 1: and you have a fight about something, and I would
16:09
Speaker 1: have these thoughts like, well, if we have this big
16:14
Speaker 1: of a different opinion on this particular thing, like maybe
16:17
Speaker 1: we're not perfect for each other. And so then in turn,
16:23
Speaker 1: thinking that also, I guess, makes you what's the word contempt?
16:28
Speaker 1: I guess towards the fucking person you're currently with.
16:31
Speaker 2: I think that's relatable. Where like, especially in younger relationships,
16:35
Speaker 2: you build up this false pretense of this person in
16:38
Speaker 2: your head, and one of those false things is that
16:40
Speaker 2: you're perfect for each other. Yeah, and you also like
16:43
Speaker 2: the false thing she's perfect, she can't do no wrong,
16:46
Speaker 2: and then when she does do.
16:47
Speaker 1: Wrong or he for anyone listening, yeah, you're like oh nah,
16:50
Speaker 1: like they're still perfect. Dude. Fuck funny you say that.
16:54
Speaker 1: We may as well go into what I wanted to
16:56
Speaker 1: talk about, all right. We had someone in the Facebook
17:00
Speaker 1: group ask what our opinions on the difference between liberates
17:03
Speaker 1: and love is. I purposely didn't look up limreates. Do
17:06
Speaker 1: you want me to tell you before? I? Before I
17:08
Speaker 1: read that post, didn't know it. Didn't know limerence was
17:10
Speaker 1: a word? Did I?
17:11
Speaker 2: I didn't didn't look up because you said you're bring
17:13
Speaker 2: into limates, I did. I didn't look up on purpose.
17:15
Speaker 1: What you just said before is like limereates. Some part
17:19
Speaker 1: of limerens okay, some part like it's a tricky thing,
17:21
Speaker 1: but some part of it right. So okay, I watched
17:24
Speaker 1: like a video, do all these notes? I watched like
17:26
Speaker 1: a couple of videos, took notes on one. Okay, basically,
17:28
Speaker 1: let's go into limreates. So introduction. Limerence is often mistaken
17:35
Speaker 1: for true love, and it's an intense emotional state, and
17:39
Speaker 1: it's characterized by like obsession longing for the person right,
17:45
Speaker 1: and so you can distinguish it from like various types
17:49
Speaker 1: of loves blah blah blah. It's like lots of different
17:50
Speaker 1: types of love. And in this video I watched, basically
17:55
Speaker 1: this doctor named a whole bunch of different types of love. Limerens.
17:58
Speaker 1: It is a type of love. Yeah right, limerence is
18:00
Speaker 1: in there. And then he does go on to say,
18:02
Speaker 1: like the actually the one that can't be studied is
18:05
Speaker 1: true love. Genuinely, you cannot be studied because it's different
18:09
Speaker 1: to every individual, So it cannot be studied. Yeah, the same,
18:12
Speaker 1: So we will First of all, we're thinking defining limereates. Yes,
18:18
Speaker 1: coined by doctor Dorothy Tanov in the nineteen seventies, so
18:24
Speaker 1: really not that long ago. Limerence is an intense, obsessive
18:28
Speaker 1: form of love marked by a strong desire for reciprocation
18:32
Speaker 1: from the loved one. Okay, so you like you're efatuated
18:37
Speaker 1: by this person, but like you need them to feel
18:39
Speaker 1: the same back. You're asking it as much as you're
18:41
Speaker 1: giving in it. It involves emotional highs and lows, intense daydreaming,
18:46
Speaker 1: and a tendency to overlook the other person's flaws, often
18:49
Speaker 1: leading to jealousy and hyper vigilance. The characteristics of limerens
18:56
Speaker 1: one is an intense longing and so it's the so
19:00
Speaker 1: like just eighty five percent, he said, the number is
19:04
Speaker 1: eighty five percent of your type waking time is spent
19:08
Speaker 1: is spent just thinking about them and longing for them.
19:11
Speaker 1: And then there's the number two is emotional rollercoaster, and
19:15
Speaker 1: the feelings fluctuate dramatically based on the perceived signals and
19:21
Speaker 1: signs from the loved one. So your whole mood is
19:26
Speaker 1: based off of theirs. Yeah. Right, So this limerens is
19:29
Speaker 1: a bit toxic.
19:30
Speaker 2: Oh look, the elements is bad. Yeah, limerens is very bad. Okay, Okay,
19:35
Speaker 2: he didn't know.
