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The Plotties 2024 with Carla and Emily - We Rank the BEST and WORST Smuts We Read this Year! · Lose the Plot with Carla and Emily

• 0:00
  Hi friends, this is Lose the Plot with Carla and Emily.
• 0:03
  Welcome to a very special episode.
• 0:05
  Normally we dedicate each episode to a spicy, smutty
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  masterpiece, but this is the 2024 Plotties, our annual award
• 0:15
  show where we round up our reads for the whole year and see which
• 0:20
  ones come out on top. If you haven't already, hit that
• 0:23
  subscribe and notification button on your favorite podcast
• 0:26
  platform so you don't miss a single second of the action in
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  2000 25. Bro how do you think we did in
• 1:18
  2020? Four trash.
• 1:20
  What a blur. Trash.
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  Blur. We could have done so many
• 1:23
  better things. Oh, sorry.
• 1:26
  Just with our time generally or on this podcast?
• 1:29
  On this podcast. Probably.
• 1:31
  I feel like the world is lying to me.
• 1:34
  The most popular books on TikTok are trash.
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  Oh, A. 100% honestly though I read trash anyway.
• 1:40
  It's just who's trash is to who you know?
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  That made no sense. I don't even.
• 1:49
  We didn't really have much of A theme, did we this year or
• 1:51
  anything. We forgot to do Halloween.
• 1:54
  Yeah, we didn't particularly do a Valentine's Day one either.
• 2:00
  We wasn't so much more. Organised in our first year.
• 2:03
  It's me. I feel like it's me.
• 2:06
  Why? I feel like I cancelled last
• 2:07
  minute all the time. My body is riddled with sickness
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  all the time. Well, we did a Christmas one.
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  We did Christmas. Who knows 2025?
• 2:18
  Maybe better, maybe worse. Yeah.
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  No promises. Knows first thing we have to do
• 2:24
  before we get into our lovely categories is listing off all
• 2:29
  the books that we're potentially talking about that we read last
• 2:32
  year, just in case there's going to be spoilers.
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  Because fair, fair, fair. I'm really sure there will be.
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  I feel like I've got a lot of honourable mentions in the
• 2:42
  categories. Amazing.
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  I'm going to shoot off all the books.
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  All of the books King of Wrath by Anna Huang, Does it Hurt by
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  HD Carlton, The Mindfuck Series by St.
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  Abbey, The Serpent and the Wings of Night and the Ashes and the
• 2:58
  Star. Cursed King by Cursive
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  Broadbent, The Fine Print by Lauren Asher.
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  Flawless by Elsie Silva. Verity by Colleen Hoover.
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  Bride by Ali Hazelwood. Priest by Sierra Simone.
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  Powerless by Lauren Roberts. Scarred by Emily McIntyre.
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  Corrupt by Penelope Douglas, God of Malice by Rena Kent, A Court
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  of Thorns and Roses by Sarah J Mass, How My Neighbour Stole
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  Christmas by Megan Quinn and It Ends With Us by Colleen Hoover.
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  Question mark. Questionable.
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  I I don't even. Know, have you read extra books
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  this year? Hell no.
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  OK, because when we were like, sorry, I've read something like
• 3:41
  45 books this year, 45 plus books this year.
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  Wow. In the week of Christmas, I know
• 3:48
  you know, God Malice, Legacy of Gods.
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  I know I probably said in the podcast that I was not going to
• 3:53
  read the rest, but I read all of them in a week.
• 3:55
  Stop. I gobbled that shit up.
• 3:58
  I gobbled. OK, I'm gonna be so fucking for
• 4:01
  real right now. You hated it?
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  No. No.
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  No, I mixed up the plot of Corrupt and God of Malice
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  because we read them both. Back-to-back fair.
• 4:09
  And they were very similar vibes.
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  And when I was trying to sort out this list, I was like, who
• 4:14
  is who? Who is so tough?
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  Biggest challenge of 2024? I don't remember any of this
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  shit. No, no, that's why I was like 45
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  books. I was like, that's a lot of
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  they're all starting to blur. They're all the same thing.
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  A. 100%. I don't even know what I read, I
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  just know I read that message. So let's start with our first
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  category, most incompatible couple.
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  The couple and priest hang on Tyler.
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  Oh yes. And fucks me, Cindy.
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  Lou who? Cindy Lou Who.
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  What's her? Name some not summer basic.
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  Was it summer? I don't think so.
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  Poppy. It was poppy.
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  Poppy. If it wasn't poppy, I'm sorry to
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  the poppy. No, no.
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  That makes sense. OK, Tyler and Poppy.
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  Tyler and Poppy won. This man only ever thought about
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  God and sex. And I feel like she had
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  aspirations. I feel like she wanted to go
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  places. I know she was stripping, but
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  she opened her own dance studio. That's right.
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  And this man was just here fucking in the church and I feel
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  like she could have gone so many more places without him.
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  Oh, 100%. Exactly.
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  Didn't you just walk into church one day and decide he was hot?
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  Yes. And then that was it.
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  Yes, they didn't have a conversation Facts.
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  They just wanted to fart. I no they did.
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  But I really think he would have went nowhere in life and she
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  would have went so. Gagged he didn't have anywhere.
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  To go No, I know. And you know.
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  He OK instead of going to therapy like a normal person.
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  So not only did he get caught for fucking in churches, not
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  even fucking kissing in churches, instead of going to
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  therapy, he went and built Wells and he was like, I'm coming back
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  with all my building muscles and then I'm going to fuck her in
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  another church. Yeah, there was no.
• 6:08
  Character development. There was no character
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  development for any of them, but I feel like she could have had
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  more like she had the potential to be.
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  Why didn't he just switch religions?
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  Because. Because he's a weird little
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  fuck. Because isn't there.
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  Religions where you can have a wife.
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  I just do a switcheroo. Problem solved.
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  What was he yours? So my most incompatible couple
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  is Soya and Enzo from Does it hurt because why?
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  They're fucking Why, but why? No one needed to be in this
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  coupling. Either of them, they were so
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  trauma bonded. They met in this.
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  Feral pub like let's start there.
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  You're obligated to spend the life your life with anybody you
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  meet in a feral pub at 2:00 PM. Or whatever it was, him with his
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  bodies, with the naked chicks on his balding.
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  But OK, you know how in a book, normally there's a common
• 7:03
  interest or a reason or a journey, like a reason why
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  they're put together as a couple?
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  Yeah, they could have been strangers on the street.
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  It wouldn't have fucking mattered.
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  She's the one who ended up robbing him.
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  Exactly. That was.
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  How they ended up needing any kind of plot and then they got
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  shipwrecked. Also, we're reading romance
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  books. Yes.
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  Is it too much to ask to have the main characters be somewhat
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  appealing looking in my mind's eye?
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  I think he was the trashiest man out of all.
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  How crusty she was. She was crusty.
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  She was. Sitting on bus stops.
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  I don't know if it's just me and I'm a picky bitch, but if I had
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  to watch someone piss and shit in a bucket for however long
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  weeks I don't know if we would be together.
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  No, I would just want to part ways.
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  Immediately. Immediately never see them gone.
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  Mystery's gone. She was getting home job tattoos
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  from strangers at a bus stop. Exactly.
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  And she was like. Chain smoking and then she goes
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  into this dusty pub at like 10:00 AM and then human is
• 8:08
  thongs and board shorts. I mean, we should have known
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  from the magpie circling. I just like there's no need for
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  them to be together. Honestly both.
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  Both couples, mine and yours, Fair.
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  I could see this couple any old time walking down the street.
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  Don't put it in a book that I have to then read through
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  because I've committed to a podcast like.
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  Honestly you picked that 1 I think.
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  But tell me why they even needed to be together because it was
• 8:43
  trying to give enemies to lovers but he just.
• 8:45
  It was weird. It's weird I think.
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  Honestly, this book comes up a bit later in my in my notes.
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  Oh, it doesn't mind. I might not go too deep it.
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  Doesn't. Mind 'cause we're gonna have
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  more bitching to do. So this one's kind of special,
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  right, 'cause we we're picking the diamond to the rough.
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  It's a platter, a palate cleanser as a.
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  Playgrounder Who was your best couple?
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  Oh my God, it was summer and red.
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  Oh my. God, same.
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  The bar was low. The bar was in owl.
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  The bar was in the. Core of the universe.
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  There was no other couple. No.
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  All of the other ones, weird. Weird little farts.
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  Weird. Horrendous.
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  Honestly, it's on us. To be fair though, the dark
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  romances and the bad ones are more fun to talk about.
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  We all read it cause a man's possessive for fuck, it's not
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  because they're getting dicked down non consensually.
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  I don't know. The jury's still out on that
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  one. People I don't know well, I
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  personally and for a possessive man.
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  So going back to red. And it's so sad.
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  Bare minimal it's. So sad.
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  How dare he be a nice man? I didn't remember their names.
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  I have to look it up. So did I.
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  And honestly, because Rhett is the bare minimum, yeah, he was
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  in the lead just by default. Honestly that book was probably
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  the most boring. Oh 100%.
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  He had the typical reformed hoe, bad boy, bull rider personality.
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  Yeah, he didn't have much else, but the pairing was believable
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  enough that it had to end up. And honestly, it makes sense.
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  She was promoting sports. He was a sportsman.
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  So if you like contemporary romance, that one's a good one
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  to be just an easy read. Whatever.
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  Like you're on a plane, you're travelling, take that book.
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  With it's honestly on par with Done and Dusted, which was the
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  year before for us I think. Best couple is kind of like they
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  usually are the boring one because.
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  There's no red flags. Yeah.
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  And they, honestly, they had conversations, they liked each
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  other, whereas I feel like every other book, they didn't even
• 10:53
  like each other. Yeah.
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  Or they just don't have banter and we're supposed to believe
• 10:57
  they like each other. I'm not surprised we agreed on
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  that one, No. OK, now this was hard because
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  obviously this next category. What the fuck?
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  Because. I don't know because so many of
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  the male characters are just villains anyway so worst villain
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  like trash. Villain mines Vivians death Oh
• 11:20
  my God I was gonna. Put Vivian's hand, but then I
• 11:23
  changed it. 'Cause he was fucking.
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  Boring. Oh, 100%.
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  Also grow up, get back for your weird wank to what's in my face
• 11:34
  I can't remember. Her boyfriend?
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  Yes. Dante.
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  I think so. I could be wrong, feels like
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  Dante. But Vivian's dad was showing
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  his. Ass from the.
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  Beginning. So it's like.
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  It was no surprise. Yeah, it was no surprise.
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  Like he's forcing her to marry someone if.
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  He was trash at it. He wasn't.
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  Even good if you got a. Blackmail on someone do it good.
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  He did it like an old man that didn't know how to use
• 11:59
  technology. His daughter wouldn't have his
• 12:01
  passwords. Like, let's be real. 100% What
• 12:05
  was his goal really? Just to get old money rich.
• 12:09
  He just wanted societal power I suppose.
• 12:12
  They were rich already, that's what I mean.
• 12:15
  And then Vivian was stupid 'cause she was rich already too.
• 12:18
  I know. Yeah.
• 12:19
  She's like, Oh no, Was wasn't it because of his like Dante's
• 12:23
  diamond money? Dante came from like old money,
• 12:27
  so he had diamond money, building money.
• 12:29
  He's all in little. But why do you call Vivian like
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  shit all the time? You know the dad.
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  'Cause he's weird, greedy, sorry I.
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  Cut him off the second after I got married.
• 12:41
  Take a shot for anytime I say weird little fox, because that's
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  my word of the day. Amazing, weird little fox.
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  Yeah, I hated him too. I forget his name.
• 12:51
  He doesn't even deserve it. I don't.
• 12:52
  Even I just put Vivian's dad, yeah.
