Latest / Maintaining Your Badassness! / Almost Next- the next chapter of Bad Luck Blacky (rape, pedophilia, incest, abuse). Most of these horrific details will only be available to my Apple podcast subscribers!

Transcript

Almost Next- the next chapter of Bad Luck Blacky (rape, pedophilia, incest, abuse). Most of these horrific details will only be available to my Apple podcast subscribers! · Maintaining Your Badassness!

0:05
Hey, it's me again with another chapter of Bad
0:16
Love Blackie. I've mentioned before, some of
0:31
these sensitive topics will only be heard by
0:37
my Apple Pop Class Subscribers. This book is
1:14
based on my life from 5 years old to about 32.
1:31
I'm going through some tough times, and writing
1:36
this book helped me heal. Probably no one knew
1:53
what I was going through because I was good at
2:01
staying quiet and keeping secrets for fear of
2:11
embarrassment and for fear that I would tear
2:18
my family apart if I told these secrets. But
2:59
I got too painful for me to hold them in year
3:05
after year. Even this was really devastating
3:13
to me. I still kept secrets. This subject has
3:24
been touched on for years. And just like the
3:35
Cornell University situation, a lot of women
3:41
just aren't believed. Especially when it comes
3:46
to the men in their family, abusing them, portraying
3:54
incest, pedophilia, the sick world we live in.
4:06
But I'm about to tell you what happened to me
4:11
in this next chapter called... Almost next. Sit
4:38
back, relax, and have an open mind. Because what
4:48
you're about to hear, it's no different from
4:53
the things you already heard. But if you knew
4:58
me way back then, you would not know none of
5:04
this ever happened to me. Because when you saw
5:08
me, I was not the happiest person. But I put
5:19
on airs like I was happy. It was my safe and
5:27
favorite place to go. Because it kept me away
5:31
from home. Here it goes. Almost there. It was
6:29
a cold day in hell. When turmoil hit our fam
6:36
- Turn off the music. It was a cold day in hell.
6:52
When... Turmoil really hit our family. Sure,
6:57
there were problems in my past before this volcano
7:00
hit. But those were considered minor. Like everyday
7:04
life situations to us. As a bite... As I became
7:08
older, I discovered that I was not normal. Not
7:12
normal. I remember Hunter always telling me to
7:15
come and sit on his lap. Remember, Hunter is
7:18
my stepdad. At first I thought it was because
7:23
that was my father and he just wanted to show
7:26
me some attention. I feel a little different
7:29
compared to my younger sister when it came down
7:31
to feeling like a real daughter. Excuse me. Whenever
7:40
we were around Hunter. She would be so comfortable
7:46
calling him daddy, but I just could not bring
7:48
myself to call him that. Instead, I called him
7:51
by his first name, and I had the standoffers
7:55
kind of fear towards him. I would avoid going
7:58
around him most of the time, I guess because
8:00
I saw how harsh he was with my brothers, and
8:04
I just had an overall strange feeling about him.
8:08
I felt that Hunter treated me special. I believe
8:12
it was because he tried to act like a real father
8:15
to me, instead he treated my younger... sister
8:18
different from my kids eyes. Maybe she was the
8:27
youngest and she demanded more attention. Hunter
8:31
knew it affected me the most because I was really
8:34
sensitive and I needed attention every once in
8:36
a while from Peggy. There were times when Peggy
8:41
would hug my younger sister and tell her she
8:43
loved her well and the other kids would just
8:47
sit around and watch them. We craved the attention
8:51
but we rarely never received it. Peggy seemed
8:57
jealous of the attention that Hunter gave me,
9:00
especially when he was saying, fat fat, come
9:05
here. Fat Fats was my nickname I was so embarrassed
9:12
of, because, well, I wasn't fat. I was skinny.
