Latest / Just Us Sisters / Episode 8: What We'd Tell Our Younger Selves
Transcript
- speaker-0: Welcome to the Justus Sisters podcast. Life doesn't come with a manual, so we made a podcast. speaker-1: Welcome to episode 8 of Just Us Sisters podcast. Today we're talking about what we would tell our younger selves. So it's going to get interesting from a totally different perspective. Let me introduce my sisters. I'm Shelly the host today and I'm number three. Susan is number one. Cheryl is number two. And Stacey the baby is number four. So I'm gonna start off with if you could sit down with your 18 year old self, what would be the first thing you would say to her? speaker-2: it would be that I was kind of concerned about what people thought about me at that age and especially when I went off to college. Didn't know a soul, didn't know my roommate, didn't know my suitemates, had no idea, you know, the way people, you know, look at me. But I had an idea. I I thought I knew. And the older I got, the more I realized it doesn't matter what people think, because everyone's always going to have an opinion. And their opinion of me doesn't matter. And really, the older I got, I realized the only opinion I need to be concerned about was who God says I am. And that's where I probably gained the greatest peace, knowing that. speaker-3: Susan, that's a great point as well. I think we all still deal with that some. Mine was 99 % of the things that I worried about or thought I needed to worry about don't happen. And it takes a lot out of you to have that anxiety or to worry about things that don't happen. it's almost, if I could go back and tell myself something, it would be, don't worry. rely on God's Word, where what is it, 365 times? He says that, don't have anxiety, don't worry, you know, rely on that. So I think that's the main thing for me. speaker-2: You know Stacey, a part of that for me is too, as you said that, I think being the number one person, don't know what number one in the birth order, I don't know if this has anything to do with it, but I also was afraid to disappoint people. I always wanted to make sure people were pleased with what I was doing or saying or whatever. to try to live that way, it would drive you insane because you cannot. Make everyone happy. speaker-3: hard is saying you're not ice cream, right? You're not going to make everybody happy. so. speaker-2: I thought you meant cause you're just gonna melt away. speaker-4: To me, you know, we had a very, very solid foundation. I felt like mom and dad did a great job of raising us in the church, raising us with Christian values. And when I look back at my 18 year old self, when I went off to college, I wish I would have carried that with me. But I think that that pleasing people got in the way the wrong way, though, because I let those values stray away, or actually I strayed away from those values. And I wish, man, I look back at that one year, my freshman year in college, I was just like, I could have really been a witness for the Lord. And so many times I just, I got swayed away. And I think that's the only thing I would change that one year. speaker-1: Stacey and Susan were saying to some degree, ⁓ even at 18, I was trying to control things. And I would just say, stop worrying about what you cannot control. Because kind of in line with what Stacey was saying, that what if thinking, most of it doesn't come about. And if you can't control it to begin with, then why spend the energy worrying about it? ⁓ that's what I would tell my 18 year old self. Was there something that you worried about constantly when you were younger that ended up not mattering? speaker-2: on what people thought of me. It doesn't matter. speaker-1: What do you think 50 and 60 year olds were like when you were young? speaker-3: picture of Gran and Granny, kind of slow-ish, funny, but old, you know, and now I look back and I'm like, I had the right... speaker-1: I can't say that because we only saw them as old. Not that they got older, they were just old. But when I see Susan and Cheryl and Stacey as grandmothers, it just blows the whole concept out of the water because I don't consider y'all looking old. speaker-4: Thank speaker-3: Thank you. Well, our grandkids probably have a differing opinion. They probably see us like we saw Gran and Granny. So I'm positive that's probably me. speaker-2: So, yep. speaker-4: I can guarantee you, Cody took a video of me yesterday unbeknownst to me of hitting a golf ball. He wasn't going to show me and Sandy made him. They think we're old. And that, by the way, that swing looked like an old granny. So there you go. speaker-1: When Stacey graduated from high school, our parents hit, were hitting their fifties. And back when there was landlines, we tried to reach them and we couldn't. And we were like, what is going on? So when they finally called us back, we said, what have y'all been doing? And they said, tennis. And we were like, you never played tennis ever when we were younger. And they kind of just shrugged their shoulders. So. You know, that's kind of the background that I went into looking toward 50s and 60s. You know, it's all ⁓ just a number. you know, especially