Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #340 Big House, Bad Kids

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#340 Big House, Bad Kids · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: time poor parent who just wants answers now.
• 0:10
  Speaker 2: And her response to me was, it doesn't matter what
• 0:13
  Speaker 2: the house looks like if the people in the house
• 0:15
  Speaker 2: are nice.
• 0:16
  Speaker 3: And now here's the stars of our show, my mum
• 0:20
  Speaker 3: and dad.
• 0:20
  Speaker 2: I'm a bit embarrassed about this, but we made a
• 0:23
  Speaker 2: little bit of a blunder on Tuesday. We were supposed
• 0:25
  Speaker 2: to do a listener question and we talked about awesome
• 0:28
  Speaker 2: toys and games, and we forgot the listener question.
• 0:31
  Speaker 3: You do get it a bit excited every now and again.
• 0:34
  Speaker 2: Every now and again I might get a little bit
• 0:35
  Speaker 2: excited as so we are going to make up for
• 0:37
  Speaker 2: that by doing our listener question from Tuesday today, even
• 0:39
  Speaker 2: though it's Thursday. Please forgive us. For half the nation,
• 0:43
  Speaker 2: it's just another day, no problem. But for the people
• 0:45
  Speaker 2: who are in lockdown New South Wales, Act Victoria and
• 0:48
  Speaker 2: our New Zealand friends as well, it's really confusing when
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: we do what we should do on Tuesday.
• 0:53
  Speaker 3: On Thursday, hopefully they were wearing their weekday socks or something.
• 0:59
  Speaker 2: No, yeah, blue socks for Wednesday, green socks for he.
• 1:04
  Speaker 2: My name is doctor Justin Colson. We haven't introduced ourselves.
• 1:07
  Speaker 2: For those of you who areknew to the podcast, welcome.
• 1:09
  Speaker 2: We are so glad to have you here.
• 1:11
  Speaker 3: Are you going to introduce me?
• 1:12
  Speaker 4: I'm getting there. I'm justin and well I'm Kylie.
• 1:15
  Speaker 2: Thanks for introducing yourself. I was going to get there.
• 1:18
  Speaker 2: I promise. We're the parents of six daughters aged from
• 1:21
  Speaker 2: grade one through to moved out and married.
• 1:23
  Speaker 4: We've got another one who's.
• 1:24
  Speaker 3: I won't say that was so much delight.
• 1:28
  Speaker 2: It's something to look forward to. I'm just putting it
• 1:30
  Speaker 2: out there. Life has never been better than when the
• 1:33
  Speaker 2: children move out of home.
• 1:35
  Speaker 3: We've only got five to go.
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: A parenting expert, I'm supposed to be telling you how
• 1:38
  Speaker 2: much love them every minute that they're there, and then
• 1:41
  Speaker 2: smile and enjoy the fame, love them even more with
• 1:43
  Speaker 2: the guys, and.
• 1:44
  Speaker 4: Welcome them home when they come back.
• 1:47
  Speaker 2: We should talk about stuff that matters, because otherwise we
• 1:49
  Speaker 2: could just talk about this for the rest of the podcast,
• 1:52
  Speaker 2: and that might annoy some people. So let's get serious
• 1:55
  Speaker 2: for a second. Every Tuesday we do listen to questions.
• 1:58
  Speaker 3: But today's not Tuesday.
• 1:59
  Speaker 4: Today's so we're doing a third day listener.
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: What would you call it dilemma, challenge, difficulty? And this
• 2:07
  Speaker 2: one is actually a little bit unusual because it's not
• 2:09
  Speaker 2: from a parent. Have listened to this question that we
• 2:12
  Speaker 2: received anonymously. We're even disguising the voice of this person
• 2:16
  Speaker 2: so that nobody can be known to anyone.
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: Hey, Justin and Kylee, I love the podcast. I'm twenty
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: four years old. I'm the nney of a young family.
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: They have two beautiful children under the age of ten.
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: They've recently moved into the most beautiful home I've ever seen.
