Latest / The Missing Secret Podcast / The Movie ‘Book Club’ – The Perils Of Aging

Transcript

The Movie ‘Book Club’ – The Perils Of Aging · The Missing Secret Podcast

• 0:04
  Kelly Hatfield: We believe life is precious. This is it. We've
• 0:08
  got one shot at this. It's on us to live life to the fullest to
• 0:13
  maximize what we've been given and play the game of life at our
• 0:16
  full potential.
• 0:18
  John Mitchell: Are you living up to your potential? Are you
• 0:20
  frustrated that despite your best intentions, you just can't
• 0:24
  seem to make the changes needed to take things to the next
• 0:27
  level. So you can impact your career relationships and health.
• 0:32
  Kelly Hatfield: If this is hitting home, you're in the
• 0:34
  right place. Our mission is to open the door to the exceptional
• 0:38
  life by showing you how to play the game of life at a higher
• 0:41
  level. So you're playing at your full potential rather than at a
• 0:45
  fraction as most people do. We'll share the one thing that
• 0:49
  once we learned it, our lives were transformed. And once you
• 0:53
  learn it, watch what happens. Welcome to think Be it the
• 1:00
  podcast. I'm Kelly Hatfield.
• 1:02
  John Mitchell: Hey. And I'm John Michell. So today we're going to
• 1:06
  talk about the movie, The Book Club. Now, they have a new
• 1:11
  version of it out that's in Venice, but but I'm talking
• 1:14
  about the original one that was done. I don't know three years
• 1:18
  ago had Jane Fonda. Diane Keaton, Candice Bergen and
• 1:27
  Kelly Hatfield: Mary Mary students. steenberge.
• 1:29
  John Mitchell: Yeah, yes, that's right. And so is interesting. So
• 1:34
  a week or so ago, I don't know where ginger was, but But I
• 1:39
  decided I wanted to watch a movie. And so I'm like, I bet
• 1:43
  that'll be pretty interesting. And you know, to set the stage
• 1:47
  here, the story is that you've got these four different women,
• 1:54
  one's a federal judge, one. Jane Fonda owns a big hotel. One's a
• 2:02
  chef, and one, her husband just died and semi successful. And so
• 2:12
  but in all of their cases, their the intimate side of their life
• 2:20
  has ended. There's no sex, there's no intimacy, and, but
• 2:25
  they're all sort of functional, and they're having their life.
• 2:29
  And one of them, they had this book club, and they read a new
• 2:33
  book every month. And so one of them suggests they read the book
• 2:37
  50 Shades of Grey. Have you seen that book or
• 2:41
  Kelly Hatfield: not? I've not read the book. I saw the movie,
• 2:43
  though book club, when it came out, like three years ago,
• 2:47
  John Mitchell: as a free hot movie. Anyway, so they're,
• 2:52
  they're reading the book, and it, you know, let's say
• 2:57
  stimulates them to open up that side of their life. And they all
• 3:01
  go and have an affair of some sort. And I'm watching it. And
• 3:08
  of course, I'm why looking at it from the lens of think it, be
• 3:12
  it? And I'm like, Well, why is that happened that that whole
• 3:18
  side of their life has, has gone dead. Sort of probably, over
• 3:26
  time, you know, it's happening, slowly, but surely, and maybe
• 3:30
  not even consciously. And again, all the women are in their late
• 3:35
  60s, early 70s. And I'm like, boy, I see this. So clearly.
• 3:43
  They have nothing that is pulling their life forward in
• 3:48
  the direction, they want it to go. They're just getting up
• 3:51
  doing what they always do. And, and because they have no mindset
• 3:57
  practice, each morning and their morning routine. They're wired
• 4:02
  for survival. And, and 90% of their thoughts are fear based.
• 4:07
  And, and they're reactive. And so that's what is driving their
• 4:11
  life. And as as they're getting older, they're their life is
• 4:15
  contracting. You know, because that's what happens as you get
• 4:19
  older, when you get, you know, I don't know, to a lot of people
• 4:24
  in their 60s 70s and 80s. Boy, their life starts to really
• 4:29
  contract and it is all happening, basically,
• 4:33
  subconsciously. And it made me think of how powerful think it
• 4:38
  be it is and that when you have this a synced articulation of
• 4:43
  your life, and where you want to go and how you're going to get
• 4:47
  there. Boy, that's that's like this locomotive pulling your
• 4:52
  life forward, and you're the creator of this life that you're
• 4:57
  pulling forward. And it was so impactful for me to, to see
• 5:02
  that, that that that's why they that part of their life died and
• 5:07
  how easy it is to fix that. But what's your take on all that?
