Latest / Just Heal with Dr Jay / Love Saved My Life with Jason Mitchell | Part. 2

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Love Saved My Life with Jason Mitchell | Part. 2 · Just Heal with Dr Jay

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Welcome to Jess Hill with Doctor j a production of
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: the Black Effect Podcast Network and iHeartRadio.
• 0:06
  Speaker 2: What you mean by that exactly?
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: And that meal was good?
• 0:09
  Speaker 2: Yeah boy, thank god for chef can listen?
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: Che Yes indeed, yes, indeed, a cauliflower perade was on.
• 0:21
  Speaker 3: I could eat that byl was like, man, it's a
• 0:24
  Speaker 3: whole little built.
• 0:27
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 0:27
  Speaker 5: Man, he's special in that kitchen. Dog, he's special in
• 0:31
  Speaker 5: that kitchen. I just did like a tactical retreat and
• 0:34
  Speaker 5: he was. He cooked breakfast, lunch, and dinner for everything.
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: It was.
• 0:40
  Speaker 2: Crazy, but it's breakfast.
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: I bet his breakfast was stupid fire fire.
• 0:45
  Speaker 2: Then he had like a couple of little different things
• 0:47
  Speaker 2: you can get, you know what I mean.
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I love when the chef throw like just some
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: little some little extras and just some right man, it's
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: just like you know what I'm saying, because because I
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: like to go back and little nibble, you know what
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: I'm saying, Like, grab a little of this and grab
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: a little of that. Matter of fact, give me all of.
• 1:03
  Speaker 2: It, right exactly. See you like me.
• 1:05
  Speaker 5: I'm I'm a real foolie, bro. I tried it all
• 1:07
  Speaker 5: twice just.
• 1:08
  Speaker 2: To make sure.
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: Yeah. So man, you know, spending the day with you brother,
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: and you know, getting to know more about you, getting
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: to know more about your childhood, how you grew up
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: in New Orleans, and and learning just really kind of
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: what's shape you because it sounds like much of your
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: life begin after your father's passing.
• 1:35
  Speaker 5: Yes, yes, you know it was. It was one of
• 1:39
  Speaker 5: those things where like I felt like I had to
• 1:43
  Speaker 5: grow up super fast, you know what I mean, Like
• 1:47
  Speaker 5: because a lot of people got that story.
• 1:50
  Speaker 2: You know, my mo own drugs. This is what my
• 1:52
  Speaker 2: mom went on drugs. Let me, Mama, I never seen
• 1:55
  Speaker 2: you was on drugs, but.
• 1:58
  Speaker 5: You know, a lot of people had that story, single parent, household,
• 2:01
  Speaker 5: and you know, especially in New Orleans, like I said,
• 2:03
  Speaker 5: a very rough city. But I felt like I needed
• 2:10
  Speaker 5: to be something to my family that I had no
• 2:14
  Speaker 5: idea how to figure out, you know what I mean,
• 2:16
  Speaker 5: Like I didn't.
• 2:17
  Speaker 2: Have any dreams.
• 2:20
  Speaker 5: I knew something was special about me, but I didn't
• 2:22
  Speaker 5: know how to go about showing that to the world.
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you know.
• 2:25
  Speaker 5: And then Katrina hit when I was eighteen, right after
• 2:28
  Speaker 5: I graduated high school, and I didn't even want to
• 2:30
  Speaker 5: go to college because I'm like, I don't know what
• 2:31
  Speaker 5: I want.
• 2:31
  Speaker 2: To be you know what I mean, I'm already selling
• 2:34
  Speaker 2: a little something.
• 2:35
  Speaker 5: I'm gonna probably go to Grammlin or one of these
• 2:37
  Speaker 5: schools to get kicked out because I'm gonna be doing
• 2:39
  Speaker 5: the same thing, you know, like what I'm gonna go
• 2:41
  Speaker 5: for general studies Like I won't be no doctor.
• 2:44
  Speaker 2: I don't know what they're going to school for, you know.
• 2:46
  Speaker 5: And a lot of people was telling us, like, y'all
• 2:50
  Speaker 5: should go to school right now.
• 2:51
  Speaker 2: You know, it's free for people who you know, left
• 2:54
  Speaker 2: for Katrina. And I'm like, boy, listen, Sally may gonna
• 2:57
  Speaker 2: be on your ass. You think it's gonna be yeah,
• 3:01
  Speaker 2: year two, they gonna be looking for that check.
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: Well real, so you you have you know, Katrina happened
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: you enter into this this acting class, like you had
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: all of these different pivotal events that happened. You know,
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: your homeboy just so happened to remember the number, right,
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: You get an acting class within five weeks. You got
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: an agent already. Yeah, and do you still see where
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: you're going? You know, even though you got the agent,
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: you know, don't.
• 3:38
  Speaker 5: Get me wrong, it took me probably like seven or
• 3:41
  Speaker 5: eight months to book something. You know, and like I
• 3:44
  Speaker 5: think I speak for every actor. I mean, you know
• 3:47
  Speaker 5: how this go like it's like a hurry up and
• 3:49
  Speaker 5: wait sort of situation, and there's always something that can
• 3:53
  Speaker 5: go wrong, and all of these things that are out
• 3:55
  Speaker 5: of your control, you know.
• 3:56
  Speaker 2: So I still didn't feel like I was accomplishing in.
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: Anything, you know.
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: And my mom, my mom thought I was lying about
• 4:05
  Speaker 2: the entire shit the whole time.
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: Wow.
• 4:07
  Speaker 5: Yeah, she thought I was just like lying so I
• 4:09
  Speaker 5: can keep selling drugs or whatever it may be. But
• 4:12
  Speaker 5: I didn't want that for myself, you know what I mean,
• 4:14
  Speaker 5: because I think when it came to my life, my
• 4:20
  Speaker 5: mom wanted to be oblivious because I mean, the first
• 4:25
  Speaker 5: shooting I had ever really experienced was like, I don't know,
• 4:29
  Speaker 5: maybe like the eleventh grade.
• 4:30
  Speaker 2: Or something like that, you know what I mean. And
• 4:33
  Speaker 2: she tried to have this talk with me, like are
• 4:34
  Speaker 2: you being bullied at school?
• 4:36
  Speaker 6: And I'm like, what, like no, actually people killing, you know,
• 4:42
  Speaker 6: And she just didn't know how to respond to it,
• 4:44
  Speaker 6: so she just stopped talking to me about it, you know.
• 4:48
  Speaker 5: And it wasn't that I was just always in fear
• 4:51
  Speaker 5: for my life. I just didn't understand why people so
• 4:57
  Speaker 5: young were so interested in killing each other.
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: It was never that serious to me, you know, So.
• 5:06
  Speaker 5: No matter what might have happened with you know, Katrina
• 5:09
  Speaker 5: or with the acting class or whatever, like me not
• 5:13
  Speaker 5: having direction, I was thankful because I felt safe in
• 5:18
  Speaker 5: that environment, you know, like I didn't have to go
• 5:21
  Speaker 5: there and pretend to be anybody else.
• 5:23
  Speaker 2: I ain't have to be tough.
• 5:24
  Speaker 5: I could just not think about my issues for it
• 5:27
  Speaker 5: and just eskape, you know what I mean.
• 5:30
  Speaker 2: So it was a beautiful ride through it all, you know.
• 5:34
  Speaker 5: And I just so happened to be in like the
• 5:36
  Speaker 5: first thirteen students she had, and like ten of us
• 5:41
  Speaker 5: ended up blowing up, you know what I mean.
• 5:43
  Speaker 2: Yeah, So it was like like I don't know, if
• 5:46
  Speaker 2: you've ever seen.
• 5:49
  Speaker 5: Django, you know, the kind of the thick, light skinned
• 5:54
  Speaker 5: girl who who was kind of in charge of all
• 5:57
  Speaker 5: the women in the house. She was in my class,
• 6:00
  Speaker 5: you know what I mean, Like, yeah, she was getting
• 6:01
  Speaker 5: jobs before me, you know, like, yeah, shut out, Daniel,
• 6:04
  Speaker 5: see she's dope, you know. But it was it was
• 6:08
  Speaker 5: a beautiful thing to be able to watch people.
• 6:13
  Speaker 2: Not let the environment like dictate how their life was
• 6:16
  Speaker 2: gonna go.
• 6:17
  Speaker 4: You know.
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: It sounds like that the class kind of provided everybody
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: with this place of safety where you guys could just
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: escape from reality exactly and then just enter into this
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: utopia where you can create whatever you want it through
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: the characters and through the practicing, through the development of
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: your skill as an actor, absolutely, you know. And I
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: think the beautiful thing about an actor, right, I often say,
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: is you get to feel the void of this character. Yes, right,
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: because the character's void until you step into it. Like Easy,
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: it is just a character on paper until you know,
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: Jason steps in and actually embodies it in such a
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: way that we feel like we're watching Easy.
• 7:05
  Speaker 2: On the screen in real time. Yeah.
• 7:08
  Speaker 5: And while we're on this subject, I don't think I
• 7:10
  Speaker 5: ever tell nobody this, at least not in public.
• 7:15
  Speaker 2: Right, But.
• 7:17
  Speaker 5: I want to give a special thanks to TI mister
• 7:20
  Speaker 5: Clifford Harris, because he has this song on his first
• 7:24
  Speaker 5: album car.
• 7:26
  Speaker 2: I still ain't forgive myself, right.
• 7:28
  Speaker 5: And in order to get an agent, we had to
• 7:32
  Speaker 5: have a monologue, right.
• 7:35
  Speaker 6: So I'm going through monologues on the internet and I'm seeing.
• 7:38
  Speaker 5: All this stuff from like Shakespeare and all of this
• 7:40
  Speaker 5: shit that I really don't feel like I could relate
• 7:42
  Speaker 5: to him, you know what I mean? Yeah, and I
• 7:44
  Speaker 5: ain't even been acting that long to know these different
• 7:47
  Speaker 5: beats and all of these different.
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: You know what I mean.
• 7:49
  Speaker 2: So I'm like, man, just give me something I can
• 7:51
  Speaker 2: relate to.
• 7:52
  Speaker 5: So push comes to shove and I still hadn't remembered anything, right.
