Latest / The Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast / Safe Together | a conversation with Christina Baldwin and Kristianna Cutrara-Daley

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Safe Together | a conversation with Christina Baldwin and Kristianna Cutrara-Daley · The Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast

0:13
SPEAKER_00: Hi friends, welcome to the Simply Wholehearted podcast.
0:17
SPEAKER_00: I'm Amy Wicks, your host, as well as our good friend Ashley Pittman.
0:21
SPEAKER_00: Today, kicks off season four and our summer series.
0:25
SPEAKER_00: We are going to have a ton of fun, so we're really glad you're joining us.
0:29
SPEAKER_00: Here at Simply Wholehearted, we're starting our journey as we discover how to better look along with all of our heart, soul, mind, and strength.
0:37
SPEAKER_00: And in the world of half-heartedness, we hope to inspire you to live wholeheartedly by inviting our different friends to share their simple ideas of how they live and fun, purposeful, and intentional in their everyday.
0:50
SPEAKER_00: So today we have a special mutual guest episode with our friends from the Moo Lily Village Podcast, Christina Baldwin and Christina Daly.
1:00
SPEAKER_00: Last year, as Ashley and I were recording a conversation with the Terenskies, which later became Podcast 23, we learned while we were talking with them that the hosts of Moo Lily, who we really liked listening to, they happened to be friends of the Terenskis.
1:17
SPEAKER_00: And they had known them for a really long time.
1:20
SPEAKER_00: And in conversation, it turns out each year that both Christina and Christiana sent their kids to the same school that my kids were going to start going to last month.
1:32
SPEAKER_00: So at the time we had a very memorable fan-called moment because Ashley and I were hoping that at night we could actually meet them in person.
1:41
SPEAKER_00: We really wanted to do that.
1:43
SPEAKER_00: So I'm glad to say that we have had the chance to hang out a few times for coffee and meals, and they are as awesome as we hope they be.
2:08
SPEAKER_00: Both women are full of honest wit and wisdom.
2:12
SPEAKER_00: I really liked Christine Anna's idea near the end for expressing her feelings of frustration correctly, even while she was pretty much in the middle of being frustrated.
2:24
SPEAKER_00: And I just thought it was a really great practical idea.
2:27
SPEAKER_00: So I've been trying out her method and finding it really works.
2:30
SPEAKER_00: You'll have to let me know what you think and if you try it out.
2:33
SPEAKER_00: Now here's our conversation with Christina and Christiana.
2:39
SPEAKER_05: So let me just say we have special guests with us from the Simply Wholehearted Podcast.
2:46
SPEAKER_00: This is really funny because we've never been the guests.
2:48
SPEAKER_00: Really?
2:50
unknown: Yeah, true.
2:51
unknown: Yeah.
2:51
SPEAKER_00: So it's mutual stations day.
2:53
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's mutual guests day.
2:54
SPEAKER_05: That's true.
2:55
SPEAKER_05: That's kind of experience.
2:57
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, I like it.
2:58
SPEAKER_05: The conversation today is about intentionality in our mothering.
3:03
SPEAKER_05: And these guys talked about that.
3:06
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
3:10
SPEAKER_03: Right, right.
3:11
SPEAKER_03: No, you're I'm the unicorn.
3:12
SPEAKER_03: I'm not the rock star.
3:16
SPEAKER_06: That's one of my favorite bit movies of all.
3:18
SPEAKER_03: I use it anytime I can.
3:20
SPEAKER_03: Anytime.
3:21
SPEAKER_03: Hello.
3:22
SPEAKER_05: So maybe you can introduce yourselves and tell us a little bit about who you are and what you're passionate about.
3:29
SPEAKER_00: All right.
3:29
SPEAKER_00: You pointed me to first.
3:31
SPEAKER_00: I would like you to be to first.
3:33
SPEAKER_00: Okay, because we want to do the same where, you know, we introduce you guys.
3:36
SPEAKER_00: But um let's see.
3:39
SPEAKER_00: I I really should have thought about this before.
3:41
SPEAKER_00: I we started a podcast a little over a year ago, um, because I just felt like I knew there was a lot of different reasons, but one of the main things is like I know a lot of cool people with really amazing stories, and I want to share them all.
3:54
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
3:54
SPEAKER_00: And I want to like shout them from the mountaintops, rooftops, whatever.
3:59
SPEAKER_00: And it seemed to be the way to do it was through the podcast, through a podcast.
4:03
SPEAKER_00: And so the Lord really kind of set up some divine um appointments and reasons, kind of like how you guys share where you know, like people who gave time and talent to get it off the ground because I wouldn't have done it on my own.
4:17
SPEAKER_00: And um so it actually, I mean, one of the things was a couple years ago, um, I had been for several years like helping my mother-in-law with a message about intentional parenting and a specific program that she used to do with her kids in the summer.
4:34
SPEAKER_00: I adapted it over a lot of different summers on my own.
4:37
SPEAKER_00: And so I just naturally shared it because my friends would ask, Oh, what is this thing you're doing?
4:41
SPEAKER_00: Or my kids would talk about it, or you know, maybe I'd post something here or there.
4:45
SPEAKER_00: And um, and then uh a couple years ago, um, we actually had like we went to an event together.
4:53
SPEAKER_00: I had not planned on any of this, but it was one of those things where by the end of the weekend, I knew I was supposed to carry on the message.
5:00
SPEAKER_00: And I was really I was surprised by it, and of course a little bit overwhelmed too.
5:04
SPEAKER_00: Like, what does that look like?
5:06
SPEAKER_00: You know.
5:07
SPEAKER_00: Um, so there was just a lot of a lot of praying, a lot of um honestly like secret writing like between me and the Lord too, of okay, uh what is it that you want to communicate?
5:17
SPEAKER_00: What's your heart for it?
5:18
SPEAKER_00: What is it in my life that um you know, can can I just live this message?
5:24
SPEAKER_00: And is that enough?
5:26
SPEAKER_00: And um, you know, so just kind of going back and forth because it's something, you know, you just want to make sure, like, is this actually something that I'm supposed to put my time and effort to to reach the masses, or do I just do this and do it well and live from the state?
5:39
SPEAKER_00: Which is just as valid.
5:40
SPEAKER_00: Exactly, right?
5:42
SPEAKER_00: Absolutely just as valid.
5:43
SPEAKER_00: Because I don't think everything that the Lord commissions us to do looks like an in-resol of this.
5:49
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, or big public ministry, or yeah, or any of the things that the world is kind of telling us to do.
5:56
SPEAKER_00: So um, there was a good another year, but the Lord did a the just some crazy things, opportunities to write for other people, and you know, things that weren't actually pertaining to this message, but we're slowly building.
6:09
SPEAKER_00: And I we're still at that place where I just feel like we're we've got this huge puzzle, and the Lord keeps kind of giving different pieces.
6:16
SPEAKER_00: And I'm not even sure what the in puzzle like I don't have the cover.
6:19
SPEAKER_00: Like we're putting together a puzzle blind, and he just keeps giving us these pieces, and and they're like, Oh, well, this goes together, and this goes together, and oh, like we're starting to see something shape here, and this looks like this, and it's not all come together yet, and and I may like that may never happen, you know, where that I think we're gonna be like, oh ta-da, this is what we did.
6:41
SPEAKER_00: But it sure was fun.
6:43
SPEAKER_00: It sure was fun, we had a good time.
6:44
SPEAKER_00: Um but yeah, I think that's it, is that at this point in time it's just being faithful, living it authentically, figuring it out when the opportunity comes to share it in front of you know other people.
6:56
SPEAKER_00: Um, how do we make it palatable?
6:59
SPEAKER_00: Um, but how do I but like my thing is like I never wanna lose sight of the whole heart of doing it really well with my kids.
7:07
SPEAKER_00: And so that has to be my priority because I don't want to be a hypocrite.
7:10
SPEAKER_00: Right, right.
7:11
SPEAKER_00: And I think that it's really easy in this world of podcasts and writing and online workshops and speaking and all the things that you that your home falls apart because it's not the priority.
7:23
SPEAKER_00: So all of that to say it's a slow build, which is good, and we're we're constantly the Lord is telling us about pace.
7:30
SPEAKER_00: Oh yeah.
7:31
SPEAKER_00: And and so right now the pace looks like we do once a week podcasts and we share lots of good stories.
7:38
SPEAKER_00: It doesn't always pertain to motherhood.
7:40
SPEAKER_00: Right.
7:40
SPEAKER_00: Um we have a couple of like online workshops and I speak every once in a while, but sometimes you know, like more intense in pockets of time.
7:50
SPEAKER_00: And that's kind of how we roll, and we have a vision for a lot of other things, but that's that's kind of what we do.
7:56
SPEAKER_00: I think that answered the question.
7:58
SPEAKER_00: Was that I don't know, did it fill in the gaps?
8:00
SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
8:01
SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
8:03
SPEAKER_00: What do you do?
8:03
SPEAKER_00: What do we know about you though?
8:04
SPEAKER_00: Oh, what do we know about you?
8:08
SPEAKER_00: But you don't understand.
8:09
SPEAKER_00: I'm an Aneagram 3, and it's what I do, not what I am.
8:13
SPEAKER_00: And now I'd like to know about you as a human.
8:16
SPEAKER_00: About your family, your children.
8:17
SPEAKER_00: You have those, right?
8:18
SPEAKER_00: You reference your home life.
8:20
SPEAKER_00: So tell us about your home.
8:21
SPEAKER_00: Well, let's see.
8:22
SPEAKER_00: I I am a mountain-loving girl.
8:24
SPEAKER_00: Let's just throw that out there.
8:25
SPEAKER_00: But I live in Kansas City, Missouri.
8:27
SPEAKER_00: Womps.
8:28
SPEAKER_00: Womp, womp, womp.
8:30
SPEAKER_00: Um, because the Lord uses geography, even if we're a little bit resistant to where he has us planted.
8:37
SPEAKER_00: Um so there's that, and but we've lived in Kansas City for over nine years now.
8:42
SPEAKER_00: I have three wonderful children and a tree climbing husband.
8:46
SPEAKER_00: Tree planting husband.
8:47
SPEAKER_00: So good.
8:48
SPEAKER_00: Yes, it's so fun.
8:49
SPEAKER_00: He um he's an arborist, and he really is.
8:53
SPEAKER_00: You know, I think it's one of those things like you either marry your best friend or you marry like the person you're madly in love with, and because ours was very short, hot and heavy, I married someone I was like really in love with.
9:05
SPEAKER_00: And I think through the years we've really become good friends.
9:09
SPEAKER_00: And so, um, anyway, so that's I don't know.
9:12
SPEAKER_00: That's a good thing.
9:12
SPEAKER_00: Is that kind of funny?
9:13
SPEAKER_00: Is that a bad thing?
9:14
SPEAKER_00: No.
9:14
SPEAKER_00: Some people always like, I married my best friend.
9:16
SPEAKER_00: I'm like, uh, we weren't, we didn't have enough time to best friend.