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  I don't that's all that we need to.
• 12:57
  Know he was non memorable. Was he supposed he was supposed
• 13:02
  to be the villain, Wasn't he? Yeah, Yeah.
• 13:03
  In that book. He was just shit at it given.
• 13:08
  Boomer and you can't scare us. You're.
• 13:13
  Fucking I just put you over and we're good.
• 13:16
  I'll just update my will, babe. Let's like see ya just.
• 13:20
  Cut him off. Just why would you need him
• 13:22
  anymore? But you wouldn't.
• 13:24
  She's a grown woman. Exactly.
• 13:26
  Exactly. Did he die in the end?
• 13:30
  Fucks me. We really need to start
• 13:34
  listening to our own podcast I. Did I just didn't have time to
• 13:38
  listen to 14 episodes yesterday? That's so true.
• 13:42
  Listening to my own voice is a jump scare in itself.
• 13:44
  Really, I'm so desensitised. I listen to it at like 2 times
• 13:48
  speed because we sound funnier too.
• 13:51
  We sound manic on one speed let alone 2 speed.
• 13:55
  I'm like OK this is just chipmunks in a bag.
• 13:59
  Lord, I'm going to need some help with this one because I
• 14:02
  think I know which character. I'm talking about that, I could
• 14:04
  be wrong. OK, OK, so I put down for worst
• 14:08
  villain Michael. Christ from corrupt.
• 14:14
  Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. No Dad, Dad Michael.
• 14:17
  Wait, what? Dad Michael or no, the main
• 14:21
  character. Honestly, they were so stupid.
• 14:25
  OK, so. He was the Troy Bolton
• 14:28
  basketball drop out who needed to come and prey on the freshman
• 14:34
  or whatever the fuck. Honestly, OK, why didn't I think
• 14:36
  of him? Because let's be real, they had.
• 14:39
  They could do it. They just needed to research.
• 14:42
  They had the wrong person. OK, so the reason?
• 14:48
  Honestly, it's consistent through all of that series.
• 14:50
  Oh, I put Michael Christ down because get a life.
• 14:54
  Why are you coming back to a high school with your stupid
• 14:57
  little gang with your little masks and you you're having to
• 15:00
  take teenage girls down to the catacombs?
• 15:02
  They're going to be doing that shit until they're 50, doesn't
• 15:04
  it? The only thing that stopped them
• 15:07
  was getting married to these traumatized girls.
• 15:10
  Oh no, don't tell me they get married.
• 15:13
  They get married. No.
• 15:15
  All of them do. The end of this book.
• 15:17
  Just all in general. Or in the series.
• 15:20
  The whole series, yeah. That's why I don't know about it
• 15:22
  and I didn't want to know. Well, you're gonna know.
• 15:24
  Well, I don't want to know. Well, I don't want to know.
• 15:29
  Sorry. Like stop being a loser.
• 15:31
  Can you imagine this playing out in real life?
• 15:34
  And also it's the enemies to lovers trope.
• 15:37
  Yeah. But how are you also the villain
• 15:39
  of the book? Because no one else, however.
• 15:41
  His dad is technically the villain of the series.
• 15:44
  And you know what? In this initial book, the
• 15:47
  villain was supposed to be the actual rapist guy that was
• 15:52
  technically worse that tried to like, sexually assault her with
• 15:54
  the other girl. Trevor or Damon?
• 15:57
  One of them, it was one of yes. That was like my brain was.
• 16:01
  Glitching dude, You at least thought of two names.
• 16:05
  You know what though? Trevor dies and Damon gets his
• 16:08
  own book, and I'm pretty sure his book is one of my favourites
• 16:11
  out of all of them. Yeah, I know.
• 16:13
  But he kind of was. These other guys were the bad
• 16:18
  guys of the book. But they were just.
• 16:20
  To make Michael look better when Michael was trash.
• 16:23
  Michael is trash. Oh, how's the villain of the
• 16:26
  book? I I can't imagine this.
• 16:29
  Can you imagine receding handline?
• 16:32
  Sorry, I've already. You've lost me already.
• 16:34
  He's walking in in his 50s in his basketball uniform and he's
• 16:38
  like they're like just let him. He's a scary man.
• 16:41
  Just let him take the girls, line him up, line the 15 year
• 16:45
  olds up and let him 2. He's just like shuffling in
• 16:49
  there like you have. He's he's dancing like.
• 16:51
  No, stop. He's moonwalking down the line.
• 16:55
  He's like you, girl. You're the one and.
• 16:58
  The teachers are like at this. Point, like maybe 30 years old,
• 17:02
  right? Because I get new teachers,
• 17:04
  Yeah. And they're just allowing this
• 17:05
  to happen. What am I supposed to do?
• 17:08
  What am I supposed to do? It's like when you have a really
• 17:13
  shitty Co worker and they're real shit but management's let
• 17:17
  them get away with it for so long that it just can't be
• 17:19
  fixed. It's.
• 17:21
  Too late, they're too comfortable, so he just keeps
• 17:24
  coming back. He would have tantrum.
• 17:26
  But you know the. Proceeding line on the floor it.
• 17:29
  Was do you know what though? You know what, though?
• 17:34
  As technology advances, do you know how hard it is to make a
• 17:37
  nice, like a dramatic entrance? Oh, just into anywhere.
• 17:41
  So he's gonna be relying on fog machines.
• 17:43
  They're not gonna work. It would be.
• 17:44
  Like an adjacent derulo on Tiktok.
• 17:49
  Oh no, like it's an edit of him. Like coming out of the water on
• 17:53
  dolphins, he's like, actually everyone on the speaker, he's
• 17:59
  like, I need you to come meet me by the pool.
• 18:01
  But like what happens when he's in the classroom?
• 18:04
  He's picking out the 14 to 15 year old girls.
• 18:06
  Right, because that's. The concept of this fucking book
• 18:08
  illegal. Illegal.
• 18:09
  And then he's like, oh wait, are you my granddaughter?
• 18:12
  Maybe not you like what happens then.
• 18:19
  It's a small town. It's a small town where, well,
• 18:23
  you know what the the benefit. It's a sad benefit, but Reek is
• 18:27
  infertile so. But.
• 18:30
  They have a kid A. Different child.
• 18:32
  Some, some way, somewhere true. True.
• 18:36
  Sorry, sorry. I retract.
• 18:37
  I retract. Possible.
• 18:39
  This is Penelope Douglas after all, so if anything, you
• 18:42
  probably won't even slow down the plot.
• 18:44
  The way she throws incest into everything.
• 18:48
  I mean. She's so sneaky, non sneaky
• 18:50
  about it. We're.
• 18:51
  Practically giving. I see you, Penelope, and I'm
• 18:55
  pissed. We're practically.
• 18:56
  Giving her ideas at this point. Lose the incest pot.
• 19:00
  There's there's so many other avenues in this world.
• 19:05
  We are solely OK. OK Creedence is the hardest one
• 19:10
  I've read so far. I know there's five brothers,
• 19:13
  which is probably going to be worse, but their Dicks were
• 19:15
  rubbing up. We talked about this last time.
• 19:19
  That was in the 2023 plotties. You're that traumatised?
• 19:24
  Honestly, the. Only thing I remember about her
• 19:26
  books. I just wouldn't be scared of
• 19:28
  this guy. Your name is Michael Crist.
• 19:32
  Let's start. There.
• 19:34
  Are you about to play Michael Hill?
• 19:35
  Are you? About to fucking kidnap me or
• 19:39
  sell me insurance. Pick a lane, bail.
• 19:41
  Oh, he would. No, he would 100% be a car
• 19:44
  dealership. OK, you're trying to sell me.
• 19:48
  They used Toyota or you're trying to take me down to the
• 19:52
  catacombs. The catacombs.
• 19:54
  Sorry if I'm 1516, I've got a bit of fight in me right?
• 19:58
  The hormones are raging to be. Fair, they weren't taking 15 and
• 20:01
  16 year olds, Rika was. No, they were taking 18 year
• 20:05
  olds that were. The 18 year olds were allowed to
• 20:08
  go. Rika's just snuck in.
• 20:11
  But you can't tell me they wouldn't if they couldn't.
• 20:14
  If they could but then just advertise like Bonnie Blue does
• 20:17
  like what do you why do you have to go into people's classroom
• 20:20
  just. Put up posters like the old man
• 20:24
  you are. Start the tick tock page.
• 20:27
  He doesn't know how to work that.
• 20:28
  He's 50. Realistically, he was like what,
• 20:32
  23? I don't know, 25?
• 20:34
  He has no business being in a school.
• 20:36
  First of all, business. Oh.
• 20:38
  Let's move on. I'm just going.
• 20:40
  To we're circling, no. No, we'll end up just.
• 20:42
  Reviewing the entire book again. OK, let's go.
• 20:48
  Best villain? Me or you, I ruined ruined this
• 20:57
  but I don't know which one. Oh my God, what do you mean they
• 21:01
  had? Three, just go through this.
• 21:03
  Okay, okay, number one out of my 3 Dolvin Declan Legacies of
• 21:11
  gods, the weird guy that. What's the legacies of gods?
• 21:15
  Oh sorry, God, a malice. Oh, I didn't.
• 21:18
  Even read that one, babe. Sorry, sorry.
• 21:19
  That's the series. That's the series.
• 21:22
  He was the one Killian. No, that book, yes, yes but he
• 21:27
  drove himself off the Cliff and then was like haunting her and
• 21:31
  then but then he was dumb in the end because they just beat his
• 21:34
  ass and it was done. Wasn't he the one who pretended
• 21:36
  he was dead for years to have like 0 comeback?
• 21:39
  Like, what are you doing? Yes, so I'm like he almost had
• 21:42
  it and. Then he flopped it.
• 21:43
  It's kind of like what Justin Timberlake has done.
• 21:46
  Like, why pretend you to be dead for multiple years to come back
• 21:48
  and flop and have your tiny shrimp penis on the stage like
• 21:52
  Devlin? Put it away.
• 21:54
  You're doing, Justin? Timberlake right now.
• 21:57
  Anyway, he had more energy, I suppose.
• 21:59
  More energy and more energy, more energy.
• 22:01
  More passion. More passion.
• 22:02
  My second was the desert hurt old man, because he was.
• 22:07
  Fucking. Forgot about his ass like maybe
• 22:13
  he should be #1 in my list. Honestly, best character.
• 22:16
  I'm gonna change my best. Character he should probably be
• 22:20
  #1 because he. Could his wife and his daughter.
• 22:24
  He kidnapped his daughter. Yeah, he was trying to set up
• 22:27
  that other bitch as his wife and sew her mouth too.
• 22:30
  And then he. Was it Clyde?
• 22:33
  Maybe he's. Giving Clyde, it's giving.
• 22:35
  Clyde, maybe he's number one on my list.
• 22:37
  Oh, maybe he's number one on my list.
• 22:39
  Last minute switcheroo. Yeah, sorry, I'm the more
• 22:42
  thought I've put into it. That man was insane.
• 22:44
  He was insane. But also.
• 22:50
  He had got purpose. It was Bros that would insane he
• 22:54
  was. He sewed his daughter's mouth
• 22:56
  up, was feeding her through a feeding tube was she could swim
• 23:01
  in the ocean. I would drown myself.
• 23:02
  Honestly, you. Know what though?
• 23:04
  Bitches be talking. Herself are yapping, you know
• 23:08
  what I mean? Bitches, they be talking Clyde,
• 23:13
  let's call him. Yeah, I hope to fuck his name is
• 23:16
  Clyde because that'd be hilarious.
• 23:17
  Yeah. What did we rename him?
• 23:18
  Clyde. I think we may have renamed him,
• 23:21
  who knows. He wasn't, he was fucked.