19:35
Speaker 1: I don't know. See, sorry, actually have said that you
19:37
Speaker 1: didn't know, but no, I didn't know either. But limerence
19:39
Speaker 1: is yet it's bad. Okay. The number three is sacrifices,
19:44
Speaker 1: and it's the willingness to change oneself or make significant
19:49
Speaker 1: life changes to please the loved one.
19:52
Speaker 2: Oh so this is also like when someone says, like,
19:54
Speaker 2: I don't like your friends and you stop hanging out
19:56
Speaker 2: with your friends.
19:56
Speaker 1: So that's a sacrifice. Yeah. They will change career is
20:00
Speaker 1: they'll they'll change their head, they'll change the way they dress,
20:02
Speaker 1: they'll but they'll move, they'll So we're getting to.
20:05
Speaker 2: The point that a lot of people confuse limerens with
20:07
Speaker 2: love definitely. People think that limerence is this because it's
20:11
Speaker 2: so intense you think it's love.
20:12
Speaker 1: It is. It's very intense, you think it's true love.
20:16
Speaker 1: And then you make all these decisions in this moment
20:19
Speaker 1: and in this in this time of limerence. Yeah, and
20:22
Speaker 1: so this is this next one is based off what
20:25
Speaker 1: you said. So it's called the halo effect. And you
20:28
Speaker 1: don't see any flaw in your partner whatsoever. And if
20:32
Speaker 1: someone points out a flaw, you tell them they don't understand.
20:37
Speaker 1: And if it is an obvious flow, you really minimize
20:39
Speaker 1: it to make it easy to ignore. Wow, so they
20:42
Speaker 1: can do no wrong.
20:43
Speaker 2: That's insightful too, because yeah, sometimes as an outsider looking
20:48
Speaker 2: into people's relationships, you see things and you're like, oh,
20:51
Speaker 2: maybe they're not like that in the relationship.
20:53
Speaker 1: Because I can't see it.
20:54
Speaker 2: Yeah, and that person in it can't even see it
20:57
Speaker 2: at all.
20:58
Speaker 1: It's very blinding. Yeah, love is blind, mate. They should.
21:01
Speaker 1: They should make a fucking Netflix series limerens is blind. Limerates.
21:05
Speaker 1: It is though, like the positive and negative aspects, So
21:09
Speaker 1: their positive is positive sorry, is if both individuals are
21:13
Speaker 1: single and are good for each other, whereas like they
21:17
Speaker 1: actually are like a couple that would match up despite limerens.
21:21
Speaker 1: If that, if you know what I mean, if they
21:23
Speaker 1: are good for each other, limerens can lead to a
21:26
Speaker 1: very fulfilling relationship, like it can end up like it'll
21:29
Speaker 1: peter out like and so based off of that one, right,
21:35
Speaker 1: I had the question the whole time. I was questioning
21:37
Speaker 1: myself while watching this video of like limerens just kind
21:40
Speaker 1: of sounds like the honeymoon was a little bit yeah,
21:43
Speaker 1: and so the basically the way I gathered it, I
21:48
Speaker 1: don't know if I'm a hundred percent correct, but I
21:50
Speaker 1: think what it is is like limerens would be limereents
21:55
Speaker 1: right when you're in the honeymoon stage, but then once
21:58
Speaker 1: the honeymoon stage dies out, you like I can hate
22:00
Speaker 1: each other. Whereas limereans is a good thing, honeymoon phase
22:04
Speaker 1: is a really good thing. Phases out when you're when
22:06
Speaker 1: you phase out and you get an even stronger connection,
22:09
Speaker 1: it forms into love. Yes, So I do think like
22:12
Speaker 1: a lot of these things are similar to the honeymoon phase. Interesting,
22:16
Speaker 1: but when you are good for each other, it's good. Well,
22:19
Speaker 1: I saw an interesting thing was it's not important how
22:23
Speaker 1: love feels when it starts, how it evolves. Yeah, that's
22:27
Speaker 1: what is important. Fuck. Yeah. The negative is if one
22:34
Speaker 1: or both individuals are in existing relationship obviously, or if
22:37
Speaker 1: one is not good for the other. Limerens can cause
22:41
Speaker 1: emotional turmoil and lead to destructive decisions because one of
22:46
Speaker 1: the person that's in limerens, let's say, and then because
22:51
Speaker 1: like not, I don't think both people have to be
22:52
Speaker 1: in limerents for it to be a thing, like you
22:53
Speaker 1: can be in limerents, and then just one person isn't.
