Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / You can't make a narcissist happy

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You can't make a narcissist happy · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, beautiful people.
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  Today we're going to be talking about how you cannot make a
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  narcissist happy for a long period of time.
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  If you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock.
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  I'm a clinically diagnosed narcissist and welcome to
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  another episode of The Narcissist Code.
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  So boom, welcome back, welcome back, welcome back folks.
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  Yes, you like y'all. I don't.
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  Let me go ahead and preface this by saying I know that a lot of
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  people are might be slightly triggered or might not like this
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  video or what I'm talking about, but it's I feel like it's a
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  necessary topic to talk about because I don't like people or
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  see people wasting their time and wasting their energy and
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  their resources trying to make someone happy.
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  Like pouring more water into a, a cup with a hole in it, right?
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  That's what my goal is to try to help people live more happy,
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  authentic lives. Whether you are a narcissist or
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  a impact or, you know, whatever you consider yourself.
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  So I know this video is going to hurt some people's feelings, but
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  it's not the intent. The intent is to kind of, you
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  know, wake it up intent. You know, I always say impact
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  over intent. So, but I know I understand the
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  OR the impact of this video probably is going to be, but I
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  have to say it y'all, you can't make a narcissist happy for a
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  long period of time. You notice I say for a long
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  period of time because I do think that narcissists have to
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  be the ability to be happy or experience happiness in spurts.
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  What I mean by spurts is like little short bursts of
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  happiness. I feel like a lot of
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  narcissists, a lot of narcissistic people's lives are
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  consumed with the pursuit of happiness by the pursuit of
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  happiness by going out here trying to find a way to make
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  themselves happy. I do believe that's what happens
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  to a lot of narcissistic people, right?
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  They're out here trying to find a way to make themselves happy
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  and they just fail at it. They find that, you know, by
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  trying to make themselves happy, they end up hurting a lot of
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  people. They end up doing a lot of
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  damage to a lot of people. So that I'm not trying to make
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  it seem like narcissists or some kind of Saints out here and just
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  like, hey, hey guys, they're just, they're just, they're
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  pursuing happiness. So forgive them and give them
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  some grace. No, because their pursuit of
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  happiness a lot, a lot of times leaves a trail of damage.
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  And you know, it leaves a trail of hurt people and damage
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  people. That happens quite a bit, right?
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  So that happens, that happens a lot.
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  So if you're dealing with a narcissistic person, this is one
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  of the things that you have to understand that you, it's not
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  your responsibility to give your life up to sacrifice your life
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  and your happiness for this person.
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  I know people, you know, people just like, well, Lee, that's
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  what love is. Love is sacrifice.
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  Love is sacrifice. But what are you getting out of
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  it? You know, is it is your love
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  being reciprocated? I know people going to say,
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  well, Lee, you're a narcissist, so you would understand.
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  I understand a lot, y'all. I understand that you can't make
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  this type of person happy, this type of personality dynamic.
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  You can't make them, you can't completely fulfill them.
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  So what I'm telling you is you're going to waste a lot of
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  time trying to because like I said, they can experience
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  happiness in like little short bursts.
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  I'm happy for a little while. Y'all been following me for any
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  period of time. Y'all know, I'll talk about when
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  I graduated from college. My college graduation is one of
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  those times where I, you know, I expected to be happy for a long
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  period of time. Like I got this momentous
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  achievement in my life, like I've been, I've been wanting to
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  graduate with with my degree. I got my degree.
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  I should be happy for a long period of time, right, But I'm
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  not like it didn't make me happy to do that.
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  It didn't make me happy to to you know, it made me happy when
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  I, when I walked across the stage, they called my name, they
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  said DeMar and Hammond. So I walked across the stage,
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  right, got my got my degree or had my diploma, shook the
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  person's hand, walked down the stage and immediately when I sat
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  back down, when I get back to my seat, the happiness, the
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  excitement was gone. It was like, OK, what's next?
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  My mind immediately went to what's next, What's next on this
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  list? So I need, I need something else
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  to fulfill me and I need it right now.