• 5:12
  Yeah, no,
• 5:12
  Kelly Hatfield: I see that completely. And I can't help.
• 5:14
  It's so funny when we talk about that think it'd be a method, you
• 5:19
  know, and one of the components of method of the method is the
• 5:23
  growth. It's a focus on growing. Right. And would it be fair to
• 5:28
  say, I mean, do you think that this is true, or that there
• 5:31
  could be some validity to this, that oftentimes, when people get
• 5:35
  into their 60s 70s, that there isn't a focus on continuing to
• 5:43
  grow? To excel? You know, you talked about contracting? Well,
• 5:48
  that's the very opposite of growth. Yeah, the opposite of a
• 5:51
  growth mindset of, you know, learning new things, new
• 5:55
  challenges, things along those lines. And so, you know, I think
• 5:59
  that that's one of the things that might happen, you know, as
• 6:03
  you age is that, you know, you get into, maybe you're not in
• 6:08
  your career, and so that part of your life isn't, you're not
• 6:12
  developing a skill anymore, or that's related to your career,
• 6:16
  you know, or, you know, there just isn't that focus on
• 6:20
  growing. So do you think that that is true, too? And that's
• 6:23
  such a critical part of the method. But do you feel like
• 6:27
  that could be part of the equation as well?
• 6:30
  John Mitchell: Absolutely. Kelly, you know, I think, well,
• 6:33
  first of all, I think that very few people actually grow,
• 6:38
  whether they're in their 20s 30s 40s, or 50s, they think
• 6:42
  they're growing more often than not, they're entertaining
• 6:45
  themselves, they're not growing in something that is strategic
• 6:49
  relative to what they want to accomplish. But I think it's
• 6:52
  particularly true when people get in their 60s and 70s, and
• 6:58
  80s. And, you know, I, I'm glad you asked this, because one of
• 7:04
  the things I've seen in my myself, is my approach to growth
• 7:09
  has changed really, over the last year or so I used to try
• 7:14
  and read a book a month. And then I'm like, you know, it
• 7:19
  takes so long to read a book if you're a slow reader like I am.
• 7:22
  And, and, and, you know, I used to be very concerned about
• 7:29
  reading about marketing, you know, I mean, we think it be it,
• 7:34
  we don't market it. Well, I mean, you know, if people want
• 7:37
  to do it, they come to us, and, and, you know, I got a whole
• 7:41
  world of teaching it to athletes at the University of Texas. But
• 7:46
  besides entrepreneurs, so you know, marketing is just not
• 7:51
  something that I am concerned about today, whereas I was big
• 7:56
  time concerned about it a year or two ago. And I started to see
• 8:00
  how powerful YouTube is, it's basically getting you to
• 8:04
  premium, because then you can download videos, and like, just
• 8:08
  last week, I'm like, What do I want to grow on? And I decided I
• 8:13
  wanted to be more more grateful, have more gratitude, and maybe,
• 8:20
  maybe not, I mean, I'm, I'm very grateful and have a lot of
• 8:25
  gratitude, but I want to understand it deeper in terms
• 8:28
  of, instead of intellectually, thinking I'm grateful for this
• 8:33
  grateful for that, I want to feel that gratefulness and just
• 8:38
  take it at a deeper level. And so I started watching videos on
• 8:44
  YouTube around, you know, learning gratitude at a deeper
• 8:49
  level. And, you know, that has been really powerful, but, but
• 8:55
  you always got to have something that intellectually you want to
• 9:00
  grow in, and because the more you grow, the more it opens up
• 9:06
  the rest of your life and other ways to grow. Right.
• 9:09
  Kelly Hatfield: Yeah, absolutely. You know, and I
• 9:11
  think it's critical, I think, just when you stop growing, you
• 9:15
  know, what's the opposite of growth? You know, what I mean?
• 9:18
  Right down eventually, you know,
• 9:21
  John Mitchell: I don't know that that I don't necessarily think
• 9:24
  it's death as much as it's maybe it's intellectual death. Yeah.
• 9:29
  You know, and you know, intellectual death also means
• 9:34
  being very fear based and I don't know if you see this with
• 9:38
  your, your mom and dad. But as they get older, there's they're
• 9:46
  very much wired to fear and, and things that didn't used to
• 9:51
  scare. Scare them. Now, right under percent.