• 7:58
  Speaker 5: So I'm on my way to class and I'm listening
• 8:00
  Speaker 5: to the song and I'm like, why I know the
• 8:02
  Speaker 5: words to this. If I take out the hook and
• 8:05
  Speaker 5: take out some of the rhyming words like this could
• 8:07
  Speaker 5: really work, you know. So as I'm saying it, like
• 8:14
  Speaker 5: tears just start flowing cause it was like so real
• 8:18
  Speaker 5: to me, you know what I mean? It was so
• 8:22
  Speaker 5: real to me. Bro I wanted out in my situation
• 8:24
  Speaker 5: so bad, Like you know. I I did some unpacking
• 8:29
  Speaker 5: and you know, along this healing journey, and I realized that,
• 8:32
  Speaker 5: like for the majority of my life, I had been
• 8:35
  Speaker 5: operating from a place of fear, like I don't want
• 8:38
  Speaker 5: to go to jail, I don't want to get killed,
• 8:40
  Speaker 5: I don't want to let my family down.
• 8:42
  Speaker 2: I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't,
• 8:43
  Speaker 2: And all you know is run right, running.
• 8:47
  Speaker 5: So when I finally did hit a wall, I was
• 8:49
  Speaker 5: going so fast that of course I'm gonna see stars
• 8:52
  Speaker 5: and green clothes, and it's gonna knock a couple of
• 8:55
  Speaker 5: teeth out, and I'm.
• 8:55
  Speaker 2: Gonna look, you know what I mean, because I done
• 8:58
  Speaker 2: picked up some momentum from how long I had been running,
• 9:01
  Speaker 2: you know, but it was it was very therapeutic. And
• 9:06
  Speaker 2: I found out in that moment when I.
• 9:08
  Speaker 5: Was releasing them tears that like this is why I
• 9:12
  Speaker 5: needed it, you know. That's why, no matter what happened
• 9:16
  Speaker 5: in my life, nobody could ever make me quit, because
• 9:21
  Speaker 5: that's a space where my vessel becomes an instrument that
• 9:27
  Speaker 5: God is using to let whatever out, you know, And
• 9:31
  Speaker 5: it always feels good to me no matter how you know,
• 9:34
  Speaker 5: dark quote unquote of a place I have.
• 9:37
  Speaker 2: To go, you know. So I'm I'm just so thankful
• 9:40
  Speaker 2: I found the actor or it found me.
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: Do you remember the monologue? Uh?
• 9:47
  Speaker 2: I remember the song? You see if I can remember,
• 9:54
  Speaker 2: I've been in an out.
• 9:54
  Speaker 5: Of trouble since an adolescent, spoiled riding. Theyare fresh with
• 9:58
  Speaker 5: no daddy present. I got two uncles quit man, and
• 10:02
  Speaker 5: they keep me straight seven and eight and count money
• 10:05
  Speaker 5: while they move away. My daddy send me clothes and
• 10:08
  Speaker 5: always tell me come and see them. I'm saying a night,
• 10:11
  Speaker 5: but still I feel like my mama needlem they sending
• 10:14
  Speaker 5: let us home from school, nobody read mind plus my
• 10:17
  Speaker 5: uncle doing ten years fair time.
• 10:19
  Speaker 2: See this shit already making me like, man.
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: Come on, keep going, keep going, keep going, let it release.
• 10:26
  Speaker 2: Listen, come on keeping, come on.
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: I want you to finish.
• 10:38
  Speaker 5: Then I started rebelling, beginning crack selling the littlest thing
• 10:42
  Speaker 5: on the corner with my Mac eleven. After school, I
• 10:45
  Speaker 5: hear my mama hollow homework. I said, all right, mom,
• 10:48
  Speaker 5: but look I got my own work. Started interacting with
• 10:53
  Speaker 5: fiends at the age of thirteen, and then my mama
• 10:56
  Speaker 5: funny rocks in my socks, glocks in my toy box.
• 11:00
  Speaker 2: Damn, why trouble come to me like this?
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: It's only real. He ain't have to be like this.
• 11:09
  Speaker 2: Oh man, man, it's more to it, But damn, bro,
• 11:13
  Speaker 2: it's it's real.
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: When you release those words now and that monologue. What
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: feels different about it? If there is any difference to it?
• 11:34
  Speaker 5: I think you know how like people ask those questions
• 11:40
  Speaker 5: like if you could talk to your younger self, or
• 11:42
  Speaker 5: if you knew then what you knew now?
• 11:43
  Speaker 2: Were you know all of those things. I think. I
• 11:55
  Speaker 2: thought it would hurt less by now. I thought it
• 11:59
  Speaker 2: would mmm. I thought that would be in a place
• 12:03
  Speaker 2: of like I made it. I did it, you know
• 12:07
  Speaker 2: what I mean.
• 12:07
  Speaker 5: I got so many people and so many friends around
• 12:10
  Speaker 5: me who like, bro, you did it.
• 12:11
  Speaker 2: You know.
• 12:12
  Speaker 5: I talked to my best friend from high school like
• 12:15
  Speaker 5: a couple of days.
• 12:15
  Speaker 2: Ago, you know, because we had like a friend group,
• 12:17
  Speaker 2: you know what I mean. So he was one of
• 12:18
  Speaker 2: my best friends, and uh, you know, one of the
• 12:24
  Speaker 2: first things I told him was like, man, I'm trying
• 12:26
  Speaker 2: to figure it out, you know, trying to put it
• 12:28
  Speaker 2: all together.
• 12:28
  Speaker 5: And he was like, you're trying to figure it out
• 12:30
  Speaker 5: or you're trying to figure something else out.
• 12:31
  Speaker 2: Because you you figured it out. You did it.
• 12:35
  Speaker 5: And I don't feel like that. Bro, Nothing about me
• 12:40
  Speaker 5: feel like that, like did what. I ain't see my
• 12:45
  Speaker 5: kids and them there year in person.
• 12:49
  Speaker 2: Fuck him doing.
• 12:53
  Speaker 5: I just thought that, like by me being the problem child,
• 12:57
  Speaker 5: that me doing this would fix something. And it's like
• 13:02
  Speaker 5: completely ripped my family apart. Everything personal I ever like
• 13:08
  Speaker 5: put out there has been weaponized.
• 13:12
  Speaker 2: My children have been weaponized. You know, there's no privacy.
• 13:18
  Speaker 7: It's even me telling people shit like, oh, it took
• 13:25
  Speaker 7: me seven or eight months to book or whatever, Like
• 13:27
  Speaker 7: me even trying to be happy about my acting career
• 13:29
  Speaker 7: make actors who like had this different.
• 13:33
  Speaker 5: Fight and not even wanna mentor me or talk to
• 13:35
  Speaker 5: me about shit.
• 13:39
  Speaker 2: And I'm like, damn, why.
• 13:41
  Speaker 5: Everybody act like I got it together? I'm trying to
• 13:43
  Speaker 5: be arrogant the you know I come from. By the
• 13:45
  Speaker 5: fuck I'm supposed to be happy. I'm supposed to be smiling.
• 13:51
  Speaker 2: Ruh, you know what I mean? Like, what happened to
• 13:54
  Speaker 2: that shit?
• 13:55
  Speaker 3: Bro?
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: Like you feel like.
• 14:00
  Speaker 2: I know, I felt like this at times where.
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: People wanted you to smile, and if you did smile,
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: it felt more painful, and it was almost like, well,
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: smiling should be like this joyful experience to release and
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: to sort of take on this sort of you know,
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: experience and like really living it right. And it's like, oh, Doc,
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: you made it. You on this stage and you on
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: that stage, and I'm just like the same as you.
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: It's like, but there's some part of it where it's
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: like even success feeling traumatic, it.
• 14:44
  Speaker 2: Should be feeling fake.
• 14:45
  Speaker 5: Like it's just it's crazy that you say that, bro,
• 14:52
  Speaker 5: because I remember, you know, being at a Hollywood party,
• 15:00
  Speaker 5: Highest to the High, you know, just still receiving awards
• 15:04
  Speaker 5: and all these things happen and publicists grabbing me by
• 15:07
  Speaker 5: the risk meet this person, that person me Quentin Jones
• 15:10
  Speaker 5: and all this shit and my head just being on
• 15:14
  Speaker 5: a swivel thinking to myself like where are.
• 15:17
  Speaker 2: My people at?
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: Mm?
• 15:20
  Speaker 5: You know, I just had this un this this feeling
• 15:23
  Speaker 5: where I just wanted to like untuck.
• 15:25
  Speaker 2: My shirt, like find my family, Like where's my people at?
• 15:30
  Speaker 2: Where's my tribe in this motherfucker?
• 15:32
  Speaker 5: Cause we supposed to be hitting the dance floor and
• 15:35
  Speaker 5: doing the electric slide right now, That's what this is
• 15:38
  Speaker 5: supposed to be like.
• 15:40
  Speaker 2: But it's just all the show. It's all you know,
• 15:45
  Speaker 2: me smiling to keep from crying. For everybody else? Man,
• 15:52
  Speaker 2: how you deal with this shit?
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: Bro?
• 15:55
  Speaker 8: Man?
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: Daily, I feel like it's a it's like a you
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: know CJ producer. Yeah. I sent him something that somebody did, well,
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: somebody text me something that was being said about me
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: in a group and it wasn't anything bad, and so
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: I sent it to him and I was like, bro,
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: this this is just crazy dog. And it was a
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: text message of like these group of women that was
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: like yo, who's gonna get them? You know what I'm saying,
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: and so uh and it was like these group of
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: women a friend of mine sent me this text was
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: like Yo, I'm on this call and they don't know
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: I know you, and they was like, yo, who's gonna
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: get them? Who's gonna get to him? And bro, like
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: I just started, I just started my eyes as water
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: and it was just like, Yo, nobody's gotten to him.
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: And I'm just like, bro, I'm just trying to help
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: men heal. I'm just trying to help brothers become better.
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: I'm just trying to help the world be a better place.
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: And I'm being discussed in a group about like who's
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: gonna get to them? Because because what was being said
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: in the group was just like yo, Like people was like, Yo,
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: I've been in this DM i ain't got no response,
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: like anybody got to respond, Like I'm looking at this
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: whole text read right right, and I'm just like, dang,
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: that's what really And it just makes you just turn
• 17:22
  Speaker 1: into like a turtle man and just you know, pull
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: your head into the shell because it's like I ain't
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: in it for this.
• 17:30
  Speaker 5: Right because it's like you live your whole life to
• 17:33
  Speaker 5: become sometime.
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: And all of a sudden, and then all of a sudden,
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: it's like you're so afraid to even just untuck your shirt,
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: Like how you're looking for a place to untuck your shirt.