22:56
Speaker 1: And then let's say the person that isn't in limeerents
22:59
Speaker 1: isn't actually a good for the person in limereates. The
23:02
Speaker 1: person in liimereates will do anything for them. Yeah, so
23:06
Speaker 1: they will make very destructive decisions and things like that. Yeah,
23:12
Speaker 1: the inevitable end limerens is temporary, never ever ever? Can
23:16
Speaker 1: it last forever? Well? Well is going to be one
23:18
Speaker 1: of my questions. Once the intense feelings fade, individuals may
23:21
Speaker 1: regret decisions made during that state, such as leaving a
23:25
Speaker 1: committed partner. But it can last anywhere from three months
23:29
Speaker 1: to forty eight months, forty eight two years, but four years,
23:33
Speaker 1: that's four years. But it will one always end, but
23:36
Speaker 1: it does end.
23:38
Speaker 2: Well, you often hear people like they just have some
23:40
Speaker 2: switch in their brain once it's like, oh, I actually realize.
23:42
Speaker 1: I didn't really like them.
23:43
Speaker 2: And I think that's because they're inlimerates and they're blinded
23:45
Speaker 2: by the intensity of it. We actually have a in
23:50
Speaker 2: person story told to us.
23:51
Speaker 1: Won't say who it was, Yeah, all right, wild, but
23:54
Speaker 1: were we were somewhere with someone who's older than us
23:57
Speaker 1: and was married to a person. And she said that
24:04
Speaker 1: when COVID hit is the first time that they spent
24:07
Speaker 1: more than two weeks together because they both worked in
24:10
Speaker 1: different areas, Like they were married and everything, and they
24:12
Speaker 1: lived together, but like, spend a lot of time apart,
24:14
Speaker 1: and it worked out great up until COVID and they
24:17
Speaker 1: spent all this time together and they realized, Oh, I
24:20
Speaker 1: don't even like you. Yeah, isn't that crazy? Limerens fucking crazy?
24:24
Speaker 1: Funny you brought that all up? Actually? Is that it? Nah?
24:26
Speaker 1: I got a little Conclusionah, okay. Limereates can feel overwhelming
24:30
Speaker 1: and blissful, Yeah, but it is crucial to recognize its
24:34
Speaker 1: transient nature. Decisions based solely on this intense emotional state
24:40
Speaker 1: can lead to long term consequences that affect not only
24:43
Speaker 1: personal happiness, but relationships with others, including children and ex partners.
24:47
Speaker 1: Awareness and logical evaluation of one's feelings can help individuals
24:50
Speaker 1: navigate these tumultuous emotions more effectively. Tumultuous was his word,
24:56
Speaker 1: not mine. Yeah, but the doctors the key takeaways is
25:00
Speaker 1: limerates is not true love. It's an obsessive state idealization
25:04
Speaker 1: and blindness to falls, flaws, the emotional highs and lows,
25:09
Speaker 1: and you need to seek balance the definitions. We already
25:12
Speaker 1: know definitions.
25:13
Speaker 2: The hardest thing about love is taking accountability that your
25:19
Speaker 2: loving methods might not always be healthy.
25:24
Speaker 1: And it's so difficult to accept that. Once you've had
25:29
Speaker 1: that thought, it's hard to see that.
25:30
Speaker 2: And it's also hard to see that your partner's loving
25:33
Speaker 2: methods might not be healthy.
25:35
Speaker 1: Yeah, So I actually went and looked up another video,
25:39
Speaker 1: and I looked up a video on trying to learn
25:42
Speaker 1: to recognize limreates. Yeah, because I mean to be honest
25:46
Speaker 1: with you, dude, I think I've like, if you think
25:48
Speaker 1: about it, you know, the two relationships prior to Beth
25:52
Speaker 1: that didn't work out, I don't know if if they
25:55
Speaker 1: one hundred percent were limerens. But like you know it
26:01
Speaker 1: kinder when I think about it, Like I was like
26:05
Speaker 1: infatuated with these people, and I wouldn't say it was
26:08
Speaker 1: as intense, but I mean it didn't work out, like
26:10
Speaker 1: it faded. Well.
26:11
Speaker 2: We all have those friends too that like drop everything
26:14
Speaker 2: as soon as they get a partner, and like I've
26:19
Speaker 2: often thought like, oh, that's nice there and love. But
26:22
Speaker 2: sometimes and now I've seen some of those relationships, Peter,
26:24
Speaker 2: and they didn't work. That's more like that fucking obsession
26:27
Speaker 2: is more like that's not love.