• 9:54
  Kelly Hatfield: Yep. And I think whether it's my parents, whether
• 9:57
  it's the parents of friends You know, I see that a lot where
• 10:01
  they're in that fear base, you know, their watch or whatever
• 10:04
  they're watching on TV is feedings, you know, and then
• 10:07
  also, too, it's so interesting. Like, I think, too, we talked
• 10:12
  about stories in our prior episode. And, you know, I see so
• 10:19
  much, what's the word that I'm looking for lack of fulfillment?
• 10:24
  I think some regret. Bitterness? Yeah, you know, and I see in
• 10:31
  people who stop who have, quote, unquote, retired, yeah, and then
• 10:36
  just kind of what happens, you know, if you're not moving
• 10:40
  towards something, if you don't have a plan for, you know,
• 10:44
  whether that's growing, whether it's a pot, like, I don't know,
• 10:48
  I just feel like, I see it as like the kiss of death from a,
• 10:52
  you know, not necessarily like, I want to work until the day I
• 10:55
  go, but I want to make an impact and contribute. And, you know,
• 10:59
  and I think when that's one of the things when I think about,
• 11:03
  like, the book club, you know, that you were talking about are
• 11:06
  people that are in that phase of their life who aren't doing
• 11:10
  something meaningful to them. Right? How it impacts their
• 11:14
  mindset, it impacts the story, they're telling about their
• 11:18
  story and their life. You know, what I mean? And again, that
• 11:23
  contraction that you're talking about, where everything, you
• 11:26
  know, gets small, and you're in that fear based space? And so,
• 11:32
  yeah,
• 11:33
  John Mitchell: you know, I know exactly what you mean, you know,
• 11:36
  I think I told you a while back, I went to my high school
• 11:39
  reunion, and I'm like, I have nothing in common with these
• 11:45
  guys. Nothing. And, and I'm like, that is really
• 11:50
  interesting. They're all, you know, on the path to, to landing
• 11:55
  the plane and calling it a day. And that's exactly the opposite
• 12:00
  of me. And, you know, I now I know, that sounds like, I'm
• 12:04
  better than them. And I don't mean it that way. And I've as
• 12:08
  I've thought about this, I'm like, What a gift, think it be,
• 12:12
  it has been for me, because in the second half of my life, I'll
• 12:18
  do this forever. And it's always going to be iterating and
• 12:22
  evolving. And, you know, there's this, this group of people that
• 12:27
  we teach this to that, that, you know, we take them along that,
• 12:31
  that journey as they're, they're doing it and I've now come to
• 12:35
  appreciate what a true gift thing can be. It has been to my
• 12:41
  life and and as a source to help people and, and I know that you
• 12:46
  feel the same way. But as you get older, and as you, you get
• 12:52
  to that point where it's time to, quote unquote, retire,
• 12:56
  require, re retire from the having to work world, you know,
• 13:04
  then you have to recreate what is that? What is my new life
• 13:09
  look like, and you got to create something that gives your life
• 13:12
  meaning. And that's harder for some people to do than others,
• 13:17
  but, but if you really think about it, you can, you can
• 13:21
  create a life where you give yourself meaning, where you're
• 13:25
  helping other people in some way, and you're not on the nine
• 13:30
  to five schedule, and you can sort of do life on your own
• 13:33
  terms, but, but at the end of the day, you got to be doing
• 13:37
  something that helps other people for your life to have
• 13:41
  meaning
• 13:42
  Kelly Hatfield: 100% Nope, I would 100% agree with you. And I
• 13:45
  think that's part of the challenge, you know, that I see
• 13:47
  with the older people that are around me, you know, again,
• 13:50
  parents, their friends and my parents and, you know, in laws
• 13:54
  and is just that their world has gotten so small, their career,
• 13:59
  their identity was tied up in their work, they didn't do the
• 14:03
  work of being like, okay, so that chapter, you know, is is
• 14:09
  close, what can I carry with me into this next chapter? Who do I
• 14:12
  want to be? What do I want to achieve? Like, it's almost like,
• 14:16
  it's when the career is over. Everybody stops, the identity is
• 14:22
  over. And it's like, okay, well, like you said, now I'm just
• 14:24
  gonna kind of slide into, you know, home and it's like, No, we
• 14:28
  got one shot at this man.
• 14:31
  John Mitchell: You know, I just had lunch with a friend of mine.