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: I'm looking for a place to just to take off
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: my shirt, you know what I'm saying, Just to be like,
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: forget looking for my try I just want to feel
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: at home, you know what I'm saying. Because it's like I,
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: oh even feel like home, like even around my peers,
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: because it's like the mental health space is mostly women
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: and a few guys that are in there, Like I
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: come from sports, so it's like they don't have my backgrounds.
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: They really don't have my pravado, so it's kind of
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: like he's an athlete. But then again, he's intelligence, so
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: we can't really say he's a dumb jock. So I'm
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: often in spaces where I'm having to do the dance.
• 18:27
  Speaker 5: Where you got to overcompensate for another motherfucker and they insecurities.
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so yes, And then it is the other part
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: of like they feel like I just entered into the
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: wellness space and it's like, nah, I've been here for
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: many years, or it's like why does he get all
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: his recognition? Why does he get all of these you know,
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: accolades and get to your attention? And none of that
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: is something that ever bothered me. But when you ask
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: how you deal with I think a part of me
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: is just kind of just got to the point where
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: it's like it is what it is. But even that
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: some mental sort of like you still gotta do the
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: mental gymnastics because it's like I gotta pick and choose
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: not just what I give my attention to. I just
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: gotta pick and choose what I even just allow myself
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: to feel, man, because because you feel it all, like
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: because for those who don't know your story, those who
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: heard it's like, but you still don't know Jason. You
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: still don't know j You know doctor J, but you
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: don't know Jay right, Yeah you know the character, but
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: you don't know me right right.
• 19:34
  Speaker 5: And it's so crazy, bro, Like people don't understand the
• 19:38
  Speaker 5: amount of like like for instance, bro, you know, like
• 19:45
  Speaker 5: my team tell me all the time, don't read the comments.
• 19:47
  Speaker 2: Don't read the comments. And I've been good at that
• 19:49
  Speaker 2: my whole life. Like I ain't gonna lie, Like.
• 19:51
  Speaker 5: I probably read like two articles on myself and I
• 19:54
  Speaker 5: read them because people who I respect sent them to
• 19:58
  Speaker 5: me and was like, bro, this was a good like
• 20:00
  Speaker 5: you should read what the they wrote about you, you know.
• 20:04
  Speaker 5: But I never allowed any of that to get to me,
• 20:09
  Speaker 5: you know. But I did this post because you know,
• 20:13
  Speaker 5: the shy about the end, you know, So I put
• 20:16
  Speaker 5: up a post with like me and Alex maybe like
• 20:20
  Speaker 5: you know, something else from the shot, but it had
• 20:22
  Speaker 5: like Dolph on there, you know, uh Luchi was on
• 20:30
  Speaker 5: their og Maco Young Greatness, you know, like I got
• 20:38
  Speaker 5: an arm for the dead friends for real, and somebody
• 20:41
  Speaker 5: gonna get on there and say, man, I hope y'all
• 20:43
  Speaker 5: you know here trying to give this nigga no sympathy
• 20:46
  Speaker 5: here on here, trying to play victim. And in my mind,
• 20:49
  Speaker 5: I'm like, nigga, shut your bitch ass up. You don't
• 20:51
  Speaker 5: know what I've been through. I watched my friends die
• 20:54
  Speaker 5: and you think I'm on here think about a TV show?
• 20:58
  Speaker 5: That's what you think going through my mind right now,
• 21:00
  Speaker 5: And it's like I want to get on there and
• 21:03
  Speaker 5: go crazy Donald Trump style, like you know what I mean.
• 21:07
  Speaker 5: But it's like I get nothing from that. But at
• 21:10
  Speaker 5: the same time I do, because it's like I get
• 21:13
  Speaker 5: to feel nothing. I have to put all of this
• 21:16
  Speaker 5: out there to the world and I get to feel nothing.
• 21:18
  Speaker 2: That's what I get in return. That's fucking crazy.
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: Bro, How have you handled that?
• 21:23
  Speaker 8: Man?
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: You know?
• 21:31
  Speaker 5: I think I just try to tell myself, Like, as
• 21:36
  Speaker 5: corny as it might sound, like, if you ain't got
• 21:38
  Speaker 5: no haters, you ain't popping. You know, they got a
• 21:41
  Speaker 5: few different types of people in the world, and they
• 21:43
  Speaker 5: got levels to this.
• 21:45
  Speaker 2: But if you got.
• 21:45
  Speaker 5: Time to discuss somebody else's life, or if you got
• 21:49
  Speaker 5: time to add negativity to somebody else's pathway, then you
• 21:53
  Speaker 5: are bored.
• 21:55
  Speaker 2: You not doing enough.
• 21:57
  Speaker 5: I'm so far from the goals that I want to
• 21:59
  Speaker 5: hidden life, Like God has truly put his hand on me.
• 22:04
  Speaker 5: But I'm not close to where I want to be
• 22:07
  Speaker 5: at all. I'm super thankful for the things that I've
• 22:10
  Speaker 5: got in the places that I've been in, you know,
• 22:12
  Speaker 5: the rooms that I've been in, But like, I am
• 22:17
  Speaker 5: nowhere close to where I want to be. You know,
• 22:20
  Speaker 5: because if I died tomorrow, what did I do? I
• 22:23
  Speaker 5: made some movies that was good that might have moved you.
• 22:27
  Speaker 5: I don't want that to be my legacy, yo, you know,
• 22:32
  Speaker 5: because if I if I ain't do something that added
• 22:36
  Speaker 5: some type of infrastructure to this madness, I lost, you
• 22:45
  Speaker 5: know what I mean, Like.
• 22:47
  Speaker 2: You know how how it broke my heart? Like, bro,
• 22:49
  Speaker 2: I went and did this movie.
• 22:52
  Speaker 5: Matter of fact, Mudam. I did Muddam. And at this time,
• 22:56
  Speaker 5: I'm not living in New Orleans to move, you know.
• 23:00
  Speaker 5: And I remember thinking to myself when I got there, like, oh,
• 23:03
  Speaker 5: this is why people love New Orleans. I stayed in
• 23:05
  Speaker 5: a five star hotel, I had black car service.
• 23:09
  Speaker 2: You know. Essence was going on.
• 23:10
  Speaker 5: They were shooting Girls Trip at the time, Latifa and
• 23:13
  Speaker 5: Tiffany Hattish and all of these people in town.
• 23:15
  Speaker 2: And I'm having a ball. I'm working with Mary J.
• 23:18
  Speaker 5: Blige, this I'm having the time of my life. But
• 23:23
  Speaker 5: somebody who I knew from high school was like, hey,
• 23:27
  Speaker 5: I sweep the FLOWD put me on. And I couldn't
• 23:31
  Speaker 5: even articulate to him how to go about finding a
• 23:37
  Speaker 5: job in the film world none of all. Like that
• 23:41
  Speaker 5: shit broke my heart, bro, you know what I mean. Like,
• 23:44
  Speaker 5: I've been getting into the agricultural space. You know, we
• 23:48
  Speaker 5: got one percent of black farmers in the US. They
• 23:53
  Speaker 5: could feed nine percent, which means ten percent of us
• 23:56
  Speaker 5: could eat.
• 23:59
  Speaker 2: The rest were gonna die if we can't eat.
• 24:03
  Speaker 5: And they want me to feel like I'm special because
• 24:05
  Speaker 5: I made a fucking movie.
• 24:08
  Speaker 2: Hell no, man, what the help at man?
• 24:10
  Speaker 5: Stop looking at me like I think I'm all that
• 24:12
  Speaker 5: because I don't. It's a lot of fucking pain. It's
• 24:16
  Speaker 5: a lot of fury, it's a lot of frustration.
• 24:19
  Speaker 2: It's a lot of just not knowing, yo, you know
• 24:23
  Speaker 2: what I mean?
• 24:23
  Speaker 5: And that should be pissing me off on the day
• 24:25
  Speaker 5: to day, bro, But I gotta remind.
• 24:27
  Speaker 2: Myself, like you know, everything ain't for everybody.
• 24:30
  Speaker 5: Everybody can't go, yo. You know they teach us that
• 24:33
  Speaker 5: in the Bible. Everybody can't go, But it just be
• 24:36
  Speaker 5: sad when you look around and realize who ain't gonna
• 24:38
  Speaker 5: be there?
• 24:38
  Speaker 1: Yo. It's the most difficult thing about you know, life, man,
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: iss the ones you have to leave behind because I
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: can't take you up if you don't think of I can't.
• 25:01
  Speaker 1: You know, Oh, you know, if your mindset is fixed
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: and it's not sort of shape from a growth perspective, yeah,
• 25:17
  Speaker 1: you always think I'm trying to take you away, and
• 25:22
  Speaker 1: you have a growth mindset, you understand that there's always
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: another level it's always another dimension. There's always a time
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: of expansion. Yeah, because I keep growing, I keep growing,
• 25:35
  Speaker 1: I keep growing, I keep growing. And that's hard, you know,
• 25:39
  Speaker 1: because not only is it hard for you, it's harder
• 25:42
  Speaker 1: for them because they have the fear of being left.
• 25:47
  Speaker 1: And that fear of being left is that I'll be forgotten.
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: And what I hope people take away from this is
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: that you can't be forgotten if you keep allowing yourself
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: to grow and you put yourself in a position to
• 26:06
  Speaker 1: where your mind can maintain and have an upkeep and
• 26:12
  Speaker 1: keep up with the opportunities that you get. Because I
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: think for most people, it's like they stop thinking beyond
• 26:19
  Speaker 1: the opportunities that they want. Right So it's like, I
• 26:24
  Speaker 1: want this opportunity, but I don't think on that level.
• 26:27
  Speaker 1: I haven't grown on that level. I haven't educated myself
• 26:30
  Speaker 1: on that level. I've allowed myself to be mentored on
• 26:33
  Speaker 1: a level where I want this opportunity that's far above
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: my pay grade, far above my capacity. But have you
• 26:42
  Speaker 1: allowed yourself to be expanded in that way to meet
• 26:46
  Speaker 1: the opportunity. And so when we do the work, we
• 26:52
  Speaker 1: have to sort of carry this weight of blazing a
• 26:59
  Speaker 1: trail or even leaving you know, the bread crumbs, because
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: I feel like success leaves clues. So whatever clues I leave,
• 27:08
  Speaker 1: I'm hoping that you grab a But if your mindset
• 27:12
  Speaker 1: is fixed, you'll look at those crumbs and think, you know,
• 27:19
  Speaker 1: how dare you?