9:31
92 pounds when I was in high school, so guess
9:33
how much I weighed when I was a preteen. 40 pounds,
9:38
so I don't know. Peggy would tell me to go in
9:46
my room when... every hunter would tell me to
9:51
come here and he would pick me up and place me
9:54
on his lap. She would tell me to go in my room
9:59
and tell hunter that I was too big to sit her
10:02
on his lap. I remember one summer day it was
10:06
so hot in the house and we did not have air conditioning
10:09
because we could not afford it. Oh, so I thought,
10:12
I don't know why we didn't have it, but we at
10:16
least had one fan in the family room where the
10:18
television was. My younger sister used to walk
10:22
around the house with her shirt off and just
10:25
have her underwear on. She was about six, seven.
10:29
One day she and I were sitting directly in front
10:35
of the fan soaking in all of the hot air. And
10:43
Hunter said to me, go in your room and tuck off
10:46
your shirt. Still thinking, I don't have any
10:50
breath to hide or be ashamed of, but the thought
10:53
of sitting around with my shirt off was weird.
10:57
I sat there debating. He said, Fat fat, go take
11:02
off your shirt and you'll be cool. I got up slowly
11:08
and walked down the hall to our room and took
11:10
my shirt off. I looked into the big mirror that
11:14
was attached to our dresser. I looked at my chest
11:17
area to make sure nothing was noticeable. I saw
11:21
nothing but little bumps on my chest. I was about
11:24
9 or 10. I knew my dark nipples were still the
11:28
sign of sexuality. even though nothing was developed
11:32
yet. Then I looked at my booty, trying to make
11:35
sure my panties covered my buns and vagina. I
11:40
walked back to the room where my arms crossed
11:42
over each other, extending down with my upper
11:46
arms covering my dark nipples. I sat down in
11:50
a robot manner, stiffly, like I knew everyone
11:54
was watching me. I knew Hunter was looking at
11:59
me, but I was too scared to look up at him. So
12:03
I waited until the right time to actually look
12:05
into his direction and see if he was looking
12:08
at me. The moment came while we were watching
12:12
Richard Pryor in concert. This was a show we
12:17
watched over and over. Richard was talking about
12:23
women in wilderness able to whip off their pee
12:26
in a matter of seconds while men could not do
12:29
that. Then everyone started laughing. I laughed
12:32
and looked up at Hunter. He was looking at me.
12:36
I think he knows how uncomfortable I was. and
12:39
he liked to make people feel uncomfortable. Especially,
12:44
sometimes he would just look at you and still
12:47
fear in you. I turned back towards the television
12:50
and started to watch the Not So Funny. It was
12:57
made for adults to understand and not kids. Peggy
13:01
walked in and told me to go put my shirt back
13:03
on. She was very upset because she knew how Hunter
13:07
was and she just refused to let other people
13:11
knew that she knew. Yeah. Hunter acted very rational
13:18
at times. I remember the first time I saw him
13:20
display domestic violence was when my mother
13:23
came home late one morning. She stayed up all
13:27
night to let Hunter know that what it was to
13:34
know what it felt like to wonder where your mate
13:38
was all night. See, Hunter was a cheater. He
13:42
cheated with friends that would come over to
13:45
the house, neighbor up the street. Yeah, he cheated
13:50
with a lot of people. I'm not sure everyone else
13:57
noticed, but I noticed. He came home, gave Hunter
14:31
a piece of his home. What's in the account worrying
14:36
about her when she walked in the door? I was
14:40
relieved. She did not want to tell us because
14:54
Hunter was in the next room, and you might hear
14:56
her. Pekka came back looking so clean and refreshed,
15:00
and I can still remember the sweet flowery scent
15:03
of her perfume. It smelled like a fresh spring
15:07
day. She sat down in the chair across from the
15:10
front door as we were talking. All of a sudden,
15:16
the glass that she was about to take a sip from
15:18
tipped and all the water that was in it spilled
15:21
all over her face. Hunter tipped the glass over
15:25
on her pretty face and clothes. Peggy asked someone
15:29
to get her some more water. I was not about to
15:32
go into that kitchen where he was, so one of
15:35
my other siblings went to get her more water.
