Latest / Silver FM 100.6 / Is IVF actually right for you?
Transcript
- 0:00Speaker 1: This is Ira Glass. On This American Life, we tell
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- 0:25Speaker 3: You know, people think about IVF as this sure thing,
- 0:28Speaker 3: and it's not a sure thing. And that kind of
- 0:30Speaker 3: topples people over when they're like, well, I was, you know,
- 0:32Speaker 3: I was banking on IVF.
- 0:34Speaker 4: Yeah.
- 0:34Speaker 2: People talk about it as a type of insurance policy,
- 0:37Speaker 2: but it's really not a guarantee.
- 0:41Speaker 5: Yeah.
- 0:41Speaker 3: And it's not even necessarily the best choice for everyone
- 0:45Speaker 3: trying to start a family. Just listen to reproductive endocrinologist Dr.
- 0:50Speaker 3: Lucky Seacon. She's who we featured in our first story
- 0:53Speaker 3: on how.
- 0:53Speaker 6: To get breastfed.
- 0:54Speaker 7: There's a whole swath of women in my generation that
- 0:57Speaker 7: feel blindsided and that feel they didn't have all of
- 1:00Speaker 7: the correct information. And maybe with the advent of egg
- 1:04Speaker 7: freezing and all this chatter and headlines about IVF, they
- 1:06Speaker 7: actually had an overconfidence in how much science can overcome.
- 1:10Speaker 7: And I see that every day.
- 1:14Speaker 6: Well, we are going to set the record straight today.
- 1:16Speaker 6: You're listening to Life Kit.
- 1:18Speaker 2: By the way, I'm Mariel Segarra, and I am talking
- 1:20Speaker 2: to Life Kit reporter Andy Tegel. about the things to
- 1:23Speaker 2: know when you're considering getting pregnant with the help of
- 1:26Speaker 2: reproductive technology like IVF.
- 1:29Speaker 8: That's right.
- 1:29Speaker 3: And it's not just IVF, by the way. The umbrella
- 1:32Speaker 3: term here is ART. That stands for Assisted Reproductive Technology.
- 1:37Speaker 3: I'm going to apologize up front because that is not
- 1:39Speaker 3: the last of the acronyms coming your way. What we're
- 1:41Speaker 3: going to do today is give you a lay of
- 1:43Speaker 3: the land. So we'll break down some of the different
- 1:45Speaker 3: options available, the general price of those options, timelines, some
- 1:49Speaker 3: legal considerations. and how to deal with your feelings as
- 1:52Speaker 3: you go through it all.
- 1:53Speaker 6: That's coming up after the break.
- 1:57Speaker 9: This week on Up First, we talk about the economy. Trucks, trains,
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- 2:03Speaker 9: record highs, with less than 50 days until the midterm elections.
- 2:08Speaker 9: So the next six weeks are going to be intense.
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- 2:15Speaker 9: Listen to Up First on the NPR app or wherever
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- 2:20Speaker 5: Austin Tice is an American journalist who disappeared over a
- 2:24Speaker 5: decade ago while reporting in Syria. And for years, we've
- 2:29Speaker 5: been searching for him.
- 2:30Speaker 10: This looks like a secret passage.
- 2:32Speaker 9: I'm just pushing a.
- 2:32Speaker 8: Door so he can get in.
- 2:34Speaker 9: Go, go, go.
- 2:35Speaker 5: Listen to Where Is Austin Tice? from NPR's Embedded and
- 2:39Speaker 5: BBC Radio 4 on the NPR app or wherever you
- 2:42Speaker 5: get your podcasts.
- 2:47Speaker 10: Hey, it's me, Peter Sagal, host of Wait, Wait, Don't
- 2:49Speaker 10: Tell Me. It's leaf peeping season, so why not peep
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- 3:03Speaker 10: the NPR app or wherever you get your podcasts.
- 3:09Speaker 3: No matter your specific situation, I'd bet if you're listening
- 3:13Speaker 3: to this episode, your list of potential worries is a
- 3:17Speaker 3: long one. And on the top, a great big, where
- 3:21Speaker 3: do I start? Or when do I start?
- 3:25Speaker 11: Don't start with the paperwork. There'll be plenty of paperwork.
- 3:28Speaker 11: Start with the family that you want to build in mind.
