Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / Raising Boys in a Toxic Online World (Q&A re: The Manosphere Documentary)

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Raising Boys in a Toxic Online World (Q&A re: The Manosphere Documentary) · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Today's edition of the Happy Families Podcast contains adult themes.
• 0:04
  Speaker 2: Listener discretion is advised. Today's tricky Question on the Happy
• 0:13
  Speaker 2: Families Podcast ties in with a brand new Netflix documentary
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  Speaker 2: by Louis Thru called Inside the Mano Sphere. I want
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  Speaker 2: to know what's going on when it comes to boys
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  Speaker 2: and men online. Want to know what we can do
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  Speaker 2: to help people to be healthier in terms of the
• 0:33
  Speaker 2: way we're raising boys and men. That's what we tackle
• 0:36
  Speaker 2: today on the Happy Families Podcast. Stay with us.
• 0:42
  Speaker 3: Early twenty twenty five, after protracted negotiations and arranged two
• 0:47
  Speaker 3: days of filming with an influencer named Harrison Sullivan. Permission
• 0:51
  Speaker 3: to come aboard, of course we do with a real deal.
• 0:56
  Speaker 3: We're not YouTubers.
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  Speaker 2: Oh okay, Hello and welcome to the Happy Families Podcast.
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  Speaker 2: Real parenting Solutions every single day on Australia's most downloaded
• 1:03
  Speaker 2: parenting podcast. We are Justin and Kylie Colson, and every
• 1:07
  Speaker 2: Tuesday on the podcast we answer your tricky questions about
• 1:10
  Speaker 2: family and relationships and well being and screens and discipline
• 1:13
  Speaker 2: and the manisphere. Today. If you'd like to submit a
• 1:16
  Speaker 2: tricky question, you can do it via our super simple
• 1:19
  Speaker 2: system at happy families dot com dot you. You just
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  Speaker 2: scroll down to podcasts, click the record button and start talking.
• 1:25
  Speaker 2: Or alternatively, you can send us a voice note to
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  Speaker 2: podcasts at happy families dot com dot you. We received
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  Speaker 2: this one from Ella in Vic.
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  Speaker 4: Hi, justin this is Ala. I just watched Louis Thurow's
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  Speaker 4: new documentary Inside the Manisphere, and it's absolutely terrifying. I
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  Speaker 4: just had a baby boy twelve weeks ago, and I'd
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  Speaker 4: love to hear your thoughts on how to raise boys
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  Speaker 4: in a world where there are men like this influencing them.
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  Speaker 4: Thank you.
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  Speaker 1: I remember being that anxious first time mum and feeling
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  Speaker 1: the weight of the world on my shoulders, wondering how
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  Speaker 1: I was going to raise a child in today's world.
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  Speaker 1: I haven't watched The Manisphere. I've heard a lot of
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  Speaker 1: commentation around it, but I'm wondering what is all of us?
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  Speaker 2: So first of all, I've never heard the word commotation before,
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  Speaker 2: but I love it. That's so good. I feel like
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  Speaker 2: there's some tension right now just thinking about what this
• 2:32
  Speaker 2: doco is and what's in there and the topics that
• 2:35
  Speaker 2: we need to discuss today. But commotation, commotation knock me. No, no, no,
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  Speaker 2: I just wanted to say that. So I watched it
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  Speaker 2: on the weekend because I've been getting media requests left,
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  Speaker 2: right and center about it. And I didn't invite you
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  Speaker 2: to watch it with me because I figured you probably didn't.
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  Speaker 2: You don't need that in your life, right. The first
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  Speaker 2: thing that I would actually say to Ella is you've
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  Speaker 2: got a twelve week old, so you've got plenty of time.
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  Speaker 1: Plenty of time.
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  Speaker 2: But also my hope is, and I don't know anything
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  Speaker 2: about Ella's background, but my hope is that you have
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  Speaker 2: really good men in your son's orbit, in your son's environment,
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  Speaker 2: in your community. And if you do, the likelihood is
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  Speaker 2: that your son is far less likely to be influenced
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  Speaker 2: by the rubbish, the filthy. It's just so depressing. There's
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  Speaker 2: no other way for me to say it. I'm I
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  Speaker 2: came out of watching the documentary and I just felt
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  Speaker 2: so sad. There's no other way for me to explain it.
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  Speaker 2: Just ah, this suck.
