Latest / Live 100 Podcast with Jason Yarusi / How To Get Control of Your Life

Transcript

How To Get Control of Your Life · Live 100 Podcast with Jason Yarusi

• 0:00
  Speaker: The far majority of people are emotionally tasked by what is happening outside of their control.
• 0:07
  Speaker: I remember, you know, just at certain points in my life, just feeling constantly out of control.
• 0:16
  Speaker: And it's because I was allowing the outside influences to inflect in my mental state in a way that wasn't self-serving to me.
• 0:23
  Speaker: That is where you have to take back the control.
• 0:26
  Speaker: It just gives us a certain way to think about how to really just own your life.
• 0:31
  Speaker: You know, that circle, it might seem small, but it's where all of your power lies.
• 0:35
  Speaker: All right, let's go.
• 0:43
  Speaker: If you're tired, not feeling fit, tired, just not having a focus, tired, just not having a life that you deserve.
• 0:46
  Speaker: This is the place to be on Jason Yarusi and today.
• 0:48
  Speaker: Let's just talk about taking control of your life.
• 0:51
  Speaker: You know, so many times we talk about all the things that affect us, the amount of time and energy we spend worrying about things that are just out there in the universe that really we have no control of.
• 1:03
  Speaker: If you look at yourself in comparison of the world, you will find that the far majority of people are emotionally tasked by what is happening outside of their control.
• 1:17
  Speaker: Think about your day so far.
• 1:18
  Speaker: Have you worried about the weather, traffic, the economy, something you saw on social media, or even what an other person might just be thinking about you?
• 1:26
  Speaker: Maybe someone sent you a short text and somehow after you wondered if they were upset, or a coworker walked into the room in a bad mood, and you assume it was because you had just done something wrong, or perhaps you've been replaying a past decision that's gone wrong, wishing you would just go back and somehow just magically change it, or just in fact that somehow, somewhere in the past, right, you're regretting what you hadn't done.
• 1:48
  Speaker: And these thoughts come up, and surprisingly, they take up all of your mental space.
• 1:54
  Speaker: The circle just keeps going around.
• 1:56
  Speaker: And honestly, that is where you have to take back the control.
• 2:00
  Speaker: It just gives us a certain way to think about how to really just own your life.
• 2:05
  Speaker: Imagine you had three circles that overlapped inside one another, right?
• 2:10
  Speaker: And the small circle is the circle that you control.
• 2:12
  Speaker: It contains these things that are ultimately are truly yours thoughts, your words, your choices, your efforts, your attitude, your boundaries, and the way you respond to what actually happens.
• 2:24
  Speaker: You can cannot always control that first thought that enters your mind, but you can decide how to react to it.
• 2:29
  Speaker: You can decide not to keep feeding it.
• 2:31
  Speaker: You can't control how another person speaks to you, but you can choose how you respond to that person or just may even control what happens next.
• 2:39
  Speaker: But on the other side, you can't control what happens next to you in terms of life.
• 2:43
  Speaker: But you can decide how you're going to respond when it does happen.
• 2:47
  Speaker: You know, that circle, it might seem small, but it's where all of your power lies.
• 2:52
  Speaker: The next circle is that circle of influence.
• 2:54
  Speaker: It's these situations you can't control, but some way they could still maybe have an effect on you.
• 3:00
  Speaker: You prepare carefully for an important meeting, but you can't control that, however, what would be the final decision or outcome from that meeting at hand.
• 3:08
  Speaker: You communicate honestly in a relationship and you just can't force that other person just to understand.
• 3:13
  Speaker: You can guide and you can encourage or support your children, support your coworkers and contribute throughout your community.
• 3:20
  Speaker: But every other person is still gonna have thoughts and choices, really, that might not actually align with yours.
• 3:26
  Speaker: In this circle, it's your responsibility to show up well and do what you can, but then release your demand and honestly just understand that there's gonna be a particular result that you might not like.
• 3:38
  Speaker: And here, here's a largest circle, right?
• 3:40
  Speaker: It's a circle of concern, and it holds everything you care about but cannot personally command.
• 3:45
