Latest / Ranch Wives Unsupervised / Marriage in AG: The Stress, the Long Hours & the Sweet Moments
Transcript
- Ranch Wives: ⁓ Okay. All right, ladies. ⁓ Let's talk about our husbands ⁓ and how do marriage and life on the farm and on ranch. Yeah. The dynamic that there is, I guess. Yeah. Totally. I love talking about my husband. Brag on them a little bit? Yeah, let's brag on them a little bit. Maybe tell the hard times, the good times, and everything in between. Yeah. And how do we do like marriage in the busy times and like are we dating you guys? Are we dating our husbands or what? This is a work in progress. This is a work in progress. We're trying to date more. Yeah. We're not the best at dating, I think. Okay. We're working on it. Yeah, so I would say like for us, like I would say dates aren't your typical, like, we're gonna go see a movie and get dinner and stuff like that. Like for our birthdays, well, not Jorim's birthday, because that's literally the middle of harvest. ⁓ like for my birthday and our anniversary, typically we'll go on like a dinner date. We'll just drop the kids off and like go. Yeah, and we never do it on our actual days because that's ⁓ fescue is our anniversary. Yes. But normally like the Sunday ⁓ Day near our anniversary, we'll just do something. But I feel like we're good at like put the kids down and like we'll hang out. And sometimes that looks like a little date at home, but sometimes that also looks like I don't know, sometimes we watch a show together and ⁓ I find that like very I would sooner watch a movie at home. Then go to a movie theater. ⁓ yeah. Me and Keith have never been to a movie theater. Going out like that. Together. I have been to a movie theater, watched a movie, but we have never once been on a like movie theater date. Like we've never gone to the theater as a date. This tip, hot tip for everybody. My parents will go to the movie theater, get the popcorn, and then go home and watch their own movie. ⁓ yeah, that's Like if you live in town, yeah, you can totally do that. I'm a popcorn freak. ⁓ same. Yeah popcorn. ⁓ I love popcorn. Like girl dinner, popcorn. Jorim's not here. Popcorn. Popcorn. ⁓ yeah. ⁓ yeah. Yeah. Me and my sister-in-law, we always like during harvest and seeding, we just send each other our girl dinners. Like every other day, we're like, here's my girl dinner for today. This is what I'm eating tonight. Yeah. That's funny. Yeah, what about you? Are you what are your dates? ⁓ We go like We hobby together, I guess. You hobby together? Well, like our hobbies are the same. We do I don't know. I like that. Like what? Tell us. What do you do? Well, like we go kayaking actually quite a bit in summer. Okay. ⁓ yeah. So like I don't know. Just like on a pond? No, no, no, down a river. White water kayaking. ⁓ okay. ⁓ so we're into extreme sports. It's good. Like hiking. Have you met David? Yeah. Extreme sports only. My brothers were like, we should go golfing. And he's like, I am not old enough for that. No, thank you. No. I will not be participating. That's hilarious. That's funny. So you guys hiking and tumblers a lot and go hiking. When you bring your kids with you, would you still call that like a date kind of or like connecting or Yeah, 'cause I don't know. I guess it's family time. Yeah. But like, I don't know. But for your anniversary or birthdays, do you guys do something just the two of you or does it depend? It depends on the year. Okay. This year we did. Yeah. We left a Tumblr for like A day and a half. ⁓ cool. ⁓ but previous years we haven't. Yeah. It depends on what Yeah. What we have going on, what's That makes sense. I don't know. Typically it's calving. Yeah. Your Well Like end of It's the end of May, so depends. Depends if you're late or not. Yeah. This year you were there. ⁓ Okay. Speaking of calving. Yes. I went out, the cows broke the electric fence into the ⁓ field, the hayfield. Yeah. So I was like, Why? Like I don't understand. Yeah. Okay. The one cow Ha I think she went through first. Yeah. To calve in the hayfield. ⁓ so she you do have a new calf. ⁓ yeah, we have a new baby. Yay! She's like she has she's half corente. Okay. ⁓ I know exactly what color you're talking about. She's got two little horns. And she was a little like I'm gonna chase you. And th sh she kept charging at the dog. Yeah. So I like walked around. I couldn't really see the baby because she like the hay is too high. Right. It was like, I'm pretty sure you have a baby. Cause she just would not So I got close enough, I seen a little black thing in the field, but she was like and yeah, I went back to the house and I was like, So ⁓ She's gonna call my bluff before I call her. This might not work out. And I don't wanna be running through knee deep's hay with her and her tiny little horns. ⁓ yeah. Ooh, it's always the horn ones. Okay, congratulations. Congratulations. This morning when I went to get the horses to come. Move cows for you? Yeah. She had brought her little baby back to the cow field. ⁓ bless her soul. I'll come back now. Thank you. Yeah. She did her calving and calves. Okay. There's always a long screen. Probably should go check the electric fence. She probably took it out again. Probably. Yeah. I hadn't processed that one. You were too busy getting your kids together this morning. Yes. ⁓ Did I like wake David up with this text or what? No, we were out chasing my idiot around the My Idiot. She like she I was wondering. I was like, there you go. She knows this is what we do on a date is chase the chase the horse. Yeah, like see, I would qualify like moving cows this morning. A date Jorim third wheeled but like ⁓ Keith will come out and s he don't milk. He he don't like that. But he'll just sit and like he'll sit and chat with me. Yeah. Hang out with me while I do it. See, I do that like 'cause my kids are old enough. So when David's working on a project and like especially the summer, like building and stuff. I don't like I will help him if he needs help. But like sometimes I just sit there and hang out. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like for us, like we do a lot of work well, we work together. Yeah. Right? Like I mean we all work, you know, right? So I think dating looks different. Different because you are with each other. Twenty four seven. Twenty four seven. But I actually also think that makes dating, quote unquote, harder. Yes. Because you are working with each other. And then you get home and you're still working with each other. Yeah. Right. Right? Like So there you do have to kind of be disciplined to some degree in it. ⁓ but at the same time, I was like thinking about this. I think my point of view has changed on this over the years to some degree. Like Meaning I used to maybe be like the first like our first year of marriage was a dumpster fire because no I say that no I say that he knows I say it was like chaotic. It was chaotic. We moved out here six months, not even married. Moved into a lot of family dynamics. Well yeah, because we moved into a family house, like an old family house, and there there was just a lot of. The thing is though, that house was a dumpster fire house, the Yeah. ⁓ Things have been added, things like that. So there is, there were certain things like I could not plug my crock pot in without tripping the breaker. So I plugged it into the spare bedroom. Yes. Because all old houses run on three breakers. Absolutely. And none of them are labeled correctly. No. Nothing. But like where I was one of the like our first year, I used to be like, I'd be like mad if he didn't come home for dinner. Right. That's still an issue. Your expectations were so different than what was like happening. Yes. Yes, absolutely. Right. So like I think 'cause I think my perception has shifted in the sense of like how blessed am I that I do get to work alongside my husband. But also, like there is going there is there is long days out here. That is just cows, that is just farming, that's just all of it. Like there's sometimes ⁓ that it is long and so but you know, I could be bitter and sit in the house on those days and not go sit in the tractor. But instead, like if if they don't shut down for dinner, I'll bring him dinner out and I will sit and have a meal with him. Yeah. In the tractor. Right now that looks that could change once we have kids, but like 'cause at the same time he's also working to provide for Us and there isn't many jobs out there that you could just let your wife jump in with you and join you. And join you for dinner. Do you know what I mean? Or or your kids or like whatever. ⁓ yeah. So I think it is important because you can. I think it's super easy to sit there and be mad and be, you know, like resentful or stew on whatever. He's not come home, he's out working. But how many jobs actually would allow you to pack in the wintertime they can come home for lunch and supper. Yeah. Almost every day. Yeah. Unless for us, unless you're hauling Grain. But Yeah, but like but in general though, there's not many jobs that you get to say that you get to do that. Yeah. Right? Like there just truly isn't. And like again, I'm super thankful not to have to go work in town because I I'm more beneficial out here. So we made that choice. And like that's you know, again, that's not everybody's story. But I do think it's also your perspective ⁓ You could be bitter. ⁓ Absolutely. And you could sit there and be like, ⁓ my husband's so busy during this season. Or you could say, Wow, I'm so thankful that we're so busy in this season so that in the wintertime we can be less busy. Yeah. Or whatever. Like at the end But we can spend more time together. Still paying your bills and you could go out there. Or you could pack the kids up and do a combined date or and whatever. Like there's certain things that you do have the power to do. But you also have to make the choice. Yeah. You do, because otherwise you could sit there and be resentful and like 'cause I was and I I'll admit that, like the first year I was out, but I wasn't fully out. Like there was a whole nother Yeah dynamic to that, right? Where I could have been like and I was. I was like, Well you weren't you weren't home, I don't understand. And like you my biggest thing and I this is still a big thing for me to the day, one meal a day is important. Yeah. Generally for us that ended up being dinner. Right. So if you're coming in at eight o'clock for dinner, I was upset. Right. But I also c but for me that was more sort of everybody's at each other's throat at eight o'clock working together. Because you ain't ate You have not had enough food. Yeah. Those cows aren't gonna be your friends moving them because you're ⁓ feeding off of your your guys' energy being upset and growly with each other. Yeah. So go eat and then come back and do the job. And again there's times like that doesn't always happen. But I am a big believer in like eating dinner at a normal time. Yeah. Yes. But And go back out afterwards. Afterwards. That doesn't always happen. We work towards that. Whereas like dad his dad could work right through dinner and not think twice of it. Yeah. His mum will eat without him. I had I didn't ⁓ really? Yeah. And so that but but that was that was their dynamic. That's what worked for them. Right. And I'm sure that had to do with like when they had the And it's different too, yes, because it probably started because she had to feed the kids because they were crabby. Exactly. Right. That's where I'm at. Like If Jorim's not home by six, I'm like, okay, like we gotta eat by six fifteen because these kids are having meltdowns all the time. So let's just like eat and then They'll we'll still sit at the table and he'll come home at later or whatever and then we'll hang out. Or he'll just like go outside and eat while we're playing Yeah, there's certain things, right? So I do think it is on your perception because it is super easy to be like, well, if you worked a to five, da da da blah blah blah. But like At the end of the day, again, I'll say this: like, not many jobs do you get to run alongside your husband? Or like move cows together? Is that the most hectic thing sometimes? Have we had some of the most gnarly fights? Moving cows? Probably. Yeah. I've said some words I probably shouldn't have said. So, how do you guys communicate? Do you both just like butt heads, get it over with? you stew? Do you not communicate? I'm an oldest child, and he's the youngest child. So I think our styles of So, how do you guys communicate? Do you both just like butt heads, get it over with? you stew? Do you not communicate? I'm an oldest child, and he's the youngest child. So I think our styles of communication this could very I'm I want to fix the problem and I want to fix it now. Yeah. He like thinks about it, goes and does his thing and then comes back like nothing happened. communication this could very I'm I want to fix the problem and I want to fix it now. Yeah. He like thinks about it, goes and does his thing and then comes back like nothing happened. So have very different ⁓ and I come from a family who overcommunicates. I've said this like we communicate about absolutely every nitty gritty yeah ⁓ thing. We just that's what we did. Yeah. His family that And you're loud. Very good. Very and that's not the case. That is not the case with a Keiths family's like quiet. Yeah, and it's not that they don't communicate. I'm sure they did do communicate on some things, but some things were like, just better left not to say it. Yeah. I didn't grow up like that. So I it's it's very different. So I've had to learn and I'm still work