• 27:20
  Speaker 5: Yeah, you know, it's so interesting that you say that
• 27:23
  Speaker 5: to me, because like, through this path that I've been on,
• 27:28
  Speaker 5: this hidden journey I have had, I've had a really
• 27:37
  Speaker 5: difficult time with my brother, right cause, just to put
• 27:42
  Speaker 5: things in perspective, like my brother to me was always
• 27:45
  Speaker 5: the golden boy. I mean, by the time he was
• 27:49
  Speaker 5: in the eighth grade, people knew that he was going
• 27:51
  Speaker 5: to be in the NFL, you know what I mean,
• 27:54
  Speaker 5: Like it was no.
• 27:55
  Speaker 2: Doubt about it.
• 27:57
  Speaker 5: Talent size, I mean, he he was smart all of this, right,
• 28:04
  Speaker 5: and you know through his own actions just you know,
• 28:08
  Speaker 5: he played as a true freshman at at Oregon State
• 28:12
  Speaker 5: and through his own actions, you.
• 28:13
  Speaker 2: Know, he he had he stumbled.
• 28:17
  Speaker 5: And at the time, I was living in LA and
• 28:20
  Speaker 5: Snoop was coaching.
• 28:21
  Speaker 2: At u c l A.
• 28:22
  Speaker 5: Right, So me, I'm like, shit, I lived in LA.
• 28:29
  Speaker 5: Me called Snoop to see you know what I mean,
• 28:31
  Speaker 5: if he be down to help get my brother, you
• 28:33
  Speaker 5: know how U c l A. And he was like, Jason,
• 28:36
  Speaker 5: you know, although I respect what you're doing right now,
• 28:39
  Speaker 5: the reason that the world respects you for what you
• 28:43
  Speaker 5: did with easy ease because when when opportunity came, you
• 28:49
  Speaker 5: was prepared so you were able to execute. So I'm
• 28:54
  Speaker 5: gonna politely tell you to hand my information over to
• 28:58
  Speaker 5: your brother.
• 29:00
  Speaker 2: And just tell him to send me to stuff. Like
• 29:02
  Speaker 2: all he has to do is execute.
• 29:04
  Speaker 5: From this point on. You open the door for him.
• 29:06
  Speaker 5: You gave him an opportunity, but it's gonna be on
• 29:08
  Speaker 5: him to execute.
• 29:09
  Speaker 1: Yep.
• 29:10
  Speaker 5: So I'm excited, nigga. I'm like, yes, I called my brother.
• 29:13
  Speaker 5: I give him the info, I give him everything.
• 29:15
  Speaker 2: You know, he never called. Then I start hearing shit
• 29:20
  Speaker 2: from everybody else like.
• 29:23
  Speaker 5: Oh I don't need my brother's help and just all
• 29:26
  Speaker 5: of these things, and I'm like, what do you mean?
• 29:30
  Speaker 5: But it go back to them crumbs you was just
• 29:32
  Speaker 5: talking about. You feel like me giving you the opportunity
• 29:35
  Speaker 5: is And I'm.
• 29:36
  Speaker 2: Like, what, I can't listen. I wish I was a sports.
• 29:40
  Speaker 1: Nigga, you know what I mean?
• 29:42
  Speaker 5: I wish I hadn't figured it, man, listen, And I
• 29:46
  Speaker 5: don't know It broke my heart so many times, you
• 29:49
  Speaker 5: know what I mean, like just thinking about it. And
• 29:52
  Speaker 5: when I asked him about it, he was like, well,
• 29:54
  Speaker 5: I ain't know how true that was.
• 29:58
  Speaker 1: Sorry what.
• 30:00
  Speaker 2: M hmm. So it would have it would have killed
• 30:03
  Speaker 2: you to.
• 30:04
  Speaker 5: Make the phone call and find out that it wasn't
• 30:06
  Speaker 5: true versus not ever calling this man ever again.
• 30:10
  Speaker 2: Who knows if I could ever call Snoop again for
• 30:14
  Speaker 2: a favor and he know he know the truth.
• 30:17
  Speaker 5: Snoop no we had this conversation and he know he
• 30:20
  Speaker 5: probably looking like damn and shit was crazy. I laid
• 30:24
  Speaker 5: it all out that for him, and I really wanted
• 30:25
  Speaker 5: my brother to be in LA with me, Like, boy,
• 30:27
  Speaker 5: we both buy to be in LA.
• 30:28
  Speaker 2: We're gonna turn up nah.
• 30:32
  Speaker 5: All because you don't want my help because if I
• 30:34
  Speaker 5: give you the opportunity, it's not to say dr like
• 30:37
  Speaker 5: I can do execute for you.
• 30:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah. She was heartbreaking knowing knowing that you know, like
• 30:45
  Speaker 1: situations like that with your brother, right, he didn't execute
• 30:48
  Speaker 1: the opportunity is giving you executed every opportunity that you've
• 30:52
  Speaker 1: been given on stream, right, I mean phenomenal active, phenomenal talent.
• 30:59
  Speaker 1: And when you think about the level that you executed,
• 31:05
  Speaker 1: like Snoop said, when opportunity presented itself, you showed up,
• 31:09
  Speaker 1: you know. And when you think about the way that
• 31:11
  Speaker 1: you showed up, what are your thoughts in this season
• 31:16
  Speaker 1: of your life the way that it ended?
• 31:26
  Speaker 5: You know. I try to go through this, this start
• 31:32
  Speaker 5: process without beating myself up.
• 31:34
  Speaker 2: So forgive me as I stumbled through this right, But like.
• 31:44
  Speaker 5: I feel like, if like nobody owes me shit, don't
• 31:48
  Speaker 5: nobody owe me nothing?
• 31:50
  Speaker 1: Right?
• 31:51
  Speaker 2: But when it's oh, I love you, bro, and Jason,
• 31:53
  Speaker 2: we love you, bro. And if I wasntknew the whole time.
• 32:00
  Speaker 5: People was moving like snakes in the grass, like it
• 32:02
  Speaker 5: was no love in this cause, you know, the the
• 32:06
  Speaker 5: more I separated from old friends or family who couldn't
• 32:12
  Speaker 5: go or all of this that I feel like I'm
• 32:14
  Speaker 5: growing from I thought I was growing to this point
• 32:16
  Speaker 5: where I was amongst peers who was gonna somehow take
• 32:20
  Speaker 5: care of me and love on me. And it was
• 32:23
  Speaker 5: everything but that you know, they had so many people
• 32:27
  Speaker 5: who wanted my position. You want to be number one
• 32:29
  Speaker 5: on the call sheet. You worried about my bank account,
• 32:34
  Speaker 5: you know, to the point where like, like, bro, fuck it,
• 32:43
  Speaker 5: let me just put it all out there, you know
• 32:45
  Speaker 5: what I mean, because I feel like I've saved face
• 32:47
  Speaker 5: for too long, right.
• 32:49
  Speaker 2: But I went through a situation where it was season
• 32:53
  Speaker 2: one of The Shy and I get a call.
• 32:57
  Speaker 5: And a couple of DMS and shit like, Hey, if
• 33:02
  Speaker 5: you don't give us sixty thousand, we're gonna put this
• 33:04
  Speaker 5: video out of your baby mama.
• 33:09
  Speaker 2: And I was like, man, I guess y'all wanted to
• 33:13
  Speaker 2: drop that video. You know what I mean, because I
• 33:16
  Speaker 2: mean it is what.
• 33:17
  Speaker 1: It is, you know.
• 33:20
  Speaker 5: But when it happened, I was so hurt because I
• 33:24
  Speaker 5: was like, why would you put us in a situation
• 33:27
  Speaker 5: where now this is what we're dealing with. We at
• 33:30
  Speaker 5: the top of our game, this is what we pray for,
• 33:35
  Speaker 5: and now you just hang me out to drive for what.
• 33:39
  Speaker 2: I give you money.
• 33:40
  Speaker 5: I take care of my kids, I do all of
• 33:41
  Speaker 5: these things.
• 33:44
  Speaker 2: And you leave me vulnerable to some nigga. Right.
• 33:50
  Speaker 5: So I'm amongst my peers when this happens, and I
• 33:54
  Speaker 5: can fight in them.
• 33:57
  Speaker 2: Then they gona tell my fucking business.
• 34:00
  Speaker 5: Mmm, sh you know this girl tells my business to everybody.
• 34:09
  Speaker 2: So I did what any real nigga would do in
• 34:11
  Speaker 2: this situation. I just treated her like a ghost.
• 34:16
  Speaker 5: I'm not gonna talk to your laugh with you kick it,
• 34:18
  Speaker 5: which eskape, which is none of that matter of fact.
• 34:20
  Speaker 2: When you're around, I'm gonna see through you to the wall.
• 34:24
  Speaker 5: I don't have nothing to ever say to you ever, ever,
• 34:27
  Speaker 5: never again.
• 34:29
  Speaker 2: Okay. So, by the way, just.
• 34:37
  Speaker 5: To put this in perspective, right cause everybody makes it
• 34:39
  Speaker 5: seem like I had some situation with Tiffany bullm No,
• 34:42
  Speaker 5: it was this other girl. I forget her last name,
• 34:44
  Speaker 5: but her name was Tie. Okay, i'm'a just put it
• 34:47
  Speaker 5: out there just so people can put this in perspective.
• 34:49
  Speaker 1: This girl Tied.
• 34:51
  Speaker 5: She she played the the mother of the kid who
• 34:55
  Speaker 5: was killed on the shy at the very beginning, Jason's mom.
• 34:59
  Speaker 2: She p that character.
• 35:01
  Speaker 5: Okay, so she decides to tell my business about what's
• 35:05
  Speaker 5: going on with my baby mama. So not only am
• 35:07
  Speaker 5: I focused on getting this video taken off the internet
• 35:10
  Speaker 5: and doing what I gotta do to like go into
• 35:13
  Speaker 5: you know, self preservation mode, but now I gotta deal
• 35:17
  Speaker 5: with this embarrassment on a whole different level when I'm
• 35:21
  Speaker 5: supposed to be confiding in you in this very moment. Okay, So,
• 35:28
  Speaker 5: like I said, treated other like a ghost. Cut to
• 35:29
  Speaker 5: season two because I just was like, it ain't nothing
• 35:32
  Speaker 5: I gonna do about it, but I just gotta eat this,
• 35:33
  Speaker 5: you know.
