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#0137_ REAL IMPACT: Celebrating 250 Years: A Very Special Episode · INSPIRE STORY

0:00
Speaker 1: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dillon. Happy 4th
0:03
Speaker 1: of July. It is America's birthday. I think it's 250
0:10
Speaker 1: years that we've been doing this thing and we're still
0:15
Speaker 1: doing it.
0:17
Speaker 2: And if you say nothing else, that's something.
0:23
Speaker 1: It is.
0:24
Speaker 2: We're still doing it. Are we going strong?
0:29
Speaker 1: Who's to say? But we're still doing it. People are
0:33
Speaker 1: still into it. And it's the feeling of like when
0:39
Speaker 1: you're young, you're a comedian, an actor, a musician, and
0:44
Speaker 1: you haven't succeeded on any level yet, your relatives, when
0:49
Speaker 1: you go to a Thanksgiving or a Christmas or Hanukkah
0:55
Speaker 1: or Kwanzaa, whatever you do, Your relatives go, you still
1:00
Speaker 1: doing that?
1:01
Speaker 2: Still doing that?
1:02
Speaker 1: Still doing that comedy thing? You still doing music every
1:06
Speaker 1: now and then? And that's their way of saying, huh, interesting.
1:12
Speaker 1: And that's kind of, this is 4th of July.
1:14
Speaker 2: Still doing that?
1:16
Speaker 1: America?
1:17
Speaker 2: Still doing that? Okay. Interesting. Hmm. But we are. And
1:24
Speaker 2: we're goddamn proud of it.
1:25
Speaker 1: I'm proud of things about this country that other people
1:29
Speaker 1: aren't proud of. I think we all have to find
1:35
Speaker 1: things about the country that we like that aren't things
1:38
Speaker 1: that other people would.
1:43
Speaker 2: Even associate with good.
1:47
Speaker 1: Like the way when a fast food drive-thru line moves,
1:52
Speaker 1: when it moves, and it doesn't look like it's gonna move,
1:56
Speaker 1: when you get in it and you go, fuck, and
1:59
Speaker 1: then it starts moving, that's good. That's something that you
2:06
Speaker 1: can look at and say, hey, that's like a really
2:10
Speaker 1: good thing. When you see an old friend somewhere and
2:17
Speaker 1: they look haggard and you feel a responsibility to reconnect
2:22
Speaker 1: with them, in a meaningful way, and then you remember
2:26
Speaker 1: you live in America. And this includes cousins, brothers, and sisters,
2:31
Speaker 1: by the way.
2:32
Speaker 2: It's anyone you've ever known.
2:34
Speaker 1: When you see them and they don't look great, and
2:38
Speaker 1: their life is in some kind of crisis, and there's
2:42
Speaker 1: a little bit of you that goes, I should care
2:45
Speaker 1: about this person and help them, because you live in
2:48
Speaker 1: America and you're able to just get back in your car,
2:52
Speaker 1: drive away, that's good.
2:56
Speaker 2: That's good.
2:58
Speaker 1: You should look at that and go that's maybe harder
3:01
Speaker 1: to do in other places where people live in small
3:05
Speaker 1: little towns and villages and you see people a lot
3:07
Speaker 1: and you feel some shared responsibility for them. But here
3:10
Speaker 1: in America, you can get in your car and drive
3:14
Speaker 1: 100 miles away from a family member or a friend
3:18
Speaker 1: in crisis who needs you.
3:20
Speaker 2: That's good.
3:22
Speaker 1: Someone needs you. No one needs you like you need
3:26
Speaker 1: you in America. Don't forget that. As much as you
3:31
Speaker 1: want to help people... And as much, they will only
3:36
Speaker 1: resent you for it because it is America.
3:39
Speaker 2: In another country, they might go, thank you for this help.
3:43
Speaker 1: I will forever tell the tale of your generosity and charity.
3:47
Speaker 1: But in America, they will resent you for helping them.
3:51
Speaker 1: So you're freed of that responsibility. Get back in your car,
3:55
Speaker 1: drive away. And that's good. That's an American value. An
3:58
Speaker 1: American value is seeing someone in need and leaving. Not
4:02
Speaker 1: because you don't want to help them, but because you
4:04
Speaker 1: realize it's not going to do anything. It won't even,
4:07
Speaker 1: it's not going to do anything. You get someone a job.
4:13
Speaker 1: You stick your neck out. You go, they've fallen on
4:17
Speaker 1: hard times. They need a job. What happens two months
4:20
Speaker 1: from now? Someone calls you and goes, why did you
4:23
Speaker 1: saddle me with this loser? Why have you destroyed my
4:29
Speaker 1: life with this fucking zero? So what you have to
4:34
Speaker 1: do is I know you want to help. It is
4:37
Speaker 1: a deeply human instinct, but there's another instinct and it's America.
4:43
Speaker 1: America comes into play and goes don't meddle, don't get involved,
4:47
Speaker 1: mind your own business, get in the car, put the
4:50
Speaker 1: music on. Don't help anyone, not even your children. Your
4:57
Speaker 1: children need help?
4:58
Speaker 2: Fuck them. They got to figure it out.
5:04
Speaker 1: The only person you should help in this country is
5:06
Speaker 1: someone you're having an affair with because they have leverage
5:09
Speaker 1: on you and they may tell your wife. If they
5:13
Speaker 1: tell your wife, your whole fucking life ends. Help them.
5:17
Speaker 1: Get them a job. Get them an apartment. But random
5:25
Speaker 1: acts of kindness in America are anti-American, they're anti-American. Some
5:32
Speaker 1: people might disagree with me, but it is fully anti-American
5:37
Speaker 1: to randomly choose to help people that you don't know
5:43
Speaker 1: or even worse that you know.
5:46
Speaker 2: You have to just fight that urge.
5:50
Speaker 1: When the Palisades fire happened, a lot of people went
5:54
Speaker 1: to volunteer, I didn't.
5:56
Speaker 2: I didn't.
5:57
Speaker 1: I thought I should, but then I realized I'm not helping.
6:04
Speaker 1: I'm not helping. And all those people volunteering, what are
6:07
Speaker 1: they even doing? You're handing out bottles of water and
6:09
Speaker 1: taking photos of themselves doing it.
6:12
Speaker 2: It doesn't work. It doesn't work. So that's something that's good.
6:18
Speaker 1: You are free in this country to pursue your own path,
6:22
Speaker 1: your own dreams. It doesn't matter if you're good at
6:26
Speaker 1: the thing you want to do.
6:28
Speaker 2: It's America. Force it down people's throats.
6:34
Speaker 1: It doesn't matter if you have the skill to do
6:37
Speaker 1: the thing you want to do. That's immaterial. In other countries,
6:42
Speaker 1: they will ask a question like, hey, can you do that?
6:46
Speaker 2: Do you, like, know how to do that? In America,
6:50
Speaker 2: what you say you are is what you are.
6:54
Speaker 1: Oh, you're a pilot? Ready for takeoff. It doesn't matter.
6:59
Speaker 1: That's good about our country. You can be talentless, you
7:03
Speaker 1: can be delusional, you can be abusive, you can be
7:09
Speaker 1: a psychopath, you can be a sociopath, sort of like
7:15
Speaker 1: an empty vessel, and you can figure it out here.
7:20
Speaker 1: You can figure it out here, many other places that
7:22
Speaker 1: would be hard for you. But in America, our system
7:25
Speaker 1: is built for you. You tell people what you want
7:31
Speaker 1: them to think. And if they don't believe you, fuck them.
7:35
Speaker 2: Fuck them. They don't think you know how to sing?
7:39
Speaker 2: Fuck them.
7:42
Speaker 1: They're threatened by you. You're going to be Adele. And
7:46
Speaker 1: if they don't get on board with that, it's their problem.
7:51
Speaker 1: It's their problem. In America, it's your right to create
7:56
Speaker 1: your own reality and live in it and get very
7:59
Speaker 1: angry at people who do not subscribe to it. Viciously angry,
8:05
Speaker 1: violently angry. You can attack your own parents. You can
8:09
Speaker 1: attack your parents physically in this country. And when the
8:13
Speaker 1: cops show up and they say, why did you throw
8:17
Speaker 1: your mother down the stairs? You can tell the cops,
8:24
Speaker 1: she doesn't think I have the talent to make it
8:26
Speaker 1: in the music business. And then the cops will look
8:29
Speaker 1: at your bloodied mother and go, did you even give
8:31
Speaker 1: him a chance? Did you even give your boy a chance?