when you're in your 50s and empty nesting, and that enables you to do things that you were never able to do with the kids, you know, under your feet. speaker-4: Yeah, they gave us a great perspective because when I saw them at 50 and 60, I'm talking about gran and granny now, they'd come to all of our games. I mean, it doesn't matter if they were in Oklahoma, they'd drive back to see a game sometimes if it was a big game. And I just always look forward to the time that my grandkids would be that age where we just always follow after them. see them doing their element, know, whatever it was, sports for my grandsons. So I love the 50s and 60s. absolutely, as matter of fact, I miss that a lot. speaker-1: So shifting over to wisdom learned the hard way, what would you tell your younger self about finances? ⁓ speaker-3: Gosh, for somebody who is deeply into the planning out my retirement, you know, the timeline, it's to start saving early, which is very hard to tell my old self that or my younger self that because we did have kids and they were active and they were expensive. And so you don't get that opportunity to put as much away as you should. And I think that it is putting that money away in a 401k or if it's just a retirement savings account or something along those lines. But that's probably the biggest thing. But I think it's big because I'm going through it right now and that makes a difference. speaker-2: I think if the younger people, and I wish I would have known this, that anything, anything, whether it's small compound interest is your friend. mean, you put something small in and let it just grow over years. It's going to be amazing. But I think when we're younger, we think, ⁓ we can't, we can't afford to save, but in actuality, you can't afford not to. And so I just, I would just say, I would I totally agree with Stacey. No matter how small, just safe. speaker-3: Alright, bye! speaker-1: is I would just expand on that even if it's $25 a month starting out because it really is something about compound interest and it doesn't seem like a lot but over the course of time it grows and so that's what I would tell my younger self. What lesson did you have to learn the hard way that you'd warn your younger self to avoid? speaker-3: I like to buy a house that needs work, fix it up, sell it, buy another house that needs work. And I think if I, as I'm looking back, I wish that I would have just kept working on the same house because it would be paid off by now, even though my house payment isn't very much, it's still there and wish that I would have just been content in the house that I was in. speaker-4: There's the two real. speaker-1: estate agents are going, don't do that. speaker-3: I know Cheryl's like, you're one of my best customers. speaker-4: You're number three. You're number three. speaker-2: Actually, I wish I would have been investing in investment properties because real estate is a great investment. And my husband wanted to buy, I'm the one that dragged my feet. I was afraid if we started investing, we might need that money. But in actuality, they were great investments and I wish we would have invested in more properties, not to live in for ourselves, but to use as investment for renting or whatever. speaker-4: say for me it was credit cards because right when you graduate from ⁓ college, I don't know how they know it, but you get that first application for a credit card for $300 max. And man, I kept that thing maxed out and it was probably the worst thing that could happen. And I never did have more than one credit card really, but I'd keep that thing maxed out. speaker-1: and great deal of credit card debt. And it is like a ball and chain and limits you on so many things. And we drilled it into Cherokee not to get into credit card debt. And thankfully she pays, you know, she does charge because she likes those points that come with it, but she pays it off every month. And I just gently continue to encourage her to do that because it can It can just really enslave you if you're not careful. What is something that you wish someone had told you about either relationships or marriage when you were young? It's a- speaker-2: lot of work. You hear marriage is 50-50? That is a lie. Lie, lie, lie. Marriage is 100-100, 100, maybe even 110 % each. It takes both of you working very hard to make it work. mean, it- speaker-3: Sometimes it's 110 to 10 percent, you know, it's not, it's not always that even, you know. speaker-2: It should be to make it work. Yeah. But it's not, but it's not 50 50 either. 