Latest / The Parenting Podcast / More Than Music: What’s Being Formed Beneath the Sound | Ep. 187

Transcript

More Than Music: What’s Being Formed Beneath the Sound | Ep. 187 · The Parenting Podcast

• 0:06
  Speaker 2: Practice.
• 0:07
  Speaker 2: It's not a word most kids love when if we're honest, most parents either.
• 0:13
  Speaker 2: But what if practice, especially music practice wasn't about performance at all?
• 0:22
  Speaker 2: What if it was about forming who we are becoming?
• 0:27
  Speaker 2: I'm Cheryl Lang and this is The Parenting Podcast, and today I'm joined by my friend Andrea.
• 0:34
  Speaker 2: Mom of four cellist and longtime teacher to talk about what happens when we bring music into our homes.
• 0:43
  Speaker 2: Even in small ways, we'll explore how music builds perseverance, confidence, and emotional strength, and why those first imperfect notes might shape your child's heart more than you think.
• 0:59
  Speaker 2: Whether you're a music lover.
• 1:02
  Speaker 2: Or a little tone deaf.
• 1:04
  Speaker 2: This episode invites you to see music not as another task, but as a quiet way to nurture growth in your children and in you.
• 1:22
  Cheryl new: Listeners, we have a special treat for you today.
• 1:25
  Cheryl new: We have Andrea Soltani in the recordings studio with us.
• 1:30
  Cheryl new: Welcome, Andrea.
• 1:31
  Cheryl new: Thank you.
• 1:32
  Cheryl new: Okay, so first, Andrea is a friend of mine.
• 1:35
  Cheryl new: She and my daughter grew up together.
• 1:37
  Cheryl new: And are dear close friends.
• 1:39
  Cheryl new: Yes.
• 1:40
  Cheryl new: But the reason we are have her here is not so she can give the skinny on my family, which would be a fun episode.
• 1:48
  Andrea: I have lots of stories.
• 1:49
  Andrea: I'd have to do a lot of editing.
• 1:51
  Cheryl new: No.
• 1:52
  Cheryl new: The reason we have Andrea in here is because she is a mom first.
• 1:56
  Cheryl new: Mm-hmm.
• 1:57
  Cheryl new: Then she's a musician, but she's also a music teacher with decades of experience, and I was so excited because I asked her, Andrea, I don't know anybody who knows about music and families and life to come in and talk to.
• 2:12
  Cheryl new: Our audience and she said she would.
• 2:14
  Cheryl new: Mm-hmm.
• 2:15
  Cheryl new: Thank you so much.
• 2:15
  Andrea: Yes.
• 2:16
  Andrea: Thanks for having me.
• 2:17
  Andrea: I'm very honored to be here
• 2:19
  Cheryl new: Alright, so Andrea, first tell us about.
• 2:21
  Cheryl new: Yourself so they know more about you.
• 2:23
  Andrea: Sure.
• 2:24
  Andrea: Yeah.
• 2:24
  Andrea: So I have four kids.
• 2:26
  Andrea: Um, I have a son who is 13, a daughter who is 10, and then I have two little boys.
• 2:31
  Andrea: They're very close together.
• 2:32
  Andrea: They're three and 18 months.
• 2:33
  Cheryl new: So you have lots of energy.
• 2:35
  Cheryl new: Yes.
• 2:36
  Cheryl new: And you have teens and pre-teens.
• 2:37
  Andrea: Yes.
• 2:38
  Andrea: So I've kind of got two very different seasons going with my kids, but thankfully they're.
• 2:43
  Andrea: Very, very close.
• 2:44
  Andrea: The big kids are wonderful, super helpful, and They get along very well.
• 2:47
  Andrea: So, so
• 2:47
  Cheryl new: Christie, this might be an episode is just say Okay, the age
• 2:51
  Andrea: gaps.
• 2:52
  Andrea: Yeah.
• 2:52
  Andrea: Yeah.
• 2:52
  Andrea: How that's, you handle a
• 2:53
  Christie 2: whole different part of parenting.
• 2:54
  Christie 2: That's
• 2:55
  Andrea: a really good idea.
• 2:55
  Andrea: Absolutely.
• 2:56
  Andrea: Yeah.
• 2:56
  Andrea: Okay.
• 2:57
  Andrea: So, I started playing cello when I was a child.
• 2:59
  Andrea: I started with a little bit of piano.
• 3:01
  Andrea: Um, and then when I was eight, I heard a Beethoven Symphony and I heard the cello line.
• 3:08
  Cheryl new: Wow.
• 3:09
  Cheryl new: And
• 3:09
  Andrea: I asked my mom, I said, what?
• 3:11
  Andrea: What instrument is that?
• 3:12
  Andrea: And she said, I think that's the cello.
• 3:14
  Andrea: Um, she said, I don't even know if kids can learn the cello.
• 3:19
  Andrea: This is back in the, you have to nineties to be taller than the instruments.
• 3:22
  Cheryl new: Yeah, I was just say you were not a tall child.
• 3:24
  Andrea: No, I was pretty petite.
• 3:25
  Andrea: I was pretty small.
• 3:26
  Andrea: I was, I don't know if they make small.
• 3:28
  Andrea: Cellos, but I'll find out.
• 3:29
  Andrea: And so she did some research in calling around and um, got me some lessons.
• 3:34
  Andrea: And it, they do make small cellos as it turns out.
• 3:36
  Andrea: They make, they make instruments as small as one 16th size, which is super cute.
• 3:41
  Andrea: Um, but anyway, so I started when I was a child and I've been playing cello ever since.
• 3:46
  Andrea: So I studied music performance at UCO and I've been teaching for a little over 20 years.
• 3:53
  Andrea: Wow.
• 3:55
  Andrea: Wow.
• 3:55
  Andrea: Uhhuh.
• 3:55
  Andrea: Yeah.