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  Speaker 3: A few years ago, I noticed the parts of the
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  Speaker 3: Internet were being taken over a lot of you eats
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  Speaker 3: a week by a collection of male influences.
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  Speaker 2: Were like the last stamp.
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  Speaker 3: They claimed to be giving young men the cheat codes
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  Speaker 3: to win at LOFE not.
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  Speaker 5: Made six thousand pounds for four hour about this morning.
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  Speaker 2: I already know so much of what was in the
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  Speaker 2: doco because I've been writing a book about raising boys
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  Speaker 2: for the last three and a half to four years.
• 4:01
  Speaker 2: Now it comes out in June. I feel like I've
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  Speaker 2: earned the shameless plug here. If you want to raise
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  Speaker 2: healthy men, jump online to book Topia and pre order
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  Speaker 2: my book like it outlines exactly what it is to
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  Speaker 2: build strong young men. And I do mean strong because
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  Speaker 2: I want our boys to be strong, but to build
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  Speaker 2: them from the inside out, to build their character. That's
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  Speaker 2: the plug. That's all I'm going to say about that.
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  Speaker 2: But I really do need to emphasize you can get
• 4:25
  Speaker 2: the book now on pre order, and it's worth it.
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  Speaker 2: I just think it's going to be such an important book. Kylie,
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  Speaker 2: Where do we start here? What do you want to know?
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  Speaker 2: That it's obvious you haven't seen it. I have, and
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  Speaker 2: we can answer Ella's questions as we go.
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  Speaker 1: I've heard this word banded around for a little while now,
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  Speaker 1: the whole idea of Manisphere, but I actually don't have
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  Speaker 1: any idea what is actually trying to encompass.
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  Speaker 2: All right, So Everyone has a different definition of manisphere,
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  Speaker 2: So if you don't like my definition, don't be a hater.
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  Speaker 2: It's okay everybody. The way that I define the manisphere
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  Speaker 2: is influencers who are male who are trying to communicate
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  Speaker 2: with young men. Essentially, if you are a male who
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  Speaker 2: is online and you are trying to communicate with and
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  Speaker 2: build a business out of young men, then you're in
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  Speaker 2: the manisphere.
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  Speaker 1: So I would actually say, what's the female equivalent?
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  Speaker 2: There's heaps of we don't call it a female a sphere.
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  Speaker 1: I know that's what I'm saying, But why has this
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  Speaker 1: such a big deal Because we don't talk about it's
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  Speaker 1: such a big deal pluences of women in the same way.
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  Speaker 2: Because of the extremism and the potential disproportionate harm. So
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  Speaker 2: there are some women on the Internet who have got
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  Speaker 2: some horrendous ideas, no doubt, across the board, across the board, right,
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  Speaker 2: because there are people with toxic values and toxic ideas
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  Speaker 2: all over the place. My concern is that when you
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  Speaker 2: get into and Luis throw has a very similar definition
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  Speaker 2: to mine. He says, much of the manisphere is relatively benign.
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  Speaker 2: It's a bunch of guys who are talking about wealth
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  Speaker 2: and fitness and relationships and trying to make your life go. Well,
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  Speaker 2: that's what it is. So I include things people like
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  Speaker 2: Stephen Bartlett, the Diary of CEO, people like Theo vonn Is,
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  Speaker 2: Chris Williams or Chris Williamson, I don't know Scott Galloway.
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  Speaker 2: There's all of these. I would even say Joe Rogan
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  Speaker 2: and Jordan Peterson fit into the manisphere. And while some
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  Speaker 2: people have big reactions to some of them or all
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  Speaker 2: of them, they're genuinely making good faith efforts with generally
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  Speaker 2: really decent backgrounds to help young men and boys to
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  Speaker 2: do well in their lives. But then, as throw says,
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  Speaker 2: and again in harmony with the way I see the manisphere,
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  Speaker 2: as you move out of the center and move towards
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  Speaker 2: the edges, towards the periphery, towards the extremes, you get
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  Speaker 2: more and more influencers whose content is absolutely undeniably women hating,
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  Speaker 2: Like misogyny is a word that we overuse, but in
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  Speaker 2: this context it's not. It's absolutely right word for what
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  Speaker 2: these they say. They love women. I'll give you some
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  Speaker 2: examples in a minute, but it's morality free. The algorithm
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  Speaker 2: loves this stuff. At blow Up, millions if not billions
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  Speaker 2: of people see the stuff, and in the inside the
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  Speaker 2: Manisphere doco, Threau goes and interviews, sit down with, has conversations,
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  Speaker 2: spends days with some of the bigger names in the
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  Speaker 2: manisphere at the edgier side of things. Please note he
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  Speaker 2: doesn't get to the nitty gritty, the hardcore stuff that
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  Speaker 2: I wish he'd gone to. It's grittier and worse, believe
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  Speaker 2: it or not. But what he brings us is enough
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  Speaker 2: to make people like Ellis say, oh my goodness, what
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  Speaker 2: is this world that my son is going to be
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  Speaker 2: raised in?