this is this is still a work in progress. How to let him process. He's actually surprisingly enough, he's a lot like my dad. Okay. My mom was like the overcommunicator. My dad could say three words and that was it. Like be good. And be good. Whereas like I want to hash it out and figure out what the root cause of that fight was. Because a lot of times the fight isn't actually the root. Yeah. That comes down to moving cows too. ⁓ yeah. A lot of things said in the cow pen have very minimal to do with the cows. It's not generally the root of the issue. ⁓ yeah. In my opinion. Yeah. Something has spilled over and then the cows have gone sideways and you know, here you are. Yeah. I think. It's like been a really long day and you're just like so frustrated. And then the one thing just like tips you over the edge. And then it's like, I'm not even mad at what just happened. I'm just mad at everything. Yeah. And like for me, a lot of our like little arguments, I like to be like efficient. Not just fast, but efficient. Like how? At arguing? No, at arguing. Sorry, like working together. Okay. So like you wanna be efficient at arguing? No, no, no, no, no, no. So like for example, when we went and picked s when we were seeding, we're inefficient like seeding because we don't have a big enough seeder but also the way that the guy plowed. Or sorry, the way that that guy disced, then we had to harrow at a different angle. Right. But because one part was what dad like started in the middle of the field. Mm-hmm. Because that was the best place to start in that moment, whatever. We're trying to get seen and things are rushing. But then we're picking behind him because you have to pick behind where they've harrowed. Otherwise when they harrow, everything's just gonna come up anyways. like rocks or roots are gonna come up anyways. So you have to pick behind So then we're picking in the middle following him, but then dad like switched to a different side because it was gonna rain. So we had to get it in before it was too wet. Yeah. So then we're trying to pick ahead of it, but we can't beat him. That's inefficient. You would have been better off in my opinion, and I can say this because I would I express this anyways, but to to harrow that entire field if that's where you're gonna go pick the rocks and then seed. Yeah. But instead we were trying to do all the things at once. Mm-hmm. That's not efficient. No. So then my key's like you're being pouty. Yeah, dang right I'm being pouty. But it's inefficient because it's a waste of time to go pick rocks in the middle of the field when dad has to go seed on the west side of the field. Or whatever, whatever it is. So like inefficiency is my main main issue. But I I also think farmers sometimes don't look at it business like because in a business you're you're you're looking at every like dollar, every single you know what I mean? Like there there's a line. How do I make this so it's making me money or that my time is used efficiently. Yeah. So anyways, I was like, I get stirred up over that. And then that spills out in certain ways. But he processes completely different. And again, that it's not that it's bad. Part of this is figuring out how to process Together and what the middle ground is. Yeah. And I think that's every marriage, even outside of a a marriage that's in farming together. Mm-hmm. I think it just can spill out more in farming because you are side by side. Side by side. Yeah. Especially together, right? Yeah. Yeah. There's no way around it. ⁓ don't know. Or maybe there is a way around and we just we're learning it. Yeah. ⁓ Communication is very Jorim and I are both youngest. ⁓ this is interesting. So ⁓ heads a lot. But we butt heads in the way where like we just kinda like fight it out in the moment and then we're done. ⁓ Like we don't really stew that much ⁓ anything. We just kinda like go at it and then we're done. Which might not In front of the kids it's like this we should not be arguing like this in front of the kids. Have you guys had to learn to table things because you have kids now, do you think? No. No. We haven't we know, we know that we shouldn't like get frustrated with each other. Like get real because we like will yell at each other. And then we're over it. Yeah. But like Yeah, we haven't figured out how to table things. I think that's my biggest pro tabling it. Learning to table something is a a wild rec. And so the other day we were talking and Lacey was like, ⁓ like are you an internal or external processor? And so in the moment I was like sitting there like thinking about it and I was like, hmm. I don't know if I'm an internal or external processor. And then I was like, I was literally like sitting here thinking about it. So obviously I'm more internal. Yeah. External. Otherwise you'd have been externally explaining. Explaining. Yeah. Yeah. I was still like, I got home and I was like, I still don't really know if I'm an internal. And I sat down with Jorim I was like talking to him about the conversation. And then I was like, ⁓ yeah, no, I'm not very external. Is he internal or external? He's ⁓ he's like a mix of both? I don't know. Hmm. I would say I would say internal if he's not mad. But if he's mad he's gonna tell you. He's gonna tell you and he's gonna tell you everything and where to go and how to get there. Like his sister at Christmas, his sister and him got in this like fight. Don't I don't remember what it was about. Like we gotta get the program going or something. I don't know what it was. Something, yeah. And ⁓ he like blew up on her and then like left the room. And like if it was me and him, you like blow up and then we come back and we like don't talk about it again. We're just like done kind of thing. Yeah. Like that's it. But for her, like she needed to talk about it more. She needed to resolve. Yeah. And for him, it was resolved. It was resolved, yeah. Because he blew up. Yeah. Hey, that that was the resolve. Me blowing a gasket, resolve. Yeah. We're done. It's okay. And so then I was like, Okay, like don't talk to him like He just needs to So were you playing referee then? Yes, I was refereeing and I was like, Don't talk to him, like don't just just leave it. And then she like went and like tried to resolve it. And then he blew up again. And I was just like, I mean I like told you so. But like I Yeah, how do you combat that? And how do you like Jorim are both very we're like pretty emotional, but not at the same time. Like if he's very emotional, I'm not. Or if I'm very emotional, then he's not. Like we kinda like turn it off and on. Depending on who needs Yeah, that makes sense. I find. So like if he's with his family and he's emotional, ⁓ like sh I shut off my emotions and I'm like, okay, I gotta be like cold as ice and just like get him not emotional. ⁓ But that's it's hard for like my one sister in law, it's really hard for her to see him emotional emotional like that, and especially with his brothers and stuff, and like her husband, because she's more of like the quiet, like we don't talk about stuff. So then when he blows up, it's very uncomfortable for her. Whereas I grew up in a family where like whatever we just yell at each other. Yeah, there was like certain farm topics or discussions. I'm like, ⁓ yeah, let's like let's have like I got myself low. key Not on purpose. They were we're discussing buying a new tractor, all these things. I'm a very like inquisitive person. I'm not against it by any means. Yeah. But I want to know all the facts about why that's needed. Is that the best use of those funds? Right. Could those whatever. Go through it all. And Keith and I had kind of just because he's like, well, not really thinking we need one, whatever. But then his dad was had was on like On a page that he was like, no, we gotta do we gotta do it, we gotta do it. And I'm like, okay, hold on. So then me, I'm like quiz, I'm like, okay, so what what is the reasoning for this put? Like, why now? We've always run roller older equipment that helps keep our cost down. Is it slower? Absolutely, but it's something we are willing to like trade off on. Yeah. So we're sitting there like having this meeting. Keith is like We're also trying to buy a new truck this year for the farm. He's like sitting there like researching this truck that he wants to do, like all these things, like what he's looking for. Yeah. So that he can like propose it at the meeting, right? Because he had some options pulled up, so he's kinda like pulling it up. Anyways, dad and I get into this like discussion and I'm like, okay, so I can't remember what I said. I said, ⁓ we need a certain horsepower for like I don't understand. We've got like seven tractors. To me that seems Excessive. It's a little excessive. Mind you again, they're like most of them are from like the eighties. We have eighties and nineties. We have like one from like 2016, I think it is. ⁓ okay. So like you know what I mean? Like it's not like they're brand spankin' new just sitting. They're not. But I'm just like, I don't really like get this. You know, so I'm questioning and his dad is a man of few words. Like Keith is also a man of few words. It he comes by that supernaturally. Yeah. I'm quizzing, I'm quizzing, I'm quizzing. We like get going. And then I've realized that I've like kind of not intentionally put dad in a corner to like I proved a point that I wasn't trying to prove, but I was trying to understand. And then I you know when a point gets like proven and you're like, ooh, this seems like hot water. Like this this wasn't the dynamic. So I look at my husband like, hey, so like do you have any like input on this? He looks up from the laptop and goes, Yeah, it looks like you got it sorted. Goes back. And so me and his dad are like sitting there. Going at it Hashing that out. And if dad's ⁓ you know, the thing is is actually me and Dave have a really good working relationship in this. Yeah. He very much knows that I will tell him my opinion. He can take it or leave it. But there is I'm not good at games. I don't do good with games in my marriage. I don't do good with games in my business. In business. And friendships. In friendships. I don't. I will tell you exactly where I sit on something. You can agree or disagree. Yeah. And we can either move on or we don't. And that's okay. Because there's times where your opinions aren't always going to match up. And that's fine. That's fine. I believe it's important to n I don't I just don't play games. That's not my vibe. So anyways, we like hash out, keep like, so then we get home. I was like, man, I I feel like that should have been you having that conversation with your dad. He's like, no, I think you did great. So he Did it in the sense of like I needed to prove myself kind of in this partnership. Do you know what I mean? Not prove myself, but it was kind of a dynamic that me and dad needed to do our to have, right? Yeah. So so Keith, even though I was like, how I was like, I don't feel like you led in that. I absolutely did, but I let you take the reins because you needed, you guys needed that. Yeah. I was like. Well, this is a different dynamic. Well, and it it probably is for dad too. Because when it was the older generation, it from what I understand, I don't I wasn't really a part of it then. It was dad and granddad made the decisions. Right. I don't know how much mom and granny had much input in. I I don't wasn't there, so I can't say. I d I don't know. Whereas I'm sitting there having this conversation. You're very involved. Very involved. And so when you guys so you're all in a partnership right now, the four of you. So when you go corporate, are are you and your mother in law gonna have say in like what goes on or it's just like your father in law and Keith or like what? I think me and my mother in law we haven't got that far because we're still two steps behind. Right. Like we're not even a partnership, the four of us yet. Okay, right. We have to do a couple of years of the partnership between each couple. And then move. So we're we're still a few steps behind in that in that dynamic. So I'm not sure. The main goal is for all of you to Yeah. And I think it's important if you are working together to be able to have those conversations, not only in your marriage, because that's the other thing. Keith and I, we've like, I think the most important thing that we've done in our marriage for us in working together that him and I are a united front ⁓ might disagree behind closed doors, and there's certain things he what he says goes. I might disagree. Later. But what he says is final. And that and I'm okay with that. Because at the end of the day, that's him as my husband, that's his position to take. And I I don't I mean, I do struggle with it sometimes because because I am one to to process out out loud. So it is a struggle sometimes to be like Yeah. I'm missing and again, it's not always because I disagree. It's because I don't understand how that decision was made. Yeah. And I think that's where the external processing comes out. For like when I got into it, when me and me and Dave were at it with each other. I was processing out loud. He was answering. And then we got to a conclusion that actually a few of us weren't all on the same page with why that tractor was needed. Right. So it's not that it's bad, it's just getting to that point. But yeah, Keith and I have a thing, like we are. United. United in that. Yeah. And I think that's important in anything, not just. And think that's important like with kids too. Yeah. Yeah. Very important. ⁓ especially young kids because they know ⁓ they know if one of you waver, they they know. ⁓ yeah. Like there were certain things, like my parents are split. I knew that I could just like go to my dad for. Yeah. Or ask about. I don't think your parents even have to be split. No. No. But like growing Growing up, I picked which parent you ask first. ⁓ yeah. Yeah. Like they were. Depends on what it is. ⁓ yeah, absolutely. Like my parents, even after being split, were very united on 99.9% of things. Like very much were. But there were some things I was like, if I ask Dad this, I've I'll figure it out with him. Yeah. Versus if I ask Mom this. might not be the same answer. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Like the kids learn that so quick. I even see it in our nieces and nephews. ⁓ yeah. The girls yeah. And sometimes your parents will be like, well did you ask yes the other one? And you're like, no. And they're like, ⁓ okay, I guess you can. But you chose which parent you were gonna Yeah, you were choosing. Because if you went to the other one, you know and then yeah. They'd be like, Did you a you'd have to say yes. They said no. Yeah. You know they're gonna say no. ⁓ yeah. Just Yes sneak over that. I even see that in like our nieces, especially. Our nieces are a bit older. Yeah. They will go to Keith and the one niece, not the oldest one, the second one. Yeah. Sh that girl, ⁓ she got those like pretty little eyes. Like you know, the the really like sweet face. And she like puts it on thick. And I was like Yeah girl, you get it. Yeah, go you got it, buddy. Like I ain't gonna fight you. ⁓ yeah, totally. And sometimes you are just like, okay. You know what? Sure. It's okay what do you do? So are you and David both middles? ⁓ it's an oldest? No. What are you like middle yak? Not the middle. Like I'm the second oldest. You're his the thing about you though, because you're the oldest daughter. No. ⁓ No? ⁓ I guess my sister is older. ⁓ yeah. And then there's me. And then the And then I have a brother. Yeah. So my Then you have like a brother, brother. Brother, right? No. Then two brothers. No. Just so there's two girls, two boys, twins that are one of each, and then there was two girls and two boys. you guys are like very easy. My parents, yeah. Like they really ha were on top of the whole organizing their children. Yes, that's great. They figured it out, yeah. They got they got that sorted out alright. That's us. We're three boys, three girls, too So then Yeah. Whereas Jorim is what, one sister? One sister. Five boys. Five boys, one sister. One girl. That's right. Okay, back to you. Because she's the second youngest, but she's the only girl. So that's like a whole that's a whole different thing. That's a whole different dynamic. Okay, yeah. I guess So I wasn't sisters. I wasn't old like my sister was older and then when you're a boy that's a different stage of older. Yeah. So he was more of an older child than I was. Yes. Yes. Yeah, absolutely. He's oldest boy. Yeah. Yeah. So it's different. So you are kind of a middle child. Yeah. And David's a middle. David's middle. How did that work out? I've heard that I think we've had two fights. What? In our twelve years of marriage? Like fights or arguments? Like are you guys arguers? No. We'll disagree and I'll be like, hey, whatever. And he'll be like, okay. And then we move on. It's like such a middle child. But it's like, yeah, he'll be like, ⁓ you should have done this, not that. And I'll be like, ⁓ okay, I'm sorry. And then we move on. Really? ⁓ yeah. See, that's okay, wait. Another question I have. Are you guys like the first to apologize in your relationship? Or not? No. See, that's a youngest kid thing. Yeah. That is a youngest to me. That is like my brother. Youngest. didn't apologize for giddily squat. Yeah, I'm really bad at apologizing. And I over apologize. I feel very uncomfortable apologizing. Like It's really hard for me. I'm like, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. So when you say okay, this is a conversation that we have. So I for the longest time, like one of our one of our things in our marriage was how we apologize to each other. I used to think that Keith was being disingenuous with his apology because he would just say, I'm sorry. Yeah. I I was raised and we like this is a thing. You had to say, like, I'm sorry, and why you were blah blah blah. Why you were sorry. Like what was the action and how can you reconcile that action? And that's what I teach my daughter to do. Do I do that? No. Okay, so that's the thing. So I I remember so then I used to get mad and just like over talk Keith when he's apologized. He's I'm not gonna apologize anymore because you just overtalked me anyways. And I was like, but you're not, you're not apologizing. No, he was. They just it looks different. It just looks very different. Hmm. Yeah. Jorim's really good at apologizing, actually. Huh. But I think that's the way he was raised. Key, I have a question on this topic. ⁓ would you say when you're working together? Do you guys like is there certain shots certain things that are said when you're working together that his call is final or that you lead in or like how does that he always leads. That's his what he says goes. Yeah. Yeah, typically, yeah. That's be too, but there's sometimes like I'm not gonna lie, I caution things. ⁓ it's not in a I'm not trying to be disrespectful either, but I can see how that could come across disrespectful. So I've actually had to really work on that. So I would say here's a different dynamic is working like Jorim calls the shots in our family. At the end of the day, Jorim calls the shots, but like day in and day out, like day to day, I would say I would call the shots. Like sometimes he'll say something and I'm like, Mm, that's not what I did earlier with the kids today. Right? Yeah. There was one thing that I figured out pretty early on. There's a lot of people that are like, When he walks in the door, he doesn't participate in the kids, but she's like, You can't Do XYZ. Yeah, like they did this today, you gotta do this, that or the other thing. ⁓ Okay, so what I noticed when ⁓ we kids pretty early on, there's a lot of my friends or people you'd talk to and they're like, I just don't understand when my husband gets home, he's kinda checked out and then I still have to deal with the kids all evening or I have to tell him, like, you need to do this and you need to do that. Okay. And ⁓ if our kids were like struggling at all when he'd come home, I was like They did this. Yeah. And then I'd walk away. And I didn't tell him how to deal with it or what to deal with. I just like he needed She's been having meltdowns and he'd do it in his own way. Yeah. Yeah. And it was not how I would do it. But like But it's a different relationship. Yeah. And it worked and they were