Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #693 I'll Do Better Tomorrow

Transcript

#693 I'll Do Better Tomorrow · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

0:03
Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families Podcast. It's the podcast for the
0:07
Speaker 1: time poor parent who just wants answers now.
0:10
Speaker 2: To see them go into the school playground this year
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Speaker 2: with an added level of confidence knowing what to expect
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Speaker 2: was just so heartening.
0:22
Speaker 1: And now here's the stars of our show, My Mom
0:25
Speaker 1: and Dad.
0:26
Speaker 3: Every Friday and the Happy Families Podcast. Me, Doc, Justin
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Speaker 3: Coilson and Kylie. That's you, Me, Yes, you talk about
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Speaker 3: talk about what's going well to give us surprise huh
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Speaker 3: and what's not. It's called I'll do Better Tomorrow. It's
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Speaker 3: our opportunity to reflect me intentional about parents. But before
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Speaker 3: we get there, Kylie, I want to share with you
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Speaker 3: some news that's popped up on the Axios news channel
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Speaker 3: that I think is going to be revelatory. Revelatory. Is
0:53
Speaker 3: that revelatory? Revelatory? I knew I said it wrong. Revelatory
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Speaker 3: for parents around the world who love Marie Condo. Do
0:58
Speaker 3: you like Marie Condo?
1:00
Speaker 1: Who is she?
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Speaker 3: Maria Condo? Marie Kondo is the is the minimalist. Yeah,
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Speaker 3: the minimalists make the house perfect, keep everything looking immaculate.
1:09
Speaker 3: Person the person who is responsible for more stress of
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Speaker 3: mothers around the world. Than perhaps anyone else, because her
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Speaker 3: houses are immaculate and her designs are stunning, and everyone says, oh,
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Speaker 3: what my house to look like? That she is the
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Speaker 3: one with the Instagram that everyone goes, oh like housekeeping
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Speaker 3: goals Marie Kondo.
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Speaker 2: Yeah, that's why stour away from it.
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Speaker 3: Okay, So she's in the news this past week. This
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Speaker 3: is from January twenty eight, twenty twenty three, on Axious.
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Speaker 3: The article says, don't feel too bad if your place
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Speaker 3: is a little plotted. Even Marie Kondo's house is looking
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Speaker 3: less than spotless these days.
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Speaker 2: She just had a baby.
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Speaker 3: The famed author of the life changing Magic of Tidy
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Speaker 3: Up admittedly doesn't have much time anymore for organizing, especially
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Speaker 3: after she had her third child. I love this. I
1:53
Speaker 3: love this, she says, and I direct quote here. My
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Speaker 3: home is messy, but the way I'm spending my time
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Speaker 3: is the right way for me at this time, at
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Speaker 3: this stage of my life. Close quote.
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Speaker 2: Look, just to be very clear, I'm going to make
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Speaker 2: a huge assumption here, knowing you the way I do.
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Speaker 2: You are not making fun of Marry Kondo and her
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Speaker 2: no mecations of what was feasible. What happens is as
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Speaker 2: our lives develop and.
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Speaker 3: Change, and as we have kids, our.
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Speaker 2: Perspective and the things that are important change. And number three,
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Speaker 2: it was a she's living our life.
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Speaker 3: Another quote from her, she said, up until now, I
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Speaker 3: was a professional tidier, so I did my best to
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Speaker 3: keep my home tidy at all times. I've kind of
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Speaker 3: given up on that in a good way for me
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Speaker 3: now I realize what is important to me is enjoying
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Speaker 3: spending time with my children at home. It makes me
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Speaker 3: almost want to cry in both ways because I recognize
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Speaker 3: the joy of what are we doing when we focus
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Speaker 3: so much on worshiping the god of clean surfaces and
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Speaker 3: having everything spotless, speaking span the amount of stress and
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Speaker 3: anxiety and trauma that we inflict in our family. And
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Speaker 3: I love that she's recognizing now's not the time. But
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Speaker 3: I'm also hating it and wanting to cry because I
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Speaker 3: think of how much pain so many parents have been
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Speaker 3: through as they're trying to live up to an exceptional
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Speaker 3: and completely unnecessary standard because they've seen it on Instagram
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Speaker 3: and it's aspirational. So anyway, that was my that was
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Speaker 3: my parenting. In the news this week, Marie Condo has
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Speaker 3: given up on keeping her home tidy. I just had
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Speaker 3: to share that because I think these things matter. Now
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Speaker 3: back to the subject of today, Kylie, I'll do better tomorrow.
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Speaker 3: This is a bit, like I said, where we get
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Speaker 3: intentional about how we're doing, what we're doing right, what
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Speaker 3: we're doing wrong, what we want to do better tomorrow.