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: The reason for me reaching out is both children are
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: struggling with behavioral issues. I think it's because their parents
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: are never home. They both work incredibly on hours. They
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: earn lots of money. That's the beautiful house. What does
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: it not mean if the kids aren't happy? My question
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: is around how to find the perfect balance in family life.
• 2:45
  Speaker 3: Wow, this is a tricky one. I'm going to be
• 2:48
  Speaker 3: really interested to see where you steer this conversation.
• 2:50
  Speaker 2: So I'm steering the guy. I thought you would have
• 2:52
  Speaker 2: had some ideas. I mean, you've spent a lot of
• 2:54
  Speaker 2: time dealing with young children early childcare. You spent a
• 2:57
  Speaker 2: lot of time watching parents and this shot from you,
• 3:01
  Speaker 2: I mean, I love hearing your insights.
• 3:03
  Speaker 3: I don't actually think this has anything to do with
• 3:05
  Speaker 3: money and affluence. My feeling is that when our children
• 3:13
  Speaker 3: act out, there are fundamental needs that are not being met,
• 3:18
  Speaker 3: and that number one need would be connection.
• 3:21
  Speaker 4: Yeah. Yeah, that's a beautiful.
• 3:22
  Speaker 3: Emotional availability to our children.
• 3:25
  Speaker 2: So I think that it's really easy to draw a
• 3:27
  Speaker 2: straight line between parents who are chasing the dollar and
• 3:31
  Speaker 2: children behaving in challenging ways. My sense is is that
• 3:35
  Speaker 2: regardless of what you're doing, if you have misplaced values,
• 3:39
  Speaker 2: that is, if your values are not related to helping
• 3:42
  Speaker 2: to meet the needs of your growing children, then you're
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: going to have challenges and challenging behavior with those children.
• 3:50
  Speaker 4: Does that make sense, Yeah, of course.
• 3:51
  Speaker 3: But I don't even think it's that either. I think
• 3:53
  Speaker 3: that there is a whole range of reasons why you
• 3:57
  Speaker 3: might not be able to meet your children's needs. It's
• 4:00
  Speaker 3: really important to kind of recognize that this conversation isn't
• 4:04
  Speaker 3: about guilt at all. We don't want anyone feeling guilty,
• 4:07
  Speaker 3: but an acknowledgment that when our kids' emotional needs aren't
• 4:10
  Speaker 3: being met, that we often see this kind of behavior
• 4:13
  Speaker 3: come out.
• 4:13
  Speaker 2: So let's talk about where challenging behavior can come from.
• 4:16
  Speaker 2: In some cases, it can come from parents who are
• 4:18
  Speaker 2: completely ignoring their kids.
• 4:20
  Speaker 4: It can come from parents.
• 4:20
  Speaker 2: Who are indulging their kids and who are focused in
• 4:23
  Speaker 2: the wrong areas.
• 4:23
  Speaker 3: So Mary Poppins comes to mind.
• 4:25
  Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, because you've got what was the
• 4:28
  Speaker 2: name of the parents of Mary Poppins, Well, it.
• 4:30
  Speaker 3: Was the Bank's family and the children with Jane and Michael.
• 4:32
  Speaker 3: They lived in seventeen.
• 4:35
  Speaker 4: Cherry Tree Lane. That's right, Yeah, I remember that.
• 4:37
  Speaker 2: And so you've got a family who are completely divorced
• 4:40
  Speaker 2: from their children, focused on money and being social and
• 4:43
  Speaker 2: doing all the prim and proper things and having the status.
• 4:46
  Speaker 2: So there is that, and that's probably the archetypal over
• 4:50
  Speaker 2: exaggeration of what's really going on.
• 4:52
  Speaker 4: I don't think.
• 4:53
  Speaker 2: That there's a lot of parents in the world who
• 4:56
  Speaker 2: are really behaving like that, intentionally ignore or in the
• 5:00
  Speaker 2: needs of the children and bringing in hired help so
• 5:02
  Speaker 2: that they can have children, but have no responsibility around that.