8:37
Speaker 1: It is a great country for those reasons. It is
8:41
Speaker 1: a great country for those reasons. There's absolutely... You have
8:45
Speaker 1: no responsibility to reality in this country.
8:48
Speaker 2: You don't.
8:49
Speaker 1: And anyone that does, frankly, is your enemy. They're your enemy.
8:59
Speaker 1: They are your enemy. If somebody tries to introduce... Any
9:05
Speaker 1: type of logic into anything that you say, like this
9:10
Speaker 1: new thing with Mamdani and the air conditioning. Mamdani said
9:13
Speaker 1: set it to 78 degrees. There's a bunch of people
9:16
Speaker 1: that are mad at him.
9:17
Speaker 2: He's a communist. This is what communism looks like.
9:20
Speaker 1: Because it's 97 degrees in New York City and people
9:24
Speaker 1: are angry. And so- Mamdani has now become people's personality.
9:31
Speaker 1: So half of the people go, it's good. It's shared sacrifice.
9:36
Speaker 1: It's good to sweat. Europe does.
9:39
Speaker 2: And that's fine.
9:40
Speaker 1: And then the other people are like also insane going like,
9:44
Speaker 1: this is communism. 78 degrees. And the American answer is just,
9:50
Speaker 1: you don't do it. You don't do it. You don't
9:53
Speaker 1: set it to 78. You lie and tell people you did.
9:59
Speaker 1: That's the American way. solution we're losing the country You're
10:04
Speaker 1: supposed to make a post where you go, I think
10:08
Speaker 1: it's a little ridiculous that people can't set it to 78.
10:11
Speaker 1: You know, there's hospitals in this city and we need
10:15
Speaker 1: the energy. They need to conserve energy for people that
10:17
Speaker 1: really need it. And then you turn your thermostat down
10:21
Speaker 1: as low as it can go to the point where
10:24
Speaker 1: you're cold in your own house.
10:25
Speaker 2: I'm cold in my own house. I'm wearing a hoodie.
10:29
Speaker 1: I have a tiny kit and he shivers and he goes,
10:32
Speaker 1: why is it so cold? He talks, he goes, why
10:34
Speaker 1: is it so cold? And I go, because we're making
10:36
Speaker 1: a point that we deserve this.
10:39
Speaker 2: We're Americans.
10:40
Speaker 1: I'm sitting right now in a freezing house and I
10:42
Speaker 1: hope the grid goes down and I hope everyone dies.
10:46
Speaker 1: I will not turn my thermostat up a minute if
10:49
Speaker 1: Mamdani said NYU Langone just went down and all the
10:53
Speaker 1: babies in the incubators are dying. You know what I
10:56
Speaker 1: would do? I'd sit on my couch with a hot
10:59
Speaker 1: chocolate in a hoodie with the thermostat as low as
11:03
Speaker 1: it can go. Happy Fourth of July. Those babies better
11:06
Speaker 1: figure it out. You better take those babies somewhere else.
11:11
Speaker 1: This is America. I don't know those babies in incubators
11:17
Speaker 1: in the hot, there's a, oh, the old age home, whatever,
11:21
Speaker 1: the generator, it's all fucked over there, it's hot, they're dying,
11:27
Speaker 1: they're passing out of heat stroke. If you could just
11:30
Speaker 1: turn your thermostat down, the old age home is going,
11:34
Speaker 1: the old age home?
11:36
Speaker 2: What?
11:37
Speaker 1: I sit on my couch with a hoodie, hot chocolate,
11:41
Speaker 1: a shivering little kitten. I'll put a sweater on the cat.
11:46
Speaker 1: We're not turning our thermostat up. It doesn't matter. If
11:52
Speaker 1: Mamdani called me personally and said, elderly members of your
11:57
Speaker 1: own family are in the hospital, the power just shorted out.
12:03
Speaker 2: They're minutes from death.
12:05
Speaker 1: And the only way to save them would be turning
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Speaker 1: your thermostat up to 78. I would say, with all
12:12
Speaker 1: due respect, Mr. Mayor, I'm getting another call. That's what
12:17
Speaker 1: America is.
12:18
Speaker 2: Sorry.
12:19
Speaker 1: It's what we've created here. Some people might be hearing
12:23
Speaker 1: this and going, well, I don't actually think that that.
12:25
Speaker 2: No.
12:27
Speaker 1: It's what we've created here. And a friend of mine
12:30
Speaker 1: just called me and said, I'm thinking of leaving my boyfriend.
12:32
Speaker 2: I go, leave him. Leave them. Leave them. Leave them.
12:38
Speaker 1: I didn't even ask why. Long-term relationship they're in. I said,
12:43
Speaker 1: just leave them.
12:46
Speaker 2: It's America. Just leave them. Call the cops. Change the locks.
12:51
Speaker 2: Accuse them of rape.
12:53
Speaker 1: It's... This is the United States of America. Well, you know,
12:57
Speaker 1: I think we're just moving in different directions. He raped you.
13:00
Speaker 1: Call the police.
13:02
Speaker 2: What are we doing here? Are you nuts?
13:05
Speaker 1: Change the locks. He's a violent rapist. Testify at the
13:11
Speaker 1: trial that he raped you. Rape yourself and then accuse
13:15
Speaker 1: him of it and send him to jail.
13:19
Speaker 2: It's the United States. Because otherwise they get mad at you.
13:27
Speaker 1: If somebody calls you and goes, I'm thinking of doing
13:30
Speaker 1: something and you go, I don't know, there's many things
13:32
Speaker 1: to consider. They'd go, just agree with them immediately.
13:38
Speaker 2: I'm 41 years old.
13:38
Speaker 1: I agree with everyone immediately now. I agree with everyone immediately.
13:42
Speaker 1: It makes it so much easier. They call, they go,
13:45
Speaker 1: I'm thinking of destroying my family and my life. I go, yep,
13:49
Speaker 1: about time. I'm happy I got this call. You're in
13:54
Speaker 1: the right to do it. You're in the right to
13:56
Speaker 1: do it. Somebody calls me. They've been sober 20 years.
14:00
Speaker 1: I think I can handle a drink. I bet you can.
14:02
Speaker 1: I bet you can. Go out and have a cocktail.
14:07
Speaker 2: See what happens. It's the United States of America. It's
14:10
Speaker 2: what we've built. Sorry.
14:13
Speaker 1: You know... My cousin, for example, my cousin, I have
14:18
Speaker 1: a wedding. I'm going to it, but my parents are
14:20
Speaker 1: going to be there. I haven't spoken to them in
14:21
Speaker 1: a while. I want to get my cousin a present
14:25
Speaker 1: that's so expensive that it makes my parents feel bad.
14:30
Speaker 1: I want to show them that I have money by
14:32
Speaker 1: getting my cousin a present that's so disgustingly expensive, like
14:35
Speaker 1: a Tesla or something. Or like a tiger from Dubai.
14:39
Speaker 1: Heavily drugged, of course. Like some type of drugged animal.
14:41
Speaker 1: Like a drugged tiger. What about a tester with a
14:44
Speaker 1: drugged tiger from Dubai in it? Like a drug, like a,
14:48
Speaker 1: it looks dead, but it's not. And it pulls up
14:51
Speaker 1: and there's a tiger. And don't animal welfare people get
14:55
Speaker 1: on me. Fuck the fuck off. By the way, here's
14:57
Speaker 1: the deal with the animal welfare people. It has not
15:00
Speaker 1: gone your way. Rightly or wrongly, it has not gone
15:03
Speaker 1: the way of the animal welfare people. We care less
15:06
Speaker 1: about the welfare of these big cats than we ever have.
15:08
Speaker 1: They're cool, and yes, they have to be on drugs
15:10
Speaker 1: to be in the home. I imagine a test goes,
15:13
Speaker 1: it's present time, and a Tesla pulls up. And the
15:19
Speaker 1: Tesla pulls up, and I go, and I yell, I
15:21
Speaker 1: gotta yell until the whole wedding party. I go, I
15:24
Speaker 1: got you a car. Like Oprah, you got a car.
15:29
Speaker 1: And then the Tesla pulls up, and there's a heavily
15:31
Speaker 1: drugged Siberian tiger in the front seat.
15:36
Speaker 2: And he's wearing a hat, and he's really drugged because
15:41
Speaker 2: they're violent, these tigers.
15:43
Speaker 1: He's really drugged, so he pulls up, and I roll
15:45
Speaker 1: the windows down, and you see.
15:47
Speaker 2: This Bengal tiger, Siberian tiger, whatever.