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Speaker 3: And I'm guessing that you're not going to talk about housework,
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Speaker 3: although it wouldn't be great if you did. What do
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Speaker 3: you want to do better tomorrow? What's your intentional reflection
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Speaker 3: and recognition of the week that was.
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Speaker 2: I'm letting out a massive sigh of relief. After the
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Speaker 2: beginning of the school year. It has been just such
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Speaker 2: a joy to see the kids at school. I shouldn't
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Speaker 2: say that, but yes, it has been such a joy
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Speaker 2: to see the kids go off to school.
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Speaker 3: Can I tell you what I haven't enjoyed though? I
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Speaker 3: know that you're halfway through something, but we've got these
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Speaker 3: two big kids that are at home now because they've
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Speaker 3: finished school and they're not working in the daytime, and
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Speaker 3: it's drove me up the wall. Every time I turn around,
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Speaker 3: it's like, oh, you're still here.
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Speaker 2: UNI will start soon enough.
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Speaker 3: And we've got a daughter who's about to leave which
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Speaker 3: is great.
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Speaker 2: But what I'm more excited about is looking back on
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Speaker 2: last year, and while there were so many positive changes
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Speaker 2: that took place in our lives, there was still so
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Speaker 2: much upheaval and change for our family and for our
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Speaker 2: children specifically.
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Speaker 3: Yes, yes, And.
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Speaker 2: While so much of it, like I said, was good,
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Speaker 2: it was hard. It was a hard year for them.
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Speaker 2: And to see them go into the school playground this
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Speaker 2: year with an added level of confidence, knowing what to
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Speaker 2: expect and knowing who their friends are and where it
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Speaker 2: whe's the safe space for them was just so heartening.
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Speaker 2: And to have had a year of unbelievable school refusal
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Speaker 2: and on day two to have miss A come home
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Speaker 2: and literally say to me she jumped in the car.
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Speaker 3: I love school.
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Speaker 2: I was like, where is my child?
5:21
Speaker 3: Yeah?
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Speaker 2: Where is my child? Because this is not the child
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Speaker 2: that I had dealt with for nearly twelve months last year.
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Speaker 2: It was really really hard. And I recognize we're in
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Speaker 2: the honeymoon phase of the year and that it could
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Speaker 2: all go pear shape the next day, next week, next month.
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Speaker 2: But I am going to revel in this moment where
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Speaker 2: I have a child who feels so safe and secure
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Speaker 2: in her space that she's excited to go to school.
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Speaker 3: It's probably worth highlighting for those who are listening for
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Speaker 3: the first time or who are recentably new. Before we
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Speaker 3: moved to the coast and we've been here for about
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Speaker 3: a year now, we were in Brisbane for five years
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Speaker 3: and the kids had four schools in that five years.
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Speaker 3: We just couldn't quite get the formula right and there
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Speaker 3: was a lot of our people. So moving here that
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Speaker 3: sort of continued and this idea that you've mentioned that
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Speaker 3: the kids are finally settling into the stability of the consistency,
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Speaker 3: the routine, they know where they should be, they know
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Speaker 3: what's going on. And the school refusal across the board.
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Speaker 3: I mean, we had three kids who hated school. We
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Speaker 3: ended up giving one of our older daughters every Friday
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Speaker 3: off just as a mental health day every week so
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Speaker 3: that she could get through the end of term four.
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Speaker 3: It really has been a big shift, been a beautiful,
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Speaker 3: really helpful.
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Speaker 2: Shift well, and I think it's just a wonderful reminder
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Speaker 2: that when change takes place, it takes time, and so
6:41
Speaker 2: often we want that instant fix, we want that instant
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Speaker 2: positive shift that we're looking for or craving for or whatever.
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Speaker 2: But the reality is all of those changes. It takes
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Speaker 2: time for it to become an automatic safe space, and
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Speaker 2: we're seeing the fruits of being a year of stability
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Speaker 2: and calm and a recognition and knowledge of where we're headed.
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Speaker 3: Probably worth mentioning at this point as well, many families
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Speaker 3: will still be struggling with school refusal, kids that don't
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Speaker 3: want to be there, even though they've been stable and
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Speaker 3: had the calm that we're now starting to experience at
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Speaker 3: the end of this month. On Monday night, the twenty
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Speaker 3: seventh of feb I'm running a webinar called how to
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Speaker 3: Help When School Sucks. So if you've got kids who
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Speaker 3: really are struggling, if you're dealing with school refusal and
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Speaker 3: challenges associated with big emotions around school, join us for
7:31
Speaker 3: that webinar. You can get all the information on our
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Speaker 3: Happy Families dot com dot au website or on our
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Speaker 3: Facebook page, or if you're a Happy Family's member, it's
7:40
Speaker 3: included in your membership. All of our monthly webinars are
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Speaker 3: a part of the package when you sign up to
7:45
Speaker 3: become a Happy Family's member. So how to Help When
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Speaker 3: School Sucks is coming up on Monday, the twenty seventh
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Speaker 3: of feb and it might be worth checking out so
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Speaker 3: you're older better tomorrow. To take her message around this
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Speaker 3: really is.