• 23:24
  He was fucked. Honestly, he gave my thought
• 23:27
  about it. He gave most purpose, you know,
• 23:29
  You know. What?
• 23:30
  I was so focused on Enzo that I forgot that he was supposed to
• 23:34
  be the bad guy of that book. Yeah, to make Enzo look good.
• 23:37
  Yeah, Nah. Weird man.
• 23:38
  Weird man. Locking him in a room, making
• 23:40
  him piss and shit in front of each other.
• 23:41
  Wild. Feeding the daughter the little
• 23:44
  milkshakes for years on end, yes.
• 23:48
  And then her like, standing up for him and then killing
• 23:51
  herself. Yeah.
• 23:52
  Wow. OK, he is #1 Delwyn is number
• 23:56
  now at three. OK, he's.
• 23:57
  Just. Kind of.
• 23:59
  Severely downgraded. And then my last one was the dad
• 24:03
  in Bride because he tried to off his daughter with Peanut and
• 24:10
  then he ended up offing nearly offing the wrong child.
• 24:13
  Which what this is not ringing a single.
• 24:17
  Bell in my head. Someone tried to kill Misery and
• 24:23
  then they put like poison in the peanut butter because it was the
• 24:26
  only thing she could eat and then it ended up being her dad
• 24:29
  anyway. That's me.
• 24:31
  I couldn't choose between them three.
• 24:33
  I didn't even know Misery had a dad.
• 24:36
  She's going to come from somewhere.
• 24:37
  What do you mean? OK, so I'm going to be honest, I
• 24:42
  couldn't even remember Bride. It is a blast single thing,
• 24:46
  Blair. All these are the books I
• 24:48
  remembered a bit like Bits and bobs, bobs and bits.
• 24:51
  Bride. See ya.
• 24:52
  What was your best villain? This.
• 24:56
  Is very obscure and this is very spoilery for this book.
• 25:01
  The mindfuck series. Jake's dad.
• 25:08
  No, not a clue. Just cricket, not a clue.
• 25:12
  I was like who? He was like the ultimate bad
• 25:15
  guy. Oh was he the was Jake the one
• 25:18
  that was going around like raping everyone and then the dad
• 25:21
  was hiding it? Wasn't Jake her assistant?
• 25:24
  The guy who? Did tech for her?
• 25:26
  Yeah, OK, Century like her. Cousin I almost.
• 25:29
  Oh, OK. And they were slowly poisoning
• 25:32
  him over time and then they killed him.
• 25:36
  Is that the what? Yeah.
• 25:38
  And then they've got some girl in on it to be his nurse and so
• 25:41
  yeah, OK. But but OK.
• 25:43
  But it's weird because it's not only.
• 25:45
  Jake's dad. But the entire fucking town,
• 25:50
  Because remember how the entire fucking town was like this weird
• 25:53
  pedophile ring, including like the sheriff and all the people
• 25:57
  who I was thinking? Of the sheriff when you said
• 25:58
  Jake's dad. Yeah.
• 26:00
  Because the son of the sheriff was raping people.
• 26:03
  Yes. So there was a whole entire slew
• 26:06
  of bad guys. Yeah, This series, Yeah.
• 26:08
  And it was the whole town and the rest of the town, even the
• 26:10
  ones that were innocent, were all bystanders.
• 26:13
  Yeah, because they were just gonna ignore the fact that these
• 26:16
  horrific sexual assaults happen. But they were.
• 26:19
  Happening out in public and shit.
• 26:20
  Too. And wasn't it part of the like,
• 26:23
  teenage? Halloween.
• 26:24
  Halloween events. Yes, I'm like the.
• 26:26
  Whole town that's. How she was killing people too,
• 26:28
  because she was like, yeah. They need to shut down that
• 26:31
  whole town. I forgot about that man.
• 26:34
  I don't even remember how he masterminded all that.
• 26:37
  I don't even fucking. I don't, I don't remember what
• 26:40
  that man did. Next minute, Jake's dad is
• 26:43
  innocent. I remember them slowly poisoning
• 26:46
  on. He was.
• 26:48
  The mastermind behind. He was behind some.
• 26:54
  It was to do with her parents was it?
• 26:56
  I don't know, I maybe a reread is in order but that was all 5.
• 27:02
  Books in one. Yeah but they were like 100
• 27:04
  pages. That doesn't count.
• 27:06
  Reread or re listen. To.
• 27:10
  Our podcast. And then how?
• 27:14
  Does Jake just OK as a person when his dad's like, insane?
• 27:19
  Growth. He has his own brain.
• 27:21
  No, sorry, sorry. Apple drops.
• 27:24
  Directly down from the tree, he. Broke the cycle.
• 27:28
  It doesn't end with us, Emily. There's no such thing.
• 27:34
  I feel like just being real ignorant today.
• 27:36
  Fair enough. Most dobs.
• 27:38
  Valid. Honestly I'm right there with
• 27:41
  you. Who gives a fuck?
• 27:46
  2024 is in the past. Exactly.
• 27:49
  We're doing this in 2025, but it's in the it's, it's gone.
• 27:53
  It's. Over.
• 27:54
  It's done. Look, we have real things to
• 27:57
  worry about in 2025. I don't know what they are, but
• 27:59
  sure. Exactly.
• 28:01
  Sorry, forgets. About 2024 I'm.
• 28:06
  So sorry for anyone who hasn't read any of these books yet.
• 28:09
  Honestly, I've barely read them exactly.
• 28:12
  No, I did. I just can't remember a thing.
• 28:15
  Let's go to your favorite character.
• 28:21
  Lucian from Alcatar. Oh.
• 28:23
  And I feel like that may be because I read the whole series,
• 28:28
  but when I say Lucian for Alcatar, for anyone that's read
• 28:30
  it, I mean Lucian in book one and two.
• 28:33
  OK, the rescue's trash. Oh, book 1-2 and three.
• 28:36
  It's been a while. We love an obscure pick.
• 28:39
  Yeah yeah yeah. Honestly the main characters
• 28:41
  were asshole. Yeah, yeah, he was funny and
• 28:44
  that's all that matters. Not me also picking a side
• 28:47
  character. Hi from King of Wrath only
• 28:56
  because I believe that he would be hot.
• 28:58
  Oh, is that the one I was trying to hit on her all the time?
• 29:00
  Yeah. And then?
• 29:01
  She just ignored him. Yes.
• 29:02
  And he had the British accent, right?
• 29:04
  Yes. And he was like hot.
• 29:05
  Yeah, and was not problematic. At least we should read his book
• 29:12
  well. But in the story I was like.
• 29:15
  He's something. Sometimes mystery is the best
• 29:18
  way to keep that's. All we need He hasn't had a
• 29:20
  chance to disappoint me. Yeah, yeah.
• 29:22
  There was no good main characters.
• 29:24
  You can all go fuck yourselves at this point.
• 29:26
  Yeah, who? Was good.
• 29:28
  I didn't give a fuck about any of them.
• 29:29
  Not a. Singular.
• 29:30
  Fuck no. They're all weird.
• 29:34
  Weird little fucks. That is your word.
• 29:37
  Of the day. Weird little.
• 29:40
  Fuck. Oh, we're moving on to tropes.
• 29:47
  You know what though? Our favorite characters.
• 29:50
  Boring as far. Yeah, they were barely in
• 29:53
  anything. Yeah, yeah, we don't give a
• 29:55
  Yeah, you. Know what though?
• 29:57
  Remember. Last.
• 29:58
  Year wasn't one of our favorite characters Car Ray, who got
• 30:03
  killed? Nuts.
• 30:05
  I think that was you because mine was like Riddick or
• 30:08
  something from. 4th wing yes lol I picked the character that we
• 30:13
  renamed. Gary.
• 30:15
  Gary I. You know what the Peter Pan 1 I.
• 30:17
  Remember, Gary, that's. What I mean?
• 30:20
  I don't remember all these bitches this year.
• 30:22
  From Hooked. Not a single thing.
• 30:25
  Gary is still always on my mind. Just for Gary.
• 30:27
  He was just a man. He was just tight.
• 30:31
  Go home. To his children and wife, he
• 30:35
  just wanted a coffee. He just wanted, honestly, he was
• 30:38
  tired. We can just relate to Gary.
• 30:41
  We are Gary. What Gary?
• 30:44
  Honestly, Gary Forever show. Gary Forever.
• 30:47
  Because he's still in our hearts.
• 30:49
  No one. And it's been 2 years.
• 30:51
  The place that Gary has left behind.
• 30:54
  He's left a hole. A hole, gigantic hole that will
• 30:57
  never be healed. But this year, I guess it's
• 31:00
  kind. There there bars on the floor.
• 31:09
  Sorry you guys. We'll have to hold the bar up
• 31:12
  high this year. How?
• 31:14
  Set the standards higher. Look, I can't pick better books.
• 31:17
  I can only give what I'm given. The TikTok girl is need to unite
• 31:21
  and form a union. At this point we need to raise
• 31:25
  some standards. Who do I trust anymore?
• 31:27
  Nobody. Somebody send us a message about
• 31:31
  who's? Actually reliable, but I'm not
• 31:34
  reliable. I lie.
• 31:37
  My favorite books that you trash to.
• 31:39
  OK, like we'll still pick the popular ones.
• 31:43
  What we're going to do, baby, Otherwise no one's going to
• 31:45
  listen to us. We can't have that.
• 31:47
  Listen to me. All I do is Yep, Yep, Yep, all
• 31:50
  day. Anyway, Tropes.
• 31:53
  Two ropes. So this one's my personal fave
• 31:57
  because we know I love a good gala and or ball.
• 32:01
  So most frustrating Gala or ball?
• 32:04
  Mine was powerless. Same.
• 32:06
  It was just used too many times. And it was 3 and they melded
• 32:11
  together and I thought there was only two.
• 32:13
  And wasn't there like a weird pygmy scene in the first one?
• 32:17
  There's always the pygmy scene, but hers was particularly the
• 32:19
  dress. Yes.
• 32:21
  But she just so happens to be able to fit 18 weapons in still.
• 32:24
  Yeah. And I'm like, yeah.
• 32:26
  Yeah, I. Got.
• 32:29
  Nothing that's like it. I'm like powerless.
• 32:32
  It was just the you can't overuse things.
• 32:36
  Yeah, it's gross. Three in one book.
• 32:38
  You have a whole world out here and you're just reusing things.
• 32:43
  Exactly. Well, to oyster, imagination is
• 32:46
  yours. Go for gold.
• 32:47
  And the purpose of a bull trope is to sort of build up the
• 32:51
  tension or a romantic situation or a big fight or something,
• 32:54
  Yes. Like just do pick one yes and do
• 32:57
  it well. I know for TV shows Bridgeton
• 33:00
  use them uses them quite a lot but they're used for like lusty
• 33:04
  tension. And that makes sense in the
• 33:05
  context, yes. And their time period.
• 33:09
  So I'm like, was yours just powerless as well?
• 33:13
  And the problem. Is.
• 33:15
  I wasn't even understanding the plot and the challenges.
• 33:18
  I don't think as well a single person understand the plot and
• 33:21
  the challenges of this book. That's what I mean.
• 33:23
  So if I'm not going to understand that, how am I going
• 33:25
  to understand and care about the?
• 33:26
  Balls, yeah, as well. Like, come on.
• 33:29
  I think the only bit about any ball I liked was when he had to
• 33:33
  cut her out of the dress. I'm like, that's a little
• 33:36
  tensiony, but the tension only goes there because it's YA or
• 33:40
  something. You know, I was thinking there
• 33:42
  wasn't much sex in this year. Kind of did that on purpose
• 33:46
  because we were getting a little over it.
• 33:48
  I think we went a little too hard last year, yeah.
• 33:50
  The year before, yeah, Den of Vipers set me over the edge.