15:39
I think it was my younger brother. He was not
15:41
scared of anything. And when he would get mad,
15:44
he would turn so red. That is why Hunter, I think,
15:51
gave him the nickname Red. Peggy sat in the same
15:55
spot, not moving an inch. She was a strong woman,
15:58
and she did not take much off of a man when it
16:00
came to intimidation. She had the other glass
16:04
of water in her hand. Again, when she was about
16:07
to drink it, Hunter stood above her asking where
16:10
she had been. She did not reply. When she was
16:15
about to drink it, it went all over her frontal
16:18
and part of her hair. I gasped. She just sat
16:23
there, bold as ever. Hunter went into the kitchen
16:27
and came out with a machete. It was medium and
16:30
looked very sharp. He patted the machete on top
16:33
of Peggy's head like he was daring her to get
16:36
smart with him. She said, Hunter, why are you
16:40
doing this shit? I can't remember what Hunter
16:43
said, but it had something to do with her staying
16:46
out all night. that started to go at it by arguing
16:51
and shouting. Peggy finally told us to go into
16:54
the room. We were scared that something was going
16:58
to happen that night, like they were going to
17:01
start fighting or something. Hunter told Peggy
17:04
that he was going to kill her that night. The
17:07
argument finally ceased and the kids forgot about
17:10
their whole ordeal. We went down the street as
17:13
usual to the school playground, riding our bikes
17:17
as we played like we normally did that day. Night
17:21
came, and that was a different story. While I
17:24
was sleeping peacefully, I was awakened by ruffling
17:28
and pleading sounds. I dismissed the sounds as
17:32
my dream, but as I lay still, I heard it again.
17:38
The sounds were coming from Peggy's room. My
17:41
younger sister, Hi, shared a room that was diagonally
17:45
across from their room. I slept next to the wall
17:49
with about two feet in between the bed and the
17:52
wall. I got up. from the bed and stood in that
17:56
space looking into Peggy's room and saw Hunter
17:59
holding a generous sized pocket knife to Peggy's
18:02
neck. While she was pleading for him to stop
18:05
he was moving closer and closer towards her and
18:08
that forced her to move further into the bathroom.
18:12
I stood there for a minute debating of what I
18:15
should do. After I stood there for about a minute
18:18
I jumped back into the bed and put the covers
18:20
over my head hoping that he would stop. I thought
18:25
putting the covers over my head would try not
18:30
to sound, but it did not. I got up again. I looked
18:36
again and saw a certain look on Hunter's face,
18:39
like when he was feeling bad or seemed very angry.
18:42
When he sat like this, he would bite the side
18:44
of his lip and pop through his teeth and the
18:50
remainder of his mouth. That is when I said,
18:55
Ma! In a shaken, scared voice, Hunter looked
18:59
over at me. over at me like he was startled that
19:02
someone was awoke and saw what he was doing.
19:05
My mom said, go back to bed. But I still stood
19:09
there making sure that the scene would break
19:12
up and Hunter would go into the family room,
19:15
drink his red wild Irish rose and fall into a
19:19
drunken sleep. Go back to bed, Peggy said once
19:23
more. So I got back into bed and began to pray.
19:29
Please Lord, don't let my mom die. And I kept
19:33
saying that over and over and over with the covers
19:36
over my head. I was breathing heavy because it
19:40
was very hard to breathe. But I still kept the
19:43
covers over my head until I fell asleep. The
19:45
next morning, I knocked on my mother's door to
19:47
her room to make sure she was still living. And
19:50
when she said yes, I walked away. I was hesitant
19:53
about showing her affection because I was scared
19:56
that she would not accept it. A few weeks to
20:01
a month later, My younger sister, my mom and
20:05
stepdad were watching television and a subject
20:09
that came up, and the subject came up pretending
20:13
to call him Hunter Dad. My younger sister said,
20:19
he is not your real dad anyway. Hunter said,
20:23
Booty, be quiet. That was a nickname that he
20:26
gave her. Booty, I said, and looked at Peggy.