26:29
Speaker 1: That's limreates. Yeah, like they drop everything because it's like
26:32
Speaker 1: it's fucking obsession of unhealthiness. It's weird a yeah, So
26:36
Speaker 1: this video, I looked up a girl. She has this
26:40
Speaker 1: big page on YouTube and she was explaining it. She
26:42
Speaker 1: talks about limerents a lot. But I've watched a video
26:45
Speaker 1: and she said that like limereates in the honeymoon phase,
26:48
Speaker 1: they kind of have differences. Right, So, if you maybe
26:52
Speaker 1: are in the early starts of like an early part
26:55
Speaker 1: of a relationship, or like you have a big crush
26:56
Speaker 1: on someone, I don't know, let's just say if for
27:02
Speaker 1: some reason the person that you really are, like you
27:06
Speaker 1: think you're in love with if they could somehow open
27:09
Speaker 1: your brain and see the thoughts that you have about them,
27:12
Speaker 1: the fantasies, the stuff like that, Like would it just
27:15
Speaker 1: be kind of like a simple little fantasy like oh,
27:17
Speaker 1: you know, like I thought about kissing her, I thought
27:20
Speaker 1: about yeah, stuff like that, take her on a date,
27:23
Speaker 1: and like would you be all that embarrassed or would
27:25
Speaker 1: it be a bit kind of more flattering towards them.
27:28
Speaker 1: That's not Limerents, that's like normal ways of thinking, because
27:32
Speaker 1: everyone thinks has at of fantasies and if but if
27:35
Speaker 1: you were to think, like, oh, if they could open
27:38
Speaker 1: up my brain and have a look, like I would
27:40
Speaker 1: be so embarrassed. Ooh embarrassed, Like that would be the crazy,
27:46
Speaker 1: Like that's they can't know my thoughts. Yeah, apparently that's
27:49
Speaker 1: one of the ways to try and start to like
27:52
Speaker 1: recognize your Yeah, so I don't know, like, but obviously
27:56
Speaker 1: when you're in it as well, you don't, like, you know,
28:00
Speaker 1: that's funny.
28:01
Speaker 2: Like so if you open up your thoughts, is anyone
28:02
Speaker 2: in a relationship right now or being in a relationship
28:04
Speaker 2: and you someone else saw your thoughts, would.
28:08
Speaker 1: You be ashamed about them? Yeah? That's interesting and so yeah,
28:11
Speaker 1: because I was thinking, like, well, was the start of
28:12
Speaker 1: my relationship all limits? Like I was questioning it. I
28:15
Speaker 1: was like, bro, like like I didn't move and I
28:18
Speaker 1: was like I was settling myself down. I was like, look, okay,
28:20
Speaker 1: I didn't move places, I didn't change jobs. Who I am, Like,
28:22
Speaker 1: I'm still Jake, Like Oddie never said Jake, you're changing.
28:25
Speaker 1: Like if anyone's going to do what, it's going to
28:26
Speaker 1: be him, like Joanne didn't say, like I'm good. Yeah,
28:30
Speaker 1: and like and when I watched that, I was like, yeah,
28:32
Speaker 1: to be fair, like you know, even because like limericks
28:35
Speaker 1: can last so long, like even you know, a year
28:38
Speaker 1: in if you were to say, let's just tested right now,
28:40
Speaker 1: open up your brain, think about your thoughts with your girlfriend,
28:44
Speaker 1: all of the fantasies, everything. Yes, now I get to
28:47
Speaker 1: see him. Yes. Are you embarrassed? Are you humiliated? I
28:51
Speaker 1: am bowering down on my knees worshiping her. Kidding, I'm kidding,
28:56
Speaker 1: I'm kidding. No, any any fantasy I've ever had, like
29:00
Speaker 1: probably just make your horning not you, I mean sorry, sorry,
29:07
Speaker 1: I'm just kidding. I had to do it. No, I wouldn't.
29:09
Speaker 1: I wouldn't. I wouldn't be embarrassed if you if you
29:12
Speaker 1: would have opened my brain and look at him, I
29:13
Speaker 1: wouldn't be embarrassed. Interesting.
29:15
Speaker 2: Well, it's talking a lot about healthy and unhealthy love,
29:20
Speaker 2: which I find is very interesting because we're never really
29:25
Speaker 2: taught how to love by, which I think is wild.
29:31
Speaker 2: Humanity has this weird instinctual thing of we'll just figure
29:37
Speaker 2: it out. Like we get in a relationship with all
29:40
Speaker 2: these people's emotions, Oh.
29:41
Speaker 1: We'll figure it out. We have a kid with no
29:44
Speaker 1: fucking training, We're like, fuck it, we'll figure it out.
29:47
Speaker 2: And it's wild to me that we fall in love
29:50
Speaker 2: and think, oh, we'll figure it out. And one hundred
29:55
Speaker 2: percent of the time either you hurt yourself or you
30:00
Speaker 2: hurt someone in their lifetime fuck, which I think is
30:04
Speaker 2: wild that I don't know.
