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In A Coma For Days - What He Saw Will Blow Your Mind · Prioritize Your Life

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: There may have been significant effort to stay there. That
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: it's a blessing to have seen and felt what I felt,
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: even if I didn't fully understand where I was.
• 0:20
  Speaker 2: Welcome to Prioritize Your Life and PrioritizeYourLife.com. I'm excited today
• 0:25
  Speaker 2: to be meeting with Travis Shreve.
• 0:28
  Speaker 3: Excited to be here.
• 0:29
  Speaker 2: I know that you've had an experience, but I know
• 0:32
  Speaker 2: honestly nothing about it. That's what I know is that
• 0:35
  Speaker 2: you've had an experience. So that's kind of how I
• 0:37
  Speaker 2: like to keep it.
• 0:38
  Speaker 3: Awesome.
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: My experience started, it was a tax season.
• 0:42
  Speaker 3: I'm an accountant.
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: I was very overweight at the time. And it was
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: an extended tax season because of COVID. And so it
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: extended into May. And I had just been sitting there working. eating, working, eating,
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: you know, not really nothing physical. And it was, yeah,
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: it was peak COVID, hospitals were kind of overrun. And
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: I was a little detached from maybe my health status.
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: I didn't, I didn't realize I was as unhealthy as
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: I was at the moment.
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  Speaker 3: I never had real problems.
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: I have asthma, but it's never been really a problem
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: at all. So, but anyway, so I, I had COVID.
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: I knew I had COVID and it got pretty bad.
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: And my wife took me to the emergency room. Everything
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: was okay. They gave me oxygen. I slept and had
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: oxygen and had a really kind.
• 1:44
  Speaker 3: Of a weird weekend. I don't remember much.
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: I watched a lot of TV, watched movies and slept
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: a lot, a lot more than I ever have in
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: my life. Um, but I started to feel a little
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: bit better on, on Sunday evening. Um, my wife was
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: getting a little impatient with me. She had been, you know,
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: really taking care of me a lot and, and she'd
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: kind of expressed that frustration and I thought I was
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: doing better. So when I said this, it wasn't, it
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: wasn't totally honest, but I, I just, I kind of
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: gave her a guilt trip. I said, what if, you know,
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  Speaker 1: what if this really is bad? What if I don't
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  Speaker 1: make it? Um, And it was true, but I didn't
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: think it was true when I was saying it. But
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: I just said, I need you to be patient with me.
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: What if this was terrible? What if this gets really bad?
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: And she felt a little bad. And that day I
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: was feeling better. I started feeling better and better. But
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: we still knew that it was serious enough that we
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: had an appointment scheduled the next morning. And my wife
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: had called my mom. She was going to come and
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: get the kids. And we were just going to go.
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: It was Monday morning. It was May 17th on an
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: extended tax deadline. And I walked downstairs and it was
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: a lot of effort to get down the stairs. And
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: I said to my wife, how far away is my mom?
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: And she said, she just left Sandy, which was about
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: 25 minutes away. And I said, I was really struggling
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  Speaker 1: to breathe and I said, call an ambulance. There was
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: kind of a piece of furniture in our hallway. My
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: wife had just camped out with the kids in our
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: living room the night before. And so we had some
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: furniture in the hallway and I just kind of positioned
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: myself above the couch and just kind of fell onto
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: the couch. I remember little bits of the ambulance ride.
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: but really not much of that. My mother did arrive eventually.
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: So my wife left the kids with her. She came
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: to the hospital. The thing I had told her the
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: night before was this dumb guilt trip that I maybe
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: didn't mean at the time, but I left her with
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: this guilt trip, but I almost left her with something
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  Speaker 1: worse because when she arrived at the hospital, now I
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: don't remember this in my defense, I don't remember this,
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  Speaker 1: but she came up to me and I had Things
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  Speaker 1: on my chest, you know, I had a bare chest
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  Speaker 1: and they had sensors all over me. And I don't
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  Speaker 1: remember this, but I said, I, you know, I pulled
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: the oxygen off my mouth and said something and she
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: came closer and she said, what was that?
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  Speaker 3: And I said, did you come to see my nipples?
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  Speaker 1: And at that time, because of the seriousness, my wife
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  Speaker 1: thought that those were going to be my last words.
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  Speaker 3: Obviously they're not, I'm here. Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: But she thought those were my last words. And she
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  Speaker 1: was a little bit furious. But immediately after that, they
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  Speaker 1: put a tube down into my lungs to give me air.
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  Speaker 1: And I really violently reacted to that. I don't remember
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  Speaker 1: any of that, but I violently reacted to that. And
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  Speaker 1: this was about the time where people were really becoming
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: aware of intubation and and the seriousness of that. And, um,
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  Speaker 1: the word was moving around the neighborhood quick, uh, you know, frankly,
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: moving around the world quick. I have a lot of friends,
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: even in the Philippines that, that kind of knew of
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: my situation and the, the word was moving around and
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: the consensus was mostly he's, he's going to die. There
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: were not a lot of people that coming out of
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: intubation at that time. Um, but, uh, You know, I'm religious.
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: My next door neighbor came over. He's the bishop of
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: our faith, and he gave me a blessing. And he
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: felt inspired to say, to bless that I would survive
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: this if I would fight. But he felt there was
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  Speaker 1: a big if there.
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  Speaker 3: It just felt really.