20:34
She had a funny look on her face that told me
20:36
my sister might be telling the truth. I asked
20:39
Peggy what she's telling the truth, and she said
20:41
yes. For about 10 years, or from a really early
20:48
age, I thought that he was my dad. I sat there
20:52
stiff once again, this time trying to hold back
20:55
my tears. When they started to roll down my face,
20:59
I got up, ran to the room, plopped belly first
21:02
onto the bed, and started bawling my eyes out.
21:05
Peggy came in after a few minutes and said something
21:07
to effect like she was sorry, but I tuned her
21:10
out. I did not even look at her. She left the
21:14
room. And that is when I start to lose my mind
21:16
even further. I sat up in the bed, between the
21:19
wall and the bed. As I faced the wall, I began
21:23
to hit myself in the head with my open hand.
21:26
And then when I went to punch myself with my
21:28
own fist and saying, you stupid, I hate you.
21:31
I hate you. I just wanted to hurt myself so bad
21:37
for being a reject. But the punching in my face
21:41
did not hurt me. So I began to bang my head on
21:44
the ugly blue and white wallpaper wall. There
21:49
were so many times when I wanted to just rip
21:51
that ugly wallpaper off the wall. It had blue
21:54
trees that were on a white background. You know,
21:59
that wallpaper from the 1800s. It had people
22:07
like sitting up under trees or something weird
22:10
like that. I was saying harder and harder against
22:16
that ugly wallpaper. All sorts of things were
22:19
going through my mind. I didn't have care if
22:21
I became brain dead at the time. Peggy came in
22:25
and said stop that because my little sister told
22:28
her I was banging my head on the wall Remember
22:34
I did a couple more times before I I woke up
22:38
the next morning Worrying about I was not going
22:46
to mention it Was I just going to pretend like
22:51
nothing ever happened and just refer to him as
22:54
my dad? Every now and then a group of kids were
22:57
engaged in a conversation that had to do with
22:59
that I cannot explain the way I felt being in
23:03
school I was unable to concentrate on my schoolwork
23:06
my tension pant My attention span did not last
23:09
very long, but eventually I got finger ordeal
23:12
and remained an A -B student. The next incident
23:17
I remember is when Hunter came home late one
23:19
night and walked the whole house up by raising
23:22
unnecessary hell. He was drunk as usual off his
23:26
favorite red wild average rose. I can't remember
23:31
what he was saying, but I do know it was not
23:35
very pleasant. He would say, Peggy! come in here
23:39
and at the same time I heard choppy noises. Hunter
23:43
was drunk and I think Peggy locked him out of
23:46
the room. Peggy went to the family room where
23:49
Hunter was and he began to beat her up and that
23:53
is when she called everyone in there to jump
23:55
on him. My brothers was the first one in there
23:59
because their room was on the other side of the
24:03
family room. They jumped on his back and I was
24:09
standing behind them while Hunter was bent over.
24:12
Being beat by at least five people. I kicked
24:15
them into the butt. I remember this so vividly.
24:19
He probably did not feel it because he was feeling
24:22
fists and blows to his back. Someone called the
24:26
police. I believe it was our next door neighbor
24:28
Emeril. Emeril was about 50 to 60, 70, I don't
24:33
know, years old and a hunter and himself became
24:37
acquaintances. Emeril was a very nosy young...
24:44
man and he knew everything that went on. I believe
24:49
he was gay also because one day his mail came
24:52
to our house on accident and it was a box with
24:59
at least 10 to 20 magazines in them and every
25:04
magazine had a new mail on the cover and all
25:11
throughout the magazine. The police came after
25:15
their deal was over. And back then domestic violence
25:19
was not a big issue, at least not in the law's
25:22
eyes. This cop that came was a real redneck.