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  So what's next on this fulfillment list?
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  What's next on this list of things that can make me happy,
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  that can that can fulfill me, that can, you know, give me some
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  type of burst of image or something like that?
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  What's next on this list? It's always what's next.
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  It's always what's better. It's always it's there's
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  something like they're always on the pursuit.
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  So you can make them happy for a little burst of time.
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  But yeah, when I say little spurts, I mean, it doesn't mean
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  like a couple of minutes. My my college graduation story
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  was a couple of minutes of happiness, right?
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  You can make them happy for a couple of weeks, maybe a couple
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  of months, maybe it was like a year or so.
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  Everybody, I feel like everybody's going to be
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  different. But once that happiness wears
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  off, they need another hit. You know, happiness.
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  Damn, there is like a drug that you know, they, they want that
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  dopamine hit. They want that, they want to be,
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  they want to feel good, right? So they need it.
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  So they pursue it consistently. They pursue it.
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  They they're after it. They want it so damn bad that
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  they're willing to sacrifice you to get it.
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  Like you made them happy for a little while, but you no longer
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  make them happy. You know, they no longer get the
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  feeling that they want to get from you, right?
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  Whatever supply that they've been getting from from you has
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  run out. Whatever supply that they've
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  been getting from you has, you know, recent expiration day is,
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  is, is completely ran out. So that happens quite a bit in
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  these spaces right here. It does.
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  So I'm trying to convey the people and trying to commit the
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  people like, hey, this is how things are going to go.
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  It really is. So if you're dealing with a
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  narcissistic toxic person, these are the things you have to think
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  about. Like how much more are you
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  willing to give this person to try to make them happy, to try
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  to make them smile, to try to make them, you know, to try to,
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  you know, to try to make them get out of their funk because of
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  funk. FUNKA lot of people, a lot of
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  y'all can sense it when they're in one of those funks.
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  You're not. Let me say this right here
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  before I hop into that. I do think that a lot of
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  narcissists are in these unhappiness spells because
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  narcissism, I feel like you know, this is just me is
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  accompanied by depression. A lot of times, right?
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  Narcissism is accompanied by depression is accompanied by,
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  you know, by being unhappy by, you know, depression is damn
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  near unhappiness all the time. But if you get depressed, so you
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  need that high, you need that new supply.
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  So narcissistic people will absolutely replace you because
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  you no longer make them happy. And it has nothing to do with
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  you. It's just their weight as they
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  feel. It's their minds.
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  The mind, the look, the mind shuts it off.
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  It no longer feels the same anymore.
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  So instead of trying to work on it, they get rid of it.
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  They try to replace it. They try to go seek another
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  high. You know, that's why I just tell
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  people it's always, they always, they always think there's better
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  out there for them. Like there, there's more
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  narcissistic supply, there's a greater stunt more, there's a
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  greater source of narcissistic supply out there.
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  And I'm right here. I'm out here settling for this.
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  I deserve more. I want more.
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  I need more. So they go out there and try to
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  get more because that's what they feel like they deserve.
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  And I'm not let y'all, this is not me trying to say that you're
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  not worth anything. Like please don't take it that
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  way because I know, right? So I start talking like that
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  people was like, well, it was very hurtful what you said,
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  y'all? That's not what I'm saying.
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  I'm saying that you can't make them happy for a long period of
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  time because you just don't you, you can't rewire their minds.
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  Like you can try to do all the stuff that you want to do.
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  You can like, yeah, the crazy thing about it is you can do
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  everything that that person requires of you.
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  That person is asking them. You can do absolutely every
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  single thing that that person has been begging you to do.
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  They might accept it, they might like it for a little bit, but
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  then after a day or two or whenever it wears off and
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  they're right back to that person they were when they were
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  treating you badly. That's what I'm saying.
