Latest / Digital Nomad Life Podcast / 98) How to Stop Letting Fear of Failure Hold You Back From Your Dream Business

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98) How to Stop Letting Fear of Failure Hold You Back From Your Dream Business · Digital Nomad Life Podcast

• 3:35
  Speaker 1: Hey there and welcome to the Digital Nomad Life podcast.
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: I'm your host, krista, also known as Krista Bella Travels, also known as the founder of the Digital Nomad Life Academy, which is my business, where I help people create location-independent businesses of their own that are based off of their personality, their interests, their passions, their strengths.
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: I really believe that anybody can create their own online business that will allow them to make money from anywhere in the world, which then enables them to have whatever kind of dream lifestyle they want.
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: But here's the thing Even though I believe anybody can create their own online business, most people who want it don't go on to do it.
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: And why is that?
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: I believe that the biggest reason why most people don't go on to do it, and why is that?
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: I believe that the biggest reason why most people don't go on to create their own online business, even though it is so possible, is because they are scared of failure.
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: The fear of failure prevents people from even starting in the first place, and to me, that is just so sad, because failure doesn't actually have to be this big, scary or bad thing.
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: In fact, failure could be one of the best things that ever happened to you, and I will explain, with lots of stories about how I believe that, how I have come to believe that, because I personally have failed many, many, many times before.
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: I did ultimately have success in my now business, which I do feel is an awesome success.
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: If you don't know about the Digital Nomad Life Academy, we've got over 100 members from all over the world that are all learning how to build a business within this program.
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: It's an entire year-long program where everybody's following the same business model.
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: That's how the program is able to work.
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: Everybody's learning the same business fundamentals.
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: But these same business fundamentals can be applied to so many different kinds of businesses and that's why, again, everybody inside the program is able to build a truly passion-led type of business.
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: I personally teach business on personal experience because I have failed my way to the top.
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: What I will share with you in this episode is all the different times that I failed and why I failed, and how those failures ended up being like pretty much the best thing that ever happened to me that ultimately contributed to now my business being an awesome success, helping hundreds of people all around the world change their lives forever, because once you leave the matrix, once you have your own online business that you can run from anywhere.
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: You're not going to go back to the matrix, I promise you.
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: So people really do change their lives and I'm so grateful for the opportunity to be contributing to that.
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: So to any of my clients in the DNLA hey, I know that you guys are awesome frequent listeners and to anybody who is not in the DNLA I, I know that you guys are awesome, frequent listeners and to anybody who is not in the DNLA, I hope that this episode gives you the motivation to actually just try, just get started.
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: Again, failure is a thing that holds most people back from even getting started.
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: So if this episode can just do one thing, which is motivate you to start, amazing, I have done my job.
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: So let's get into failure.
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: Let's redefine it, talk about why you need to embrace it and give you some practical tips to overcome it.
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: Let's go, okay.
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: So, starting off this episode, I think what we need to first do is dissect the reason why we're scared of failure in the first place.
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: Later on in this episode, I will give you a little somatic experiencing exercise so that you can try to release it from your actual nervous system, but for now, we're going to go into the logic-based part of failure and talk about why you have it in the first place, because I bet you you would agree with me that there are some people that are actually not scared of failure.
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: I don't know if you can think of any of these people off the top of your mind, but people who are not scared of failure tend to be pretty successful.
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: And why do you think that is?
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: Why do you think it is that people who are not scared of failure end up being successful?
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: Probably because people who are not scared of failure actually try, and the more tries that you get in, the more opportunities you have to succeed, whereas if you are scared to even try because you are scared of failure, you literally have zero chances to succeed and therefore you will never succeed if you remain scared of failure.
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: There's this really sad statistic that I just learned, which is that 62% of people globally okay, this is not just an American statistic, this is worldwide believe that entrepreneurship would actually be a great career path, but only 14% of people actually pursue entrepreneurship.
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: So, even though more than half of the population, way more than half the population thinks it's a great option, only 14% of people even try.
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: And why?
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: Because, when polled now this is just an American statistic, but I think that it's relevant to developed countries 33% of Americans say that fear of failure is the main reason why they don't start a business.
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: So this is a really significant number, and I would argue that, out of all the other reasons why someone doesn't start a business, they might not even be aware that fear of failure is actually what's underneath that.
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: I mean, I could think of some other reasons why people don't start businesses.
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: Maybe they feel like it's not the right time.
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: Well, why would it not be the right time?
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: They're like well, if I start it right now, it's not going to work out.
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: Okay, you're scared of it not working out.
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: Maybe people don't start businesses because they feel like they don't have enough money.
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: Well, if you start a business the right way, or if the way that I teach business, you don't actually need a lot of money to get started.
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: So it's kind of a moot point.
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: But if you think that you don't have enough money to start a business, what you're actually scared of is not making enough money and that business failing.
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: Honestly, I really believe that it all comes down to fear of failure as the biggest hurdle.
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: And why is that?
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: Why are we so scared of failure?
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: Because, again, we know that there are people out there who aren't scared of failure and those people have wild success.
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: Why are we not looking towards those people as our role models?
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: Well, I feel, I think, I believe that it's because, as a society, we have been culturally conditioned to see failure as a very bad thing.
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: Think about a kid receiving back their math test and there are all these different letters in marked in red that could be at the top of the math test.
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: It could be A, b, c, d, e.
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: No, you don't even get an E, it goes from D straight to F.
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: First of all, why isn't there an E?
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: Wouldn't E make more sense for E to be the lowest grade?
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: But it's F F for failure.
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: It's like they want to throw that in your face, that if you get below a certain amount, you have failed the test, and that big F is reminding you that F for failure.
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: We see in movies all the time of kids exchanging their test results with one another and the kids that get an A.
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: They're so proud and their parents are so proud, and their parents think that anything less than an A is failure.
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: If you're not first, you're last.
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: And kids that get an F on their test, they are so ashamed Okay, because they didn't study enough.
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: That's not their brain's greatest strength to be good at math.
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: Honestly, I was one of those math failures.
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: I definitely got a few Fs on my math tests and even to this day, sometimes even doing simple addition problems give me stress.
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: I use my fingers all the time.
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: Math is just not my strength.
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: But I was told to believe over and over and over again in my developing years, my critical years, that I was a failure.
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: And let me tell you the way that I internalized these grades to mean that I was bad, that I was dumb, was so unnecessary.
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: First of all, as a child I don't actually really believe that it's fully the child's responsibility to get good grades.
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: There are adults all around the kid that could be should be paying extra attention to that kid's progress.
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: And you know my parents.
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: They were not as focused on my grades whereas they could have been.
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: And you know not to blame my parents' lack of like super attention to my grades.
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: I mean I think if I had a kid I don't know if I would be that focused on their grades.
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: Anyway, I'm totally going on a tangent here, but the point is that failure is just this thing that, again, we have been conditioned to believe is so bad, and the way that we have internalized it to mean that if we fail we are bad is just, to me, really unjust, really unfair and, unfortunately, is a way that our society has been brainwashed to be employee people.
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: I don't know how it is in many other countries, because I have only been to school in the United States, but I will tell you that corporate America and the traditional schools teach obedience, repetition and memorization.
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: They don't teach innovation, because if there are too many people innovating, our corporate America wouldn't run the way that it does.
• 13:07
  Speaker 1: Corporate America needs employees.
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: Corporate America needs people that don't ask questions.
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: Corporate America needs people that are just going to follow the rules and fit a cog in a wheel.
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: That's what corporate America needs, and so that is how people have been bred.
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: That is how people have been taught in schools.
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: So the thing is, what I learned once I got out of school is that the rules are different in entrepreneurship.