25:29
He could not care less about the whole ordeal.
25:33
Peggy told him what happened and this pig acted
25:36
like he either did not care or he did not believe
25:40
her. The so -called cop called us into the living
25:43
room one by one and asked us what we heard and
25:46
saw. You know, the scenario was like the old
25:50
days, the old racist days, when a white cop would
25:55
go into a black household and infect the stereotype
25:59
that us blacks were often labeled with. Well,
26:03
tonight, we did fit the stereotype. A half -hearted
26:08
black fighting each other with a bunch of nappy
26:11
-headed kids. When the officer finished talking
26:14
to us, he went into the living room where Hunter
26:17
was, and talked to him for a while. The policeman
26:21
was intimidated because Hunter was acting like
26:24
a loony. After the policeman talked to Hunter,
26:28
he came back into the room and told Peggy that
26:31
since they were married, he did not have to go
26:34
anywhere. Just to let him sleep his drunk stay
26:41
off. Peggy could not believe what that pig said.
26:46
He became very nasty with her and said, If you
26:51
and your kids want to feel safe, I suggest you
26:54
all leave for the night. Ain't that about a blip?
26:59
A mother with six kids has to leave while her
27:04
drunk husband stays in a warm house. And this
27:08
was in the winter time too. I thought about spitting
27:11
on that piece of trash. I was sitting on a coffee
27:14
table with my flowery, hot polyester and cotton
27:18
robe on with about four to six rollers in my
27:25
hair hanging down to my shoulders. Hunter came
27:30
in the room. sat in a chair across from me looking
27:33
disgusting with his alcoholic breath and his
27:36
red and yellow eyes Hunter was looking at me
27:39
while saying Come here fence fence He was patting
27:44
his thighs. I hated him that night, but I was
27:47
also still scared of him I was afraid to say
27:50
no to him, so I just sat there debating what
27:53
to do I almost ran back into the room when Peggy
27:57
came in and told me not to go over there boy
28:01
was I relieved because I would have been sitting
28:04
on his lap feeling a lump of something on my
28:06
behind wishing that I would not have gone over
28:10
there. I went to the family room where my other
28:13
siblings were talking about something that was
28:17
chopped up. When I went in there I saw his and
28:22
hers plastic banks that they had chopped up into
28:29
small pieces. The head on his woman's bank was
28:34
chopped off her body. Peggy finally told us to
28:37
get some clothes for tomorrow. We did have school
28:41
the next day, but we were leaving for the night.
28:45
By this time, it was about 1 .30 in the morning.
28:47
We powered up in a brown and green station wagon.
28:50
It was the best station wagon we ever owned.
28:54
It was kind of trim and tan, you know, just sitting
28:56
there stylish, looking kind of light, looking
29:00
kind of nice. Us kids got into the car, afraid,
29:06
sleepy, wondering what was going to happen next.
29:09
We sat in the car in front of the house while
29:11
my mom and sister figure out what we're going
29:14
to do next. I was about 12 or 14. My sister was
29:22
about six years older than me. Those three minutes
29:28
that we were in the car in front of the house,
29:30
I kept looking at the front door in the driveway
29:32
hoping that Hunter would not come running out
29:35
with the machete in his hand trying to cut someone
29:37
up. After we sat there for a while, Peggy said
29:41
that she needed a weapon for when we were going
29:44
to come back home. She told my older brother
29:47
to go in the backyard, get the baseball bat,
29:57
and come back to the car. He said, I'm not going
30:00
back there. Peggy said, he is not going to hurt
30:03
you. Pray everyone will get it. So my brother
30:06
ran up there as fast as he could and brought
30:09
back the bat with him. We took off for a long
30:12
drive trying to find some place to go. Mother
30:16
with six kids would have a hard time finding
30:18
someone to take all of them in, especially in
30:23
the wee hours of the morning. After about a half
30:27
an hour of a drive, I had to use the bathroom.