• 3:55
  Andrea: And, um, I love teaching children.
• 3:58
  Andrea: I've always taught children how to play music.
• 4:01
  Andrea: Um, I love getting them started, which I think in a lot of ways is more challenging, like the most challenging.
• 4:07
  Andrea: Time to learn.
• 4:08
  Andrea: Is that beginning maybe six months or so?
• 4:11
  Andrea: Yeah, for sure.
• 4:11
  Andrea: It's a very difficult period.
• 4:12
  Andrea: If you can kind of get through that first beginning section, um, it gets easy.
• 4:16
  Andrea: Would that be because
• 4:17
  Cheryl new: it's hard work with very little reward?
• 4:20
  Andrea: Yeah.
• 4:20
  Andrea: It's slow going.
• 4:21
  Andrea: Yeah.
• 4:21
  Andrea: And there's just so many new things that you have to do with your.
• 4:26
  Andrea: Muscles that feel very, very foreign, right?
• 4:29
  Andrea: And so that can be frustrating as well because there's not a, a super positive feedback loop.
• 4:34
  Andrea: It's hard to know, am I doing this right?
• 4:36
  Andrea: Am I not doing this right?
• 4:37
  Andrea: Um, over the years I've actually found that my calling was specifically in adult education.
• 4:44
  Andrea: And so now, um, almost all of my students are adult learners.
• 4:49
  Andrea: Oh.
• 4:49
  Andrea: And I really enjoy that.
• 4:50
  Andrea: Um, and adults come with their own set of.
• 4:52
  Andrea: Learning challenges.
• 4:54
  Andrea: Um, they're highly, um, intellectual, right?
• 4:57
  Andrea: So they understand what I'm asking them to do.
• 5:01
  Andrea: Um, but their muscles take longer to do it, right?
• 5:05
  Andrea: So it's, it's a slower process.
• 5:07
  Cheryl New (2): Ah-huh.
• 5:07
  Cheryl New (2): So you've got the maturity of their brain and their lives, but the aging of their bodies not learning and their bodies and bad habits.
• 5:14
  Cheryl New (2): Yeah.
• 5:15
  Cheryl New (2): All bad.
• 5:15
  Cheryl New (2): And those Right.
• 5:16
  Cheryl New (2): Tension.
• 5:17
  Cheryl New (2): A lot of tension.
• 5:17
  Cheryl New (2): Oh, Uhhuh.
• 5:19
  Cheryl New (2): The muscle memory is not there.
• 5:21
  Cheryl New (2): Their right, right hand eye coordination.
• 5:23
  Cheryl New (2): And so with
• 5:23
  Andrea: kids, kids are so flexible, right?
• 5:27
  Andrea: Their muscles are so responsive, they might not have any idea why you're asking them to do something and they don't actually care.
• 5:34
  Andrea: They're just like, oh, like this.
• 5:35
  Andrea: And then I'm like, yep, that's it.
• 5:37
  Andrea: And then they've just got it.
• 5:39
  Andrea: Wow.
• 5:39
  Andrea: So it's pretty amazing how responsive kids are.
• 5:41
  Andrea: Mm-hmm.
• 5:43
  Andrea: Learning new things.
• 5:44
  Andrea: Right.
• 5:44
  Andrea: Just that neuroplasticity
• 5:45
  Christie 2: and they don't have the overthinking that Right.
• 5:47
  Christie 2: Adults might have.
• 5:48
  Christie 2: Right.
• 5:49
  Andrea: Yeah.
• 5:49
  Andrea: Yeah.
• 5:50
  Cheryl new: And you mentioned neuroplasticity.
• 5:52
  Andrea: Yes.
• 5:53
  Andrea: Big word.
• 5:53
  Andrea: It's a hard word to say.
• 5:55
  Cheryl new: It's one of the things we talk about all the time here.
• 5:57
  Cheryl new: Uh, Uhhuh we know learning new things.
• 6:00
  Cheryl new: It's so good for your brain.
• 6:02
  Cheryl new: Yes.
• 6:02
  Cheryl new: And I'm
• 6:02
  Cheryl New (2): thinking How cool adults picking up learning cello Right.
• 6:06
  Cheryl New (2): Yeah.
• 6:06
  Cheryl New (2): What is the oldest student?
• 6:09
  Cheryl New (2): You've had?
• 6:09
  Cheryl New (2): Yes.
• 6:09
  Cheryl New (2): Mm-hmm.
• 6:10
  Andrea: I think my oldest student currently is.
• 6:14
  Andrea: I believe he's 86 or 87.
• 6:16
  Andrea: Wow.
• 6:17
  Christie 2: That gives me so much hope because I, I'm not musical, I won't
• 6:20
  Andrea: take credit for teaching him how to play.
• 6:22
  Andrea: Initially when we started together, he had already been playing cello for maybe three or five years, I mean he is, um, amazing and he works very hard at it, but, um, he's making great progress.
• 6:34
  Andrea: Wow.
• 6:35
  Andrea: So he started, it's never started
• 6:36
  Christie 2: in his early eighties, right around 80.
• 6:38
  Christie 2: That's amazing.
• 6:40
  Christie 2: He true for him.
• 6:41
  Christie 2: What a role model.
• 6:42
  Christie 2: Mm-hmm.
• 6:42
  Christie 2: I'm,
• 6:42
  Andrea: I, I tell him all the time if I can just be like you when I am 87.
• 6:48
  Andrea: Does he
• 6:48
  Christie 2: play other instruments in the past?
• 6:50
  Christie 2: Yes, he does.
• 6:50
  Christie 2: Okay.
• 6:50
  Christie 2: He, he plays
• 6:50
  Andrea: other instruments, but he's not a, a professional musician.
• 6:53
  Andrea: He was a cardiologist By, by professions.
• 6:56
  Andrea: Oh, retired.
• 6:57
  Cheryl new: Very interesting.