• 5:05
  Speaker 4: Certainly not listeners to this podcast, and not.
• 5:07
  Speaker 2: The families that are engaging with us on our Happy
• 5:08
  Speaker 2: Families Facebook page, for example. But there's other reasons that
• 5:13
  Speaker 2: parents can struggle to meet the needs of their kids
• 5:15
  Speaker 2: and have challenging behavior. Sometimes parents don't know how it
• 5:19
  Speaker 2: hasn't been modeled to them. Sometimes they might have their
• 5:21
  Speaker 2: own mental health issues and challenges. Sometimes the children may
• 5:24
  Speaker 2: just be really challenging in spite of the parents' best
• 5:27
  Speaker 2: efforts to be there for them. In this case, obviously
• 5:31
  Speaker 2: there is a bit of a time issue, though, and
• 5:33
  Speaker 2: I think we need to acknowledge that that may in
• 5:36
  Speaker 2: this case be part of the problem.
• 5:38
  Speaker 4: Kylie.
• 5:38
  Speaker 2: I remember years ago when I just finished my PhD
• 5:41
  Speaker 2: and I was talking with a family. In fact, I
• 5:43
  Speaker 2: was talking with a teenage girl in a family that
• 5:45
  Speaker 2: was falling apart, and they had just finished building a
• 5:51
  Speaker 2: gorgeous home right near.
• 5:52
  Speaker 4: The beach in a really prestigious area.
• 5:56
  Speaker 2: The mum and the stepdad had invested everything that they had,
• 6:00
  Speaker 2: like we're talking vast sums.
• 6:02
  Speaker 4: Of money to create this gorgeous house.
• 6:04
  Speaker 2: And as I was talking to this girl, who was
• 6:06
  Speaker 2: dealing with a pretty depressed state, I said to her,
• 6:09
  Speaker 2: what are you looking forward to?
• 6:10
  Speaker 4: She said nothing.
• 6:11
  Speaker 2: I said, what about that amazing house that your family
• 6:14
  Speaker 2: have just built? And her response to me was, it
• 6:17
  Speaker 2: doesn't matter what the house looks like if the people
• 6:20
  Speaker 2: in the house aren't nice, she was crying out for
• 6:24
  Speaker 2: that attention. She was crying out for that connection that
• 6:27
  Speaker 2: you've just described. I say it all the time. Just
• 6:29
  Speaker 2: like dollars of the currency of our economy, connection is
• 6:32
  Speaker 2: the currency of our relationships. So an interesting place to start.
• 6:37
  Speaker 2: I think you said kids have got these needs. I
• 6:41
  Speaker 2: think it would be interesting to get really clear on
• 6:44
  Speaker 2: specific needs that children have.
• 6:47
  Speaker 4: Let's do that right after the break.
• 6:49
  Speaker 3: It's that Happy Families Podcome.
• 6:51
  Speaker 5: Are Screens Creating Tension at Home? Tweens, teens and Screens
• 6:55
  Speaker 5: is a webinar to guide families to healthy, safe super screens.
• 7:00
  Speaker 5: Bye Today at happyfamilies dot com dot are you slash shop.
• 7:05
  Speaker 3: It's the Happy Families podcast, the podcast for the time
• 7:07
  Speaker 3: poor parent who just wants answers now and today we're
• 7:10
  Speaker 3: delving into a little bit of an issue with behavior.
• 7:13
  Speaker 2: Yeah, when children are behaving in challenging ways, what's behind it?
• 7:16
  Speaker 2: Is it the fact that parents are emotionally unavailable, disconnected?
• 7:20
  Speaker 2: Is it something going on with the children, could be
• 7:21
  Speaker 2: a combination of both, or is it.
• 7:23
  Speaker 4: Something completely different?
• 7:25
  Speaker 2: Again, I reckon as I've thought about this question and
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: you've been talking, and I've been talking. I've gotted down
• 7:32
  Speaker 2: five needs that I think cannot be ignored if we
• 7:36
  Speaker 2: want to have children who are going to flourish and
• 7:39
  Speaker 2: do well. Five needs and I'd love to walk through them.