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: The rules in entrepreneurship are not the same as they were in school and they are not the same as they were in your corporate job.
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: The rules in entrepreneurship are not the same as they were in school and they are not the same as they were in your corporate job.
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: The rules of entrepreneurship are that failure is just a part of the situation.
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: It's part of the process, and any entrepreneur that tells you that they've never failed is either a complete and utter anomaly outlier or they're a fucking liar.
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: And I mean that, like you can't just come out of the womb and be good at marketing and business and calculating your profit losses and having a genius idea and knowing how to scale.
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: Like that's not a thing.
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: And the thing about entrepreneurship is that there is no rule book to follow.
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: Entrepreneurship is innovation.
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: Entrepreneurship is carving your own path.
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: Entrepreneurship is doing things your way.
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: And yeah, of course you can look to mentors and you can ask for advice, but ultimately, at the end of the day, when you are an entrepreneur, you are the boss, you are the teacher and you are the employee.
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: You are the one following your own directions.
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: So there really isn't any mentor that can tell you exactly what you need to do With entrepreneurship.
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: You really need to tune into your own wisdom.
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: Now, this definitely is not me saying that mentorship is not valuable.
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: Mentorship is so valuable.
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: You'll see another episode that I have where I talk about how I literally spent over $70,000 investing in coaching.
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: So I really believe in mentorship, but it's not because the mentor or the coach, the business coach is going to tell you exactly what to do.
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: They will give you guidance.
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: Ultimately, you're the one that needs to tune into your own wisdom, though, but what the mentor or coach will do for you to provide value for you is help you discover all the things that you are scared of and help you overcome those fears.
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: So your mentor should be able to spot oh is the reason why you're confused because, actually, if you take a step forward, it could put you in the potential risk of failure.
• 15:40
  Speaker 1: Well, let's examine why that would be an issue for you and what would actually happen practically if you were to fail, and let's talk about why that feels scary.
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: Your coach or mentor, if you are to work with somebody, is going to help you understand not just your fears of failures, but also where they come from and why you have them in the first place.
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: There's a lot of identity work that might be surfacing for you right now.
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: So, before you shut off this episode and you're like, fuck, entrepreneurship, that sounds scary.
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: Oh my God, I don't know if I can be my own boss.
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: How am I supposed to tune into my own wisdom?
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: I don't have any wisdom to tune into.
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: I don't have any experience.
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: If I do that, then I'll definitely fail.
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: Well then, you got to finish listening to this episode because we are going to be talking again about how failure actually could be one of the best things that ever happens to you, and failure is how you grow.
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: Failure is how you learn.
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: It's just your perspective on failure that needs to change.
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: So, for the record, coaching business, coaching, mentorship is critical because, as you heard earlier on in this episode, entrepreneurship, or starting your own business especially the kind of business that I teach it's not actually that complicated.
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: The reason why people don't do it is because they're scared, and having some kind of coach or mentor reflecting back to them their fears and the identity work that needs to be done.
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: That is how you overcome the fear of failure, and that can be scary for people because, again, we have not been bred to think like that.
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: We've been bred to follow the rules.
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: That's what feels familiar to us and therefore that's what feels safe.
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: And at the end of the day, we just all want to feel safe.
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: We want to be free, but only if we're not going to be in danger.
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: And what our society has conditioned us to believe is that failure equals danger in some way Maybe not a violent, threatening danger, but the danger of losing your community right.
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: You fail at your job, you get fired.
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: And when you get fired, you no longer get to see your coworkers every day.
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: You no longer have someone handing you that paycheck, aka your livelihood, aka the money that you need for your survival, to pay your rent, eat your food, et cetera.
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: The way that inflation is going, people have less and less savings, which just makes people cling on to their jobs and the false sense of security that their jobs offer.
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: And when I say false sense of security, the truth is that even if you are amazing at your job, even if you're not a failure at the task-based work that you're doing, you still could get fired because the company could be not doing so well.
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: The company could have structural changes, the company could be responding to the fluctuations of the economy, and that's not your fault, but I bet you, if you get fired just like I did once upon a time you might spiral into a swirling pit of shame.
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: That is what I experienced when I got fired from my job.
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: Let me tell you about the time that I got fired from my job.
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: I talk about this a lot.
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: I feel like I'm still burned by it.
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: I still probably actually have a lot of trauma in my body from this experience.
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: Remember that trauma is not the actual thing that happened, but it's the response that we have to the thing that happened.
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: So back in the day, when I first graduated from university, I was so excited to go into corporate and get a big girl job and I knew exactly the kind of job that I wanted.
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: I wanted to work in travel public relations and I worked my ass off to get this job.
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: Three years into my corporate career, I managed to land what I thought at the time was my dream job, and off I went.
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: And the thing is, I didn't really have a ton of experience going into this dream job.
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: I kind of got it through like a word of mouth referral and then just sold myself hard to the interviewer.
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: Plus, the interviewer was like well, we need someone right now, so you can start right now.
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: And I was like, hell, yeah, I can start right now.
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: So I did and I got the job.
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: This job ended up being really not a great situation for me.
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: It was not a match, you could say.
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: For some reason my boss had some kind of weird personal issue with me.
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: I don't know what I did to her, what I said to her, what I triggered in her.
• 20:03
  Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure she just straight up didn't like me and the way that she would like grade my papers felt very reminiscent of being in school, like I would hand over a press release that I wrote and she would literally mark it up with red ink, as if there was an exact way to write something that didn't exist yet.
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: Personally, I felt like she was being really unnecessarily hard on me and I have reason to believe that she was being so hard on me to ultimately justify letting me go when they no longer needed me.
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: And there was a moment, about six months into me working at this company, that three of the clients that I was assigned to right because I came in, I got, boom, assigned to five clients right away.
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: Three of those clients had decided not to renew with our company and even though I was the most junior person on the team I was the most junior person on the team didn't have a lot of client access.
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: So these clients not re-signing was definitely not my fault.
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: I got let go because, I think again, they didn't need me at that exact moment and my boss just didn't like me for whatever reason.
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: I can't even tell you the shame spiral that I went into after I got let go from this job.
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: Okay, first of all, it was like my dreams were completely shattered.
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: I thought that was my dream job.
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: I had spent years getting so excited about the possibility that I could work in travel public relations someday.
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: So when I just got let go so cutthroat like there was no warning, there was just a feeling, just a sentiment, just an energy to prepare me for this moment I felt like such a failure and I felt like I had failed so bad that there was no way that I could ever face this industry again.
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: Looking back, I'm pretty sure that I actually would have been an amazing publicist.
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: I would have been really good at my job and I was passionate about it.
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: But it was my environment, it was my colleagues, it was a situation and it was my lack of experience that ultimately contributed to my quote downfall at this job.
• 22:22
  Speaker 1: I took me getting fired from this job as the ultimate failure and again I was so ashamed, Literally thought that I was worthless, killed my confidence and I didn't know what to do.
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: Like literally I'm the most social person ever and it was my birthday just a couple weeks later.
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: I hid from my friends, didn't have a birthday party, broke up with the guy that I was seeing at the time because I didn't want to tell him what had happened, and literally took a bus back to Boston just to spend time with my mom.
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: Because I was so devastated, like I didn't know what to do with my hands.
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: I didn't know how to move forward, because I was now too burned by this failure to go back and apply for another job.
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: Because I thought, oh my gosh, people in the industry talk and if some other PR agency knows that I got fired from this one, next time that I go to an interview they're gonna laugh at me and they're gonna think that I got fired from this one.