- 3:32Speaker 3: This is Janine Oliaga, a family formation attorney and reproductive
- 3:37Speaker 3: rights advocate. And she brings us Takeaway 1. To find
- 3:42Speaker 3: the right fertility path for you, Start by defining the
- 3:46Speaker 3: picture of your ideal future family, and then plan your runway.
- 3:52Speaker 3: As in, what's your ideal family size? When you close
- 3:56Speaker 3: your eyes and look at that future family portrait on
- 3:58Speaker 3: the wall, how many little ones do you see? Is
- 4:02Speaker 3: it important to you that the children staring back at
- 4:04Speaker 3: you actually look like you? Or your partner, if you
- 4:08Speaker 3: have one? Do you feel strongly about experiencing pregnancy?
- 4:12Speaker 8: I always recommend to start this process one or two
- 4:16Speaker 8: years before you're actually ready to get pregnant.
- 4:18Speaker 3: Maria Goodman is a licensed midwife and co-author of the book,
- 4:22Speaker 3: Baby Making for Everybody, Family Building and Fertility for LGBTQ
- 4:27Speaker 3: Plus and Solo Parents.
- 4:29Speaker 8: And I focus a lot on empowering queer folks and
- 4:32Speaker 8: solo parents throughout their family building journeys.
- 4:34Speaker 3: Maria's top recommendation to all the people they work with,
- 4:39Speaker 3: if the luxury is available, is, is to give yourself
- 4:42Speaker 3: as much time as possible. Let's go through the motions
- 4:46Speaker 3: of building that ideal family to better understand why that
- 4:49Speaker 3: timeline is so important. Making a baby, we know, requires
- 4:54Speaker 3: three ingredients. Egg cell, sperm cell, and a uterus. So
- 5:00Speaker 3: if you don't have all those things ready to go,
- 5:02Speaker 3: the next step in building that family portrait will be
- 5:05Speaker 3: figuring out how you want to go about sourcing whatever
- 5:07Speaker 3: components you're missing. For example, If you have two uteruses
- 5:13Speaker 3: in your relationship or your partner has motility issues, you'll
- 5:17Speaker 3: have to decide where your sperm is coming from.
- 5:20Speaker 8: It can take a long time to understand your choices
- 5:23Speaker 8: between a known or directed donor, someone in your community
- 5:27Speaker 8: that you want to enter into a legal and relational
- 5:33Speaker 8: contract to become the sperm donor or go through the bank.
- 5:37Speaker 3: Let's quickly note for the record that The process of
- 5:41Speaker 3: choosing a gamete donor, meaning someone who donates their egg
- 5:46Speaker 3: or sperm cells, could probably have an episode all its own.
- 5:51Speaker 3: Because Maria says a lot of people can get really
- 5:54Speaker 3: stuck in this part of the process. But since we're
- 5:58Speaker 3: only dreaming for now, here's a way to start narrowing
- 6:02Speaker 3: down your options.
- 6:03Speaker 8: Choose your five most compelling, rank them one through five,
- 6:07Speaker 8: and then let your top three guide you.
- 6:10Speaker 3: Once you have those sorted, you have to actually go
- 6:13Speaker 3: and find that donor. If you go through a sperm
- 6:17Speaker 3: or egg bank, the process can be quick once you've
- 6:20Speaker 3: made a decision. Like three to five business days type quick.
- 6:26Speaker 3: Going the fresh route can take much longer. Anywhere from
- 6:30Speaker 3: a few weeks to half a year, depending on who
- 6:34Speaker 3: or what you're looking for. Plus, getting all the necessary
- 6:38Speaker 3: testing done... and contracts written up. And if you need
- 6:43Speaker 3: a gestational surrogate, you can plan to tack on anywhere
- 6:46Speaker 3: from a few more months to a few years to
- 6:49Speaker 3: find the right match. And when you've made it through
- 6:52Speaker 3: all of that, it's time to prepare physically. Let's note,
- 6:57Speaker 3: this might be a more extensive process for some than
- 7:01Speaker 3: simply tracking your cycle.
- 7:03Speaker 8: So I work with a lot of trans men who
- 7:06Speaker 8: are decide that they want to carry a pregnancy. And
- 7:09Speaker 8: we know from some small but well-done studies that it
- 7:14Speaker 8: takes about three to four months for people going off
- 7:17Speaker 8: of gender-affirming hormone therapy to return to ovulation and be
- 7:21Speaker 8: able to conceive. And before doing that, we strongly recommend
- 7:25Speaker 8: setting up major support systems because it can be a
- 7:29Speaker 8: big emotional undertaking.