  Speaker: It's world events, the economy, company decisions, the weather, right?
• 3:49
  Speaker: Traffic, other people's opinions, the past, and countless possible future events.
• 3:54
  Speaker: These things, you know, honestly, some are important, right?
• 3:57
  Speaker: And they may feel really important.
• 3:59
  Speaker: But letting go of control doesn't mean stop caring.
• 4:01
  Speaker: It means that you're just not going to recognize and worry about things that are just completely outside of your ability to influence.
• 4:08
  Speaker: This real challenge begins when we treat everything in the outer circle as if it belongs in the center.
• 4:13
  Speaker: You know, we want to control the weather.
• 4:17
  Speaker: We want to control, you know, the form of politics, right?
• 4:20
  Speaker: We want all these things to work.
• 4:21
  Speaker: And we try to manage other people's emotions or rehearse these conversations that just honestly may never begin, right?
• 4:27
  Speaker: We replay this in a fact of just saying, I'm gonna do this with an attempt to predict tomorrow.
• 4:32
  Speaker: And we spend so much time and energy arguing with reality that honestly leaves us little hope or even chance to just deal with the choices that honestly are within our control.
• 4:44
  Speaker: So let's use this simple exercise that you can do whenever you feel overwhelmed.
• 4:48
  Speaker: First, name the situation clearly.
• 4:50
  Speaker: And instead of saying everything is going wrong, identify the specific thing that's bothering you.
• 4:54
  Speaker: Second, do I control this?
• 4:56
  Speaker: Can I influence this or is this something that honestly I just care about?
• 5:00
  Speaker: And third, choose an action that matches the circle.
• 5:02
  Speaker: If it's within your control, one, take one small step, make the phone call, or just even apologize, begin the task or turn off the notification, or just take a deep breath before you respond.
• 5:13
  Speaker: If you can influence it, well, prepare well, communicate ever so clearly, and offer what is your best effort.
• 5:20
  Speaker: Then allow other people in the circumstances to play their part.
• 5:23
  Speaker: And lastly, if it belongs in that circle of concern, you can acknowledge it matters.
• 5:28
  Speaker: Give yourself that permission to feel what you feel, then gently bring your attention back to the present.
• 5:34
  Speaker: Now imagine, for example, that you're waiting to hear whether or not you got this new job, right?
• 5:37
  Speaker: You cannot control the employer's decision, right?
• 5:40
  Speaker: You can't influence how they're preparing or just, you know, anything else.
• 5:44
  Speaker: You can put forth your influence in terms of your preparation, how you interview thoughtfully and just sending a follow-up message.
• 5:51
  Speaker: But after that, you work is just that you have to return to what you control, how you use today, how you care about tomorrow, and what opportunity you have, pursue next.
• 5:59
  Speaker: The shift in life, it here in your control, it doesn't remove uncertainty, but it keeps uncertainty from running our life.
• 6:07
  Speaker: I remember, you know, just at certain points in my life, just feeling constantly out of control.
• 6:12
  Speaker: And it's because I was allowing the outside influences to inflect in my mental state in a way that wasn't self-serving to me.
• 6:19
  Speaker: And when I got back to the daily dose of me controlling my actions, intentions, and efforts, a life got better.
• 6:26
  Speaker: Shocking.
• 6:26
  Speaker: Before we close out, you know, there's got to be just one thing that you're carrying on that is a concern.
• 6:31
  Speaker: Place that into those three circles, then ask yourself, what is one useful action I can take and what is one struggle I'm willing to release?
• 6:38
  Speaker: You know, Pisa doesn't always come from just gaining more control.
• 6:41
  Speaker: Sometimes it just comes from recognizing where your control ends.
• 6:46
  Speaker: Bring your intention back to this next thought, your next words, your next choice, and that enough is what you need.
• 6:52
  Speaker: All right, that's what I have for today.
• 6:54
  Speaker: This is the Liv Mundra podcast.
• 6:55
  Speaker: It someone needs to hear this story.
• 6:58
  Speaker: Someone needs to put these into their life today.
• 7:01
  Speaker: Get out there and share this podcast.
• 7:02
  Speaker: It helps us continue to get this podcast out to over 80 countries now, which is incredible.
• 7:08
  Speaker: Help us do that.
• 7:08
  Speaker: Help us take that action.
• 7:09
  Speaker: This is Live100.
• 7:11
  Speaker: I'm Jason Yarusi.
• 7:12
  Speaker: Let's do this.