• 33:53
  I was ready to become asexual. Nah, after that, too much I was.
• 33:57
  Like. Nah, that was like watching
• 33:59
  Squid Games and it just never ended.
• 34:02
  So going from my most hated trope to your most hated trope,
• 34:05
  Worst confession of love. I'm going to be real honest with
• 34:10
  you, I could not remember any but one.
• 34:12
  And it was priest and it was the one you didn't.
• 34:15
  No, it happened because. You skipped it.
• 34:18
  Oh. My God it was nearly the anal to
• 34:20
  a pipeline. Yes, it was the straight and I
• 34:23
  guess how did I guess it's the only one that matters.
• 34:26
  He literally tries to. He says like I love you.
• 34:30
  He doesn't say I love you. I think he gives her his
• 34:33
  sister's rosary beads and then he immediately is anointing her
• 34:36
  asshole. That's right.
• 34:38
  But then he also confesses his love to her in the church and
• 34:41
  then runs over with flowers, jobless.
• 34:43
  So I'm like. Jobless.
• 34:45
  Yeah, remember, because he lost his job, lost his job as a
• 34:48
  priest. So for me, it was Rowan from the
• 34:52
  fine print. OK, I've got to gear up because
• 34:57
  this fucking makes me mad. You're telling me this fucking
• 35:04
  billionaire man left her to die when it was his fucking idea to
• 35:09
  go to New York in the depths of winter, left her to die in
• 35:13
  hospital when she got a flu afterwards?
• 35:16
  And not only did he not think to up the health insurance of what
• 35:21
  his employees because she refused for him to pay for it,
• 35:24
  he just fucking flat out leaves her there and dumps her.
• 35:27
  And then Axel. Oh, she's being emotionally
• 35:30
  distant, babe. She's pretty much hooked up.
• 35:32
  She'll life support machine. She was.
• 35:35
  Very beeping. She can't even touch her phone
• 35:37
  mate, like what are you doing? No, I think I threw that one out
• 35:41
  of my brain. So after that debacle, right?
• 35:44
  Which was his fault, it's his idea to go on this stupid trip
• 35:47
  and get her sister to pack the bag.
• 35:49
  Yeah, and he doesn't even buy her clothes.
• 35:51
  He's a rich man. He's a.
• 35:53
  Billionaire. They could have just even.
• 35:55
  I'm pretty sure I remember her being like don't spend money on
• 35:59
  me. Just do it.
• 36:01
  She's not going to refuse, she'll feel.
• 36:02
  Guilty. Exactly.
• 36:04
  But then he blamed her for getting sick.
• 36:06
  Yeah, oh fuck, after that. So he left her in the hospital,
• 36:10
  he waits forever, and then he uses her sister against her to
• 36:14
  manipulate. She had the Down syndrome
• 36:16
  sister. Hey, yes.
• 36:18
  So not only did he let his her Down syndrome sister.
• 36:22
  Manipulate and guilt her into taking him back.
• 36:25
  He goes that long and then he's we're supposed to believe after
• 36:30
  this whole talking period where he said I'm never going to fall
• 36:32
  in love with you, I'm never going to have feelings.
• 36:34
  Then he suddenly has feelings and I feel like his declaration
• 36:39
  of love was at that stupid board meeting.
• 36:41
  Oh, it probably was. Or right.
• 36:43
  After like when they're when they're at feral.
• 36:45
  I should I try to forget all of them because they pissed me off.
• 36:48
  They're always long. They're always like a chapter
• 36:51
  long and weird. No one speaks like that in real
• 36:53
  life. But this was the one that could
• 36:55
  have had the setting to do a declaration of love in
• 36:59
  Disneyland, and they still didn't do it.
• 37:01
  Didn't they have like a whole snow thing too?
• 37:04
  Like fake snow thing? Do it there.
• 37:09
  It made me snow. What are you doing author of
• 37:11
  this book that I cannot remember the name of her?
• 37:13
  Name is Lauren Asher. What are you doing, Laura and
• 37:16
  Asha? What?
• 37:17
  Are you doing like, why he don't have for no reason and we're
• 37:21
  supposed to believe that he's just having his own internal
• 37:23
  crisis? I just don't care.
• 37:25
  I just don't think you should date a man that literally was OK
• 37:28
  with you dying in the hospital. Exactly.
• 37:30
  I'll. What happens the second?
• 37:32
  What happens? Get proper sick.
• 37:34
  Proper sick or you're popping out his babies and he's in the
• 37:37
  corner on his Xbox playing the game while you're pushing out a
• 37:40
  child. But it's OK though 'cause
• 37:42
  remember she ends up having his kids but he got that wrap around
• 37:44
  deck at the house. I remember with the with the,
• 37:49
  the sweet. Woman she's like oh thank God at
• 37:51
  least I have a wrap around deck and I'm like bitch you deserve
• 37:54
  this at this point. If you're gonna, you can use
• 37:56
  these money now, it's okay. I just.
• 38:00
  Wrap around deck. You should have your own beach
• 38:02
  bitch. It just sounded like they were
• 38:04
  talking for almost, I don't know, six months to a year.
• 38:07
  And then he just pretends that he cares to win the vote at the
• 38:11
  end. Oh.
• 38:11
  He's just a lazy little fuck. Oh.
• 38:14
  So bad. I just felt nothing.
• 38:17
  I felt anger. You know how a confession of
• 38:20
  love is supposed to give you the angst?
• 38:22
  Nah, you see nothing. I don't think that's.
• 38:25
  Supposed to give you that. It's supposed to make you go
• 38:27
  like, oh. I don't think any confession of
• 38:30
  love has ever made me go. It icks you out.
• 38:33
  It does. I think I read a book this year
• 38:35
  where I was like, it's OK, but it's not one we read for this.
• 38:39
  I think you got to believe it for it to at least I just.
• 38:42
  Think they need to be short? They need to be short and
• 38:46
  special. They don't need to be 5 pages
• 38:48
  long with weird things in them. It's just is what it is.
• 38:52
  Now, our next category. I guess it's a pick your own
• 38:55
  adventure because it's just generally worst trope usage.
• 39:00
  Mine was powerless again. Oh, there were so many tropes in
• 39:03
  that. It was.
• 39:04
  Just non-stop trope, all of them.
• 39:05
  Yeah, just all of the tropes I. Think if you're gonna do a
• 39:08
  trope, pick one or two, Three Max.
• 39:12
  And do it well. Do it well, have a main trope,
• 39:14
  have little side tropes. Do not pick like 10 tropes and
• 39:18
  fuck it up. Oh, if you want me to feel good,
• 39:22
  you can't. OK, have your one bed trope.
• 39:26
  That's a side trope. You can add that as a extra
• 39:29
  special one. There's like.
• 39:31
  That's not a whole book trope. No but she had like what, the
• 39:34
  love triangle between the brothers 1 bed at some point or
• 39:38
  nightmare trope. Enemies to lovers.
• 39:40
  Enemies to lovers the. Ball gala situation.
• 39:43
  Ball Gala. Her being weak, yes, somehow
• 39:47
  being the most powerful. Yes the dead dad trope and I
• 39:51
  think her whole book would have been better if maybe she just
• 39:54
  focused on less instead of trying to do so much.
• 39:58
  I think she just wanted every single element that the book
• 40:00
  talk girlies love she wanted. Everything fair, she was set up
• 40:04
  really high and then she couldn't deliver that high I
• 40:08
  feel like. Yeah, I think when you cram too
• 40:10
  much shit in there. But also, it's her first book
• 40:12
  she has she has room to grow. There's no I forget that it was
• 40:16
  her first. His very first book, so she has
• 40:18
  room to go from that. So my worst trope is enemies to
• 40:24
  lovers. Killian and Glyndon in God of
• 40:27
  Malice. Yeah right.
• 40:28
  Like how did they get to lovers? That's a very good.
• 40:33
  Point, that's what I mean. Like, OK, so the schools were
• 40:36
  rivals school. They're not.
• 40:38
  Really. Enemies.
• 40:39
  No, it was more. And I couldn't even remember.
• 40:42
  Why I don't even feel like it was.
• 40:44
  Enemies to lovers, but they were trying to do it.
• 40:46
  Was like forced proximity maybe, but forced on his end.
• 40:52
  I don't know, I feel like they were trying to lean into enemies
• 40:54
  to lovers. Yeah, because she was like.
• 40:57
  Pushing her. Glendon was diluted.
• 40:59
  Yeah, but he was trying to like, push her away and blah blah.
• 41:02
  I can't even remember. I don't know why I picked it
• 41:04
  considering I knew nothing about the book.
• 41:06
  I mean, I could tell you everything about the other ones,
• 41:10
  but because we read that one so long ago, not a clue.
• 41:12
  And I kept mixing it up with Corrupt.
• 41:14
  Yes. Another trope that I think was
• 41:19
  just a waste of time was the love triangle they tried to do
• 41:24
  in Scarred and how she was set up to marry the king and then
• 41:29
  the brother was Tristan or whatever, you know?
• 41:32
  What though? I really like Tristan as a
• 41:33
  character. Yes, I'm surprised you didn't
• 41:36
  pick him for your favorite. I yeah, I don't know what I do
• 41:39
  because, but I don't think I liked him as a character
• 41:42
  character. I just like the tension they had
• 41:44
  because he was so he was doing like very sneaky hot shit.
• 41:48
  It just wasn't a love triangle. No.
• 41:51
  Moving on to our next category, worst dialogue.
• 41:55
  You know what? We're going 3 for three.
• 41:59
  Sorry, powerless. What?
• 42:03
  OK, I thought we'd have the same one.
• 42:05
  No go for. It it was all dialogue, no plot.
• 42:07
  And if you're going to have all dialogue and no plot, you need
• 42:09
  to make it fucking good. And it wasn't good.
• 42:11
  It was trash. Some of the band was good, some
• 42:15
  of it was icky. Anyway, how about you?
• 42:20
  So this should be fresh in our memory.
• 42:21
  It ends with us, actually. Colleen Hoover.
• 42:25
  I think when I did my notes I forgot that that was.
• 42:28
  You didn't tell me it was an option until after.
• 42:30
  Honestly, Lily, Blossom, Bloom and Royal anytime they spoke to
• 42:34
  each other. Weird.
• 42:36
  Oh they were horrible, their whole first comment said.
• 42:38
  I don't know how they did it for the movie.
• 42:40
  They made it look like a human beings talking.
• 42:42
  Actually, I lie. That is now my worst dialogue.
• 42:46
  It's so bad. It was.
• 42:47
  Bad, but in the movie they somehow made it better, right?
• 42:50
  It's because Blake didn't read the book.
• 42:53
  They must have done some heavy editing, Yes, but even because
• 42:56
  my boyfriend was watching over my shoulder that scene.
• 42:59
  Yeah. And even he went like.
• 43:01
  And I was like. You don't even know if you read
• 43:04
  the book. You'd lose your mind.
• 43:06
  Not only that, the time I think they took it out of the movie.
• 43:08
  I haven't watched a movie. The one where he's on his knees
• 43:11
  begging her no. They don't, and he's only asking
• 43:13
  her to kiss him. No, it's OK.
• 43:16
  He's asking when he's walking. They're both walking in the
• 43:18
  onesie, so it turns into like a cutesy scene after the bar.
• 43:21
  And he's like, I just want you to kiss me, why don't you give
• 43:24
  me a chance instead of he's not on his knees.
• 43:27
  No. Begging, crying, sliding,
• 43:29
  pissing down the wall. This man was on his knees,
• 43:31
  hugging her stomach like the weird fucking wanker he is.
• 43:35
  That man should never be allowed to speak.
• 43:37
  That shouldn't have been a movie.
• 43:38
  That should have been stuck as a book.
• 43:41
  Can you remember a single thing they said that was nice to each
• 43:44
  other? No, that was natural.