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: Next time that I go to an interview, they're going to laugh at me and they're going to think that I'm an idiot and they're going to talk about how I'm the worst employee ever because I'm such a failure and it was bad guys.
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: It was like really bad.
• 23:32
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it was a situation my family will remember the despair.
• 23:38
  Speaker 1: So here's something that really was the most beautiful thing about that failure.
• 23:45
  Speaker 1: This is actually kind of weird and a little bit of a side tangent, but I remember sitting in the office.
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: My boss called me in and asked me to come in for a meeting and I sat down and I remember him telling me that they were letting me go and the physical, like energetic, sensation that I had of my whole world shattering around me.
• 24:07
  Speaker 1: I don't know if you've ever experienced that, but that's what I experienced when I was quote, failing, getting fired.
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: But I also felt the presence sorry to be weird, or woo-woo.
• 24:20
  Speaker 1: I literally felt the presence of an angel being like it's going to be okay and in fact, this is a good thing and, in fact, the best thing that will ever happen to you.
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: And so, even though I was completely devastated, it's hard to listen to your intuition when you have so much anxiety.
• 24:40
  Speaker 1: Your intuition and anxiety are very similar things, but the difference is that anxiety sends you into a spiral and intuition speaks once, one time.
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: One time, one time.
• 24:53
  Speaker 1: That's it.
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: So I still remember that my intuition was like this is going to be okay, this is going to be a good thing, this is going to be okay, this is going to be a good thing, this is going to be the best thing.
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: Um, but still, I still went into my shame spiral.
• 25:05
  Speaker 1: Okay, why did it end up being a really good thing?
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: Because I was so ashamed.
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: I was honestly like too afraid to apply for any other public relations jobs.
• 25:17
  Speaker 1: So so I thought I literally just can't do this anymore and I went on this big soul slash career discovery effort where I was exploring all these different kind of careers that I could be interested in, things that, again, I didn't have any experience in.
• 25:32
  Speaker 1: But I was like, okay, I understand, I'm starting from scratch.
• 25:35
  Speaker 1: Now I need to go get experience in something else.
• 25:38
  Speaker 1: I did a lot of soul searching, like what am I interested in?
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: What do I like?
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: And I thought, well, I really love art, I love being in museums.
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: So I thought, okay, maybe I'll try to be an art curator.
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: Okay, looked into that, turns out there's actually a lot of nepotism in that industry and you really need to know people.
• 25:54
  Speaker 1: So then I thought, okay, well, how can I pivot from there?
• 25:57
  Speaker 1: Oh, maybe I can go into creating ads.
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: Okay, like ad creatives, I always get lots of visions and ideas and I'm just an idea person.
• 26:06
  Speaker 1: So I thought, oh, I could make ads, creative ads.
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: And then I learned that you could go to school to be in advertising, but it wasn't like a traditional kind of school, it was, I don't know.
• 26:17
  Speaker 1: Anyway, long story short, I spent about eight months exploring all these different kind of career paths, like I actually even applied to be an art auctioneer on a cruise ship because I also really wanted to travel.
• 26:31
  Speaker 1: Remember, this has always been a dream of mine.
• 26:33
  Speaker 1: It was always something I was so passionate about being able to make money while traveling, about being able to make money while traveling.
• 26:44
  Speaker 1: So it was this desperation that I was in from my failure of losing my job and trying this and trying that and trying this and the other thing and having nothing quite click, that I started looking up alternative ways to make money while traveling.
• 26:58
  Speaker 1: And that is when I discovered teaching English in Thailand.
• 27:03
  Speaker 1: Now I'm going to speed up the rest of my story, but if you know my story, you know that after I lost my job in New York, I spent all these months soul searching and then I moved to Thailand on a one-way ticket on October 22nd 2013, and landed in Bangkok and ended up getting a teaching English certification and that was the beginning of my whole new life as an international person, as a citizen of the world, as someone who was living an alternative lifestyle, who was marching to the beat of my own drum, who was living in my authenticity and living out my dreams.
• 27:38
  Speaker 1: I'm telling you, from that day that I boarded that plane ticket was a rebirth in my life, and I never would have been brave enough to get on that flight if I had not miserably failed, in my opinion, from my corporate experience.
• 27:58
  Speaker 1: So, just like that a little angel voice that I had when I was in the office, getting fired in that moment when I was feeling so ashamed, actually that was probably one of the best things that ever happened to me, because that failure ended up being the catalyst for a life that was so far beyond my wildest dreams.
• 28:19
  Speaker 1: I can't even tell you Like, if you are new here.
• 28:22
  Speaker 1: I just want to give you a little bit of a taste of what I mean when I say I live a life beyond my wildest dreams, like okay.
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: So first of all, right now I'm working.
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: I'm standing in my bedroom and I'm looking out over the beautiful palm trees.
• 28:37
  Speaker 1: There's a volcano in the distance, a bright blue sky.
• 28:40
  Speaker 1: My room is so pretty.
• 28:42
  Speaker 1: I'm in a three-bedroom villa in Bali, indonesia.
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: I have a dinner tonight with a couple of my best friends.
• 28:48
  Speaker 1: I already went to Pilates today at 11 am it's a Tuesday.
• 28:52
  Speaker 1: My sweet little foster dog is at doggy daycare, which I pay for her to go to every single day because I can.
• 28:58
  Speaker 1: I'm in the best shape of my life.
• 29:01
  Speaker 1: I sleep as much as I want and I wake up when I want.
• 29:05
  Speaker 1: I travel for three months of the year, every year, and the kind of traveling that I do is like I go offline for a whole week at Burning man.
• 29:13
  Speaker 1: I go offline for a whole week to take a cruise.
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: I go offline for a week so that I can go party at Carnival in Rio de Janeiro, which I've done twice.
• 29:21
  Speaker 1: Now this year I think I will go to the country of Georgia and Azerbaijan and Armenia, because I can, because why not?
• 29:30
  Speaker 1: And even though I think I'm going to come back to Bali in July, just for a month, just because I love my home and I want to spend more time here.
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: I could very well extend my trip if I felt like it, like if I happen to meet somebody that I have a romantic interest in and I want to go visit him somewhere I can.
• 29:48
  Speaker 1: Long distance is not really an issue for me.
• 29:52
  Speaker 1: Spontaneous trips are Never an issue.
• 29:56
  Speaker 1: I get to live my life as a yes woman.
• 29:58
  Speaker 1: I get to say yes to the things that light me up and therefore I am lit up on a very regular basis about my life.
• 30:06
  Speaker 1: I'm telling you, I'm driving down the street on a daily basis on my motorbike, wind in my hair, my little cute puppy at my feet and just being so grateful for my life every single day.
• 30:17
  Speaker 1: I've lived in Bali for five years now and the gratitude has not worn off when I just see the beautiful pink and purple flowers that are cascading over the road and, again, the coconut trees, the bright blue sky.
• 30:31
  Speaker 1: Even the heavy rainstorms are so much better than they were in Boston, where I'm from.
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: And just remember like I come from just a really basic upbringing, like I was just born in a suburban town.
• 30:45
  Speaker 1: Sure, I went to college, but I didn't have a lot of disposable income after that.
• 30:50
  Speaker 1: There was no like connections that my family had in order to skyrocket me to success.
• 30:56
  Speaker 1: I had incredibly low self-confidence, like a very defeatist, victim attitude at some point.
• 31:03
  Speaker 1: And if my life can go from there just really feeling so shattered and ashamed from losing my job to now working for myself and, by the way, I like love what I do, this quote work that I'm doing right now, there's nothing I would rather be doing than talking to you.
• 31:20
  Speaker 1: Like I get to do work that is fun.
