Latest / The Strategize, Adapt, and Overcome Podcast by Brad Young / The Enemy Inside Your Head: Winning the War Against Your Own Bias

Transcript

The Enemy Inside Your Head: Winning the War Against Your Own Bias · The Strategize, Adapt, and Overcome Podcast by Brad Young

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Good morning, and welcome back to strategize, adapt and overcome.
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: I am brad young, and I am truly glad you
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: are here with me today. Is let me start with
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: a question, and I want you to be honest, because
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: nobody is listening in on your answer, but you When
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: was the last time you made a decision you were
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: absolutely certain about, only to look back later and realize
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: you were completely wrong, not a little wrong, wrong to
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: your core. And the scary part is not that you
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: were wrong. The scary part is how sure you felt
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: while you were making the mistake. Sit with that for
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: a second, because that feeling, that dangerous, comfortable certainty, is
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: exactly what we are hunting today. Last episode, we talked
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: about the patient warrior and why timing beat speed. Today
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: we go somewhere a little harder to face. Today we
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: are going to talk about the toughest opponent you will
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: ever meet in your entire life. And I promise you
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: it is not your competitor. It is not your boss,
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: It is not the market or the economy or the
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: person who wronged you. Your toughest opponent lives inside your
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: own head. It is your fear, It is your ego,
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  Speaker 1: It is the tangle of emotions and mental shortcuts that
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: hijack your best thinking right when the stakes are highest.
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: Since Sue wrote something twenty five centuries ago that has
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: never stopped being true. He said, if you know the
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: of one hundred battles. Notice he did not stop at
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: knowing the enemy. He said, no yourself, because you can
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: study your rival for a lifetime, and it will not
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: save you if you have never once looked honestly at
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: the war going on between your own ears. So let
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: us get into it. The enemy inside your head, winning
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: the war against your own bias. Here's what I've learned,
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: after many years of making decisions under pressure, some good
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: and plenty bad. Your brain is not built to see
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  Speaker 1: the truth. Your brain is built to keep you comfortable
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: and to keep you safe, and most of the time
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: those two jobs work directly against the truth. Your mind
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: takes shortcuts, It fills in gaps with assumptions, It reaches
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  Speaker 1: for the answer that protects your ego instead of the
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: answer that is actually correct, and it does all of
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  Speaker 1: this quietly in the background, without ever asking your permission.
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  Speaker 1: We have a name for these shortcuts. We call them bias,
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: and bias is not stupidity. Some of the smartest people
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: I have ever known were the most fooled by their
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: own minds because they were so confident in their intelligence
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: that they never thought to question themselves. That is the trap.
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: The smarter you think you are, the less you check
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  Speaker 1: your own work. Let me give you a metaphor that
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: has stuck with me. Imagine you are driving a truck
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: down the highway and there is a blind spot right
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  Speaker 1: off your shoulder. You cannot see it. It does not
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: matter how good a driver you are. It does not
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: matter how many years you have been on the road.
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: Blind spot exists, whether you believe in it or not,
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  Speaker 1: and the only drivers who crash because of it are
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: the ones who forget it is there. The great ones
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: do not pretend they can see everything. The great ones
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  Speaker 1: build habits to check the spot they know they cannot see.
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: Your biases are your blind spots. And today I am
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  Speaker 1: going to hand you the mirror. Let me tell you
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  Speaker 1: about three of the most dangerous enemies hiding in your head,
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  Speaker 1: and then I'm gonna show you how to beat them.
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  Speaker 1: The first enemy is fear. Now, fear is not always loud.
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: Sometimes fear screams at you, and that is easy to spot.
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  Speaker 1: But the fear that ruins your decisions usually whispers. It
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  Speaker 1: disguises itself as being reasonable. It tells you to wait
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  Speaker 1: when you should move. It tells you to move when
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  Speaker 1: you should wait. It tells you the safe thing is
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  Speaker 1: the smart thing, when sometimes the safe thing is just
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  Speaker 1: the scared thing wearing a nicer suit. Let me tell
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  Speaker 1: you a story. I once worked alongside a man who
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: had one of the sharpest business mind I have ever
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: come across. He had an opportunity sitting right in front
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  Speaker 1: of him, a real chance to build something that could
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: have changed his family for generations. Everyone around him could
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  Speaker 1: see it. The numbers made sense, the timing was right,
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  Speaker 1: and he froze. He kept finding reasons to wait, more research,
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  Speaker 1: more meetings, more one more weeks. By the time he
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  Speaker 1: finally worked up the courage to move, the door had
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  Speaker 1: closed and someone else had walked through it. Here's what
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  Speaker 1: breaks my heart about that story. He was not lazy,
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  Speaker 1: he was not dumb. He was afraid, and he let
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  Speaker 1: his fear dress itself up as caution, and he told
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  Speaker 1: himself he was being wise, when really he was being ruled,
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  Speaker 1: and there is a world of difference between being cautious
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  Speaker 1: and being controlled by your fear. One is a tool
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  Speaker 1: you use, the other is a leash that uses you.
