Latest / Life Rescue with Lisa Dwoskin / Beyond Survival: You Are More Than What Happened to You: Life Rescue
Transcript
- Lisa Dwoskin: Hello and welcome back to Life Rescue TV with Lisa. Thank you all so much for joining. Don't forget, if you have a story, please call in at 754-222-4413. And after this beautiful podcast, please like, share, and comment. Invite a friend. Give us any comments or feedback. We'd love to hear from you. And today I have a beautiful special guest. Her name is Jeannie Gonzalez, and I met her over 10 years ago. She bought my book, read the book, loved it, reached out to me. She told me her story, shared it with me. She's an amazing, beautiful, empowered soul, woman, spirit, and her story is really gonna move you. So, Jeannie. Thank you so much for joining us today. Thank you for having me. Yes. Did I see a little munchkin walk behind you? Yeah, thirty-four year old munchkin. I thought I saw a little kid walk behind you. He's just thirty-four. ⁓ but he's still my kid. So ⁓ if I cough a little bit during this show, I'm gonna put a cough drop in my mouth. I am I think everyone I know is getting over something, right? Yes. Some kind of cold. So we're going to start from the beginning with our story. And you take it wherever you want to take it. All I know is a message that we want to bring to all of you today is no matter what you go through, we all go through trials and tribulations, maybe some much worse than others. That there is a way to make it through. And get to the rainbow on the other side. Is that kind of how you feel? Sometimes the double rainbow. I love the double rainbow. Yes. So tell us your story. Okay, to start the from the beginning, because I really have to start from there. I ke I would I'm a k first immigrant, first generation American from two immigrants. from different countries, Colombia and Mexico. They met in the United States well in California and ⁓ quickly married and ⁓ the beautiful start to a beginning and to a great beginning. My dad it was had immigrated with money, so he quickly opened up his own business and my mother with her own business. So there were successful immigrants that quickly got ahead. ⁓ thankfully also because I'm an American, so that made them legal in in this country. But moving forward, ⁓ unfortunately, ⁓ my father and I caught my mother cheating when I was four years old. She was getting into so we so we drove to my mom's ⁓ j ⁓ ⁓ job and we saw her get into ⁓ the car with someone else. All I know is after that ⁓ she came home very dark at night and ⁓ he beat her up until she was unconscious. Your father ⁓ God and you were and ⁓ to the point that she ⁓ was left in the a tub and I watched it all I'm four years old. You were four. I I'm telling you the memory of four years old. ⁓ my goodness. And ⁓ my mom was then taken. He we left. ⁓ my dad my mother was taken to ⁓ to the hospital. And my father decided then that he was ⁓ he had a talk with me. He sat me down at at a park. And ⁓ bought me McDonald's. And ⁓ over a happy meal told me that he was going to we were not gonna see my mother again. And that we were moving. In the next few months, I met he sent me first by myself to Colombia. And when I got back, I was picked up by s by somebody who now well they picked me up. They took me to Mexico. And from when my mom came out of the hospital, she had no idea what happened. He had abducted me. I was in the desert for for years. But at five years old, ⁓ my my now the person that That was with him was my stepmother, which has been my my stepmother since. ⁓ she took me to family's house and ⁓ and I was sexually assaulted by two boys. I now know that they were I was five and they were seventeen. ⁓ God, terrible ⁓ there were there were brothers. ⁓ that makes me so angry. A seven seventeen year old boy and you were five years old. Five years old. ⁓ my God. That's horrible. ⁓ I didn't know what it was that they did to me. I I remember for a very long time just remembering that day. Just that day. And it's really that day that changed the ro the the way I see men, the way I sit, the way I carry myself. because after that, ⁓ My now I realize what it was. My depression started. I I started being an awkward child. And I was abducted. So that would make me an awkward child. Of course. To another country that was not my first language at this point because I had learned English first. So now I was learning a Spanish language without my mother. And seeing what your dad did to your mom. That's like multiple traumas at such a young age. I started mal malfunctioning. Well, of course. I started my nose was would bleed a lot. ⁓ I had a lot of allergies and I don't know if it was the desert, the change of weather, because from being in let's just say LA. To the desert, mm, to the Mexican desert. Mm. There was a big change of weather and I was just constantly sick, sick. And she my father kept working in in the States. And my stepmother took care of us. We then my brother was born, my first brother was born. ⁓ the way that my mother ⁓ came about to how where I was because at this point she had put ⁓ an F she had she had reported my dad and they were looking for him to figure out where I you know, abduction. Mm-hmm. Where he found that that lady that that she had gotten into the car with someone else. So he took the car when he left. He took me and he took the car. ⁓ wow. My stepmother was driving it in the desert over there. The police saw it. It