50 50 and there's a lot of give and take. Yeah. speaker-3: Yeah, we've been. There's no On relationships, on friends, think that growing up, I always felt like the more friends you have, the better. And I like having friends, but there are only a few close friends that know me very well. You have a lot of acquaintances, a lot of people that I care very deeply for, but it's not always the more friends, the better. You know, have your tight circle. speaker-2: Well, there is a Proverbs, and I think it goes a lot along with what Stacey said. In Proverbs 18, 24, it says that there is a friend who stays closer than a brother, and I think those are the friends. That needs to be your tribe. speaker-3: There are friends that are there for everything that you go through. mean, and sisters as well, but there are friends that are there for you no matter what you're going through and are there for the long term. And then there are friends that are good time friends, I think is what you would call them. speaker-4: think I did a pretty good job of my friendships in high school because what is this? 50 years later, we still get together every year, about 15 of us. And think we're better friends than we were back then. Back then it was all about having as much fun legally as we could get away with. Now, well, now it's like that too. But anyway, it's good. think I had some really good friends growing up and I have some good friends now. speaker-1: relationships and then your relationship toward marriage. Even though I married much later than y'all did in age, I made myself miserable seeking that. And if I think I would tell my younger self, enjoy singlehood because the right one, and I believe in that, is worth waiting for and will come when the time is right. You're not doing anything to make that happen faster. I just would have told my younger self, Just kind of chill out and let it happen when it's going to happen. So in regard to family and friends, Stacey kind of alluded to friendship. But what would you tell your younger self about choosing friends? speaker-3: would tell my kids this when they were younger and some still today to choose wisely. Choose friends that lift you up that are good Christians. I just heard of Josh Howerton. I don't know if y'all listen to him. He's a pastor at one of the churches here in Texas. I can't remember which one, but he said, if you surround yourself with baby Christians, you're going to remain a baby Christian. But, so surround yourself with good, strong. Christians and and I think that's important to remember that you become like your friends speaker-2: People are going to make you better, right? Yeah. You know, we always used to give an illustration to our kids. We would, you know, stand up on a chair and we would say when you hang around with people and I don't want to elude that they're lower than you, but maybe lower in ⁓ morals, lower in, yeah, their standards. And when you try to lift them up, it's hard to lift them up to where you are. but for them it's very easy to pull you down off that chair. And so be with people and look for people that are going to make you better, that are going to encourage you to be better and to do better. speaker-3: Did dad ever tell y'all if you're the smartest person in the room, you're in the wrong room? ⁓ speaker-2: Yeah, maybe we weren't. speaker-3: I remember him telling me that often, you get in new room. Yeah. speaker-1: Susan was saying, but I think diversity in your friendship is important also because if you're only surrounding yourself with people that are just like you, you're not growing. I think loyalty is, you you talked about they show up for everything. That's to me as a loyal friend. Understand that some may be only for a season in your life and that that's okay. It hurts when it happens sometimes. But there's purpose in that and that's what I would definitely want to convey. speaker-3: Yeah, we went through that, and Casey and I did. We had a group of friends that were like family to us. And for some reason, it crumbled and it crumbled fast and we split as friends. I've never had that happen before. And it hurt. And now that I look back at it, I understand why it happened, but it still kind of hurts. know, I looked to them like they were family. I treated them like family and you know, both very cordial, but it still is like that wouldn't hurt. And I understand it now at the time I didn't. speaker-2: Well, Stacey, think when you love deeply, you hurt deeply. And you love people deeply. So when things happen that are out of the unexpected or out of the ordinary, you hurt deeply. speaker-3: Yeah. Yeah, on another friend note and the ones that stick around, it's no secret that we have a son that has been in trouble and in trouble with the law and we lost friends during that time. We lost friends because I guess we weren't the ones I guess that they felt like we're bringing them up because of the trouble that our son was in. And now that I look back at that, I'm like they weren't friends. They were church acquaintances or coaching acquaintances, they weren't our friends. We hung out with them and the ones that were our friends have stuck it out. And of course y'all have really stuck it out with us and you need those people in your life, but they're few and far between. speaker-1: What would you tell your younger self about confidence? speaker-2: Trump. speaker-3: What would I tell myself at this age about it? mean, I think at 50, confidence hit me where I am confident, where I can walk in a room. I can be the only woman on a call full of men that have good titles, you know, and present or to talk about what's next. But it hits to not have it sometimes. You know, something little can happen and it hit that, ⁓ where'd that confidence go? But at 50, I think it really came about, you