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  Speaker 1: He went back home and just told his wife, like,
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  Speaker 1: I said if. there was if in there. Um, and just,
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  Speaker 1: he didn't understand why, but he just felt, um, like
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  Speaker 1: that was so contingent and, and, and really, really worried. Um,
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  Speaker 1: my father had just seen me violently react to that.
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: And while they were still in the hospital, my, my
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  Speaker 1: dad said to, to my wife, he said, you need
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: to tell, tell the kids. And she said, tell them what?
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: And he said, You need to tell the kids he's
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: not going to make it. He was that sure. I
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: was in this comatose state, but they all continued to
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: pray for me. While I was in this comatose state,
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: I was a little more aware than I would ever
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: want to be. And what that meant is that I
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: was seeing the nurses come in. I was very aware
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: of them. They were coming in. They were looking at me.
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  Speaker 1: They wouldn't talk to me. I thought that because talking
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  Speaker 1: is so second nature, I thought that I was able
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  Speaker 1: to communicate with them, but I wasn't. And they were
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  Speaker 1: just ignoring me. And I just felt that something was
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  Speaker 1: dangerously wrong. And that, you know, basically that week and
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: a half felt like three months. As soon as I
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: was able to speak, it felt like I was there
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  Speaker 1: for three months. And it was the most terrifying thing
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  Speaker 1: of my life. Times 10, I was fighting to breathe.
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: If I had understood, I could have simply said, this
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: machine is breathing for me. But I fought and I
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: fought and I fought to breathe. And there was a
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  Speaker 1: point at which I, now I really wasn't able to
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: do things on my own, but there was a point
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  Speaker 1: where I felt such exhaustion that I just felt like
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  Speaker 1: This is my last breath. This is my last ounce
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  Speaker 1: of energy. This is my last breath. And I gave
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  Speaker 1: my last bit of effort.
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  Speaker 3: And I was alive. And it was terrifying to.
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  Speaker 1: Think that I was still alive, still a little bit aware.
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  Speaker 1: Not able to communicate or anything like that, but I
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: was still a little bit aware. And I was in
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: such a dark place, feeling like they didn't care about me,
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: like they just wanted me to die. And I thought,
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  Speaker 1: why can't they just let me die? Why can't they
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  Speaker 1: let me die now? Why are they extending this? And I,
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  Speaker 1: you know, for moments there, I thought, if I could
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: get up out of this chair, I would find a
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  Speaker 1: way to die. And, you know, kind of at the
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  Speaker 1: last minute, now I don't necessarily believe this way, but
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  Speaker 1: I thought if I were To not fight, I thought,
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  Speaker 1: I'm going to go to hell if I don't fight.
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  Speaker 1: And I don't believe that way. But at the time,
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  Speaker 1: I just was in such a crisis that I felt
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  Speaker 1: like I was facing hell. Like that was the thing
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  Speaker 1: that was in front of me. And I felt this
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  Speaker 1: overwhelming guilt that I would be leaving my children, but
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  Speaker 1: also just felt that there was no way that I
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  Speaker 1: could escape this situation. but I felt like I was
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  Speaker 1: there for months, and I felt like it was so,
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  Speaker 1: so dark, and yet at the brink of just devastation,
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  Speaker 1: I was just somewhere else I was somewhere else and
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  Speaker 1: every moment in the hospital.
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  Speaker 3: Was disastrous it was I just.
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  Speaker 1: I couldn't understand why they would inhibit my breathing it
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  Speaker 1: was a misunderstanding it wasn't the nurses were great doctors
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  Speaker 1: were great but I didn't understand that and and so
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  Speaker 1: every moment was dark until it wasn't and until my
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  Speaker 1: body was so weak that I was elsewhere and I
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  Speaker 1: was um I I did I found myself elsewhere and
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  Speaker 1: it was it was beautiful it was white and it
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  Speaker 1: was clean and My first thoughts were, now I don't
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  Speaker 1: think I was allowed to understand where I was at,
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: but my first thoughts were, this must be, you know,
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  Speaker 1: this must be virtual reality because I've never seen a
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: place that looks this clean and smells this nice and
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  Speaker 1: is this well built. I was in this building that
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  Speaker 1: it was as if it had been molded. 3D printed
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  Speaker 1: out of a pearl element. And light just kind of
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: escaped from every surface. There was no light bulbs, but
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: there was light everywhere. But the thing that told me
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  Speaker 1: that this was not Earth, basically, was that it was
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  Speaker 1: so clean. Everything was just flawlessly clean. There wasn't a
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: single problem, a single scratch and anything. Everything was so
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  Speaker 1: perfect in this other place and had this strong feeling
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  Speaker 1: that it had been connected. On my behalf, it had
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  Speaker 1: been connected. This way had been connected that I was there.
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  Speaker 1: But at this time, I had totally forgotten that crisis,
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  Speaker 1: that what felt like a month's long crisis I had
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  Speaker 1: totally forgotten about that and I just sat in this
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  Speaker 1: place and admired the beauty and and for a time
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  Speaker 1: there was I knew there were two people I don't
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  Speaker 1: know why I knew there was a second person because
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  Speaker 1: I didn't I didn't see a shadow I didn't I
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: didn't hear anything I I just knew there were two
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  Speaker 1: people one of those people I could see and it
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  Speaker 1: was as if um For a time, it was as
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  Speaker 1: if there was kind of a separation between.
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  Speaker 3: Her and myself.