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  Speaker 1: So from the outset I share, I haven't watched it.
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  Speaker 1: You have, and what stood out to you the most
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  Speaker 1: as you were watching what actually happened? It's a documentary.
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  Speaker 1: He's spending time with these people. But what am I missing?
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  Speaker 2: Okay? First off, I'm going to come in with criticisms. First,
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  Speaker 2: I don't think that they've emphasized nearly enough the impact
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  Speaker 2: of what this does to girls and women or to
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  Speaker 2: young men themselves as victims of this toxic culture. I
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  Speaker 2: really don't think that Thireau focused enough on that, and
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  Speaker 2: that was disappointing. And the other thing is that I
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  Speaker 2: don't think that he went deep enough into it. Now
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  Speaker 2: having said that, some of the stuff that he shared,
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  Speaker 2: I've got a couple of quotes here that I've written
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  Speaker 2: down because I think that they're worth just spending a
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  Speaker 2: minute on. One of the man of sphear men. I
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  Speaker 2: feel uncomfortable even calling them men because I don't see
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  Speaker 2: them as men. I see them as pathetic. There was
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  Speaker 2: one guy, his name is hs hss Tiki Toki, who
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  Speaker 2: when he's bringing through into his home, he points at
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  Speaker 2: a bikini clad girl who's sitting on the couch and
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  Speaker 2: she's literally just there scrolling the phone. I think she's
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  Speaker 2: there to look pretty. I think that's actually why she's there,
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  Speaker 2: because the guy doesn't have a relationship with her. But
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  Speaker 2: he points at her, and he doesn't introduce her with
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  Speaker 2: a name or anything about her. He just goes, so,
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  Speaker 2: this is.
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  Speaker 5: Make dishwasher over here, mcleano, So hello, this has gone
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  Speaker 5: on that flix loo.
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  Speaker 3: What's name Casey?
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  Speaker 2: I think I've seen it, And she then keeps on
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  Speaker 2: walking like she's she's not a person. There's another guy.
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  Speaker 2: He's a Certanese American blogger who's got a podcast called
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  Speaker 2: Fresh and Fit podcast. I mean, it sounds so good, right.
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  Speaker 2: I've listened to the Fresh and Fit podcast until I
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  Speaker 2: discover who this Myron Gains guy really is. I don't know.
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  Speaker 2: I don't even want to tell you what he said.
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  Speaker 2: I'm going to tell you what he says. Anyway. He's
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  Speaker 2: written a book. They don't talk about this in the docco,
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  Speaker 2: but he's written a book called Why Women Deserve Less.
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  Speaker 2: This is who we're talking about, right, Why women Deserve Less.
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  Speaker 2: He explains that.
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  Speaker 6: I'm the dictator.
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  Speaker 2: You are the subordinate. He says that the woman is subordinate,
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  Speaker 2: that he knows what women want better than women know
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  Speaker 2: what they want. That and I don't use course language,
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  Speaker 2: so I need to be gentle here. But he says,
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  Speaker 2: and I dictate when I want to put you, and
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  Speaker 2: then you dictate when the sandwich has come by my dictation.
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  Speaker 2: My job is to decide when you want me and
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  Speaker 2: how it will happen. It's that kind of thing he
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  Speaker 2: can talk down to a woman because dominance is what
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  Speaker 2: she actually really truly desires. There's this double standard where
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  Speaker 2: pretty much all of the guys, a I expect whoever
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  Speaker 2: I'm with, she must be monogamous. She must be true
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  Speaker 2: to me, But it's a one way monogamy. The boys.