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  Speaker 1: The Stoics had a powerful answer for this. They taught
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  Speaker 1: that we suffer more in imagination than in reality. Read
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  Speaker 1: that again, we suffer more in our imagination than we
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  Speaker 1: ever do in reality. Most of the things we are
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: terrified of never actually happen. We build entire disasters in
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  Speaker 1: our minds, react to those imaginary disasters, and then wonder
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  Speaker 1: why we never get anywhere. The Stoic practice was to
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  Speaker 1: look your fear dead in the eye and ask them
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  Speaker 1: what is the worst that could actually happen here? And
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  Speaker 1: could I survive it? Nine times out of ten, the
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  Speaker 1: honest answer is yes, yes, you could survive it, And
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  Speaker 1: the moment you know you can survive the worst case,
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  Speaker 1: the fear loses its grip on you. The second enemy
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  Speaker 1: is ego, and this one is sneaky because ego does
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  Speaker 1: not feel like a weakness. Ego feels like strength. It
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  Speaker 1: feels like confidence. But there is a line, and on
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  Speaker 1: the wrong side of that line, your ego stops protecting
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  Speaker 1: you and starts blinding you. Ego is what makes you
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  Speaker 1: defend a bad decision just because it was your decision.
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  Speaker 1: Ego is what stops you from asking for help when
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  Speaker 1: you desperately need it. Ego is what makes you argue
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  Speaker 1: to win instead of listening to learn. And ego is expensive.
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  Speaker 1: I have watched ego cost people their businesses, their relationships,
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  Speaker 1: and their peace, all because they could not bring themselves
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  Speaker 1: to say four simple words that was wrong. Help me.
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: Sunzou warned about this in his own way. He said
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  Speaker 1: that the general who advances without coveting fame and retreats
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: without fearing disgrace, whose only thought is to protect his people,
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  Speaker 1: is the jewel of the kingdom. Think about what he
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: is saying. The great leader is not driven by his
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: own image. He is not fighting to look good. He
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: is willing to advance quietly and retreat quietly because his
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: ego is not in the equation. His mission is bigger
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  Speaker 1: than his pride. I've had to learn this one the
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  Speaker 1: hard way. More than once. There were times I made
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: a call, watched it start to go sideways, and every
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: part of me wanted to double down just to prove
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  Speaker 1: I had been right. That is ego talking. That is
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: the enemy in your head, convincing you that being right
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: in the past matters more than being right now. And
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: I promise you the most successful people I know are
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: not the ones who are never wrong. They are the
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: ones who can admit they are wrong, the fastest to
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: cut their losses and adapt without their pride bleeding all
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: over the decision. The third enemy is emotional trigger. This
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  Speaker 1: is the one that catches good people off guard because
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: it hits fast, and it hits hard. Someone disrespects you,
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  Speaker 1: someone questions your ability. Something happens that lands right on
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  Speaker 1: an old wound, and before you have even thought about it,
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  Speaker 1: you are reacting. You fire off the message, you say
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  Speaker 1: the thing, You make the decision from a place of
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  Speaker 1: heat instead of a place of clarity, and by the
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  Speaker 1: time the emotion cools down, the damage is already done.
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  Speaker 1: Let me tell you some of the worst decisions of
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  Speaker 1: my life were made in the ten seconds after I
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  Speaker 1: got angry, not the ten minutes, the ten seconds, because
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  Speaker 1: in those first few seconds you are not really you. You
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  Speaker 1: are chemical reaction wearing your name. The Stoics were masters
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  Speaker 1: of this, and I mean masters. They understood that between
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  Speaker 1: what happens to you and how you respond. There is
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  Speaker 1: a space, a gap, and in that gap lies all
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  Speaker 1: of your power. The person who reacts instantly has no
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  Speaker 1: power because the world is pulling their strings. But the
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  Speaker 1: person who can pause in that gap, even for a breath,
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  Speaker 1: gets to choose their response instead of having it chosen
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  Speaker 1: for them. That is what emotional regulation really is. It
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  Speaker 1: is not about not feeling. It is about not being
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  Speaker 1: ruled by what you feel. So now let me pull
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  Speaker 1: all of this together and give you something practical, because
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  Speaker 1: I never want to just fill your head with ideas
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  Speaker 1: and leave you with nothing to actually use. Here's the
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  Speaker 1: framework I want you to carry out of this episode.
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  Speaker 1: I call it the Three Questions, and you can run
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  Speaker 1: them on any high pressure decision you face. The first
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  Speaker 1: question is this, am I deciding from fear or from strategy?
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  Speaker 1: Be brutally honest, this choice built on what I want
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  Speaker 1: to build or on what I'm afraid to lose? Because
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  Speaker 1: a decision made to run from fear and a decision
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  Speaker 1: made to move toward a goal can look identical on
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  Speaker 1: the surface, but they lead to completely different lives. The
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  Speaker 1: second question is this is my ego in this decision?
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  Speaker 1: Ask yourself, am I doing this because it is right
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  Speaker 1: or because I need to be right? Am I defending
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  Speaker 1: this position because it is true or because it is mine?