• 31:23
  Speaker 1: I'm literally lit up by my work.
• 31:25
  Speaker 1: It's amazing.
• 31:26
  Speaker 1: So I wish that for you.
• 31:28
  Speaker 1: I wish that for you and I wish for you to just get over yourself and stop being so freaking afraid of fucking up, stop being so afraid of looking dumb, stop being so afraid of feeling like a failure, because, literally just by you, putting yourself into the face of failure is such an admirable thing to do.
• 31:53
  Speaker 1: If you guys have heard the story of my sister, I recently interviewed her on my podcast because she also works online and so she came to Bali for two months, which has been so beautiful, by the way, like her and I have such an amazing relationship.
• 32:10
  Speaker 1: She's my best friend and, yeah, the fact that she also works online and has a freedom lifestyle like I do is just pure magic that she gets to come to Bali for months and I can go visit her in LA if I want, and we're going to go to Burning man together, anyway, anyway, anyway, anyway, my sister has been on the entrepreneur journey long before I have, and I witnessed her creating several businesses actually in her past.
• 32:33
  Speaker 1: You can go find her on Instagram.
• 32:36
  Speaker 1: Her handle is uplevelwithemily.
• 32:38
  Speaker 1: She's now a life coach, and a really successful one.
• 32:40
  Speaker 1: She's got tons of followers on multiple platforms.
• 32:44
  Speaker 1: She just has clients that are booking calls with her and paying her thousands of dollars and she gets to be wherever she wants.
• 32:51
  Speaker 1: And it wasn't always this way.
• 32:52
  Speaker 1: I remember what year was it, I don't know, it was a while ago, but she actually literally moved back to my mom's house to pursue entrepreneurship.
• 33:02
  Speaker 1: She was building a dating app and, man, this chick worked her ass off.
• 33:07
  Speaker 1: She worked real hard, she was real stressed about it and ultimately, that business failed.
• 33:14
  Speaker 1: Ultimately, after trying for like a year and a half, it didn't end up working out.
• 33:18
  Speaker 1: She realized that the market was just unsustainable.
• 33:21
  Speaker 1: Like the thing about an app.
• 33:23
  Speaker 1: It's difficult to create if you don't have development experience, or at least it was at the time.
• 33:29
  Speaker 1: Maybe now with AI, it's easier to create an app-based business, but at the time it wasn't and it required a lot of capital and it required a huge marketing budget and it required a really innovative growth hacking way to market.
• 33:40
  Speaker 1: And she was up against these giants like whatever the company is that owns OkCupid and Tinder and whatever like that was her competition.
• 33:50
  Speaker 1: So she really went in with big dreams and she tried so hard and again she like sacrificed her whole lifestyle, like she was.
• 34:00
  Speaker 1: She was gallivanting off in Boston all the time and then moved back home to my mom's house and witnessing her through that process.
• 34:09
  Speaker 1: I know that she was feeling really defeated by the end, but here's the thing.
• 34:15
  Speaker 1: Okay, so we could say that like my sister quote failed at that experience of creating a dating app and I had so many talks with her about how she talked, about how she felt like a failure and I was just like Emily oh my God, but the way that you have grown like.
• 34:32
  Speaker 1: I witnessed her go through this incredible personal transformation journey, pursuing this business Like she evolved her soul multiple levels during that year or so, she just became a different person in the best way.
• 34:50
  Speaker 1: Not that she wasn't amazing before, but wow, like I think that all the wisdom that she shares on social media now, which has gotten her hundreds of thousands of followers, is a direct result of the life experience that she has had.
• 35:04
  Speaker 1: And a huge part of her life experience was her actually trying and failing at that business in such a big way she just went all in on it.
• 35:14
  Speaker 1: She was unafraid of failure, or I mean, I don't know if she actually if I'll have to do a follow up episode with her but she, it seemed like she went in so unafraid and for me, I just was in awe watching her being like wow, you are so brave and you are so cool and I want to be just like my big sister.
• 35:35
  Speaker 1: So, yeah, that's a sisterly relationship, a sisterly story.
• 35:39
  Speaker 1: Emily, sorry if you didn't want me to tell that story.
• 35:43
  Speaker 1: Anyway, moving on, one of the things that I say to my coaching clients all the time is that entrepreneurship is one of the biggest personal development journeys a human can take.
• 35:57
  Speaker 1: Now, if you're a frequent listener of this podcast, maybe you've heard me say that before too and if you're a frequent listener of this podcast.
• 36:04
  Speaker 1: Probably you are also interested in personal development.
• 36:08
  Speaker 1: I actually tend to believe that digital nomads in general are interested in personal development because you know the mindset stuff and the subconscious aside, ultimately becoming a digital nomad.
• 36:19
  Speaker 1: You are the mindset stuff and the subconscious aside, ultimately becoming a digital nomad.
• 36:21
  Speaker 1: You are pursuing something that most people are afraid of pursuing.
• 36:27
  Speaker 1: You're pursuing your wildest dreams and in order for you to have your wildest dreams, you need to become confident that you can have them.
• 36:36
  Speaker 1: You need to believe that you have the capabilities to pursue the work that you need to do in order to get there.
• 36:43
  Speaker 1: And entrepreneurship is triggering as hell because you do risk failure, you do risk judgment, you do risk criticism, you do risk rejection, you do risk trying something and then not being good at it and the internal feeling that that gives you when you're not a natural at something that you've never done before.
• 37:05
  Speaker 1: There's just so much internal work that needs to be done when you are an entrepreneur.
• 37:15
  Speaker 1: Think that like we can't grow unless we actually have a mirror to show us the places where we need to grow.
• 37:25
  Speaker 1: Does that make sense?
• 37:26
  Speaker 1: Like we all have blind spots until we become aware of them?
• 37:30
  Speaker 1: And when do we become aware of our blind spots?
• 37:33
  Speaker 1: And when I say blind spots, I mean parts of ourselves that are not fully developed, that are not operating at our highest capacity, like actually.
• 37:41
  Speaker 1: Let me just define blind spot really quick.
• 37:43
  Speaker 1: So this is a part of your mind, a belief, a behavior, a pattern that you really can't very easily see.
• 37:53
  Speaker 1: You might not recognize it in yourself, but it still influences the way that you operate in the world.
• 37:56
  Speaker 1: It influences your actions.
• 37:57
  Speaker 1: So it's like unconscious patterns, subconscious behaviors.
• 38:03
  Speaker 1: So an example might be a blind spot.
• 38:06
  Speaker 1: Belief could be this if I just work more hours, if I just try harder, I will succeed.
• 38:12
  Speaker 1: Or I will only make a lot of money if I work really hard.
• 38:16
  Speaker 1: So that could be a blind spot for you because actually it's literally not true.
• 38:22
  Speaker 1: But you think that it's true because of everything that you've been conditioned to believe.
• 38:27
  Speaker 1: You have this deep, deep belief in you that you have to work hard in order to make a lot of money.
• 38:32
  Speaker 1: But someone else like someone like me who has once had that blind spot, and now I see that I can actually just work smarter not harder and make the same amount, if not more money, I can see that blind spot in other people, but they can't see it because they have not yet been on the other side.
• 38:48
  Speaker 1: They might only become aware of it if they have a coach or a mentor calling them out on that blind spot.
• 38:56
  Speaker 1: Well, a coach or a mentor in business could call them out on that blind spot, but the actual act of having a business on its own can create for you a mirror to see your blind spots.
• 39:09
  Speaker 1: So, for example, one thing that I think a lot of people are really scared about, that holds them back from maybe not starting their business but excelling in their business, is the fear of rejection, getting on sales calls.