• 6:58
  Cheryl new: So tell our audience about what you and Ali, that's her husband, what y'all have recently started?
• 7:06
  Andrea: Yes.
• 7:06
  Andrea: So we've both been teaching, uh, private lessons, teaching music for about 20 years each.
• 7:12
  Andrea: And then, um, recently in June we actually opened our first.
• 7:17
  Andrea: Music school.
• 7:17
  Cheryl new: Congratulations.
• 7:18
  Cheryl new: So thank you.
• 7:19
  Cheryl new: Yeah.
• 7:19
  Cheryl new: And its name is
• 7:20
  Andrea: Soltani Music School.
• 7:22
  Cheryl new: Okay.
• 7:22
  Cheryl new: Here in Edmond, Oklahoma.
• 7:23
  Cheryl new: Here in downtown
• 7:24
  Andrea: Edmond.
• 7:24
  Andrea: We bought this beautiful craftsman home built in 1905 and we renovated it.
• 7:29
  Andrea: Oh, wow.
• 7:29
  Andrea: Yeah, it is awesome.
• 7:30
  Andrea: So cool.
• 7:31
  Andrea: It's super cool.
• 7:32
  Andrea: Um, and then we styled each one of the six teaching spaces after a different classical music composer.
• 7:39
  Cheryl new: Oh, that's fun.
• 7:40
  Cheryl new: Yeah, it's amazing.
• 7:41
  Cheryl new: She even went and looked at the.
• 7:44
  Cheryl new: Like Beethoven's House and Mozart's house.
• 7:46
  Cheryl new: Yes.
• 7:47
  Cheryl new: Wow.
• 7:47
  Cheryl new: And co copied the colors, the things
• 7:50
  Christie 2: Oh my word.
• 7:51
  Christie 2: That is so cool.
• 7:52
  Christie 2: Yes.
• 7:53
  Andrea: So I'm a big researcher and so I went and researched the, the interior design, all the aesthetic parts of each specific period, and then tried to create a space that was representative of that.
• 8:04
  Andrea: So of course it's a highly stylized space, but my idea was to make it like a living history museum, uhhuh, but for classical music.
• 8:11
  Andrea: This was very influential to me.
• 8:13
  Andrea: But when I was a child, my parents took me to a lot of living history museums.
• 8:17
  Andrea: So like we went to Jamestown, we went to Colonial Williamsburg, um, all those things.
• 8:22
  Andrea: And.
• 8:24
  Andrea: History just comes to life that way.
• 8:25
  Andrea: Mm-hmm.
• 8:25
  Andrea: Mm-hmm.
• 8:25
  Andrea: You can experience it firsthand.
• 8:27
  Andrea: And so, um, that's what I wanted to do.
• 8:29
  Andrea: But for classical music, I thought it's so hard to teach kids about classical music history.
• 8:34
  Andrea: Mm-hmm.
• 8:34
  Andrea: Yeah.
• 8:34
  Andrea: Not it's, it's a little boring sometimes.
• 8:36
  Andrea: Yeah.
• 8:36
  Andrea: I don't think it's boring, but you know, for a child trial it can be not very accessible.
• 8:41
  Andrea: Um, and so I thought, well, if we can at least give them an aesthetic.
• 8:45
  Andrea: Memory and impression.
• 8:47
  Andrea: Mm.
• 8:48
  Andrea: Of things that represent that time period in that composer.
• 8:51
  Andrea: Mm-hmm.
• 8:52
  Andrea: That's a good start.
• 8:53
  Andrea: And hopefully it creates a spark in their heart for more.
• 8:56
  Andrea: It has to be
• 8:57
  Christie 2: inspiring for them.
• 8:58
  Christie 2: Yeah.
• 8:58
  Christie 2: Yeah.
• 8:58
  Christie 2: To know they're sitting in this room surrounded by things that this brilliant composer might have been, you know, a little bit similar surroundings.
• 9:06
  Christie 2: Yes.
• 9:07
  Cheryl New (2): Alright.
• 9:07
  Cheryl New (2): And so that's sort of what I wanted.
• 9:09
  Cheryl New (2): To ask now, as a mom Yes.
• 9:12
  Cheryl New (2): Or even in your own life, how have you seen music shape you, or how have you seen it shape, um, your children?
• 9:20
  Cheryl New (2): Mm,
• 9:20
  Andrea: yeah.
• 9:21
  Andrea: The
• 9:21
  Cheryl new: impact of music?
• 9:22
  Andrea: Yeah.
• 9:23
  Andrea: Honestly, Cheryl, it's hard for me to, to differentiate.
• 9:27
  Andrea: Where that begins and where that ends for me.
• 9:30
  Andrea: Wow.
• 9:30
  Andrea: 'cause I grew up in a musical home where we had a piano and there was always music going.
• 9:35
  Andrea: And my mom loved classical music and, and music of all different genres.
• 9:39
  Andrea: Um, some of my earliest memories, I was singing and performing for my stuffed animals and things like that.
• 9:46
  Andrea: So I've always, I feel like, just had kind of music in my life, um, and as a musician and my husband's a musician.
• 9:54
  Andrea: Um.
• 9:55
  Andrea: We, we have instruments all over the house.
• 9:58
  Andrea: We have, you know, we're playing music all the time, and so it's hard for me to know exactly the impact that it has had on my children directly.
• 10:06
  Andrea: Um, but they definitely live and breathe music, right?
• 10:12
  Andrea: It's just an organic kind of part of our life that's always there in the background.
• 10:17
  Andrea: Um,
• 10:17
  Christie 2: what a gift to them.
• 10:19
  Christie 2: Wouldn't that be amazing?
• 10:20
  Christie 2: I know it sounds like you really are replicating the gift that your parents gave to you Yes.
• 10:24
  Christie 2: Of having music.
• 10:25
  Christie 2: I hope so.
• 10:25
  Christie 2: Part of your family culture.