was a beautiful white tram Zam. ⁓ wow. Flashy. That was good. So they stopped. They saw that who the registration, they reported it to the States. Mm. My mom got in contact. She landed in Mexico at the in at the desert where sh where my mom was a resilient woman. Yeah, I was gonna say. She was a resilient woman. Yeah. She went through so much. ⁓ Yeah. But stop. You're giving me goosebumps. Just take a deep deeper. Breathe in. Anyways, ⁓ she found this, but in Mexico, money's what talks. And not only that, but we're in a country where the man is the man's word comes before the woman. ⁓ she what took and took the police and it was like Nope, sorry, you signed for the passport. Mm-hmm. You allowed him to go to to take her to Colombia. He did the things right. He think he knew my dad was a lawyer in the in Mexico. He knew how to how to plan a getaway. Wow. So everything was done the correct way. My mother my mother just complained about how he had she had spent all these thousand four over four thousand dollars in and this is back in nineteen seventy eight. Mm-hmm nineteen seventy-nine. She's she spent all this money and here he gave her the money. She had no choice but to come back to the states. ⁓ without you I didn't see her again. I didn't see her again. Until my father and her were finally doing their divorce because they couldn't do their divorce because I was making them all a ⁓ an American citizen. Mm-hmm. That also was a reason why my dad wanted to keep me captive because it might mess up the the the process of immigration. Now, how old were you when that happened? The divorce? I was already 12 because I was able to come back and and visit my mother. But from four to twelve, you didn't get to be with your mom. Okay, go ahead. So by this time my mother was living in New York. So my dad was did the exchange. Okay, you sign the papers, I'll let her see her, and she'll go to New York. I go to New York and my mom, she was pregnant with my little brother. my little brother Ronald. ⁓ from my mother, because I have four, five brothers from siblings from my dad and and only one from my mom. ⁓ so she's when I got there, she was pregnant and she said, Well, you're not going back to see your dad. ⁓ wow. You're staying here. And I just I had already been sexually assaulted. Right. And I had gone through the pain of be being sexually assaulted was it was painful. Of course. It was painful. I didn't know what was going on, but now I know it was an infection and and all kinds of because then life takes you and you have other things happen to you and then I remembered. That's what I had when I was five years old. No, that's terrible. I and I just remember it was that day. Yeah. But ⁓ when she told me that I wasn't going back, I didn't want to know what could happen to me. And it already had started because I I had I was very well developed at that age. And men would look at me and all I did was Just hold my legs and crunch in because every man was possible and I'm sorry to have said, but at that point every man had the possibility of doing that to me. And I the only one that I was in a good care was when my father was in the house. When I was ⁓ when he was nobody was going to touch me. So you and I thought you wanna stay with your mom, you wanted to go back with your dad? So what I did I felt safe. I felt very safe and I felt very so I remember calling my dad and saying, Hey dad, my mom's telling me that I'm not gonna see you again. ⁓ no. So listen to us. Just listen and don't ask me any questions. Last Friday in the plaza where my mother works, there was a car and there was people chopped up in the truck. It made it to the news. Find out where that happened, you're gonna find me. Because my mom works in that plaza. Two days later, my dad showed up to my mom was washing somebody's hair, and I was sitting there. And he comes up and he grabs my hand and he says, Goodbye. My daughter's leaving. Wow. And we walked away. And I didn't get to see her. For another it hurts me. It hurts me because I thought I was protecting myself from getting sexually assaulted again. Sorry for getting emotional. No, don't worry. But I didn't know that I was gonna lose my mother again. Like I know I had lost her before, but I had already like gone through and and mourned and then here I see her again and I hang out with her. And I love her. She was such a free spirit and just a great human. She unfortunately the man that she had the her child with was a terrible person. He was part of And this is all he say she she say because this is what I found out for my mom and my aunts, but there's no proof. That he was ⁓ supposedly a a spy and she was as afraid that he would take off like my my dad had taken off with ⁓ me. And so what she did is when well she well he was well she was still pregnant, she went into birth gave birth. And then gave him a different random last name. Well not random, but it was my great grandfather's last name. And then moved to California. Without the father, just her without the father. She did it to him. ⁓ my gosh. Now wait, I have a couple can I ask a couple questions? Yes. Okay. Your mother and you, when you saw her, you didn't at all wanna stay with her only because you felt safer not being sexually assaulted in New York. You wanted to go back with your dad. So and before you answer that Part well go ahead and then I'll ask part two of that question. I did. Part of me wanted to stay and part of me has