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  Speaker 2: The boys can do whatever they want, and I just
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  Speaker 2: I said them the whole time, Colin, I'm just thinking,
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  Speaker 2: this is not strength. Like a man who needs to
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  Speaker 2: diminish someone or to dominate someone to show that they're
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  Speaker 2: powerful isn't powerful. They're fragile. In my mind, this is
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  Speaker 2: just fragility. It's core because real strength leaves people feeling
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  Speaker 2: safer and stronger, and these guys leave people feeling smaller.
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  Speaker 3: Are you saying you're not in a monogamous relationship one
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  Speaker 3: side of monogamy. Yeah, women don't want to sleep with
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  Speaker 3: other men when they love a man.
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  Speaker 1: This might show my ignorance and maybe an acknowledgment that
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  Speaker 1: I live inside a very very small.
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  Speaker 2: Bubbles, a safe, healthy bubble.
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  Speaker 1: But there is no one in my circle that would
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  Speaker 1: espouse those values in any way, shape or form, and
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  Speaker 1: if they did, they wouldn't stay in my circle. Yes,
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  Speaker 1: So how is it that they managed to gain so
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  Speaker 1: much traction? Because I think that humanity and the values
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  Speaker 1: that we strive for would absolutely hands down throw that
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  Speaker 1: kind of stuff out the door, Like there's just no
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  Speaker 1: way you would not accept, and any woman who has
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  Speaker 1: any level of self respect would I just I wouldn't.
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  Speaker 1: I'm speechless. How do they gain traction? How do people
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  Speaker 1: not see that this is absolutely the most horrendous kind
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  Speaker 1: of behavior and instead celebrate and support.
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  Speaker 2: I'll len's that right off the break. Stay with us,
• 11:52
  Speaker 2: We're back. This is The Happy Family's podcast, Real Parenting Solutions,
• 11:55
  Speaker 2: every single day in Australia's most downloaded parenting podcast in
• 11:58
  Speaker 2: the Matnisphere, Kylie, this is something that I've been thinking about,
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  Speaker 2: like I said, for a couple of years, and here's
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  Speaker 2: how I would describe it. In the manisphere. You're either
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  Speaker 2: one up or one down. You're either alpha or beta.
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  Speaker 2: It's absolutely about winning. And these guys are preying on
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  Speaker 2: what I'm going to call non thriving men and boys
• 12:21
  Speaker 2: or boys who are missing meaning and purpose in their lives,
• 12:24
  Speaker 2: or men and who haven't sorted out their values yet. So,
• 12:28
  Speaker 2: if you're feeling like the world is against you, if
• 12:30
  Speaker 2: things aren't working out, if you're feeling like all the
• 12:32
  Speaker 2: girls are going in other directions, if you feel like
• 12:35
  Speaker 2: you've just got to go your own way, there's a
• 12:37
  Speaker 2: movement called men going their own way. Then all of
• 12:40
  Speaker 2: a sudden, this stuff seems attractive because you get to
• 12:43
  Speaker 2: step into a community of other like minded people who
• 12:46
  Speaker 2: also feel like they're victims, who then get to blame
• 12:48
  Speaker 2: everything outside themselves for where they are now. It's true
• 12:51
  Speaker 2: that sometimes the system can make a mess of people's lives.
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  Speaker 2: We've got examples of that in mainstream society, let alone
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  Speaker 2: going to the fringes of the manisphere to find it.
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  Speaker 2: The system can be really harsh. But they believe that
• 13:04
  Speaker 2: everyone swallowed this blue pill and they've got the red pill,
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  Speaker 2: and they understand exactly where things really are. And the
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  Speaker 2: ideology that they've got is that everything's outside of their
• 13:15
  Speaker 2: control and this is their way of getting control back.
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  Speaker 2: So they get into their forums and their groups online
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  Speaker 2: and they say heredus things, and they support each other
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  Speaker 2: in those things, and they reinforce those things, and eventually
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  Speaker 2: that's where it lands. And Through pointed out very very
• 13:31
  Speaker 2: gently that his view of the manisphere is that those
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  Speaker 2: who are the most unhelpful, the most toxic, very often,
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  Speaker 2: not always, but very often grew up in homes where
• 13:42
  Speaker 2: they didn't have male role models or didn't have fathers
• 13:45
  Speaker 2: at all. I think that that's a point that's worth
• 13:48
  Speaker 2: pausing on. For Ella, if you want your boy to
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  Speaker 2: grow up and have a strong sense of character and morality,
• 13:54
  Speaker 2: then make sure that he's surrounded by good men who
• 13:56
  Speaker 2: have a strong sense of character and morality. That's part
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  Speaker 2: of the deal in my book about raising boys. That's
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  Speaker 2: something that I really push hard on. We've got to
• 14:04
  Speaker 2: make sure that good role models are there.