• 10:27
  Andrea: Yeah.
• 10:27
  Andrea: Yeah.
• 10:27
  Andrea: And I've always said from the very beginning with, um, with all my kids.
• 10:32
  Andrea: I'm not gonna force them to play an instrument.
• 10:34
  Andrea: Mm-hmm.
• 10:34
  Andrea: I'm not gonna force them to be a musician.
• 10:37
  Andrea: I want them to experience it and have access to it, and then choose for themselves what they want to do.
• 10:43
  Christie 2: I love that.
• 10:45
  Christie 2: Is there a, a moment that you can think on that you've seen in your kids?
• 10:49
  Christie 2: Or I guess start with, do any of your children play instruments?
• 10:53
  Andrea: Yes.
• 10:54
  Andrea: My oldest two kids, uh, both had some piano lessons when they were pretty young.
• 10:58
  Andrea: Okay.
• 10:58
  Andrea: Which I'm a big advocate for.
• 11:00
  Andrea: I know a lot of people, a lot of adults have almost some trauma about this because True.
• 11:06
  Andrea: I do hear that their, their parents.
• 11:09
  Andrea: My
• 11:09
  Cheryl new: parents made my mom, my
• 11:11
  Andrea: mom made me take piano and I hated it.
• 11:13
  Andrea: And, and you know, I was horrible at it.
• 11:16
  Andrea: I hate to hear that.
• 11:17
  Andrea: Um, most of the time I think that that's.
• 11:20
  Andrea: More possibly the fault of the teacher and not so much the fault of the child, or that they're not musical, because I honestly believe that, um, yes, some of us are born with natural gifts or, or proclivities for certain things or the other, um, I'm not very good at sports, for example, but I think that.
• 11:38
  Andrea: Everyone can learn music and everyone can benefit from it.
• 11:42
  Andrea: No matter if you're going to be a professional musician or not.
• 11:45
  Andrea: I mean, most of us aren't going to be, right.
• 11:46
  Andrea: Mm-hmm.
• 11:46
  Andrea: But that does not, uh, take away from the immense value that we get from music education.
• 11:52
  Cheryl new: So what are they, yes.
• 11:54
  Cheryl new: What would be the benefits?
• 11:55
  Cheryl new: I mean, besides being able to play the instrument?
• 11:58
  Cheryl new: Mm-hmm.
• 11:59
  Cheryl new: What do you know professionally, and as you've watched it in people.
• 12:03
  Cheryl new: Mm-hmm.
• 12:03
  Cheryl new: What is there, why?
• 12:06
  Cheryl new: Why music?
• 12:06
  Andrea: Yeah.
• 12:07
  Andrea: That's a great question.
• 12:08
  Andrea: I mean, the first things are maybe pretty obvious on the surface that it's a great outlet for creative expression.
• 12:15
  Andrea: Mm-hmm.
• 12:15
  Andrea: Right?
• 12:15
  Andrea: And so it's a great way to, you know, because you're, you're, you can, you can improvise, you can create music, you can write songs, um, whatever that looks like for you, uhhuh.
• 12:25
  Andrea: So there's, there's no end to the amount of creativity that you can pour into music.
• 12:30
  Andrea: Um, but even if you don't write your own music, just the simple act of.
• 12:35
  Andrea: Playing music for yourself, is so therapeutic, right?
• 12:40
  Andrea: Yeah.
• 12:40
  Andrea: It helps us emote and process our feelings, whether that's a sad song or a happy song or whatever.
• 12:46
  Andrea: I mean, and that's true for children.
• 12:47
  Andrea: Mm-hmm.
• 12:48
  Andrea: Very, very young children, right?
• 12:49
  Andrea: I mean, that starts super early.
• 12:51
  Andrea: Beyond that.
• 12:52
  Andrea: It is so instrumental in building confidence when children can learn to take on a challenge, overcome it, practice it, learn that you don't have to be naturally good at it.
• 13:05
  Andrea: You have to just work hard, and then you see results, right?
• 13:09
  Andrea: Mm-hmm.
• 13:09
  Andrea: It's not a, are you gonna be able to do this or not?
• 13:11
  Andrea: It's just a repetition thing.
• 13:13
  Andrea: Mm-hmm.
• 13:13
  Andrea: Right?
• 13:13
  Andrea: Mm-hmm.
• 13:14
  Andrea: And, and it's always repetition at every level, even professionals.
• 13:17
  Andrea: They're not gonna get something right the very first time.
• 13:19
  Andrea: They might have to practice that shift or whatever, multiple times.
• 13:23
  Andrea: And then it's like, okay, now I've got it.
• 13:25
  Andrea: And that's the mastery, right?
• 13:26
  Andrea: So there's a lot of reward in working hard in music, right?
• 13:30
  Andrea: So they overcome a lot of challenges.
• 13:32
  Andrea: Um, in that, I think of course you have discipline.
• 13:35
  Andrea: Right?
• 13:35
  Andrea: Yes.
• 13:36
  Andrea: And so it's confidence building discipline., And then for me, I think one of the huge benefits for both children and adults is learning how to perform.
• 13:47
  Andrea: So it's really the earlier, the better for kids.
• 13:50
  Andrea: When they learn how to perform, they learn that, okay, I've prepared something.
• 13:54
  Andrea: I worked really hard on it, I prepared it.
• 13:56
  Andrea: Now I'm gonna get up on a stage or in front of a room full of people, most of whom I do not know.
• 14:01
  Cheryl new: Mm.
• 14:02
  Cheryl new: Mm-hmm.
• 14:03
  Andrea: And reproduce and demonstrate what I'm able to do.
• 14:07
  Andrea: Right.
• 14:07
  Andrea: I've done the work, now I'm gonna perform.
• 14:10
  Andrea: And then hopefully they have a positive experience with that, and then they get the applause.
• 14:16
  Andrea: Mm-hmm.
