Latest / Donald Drumpf Theatre radio show / Donald Drumpf Theatre #261: Knockin' Down the Little Palaces with the New/Old President

Transcript

Donald Drumpf Theatre #261: Knockin' Down the Little Palaces with the New/Old President · Donald Drumpf Theatre radio show

• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: So let's pull the curtain back.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: We are controlling transmission, if we wish to make it louder.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_02: We will bring up the body.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_02: We can change the focus to a soft blur.
• 0:36
  You're moving into a land of both shadow and substance of
• 0:39
  things and ideas you just
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_02: crossed over into.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_02: For your consideration,
• 1:01
  A nation held hostage by the fragile ego of a man-baby
• 1:05
  president who may or may not
• 1:09
  be dying of hand syphilis and who were trapped with for at
• 1:12
  least three more years.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_02: This week on a very special episode of Property Brothers.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_02: I'm Drew Scott, and I'm a real estate expert.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_02: I'm his twin brother, Jonathan, and I'm a contractor.
• 1:31
  That means I find the perfect property,
• 1:33
  and I actually have to renovate the darn thing.
• 1:37
  This week,
• 1:37
  we're taking on our biggest challenge yet,
• 1:39
  building the new White House ballroom.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_02: Hi.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_02: Your property brother.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_02: Thanks to you, Jeff.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_02: So which one of you's married a new girl, and which one of you's the gay?
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_02: I'm married to Nucle.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_02: Donald and Melania moved into this house nine years ago.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_02: They were evicted for four years, but they moved back in.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_02: Donald has a strong eye for interior design.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_02: I put these gold urns everywhere, like a hundred in every room.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_02: And that makes me happy.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_02: It's very important to be happy these days.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_02: Really dark stuff happening in the world.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_02: Some of it me.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_02: And here's a crown I just got from my...
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_02: Trip to Asia.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_02: Nothing says democracy like a crown, right?
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_02: The Trumps have already made a few subtle changes to the house.
• 2:24
  Donald got rid of the portrait of FDR,
• 2:27
  and he put a painting of himself as a soldier from Halo.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_02: The artist's name is Master Chief.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_02: You know it's all, but you can't even say Master Chief anymore, right?
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_02: You gotta say Primary Chief.
• 2:37
  They also paved the rose garden and turned it into what looks
• 2:40
  like outdoor seating
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_02: at an olive garden.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_02: But Donald and Melania still feel like something's missing.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_02: The house is only 55,000 square feet and 132 rooms.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_02: We need more space.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_02: Right, Addy?
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_02: We need more space.
• 2:54
  We asked Donald what his budget was,
• 2:56
  and he said between $350 million and infinity.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_02: Then we asked if he needed a permit, and Donald laughed really hard.
• 3:03
  He said,
• 3:04
  I could build this ballroom with the bones of my enemies,
• 3:07
  and no one could stop me.
• 3:08
  We showed Donald our plan for a ballroom that would match the
• 3:11
  current proportions,
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_02: but he kept clicking enlarge.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_02: I think it's now open the fence and into the street.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_02: They can drive around it.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, and I want a ring for MMA fights.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_02: Official ones, but also casual fights in the backyard.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_02: You know what I'm talking about?
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_02: Two mentally ill guys just wailing on each other.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_02: We can do bum fights again.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_02: Remember bum fights?
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_02: We love bum fights.
• 3:32
  I told Donald that our number one priority was to preserve the
• 3:35
  historic nature of the building.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_02: So we demolished the entire East Wing in two days.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_02: With the government still shut down and so many workers furloughed,
• 3:46
  we were able to force park rangers and astronauts to do a lot
• 3:49
  of the demolition.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_02: Unfortunately,
• 3:51
  the renovation hit a bit of a snag when Donald realized he had
• 3:55
  deported all the
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_02: construction workers.
• 3:57
  I pulled into the Home Depot parking lot and yelled,
• 4:00
  just give me the whites.
• 4:01
  You know,
• 4:02
  I want the day laborers from Norway and Sweden,
• 4:05
  but apparently they don't exist.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_02: But in the end,
• 4:08
  we're confident the new ballroom will be a shining beacon of
• 4:11
  freedom for all
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_02: Americans.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_02: And it'll be ready just in time for my third term.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: That's right.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: We want this to be our forever home.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, because we're not leaving.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_02: We're going to be doing something called coup.