30:06
Speaker 1: So we talk about schooling systems all the time, and
30:08
Speaker 1: I really think we should talk about love in there
30:10
Speaker 1: at least have conversations about like why am I learning
30:12
Speaker 1: about fucking Pythagoras fear? And when I can be learning
30:15
Speaker 1: how to love my partner better. I was gonna say, like,
30:19
Speaker 1: why was I learning how to sew when I could
30:22
Speaker 1: have been being taught how to run? A family. Yeah,
30:25
Speaker 1: running a family is that thing? Yes? Why was I
30:28
Speaker 1: over here learning how to sew a fucking pencil case?
30:30
Speaker 2: And in the world looking at everything that goes on,
30:34
Speaker 2: there's no better feeling or nothing that makes two people
30:36
Speaker 2: feel more connected than love.
30:40
Speaker 1: Is there a class on that like we could have
30:41
Speaker 1: chosen that we didn't. Was there an elective where it's
30:43
Speaker 1: like where it's like a teacher comes in and they say,
30:46
Speaker 1: all right, guys, I'm glad you've chosen this class because
30:48
Speaker 1: you're going to do life a lot better than everyone else.
30:50
Speaker 1: Men are men, they're all their own person. Women are women,
30:55
Speaker 1: and they're also all their own person. No women is
30:57
Speaker 1: the same as another woman. No man's the same as
30:58
Speaker 1: another man, and no men and it's the same as
31:00
Speaker 1: another woman. Therefore, no one's gonna be perfect for each other. Therefore,
31:04
Speaker 1: in a relationship, you're gonna have argument. You're got it
31:06
Speaker 1: justre on things, all this random shit like why weren't
31:09
Speaker 1: we taught that? I wasn't taught that until I fucking
31:10
Speaker 1: just figured it out. Mate. We were busy in woodwork,
31:13
Speaker 1: hitting some wood with the hammerus I wouldn't have wanted
31:17
Speaker 1: to listen, but I bet you some of it would
31:18
Speaker 1: have stayed with me.
31:18
Speaker 2: Well, there's some mandatory classes, and like, I don't see
31:21
Speaker 2: why I make it mandatory, And it's just like like
31:25
Speaker 2: making definitely telling everyone that schooling systems are outdated, and
31:28
Speaker 2: it would make like so many more lives better because
31:32
Speaker 2: that many people were hurt and their souls are crying
31:35
Speaker 2: because they've hurt someone or they've been hurt by someone
31:38
Speaker 2: else who hasn't learned or known.
31:39
Speaker 1: How to love properly.
31:40
Speaker 2: And the only like figures of love that we can
31:44
Speaker 2: see are our parents, and a lot of people aren't
31:46
Speaker 2: blessed with healthy loving styles and their parents, they see
31:48
Speaker 2: people fucking hit each other, they see divorces, they see
31:50
Speaker 2: they see people with toxic limereents love now they've had kids,
31:55
Speaker 2: Like that's that's the only exposure you have to love,
31:57
Speaker 2: which I find is like crazy.
32:00
Speaker 1: So I actually have here a couple of loving styles.
32:06
Speaker 2: Well they're called pillars, and I've got some examples of
32:10
Speaker 2: how to identify sometimes if your loving method is potentially unhealthy,
32:15
Speaker 2: or if the person loving you is doing something is unhealthy.
32:18
Speaker 2: And I have done these in the past or say
32:21
Speaker 2: them jokingly and I might not realize the impact they
32:23
Speaker 2: have on my relationship.
32:25
Speaker 1: So the first pillar of love is intensity.
32:29
Speaker 2: So I've got a couple examples, and I'll tell you
32:31
Speaker 2: the healthy example and the unhealthy example of shoving intensity.
32:34
Speaker 2: So the healthy example is quote, I haven't seen you
32:37
Speaker 2: in a couple of days. I've missed you. Healthy love
32:40
Speaker 2: that unhealthy. I haven't seen you in five minutes. It
32:42
Speaker 2: feels like a lifetime. What have you been doing about me? Yeah,
32:48
Speaker 2: it's also dabbling in limorents a little bit.
32:52
Speaker 1: Hey, that's not dabbling, that's hairs balls.
32:55
Speaker 2: And it's like, that's so true. It's just like, why
32:58
Speaker 2: would I have a big function without me? And I
33:00
Speaker 2: feel like a lot of people do that, Like you
33:02
Speaker 2: should be fucking calling me every fight you should take,
33:03
Speaker 2: You should reply as soon as I fucking message you,
33:05
Speaker 2: all right, which.