• 14:16
  Andrea: Yeah.
• 14:16
  Andrea: Mm-hmm.
• 14:16
  Andrea: And, and then you've had a good positive experience with performing the earlier the better for that.
• 14:22
  Andrea: Right?
• 14:22
  Andrea: Mm.
• 14:22
  Andrea: So you don't develop performance anxiety.
• 14:25
  Andrea: Mm-hmm.
• 14:25
  Andrea: Um, this carries over into pretty much all areas of life.
• 14:28
  Andrea: True.
• 14:29
  Andrea: I think it carries over into most careers and professions.
• 14:32
  Andrea: Right.
• 14:32
  Andrea: So when you get to.
• 14:34
  Andrea: College and you're being asked to get up in front of the room and make a presentation.
• 14:39
  Andrea: Mm-hmm.
• 14:39
  Andrea: Yeah.
• 14:39
  Andrea: PowerPoint or something, or business or
• 14:40
  Cheryl new: anything
• 14:41
  Andrea: business.
• 14:41
  Andrea: You're in the boardroom.
• 14:42
  Andrea: You're like, well, you know, I've gotta do this report or get up.
• 14:45
  Andrea: I mean, it gives you that confidence.
• 14:46
  Andrea: It builds that in you, that idea that I can prepare, I know my stuff.
• 14:51
  Andrea: I'm just gonna go speak on what I know.
• 14:53
  Andrea: Right?
• 14:54
  Andrea: Wow.
• 14:54
  Andrea: That's a skill that anyone can learn, but I don't think it's a skill that comes particularly naturally to people.
• 15:00
  Andrea: Mm-hmm.
• 15:01
  Andrea: Right.
• 15:01
  Andrea: So the more you practice it, the easier it is.
• 15:04
  Andrea: See,
• 15:04
  Cheryl New (2): I love that.
• 15:04
  Cheryl New (2): Mm-hmm.
• 15:05
  Cheryl New (2): Because that's what you try to teach your children is We practice making the bed until we can make it.
• 15:11
  Cheryl New (2): Well, whatever it is.
• 15:12
  Cheryl New (2): Your math, everything in life.
• 15:14
  Cheryl New (2): Tying shoes.
• 15:15
  Cheryl New (2): Mm-hmm.
• 15:16
  Cheryl New (2): You know, everyone gets frustrated that they don't get things the first time.
• 15:20
  Cheryl New (2): And I'd never thought about this benefit coming from music.
• 15:23
  Andrea: It's the perseverance.
• 15:24
  Andrea: Mm-hmm.
• 15:24
  Andrea: Yeah.
• 15:24
  Andrea: Yeah.
• 15:25
  Christie 2: Yeah, I hadn't thought of the process of preparing something, presenting it, receiving the applause.
• 15:31
  Christie 2: And there's gotta be a character element in there too.
• 15:34
  Christie 2: Of humility.
• 15:35
  Christie 2: Yes.
• 15:36
  Christie 2: But also a quality of pride in your work and your accomplishments.
• 15:40
  Andrea: And a big part of that too is, um, you said humility.
• 15:43
  Andrea: I think it's actually good for children to make mistakes when they perform and learn how to cope with that in the moment.
• 15:50
  Christie 2: Mm.
• 15:51
  Andrea: And learn that.
• 15:52
  Andrea: It's okay to make a mistake.
• 15:53
  Andrea: Mm-hmm.
• 15:54
  Andrea: And it doesn't ruin the entire performance., You know what I mean?
• 15:57
  Andrea: So, which
• 15:57
  Christie 2: is also dependent on the teacher and the parents responses to those types of things.
• 16:03
  Christie 2: You know, one of the
• 16:04
  Cheryl new: Principals, we talk about all the time is we want to give our children a safe place to fail.
• 16:09
  Cheryl new: Mm-hmm.
• 16:09
  Cheryl new: In our home.
• 16:10
  Cheryl new: Exactly.
• 16:11
  Cheryl new: And music is one of those good ones.
• 16:12
  Cheryl new: I hadn't thought, again, the character that's being built mm-hmm.
• 16:17
  Cheryl new: In this.
• 16:18
  Andrea: Okay.
• 16:18
  Andrea: Yeah.
• 16:18
  Andrea: So you asked me about, um, do any of my kids play an instrument?
• 16:21
  Andrea: Yeah.
• 16:21
  Andrea: And my son Christopher, actually recently picked up the drums.
• 16:26
  Andrea: Okay.
• 16:26
  Andrea: So he expressed interest in that and we got him lessons and he has the most amazing teacher and he's local.
• 16:32
  Andrea: And so if anybody wants to ask me, I'll refer you to him.
• 16:36
  Andrea: He is amazing and he's so encouraging and he has taken off and, I could Be more thrilled that he's playing the drums.
• 16:43
  Andrea: And of course there is a natural, I think, proclivity for it for Christopher because I really don't think it's, to my credit, I think it's more that he's just been around music so much as a child.
• 16:54
  Andrea: Um, I'm a big believer in having a piano in the home that you are able to play, okay.
• 17:01
  Andrea: It's not like, oh no, you're not allowed to touch that
• 17:04
  Christie 2: uhhuh.
• 17:04
  Christie 2: But even like
• 17:05
  Andrea: the youngest ages with babies, toddlers, allowing them to touch a piano is actually great for their brains.
• 17:12
  Andrea: It's great you know, their fine motor skills and all those kinds of things, and to learn how to respect the instrument early on.
• 17:18
  Andrea: Like, oh no, we don't bang on the keys.
• 17:19
  Andrea: We just do try doing one at a time.
• 17:22
  Andrea: You know, let's do self control there.
• 17:23
  Andrea: Let's do, yeah, let's do loud notes now let's do soft notes.
• 17:25
  Andrea: Let's do high notes now let's do low notes.