• 35:34
  Speaker 2: So cut to season two.
• 35:37
  Speaker 5: My stand in is now interested in her. Okay, so
• 35:41
  Speaker 5: we all out at a bar and hold on before
• 35:48
  Speaker 5: can you grab me a paper towel real quick? I
• 35:50
  Speaker 5: feel like, and let me know stones if I ever
• 35:57
  Speaker 5: go too far with what I'm saying, cause oh the
• 36:02
  Speaker 5: fuck it?
• 36:05
  Speaker 2: Yeah mkay?
• 36:09
  Speaker 7: So oh they're an event the remember yeah yep?
• 36:19
  Speaker 3: So where was I?
• 36:25
  Speaker 1: Okay yep?
• 36:26
  Speaker 5: So so yeah, my my my standing is now sweet
• 36:33
  Speaker 5: on this girl. Right, So she comes to this bar
• 36:36
  Speaker 5: and it's it's not only us, it's like a bunch
• 36:38
  Speaker 5: of people from the cast and crew, and you know,
• 36:41
  Speaker 5: we was moving like a unit that night, right, So
• 36:44
  Speaker 5: she comes in and I could see from the way
• 36:46
  Speaker 5: his face lights up that he invited her or whatever
• 36:50
  Speaker 5: was interested at that moment. So again, and then what
• 36:54
  Speaker 5: anybody real would do, got up and moved and excused myself.
• 36:58
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 37:00
  Speaker 5: So I'm standing at the bar and he comes to
• 37:02
  Speaker 5: my left and he's like, bro, I'm so sorry. You know,
• 37:05
  Speaker 5: I didn't know, Like if i'da knew you had an
• 37:07
  Speaker 5: issue with her.
• 37:07
  Speaker 2: Or I wouldn't. I'm like, bro, how would you know? Like,
• 37:10
  Speaker 2: it's not like I'm going around bad mouthing this girl
• 37:13
  Speaker 2: or nothing.
• 37:14
  Speaker 5: My situation was already too much for me to handle
• 37:16
  Speaker 5: at the moment, So why would I keep bringing this
• 37:18
  Speaker 5: shit up?
• 37:19
  Speaker 2: You see what I'm saying? Right, So, as we talking, she.
• 37:24
  Speaker 5: Comes to my right, you don't like me, Jason. You
• 37:27
  Speaker 5: don't like me Jason. You don't like me.
• 37:29
  Speaker 2: Jay on this type of shit, you know. I'm like, see,
• 37:33
  Speaker 2: this is what I'm saying. This is why I can't deal.
• 37:36
  Speaker 5: But then she pushes me in the head and I'm like, oh,
• 37:40
  Speaker 5: you know, all that street nigga shit that I keep
• 37:43
  Speaker 5: compressed is now.
• 37:45
  Speaker 2: Bubbled up. So I just snapped, bitch, don't ever fucking
• 37:50
  Speaker 2: put your hands on me again. Bop.
• 37:52
  Speaker 5: I'm you know, but I feel myself turning into this
• 37:55
  Speaker 5: nigga that I don't want to be in front of
• 37:58
  Speaker 5: people that I work with. So I say, you know what,
• 38:01
  Speaker 5: i'm'a do what I need to do. Let me get
• 38:02
  Speaker 5: my check, let me let me, let me get into her. Right,
• 38:08
  Speaker 5: She threatened in my life, saying all this shit, you
• 38:09
  Speaker 5: ain't the wrong city to.
• 38:12
  Speaker 2: Just saying all of these things. But I'm like, let
• 38:14
  Speaker 2: me go on.
• 38:15
  Speaker 5: To get out of here, cause this shit could escalate,
• 38:17
  Speaker 5: cause I know I still got it on my chest
• 38:19
  Speaker 5: from what you did to me.
• 38:21
  Speaker 2: You see what I'm saying. But i'm'a let that ride.
• 38:24
  Speaker 2: Like i'm'a going to get out of here now. Mind you.
• 38:26
  Speaker 2: It's like a Saturday, right. I get back to work
• 38:29
  Speaker 2: and HR comes and pulls me to the side, like.
• 38:33
  Speaker 5: Basically asking me what happened, And in my mind, I'm
• 38:36
  Speaker 5: super confused, cause I'm like, I'm about to be the
• 38:39
  Speaker 5: only nigga that get.
• 38:42
  Speaker 2: How you really get in trouble on your day off?
• 38:44
  Speaker 2: Like how does go?
• 38:45
  Speaker 1: Like?
• 38:45
  Speaker 5: So I'm super confused, right, So I just kept it
• 38:48
  Speaker 5: real with him. I told him exactly what happened. I
• 38:50
  Speaker 5: told him everything that happened, and I was like, listen,
• 38:52
  Speaker 5: I got a mama, a.
• 38:54
  Speaker 2: Sister, daughters, cousins, ain't teased.
• 38:56
  Speaker 5: I know what women act like, bitches act like that.
• 39:02
  Speaker 5: So the day that she wants to act like that
• 39:04
  Speaker 5: again is the day that she needs to be prepared
• 39:06
  Speaker 5: to call it, be called another bitch straight up. This
• 39:09
  Speaker 5: is what I told him, and it was funny because
• 39:12
  Speaker 5: actually the lady from HR.
• 39:14
  Speaker 2: Laughed and shit, she was like, nah, I get it,
• 39:16
  Speaker 2: I totally get it.
• 39:18
  Speaker 5: And you know, they were they were on my side though,
• 39:21
  Speaker 5: and they were like, well, we do have to give
• 39:23
  Speaker 5: you a warning because of this, right.
• 39:27
  Speaker 2: So I'm like, all right, you know, it is what
• 39:28
  Speaker 2: it is. It's all good, you know. But again went
• 39:31
  Speaker 2: back to treating them like a ghost. Okay. Now, season
• 39:36
  Speaker 2: two we got a new.
• 39:39
  Speaker 5: Showrunner, this lady Ayana Floyd Davis, right, and apparently those
• 39:46
  Speaker 5: two were good buddies, and apparently Ayana and Lena weren't
• 39:51
  Speaker 5: getting along.
• 39:53
  Speaker 2: Okay, So.
• 39:57
  Speaker 5: I'm like, I guess now that I look back at it,
• 40:05
  Speaker 5: I guess I'm they were talking about the situation that happened,
• 40:10
  Speaker 5: and you know, all of these other people were talking
• 40:12
  Speaker 5: instead of just getting together like a group of black
• 40:15
  Speaker 5: people who actually are doing some shit and expressing how
• 40:19
  Speaker 5: we feel. Y'all want to get the law involved and
• 40:21
  Speaker 5: go to HR because you really want my spot, you
• 40:26
  Speaker 5: really don't.
• 40:26
  Speaker 1: So there was never any physical Oh.
• 40:30
  Speaker 5: No, absolutely not no, it was absolutely not so so okay,
• 40:33
  Speaker 5: so then my friend Young Greatness gets killed. Okay, so
• 40:39
  Speaker 5: normally you know how I am bro I'm happy, bubbly
• 40:42
  Speaker 5: laughing all of this. And I could even be crying
• 40:44
  Speaker 5: on set and go straight out of that back to
• 40:47
  Speaker 5: me laughing, you know what I mean. That's just the
• 40:50
  Speaker 5: gift that God has given me, right but on this
• 40:53
  Speaker 5: particular day, I'll never forget it.
• 41:00
  Speaker 2: The scene that we was doing.
• 41:03
  Speaker 5: Was this scene where Jericho walks into the house and
• 41:06
  Speaker 5: I wake up off the couch and I'm telling her
• 41:10
  Speaker 5: like how I feel, and I'm still like, I'm angry
• 41:13
  Speaker 5: about my brother and all of these things. But I
• 41:17
  Speaker 5: was using what had happened in my real life in
• 41:20
  Speaker 5: that moment, which is rare for me, you know, But
• 41:22
  Speaker 5: like I stayed in you know what i mean, like on.
• 41:24
  Speaker 2: Some method acting type shit. You know.
• 41:27
  Speaker 5: So Aana walks up to me and kind of puts
• 41:29
  Speaker 5: her hand under my chin like you okay, you're good.
• 41:32
  Speaker 2: I'm shaking my head like no, tears still falling. No,
• 41:35
  Speaker 2: I'm not good, you know. But in the back of
• 41:39
  Speaker 2: my mind, I'm.
• 41:40
  Speaker 5: Also like, because she was one of those people, she
• 41:45
  Speaker 5: always treated me like I just wanted to see my
• 41:47
  Speaker 5: young black brothers win. But I'm like, I don't like
• 41:51
  Speaker 5: when people play the black card on me because just
• 41:54
  Speaker 5: because you skin folk. Don't make you kid folk like,
• 41:57
  Speaker 5: you know what I mean. I don't have one racist
• 41:59
  Speaker 5: bone in my body. They got white people who cut
• 42:01
  Speaker 5: from me super hard.
• 42:02
  Speaker 2: In this world, you know what I mean.
• 42:04
  Speaker 5: So I don't be wanting to hear all that because
• 42:06
  Speaker 5: we black shit, Like nah, I missed me with that,
• 42:08
  Speaker 5: you know.
• 42:09
  Speaker 2: And it was always very sketchy. I ain't say nothing to.
• 42:12
  Speaker 5: Nobody about it, but I was always always had my
• 42:14
  Speaker 5: eye on that, you know. So as I'm leaving set,
• 42:20
  Speaker 5: this this had to be like two hours later. I'm
• 42:21
  Speaker 5: leaving set and going past video village and I'm mind you,
• 42:24
  Speaker 5: it's forty people around this motherfucker. And she says, Jason,
• 42:32
  Speaker 5: I didn't mean to violate your space, you know, but
• 42:35
  Speaker 5: we know your friend just got killed.
• 42:37
  Speaker 2: We don't want you to go home and self medicaid
• 42:42
  Speaker 2: me what you're talking to me? Okay again that feeling.
• 42:51
  Speaker 2: So I immediately get on the phone. I call Lena.
• 42:53
  Speaker 2: I'm like, Lena, listen, come get this, Come get her,
• 42:57
  Speaker 2: cuz why is this?
• 42:59
  Speaker 5: They act like she know me, she already touching my
• 43:02
  Speaker 5: face and all of this, and like, but my friends
• 43:04
  Speaker 5: just got murdered last night.
