Latest / New Manager Conversations with Fexingo: First 90 Days, Managing Former Peers, and Leadership Basics / How New Managers Can Handle a Direct Report Who Is Also a Star Performer
Transcript
- Lucas: So we've talked a lot about handling difficult direct reports—underperformers, resisters, friends. But there's one type that rarely gets a playbook: the star performer who's actually a pain to manage. Luna: Oh, the 'great on paper, exhausting in practice' type. I've been there. Lucas: Right. And I think a lot of new managers assume that if someone delivers great results, you just leave them alone. But that can backfire. Let me give you a concrete case. Lucas: I was talking to a product manager at a mid-sized fintech in Chicago. She had a senior engineer on her team—let's call him Dan—who shipped features twice as fast as anyone else. But he never documented anything, he skipped stand-ups regularly, and he'd get defensive if you asked him to explain his approach. Luna: And I'm guessing her instinct was to just let it slide because of the output. Lucas: Exactly. And that's understandable. But over time, his lack of documentation became a real problem. When he went on vacation, no one could pick up his work. Plus, his teammates were starting to resent the exception. Luna: So how did she handle it? Did she confront him directly? Lucas: She started by reframing it in her own head. She realized she wasn't asking him to document things to be bureaucratic—she was asking because it made the team more resilient and freed everyone else up. So she set up a one-on-one, not to criticize, but to talk about impact. Lucas: She put it in terms of his goals. She said, 'I want you to work on the highest-impact stuff, but right now, you're the bottleneck on your own projects because only you understand them.' And that landed. Luna: That's smart. It's not about process for process's sake—it's about scaling his impact. Lucas: And she didn't ask for a huge behavior change right away. Instead, she asked for one small thing: start writing a short handoff doc for every feature you complete. Just a few bullet points. She said, 'If it takes longer than ten minutes, you're probably overdoing it.' Luna: A small ask, but it sets a precedent. And she probably had to follow up consistently, right? Lucas: She did. And that's where a lot of managers fail—they set an expectation, then let it slide. She scheduled a five-minute check-in every Friday to review his docs. Within a month, it became a habit. Luna: So the pattern is: start small, tie it to their goals, and follow through. That sounds manageable. Lucas: And it's not just about documentation. The same framework applies to other annoying star-performer behaviors—like skipping meetings or always working on their pet projects. Luna: But what if the star performer is a peer you used to work with? That seems even trickier. Lucas: That's a whole other layer. I remember a case from a retail company's HQ—a marketing manager named Priya was promoted to lead a team that included her old work buddy, Marcus. Marcus was brilliant, but he'd always had a habit of riffing in meetings, going off on tangents, and not following through on action items. Lucas: When they were peers, Priya found his energy fun. As his manager, she needed him to close the loop. So she used the same approach: a private conversation, framed around his growth. Luna: Did she mention their friendship? Or did she keep it all professional? Lucas: She actually acknowledged it. She said, 'Look, we've been friends for years, and that's not going to change. But I need to be able to hold you to the same standards I hold everyone else.' Marcus appreciated that clarity—it gave him permission to see her as a manager without losing the friendship. Lucas: Then she made it concrete. She said, 'In the next team meeting, I'll flag when you're drifting off-topic, and then you can take the lead in summarizing the decision. That way, you're part of the solution.' Luna: That's smart—you're leveraging his strengths while correcting the behavior. Lucas: Exactly. And it worked because she didn't try to change his personality. She just asked for a specific, observable change. Luna: So the key is to focus on behavior, not character. That's a lesson for any new manager. Lucas: And here's another thing: don't assume your star performer knows they're being difficult. Often they're just so focused on the work they don't see the ripple effects. Luna: I've seen that too. A great data scientist on my old team never shared her models with anyone because she thought they were too messy. But that meant nobody could validate her work, and it slowed things down. Lucas: And when someone finally told her, she was relieved—she thought she was protecting everyone from her messy process. So the conversation itself can be a gift. Lucas: Which brings me to another angle: sometimes the issue isn't behavior—it's that the star performer is quietly burning out. Luna: Oh, that's a big one. The 'superhero' who never says no. Lucas: Right. A well-meaning new manager might pile on more projects because the star always delivers. But that's a fast track to resentment and turnover. Lucas: I remember reading about a software company that lost a top engineer because her manager kept giving her the hardest problems without any relief. She loved the work at first, but after a year, she was exhausted and left for a role with fewer expectations. Luna: So part of managing a star is protecting them from themselves. Lucas: Yes. And that means having honest conversations about workload and growth. Ask them what they enjoy, what they want to learn, and whether they feel stretched or just stressed. Luna: That's the kind of thing that builds trust. And on that note, a quick thought: if you've been getting value from these conversations, a few dollars a month really does keep them going. It's totally optional, but if you're able, you can support us at buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. Lucas: Yeah, it genuinely makes a difference. Every little bit helps us keep the show ad-free and focused on practical advice. Luna: Alright, back to the topic. So we've covered reframing, small asks, and burnout. What about the opposite—when a star performer is so independent they don't need you at all? Lucas: Ah, the 'ghost' who delivers. That can be equally tricky. They do great work, but they're invisible in meetings, they never ask for help, and they seem to have zero engagement with the team. Lucas: A finance director I spoke with had an analyst like that—brilliant with numbers, but he never spoke up in team meetings. The director realized he wasn't disengaged; he just processed things internally and preferred written communication. Luna: So how do you draw them out without forcing them to be someone they're not? Lucas: The director started sending meeting agendas in advance and gave the analyst time to prepare his thoughts. Then he'd gently ask him a specific question, like 'What do you think about the revenue forecast?' Not a yes or no, but a chance to shine. Lucas: Over time, the analyst began contributing more spontaneously. And the director never asked him to become a charismatic presenter—just to share his insights in a way that worked for him. Luna: That's a great example of meeting people where they are. Lucas: So the through-line here is: star performers aren't a monolith. They come with different challenges—resistance to process, peer issues, burnout, or invisibility—but the solution is usually the same: have a direct, specific, and caring conversation. Lucas: You're not trying to break them; you're trying to help them be even better, in a way that also helps the team. Luna: And that's the mark of a good manager, right? You're not just managing output, you're managing people. Lucas: Exactly. So if you've got a star performer driving you crazy, don't just grit your teeth. Start with one small conversation, focused on impact, and see where it goes.