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  Speaker 1: So I've heard enough to know that I definitely do
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  Speaker 1: not want to watch this.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, Yeah, which is funny because I would actually recommend.
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: This conversation is leading me down a very very clear part.
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: This is not something I need in my life. But
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: I want to go back to the conversation where you
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: were sharing it. A few of the examples that came
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: out of the documentary before we started recording, you talk
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: to me about specifically about violence towards women that was
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: not good.
• 14:32
  Speaker 2: I forgot to mention that, can you just share with us?
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah?
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  Speaker 2: I mean, I don't even like saying what I'm about
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  Speaker 2: to say. There's a guy that they interviewed. His name
• 14:41
  Speaker 2: is Sneako. One of his early videos, these guys just
• 14:43
  Speaker 2: say and do the most atrocious things in one of
• 14:45
  Speaker 2: these videos, And I'm sorry for even saying this. I
• 14:47
  Speaker 2: feel like I have to apologize before I say it.
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  Speaker 2: Sneako says that a woman should be hit hard, hit once,
• 14:52
  Speaker 2: and then sent back into the kitchen again. I just
• 14:55
  Speaker 2: and millions of men pile on the praise. It defies
• 14:59
  Speaker 2: comprehension when you hear and see that. And like I said,
• 15:02
  Speaker 2: it's not the worst of what's out there through his
• 15:04
  Speaker 2: documentary is actually sanitized compared to what's out there. It's
• 15:07
  Speaker 2: a sewer, and the closer you get to the edge, well,
• 15:10
  Speaker 2: actually you go over the edge. Really, it's just a sewer.
• 15:13
  Speaker 2: One of the guys HS again was asked how he
• 15:17
  Speaker 2: felt about thirteen year old boys coming up to him
• 15:19
  Speaker 2: for selfies, and he said.
• 15:21
  Speaker 6: That's the parents fault. That's not my fault. I don't
• 15:24
  Speaker 6: need to send to myself. I'll say what I want.
• 15:26
  Speaker 6: I've had thirteen year olds come up to me and
• 15:28
  Speaker 6: I'm like, mate, why are you watching my stuff? You're
• 15:31
  Speaker 6: too young to watch my stuff.
• 15:32
  Speaker 2: Thirteen years I can't believe they're watching it. But that's
• 15:34
  Speaker 2: the parent's fault. So just this total abrogation of responsibility,
• 15:38
  Speaker 2: that's the parent's fault. You know what, you know why
• 15:41
  Speaker 2: they're actually doing it. They're doing it for cash. This
• 15:45
  Speaker 2: is a business. Yeah, this is actually a business. This
• 15:48
  Speaker 2: is the whole model. Let's exploit the algorithm that pushes
• 15:54
  Speaker 2: and promotes increasingly extreme content, because if we do this,
• 16:01
  Speaker 2: it's commerce that's become ideology, and the algorithm keeps rewarding
• 16:05
  Speaker 2: the extremity, and the more outrageous the content, the more
• 16:08
  Speaker 2: it spreads. They're just these guys. They see themselves as entrepreneurs.
• 16:14
  Speaker 2: I would say that they are entrepreneurs, but they do
• 16:16
  Speaker 2: not have a conscience. It's just it's horrid. Last thing,
• 16:20
  Speaker 2: because we need to wrap up. Through has this conversation
• 16:22
  Speaker 2: again with Hs. He sort of makes up he's one
• 16:25
  Speaker 2: of the main characters in it, and Through just says,
• 16:28
  Speaker 2: why not try to be a good person? Like, why
• 16:32
  Speaker 2: not just try to be a good person? And here's
• 16:34
  Speaker 2: here's what HS says in response.
• 16:36
  Speaker 5: If I've just done good things, I would never have
• 16:40
  Speaker 5: really blown up on social media in the first place.
• 16:42
  Speaker 5: If I was just thinking, right, I don't want to
• 16:44
  Speaker 5: upset anyone. I don't want to do anything that's I
• 16:47
  Speaker 5: wouldn't have been where I'm at now, and I'm not
• 16:49
  Speaker 5: living for other people. I'm living for myself.