- 7:31Speaker 3: Now, we're only talking hypotheticals, but you can see how
- 7:36Speaker 3: quickly the time can start to add up, right? And
- 7:40Speaker 3: we haven't gotten to the procedures yet, which brings us
- 7:44Speaker 3: to takeaway two, which A-R-T is right for Y-O-U.
- 7:53Speaker 11: There's so many different paths to parenthood through all different means,
- 7:56Speaker 11: gestational surrogacy, egg donation. So there is no one way
- 8:01Speaker 11: to become a parent.
- 8:03Speaker 3: Generally speaking, finding the right path will depend on a
- 8:07Speaker 3: few different factors. Primarily, age, health, and budget. We'll start
- 8:14Speaker 3: with age. Let's say you and your partner are both
- 8:18Speaker 3: currently 38, and that future family portrait features two, maybe three, perfect,
- 8:26Speaker 3: precocious little ones, all with matching PJs and one of
- 8:30Speaker 3: their grandma's curly locks. Here's Dr. Lucky Seacon again.
- 8:36Speaker 7: The American Society for Reproductive Medicine says, if you're 38
- 8:39Speaker 7: and older and you know you want to have two
- 8:41Speaker 7: children and you haven't started that journey yet, it's very
- 8:45Speaker 7: reasonable to consider interventions like IVF to freeze embryos, given
- 8:50Speaker 7: what we know about how fast the biological clock begins
- 8:53Speaker 7: to tick.
- 8:55Speaker 3: Oh, the biological clock. You might have heard that this
- 8:58Speaker 3: clock starts ticking around age 35. Lucky says there's no
- 9:04Speaker 3: on-off switch like that, but 35, for people with uteruses,
- 9:09Speaker 3: is considered somewhat of a turning point. So if you
- 9:13Speaker 3: were to map out on a chart the health of
- 9:15Speaker 3: your egg cells through your lifespan, age 35 is when
- 9:19Speaker 3: you start to see a downward slope because the proteins
- 9:24Speaker 3: that keep the chromosomes in egg cells lined up correctly
- 9:27Speaker 3: slowly begin to break down with age.
- 9:30Speaker 7: But I want to say... that nobody has perfect eggs.
- 9:33Speaker 7: Even in our 20s, 20 to 25% of embryos will
- 9:37Speaker 7: have missing or extra DNA. And that increases to about
- 9:42Speaker 7: maybe a third of.
- 9:42Speaker 11: Them at 35.
- 9:43Speaker 7: By 37 or 38, your odds are more like 50-50.
- 9:44Speaker 3: And by age 40, the split is 70-30, meaning up
- 9:46Speaker 3: to 70% of the time, an egg cell will And
- 9:51Speaker 3: by age 40, the split is 70-30, meaning up to
- 9:57Speaker 3: 70% of the time, an egg cell will have missing
- 10:01Speaker 3: or extra DNA. So it's going to be harder to
- 10:05Speaker 3: have a viable pregnancy naturally. Your number of eggs also
- 10:09Speaker 3: decreases with time and starts to decrease more rapidly around,
- 10:15Speaker 3: you guessed it, age 35. And this can be true
- 10:20Speaker 3: of sperm quality too, by the way. So you want
- 10:23Speaker 3: to take all of this into consideration before choosing a
- 10:26Speaker 3: treatment option. If you're on the younger side, like mid
- 10:30Speaker 3: to late 20s, and you know you want to have
- 10:33Speaker 3: a family, but maybe later down the line, Lucky says
- 10:37Speaker 3: it might be worth exploring freezing eggs or embryos now,
- 10:40Speaker 3: if you can, or sooner rather than later.
- 10:43Speaker 7: It's kind of like giving yourself a head start should
- 10:46Speaker 7: you ever need IVF because it's The egg count and
- 10:50Speaker 7: quality decreasing can make it harder, even with the best
- 10:53Speaker 7: of technology, to overcome infertility.
- 10:56Speaker 3: If you're on the young side or somewhere in between,
- 10:59Speaker 3: say early 30s, but you don't have a ton of
- 11:04Speaker 3: disposable income or you don't like the idea of lots
- 11:07Speaker 3: of needles.