• 4:41
  It'll be built over on the east side and won't interfere with
• 4:44
  the current building.
• 4:44
  White House officials now say that the entire east wing is
• 4:48
  going to be demolished
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_02: to make room for the president's construction project.
• 4:52
  In chocolate town,
• 4:54
  all the trains are painted brown in the silver paper of the
• 4:59
  rapid.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_02: The footprint is nearly twice the size of the executive mansion.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_02: And the doors swing back and forward from the past into the present.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_02: And the bedside crucifixion turns from wood to phosphorescent.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_02: And the moving problem families from the south up to the north.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_02: Mother's crying over some soft soap opera divorce.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_02: And you say you didn't do it, but you know you did, of course.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_02: And they'll soon be pulling down the little palaces.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_02: I think it'll be one of the great ballrooms anywhere in the world.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_02: It's like shouting in a matchbox.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_02: Do it, bless the board and hope.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_02: Like a picture of Prince William in the arms of John the Pope.
• 6:14
  There's a world of good intentions And pissy in their eyes The
• 6:19
  sedated homes of
• 6:21
  England There's the vandalized So you knock the kids about a
• 6:26
  bit Because they've
• 6:28
  got your name And you knock the kids about a bit Until they
• 6:33
  feel the same And they
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_02: feel like knocking down the little palaces
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_02: It's about $300 million.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_02: It's set to do many,
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_02: many things,
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_02: including meetings of foreign leaders,
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_02: including the honoring of foreign leaders.
• 6:48
  We're talking about building a ballroom when we're trying to
• 6:51
  get the economy spread away.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_02: The timing is bad.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_01: People are saying, oh, the government's being destroyed.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_01: Well, now it looks like the White House is physically being destroyed.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_02: You're the twinkle in your daddy's eye.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_02: The name is Spray and Scribble.
• 7:10
  You made the girls all turn their heads and in turn they made
• 7:15
  you miserable To be
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_02: the heir of parents to the kingdom of the invisible
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_02: When you knock your kids about a bit because they've got your name.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_02: And you knock your kids about a bit until they feel the same.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_02: And they feel like knocking down the little palaces.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_03: It took just four days for the latest major change to the White House.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_03: The East Wing demolished.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_02: This is going to be...
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_02: Probably the finest ballroom ever built.
• 7:51
  The better to entertain visiting heads of state and royalty,
• 7:54
  says the president.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_02: But while they might like it, the American public does not.
• 8:00
  A new national poll finds more than 60 percent disapprove of
• 8:03
  the new ballroom plan,
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_02: while just one in four approve.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_02: And while it's no surprise that Democrats hate the idea,
• 8:11
  it's highly unusual for 27 percent of Republicans to agree with
• 8:15
  them on anything
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_02: regarding Trump.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_02: Great news for America this weekend.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_02: We finally defeated our worst enemy, Canada.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_02: How's it taste, Canada?
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_02: Try us again, motherfuckers.
• 8:40
  Think about that next time you run an ad that accurately quotes
• 8:44
  one of our former presidents.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_02: You know what?
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_02: A million percent tariffs on Canada.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_02: America is still in the throes of the government shutdown.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_02: This past weekend,
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_02: the shutdown took its worst turn yet,
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_02: as notices began to go out for health insurance premium hikes,
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_02: and millions of Americans also lost their SNAP or food stamp benefits.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_02: It's as heartbreaking as it is infuriating,
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_02: but there's one American who's taken this harder than anyone else.
• 9:16
  The president is desperate for SNAP benefits to flow to the
• 9:19
  American citizens who
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_02: desperately rely upon it.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_02: He is a big hearted president.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_02: Is he?
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_02: Big hearted?
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_02: Loves us?
• 9:36
  Because again,
• 9:36
  and maybe I'm misinterpreting it,
• 9:38
  but he did just recently dump diarrhea.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know if you remember that.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_02: He just he cares a lot about the American people.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_02: Obviously, he does have a diarrhea plane.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_00: Napalm, son.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_00: Nothing else in the world smells like that.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_02: I love the smell of napalm in the morning.