• 14:37
  And I know I've mentioned her before, but they were my
• 14:41
  neighbors here. And you know, unlike Austin, and when I first
• 14:45
  moved here, they were my first friends. They live two houses
• 14:50
  down and I loved we used we used to party all the time every
• 14:55
  night. It was a happy hour, but I watched their nightmare. Our
• 15:00
  marriage for 20 years, literally, I mean, it was, they
• 15:04
  were always at each other. And I'm like, Oh, just get a
• 15:08
  divorce, you know, but I love both of them. Now they are
• 15:13
  getting a divorce. And so I sat down with with her about a month
• 15:19
  ago. And I'm all excited, I'm like, this is a perfect
• 15:24
  opportunity to recreate your life, you she's, she's like 51
• 15:30
  now, and you got a blank sheet of paper. And the divorce is
• 15:35
  basically about over you can create whatever life you want.
• 15:40
  I'm so excited. She's not as excited because she's bogged
• 15:46
  down with insecurity and fear of the future and nothing really
• 15:53
  pulling her forward. Now she's had to go back to work. And
• 15:57
  she's a schoolteacher, and she didn't like being a teacher, and
• 16:01
  which, you know, I can understand what a what a great
• 16:04
  profession but But I understand, and I saw how your image of
• 16:10
  yourself. And again, the stories you tell yourself can hugely
• 16:15
  impact whether you really can take that blank sheet of paper
• 16:19
  and create the life you want easy for me to see her doing it
• 16:24
  because she has so many great qualities. But I was stunned by
• 16:29
  how she can't see it. I mean, it was interesting,
• 16:33
  Kelly Hatfield: it's interesting, when you're in the
• 16:34
  middle of something like that, when there's so much emotion
• 16:37
  around it, it's easy for you to see it because you're objective
• 16:42
  you're not, you're on the outside looking at this amazing
• 16:45
  woman and seeing the possibilities for her that she
• 16:49
  can't see for herself right now too, because she is in the
• 16:52
  middle of this. And again, the stories that she's telling
• 16:55
  herself about being in her 50s and divorced, and, you know, all
• 17:00
  of that. And so and you know, divorce is such a, you know,
• 17:05
  there's a process you've got to go through, you got to you know,
• 17:08
  where you're grieving that and like, so she's still going
• 17:11
  through all of that stuff. Definitely if the divorce isn't
• 17:13
  final, so suddenly on the other side of it, but isn't that
• 17:16
  interesting?
• 17:17
  John Mitchell: Right? Well, I was telling her it of course,
• 17:20
  you know, I'm saying, let me show you how to manipulate men.
• 17:24
  I mean, men are so easy to manipulate. And she's very
• 17:28
  attractive and, and great personality, great sense of
• 17:31
  humor. I'm like, you, you're just going to crush it in the
• 17:35
  dating world. I mean, you're just going to crush it in. And,
• 17:39
  you know, of course, I see so much potential, because she's
• 17:42
  right at that 50 year mark that was so transformative in my
• 17:47
  life. I'm like, What a life happened after 50 I mean, you
• 17:52
  know, I had 50 times the life in it since I've been 50 that I had
• 17:58
  in the prior 50 Year 50 years. So you know, it's funny how it
• 18:03
  works.
• 18:04
  Kelly Hatfield: Yeah, lots of opportunity, that's for sure.
• 18:06
  And the cool part about it, too, is where she's at. And I think
• 18:09
  the great thing that comes with age, we've talked about this in
• 18:12
  prior episodes is just the wisdom, you know, comes from
• 18:15
  having gone through what you've gone through and, and, you know,
• 18:19
  so she's got all of that to pull from to hopefully, you know,
• 18:22
  John Mitchell: right. So I think the takeaway from this and
• 18:25
  again, getting back to the the book club and the for women in
• 18:29
  their lives, sort of being in the ditch and in terms of
• 18:33
  romance is that your thoughts? Create your actions, and your
• 18:38
  actions create the life you have. Therefore, as you go
• 18:42
  through life, you've got to have something that's pulling your
• 18:46
  thoughts through on a continual basis, because that's affects
• 18:50
  your, your actions. And that's exactly what our 12 minute day
• 18:54
  methodology does. So, until next time, we'll see you
• 19:02
  Kelly Hatfield: thanks for listening today. If you've had
• 19:05
  your own aha moment from today's episode, send me or John an
• 19:09
  email. We'd love to share your epiphany with our audience. So
• 19:14
  email us at Kelly@thinkitbeit.com or
• 19:17
  John@thinkitbeit.com. In the meantime, live the exceptional
• 19:22
  life