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  Speaker 1: But I saw her and felt no impatience. I just
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  Speaker 1: was in this place. And for the first time ever,
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: time didn't matter. I didn't feel an urgency to do anything,
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: to speak to anybody. I just was in this place
• 13:07
  Speaker 1: and felt totally calmed. And eventually, this woman who was there,
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: she approached. And our interactions were beautiful. I immediately felt
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: like I knew her. And for a moment there, I
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: thought about asking her name and asking the name of
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: this other person that I was aware of. And real quickly,
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: I was kind of embarrassed, like, I know this woman.
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  Speaker 1: How can I ask her her name? And so I
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: didn't ask the question. I didn't ask the question. I
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: just adored this woman. I just looked at this woman
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  Speaker 1: and just could not get.
• 13:55
  Speaker 3: Over her beauty.
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  Speaker 1: But I felt this massive feeling of love that I've
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: never felt on this earth. And And even before she approached,
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  Speaker 1: I just felt that love. I felt overcome with love
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  Speaker 1: and understood that this was a special place. We continued
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: to interact. Much of it, she wasn't speaking. I didn't
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: see her mouth move, but I almost always heard a voice.
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  Speaker 1: And then in some of it, it was like information
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  Speaker 1: was downloaded. I immediately understood that this woman was very
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: interested and very concerned about my children. It just meant
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  Speaker 1: a lot to me, and I understood that she was
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: a very important person in my life. To the point
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: that when I was back in the hospital, I tried
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: to explain it fruitlessly.
• 14:55
  Speaker 3: I really struggled.
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: But I felt that closeness, and I felt a love
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: for her And I felt an absolute adoration of this woman.
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: There was a power that she was taking care. She
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: was taking care of so much in my life. But
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: at one point she finally had to tell me, hey,
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: you are in the hospital dying. She had to tell
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: me that because where I was, that had no meaning,
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: that had.
• 15:28
  Speaker 3: No importance to me.
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: That had All those worries were just gone. And the
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: really poignant thing about that is I had never experienced
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: something so awful in my life. You know, to be
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: fighting to breathe and not understand that the machine is
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: breathing for me, but to fight and fight and fight
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: and feel like I'm dying, I'm dying, I'm dying.
• 15:55
  Speaker 3: Why won't I die?
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: You know, to that point, to where I just, I
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: was so devastated that I... wasn't dying, but then to
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: be somewhere where I had almost totally forgotten that that's
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: the state I.
• 16:12
  Speaker 3: Was just in, to.
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: Feel such love and such beauty that I had to
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: be reminded, hey, your body is in the hospital dying.
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: That's how beautiful it was. But we went on and
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: we interacted and at some point, at some point she
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: laughed at me. But it wasn't, it wasn't some offensive,
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: you know, I'm right, you're wrong laugh or you're an
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: idiot laugh. It was, you know, I've got a six-year-old
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: kid who, he'll be turning six and he says the
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: silliest things and I just hear those things and I
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: just love him.
• 16:57
  Speaker 3: I laugh and I love him. And it was that
• 17:00
  Speaker 3: same feeling, just like, I love you.
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: You know, a little bit of, okay, you don't get it,
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: but I love you. That's what the laugh felt like.
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: And that's the one moment where I remember her mouth
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: actually moving as she was vocalizing anything. But she laughed,
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: and in that laughter, I just felt absolute love.
• 17:29
  Speaker 3: Coming from her.
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: And I just understood that she was such an important
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: person in my life. Well, soon enough, I found myself
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: back in the hospital. And, you know, there may have
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: been some signs that I was slightly aware in the hospital.
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: They started to turn the TVs on and they just,
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: it was a little bit horrifying. because once again, I'm
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: back in the hospital and I'm, I'm under the influence
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: of whatever it is to, to keep me in this
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: comatose state, but I'm not totally there. And, you know,
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: they've got Transformers, Dark of the Moon, which to me
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: is kind of a horror movie now because, because I
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: was so helpless and, you know, even under, misunderstanding the
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: premise of, of the film. And, Um, you know, there
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: was even a point where, you know, I, I think it's, no,
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: it was a different movie, but there's John Malkovich in a,
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: in a different movie. And I, I wanted to tell
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: everybody that I knew him. And then I realized like,
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: I can't talk to anybody.
• 18:44
  Speaker 3: I can't talk.
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: Uh, I wanted to send a secret message to John Malkovich,
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: but I, I struggled. I, I was so once again, even,
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: even in such a silly atmosphere, just, mindless movies, now
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: that I'm back in the hospital, I'm in this state
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: of just helplessness. And everything is a chore. Everything is,
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: I'm just struggling. And I'm just terrified. The nurses are
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: doing the same thing. They're coming in and they're leaving
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: and they're not acknowledging me. They're They're looking at my arms.
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: They're looking at things in their hand. They're looking at
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: the equipment, writing down numbers. But they're not looking at me.
• 19:37
  Speaker 2: As far as they're concerned, you're just a vegetable at
• 19:39
  Speaker 2: that point.
• 19:40
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: But I misunderstood it to the point that I thought
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: that they wanted me dead.
• 19:46
  Speaker 3: Yeah. Just, you know, a misunderstanding.
• 19:50
  Speaker 1: But, so it got really bad again, and once again
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: I found myself elsewhere.
• 19:56
  Speaker 3: And it was a.