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  Speaker 2: Well, that's it for a second.
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  Speaker 1: I have to the problem.
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  Speaker 2: I have to be repulsive. I have to be a
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  Speaker 2: morality free zone. I have to be I have to
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  Speaker 2: discard my conscience because that's how I make cash and
• 17:06
  Speaker 2: that's how I get clout.
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: But I think it's deeper than that. It's an absolute
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: acknowledgement that no one else matters know. We're stuck in
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: the teenage boy brain. There is no that's right, there
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: is no no one else.
• 17:20
  Speaker 2: No in a work. No again. I'm not trying to
• 17:25
  Speaker 2: actually push my book here. I'm trying to make a point.
• 17:28
  Speaker 2: My book is called Boys, but the subtitle was we took.
• 17:31
  Speaker 2: I argued with my publisher for more than six months
• 17:34
  Speaker 2: about the subtitle building strong young men from the inside out.
• 17:39
  Speaker 2: I want boys to be strong. I want them to
• 17:42
  Speaker 2: feel strong. There is something manly about feeling strong. I'm
• 17:45
  Speaker 2: fifty and I'm feeling stronger now than I've felt in
• 17:48
  Speaker 2: decades because I'm doing something about feeling strong, and it
• 17:50
  Speaker 2: feels fantastic, it feels amazing. But we want to build
• 17:55
  Speaker 2: strong young men from the inside out, and the madnessphere
• 17:57
  Speaker 2: is precisely the opposite of that. It's just it's a sewer, So.
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: Just asking for a friend. Is it actually worth watching?
• 18:06
  Speaker 2: I think that parents should watch it, Yes, but I
• 18:10
  Speaker 2: say it with huge caveats, and with huge just be prepared.
• 18:14
  Speaker 2: You're not going to watch it and go I'm so glad.
• 18:15
  Speaker 2: I spent ninety minutes on that. If you've got kids, it's.
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: So, is this just something that parents of boys would watch.
• 18:23
  Speaker 2: I think parents have daughters should watch it as well,
• 18:24
  Speaker 2: because this because your daughters are spending time with those boys.
• 18:28
  Speaker 2: You don't need to watch it. You need to be
• 18:30
  Speaker 2: a great example, and you need to have good conversations
• 18:33
  Speaker 2: with your kids consistently, whether they're boys or girls. The
• 18:35
  Speaker 2: reason I'm suggesting to watch it is because then you
• 18:37
  Speaker 2: can say to the kids, what do you think? But
• 18:39
  Speaker 2: I wouldn't be watching it with kids under I'd say
• 18:42
  Speaker 2: under fifteen, maybe sixteen. There's some pretty explicit sexual content.
• 18:46
  Speaker 2: There's really coarse language throughout. It's just pretty heavy stuff.
• 18:50
  Speaker 2: So be mindful of who you're watching it with and
• 18:53
  Speaker 2: what you're doing around that. Yeah.
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: So its spend a pretty heavy, awful conversation. If I'm
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: being completely honest.
• 19:02
  Speaker 2: It's horrible.
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And our job is to make parents feel good. So,
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: in light of what you've seen, and obviously I mean
• 19:11
  Speaker 1: spending years of research and time as you've worked on
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: this book for boys, what can parents actually do?
• 19:21
  Speaker 2: Okay? So I shared a couple of things already, and
• 19:23
  Speaker 2: this is very much for Ella and any other parent
• 19:26
  Speaker 2: of a boy who's freaking out right now. At number one,
• 19:29
  Speaker 2: great role models, great male role models, role models generally,
• 19:32
  Speaker 2: but great male role models. Boys want to look up
• 19:35
  Speaker 2: to men, and you know the funny.
• 19:36
  Speaker 1: Thing, but I actually think they need both though. I
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: think they need to strong women who will stand up
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: for themselves and not accept poor behavior.