• 7:44
  Speaker 3: Sounds great. What's Number one?
• 7:46
  Speaker 4: Ongoing nurturing relationships? A connection?
• 7:50
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's exactly what you said at the outset. How
• 7:52
  Speaker 2: connected are we to our kids? How connected are our
• 7:54
  Speaker 2: kids to us? It goes both ways, and if we
• 7:56
  Speaker 2: can build that connection, that's at the heart of it.
• 7:59
  Speaker 2: So thinking of children who are in lockdown and families
• 8:04
  Speaker 2: who are struggling, or maybe even families that aren't in
• 8:06
  Speaker 2: lockdown but just struggling for connection, whether the kids are
• 8:09
  Speaker 2: two or in their teens, what do you reckon.
• 8:13
  Speaker 4: Are the best ways to connect?
• 8:14
  Speaker 2: I mean, we've got six daughters and they're at every
• 8:16
  Speaker 2: age from married down to grade one. What do you
• 8:20
  Speaker 2: think are the best ways that we've connected with our
• 8:23
  Speaker 2: kids over the years.
• 8:24
  Speaker 3: Our kids will also hands down or one on one
• 8:27
  Speaker 3: time is their absolute love.
• 8:30
  Speaker 4: They crave it.
• 8:31
  Speaker 3: They crave it. Yeah, And whether it's going for a
• 8:33
  Speaker 3: walk around the block, or playing board game or wrestling
• 8:37
  Speaker 3: on the bed or I.
• 8:38
  Speaker 4: Had gone to get a storybook.
• 8:40
  Speaker 2: I had to go and get some lawnmower fuel the
• 8:41
  Speaker 2: other day, and one of the kids just wanted to
• 8:43
  Speaker 2: get in the car and come with me to get
• 8:44
  Speaker 2: lawnmower fuel. And I'm like, I'm just going to get
• 8:47
  Speaker 2: petrol and it's going to be a couple of minutes,
• 8:48
  Speaker 2: and they're like, yeah, I want to come. They just
• 8:51
  Speaker 2: crave that connection, don't they.
• 8:52
  Speaker 3: And that just proves it doesn't matter how much time either.
• 8:55
  Speaker 3: We often think we've got to give them these huge
• 8:57
  Speaker 3: chunks of time, but it's not necessarily about the amount.
• 9:02
  Speaker 3: It's that they feel seen, heard and valued while over
• 9:06
  Speaker 3: they're in your space. Yeah, and even if that's only
• 9:09
  Speaker 3: a minute.
• 9:09
  Speaker 2: The second idea that really ties in neatly with this
• 9:13
  Speaker 2: question that we've had from our anonymous listener is the
• 9:17
  Speaker 2: need for developmentally appropriate experiences. See, these two kids in
• 9:21
  Speaker 2: this particular situation are under the age.
• 9:23
  Speaker 4: Of ten, and when.
• 9:26
  Speaker 2: I hear a story like that, I think kids don't
• 9:28
  Speaker 2: regulate their emotions or the behaviors particularly well before at
• 9:31
  Speaker 2: least the age of eight or nine anyway. And so yes,
• 9:35
  Speaker 2: it's true that perhaps the ongoing nurturing relationships that these
• 9:38
  Speaker 2: kids need are not being satisfied. But there's also a
• 9:42
  Speaker 2: developmental reality here. These kids are young, they're still learning,
• 9:45
  Speaker 2: they've got their old plates on, and they're learning how
• 9:47
  Speaker 2: to negotiate relationships, negotiate life. So I reckon, we don't
• 9:52
  Speaker 2: want to be too judgy on any parent, especially at
• 9:55
  Speaker 2: any time for any reason, but particularly when the kids
• 9:58
  Speaker 2: are young.
• 9:59
  Speaker 3: What's the third one?