always thought like, well, my life would have been so different, but I can't do that without these little munchkins that walk behind me. ⁓ so I don't like to live in regret. I I did it for I do it for a weekend. Wow. And then that's it. I don't allow myself to sit there very long and and that. Vibration. But it makes sense that you wanted to go back because you were so scared of s being sexually assaulted again. So you felt safe with your dad. But the part two to that question, with your dad the whole time you lived from four until twelve, when you saw your mom? Yes. Did he beat his wife, your stepmother, or do anything? Yes. ⁓ so funny you ask me that. I'm gonna tell you a story that was erased from my mind. Okay. ⁓ I don't okay, I'm gonna tell you the story and then I'll tell you how I was told the how I remembered. ⁓ We had a white carpet in the castle that we had in Mexico. Mm-hmm. And ⁓ there was something that was spilled and my dad got very mad and he slapped her. Wow. And the c all of us watched and we were just in like shock. I mean, I I think I think we I remember just trembling. My whole body was trembling for for because I th I Just kept thinking, ⁓ my god, it's gonna happen to her. Yeah. It's gonna happen to her. Please don't make him mad. I my dad was great. But don't make him mad. Please don't do that. Right. And I I loved him so much. He was so good to me that maybe I was so selfish. I don't I just kind of realizing it right now. That I I I just would do this. ⁓ whatever he's doing to them, but he's not doing it to me and I'm protected. And I and what he told us was you're gonna take that memory and you're gonna erase it. The one about you just saw the one about your about hitting. He he he told all of our s ⁓ because at this point there's four ⁓ my stepmother came with with the little girl. Which is my s my first sister. I don't call her half. I d we're full sisters, siblings. And then my father and and and my stepmother had four more. So at this point they were all alive, we all watched, and and apparently he told all of us at the same time to erase that memory. So it wasn't until a few years ago that my brother there was something that I mentioned to my brother in regards to my ⁓ my mother. Then he said, Well, do you remember what he did to mom? And I was, I said to him, No, he never did anything to mom. Now I call my stepmother mom. No, I don't remember that. And he said, Yes. He hit he there was something spilled. She won she she he slapped her and he told us to erase that from my your memory. And I said, dude, I erased it from my memory. Yeah. So okay, another introjection. ⁓ sorry, were you gonna make another point? No. ⁓ okay. So although I wanna hear all these details, we don't have so much time. I wanna definitely have you on again to go over more of this. But what I wanna fast forward to, we heard about your I'm gonna fast forward to when I ran away. Okay, and then but then I also wanna talk about I think the most important thing of all of this stuff leading to disease, because that's a very impactful thing. So tell us about the running away and then we're gonna tie it in to the disease. That's very important for people to hear, but go ahead. Well, ⁓ long story short at eighteen ⁓ t a month before eighteen I decided to run away. I had ⁓ packed my bag, saved the money and decided to leave. And my father asked me why I was leaving. I refused to tell him why. He got mad and I didn't tell him why. So my stepmother was nice enough to because I didn't tell him why. ⁓ she offered to take me to the city where my my mom had moved when she had just had my brother Ronnie and where her family lived. So she took me there and found my mother. This is before computers. I went to a place in long she was very sick. She was dealing with ⁓ breast cancer. ⁓ okay. And she was really praying that I came back because she she thought she was gonna die. Mm-hmm. So she sent me a ticket. I got here. Nineteen ninety. Yeah, nineteen ninety November of nineteen ninety and ⁓ she died July of nineteen ninety three of breast cancer. It she it came back and ⁓ it was stage four by that point. And ⁓ she died when I was twenty years old. ⁓ wow. So she left my at that point she had had another husband and she left my ⁓ my brother Ronnie to that person who she had recently met but my mother had already paid off her house and it she didn't want it to go to waste so she left it to my little brother and that man took care of my little brother until sh he turned 18, he sold the house and got rid of my brother. He sold the house and what? Sorry, there goes my and got rid of my brother. Mmm he became homeless at that point but He had already pushed him away pushed him away from me. Hold on. Okay, so sorry, I'm having a little tickle here. So you're so the man now this man is not Ronnie's real father. This is okay, so she leaves him, your little brother, with this man, sells the house and gets rid of him. What did he do with him? He sent them to ⁓ well he no, let me rephrase that. Ronnie decided to go to film school in California and he gave him money to pay for school. Okay. And ⁓ and that would that that was the end of that that okay. So what I wanna do is tie all this together. And start asking you questions. And for those of you watching, we all have such trauma in our lives. But Jeannie, what you've been through is super traumatic from four of finding your mother or not finding seeing your dad beat her almost