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: Little bit more immediate this time, where she just said,
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: everything's going to be okay. And this wasn't spoken in words,
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: but this was as if it was downloaded to me
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: that she she did say that in words everything's going
• 20:14
  Speaker 1: to be okay but then she had spoken to me
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: almost through downloaded information to say that she somehow intervened
• 20:23
  Speaker 1: in my behalf i don't know what that was whether
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: she you know impressed something upon a doctor's mind or
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: or you know pled with god on my behalf i
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: i don't know what that was but i i came
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: to understand that um.
• 20:41
  Speaker 3: She did, in.
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: Fact, intervene on my behalf. And I just knew it.
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: I knew that everything was going to be okay. I
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: knew that she loved me. I knew that she had
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: intervened on my behalf. And that was enough. So for
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: that interaction, that was about it. And I soon found
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: myself back in the hospital. And in the hospital, nothing changed.
• 21:08
  Speaker 1: It was still.
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: This misunderstanding of what was going on.
• 21:15
  Speaker 3: But I knew, I.
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: Don't know how to explain it, but I knew the
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: truth of what she said. And so even though I
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: still misunderstood what was going on, in my mind, I
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: just knew that she had found a way out for
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: me and that I was going to be okay. And
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: a little bit of time passed And I just had
• 21:43
  Speaker 1: that confidence. The struggle with the nurses, they don't care
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: about me, but she has come through for me. I
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: was becoming more aware and they were able.
• 21:55
  Speaker 3: To speak with me.
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: I was able to mumble some things and communicate a
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: little bit. And there was one part where I just,
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: I still was in not a very lucid state, or
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: not a state where I could speak very well. And
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: one last time I was shown an image. And it's
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: like I wasn't allowed to fully remember this image. But
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: in that image, there was my family. And there were
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: a couple of other individuals there. And she spoke to
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: me one more time. I wasn't, I was in the hospital.
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: This was my only moment of peace in the hospital
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: but she spoke to me one more time and she
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: said everything's going to be okay we'll we will be
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: whole again and um I felt something special about that
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: I felt something special even in the the way that
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: image had been showed to me that there were even
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: colors that were you know specific and special to me
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: and uh but at the same time I thought okay,
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: this lady's great, but why we?
• 23:14
  Speaker 3: We will be whole again.
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: And in my misunderstanding, I started thinking around, and I
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: actually started worrying.
• 23:24
  Speaker 3: I thought, okay, when I get.
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: Back home, once I get out of this, we need
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: to open up our basement, and we need to let
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: this woman come and live in our basement. This was
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: more real than anything, and it felt like like I
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: had been living my whole life to get to that place. Like,
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: now that they had connected, now that things were connected.
• 23:53
  Speaker 3: I was there.
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: And it had even been told to me, kind of
• 23:59
  Speaker 1: downloaded to me, that I would be back there soon enough.
• 24:01
  Speaker 1: And sometimes I unfortunately think that soon enough isn't as
• 24:07
  Speaker 1: soon as I want it. You know, not that I
• 24:11
  Speaker 1: have any desire to speed up this life too much
• 24:17
  Speaker 1: or anything. You know, I do sometimes feel like maybe
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: it was soon enough in their terms. Meaning that once
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: I go back, it will feel like a blip. Just
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: like that crisis I experienced in the hospital was such
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: an unimportant thing as soon as.
• 24:36
  Speaker 3: I was there.
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: But I was back in the hospital and things, it
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: was rough. My hospital stay was tough. I knew the
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: nurses cared. Everything was improving in that stance, but I
• 24:53
  Speaker 1: was in a lot of pain. They had these containers
• 24:56
  Speaker 1: to capture, you know, if I coughed up blood or
• 25:00
  Speaker 1: anything and I had a little sucker and I think
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: I had filled something up that big twice, you know,
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: in the next week within the hospital. And had, if
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: it hadn't been peak COVID, they probably would have kept
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: me there another two weeks.
• 25:17
  Speaker 3: But because it was peak COVID, they.
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: Were kind of like, you're alive, throw you on a
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: wheelchair and get you home.
• 25:25
  Speaker 3: And, um, no, no, they made the right decision.
• 25:28
  Speaker 1: I'm not, I'm not saying they didn't, but I think
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: they would have made a different decision if, if there
• 25:33
  Speaker 1: weren't so many people hospitalized at that time.
• 25:37
  Speaker 3: But, um, I.
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: Went home and really felt sorry for myself. And part
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: of that feeling sorry for myself was I tried to
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: understand what I had seen and I tried to, through
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: the lens that I had viewed it, and I truly
• 25:59
  Speaker 1: think that I was absolutely not allowed to understand where
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: I was. Or else it would have been kind of like,
• 26:09
  Speaker 1: mindless guess like of course of course I was in
• 26:13
  Speaker 1: the spirit world of course I was on the other side.
• 26:17
  Speaker 3: It would have been it.
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: Was stereotypical right there was even at the in the
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: distance there was a little bit of haze a cloudy
• 26:25
  Speaker 1: haze and it just if I could present that image
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: to somebody they would say oh this guy is presenting
• 26:34
  Speaker 1: an image of heaven or of the spirit world as
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: it was more beautiful than anybody could have ever presented it,
• 26:42
  Speaker 1: I think that that possibility had been taken from me.
• 26:46
  Speaker 1: And so as I tried to understand what had happened,
• 26:49
  Speaker 1: I was mostly confused by this woman.