- 11:08Speaker 8: There are less medicalized ways to go about the process.
- 11:12Speaker 3: Maria is a practitioner of at-home intrauterine insemination. or IUI,
- 11:20Speaker 3: which is a far less involved, less invasive method of
- 11:23Speaker 3: trying to conceive than IVF. With IUI, a sperm sample
- 11:28Speaker 3: is collected and then washed, so only high-quality sperm are left.
- 11:33Speaker 3: That sperm is then inserted into the uterus using a
- 11:36Speaker 3: catheter during ovulation. It's a more budget-friendly option and is
- 11:42Speaker 3: more likely to be covered by insurance. but it also
- 11:45Speaker 3: has a lower success rate than IVF at any age.
- 11:51Speaker 3: One study, for example, clocked the pregnancy rate for patients
- 11:54Speaker 3: under 30 as 52.3% for IVF, while IUI yielded 39.2%.
- 12:03Speaker 3: So if you're older than 35 and you've been trying
- 12:06Speaker 3: for more than six months, or if budget isn't a
- 12:10Speaker 3: concern and you want to go straight for the best odds,
- 12:14Speaker 3: Maybe you do head straight to your nearest IVF doc.
- 12:17Speaker 3: But you should know that there are trade-offs. In vitro
- 12:22Speaker 3: fertilization involves surgical procedures, daily hormone injections, and monitoring over
- 12:28Speaker 3: a period of four to six weeks per cycle. All
- 12:32Speaker 3: of which come with separate price tags. And while it's
- 12:37Speaker 3: an effective option for many people, not everyone will be
- 12:41Speaker 3: a candidate for IVF. If you suffer from certain high-risk
- 12:46Speaker 3: health conditions, like severe heart or lung disease, for example,
- 12:51Speaker 3: severe mental health disorders, or are past a certain age
- 12:55Speaker 3: and unwilling to use donor gametes, you might not qualify
- 12:59Speaker 3: for treatment. And with all of these options, it's important
- 13:04Speaker 3: to note that many people don't get pregnant on the
- 13:07Speaker 3: first go. So it's important to build in buffer time.
- 13:13Speaker 3: not to mention an emotional and financial buffer, for multiple tries.
- 13:19Speaker 3: Maria says they often help their clients to come up
- 13:21Speaker 3: with a loose plan based on their ideal.
- 13:25Speaker 8: And that usually involves three to four tries with a
- 13:28Speaker 8: certain method and then changing something. So changing either the
- 13:32Speaker 8: method of conception, the donor sperm. It can be a
- 13:36Speaker 8: winding journey and we don't know what options are going
- 13:40Speaker 8: to make the most sense until we're there.
- 13:43Speaker 3: After the break, let's talk that baby-making budget.
- 13:58Speaker 12: I haven't seen my son since 2012.
- 14:01Speaker 5: This is Deborah Tice. The disappearance of her son, Austin,
- 14:05Speaker 5: is one of the biggest missing person cases in the world.
- 14:09Speaker 5: What do you want from me?
- 14:10Speaker 3: I should solve the mystery. I know that my son
- 14:12Speaker 3: is somewhere alive.
- 14:14Speaker 5: Listen to Where Is Austin Tice from NPR's Embedded and
- 14:18Speaker 5: BBC Radio 4 on the NPR app or wherever you
- 14:21Speaker 5: get your podcasts.
- 14:22Speaker 13: Hi there, I'm Brittany Luce. And not to brag, but
- 14:25Speaker 13: I host a really fabulous podcast. It's called It's Been
- 14:29Speaker 13: a Minute. I love making it and I think you'll
- 14:31Speaker 13: love listening to it. Over the last year, hundreds of
- 14:34Speaker 13: thousands of listeners have been tuning in And I gotta say,
- 14:38Speaker 13: if you haven't yet, you're missing out. Listen to the
- 14:41Speaker 13: It's Been a Minute podcast from NPR today.
- 14:46Speaker 3: Okay, so maybe now we have an idea of what
- 14:49Speaker 3: the path ahead could look like. The dream is hazy
- 14:54Speaker 3: at the edges, but it's starting to take form. Now
- 14:58Speaker 3: it's time for an ice cold bucket of reality.
