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20. Navigating Love Languages in Parenting and Marriage · A Heart That Beats for Home

• 0:02
  Speaker 1: Hey friends, I'm Nikki Smith, your host here at A Heart that Beats for Home, the podcast where we're ditching filters and diving headfirst into the raw beauty of all things home.
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: Now, I am no expert when it comes to this whole parenting and marriage dance.
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: I'm simply a gal who's been riding the mom roller coaster for 22 years and a wife still untangling the mystery of it all 25 years after saying I do.
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: My goal is to bring you unapologetically messy and boldly genuine conversations about cultivating strong families.
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: We're gonna laugh, possibly cry, and straight talk about the joy and chaos that comes within the four walls that we call home.
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: No judgment and certainly no perfection, just real talk from my heart, a heart that beats for home.
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: Let's dive in.
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: Hello friends, welcome back to another week here at A Heart that Beats for Home.
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: I am so excited that we are at week 20.
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: There is a reason I'm excited.
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: In some recent research I was doing just digging into the back part of episodes and podcasting and learning all of the things I came across a statistic that I verified in a couple of different places because it really surprised me that to do something fun, to celebrate that we were in the top 1% of a community that makes it past those 20 episodes and since we had a trailer that we launched in December before really kicking off, we've officially uploaded 21 episodes, according to Apple Podcasts.
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: And so, just super excited as it's been so fun, it's been challenging.
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: They said that the majority of podcasts quit after three episodes, and I can tell you I understand where that statistic comes from that first probably six weeks was hard, it was a learning curve, it was overwhelming, it was technically super challenging.
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: Just there was a lot of struggles in those first six weeks, and so I can absolutely see where somebody would say, yeah, this is not going to happen.
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: So we made it past that three episode mark.
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: Now we've made it to that 21 episodes that have been published, and I am just so grateful for this community, the community that has come alongside and is growing.
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: That's saying I'm really passionate about cultivating a strong family, having a strong marriage, or, if I'm a single parent, I'm really passionate about doing that well and really raising my children in a way that is flourishing and just a spirit of joy and health within the home, and so I am super excited that we made it to both of those milestones and because of that I knew we have to do something fun to celebrate, and so we are going to be doing a big old giveaway.
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: I just have a list of all of these things that I love that I use all the time.
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: From all different things I'm going to be doing my perfume that I get comments on all the time Santel 33.
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: I don't know if you guys are familiar with that, but it's a super bougie fun.
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: It's my one kind of splurge every year.
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: I love that perfume.
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: I've got some favorite pens and some books and some products, and we're going to be putting all of that into a giveaway and I am going to use that giveaway as a way to help bring more traffic to this podcast so that others that don't even know that we exist can be a part of the community.
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: So be sure to check the show notes.
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: It's going to be a super simple like, follow rate, review the show wherever you are listening and get your friends to do the same.
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: I am going to ask that.
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: Obviously, if you're listening to this, you are listening to the podcast, and so it's totally valid to go follow, like and review.
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: But if you see this on social media, make sure that, if you're sending it to others to do the same, that they actually are coming to listen, even if it's just to one episode.
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: I really want this to be honest feedback.
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: I want it to be honest ratings, and those ratings and reviews are the very thing that help get this podcast higher in the charts.
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: We have made it to number 37 in marriage and parenting on the charts, but we haven't gotten above that, and that has a lot to do with just needing rating and reviews so that it gets higher in the algorithm when people are searching for those words.
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: So I thought this would be a super fun way to celebrate this milestone, to be able to give out some of my favorite things.
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: So, again in the show notes, you'll be able to find all the details for that, and then also I will post things on both my Facebook page and Instagram which you can link to through the show notes as well.
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: So that's just a little fun thing to start us off.
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: But today we're going to be diving into a very popular topic.
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: I did a post on this a couple of weeks ago about identifying the love languages of your children or your spouse, and this is not an original concept by any means.
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: This is from the Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman.