33:07
Speaker 1: Is know what I did today? Actually I texted Beth
33:11
Speaker 1: this morning saying good morning. She said good morning, back said,
33:15
Speaker 1: I said, I said, how did you sleep? How was pilates?
33:18
Speaker 1: She left me on red and and then an hour
33:21
Speaker 1: later she posted an Instagram story and it was a
33:24
Speaker 1: meme and it was a little miss thing. It was
33:26
Speaker 1: like little mistaketed dog everywhere, and I replied, and I
33:28
Speaker 1: was like, little miss doesn't reply to my boyfriend's day,
33:32
Speaker 1: and then she texted me straight away and then and
33:34
Speaker 1: that's on her phone and she she did that thing.
33:37
Speaker 1: And it's so annoying that this is the thing that
33:39
Speaker 1: I didn't actually give a fuck. Yeah, I didn't joke
33:40
Speaker 1: about the exact same thing. I didn't think she was
33:42
Speaker 1: mad at me or any I didn't give a shit
33:43
Speaker 1: because I knew she was at work. But well, what
33:46
Speaker 1: because it happens to me all the time. I hate
33:48
Speaker 1: it trying to use it as an excuse, but I'm
33:50
Speaker 1: not lying. Is you go on the text and you
33:52
Speaker 1: see it, but then like notification comes up somewhere else
33:56
Speaker 1: and you're like, well, i'll reply to that quick right now.
33:57
Speaker 1: I'll come back to this, and then you don't come
33:58
Speaker 1: back to it because like brains are yeah exactly. I
34:01
Speaker 1: was like, that's lad everyone. Yeah.
34:04
Speaker 2: And the second pillar is isolation. So the healthy method
34:09
Speaker 2: is so a friend asks you do you want to
34:11
Speaker 2: hang out later and you say, hey, sorry, I've been
34:13
Speaker 2: booked up with my boyfriend today. Maybe another time. It's healthy.
34:17
Speaker 2: Unhealthy method is friends says hey do you want to
34:19
Speaker 2: hang out? And you say sorry, it's boyfriend, boyfriend Monday Funday,
34:24
Speaker 2: And then they go what about tomorrow, Like, sorry, boyfriend,
34:26
Speaker 2: Tuesday is Tuesday.
34:27
Speaker 1: Oh what about Wednesday? And you're like, Wednesday, we fucking
34:30
Speaker 1: have sex.
34:31
Speaker 2: Like and we all know those people who like everything
34:34
Speaker 2: is always revolving around their partner. Yeah, his boyfriend is example,
34:38
Speaker 2: but gonna be vice versa.
34:39
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, I've been like that.
34:40
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, been in a relations like that and you're
34:42
Speaker 2: just like, well, as a friend, hearing that also hurts
34:45
Speaker 2: your soul a little bit, but then seeing it and
34:46
Speaker 2: you're like, well, this person's just fucking taking all their attention.
34:50
Speaker 1: Yeah, No, I've been I've been in one like that
34:52
Speaker 1: where like I didn't care if they went and hang
34:55
Speaker 1: out hung out with friends, but she really really really
34:57
Speaker 1: made me feel shit about hanging out friend. Yeah.
35:00
Speaker 2: Kicking when you start to like make the other person
35:02
Speaker 2: feel bad for hanging out with friends, family, and they
35:04
Speaker 2: plant doubt in all your previous partner's relationships and friends
35:08
Speaker 2: and family as soon as you started dating, Like are
35:10
Speaker 2: you sure they're valuable you've been your friend?
35:12
Speaker 1: Yeah. They place these little seeds of doubt in your mind.
35:15
Speaker 1: Now I isolate from friends because I'm busy, and that's
35:17
Speaker 1: like your friends. Lately, you're going to see your friends.
35:20
Speaker 1: I went for dinner with friends the other night. She
35:21
Speaker 1: was like healthy, Yeah, exactly, because I how was it?
35:26
Speaker 2: I was like, once in a year, I'm good. The
35:32
Speaker 2: next pillar is extreme jealousy. So every relationship you kind
35:37
Speaker 2: of feel jealousy. It's how you deal with and I
35:39
Speaker 2: think that's one of the most important pillars. So a
35:41
Speaker 2: healthy way of dealing with jealousy is you get followed
35:45
Speaker 2: on Instagram, your partner gets fowed on Instagram. Sorry, and
35:47
Speaker 2: then you say, oh, yeah, it just happens.
35:51
Speaker 1: We can't control who follows them.