• 39:24
  Speaker 1: So for a lot of people, especially in the business model that I teach, sales calls are a non-negotiable Like you.
• 39:32
  Speaker 1: Just you have to do them if you want to make money, at least at the beginning, without having a big kind of marketing machine.
• 39:38
  Speaker 1: So you got to learn how to do sales calls.
• 39:40
  Speaker 1: You don't have to do sales calls forever, but at the beginning, without having a big kind of marketing machine.
• 39:41
  Speaker 1: So you got to learn how to do sales calls.
• 39:41
  Speaker 1: You don't have to do sales calls forever, but at the beginning you do need to do them and sales calls, in my opinion, are super fun.
• 39:50
  Speaker 1: Sales calls are an awesome opportunity to connect with another person who saw me on social media and thinks that I'm interesting and thinks that I might have value to provide and I can talk to them and maybe they'll say yes to whatever it is I'm selling, or maybe they'll say no.
• 40:09
  Speaker 1: And either way, if they say yes or no, I don't really care, because I'm not attaching my worth to my business.
• 40:17
  Speaker 1: But for a lot of new entrepreneurs who feel that when they have a new business, if someone doesn't want their business, they don't want them.
• 40:27
  Speaker 1: They don't want them as a person.
• 40:28
  Speaker 1: Sometimes people feel, when they are new in entrepreneurship, that if someone says no to their offer on a sales call, that person is not rejecting your offer or your business, but they are rejecting you because you are connecting yourself and your worth to your business, because you have so much on the line.
• 40:51
  Speaker 1: When you have your business, when you're new at it, you're probably putting your worth out there because you're scared of failure, because you think, oh my God, if I fail, people are going to think that I and it's like this entanglement of your identity to your business.
• 41:09
  Speaker 1: But it doesn't have to be that way.
• 41:11
  Speaker 1: I used to be that way.
• 41:12
  Speaker 1: I mean we all were.
• 41:15
  Speaker 1: And the reason why I'm able to speak about this at length is because I have felt like a failure so many times and I have learned from my own experience how to overcome that.
• 41:24
  Speaker 1: I'm so grateful for my entrepreneurship journey because, like today, I don't actually feel scared of failure.
• 41:35
  Speaker 1: There's been a bunch of times where I've tried something in my business and it just literally didn't work, and when it doesn't work, like what I could be doing is saying, oh my God, I failed, I fucked up all that money I could have made that I didn't.
• 41:52
  Speaker 1: Is it because everybody hates me?
• 41:54
  Speaker 1: Is it because my clients don't like what I'm doing anymore?
• 41:57
  Speaker 1: Is it because someone else is better than me?
• 42:00
  Speaker 1: Is it because I'm losing my edge?
• 42:02
  Speaker 1: Like I could go into a shame spiral like that?
• 42:05
  Speaker 1: But now I don't, because I have seen.
• 42:08
  Speaker 1: I saw in my entrepreneur journey my blind spot of thinking that my business represents me inherently and that my business represents my worth inherently.
• 42:21
  Speaker 1: But I wouldn't have known that had I not been forced to reckon with it in the activities that come with starting my business.
• 42:31
  Speaker 1: Does that make sense?
• 42:34
  Speaker 1: I hope that this makes sense.
• 42:36
  Speaker 1: I think it was a blind spot for me before that.
• 42:40
  Speaker 1: I had my worth tangled up in my career, which is probably why I was so devastated when I got fired from my job.
• 42:49
  Speaker 1: I just took a break from recording this podcast and I went downstairs to go have lunch and my sister is down there and she was like, oh, how's your podcast recording going?
• 42:56
  Speaker 1: And I told her that I had just finished recording the segment about losing my job and she was like, oh, how's your podcast recording going?
• 42:59
  Speaker 1: And I told her that I had just finished recording the segment about losing my job and she was like, oh, my God, I remember that day and I was like you do.
• 43:06
  Speaker 1: She's like, yeah, you called me like bawling your eyes out.
• 43:09
  Speaker 1: You were so devastated.
• 43:10
  Speaker 1: She was like I even remember where I was at that moment Because it was such a strong emotional reaction Like losing your job really shouldn't be that big of a deal.
• 43:21
  Speaker 1: Because you know, if you heard my story, you can hear now, and I understand now, that there were lots of reasons outside of me being a worthy human that contributed to me getting fired.
• 43:32
  Speaker 1: But at the time, me getting fired meant that I was unworthy.
• 43:36
  Speaker 1: That's crazy and you know, someone else could have reflected to me that that wasn't necessarily the case but at the same time, society as a whole does kind of see getting fired or fail or like failing a test or something as shameful.
• 43:59
  Speaker 1: So I actually did not get as much validation as I probably needed at that time in order for me to overcome the trauma of losing my job.
• 44:06
  Speaker 1: And, side note, if you have ever lost your job and if you have ever gone into a shame spiral and if you have ever felt like you were a complete failure because you lost your job and nobody comforted you in the way that I am right now in this podcast, I am so sorry.
• 44:22
  Speaker 1: I am so sorry that you have been a victim to your society and I just want you to know that it doesn't have to be that way.
• 44:30
  Speaker 1: As I mentioned earlier on in this episode, the rules are different with entrepreneurship.
• 44:34
  Speaker 1: With entrepreneurship, failure isn't a bad thing.
• 44:38
  Speaker 1: With entrepreneurship, failure isn't a bad thing.
• 44:43
  Speaker 1: Failure is feedback, failure is feedback, failure is feedback, failure is feedback, failure is feedback.
• 44:51
  Speaker 1: Please, please, please, drill that into your brain and never forget.
• 44:52
  Speaker 1: We need to stop asking ourselves what does this say about me if I fail?
• 44:57
  Speaker 1: And we need to start asking ourselves what is this teaching me if I fail?
• 45:02
  Speaker 1: Every time that you fail, it's just a data point.
• 45:07
  Speaker 1: It's literally a neutral thing.
• 45:10
  Speaker 1: I'll tell you about a time that I recently failed.
• 45:12
  Speaker 1: So I had this really great idea.
• 45:15
  Speaker 1: I thought it was a really great idea to host a retreat for the Digital Nomad Life Academy.
• 45:19
  Speaker 1: Okay, and I'm not saying that a retreat for the DNLA is a bad idea I have gotten feedback from my clients that a retreat is a good idea.
• 45:28
  Speaker 1: But what I wanted to do was host the retreat in a dream destination for me, which is Georgia.
• 45:36
  Speaker 1: Georgia, not the state, but the country, which is again by Azerbaijan, I think I mentioned earlier.
• 45:41
  Speaker 1: I'm going there this summer and I'm so excited.
• 45:43
  Speaker 1: I've wanted to go there for years and I was like, well, I should.
• 45:47
  Speaker 1: Just, it's an up-and-coming nomad destination.
• 45:49
  Speaker 1: Why don't I tell my community that this is where I'm going to host the retreat?
• 45:54
  Speaker 1: And I thought, well, if the retreat is going to be worth it for me, financially, for me, to do all that work, I want to get at least 16 people signed up, and you know there's over 100 people in the DNLA and I thought this is a possible number.
• 46:08
  Speaker 1: So I put it out there to the community.
• 46:10
  Speaker 1: I priced it at a point that I think is like super competitive for a retreat.
• 46:15
  Speaker 1: In fact it was actually like 50% of what I really wanted to charge.
• 46:19
  Speaker 1: But I just kind of wanted to throw it out there and see what the interest was and I was like, okay, well, people like it.
• 46:24
  Speaker 1: I can do a bigger and better and make more money from it the next year.