• 26:52
  Speaker 3: And I thought, okay, who is she? Is she a neighbor?
• 26:55
  Speaker 1: I know she takes care of my kids. I know
• 26:58
  Speaker 1: she loves my kids. Who is this woman? And that
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: was such a great concern to me is finding this woman.
• 27:06
  Speaker 1: And so I felt a little bit confused. I was
• 27:09
  Speaker 1: in a lot of pain and I struggled to breathe
• 27:14
  Speaker 1: throughout this. And so the next several weeks at home,
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: I would wake up 40, 50 times in a night,
• 27:23
  Speaker 1: just in a panic of, I can't breathe, I'm dying.
• 27:26
  Speaker 3: I can't breathe, I'm dying.
• 27:28
  Speaker 1: And I always had somebody by my bed, my wife,
• 27:31
  Speaker 1: my mom, my sister, They were always there, and it
• 27:38
  Speaker 1: always felt like an emergency to me. So I had
• 27:43
  Speaker 1: several weeks that I kind of departed from focusing on
• 27:51
  Speaker 1: what was important. And it wasn't until I began to
• 27:55
  Speaker 1: heal a little bit, I was able to finally walk upstairs.
• 27:59
  Speaker 1: They made a bed for me on the main floor,
• 28:01
  Speaker 1: but I was finally able to walk upstairs and And
• 28:04
  Speaker 1: I had a really good sleep. And by really good,
• 28:07
  Speaker 1: I mean about four hours of sleep. But I slept
• 28:11
  Speaker 1: about four hours and I woke up feeling really refreshed.
• 28:16
  Speaker 1: And I wasn't in tremendous pain. But I woke up
• 28:21
  Speaker 1: feeling really refreshed and I had my oxygen connected to
• 28:26
  Speaker 1: my nose.
• 28:26
  Speaker 3: And I.
• 28:28
  Speaker 1: Kind of walked into our master bathroom and I just,
• 28:32
  Speaker 1: you know, with all my energy, went and kind of
• 28:35
  Speaker 1: sat on the floor, just because I didn't want to
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: wake my wife up. But I felt like there was
• 28:41
  Speaker 1: something I needed to know. And I sat there on
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: the floor and I thought, okay, what is it? What
• 28:48
  Speaker 1: do I need to know? I nearly died. What are
• 28:52
  Speaker 1: the things that I need to know? And I thought,
• 28:55
  Speaker 1: I started kind of making a list in my mind
• 28:57
  Speaker 1: of all the things that I should be better at.
• 29:01
  Speaker 3: And I thought, I should work less.
• 29:05
  Speaker 1: I should spend more time with the kids. I, you know,
• 29:07
  Speaker 1: and really thought of the, the best things that I do,
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: how I could be doing them better. And the worst
• 29:13
  Speaker 1: things that I do, how I could, you know, stop
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: doing those things. And the impression kind of came to me, no,
• 29:20
  Speaker 1: that's not it. And I thought, of course, that's it. I,
• 29:25
  Speaker 1: I about died. I, I need to learn something. And
• 29:29
  Speaker 1: it just, the idea that's not it. And As I
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: sat there on the on the floor, the image came
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: back into my mind. Uh, not, not, not the individual
• 29:43
  Speaker 1: image that was showed to me, but I basically real
• 29:47
  Speaker 1: relived that interaction with this woman. Uh, and, and keep
• 29:52
  Speaker 1: in mind during these weeks, I never could get that
• 29:55
  Speaker 1: woman's image out of my mind. Uh, particularly her voice
• 30:00
  Speaker 1: and most particularly her laugh.
• 30:05
  Speaker 3: That laugh is.
• 30:06
  Speaker 1: The most singular, beautiful memory of my life. And there's
• 30:12
  Speaker 1: even a neighbor, not a neighbor, she's an old friend.
• 30:18
  Speaker 1: And she has just a very slightly similar voice. And
• 30:23
  Speaker 1: I could go my life without ever seeing her again.
• 30:26
  Speaker 1: because her voice was just similar enough to this voice
• 30:30
  Speaker 1: that I heard. And I thought, you know, I don't
• 30:33
  Speaker 1: ever want that voice to take away from this voice
• 30:35
  Speaker 1: that I heard.
• 30:36
  Speaker 3: Kind of silly.
• 30:37
  Speaker 1: But I relived this memory and I heard her voice again.
• 30:45
  Speaker 1: And it hit me, this image, this woman's face who
• 30:48
  Speaker 1: had been on my mind this whole time, it immediately
• 30:53
  Speaker 1: became clear to me that this was family and this
• 30:55
  Speaker 1: was my mom, and this was my wife, and this.
• 31:01
  Speaker 3: Was our daughter.
• 31:03
  Speaker 1: This was, you know, I could see some characteristics from
• 31:07
  Speaker 1: my side and from my wife's side, and I knew
• 31:10
  Speaker 1: immediately that this was my daughter. And I didn't want
• 31:15
  Speaker 1: to wake up my wife, but I started messaging her
• 31:18
  Speaker 1: at that time and.
• 31:21
  Speaker 3: Emailing my mom as well. I knew that my mom
• 31:25
  Speaker 3: and my wife would be interested to hear this.