• 43:06
  Speaker 2: For real. This ain't no game. This ain't TV, you.
• 43:09
  Speaker 5: Know what I mean?
• 43:10
  Speaker 2: Like, why she doing this?
• 43:11
  Speaker 5: Like get out of my just get out of my space,
• 43:14
  Speaker 5: like you know what I mean. We don't have to
• 43:15
  Speaker 5: do this, like me, friends, we're coworkers. Let's just keep
• 43:18
  Speaker 5: it cowork you know.
• 43:20
  Speaker 2: And the lino like, well, you did the right thing.
• 43:24
  Speaker 1: You know.
• 43:24
  Speaker 2: I'm glad you came to me instead of exploding.
• 43:26
  Speaker 5: And you know because at this time me and me
• 43:28
  Speaker 5: and Lena got a friendship, you know, so she like,
• 43:30
  Speaker 5: you did the right thing by coming to me.
• 43:32
  Speaker 2: Now, mind you, I had no idea that they.
• 43:34
  Speaker 5: Wasn't seeing eye to eye. So Lena must have went
• 43:37
  Speaker 5: to HR told HR about this, right, so I don't.
• 43:42
  Speaker 5: I don't see Iyanda for some days. The next time
• 43:45
  Speaker 5: I see her, she.
• 43:48
  Speaker 2: Twenty thirty yards away from me and threw our hands up,
• 43:50
  Speaker 2: like you could have talked to me before you went
• 43:53
  Speaker 2: to HR. So now I'm a rat boiling port.
• 44:00
  Speaker 1: It has been reached.
• 44:01
  Speaker 5: Okay, come here, come step into my office.
• 44:05
  Speaker 1: So I put it to this side.
• 44:06
  Speaker 2: I said, let me put this in perspective for you.
• 44:08
  Speaker 5: First of all, my friend really just got killed, you say,
• 44:11
  Speaker 5: in front of everybody.
• 44:13
  Speaker 2: We don't want you to go home and self medicate, like.
• 44:16
  Speaker 5: I'm a fucking drug addict or something like have you
• 44:19
  Speaker 5: ever seen me under the influence of drugs or alcohol
• 44:21
  Speaker 5: or any of this? Like let me know, because maybe
• 44:24
  Speaker 5: I miss something or forgot something, but I don't remember
• 44:27
  Speaker 5: you being there for any moment that I.
• 44:29
  Speaker 2: Had that may have been under the influence. So did
• 44:32
  Speaker 2: I miss something?
• 44:33
  Speaker 5: Have you ever seen me under the influence of drugs, alcohol,
• 44:36
  Speaker 5: any of that?
• 44:36
  Speaker 2: Have I ever showed up to work like that?
• 44:38
  Speaker 5: She no, And I was like, okay, So that makes
• 44:42
  Speaker 5: me feel like you've been talking about me with this
• 44:46
  Speaker 5: tie girl.
• 44:47
  Speaker 2: So I'm gonna ask you real quick, stay the fuck.
• 44:50
  Speaker 5: Out of my business, because if I choose to flash
• 44:53
  Speaker 5: out one of these days, or if I let my
• 44:55
  Speaker 5: sister or my cousin or somebody loose on y'all, then
• 44:57
  Speaker 5: I'm gonna be wrong.
• 44:59
  Speaker 2: So state the fuck out, I'm my business, and thank
• 45:02
  Speaker 2: me when we get on the empty stage. I told
• 45:04
  Speaker 2: her just like that, and I walked off.
• 45:07
  Speaker 5: Needless to say, HR came and got me again, right.
• 45:11
  Speaker 5: I told them what happened, and they fired her immediately
• 45:17
  Speaker 5: because they have what you call it no retaliation, you know,
• 45:20
  Speaker 5: think because I guess she thought I went to you know,
• 45:22
  Speaker 5: HR on them or whatever, and it was like it
• 45:24
  Speaker 5: actually wasn't even him.
• 45:25
  Speaker 2: We're not supposed to be discussing HR shit.
• 45:27
  Speaker 5: For all I know, I can get in trouble right
• 45:29
  Speaker 5: now for discussion HR.
• 45:31
  Speaker 2: I don't really know.
• 45:31
  Speaker 5: But like I said, whatever I loss is going now,
• 45:34
  Speaker 5: so I don't don't give a fuck no motor, you know,
• 45:36
  Speaker 5: but in.
• 45:37
  Speaker 2: Real life, that's all that happened. That was it.
• 45:42
  Speaker 5: So she chose to take it upon herself because Tim
• 45:45
  Speaker 5: Boom was going to be the show anyway, because she
• 45:48
  Speaker 5: was in the series record, you know what I mean.
• 45:50
  Speaker 5: She left going into season three because she wanted to
• 45:54
  Speaker 5: go work with Robert Vanni rod Hunters. Look at she's
• 45:58
  Speaker 5: old fucking Hunters working with Rodan then there. If you're
• 46:00
  Speaker 5: gonna work with more mudy, if you're gonna make more
• 46:02
  Speaker 5: mother working with a fucking legend.
• 46:04
  Speaker 3: That's what you gonna do.
• 46:05
  Speaker 2: That's what you do with your career.
• 46:06
  Speaker 1: It's a good career, right.
• 46:09
  Speaker 5: But Ayana was so bent out of shape that she
• 46:12
  Speaker 5: made up this story like, oh, he was sexually harassing
• 46:15
  Speaker 5: Tiffany Boone and Lena.
• 46:17
  Speaker 2: Knew about it, and honesty.
• 46:19
  Speaker 5: I really think that she was really coming more for
• 46:23
  Speaker 5: Lena than she was for me. But Lena had a
• 46:27
  Speaker 5: brand to protect, so she she didn't know it because
• 46:31
  Speaker 5: she had heard. She probably would have figuring that even
• 46:35
  Speaker 5: if something happened with Tiffany, she would have.
• 46:36
  Speaker 1: Heard about it.
• 46:37
  Speaker 2: By no, But she just heard something happened with me
• 46:41
  Speaker 2: and Tiffany, and all of a.
• 46:41
  Speaker 5: Sudden, she all spending with a woman whoopye woo, and
• 46:44
  Speaker 5: I'd never worked with Jason again before she even fucking
• 46:47
  Speaker 5: called me or knew anything about it, just decided to
• 46:50
  Speaker 5: throw me.
• 46:50
  Speaker 2: Under the bus, you see what I'm saying. And I'm like,
• 46:54
  Speaker 2: what the fuck is going on right now?
• 46:56
  Speaker 1: What happened to that? I want to see young white
• 46:57
  Speaker 1: brothers naked?
• 46:58
  Speaker 2: And if Jason, I love you, what happened to all
• 47:00
  Speaker 2: the other shit?
• 47:01
  Speaker 5: I can't get a phone call before you decide to
• 47:04
  Speaker 5: go to HR and try to ruin everybody life.
• 47:08
  Speaker 2: So that was never any None of that shit happened, bro,
• 47:13
  Speaker 2: none of it. I have my first sex scene with
• 47:15
  Speaker 2: that girl. Me and Tiffany. I mean, like, I can't
• 47:21
  Speaker 2: say we was.
• 47:22
  Speaker 5: Joined at the hip, but we ain't never had no
• 47:24
  Speaker 5: issues like we would know, we we surpassed things in
• 47:28
  Speaker 5: our acting career that, like you know, that was both
• 47:30
  Speaker 5: of our first sex scene ever in life.
• 47:32
  Speaker 2: My nigga, if it would have ever got weird, don't
• 47:35
  Speaker 2: you think it would have been?
• 47:35
  Speaker 8: Then you know what I meaning?
• 47:37
  Speaker 5: Like, And I'm just sitting back thinking, well, I'm gonna
• 47:39
  Speaker 5: just be quiet because people use their better judgment and
• 47:42
  Speaker 5: see it for what it is.
• 47:43
  Speaker 2: And you can see all.
• 47:44
  Speaker 5: The facts and see all would have happened, and everybody
• 47:47
  Speaker 5: will just put it together.
• 47:48
  Speaker 2: No, no, the fucking the what do you call it?
• 47:55
  Speaker 2: The people's court? Niggay almost finished me, bro, you know.
• 48:01
  Speaker 5: And and it hasn't been a day since that that
• 48:05
  Speaker 5: I hadn't walked outside if somebody asked me, man, I'm
• 48:08
  Speaker 5: going out shop.
• 48:09
  Speaker 2: Like they pray for me, like they know you know
• 48:11
  Speaker 2: what I mean. I should take all the tough, my nigga.
• 48:15
  Speaker 2: You got to be mentally tough to deal with this
• 48:18
  Speaker 2: ship to that a note.
• 48:20
  Speaker 1: So bro, you held on to this, yeah all these years? Yeah,
• 48:30
  Speaker 1: and never want to share your style? Why well, well,
• 48:35
  Speaker 1: knowing that nothing never happens, yeah, yeah, I mean, and
• 48:40
  Speaker 1: that the narrative that has been constant, like Jason did
• 48:46
  Speaker 1: this and this happened.
• 48:49
  Speaker 5: I mean, well, for one, I thought that if let
• 48:57
  Speaker 5: me just be real, I thought leaning with It said
• 48:59
  Speaker 5: something by now.
• 49:02
  Speaker 2: And it made me realize that.
• 49:07
  Speaker 5: If she didn't say anything, there were probably things that
• 49:10
  Speaker 5: were above my paper that I didn't understand.
• 49:13
  Speaker 1: So if I were to come out.
• 49:16
  Speaker 5: And make a big kubla about this, it could potentially
• 49:21
  Speaker 5: put a chink in the armor that gave Alex Hibbert,
• 49:26
  Speaker 5: Michael Epps, Shamaan Browro, you know, had a haul. All
• 49:31
  Speaker 5: of these people who got really good starts to their
• 49:35
  Speaker 5: career in a really good opportunity with the Shot, I
• 49:38
  Speaker 5: thought it might have caved that, you know what I'm saying,
• 49:43
  Speaker 5: because a lot of people don't know. But that was
• 49:44
  Speaker 5: the third reboot of A Shot. You know, Jason Weeper
• 49:49
  Speaker 5: has been supposed to be on the show since like
• 49:51
  Speaker 5: the first time they tried to do it. That was
• 49:53
  Speaker 5: the third reboot, so they were working very hard to
• 49:58
  Speaker 5: keep that show in.