• 10:00
  Speaker 2: The third need that every child has is a needful
• 10:04
  Speaker 2: limit setting and structure and clear expectations. And this is
• 10:08
  Speaker 2: where those three is of effective discipline come in that
• 10:10
  Speaker 2: I talk about all the time. We've got to spend
• 10:12
  Speaker 2: time exploring our kid's world so they feel validated and understood,
• 10:16
  Speaker 2: but we've also got to spend time explaining what our
• 10:19
  Speaker 2: expectations are and why before we move to an empowering
• 10:23
  Speaker 2: moment where we say, so, how are we going to
• 10:25
  Speaker 2: solve this so that we can live and socialize appropriately
• 10:29
  Speaker 2: within the boundaries that are right.
• 10:31
  Speaker 3: It's interesting, this is a funny one because so often
• 10:35
  Speaker 3: we think that if we've got too much structure around
• 10:38
  Speaker 3: our kids' routines, that they're going to flip because they
• 10:42
  Speaker 3: just want to be able to do what they want
• 10:43
  Speaker 3: to do.
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 10:44
  Speaker 3: Total freedom, Yeah, But The reality is that when we
• 10:47
  Speaker 3: provide structure and routine around their day while giving them
• 10:52
  Speaker 3: autonomy within that structure, we actually give them security and
• 10:57
  Speaker 3: they feel safe because it's predictable.
• 10:59
  Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, that's exactly what it is. Kids need boundaries.
• 11:02
  Speaker 2: They actually want boundaries, even though they push against them.
• 11:04
  Speaker 2: If you don't give them something to push against that,
• 11:06
  Speaker 2: I don't actually get stronger, and they really really do
• 11:08
  Speaker 2: need that. You'll also know that those first three things
• 11:12
  Speaker 2: really go together, right, So the need for an ongoing
• 11:14
  Speaker 2: nurturing relationship, we've got to be able to set those
• 11:17
  Speaker 2: limits and those boundaries that structure those expectations. In the
• 11:21
  Speaker 2: context of an ongoing nurturing relationship. You can't just say
• 11:25
  Speaker 2: I'm the parent, that's why, because there's no ongoing nurture
• 11:28
  Speaker 2: happening there.
• 11:28
  Speaker 3: It's key, isn't it.
• 11:29
  Speaker 2: Yeah, And it's also got to be developmentally appropriate because
• 11:32
  Speaker 2: the rules that we have for a three year old
• 11:33
  Speaker 2: have to be different to the rules that we have
• 11:35
  Speaker 2: for a sixteen year old, although some parents might think
• 11:37
  Speaker 2: not for obvious reason, they could both go a little
• 11:40
  Speaker 2: bit crazy.
• 11:41
  Speaker 4: The fourth one that I want to.
• 11:43
  Speaker 2: Mention is there is an absolute need for physical protection
• 11:48
  Speaker 2: kids have that need, and as parents, we've got to
• 11:50
  Speaker 2: be present enough in their lives or have somebody else
• 11:52
  Speaker 2: in their lives that's sufficiently present to be able to
• 11:55
  Speaker 2: keep them safe. And the fifth one is, hey, can
• 11:59
  Speaker 2: I bonus one? I just thought of another one.
• 12:02
  Speaker 3: You can't help yourself.
• 12:03
  Speaker 4: I can't help myself. Okay, so there's six, not five.
• 12:05
  Speaker 2: The fifth one is that they need to have experiences
• 12:08
  Speaker 2: that are tailored to their individual needs. Like you can't
• 12:11
  Speaker 2: just say, well, I was a swimmer, and so all
• 12:13
  Speaker 2: the kids are going to do swimming lessons and they're
• 12:15
  Speaker 2: all going to be swimmers, or I was a I'm
• 12:18
  Speaker 2: always fascinated when you watch the sporting pedigree that comes
• 12:21
  Speaker 2: through families. You'll see somebody that was a champion cyclist
• 12:23
  Speaker 2: or a champion in rugby league player or AFL player
• 12:26
  Speaker 2: or swim swimmer or whatever it is, and their kids
• 12:28
  Speaker 2: grow up to be the same. And most of the
• 12:30
  Speaker 2: time the parents will actually say, I tried really hard
• 12:33
  Speaker 2: to convince them to go in a different direction, but
• 12:36
  Speaker 2: this is what they gravitated to. And in that case,
• 12:38
  Speaker 2: I think, you go you I mean, that's just fantastic.