30:30
So we went to a gas station where we found the
30:32
bathroom was locked because the gas station was
30:35
closed. Peggy told me to squat down beside the
30:39
car and urinate beside the back door. I did what
30:42
she said and found that everyone was looking.
30:45
I said, they're all looking at me. Turn your
30:48
head she replied I was a hesitant but I was 10
30:52
seconds from using bathroom on myself So I pulled
30:54
my gown up looked around in the car to make sure
30:58
no one was looking Began to take care of my business
31:01
when I was finished. I realized that I had no
31:04
tissue So I began to shake my bottom sock to
31:07
the side up and down trying to get as dry as
31:09
I possibly possibly could When I thought I was
31:13
dry, I stood up my gown went back down into the
31:19
car not dry at all. A little wetness plus cold
31:31
spelled uh -oh, so I began to wiggle myself dry.
31:36
It worked a little, but I began to smell like
31:39
a little urine. I tried to forget about it by
31:42
lying my head down on the seat as much as I could.
31:46
Takey decided that we would not have much time
31:48
until the sunrise, so we slept in the car. So
31:51
we slept in the car. I tried to sleep as best
31:55
as I could with my head on the armrest and my
31:58
body flattened to the side. It seemed like I
32:00
was up every 30 to 45 minutes. I just could not
32:04
sleep properly, especially with that incident
32:07
on my mind and with my cold, wet underwear. The
32:10
last time I had waking, it was almost time for
32:14
school. We were not too far from the house, so
32:17
we went back in and freshened up. We were all
32:20
hesitant about going back in the house for fear
32:23
of facing Hunter. Besides that, I cannot remember
32:27
much more about that incident. After that day,
32:32
everything seemed back to normal. That was the
32:35
way it was after every incident until something
32:38
else happened and the whole uncomfortable process
32:41
would repeat itself. That day after school, I
32:47
was walking home by myself as usual. But this
32:52
day was not like any other day. I was hurrying
32:55
home trying to escape this little short boy.
32:59
He was shorter than me. He had very brown skin
33:03
with pimples on it. He had this look that he
33:08
was anxious to get in trouble. This boy had a
33:10
crush on me since second grade. I believe I was
33:14
in the fourth grade by now. I transferred from
33:17
my old school to this school, and the first day
33:20
I went to my new school and classroom, him and
33:24
two other boys was pulling on my behind. I did
33:30
not know where they learned that from, but they
33:33
had to see someone else do it. Maybe their parents
33:35
would do that kind of thing in front of them.
33:38
All I know is that they were too young to learn
33:40
this on their own. My second grade teacher, Ms.
33:44
Doskey, had me standing in front of the classroom
33:47
to introduce myself to the class before I sat
33:51
in my assigned seat with watery eyes, very afraid
33:57
to speak to all of those strange faces. I was
34:03
so shy and timid that Hunter had to whip me at
34:06
times to get me to say hi to some of his friends.
34:15
I felt so uncomfortable around them that I would
34:17
take the whooping and be sent to my room rather
34:20
than say hi to them because that meant I would
34:24
have to be around them that much longer. I was
34:28
a very weird kid. I would think the most terrible
34:33
thoughts if I were to open my mouth. I would
34:39
think that no one would speak back to me and
34:41
then my feelings would be heard all over again.
34:43
I cried after dropping the hat for anything and
34:47
I still did somewhat. I said to my new classmates
34:52
with watery eyes, my name is Nyra. I had to repeat
34:57
myself because I spoke so low that no one can
35:00
hear me. I was able to go to my assigned seat
35:04
after the second time. I sat down with my light
35:08
blue pants on while Willie rubbed my behind and
35:17
I just sat there like a frog on a log scared
35:20
to turn around from the corner of my eye, stickering.
35:24
and told the other boy what he did. A few minutes
35:27
later, I felt another hand across my buttocks.