15:51
Speaker 1: His big paws and his head, he's hanging out of
15:53
Speaker 1: the Tesla, and he's foaming a little bit, but his
15:55
Speaker 1: eyes are still open, he's alive. And I go, and
15:57
Speaker 1: I got you a tiger. I got you a car
15:59
Speaker 1: and a tiger. And people at the wedding party go,
16:03
Speaker 1: that must have cost a fortune.
16:05
Speaker 2: I go, not for me. Not for me.
16:08
Speaker 1: It was nothing to drug this animal, illegally ship it here,
16:13
Speaker 1: put it in a Tesla, and drive it to this wedding.
16:15
Speaker 2: It was nothing. That's what I want to do. That's
16:19
Speaker 2: what I'm trying to do.
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Speaker 1: But this is the United States. This is our 250-year anniversary. It's... It's... It's...
18:05
Speaker 1: We have to understand what we've built here and we
18:07
Speaker 1: have to enjoy it and actually celebrate the parts of
18:10
Speaker 1: it that other people don't like. The negatives in our country, oh,
18:16
Speaker 1: everyone's fat because we have the bomb food. Nobody's got
18:22
Speaker 1: food like we do. We have food where people kill them.
18:27
Speaker 2: They kill themselves with it.
18:30
Speaker 1: They kill themselves with that's how good it tastes. Yum, yum.
18:35
Speaker 1: Do you know how good our food is? Do you
18:38
Speaker 1: know how good, you know, I had some fast food
18:40
Speaker 1: in UK. When I was in London, I had Taco Bell.
18:44
Speaker 1: I tried their McDonald's.
18:46
Speaker 2: You know what I said? I wouldn't kill myself with this.
18:49
Speaker 1: This isn't worth the desecration of my body, the destruction
18:53
Speaker 1: of my soul. But then you come here and you
18:56
Speaker 1: go to a Taco Bell in the suburbs.
18:58
Speaker 2: I mean the burbs.
19:00
Speaker 1: You can't do it in the city because the migrants,
19:02
Speaker 1: when they're making it, don't give a shit, by the way.
19:05
Speaker 2: And that's why I think we got to limit that.
19:08
Speaker 1: When a refugee can make a quesadilla the way a
19:11
Speaker 1: suburban Hispanic can, then we'll talk. But you go to
19:16
Speaker 1: a Taco Bell in the suburbs and you have that
19:20
Speaker 1: first bite of a chicken quesadilla when you are drunk
19:24
Speaker 1: and high and probably both and you're in the front
19:26
Speaker 1: seat of your car, pedal to the metal.
19:29
Speaker 2: Because it's the United States.
19:32
Speaker 1: And you just drop your son off at his mother's
19:36
Speaker 1: house after the play date, which consisted of you showing
19:41
Speaker 1: him guns. And then you go through the Taco Bell drive-thru,
19:45
Speaker 1: because you're limited on funds, and you take that first bite.
19:50
Speaker 1: of a quesadilla with that hot gooey cheese. You don't
19:53
Speaker 1: know what's cheese and what's sauce.
19:55
Speaker 2: It's perfect.
19:56
Speaker 1: That char on the outside. You saw that fat little
19:59
Speaker 1: torta woman press it. I like watching it get pressed,
20:03
Speaker 1: that fat little torta. That chubby little torta woman, she...
20:08
Speaker 1: And then you have the char... And you have that
20:11
Speaker 1: creamy jalapeno sauce and you say to yourself, I'll kill
20:13
Speaker 1: myself with this.
20:15
Speaker 2: I will eat this until I'm dead. That's why our country.
20:20
Speaker 1: Rocks, because people eat food until they die, because it's
20:25
Speaker 1: so good. My mother used to take me to a
20:29
Speaker 1: place called Old Country Buffet, it was in Levittown, Long Island.
20:34
Speaker 1: We would eat, I would bring a friend, we'd eat
20:37
Speaker 1: for two hours. There would be multiple, you'd keep going
20:42
Speaker 1: to the buffet. And I was a young child, I
20:44
Speaker 1: don't know, 11 or something, young. You would go to
20:49
Speaker 1: the buffet and you'd keep going. And at the end,
20:50
Speaker 1: they had a chocolate pudding cake and you'd put ice cream.
20:54
Speaker 2: On top of it.
20:56
Speaker 1: And then my mother drove a van. And then on
20:58
Speaker 1: the way home, I would pass out almost. I would
21:02
Speaker 1: damn near pass out like a junkie that's being driven
21:04
Speaker 1: to a rehab from the amount of sugar and fat
21:08
Speaker 1: and salt that was consumed at this place. And some
21:13
Speaker 1: people in other countries would go, that's actually child abuse.
21:17
Speaker 2: It's not here.
21:19
Speaker 1: It's a celebration of the culture that we've built. Our
21:22
Speaker 1: food rocks, people, it's so good. Hey, if our food's
21:26
Speaker 1: not good, why are people dying because of it? That
21:31
Speaker 1: doesn't mean it's bad. If our food was bad, people
21:35
Speaker 1: would stop and say enough, but they don't. They go
21:39
Speaker 1: back and back. There's too much porn because our porn
21:42
Speaker 1: is good. We let everyone participate in porn. That's why
21:49
Speaker 1: our country is so good. It doesn't matter who you are.
21:52
Speaker 1: Kindergarten teacher, put your pussy out for everybody. Doesn't matter.
21:58
Speaker 1: That's why our country is so good. We go to
22:00
Speaker 1: everyone and say, be a porn star. Show yourself on
22:05
Speaker 1: the internet doing things to yourself. Defile yourself and earn
22:10
Speaker 1: a pretty damn good living. There was a story, I
22:15
Speaker 1: talked about it, where a young man was helping his
22:18
Speaker 1: own mother with her OnlyFans and her shoots. That's beautiful.
22:24
Speaker 1: That's an American tradition. I help my mother with her
22:28
Speaker 1: OnlyFans shoots and she makes money to pay for this
22:32
Speaker 1: house and my video games. That's something we should celebrate.
22:37
Speaker 1: You used to have to move to LA and go
22:40
Speaker 1: to the valley to be a porn star with some creep.
22:44
Speaker 1: Now your own son can take photos of your pussy.
22:49
Speaker 1: If that's not an American tradition, A distinctly American thing?
22:54
Speaker 2: Well, I don't know what is.
22:57
Speaker 1: People go, oh, people are too stressed in America. They
23:00
Speaker 1: have all these jobs. They die. You know, they collapse
23:06
Speaker 1: from exhaustion, from anxiety. They have nervous breakdowns. They have
23:09
Speaker 1: mental breakdowns. They don't have health care. They don't have
23:12
Speaker 1: any peace of mind.
23:14
Speaker 2: You know what?
23:17
Speaker 1: Listen, people in this country want to win, and winning
23:21
Speaker 1: kills you. Winning kills you. So when you're seeing someone
23:28
Speaker 1: who's just collapsed from exhaustion because they just walked out
23:32
Speaker 1: of the supermarket and they're trying to get home to
23:34
Speaker 1: their kids and they just left their second job and
23:37
Speaker 1: they collapse in the parking lot, that's a soldier and
23:42
Speaker 1: that's someone to be respected. And if they pass away,
23:47
Speaker 1: And they leave this earth with a rotisserie chicken falling
23:51
Speaker 1: out of their hands because they have a cardiac incident
23:54
Speaker 1: or a stroke because they're so stressed out that they
23:57
Speaker 1: can't pay their bills. And when they collapse, And the
24:02
Speaker 1: last thing their face hits is that pavement and that
24:06
Speaker 1: rotisserie chicken bounce. It's the last thing they see is
24:09
Speaker 1: that discount rotisserie chicken. As the life leaves their eyes,
24:13
Speaker 1: they just see that rotisserie chicken that was on sale
24:16
Speaker 1: tumbling out of its plastic container, free to be ravaged
24:21
Speaker 1: by a local raccoon, a couple of cats, or a
24:24
Speaker 1: homeless person. The last thing they see is that that
24:27
Speaker 1: is a soldier who died and left it all on
24:30
Speaker 1: the field.
24:32
Speaker 2: Why would we hate that? Why would we try to
24:35
Speaker 2: change that?
24:38
Speaker 1: There's nothing better than sitting in a big house in
24:40
Speaker 1: this country alone and thinking about killing yourself. a 6,000-square-foot
24:48
Speaker 1: McMansion on a cul-de-sac alone because your wife and kids
24:53
Speaker 1: have left, sitting there with an eight-bowl of cocaine on
24:56
Speaker 1: a glass table and a big-screen TV, watching UFC at
25:01
Speaker 1: the White House and thinking, why don't I just blow
25:03
Speaker 1: my brains out?