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: This has become an entire franchise now.
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: There are literally books after books after books about the power of these five love languages.
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: If it's not something you're familiar with, we're going to dig in a little bit and talk about what the five are, how those are expressed, why they're important, and then walk through some really specific ways that we can love our families, specifically our spouses and our children, using their love language, and why it's important.
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: So first of all, let's dive right into why our love language is important, and I love the analogy of if you've ever traveled internationally and you get somewhere where you don't speak the language.
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: Recently, my sisters and my parents were all able to travel to Switzerland for a beautiful 10-day dream trip that we've always wanted to go to.
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: And there is boundaries, there are limitations.
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: When you do not speak the same language that's being spoken.
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: It's hard to order.
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: I was talking to another friend whose son ordered a pizza and it came and it was awful.
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: It was disgusting and I can't remember what was on it, but there was clearly a language barrier, that what he thought he was ordering was nowhere near what he actually got, and it just can create frustration and it makes you kind of just shut down and just maybe not communicate as much.
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: And so love languages work a little bit.
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: The same way is that it's kind of a way that if we're speaking one of the five love languages that are not the love language of the person we're speaking to, they're receiving that love like it's a foreign language.
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: It might be like oh, that's nice, it sounds good, but it's not really communicating to me that I'm being loved.
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: And so it can create incredible frustration and misunderstanding when we don't understand to speak to each other in the love languages that we are wired to respond to.
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: It can also make us feel unloved when we're not spoken to in that way.
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: And so if you've ever had an argument or you've done something really nice for your spouse and they're like I just, I felt unseen, I didn't think you cared, and they come back with are you kidding me?
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: I did all these things you can usually recognize they didn't communicate to you in the way that you receive love, or vice versa.
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: And ultimately it is easiest to fill the hearts of our spouse and our children when we are able to speak fluently in their love language.
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: And so the five love languages are words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service and physical touch, and the things that we have to remember when we're learning to talk in these languages is that number one every person will have a primary love language that really goes straight to their heart.
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: We're going to talk about some ways that we can identify what those might be.
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: However, it does not mean that then you can ignore the other four To some extent.
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: We need all of the five love languages, but one is going to be our primary language, that we speak, that is the most filling to us, that we understand the best, that fills us up the best.
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: The other thing we need to remember is that as we grow up, as life changes, our love languages can change too.
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: As we grow up, as life changes, our love languages can change too, and so it's really important that we stay tuned into.
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: Is this love language still the primary love language of the person I'm speaking to?
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: I'm going to link a whole bunch of different free quizzes that you can take that will show you.
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: I just did one with my son the other day and it's funny to kind of listen to the answers, and quickly I recognized what his love language was.
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: I already kind of had an idea, simply because if you walk into his room you will see that he displays and holds onto all of the notes that are given to him and he has them opened and stuck in magnet boards and bulletin boards where you can see all of the words and the kind things that teachers and friends and coaches have said.
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: And so I pretty much knew that his love language was going to be words of affirmation, and sure enough, the test showed that loud and clear.
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: But that doesn't mean that that will be his primary love language for his entire life.
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: That could change, and so it's good to just refocus in and retake these quizzes both us as adults and our children to see if we can just make sure, do a touch base, to make sure that we're still on the right wavelength there.
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: And then there is no incompatible love languages.
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: So there is none of these two that can't speak to each other when we find out what our spouse or our kids if I'm quality time but my husband is words of affirmation.
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: There are no two love languages that are not compatible.
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: We just have to get good at showing people that we love them in the way that they are best receiving it.
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: The other thing that's a really good kind of hint to see what people's love language is is typically people tend to show love in their own language.
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: So if your husband, maybe, is always buying you gifts and you're like I don't even I don't want gifts, I just want him to tell me he loves me and he appreciates me, there's a really good chance that his love language might be gifts, and that's why you're having this disconnect.