9:21
SPEAKER_00: Like now we're good.
9:23
SPEAKER_00: Anyway, um, so yeah, three kids.
9:27
SPEAKER_00: And I like we heard of Christiana and Christine because of the Moo Lily podcast, because Ashley found them, and then there's like these whole crazy turn of events.
9:38
SPEAKER_00: I'm no longer a homeschool mom, which I was like finding some identity in, and the Lord took that away.
9:45
SPEAKER_00: And now we go to this wonderful school that's amazing, and you guys send your kids there.
9:50
SPEAKER_00: So, anyway, is that good?
9:52
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's that's me.
9:53
SPEAKER_00: Isn't that good?
9:54
SPEAKER_00: Is that satisfactory?
9:55
SPEAKER_00: Did I perform?
9:56
SPEAKER_00: Are you?
9:57
SPEAKER_00: Are you said the three?
9:58
SPEAKER_00: Did I perform?
9:59
SPEAKER_00: Said the three.
10:00
SPEAKER_00: Said the three.
10:00
SPEAKER_00: Okay, come on, you four individual.
10:02
SPEAKER_00: Tell us okay, yeah, go ahead.
10:05
SPEAKER_05: It's old quick and like.
10:06
SPEAKER_05: So let's circle back.
10:07
SPEAKER_00: Yes, let's circle back.
10:09
SPEAKER_06: Who are Ashley?
10:10
SPEAKER_06: Who are you?
10:11
SPEAKER_03: Who are Ashley?
10:13
SPEAKER_03: I are.
10:14
SPEAKER_03: Um, well, I'm Ashley, and I'm from Alabama originally.
10:17
SPEAKER_03: Yes, you'll hear that.
10:18
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I'm not from Kansas at all.
10:21
SPEAKER_05: None of us are.
10:22
SPEAKER_05: No, no, no.
10:23
SPEAKER_03: And yes, to that geographical thing.
10:25
SPEAKER_03: I didn't want to move here at all.
10:26
SPEAKER_03: And I'm landlocked.
10:27
SPEAKER_03: And I was a short drive to the beach.
10:30
SPEAKER_03: I mean three hours, and now I'm like 16 or 17 hours.
10:33
SPEAKER_03: That's that's a sad reality.
10:36
SPEAKER_03: Um, so so I'm Ashley.
10:38
SPEAKER_03: I have I'm married, and I have four children that are eight, hold on, eight, nine, eleven, and twenty.
10:45
SPEAKER_03: So we have a big gap.
10:46
SPEAKER_03: They're all from the same man.
10:48
SPEAKER_03: So people not that it matters.
10:51
SPEAKER_03: That doesn't even matter.
10:52
SPEAKER_03: There's a lot of things.
10:53
SPEAKER_03: But but people wonder.
10:54
SPEAKER_03: That is people do ask on occasion.
10:56
SPEAKER_03: So just to say, we had a big gap because we were living other we were doing life, and my husband was in school, so and it took a while to get pregnant with the second batch.
11:03
SPEAKER_03: So the second batch.
11:05
SPEAKER_03: And then boom, boom, boom.
11:07
SPEAKER_03: And then they just all arrived.
11:09
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, that's how exactly how it happened.
11:12
SPEAKER_03: Oh wow, another one.
11:12
SPEAKER_03: Oh my gosh, another one.
11:14
SPEAKER_03: Look at that.
11:14
SPEAKER_03: How'd that happen?
11:15
SPEAKER_03: I know.
11:16
SPEAKER_03: Um so yeah, so that's me.
11:18
SPEAKER_03: And simply wholehearted.
11:19
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I met Amy at uh through a through church, and uh eventually she asked if I wanted to help her on the podcast, and I was like, totally, because it sounds really fun.
11:27
SPEAKER_03: It's always I really love podcast anyway, and so I just game to try anything.
11:32
SPEAKER_03: There's a part of me, I'm kind of an introvert, but there's also a solid part of me that likes to also be heard.
11:37
SPEAKER_03: So although I'm not super heard on the podcast all the time, I'm learning.
11:41
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, you know, and you put a microphone in front of me and I get really awkward and like now what most people do.
11:46
SPEAKER_03: And so but there is that part of me that wants to be heard too.
11:49
SPEAKER_03: And I do like to write, usually it's through writing, which I haven't done a lot of lately.
11:53
SPEAKER_03: But um, yeah, I don't know.
11:55
SPEAKER_03: I'm just kind of here for the ride, as far as that goes.
11:57
SPEAKER_03: I don't I think God just planted me right down in the middle of this group of women with Amy, and after years of just being really isolated and alone, uh, all of a sudden it's just like he said, Okay, now it's time.
12:08
SPEAKER_03: And so I have all the people, and um so I don't know what we're doing.
12:12
SPEAKER_03: We have no, I don't have any idea what we're doing.
12:14
SPEAKER_03: With simply wholehearted or where are we going?
12:16
SPEAKER_03: And I don't really care because it's fun and I enjoy it.
12:18
SPEAKER_03: And God's working, and so I'm just happy to be here.
12:20
SPEAKER_03: I'm not the visionary among us.
12:23
SPEAKER_03: Um Yeah.
12:25
SPEAKER_03: So what else?
12:25
SPEAKER_03: We were at what what was the what was the other question?
12:28
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, simply about us.
12:30
SPEAKER_00: About Simply Wholehearted.
12:31
SPEAKER_00: I mean, we now have like you're you're we're both part of a team of eight women who have all unique talents and time and are in unique seasons of life.
12:42
SPEAKER_00: They're not all moms, they're not all married, they're you know, older, younger.
12:46
SPEAKER_00: We've kind of got a 20-year age range, really, which is awesome.
12:49
SPEAKER_00: That is really awesome.
12:50
SPEAKER_00: I think it's a reflective of what because I'm I and maybe this is an unusual thing about my personality type or whatever, but I I so believe in the power of the collective voice and different, like take you know, I love taking in opinions and ideas and go in perspective because perspective is powerful, but yeah, it's something.
13:10
SPEAKER_03: Which is so opposite of actually me.
13:12
SPEAKER_03: I'm the opposite.
13:13
SPEAKER_03: I don't like critique, I don't like input.
13:16
SPEAKER_03: I need it.
13:16
SPEAKER_03: I do ask for it on occasion.
13:18
SPEAKER_03: It's just I have to brace myself, like well, we all do, I think.
13:22
SPEAKER_03: Well, at some point, but you know, and I don't um what was I gonna say?
13:26
SPEAKER_03: I see I lost my train of thought.
13:28
SPEAKER_00: Where'd it go?
13:28
SPEAKER_00: No, lily, the collective voice input.
13:30
SPEAKER_03: Oh yeah, that's just my area of growth, is because I was like super happy when it was just me and Amy.
13:35
SPEAKER_03: And then she's like, I think we need to expand.
13:36
SPEAKER_03: I'm like, what?
13:37
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, because it did just start out.
13:38
SPEAKER_03: You're not no, but I'm just always been that if like, is there a space for me?
13:43
SPEAKER_03: And so like if more people come, I'm not gonna be needed anymore.
13:46
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, so but I'm learning that's not the truth.
13:48
SPEAKER_03: That's just not it's just not the reality.
13:50
SPEAKER_00: No, actually, can you can you say though, like, in fact, not only has it taken away, you have actually had more things added.
13:57
SPEAKER_00: Oh, totally.
13:58
SPEAKER_00: I think that's that's the kingdom of God.
14:00
SPEAKER_00: That's the upside down thing, is that it actually as you give away, it multiplies.
14:04
SPEAKER_00: As we expand the seats, the table, and the size of the table, there's actually more responsibility that has come on your shoulders, or more of a like even a leadership role within that because yeah, because not one person can lead it, not one person can do all the things.
14:19
SPEAKER_03: We all have our own voice.
14:20
SPEAKER_03: Yes.
14:21
SPEAKER_00: So yes, each unique.
14:22
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
14:23
SPEAKER_03: So, you know, yeah, as far as that goes, I don't know in in some it almost I'm like, where do I fit in this on occasion?
14:29
SPEAKER_03: It's not that where I fit in it, but because Amy and I's vision, like our passions are very different.
14:34
SPEAKER_03: Um, like she's very mom-oriented, where I'm more just women general people, heart-oriented.
14:41
SPEAKER_03: Well, I'm not saying you're not.
14:42
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, no, but there is a niche right now that in this season of life that I have something to see, say.
14:48
SPEAKER_03: So, yeah, my thing, like the things I want to write about, talk about, discuss, think about are very much what I've come to call it, and I'm trying to figure out what to do with this, but I feel like God's called me to when in my writing, just write from the middle place of um the just sit in the middle of the attention of the now and not yet reality of the kingdom of God and how we live, and to not be afraid and to make space for other people also to acknowledge their own pain and the fact that God is good and that he's for me and that he's working, but also things really suck.
15:20
SPEAKER_03: So things can really suck, and God can still be really present.
15:24
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah.
15:25
SPEAKER_03: And so that's kind of where I like to I like to sit in the middle of that.
15:29
SPEAKER_00: And that's what I what I learned from her because I I want to we talked about uh you know, tying everything up with a pretty bow at the end.
15:39
SPEAKER_00: And it that's not life though.
15:40
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and so I learned from her how to sit in it a little bit longer to let the Lord do what we need, and then and then I also help her maybe pull out of it sometimes.
15:52
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes if she lets you it's true exactly if she lets you let me and I have I've had to learn because I feel like I have a lot of like that in my life.
16:05
SPEAKER_03: I'm happy where I am, not like this mud puddle.
16:11
SPEAKER_00: Uh let's get the mud out of it.
16:12
SPEAKER_00: Let's just make it a clear pool.
16:14
SPEAKER_00: Oh, that's not fun.
16:16
SPEAKER_00: All right, Christiana and Christina, because now I have your names right.
16:22
SPEAKER_00: We want to hear about Moolily and about you ladies and share about your lives.
16:26
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
16:27
SPEAKER_00: Give your summary.
16:29
SPEAKER_00: What was that gesture?
16:31
SPEAKER_06: You can see it away.
16:34
SPEAKER_06: Uh what Moolily is?
16:37
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, so what are we?
16:40
SPEAKER_06: I think that Moolily has been born out of our desire to speak into the lives of uh other women who live in this culture of busyness and harassment.
16:51
SPEAKER_06: Like that's where it started.
16:52
SPEAKER_06: Christina had a really a moment with a woman and a moment with the Lord where this kind of just deeply impacted her heart.
17:00
SPEAKER_06: And so I think that we we're still figuring out who we are and what we are and what we're doing, but I think that we exist to be a resource.
17:08
SPEAKER_06: We really want to champion women in their seasons of isolation and encourage them to make choices and to have a voice and to be heard to provide empathy and encouragement, um, and like more than anything to create a safe place where women can walk out those processes with each other and with the Lord.
17:27
SPEAKER_06: That's kind of that's like the general moment from which we came.
17:32
SPEAKER_06: Do you want to expand on that, Christina?