• 10:39
  Okay,
• 10:40
  so then over here is where you're gonna have the big golden
• 10:43
  pillars that you guys wanted.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah, that's great.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, and then right over here is where we're gonna put your dance floor.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_02: Wait, dance floor?
• 10:53
  I thought we were knocking the east wing down to make room for
• 10:55
  the nursery.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_02: To what?
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_02: The nursery?
• 11:00
  You said all this remodeling was for the baby,
• 11:02
  not to make room for more of your stupid parties.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_02: Hey, relax, guy.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_02: We can just stick the baby in the bathroom or something.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_02: Wow.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_02: I renovated the Lincoln bathroom.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_02: It was renovated in the 1940s in an art deco green tile style,
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_02: which is totally inappropriate for the Lincoln era.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_02: I did it in black and white polished statuary marble.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_02: This was very appropriate for the time of Abraham Lincoln.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_02: Wait, statuary marble is appropriate for the time of Lincoln?
• 11:32
  Does he think the guy in the Lincoln Memorial is the real
• 11:37
  Abraham Lincoln?
• 11:39
  And I know what you're thinking as your electricity bill
• 11:41
  skyrockets and they're
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_02: shutting off your heat.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_02: Will guests of this ballroom be able to shit in the marbled rooms?
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_02: Well, the answer is yes.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_03: President Trump revealed photos of a newly renovated Lincoln bathroom.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_02: He posted six times today about it.
• 11:57
  He uploaded a total of 25 detailed photographs of the gold and
• 12:02
  marble upgrades,
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_02: including the view from his new toilet.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I'm not an architect.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_02: Who designs a bathroom with ass-level windows?
• 12:21
  I mean,
• 12:26
  is that...
• 12:26
  Isn't that...
• 12:30
  Aren't you gonna f***ing frost the glass a little bit there?
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_02: Throw some shutters up?
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_02: You're gonna have tour groups walking by just like, go!
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_02: Oh!
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_02: No!
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_02: That's not good...
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_02: So with all this,
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_02: it's kind of hard to argue that Trump has been laser focused on,
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_02: you know,
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_02: needy Americans and funding SNAP benefits during the shutdown,
• 12:54
  especially when the notorious power grabbing unitary executive
• 12:58
  that is Trump pleads
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_02: that his bruised hands are tied.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_02: The president has lamented this.
• 13:04
  He has informed USDA and everybody,
• 13:07
  do as best you can,
• 13:08
  but the money doesn't exist to do it.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_02: The truth is there's no legal mechanism to do it.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_02: President Trump can't just wave some magic wand and fix the mess.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_02: There's nothing we can do at this point.
• 13:19
  There's not much more we can do because the rules of the world
• 13:21
  by which we have to play.
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_02: The rules?
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_02: Did you just say you can't do it because of the rules?
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_02: The rules of the road?
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_02: When have you followed the road... Well, you follow the road rules.
• 13:38
  But when have the administration...
• 13:41
  When has this administration followed the rule?
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_02: You guys have been grand theft auto this entire presidency.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_02: But now...
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_02: Hey,
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_02: everybody,
• 13:58
  we're just gonna take a quick break from unauthorized Caribbean
• 14:01
  boat bombing and
• 14:02
  sending hairdressers to El Salvadorian prisons to remind
• 14:06
  everybody no passing on
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_02: the right.
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_02: Gotta respect the rules of the road.
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_02: How disingenuous has this gotten?
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_02: You'll never guess.
• 14:18
  Which branch of government that the Trump administration is
• 14:22
  deferring to for
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_02: guidance on these food assistant payments?
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_02: When can we expect the Trump administration to make these payments?
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_02: Well,
• 14:31
  President Trump just truthed out that he needs to hear from the
• 14:34
  courts how this is
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_02: going to be done.
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_02: The courts?
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_02: The rules of the road and the courts?
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_02: Fuck!
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_02: Are you kidding me right now?
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_02: You,
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_02: you,
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_02: Donald Trump,
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_02: are now waiting for the activist,
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_02: radical,
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_02: left,
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_02: lunatic,
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_02: Trump-hating,
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_02: biased,
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_02: Harley-partisan,
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_02: unhinged,
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_02: agitator judges to give you the okey-doke?
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_02: Is that what I'm hearing?
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_00: President Trump just truthed out that he's very anxious to get this done,
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_02: and it's got to go through the courts.