• 46:28
  Speaker 1: So I put it out there and I like sold it.
• 46:31
  Speaker 1: I did all the things.
• 46:32
  Speaker 1: I made the landing page, I made a video like explaining how it was all going to work.
• 46:37
  Speaker 1: I detailed out every single day video like explaining how it was all going to work.
• 46:41
  Speaker 1: I detailed out every single day.
• 46:42
  Speaker 1: I found the hotel.
• 46:46
  Speaker 1: Like I did a lot of work to pull the idea of this retreat together and if you are one of my clients, you know that this is true Like I went for it with this retreat and the interest for this retreat was so low.
• 46:56
  Speaker 1: You guys, there was a handful of people that were interested, but way, way less people than I thought.
• 47:04
  Speaker 1: And what I ended up doing was I had a feedback session about it where several of my clients who are really dedicated members of the Digital Nomad Life Academy.
• 47:14
  Speaker 1: We talked about the retreat and I got to ask them what would be their ideal situation.
• 47:19
  Speaker 1: And what I realized was that if I'm going to host a digital nomad retreat for my clients who are very new to the digital nomad scene, it's not as interesting for them to go to a kind of more obscure destination like Georgia.
• 47:35
  Speaker 1: They would rather go to one of the more mainstream digital nomad destinations like Medellin, colombia or Bali, for example, because I held a just like a Friendsgiving dinner at my house last November and 15 people came to my house.
• 47:50
  Speaker 1: So I was like, if I can get 15 people to just show up at my house for Thanksgiving, surely I should be able to get some people to come on like a full organized retreat.
• 48:02
  Speaker 1: But the thing was I made the retreat based on what I wanted.
• 48:07
  Speaker 1: I didn't do the full market research on what they wanted before I put it out there.
• 48:12
  Speaker 1: So what I could have done when that whole retreat like idea blew up in my face is dramatic.
• 48:21
  Speaker 1: When it just didn't work, it was a failed attempt at hosting a retreat.
• 48:26
  Speaker 1: So when I failed at hosting a retreat this year, what I could have done was gone into a shame spiral and I could have said, oh my gosh, like I'm never going to be successful hosting a retreat, like I thought that my clients liked the idea, I thought they liked me and maybe they don't actually like me and I could have gone into a full spiral like that.
• 48:51
  Speaker 1: But instead what I did was I just said, huh, interesting, this didn't work out the way that I thought that it would.
• 48:58
  Speaker 1: Luckily, I didn't have all of my income requirements for the year riding on that retreat which that's another topic that I will mention in just a moment and I just thought, okay, cool, well, this one failed.
• 49:12
  Speaker 1: Maybe I will try again in a few months and offer something different based off of the feedback that I got from this failure.
• 49:23
  Speaker 1: Okay, so what I was just mentioning is like luckily, I didn't need the money from that revenue, from the revenue of the retreat that I wanted to host, and I think this is just a really important side note for anybody that's wanting to start a business.
• 49:38
  Speaker 1: For me, I didn't start my business or I didn't quit my job until my business had already replaced my full-time income or your sense of self-worth on the line when you start your business but you also have your full livelihood.
• 50:06
  Speaker 1: Like you're counting on this business to allow you to eat and provide for your family and make sure you have a roof over your head, like if you're using your business as your only vehicle to make money.
• 50:19
  Speaker 1: That is going to make the fear of failure very real and very scary, and it doesn't have to be that way.
• 50:28
  Speaker 1: Like the way that I teach business is, you can build a business on the side even if you have a full-time job, even if you have a full schedule.
• 50:36
  Speaker 1: You, even if you have a full schedule, you still can build a business and get it to a point where you can replace your income before you quit.
• 50:45
  Speaker 1: Will you be working extra hard in those first few months that you have your business?
• 50:49
  Speaker 1: Yeah, of course I'm not here telling you that creating a business is like an easy, breezy, beautiful experience, experience.
• 50:57
  Speaker 1: It is just an experience.
• 50:59
  Speaker 1: That's actually pretty simple.
• 51:00
  Speaker 1: You just you need to do the work and it is work.
• 51:03
  Speaker 1: But if you do the work and you get over your fears, then it's super possible and anybody can do it anybody who gets over their fear of failure.
• 51:11
  Speaker 1: But quitting your job before you have replaced your income from your business to me is just setting yourself up for failure and scarcity, and that just isn't necessary.
• 51:21
  Speaker 1: Like the fear of failure is a big enough issue that I've made a whole podcast about it.
• 51:26
  Speaker 1: You don't also need to throw yourself into financial scarcity, making the fear of failure an actual, legitimate, real risk.
• 51:33
  Speaker 1: So just remember that, as long as you're not going to lose completely everything, if you start your business and it doesn't work out right away, it's going to be okay.
• 51:44
  Speaker 1: All that failure is.
• 51:45
  Speaker 1: All that failure has to be, is just feedback.
• 51:49
  Speaker 1: Now, speaking of failure only having to be something that has to do with, like, your reputation as being a bad thing, having to be something that has to do with, like your reputation as being a bad thing, sometimes people do put themselves into a situation where they, you know, put their business on a pedestal.
• 52:05
  Speaker 1: They they put so much pressure and emphasis on making sure that their business takes off within a short matter of time Because if their business doesn't make money, then they're not going to be able to eat.
• 52:15
  Speaker 1: So, like if that is a situation that you're in right, or if that's a situation that you're scared of a really important thing to do when you are facing the fear of failure, which, by the way, happens at almost every single stage of your business.
• 52:31
  Speaker 1: Every single time you up level in your business, you will face a new fear of failure, because you're trying a new thing and we can always fail at something new.
• 52:41
  Speaker 1: So, but I guess right now I'm specifically speaking to people who are just starting your business or they want to start a business or have not yet started a business.
• 52:50
  Speaker 1: So if you are worried, that if you start a business and then you fail, I want you to get really, really clear on what the worst case scenario actually looks like.
• 53:03
  Speaker 1: And here's a little somatic exercise that I think is super important.
• 53:08
  Speaker 1: If you are fearful of failure and you might be surprised at what your subconscious ends up giving you after you do this simple little exercise but you'll hear me do a lot of exercises like this in this podcast when you close your eyes and you think about all the things that you would have to do in order to get your business up and running okay and in an order for your business to be successful.
• 53:34
  Speaker 1: Maybe that means investing in some kind of coaching or mentorship program, maybe it means investing in an online course, and maybe you don't have a ton of money to throw around, or maybe you do.
• 53:45
  Speaker 1: Either way, you probably are going to need to invest in some capacity if you want your business to be successful, so maybe you need to throw money at it.
• 53:55
  Speaker 1: Maybe you also need to show up online.
• 53:59
  Speaker 1: Maybe you need to start speaking to the camera on social media.
• 54:03
  Speaker 1: Maybe you need to post stories about it.
• 54:05
  Speaker 1: Maybe you need to tell people at that wedding that you're going to, what your new plan is.
• 54:09
  Speaker 1: Maybe you need to have a conversation with your parents, and you know that you're going to disappoint them.
• 54:14
  Speaker 1: I want you to think about all the things that you would have to do in order to be successful, and if you don't know what all the things are, that's okay.
• 54:21
  Speaker 1: This is just an exercise.
• 54:23
  Speaker 1: But once you imagine all the things that you would have to do, then I want you to imagine what your life would literally look like, like if, you quote, failed.
• 54:35
  Speaker 1: So if it all didn't work out, okay, what are the actual real visions, the scary visions that you are seeing, and for a lot of people I know, these scary visions include someone making fun of them, including having very little money in their bank account, maybe having to give up their home and move in with their parents.