25:06
Speaker 2: There is not.
25:07
Speaker 1: That doesn't happen in other countries!
25:10
Speaker 2: You don't have it!
25:12
Speaker 1: We have such an ama... Number one, just the size
25:16
Speaker 1: of the home. Pacing around, empty room, empty room. Doing
25:20
Speaker 1: bumps in empty rooms where you thought children were gonna live.
25:25
Speaker 1: gacked out of your face thinking if you should go
25:27
Speaker 1: get the gun and end it all but you don't
25:30
Speaker 1: that's America a large home to pace around in when
25:35
Speaker 1: you are lonely and then you start cooking up schemes
25:39
Speaker 1: I'll make all the money I'll figure it out should
25:43
Speaker 1: we pitch a reality show maybe we're a reality family
25:48
Speaker 1: This is a distinctly American thing. It's a distinctly American
25:52
Speaker 1: thing and should be celebrated. A lot of people say, well,
25:54
Speaker 1: it's sad and it's actually haunting. It's a scene from
25:57
Speaker 1: a horror movie. It's a distinctly American thing to be
26:00
Speaker 1: on cocaine in the suburbs in the middle of the
26:02
Speaker 1: night trying to figure out your life.
26:04
Speaker 2: Many of you are listening to this in that state
26:07
Speaker 2: right now.
26:09
Speaker 1: That's a distinctly American thing to be on cocaine in
26:12
Speaker 1: a large house with the air conditioning blasting.
26:15
Speaker 2: Fuck you, Mount Donnie.
26:16
Speaker 1: And you're sitting there and then you're coming down and
26:19
Speaker 1: you try to like jerk off and the come down
26:21
Speaker 1: from coke is horrible. And you're in a house and
26:25
Speaker 1: all of the other houses in the suburb, their lights
26:27
Speaker 1: are off cuz they're sleepy, sleepy, but not you. You're
26:32
Speaker 1: not asleep, are you? Because you've got a plan. And
26:35
Speaker 1: the rest of the sheep on this block, they're content
26:38
Speaker 1: with what they have. But you're gonna go further, higher.
26:43
Speaker 1: It's going to be big when people realize how serious
26:47
Speaker 1: you've been your whole life. All those people that wrote
26:49
Speaker 1: you off, all those people who laughed at you, they're
26:53
Speaker 1: going to pay dearly for it. Sitting in your backyard
26:57
Speaker 1: and having those thoughts high on cocaine in the suburbs,
27:01
Speaker 1: in a home that your wife and children have left
27:04
Speaker 1: because you have violent tendencies is a distinctly American and
27:08
Speaker 1: beautiful moment. And so what if people in fucking Sweden
27:12
Speaker 1: don't get it?
27:13
Speaker 2: Who cares? Oh, Norway doesn't get it.
27:17
Speaker 1: Making your children stars at the expense of their mental
27:21
Speaker 1: and physical health is a distinctly American thing.
27:24
Speaker 2: I don't care if it's in athletics. I don't care
27:27
Speaker 2: if it's in Hollywood.
27:29
Speaker 1: Telling your children that they must be great at a
27:32
Speaker 1: young age Separating them from their childlike wonder and forcing
27:36
Speaker 1: them into a capitalist consumer economy where they then have
27:40
Speaker 1: to consistently prove that they are better than other children
27:43
Speaker 1: so you can live vicariously through them, then eventually hate
27:47
Speaker 1: them and steal their money is a distinctly American thing
27:50
Speaker 1: and it's amazing.
27:51
Speaker 2: Children in the workforce, yes or yes, I'm bullish on it.
27:56
Speaker 1: Standing in the bleachers, watching your child In sports and going,
28:03
Speaker 1: if they're going all the way, they're going to the Olympics.
28:06
Speaker 1: Seeing your child in the school play and going, this
28:09
Speaker 1: talent is wasted here. It's wasted here. Let's force them
28:13
Speaker 1: to commodify this now. That's America. That's America.
28:21
Speaker 2: Eating dinner with your daughter and going, you like being
28:25
Speaker 2: on stage, don't you? Yeah, yes, I do. Do you
28:30
Speaker 2: want to be a star? What?
28:34
Speaker 1: A star, like the people on the TV. I want
28:39
Speaker 1: to be on TV. Do you really want to be
28:43
Speaker 1: on TV?
28:43
Speaker 2: Yeah. You have to work very hard.
28:49
Speaker 1: Yeah?
28:50
Speaker 2: You take their pancakes away. I'm eating. No more pancakes
28:56
Speaker 2: for you. You understand me?
28:59
Speaker 1: Starting right here, right now at this Denny's, You make
29:02
Speaker 1: a promise to me. What? You promise me you're going
29:07
Speaker 1: to work hard and you're going to make it. No
29:10
Speaker 1: matter what, there's going to be long nights of doubt.
29:14
Speaker 2: What? You're not going to see your friends anymore. Why?
29:19
Speaker 2: Because you're a star and they're not. I don't like this.
29:25
Speaker 1: That's weakness and I won't have it from you. Tomorrow
29:30
Speaker 1: we're going to sign you up. for 75 dance classes
29:34
Speaker 1: a week. it's gonna end gymnastics it's gonna stunt your
29:37
Speaker 1: growth in fact you're gonna stay the exact same size
29:40
Speaker 1: you are right now it's gonna stunt your growth you
29:44
Speaker 1: understand me no you're gonna go to dance class until
29:49
Speaker 1: your feet bleed what you're gonna go to dance class
29:53
Speaker 1: until your feet bleed and you're gonna be.
29:56
Speaker 2: A goddamn star I don't want to. You don't have
30:02
Speaker 2: a choice. It's what you were born for.
30:04
Speaker 1: That's America. That's America. And Trump understands all these things.
30:11
Speaker 1: Trump sells to the people. These are the people. Trump
30:15
Speaker 1: gets it. Polymarket goes, will Trump be impeached before his
30:19
Speaker 1: term ends? Well, what chance, what do they have there?
30:22
Speaker 1: I hope he, it's a 68% chance. I imagine he will,
30:26
Speaker 1: but let's, he'll survive it. He'll probably survive it. The
30:30
Speaker 1: people I've just described here, they're the country. And Trump
30:35
Speaker 1: knows that. And he sells to the people, the good
30:39
Speaker 1: people of our country.
30:43
Speaker 2: The good people.
30:44
Speaker 1: Trump knows how to sell to them because we're a
30:46
Speaker 1: country where people still.
30:47
Speaker 2: Believe in things. Sorry, Europe.
30:51
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33:22
Speaker 1: Taylor Swift and Travis Kelsey wedding is going to take
33:25
Speaker 1: place at Madison Square Garden.
33:28
Speaker 2: So many people.
33:31
Speaker 1: Whose maturity stopped at summer camp who have riddled themselves
33:36
Speaker 1: with pretend anxiety disorders, have diagnosed themselves with fake autoimmune diseases,
33:43
Speaker 1: have refused to grow up for whatever reason, are invested in,
33:49
Speaker 1: they emotionally and intellectually froze when they were at some
33:54
Speaker 1: eighth grade block party. People like that, people with that
33:59
Speaker 1: capacity are, and I'm not saying you can't be a
34:01
Speaker 1: fan of Taylor or whatever, Travis. I'm saying the people
34:05
Speaker 1: that are overdoing it out there, the people that cried
34:08
Speaker 1: at her engagement, the people that are sick, they live
34:11
Speaker 1: amongst us, but they're ill. Those people are, this is
34:17
Speaker 1: Woodstock for them. This is January 6th for them. For
34:22
Speaker 1: those people who, their attachment to this woman seems, and
34:27
Speaker 1: by the way, it's like there's the same thing with
34:29
Speaker 1: people who feel this way about Trump. Like this guy
34:32
Speaker 1: came into their lives and saved their life. I know
34:36
Speaker 1: people like this. Trump walked down the escalator and their
34:39
Speaker 1: life was saved. They can't imagine a world where he's
34:44
Speaker 1: not in it. And Taylor Swift has done this to people.
34:47
Speaker 1: That Error Store saved people's lives, okay? They went to
34:52
Speaker 1: that thing. Many of them went multiple times. They drained
34:55
Speaker 1: their bank accounts. They sold their frozen embryos that they
35:00
Speaker 1: were gonna have to make into children. Whatever they did,
35:04
Speaker 1: they went to see this bitch, God love her, God
35:06
Speaker 1: bless her. And they stood there in the arena and
35:10
Speaker 1: they go, I remember the first time I heard this song.