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: And if you're trying to talk to him in, I think you're amazing, you're doing a great job, thanks for providing for us.
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: And he's thinking why doesn't she ever buy me anything?
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: Why doesn't she recognize me with gifts?
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: Or why isn't my birthday a big deal and she doesn't wrap presents and work really hard on gifting me?
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: You see how that communication then breaks down because we're operating out of foreign languages, and so it's been pretty easy for me to be able to pick out what my children and my husband's love languages are just by watching how they go throughout their life, the things that are important to them.
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: My oldest daughter it's very clear for me that hers is words of affirmation, because when somebody sends her a really nice text or somebody personally reaches out to her to congratulate her on something she always mentions.
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: Hey, this person reached out and said this or here's a screenshot, mom, of this thing that she said Isn't that so nice?
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: And I have another one who definitely likes quality time, and again, those could change on a regular basis, but it's really good and important to be able to hone in to what those are.
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: So practical uses for love languages they're super important, not only just for daily interactions but for specific special circumstances.
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: So things around birthdays and holidays when you know a person's love language, you are able to fill them up so much more.
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: I think about my nephew, who just is in love with getting gifts and he gets so excited about the gifts.
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: And I know my sister, his, his mama is always trying to wrap a bunch of different gifts instead of one big gift, because he just that act of being able to get the gift and to open it and he loves to give gifts to other people.
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: It is so sweet.
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: So maybe if your child has that gift giving quality, make their birthday super special.
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: Again, we're going to go into some really specifics for every one of these once you identify them, what you can do, or if it's somebody who loves quality time, consider a one-on-one date instead of an expensive gift.
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: How can you love that person the way they need to be loved?
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: So let's jump into them Words of affirmation, and we're going to talk about ways that we can use it to speak to our spouse, our partner, and then also to our children.
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: So, for words of affirmation, some ways that you could apply this into your marriage would be tell your partner that you're attracted to them.
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: I know that it's very easy to be like.
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: They should know that.
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: I've told them that before.
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: Maybe I even told them that and they didn't receive it well, or they blew it off.
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: But when your spouse has words of affirmation as their primary love language, they need to be told this over and over.
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: My love language is indeed words of affirmation, and so telling me once isn't going to do it.
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: I need to be reminded over and over.
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: You can tell them what you admire about them.
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: You can express gratitude for them, something as simple as hey, babe, I appreciate how you work so hard for us every day, or how you are so motivated to get out and work your job, to keep just providing for us above and beyond.
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: Or you know, I love the way you take care of the kids so well, or how you're such a great mom at the school and how you offer so much up there.
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: You could write them a love letter.
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: You could leave them a voicemail throughout the day, send a quick text like I'm thinking about you, I love you.
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: This made me think of you, or I love this attribute about you.
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: What are ways that you can sprinkle words of affirmation to your spouse all day, every day, so that they are receiving love the way that they receive it best For a child?
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: It might be something like a cute little note in the lunchbox.
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: I recently was able to find these little tiny.
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: They're like foldable postcards.
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: They're adorable and you can only fit about one sentence on them.
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: But I keep them in the same drawer with all of the things that we send to school for lunches.
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: So the Tupperware containers, the soup containers.
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: Right in there is a handful of different things that are notes that I can write on.
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: To just drop something in a lunchbox.
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: It might be a joke, it might be.
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: I'm so proud of you.
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: It might be a joke, it might be.
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: I'm so proud of you.
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: It might be.
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: I can't wait to do that activity tonight that we've been planning for, go to that group or have that sports event and be able to watch you.
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: But you can just put notes in your children's lunchboxes.
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: If they're littler.
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: You could paint rocks and you could put words that you think describe them and talk about how much you love them in something that's as simple as a painting project.
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: You could have other people write letters for them for their birthdays and special events, just talking about the things that they see in them and what they admire.