• 17:27
  Andrea: Um, it helps so much, and I will just share this.
• 17:32
  Andrea: I think that as a teacher.
• 17:34
  Andrea: Specifically with adults, the biggest difference I've seen in their ability to make it through that first season that I was talking about.
• 17:42
  Andrea: Yeah.
• 17:42
  Andrea: Beginner.
• 17:43
  Andrea: The hard thing, the beginner hump, right.
• 17:45
  Andrea: Mm-hmm.
• 17:45
  Andrea: The first struggle of like, making it through that first section.
• 17:49
  Andrea: Um, I honestly think it's if they've had music.
• 17:53
  Andrea: In the home when they were a child and if they had piano lessons.
• 17:58
  Andrea: Here we go back to the piano lessons that everybody detests.
• 18:01
  Andrea: Um, if they had even just one semester of piano, really it helps them immensely.
• 18:07
  Andrea: Wow.
• 18:08
  Andrea: Their success rate is much higher, even if they didn't like their piano lessons, Uhhuh.
• 18:13
  Andrea: And I honestly think, and I don't have any scientific research to back this up, but it's just my own experience speaking.
• 18:20
  Andrea: I think that it's because they have a very foundational understanding of the relativity of music.
• 18:25
  Andrea: They understand when I go from a white key to a black key, that's a half step, and when I go from a white key to a white key, that's a whole step.
• 18:31
  Andrea: And just having that tactile
• 18:33
  Christie 2: mm
• 18:34
  Andrea: part of piano where this.
• 18:37
  Andrea: Button here equals this note.
• 18:40
  Andrea: Okay.
• 18:40
  Andrea: Right.
• 18:40
  Andrea: And how it's related to the other notes around it, because with the piano you have 88 keys and you have every single note available to you, laid out horizontally in a visual representation.
• 18:50
  Andrea: You don't have to create the note, you just have to hit the right key.
• 18:53
  Andrea: Right, right.
• 18:54
  Andrea: There's something with cello.
• 18:55
  Andrea: Is it a little more difficult to learn, especially if you don't have any background in music because you have to create the notes and so it's a little more abstract in in concept.
• 19:07
  Andrea: So
• 19:07
  Cheryl new: it's being a string instrument, like a violin.
• 19:09
  Andrea: Yes.
• 19:10
  Cheryl new: You have a greater learning curve than with have to go find the note.
• 19:14
  Cheryl new: Yes.
• 19:14
  Andrea: In terms of like people talk about, you know, like the difficulty, um.
• 19:20
  Andrea: String instruments are higher.
• 19:22
  Andrea: Yeah.
• 19:22
  Andrea: And difficulty to learn.
• 19:23
  Andrea: Not that you can't do it.
• 19:24
  Andrea: I really actually believe anyone can play the cello if they want to.
• 19:28
  Andrea: And I'm happy to, to teach you.
• 19:29
  Andrea: I'm happy to help you get there.
• 19:31
  Andrea: Um, but it, the learning curve is gonna be a little bit higher mm-hmm.
• 19:34
  Andrea: For something like that than it would be for.
• 19:36
  Andrea: Piano.
• 19:37
  Andrea: So I just think that there's really so much benefit in having a little bit of piano in your life
• 19:42
  Cheryl new: So Interesting.
• 19:42
  Cheryl new: Okay.
• 19:42
  Cheryl new: So I think of parents who either didn't have a good experience or they want to mm-hmm.
• 19:46
  Cheryl new: They're not musical themselves.
• 19:49
  Cheryl new: And then we do have this, you mentioned how the parents respond to the children's failures and efforts.
• 19:56
  Cheryl new: Yes.
• 19:57
  Cheryl new: Where is that line?
• 19:58
  Cheryl new: Can you give a little bit of encouragement to the parents listening?
• 20:02
  Cheryl new: How do they persevere in this?
• 20:05
  Cheryl new: How do they love their children?
• 20:07
  Cheryl new: Well, to get them to continue to stay without being helicopter parents about it.
• 20:13
  Cheryl new: Hovering, forcing your success or failure.
• 20:17
  Cheryl new: You know what I'm talking about?
• 20:19
  Cheryl new: Yeah.
• 20:19
  Cheryl new: It's intimidating and it's hard work.
• 20:22
  Cheryl new: So how would you talk to us?
• 20:23
  Cheryl new: Mm-hmm.
• 20:23
  Cheryl new: If we're parents and we have our children in there and we're saying they don't like it, they don't wanna practice, miss Andrea, what do we do?
• 20:30
  Cheryl new: Mm-hmm.
• 20:31
  Andrea: I would generally suggest that you see it through at least.
• 20:35
  Andrea: To the end of a semester, so you give it a little bit of time.
• 20:38
  Andrea: Mm-hmm.
• 20:39
  Andrea: So for, I'll give you a personal example.
• 20:41
  Andrea: When I was about halfway through my first cello book, so I'd probably been playing for about three months, like less than a semester.
• 20:49
  Andrea: Yeah.
• 20:49
  Andrea: I got to this song called Brigadoon.
• 20:51
  Andrea: Okay.
• 20:52
  Andrea: Which is like a nursery rhyme.
• 20:53
  Andrea: It's like, it's very simple.
• 20:56
  Andrea: Okay.
• 20:57
  Andrea: And I got so frustrated about Brigadoon that I told my mom I wanted to quit.
• 21:01
  Andrea: Mm.
• 21:01
  Andrea: I was like, no, I'm done with cello.
• 21:02
  Andrea: I don't wanna do it anymore.
• 21:03
  Andrea: This is too hard.
• 21:04
  Andrea: I can't play Brigadoon.
• 21:05
  Andrea: It's too hard.
• 21:07
  Andrea: And we laugh about that.
• 21:08
  Andrea: Now, of course, laugh about that now because you know, I became a professional cellist, right?
• 21:13
  Andrea: So she just said, just let's just wait till the end of the semester.