• 55:00
  Speaker 1: Maybe they even might picture themselves homeless and on the street.
• 55:04
  Speaker 1: I will tell you that one time I was working with a client and I had him go through this exercise where he was saying I'm just really scared that it's not going to work out.
• 55:13
  Speaker 1: And I led him through this whole guided visualization meditation, which I often do with my clients when we work together, especially one-on-one, and I asked him what he was envisioning when he fails in his mind's eye, and what he told me was he saw him this.
• 55:31
  Speaker 1: I hate to laugh at it, but, oh my God, I just like.
• 55:34
  Speaker 1: I was like this is such a dramatic scene.
• 55:36
  Speaker 1: He imagined himself in a desert, sitting on a log looking at the sunset.
• 55:42
  Speaker 1: There was a dog, a scraggly dog, next to him and he had a stick with a pouch on the end, with all of his belongings in the world in that little pouch.
• 55:52
  Speaker 1: And that's what his life would look like if he failed.
• 55:56
  Speaker 1: And in that moment, oh my gosh, I actually ended up laughing because I was like do you see how crazy this is?
• 56:02
  Speaker 1: But like these are the kind of visions that we have in our subconscious that are actually secretly sabotaging our ability to have success.
• 56:12
  Speaker 1: I mean, if that really were his future, like that would be.
• 56:16
  Speaker 1: That sounds like a pretty dire situation, like literally having nothing in the world but a little dog.
• 56:21
  Speaker 1: But now you got to like provide for the dog being in the desert alone looking at the sunset, all sad Sounds, like he's homeless in this vision, Like all this is really dramatic and I was like dude do.
• 56:35
  Speaker 1: Now, now that we're back in a conscious conversation, do you actually think that if you fail at this business, that's what would happen?
• 56:43
  Speaker 1: And then he was like, no, actually no, I probably would just go get my old job again and I would just start making money and I wouldn't be super happy at that job.
• 56:54
  Speaker 1: So maybe that would be the worst thing and I'm like, okay, but even if you go back to that quote job that you didn't like, you would be going back with so much knowledge and feedback from your failed experience that you'd be able to go back to the drawing board, but this time with so much more information and real life experience to apply to whatever your next endeavor is.
• 57:20
  Speaker 1: There's some statistic that says that the average entrepreneur apparently has failed 3.8 times before building a business that actually works.
• 57:29
  Speaker 1: If you ask me, I have some list where I tried to start like seven to nine different businesses, depending on what you count as a business, but to me, what counts as a business is having an idea for a business and then actually taking action to bring that business to life, which could mean buying the domain name or posting about it on social media, like I had.
• 57:55
  Speaker 1: So I always have so many different business ideas.
• 57:58
  Speaker 1: This is actually something that I've been able to monetize, because now, when people get on the phone with me for a career assessment, I get to learn all about them and then I give them ideas for their business.
• 58:10
  Speaker 1: So I'm just like a fountain of ideas, right, and I've been wanting to be an entrepreneur for a really long time before I started my business.
• 58:17
  Speaker 1: So I just had all these ideas and I would execute on them because I really wanted to make entrepreneurship happen.
• 58:23
  Speaker 1: I really wanted to work for myself, but they kept failing, and there's so many reasons why each and every single one failed For me.
• 58:34
  Speaker 1: What I really didn't understand was that marketing for yourself is super different than marketing for a business.
• 58:43
  Speaker 1: I'd been working in marketing for like 13 years at the time when I first started my own business.
• 58:49
  Speaker 1: So I was like I know all about marketing, like I got this, like I can do this.
• 58:53
  Speaker 1: But when you market for yourself, the reason why it's different is because you put your ego on the line and you risk failure being tied up in your self-worth.
• 59:05
  Speaker 1: And that's why marketing is different.
• 59:07
  Speaker 1: And that's literally why I failed because I was scared to market myself.
• 59:12
  Speaker 1: I was scared to ask for prices that would actually make my business sustainable.
• 59:18
  Speaker 1: Basically, all of this, the whole reason why I failed over and over and over and over again, with all those different business ideas that I had, was actually literally because I was scared of failure.
• 59:30
  Speaker 1: Isn't that so meta?
• 59:32
  Speaker 1: It's so crazy.
• 59:34
  Speaker 1: But like this is just the reality of how our brains are.
• 59:38
  Speaker 1: Our brains are wired to keep us safe.
• 59:40
  Speaker 1: Our brains are wired to protect our egos.
• 59:43
  Speaker 1: Our brains are wired to have us seek out connection more than reaching our ultimate potential.
• 59:50
  Speaker 1: And that's okay.
• 59:51
  Speaker 1: Just because we are wired in a certain way, it doesn't mean that we are destined to be that way forever, and you can rewire your brain to be comfortable or more comfortable with failure.
• 1:00:05
  Speaker 1: And remember if you are more comfortable with failure, if you are not scared of failure, you are way more likely to be successful, because when you're not scared of failing, you try more, you try harder and therefore you get better results.
• 1:00:24
  Speaker 1: Now there's another podcast episode that I have called Shadow Work and Light Work for digital nomads and entrepreneurs, and this is basically the way to rewire your brain so that you are less scared of failure.
• 1:00:41
  Speaker 1: And actually I also have another episode all about confidence, like how to grow your confidence, because that is the opposite of fear of failure, right, like it's just having and being fully embodied in your confidence.
• 1:00:52
  Speaker 1: So listen to those other episodes if this one is resonating with you.
• 1:00:56
  Speaker 1: But just a little teaser or a little taste.
• 1:00:59
  Speaker 1: The way to not be scared of failure and the way to become more confident in whatever it is that you're doing is to start stacking and tracking wins, small wins they don't have to be crazy big wins, small wins they don't have to be crazy big wins.
• 1:01:21
  Speaker 1: But, you know, looking for evidence in your life that contribute to the idea that actually success could be possible for you.
• 1:01:26
  Speaker 1: Our brains are set up.
• 1:01:27
  Speaker 1: We have something in our brain called the reticular activating system, the RAS.
• 1:01:31
  Speaker 1: It's a filter that filters out unnecessary information and focuses on necessary information.
• 1:01:39
  Speaker 1: What does our brain think is necessary?
• 1:01:41
  Speaker 1: Things that keep us safe or things that risk our safety?
• 1:01:47
  Speaker 1: So our brain is hyper-focused on anything that feels like a threat.
• 1:01:52
  Speaker 1: That's why, when you hear a loud noise, you suddenly look up.
• 1:01:56
  Speaker 1: And it's also why, if you live in a house where there's airplanes constantly going overhead, you stop even hearing the airplanes because your brain, your reticular activating system, has decided that those loud noises are no longer a threat to your survival and you literally just tune it out.
• 1:02:15
  Speaker 1: So the thing about failure and retraining your brain so that you're not so scared of it anymore is that your brain has been hyper-focusing up to this point on all the times that you failed.
• 1:02:30
  Speaker 1: So if you're scared of failure, your brain is gonna be like you should be scared of failure, because remember this time that you failed and that time that you failed and that other time and this time that things didn't work out the way that you wanted to Remember, remember, remember and your cute little subconscious is nagging you like that.
• 1:02:46
  Speaker 1: But you can actually train your subconscious to be like, okay, all those times that I failed there was actually some benefit that came out of it.
• 1:02:56
  Speaker 1: And I bet, if you sat down and you really tried, you could find a silver lining to every single time that you have failed in the past.
• 1:03:03
  Speaker 1: So I highly recommend that you do that and then, once you come up with that list of all those times that you failed in the past and the actual positive things that resulted from that failure, now you're going to go through an inventory of your life and you're going to try to remember all the things that you succeeded at and remember these don't need to be big things, they can be small things, little things.