- 15:04Speaker 4: So we typically say an average IVF baby costs $ 70, 000, 7-0.
- 15:10Speaker 3: This is Angela Rastegar, the co-founder and CEO of Sunfish,
- 15:16Speaker 3: a fertility financing company. Before starting her business, she worked
- 15:21Speaker 3: for another large fertility firm where she was tasked with
- 15:24Speaker 3: helping clients understand the full cost of becoming parents.
- 15:29Speaker 4: People would cry to me on the phone or... you know,
- 15:33Speaker 4: sell their engagement rank or dip into their 401k. And
- 15:36Speaker 4: it was just really breaking my heart to see people
- 15:39Speaker 4: making these very difficult financial decisions.
- 15:43Speaker 3: Takeaway three, becoming a parent through ART can be a
- 15:49Speaker 3: big investment. Understand the full financial picture before you sign
- 15:55Speaker 3: on any dotted lines. The first bit, retrieving and freezing
- 15:59Speaker 3: the eggs is assuming they're your own.
- 16:02Speaker 4: That's typically between $ 8, 000 to $ 15, 000 or so plus medication.
- 16:08Speaker 4: You're going to need different medications just to retrieve them.
- 16:12Speaker 3: If you're going to go through a full cycle, so
- 16:15Speaker 3: you're going to fertilize those eggs and sperm, test the embryos,
- 16:19Speaker 3: and then transfer them to a uterus.
- 16:22Speaker 4: We typically see an IVF cycle cost about $ 25, 000 plus medication,
- 16:27Speaker 4: which is typically another five to ten thousand dollars.
- 16:31Speaker 3: And each time you do another embryo transfer.
- 16:35Speaker 4: That usually costs another four to seven thousand dollars or
- 16:39Speaker 4: so so you have to pay for that each time
- 16:41Speaker 4: and it takes most people a few attempts to go
- 16:44Speaker 4: through that whole process.
- 16:46Speaker 3: And if you don't have all your own ingredients don't
- 16:49Speaker 3: forget you'll have a few more things to add to
- 16:52Speaker 3: your shopping cart.
- 16:54Speaker 8: Donor sperm. $ 1, 500 to $ 2, 000 each.
- 16:58Speaker 3: Don't forget to multiply by four to six attempts on
- 17:02Speaker 3: average for people with no known fertility issues. Donor egg.
- 17:08Speaker 4: Anywhere from 6,000 to up to, I've seen, 50,000. And
- 17:11Speaker 4: if you need a surrogate. Anywhere from 150,000 to 200,000.
- 17:13Speaker 3: I know the numbers are scary to go into. Now,
- 17:25Speaker 3: at this point, you might be wondering, where does insurance
- 17:29Speaker 3: come in?
- 17:30Speaker 4: Insurance benefits are growing. Some employers have benefits. We currently
- 17:34Speaker 4: estimate about 42 percent of treatments are covered by some
- 17:39Speaker 4: sort of insurance or benefit. So 42 percent, that means
- 17:43Speaker 4: the other 58 percent are paying totally out of pocket.
- 17:46Speaker 3: So that's, you know, not great in some cases. Insurers
- 17:53Speaker 3: might require you to start with certain procedures before covering others.
- 17:58Speaker 3: For example, you might only get paid out for IVF
- 18:01Speaker 3: after trying IUI a certain number of times. So make
- 18:06Speaker 3: sure to read the fine print on your policy. And
- 18:09Speaker 3: then talk to your doctor about what makes the most
- 18:11Speaker 3: sense for you.
- 18:13Speaker 4: For example, if you're older, if you're worried about timing,
- 18:16Speaker 4: do you want to stop and try that? for six
- 18:19Speaker 4: months or just go straight to IVF. That would probably
- 18:21Speaker 4: be a conversation your doctor would have with you.
- 18:23Speaker 3: And when you go for that initial consultation, be sure
- 18:27Speaker 3: to ask for a complete bottom line picture of the costs.
- 18:30Speaker 4: Including transfers, testing, any other costs that might be included,
- 18:34Speaker 4: not just your first step of the egg retrieval and
- 18:37Speaker 4: embryo creation.
- 18:38Speaker 3: And while we're on the subject... Another big cost saver
- 18:43Speaker 3: is thoroughly vetting your clinic and making sure you have
- 18:46Speaker 3: a trustworthy provider that will treat you and your embryos
- 18:49Speaker 3: with the utmost care. Not all clinics are created equal.