35:12
Speaker 1: And usually it was, I was in ninth grade. I
35:16
Speaker 1: had a crush on a guy. I heard this Taylor
35:18
Speaker 1: Swift song and that's where I froze. Emotionally, I froze
35:22
Speaker 1: right there. I was like, I don't want to hear
35:25
Speaker 1: nothing about nothing else. This is where I'm, and now
35:28
Speaker 1: they're 40 and they're still that person walking around ninth grade,
35:34
Speaker 1: listening to the song, you know, and those people, this
35:39
Speaker 1: wedding for them is going to be a big deal.
35:43
Speaker 2: It's going to be a big, big deal.
35:48
Speaker 1: And if Israel wants us back on their side, they
35:51
Speaker 1: will bomb this wedding and blame it on Iran.
35:54
Speaker 2: And look out for that, it's coming.
35:57
Speaker 1: Israel is, there's discussions, there's high-level discussions in Israel going,
36:01
Speaker 1: should we bomb this thing and blame it on Iran?
36:03
Speaker 1: Because it's the only thing that'll unite everybody. It's the
36:07
Speaker 1: only thing that'll get liberals, conservatives, the only thing, and listen,
36:13
Speaker 1: I obviously don't want it to happen. But as false
36:17
Speaker 1: flags go, the Taylor Swift wedding's in.
36:23
Speaker 2: Breaking news.
36:24
Speaker 1: The Taylor Swift MSG nuptials have been attacked by Iran.
36:30
Speaker 2: Casualty numbers are mounting.
36:32
Speaker 1: We haven't heard from Taylor or Travis's representatives, but we
36:36
Speaker 1: fear the worst. Trump has ordered a nuclear strike on
36:40
Speaker 1: Tehran in retaliation. It's the only thing, That we can
36:48
Speaker 1: do here. It's the only thing that we can do.
36:53
Speaker 1: If you do a false flag at the Taylor Swift event,
36:57
Speaker 1: I'm telling you, you will get everyone back. I don't
37:00
Speaker 1: want it to happen. I'm just saying 9-11 won't even
37:04
Speaker 1: matter anymore. You do another 9-11. People won't even care. Oh,
37:07
Speaker 1: a bank got blown up? Can you imagine now, a
37:09
Speaker 1: 9-11 now? Oh, a bank got blown up?
37:12
Speaker 2: Good.
37:13
Speaker 1: Good. People will not be that angry if you blow
37:18
Speaker 1: up a financial institution in Lower Manhattan. I'm telling you,
37:21
Speaker 1: they just won't. They just won't. Shoot up LA, nobody cares.
37:27
Speaker 1: You know what I mean? Nobody's, you do something in
37:31
Speaker 1: Nashville or Texas, the other people aren't going to care
37:33
Speaker 1: about that.
37:34
Speaker 2: Taylor Swift's wedding is the only one. It's the only one.
37:36
Speaker 1: Now, obviously, I'm not saying they should do it. But
37:42
Speaker 1: it's very hard now to pick a target that's going
37:45
Speaker 1: to unite people because if they light up a building
37:47
Speaker 1: in lower Manhattan, it's not going to work. Oh, oh,
37:53
Speaker 1: a couple of white guys finally got burned alive in
37:57
Speaker 1: their bank. It won't, you know, I'm not even, I
38:03
Speaker 1: won't even be that mad about it. And I work
38:08
Speaker 1: in one of those buildings in Lower Manhattan. I won't
38:10
Speaker 1: even be that mad if they blew this building up now.
38:15
Speaker 2: And we were all on fire.
38:17
Speaker 1: And I walked to the window to throw myself out
38:21
Speaker 1: of it. I wouldn't even be that mad. Truly, not
38:29
Speaker 1: madder than if I found out it was T-Swift. I
38:35
Speaker 1: don't even think I'd be that bad. If I died
38:37
Speaker 1: in a terrorist attack, the level of anger I'd feel
38:40
Speaker 1: wouldn't even be that high.
38:42
Speaker 2: I get it.
38:44
Speaker 1: I agree too much with the terrorists now. The terrorists
38:48
Speaker 1: make too much sense to me now to be that
38:50
Speaker 1: angry at them. Because I've realized that, yes, I don't
38:55
Speaker 1: agree with their methods, obviously. But if the terrorists were
38:59
Speaker 1: to bomb the building I work in, I would be....
39:04
Speaker 2: Inconvenienced for sure my life would end but I would
39:10
Speaker 2: go you know we have done a few things.
39:17
Speaker 1: And that's but still wanted but still proud to be
39:19
Speaker 1: an American and knowing that we're gonna kill and nuke
39:21
Speaker 1: them and that's okay too that's what America means America
39:25
Speaker 1: means lying in the rubble of a building being attacked
39:27
Speaker 1: by terrorists understanding why they did it not being super
39:30
Speaker 1: mad at them but also understanding that your government will
39:33
Speaker 1: respond with an crazy amount of force uh and and
39:37
Speaker 1: nuke the whole world and kind of being happy about
39:39
Speaker 1: that too because everyone's playing their role america's about playing
39:44
Speaker 1: your position understanding your role As I lay there in
39:48
Speaker 1: the ash of a smoldering building in lower Manhattan, I
39:50
Speaker 1: think to myself, I'm playing my role. I'm getting burned
39:55
Speaker 1: alive in order to build some type of consensus amongst
40:02
Speaker 1: other people in my country that we need to use
40:03
Speaker 1: nuclear weapons in a place I've never been.
40:05
Speaker 2: Fine, it's okay. It's what it is. It's why we
40:07
Speaker 2: have frozen yogurt, I guess. Ooh, yum, yum.
40:12
Speaker 1: Frozen yogurt on a hot day when the toppings are
40:14
Speaker 1: all smushed into each other? How could you be mad
40:19
Speaker 1: that you might have to give your life for that
40:20
Speaker 1: by being in a building in lower Manhattan while it's
40:23
Speaker 1: set on fire?
40:25
Speaker 2: By maybe your own government, who knows?
40:27
Speaker 1: Even if my own government, if my own government allows
40:30
Speaker 1: an attack to happen where I am burned alive in
40:33
Speaker 1: lower Manhattan in a building and I'm eating frozen yogurt
40:38
Speaker 1: and the toppings are all smushed together because of the heat,
40:40
Speaker 1: I'm not mad at it. It's the most American way
40:44
Speaker 1: to go. Why am I going to be pissed about that?
40:50
Speaker 1: It'll suck. I'll feel bad. I'll feel bad for the
40:54
Speaker 1: Mexican janitors who really don't know what's happening. I got
40:56
Speaker 1: to explain it to them in the last four minutes
40:58
Speaker 1: of our lives. You go, listen, we've done a lot of... Listen,
41:00
Speaker 1: here's why this is happening.
41:02
Speaker 2: Sit down. Maria, sit down. Let me explain to you.
41:05
Speaker 2: You know we've, you know, we've fucked up.
41:07
Speaker 1: Oh, the fire is coming to here.
41:10
Speaker 2: Yes, yes. But let me explain to you. We have
41:12
Speaker 2: a long history of this.
41:14
Speaker 1: What? What?
41:16
Speaker 2: You know, a lot of people say Nam. A lot
41:18
Speaker 2: of people say the Gulf of Tonkin. You know? You
41:20
Speaker 2: know about that?
41:21
Speaker 1: Oh, what?
41:21
Speaker 2: The Vietnamese? Is the Vietnamese doing this?
41:24
Speaker 1: No, no. This might be Arabs, but it might be
41:27
Speaker 1: Arabs hired by Israelis or by us, or it might
41:30
Speaker 1: be real Arabs.
41:31
Speaker 2: It could be fake Arabs. It could be American-Israeli Arabs.
41:35
Speaker 2: I don't understand. Oh, Marie, I wish we'd started this
41:38
Speaker 2: a few weeks ago. God. It's so complicated.
41:42
Speaker 1: We have probably 30 minutes before the fire reaches this floor.
41:47
Speaker 2: We won't be rescued, Maria.
41:48
Speaker 1: Now, I know you want to spend a lot of
41:50
Speaker 1: that time praying, but do you mind if I showed
41:52
Speaker 1: you a documentary that kind of explains what's going on?
41:55
Speaker 2: Okay, I guess. I guess we still have Wi-Fi, honey.
41:58
Speaker 2: Sit down. Now take a look at this. And that
42:01
Speaker 2: would be my job.