35:32
This time, I looked back and it was this cute
35:37
boy named Chris. But I was still mad, no matter
35:40
how cute he was. It still pissed me off. I scooted
35:45
my chair up away from them. They scooted up right
35:47
behind me and really rubbed my behind again.
35:51
By then, I was boiling inside. I raised my hand
35:54
and before the teacher turned around and yelled
35:59
out, Could you tell Willie to stop touching my
36:04
butt? This doggie was a much older lady around
36:08
60. She may have been younger than I thought,
36:12
but to young kids, grown -ups look much older
36:15
than they are. Especially folks who stay in the
36:18
sun. They tend to get more wrinkles than folks
36:20
who avoid the sun. Willie would follow me home
36:24
and threaten me because I told him. I told on
36:26
him. He would say things like, I'm going to kick
36:29
your butt or I'm going to pin you down and crisp
36:32
you. or I'm going to pin you down on the ground
36:35
and kiss you." Willie used to kick me in the
36:38
butt with his foot while I was walking up the
36:40
street to my house. One day, when he was kicking
36:45
me in my butt, he kicked me right up the anus
36:48
with his toes. It was so painful, I felt like
36:51
crying, but I did not. I did not want him to
36:54
know that he got the best of me. I had to cry
37:00
in front of people. I wanted them to think that
37:02
I was stronger than I looked, so I held a lot
37:04
of pain within myself. I had and still have a
37:08
very sensitive heart that is easily crushed by
37:11
my feelings being hurt. I can take a lot of physical
37:15
pain and if I was to cry, it was because someone
37:18
had said hurtful things to me. I went home after
37:26
the butt kicking incident and told no one as
37:30
usual. That was another problem I had. I always
37:35
kept secrets and never told anyone. The next
37:39
time I tried to hurry home from Woolly was a
37:42
snowy day and I had my blue and red mittens on.
37:45
He pulled my hair and my butt still hurt from
37:48
the previous incident. I thought about that day
37:52
and I turned around and pointed my finger at
37:55
him with my index finger that made a hole through
37:59
the mittens from my long nail and said, you fuck
38:03
with me one more time and my big brother will
38:06
pick your ass. He said, Ooh, I'm so scared. And
38:11
kicked me again. As he walked away, I prayed
38:15
that he would not come back and what I said would
38:18
work, for I had not told my brother what he had
38:23
been doing to me. It worked, because the next
38:27
time I walked home, he offered to carry my books
38:29
for me. I declined his offer. He went to the
38:33
same school up until high school, and he tried
38:35
to go out with me a couple times. A couple times
38:38
with no luck. I guess I was the kind of person
38:41
that freaks, pedophiles, sick maniacs look for.
38:45
Me, timid and shy. My grandmother lives on the
38:49
west side with my uncle who was about 40 when
38:52
he left her house. He moved in with the lady
38:55
and her kids for a few months and returned back
38:58
home. Every summer, us kids would go over to
39:00
my granny's house in twos or threes since it
39:03
was six of us all together. Either she did not
39:06
have enough room for all of us or she came up
39:09
with this clever idea so she can keep her sanity.
39:13
In the summertime, there was a lunch program
39:15
at the park down the street from her house. My
39:19
grandmother would tell us in her southern voice,
39:25
y 'all go down to the park and get your lunches.
39:28
Sometimes we would get our lunches and walk back
39:30
to the house with them. Before we would get to
39:33
the door, she would tell us to go sit in the
39:36
backyard under the shade and eat our lunches.
39:40
She would always tell us to get out of the sun
39:42
and find some shade. Almost every night before
39:46
bedtime, she would feed us peaches and ice cream
39:48
or pound cake and ice cream. I always thought
39:51
my uncle was weird. He was very handsome, but
39:54
strange. I used to keep my distance from him.