• 12:40
  Speaker 2: But every now and again you'll come across somebody who's like,
• 12:43
  Speaker 2: this is what I did. I was good at it.
• 12:44
  Speaker 2: We knew they'd be good at it, and we got them
• 12:46
  Speaker 2: into it, and it's like, no, no, no, just just
• 12:47
  Speaker 2: let them. Let them develop their own strengths, let them
• 12:50
  Speaker 2: find out what they are good at. And Taylor to that,
• 12:52
  Speaker 2: I think of dead poets society and the dad who
• 12:56
  Speaker 2: just couldn't bear the thought that his son would waste
• 12:58
  Speaker 2: his education in drama and English when he could.
• 13:01
  Speaker 4: Go out and be a lawyer or a high flying achiever.
• 13:04
  Speaker 2: Kids need experiences tailored to their individual needs.
• 13:09
  Speaker 3: All right, So what's your bonus one?
• 13:11
  Speaker 2: Okay, the bonus one is now this, I'm going to
• 13:13
  Speaker 2: get kind of deep on this, but I think that
• 13:16
  Speaker 2: this is missing incredibly in our society today.
• 13:19
  Speaker 4: Our children need what I'm going to.
• 13:21
  Speaker 2: Call cultural continuity and social cohesion. That is, they need
• 13:27
  Speaker 2: to feel like they fit in. And this kind of
• 13:29
  Speaker 2: goes into this ongoing nurturing relationship idea, but it crosses time,
• 13:34
  Speaker 2: it crosses boundaries, it crosses relationships.
• 13:37
  Speaker 4: Do they feel like they're part of your culture?
• 13:39
  Speaker 2: Maybe it's a racial or an ethnic culture, maybe it's
• 13:42
  Speaker 2: a religious culture, maybe it's a sporting culture, whatever the
• 13:45
  Speaker 2: culture of your family is. Do they feel like they
• 13:49
  Speaker 2: have cultural continuity, that they belong to something bigger than
• 13:53
  Speaker 2: just them and the family, And do they feel like
• 13:57
  Speaker 2: they fit into society like it is society coherent to them.
• 14:01
  Speaker 3: It's it's like the village. Yes, yeah, I talk about
• 14:05
  Speaker 3: all the time.
• 14:05
  Speaker 2: Almost every podcast you talk about the village. And that's
• 14:08
  Speaker 2: I'm bringing that in as a bonus one, as a six.
• 14:10
  Speaker 4: One one can bring that.
• 14:11
  Speaker 3: That's mine.
• 14:12
  Speaker 2: Okay, but I used big words and made it say
• 14:14
  Speaker 2: you did like it was PhD issue.
• 14:16
  Speaker 3: Well, let's just dumb it down a little bit.
• 14:18
  Speaker 2: It's a village everybody, but the kids need to feel
• 14:20
  Speaker 2: like they're in the village, not just the parents.
• 14:21
  Speaker 3: Yeah, totally. And I've talked about this lots. You know,
• 14:24
  Speaker 3: the opportunity that they have other big people in their life,
• 14:27
  Speaker 3: other adults, other individuals who are interested and invested in them.
• 14:33
  Speaker 3: It makes all the difference.
• 14:35
  Speaker 4: Yes, it does.
• 14:36
  Speaker 2: A couple of last points that I want to touch on,
• 14:38
  Speaker 2: just in relation to our anonymous callers' ideas. The first
• 14:43
  Speaker 2: is if we are materialistic as adults, and it sounds
• 14:47
  Speaker 2: like in this context, certainly this person is with the
• 14:50
  Speaker 2: inside knowledge judging that there's a high level of materialism here.