• 43:45
  No, it was a forced relationship.
• 43:48
  He literally got a girl that was. 23. 20 Oh yeah 23 not fully
• 43:54
  developed in the brain and fucking love bombed her like
• 43:58
  crazy while also abusing. Her and he's like 34 or whatever
• 44:01
  it was. Yeah, but also her conversations
• 44:04
  with Atlas and the store assistant chick.
• 44:07
  They were just besties immediately.
• 44:09
  Yes, it was giving. Kindergarten.
• 44:11
  You know how little kids run up and go?
• 44:13
  I'll be your. Big friend forever.
• 44:16
  I'm not going to. I know this is a like hot take,
• 44:19
  right, but you know how you when they got books and they go grade
• 44:23
  level reading and they're like this is an adult level reading
• 44:26
  book or they'll be like this is for grade fives.
• 44:29
  Colleen Hoover books are grade like 5 level reading 0100.
• 44:34
  The content in them is not for grade 5, but the reading level
• 44:38
  is basic as shit. I love it there's.
• 44:41
  Never a concept of time or there's never real life
• 44:45
  elements. I feel like it ends with us.
• 44:47
  It was like 3 weeks. There was the gap that he goes
• 44:51
  away overseas and then awkwardly comes back, but then and a full
• 44:54
  pregnancy. I mean the gap was the best
• 44:56
  part. Moving on along, best sex scene?
• 45:02
  Oh sorry I skipped 1. You did skip most disgusting sex
• 45:06
  scene. OK, mine is the one in.
• 45:09
  Does it hurt when she's on the rock?
• 45:11
  Yes. What the heppy?
• 45:13
  Oh my God, we have a different sex scene from the same book.
• 45:16
  OK, OK, mine's the one on the rock when she's got the fresh
• 45:19
  heppy and he's she's all crusty, same swimwear.
• 45:23
  Oh, that she's been wearing. What about that one weeks.
• 45:26
  And she's like, he's just ready to risk it all condom free.
• 45:30
  It was weird. They said weird stuff.
• 45:32
  I do have another one and it was Poppy thrashing around on
• 45:36
  Tyler's tip of his Dick when it was just a tip.
• 45:42
  Oh. No.
• 45:46
  OK, I'm so ready for yours if you're so excited for that one.
• 45:49
  That doesn't hurt. Non con shark infested the
• 45:55
  initial like. See, I thought about that one,
• 45:57
  but that wasn't I. Was like that was the worst one
• 46:02
  of the whole year and it wasn't even the non con that made me
• 46:06
  sickest it was just how fucking feral it was afterwards as well
• 46:12
  because not only was that non consensual.
• 46:15
  Wasn't that at the start of the book too?
• 46:16
  Yeah. That was his revenge for her
• 46:19
  stealing his credit card numbers.
• 46:21
  Just and give it to the police, you weirdo.
• 46:23
  Oh exactly. And not only that, it was how
• 46:26
  she started seeing herself as Oh well it's kind of my fault
• 46:30
  because I stole his like credit card info.
• 46:34
  Nothing makes me sick more than after a non con sex event when
• 46:41
  the female character takes on the blame of the male character.
• 46:44
  Oh, it makes me sick. He's a grown-ups man, he knows
• 46:48
  better. What?
• 46:49
  Happened in he dance with us as well.
• 46:51
  To be fair, every single sex scene in that book was fucking
• 46:55
  fair. Rank.
• 46:56
  Because after that, when they're trapped on the island, they're
• 46:59
  literally fucking and they are wearing the same crusty clothes,
• 47:03
  not showering. Can you?
• 47:05
  Fingered her in the cupboard when old mate was asleep in like
• 47:08
  the bedroom. Exactly.
• 47:15
  HD Carlton, you need help. Oh my lot.
• 47:20
  She should be put on a deserted island.
• 47:22
  She. She.
• 47:23
  You know what that. Intensive therapy, at least HD
• 47:26
  Carlton knows. Her target audience.
• 47:29
  Yes, she knows her audience, she knows her vibe, and it's
• 47:31
  consistent through all of her books though.
• 47:34
  But every single sex scene in that book was fucking
• 47:37
  disgusting. You can't tell me that girl
• 47:39
  didn't have a yeast infection. Oh she did of some sort.
• 47:43
  Him. His Dick should have been
• 47:44
  falling off at some point. For what it's worth, HD Carlton
• 47:48
  wrote haunting Adeline, which has been our number one listen
• 47:51
  to podcast episode. So thanks, HD Carlton.
• 47:55
  You're up, girl. Keep on going, gully.
• 47:59
  We love. We love you #1 fan.
• 48:02
  Her books aren't trash, they're not bad books, it's just they're
• 48:07
  icky topics. I feel like the category of dark
• 48:10
  romance that's it pushes the boundary.
• 48:13
  Further. I'm just, you know what?
• 48:14
  I. Mean I'm just so coming into my
• 48:16
  dark romance. Era, though.
• 48:17
  OK, so I was thinking, because Haunting Adeline is our number
• 48:21
  one episode. Yeah, we'll have to read.
• 48:23
  I'll have to. I know you've read it the second
• 48:25
  one, because I know you said it's fucked up.
• 48:27
  It's like, no, the problem is, it's like we should do it
• 48:31
  anyway. Yeah, it's 400 pages of her
• 48:33
  being in a pimp house getting abused like she's suddenized by
• 48:36
  a heel. But I think we.
• 48:37
  Need to, but also there there's a bit where they're running
• 48:41
  through and getting like crossbowed so.
• 48:46
  OK, it's giving. OK, so moving on to something
• 48:49
  more fun. Best sex scene?
• 48:53
  No, you're going to hate me so. Much.
• 48:55
  Oh my God, why? The ones incorrupt.
• 48:58
  You're gonna have to just refresh my memory.
• 49:00
  Go. I am picking the ones in the
• 49:03
  corrupt because they were most creative and they're the only
• 49:07
  ones I remember so. Is this in the category?
• 49:11
  Yes. Oh, but it was it was because no
• 49:15
  sex scene was the same. Penelope Douglas does weird
• 49:19
  incest but she never does the same sex scene.
• 49:23
  She did the icky in the school uniform catacombs and then she
• 49:27
  did the sauna with Kai. I think it's Kai and her and
• 49:31
  Michael. And then she does the one where
• 49:33
  he's shuts off all the lights and the mask or the one where
• 49:37
  he's like she's on the phone. Like I just feel like she has
• 49:40
  variety. And I'm sorry, are we talking
• 49:42
  about my worst villain, Michael Christ?
• 49:45
  Stop. Sorry, he's 80.
• 49:47
  Five I'm. Sorry, all the other ones.
• 49:50
  You know what? It's giving Grotto and Hugh have
• 49:52
  not. I don't know who the fuck.
• 49:55
  Hugh Hefner. You said grotto that.
• 49:57
  Yeah, the grotto. He has a grotto.
• 50:00
  Yeah, that's in the Playboy Mansion and people would go down
• 50:02
  there and fuck. OK, sorry, I don't know where
• 50:04
  the fuck not who the fuck where the?
• 50:06
  Fuck yeah, it's giving Grotto with Hugh Hefner.
• 50:08
  Sorry, giving. That's all I got.
• 50:10
  That's all I got. OK, I equally you're going to
• 50:15
  hate me. Oh no, because I couldn't
• 50:18
  remember any sex in this either. So.
• 50:20
  We're so unprepared you. Know you know what you're going
• 50:22
  to hate because you said it was the worst priest.
• 50:26
  No, because. OK, this is.
• 50:30
  What? It was this is what it could be.
• 50:34
  OK, So I thought out of all of those as I was looking at the
• 50:37
  whole list, Yeah, out of all of the setups that could work, well
• 50:42
  was priest because it was the taboo, like you shouldn't be
• 50:44
  doing it or you shouldn't be doing it in the church, Tyler.
• 50:47
  To be fair, I didn't hate all of them sex scenes 'cause there was
• 50:51
  a lot of like remember there was some weird ones, it was just the
• 50:54
  one where she was flopping around on the tip of his Dick
• 50:57
  that was weird to. Me 100%.
• 50:59
  That was the worst part of it, was that it made it seem like he
• 51:02
  jizzed his pants in five seconds flat.
• 51:03
  He did all the time. That's what I mean like.
• 51:05
  If they didn't do that. And if they actually followed
• 51:08
  through with some of those sex scenes, yes.
• 51:10
  Properly, didn't she? It would have, didn't they?
• 51:12
  Have sex on the like piano. Yeah, like church piano.
• 51:16
  And there was like oil, I don't know they they could have done
• 51:19
  it. He anointed her asshole with the
• 51:21
  oil. The oil they used to baptise
• 51:24
  babies. That's right, he's baptising his
• 51:27
  babies first. Potential and they fucked it up.
• 51:31
  Could you imagine? OK hot take.
• 51:33
  Again sorry for anyone that is offended by this but say he
• 51:36
  anointed her per SE and then she got pregnant.
• 51:40
  Would that? Would that be?
• 51:42
  Jesus would. That child be of God.
• 51:46
  Everyone's God's children. Oh.
• 51:47
  Sorry, I don't know, Holy. Would it be?
• 51:50
  Would it come holy? Would it come out glowing?
• 51:54
  Potentially. Would you need?
• 51:56
  Would you need to baptize again? Yeah.
• 52:00
  But it's already been anointed. Yeah, but it wasn't born yet.
• 52:03
  I don't know. You'd have to ask him that,
• 52:06
  because you'd have to ask him when does life.
• 52:08
  Begin. Is it considered something?
• 52:10
  Or is it dead off birth like breathing your first?
• 52:13
  Breath birth. I don't think that's what his
• 52:18
  sporting believes. I think it's more like sperm in
• 52:21
  the. Egg.
• 52:22
  Oh, so the baby, the baby would be anointed.
• 52:24
  That's what I mean. But then how many hours does it
• 52:26
  take for the sperm to get in the egg?
• 52:28
  Because if he's anointed the oil on his Dick, that's not going
• 52:31
  all the way to the egg. So you you know, they would
• 52:33
  probably have to do it again and also presence.
• 52:39
  You know, everyone lost the funny press finding you find out
• 52:41
  about this is I started the port and then I was just staring at
• 52:45
  very stupid. No, the way I was staring at you
• 52:48
  in like. Dead.
• 52:49
  Silence, because I didn't know what the fuck was happening.
• 52:52
  Oh, OK, I thought. I thought that was easy to
• 52:54
  follow. No, no, you weren't easy to
• 52:55
  follow, but I was like, I did this.
• 52:58
  You're like. This was my doing.
• 53:00
  You made me think things. OK, so the potential hot sexy
• 53:03
  scenes that could have happened to priests but didn't happen
• 53:06
  because he was jizzing like a baby all over the place,
• 53:11
  Remember. Remember how Millie was cleaning
• 53:13
  up all his jizzy pants? Yes, I do.
• 53:19
  OK. Yeah.
• 53:20
  And you know. What?
• 53:20
  And she went in panty less and they were like rubbing.
• 53:23
  They were like rubbing the bench panty less.
• 53:26
  Remember when at the very end scene where he runs up to her in
• 53:29
  that other church in Italy or whatever?
• 53:31
  Yeah, yeah. And then they just start.
• 53:32
  Fucking in the Pew. With the dry yeah tights down.
• 53:37
  In the workout jeans 'cause she does yoga dry.
• 53:39
  Yeah, that book. Illegal.
• 53:45
  Illegal Why did I pick up a best sexy?
• 53:47
  Nurse and stuff, nothing in it I liked.
• 53:49
  No, no, I get it. Potential.
• 53:51
  Potential, potential. It had the best setup out of all
• 53:54
  the other fucking scenarios. And they?
