Latest / Mic Drop Comedy / Trump_s Iran War Plan Was Dumber Than You Thought _ U.S. Indicts 94-Year-Old Castro _ The Daily Show

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Trump_s Iran War Plan Was Dumber Than You Thought _ U.S. Indicts 94-Year-Old Castro _ The Daily Show · Mic Drop Comedy

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: There were six important congressional primaries yesterday, so you know
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: what that means. If you live in Alabama, Georgia, Idaho, Kentucky, Oregon,
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: or Pennsylvania, you forgot to vote. And once again, the
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: big story is Donald Trump absolutely stomping on disloyal Republicans
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: like Godzilla with slightly thicker ankles.
• 0:19
  Speaker 2: Another round of retaliation for President Trump. He has helped
• 0:23
  Speaker 2: unseat one of his most prominent Republican critics on the Hill,
• 0:27
  Speaker 2: Congressman Thomas Massey, who spearheaded the law forcing the release
• 0:31
  Speaker 2: of the Epstein files.
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that'll teach you to try to expose pedophiles. What
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: is going on here? Releasing the Epstein files didn't put
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: anyone in prison. The guy who got the Epstein files
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: released got voted out. And meanwhile, the Michael Jackson movie
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: made $ 300 million. Is America pro-pedophile now? Jeffrey, you killed
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: yourself too early. The tides were turning. But let's move
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: on from Trump meddling in primaries to him meddling all
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: over the world, starting with his war in Iran. And
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: I know people that think that Donald Trump didn't have
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: a plan for the war. But guess what, libtards and
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: military generals? Turns out he did have a plan. It
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  Speaker 1: was just very stupid.
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  Speaker 3: New reporting reveals an early objective of the war with
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  Speaker 3: Iran involved a regime change strategy... that would reinstate former
• 1:38
  Speaker 3: Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad as the country's leader.
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  Speaker 2: Yes, that Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, the president of Iran from 2005
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  Speaker 2: to 2013, the man who strongly supported Iran's nuclear program
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  Speaker 2: and more.
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  Speaker 1: So the plan to stop Iran from getting nuclear weapons
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: was to install a leader who wanted to get nuclear weapons?
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: I love it, no notes. And if you hate this plan,
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: don't worry. That wasn't the part that didn't work.
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  Speaker 3: Ahmadinejad was injured on the war's first day by an
• 2:14
  Speaker 3: Israeli strike at his home in Tehran that had been
• 2:17
  Speaker 3: designed to free him from house arrest.
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  Speaker 1: So you're telling me that two entire countries thought the
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: smartest way to free someone from house arrest was to
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  Speaker 1: blow up his house? Nobody suggested, I don't know, calling
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: a locksmith, maybe sneaking him out in a laundry bin.
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: What was the thinking here? You can't be under house
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  Speaker 1: arrest if you don't have a house.
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  Speaker 3: So....
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  Speaker 1: Obviously, that plan didn't work. In fact, everything in the
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: war of Iran has been a lot harder than we thought.
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: But this is America. And what do we do when
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  Speaker 1: things get hard? Say it with me. We lose interest
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: and move on to other things. For example, Greenland. Yeah!
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: Remember this shit? It was Trump's original takeover target, and
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: now he's got a new strategy for doing it. Seduce
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: them with kindness.
• 3:26
  Speaker 2: Louisiana Governor Jeff Landry was in Greenland this week, his
• 3:29
  Speaker 2: first trip as President Trump's new special envoy to the
• 3:33
  Speaker 2: Danish territory. Do you have a message from President Trump
• 3:36
  Speaker 2: with you?
• 3:37
  Speaker 3: Actually, I do.
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  Speaker 1: I talked to him late last night.
• 3:39
  Speaker 4: He said, go over there and make a bunch of friends,
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  Speaker 4: as many friends as we can.
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: Damn, this male loneliness epidemic is really getting out of control.
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  Speaker 4: I mean.
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: American middle-aged men are such losers that we have to
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: need to take over Greenland just to make friends? Yes,
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: Greenland has just been visited by America's special envoy, which
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: for some reason is the governor of Louisiana. And it
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: shouldn't be hard to make friends, because any country who
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: has the little circles over the letters is always friendly, right? Denmark, Sweden,
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: the country in Frozen. So I'm sure it went fine.
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: He wanted to know if.
• 4:21
  Speaker 4: You were famous.
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: Oh. I don't know if he's famous, but he's the
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: governor of Louisiana.
• 4:26
  Speaker 4: Yeah, you want to take a picture?
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: No? This Greenland kid is like, oh, sorry, you said
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: you're the governor of which state? Nah, I'm good, I'm good.
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: Is Kathy Hochul around or someone else? Like, come on, kid,
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  Speaker 1: you're not impressed by Jeff Landry? This man is the
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: governor of America's second most illiterate state. Does that mean
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: anything to you? But sure, I get it. I mean,
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: phones nowadays can only hold, like, what, 60,000 photos? You
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: gotta make them count. I mean, Jeff, you're embarrassing us
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: in front of our future colony. Step up your game, okay?
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: Turn on that Southern charm.
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  Speaker 4: Greenland news outlets reported that Landry was seen handing out
• 5:16
  Speaker 4: chocolate cookies.
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: You come to the governor's mansion, all the chocolate chip
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: cookies you can eat. Stranger! Stranger danger! Stranger! Great idea
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: for winning over the people of Greenland. Talk to them
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: like the neighborhood pedophile. I'm telling you, Epstein, you went
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: too soon, all right? Everything would have been okay. So,
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: Greenland isn't working out either. But don't worry, there are
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: lots of countries we can still pick a fight with.