• 31:28
  Speaker 1: But, you know, I had talked to my wife about,
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: I had called the place something. I had called it
• 31:37
  Speaker 1: Avonlea Way. I don't even know if that's what I said,
• 31:41
  Speaker 1: but that's what she heard. And so she had jotted
• 31:43
  Speaker 1: some things like that down in her journal. But I
• 31:48
  Speaker 1: saw a place. I did see a place. And I
• 31:51
  Speaker 1: tried to explain it as if things had been connected
• 31:54
  Speaker 1: and But it was at this moment that I realized
• 31:58
  Speaker 1: everything that I had seen. I had seen my daughter.
• 32:02
  Speaker 1: My daughter, Whitney, had passed away at 16 months. And
• 32:09
  Speaker 1: this beautiful woman that I was speaking to was my daughter.
• 32:14
  Speaker 1: And it all made sense. It made sense why I
• 32:19
  Speaker 1: wasn't allowed to know where I was. It made sense
• 32:22
  Speaker 1: why my next-door neighbor was concerned about that if. Why
• 32:29
  Speaker 1: that there was even an if that I would fight.
• 32:32
  Speaker 1: It made sense that I wasn't allowed to know her
• 32:35
  Speaker 1: name or who she was because for a lot of
• 32:42
  Speaker 1: years and my last memory of Whitney was the doctors
• 32:52
  Speaker 1: trying to resuscitate her we knew she had a shortened life.
• 32:58
  Speaker 1: She had a genetic condition. But my last memory was,
• 33:02
  Speaker 1: it was not a beautiful memory.
• 33:06
  Speaker 3: So often, as I thought.
• 33:07
  Speaker 1: Of Whitney, that's what I saw. And to be there
• 33:13
  Speaker 1: in this woman's presence, and I felt all those same
• 33:16
  Speaker 1: feelings that a father would feel to his daughter. When
• 33:21
  Speaker 1: I looked at her and adored her, and stared at her.
• 33:25
  Speaker 1: It was all through the lens of a father. It was,
• 33:29
  Speaker 1: even when I was in the hospital, I thought, why,
• 33:31
  Speaker 1: why was it okay that I just looked at her like,
• 33:35
  Speaker 1: you know, why, why was it okay that I just
• 33:38
  Speaker 1: adored this woman? And it all became apparent that all
• 33:44
  Speaker 1: those interactions were the same. A father to his daughter, just,
• 33:50
  Speaker 1: you know, as if, you hadn't seen your daughter in
• 33:53
  Speaker 1: all those years. And all of a sudden your adult
• 33:55
  Speaker 1: daughter is there and you just adore her. You're so
• 33:58
  Speaker 1: happy to see her. Those feelings were all as if
• 34:03
  Speaker 1: I knew, except I didn't. And this all came back
• 34:08
  Speaker 1: to me. This, this all, I just had realized this
• 34:13
  Speaker 1: at that time. And I also realized why she said
• 34:20
  Speaker 1: what she said. She said, we will we'll be whole again.
• 34:24
  Speaker 1: And it, it made perfect sense. It made perfect sense. And, um,
• 34:31
  Speaker 1: the one other item. So we lost Whitney at 16
• 34:35
  Speaker 1: months and we lost our son, Vincent with the same
• 34:38
  Speaker 1: genetic condition at eight years old.
• 34:41
  Speaker 3: And it was clear to me just clear as day that.
• 34:47
  Speaker 1: There was a reason I was allowed to know this
• 34:49
  Speaker 1: man was there, but, I was not allowed to see him.
• 34:54
  Speaker 3: Vincent.
• 34:55
  Speaker 2: You would have recognized him probably, right?
• 34:57
  Speaker 3: Absolutely.
• 34:58
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 34:58
  Speaker 3: Absolutely.
• 34:59
  Speaker 1: He was a little healthier. He was a little healthier
• 35:03
  Speaker 1: and he looked a little bit more like us. In fact,
• 35:06
  Speaker 1: I have a son now who looks a lot like him.
• 35:10
  Speaker 1: Somebody just walked into the house the other day and said,
• 35:13
  Speaker 1: why do you have a picture of just Raymond? And
• 35:15
  Speaker 1: his Raymond's sister said, that's Vincent.
• 35:18
  Speaker 3: And she said, I don't know, Vincent.
• 35:21
  Speaker 1: But the, the beauty of that, that, uh, I was
• 35:25
  Speaker 1: able to see things, but even if a little bit
• 35:28
  Speaker 1: was taken from me, um, and, and part of the
• 35:32
  Speaker 1: beauty of that is.
• 35:34
  Speaker 3: The importance of sticking around.
• 35:36
  Speaker 1: Because if I, if I had seen what I saw
• 35:39
  Speaker 1: and I knew what I was seeing, there may have
• 35:43
  Speaker 1: been significant effort to stay there.
• 35:47
  Speaker 3: There may have been effort to stay there.
• 35:49
  Speaker 1: And I feel that it's a blessing to have seen
• 35:53
  Speaker 1: and felt what I felt. Um, even if I didn't
• 35:58
  Speaker 1: fully understand where I was.
• 36:05
  Speaker 3: Oh man.
• 36:06
  Speaker 2: Just anytime, any story about parents and losing your kids
• 36:11
  Speaker 2: that just, first of all, I have, I have seven
• 36:14
  Speaker 2: kids and just that alone that you, you and your
• 36:16
  Speaker 2: wife have had to go through that.
• 36:18
  Speaker 3: That's, really hard.
• 36:20
  Speaker 2: And I can't imagine there's a lot of parents that
• 36:23
  Speaker 2: have gone through that. Um, but, uh, what a beautiful reminder.