35:52
Speaker 2: Yeah, but a lot of the time, the unhealthy method
35:54
Speaker 2: is you some random follows him on Instagram and the
35:56
Speaker 2: partner's like, who's that?
35:57
Speaker 1: Had you on? When did they follow you? And I
36:00
Speaker 1: reckon a lot of a lot of people do that.
36:02
Speaker 2: Yeah, So like a little bit different because we get
36:04
Speaker 2: followed a bit, but like a normal person if a
36:07
Speaker 2: boy got followed, like we got followed.
36:10
Speaker 1: And then she's like, oh, who's that? What's this? You know,
36:13
Speaker 1: it's like toxic extreme jealousy. I mean, but like what
36:17
Speaker 1: if they what if they didn't follow them back.
36:19
Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly. But it's that's an example where a lot
36:22
Speaker 2: of relationships are.
36:22
Speaker 1: Like that, fucking give me followers. I want attention.
36:28
Speaker 2: And the fourth pillar is probably a very toxic one
36:30
Speaker 2: is belittling.
36:31
Speaker 1: So belittling.
36:33
Speaker 2: Yes, So the healthy method is him, do you want
36:35
Speaker 2: to hang out later?
36:36
Speaker 1: Her? I have to study him? All good.
36:39
Speaker 2: Unhealthy method is him, I want to hang out later her,
36:43
Speaker 2: I gotta study him. No, there's no point, like, you're
36:46
Speaker 2: not gonna get any smarter, let's just hang out, yeah,
36:50
Speaker 2: study yeah, yeah smart enough.
36:52
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're not gonna get any smarter. Yeah like that.
36:55
Speaker 1: And I feel like a lot of dudes that's a compliment.
36:59
Speaker 1: A lot of do that. It's so so, so toxic.
37:04
Speaker 2: And the last pillar is volatility. So the healthy way
37:09
Speaker 2: is him is saying if we broke up, I'd be
37:12
Speaker 2: really sad. And I feel like every person knows someone
37:14
Speaker 2: who said this next one, and it's actually really important
37:17
Speaker 2: and serious. The unhealthy method is I'd be so depressed
37:21
Speaker 2: if we broke up, I would throw myself off something
37:23
Speaker 2: or I wouldn't be able to live without you. Yeah,
37:26
Speaker 2: And I feel like a lot of people say that
37:28
Speaker 2: willy nilly and don't really realize the magnitude of the
37:31
Speaker 2: words they're saying, like my life, I wouldn't be able
37:33
Speaker 2: to live without you.
37:34
Speaker 1: See, he's just putting so much pressure on a person.
37:36
Speaker 1: You can't ever say that to someone else. Yeah, you
37:39
Speaker 1: can't ever leave me, because yeah, that'll be the end for.
37:42
Speaker 2: Me, Like yeah, yeah, yeah, And I know plenty of
37:45
Speaker 2: people whose partners have said that, and like that just
37:47
Speaker 2: puts the other person in a position like, well, I've
37:49
Speaker 2: got to stay here because I wouldn't have to live,
37:51
Speaker 2: But I can't stay here because I love you. I'm
37:54
Speaker 2: here now out of respect.
37:56
Speaker 1: Of feeling like a duty or something. Yeah, like it's
37:59
Speaker 1: my job now.
38:00
Speaker 2: So like it's just a very that's the most extreme
38:02
Speaker 2: toxic way of loving. And just definitely if you're in
38:05
Speaker 2: that position, like especially if you're in that last position,
38:08
Speaker 2: like a lot of the time, like we get dilemmas
38:10
Speaker 2: and people give friends advice and it's just like, well,
38:13
Speaker 2: just break up with him. But if you're in that
38:15
Speaker 2: extreme situation where that's the case, that's when you need
38:17
Speaker 2: to really seek like professional help of how to get
38:20
Speaker 2: out of the situation safely. Yeah, because a lot of
38:23
Speaker 2: the time, like we say on it, like we just
38:24
Speaker 2: it's very hard for us to put ourselves in the
38:26
Speaker 2: vision like just break up. Yeah, sometimes it's not that simple.
38:29
Speaker 2: If you're in any of these unhealthy limerents even and
38:32
Speaker 2: loving methods, you really need to get an appropriate strategy
38:35
Speaker 2: to how to leave safely for both partners.
38:38
Speaker 1: In a situation like that one, there needs to be
38:40
Speaker 1: a proper, proper way to yeah fuck yeah, no, that's hard.