to death, leaving her in a pool of blood in a bathtub, then to a year later, or well, then being a ⁓ abducted out of the country, left your ⁓ mom, ripped you apart from your mom. Now you're in another country. Then you get a sexually assaulted by two 17 year old boys. Then you're living with your dad who you probably at the time didn't want to be there. You're missing your mom. All of this trauma is going on. Then you he tells you erase memories from your brain that are violent. Then you see your mom. Then you get ripped away from your mom. And then so much trauma going on. So now I want to f I'm so sorry for what you've been through and I'm so happy and blessed that you're on here sharing your story because this part two of the story s is a beautiful not the breast cancer, but the End of the story is you're a beautiful person, and we want to hear how you got through it, so people watching can do it too. But what I do want to say is with all the trauma, it causes a disconnect of ease in your life, which is peace, love, light. So when you take the word disease, D I S E A S E, which is ease, and you break it apart. It's a disconnect of ease, put it together, causes disease. So everything you've been through in your life cause this disease and probably in your mom's life as well because she had a horrible traumatic life. And disease is genetic, but it's also caused by all of this trauma that has been going on in your life. So you developed breast cancer in your life as well, and how old were you? Well, I was thirty four years old. And the way that at the at that in the in that year two thousand and six, the way they would do mammograms, is you would be available to to do to have a mammogram ten years before your mother passed away of breast cancer. Right. So my mother passed away at forty five. They didn't want to scan do a mammogram un until 35. But my mother passed away and she when before she passed away, she told me, I'm leaving because of ignorance. Cancer's taking me, but I'm but but this is because of ignorance. Because I felt a lump and I was scared and because I was scared. I allowed it to take over. And that's ignorance. So you have to be proactive and ⁓ always check and see, speak to your doctor, find a doctor that understands you because Because of her dying at forty-five and her mother dying at thirty-two. Wow. So now we have a pattern that and every woman in our family has had cancer because we have We we have a gene. We have the Brock a gene. ⁓ So you already have one gene positive. All you need is now stress. Yeah. Violence or anything toxic or bad you to happen to you to put the next gene together for you to have ⁓ make tumors. And so because of that. If I didn't treat it so radically the way I did of having a bilateral massactomy at thirty-four, a hysterectomy I wouldn't be here. Yeah. Almost twenty twenty years. Yeah. Because I yes. Same dog. I was diagnosed in two thousand and seven. I had the lump in two thousand and six, but this is very important. I'm alive because I wanted to be here. Yes. And then your attitude, your positive attitude. You now did you work through I had a lump. I had a lump. I felt something. Like my mother told me and I I found something. I called a doctor, he gave me a prescription, but not not until fight, not first without fight, because you don't have anything. You're too young. Your ⁓ excuse and excuse, you would think he was paying for the mammogram. But I had a PPO, but that's that's another story. ⁓ I had to beg a a and memorial for them to see me because they gave me ⁓ a prescription ⁓ an appointment three months forward it in the year and I ⁓ I had felt this lump for a long time. So I went in, I showed it to the nurse. She was scared. They did a biopsy the next day and I found out I had cancer the following week. You have to be And it was stage three. Yeah, you have to be your own health advocate. But let me fast forward a little bit more and then we can do another show about the breast cancer and educate the women on that. But during the healing process of the breast cancer, did you work through the traumas that you've been through in your life? Do you think that that had anything to do with you healing? No. No. Just your positive. attitude my positive my positive how do you stay positive when you do you still have bouts of depression throughout okay ⁓ I was gonna I go I call it shit too. I'm sorry most people do. No that's fine. I love that. Most people do. So how do but I drive by and I don't stop. ⁓ I love that. That's such a Yeah I keep going. I keep going I see it I recognize it and I keep going Because if you sit there more than three minutes on it, you're back to the same shit. You're back to the same situation. That strength to be able to do that. Have you always been like that or that developed as all of this stuff kept continuing on in your life? I lost my mom at four, five. I've been deal I and and and my dad since when all that happened. I've been a warrior for myself all this time. Yeah. I'm here because I'm gonna be here. I'm I'm breaking I'm breaking generational curses. That's what I'm here for. I love that. And what I know you're excuse me, I know you're born with it. You're instilled, it's in there, but do you remember like an aha moment or a time in your life where you felt that warrior within you, that spirit that you knew you can get through anything? Or did it just like gradually happen or how did you know you were so