17:34
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, so um the word moolily uh comes from two Aboriginal words.
17:39
SPEAKER_05: I'm Australian, so I love um which can you all just go?
17:45
unknown: The accent.
17:47
SPEAKER_05: Take us to the land.
17:49
SPEAKER_05: Oh, it's an amazing, amazing place.
17:51
SPEAKER_05: Everybody should go if you have a chance.
17:53
SPEAKER_05: Um so I've been on a journey just rediscovering my roots and like processing a bunch of stuff, and and the Lord kind of brought this word together, and it's moon ya means safe house or safe place, and doolily means together.
18:10
SPEAKER_05: So moolily means safe together.
18:12
SPEAKER_05: Let's do this thing safe together.
18:14
SPEAKER_05: And I just feel like um among women there's all this uh comparison, uh this competition, this like I don't want people to see what's really going on.
18:25
SPEAKER_05: And this is something that I've struggled with.
18:27
SPEAKER_05: I want to present a strong front, not necessarily a false front, but what is safe and appropriate to share.
18:33
SPEAKER_05: And uh you know, I'm I don't want to present this because it's not the whole story.
18:38
SPEAKER_05: I'm still on a journey and I want to wait until the Lord shows me before I say something.
18:42
SPEAKER_05: Does that make sense?
18:43
SPEAKER_05: Absolutely, and so um but we want to kind of pick that apart a little bit and say, okay, we want to give up on perfectionism and the guilt that comes with that, and just this like false standard, and we want to choose to live intentionally.
18:58
SPEAKER_05: Okay, so what are some tools?
18:59
SPEAKER_05: What are what's some things that we can do to grow and to keep being the best ourselves, doing hearing from the Lord, taking that next step, um, but with hope, like not sitting in I didn't get it right, so you know, I've messed everything up.
19:14
SPEAKER_05: And it's been really interesting because we started about two years ago and like flipping, it's been a really difficult season, like all sorts of stuff has has come up, and it's been a real wrestle in our hearts and just in life circumstances.
19:31
SPEAKER_05: And I feel like the Lord's saying, I want you to live your message.
19:36
SPEAKER_05: Um, and so it's been kind of slower and it hasn't been as structured, and you know.
19:43
SPEAKER_06: Um I think we Christine is a visionary, I am too, and so and there's this momentum, and I think that's part of Moolie is like we want to help create momentum for other women too.
19:53
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, yeah.
19:54
SPEAKER_06: And so we're like, momentum, where are we going?
19:56
SPEAKER_06: Vision, let's get this thing done, let's let's go, let's be there.
19:59
SPEAKER_06: And it's like the reality of it, heart surgery on a tiny little guy, unexpected baby, recovery, business catastrophes, home like just life.
20:12
SPEAKER_06: Life is happening.
20:13
SPEAKER_06: She has five children, I have five children, it's a lot of children.
20:16
SPEAKER_06: Like it's a lot of children, just one thing after the other.
20:19
SPEAKER_06: And so uh living, and that's the thing that the Lord has said again and again to me is like you're living it.
20:25
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, you are living the things that you want to help dissemin disseminate to other women as well, yeah and to be able to say, No, we're all in it together.
20:35
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, this is what it looks like, we're in it together.
20:38
SPEAKER_06: It's very messy and it's painful, but we can be safe as we're we're aiming for that moment of I've got it.
20:45
SPEAKER_03: Because we don't have it yet.
20:47
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I think it's a good perspective because I was just saying to somebody this morning that I feel like a giant hypocrite often.
20:53
SPEAKER_03: You know, when I look at things how they as they are, and I think, should I quit everything?
20:58
SPEAKER_03: Because do you know what I mean, right?
21:00
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, do I have should I have a voice into anyone's life at the moment?
21:03
SPEAKER_03: Probably not, but I like your perspective.
21:05
SPEAKER_03: I'm living it and I'm I'm having to walk the message he's given me.
21:09
SPEAKER_03: The middle place message is what I'm living.
21:11
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, and I have to trust that it's gonna go to the street.
21:14
SPEAKER_00: As most of us are, but are we willing to admit it?
21:16
SPEAKER_00: And are we willing to share the fails as much as we are the successes?
21:20
SPEAKER_00: Because both are happening simultaneously.
21:22
SPEAKER_00: Oh yeah, right.
21:22
SPEAKER_00: Because there's a bunch, obviously, in the last two years, that are great victories and that are worth sharing from as the hard stuff.
21:29
SPEAKER_00: So people go, Oh yeah, me too.
21:32
SPEAKER_00: And yet have the hope, that other side of hope.
21:34
SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
21:35
SPEAKER_00: That's kind of like the idea of like the simply wholehearted where we're like we're on a journey together to figure out what it looks like to love the Lord with all of your heart, soul, mind, and strength.
21:43
SPEAKER_00: Because like we're not gonna have it all figured out, we're just gonna glean from here and here, and then and then we've got to be willing to share the authenticity piece you talked about.
21:53
SPEAKER_00: Like it is, it is a hard wrestle to know, like, okay, how much do you you know, what does that look like?
21:58
SPEAKER_00: And I mean, I I think.
22:01
SPEAKER_03: I was gonna say you guys are doing it really well.
22:04
SPEAKER_03: Like well, well I'm saying well, I can't speak to the personalized, but the podcast.
22:09
SPEAKER_03: The things you're sharing on your podcast are exactly hitting the goal that you're you know, what you're saying is what you're doing.
22:15
SPEAKER_05: Yes.
22:15
SPEAKER_05: And our heart really was not to be like, okay, so here's Christina's thoughts on life, you know, but to really invite people in that have have like an amazing story.
22:27
SPEAKER_05: They've walked this journey, they've wrestled things out, and they're just a stay-at-home mom like me.
22:31
SPEAKER_05: They're not an author or writer or whatever.
22:32
SPEAKER_05: Right.
22:33
SPEAKER_05: Right.
22:33
SPEAKER_05: As well as people that have authority and they've studied this and they've walked this and they have um tools and research that can validate and help us grow.
22:43
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
22:44
SPEAKER_05: Um, so it's been really, really cool the people that the Lord has connected us with.
22:49
SPEAKER_05: Um, and then even the people that are just in our circle that the Lord has kind of highlighted that have just been a huge blessing.
22:56
SPEAKER_00: Um that's awesome.
22:58
SPEAKER_00: Okay, so I'd love to say this because I think this is a really I've got a like an end idea.
23:04
SPEAKER_00: So people listening, well, why don't we just do this together?
23:08
SPEAKER_00: Why have two separate things?
23:10
SPEAKER_00: Are they the same thing?
23:11
SPEAKER_00: Are they different?
23:14
SPEAKER_00: Can you clarify?
23:15
SPEAKER_00: Okay, so so women, okay, so a lot of times what I hear is, oh, that's already being said.
23:22
SPEAKER_00: Oh, that's already written.
23:24
SPEAKER_00: What do I have to say that's different?
23:27
SPEAKER_00: Right.
23:27
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
23:29
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
23:30
SPEAKER_00: So why why wouldn't we just team up?
23:32
SPEAKER_00: Not to say that, like, you know, that would be a bad thing, but what like hypothetically?
23:38
SPEAKER_00: Hypothetically, why why we both live in the same city?
23:41
SPEAKER_00: We probably have some similar circles that intersect.
23:44
SPEAKER_00: Why each of us keep doing what we're doing separately and why is that important?
23:50
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
23:51
SPEAKER_00: It's a wonderful devil devil's advocate right now.
23:54
SPEAKER_00: Yes, I am.
23:56
SPEAKER_00: I am good.
23:57
SPEAKER_00: It's a good question.
23:58
SPEAKER_00: Because I think this is a really good topic.
23:59
SPEAKER_00: Because I think okay, so I mean, comparison.
24:03
SPEAKER_00: We could talk about that for hours and hours because I think for women that's like big stumbling block.
24:09
SPEAKER_00: Um, whether it's body size, image, hair, kids, husbands, house, furniture, all the things, and then the things we do, we're throwing that in.
24:18
SPEAKER_00: So this is the thing we're do we do.
24:20
SPEAKER_00: Like what how how do we distinguish some of that?
24:23
SPEAKER_00: And then how do we hear for ourselves like it's worth we're sharing and doing because that's this is what God is calling you to, and this is your way of making the most of every opportunity.
24:38
SPEAKER_06: So well, isn't it a spectacular thing to cheer each other on?
24:44
SPEAKER_06: So instead of saying we're in competition with one another, which is what I think is totally cultural, yes, and um normal, instead of doing that to be one another's cheerleaders, yeah, yeah, and to say that's awesome, like take that message as far as it'll go in the reverse.
25:01
SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
25:01
SPEAKER_06: I think that very heart of that approaching it, every every single person has a unique experience, and what they bring to the table is so different.
25:11
SPEAKER_06: And I think that the Lord um uses each experience and takes it on a slightly different path that'll hit slightly different places and provide for slightly different needs and intersect and cross over again.
25:25
SPEAKER_06: Um I think that we have this idea of the you know, like the one man is like in head of the church, and everyone should just come to the one huge church because we're all gonna hear this one speaker.
25:35
SPEAKER_06: And I think that's not a a New Testament concept at all.
25:39
SPEAKER_06: And we limit ourselves and we don't grow because all of us need to be preaching, teaching, sharing, ministering, yeah, um, in a missional kind of way.
25:51
SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
25:51
SPEAKER_06: And that's how we grow as people in our faith.
25:55
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, and in community.
25:57
SPEAKER_06: And so that's not a great that wasn't an answer.
25:59
SPEAKER_06: That's a good idea.
26:00
SPEAKER_06: I was like, these are my first reflective thoughts.
26:02
SPEAKER_00: Um I think that'sn't prepared.
26:04
SPEAKER_00: I'm sorry, because I know like the think fast center.
26:07
SPEAKER_06: It's wonderful.
26:13
SPEAKER_03: Just maybe if there was more time, I would have something better to say.
26:17
SPEAKER_03: That was just kind of dangerous to get to have that.
26:24
SPEAKER_03: I just call it like when somebody's in the echo chamber and they listen to one person, one kind of person, and then and they just sit with that, yeah, one kind of perspective.
26:34
SPEAKER_03: I think it can create some interesting dynamics to say the least.
26:37
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
26:38
SPEAKER_03: And I think that's one of the the hard things is I think about the way we live is that we don't have so much interaction in each other's lives, so that I hear your story and how you're doing it, and then you know, to make space for everyone's story and style and experience and learning and and all those things.
26:55
SPEAKER_03: So I think I'm saying I agree.
26:59
SPEAKER_03: In a very long hashtag, I agree.
27:01
SPEAKER_00: Hashtag I agree.
27:04
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
27:05
SPEAKER_00: Well, I just I I just see it as like there's so many oftentimes in the body of Christ, there are books that come out at the same time that have very similar messages.
27:15
SPEAKER_00: Cause I think the Holy Spirit is speaking and wanting to do something at large in the body of Christ.
27:19
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
27:19
SPEAKER_00: But they're coming from different people, and there are some accusations.