• 19:46
  Speaker 2: When great I love that absolutely. The other thing that
• 19:49
  Speaker 2: I would add is that my research shows that boys
• 19:51
  Speaker 2: do look up to their dads if their dads can
• 19:53
  Speaker 2: have some integrity and have some character, and they don't
• 19:55
  Speaker 2: expect them to have six packs, they don't expect them
• 19:57
  Speaker 2: to look like they should be on the front cover
• 19:59
  Speaker 2: of Men's Health. Boys just love it when their dads
• 20:01
  Speaker 2: spend time with them, talk with them and listen to them,
• 20:03
  Speaker 2: teach them stuff. That's what boys want. Universally. They are
• 20:07
  Speaker 2: crying out for their dads. They are crying out for
• 20:10
  Speaker 2: their dads. So that's the first thing that I'd say,
• 20:12
  Speaker 2: strong role models, especially dad, or safe, healthy role models
• 20:16
  Speaker 2: in their environment. If they don't have a dad, who's available.
• 20:19
  Speaker 2: Second thing that I would say is having conversations, having
• 20:23
  Speaker 2: consistent conversations about moral topics. That's part of raising kids.
• 20:28
  Speaker 2: We have got to teach them character because they're not
• 20:31
  Speaker 2: going to learn it anywhere else, especially on the internet
• 20:33
  Speaker 2: and not at school either. We've got to have conversations
• 20:36
  Speaker 2: about who you want to be, what your values are,
• 20:38
  Speaker 2: what you do in this situation or that situation. Hit
• 20:40
  Speaker 2: them with hypotheticals. Something that you loved about getting married
• 20:43
  Speaker 2: to me when we dated is the conversations we often
• 20:45
  Speaker 2: had in our dates was what would you do in
• 20:46
  Speaker 2: this situation? How did you feel if we had a
• 20:48
  Speaker 2: childhood did that? What would your response be? In blah,
• 20:53
  Speaker 2: Like I was just constantly throwing hypotheticals at you. I
• 20:55
  Speaker 2: wanted to understand your character. I want to understand who
• 20:57
  Speaker 2: you were because somebody's going to live with you forever
• 21:00
  Speaker 2: to know that you were the kind of person whose
• 21:01
  Speaker 2: morality and value system was consistent with mine. And you
• 21:05
  Speaker 2: get to have those conversations in a safe place around
• 21:08
  Speaker 2: the dining table with your kids, and there's just so
• 21:10
  Speaker 2: much value in that. Most of all for.
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: Ella with your twelve week your baby. Just keep them
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: off the internet as long as possible.
• 21:17
  Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, but just teach your boys and your daughters.
• 21:21
  Speaker 2: Teach them this healthy masculinity means helping the people around
• 21:24
  Speaker 2: you to feel and be safer and stronger. That's it,
• 21:27
  Speaker 2: and that's what these boys are just starving for. But
• 21:33
  Speaker 2: the influencers are feeding them poison and calling it empowerment.
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: Big conversation, wish we didn't have to have it, but
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: such an important one.
• 21:42
  Speaker 2: We're gonna post about this on socials today, So jump
• 21:45
  Speaker 2: on Facebook, tell us what you thought about the doco.
• 21:46
  Speaker 2: Tell us what you think of my analysis, What did
• 21:48
  Speaker 2: I get right? What did I get wrong? What stood
• 21:50
  Speaker 2: out to you when you watched it. Would love your
• 21:52
  Speaker 2: comments and would love your conversation on our social pages
• 21:56
  Speaker 2: we're going to put on LinkedIn and YouTube and Facebook
• 22:00
  Speaker 2: and Instagram. A big thank you to Justin Rowland from
• 22:03
  Speaker 2: Bridge Media who produced the podcast today. A lot of
• 22:05
  Speaker 2: work in this one, so thank you Jr. Also to
• 22:07
  Speaker 2: Mim Hammonds who's done all of the show notes and
• 22:10
  Speaker 2: looks after our admin and additional support. If you'd like
• 22:13
  Speaker 2: more info to make your family happier, particularly on this topic,
• 22:17
  Speaker 2: jump online, go to book Topia pre order Boys by
• 22:20
  Speaker 2: Me again shameless plug, but if you want solutions, I've
• 22:23
  Speaker 2: spent the last three and a half years thinking about
• 22:25
  Speaker 2: what they are, and they're in the book Boys Raising
• 22:28
  Speaker 2: strong young men from the inside out. You can pre
• 22:30
  Speaker 2: order it now online wherever you get your books, but
• 22:33
  Speaker 2: book Topia will probably be your best bet. And if
• 22:35
  Speaker 2: you want more info to make you family happier, visit
• 22:37
  Speaker 2: happy families dot com dot au.