• 53:55
  Fumble, do you know? Oh, no, because I missed a
• 53:59
  really good moment for the best sex scene and I don't know if I
• 54:02
  accidentally deleted the note. Oh, OK, Are you ready?
• 54:05
  OK in bride the not. Oh expanded.
• 54:12
  This makes so much more sense why I've forgotten this
• 54:14
  horrible. Oh yeah, and I have written it
• 54:17
  under and I just went past it. The best 16 was in fact then
• 54:21
  because he said my beautiful mate coming all over my knot.
• 54:24
  We're going to do this everyday when you're ready, I'll bite you
• 54:27
  where it counts. I'll leave the scar and lick it
• 54:29
  every morning and night. I'm going to do it misery.
• 54:33
  I'm going to come where I'm supposed to be.
• 54:35
  I'm going to pop a knot. Knot in your tight little pussy.
• 54:40
  Do you reckon he says pussy? What was all my thing again?
• 54:45
  Low and. Low, Low.
• 54:47
  Low. Low in misery.
• 54:49
  I'm annoyed. I always miss that.
• 54:52
  Obviously. Honestly they were the best sex
• 54:55
  scenes because could you imagine fucking this man and then being
• 54:59
  stuck on him for 45 minutes while he's weird?
• 55:02
  Dick divides. My life's mission is to avoid
• 55:05
  thinking about that ever. Sorry, if this was a bus I'd be
• 55:09
  hopping off at top speed. The way I'm so sad.
• 55:12
  I nearly skipped over that when I was so excited.
• 55:14
  Detroit I like. What, did you accidentally put
• 55:17
  it in honourable mentions instead?
• 55:18
  I think I did dude. What?
• 55:23
  No wonder. Let's be Bond about the whole
• 55:26
  book. Let's be real, that was the best
• 55:28
  one. OK, I'm just.
• 55:29
  Lying dude. Look, I just want to say like
• 55:34
  it's just obvious at this point. I'm obviously Team Edward.
• 55:38
  There's no other way around this.
• 55:39
  You're giving Team Jacob because this is a werewolf versus
• 55:42
  vampire. Clearly I.
• 55:44
  Hate him, I hate. Him, yeah, but you're leaning
• 55:47
  towards team Werewolf. Just this one, not that one.
• 55:52
  OK, no, I'm just saying like I just mustn't have the werewolf
• 55:56
  horniness. It's just not in me.
• 55:57
  No, I just think it's funny. Oh, but I thought you were
• 56:01
  trying to convince me it was the best one in.
• 56:02
  All I think the whole sex scene in itself was shitty.
• 56:06
  Oh, absurd, the way she got stuck on her knot.
• 56:10
  Oh well, yeah, most memorable, but I I thought we were talking
• 56:13
  about the best. Like.
• 56:15
  It's just his dirty talk, you know?
• 56:17
  Thank God we can remember I was loved.
• 56:19
  I. Was loved being told to come all
• 56:22
  over. He's not.
• 56:25
  I'm lying. Did you just see my eyes roll?
• 56:30
  Into a dog. It's like, is she actually
• 56:32
  thinking I'm serious right now? Because I dead ass I'm not.
• 56:35
  If I'm stuck on a man for 45 minutes, I would man wolf, a man
• 56:41
  wolf. I would cry.
• 56:42
  I'd be weeping in his arms. I would chop his Dick off.
• 56:45
  I'd be like you don't need this. That baby can stretch.
• 56:48
  If you can push out a baby, it can stretch its way out off.
• 56:52
  Oh honestly, if I didn't eat. Before we were, before we
• 56:55
  recorded. This.
• 56:55
  I'd be fucked right now. Shall we?
• 56:59
  Oh well, OK, biggest plot twist. Mine was the old man in HD
• 57:04
  Cleverton. Does it hurt Clyde?
• 57:07
  I don't even know if it's Clyde. Doesn't matter, he's the only
• 57:13
  old man in there. I don't know what I.
• 57:15
  Was expecting at the. End of that book, remember we
• 57:17
  went dumbfounded even after we read it and.
• 57:20
  We were. Recording the episode in my mind
• 57:22
  I was confused because I thought it was going to be on one of
• 57:25
  them in the middle of the ocean like a lab things yes and I
• 57:29
  didn't think it was going to be a washed up to shore because
• 57:32
  they had dumbass decided to fuck her in front of sharks.
• 57:35
  You know what I mean? Like gotcha.
• 57:36
  And that man, he was weird. He put his whole soul into being
• 57:40
  a villain. I feel like on a peg leg.
• 57:43
  He's giving lock from lost. Never seen.
• 57:46
  Okay, the real ones. No, I'm sorry.
• 57:48
  Anyone out in the ether listening to this?
• 57:50
  It's wild because there's so many times I'm like, have you
• 57:53
  seen the thing? Like, absolutely not on my home.
• 57:55
  Lost is one of those things that you just had to be there.
• 57:58
  I think my generation I'm younger than you, girl.
• 58:03
  Barely, barely it. Wasn't.
• 58:06
  Part of your law? No mine.
• 58:08
  Was see, I say like, have you seen this on Disney Channel?
• 58:12
  Are you like not a clue? Absolutely not.
• 58:14
  You think my parents are paying for All Star?
• 58:17
  Mine did. See, it's just like.
• 58:21
  If you did not reach back. Then you.
• 58:23
  Didn't have like cable TV. You didn't do the same
• 58:27
  childhood. You know what's wild?
• 58:29
  They pay like $80.00 a month for Ostar and we're paying $10.00
• 58:32
  for Netflix. A little more.
• 58:34
  And they had to have a whole physical dish installed and shit
• 58:37
  too. Yeah.
• 58:38
  But there wasn't as much global warming, so they wouldn't have
• 58:41
  needed air cons running around the clock.
• 58:43
  Yeah, I remember when summers weren't that hot and winters
• 58:46
  weren't that. You only had the air con on five
• 58:49
  nights of the year or something when it was like hot, hot, hot.
• 58:52
  I don't know if that was by choice or them trying to save
• 58:54
  money because we would be sweating it out and if.
• 58:57
  Our bill was probably 5 bucks every.
• 58:58
  Quarter mine's not. No, but back then it probably
• 59:01
  was. And then still be like, turn
• 59:02
  that off. But you didn't need to.
• 59:04
  You could have the nice. You could have your window open
• 59:06
  and the fan on. Yeah, it'd be nice.
• 59:08
  Yeah. In summer even, All right, we're
• 59:10
  all going down in the cell hole. We're all going down.
• 59:12
  Are we ready for yours? Yeah, so my biggest plot twist
• 59:16
  was A Court of Thorns and Roses. Yeah, but only because in a way
• 59:21
  it was predictable, but because I was spoiled about the whole
• 59:23
  time. One thing just from the little
• 59:25
  TikTok video, because obviously the book came out a million
• 59:27
  years ago. Oh.
• 59:28
  Yeah, OK. Which part were you?
• 59:31
  Cool, because Tamil being the asshole.
• 59:33
  Yeah, but he's traumatized. Yeah, but for the first read.
• 59:36
  He's supposed. To be the main.
• 59:38
  He's more of an asshole in the second one, yeah, which I feel
• 59:42
  the second one. You would be horrified by this
• 59:45
  man. Excellent.
• 59:47
  I think, though, for when you're reading so many predictable
• 59:50
  books all year. Yeah.
• 59:51
  And then this one had enough context to pull it off as a
• 59:54
  proper plot twist. Yeah, So that's why I would say
• 59:56
  it was the biggest, most believable plot twist for me.
• 1:00:00
  Yeah, the biggest plot was in my entire reading of books is still
• 1:00:06
  fucking pen pals. Yes.
• 1:00:08
  But they're still pen pals. That one got good.
• 1:00:11
  Absolutely. And that was.
• 1:00:13
  Off with that and. You know what?
• 1:00:14
  That one is not predictable at all.
• 1:00:18
  Actually now I'm going to go re listen to our episode of that.
• 1:00:21
  Fucking so dumb. I remember how we sat down here
• 1:00:24
  and I was like, I don't know what the fuck we're going to
• 1:00:26
  talk about. We had so much we had.
• 1:00:28
  So much most predictable storyline.
• 1:00:32
  Verity. Really.
• 1:00:34
  Yeah, Colleen Hoover books is so predictable.
• 1:00:39
  It's like she was trying to throw us off.
• 1:00:41
  I'm surprised Verity didn't make it in our list of villains.
• 1:00:44
  Verity is so weird though, because is it a plot twist if
• 1:00:47
  the author doesn't even know what the fuck she's trying to
• 1:00:49
  do? Nah, see, I don't know.
• 1:00:52
  She doesn't even know. She doesn't know what.
• 1:00:55
  I mean. I can't wait to watch Anna
• 1:00:57
  Hathaway. Be Verity like Colleen could be
• 1:00:59
  in the room right now and she couldn't explain the plot of
• 1:01:02
  that. No.
• 1:01:02
  And the way she does the like, you just have to work out if
• 1:01:05
  she's a villain or not. Work it out for me.
• 1:01:08
  Yeah. I'm just here for the ride.
• 1:01:10
  Babe, like what is the law? What is the?
• 1:01:12
  What is Canon at this point? What have you decided, bitch?
• 1:01:15
  Because. We need an answer, but end of
• 1:01:18
  business tomorrow. I don't want to make my own
• 1:01:21
  adventure. That's why I picked up the book.
• 1:01:23
  I want you to tell me I'm just here.
• 1:01:24
  I'm passage princessing through the book.
• 1:01:27
  Exactly. This is like when JK Rowling
• 1:01:29
  came out years later to confirm that Dumbledore was gay.
• 1:01:32
  Thank you. Thank you, but.
• 1:01:34
  This was obviously pre all the transphobia stuff.
• 1:01:36
  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like OK thanks I never
• 1:01:40
  wondered about but she's she was coming through with the answers
• 1:01:45
  and she even said later on that she should have made it Harry
• 1:01:48
  and Hermione or something and I'm like bitch.
• 1:01:50
  Not Harry and Hermione. I know, but like she was coming
• 1:01:53
  out with information after confirming or denying things and
• 1:01:56
  I was like that's what we need. Shouldn't I?
• 1:01:58
  I feel like Hermione should either go out with like Victor
• 1:02:01
  Crumb. Is it?
• 1:02:02
  Oh hell yeah. That would have been good.
• 1:02:04
  Fuck Ron. Justice for Hermione and Cedric
• 1:02:07
  Diggory if he lived, yeah. Yeah, yeah, they would have
• 1:02:11
  been. They would have been.
• 1:02:12
  Iconic. They would have been iconic.
• 1:02:13
  He was a Hufflepuff. She's a Gryffindor.
• 1:02:15
  I was going to say Draco and Hermione, but Hermione and Draco
• 1:02:18
  and the nut. Hermione and Draco in fan
• 1:02:22
  fictions? Absolutely, absolutely they.
• 1:02:26
  Draco is such a better character in fan fictions.
• 1:02:29
  He's too much of a little. Bitch and in.
• 1:02:32
  Original. But yeah, Cedric and Hermione,
• 1:02:34
  I've never thought of that one. Honestly, Harry gives a sexual.
• 1:02:39
  Pete does. Ginny gets all the blame.
• 1:02:42
  Yes, Harry's got the charisma of a fucking boot lol.
• 1:02:46
  This is not a Harry Potter podcast.
• 1:02:47
  Sorry, sorry. We will do it one day, but it's
• 1:02:49
  just not today. One day we should do like Harry
• 1:02:52
  Potter. But obviously everyone's talked
• 1:02:54
  about Harry Potter by now, right?
• 1:02:55
  It's a popular book. So we should do Harry Potter
• 1:02:58
  Bitch Edition? Yeah, where we, like, bitch
• 1:03:01
  about everything wrong. Fuck JK Rowling.