27:22
SPEAKER_00: It's just interesting because you hear, well, like that's like the same thing.
27:25
SPEAKER_00: Or, you know, oh, she's just but they're but they all like I'm able to read them and glean something completely different.
27:32
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, and I think it's so cool that the Lord is saying the same thing to so many different people.
27:36
SPEAKER_05: Like there's obviously a message that's greater than just that one person's life experience that the Lord is creating a movement, yeah.
27:43
SPEAKER_05: Um, yeah.
27:44
SPEAKER_00: And how you're saying it is gonna come across differently, way more beautiful, by the way.
27:48
SPEAKER_00: Right than how I'm saying it in all truthfulness, because in your history looks so different than mine.
27:54
SPEAKER_00: Right.
27:54
SPEAKER_00: And so we can just speak from a unique perspective that's gonna touch a minister.
27:59
SPEAKER_00: Like, I mean, it's just so easy.
28:01
SPEAKER_00: Like I can go to a room full of women, I have a a way-to-gauge response.
28:05
SPEAKER_00: And each time it looks so different.
28:07
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes, like 90% of the room responds to know where like I I met their felt need.
28:14
SPEAKER_00: Right.
28:14
SPEAKER_00: And sometimes it's only a third of the room I met their felt written need.
28:18
SPEAKER_00: Just as we would go, you know, we would each like, I mean, the idea is to, you know, hopefully craft a message that can reach, you know, as many people.
28:25
SPEAKER_00: But it doesn't, it's not possible.
28:27
SPEAKER_03: And his ears need to hear different.
28:29
SPEAKER_03: We go through this all right.
28:30
SPEAKER_03: The joke kind of the running joke for me.
28:32
SPEAKER_03: This is what I always go back to, is that some people can read Anne Boscamp.
28:36
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
28:36
SPEAKER_03: And some people can't.
28:37
SPEAKER_03: I cannot.
28:38
SPEAKER_03: I read that I'm going, what are you trying to say to me, woman?
28:40
SPEAKER_03: But you put Anne Lamotte in front of me.
28:42
SPEAKER_03: Anne Lamotte.
28:49
SPEAKER_03: But there are tons of people that love and understand and just are there with Anne Boscamp.
28:54
SPEAKER_03: I just struggle.
28:55
SPEAKER_03: Can it be Anne Hathaway?
28:56
SPEAKER_00: Because she's really beautiful.
28:58
unknown: Who?
28:58
SPEAKER_00: And we just connect to princess diaries.
29:01
SPEAKER_00: We're talking about okay.
29:02
SPEAKER_00: No, I know.
29:02
SPEAKER_00: I'm sorry.
29:03
SPEAKER_00: I can't.
29:04
SPEAKER_00: If you want to be a princess, you can we were talking about ands.
29:08
SPEAKER_00: Anns.
29:09
SPEAKER_03: So so, but yeah, ears, there's a lot of ears that need to hear.
29:12
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
29:12
SPEAKER_03: And you know, ways to present.
29:15
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's good.
29:16
SPEAKER_03: Yep.
29:17
SPEAKER_00: Okay, I totally threw that one out there.
29:18
SPEAKER_00: It just we were talking.
29:21
SPEAKER_00: I was just like, I think that's important.
29:23
SPEAKER_00: It is important.
29:24
SPEAKER_03: Important to say that there's room for both of us in the same city doing a similar vision in different ways.
29:28
SPEAKER_03: Yes.
29:29
SPEAKER_00: Yes, yes, actually, absolutely.
29:31
SPEAKER_00: And we can learn from each other.
29:33
SPEAKER_00: Okay, I'm taking a quick minute to interrupt this great conversation to share about our two mini-series that we have available for you.
29:42
SPEAKER_00: Both of them are to give you practical and inspiring ideas to put into practice right away.
29:48
SPEAKER_00: The Soul-Time mini-series is about taking the time to overwhelm yourself with what fills your picture so that you feel loved, valued, and well taken care of in your spirit, mind, and body.
30:00
SPEAKER_00: None of our ideas require the time or finances needed for a shopping spring.
30:05
SPEAKER_00: The second is about creating meaningful minutes and how to find an overall rhythm and intentionality to your days of motherhood.
30:14
SPEAKER_00: So if you're a mama looking for ideas to keep your kids busy this summer without using electronics, you may want to join us.
30:22
SPEAKER_00: Now back to our conversation with Christina and Christiana.
30:27
SPEAKER_00: So, what about motherhood?
30:30
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, we want to.
30:32
SPEAKER_00: So I would like to hear from y'all about y'all.
30:36
SPEAKER_00: Look at her for that, y'all.
30:37
SPEAKER_00: Y'all.
30:38
SPEAKER_05: Actually, I'm rubbing off on her.
30:42
SPEAKER_05: I love a bit of y'all.
30:43
SPEAKER_05: It mostly comes down in text, though I don't say it very often.
30:46
SPEAKER_05: Y'all.
30:46
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
30:47
SPEAKER_05: It's not to write.
30:48
SPEAKER_05: Some of your like practical tools around intentionality.
30:52
SPEAKER_05: So I have this question in the light of this crazy world that we live in, where we're being pulled in so many different directions, but also have like genuinely important things that we need to do in raising godly children.
31:04
SPEAKER_05: What does simplicity mean to you?
31:08
SPEAKER_05: That's a good one.
31:09
SPEAKER_03: Mm-hmm.
31:10
SPEAKER_03: That's a really good question.
31:12
SPEAKER_03: I have a short answer to that.
31:13
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, please.
31:14
SPEAKER_03: You have all kinds of practicals that I don't have.
31:16
SPEAKER_03: I think for me, simplicity boils down to, and this is something I'm trying to still figure out.
31:21
SPEAKER_03: Um, because to be honest, I feel like a massive failure as a mom frequently.
31:26
SPEAKER_03: Um so but she's not.
31:30
SPEAKER_03: She's not.
31:30
SPEAKER_03: Okay.
31:32
SPEAKER_03: Excuse me.
31:33
SPEAKER_03: But I think what it looks like for me right now is to look at my kids and see what do they need.
31:39
SPEAKER_03: Like what does each of my kids need now?
31:41
SPEAKER_03: What do I need?
31:43
SPEAKER_03: And what can I cut out?
31:44
SPEAKER_03: What can I not do?
31:45
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
31:46
SPEAKER_03: Um, in order to be uh uh just more peaceful.
31:49
SPEAKER_03: And I asked, I think I posted something on Instagram about what dinner looked like the other night.
31:52
SPEAKER_03: It was fresh fruit and a bowl of cereal.
31:55
SPEAKER_03: Because that's what was there, and I was stressed out, and it was it was a long day, so I thought organic cereal and fresh fruit, that's okay for dinner.
32:04
SPEAKER_03: You know what I mean?
32:05
SPEAKER_03: It's about not trying to meet some expectation that I just can't hit, and to go, okay, what do they need?
32:11
SPEAKER_03: What can I give?
32:12
SPEAKER_03: And what can I give with a sureful heart?
32:14
SPEAKER_03: And what can I do that that will keep me at peace?
32:16
SPEAKER_03: Um and so making small decisions, even just small decisions like that, that just strip down to the bare minimum.
32:24
SPEAKER_03: I'm at I'm at bare minimum mode right now, I feel like, with my kids in many ways.
32:28
SPEAKER_03: So that means we don't have a lot of extra activities, they're not doing sports, there's not there's not a lot of extra anything.
32:34
SPEAKER_03: And that's what needs to be our reality right now.
32:37
SPEAKER_03: So that for me is simplicity and mothering because it makes me more peaceful.
32:41
SPEAKER_03: Um and our schedule is more peaceful.
32:45
SPEAKER_03: And um so we can do what really actually matters maybe.
32:49
SPEAKER_03: That's really good.
32:50
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah.
32:51
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's awesome.
32:53
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I would just add to it, and uh uh in a summer talk that I usually do, um I did cover the three things that and we talk about it and simply wholehearted unplugged, purposeful, and intentional.
33:04
SPEAKER_00: So what does that really look like scaling back?
33:07
SPEAKER_00: Because we you know, I just kind of share the concept unplugged, purposeful, and intentional.
33:12
SPEAKER_00: And all of those can seem like I don't know, challenging words, difficult um to really live out, but I break them down kind of almost as simplistic as Ashley did, and a lot of that is discovering your why, you personally, like what is important to you?
33:32
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, the power of why.
33:33
SPEAKER_00: I mean, we obviously there's Simon Sinek and all of that sort of stuff, and that's usually we think about that for business, but what if we thought about it for our own life?
33:40
SPEAKER_00: Like, what is important to me?
33:43
SPEAKER_00: And that's looking at the list of things.
33:45
SPEAKER_00: It do really, is it really important to me that my kids do sports?
33:49
SPEAKER_00: Is it really important that they read the greatest classics?
33:53
SPEAKER_00: Is it important that they have a love for the outdoors?
33:55
SPEAKER_00: Is it, you know, what are those things?
33:57
SPEAKER_00: And I I actually like have a like, you know, a document that I kind of walk moms through of, okay, let's ask these questions for ourselves and circle what comes down like, you know, don't look at what your friend is circling, look what you, what your natural response is circling.
34:13
SPEAKER_00: And then why don't you take this to your spouse if that is available or someone who's close to you and go, you know, how about for a family at whole uh as a whole, what is important, you know, because you might have your things that are important, but then what collectively is it important?
34:28
SPEAKER_00: And then you take this to your kids, especially if they're old enough and want to share their opinion.
34:33
SPEAKER_00: What's important to you is being on the soccer team every year, spring and and fall and summer, and you know, summer camp is that important to you?
34:42
SPEAKER_00: Or is getting to do an art class, or is it getting to go to the museums?
34:47
SPEAKER_00: Is it getting to just have free time and play?
34:50
SPEAKER_00: And so for me, I, you know, just like as an example, I go, you know what, sports aren't a big deal.
34:55
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, if some opportunities come up and they express interest later, awesome.
34:59
SPEAKER_00: But my priority right now is for them to go to school and them to have free time and play and to love to read.
35:05
SPEAKER_00: And so, and obviously, and then church is like a big part of what we do.
35:10
SPEAKER_00: Um, but we don't spend every free moment at church and we don't speak do, you know, spend every free moment, you know, working on their homework or advancing their academic skills.
35:20
SPEAKER_00: But I allow all those extra free moments to if they want to read or reading together audiobooks, yeah, listening to audiobooks together, and then just letting them enjoy the outdoors.
35:32
SPEAKER_00: And I I love letting them get bored because of what it produces in them, you know.
35:37
SPEAKER_00: So good.
35:37
SPEAKER_00: So that's simplistic is going, what do I really love?
35:40
SPEAKER_00: kind of like that, and what do they need?
35:42
SPEAKER_00: Yep.
35:42
SPEAKER_00: And and and from that place choosing instead of I think, I think unfortunately, um, again, it goes back to like what is so a global share that we have, so accessible to us.