• 36:28
  Speaker 2: And I think it's kind of interesting too. I don't
• 36:30
  Speaker 2: know that a lot of us necessarily think about, um,
• 36:34
  Speaker 2: the age of maybe our souls, but sometimes, sometimes I,
• 36:38
  Speaker 2: in fact, my own mom, she always would say to me, um,
• 36:42
  Speaker 2: that she thought I was a lot older than her.
• 36:44
  Speaker 2: She was like, I think you've been alive for eons
• 36:46
  Speaker 2: before you came here. And, um, I'm a very spiritual
• 36:50
  Speaker 2: person too. And at one point I had someone kind
• 36:53
  Speaker 2: of say a prayer over me, a blessing. And they
• 36:56
  Speaker 2: said that very thing about me that my mom had said,
• 36:59
  Speaker 2: not having known that. But that's a beautiful reminder for
• 37:03
  Speaker 2: any parents like you that have lost their child to
• 37:07
  Speaker 2: know that they are still there. And not only are
• 37:11
  Speaker 2: they still alive, but they're very aware of you. What
• 37:15
  Speaker 2: a beautiful thing to think about. even your children that
• 37:19
  Speaker 2: have passed that they're just, they're just, they're just waiting for.
• 37:22
  Speaker 3: You and aware of, of you and what you've gone through.
• 37:25
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 37:26
  Speaker 2: Um, that is just beautiful.
• 37:29
  Speaker 1: I've always been a believer and I've always felt like
• 37:31
  Speaker 1: they were in good hands, but I, you know, maybe
• 37:35
  Speaker 1: erroneously felt that they had better things to do than
• 37:39
  Speaker 1: to spend time, uh, worrying about us. But, but that,
• 37:44
  Speaker 1: that feeling of, uh, just that love and concern for me,
• 37:50
  Speaker 1: but especially for my kids.
• 37:54
  Speaker 3: I've always felt a little.
• 37:55
  Speaker 1: Ripped off that my younger kids didn't know Whitney and
• 38:00
  Speaker 1: they didn't know Vincent, and yet to have that overwhelming
• 38:05
  Speaker 1: feeling that more than myself, she has always watched over
• 38:09
  Speaker 1: her siblings.
• 38:12
  Speaker 3: And also that bond that.
• 38:14
  Speaker 1: You know, I think as a kid, I always, you know,
• 38:17
  Speaker 1: I grew up, there was probably some movie star like
• 38:21
  Speaker 1: Andy McDowell, right? Who was kind of the epitome of,
• 38:25
  Speaker 1: of like a beautiful, kind person. And, you know, somebody
• 38:31
  Speaker 1: that looks like Andy McDowell could have talked to me, but,
• 38:35
  Speaker 1: but to have somebody that looks like me, particularly where
• 38:40
  Speaker 1: my daughter was very disabled in this life, um, an
• 38:46
  Speaker 1: enlarged head, very, very skinny, a lot of veins.
• 38:50
  Speaker 3: She was very disabled in this life.
• 38:52
  Speaker 1: And to see somebody who looks like me and looks
• 38:56
  Speaker 1: like my wife, I mean, it's just the gravity of
• 39:00
  Speaker 1: that and the meaning of our decisions in this life
• 39:05
  Speaker 1: just is overwhelming to think about. That although that place
• 39:11
  Speaker 1: seems so just... infinite and beautiful compared to this, the decisions,
• 39:19
  Speaker 1: the things that we do here still have an effect.
• 39:24
  Speaker 3: In the long term.
• 39:26
  Speaker 1: But also, as you said, as I sat there, I
• 39:30
  Speaker 1: adored her, but there was also.
• 39:32
  Speaker 3: A reverence to her.
• 39:33
  Speaker 1: And in many ways, it felt like I was speaking
• 39:37
  Speaker 1: to my, for lack of a better word, my superior.
• 39:42
  Speaker 1: It felt like I was speaking to somebody who was
• 39:46
  Speaker 1: an older soul than myself. She looked 30, but in
• 39:51
  Speaker 1: a lot of ways, she just, every word she spoke
• 39:56
  Speaker 1: and every word, every concept downloaded was just powerful to me.
• 40:02
  Speaker 1: And to understand that there was some place where she
• 40:06
  Speaker 1: had intervened, I knew there was.
• 40:09
  Speaker 3: A power there.
• 40:10
  Speaker 1: It wasn't just a simple task, but there was some
• 40:14
  Speaker 1: enormous power.
• 40:16
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 40:17
  Speaker 2: Going through the experience that you've gone through um not
• 40:23
  Speaker 2: all of us will have those experiences and so we
• 40:26
  Speaker 2: kind of have to lean on faith of knowing whether
• 40:30
  Speaker 2: or not the afterlife is real whether or not we
• 40:32
  Speaker 2: get to see our loved ones again um maybe what
• 40:35
  Speaker 2: what advice would you have for people that are just
• 40:39
  Speaker 2: literally just like struggling with this life because i love
• 40:42
  Speaker 2: what you said that our decisions matter. And I really
• 40:46
  Speaker 2: think that's true. And even just you explaining this, honestly,
• 40:49
  Speaker 2: I had this spark go off inside of me of
• 40:52
  Speaker 2: something I'm always trying to do is be a better father.