• 49:58
  Speaker 2: Good standing, you get what what I'm saying. So, you know,
• 50:02
  Speaker 2: I didn't think it made much sense for me to.
• 50:09
  Speaker 5: Take my pain nowt because had I not reacted like
• 50:13
  Speaker 5: a nigga, none of this shit would ever happened. Had
• 50:18
  Speaker 5: I just played it like, oh my god, you know what,
• 50:20
  Speaker 5: you made me feel uncomfortable and go into HR.
• 50:23
  Speaker 9: That's what I should have done. That's really what I
• 50:25
  Speaker 9: should have done. Soon did she put her hands on
• 50:27
  Speaker 9: my face? I should have been like, you know what,
• 50:28
  Speaker 9: that was too much for me. Let's get HRD. Well
• 50:31
  Speaker 9: that's what I should have did here. But now I
• 50:33
  Speaker 9: look back, you know, but it wasn't.
• 50:36
  Speaker 1: And and Bro, as I'm hearing this, and as you're
• 50:42
  Speaker 1: sharing this man for the first time, it's I'm torn
• 50:52
  Speaker 1: because there are a lot of things that happened that
• 50:57
  Speaker 1: then aren't response before. Yeah. Right, there's a lot of allegations,
• 51:03
  Speaker 1: there's a lot of things that are said that this
• 51:05
  Speaker 1: brother did this. It actually happened, right, you know what
• 51:09
  Speaker 1: I'm saying. Yeah, and the brother have to stand not
• 51:14
  Speaker 1: only in the court of people, but his brother has
• 51:17
  Speaker 1: to stand at a real court.
• 51:19
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 51:19
  Speaker 1: See, sexually assaulted, he did something inappropriate, he said something,
• 51:24
  Speaker 1: he touched he he deserved what he got, right. But
• 51:31
  Speaker 1: to hear your story, bro, I just because what I'm
• 51:35
  Speaker 1: here is that a man fell overswore to save everybody
• 51:39
  Speaker 1: else career.
• 51:41
  Speaker 5: Yeah, and I mean I did it with a good heart. Real, because,
• 51:46
  Speaker 5: like you said, normally with these things, with these allegations,
• 51:50
  Speaker 5: comes something else.
• 51:51
  Speaker 2: There's like.
• 51:53
  Speaker 5: Some shape or form of fashion, the police a getting involved,
• 51:56
  Speaker 5: or it's some kind of case or something, and none
• 51:59
  Speaker 5: of that was there.
• 52:00
  Speaker 2: So I was like, I'd be straight, like I ain't tripping, like.
• 52:03
  Speaker 5: Even if I'm not on this show the more like
• 52:05
  Speaker 5: I ain't gonna lose my whole career. And I'd rather
• 52:08
  Speaker 5: be out of the situation that God don't want me
• 52:11
  Speaker 5: to be in than to be somewhere every day just
• 52:14
  Speaker 5: for a check like it ain't that ain't worth it?
• 52:17
  Speaker 1: Did you did you think how things happen that you
• 52:21
  Speaker 1: think that it would be because you've built other interviews
• 52:24
  Speaker 1: before and and I've kind of like I saw you
• 52:29
  Speaker 1: the Breakfast but being into like a year ago, a
• 52:31
  Speaker 1: couple of years tho, yeah, yeah, and you just kind
• 52:33
  Speaker 1: of kept it like you didn't even like did it
• 52:35
  Speaker 1: not hit you on that that moment, like you had
• 52:39
  Speaker 1: the world listen to, like you know what, maybe I
• 52:42
  Speaker 1: should like just just like share my truth. I scored
• 52:46
  Speaker 1: and not necessarily because what we're here, people say, well,
• 52:48
  Speaker 1: I want to tell my truth. And and sometimes I've
• 52:53
  Speaker 1: I've heard people say I'm gonna share my truth. But
• 52:55
  Speaker 1: then again, it's like, you know, it's it's, it's, it's,
• 52:59
  Speaker 1: it's it could be sketchy. Yeah, but at that moment, right,
• 53:04
  Speaker 1: the Breakfast Love is one of the largest shows ever,
• 53:07
  Speaker 1: So in that moment, you still thought like, nah, I
• 53:11
  Speaker 1: still need to guard this.
• 53:13
  Speaker 5: Okay, So I'm gonna be honest about something, but I
• 53:17
  Speaker 5: really hope this isn't taken.
• 53:19
  Speaker 1: A little away. Okay.
• 53:22
  Speaker 5: I am very competitive about what I do as an actor,
• 53:27
  Speaker 5: and I bring that short of energy. Like any actor
• 53:29
  Speaker 5: who's worked with me, they could tell them sometimes I'd
• 53:32
  Speaker 5: be like I tell people standing under the goal, right,
• 53:35
  Speaker 5: because after working with Paul g Amadi and people like
• 53:39
  Speaker 5: that Sam Jackson's, you know certain people who are on
• 53:42
  Speaker 5: that level, Like they teach you these you almost get
• 53:47
  Speaker 5: this Floyd Mayweather level of defense and you know it
• 53:54
  Speaker 5: counter punching and all of that, because when it's one
• 53:56
  Speaker 5: on one with another actor, one of y'all won't shut
• 54:02
  Speaker 5: you know what I mean.
• 54:03
  Speaker 2: It's not the stuff you learned in class where it's
• 54:05
  Speaker 2: like yes and and all of this and that. Right, So.
• 54:12
  Speaker 5: There was a moment where I just refused to make
• 54:17
  Speaker 5: that girl famous because that moment would have gave her
• 54:22
  Speaker 5: more publicity than her acting skills ever.
• 54:26
  Speaker 2: Will wow And I'm sorry, I'm gonna call it how
• 54:30
  Speaker 2: I see. I don't. I don't think she's a great
• 54:33
  Speaker 2: act That's just it just is what it is.
• 54:36
  Speaker 5: So you know, an inside, I'm why give you this?
• 54:42
  Speaker 5: Why put this out there and say.
• 54:45
  Speaker 2: Oh, it wasn't Timothy Boone? It was heard? Because no,
• 54:48
  Speaker 2: because who is talking about you?
• 54:50
  Speaker 5: And we're not gonna start talking about you because of
• 54:53
  Speaker 5: me getting on your own go to some mole acting class.
• 54:59
  Speaker 2: That's I could think to myself at that moment, you know,
• 55:02
  Speaker 2: and maybe it's.
• 55:03
  Speaker 5: Petty and maybe I should, you know, put it all
• 55:06
  Speaker 5: out there and done this and that, And like I said,
• 55:08
  Speaker 5: I didn't want to stir the pot around something that
• 55:12
  Speaker 5: came out beautiful.
• 55:13
  Speaker 1: They just want a season. You just want a seasons
• 55:16
  Speaker 1: for us.
• 55:17
  Speaker 5: That's that's along within a lot of black shows, per say,
• 55:20
  Speaker 5: just as gentlemen, you know what I mean.
• 55:24
  Speaker 2: If God didn't.
• 55:24
  Speaker 5: Want me in that position, i't need to be in
• 55:26
  Speaker 5: that position. But I also didn't have it in me
• 55:31
  Speaker 5: to come out and say, oh, I'm gonna make this
• 55:35
  Speaker 5: girl famous, because she can't make herself famous.
• 55:42
  Speaker 1: My question now, Jay is like, how did you maintain
• 55:48
  Speaker 1: like a stable mental health?
• 55:50
  Speaker 8: Bro?
• 55:51
  Speaker 1: Because I'm sure that's a that's a medwatchy. There's some
• 55:56
  Speaker 1: men that are watching when you say maintain you know,
• 56:01
  Speaker 1: what do you eat? Because what goes that process? Like?
• 56:05
  Speaker 1: Because I'm sure there's some men watching that like that's
• 56:12
  Speaker 1: won't feel everything you said because in their mind is
• 56:15
  Speaker 1: like where that ain't right?
• 56:16
  Speaker 2: Bro?
• 56:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah?
• 56:18
  Speaker 2: Oh.
• 56:21
  Speaker 5: To be honest, I what I learned just in life
• 56:25
  Speaker 5: in general, is that if you don't give you your
• 56:28
  Speaker 5: chance a term because truthfully, I think I blew up
• 56:31
  Speaker 5: at Iana because I didn't know how to feel about
• 56:35
  Speaker 5: greatness or I felt like me feeling anything about greatness
• 56:41
  Speaker 5: getting killed wouldn't have brought it back, So why put
• 56:45
  Speaker 5: myself through that? So I just decided to feel nothing.
• 56:48
  Speaker 5: And I'm gonna use this on set. But like so
• 56:52
  Speaker 5: many times in life, especially as black men, we feel
• 56:58
  Speaker 5: some sort of insecure about feeling in that moment and
• 57:04
  Speaker 5: we don't allow ourselves to go through it because that's
• 57:08
  Speaker 5: the only way you go get through it is to
• 57:10
  Speaker 5: go through it.
• 57:12
  Speaker 4: You know.
• 57:13
  Speaker 5: And you know, I just think that, like I've realized
• 57:21
  Speaker 5: that me crying when I feel like crying, me sending
• 57:25
  Speaker 5: the bail will I feel like standing in the bed,
• 57:27
  Speaker 5: me eating ice cream and watching Sad Boys with my
• 57:30
  Speaker 5: girl and just crying on her shoulder when.
• 57:33
  Speaker 2: I needed that.
• 57:34
  Speaker 5: Like, That's how I got through it, by being vulnerable
• 57:38
  Speaker 5: to what I was actually feeling. Because if you don't
• 57:42
  Speaker 5: do that, you leave yourself vulnerable for those feelings to
• 57:46
  Speaker 5: take over neo decision making when you should be making
• 57:50
  Speaker 5: good decisions.
• 57:51
  Speaker 1: Yeah, because that anger can turn to such rage, bro man.
• 57:59
  Speaker 2: I mean many times I thought about.
• 58:03
  Speaker 10: You know what I'm saying, y'all not scared that I'm
• 58:06
  Speaker 10: gonna through something present, you know what I mean? Like,
• 58:08
  Speaker 10: that's what I was thinking to myself, Like, because how
• 58:11
  Speaker 10: could you just be comfortable with I think young thugs
• 58:15
  Speaker 10: said it best.
• 58:16
  Speaker 5: How could you just do what you did to me
• 58:18
  Speaker 5: and just going with your life? Like in that lad,
• 58:22
  Speaker 5: how you feel like that's okay? You don't feel like
• 58:25
  Speaker 5: you owe me no apology, a hug or nothing, nothing.