• 21:17
  Andrea: Let's just keep taking lessons.
• 21:18
  Andrea: Let's see what your teacher says.
• 21:20
  Andrea: Try to not be too hard on yourself.
• 21:22
  Andrea: Right.
• 21:23
  Andrea: Um, I think that whether or not the child wants to do it does factor in, right?
• 21:28
  Andrea: We don't wanna force kids to do something that they literally hate, but I think the better question is why do they hate it?
• 21:34
  Andrea: Mm-hmm.
• 21:34
  Andrea: Do they feel like they're being forced to do it?
• 21:36
  Andrea: Um, do they feel like a lot of pressure to perform well?
• 21:40
  Andrea: Mm-hmm.
• 21:40
  Andrea: I don't know the answer to that question, right?
• 21:42
  Andrea: It.
• 21:43
  Andrea: It really depends on the circumstances, but I would take the approach as a parent.
• 21:47
  Andrea: Um, if your child is learning an instrument and they're taking lessons and they're feeling discouraged from the get go, I wouldn't force them to practice.
• 21:56
  Andrea: Okay.
• 21:57
  Andrea: Oh,
• 21:57
  Cheryl new: really?
• 21:58
  Andrea: Instead of you being the bad guy, let your music teacher be the bad guy.
• 22:04
  Andrea: Oh, I
• 22:04
  Cheryl new: like this.
• 22:05
  Cheryl new: Mm-hmm.
• 22:05
  Cheryl new: I like this.
• 22:06
  Cheryl new: So
• 22:06
  Andrea: your job is to get the instrument out.
• 22:09
  Andrea: So whether it's a piano being opened and you're giving them permission to play, you know, except for maybe these few times when it's too loud or it's after bedtime or something.
• 22:16
  Andrea: But in in general, they have.
• 22:18
  Andrea: Open access to, yeah, the instrument, right?
• 22:21
  Andrea: If it's a cello or a violin, that means bringing it home, getting it out of the case, putting it in a safe spot, but where they can literally pick it up whenever they feel like it.
• 22:29
  Andrea: So a little designated practice area for them does wonders.
• 22:33
  Andrea: And then your job is just to encourage them, Hey, don't forget you haven't practiced today.
• 22:37
  Andrea: Do you wanna maybe pick up that cello sometime?
• 22:39
  Andrea: Wow.
• 22:39
  Andrea: Or maybe after dinner you could play a song for us.
• 22:41
  Andrea: Maybe after dinner you could practice a little bit or whatever it is, however it's built into your schedule.
• 22:45
  Andrea: And I would be, you know, very encouraging and reminding them to practice.
• 22:51
  Andrea: Mm-hmm.
• 22:52
  Andrea: But it's always about.
• 22:54
  Andrea: You don't wanna like kill that spark that they have.
• 22:57
  Andrea: Yeah.
• 22:57
  Andrea: It has to be fun.
• 22:58
  Andrea: It's gonna be hard work, but they have to enjoy it at the same time.
• 23:02
  Andrea: Mm.
• 23:02
  Andrea: Right.
• 23:03
  Andrea: I remember when I was a child, my one of my best friends.
• 23:07
  Andrea: Not, not Deborah, one of my best friends, um, she took piano and I went to stay for a couple days at her house and her mom said, okay, it is time for you to practice piano and.
• 23:22
  Andrea: She didn't want to.
• 23:24
  Andrea: And so she set her in a room with the piano and set a timer for 30 minutes.
• 23:29
  Andrea: Wow.
• 23:29
  Andrea: And said, you can't come out of here until you practice for 30 minutes.
• 23:32
  Andrea: And I was horrified,
• 23:34
  Christie 2: Uhhuh.
• 23:35
  Andrea: And I was, I mean, I was like, you know, nine or something.
• 23:37
  Andrea: I thought, this is.
• 23:38
  Andrea: Not good.
• 23:40
  Andrea: Um, so I would just say in general.
• 23:43
  Andrea: Encourage them, but be an encourager and a cheerleader.
• 23:47
  Andrea: Mm-hmm.
• 23:48
  Andrea: And not.
• 23:48
  Andrea: You know, too authoritarian about, oh, you have to practice for 30 minutes, or you have to practice for this set amount of time.
• 23:54
  Andrea: It's really never about the quantity of time that you practice.
• 23:58
  Andrea: It's always about the quality of time that you practice, right?
• 24:02
  Andrea: And it's okay.
• 24:03
  Andrea: If a child goes through a rough patch where they're not practicing, we actually just encourage them to see it through for a while and see if that changes.
• 24:10
  Andrea: Right?
• 24:10
  Andrea: Mm.
• 24:10
  Andrea: Sometimes maybe they're just going through a hard time.
• 24:12
  Andrea: Maybe they're overwhelmed with other things.
• 24:14
  Andrea: So as a parent, you know, I, I wouldn't pull the plug just because they're having a little bit of, you know, you wanna encourage them to work through that challenging, challenging point.
• 24:24
  Cheryl new: Well see, this is really good parenting.
• 24:26
  Cheryl new: Yeah.
• 24:28
  Cheryl new: I mean, that's the way we would approach most other problems.
• 24:30
  Cheryl new: Right.
• 24:30
  Cheryl new: That's what I
• 24:30
  Christie 2: was thinking is this, these things apply to all areas of mm-hmm.
• 24:34
  Christie 2: You know, forcing things on your kids is not usually the best approach or most helpful.
• 24:39
  Cheryl new: Right.
• 24:39
  Cheryl new: But walking alongside of them, encouraging, encouraging.
• 24:44
  Cheryl new: Supporting them when they fail.
• 24:46
  Cheryl new: Mm-hmm.
• 24:46
  Cheryl new: Ah, I just didn't know quite how much a big package Sure.
• 24:50
  Cheryl new: That music was going to be.