• 40:55
  Speaker 2: But you can still see there's still a lot that
• 40:58
  Speaker 2: I could do better because, man, these important souls are
• 41:01
  Speaker 2: under my care. And I think sometimes we can almost
• 41:05
  Speaker 2: get complacent with that responsibility and we lose our temper.
• 41:08
  Speaker 3: And how dumb is that?
• 41:10
  Speaker 2: I mean, they're so important and special, way more than
• 41:14
  Speaker 2: whatever silly trivial thing that might upset us in that moment.
• 41:18
  Speaker 2: But yeah, maybe just any final thoughts that you might
• 41:20
  Speaker 2: have on kind of maybe enduring some of the difficulty
• 41:24
  Speaker 2: of this life, given your perspective with this experience.
• 41:29
  Speaker 3: I think that's a really good question.
• 41:30
  Speaker 1: And I think above all else, that would just be
• 41:39
  Speaker 1: the advice is to endure. And the reason I say
• 41:43
  Speaker 1: that Um, now I don't want to compare my situation.
• 41:47
  Speaker 1: I've had some tragedies in my life. Um, and, and
• 41:51
  Speaker 1: those that week and a half that felt like months
• 41:54
  Speaker 1: in the hospital, that felt like a major tragedy in
• 41:58
  Speaker 1: my life. But, but simply the idea that as I
• 42:02
  Speaker 1: crossed over, that that was nothing to me, I had
• 42:05
  Speaker 1: to be reminded that I was, that I was dying
• 42:09
  Speaker 1: in the hospital. That's how insignificant it was. And I
• 42:14
  Speaker 1: hope that that's the message that could go out there.
• 42:17
  Speaker 1: I don't think it's, you know, for somebody to grow
• 42:20
  Speaker 1: up in the most horrid of conditions, I have this
• 42:26
  Speaker 1: faith that as they cross over, they experience just tremendous
• 42:33
  Speaker 1: beauty to the point that all of that can be forgotten. Now,
• 42:38
  Speaker 1: it doesn't mean that we overlook those things, I think.
• 42:42
  Speaker 1: I feel a greater obligation to take care of people,
• 42:48
  Speaker 1: to do the right things and to take care of people.
• 42:51
  Speaker 1: But what I don't, I think the big difference is
• 42:56
  Speaker 1: a trust in God that as we fail and as
• 43:04
  Speaker 1: we experience these crises in our lives, that once we
• 43:09
  Speaker 1: cross over those things, can and will all be solved
• 43:13
  Speaker 1: that there's no there are failures throughout life and my
• 43:18
  Speaker 1: kids had the best doctors imports from Italy because they
• 43:23
  Speaker 1: were the best geneticists in the world and those doctors.
• 43:27
  Speaker 3: Failed great doctors but they.
• 43:29
  Speaker 1: Failed and I just have this overwhelming feeling that that
• 43:36
  Speaker 1: all can and will be made whole and particularly the
• 43:41
  Speaker 1: idea that my, my lasting memory with, with Whitney was
• 43:45
  Speaker 1: that moment of crisis, that, that moment where they moved
• 43:51
  Speaker 1: her little body too quickly. Um, it's too quickly for us, right?
• 43:56
  Speaker 1: We were just so, so scared and, and, and then
• 44:00
  Speaker 1: her life ended. And to have that last final, most
• 44:04
  Speaker 1: meaningful memory replaced with that, the memory of this, this,
• 44:10
  Speaker 1: overpoweringly beautiful woman. That memory is totally replaced. The memory
• 44:18
  Speaker 1: is still there, and yet what I think of.
• 44:21
  Speaker 3: Now is very different. If anything, I'm slightly jealous.
• 44:28
  Speaker 1: Slightly jealous of her, but happy that she's there, and
• 44:36
  Speaker 1: very much more aware that she's also here, so and
• 44:40
  Speaker 1: hope that when those times come that I need to
• 44:45
  Speaker 1: be spoken to, that I'm a little more aware of that.
• 44:49
  Speaker 3: Well, thank you.
• 44:49
  Speaker 2: Thank you so much, Travis. That's one of the things
• 44:52
  Speaker 2: that really stuck out to me that you mentioned that
• 44:55
  Speaker 2: just seemed so comforting, which I haven't personally heard before
• 45:01
  Speaker 2: when you just said you didn't perceive time. And I'm
• 45:06
  Speaker 2: in a moment right now where I'm trying to do
• 45:09
  Speaker 2: so many things and trying to take care of my
• 45:11
  Speaker 2: kids and trying to make sure that, that I can
• 45:13
  Speaker 2: provide and that I can do all of the right things.
• 45:16
  Speaker 2: And just that idea of like washing away time and
• 45:19
  Speaker 2: that you felt no rush, man, that, that alone, like
• 45:25
  Speaker 2: in this exact moment, I'm just imagining that. I'm just like,
• 45:27
  Speaker 2: Oh man, that sounds so nice.
• 45:31
  Speaker 3: And I'm, I'm the same way.
• 45:32
  Speaker 1: I'm, I'm just too, too stressed out all the time
• 45:36
  Speaker 1: to focus on the next thing.
• 45:37
  Speaker 3: Yeah. And that really is something. It really is something. Yeah.
• 45:43
  Speaker 1: All right.
• 45:43
  Speaker 2: Well, thank you for sharing your beautiful experience. And I'm
• 45:46
  Speaker 2: sure it's going to help plenty of people.
• 45:48
  Speaker 1: So thank you.