• 58:29
  Speaker 5: You just going on with your life.
• 58:33
  Speaker 2: That's crazy?
• 58:35
  Speaker 1: Do you do you in some way feel like for
• 58:39
  Speaker 1: things to be better or and not to say things
• 58:43
  Speaker 1: to be better, but in some way that can bring
• 58:46
  Speaker 1: a bit of closure to what your experience for leaning
• 58:49
  Speaker 1: to puperty apologize.
• 58:52
  Speaker 2: You know I say this, I will necessarily feel like
• 59:01
  Speaker 2: Lena owes.
• 59:02
  Speaker 5: Me apology publicly because she's apologized to me behind closed doors.
• 59:10
  Speaker 2: What I will say is you reap what you sow
• 59:13
  Speaker 2: each well, and it isn't my job to seek vengeance
• 59:22
  Speaker 2: or to have any sort of sourness in my spirit
• 59:25
  Speaker 2: at all towards anybody because of what they didn't be
• 59:29
  Speaker 2: for me, because Lina wasn't all.
• 59:31
  Speaker 8: Said Lina was it, Lina was it in any of
• 59:36
  Speaker 8: that shit. You see what I'm saying. Lina didn't react
• 59:38
  Speaker 8: like that Nigga. Lina didn't.
• 59:41
  Speaker 5: Lina didn't do any of those things, So I don't
• 59:43
  Speaker 5: I've never actually faulted her.
• 59:45
  Speaker 3: Now.
• 59:46
  Speaker 5: Were my feelings hurt because of the ship that she said? Yeah,
• 59:48
  Speaker 5: but she apologized for that and that's cool. But I
• 59:52
  Speaker 5: think you reap what you sowls in spell and I
• 59:55
  Speaker 5: think everybody should be very mindful of the energy that
• 1:00:01
  Speaker 5: they choose to put out because you can't hide. You
• 1:00:06
  Speaker 5: can't God see everything you're telling people that like don't
• 1:00:11
  Speaker 5: don't not cuts that church and then go home and
• 1:00:13
  Speaker 5: cut your kids out.
• 1:00:15
  Speaker 8: You know what I mean, because you know it's that
• 1:00:19
  Speaker 8: water on level.
• 1:00:21
  Speaker 2: One thing about it.
• 1:00:22
  Speaker 8: That water will level even if it got.
• 1:00:24
  Speaker 1: To come through your firm, you know what you know,
• 1:00:27
  Speaker 1: I mean, it's gold level, you know.
• 1:00:30
  Speaker 8: So you know, I just I pray that everybody.
• 1:00:33
  Speaker 5: In their own time is trying to learn and grow
• 1:00:39
  Speaker 5: like you know, because that's all I'm trying to do.
• 1:00:41
  Speaker 5: Like I'm I'm I take full accountability for, you know,
• 1:00:46
  Speaker 5: my my irate spirit at times, you know, but I
• 1:00:51
  Speaker 5: was going through my own ship and it ain't like
• 1:00:52
  Speaker 5: it's a great excuse because I could have handled that bad,
• 1:00:56
  Speaker 5: you know what I mean.
• 1:00:57
  Speaker 2: That's part of being a man.
• 1:01:00
  Speaker 8: Oh your fucking self.
• 1:01:01
  Speaker 5: Control the way you talk to people, especially women, you
• 1:01:04
  Speaker 5: know what I mean.
• 1:01:05
  Speaker 2: Control that. So I take full accountability for that, you know.
• 1:01:09
  Speaker 5: But I also don't want people to be out of
• 1:01:13
  Speaker 5: here painting in some sort of life that like it's
• 1:01:16
  Speaker 5: just not who I hear. I've heard say people say
• 1:01:19
  Speaker 5: ship about me and girl, Oh my god.
• 1:01:22
  Speaker 2: The stories that I've heard from myself, crazy Jason, that
• 1:01:26
  Speaker 2: piece of ship God dam.
• 1:01:30
  Speaker 1: And I think, bro, that's that's the part, you know,
• 1:01:32
  Speaker 1: Genalus Men's help life. Well, I don't have a word
• 1:01:41
  Speaker 1: to express to you how proud I am of you
• 1:01:46
  Speaker 1: as a man. The just your courage, man, and the
• 1:01:52
  Speaker 1: articulation that you have exercise, and just not only sharing
• 1:01:57
  Speaker 1: your story but also sharing what you could have done
• 1:02:01
  Speaker 1: a difference, but also shared that you know, man the man,
• 1:02:09
  Speaker 1: because when I'm sitting here, I think about the number
• 1:02:14
  Speaker 1: of men that have lost because of a lie. There's
• 1:02:21
  Speaker 1: men that have lost. They're just like you brought this
• 1:02:25
  Speaker 1: on yourself. But I can't say that in my heart
• 1:02:29
  Speaker 1: that to think about to lose, because I've been on
• 1:02:32
  Speaker 1: the other side as well, to lose, and you like,
• 1:02:36
  Speaker 1: I didn't deserve this right to lose it and say, hey,
• 1:02:41
  Speaker 1: I get that I didn't do this, and to see
• 1:02:47
  Speaker 1: the spirit that you had even to still encourage men
• 1:02:52
  Speaker 1: and to still uphold your people who are still working
• 1:02:55
  Speaker 1: as an actor, to say, you know what, I'm a
• 1:02:58
  Speaker 1: hold this just so y'all to keep going, because I
• 1:03:01
  Speaker 1: feel like if I released this, this may impact y'all
• 1:03:05
  Speaker 1: working careers, and because I would want y'all to have
• 1:03:11
  Speaker 1: whatever God has meant for you to have. Right, I'll
• 1:03:14
  Speaker 1: die on this war, bro. Man. That's a different level
• 1:03:28
  Speaker 1: a man that a lot of us brothers don't see
• 1:03:33
  Speaker 1: because so many brothers will crash out. I see it.
• 1:03:37
  Speaker 1: I see brothers, and I'm and to not the get
• 1:03:41
  Speaker 1: that you probably don't have the days.
• 1:03:44
  Speaker 5: Where you just like you know what, yeah, you know, yeah,
• 1:03:49
  Speaker 5: they got some holes in the world for sure.
• 1:03:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah. And what I'm hoping that hoping what people see
• 1:03:58
  Speaker 1: watching this, it's not I don't I don't want people
• 1:04:02
  Speaker 1: to see an actor. I want people to see the man.
• 1:04:04
  Speaker 1: I want people to see the boy. I WoT people
• 1:04:07
  Speaker 1: to see the father, the son, the brother. Because what
• 1:04:13
  Speaker 1: you've shared here today, well, I can tell you right
• 1:04:17
  Speaker 1: now that's a lot of men that are gonna be encouraged.
• 1:04:21
  Speaker 1: There's a lot of men that are gonna be able.
• 1:04:24
  Speaker 1: It's a lot of man that's going to be frustrated
• 1:04:29
  Speaker 1: because there's times where I look at God him I said,
• 1:04:33
  Speaker 1: why did that have to happen to Joe? Right? Yeah?
• 1:04:38
  Speaker 4: You know, yeah he did, right, Biden. And what I'm
• 1:04:45
  Speaker 4: praying well is that God restored every day Jason, that
• 1:04:50
  Speaker 4: you lost just like he did Joe, that it wasn't
• 1:04:56
  Speaker 4: a loss, it was a game because you were a
• 1:05:00
  Speaker 4: to discover yourself.
• 1:05:02
  Speaker 1: And even just able to discover areas that you say,
• 1:05:06
  Speaker 1: you know what, I can grow up this area. I
• 1:05:09
  Speaker 1: can do better in this area. I can I can
• 1:05:12
  Speaker 1: change this matter fact, I would lead this. It was
• 1:05:16
  Speaker 1: so let me let me add that. Yeah, so's so
• 1:05:19
  Speaker 1: many layers of your story. That's one of the.
• 1:05:23
  Speaker 3: Heal being and that I'm hoping also that heal with
• 1:05:27
  Speaker 3: it because I think the scary thing is to be
• 1:05:32
  Speaker 3: around people who can't have a rejection. And I'm not
• 1:05:39
  Speaker 3: just talking about rejection. As I walk this person just
• 1:05:42
  Speaker 3: the pjection will feel like, you know, why he gonna
• 1:05:48
  Speaker 3: side o the people, why he gonna look through me
• 1:05:51
  Speaker 3: while he Because that's a scary place to be for
• 1:05:55
  Speaker 3: somebody who can't have a rejection, because I've seen it happen. Yeah,
• 1:06:00
  Speaker 3: I see people who not have the rejection, Well kick
• 1:06:05
  Speaker 3: cauldure up the story to validate their existence because they
• 1:06:11
  Speaker 3: were not accepted in another space or another area. If
• 1:06:15
  Speaker 3: somebody has to bear the consequence of a story that.
• 1:06:20
  Speaker 2: Never happened, yeah, it's fast.
• 1:06:24
  Speaker 1: And my prayer for you, Bro, is as you're on
• 1:06:27
  Speaker 1: your heel of the journey and as you share the today,
• 1:06:30
  Speaker 1: God give you every day back double.
• 1:06:35
  Speaker 5: I appreciate that, And like, Bro, you know where these
• 1:06:41
  Speaker 5: tears really real life coming from right now in this bowman.
• 1:06:46
  Speaker 2: Oh they got heard the grown men say they've been
• 1:06:48
  Speaker 2: probing me since that's shit.
• 1:06:50
  Speaker 1: I thank you for that, and I beg that a
• 1:06:58
  Speaker 1: product for you. I'm proud here and I mean that
• 1:07:02
  Speaker 1: stick and I mean that. If you never do another movie,
• 1:07:06
  Speaker 1: I'm proud. I'm proud, if you never do another project,
• 1:07:11
  Speaker 1: if your neighbor is never bitched or the arow ease,
• 1:07:14
  Speaker 1: I'm proud. Broke because you over Jane, because send me quick. Yeah,
• 1:07:24
  Speaker 1: just here over doctor J. A production of the Black
• 1:07:26
  Speaker 1: Effect podcast Network. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the
• 1:07:31
  Speaker 1: iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your
• 1:07:34
  Speaker 1: favorite shows. And you can follow me at King J.
• 1:07:37
  Speaker 1: Barnett on Instagram and x and follow us on YouTube.
• 1:07:41
  Speaker 1: Just here, doctor j