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  Speaker 1: The moment you catch your ego in the room, you
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  Speaker 1: can ask it politely to leave, and suddenly you can
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  Speaker 1: see the whole board again. The third question is this
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  Speaker 1: Am I reacting or am I responding? If your heart
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  Speaker 1: is pounding, if your jaw is tight, if you feel
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  Speaker 1: that heat rising in your chest, that is your signal.
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  Speaker 1: That is the enemy launching its attack. And in that moment,
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  Speaker 1: the most powerful thing you can do is nothing. Wait, breathe,
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  Speaker 1: step into the gap the Stoic's talked about, and let
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  Speaker 1: the storm pass before you make the call. The decision
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  Speaker 1: will still be there in an hour, but you will
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  Speaker 1: be a wiser person when you make it. Fear ego trigger.
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  Speaker 1: Those are the three enemies, and those three questions are
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  Speaker 1: your weapons. Now Here is what I need you to
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  Speaker 1: really understand, because this is the heart of the whole thing.
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  Speaker 1: You do not win this war once you do not
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  Speaker 1: defeat these enemies and then retire in peace. This is
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  Speaker 1: a battle you fight every single day, and the great
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  Speaker 1: ones know that they do not expect to be free
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  Speaker 1: of fear or ego or emotion. That is not the goal.
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  Speaker 1: The goal is to recognize these enemies the moment they
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  Speaker 1: show up, name them, and refuse to hand them the wheel.
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  Speaker 1: Sun Sou said that supreme excellence is not winning one
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  Speaker 1: hundred battles. Supreme excellence is breaking the enemy's resistance without
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  Speaker 1: fighting at all. And when it comes to the enemy
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  Speaker 1: in your own head, that is exactly the aim. Or
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: not trying to violently crush your fear or your ego,
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  Speaker 1: You're trying to know yourself so well, so honestly that
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: these forces lose their power over you before the battle
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  Speaker 1: even begins. You win by seeing clearly. You win by
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: knowing your own blind spots so intimately that they can
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  Speaker 1: no longer surprise you. So let me give you your
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  Speaker 1: challenge for this week. Because knowing all of this means
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  Speaker 1: nothing until you live it. Here's what I want you
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  Speaker 1: to do the very next time you feel that heat
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  Speaker 1: rise up in a high pressure moment, whether it is
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  Speaker 1: fear freezing you, ego defending you, or emotion flooding you,
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  Speaker 1: I want you to stop and simply name it out
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  Speaker 1: loud in your own mind. Just name it. Say that
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  Speaker 1: is fear, say that is my ego. Say I am
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  Speaker 1: triggered right now. That is it. That is the whole exercise,
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  Speaker 1: because here is the beautiful truth. The moment you name
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  Speaker 1: the enemy, you separate yourself from it. You are no
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  Speaker 1: longer the fear. You are the person observing the fear,
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  Speaker 1: and that little bit of distance is where all your
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  Speaker 1: freedom lives. Do that for one week, just notice and name,
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  Speaker 1: and watch how quickly you start catching yourself before you
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  Speaker 1: make the mistakes that used to cost you. Watch how
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  Speaker 1: the decisions that used to control you start becoming decisions
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  Speaker 1: you control. That is not a small thing. That is
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  Speaker 1: the beginning of mastering the one opponent who has beaten
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  Speaker 1: you more times than anyone else ever has. Let me
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: leave you with this before we close. The world is
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: always going to hand you battles. Some of them you
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  Speaker 1: will fight with other people. But the most important war
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  Speaker 1: you will ever wage is the quiet one, the one
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  Speaker 1: nobody else can see, the one happening inside your own
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  Speaker 1: mind while you keep a calm face on the outside.
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  Speaker 1: And the person who wins that inner war becomes almost
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  Speaker 1: impossible to defeat in the outer one. Because when your
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  Speaker 1: fear no longer freezes you, when your ego no longer
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  Speaker 1: blinds you, and when your emotions no longer rule you,
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  Speaker 1: you become clear and a clear mind, my friend, is
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: the sharpest weapon there is. Know the enemy and know yourself.
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: You have spent your whole life studying the enemy out there.
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: This week, turn some of that attention inward and start
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: truly knowing yourself, because that is where every real victory begins.
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: Thank you so much for spending this time with me today.
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: If this episode reached something in you, do me a
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: favor and share it with someone who has been battling
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: their own mind lately, someone who needs to hear that
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: the war inside their head is winnable. And make sure
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: you follow the show because the next one ties everything together.
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: In our next episode, we bring it all home. We're
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: going to talk about how to bend without breaking when
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: everything around you changes. Since Zou said the wise Warrior
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: flows like water, shaping itself to any obstacle, yet never
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: losing its way to the sea. We're going to learn
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: how to adapt fast, stay locked onto what matters, and
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: turn change from the thing that breaks you into the
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: very thing that carries you forward. Until then, know yourself,
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: guard your mind, and keep moving forward,