so much better. Yeah. And I feel like if I'd have stepped in and said They're doing this. I told them and I never made promises. When your dad gets home, he will do this, that, or the other thing, right? No. There's a lot of like when wait till your dad gets home. Yes. And then he'll whatever. Whereas I didn't. When he'd walk in the door, I would just like, hey, especially my daughter. Yeah. Yeah. Like like today Jorim came home after moving cows and I was like, hey, it's been well, I was gone all day yesterday doing photos. So I was like, Hey, it's been meltdown central today. Yeah. that's all I said. I wasn't like ⁓ this, this, this, this. It's just like, hey, it's meltdown central. Yeah. Do what you have to do. Yeah. Yeah. Like Yeah, I'm not gonna be like if she does Yeah, I feel like that made a big difference because I'm not overmining like undermining them in our house and I'm not You know, like he can walk in and still feel like he is a very important part of this family. Yeah. Which is what I like that's what we want. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then he is a hundred percent involved. Yeah. Yeah. He is all there. When he shows up at home, he is all there. Yeah. There's the odd time where it's like where it's like, ⁓ dad, am I done supper? And he's like, Yeah, and I'm like I give him the look and I'm like, actually I said two more bites. And then he's like, ⁓ okay, yeah, mom said two more bites and then and then that's like where you can parent together, right? Yeah, yeah. And then that's him honoring you as well. Yeah, right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I think too like You might have different parenting styles, but ⁓ again, w as long as you're united on what is needs disciplinary or like what needs if you don't agree with the way it's working, you do it behind closed doors. Absolutely. Not in front of your kids. Yeah. Yeah. Because ⁓ and I think they feed off that. Again, don't have kids, but just speaking, if if one One kid knows that like, ⁓ I can get away with this. Yeah. While dad's home, but when not when mom's home. It in like a serious not just like I want cookies. Do you know what I mean? Like that kind of thing. Yeah. They want cookies though, like can become a serious Yeah. Yeah. There's a lot of things where you gotta hold your ground on the small things. So that when the big things come. The big things aren't an issue. Yeah, that's true. Because the small things the the Well and I think that it's not even a discipline. Like there's a boundary. Yes. And you can't cross this boundary. Yes. Small or big. Yeah. There's a boundary. I think that's where the United Front comes in. Yeah. In order to deal with that. So, okay, then my next question is, because again, we don't have kids currently. Are your kids like, I don't know. For for us, I assume, I will be still fairly hands-on because Keith's dad is getting older. His parents are getting older, so that it's me and Keith. So until we Excuse me, hire a right ⁓ farmhand or something. It's it's the two of us. Yeah. So like I'm assuming there's gonna be things that our kids are just gonna have to like My kids take along take along for because Lacey's kids take along for everything. Yeah. They've grown up in a tractor. My daughter was born in July. So ⁓ you're Hay. The following year. No, we were in Edmonton. ⁓ she brought preemie. Right, right. So we didn't get out till after Hay. Right, right, right, right. Right. In the fall. That's right. Yeah or August. End of September. Yeah, so yeah. Yeah, Hay's up. ⁓ yeah, Haying was done. But the following year, she was in the tractor. Mm-hmm. ⁓ a lot. A lot. In the car seat and every year since my son was six months when he started his life in in egg. I do think there is something like okay, first off, not only is it a super cool blessing that you get to bring your kids to work. Yeah. D do I think that adds a different dynamic? Absolutely I do. Everything's a little bit harder. It probably takes longer. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. You might have to take more potty breaks, more snack breaks. Things might not be as efficient, which is my favorite word. ⁓ but there is also something really neat about them learning alongside you. Mm-hmm. And that's not to say either that your kids have to farm or have to ranch. But it's super cool that they get to learn those skills alongside you and see that. Mm-hmm. I think that's really neat. And for the most part, every kid loves every aspect of farming when they're little. Yeah. Tractors are so cool, cows are so cool, fencing is so cool, like gardening is so cool. Yeah, everything is fun. Everything is fun and cool and just like they're just in awe of what we if you change the perspective of like ⁓ you have to give your kids or like play with your kids. And just be like, they are a part of my life. Yeah. They're a part of my day. Yeah. Yeah. So we I do everything with them. Yeah. Yeah. Like I had a photo shoot the other night and Jorim had to change the tires on his truck. And the kids were out there helping him and they had the best time. Yeah. And now my son is every tractor, he has to pretend to change the tires. Yeah. Like he loved it. Yeah. Even even as a kid, I remember like 'cause my dad would work three weeks on and a week off. Okay. But on his week off, two days we're unloading his truck and two days at the end were loading up his truck, loading up his equipment, whatever. So I I vividly remember like going to the shop with him where the company stored all their quads or all their sleds or whatever. Yeah. And like working on that and like with him or like running around and like pretending we were quadding and these we were like, I'm sure my mom was like, ⁓ these kids are coming home filthy. Because we were we were like playing in a shop. Yeah. With an inch of dust on everything. yeah. And rolling in it and like whatever else. But like I I remember that. Whereas I always remember going on like bike rides with my mom. Like they were different. Yeah. But like my mom enjoyed walking. She loved to go on a good walk. So we we biked. Yeah. Or or we went to the park or whatever. Like that was her thing, right? Mm-hmm. Yeah. I just think it's super neat that like, I mean, even the nieces and nephews, like, will we take them occasionally. And the one day I literally had the youngest, he was probably like A year maybe not even. I don't even think he was full year. On like strapped into a backpack while I had to go electric fence and the older boy was alongside me counting the fence post. Yeah. We got to five a lot. Many times. Yeah. So we were working on our counting. Yeah. As we were doing it. Because exactly he wasn't doing doing and Uncle Keith is like his favorite person. Yeah. And it's the cutest. It's there's