38:47
Speaker 1: Even like what, I don't know if this would be
38:49
Speaker 1: the same so that last one was called volatility. Yeah,
38:52
Speaker 1: what if even someone was to say, like the healthy
38:55
Speaker 1: version is if we broke up and then I'd be
38:57
Speaker 1: pretty devoted, but you know I like being alone. Yeah,
39:01
Speaker 1: I'd eventually get over it. You know, I want you
39:02
Speaker 1: to be happy, go live our lives. What if someone
39:06
Speaker 1: was to say, not as extreme as the first example,
39:09
Speaker 1: but they were like, if we broke up, I would
39:12
Speaker 1: never date again. It would ruin me so bad that
39:14
Speaker 1: I would never date again. Still that similar, that's like
39:18
Speaker 1: a similar It's like putting some sort of responsibility on
39:20
Speaker 1: the person that is potentially thinking of breaking up with you.
39:24
Speaker 1: If I heard that, though I wouldn't have the same
39:26
Speaker 1: I would still just be like get over it. I
39:28
Speaker 1: wouldn't have the same responses. I wouldn't I couldn't live
39:30
Speaker 1: anymore exactly, No, no where near. No, no. No. It's
39:33
Speaker 1: a good point. But like I couldn't date anyone else.
39:34
Speaker 1: I'll be like, well, that's not my problem, and I
39:36
Speaker 1: know you will.
39:37
Speaker 2: Yeah, But like, but the other one, the other, the
39:39
Speaker 2: other one is my problem.
39:40
Speaker 1: The other one feels like a responsibility. Yeah. The one
39:43
Speaker 1: I say is kind of like, you'll get over it, Yeah,
39:45
Speaker 1: he'll be fine.
39:46
Speaker 2: And or we sort of signed a light on love
39:49
Speaker 2: being very scary and complicated, but I didn't want to
39:53
Speaker 2: take away from the fact that.
39:55
Speaker 1: Love is the one thing I think we need to
39:59
Speaker 1: do more in the world. I think it will save us.
40:02
Speaker 2: I think it will save us too, because there's something
40:04
Speaker 2: there's nothing more pure about love and life, and other
40:09
Speaker 2: people really try to take away the beat of your
40:13
Speaker 2: heart and love and the shining sun that comes out
40:16
Speaker 2: of your heart and life just begins to make your
40:19
Speaker 2: love deep, get dark and not be there anymore. And
40:23
Speaker 2: I know I just also wanted to, like say, anyone
40:25
Speaker 2: who's a big lover and holds their heart on their
40:28
Speaker 2: sleeve and opens up to people like we need more
40:31
Speaker 2: people like that and the things they do out of
40:34
Speaker 2: love is beautiful, and yeah, I just think we need
40:37
Speaker 2: it more.
40:45
Speaker 1: Alrighty, guys, thank you so much for that. Was quite
40:47
Speaker 1: quite serious episode. It's quite deep love episode, it was.
40:51
Speaker 1: And we'll finish it with a a page from our
40:56
Speaker 1: favorite book, one hundred and nine Things to Say to
40:58
Speaker 1: Shadow of the Male ego ow to pistpan off so
41:00
Speaker 1: contradictory of what we're just talking about. Ah quote, maybe
41:05
Speaker 1: you'll feel differently about that when you're older. Mm hmmm,
41:09
Speaker 1: that would ruin me. I'm not gonna lie. Maybe. Yeah.
41:12
Speaker 1: It's like second Guests, and it says some of the
41:14
Speaker 1: best things to piss men off are really just verbal
41:18
Speaker 1: reverse cards, like in Uno. This line has always been
41:22
Speaker 1: a favorite among smug professors and conservative uncles trying to
41:26
Speaker 1: stamp out any mindset that seems borderline progressive. To pull
41:31
Speaker 1: it on them before they can pull it on you
41:34
Speaker 1: is the metaphysical equivalent of a sucker punch. And why
41:37
Speaker 1: we're on that was it. Yeah, pissing men off. I'll
41:40
Speaker 1: leave it on.
41:43
Speaker 2: One thing that pisces me off about men was a
41:45
Speaker 2: lot of things, because it's one thing in particular is
41:47
Speaker 2: if any men has ever made you second guess whether
41:50
Speaker 2: or not you want to love again because they hurt
41:52
Speaker 2: you so much. Fuck men, Fuck men, because anyone listing
41:56
Speaker 2: you're the fucking love that we need and don't have
41:59
Speaker 2: a stop loving.
42:01
Speaker 1: I just read the next one for next week, for Monday,
42:04
Speaker 1: and it's really good. Really, it's really good. God, what
42:08
Speaker 1: are you guys? We love you. Bye,