35:54
SPEAKER_00: We go, oh, if they're doing it, then I need to do that.
35:56
SPEAKER_00: And in order to get to this college or this scholarship or all of this, and and they'll resent me because I didn't allow them to practice XYZ skill, you know, before a certain age, and we've just put so much pressure and they've lost their childhood, and us as moms are going crazy because we can't meet all of those demands and take care of our household well, yeah, and then meet their emotional needs.
36:15
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, like it's crazy.
36:18
SPEAKER_00: And so it's just kind of dialing them back and going and then being okay with that, and then going, you know what?
36:23
SPEAKER_00: From that place, you know, where do I want to go from here?
36:26
SPEAKER_00: And and that's kind of uh how I've kind of framed all of it, whether it's how you plan your summer or what you choose to do for school, or you know, what you do outside of that in your home life, and giving some vision.
36:39
SPEAKER_00: So that's excellent.
36:41
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, anyway.
36:42
SPEAKER_00: What did you say about that?
36:43
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
36:43
SPEAKER_03: What do you think about when you think of simplicity and motherhood?
36:50
SPEAKER_06: Um I agree.
36:54
SPEAKER_06: I think that what a remarkable thing to go.
36:58
SPEAKER_06: What are the actual needs?
37:00
SPEAKER_06: What are the needs?
37:01
SPEAKER_06: Because there are so many extraneous things that that seem important, yeah.
37:07
SPEAKER_06: That seem uh weighty and bring pressure with them, and we go down all these paths of if I don't do this, if I don't do that.
37:15
SPEAKER_06: And I think anytime we make decisions out of fear or navigate by fear, um, we wind up in bad places.
37:21
SPEAKER_06: So boiling it down to what is peaceful in my home, like that's a bottom line, like what creates peace after the year I've been through.
37:31
SPEAKER_06: Like, okay, what will create peace in my home?
37:33
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, and how do what do I do to um perpetuate those decisions that we're making right now that's sustainable and what's sustainable?
37:42
SPEAKER_06: That's the other thing.
37:43
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, it's like exactly simple things are gonna be sustainable, you know, where um things that are complicated and covered in fear and pressure and expectation and perfectionism are not gonna be sustainable.
37:55
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, although we can go real far before we find that out.
37:58
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, we can.
37:59
SPEAKER_06: If you're high functioning, yes, right, right.
38:02
SPEAKER_00: Or just realize like whatever like as a mom to just know like I'm gonna only say yes for a season.
38:09
SPEAKER_00: Like this is not like I don't need to keep going.
38:11
SPEAKER_00: We go so far down the road when we just have such a real small window that we need to look in because things change so quickly, so radically.
38:19
SPEAKER_05: Yep.
38:20
SPEAKER_00: Um I mean, from one to eighteen, I mean certainly past it too, or even in our own adult lives.
38:25
SPEAKER_00: So we do sometimes just like and fear.
38:29
SPEAKER_00: I think fear is a good like are we making this?
38:33
SPEAKER_03: It's so easy to make fear-based decisions as a parent.
38:39
SPEAKER_03: Talk about anxiety, yeah.
38:41
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I wish we all take a deep.
38:46
SPEAKER_00: Okay, Christina.
38:47
SPEAKER_00: How about you?
38:48
SPEAKER_05: Um this is an area that I really need to grow in.
38:53
SPEAKER_05: So I'm like drinking this all in.
38:55
SPEAKER_05: I think for me, something that's really, really important is is like feeling connected to my children.
39:02
SPEAKER_05: So uh when we get really busy um and I don't have the opportunity to sit down and read a book with them or just have them especially with my little ones, like physical touch, I'm not a real touchy person.
39:14
SPEAKER_05: It's funny, but physical touch is really important to me.
39:17
SPEAKER_05: Like I want to have them on my lap.
39:18
SPEAKER_05: I want to um like be close to them.
39:22
SPEAKER_05: And so when there's so many things going on and so many things vying for their attention, like so our older kids are coming into like the season of play dates where their peers are really important to them and they want a lot of activity and a lot of different social stimulation, and I am a bit of an introvert and I don't want that.
39:42
SPEAKER_05: Yep, yep, like I like it in very specific.
39:46
SPEAKER_05: I don't want to be driving around every day picking my kids up and dropping them off, and I see these like attitudes come out of that, even though I know their friends, I make a point of getting to know the families of their friends, so that I know that they're safe and that the things that they're learning and observing in those homes are good and aligned with our values.
40:03
SPEAKER_05: But it's like, okay, at what point is that a good thing, but actually it's not important right now.
40:08
SPEAKER_05: And we're gonna say, okay, between Monday and Friday, we're not doing play dates because it's creating a disconnect, it's creating behaviors and attitudes that I don't need, you know, that are not helpful for my family.
40:23
SPEAKER_05: So yeah, so that I mean that's one one thing that we've tried to pull back.
40:28
SPEAKER_05: One thing that my mom did for me, which was just so simple and so profound, was that when she would come and say goodnight, she would like sit on the edge of my bed and we would talk and talk and talk, and sometimes it was like 10 minutes, and sometimes it was like an hour and a half because the weight of the world was on my shoulder.
40:47
SPEAKER_05: Yes.
40:47
SPEAKER_05: And so I think I learned a lot of really good emotional skills that I didn't know, or I didn't have names for or whatever, but just because she was present with me, and so I want to do that for my kids.
41:00
SPEAKER_05: I want to be present with them at the time that they're able to talk about what happened at school, or talk about that thing that upset them, or that thing that they're really excited about, because it's not always when I pick them up from school, or it's not always at the dinner table, or whenever it's convenient for me, yeah.
41:16
SPEAKER_00: Um so yeah, because it takes like four or five hours for them to like process, I think, and decompress, and then they're ready to spill.
41:25
SPEAKER_06: I'm always in my bedroom at like 9 30 at night showing me when I'm done, I really need to be done.
41:31
SPEAKER_03: My mom and it's done for the day.
41:32
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, but it can be a good thing.
41:34
SPEAKER_05: It's been a massive challenge for me because that's when they want your intention, right?
41:40
SPEAKER_05: And that's when I feel so spent, like so I get not just like tired, but like exasperated, and I can't keep going around and saying goodnight and asking you to get your whack a mole.
41:52
SPEAKER_03: It's like a whack it went down, the next one pops up.
41:55
SPEAKER_03: Are you kidding?
41:59
SPEAKER_05: So I'll let you know when I figure that out.
42:01
SPEAKER_00: But you're but you're attempting it, you value it.
42:04
SPEAKER_05: But I'm engaged in priorities.
42:06
SPEAKER_05: Because it's important to me.
42:07
SPEAKER_03: It's hugely and it's gonna pay you back too.
42:09
SPEAKER_03: And I can just say, as having a 20-year-old, I mean, each child is different.
42:12
SPEAKER_03: They do, they're they're different, but the relationship that I have now with my oldest daughter is is priceless.
42:19
SPEAKER_03: The things that we talk about, the way that she'll come and tell me things that um I I just don't know that uh friends keep saying, Wow, that's very unique that she talks to you about her actual life.
42:30
SPEAKER_03: And so and I just I think I I don't know, I think I've maybe took taken it for granted.
42:36
SPEAKER_03: But it is, it's so special and in the way that we talk about whatever.
42:41
SPEAKER_03: And she's um and so I know that it came in a moment when she was probably twelve.
42:46
SPEAKER_03: I realized actually what I realized, I feel like I'm way I'm now going off topic, but that's okay.
42:50
SPEAKER_03: No, you didn't um but it was just a defining moment where I just kind of looked and I realized that I was um just nitpicking her about a lot of things.
42:59
SPEAKER_03: And the things I was nitpicking in her were the things I didn't like about myself.
43:03
SPEAKER_03: And so I thought, okay, I because I was so trying to keep her from being like me and doing things that I thought would cause her to be rejected, so I was trying to fix every little thing.
43:12
SPEAKER_03: And it's I realized I was doing it and I was like, oh gosh, I I'm actually rejecting myself by doing this to her.
43:16
SPEAKER_03: And so that has to stop.
43:18
SPEAKER_03: And so I tried to make a concerted effort to um come down to her level more and to do more silly, to do more ridiculous, to let her just to let some things go.
43:29
SPEAKER_03: Uh and and in a way simplified, I guess, just to, you know, let her be her.
43:34
SPEAKER_03: And um, and it has paid off tremendously.
43:38
SPEAKER_03: Um, and I know that it was just in that one moment of going, okay.
43:41
SPEAKER_03: And the other thing was is that I was very fair fearful that what she was experiencing for me was impacting her walk with God.
43:47
SPEAKER_03: Like, is what you see happening with me in the way I relate to you, how is that drawing you to toward or away from God?
43:54
SPEAKER_03: And she just kind of shrugged her shoulders, like, eh.
43:56
SPEAKER_03: And I was like, Oh no, Crisis, this is not okay.
44:00
SPEAKER_03: Okay, this is now going farther than I thought.
44:02
SPEAKER_03: You know, and so anyway, all that to say is that I do think that all the time that we spend in in when the window opens, as they say, when the window to your children's heart opens, you have to walk through it even if it's 9 30 or 10 or 11 or 12 or 1.
44:16
SPEAKER_03: As they get older, it gets later and later that their window opens.
44:19
SPEAKER_03: But it just it does, it pays off in the end.
44:22
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
44:22
SPEAKER_03: When you just can see that we're friends now.
44:25
SPEAKER_03: Like I have a friendship with my 20-year-old that's beautiful.
44:28
SPEAKER_03: Um yeah.
44:29
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
44:29
SPEAKER_00: I think along that idea, and it just to kind of go down that road a little bit, is I think we often well, I heard this really great teaching, and it was actually before we had kids.
44:40
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
44:41
SPEAKER_00: And it was just we were were lonely and we wanted a small group.
44:44
SPEAKER_00: But the the teaching, I know it was kind of sad.
44:48
SPEAKER_00: Um, but hey, eventually we became parents.
44:52
SPEAKER_00: Um, so we could join that clip too.
44:54
SPEAKER_00: Um, but it was it was really just the teaching on I don't even know who it was, who I can give credit to, but it was say yes as often as possible.
45:02
SPEAKER_00: And I didn't have context for it at the time, but I have thought of it through all of these years because it goes back to that nitpicking aspect of it, because it's really easy to just because it's irritating, it's inconvenient, it's not like you know, uh fun for me, you know, just all the different whys that I say no that aren't really valid in the end.
45:23
SPEAKER_00: So how can I say yes as not to be permissive, yeah, but how can I give that window of opportunity as much as possible, like you said, where they can have a childhood and just enjoy life because they're gonna be adults one day.
45:36
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and it's yeah, and we all of us have hard, you know, obstacles to overcome in order to say yes, but yes, you know, and it so in that way it does that doesn't seem simplistic, but if you kind of chalk it up to like, okay, well, why am I saying no?
45:52
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
45:52
SPEAKER_06: So I think that's huge because if my kids hearing no, no, no, no, no, which they do all day long, it changes the climate of our home in our relationship.