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Speaker 2: I think it really is just a recognition that it
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Speaker 2: takes time and if we can just appreciate that we're
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Speaker 2: not always going to be in the hard space that
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Speaker 2: we find ourselves in and accept it for what it is,
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Speaker 2: that with time and patience and care, we actually can
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Speaker 2: move through and you start to reach the peak of
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Speaker 2: life again. And right now, Miss M's in a peak
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Speaker 2: and I'm loving every minute of it.
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Speaker 3: It's a happy Family's podcast, the podcast of the time,
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Speaker 3: poor parent who just wants answers now today, I'll do
8:36
Speaker 3: better tomorrow. And my reflection this week, Kylie is I
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Speaker 3: pause and talk about what's going on. I want to
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Speaker 3: celebrate a really big success and I have been talking
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Speaker 3: about this a fair bit over the last little while
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Speaker 3: on the podcast, but I'm so dard excited about it
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Speaker 3: that i want to talk about it again. At the
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Speaker 3: start of the summer holidays, I made a decision after
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Speaker 3: talking with you and the kids. They We've got to
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Speaker 3: kids who have made up their mind that they really
9:01
Speaker 3: do want to do something about their health, their fitness,
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Speaker 3: their well being and they decided that running was how
9:07
Speaker 3: they wanted to do that. We live a k from
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Speaker 3: the beach, and they want to be able to run
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Speaker 3: to the beach and run home. They want to be
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Speaker 3: able to do well in cross country. They just want
9:14
Speaker 3: to be able to feel good in their bodies and
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Speaker 3: get their bodies really moving. And our fifteen year old
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Speaker 3: daughter has decided she wants to be able to run
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Speaker 3: a half marathon by the end of the year, but
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Speaker 3: she wanted to be able to run five k's by
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Speaker 3: the end of the school holidays. And our greade eight daughter,
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Speaker 3: she just wants to be able to run the three
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Speaker 3: k's so that she can actually compete in the cross
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Speaker 3: country that's coming up soon. So I've been working really,
9:34
Speaker 3: really hard with them. I pulled up the stats from
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Speaker 3: their first run with me Kylie, and we did a
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Speaker 3: little over four k's. The first kilometer was ten minutes,
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Speaker 3: and then the next three We're all around about eight
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Speaker 3: to eight and a half minutes. I mean, this was
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Speaker 3: slow and hard and painful a and there was so
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Speaker 3: much changing. Well, so bear in mind if I go
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Speaker 3: for a run, I run around about a four minute
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Speaker 3: fifteen k. If I'm running at four fifteen, and they're
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Speaker 3: running at eight and a half minutes. They're literally half
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Speaker 3: the pace that I'm running at, which means that I'm walking.
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Speaker 3: I mean, it's painful, but I've persisted with them and
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Speaker 3: they've run at least three times every week since then,
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Speaker 3: and I told them by the end of the holidays
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Speaker 3: they'd be able to run five k's. Well, this week,
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Speaker 3: our fifteen year old daughter went for a run with
10:20
Speaker 3: me earlier this week and she ran four point eight k's.
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Speaker 3: She ran the whole way, maybe a two hundred meter
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Speaker 3: walk in the middle while she caught a breath and
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Speaker 3: just sort of recovered a little bit, but she ran
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Speaker 3: four point eight k's and she did it around about
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Speaker 3: seven minutes a k a little under seven minutes for
10:37
Speaker 3: most of them, somewhere around that six fifty range. And
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Speaker 3: I'm looking at this kid, and I'm going, you have
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Speaker 3: gone from being unable to run to the end of
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Speaker 3: the street. I mean literally, and the run. If you
10:47
Speaker 3: were to see this kid running, it was not running.
10:50
Speaker 3: It wasn't even jogging it it was shuffling. And she
10:53
Speaker 3: has gone from literally not being able to run to
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Speaker 3: running four point eight k's at an average of seven
10:59
Speaker 3: minutes a k. She ran the five ks in in
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Speaker 3: thirty five minutes, and I'm just flipping out. I'm going
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Speaker 3: this is unbelievably good. Her little sister, the twelve year old,
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Speaker 3: she's doing great as well, and she's actually running a
11:10
Speaker 3: little bit faster, but she doesn't quite have the same stamina.