actually I'm gonna share a story. It's like my favorite story. He They were we're haying two summers ago, I think it was now. And it might have been last summer. I can't remember. It was last summer or the summer before. Anyways, he's like four. Four-ish. And ⁓ this boy loves the tractor so much. yeah. Anybody in a tractor or a quad, you can't get him not going. Like he's putting on his shoes, he's gotta go. Yeah. And he this is not marriage related at all, it's just the cutest story. So he knew that Uncle Keith was haying, had must have heard the tractor go up to mom and dad's because Keith was working on the baler up there or cleaning it out or something along those lines. That little boy put on his rubber boots, got his dog, who's a character at best. Not sure that dog would do much, but she's cute. She's a super good family dog. Walked up to grandma and grandpa's, like over the hill. Yeah. Said, Uncle Keith, make hay. ⁓ We make hay. And Keith's like, hey, hey Bud, where do we Where did you come from? Where's your dad? Home. he's like, Well, where's your mum? Home. And he's like, Brought Miss or Missy, Missy's like pointing to his dog. Or woof woof That's what it was. woof woof is with me, which is his dog. He's like, I got back up. Yeah, he said, Don't you worry. I didn't leave home alone. I'm prepared. I brought my dog. so he's make hay, make hay He's like, no, bud we gotta, we're just fixing it to go. Like, I'll bring you when I go. No, hay. And Keith's like, you gotta go home. ⁓ no. He's like so upset. He was so upset. And like, anyways. Keith ended up having to bring him back to his brother's house and was like, hey guys, ⁓ just so you know, he he walked over to mom and dad's and they were like, What? And so and he knew he was probably in trouble because he knows he's not supposed to like leave the yard. Also, quite the jaunt for for a little gaffer. Yeah. But he was downright determined. Yeah. That that He's like, We're we're going. Tractors, we're doing it. We're doing it. And that's like the sweetest. That's so cute. It's like a wholesome memory to me. Like that's so cute. And just like I don't know, being able to like I really look forward to the days of like being able to like take my kids alongside whether or not they take over the farm, I don't care. Yeah. I don't be not that I don't want that. I absolutely would love that. I also think it is super important to not drive that. That your kids have the opportunity to to not feel like they have to take over. Yeah. Yeah. Just like I think it's super important to like Like you like you and your husband are really good. You guys have hobbies outside of the farm. Yeah. Yeah. I think you I think you guys losing your entire identity. Yeah. I think you guys do that very, very well. Yeah. You you do. Like my hobbies aren't really off farm. I mean, we like to hike and we like to go on drives, like whatever. I think that's something we need to be better at. Keith well, actually Keith Keith likes his metal work, which is super sweet. he's now building like farm watering systems. So it's not it's not on the farm. Farm farm adjacent. We like a farm adjacent hobby out here, I think. Yes. But it's been really cool to see that. Whereas like for me, this is probably my hobby. And I think it is important to have your hobbies So that you're separate and together. And together, because otherwise, like for me for us, it's Lacey has bees. Yeah, Lacey has bees. And I have bees now too. Which by the way David does not appreciate that. Neither did he tell me to buy more. Like he like, ⁓ you can get more nukes if you want this spring. Okay, my husband wasn't but then he wasn't real thrilled when it was like when they were mad. Yeah, and I'm like hanging out there by the hive and it's just like buzzing his head, stings him on the ear, and he's like, What is wrong with your bees? On this topic, I got ate up again last week when we recorded. On Tuesday or whatever day you left, we went I went back a little bit. And I told you to record. And we didn't. So it would have got ⁓ inappropriate. Yeah, I got There was a lot of like clothes flying. I was stressed. I was standing by the hive. She's it's fine. We don't need B suits. We're just gonna like No, I asked you, I said, Hey, do you think we're gonna need our B suitsu? She said, I'm not I didn't bring mine, I'm just gonna go on this. I was like, ⁓ okay, then I think I'm good. Like if you think we're just gonna 'cause I just had like a couple questions why they hadn't built up their frame. So it's just like a quick So you're gonna like peek in. Just peeking. That's all we did. Yeah, because we didn't wanna like I didn't want to just open them up and yeah, then it takes like a few days for them to So yeah, yeah. No, I just wanted to open the little lid to check the check them. All of a sudden, they're coming at me. I got a stung on the lip right there. Yeah. And I was like, ⁓ I've just been stung. She's standing there so calm. And then there's a bunch in my hair. And they did not go to you at all. No. Not once. Not once. Not a single laughing at her. Quite. She was laughing at me. She was running. First of all, I was like. Okay, it already got you on the lip, it's not coming again. And then all of a sudden there's like clothes. They were in my they were stuck in my hair and in my hoodie. ⁓ So I got stung here, here, here, and on my back. ⁓ my goodness. And so I was shoving my hoodie off. I closed up the lid and like went and was like, You're like, okay, I guess we're done. You okay? And then she's like, Yeah, so I'm gonna stand way over here while you open the other. Yeah, I did go next to the next one. And it's not that they were me. What'd you say? You thought it was the wind? The weather? Because there's about a storm. Or your vibe. Apparently my vibe was off. I'm like, I was so That's how Lacey texted me. Brianna's vibe is off for the bees. And I was like, my goodness. I antsy Anyways, I'll be record next time. Yes. Yeah, and I will be suiting up for the Near future. All future. For the yes, for the near future I will be suiting up until otherwise determined. Apparently I'm off. Anyways, Keith so bees are my new hobby right now. Because gardening isn't really working out in my favor, like I said. ⁓ also I tried to start sewing. I my my dad gave me a sewing machine for Christmas one year. Okay. I've not used it. Keith can sew. Really? Jorim is actually very good at sewing. Far no, I think this is a farm boy thing. Yeah. They seem to know how to mend. I mean, both of their moms mended a lot of stuff. And I want to do that. Anyways, that's totally I would like to get into sewing. I have the machine. I've tried to sew a pair of pants. It ended up in like a big knot. It didn't work out. So later. you try to sew a pair of pants or mend a pair of