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: You could trace on butcher paper an outline of their body and hang it somewhere in your house and every day add one word or one thing that you admire about them or that you love about them, so that they have that visual reminder in front of them with those words of affirmation, obviously saying I love you often and also telling them I love how you, I love how you show up, I love how you're a good friend, I love how you take initiative Just specific things that you can pour words of affirmation over them.
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: Second one quality time For kids.
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: You can put screens away and give them undivided attention.
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: That obviously works for the spouse as well.
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: Somebody who loves quality time is going to be super annoyed with distraction.
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: So if you have a spouse really no matter who it is if you are spending time with somebody, put the phone away, turn it on silent, put it in the bag, leave it in the car and be undivided with you.
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: Could go for a walk or a drive with your spouse just so that you could be together.
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: You can hold hands in the car, you can talk about the day.
• 15:03
  Speaker 1: You can go get ice cream together, go get a dinner together, take a walk in the park whatever that might look like, but just quality time with just your spouse.
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: You could plan a special date night where you are initiating hey, it's important to me to spend time with you alone.
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: It's important to ask about their day when they come home.
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: Somebody who values quality time needs you to recognize on the daily that I need time with you alone.
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: I need you to ask about my day.
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: I need you to ask about what I'm dealing with.
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: I need you to be here in person, in front of me and spend quality time with me, and it could be something as simple as pillow talk at the end of the night with your spouse where you're like hey, let's take 15 minutes.
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: I just want to hear about your day.
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: I want to know what's going on.
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: I value you and I love this time with you.
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: Things with your kids could be something as simple as spending time reading before bed or taking a walk with them, going on a scavenger hunt.
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: When they get home from school, it could be throwing a ball in the backyard or working in the driveway on shooting free throws at the basketball hoop.
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: For a child that likes to go and do shopping, you could go walk the mall, or you could give them a budget and say let's go, you know, just have fun together, spending this $20 on something that you would really enjoy, which would also work great for somebody who is a receiving gifts person.
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: You could sit at the kitchen table and play a game, and it's super important for people with quality time, like we said, to put those screens away but to make eye contact and to stop doing whatever it is that you're doing when you're with them.
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: All right, the third one receiving gifts.
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: So for your spouse, it could be surprising them with a gift just because For absolutely no reason, just having a gift and bringing it.
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: It could be surprising them with their favorite food or drink, walking a special coffee into them at work or brewing that coffee in the morning and bringing it up to them, just letting them know that I see you and I care about you and I have this little gift for you.
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: It's important that you keep a list of things that they mention they like or want.
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: I know I've talked before about that app called Giftful.
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: That is a great place if you have somebody that has a love language of receiving gifts, that you just keep mental note when they say things about I saw this shirt, I love that thing, that's my favorite kind of flower, that's my favorite drink.
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: That you just keep those things in a list somewhere so that when that might not be your love language and you think I cannot remember what it was that they said they loved, just keep that running list so that those little $1, $5, $10 things that you can have around for them that mean a lot to them when you speak in their love language.
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: You could bring home a small thoughtful gift from work trips.
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: I am not the gift receiving love language, and so I finally had to say to my husband I don't need you to bring me an airport sweatshirt from every trip that you take Like it doesn't mean anything to me.
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: I appreciate that you're doing it because you feel like you probably need to when you're gone, but I don't need anything when you come home.
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: I just want you to tell me you love me, tell me I'm a great mom and spend some time with me, and so sometimes you know when it is somebody who likes receiving those gifts.
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: If you're traveling, do make sure that you bring a little something that tells them I was thinking about you and I bought this for you.
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: And giving personalized gifts instead of chocolate and flowers is always a plus as well.
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: Not that there's not a space for chocolate and flowers, but somebody who loves, whose love language is receiving gifts.
• 18:21
  Speaker 1: When there is extra effort put into the selection and the wrapping and the presentation, it goes a long ways.
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: With your children, who have the love language of receiving gifts again, small gifts for no reason For a small child or a let's talk high schooler.
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: It might be their favorite bubbler on their nightstand that says I know you have a big week.