46:04
SPEAKER_06: And if they feel like they're constantly approaching me for things that are gonna be shut down as opposed to what what can I say yes to.
46:13
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, right.
46:14
SPEAKER_06: And I've been thinking about for the last probably two months, um I call it the hard-edged what.
46:20
SPEAKER_06: The you guys know what?
46:22
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, I I know that one.
46:24
SPEAKER_00: I hear it in my kids.
46:25
SPEAKER_00: I hear it in myself.
46:27
SPEAKER_00: What?
46:28
SPEAKER_00: What?
46:28
SPEAKER_00: The hard-edged what.
46:30
SPEAKER_06: And it's it's so valid because I think the hard-edged what comes out of um, like, you know, you've been helping a child for an hour and you finally go sit in the bathroom and they're like screaming because they don't like the way their pants feel from the open, and you're like, what, what?
46:45
SPEAKER_06: A lot of the time it comes out of that, or it comes out of where you are really struggling.
46:49
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
46:50
SPEAKER_06: But I've realized that it invalidates their um whatever they're feeling at the moment and it speaks you are inconvenient to me.
46:57
SPEAKER_06: Right.
46:58
SPEAKER_06: You're inconvenient to me, and my time is spent better elsewhere.
47:03
SPEAKER_06: And I am a huge, hard-edged what person.
47:06
SPEAKER_06: And so it's been like a month or two now where I've been thinking about this, like, Lord help me in my response, and I'm gonna, I'm gonna validate my own emotions right now and be like, I'm having a hard time, you know, out of whenever the moment that the what comes out of, but how can I change my language so that I can so that they know they're seen and heard and that whatever they're struggling with is not inconvenient to me.
47:29
SPEAKER_06: Right.
47:30
SPEAKER_06: That's been a huge thing I've been thinking about.
47:32
SPEAKER_06: Yes.
47:32
SPEAKER_06: And I don't know that I'm making great progress at changing, but I'm trying.
47:40
SPEAKER_00: I mean, I think that's like 90%, right?
47:42
SPEAKER_00: You know, and then it's just practically catching ourselves in the midst of it.
47:46
SPEAKER_00: And I don't know, have you have you ever tried to?
47:49
SPEAKER_00: I'm just genuinely curious.
47:51
SPEAKER_00: So you say it and you catch yourself.
47:54
SPEAKER_00: Do you immediately apologize and acknowledge it with your kids?
47:56
SPEAKER_00: It you think that's yeah, that's maybe beneficial.
47:59
SPEAKER_06: I think it is like it that's been a huge thing for me as a parent is being able to apologize.
48:04
SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
48:04
SPEAKER_06: Um, and being able to say, and so Tansy, Tansy and I Tansy had a huge old, she was throwing rocks at some children, some other siblings.
48:13
SPEAKER_06: There was a huge meltdown and she wasn't listening.
48:15
SPEAKER_06: And it was it was it turned into this like I was shouting at her and she was shouting at me, which I'm I'm I feel like I I do a pretty good job of not fighting with my kids because I'm like, why why would you fight with your children?
48:26
SPEAKER_00: Right, right.
48:27
SPEAKER_00: You know, they're they're children and they're children, and you're an adult.
48:30
SPEAKER_00: Right.
48:30
SPEAKER_06: You know, but it was totally like you go do this, no, I won't, you go do this, no, I won't.
48:35
SPEAKER_06: I saw you.
48:36
SPEAKER_06: I didn't do that, I saw you know, it was this whole thing.
48:38
SPEAKER_06: It was a whole thing.
48:39
SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
48:39
SPEAKER_06: Um, but I was able afterwards to come back and and apologize and say, I'm sorry that I handled that in the way that I did that, it's not okay for me to shout at you in that way.
48:48
SPEAKER_06: And mommy still stands by what she said and that it was wrong and you weren't listening, and you're gonna have the same consequence.
48:54
SPEAKER_06: But that was not okay.
48:55
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, and that moment with her, it just changes everything in her heart and she melts, you know.
49:00
SPEAKER_06: And but to be able to circle back around and go, that was not okay.
49:05
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, how that came out of me.
49:07
SPEAKER_06: I lost my temper, right?
49:09
SPEAKER_06: You know, to be able to admit that and acknowledge that I think it can change everything.
49:13
SPEAKER_06: I've seen that with my kids.
49:15
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, absolutely.
49:15
SPEAKER_00: Totally.
49:16
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I think that's really good.
49:17
SPEAKER_00: I think it's really important too because eventually, um, I'm in the eventually stage, they are going to tell you when you are wrong, and you might as well own up to it and then be able to help them differentiate how you handle that with an adult, but then also like, okay, well, this is not wrong because of this, but this is wrong because of this.
49:34
SPEAKER_00: And yeah, because it definitely That's so funny.
49:37
SPEAKER_05: I said to my kids once, oops, this is a big mistake.
49:40
SPEAKER_05: I want you to tell me if mommy's being a stress head.
49:45
SPEAKER_05: Oh and what is the last thing you want to hear when you're like stressed out?
49:50
SPEAKER_05: Like, mom, you're being a stress head.
49:52
SPEAKER_00: Just like when your husband points out to start.
50:04
SPEAKER_05: So they they learnt very quickly that didn't help.
50:06
SPEAKER_03: Don't tell mommy that's actually didn't mean that.
50:10
SPEAKER_03: Maybe a little.
50:12
SPEAKER_05: So I try to like circle back, like mornings, like when it's this crazy rush to get out of the house, and I'm like, like I lose it, and then we get in the car and I'm like, okay, I'm sorry.
50:23
SPEAKER_05: Yes, yeah.
50:25
SPEAKER_05: How can we do this better?
50:26
SPEAKER_05: Like, tell me.
50:27
SPEAKER_05: Oh man, that's a question I ask so often, hopping into the car.
50:32
SPEAKER_05: Invite them into the conversation, like this isn't working, it's really not working for me, but it's actually not working for you either.
50:38
SPEAKER_05: Right.
50:38
SPEAKER_05: Because of XYZ, and there's a couple of different situations, but if I can do that sooner rather than later, um it validates their frustration or their um struggle in that as well, but also invites them into yeah, okay, this is this is not just me.
50:55
SPEAKER_05: We need to work on this together.
50:57
SPEAKER_05: We both need to grow, we all need to figure out a way to make this work.
51:00
SPEAKER_05: And so Yeah, this is a struggle for both of us.
51:03
SPEAKER_03: You can never find your shoes.
51:04
SPEAKER_03: What do you think we could do about that before school in the morning?
51:08
SPEAKER_00: Do you have an idea?
51:09
SPEAKER_00: If mommy's suggestion of putting them in the place the night before isn't working, what's a better solution?
51:16
SPEAKER_00: Coming up with it together.
51:18
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
51:18
SPEAKER_00: Oh, well, Mom, actually, maybe that's a really good idea.
51:21
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
51:22
SPEAKER_05: Maybe I'll start putting it in a ship.
51:24
SPEAKER_05: So there's like some personal responsibility on them.
51:26
SPEAKER_05: And they thought it was their idea.
51:28
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
51:29
SPEAKER_00: It's no longer this meaningless instruction of like another nagging thing, mom.
51:34
SPEAKER_00: It's taps into their creativity a little bit.
51:36
SPEAKER_00: What do you think?
51:37
SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
51:37
SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
51:38
SPEAKER_06: I love it.
51:38
SPEAKER_06: Totally.
51:39
SPEAKER_06: I've I think I've learned the power too of going before I even hit the like of saying I'm having a really hard time.
51:46
SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
51:47
SPEAKER_06: And being able to say that as I feel my emotions going up and we're having this whole thing happening, and being able to go, guys, I'm having a really hard time right now.
51:54
SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
51:55
SPEAKER_06: Mommy's upset.
51:56
SPEAKER_06: Mom, mommy's starting to lose it.
51:57
SPEAKER_06: I'm frustrated.
51:58
SPEAKER_06: I'm feeling really frustrated because no one is listening.
52:01
SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
52:01
SPEAKER_06: The end we all want to achieve is not gonna happen because of this.
52:06
SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
52:06
SPEAKER_06: And uh my husband and I feel like it's very important for them to see us feeling our feelings in an appropriate way.
52:15
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, not in a kind of way.
52:17
SPEAKER_06: Yes, right.
52:18
SPEAKER_06: But that it's okay to feel your feelings, um, but to then know what to do with them.
52:23
SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
52:23
SPEAKER_06: And that we can have huge emotions and big emotions, yeah, and that's fine.
52:28
SPEAKER_06: And I think I grew up in a family, I think a lot of people do, where people don't know how to handle big emotions.
52:32
SPEAKER_06: No, and they get shut down and you're told what to feel.
52:35
SPEAKER_06: Right.
52:35
SPEAKER_06: And that creates all kinds of stuff.
52:37
SPEAKER_06: You shouldn't feel that way.
52:38
SPEAKER_06: The shame, you know.
52:40
SPEAKER_06: So that if we can validate this is where we're at, this is what we feel, it doesn't mean it's truth with the capital T, but it's our truth right at this moment.
52:46
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, yeah.
52:47
SPEAKER_06: What do we do about that?
52:48
SPEAKER_06: That's so smart.
52:49
SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
52:50
SPEAKER_03: And if you can catch it before it gets to level ten, because you're catching it at like six or seven.
52:54
SPEAKER_03: Right.
52:55
SPEAKER_03: And if you can teach your kids to catch it at six or seven before they punch somebody in the face, or scream or throw something.
53:01
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
53:01
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
53:02
SPEAKER_03: And the the thing is, I think they have to see it a lot.
53:04
SPEAKER_03: Uh-huh.
53:05
SPEAKER_03: Like lots of times.
53:06
SPEAKER_03: Uh-huh.
53:07
SPEAKER_03: And I don't do this, I'm just saying.
53:08
SPEAKER_03: I'm sure they would have to see it lots of times before theory.
53:13
SPEAKER_03: I've read that's a thing.
53:15
SPEAKER_03: Um, yeah, lots of training.
53:18
SPEAKER_00: So smart.
53:19
SPEAKER_00: You are.
53:19
SPEAKER_00: You're really smart.
53:22
SPEAKER_03: You're so wise, Christiana.
53:24
SPEAKER_06: Well, you know, my middle name is Sophia.
53:27
SPEAKER_06: Oh, wisdom.
53:29
SPEAKER_00: Oh, there you go.
53:31
SPEAKER_00: It explains everything.
53:32
SPEAKER_06: Everything suddenly makes it.
53:34
SPEAKER_06: It all comes clear.
53:35
SPEAKER_06: So here's an observation like as mothers, that we have this authority to speak over our children and to speak to them and to call them up.
53:45
SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
53:45
SPEAKER_06: That's terrifying.
53:47
SPEAKER_03: All of a sudden that was terrifying.
53:49
SPEAKER_06: I saw your eyebows get real wide.
53:53
SPEAKER_03: But carry on, tell us more.
53:55
SPEAKER_05: No, that's just say more.