pants? sorry. I tried to mend the crotch in a pair of pants and then it ended up in a knot in my It was bad. Keith did kind of fix it, but they Jeans? Mm like yoga pants. ⁓ okay, okay. I was like, jeans in a sewing machine is a little bit You have to have you need a different needle and stuff for that. ⁓ do you? Yeah. Yeah, y yeah. No y what? Tell me what do you think Yeah, there's different needles for like different fabrics. You need a different gauge, otherwise you'll just like Off goes the needle. ⁓ okay, so okay, again As you can tell this hobby has not really worked out in my favor. I mean, I'm not a sewer, my mom is a sewer. ⁓ yeah, obviously. Yeah, duh. But I do want to get into sewing this winter. I'm like, I have to. Okay, we should have a sewing club. I bought linen and I want to sew my own undergarments. ⁓ Ooh, that'll be interesting. Send us updates. That seems above my pay grade, but I'd be very invested in it. If it works out. Above my pay grade, but I'd do it. Okay, so question, should we brag on our husbands? Should we do a Yeah. Seems like a great episode to brag on them a little bit. Yeah, totally. K who wants to start? My husband is building me a timber frame house. ⁓ bless. I know. I'm so happy. Yeah. We're happy for you. I know. We're excited for you. He's like he's like chopping down trees for you. Taking a course at everything. Taking course. He's like researching all this for you. Like I mean obviously for him. Bought a sawmill. Bought a sawmill. ⁓ wow, yeah. He's very invested. So is his brother was like, So, ⁓ like you can't just like do it normal. Easy, can you? No. No we're gonna go all in. No. We're gonna on. As long as not like just a square build. Yeah. No. It's not because why it's got three different roof pitches and a dormer and ⁓ my gosh. Are you guys gonna have to get on this topic, do you guys have to get like ⁓ ⁓ rafters. Rafters. Like literally were ranchers and rafters. Rafters. Anyways. Rafters. No, he's building them. It's all timber framed. Yeah. It's not like a regular rafter house. No. ⁓ right. Everything is beams. So he's cutting eight by eight beams. Mm-hmm. Gotcha. Okay. Or eight by ten or whatever. Six by six. Yeah, well it all changes size depending on how far it has to span. Right. That makes sense. ⁓ Okay, so we love We love David for his ability and desire He's all in. When he does something, he's all in. That is. There's no like halfway with that man. There's no grey. No. He is black or white. Head first. Head first. sink or swim I like that. Yeah. Yeah. All right, Trin, what do you ⁓ Okay. Yeah. So the other day I was just like, we're just gonna drive over to the farm and see what Jorim's doing and it's great. He'll just like take the kids on the quad or just like incorporate them into like what he's doing, no matter what it is. Like he's welding. He'll come well, obviously we don't get too close or whatever. He'll like stop and like explain like what he's doing and he just incorporates them or We'll pause and like put them on the tractor for a minute and then get back to work or whatever. Like he always makes time for them we come to visit. Which is so nice. That's make your mama heart happy, but also as seeing him as your husband first. Yeah. That's gotta bring you some joy. yeah. Yeah, that's really cool. I love that. What about you? ⁓ okay. So ⁓ I really that Keith like challenges me in a loving and supporting way. For example, I had to go rescue him. Yes. Last night. Cause his work broke ⁓ Down. Yeah. I've never once hauled diddly Squat. ⁓ very much just along for the ride kind of gal when comes to that thing. Calls and say, Hey, I need you to go grab the one ton, grab the 30-foot trailer, like hook up to the trailer. Do everything and come meet me on the side of the road. Like I'm getting pulled to a pullout right now. Yeah. I'm panicked. He does seem to know that I do better under pressure. Yeah. Okay. So he let me let me back up he let me do it. And I was super nervous. He did answer my FaceTime when I had a few questions. Yes. So, like again, challenges me in a supportive way. And I appreciate that because it would have been just as easy for him to call his dad probably or like whatever. Yeah. Get him to do it. But that But he was like, you know, you can do this. He's very trusting. Yeah. And like grows me in that kind of way. And so I really appreciate that. I also just love that he like I'm very much like David. I like to jump things a little bit head first. Sometimes Keith Plans out everything. Yeah. Thinks about it. So we balance each other out very well in that way. But like for example, the bees, we probably didn't need that on our plate this summer with everything that we've got going on. Yeah. He let me do it. He he's like, You're gonna do it. You're gonna figure out that hobby. You do. Yeah. You do He supports that. Very supportive. Yeah. Yeah. I ain't touching those. Nothing. I ain't touching those bees, but I will touch that honey. Yeah, he's very pleased when you bring the box of honeycomb in. Absolutely. He likes a little treat here and there. Yeah. Yeah, no, I just I I just really appreciate that. Yeah, and the milk cow too. Same thing, yeah. We probably didn't need a milk cow in that. No, he actually did say the other day. He said, You have this thing of Adding things to our plate when our plate is all very already very full or over full. And I was like, What do you mean? He was like, Well, when we built the house, you're like, let's get a milk cow And then when we when we're building this project, he was like, You're like, Let's get honey bees. I'm like, ⁓ yeah, that Okay, yeah. Guilty as charged, yeah, like that's but he loves me for it and I appreciate him for that because he loves me very well that way. Thank you, husbands, for supporting us. David is a really active listener, so shout out to David. Keith and Jorim have not been listening. Not once. I don't think my husband's listened once. So I will un out him. No, I'm just kidding. Just kidding. We will call them out on They are still supporting us. Yes. ⁓ I is the kids today. I have financially ⁓ Yeah, I get support. Everybody's like financially they the the husbands. They're financially supporting and also Jorim is watching the kids while I'm here. So Exactly. Yeah. He's supporting it. Keith has skipped his lunch so we could record today. So I gotta make him a smoothie. So we have to wrap it. Okay. That's it for today. Thanks for hanging out with us today on Ranch Wives Unsupervised. If you've enjoyed the chaos, hit the like button, drop a comment with your own ranch story, subscribe on YouTube, Spotify, Apple Podcasts so you never miss an episode. And us on social media @ RanchWivesunsupervised for more unfiltered fun between episodes. We'll catch you next time. Stay unsupervised, ladies.