• 1:03:29
  Speaker 1: It could literally be the whole, like it could literally be that you decided you wanted to wake up 10 minutes earlier than you normally do and then you actually did, like anything like that where you can find evidence that if you set your mind to something, you will follow through.
• 1:03:45
  Speaker 1: We want to collect evidence like that and we're going to not pay attention to all the times that it didn't work out okay.
• 1:03:53
  Speaker 1: So, again, you're coming up with all the positives from your failures and then you're coming up with all the positives from your failures, and then you're coming up with a huge list of all your successes, all your little wins, and when you do this you're going to, especially when you make it a daily practice to do this.
• 1:04:07
  Speaker 1: You're going to start to become more confident and you're going to start to become more comfortable with the idea of failure, because you're going to be reminded that, even if you do fail, it's not the end of the world, that failure is actually just feedback, and failure can contribute to beautiful, positive things in very mysterious ways.
• 1:04:28
  Speaker 1: The main takeaway that I want you to get from this episode is that failure is not something to be scared of.
• 1:04:35
  Speaker 1: Failure is something that you can actually embrace, but you need to remember that you have spent your entire life.
• 1:04:41
  Speaker 1: You have been conditioned over and over and over again, from when you were five years old and first started school, that failure is a bad thing, but it's not a bad thing.
• 1:04:52
  Speaker 1: Failure directly contributes to your growth, and when you are an entrepreneur, you are on the growth journey of a lifetime, and the growth never, ever stops, which means that the failure is also never, ever going to stop.
• 1:05:09
  Speaker 1: When you decide to take the entrepreneur path, you really just need to get comfortable with the idea that, at any minute, you could quote fail, but fail never has to be a bad thing if you actually just don't give up.
• 1:05:26
  Speaker 1: A failure can just be an invitation to pivot.
• 1:05:28
  Speaker 1: A failure can be a lesson learned.
• 1:05:29
  Speaker 1: A failure can be a redirection.
• 1:05:32
  Speaker 1: Have you ever heard the phrase rejection is redirection?
• 1:05:35
  Speaker 1: Oh my gosh.
• 1:05:36
  Speaker 1: It's one of my favorite little quotes of all time Just trusting the process, trusting that every time that you do fail, it ultimately can contribute to something so much bigger and grander and better than you ever could have imagined.
• 1:05:52
  Speaker 1: Now I know I happen to be a very positive, optimistic person, but I think that this is a huge reason why I've been so successful, because while maybe in the past, before I went through a whole big personal development journey, I used to take failure and rejection to mean something personal, to mean that I was bad, that I was not worthy, that I was incapable, that I was bound or doomed for despair, I don't know but now that I've gone through my personal development journey, I've been able to use my positive predisposition and my optimism to my advantage, coupling it with failure being not that bad, and therefore, every time that I have failed since this personal development journey, I have transmuted it into a learning experience.
• 1:06:40
  Speaker 1: I never would have been able to make this podcast episode if I hadn't failed all those times.
• 1:06:45
  Speaker 1: So little did I know all those times that I failed in the past ultimately would contribute to helping you, to helping all the people who are listeners of this podcast.
• 1:06:54
  Speaker 1: I really, really, really hope you can start training your brain to see failures as opportunities for growth and not an indication that you're doing something wrong or that you're on the wrong path or that you're bad or any negative thing like that.
• 1:07:12
  Speaker 1: Failure is just a neutral part of the entrepreneur experience, so get used to it.
• 1:07:19
  Speaker 1: Kid, are you with me or are you not?
• 1:07:21
  Speaker 1: Are you with us or are you against us?
• 1:07:24
  Speaker 1: Do you want to become an entrepreneur or not?
• 1:07:26
  Speaker 1: Do you want to live a life of freedom or not?
• 1:07:28
  Speaker 1: Do you want to have a career that you love or not?
• 1:07:33
  Speaker 1: Do you want to be able to wake up in the morning when you want, or do you want to wake up when your alarm says so because your boss says you have to be there at this specific time?
• 1:07:44
  Speaker 1: Do you want to be able to work out when your body feels good, or do you want to be pushing your body through resistance and fatigue and then ending up never having it?
• 1:07:53
  Speaker 1: Look the way that you want to look.
• 1:07:54
  Speaker 1: Do you want your bank account to stay stuck or do you want it to grow?
• 1:07:58
  Speaker 1: Do you want to be able to do work that actually fulfills you and helps people, or do you want to be a cog in the wheel?
• 1:08:06
  Speaker 1: The decision is yours, and I really believe that the main thing that's standing in your way from all these amazing outcomes of you living the life of your dreams is literally just your fear of failure, and the amazing thing about a fear of failure is that it's not real.
• 1:08:24
  Speaker 1: It's a figment of your imagination and it can completely change just with the way that you look at it.
• 1:08:30
  Speaker 1: So if you've been inspired by this episode, I would love, love, love to hear from you.
• 1:08:37
  Speaker 1: If you slide into my DMs with the keyword failure podcast, I'll know that you came from this one.
• 1:08:43
  Speaker 1: I'll know that you listened to one of my more.
• 1:08:45
  Speaker 1: I don't know, it's not an existential episode, but one of the more like mindset-y personal development episodes.
• 1:08:51
  Speaker 1: I feel like if you're still here listening to this, you're probably a vibe.
• 1:08:55
  Speaker 1: We would probably vibe.
• 1:08:57
  Speaker 1: I'd love to chat with you and I'd love to hear if you are well.
• 1:09:03
  Speaker 1: I'd love to hear where you're at in your journey of becoming an entrepreneur.
• 1:09:05
  Speaker 1: Have you been held back by the fear of failure?
• 1:09:07
  Speaker 1: Did this episode make an impact on you in any way?
• 1:09:10
  Speaker 1: Let me know.
• 1:09:12
  Speaker 1: And, by the way, if you are curious to work with me inside of the Digital Nomad Life Academy, you know where to find me.
• 1:09:18
  Speaker 1: It is right there in my DMs at Christabella Travels.
• 1:09:21
  Speaker 1: You can slide in with the keyword failure podcast if you want me to know that you heard this one.
• 1:09:25
  Speaker 1: Or if you actually just want to straight up apply to work with me in the Digital Nomad Life Academy, you can send me the keyword apply to my DMs.
• 1:09:35
  Speaker 1: And when you do that, when you send me the keyword apply, you will get some automated messages and they're just questions, basically the application questions.
• 1:09:43
  Speaker 1: Answer all of them first, right, tell me, like, where you're from, what you've been doing for work up to this point.
• 1:09:49
  Speaker 1: Do you already have a business idea or not?
• 1:09:51
  Speaker 1: Do you?
• 1:09:51
  Speaker 1: Would you need me to help you figure one out or not?
• 1:09:54
  Speaker 1: Just answer the questions and then I can reply when I'm online and have availability, and we can have a conversation about whether me supporting you in your entrepreneurship journey is the right thing or not and I'm infamous for telling people to go elsewhere, like if I really, if I don't think that I can help you, I'm definitely going to tell you I don't want anybody in my program that I know isn't going to get results.
• 1:10:17
  Speaker 1: So, yeah, slide into my DMs at ChristabellaTravels with either the keyword failure podcast or the keyword apply and let's have a conversation about how you can move past your fear of failure and get started with the dream life that I know we both know you deserve.
• 1:10:35
  Speaker 1: So thanks for listening to the Digital Nomad Life podcast and I will see you in the next episode.
• 1:10:41
  Speaker 1: Thanks, bye.