know, that I have confidence now that I didn't have before. Anybody else have that happen at 50? speaker-2: It's kind of weird because when I was in high school, and I think honestly it has to do with, I know I struggled, I said early I struggled with what people thought about me, yet I didn't lean into my own confidence. I didn't believe, I guess, in self-confidence. I think what my confidence centered around was Christ and who He was and what He could do in me and through me and for me. And so, It wasn't a self-confidence. Do I get nervous about doing things? Yes. But I then I go back to, but it's not about you. It's about where Jesus is taking you and where he wants you to go and what he wants you to do or say. So when, when you live that way, it's not about your confidence. It's about who Jesus is for me. So I've never struggled with a confidence because it's not me. For me, speaker-4: I was probably overconfident, like maybe cocky at times because I felt like God had blessed me really well with athletics and I was somehow ended up on the great teams. And so instead of it being about the team, I got cocky. And so I think as I've gotten older, that cockiness has gone and it's more confidence in the Lord. And I'm glad I'm not like that anymore because it was not probably a real pretty sight. That's where I'm coming from. speaker-3: Hey, I think that second child too, though. Almost every second child that I know is cocky. Very confident, cocky-ish. speaker-1: So I would tell younger Sheldon to you be you and all your quirky self. I didn't struggle too much with confidence. I struggled with some characteristics that I had that people perceived as negative. But when I was 21, my niece turned two and I saw in her some of the same characteristics that there's no way as a two year old, she could have. speaker-2: Thank speaker-1: develop and I realized I was born this way, but I do have a responsibility to kind of harness it in a positive way. Namely, what I'm talking about is stubbornness. And I think stubbornness has brought me to where I am. I probably wouldn't still be here if in some cases I wasn't stubborn because I tend to be an all or nothing person. And if I had gotten involved in some stuff that I had no business getting involved in, I feel like that would have been life changing for me. So my confidence boost came from a two year old, but it has helped me in life. What's something you were insecure about when you were younger that now seems kind of silly? speaker-3: Mine was my teeth. I had the gross gap and I would smile and pebble my mouth and when I look back at pictures I'm like, ⁓ my gosh, it affected me a lot when I look back at it. It affected how I felt about myself, it affected when I laughed, how I laughed. when I smiled and then getting them fixed was huge as well. So I think when I look back now and see how much it affected me, I don't know why I let it affect me that much. I see many people around that have a beautiful gap and they wear it with pride and, you know, it doesn't affect them. And I don't know why I let mine affect me like that, but it was, it was having that big rouse gap, you know, tick a nickel and it was big. speaker-2: For me, it was the number on the scale. That was something that I was very insecure about. I hated, well, I still do hate putting on a swimming suit, but I think that when you realize that it's just a number and you go by how you feel and how your clothes feel and what you're able to do, you know, if it's limiting your life and the quality of your life, that's one thing. But I think we put way too much emphasis. on that number. you know, we need to be healthy, but we also need to be at peace with where we are and do the best we can to stay healthy. speaker-4: Mine's kind of similar to that, but I really didn't care about the number. was a, it doesn't matter how much shape I was in. I always have looked like a box walking down the road. So if I was in tip top shape, still had that box look, but now I've embraced it. speaker-3: No mouse butt are for you or for- No ham butt. speaker-4: Sandy got the memo button. She's proud of it. speaker-3: Yeah, you have to be. speaker-4: Yeah. ⁓ speaker-1: Interested to hear the fashion or trend that you would tell your younger self to avoid at all costs. My, was Stacy. I don't know if you agree with this, but mine was the Dorothy Ham cut. speaker-4: What about you, Shelly? speaker-3: ⁓ my gosh, did we have the choice to get that haircut? We had every version of it that you could have. speaker-2: What's really bad is when you choose a perm. I remember when I had Caleb and I got, after I had him, I went and got a perm. My hair stuck out to here in curls and I had no control over it. I couldn't do anything and it was frizzy. I was like, that is a style that I am glad is no longer in. And I hope it never comes back. speaker-4: Well, least you didn't choose the girl mullet short in the long in the long down here. I chose that for like five years. speaker-3: I had that too. speaker-1: Yeah, we're always just party. didn't know you had business in the front and party in the back. speaker-2: With your hair. speaker-4: I must have had a little lull there. speaker-1: The other for me, y'all will remember, it was a very short, thank goodness, but in the 90s, I shaved one half of my hair. But ⁓ my gosh. It's one of those, what was I thinking? speaker-3: ⁓ Fashion wise though, remember those MC Hammer pants when that was in style? I think it was probably late. speaker-2: Thank you. speaker-4: Coming down the hall for a while. speaker-3: Yeah, and then this one will probably get pushed back. Rocky Mountain jeans. Do y'all remember those? No. speaker-4: Hamilton. speaker-1: for highways. speaker-2: Those are back in style, the super high- speaker-3: I was going to say that would get pushed back, but they don't. speaker-4: to miss that one. speaker-3: ⁓ Yeah, are a few fashion choices that I look back at and I'm like, hmm. I was looking at my senior picture. Shelly, please don't share it. I let Carrie Anne cut my hair for it. It was awful. It's like up here and it's like how Susan was talking about how her hair was all curly. My bangs are about this short. It was awful. speaker-4: What was it? speaker-2: At you didn't shave your eyebrows before school picture days. Did you? When I was 10. I really did. Because they were bush. I was trying to get rid of some of them and it was awful. speaker-4: He did. speaker-3: Mom didn't you didn't ⁓ yeah? speaker-2: Oh, no, I didn't ask. I think that was my 1 thing that I did. That was my 1 rebellion. speaker-4: and it hurt me. Yeah, I remember that. was scared. speaker-2: Mine kind of grew together, kind of had a unibrow and so I shaved the unibrow and when I did it just kind of took off some of the... so they were kind of wide. speaker-1: wide brows. So what would tell your younger self about aging that would surprise her? speaker-4: think I would tell my younger self to dress a little nicer and not like Senator Federman. speaker-3: That would be good Cheryl. Mine would be to take care of my skin. I'm still horrible at it. speaker-2: Thanks. It depends on what kind of soap, Hey, what did Gran use? All of her life? Ons. speaker-4: I'm just ivory. speaker-3: All right. speaker-4: Beauty cream, she could have done the commercial. speaker-2: She couldn't. speaker-1: Yeah, yeah, so you wish your younger self knew about time. speaker-2: I think that it's fleeting and you need to be present in it because it's here today, gone tomorrow. It really is. And you're not promised tomorrow. So make it a great day. Don't put off tomorrow what you can do today. That's what I would say. speaker-1: Yeah, I was talking to mom and dad about this last night and I was telling them the lady I was listening to said time goes slow when you're younger because everything is new, but it goes faster when you're older because you've already done it. And I just thought, wow. And mom and dad were like, ⁓ that is so true. And it seems to go faster. They're 30 years older than me and it seems to go faster. speaker-4: you speaker-1: than for them than it does for me at this point. And I just see that continuing to speed up. speaker-3: Well, that's because we're going downhill now, right? Maybe. Yeah, make the rhyme. I am all about what Susan just said. Live each day and I catch myself not doing it. I catch myself working too long or going to bed too early sometimes. But I do want to just enjoy every moment of it, you know, and just soak it all in because think about mom and dad. They have speaker-4: Yeah speaker-1: Just as a way to speaker-3: Their baby is 57. Kind of so boring. We're going to be there. And you want to enjoy it. You want to soak it all in. speaker-1: What would you tell your younger self about taking risks? speaker-4: Take the risk. Have fun. speaker-2: Better to try and fail than not try at all. speaker-3: It's okay to fail. I think we all take risks. I think that's something that was embedded into us. Sometimes we take more risks than we should, but we recover from speaker-4: with wrinkles. speaker-1: we wrap up this episode, have one closing question. If you could leave one sentence of advice for the next generation of women, what would... speaker-2: it be? Love God and love people deeply. speaker-3: Love your husband and your family deeply too. speaker-1: Never compromise on your core values for anyone. speaker-4: for everyone, all of our listeners. Keep the Lord by your side in everything you do, whether it's taking risks, doing your job, being a mother, grandmother, keep the Lord involved in it. speaker-1: So this has been fun talking. It was hard to think about what you would have told your younger self, but it's been fun. I appreciate y'all joining us as listeners and we would love to hear what you would tell your younger self because someone might read it and go, ⁓ that's something I want to take into consideration. So next week, Cheryl will be hosting Life Transitions. So we look forward to seeing what she comes up with in episode nine. Until then, Life is messy, meaningful, and better when shared. Thanks for listening. speaker-2: Don't forget to like us. speaker-4: Share. speaker-1: COMING! speaker-3: subscribe speaker-0: I'm sorry. I'm a doctor, I'm a green dog, I'm a major, I'm a boss, I'm a chef, I'm a a I'm a dog, I'm a dog, a dog, dog, I'm a a I'm a a I'm a a