- 18:54Speaker 3: There's a ton of helpful information for every individual IVF
- 18:59Speaker 3: program in the U.S. via the CDC and the Society
- 19:04Speaker 3: for Assisted Reproductive Technology at art.cdc.gov. Now, you'll want to
- 19:13Speaker 3: be careful when looking at individual clinic numbers because they're
- 19:17Speaker 3: not all meaningful and not necessarily one-to-one, but you can
- 19:23Speaker 3: and should confirm that they're accredited and that they adhere
- 19:27Speaker 3: to the guidelines set forth by the American Society for
- 19:30Speaker 3: Reproductive Medicine. It's also not a bad idea to take
- 19:35Speaker 3: a look at and even ask about your clinic's live
- 19:38Speaker 3: birth rate. that information at least might be able to
- 19:42Speaker 3: make you feel more secure before handing over your.
- 19:45Speaker 4: Credit card because a typical American family doesn't have that
- 19:49Speaker 4: much cash just sitting ready to go, especially a young couple.
- 19:53Speaker 4: It's a very sizable amount of debt that people are
- 19:56Speaker 4: taking on to pursue this journey.
- 19:59Speaker 3: Remember, you're allowed to get creative.
- 20:02Speaker 8: I have a community member whose sibling started a family
- 20:05Speaker 8: building fund at their wedding to help cover the cost
- 20:10Speaker 8: of donor sperm or fertility treatments and help them feel
- 20:14Speaker 8: like they had support during that process.
- 20:17Speaker 3: There are also a lot of different orgs out there
- 20:19Speaker 3: that offer cost-saving measures. One great resource to get you started,
- 20:25Speaker 3: an organization called RESOLVE, the National Infertility and Family Building Association.
- 20:33Speaker 3: Whatever you decide to do about your finances and A
- 20:36Speaker 3: small silver lining here is the opportunity to have those
- 20:39Speaker 3: hard but necessary conversations early on. Which brings us to
- 20:45Speaker 3: takeaway four. Set expectations early, often, and in writing. It's
- 20:56Speaker 3: important to be aware upfront that the terms and conditions
- 20:59Speaker 3: of your fertility journey can vary a lot depending on
- 21:03Speaker 3: things like what you're planning to do, where you live,
- 21:07Speaker 3: or both. One of Janine's big disclaimers for people just
- 21:12Speaker 3: starting out.
- 21:13Speaker 11: Before you commit to a path, make sure you know,
- 21:15Speaker 11: will this result in the recognition of my legal parenthood?
- 21:19Speaker 11: Don't spend money, time, effort, emotion to find out that
- 21:23Speaker 11: a door is closed because the state that you plan
- 21:26Speaker 11: to move forward in no longer has that or has
- 21:28Speaker 11: never had that as an option for you.
- 21:30Speaker 3: Currently, for instance, There's proposed legislation in several states around
- 21:36Speaker 3: the idea of personhood. Very briefly, these personhood bills would
- 21:42Speaker 3: establish legal rights for embryos by defining life as beginning
- 21:46Speaker 3: at conception or fertilization. What that means is, in the future,
- 21:52Speaker 3: depending on where you live, you might not be able
- 21:55Speaker 3: to access embryos you've already frozen or find access to
- 21:59Speaker 3: an IVF center or fertility treatments available at all. Some
- 22:04Speaker 3: paperwork you definitely want to think about upfront, contract language
- 22:08Speaker 3: for any kind of donor or surrogate. The example Janine
- 22:12Speaker 3: gave me here is a gay couple. If two men
- 22:15Speaker 3: want to have a baby that is genetically related to
- 22:18Speaker 3: one of them, they'll need to first find an egg
- 22:20Speaker 3: donor and then a gestational surrogate. Contracts will be required
- 22:25Speaker 3: for both the donation and the surrogacy process. And then
- 22:30Speaker 3: once baby is born, Both partners can be the legal parents,
- 22:34Speaker 3: but one person will neither share genetics nor gestate the pregnancy.
- 22:39Speaker 11: The law needs to recognize the intended parents, not simply
- 22:43Speaker 11: assume that the person giving birth is the intended parent.