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  So many people are willing to, and I've asked people this,
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  I've, you know, so believe when I say I've asked people this
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  question before, like, are you willing to sacrifice your own
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  happiness for this person? And some people's like, I know
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  it sounds bad, but yes, I just want, you know, those people,
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  you know, I also recommend, look, if you feeling this way,
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  were you willing to sacrifice yourself for the shot at making
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  this person happy, then it might be time for you to sit down with
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  a, you know, a licensed clinical therapist or psychologist or
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  somebody, a counselor. And this is what I'm, this is
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  me. When I'm doing coaching calls,
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  I'm talking to people one-on-one.
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  This is what I'm telling them. I'm like, look, you might need
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  to sit down and talk to a counselor because you don't want
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  to sacrifice yourself for this person.
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  If there's no like if you don't get anything in return, like
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  like sacrificing your freedom for somebody like you taking the
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  crime, like you and your you and your partner do a crime
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  together, right? And they tell you that's like,
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  look, both of y'all going to jail unless one of y'all admit
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  to it. Your partner is quiet as hell.
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  And then you you take the charges and you go to jail for
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  three years. And why you in jail like the
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  first second? Why the first day?
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  Why you in jail? That was why the new you at
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  least want to get some type of loyalty or some type of a reward
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  for it. I know that's not everybody's
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  intent really for you, when you're a certain type of person,
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  you do you do things with no reward in mind.
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  Now there has to like, it doesn't have to be a reward.
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  At least you at least survival, at least guarantee yourself some
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  type of survival in this aspect, in this, in this instance right
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  here, right? At least that's the least you
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  want to get. That's the the least you want to
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  guarantee yourself. Maybe not equality in the
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  relationship, but something, something a splash or something.
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  Give me something right? You should be able to expect
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  something from this person, am I right?
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  Am I right? You should be able to.
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  So it's just like if I say it's you can't make them happy for
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  long periods of time. Y'all say short period.
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  And once you make them happy one way that way, typically the way
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  you made them happy originally, typically that words off very
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  quickly because now they're they want something else.
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  Like it's kind of like, you know, if you tickle, if you
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  tickle somebody in the same spot enough, they lose that they,
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  they don't, they, they eventually no longer become
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  ticklish in that same spot. So you have to try to tickle
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  somewhere else. You know what I mean?
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  Tickling the ivories. What did they come for?
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  It's a movie. I can't remember where it came
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  from, but that's what happens. Like it's, you can't make them
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  happy for a long time now, because I do, I do believe that
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  most of the artists possess the ability to be happy, but the
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  ability to stay happy and, and stay continuously involved and
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  to stay continuously, you know, in, in the relationship with you
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  and whatnot. That's a very difficult thing to
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  do. So again, I'm not making this
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  video to hurt your feelings, to make you sad or anything like
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  that. I'm just making this video to
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  raise awareness for you so you don't waste so much time giving
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  your all to a person and getting nothing in return.
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  Like when you like literally breaking yourself, harming
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  yourself to try to make this person happy.
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  Hey, I don't I don't want to do an open relationship, but if
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  that was going to make you happy, let's do it.
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  And then then they leave you for the person that y'all open the
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  relationship up for. You know, you couldn't find out
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  that they were already dealing with this person before.
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  And it's y'all it's it's crazy the things that they can talk
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  you into doing that you don't actually want to do, but you're
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  willing to try to make them happy.
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  You know, it's commendable to try to make somebody else happy
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  because you know, it's like to give to give something to
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  somebody else, but like to give it all and leave yourself
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  broken. This y'all, it's it's healing
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  season. Healing season is May through
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  July, May is May from May to May, from May 2024 to May 2025.
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  That's what healing season is y'all.
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  But anyway, y'all, thank you for tuning in to another episode.
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  Make sure you check out my my courses and my support groups
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  courses.mentalillness.net. Thank you so much.
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  I'm out. Peace.
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  Thank you so much for making it to the end of my video.
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  I am extremely grateful for you have no idea.
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  If you haven't already, make sure you go ahead and subscribe
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  to the channel helps reach more people and click on the screen
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  to watch another video or to browse through another playlist.
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  There's also a link on the screen to check out my courses
• 12:13
  and my support groups to help you heal and understand what
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  you've been through. Thank you so much again.
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  I will see you in the next video.
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  Peace.