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Speaker 3: She's not quite getting the distance. And the most exciting
11:16
Speaker 3: thing is these two kids sat down with me on
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Speaker 3: the weekend and you were there and you're you're committed,
11:20
Speaker 3: but not committed. But I'm going to say that you're committed.
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Speaker 3: Our fifteen year olds decided she's going to run the
11:25
Speaker 3: Nooser ten k, and the twelve year old says, she's
11:28
Speaker 3: going to run the noose of five k, and you're
11:30
Speaker 3: going to run the Noosa.
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Speaker 2: I might be this poor crew.
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Speaker 3: You're going to run the noose of five or ten k,
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Speaker 3: we're not sure yet, And I'm going to run whichever
11:37
Speaker 3: one you're not running, so that each of us can
11:39
Speaker 3: run with one of the kids. And I'm just so
11:42
Speaker 3: excited to see them develop a level of competence that
11:46
Speaker 3: four or five, six weeks ago they did not have.
11:49
Speaker 2: And they also didn't believe they could do.
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Speaker 3: And yeah, and that leads on to the next thing.
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Speaker 3: Now we're starting to talk about, well, how do we
11:56
Speaker 3: get you to run that same five k's at six
11:59
Speaker 3: minutes a k and how do we stretch it from
12:01
Speaker 3: five k's to seven k's to ten k's. We've got
12:04
Speaker 3: until May for this daughter who's just run five k's
12:08
Speaker 3: to push it out to ten. I mean, ten k's
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Speaker 3: is a long run, and she also she wants to
12:13
Speaker 3: bring it down and she wants to be able to
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Speaker 3: do the ten k's in under an hour. So this
12:16
Speaker 3: is for me. I'm just loving seeing the change. I'm
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Speaker 3: loving seeing the shift, and what I'm loving seeing most
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Speaker 3: of all is these kids saying I can't, I can't,
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Speaker 3: I can't, and I keep teaching them can't means don't
12:28
Speaker 3: want to, and I keep teaching them that pain is temporary,
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Speaker 3: and having all of these little motivational talks with them
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Speaker 3: as they're running and they're crying and I do it
12:36
Speaker 3: like it, but they are doing it, they're doing it,
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Speaker 3: and I just I love this thing. We can do
12:41
Speaker 3: hard things. I'm so excited for it. So that's my
12:44
Speaker 3: old bed it tomorrow. I don't feel bad that I
12:47
Speaker 3: haven't ridden my bike for six weeks. I don't feel
12:49
Speaker 3: bad that I spend all that money on that bike
12:52
Speaker 3: a year ago, a year and a half ago, and
12:53
Speaker 3: I haven't ridden it for a long time, and who
12:55
Speaker 3: knows when I'll ride it again. I miss bike riding
12:58
Speaker 3: a little bit, but I'm getting instead of bike riding
13:02
Speaker 3: is so much more valuable. It's like Marie condo. It's
13:05
Speaker 3: nice to have a tidy house, but it's much nicer
13:07
Speaker 3: to have the time with the kids. For me, it's
13:09
Speaker 3: nice to be able to go for a big bike ride,
13:11
Speaker 3: but it's much nicer to see the kids running three, four,
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Speaker 3: five and hopefully soon ten k's dorm and we've gone
13:18
Speaker 3: full circle on the podcast. How do you like that?
13:22
Speaker 3: So I'll do better tomorrow. We really hope that this
13:24
Speaker 3: has been a little bit of inspo for you in
13:27
Speaker 3: the way that you interact with your family across the
13:29
Speaker 3: weekend and next week. Thanks so much for listening to
13:31
Speaker 3: the Happy Families podcast. We appreciate that you choose to
13:34
Speaker 3: spend your time with us. We know that you've got
13:36
Speaker 3: so many things that you could choose to do, and
13:38
Speaker 3: you're here with us, so we hope that it's adding
13:40
Speaker 3: value and inspiration for your family in your life. The
13:44
Speaker 3: Happy Family's podcast is produced by Justin Ruland from Bridge Media.
13:47
Speaker 3: Craig Bruce is our executive producer, and if you would
13:50
Speaker 3: like more information about how to make your family happy,
13:52
Speaker 3: please visit us at Happy families dot com dot oh.
13:54
Speaker 3: One more thing if you don't mind, jump onto Apple
13:56
Speaker 3: Podcasts if that's where you're listening, and leave us a review.
13:59
Speaker 3: Your reviews may our podcast more visible to other people
14:01
Speaker 3: so that they can make their families happier, and they
14:03
Speaker 3: can be inspired, and we can make the world a
14:05
Speaker 3: better place than sunshine and rainbows and unicorns. Thanks for listening.
14:08
Speaker 3: We'll talk to you again on Monday.