• 24:52
  Cheryl new: Andrea, this has been fantastic.
• 24:54
  Cheryl new: What else would you leave us with?
• 24:57
  Andrea: I would say two main things.
• 24:58
  Andrea: One, um, as a parent, if you're not a musician, don't be intimidated trying to incorporate music into your children's lives.
• 25:06
  Andrea: Oh.
• 25:06
  Andrea: Um, you can play music in the car when you're driving, doesn't matter what ages, right?
• 25:12
  Andrea: Yeah.
• 25:12
  Andrea: You can sing songs to them at night.
• 25:15
  Andrea: Um, I think it's really, really special to give your babies even when they're like, they're just newborns.
• 25:20
  Andrea: Pick a song that you love that you feel like kind of captures.
• 25:24
  Andrea: Their spirit and sing it to them every single day, and then that becomes their song.
• 25:29
  Andrea: Right?
• 25:30
  Andrea: Wow.
• 25:30
  Andrea: Music is so deeply integrated with our memory.
• 25:34
  Andrea: Um.
• 25:36
  Andrea: You can learn a song when you're five years old and 75 years later somebody can sing that song.
• 25:44
  Andrea: Mm.
• 25:44
  Andrea: And all the words come right back.
• 25:45
  Andrea: It's crazy.
• 25:46
  Andrea: And, and the melody comes right back.
• 25:48
  Andrea: Right.
• 25:48
  Andrea: It's crazy.
• 25:48
  Andrea: And, so, and there's also been amazing research on music therapy and how it can help heal your body.
• 25:54
  Andrea: And so in addition to the emotional and kind of cognitive benefits that we talked about earlier, mm-hmm.
• 26:01
  Andrea: There are.
• 26:02
  Andrea: Literal physical benefits that are healing.
• 26:05
  Andrea: Um, so don't miss out on that, right?
• 26:08
  Andrea: Music is so beautiful.
• 26:09
  Andrea: If you're not incorporating music into your life, um, I feel like you're missing out on so much beauty and so much opportunity to connect with your kids.
• 26:19
  Andrea: And it doesn't matter if you can sing or not.
• 26:21
  Andrea: Sing'em that special song.
• 26:22
  Andrea: Mm.
• 26:23
  Andrea: And it will stay with them their whole life.
• 26:24
  Andrea: Right.
• 26:25
  Andrea: So doing little practical things like that.
• 26:27
  Andrea: You don't have to be a musician or even a good singer.
• 26:30
  Andrea: You don't even have to carry a tune, quote unquote.
• 26:32
  Andrea: It's because they're hearing your voice.
• 26:35
  Cheryl New (2): And I will affirm that my mom's been gone for a while.
• 26:38
  Cheryl New (2): Mm-hmm.
• 26:38
  Cheryl New (2): And I can remember i was probably five years old, she couldn't carry.
• 26:43
  Cheryl New (2): A tune in a bucket.
• 26:44
  Cheryl New (2): Mm-hmm.
• 26:44
  Cheryl New (2): But I can remember when, and actually what she was doing.
• 26:48
  Cheryl New (2): She was dusting and cleaning.
• 26:51
  Cheryl New (2): And she was singing actually some hymns.
• 26:54
  Cheryl New (2): Mm-hmm.
• 26:55
  Cheryl New (2): And.
• 26:55
  Cheryl New (2): It is a treasured thing.
• 26:57
  Cheryl New (2): Deep in my heart, I hear that song now and I go back to remembering being with her, and what a sweet memory it is.
• 27:04
  Cheryl New (2): Yes, Andrea let me ask you about your school of music.
• 27:07
  Cheryl New (2): Do you have a website?
• 27:09
  Andrea: Yeah, we do.
• 27:09
  Andrea: It's Soltani music.com and you can also find us on all the social media.
• 27:14
  Cheryl new: Excellent.
• 27:14
  Cheryl new: Um,
• 27:14
  Andrea: yeah.
• 27:15
  Andrea: Yeah.
• 27:15
  Andrea: We would love to have your, for a tour Yeah.
• 27:18
  Cheryl new: That's great.
• 27:18
  Cheryl new: Oh wow.
• 27:18
  Cheryl new: Thanks again so much.
• 27:20
  Cheryl new: And hey parents, remember, hang in there.
• 27:25
  Cheryl new: Keep singing, keep loving, keep persevering because it's worth it.
• 27:32
  Speaker: You know, listening to Andrea reminded me that music doesn't have to be polished to matter.
• 27:38
  Speaker: It doesn't even have to be good.
• 27:40
  Speaker: What stays with our kids isn't perfect notes.
• 27:44
  Speaker: It's presence.
• 27:46
  Speaker: It's us showing up, singing off key in the kitchen or clapping along in the car.
• 27:54
  Speaker: And as they get older, it might look different.
• 27:56
  Speaker: Maybe it's letting them pick the playlist on the way to school, or sharing songs that meant something to you when you were their age.
• 28:05
  Speaker: It's still the same idea, connection that starts with listening.
• 28:11
  Speaker: So maybe this week, pick one small thing, play that song that makes you smile, leave the instrument out instead of packed away.
• 28:23
  Speaker: Or take a few moments to listen together.
• 28:27
  Speaker: No agenda, just connection.
• 28:30
  Speaker: Don't overthink it.
• 28:31
  Speaker: Just start those small moments.
• 28:34
  Speaker: Do more than fill silence.
• 28:36
  Speaker: They shape belonging.
• 28:39
  Speaker: And if you'd like to see what Andrea and her husband are doing here in Edmond, visit Soltani music.com.
• 28:47
  Speaker: I'd also like to hear how music is finding its way into your home.
• 28:51
  Speaker: Send us a note.
• 28:52
  Speaker: contact@theparentingpodcast.com or reach out through our social media, because music isn't the point.
• 29:01
  Speaker: It's what it awakens in us While it plays.