• 14:53
  Speaker 2: We need to be mindful that our kids may place
• 14:55
  Speaker 2: a higher value on materialistic things than on their relationships.
• 14:58
  Speaker 4: As they get older, they will.
• 14:59
  Speaker 2: Learn from us, and I think it's just a warning
• 15:02
  Speaker 2: for all of us to make sure that our values
• 15:04
  Speaker 2: are not misplaced. And I think the other thing is
• 15:06
  Speaker 2: when we chase the dollars, we often kind of forget that.
• 15:10
  Speaker 2: It's like, I want my kids to have all the
• 15:11
  Speaker 2: things that I didn't have, and I'm kind of like,
• 15:14
  Speaker 2: why are you not happy with who you are? Why
• 15:17
  Speaker 2: do the kids need to have all that stuff? Because
• 15:19
  Speaker 2: they actually don't care. The kids are happy going on
• 15:21
  Speaker 2: holidays in a tent, The kids are happy living in
• 15:24
  Speaker 2: a standard three bedroom home in suburbia as long as
• 15:26
  Speaker 2: they've got really great relationships with their family and their friends,
• 15:29
  Speaker 2: and they can have those things. They're not asking for
• 15:33
  Speaker 2: a Lamborghini or a Mustang or a Bee double time. Okay,
• 15:37
  Speaker 2: so maybe some of your teenage sons won't be, but
• 15:39
  Speaker 2: they're not asking for the fancy car and the driveway.
• 15:41
  Speaker 2: They're not asking for the ski trip. Oh and by
• 15:44
  Speaker 2: the way, I don't want it to be a ski
• 15:45
  Speaker 2: trip to Threadbow in Australia. I'd like it to be
• 15:48
  Speaker 2: to Queenstown. In fact, no, my friends are going to
• 15:51
  Speaker 2: the Swiss Alps next year once COVID's gone.
• 15:53
  Speaker 4: I'd like to go.
• 15:53
  Speaker 2: They're not asking for that stuff as general rule. They're
• 15:55
  Speaker 2: just saying, hey, can we be together as a family.
• 15:57
  Speaker 2: Can we have good relationships? You don't need dollars, you
• 16:00
  Speaker 2: don't need to have a big house, you don't have
• 16:02
  Speaker 2: the fancy stuff for that. If you're chasing that stuff,
• 16:06
  Speaker 2: my guess is it's not really for the kids. It's
• 16:08
  Speaker 2: for you, and it's for your ego and so that
• 16:10
  Speaker 2: you can look good. And that's not necessarily going to
• 16:12
  Speaker 2: teach the kids the lessons that they need.
• 16:14
  Speaker 3: Or even have the connections that they need.
• 16:17
  Speaker 4: Yeah, okay, missus, Happy Families.
• 16:20
  Speaker 2: Anything that we haven't touched on that we need to
• 16:23
  Speaker 2: go through to.
• 16:24
  Speaker 3: Do you remember this is the podcast for the time
• 16:26
  Speaker 3: Poor parent.
• 16:27
  Speaker 2: The Happy Family's podcast is produced by Justin Ruland from
• 16:29
  Speaker 2: Bridge Media. Craig Bruce is our executive producer. I have
• 16:32
  Speaker 2: just been owned Censire.
• 16:36
  Speaker 4: That's right.
• 16:37
  Speaker 2: Hey, we really hope that this has been a helpful podcast.
• 16:39
  Speaker 2: We hope that those irreducible needs of children, have connected
• 16:46
  Speaker 2: with you and helped you as you consider the way
• 16:48
  Speaker 2: that you want to raise your kids, if you would
• 16:50
  Speaker 2: like ongoing support, So raise a happy family, because a
• 16:53
  Speaker 2: happy family doesn't just happen. Please check out our Happy
• 16:56
  Speaker 2: Families memberships all of the information you need is it
• 16:59
  Speaker 2: happy family dot com, dot I
• 17:08
  Speaker 3: H