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_02: Nonsense.
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_02: Mr. President, we don't want you to be afraid.
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_02: Tell us exactly what it is you think you saw.
• 15:17
  Ever since I tore down the East Wing,
• 15:19
  there's this thing that keeps appearing.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_02: What kind of thing?
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_02: Sometimes I see it in a mirror or in the hallway.
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_02: President Trump, you are an incredible man.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_01: Whatever this is, we have your back.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_02: Pam, you got some shit on your nose again.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_02: Really?
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_02: Mr. President, this entity you speak of, how many times has it appeared?
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_02: It appears more and more lately.
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_02: I can't get away from it.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_02: It's everywhere I go.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_02: It's here right now.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_02: Kamala's for they them.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_02: President Trump is for you.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_02: Simple and effective.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_02: Might have gotten him elected.
• 16:08
  And the real brilliance of it is Trump never actually told
• 16:12
  America who you were.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_02: Are you you?
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_02: Or are you they them?
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_02: Who's they?
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_02: Who's who?
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_02: You?
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know.
• 16:23
  I'm sure it's apparent in the Trump children's book,
• 16:30
  you know who you are.
• 16:38
  As the they-them suffered through the shutdown and Trump
• 16:41
  pretends his hands are
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_02: tied,
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_02: who are the U's that do get the benefit of Trump's largesse?
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_02: President Trump has announced a $20 billion bailout for Argentina.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_02: Whoa, they're you?
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_02: Or the more formal usted?
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_02: Wow, $20 billion to bail out Argentina.
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_02: No offense,
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_02: Mr.
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_02: President,
• 17:07
  but it seems kind of weird that when people are going hungry at
• 17:08
  home to hand out
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_02: that much cash to another country.
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_02: Argentina is fighting for its life, young lady.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_02: You don't know anything about it.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_02: They're fighting for their life.
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_02: Nothing is benefiting Argentina.
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_02: They're fighting for their life.
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_02: You understand what that means?
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_02: They have no money.
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_02: They have no anything.
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_02: They're fighting so hard to survive.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_02: I'm just curious.
• 17:27
  You know,
• 17:27
  there's a lot of countries suffering,
• 17:28
  including the one that you run.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_02: What makes their suffering more urgent?
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_02: I happen to like the president of Argentina.
• 17:35
  SPEAKER_02: I think he's trying to do the best he can.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_02: How nice for Argentina.
• 17:39
  SPEAKER_02: If only our president had an in with Donald Trump.
• 17:45
  SPEAKER_02: We live in bizarro world.
• 17:48
  The president of the United States is no longer even trying to
• 17:50
  justify random
• 17:52
  foreign aid or blatant cryptocurrency corruption or let them
• 17:56
  eat cake optics.
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_02: All because he loves us.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_02: It's America first.
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_02: And it creates moments of such blatant irony that words almost fail.
• 18:06
  Do you know what some of the billions going to Argentina are
• 18:09
  being used for in the
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_02: midst of what may be a burgeoning hunger crisis in America?
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_02: Trump is for you, Argentinian beef cattle ranchers.
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_02: Did you think you were American cattle ranchers?
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_02: No.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_02: You're they, them.
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_02: They're you and you're they,
• 18:31
  along with the people on food stamps who will not be able to
• 18:34
  partake in this new
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_02: Argentinian beef glut.
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_02: Wrap your head around that.
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_02: Don't worry.
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_02: We won't let anything happen to you.
• 18:41
  SPEAKER_02: Ah!
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_02: What?
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_02: Pam Bondi!
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_02: She's gone!
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_02: But she was sitting right here!
• 18:47
  Pam?
• 18:47
  SPEAKER_02: Pam!
• 18:48
  Pam Bondi!
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_02: I'm right here, sir!
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_02: Look, it's back!
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_02: What's back?
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_02: You've got some shit on your nose again!
• 18:55
  SPEAKER_02: Oh my god!
• 18:56
  SPEAKER_02: What is going on?
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_02: That thing!
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_02: It's not there anymore!
• 19:05
  For those of you who were wondering during this delightful
• 19:09
  first year of the
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_02: presidency who the you was that he was going to work so tirelessly for,
• 19:15
  it turns out he is for you if you are a personal friend or if
• 19:21
  you donated a lot of
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_02: money.