42:02
Speaker 1: My job in a 9-11 event would be to run
42:06
Speaker 1: around and kind of explain to people what was happening
42:09
Speaker 1: as they were dying.
42:10
Speaker 2: Die with knowledge, I would say.
42:11
Speaker 1: Die with knowledge. We say a quick prayer and then
42:14
Speaker 1: we watch a documentary about it. But that's the United States.
42:19
Speaker 2: And you were alive during it.
42:21
Speaker 1: You were alive in this moment in history, this moment,
42:23
Speaker 1: this weird moment in history where machines were coming and
42:26
Speaker 1: replacing you. And you were jerking your cock while eating
42:30
Speaker 1: poison food in an empty house in a suburb that
42:34
Speaker 1: was sacrificed to Baal 40 years ago. And you're sitting
42:38
Speaker 1: there and you're alive still kind of in a way.
42:43
Speaker 1: And you're waiting for the sweet release of some type
42:47
Speaker 1: of violent death, a random shooting and a target or a,
42:52
Speaker 1: you know, a trucker doesn't smoke enough meth. So his fucking,
42:55
Speaker 1: you know, Mack truck just plows into you or something like,
42:59
Speaker 1: you know, you're alive at this moment. There's something beautiful
43:02
Speaker 1: about that. You got to appreciate that. And it's not
43:04
Speaker 1: for all the, you know, well, isn't nature pretty? The
43:09
Speaker 1: people that understand America the least are the ones who
43:12
Speaker 1: start talking about nature.
43:13
Speaker 2: But I've spent some time around these people recently. They
43:15
Speaker 2: talk about nature and national parks. Have you ever gone
43:19
Speaker 2: to Zion? Yosemite is the place. Yeah, yeah, yeah, shut up.
43:25
Speaker 2: What are you talking about? It's nothing to do with America.
43:28
Speaker 1: America is about a very specific thing. It is about
43:34
Speaker 1: resenting nature and being okay with its slow death. I'm
43:41
Speaker 1: still proud to live here. I would have never lived
43:43
Speaker 1: anywhere else. Truly, it's an amazing place. It's a truly
43:46
Speaker 1: amazing country. And I did cocaine with my substitute teacher
43:53
Speaker 1: at a crack house when I was 14 years old.
43:58
Speaker 1: We recognized each other as we were doing cocaine. I
44:01
Speaker 1: was 14 years old and she was a sub in
44:04
Speaker 1: my school district. And we're hanging out at a crack
44:07
Speaker 1: house that was owned by the mayor's son.
44:09
Speaker 2: Okay? My best friend's.
44:11
Speaker 1: Mother was a woman who, a lady of the evening,
44:16
Speaker 1: as they say, who saved enough money to buy a
44:18
Speaker 1: share of Berkshire Hathaway A-stock, Warren Buffett stock. You know
44:22
Speaker 1: that guy who owns Dairy Queen and lives in Omaha, Nebraska,
44:25
Speaker 1: where all the pedophilia happens?
44:27
Speaker 2: Anyway, not saying anything. Don't sue me.
44:32
Speaker 1: I'm just saying, I grew up around some amazing people
44:36
Speaker 1: and I would have never, I would never trade it
44:38
Speaker 1: for anything in the world. I would have never traded
44:40
Speaker 1: it to live in Norway, you know, with like four,
44:44
Speaker 1: you know, two siblings who looked exactly like me and
44:46
Speaker 1: our parents. And they were like, let's go to the lake.
44:49
Speaker 1: I don't know how they talk. I'm not doing it
44:51
Speaker 1: the right way, but they go, let's.
44:52
Speaker 2: Go to the lake. And then we go to the
44:53
Speaker 2: lake and then we have this nice life where, ooh,
44:57
Speaker 2: the trees, the wind and the trees and we're at
45:00
Speaker 2: the lake.
45:02
Speaker 1: I love that I live in this country. In
45:08
Speaker 1: its current form, I love that Donald Trump is our president.
45:11
Speaker 1: I love that Jake Paul will be our president soon.
45:13
Speaker 1: I love that we won't have a country soon. We'll
45:17
Speaker 1: have something that resembles... an amusement park that was shuttered,
45:23
Speaker 1: but it'll still feel like a country. We'll still call
45:26
Speaker 1: it a country. I love that people seem to be
45:29
Speaker 1: going crazier now. They're not becoming more sane or reasonable.
45:35
Speaker 1: They're actually going crazier. And I love that the biggest
45:40
Speaker 1: debate in our country is when robots should replace us
45:44
Speaker 1: and how. What a great time. What an interesting time.
45:51
Speaker 1: There are seven psychopaths on TV constantly telling you that
45:55
Speaker 1: robots are going to replace you. You're going to be
45:57
Speaker 1: in relationships with them and then you better merge with
46:00
Speaker 1: them or they're going to defeat you. And you kind
46:04
Speaker 1: of have to treat it as like just normal news.
46:06
Speaker 1: Remember what the news used to be like 50 years ago?
46:12
Speaker 1: Now it's like, The robot army, you will either join
46:16
Speaker 1: them or perish at their hands and you have to
46:18
Speaker 1: just go.
46:20
Speaker 2: And then get in your car and have an egg sandwich.
46:22
Speaker 2: There's aliens. Welcome to the evening news.
46:27
Speaker 1: God was a story created by aliens who live underground
46:30
Speaker 1: and they've worked with our government for years and they
46:32
Speaker 1: have bases under the water.
46:35
Speaker 2: Did you do your homework? We got to go to
46:38
Speaker 2: school now.
46:39
Speaker 1: We're living through such a crazy time. And the only
46:44
Speaker 1: thing we can do is enjoy the fact that we're
46:46
Speaker 1: still doing it. We're still doing it. It doesn't make sense.
46:53
Speaker 1: It probably never will. But we're still doing it. We've
46:57
Speaker 1: unleashed the power of human potential in this country for
47:01
Speaker 1: very good and very bad things.
47:03
Speaker 2: Totally. You can't have it both ways. You don't have
47:07
Speaker 2: the good with the bad.
47:08
Speaker 1: You don't give people maximum freedom and then go, wow,
47:10
Speaker 1: it's all great now. No. No.
47:13
Speaker 2: You're going to get psycho-religious cults.
47:15
Speaker 1: You're going to get people with dog masks on being
47:17
Speaker 1: walked down the street. You're going to get, you know,
47:21
Speaker 1: the Gaza gays or whatever. You're going to get plus-size
47:24
Speaker 1: park hoppers, people that are too fat to go to
47:26
Speaker 1: the amusement parks. You're going to get those childless people
47:29
Speaker 1: that just want to go to amusement parks and eat
47:31
Speaker 1: like cheesecake on a stick. You're going to get the people.
47:34
Speaker 1: You'll get the furry conventions. You're going to get the
47:37
Speaker 1: Bitcoin psychopaths in Miami. You're going to get the trad-cath
47:40
Speaker 1: Christian influencer nutjobs who also intersect weirdly with the looksmaxing community.
47:46
Speaker 1: and the fucking crypto evangelists. You're going to get all
47:50
Speaker 1: of that. You're going to get the steely-eyed liberals in
47:53
Speaker 1: Massachusetts who sit there with Jonathan Swan and Maggie Haberman's book.
47:57
Speaker 1: Oh my God, there's so many details. And they sit
47:59
Speaker 1: there with their morning coffee. on their fucking porch. You're
48:02
Speaker 1: going to get all of that. You're going to get
48:05
Speaker 1: the amateur UFC fighters in Vegas who are bashing their
48:08
Speaker 1: skulls in to try to make money. You're going to
48:11
Speaker 1: get parents who take their children to pageants and plays
48:15
Speaker 1: and recitals to try to sculpt their child into the
48:18
Speaker 1: next Britney Spears. The next person will be put in
48:21
Speaker 1: a conservatorship and then let out, and then we immediately
48:24
Speaker 1: realize she needs to go back in. You're going to
48:27
Speaker 1: get all of that. You don't get the good without
48:29
Speaker 1: the bad. This is the United States of America. You're
48:32
Speaker 1: going to get the zannied out housewives in Orange County
48:36
Speaker 1: who sit there on their back patios while their husbands
48:39
Speaker 1: feast on Asian porn. And those women sit there and
48:42
Speaker 1: they knock back white Zinfandel. And they talk about the
48:46
Speaker 1: colleges their kids are getting admitted to. You're going to
48:49
Speaker 1: get that. You're going to get the radical libertarian lunatics
48:54
Speaker 1: in Austin, Texas who are doing lines of blow and
48:56
Speaker 1: telling you about Curtis Yarvin. You're going to get all
48:59
Speaker 1: of that. That's what our country is. It's an insane asylum,
49:03
Speaker 1: but it's fun. But it's fun. You're not going to
49:09
Speaker 1: get any one thing here. And just know that if
49:14
Speaker 1: you ever look around and feel any type of way
49:17
Speaker 1: about these people, you don't have to. You actually don't
49:20
Speaker 1: have to. That's why we've created this. So you don't
49:23
Speaker 1: feel any obligation to your fellow man, your family, your friends,
49:28
Speaker 1: your community, your society. You don't have to feel anything
49:32
Speaker 1: like that because we've created this fun house of horrors.