• 1:03:04
  Not like everything wrong, but everything sassy about the.
• 1:03:07
  Characters, yeah. So that we can really go in.
• 1:03:09
  We didn't get off track. That's.
• 1:03:11
  OK, my most predictable storyline is Powerless by Lauren
• 1:03:15
  Roberts, your fave. No, it's not my fave.
• 1:03:19
  It is. It's.
• 1:03:20
  Going to be your overall best book, right?
• 1:03:22
  Yeah, and how? Because.
• 1:03:26
  Because honestly, it's like a, you know, when you get a
• 1:03:32
  colouring book and it's just paid by numbers that I bought a
• 1:03:36
  fantasy book and I'm sorry, but we've already roasted on it and
• 1:03:39
  off. So that's.
• 1:03:40
  We can't do it anymore. No, that's why.
• 1:03:43
  But you knew what was happening before it was happening.
• 1:03:45
  Honestly. That's fine.
• 1:03:46
  It's fine. Some people tried that.
• 1:03:47
  She tried. She tried Passenger Princess.
• 1:03:50
  Passenger Princess the book. I'm not picking up on any subtle
• 1:03:53
  hints in any books. No.
• 1:03:55
  OK so now it's your most pick me female character.
• 1:04:00
  Lowen is my most pick me and she was from Verity.
• 1:04:03
  She was the author from Verity. She was the one like, he thinks
• 1:04:06
  me so hot. So Amanda Seyfried is going to
• 1:04:09
  play her? Or am I thinking about the maid?
• 1:04:12
  No, that's the maid. Oh, who's?
• 1:04:14
  Playing Lowen then, so Anne Hathaway is Verity.
• 1:04:18
  I don't know. Fuck me.
• 1:04:20
  Now got a little. Confused.
• 1:04:21
  I was going to say Sydney Sweeney, but I think that's the
• 1:04:23
  maid as well. That's the maid.
• 1:04:25
  Fucks me. Maybe it's an unknown.
• 1:04:27
  It's an unknown person Lo and Ashley she was weird she who
• 1:04:32
  goes into someone's house with the decaying wife upstairs and
• 1:04:37
  it's like their husband needs to be rubbed one hour.
• 1:04:40
  He's having a hard time with all these stress in these children
• 1:04:44
  grow up. You know what I picked her as?
• 1:04:49
  Well. No, we don't even need to go
• 1:04:51
  there, girlfriend. We don't need to tell me twice.
• 1:04:54
  No, she had. The most information about the
• 1:04:56
  male in any of these stories and she still doubled down and
• 1:04:59
  picked. Him.
• 1:05:00
  No. What?
• 1:05:01
  You've got a million diary entries calling him essentially
• 1:05:05
  a psychopath. Yeah, and we're still doubling
• 1:05:09
  down. Still doubling down, at least.
• 1:05:11
  All these other pygmy bitches didn't know shit.
• 1:05:13
  My honourable mention for most pygmy was poppy from Priest.
• 1:05:20
  She didn't care. He was tall and sexy.
• 1:05:23
  Yeah. But she was also a mistress with
• 1:05:26
  that guy she was sleeping with. He had a wife or fiance.
• 1:05:30
  Why do I not even remember? So Sterling, the weird guy?
• 1:05:33
  Yeah, she was ending up in a hotel room.
• 1:05:35
  She was rubbing one out in the confessions.
• 1:05:37
  She went and Google searched him and was like literally humping
• 1:05:42
  the confession bench. Also he was weird.
• 1:05:45
  He is my most weird character because he literally he humped
• 1:05:51
  his bed and in the book he was like not the wolf who woken up
• 1:05:54
  grinding his hips into the mattress.
• 1:05:57
  Yikes. So my yeah, they're my he.
• 1:06:00
  Needs to link up with Lowen from bride or whatever.
• 1:06:02
  They would do so well together they.
• 1:06:04
  Wouldn't do so much damage he can anoint his own asshole.
• 1:06:09
  Honestly there was such a huge list of pygmies Yeah in this
• 1:06:12
  whole book collection. So does that mean Tyler was your
• 1:06:16
  most toxic male character or no? No, surprisingly, he was not.
• 1:06:20
  Who was it? It was rile.
• 1:06:23
  Yeah. Tyler was just my weird one,
• 1:06:25
  yeah. You're a weird fuck, you little
• 1:06:29
  weird fuck. Tyler was my weird little fuck.
• 1:06:35
  WLF Baby. Then my most toxic was rile and
• 1:06:39
  then my I had a most icky as well.
• 1:06:43
  Do you want to do? Your who?
• 1:06:44
  No, no. Who's your most icky?
• 1:06:46
  Rowan from fine print. I can't remember the reason, I
• 1:06:49
  just think. Really.
• 1:06:52
  But I think he did it. Well he stole like her Netflix
• 1:06:56
  password and shit it. Was, yeah, the billionaire with
• 1:07:00
  the most time and the least emotions.
• 1:07:02
  Yeah. The Christian Grey from Wish.
• 1:07:08
  The way even Christian Grey did better.
• 1:07:10
  The way that I always had to bring up Christian Grey.
• 1:07:13
  Do do you love him? That's what's so.
• 1:07:15
  Funny because I did the TikTok trend.
• 1:07:17
  Your type. And his video came up and he's.
• 1:07:22
  Like. He's weird.
• 1:07:24
  He's honestly terrible. If I walk OK, if I.
• 1:07:27
  Pick the most white male look out.
• 1:07:31
  Of no, because if if a man, if a man went after me and he's like,
• 1:07:37
  I wanna try something sexy that I think is sexy, OK, Say alright
• 1:07:41
  for the ride, stay along for the ride.
• 1:07:42
  It's OK. It's OK.
• 1:07:44
  I'm already rocking back and forth.
• 1:07:46
  And he's like Mimi in this room, this weird room that you wanna
• 1:07:49
  he. Was calling you Mimi.
• 1:07:51
  Kiki, you want me? I was.
• 1:07:54
  Like, no, no, it's Mimi. Mimi in this room.
• 1:07:57
  OK, so red room paint. Mimi in the Red Room.
• 1:08:00
  Mimi. In the red Room.
• 1:08:01
  It's my hot little room, OK. And then also, he was in a suit,
• 1:08:06
  right? He was in a suit before.
• 1:08:08
  And then I walk in there and he's just in jeans.
• 1:08:14
  Take me along for this weird ass, right?
• 1:08:16
  At least fuck me in the suit. The jeans.
• 1:08:19
  He's. Strolling and the wet that's on.
• 1:08:24
  Spandex babes. The way he strolls.
• 1:08:27
  Down. And just his jeans would give me
• 1:08:30
  jeans jeans. And a white tee baby.
• 1:08:36
  He's not even wearing a white tee.
• 1:08:37
  Shirtless, shirtless. And he's doing some weird
• 1:08:40
  predatory stroll down in my, in my mind, I know it didn't happen
• 1:08:47
  in the movie. He's holding a whip in his hand,
• 1:08:49
  like, and whipping his hand. I would be like, oh, I think I
• 1:08:54
  need to go home. How did Christian Grey come out
• 1:08:56
  of the depths to save this episode?
• 1:09:01
  He honestly is the king of the egg.
• 1:09:04
  He could teach Roland a couple of things I.
• 1:09:06
  Just don't think I could go along for that ride.
• 1:09:11
  I'd be out of there. I'd be like, he'd be like in his
• 1:09:13
  jeans, in his little jeans. He'd be like, get on the floor
• 1:09:16
  and I'd be like, actually, I'm going to get on into the
• 1:09:19
  elevator. Are they at least hemmed?
• 1:09:21
  Because what if he's just dragging along the?
• 1:09:24
  Ground. At least he's a rich man in
• 1:09:27
  every other book we read. And a man's jeans.
• 1:09:29
  Dilapidated. Yes, they're done.
• 1:09:31
  They're decaying. They're dead.
• 1:09:33
  So at least his jeans are together at least.
• 1:09:35
  They're fresh. But like who?
• 1:09:39
  Who you know he's wearing tidy whities under there with shit
• 1:09:42
  stains like let's but. Like who?
• 1:09:46
  That is facts because if you even have a sex dungeon, yes,
• 1:09:50
  should you even own jeans? Honestly, who's?
• 1:09:53
  They're not accessible at least come out over some like sexy
• 1:10:01
  sports pants tracksuit like Gray tracksuit like come on like that
• 1:10:05
  makes sense you're taking them off anyway.
• 1:10:07
  You weird like full jeans, Okay. Wiggle my hips out of these
• 1:10:11
  tight jeans. Oh, but God, the Chafee would
• 1:10:13
  have. He's got no leg muscles.
• 1:10:16
  I like no chafe. You know what, I'm also
• 1:10:18
  picturing the straight like dad jeans too and it's just too
• 1:10:22
  much. Could you how funny it would be
• 1:10:23
  if he rolled them up? That's what I mean.
• 1:10:25
  I feel like they're not hemmed. Or it could be worse.
• 1:10:28
  They could be to the knee like jaws.
• 1:10:33
  Jaws we. Can include JAWS into this.
• 1:10:37
  We didn't do your. Most toxic male character
• 1:10:40
  because I went so far off track. That's OK.
• 1:10:42
  We're both in this boat together, baby.
• 1:10:44
  We're. Both like we're rocking the it's
• 1:10:47
  literally holes in the boat, but.
• 1:10:49
  Literally, which is very relevant because I'm picking
• 1:10:51
  Enzo from because tell me why this man just has time in his
• 1:10:57
  day to be at a pub during the day.
• 1:11:00
  He's a scientist, but barely. He's not.
• 1:11:03
  He was not strong. He was stranded on an island.
• 1:11:06
  And he didn't do a single thing while he was there.
• 1:11:08
  Well, if you're gonna research, you might as well do it on a
• 1:11:11
  random island. And.
• 1:11:12
  He was too worse to go fishing 'cause he didn't wanna hurt the
• 1:11:15
  fishes. Bitch.
• 1:11:18
  You this is a survival situation grow.
• 1:11:21
  What, eat your own toes and bitch you shut up?
• 1:11:25
  He just decides that he can sexually assault someone as
• 1:11:28
  revenge for them stealing their credit.
• 1:11:29
  Card you can't even finish. I don't even remember exactly
• 1:11:33
  and I didn't even talk for how much she even spent, if anything
• 1:11:36
  on his credit card. Wasn't it like less than 2000
• 1:11:39
  bucks? Yeah.
• 1:11:40
  That's. Fucking nothing.
• 1:11:41
  Burnt. She's still wearing her crusty
• 1:11:43
  swimwear. And what did she even spend that
• 1:11:46
  on? I.
• 1:11:46
  Don't know, but now he's stuck with that bitch for the rest of
• 1:11:48
  his life. And what is one sexual assault
• 1:11:51
  worth? Like what punishment level does
• 1:11:52
  that cover? Is that like her stealing up to
• 1:11:55
  $5000? Is that her stealing up to
• 1:11:56
  10,000 I feel? Like there's no where that it
• 1:12:00
  would be good, but like at least if she spent like if we had to
• 1:12:03
  pick a number, at least if she like put you in like $1,000,000
• 1:12:07
  debt or something like a hundreds of thousands of debt.
• 1:12:09
  Yeah, and wouldn't you just get the money?
• 1:12:11
  Back. He's rich.
• 1:12:12
  He doesn't. Fucking know what you sexually
• 1:12:14
  assault her as? Just let her go.
• 1:12:17
  Exactly. Just be like, hey girl, do you
• 1:12:19
  need groceries or be realistic? Go.
• 1:12:22
  To the police. Like a normal person.
• 1:12:25
  Like a normal person. What a weird.