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_02: or if you enriched his meme coin businesses,
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_02: or you enriched his son's crypto coin businesses,
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_02: or if you beat up police officers on his behalf,
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_02: or if you bought him a plane,
• 19:36
  or if you probably promised not to reveal anything
• 19:40
  incriminating about him.
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_02: Those are the you's it turns out that he was for.
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_02: And if you're one of those you's,
• 19:51
  SPEAKER_02: Life's pretty sweet.
• 19:53
  SPEAKER_02: But for the rest of us, we're on the outside.
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_02: We've double-checked everything, sir.
• 19:57
  SPEAKER_02: All the exterior doors are locked.
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_02: No windows have been breached.
• 20:01
  SPEAKER_02: And yet the president swears something was in the room with him.
• 20:04
  SPEAKER_02: Is he going to be all right?
• 20:05
  SPEAKER_02: Pretty shaken.
• 20:06
  Pam Bondi is in there now trying to calm him down and make him
• 20:09
  feel better.
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_02: Pam?
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, my God!
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_02: Yes?
• 20:33
  SPEAKER_02: Ah, yes.
• 20:33
  SPEAKER_02: We're paranormal investigators.
• 20:35
  SPEAKER_02: We've been asked to come and investigate the mysterious woman in the hat.
• 20:40
  I am Stephen Miller,
• 20:43
  Senior Advisor to the President for Immigration and Domestic
• 20:47
  Policy.
• 20:51
  SPEAKER_02: Won't you come in?
• 20:59
  Last night,
• 20:59
  Trump did an interview with 60 Minutes for the first time in
• 21:02
  five years.
• 21:03
  It was a surprisingly reasonable interview to give a completely
• 21:07
  unreasonable man,
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_02: and only a couple things leapt out to me.
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_02: One is,
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_02: you know how Donald Trump keeps complaining about Joe Biden's pardons,
• 21:13
  SPEAKER_02: saying stuff like,
• 21:14
  the pardons that Sleepy Joe gave are hereby declared void
• 21:19
  because of the fact that
• 21:21
  SPEAKER_02: he did not know anything about them.
• 21:23
  SPEAKER_02: Well...
• 21:24
  SPEAKER_02: Nora O'Donnell asked Trump about a recent pardon of a crypto billionaire,
• 21:28
  SPEAKER_02: Chong Peng Zhao,
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_02: who goes by CZ,
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_02: rhymes with sleazy,
• 21:33
  SPEAKER_02: and Nora pressed him on that.
• 21:35
  I do want to ask you about crypto's richest man,
• 21:39
  a billionaire known as CZ.
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_03: He pled guilty in 2023 to violating anti-money laundering laws.
• 21:46
  The government at the time said that CZ had caused significant
• 21:49
  harm to U.S.
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_03: national security,
• 21:51
  essentially by allowing terrorist groups like Hamas to move
• 21:54
  millions of dollars
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_03: around.
• 21:56
  SPEAKER_03: Why did you pardon him?
• 21:57
  SPEAKER_02: OK, are you ready?
• 21:58
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know who he is.
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_02: Are you ready for this?
• 22:09
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know who I pardoned.
• 22:12
  Also,
• 22:12
  brace yourself,
• 22:14
  I wasn't listening just now when you told me who he is.
• 22:18
  Strap in,
• 22:19
  if I had been listening,
• 22:20
  I wouldn't have understood because buckle up,
• 22:24
  I'm crazy.
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_02: I'm sorry, I should have listened to you.
• 22:33
  SPEAKER_02: I guess there's just no really going back to the way things used to be.
• 22:39
  SPEAKER_02: Things will get back.
• 22:40
  SPEAKER_02: I know it's hard to see right now, but things will go back to normal.
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_02: And in the meantime, we just have to make the most of where we are.
• 25:06
  SPEAKER_00: This is in my house.
• 25:08
  SPEAKER_00: It feels like we've known.
• 25:10
  SPEAKER_00: I've become the moon and the moon and the sun.
• 25:50
  SPEAKER_02: So you will come to know.
• 25:53
  SPEAKER_02: When the bone has a bone.
• 25:58
  SPEAKER_02: So you will come to know.
• 26:22
  SPEAKER_00: Let's blow this ball!