49:39
Speaker 1: So the minute you feel responsibility for the way this
49:42
Speaker 1: place looks, just send it on down the road. Pin
49:47
Speaker 1: it on someone else. It had nothing to do with you,
49:50
Speaker 1: did it? You were just trying to build your business.
49:53
Speaker 1: I'm just trying to put the right team around me
49:54
Speaker 1: and be productive. That's all you were trying to do.
49:58
Speaker 1: You don't have the culpability or the responsibility. That's how
50:00
Speaker 1: we've built it. You're not flying the plane. You're a passenger.
50:05
Speaker 1: In fact, no one's flying the plane.
50:07
Speaker 2: That's the fun.
50:13
Speaker 1: So don't get mad when people disagree with you. Don't
50:17
Speaker 1: get mad at Mamdani cuz he said put the air
50:19
Speaker 1: conditioning 78 degrees. Lie about it and don't do it.
50:24
Speaker 1: Lie about it and don't do it. Be like, I
50:27
Speaker 1: think it's a little stupid that people can't tolerate a
50:29
Speaker 1: little bit of heat. And then make your thermostat as
50:35
Speaker 1: cold as it can be, as cold as humanly possible,
50:38
Speaker 1: to the point where you are shivering in July. Being
50:42
Speaker 1: an American is about shivering in July. Cold where your
50:47
Speaker 1: dick shrivels up and you have garments on in your
50:51
Speaker 1: own home and your pet should be like, what the
50:53
Speaker 1: fuck's going on? Use the energy. Burn it alive. Because
50:58
Speaker 1: that's the way it is. That's the way it is.
51:03
Speaker 1: I've seen so much of this country. I love so
51:05
Speaker 1: much of this country. And for the reasons that I've
51:07
Speaker 1: laid out, that our food kills us, that we've turned
51:11
Speaker 1: everyone into an amateur pornographer, that people long for the
51:17
Speaker 1: sweet relief of a violent death while out shopping on
51:21
Speaker 1: a random Wednesday afternoon, that we celebrate the stress and
51:26
Speaker 1: the strain that we put on people and we make
51:29
Speaker 1: them take amphetamines just so they have the strength to
51:34
Speaker 1: get through a grocery store to buy discounted food to
51:38
Speaker 1: serve to their children. All of those things I've learned
51:42
Speaker 1: to love about our country. And some people look at
51:47
Speaker 1: those and think they're bad, actually. But what I think
51:51
Speaker 1: you have to do is embrace it. I love that
51:55
Speaker 1: we make our children stars at a young age. I
51:58
Speaker 1: love that we have an ultra-competitive in which we thrust
52:07
Speaker 1: children who are not mentally or emotionally capable of understanding
52:13
Speaker 1: what's happening. We thrust them into this world and we
52:16
Speaker 1: destroy their minds by forcing them to commodify themselves in
52:22
Speaker 1: athletics or entertainment early.
52:24
Speaker 2: It's who we are. It's who we are. So what?
52:30
Speaker 2: You know? I mean, it is what it is.
52:33
Speaker 1: We're a drive-through culture, we're a highway culture, we're a
52:37
Speaker 1: McMansion culture, and that's what we are.
52:39
Speaker 2: Listen, maybe it'll change, but love it, love it, love
52:44
Speaker 2: that empty.
52:45
Speaker 1: There's nothing better than the quiet, empty streets of suburbia,
52:50
Speaker 1: the haunting nature of what we've built, the darkness that
52:55
Speaker 1: creeps around the corner. The guy, the weird people that
53:01
Speaker 1: lurk around the suburbs with unfulfilled dreams. The dark, sick
53:07
Speaker 1: fucks that keep people in their basements and every now
53:09
Speaker 1: and then one of them gets dragged out by the
53:11
Speaker 1: FBI and then probably told that they've done a good
53:14
Speaker 1: job and then hired by the FBI, whatever.
53:17
Speaker 2: I'm just saying, there's.
53:19
Speaker 1: Nothing better than the American suburb, the vape shop, followed
53:22
Speaker 1: by the ketamine clinic, followed by the fucking... Carl's Jr.
53:29
Speaker 1: Followed by the acupuncture studio. The Pilates studio.
53:34
Speaker 2: The Reiki yoga healing place. The psychic. The fucking Goodyear tire.
53:44
Speaker 2: The McDonald's. The fucking convenience store. The church. The Denny's.
53:52
Speaker 1: The rehab.
53:54
Speaker 2: The rehab.
53:57
Speaker 1: The strip mall with the financial professionals, the financial professionals,
54:04
Speaker 1: the advisory. There's nothing better than the American suburbs. Nothing
54:11
Speaker 1: better than the vacant American city. The emptiness of Cleveland, Ohio.
54:16
Speaker 1: You hear something in the dark, howling in pain. Some
54:24
Speaker 1: people would think it's some type of animal or something
54:27
Speaker 1: that escaped from another dimension, but you know better.
54:30
Speaker 2: It's a veteran.
54:32
Speaker 1: It's a veteran who we wouldn't give health care. Who's
54:35
Speaker 1: reliving the trauma of a war he shouldn't have fought.
54:39
Speaker 1: You know exactly who it is when you hear that.
54:46
Speaker 1: No Stephen King novel here.
54:47
Speaker 2: No aliens. No shapeshifters. No interdimensional beings.
54:51
Speaker 1: Just people who've given all for the country and immediately
54:54
Speaker 1: were spit on and turned into monsters when they returned.
54:57
Speaker 2: You know it. Head for the car. Get the kids
55:00
Speaker 2: in the car. Get the kids in the car. Dad,
55:11
Speaker 2: what's that? Is that a monster?
55:14
Speaker 1: No, it's one of our fellow citizens. He served in
55:17
Speaker 1: Operation Iraqi Freedom.
55:19
Speaker 2: What's that? Well, it was a war we fought.
55:21
Speaker 1: What?
55:22
Speaker 2: Is it this war? No, but yes, kind of. Similar.
55:26
Speaker 1: Anyway, shut up, get in the car. Eat your fucking
55:28
Speaker 1: ice cream. It sounds like that person's in pain.
55:32
Speaker 2: They're fine.
55:32
Speaker 1: They're living with their choices. They sound like they're behind
55:43
Speaker 1: the dumpster. And you see them, you see a vision
55:45
Speaker 1: of someone behind the dumpster. You see a shadow, you know,
55:48
Speaker 1: it's this kind of thing, this kind of, you know,
55:49
Speaker 1: it's kind of lurching. And it's coming closer to you
55:52
Speaker 1: and your family. And you put them in the car,
55:54
Speaker 1: you put your family in the car and your kids,
55:56
Speaker 1: your fat kids with their sticky little fingers in the back.
55:59
Speaker 2: Daddy, hurry up, the monster is coming.
56:04
Speaker 1: And your wife who's cheating on you in the front
56:05
Speaker 1: seat is like, this person sounds disturbed.
56:10
Speaker 2: Perhaps you should drive a little faster. Perhaps you should
56:13
Speaker 2: drive a little faster.
56:14
Speaker 1: And you're like, in your mind, you're like, listen, you
56:16
Speaker 1: stupid cunt. If I drive faster and I hit this guy,
56:19
Speaker 1: I'm going to be all over the news. I just
56:21
Speaker 1: hit some homeless guy in my fucking car.
56:23
Speaker 2: Shut up. It's fine.
56:25
Speaker 1: You have to make a three-point turn in an alley
56:28
Speaker 1: and then go back out the other way to get
56:30
Speaker 1: back on the highway. And you see this thing, this half-man,
56:35
Speaker 1: you know, half-beast kind of lurching towards you. And it's,
56:41
Speaker 1: you know, you could kind of see it and It's odd,
56:43
Speaker 1: it's a strange creature and your kids are staring at
56:49
Speaker 1: it and you're very concerned about what's about to happen here.
56:55
Speaker 1: And you have two choices.
56:59
Speaker 2: One of them is to drive slowly through the.