strong? When I hear people tell me I don't feel strong. I just feel like I'm I'm just going and ⁓ this is the road I was dealt with. I'm gonna be here and I see other people deal with worse. Well but my God, girl, you've been through a lot of stuff. So there is some serious inner strain. So i if you could we have about five minutes left. I think I have ⁓ your answer. Okay. My father taught me to erase my mind. He also gave me the power to know what you want. And to go for To control your mind too. And to control it. And that's all it is, mental health. If we can control our mind, it won't go so crazy and out of control and make us crazy half the time. But I have lost it a lot of times. Well, everybody, that's human. But I think it's it's it's those it's those hills. You get you go up, you go down, you go up. It's when you're like I said, when you're idle in the bad is when it gets worse. You know, my grandmother passed away at ninety-two years old. God bless her soul. I loved her. She was four foot ten. Her name was Lillian. She always told me ever since I was a little girl and my dad, an idle mind is a devil's playground. An idle mind is a devil's playground. And that's why anyone who knows me knows I'm going, going, going, working, helping, doing. Because if I sit back, who wants my mind being idle? Of course I meditate, I'm peaceful, I like to be still at times. But I always have to have goals and be driven and what am I gonna do next month and in three months and and I I like to live in the present too, but I like to have structure. I also like to live happy with what I have. Yes, that's true too. Right. That's I say a lot there where I feel like okay, maybe I'm not getting a lot of goals done, maybe to other people, but To me it's maintaining what I have, my health and every day do it. Did I drink enough water? Did I do my steps? Did I did did did I say thank you today? ⁓ That's beautiful. And each person we're all so different. And I love that. So that's beautiful. For those of you listening, what she just said is everything. Be grateful. Be thankful. I mean, for you to say that with everything you've been through, I am just saying I honor you that you're a beautiful soul because so many people play the victim role. And they just poor poor me. This is what happened to me. I'm not gonna do anything to change my life. And that inner warrior little girl in you, ⁓ I honor Yeah, when I see people make excuses for less, it's just like I wanna shake ⁓ because I think do you do you think how many barriers I got to get to my beautiful home that I have right now and The beautiful granddaughter child six grandchildren that I have that I wouldn't have had if I wouldn't have taken care of myself and and and mentally. Striving for better. Yeah. But also having realistic Dreams and expectations of myself. Yeah. So because I didn't want to set myself up for failure. So I gave myself a lot of time. I okay, I want to reach this, but if I don't, it's because I'm not ready for it. So allow that to happen. I love that. I love And it happens, but two or three years later, it's just my prayers are just a little slower than others. Well divine timing. It never happens when we want it. It happens when He wants it. I'm I love that. I believe in that and I am thank you so much. I know you have so much more to say and I promise you I'm gonna bring you back on another time because I really no of course I wanna talk a little bit more about the breast cancer next time to help the women who are watching. But let's end with this. I'll say something and whatever the spirit moves you, you go ahead and end it with me. I just want to say, of course, to you, thank you for being strong and brave, that warrior little girl in you who's become the warrior woman, to share your story and allow people to know what Jeannie said is so important, and I want to say it again. Every day be grateful for what you have here and now. And it one day at a time is all it takes to move forward. Life is I always say a roller coaster, peaks and valleys, trials and tribulations. We all have ⁓ It's how we get through them that dictates how our life is going to be. So anything, any other little trinket you want to give to these beautiful It's also it's also the foot where you look at it. You gotta sometimes just, you know, change the view a little bit and look at it different. From a different standard and just appreciate it instead of always complaining of what's there. Yeah, just the small things. I love that. And you know, Dr. Wayne Dyer, which I wrote about in my book, he says, and I hope I don't butcher it, if you change the way you look at things, the things around you will change. And that's exactly what you just did with the cup, and it's so true. And it goes back to the mind. Let your mind let you control your mind. Don't let your mind control you. That for me is everything. Namaste. Thank you, Jeannie. Thank you, Mamla. And if anybody, you know, finds it in empowering and that's great, it's keep empowering someone else. Yes. Right. And like this podcast. Share it with someone else who needs to hear it. And please comment on here. Ask Jeannie a question. Ask me a question. We'll both be on it. We'll both be able to answer it. We'll answer it next time. Yes. And don't forget, call in 754-222-4413. Share your story. I'd love to have you on the podcast. Thank you all. Peace, love, and light. Thank you, Jeannie. Thank you so much. Bye. Bye. Bye.