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: You probably could use this little boost of caffeine this week.
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: I love you.
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: It could be a series of gifts for special occasion If they have a birthday coming up, instead of just that one birthday gift, what if you spent a little bit more money and you bought five different gifts, maybe with the big gift happening on their birthday, but a $5 to $10 gift that they get every day?
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: That's a presentation that makes them feel so special.
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: Creating a photo book about them where you're able to put pictures and memories and words all together and gift them that book or that memory.
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: Also, making their favorite meal or treat for a kid to come home from school and say I'm making your favorite dinner tonight or I made you your favorite chocolate chip cookies, is a way that you can speak their love language in receiving gifts.
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: The next one, number four, is acts of service.
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: So for your spouse unexpectedly taking something off of their place, something that they normally do, that you can do for them.
• 19:34
  Speaker 1: So if your spouse is usually the one that takes the garbage out on a Thursday night, for you on Thursday afternoon to just set a little reminder to say, gather up the garbage and take it out, so that when my husband comes home he pulls in the driveway and he sees the garbage cans out.
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: He thinks, oh my gosh, somebody did that for me it's something very small that they recognize that that was an act of service.
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: Same thing with doing housework without being asked.
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: If you are in a role where you typically, as the mom, get up and do the dishes every single night after dinner, then if your husband hops up and does that and your love language is acts of service, that is going to mean the world for you.
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: Ask them how you can help and I know we did.
• 20:14
  Speaker 1: A whole episode about this question will hold more weight and more power than any other love language is just asking what can I do to help?
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: How can I come alongside you?
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: How can I leverage myself for your benefit?
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: Also, you can notice when they seem stressed about a task and offered to do it so that they can sit and relax.
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: So if you have somebody that's running around crazy in your house say, hey, let me go fold all that laundry.
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: You've been going crazy all day.
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: I can fold laundry.
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: You go sit, you go take a bath, you go sit in the sauna, you go take a walk.
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: You do what you need to do.
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: Let me do that for you.
• 20:52
  Speaker 1: And then another one is running errands without being asked.
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: Are there things that you can do, like going to the grocery store, running to the post office, doing a return for your spouse.
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: That would help them and show them that that is an acts of service and that you're speaking their love language.
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: When it comes to children, you could do a special chore for them, again that they usually do so for me.
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: My kids have delegated out.
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: They do their laundry.
• 21:16
  Speaker 1: They do a lot of the household tasks, but when there is a child, that is stressed out and I know that one of their love language is acts of service for me to say hey, I know that you started your laundry and you didn't get it finished before you left for school.
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: I see you working really hard to figure out how to get your way through laundry and get it washed and get it dried and get it folded.
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: But I was able to fold that for you today and just put it in your room for you.
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: I'm really proud of you.
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: You could do things like sit and help with a project or homework, or sit and build Legos with them, or help them organize their closet or their dresser if it's getting out of whack All kinds of things that you can do for them.
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: Bring them a special treat when they're doing their homework.
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: That show an act of service and says I am willing to do this for you, to show you I love you.
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: And then the last one is physical touch.
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: So in a spouse's love language, physical touch might look like showing affection in public, grabbing their hand, rubbing their back, coming up behind them at a table and rubbing their shoulders.
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: It could be making more time to be intimate.
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: We're making that a priority.
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: Where it's not an afterthought, it could simply be cuddling before you go to bed.
• 22:20
  Speaker 1: It could be a longer hug in the kitchen than just that really quick, quick hug and moving about it could be stopping and slowing down.
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: And one word here about a physical touch is your spouse's love language, and I will say from experience it seems that a lot of men their number one love language is physical touch.
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: And for women I'm sure there's a good handful of women that it is as well.
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: But historically you will find that physical touch comes up as one of the highest love languages for men not for everyone, but for a large majority.
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: And I had somebody say to me something that I might have heard on a podcast.