57:02
Speaker 1: Alley and see this creature, see this thing that you're
57:07
Speaker 1: pretty certain is one of your fellow citizens. You don't
57:11
Speaker 1: really believe in ghosts or monsters or werewolves or ghouls.
57:14
Speaker 1: You know exactly who it is. It's an American that
57:17
Speaker 1: you've thrown in the street. And you go, well, if
57:23
Speaker 1: I drive slowly past this guy, there's going to be
57:24
Speaker 1: all these questions from my fucking kids and my wife.
57:27
Speaker 1: It's like, do I want to spend the next 30 minutes?
57:30
Speaker 2: Because you went to the 4th of July celebration in Cleveland.
57:33
Speaker 1: It was kind of mid- It's kind of mid, not great,
57:37
Speaker 1: not great. But you gotta do things with your family.
57:39
Speaker 1: You and your wife are both cheating on each other.
57:40
Speaker 1: But you gotta do things with your family to keep
57:44
Speaker 1: this up, largely for your parents who pay for most
57:47
Speaker 1: of your life. They're still giving you money. And if
57:50
Speaker 1: any of your affairs come to light or if you
57:52
Speaker 1: get a divorce, your parents have already told you they're
57:54
Speaker 1: gonna cut you off and you'll have to figure it out.
57:57
Speaker 2: The fact that you have this family is the only
57:59
Speaker 2: reason they're still giving you money. So you're in the alley.
58:02
Speaker 1: And you go, do I want to spend the next
58:05
Speaker 1: 30 minutes explaining Operation Iraqi Freedom to my children? So
58:11
Speaker 1: you begin to accelerate down the alley quickly. And instead
58:16
Speaker 1: of your wife saying.
58:18
Speaker 2: What are you doing? She simply grabs your arm and.
58:24
Speaker 1: Grips it because she knows what you're about to do
58:27
Speaker 1: and she knows it has to be done. She grips
58:30
Speaker 1: your arm and she grabs it and applies pressure, but
58:34
Speaker 1: not to say stop. Not to say stop. To say,
58:40
Speaker 1: I'm with you. Yes, we're cheating on each other, but
58:43
Speaker 1: I know what you're about to do. You're about to
58:45
Speaker 1: accelerate this car and kill this veteran, putting it out
58:49
Speaker 1: of its misery, and I'm with you.
58:51
Speaker 2: But she silently just.
58:52
Speaker 1: Grabs your arm and applies pressure like, let's do this, daddy.
58:57
Speaker 1: Let's do it old school. And your kids in the
58:59
Speaker 1: back shout faster, faster. And they can see that you're
59:04
Speaker 1: going towards this man.
59:06
Speaker 2: At full speed. Faster, daddy, faster! Your little daughter, she's sick.
59:11
Speaker 2: She just starts yelling, kill him, Daddy. Kill him. Kill
59:15
Speaker 2: the bad man.
59:16
Speaker 1: Kill him! And you're going and you're going faster and
59:19
Speaker 1: faster and faster. And then finally, and this man doesn't
59:23
Speaker 1: try to go to the left. He doesn't try to
59:25
Speaker 1: go to the right. There's maybe two feet on either end.
59:28
Speaker 1: He doesn't run out the alley. He's staring at you.
59:31
Speaker 1: You see his face in the last few seconds. He's
59:35
Speaker 1: covered in dirt and in soot. And your six-year-old daughter
59:39
Speaker 1: is yelling in the back of the car, kill him, daddy,
59:41
Speaker 1: kill him! Kill him, daddy, kill him! and your wife
59:45
Speaker 1: is holding your arm and applying pressure, and you can
59:48
Speaker 1: feel her nails, and you can feel her pussy is
59:50
Speaker 1: getting wet for the first time in years for you,
59:53
Speaker 1: because you're about to commit a murder. And then you
59:56
Speaker 1: see the man's face. You see his eyes right before
1:00:01
Speaker 1: you make contact. And now you feel not only good
1:00:05
Speaker 1: about killing him, but justified. And his face is saying,
1:00:09
Speaker 1: kill me, kill me. And you hit him and he
1:00:15
Speaker 1: flies over your car. This thing from behind the dumpster
1:00:20
Speaker 1: in the vacant city.
1:00:22
Speaker 2: He flies over your car. And the minute you hit
1:00:26
Speaker 2: him and he.
1:00:26
Speaker 1: Flies over your car, your kids get a look in
1:00:29
Speaker 1: their eyes that no fireworks display could ever inspire in them.
1:00:33
Speaker 2: They get so happy and they go, ah!
1:00:39
Speaker 1: And for a moment, Your family is everything you wanted
1:00:43
Speaker 1: it to be. The excitement, the love, the togetherness, all
1:00:49
Speaker 1: of the things you thought it would be, it is
1:00:50
Speaker 1: in that moment when you kill a veteran in an
1:00:54
Speaker 1: alley to put him out of its misery. You hear
1:00:59
Speaker 1: a thud as you drive out of the alley and
1:01:03
Speaker 1: you look back and the man lays motionless, just a
1:01:07
Speaker 1: dark figure on a forgotten American street. Your children sit
1:01:13
Speaker 1: in the back of your car, and they are quiet.
1:01:16
Speaker 1: But you can see in the rearview mirror, they've got
1:01:19
Speaker 1: the popsicle, that rocket popsicle all over their face, and
1:01:23
Speaker 1: they're thrilled, they're happy.
1:01:25
Speaker 2: They had their first taste of what it means to
1:01:28
Speaker 2: be an American. And then your wife takes her hand
1:01:33
Speaker 2: off your arm.
1:01:36
Speaker 1: She looks at her phone, and then she says to you,
1:01:42
Speaker 1: we should probably take local streets, maybe be less traffic.
1:01:46
Speaker 1: And you go, eh, I think we'll try the highway.
1:01:51
Speaker 1: She goes, all right, try the highway. And then there's
1:01:55
Speaker 1: a moment of silence. And you're about to say something like, hey,
1:02:00
Speaker 1: we can never speak of this again. We can never
1:02:04
Speaker 1: speak of it again, that I just killed a man
1:02:06
Speaker 1: with our car. But you realize immediately, you don't have
1:02:11
Speaker 1: to say that. Because the moment had ended. Your kids
1:02:14
Speaker 1: are already on their phones. They'll wonder when they wake
1:02:18
Speaker 1: up tomorrow if any of this was even real.
1:02:20
Speaker 2: And so will you. And you white knuckle the drive
1:02:23
Speaker 2: back to your street.
1:02:26
Speaker 1: Back to your house. You killed a man for the
1:02:31
Speaker 1: right reasons. After the 4th of July celebration. And your
1:02:37
Speaker 1: wife walks inside. And she goes, I'm a little tired.
1:02:41
Speaker 1: I'm going to head up to bed. I'll get the
1:02:42
Speaker 1: kids to bed. And you sit down in your living
1:02:46
Speaker 1: room and it's quiet. You still feel a little bit
1:02:50
Speaker 1: of the adrenaline, but it's dissipating. It's dissipating and you
1:02:54
Speaker 1: can breathe. You're no longer worried about the cops finding you.
1:02:58
Speaker 1: Nobody investigates some dead guy in an alley.
1:03:03
Speaker 2: You know that. You'll take your car to get fixed.
1:03:07
Speaker 2: Claim to hit a deer.
1:03:09
Speaker 1: No one's looking for you, and you don't even pretend
1:03:12
Speaker 1: that they are. And you sit there in the dark.
1:03:16
Speaker 1: You lose track of time. Your wife and kids are asleep.
1:03:21
Speaker 1: And you start to see the sun peeking out. Peeking
1:03:25
Speaker 1: out from the trees. Peeking out from over the little
1:03:28
Speaker 1: hills that your children call mountains.
1:03:30
Speaker 2: You kind of giggle. Ha ha, mountains.
1:03:32
Speaker 1: We can't afford mountains, bud. But as the sun comes up,
1:03:40
Speaker 1: You say to yourself, life's good. This is a great country,
1:03:47
Speaker 1: and it always will be. And you shuffle into the kitchen,
1:03:52
Speaker 1: and you hear the rustling upstairs, and there's gonna be
1:03:55
Speaker 1: two fat little kids that want breakfast, and you're gonna
1:03:58
Speaker 1: give it to them. Last night you showed them their
1:04:01
Speaker 1: first murder, but it won't be their last. It's July 4th.
1:04:08
Speaker 1: And it's your Independence Day. Thank you, everyone.
1:04:13
Speaker 2: Good luck.