53:56
SPEAKER_05: Throw that out there.
53:57
SPEAKER_05: So you made a distinction of saying call them up rather than call them out.
54:02
SPEAKER_05: Uh yeah.
54:03
SPEAKER_05: So let's pull let's let's talk about it.
54:05
SPEAKER_05: Let's call them to a higher standard, a greater version of themselves, something bigger and more like Jesus than just saying don't do that.
54:16
SPEAKER_05: Like we talked about when we were kids.
54:17
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
54:18
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
54:18
SPEAKER_05: And we were just told how to feel.
54:19
SPEAKER_05: You just need to stop.
54:20
SPEAKER_05: Why?
54:21
SPEAKER_05: That's who I am.
54:22
SPEAKER_05: Like, what how do I stop?
54:23
SPEAKER_05: How do I stop being myself right now?
54:26
SPEAKER_06: The choice is to stop being your true self, and I'm still dealing with that.
54:31
SPEAKER_03: That is, oh man.
54:32
SPEAKER_03: Don't feel that way.
54:33
SPEAKER_03: Please stop being your true self.
54:35
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
54:35
SPEAKER_03: That is exactly here.
54:37
SPEAKER_03: Let me give you this mask that you can wear now.
54:39
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
54:39
SPEAKER_03: You can try to work that out later.
54:41
SPEAKER_03: I mean, it's so expensive.
54:43
SPEAKER_03: It's very expensive.
54:45
SPEAKER_03: It is expensive.
54:47
SPEAKER_03: I am so there.
54:49
SPEAKER_03: And yeah, I don't.
54:50
SPEAKER_03: I that is one of my goals is to see my kids.
54:53
SPEAKER_03: Who are you?
54:54
SPEAKER_03: And it's so hard to not say constantly stop, quit because there's so many things to try to so many attitudes and behaviors to try to quench.
55:01
SPEAKER_03: And so, but that isn't working.
55:03
SPEAKER_03: It's not enough to say stop.
55:04
SPEAKER_03: Don't hit your brother.
55:05
SPEAKER_03: Stop hitting your brother.
55:05
SPEAKER_03: You can't, that's not the right response.
55:07
SPEAKER_03: You know, there's got to be something else and better.
55:09
SPEAKER_03: But I do not want my kids to perform for me or be anything other than what they are.
55:14
SPEAKER_03: So I really want to be a safe place for them.
55:17
SPEAKER_03: While also trying to train their hearts.
55:21
SPEAKER_03: And the last thing I want to do is give them a mask to wear.
55:24
SPEAKER_03: I hate that with my whole heart.
55:28
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
55:29
SPEAKER_00: I think, okay, I'm I this is where I geek out the Enneagram.
55:32
SPEAKER_00: I'm sorry, I can't help myself.
55:33
SPEAKER_00: I do.
55:34
SPEAKER_00: I do.
55:34
SPEAKER_00: I because I think this is part of it.
55:36
SPEAKER_00: Because for the first time, instead of a personality thing, in my mind and my experience of telling us, like, oh yeah, this is what you do.
55:43
SPEAKER_00: How about why we do what we do?
55:46
SPEAKER_00: And why not understand what we were created to be and live from that best place, the best version of that as God's beloved.
55:54
SPEAKER_00: And so I I think, you know, in that sense of like being able to equip our kids with that knowledge and have try to find some understanding.
56:02
SPEAKER_00: There's a lot of theories, don't try to type your kids by a certain age or all that sort of stuff.
56:06
SPEAKER_00: I feel like once you can invite them in the process, type your kids, invite them in it.
56:10
SPEAKER_00: Because I think it's a it's a nature, not and then nurturing, yeah, to let them be.
56:16
SPEAKER_00: So I think from that standpoint, there's so much power and understanding.
56:19
SPEAKER_00: Like all three of my kids are totally different.
56:22
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
56:22
SPEAKER_00: And they all are responding, you know, not thankfully I only have three.
56:26
SPEAKER_00: I can't imagine figuring out the five.
56:27
SPEAKER_00: But um, but you know, each of them have like a response, and I have to meet and allow them to respond a certain way to each of those things.
56:36
SPEAKER_00: And thankfully, not all of them take it as heart, you know, to each thing.
56:40
SPEAKER_00: And so, you know, like one goodbye is because of her personality goodbyes are just like this traumatic or shattering thing.
56:46
SPEAKER_00: A goodbye to anything, a ending to anything.
56:49
SPEAKER_00: We never want it to end.
56:50
SPEAKER_00: We always want to know what the like next exciting best thing to look forward to.
56:54
SPEAKER_00: And so for her, it's coaching her through that process and and let and go like it's okay.
56:59
SPEAKER_00: It's okay to feel disappointed, sad.
57:01
SPEAKER_00: And it doesn't mean the world's gonna end.
57:03
SPEAKER_00: And you know, here's the great thing is that you bring that element of fun to everything, and you're looking for that, and you see, you know, so I don't know, we could go on, but I think I think that's just there is you know, kind of to I don't know that I even answered the question.
57:17
SPEAKER_00: I somehow we sparked onto that, but just like figuring that out and letting them because I spent I I realized until like a couple months ago, I was reading a book where I didn't realize how much I had viewed feelings as bad.
57:30
SPEAKER_00: And instead I had this actual vision of me like sitting before the Lord, taking these things out of like a treasure box and holding them up to the Lord and him shining light on him, and they were beautiful, and I thought they were ugly, but to me for some reason in this vision, it was I understood that of his feelings, and I was holding up to the Lord what I thought was bad and ugly.
57:49
SPEAKER_00: Instead, he they were like jewels and gems, and it was okay that I felt that way.
57:53
SPEAKER_00: It's just what did I do with them?
57:55
SPEAKER_00: And yeah, I like so simplistic now, and I can't believe it took me 38 years to like be able to see that, and but if living from that place, there's like it's awesome, and now not everyone knows what to do with that.
58:09
SPEAKER_00: I mean, like that is real too, is once you start going, okay, don't tell me what to feel I can feel.
58:14
SPEAKER_00: Look, I have to handle it right.
58:16
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
58:17
SPEAKER_00: But honestly, a lot of times our culture, the people that we love, it that can take them for a loop a little bit.
58:24
SPEAKER_00: So like you feel that can I be okay with you feeling that?
58:29
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
58:30
SPEAKER_00: And obviously, again, how we express it is really important.
58:32
SPEAKER_03: Well, we've labeled certain emotions as off limits or bad.
58:35
SPEAKER_03: So anger, sadness, disappointment are bad emotions that you should just quench at all costs.
58:41
SPEAKER_03: Just stuff those.
58:42
SPEAKER_03: And so I think to give each other, our children, permission to feel them, and then each other permission to feel them, and ourselves to obviously to feel those kind of emotions and then to train you know, to get training to know how to deal with them because I don't know.
58:54
SPEAKER_03: But I'm still trying to figure that out myself.
58:57
SPEAKER_05: I thought that um movie Inside Out was really profound.
59:00
SPEAKER_05: So part of the movie where sadness sits down and talks about that memory, and she had a completely different perspective than joy, but it was so im like it was like integral to her process in like walking through that and actually coming to a place of healing.
59:18
SPEAKER_05: She needed that sadness, and I um if you had told me that, I don't know that I would have heard it as in the same way as seeing that in that little cute little Disney pizza.
59:29
SPEAKER_05: What a powerful movie.
59:35
SPEAKER_03: Because A, I'm very much like do the melancholy.
59:39
SPEAKER_03: But I thought it was beautiful the way this the sadness opened the door to the joy.
59:43
SPEAKER_03: A hundred percent.
59:44
SPEAKER_03: It opened the door to community and connection.
59:46
SPEAKER_03: And so if you don't ever give have permission to feel that and you're like, oh, I just better stuff that and I'll just work that out.
59:51
SPEAKER_03: Or grief.
59:52
SPEAKER_03: Grief.
59:53
SPEAKER_03: Any of those things if you're not allowed to grieve, um, then you're just isolated in your pain.
59:58
SPEAKER_03: It doesn't go away just because you ignored it.
1:00:00
SPEAKER_03: And so I love that that you just brought that up.
1:00:02
SPEAKER_03: It opens the door.
1:00:03
SPEAKER_05: It does.
1:00:04
SPEAKER_05: So I think seeing our children.
1:00:07
SPEAKER_05: So I did this parenting class a few years ago, and there was several big things that I took away, but the main thing that I remember is just this comment like when you're not disciplining your children or when you're not training them, don't ignore them.
1:00:18
SPEAKER_05: Like if you walk past a bedroom and they're playing nicely, they're just doing nothing, then acknowledge that.
1:00:24
SPEAKER_05: Just say, I see you.
1:00:25
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
1:00:26
SPEAKER_05: You know, I see you sitting at the table doing your colouring, or I see you, you know, you've been just doing your thing, whatever, and just to let them know that they are known.
1:00:35
SPEAKER_05: And so if I can apply that same principle to when they're having a meltdown, or when their response to that thing seemed so disproportionate, rather than switching to I need to train this or discipline this, yeah, yeah, just saying, I I see you, I see that this is really hard for you.
1:00:54
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, or that what that person said made you really angry, even if I'm like that doesn't make sense.
1:00:59
SPEAKER_05: That's ridiculous.
1:01:01
SPEAKER_05: Right.
1:01:01
SPEAKER_05: But just to be just to be okay with letting them be there and letting them know that you are with them in that.
1:01:08
SPEAKER_05: Um, I don't have to have it figured out.
1:01:10
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
1:01:11
SPEAKER_05: Because I think the teacher kind of part of me is like, okay, well, I need to unpack this and I need to give them understanding and the tool to and I don't have it most of the time.
1:01:20
SPEAKER_05: Right, right, right.
1:01:22
SPEAKER_05: Um and just to invite the Holy Spirit into those moments as well.
1:01:26
SPEAKER_05: Because I have some really profound experience as a kid where I mean I couldn't necessarily even put language to it, but I knew that the Lord was with me and He walked me through that while it wasn't the teaching of an adult, yeah, and they have access to the Holy Spirit just as much as we do.
1:01:39
SPEAKER_05: And sometimes because of their childlike even faith, their vision, yeah, they they can receive so much more because it's not convoluted by everything else in their heart.
1:01:50
SPEAKER_05: So yeah.
1:01:51
SPEAKER_06: I always think I think it was two years ago at our little Christmas concert at our school.
1:01:55
SPEAKER_06: Um the kids are all up on the stage singing, and I'm you know dealing with little people, so I don't notice, but John's watching Jasper, and Jasper's weeping, like just we're everyone's singing Christmas carols.
1:02:06
SPEAKER_06: It's when they turn the lights out, and everyone's holding a little candle, and Jasper's just weeping.
1:02:11
SPEAKER_06: He had this powerful encounter with the Holy Spirit, and he gets off the stage.
1:02:14
SPEAKER_06: And I mean, we're all just like singing songs.
1:02:16
SPEAKER_06: You would never think this is a moment, but he was like, I don't know, Mom.