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: I don't know what that was really kind of an aha moment that I felt was really important, to kind of just sit in the thought for a minute is that if you have a spouse whether it's your wife or your husband whose number one love language is physical touch, you as the spouse are the only person that can fulfill that love language.
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: Every other love language acts of service, gifts, quality time those are all things that I can get filled up.
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: If my love language is quality time or acts of service or any of the other ones, my girlfriends can fill that love tank for me any time with me.
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: My mom, my siblings there are a lot of people that can fill your love tank if you have any of the other four.
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: But if your love language as the wife or if your spouse's love language is physical touch, you are the only person that can really really fill that tank for them and for me.
• 23:59
  Speaker 1: That was really an eye-opener because number one I do think that in marriage that no matter what our love language is, when we speak it as the spouse to our spouse it holds the most weight.
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: So 100% quality time with my husband is going to fuel me in a different way than quality time with a friend and acts of service from my husband are going to fill me in a different way than acts of service from a friend, but with physical touch.
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: The only person that can really show affection to either one of you in a marriage relationship absolutely your kids can.
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: But the innate need for that love language has to come from the spouse, and so when I was thinking about this and thinking, if my love language is words of affirmation, I can go to my girlfriends and they give me words of affirmation all the time.
• 24:50
  Speaker 1: Great job there.
• 24:50
  Speaker 1: You did great Kudos on that Love to the podcast.
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: I saw how you did that and that fills me up.
• 24:58
  Speaker 1: But if my love language was physical touch and my spouse refused to speak to me in that way, I would have a large void, and so that's just something to take notice of.
• 25:17
  Speaker 1: Main love language is that we have to make that a priority, because we are the only person that can really fill that specific need in the way it needs to be filled.
• 25:28
  Speaker 1: So just a free side note there, that was something that was pointed out to me that I thought really was important.
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: It doesn't mean that it's a more important love language than others.
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: It just has a different level of responsibility on the spouse that needs to show love in that way.
• 25:45
  Speaker 1: So ways that you could show this with your children would be sitting near to them, yelling group hug and making the whole family come together and have a group hug, or holding their hand while you go on a walk or watching a show with them at the couch and snuggling them in.
• 25:58
  Speaker 1: It could be creating a special handshake for your kid where just the two of you know that and it's a way for them to leave the car or to come home at the end of the day after school and it's just that quick physical touch that lets them know I love you, I see you.
• 26:12
  Speaker 1: So that's just kind of a real quick overview.
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: There are so many, so many different books, podcasts, articles.
• 26:19
  Speaker 1: You could go and find a plethora of resources on this topic and I'm sure a lot of you already know this.
• 26:26
  Speaker 1: I am going to include a handful of different free quizzes that you can take that you can print out for your kids.
• 26:32
  Speaker 1: Again, it is important that you read, evaluate these every couple of years and for kids who are really really little I've loved the idea that I heard someone say is if you have really small kids maybe kindergarten or younger, and the quizzes might be a little bit overwhelming ask them to draw a picture of a mom who's loving her kid and see what they draw.
• 26:53
  Speaker 1: Are they bringing gifts, are they hugging them?
• 26:55
  Speaker 1: Are they sitting talking?
• 26:56
  Speaker 1: It's very interesting to see what children will draw if you just simply ask draw a picture of a mom who's showing that she loves her kid, or draw a picture of a dad or a sister who loves her brother, and see what they do and what they draw to express that very question.
• 27:11
  Speaker 1: So that's going to wrap it up for today.
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: You guys Be sure to look for information in the show notes on Instagram how to get into this amazing drawing for all of my favorite things.
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: I am so excited to be able to love on somebody, and hopefully the person that gets this, their love language, is receiving gifts because they will be filled to the brim.
• 27:30
  Speaker 1: So check the show notes for the information.
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: Otherwise, on Instagram and Facebook, be sure to enter all the rules and the details will be listed there.
• 27:38
  Speaker 1: So until next week, friends, take care.