• 1:12:27
  Man, so he was the most toxic and also he just didn't have a
• 1:12:29
  purpose. Do you know what I mean?
• 1:12:32
  Like he just didn't have a purpose.
• 1:12:33
  Didn't he hated women? Honestly, most of the men we
• 1:12:37
  read about hate women. I think he hated women the most
• 1:12:41
  out of all of these, if you think about it.
• 1:12:43
  Yeah. OK, so we're moving on to our
• 1:12:47
  random honourable mentions. Who have you got?
• 1:12:50
  No, I did them as we went. Oh OK, I've got a couple.
• 1:12:53
  OK, so honourable mention for worse sex scene, yes?
• 1:12:57
  Was. I think we've kind of already
• 1:12:59
  mentioned it when Lowen was literally gnawing at the exact
• 1:13:02
  same teeth marks that Verity had in the bed when she was.
• 1:13:04
  Fucking. Verity's husband.
• 1:13:07
  Remember. When she was putting her teeth
• 1:13:09
  in the actual fucking teeth marks in the headboard and she
• 1:13:12
  was like. I forgot about that.
• 1:13:15
  Jeremy was full fucking raw dog dog styling her.
• 1:13:19
  No, no, that's right. I wish I did my honourable
• 1:13:24
  mentions here, but I didn't even clock it.
• 1:13:26
  This is the most pick me energy. No, she was weird.
• 1:13:30
  That's why she's the. Most.
• 1:13:31
  Pretty sure she would wear Verity's crusty underwear.
• 1:13:35
  Or her skin, Yes, if she could. That was weird.
• 1:13:38
  But that was just. Fucked.
• 1:13:40
  I was like, we're supposed to be rooting for these people.
• 1:13:43
  No. And another honourable mention
• 1:13:45
  for worst Villain is Rile from It Ends With Us, which you
• 1:13:48
  already picked in the most. That's a feral man.
• 1:13:51
  Honestly, the worst and we don't even need to go into it because
• 1:13:53
  we talked about that whole book you.
• 1:13:55
  Can't even convince me that man's likable so so.
• 1:13:57
  Since it was so fresh. If you want to hear more about
• 1:14:00
  how much we hate Rile, go to our It Ends With Us episode The
• 1:14:04
  full. Episode is US ragging on.
• 1:14:07
  Rile. And getting the ick about him on
• 1:14:09
  his knees. OK so these are the most
• 1:14:12
  important final picks overall worst book for Emily.
• 1:14:18
  Priest by. Yeah.
• 1:14:23
  Those are some very demure claps.
• 1:14:27
  I mean, if that wasn't the most predictable storyline of this
• 1:14:30
  entire podcast. Dude, I thought you'd pick
• 1:14:33
  fucking powerless. Nah, Nah that.
• 1:14:38
  Seemingly was. The one you were ragging the
• 1:14:40
  most. I feel like powerless is
• 1:14:42
  probably I didn't pick it because it was her first book
• 1:14:45
  because I so I know she has room to grow, whereas I'm pretty sure
• 1:14:49
  this author is at capacity of growth if like she's had a.
• 1:14:54
  Chance she Yeah, maybe next year.
• 1:14:56
  Lauren Roberts maybe? Maybe girl?
• 1:14:59
  You've got the prestigious Emily's Worst Book.
• 1:15:02
  OK, so my pick for Ultimate Worst Book 2024 is Scarred by
• 1:15:08
  Emily Mcintyle. What work I?
• 1:15:12
  Think I minded that book. I know because it had your
• 1:15:14
  favorite male character in it technically.
• 1:15:16
  Yeah, yeah. Tristan.
• 1:15:18
  I just like. Smoking.
• 1:15:19
  But in saying that, a lot of the times I don't like the general
• 1:15:24
  plot of the book. I like little tension.
• 1:15:27
  I like tension. And then when it's done really
• 1:15:29
  well, and I feel like the tension in that book was really
• 1:15:32
  done well. But why did you hate it?
• 1:15:34
  I hated it because it was played out.
• 1:15:37
  Predictable, yes, but the thing that I hated the most is it
• 1:15:42
  dragged the innocent African animals into it from The Lion
• 1:15:47
  King. It had me fucked off.
• 1:15:49
  This was animal abuse. It was every time.
• 1:15:52
  They were like antelope this, antelope that.
• 1:15:54
  Oh. I forgot about all that.
• 1:15:56
  OK, OK. It had me off, but also this
• 1:15:59
  author wrote. Hooked.
• 1:16:02
  And I hold a grudge, baby. No fair though.
• 1:16:04
  And I feel like Hooked was my pick for last.
• 1:16:06
  Year. You know what though?
• 1:16:07
  I forgot about all the weird animal talk that should have
• 1:16:11
  been in our worst dialogue. That was fair.
• 1:16:13
  Why did that one not make it in our worst dialogue?
• 1:16:15
  Oh, honourable mention. Worst dialogue scarred.
• 1:16:18
  Well, it wasn't them speaking about it, but it was the
• 1:16:22
  background. Because they were trying to make
• 1:16:23
  it like Lion King. Yes, and it made me sicketh.
• 1:16:26
  What about all the little times they were like reaching for her
• 1:16:29
  soft curl? Wasn't that hooked?
• 1:16:31
  No, that was this one, because this was in the 1910s.
• 1:16:35
  No worry, all I could remember was all the hash smoking he did.
• 1:16:38
  Yeah, don't ask me what I liked about him.
• 1:16:40
  I feel like it. No, I feel like it was the sexy.
• 1:16:42
  Tension. Go back and listen to the
• 1:16:43
  episode. I feel like it.
• 1:16:45
  I don't even think I liked the book, I think it was just the
• 1:16:47
  sexy tension. So this is the overall best
• 1:16:53
  book. That guitar.
• 1:16:58
  Bro, me too. A guitar.
• 1:17:01
  You can't go wrong with a guitar.
• 1:17:02
  I know a lot of people hate it. It's like the twilight of this
• 1:17:07
  era, you know what I mean? Honestly though, from the
• 1:17:10
  steaming pile of shit that we read last year, yeah, Akutar won
• 1:17:14
  by default for me. I'm.
• 1:17:15
  Still like shocked that you really liked that book?
• 1:17:19
  It's not even that I really liked it, it's just that it was
• 1:17:21
  better than the absolute steaming pile that we read.
• 1:17:23
  Yeah, that's true. That's true.
• 1:17:26
  No offense. No offense.
• 1:17:28
  To all of the man hours. That all of these offers sorry
• 1:17:31
  sorry I got it like bride had the potential to be a real
• 1:17:35
  really good like two book or three book series if she tried
• 1:17:40
  tried for a two or three if she wanted to do that not that if
• 1:17:44
  she tried in general I. Can't wait till we get
• 1:17:46
  cancelled. I can't wait till the authors
• 1:17:49
  unionize and just take off that platform.
• 1:17:51
  We have like one like one star somewhere on like Apple or
• 1:17:57
  something and I was telling my boyfriend about us like I don't
• 1:18:00
  think we're that bad. And he's like, it's probably.
• 1:18:03
  An Oh my God, that's so true because I wouldn't blame them.
• 1:18:09
  Honestly, guys, I don't go on Apple, so someone's gonna have
• 1:18:12
  to fix that up for us. Someone put a five star Apple.
• 1:18:15
  Thank you. We're not influential enough to
• 1:18:18
  matter so. No.
• 1:18:20
  It's on you if you've come this far and you've listened to us
• 1:18:22
  for two minutes. Reviews are not for, and they're
• 1:18:24
  not really reviews. But reviews are not for authors,
• 1:18:27
  they're for other readers. But we're not really.
• 1:18:30
  Reviewing no like we're. Literally taking the piss.
• 1:18:33
  Yeah, and it's not of your writing skills.
• 1:18:36
  Most of the time it is of the character I.
• 1:18:38
  Literally told someone that their major shouldn't have been
• 1:18:40
  English. Remember?
• 1:18:43
  I can't remember. You're like, it's not of their
• 1:18:46
  writing skills. To be fair, I think there's a
• 1:18:48
  couple of episodes where I'm like, you should never write a.
• 1:18:51
  Book again. Exactly.
• 1:18:54
  Honestly if someone left that as a comment on our podcast I would
• 1:18:58
  literally kill myself, but I'm still going to sit here and tell
• 1:19:02
  people that they shouldn't have even bothered paying for their
• 1:19:04
  university. Degree.
• 1:19:06
  Oh my God, you know what book still traumatises me?
• 1:19:08
  Stop. The one where he's like, fly
• 1:19:12
  high, baby. Oh.
• 1:19:13
  My God, which one is that? Is it a billionaire romance?
• 1:19:16
  It's giving billionaire. It's the Miles High club.
• 1:19:19
  I can't. It's the first one.
• 1:19:22
  James Jameson. Jameson yes.
• 1:19:23
  J and I reckon the author I'm pretty sure is Australian, she's
• 1:19:27
  from like Sydney or something. But that was the foulest man.
• 1:19:33
  That's the worth. I don't think she should write
• 1:19:36
  books. We.
• 1:19:40
  Already said that two years ago I was doubling down.
• 1:19:45
  Just said we would literally kill.
• 1:19:47
  Ourselves if we got a bad review.
• 1:19:49
  My opinion hasn't changed. Honestly, our opinions are
• 1:19:52
  invalid because we're not gonna remember them tomorrow.
• 1:19:56
  Except for that one girl. But my opinion is meaningless.
• 1:20:00
  Just click out if you don't like it.
• 1:20:01
  It's. Too late to listen to this all
• 1:20:04
  episode. Oh, I appreciate you for
• 1:20:06
  listening. Honestly though, if you listen
• 1:20:09
  to us you must be on some next level shit because.
• 1:20:11
  You're pretty cool. You're gonna be cool.
• 1:20:14
  Yeah, they've gotta be. Cool, but I mean, are they OK?
• 1:20:16
  Is the real? Question.
• 1:20:17
  They're fucking OK, Are they? Yeah, they're more OK.
• 1:20:21
  I feel like if you're like, they're whiny bitches, they're,
• 1:20:25
  you could say that we are pretty whiny bitches, but I feel like
• 1:20:28
  if you're really offended, you're not chill, you know what
• 1:20:31
  I mean? I feel like if you're offended,
• 1:20:34
  you're a gun. I feel no, no one would get this
• 1:20:39
  far in it. No, if they.
• 1:20:41
  Were actually offended, do you know what I mean?
• 1:20:43
  Yeah, you need to understand this.
• 1:20:45
  It's low, it's low chill bites, you know what I mean?
• 1:20:47
  Are. You kidding?
• 1:20:49
  I practically have a heart attack and every time we record.
• 1:20:52
  I don't know what I'm saying anymore.
• 1:20:54
  Oh wow, what a wrap up. What a year.
• 1:20:57
  What a year, what a time. Oh my God, what are we hoping
• 1:21:00
  for in 2025 for this podcast? Not much.
• 1:21:06
  Expectations lowered I'm. I would really, really like more
• 1:21:10
  listeners and more five stars. So that's it for our prestigious
• 1:21:15
  2024 Pilates. If you've managed to listen to
• 1:21:20
  this entire episode, you deserve a cookie.
• 1:21:23
  Five stars. Or just a sweet treat.
• 1:21:25
  Anything you'd like? Because treat yourself.
• 1:21:28
  Treat yourself. Girl, because that was insane.
• 1:21:30
  I would give you a Gold Star if I.
• 1:21:31
  Could oh 100% thanks for joining us on Lose the Plot with Carla
• 1:21:36
  and Emily. Don't forget to rate US five
• 1:21:38
  stars and subscribe if you enjoyed slide into our DMS on
• 1:21:41
  TikTok or Instagram Lose the Plot podcast.