1:02:20
SPEAKER_06: I was just standing there looking at all the people, and I just felt God's love for them.
1:02:25
SPEAKER_06: I felt his presence and in our worship and our songs, and he was you know, like seven or something, six.
1:02:31
SPEAKER_06: Wow, it was just it was so profound for him, and he just sat in it, he just kind of sat there.
1:02:37
SPEAKER_06: Everybody went to get cupcakes, and he's just sitting there, like solemn-faced, just feeling that moment.
1:02:43
SPEAKER_06: And I'm like, I I didn't do that, nobody did that.
1:02:47
SPEAKER_06: You know, we didn't have to align his heart, we didn't have to set him up to experience God and encounter him, because the Holy Spirit is in him as well, and his the the Lord loves my kids more than I do.
1:02:59
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, the Lord has more desire to encounter them than I have desire for them to encounter him, yeah.
1:03:05
SPEAKER_06: You know, and just stopping it, recognizing and going, okay, now this is real, this is a real thing.
1:03:10
SPEAKER_06: And there's so much pressure I think we put on ourselves, like, I've got to do this right, like I've like their lives are dependent on like me training and teaching and like figuring all this stuff out.
1:03:20
SPEAKER_06: And sometimes I forget the element of how much God loves them and sees them and knows them, and where I fail your fail and have lack.
1:03:29
SPEAKER_06: Like He He is gonna come, He is gonna show up time and time again to meet them.
1:03:35
SPEAKER_06: And the more I invite him, the more I'm aware of it.
1:03:38
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's awesome.
1:03:39
SPEAKER_00: Okay, so I suddenly remembered what we were answering.
1:03:42
SPEAKER_00: The difference of calling our children up.
1:03:45
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's yeah, I think that really summarizes it well.
1:03:50
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's good.
1:03:51
SPEAKER_00: Because there is, there is a yeah, there's a difference.
1:03:54
SPEAKER_06: To be able, I think integral in that is to be able to see who they are so that we can call them up.
1:04:01
SPEAKER_06: And we don't have to see it perfectly because that's where the Holy Spirit comes in.
1:04:05
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, but to be able to be intentional, to be able to see who they are and say, be your true self, come up into the fullness of who the Lord made you to be.
1:04:18
SPEAKER_06: That's big.
1:04:19
SPEAKER_00: That is, that's awesome.
1:04:20
SPEAKER_06: I don't do it great.
1:04:21
SPEAKER_06: Let me just Oh, I don't either.
1:04:22
SPEAKER_06: Anytime I feel like I like you want to qualify it, you know, like not that I do this well.
1:04:26
SPEAKER_06: I'm just truth.
1:04:29
SPEAKER_00: We all are figuring it out and learning, and because in our own feelings, and uh just even because that's what we're we're learning with the Lord.
1:04:36
SPEAKER_00: We're learning how how is he calling us up?
1:04:39
SPEAKER_00: Right, yeah, and so and it's having to live that out and then a little bit at a time to show that to our kids and give that to our kids.
1:04:47
SPEAKER_00: So yeah, it's awesome.
1:04:48
SPEAKER_00: Love it.
1:04:50
SPEAKER_00: So the last thing I just wanted to ask what you were looking forward to doing with your kids the summer and like summer with your kids, because for some moms that feels daunting and overwhelming.
1:05:01
SPEAKER_00: Um but I feel like you guys might embrace it differently or being actively working on embracing it.
1:05:06
SPEAKER_06: We've got big plans.
1:05:08
SPEAKER_06: We are gonna do no screen time except for family movie nights.
1:05:12
SPEAKER_06: Oh, no.
1:05:13
SPEAKER_06: And that's something we've been wanting to do for a while because t TV is a huge crutch for us, like huge, and it always has been.
1:05:18
SPEAKER_06: For most, for everybody.
1:05:20
SPEAKER_06: When you're really sick and really sick and pregnant.
1:05:23
SPEAKER_06: And five kids.
1:05:24
SPEAKER_06: And not functional.
1:05:24
SPEAKER_06: Hello.
1:05:26
SPEAKER_06: So we want to pull away from screen time and we want to really intentionally do um art and music and outside stuff.
1:05:34
SPEAKER_06: So like the kids are gonna do piano lessons, which is definitely a cost and investment.
1:05:38
SPEAKER_06: We want to do it.
1:05:39
SPEAKER_06: We're gonna do more swimming lessons, and we're gonna we're gonna do like painting one month and get supplies and and just explore painting or drawing, or and neither my husband and I are gifted in that at all.
1:05:51
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, like at all.
1:05:53
SPEAKER_06: Totally at all.
1:05:54
SPEAKER_06: Totally iron the paint.
1:05:55
SPEAKER_06: But we're gonna play, like thinking of it in terms of therapy, like just yeah, we're gonna.
1:06:00
SPEAKER_06: Do that, and we so we all have bikes.
1:06:01
SPEAKER_06: So we're gonna do a lot of biking, we're gonna do a lot of outside, we're outside people who have been inside too much.
1:06:07
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, so we're gonna do a lot of sports and just that kind of thing.
1:06:10
SPEAKER_06: That's we want to do this last year, and I got pregnant and it was like, nope, oops TV on mom is in bed.
1:06:16
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, yeah, totally.
1:06:18
SPEAKER_06: So that's kind of how we plan, yeah.
1:06:20
SPEAKER_06: And who are we as a family as we do this together?
1:06:23
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, it's kind of Christiana.
1:06:24
SPEAKER_06: I can't wait to hear out.
1:06:26
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, it might go different than we hope.
1:06:29
SPEAKER_00: Okay, but then you have a goal flexibility to work more flexible and in lots of grace.
1:06:34
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's awesome.
1:06:36
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
1:06:36
SPEAKER_00: Alright, Christina.
1:06:38
SPEAKER_05: So Christiana shared this no screens concept with me, I don't know, a couple of months ago.
1:06:43
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
1:06:43
SPEAKER_05: And it like provoked me.
1:06:46
SPEAKER_05: I was like inspired and challenged and like we should do that, but it also made me really mad.
1:06:51
SPEAKER_05: Like, we could never do that.
1:06:54
SPEAKER_05: So James and I have been talking about doing the same thing, like having no screen time, except if we're together as a family.
1:07:00
SPEAKER_05: So James loves watching these like people are awesome videos and that kind of thing.
1:07:03
SPEAKER_05: Totally.
1:07:04
SPEAKER_05: And he and the kids really connect around that stuff.
1:07:06
SPEAKER_05: So if if he's there sitting down watching it and they're laughing and talking about it, then that's a completely different activity to them switching off.
1:07:13
SPEAKER_05: So that kind of thing.
1:07:15
SPEAKER_05: Um the other thing that's really been on my heart, and I may or may not actually be able to pull this off, but I'm working on it.
1:07:21
SPEAKER_05: Um is teaching my kids how to serve.
1:07:26
SPEAKER_05: I want to do like a service kind of a project.
1:07:30
SPEAKER_05: And all my kids are like kind of little.
1:07:32
SPEAKER_05: So we um with YWAM, we have lived in several different places around the states, and a lot of we have a couple of families that are very dear to us that we haven't seen for like a couple of years, but they really like extended family that's like I want to go and see my aunt and uncle because I love them, you know, and I know that they love my kids, and being with them would be um just very life-giving to us.
1:07:58
SPEAKER_05: And because I know my husband's gonna be working quite a lot in the summer, um, I'm praying about taking a little missions trip with my kids and hitting like two or three different cities, like loading them up, and we'll go we'll go and stay with friends, so I'll have help, and then like even just one or two days while we're there, going and doing yard work for somebody or helping somebody paint their shed or whatever we can sort of find, and then inviting those people to do a little teaching or a little like hey, yeah, for them to speak into my kids' lives because they have so shaped you know James and I've lives.
1:08:33
SPEAKER_05: So because I'm kind of hungry for some adventure, like I love traveling and I love missions, and I've been in a season where that's just not a reality.
1:08:42
SPEAKER_05: Um I've I've gone back to Australia the last two years to visit my family, which is kind of a difficult thing in some ways, but it's just been so life-giving, like going away and being in a different environment, interacting with different people, it like just breathes life and grace and capacity into my heart, into my mental processes, and so um rather than just crossing that off the list like, well, that's not possible.
1:09:11
SPEAKER_05: I want to find a way to do it, even if it's like it's crazy.
1:09:16
SPEAKER_06: But I feel bolstered that if you're willing guys are willing to do crazy things, like maybe I can make a great memory and what your kids think about for years.
1:09:24
SPEAKER_00: Remember, uh-huh.
1:09:26
SPEAKER_00: Oh, totally.
1:09:26
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
1:09:27
SPEAKER_00: I love it.
1:09:28
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
1:09:28
SPEAKER_00: I'm actually really looking forward to summer.
1:09:30
SPEAKER_00: I I mean I usually do.
1:09:31
SPEAKER_00: And which is funny because I actually hate uh the humidity time, so we won't get there.
1:09:36
SPEAKER_00: But um, but I do I think it is a really sweet time, and it is a it is a privilege to be a mom that gets to kind of you know do that, create those special memories with your kids.
1:09:49
SPEAKER_00: So yeah, love it.
1:09:52
SPEAKER_00: Thank you, ladies, for doing this.
1:09:54
SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
1:09:54
SPEAKER_00: This is really fun.
1:09:56
SPEAKER_00: The four of us could talk for hours, and I'm sure you'll believe me when we spent over two hours talking that morning, and we did a lot of trimming before we shared it with you.
1:10:06
SPEAKER_00: But we have so much fun hanging out together.
1:10:09
SPEAKER_00: Last week I mentioned that the Mood Lily Village Podcast is going to have a local event coming on June 16th.
1:10:15
SPEAKER_00: Many of the local Simply Whole Hearted Collective will attend, and I'll be sure to link to it in the show notes so you can join them if you are local in Kansas City and you'd like to celebrate what the Lord is doing through their stories.
1:10:28
SPEAKER_00: They are as lovely as they sound, and I know you'll want to meet them.
1:10:32
SPEAKER_00: It sounds like it's gonna be a great time.
1:10:35
SPEAKER_00: Also, remember to join us for one or both of our mini series.
1:10:39
SPEAKER_00: And if you are a mom who's looking for some ideas that we talked about today, I've put a link to several of them in the show notes.
1:10:46
SPEAKER_00: And thanks again for sharing this podcast.
1:10:49
SPEAKER_00: Each of your ratings, your reviews, and shares are truly important and valuable to us.
1:10:55
SPEAKER_00: So thank you so much.
1:10:57
SPEAKER_00: Next Thursday, we get to share our hilarious conversation with Shelly Tomlinson.
1:11:02
SPEAKER_00: Y'all, she is full of contagious joy, and I know you'll want to listen in.
1:11:07
SPEAKER_00: So until then, we hope you'll be joining us as we discover more ways to live a simply wholehearted life.
1:11:13
SPEAKER_00: Unplugged, purposeful, and intentional.