• 5:47
  Speaker 2: Breaking news, the Department of Justice filing criminal charges against
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  Speaker 2: former Cuban president Raul Castro.
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: The 94-year-old Castro is the brother of Fidel Castro. Holy shit,
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: we're gonna send a 94-year-old man to jail? Like, what's
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: the point? Everywhere that guy sits is death row. I mean...
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: I mean, look at this guy. He's so old, he
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  Speaker 1: needs help walking from another old guy. Where are you
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  Speaker 1: going to find a jury of his peers? With a
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: Ouija board? On the plus side, I guess you don't
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: need to handcuff him. You can just tie his hands
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: together with his long droopy balls. At least this shows
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: that no one is above the law, even if your
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: pants are above your nipples. Yeah, yeah.
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  Speaker 3: I know, I know.
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  Speaker 1: It's funny, right? It's a good thing none of us
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  Speaker 1: are ever getting old. Anyway, let's hear the charges. The
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  Speaker 1: 94-year-old faces criminal charges in his alleged role in ordering two.
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  Speaker 4: Aircrafts to be shot down back when he was the
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  Speaker 4: defense minister in 1996.
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  Speaker 1: Oh man, the charges are from 1996? That was 30
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: years ago. He was only, what, 64 at the time?
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  Speaker 1: I mean, we all do crazy shit when we're young.
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  Speaker 1: For more on America's military efforts in Cuba, we go
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: live to Havana with our very own Jordan Klepper. Jordan,
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: the people love you. Why is America going after a
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  Speaker 1: 94-year-old leader?
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  Speaker 4: Oh, oh, so now you like old people in charge, huh?
• 7:42
  Speaker 4: Everyone complains about a gerontocracy, but Trump's the only one
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  Speaker 4: willing to do something about it. Taking out aging leaders
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  Speaker 4: with health conditions is what he does best. Raul Castro,
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  Speaker 4: Ayatollah Khomeini, Joe Biden, you know? Trump's as dangerous to
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  Speaker 4: the elderly as uneven floors. So what?
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  Speaker 1: We're gonna go kidnap Castro and bring him to court
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  Speaker 1: like we did with Nicolas Maduro? Is that really the
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: best use of America's military?
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  Speaker 4: Turns out, yes. We're not exactly spreading democracy or winning wars.
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  Speaker 4: The only war our defense secretary has won is the
• 8:21
  Speaker 4: one against dry January. But... But what the enormous combined
• 8:27
  Speaker 4: forces of the American military can do is beat up
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  Speaker 4: an old man. I'm talking targeted methodical elder abuse. So,
• 8:36
  Speaker 4: hear our message. If your dictator is on a mostly
• 8:39
  Speaker 4: soup diet and says things like, in my day, computers
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  Speaker 4: used to take up a whole room, then American justice
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  Speaker 4: is on the way, and they're not even gonna see
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  Speaker 4: us coming. And not just because of their nickel-sized cataracts.
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  Speaker 1: Okay, but aren't we worried about the repercussions? I mean,
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  Speaker 1: these old leaders are gonna be furious.
• 9:00
  Speaker 4: I mean, what are they gonna.
• 9:01
  Speaker 3: Do, huh?
• 9:03
  Speaker 4: Threaten not to send us a birthday card with a
• 9:06
  Speaker 4: whole $ 5 in it? In this economy, that's an insult! No,
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  Speaker 4: you old tyrants better get your affairs in order, because
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  Speaker 4: America will be sending you to a slightly early grave.
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  Speaker 4: You hear that, autocrats? No, really, can you hear that?
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  Speaker 4: Turn the volume up! I'm trying to threaten you!
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  Speaker 1: Okay, do we need to spend tens of billions of
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  Speaker 1: dollars to take out people who are gonna be naturally
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  Speaker 1: replaced soon anyway?
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  Speaker 4: Uh, yes, Ronnie. We will show no mercy. Wherever you are,
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  Speaker 4: we're going to find you. Whether it's in a bingo hall,
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  Speaker 4: a model train convention, the penny slots in Atlantic City,
• 9:51
  Speaker 4: an aqua-robics class, a shuffleboard court, a lemon party, a
• 9:56
  Speaker 4: rascal scooter store, one of those seats that takes you
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  Speaker 4: up the stairs, any room that has a TV playing Bonanzas.
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  Speaker 1: Okay, okay, okay. We get it. We get it.
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  Speaker 4: That's just the beginning, Ronnie. Old autocrats everywhere will be
• 10:10
  Speaker 4: living in fear that at any moment, naval seals will
• 10:13
  Speaker 4: rappel down into their bedrooms, gently wake them up, hand
• 10:17
  Speaker 4: them their glasses, find their walker, retrieve their slippers, no,
• 10:20
  Speaker 4: their other good slippers, then get their pillbox, tell them
• 10:23
  Speaker 4: that grandkids are not really an option right now. I
• 10:25
  Speaker 4: know you want them, but I'm just not in a
• 10:27
  Speaker 4: good financial place right now. It's just a different world
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  Speaker 4: from the one you grew up in, God damn it.
• 10:32
  Speaker 4: The point is... Nobody over the age of 70 is
• 10:35
  Speaker 4: safe from us, and I mean nobody.
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  Speaker 1: Oh. Nobody. Nobody. Okay. Okay. Well, uh, what about Vladimir Putin? No,
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: he's safe. All right. Jordan Klepper, everybody.