- 22:46Speaker 11: So there's just so much extra planning for anyone who's
- 22:51Speaker 11: having a child through assisted reproductive technology, but specifically for
- 22:54Speaker 11: LGBTQ individuals.
- 22:56Speaker 3: One idea that was novel to me is but that
- 22:59Speaker 3: Janine says is growing in popularity and relevance, adding a
- 23:03Speaker 3: fertility clause to your prenup.
- 23:07Speaker 11: I don't think there's a better time to discuss it.
- 23:09Speaker 11: I mean, when you are getting married to someone, you're
- 23:12Speaker 11: thinking about building a life with them. Why not talk about, hey,
- 23:16Speaker 11: if we have to go through IVF or if we
- 23:18Speaker 11: are going through IVF, what do we want to happen
- 23:20Speaker 11: to our embryos? There is so much litigation, specifically in
- 23:24Speaker 11: New York where I practice, over IVF. Embryos in the
- 23:28Speaker 11: context of a divorce. Who gets them and who's a
- 23:30Speaker 11: legal parent of children born from those embryos?
- 23:35Speaker 3: Before I let you go, let's check in. That was
- 23:39Speaker 3: a whole lot of information at once. How are we feeling?
- 23:44Speaker 3: If the answer is closer to overwhelmed than over the
- 23:48Speaker 3: moon excited, no one could blame you. I.
- 23:52Speaker 8: think it's really important to normalize grief as part of
- 23:56Speaker 8: the family building journey.
- 23:58Speaker 3: Maria has helped thousands of people through this process and
- 24:02Speaker 3: they say they don't think they've seen anyone go through
- 24:05Speaker 3: it without some form of grief. Be it the anxiety
- 24:11Speaker 3: of not knowing what will happen or the frustration of
- 24:14Speaker 3: not being able to get pregnant within the confines of
- 24:17Speaker 3: your own relationship. But even though your pregnancy journey might
- 24:21Speaker 3: not look the same as your cousin's or that friend
- 24:24Speaker 3: from high school on social media, Maria says the uniquely
- 24:29Speaker 3: wonderful part about baby making in this way is how
- 24:32Speaker 3: purposeful you can be as you build a life for
- 24:35Speaker 3: your future family.
- 24:36Speaker 8: I think it's a beautiful gift that we give our
- 24:38Speaker 8: children of them knowing that they were so wanted.
- 24:46Speaker 3: All right, let's recap. Takeaway one, to find the right
- 24:50Speaker 3: fertility path, picture your future family and give yourself as
- 24:54Speaker 3: much runway as you can. A few years in advance,
- 24:58Speaker 3: if possible. Takeaway two, fertility treatments are not one size
- 25:03Speaker 3: fits all. Consider your age, your health, your budget before
- 25:08Speaker 3: moving forward. Takeaway three, are you willing to go into
- 25:13Speaker 3: debt to become a daddie? Becoming a parent through ART
- 25:17Speaker 3: can be a BIG investment. Make sure you understand the
- 25:22Speaker 3: full cost before jumping in. Finally, takeaway four, IVF, IUI,
- 25:30Speaker 3: finding donor gametes, they're all complicated processes that come with
- 25:36Speaker 3: equally complicated decision making. Setting expectations up front and in
- 25:42Speaker 3: writing will save you heartache, Later down the line.
- 25:49Speaker 6: That was LifeKit reporter Andy Tegel. And that's our show.
- 25:53Speaker 6: By the way, you're a fan of LifeKit, right? Well,
- 25:56Speaker 6: don't keep us a secret. What do you think about
- 25:58Speaker 6: telling a friend you like LifeKit? Send them an episode.
- 26:02Speaker 2: Thanks for helping us spread the word about our show.
- 26:06Speaker 2: This episode of LifeKit was produced by Margaret Cerino. Our
- 26:09Speaker 2: digital editor is Malika Garib and our visuals editor is
- 26:12Speaker 2: CJ Rikulan. Megan Cain is our senior supervising editor, and
- 26:16Speaker 2: Lauren Gonzalez is our executive producer. Our production team also
- 26:19Speaker 2: includes Claire Marie Schneider, Lennon Sherburn, and Sylvie Douglas. Engineering
- 26:24Speaker 2: support comes from Tiffany Vera Castro. Fact-checking by Tyler Jones.
- 26:29Speaker 2: I'm Mariel Segarra. Thanks for listening.
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