39:58
Besides this particular time when we were upstairs
40:00
in his room, this year I went to my grandmother's
40:03
house with my two brothers. It was myself, my
40:06
uncle, my brothers, and another girl. That was
40:09
related to the family somehow. My uncle came
40:12
up with this game to play. It was like... musical
40:14
tears, but he had us crawling in a circle on
40:17
the floor with our butts in the air, passing
40:20
him, and he was controlling the lamp. He would
40:25
turn the light on, and whoever was in front of
40:27
him was out of the game. He turned the light
40:31
on and off a couple of times during the game,
40:34
just to see where we were. He turned the light
40:39
out the last time, and I was crawling inside
40:42
of him. I felt someone touch my butt. The first
40:47
time I thought it was someone thumbing over me,
40:50
so I did not pay much attention. The second time
40:53
it happened, I heard, ooh, yeah. And I said,
40:57
wait a minute, turn the light back on. The light
41:01
did not come back on. So I said, I quit. And
41:05
I stumbled trying to turn out the light, trying
41:10
to turn on the light myself. The light came on,
41:14
and then I saw my uncle licking like a sick pedophile.
41:17
I got up and went downstairs to avoid him doing
41:19
it once more. As I was sitting downstairs, I
41:22
heard all the laughter and everyone having a
41:25
good time. I wanted to go have some fun with
41:28
the other kids, but not at that price. As the
41:31
years went by, I was filling out my clothes,
41:36
and he would make comments like, your butt is
41:38
getting bigger, or you have gotten bigger since
41:42
the last time I saw you, or if you want my niece.
41:47
All those comments would do is remind me of the
41:50
time when he felt my tender young ass. I understand
41:55
him, but I tolerated him through the years. I
41:58
did not dare to tell Hunter. He would have killed
42:00
him, even though he was a molester himself. Life
42:05
is very weird in the fact that you only remember
42:08
the real bad or the real good times. When we
42:11
moved to our current house, we made friends with
42:14
the two white kids who lived in a house up the
42:18
street. The girl Holly was my age and the boy
42:21
Dan was my brother's age. They lived with their
42:25
mother in a... clutter not so clean house. Cereal
42:30
would be on the floors and potato chips would
42:32
be everywhere. I was always careful whenever
42:35
I would go up there not to sit on cat hair that
42:39
was always on the couch most of the time. And
42:43
their mom would come home and make them clean
42:45
up sometimes. Dad used to eat fried worms for
42:50
protein and he would try to get us to eat them
42:52
also. We never did. He seemed a lot older and
42:56
more mature than my brother was. One day they
43:00
asked me and my brother to stay all night. My
43:06
brother was all for her, but I thought about
43:09
the filth and the crime. Dan wanted me to spend
43:15
a night with Holly to keep her company, and he
43:18
kept asking me. So I said, okay. That night when
43:23
we were asleep, Holly and I slept on a couch.
43:26
One at each end, and the boys slept on the floor.
43:30
I was sleeping really well until I felt this
43:33
wetness inside of my vagina. I looked up, And
43:36
Dan had his finger inside of me. I swung at him
43:39
but did not say a word. I did not want to be
43:42
responsible for ruining his friendship with my
43:45
brother. So I just stayed away from the house.
43:48
Or I always tell Holly to come down to my house
43:50
to play. She really did because her mother was
43:53
gone all of the time and she could not leave
43:56
the house. This is the first time I have spoken
44:00
about this incident. And this happened when I
44:04
was between the ages of 10 and 12. About a year
44:09
after they moved away, I cried because I was
44:11
going to miss Holly. She was a good friend. This
44:16
next incident I'm about to talk about is the
44:19
one of the most painful I will mention in this
44:22
book. I will probably shed a few tears while
44:25
talking about this. And this concludes this segment
44:38
of Almost Next. Until next time folks, I appreciate
44:45
you tuning in. and like i said before the real
44:52
intimate and embarrassing parts will be heard
44:55
by only my apple subscribers so the next part
45:05
only released to my apple subscribers thank you
45:09
for listening and until next time that was not
45:47
what i wanted until next time peace out