Latest / Drawn of History / New York Circus _ This Past Weekend w_ Theo Von _614(M4A_128K)

Transcript

New York Circus _ This Past Weekend w_ Theo Von _614(M4A_128K) · Drawn of History

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Okay. Happy October. That's where we are today. Good to
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: be here with you here in the fall. We are
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: pretty much into the fall now. As the calendar, you
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: start to fall off the end of the year. And
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: then just bam, you just land right there in Santa's
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: arms over there. Around December 25th, baby, that's where we at.
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: I got some new glass. I did get some new glasses.
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: I guess, uh, they're, they're new to me. I don't know.
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: I'm sure they weren't used or whatever. They're B plus,
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: I guess my thing, my vision is B or, uh,
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: some B12. What is it? I don't know. They're pretty, they're, uh,
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: they're pretty good. I guess it helps me read. I
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: didn't know I needed glasses, you know? And then I guess,
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: I don't know if I was in like a dark
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: restaurant or whatever. Next thing you know, I'm at the
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: eye shop and, uh, and I got these bitches, baby.
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: And so I'm enjoying them. I think I will say this.
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: I don't know. I can't, some people I can't see anymore.
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: So it's kind of, I'm not saying these things are
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: making racial choices for me, but they're definitely, uh, these
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: things don't want to get a good look at everybody,
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: you know? So I may have to mail them back.
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: I'm not sure, but I'm running on about eight foot
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: radius or whatever, 12 foot radius, maybe in these. So, uh,
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: if you want, you know, get close if you need me,
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: you know? Um, but yeah, cause I fucking, dude, I was,
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: my short sight was getting kind of rocky. You know,
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: I'd go in for a hug and I'd miss that bitch.
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: I'd be like, damn, you'd go in and hug somebody
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: and hug the wrong person. You're like, who's that? You know,
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: that's somebody's damn husband or something. You know, you don't even,
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: you know, you go in and hug a decent woman
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: and you end up over there, you know, and you
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: just up near some man's neck or something. It just,
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: so I think getting your visual is important. And so
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: that's kind of what I'm, I guess doing, I got
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: to get, yeah, I think these bitches are B or
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: B plus. I don't know what I got. I got
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: to look at the, um, package or whatever. I got
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: these bitches online. They came to just wrote the size
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: of them on the back or something. I think it
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: was like 38, 42 or I don't know. I got
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: to look and see. I got a fucking kind of
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: a big head. Um, what else? Thank you guys for
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: being here. Uh, The circus is coming to town. I
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: just saw that. I don't know if there's any circus lovers,
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: but the circus is back. You know, and when I
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: was a child, the circus was a big thing. You know,
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: you had a couple times throughout the year you'd get
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: this little ticket at school, and it'd say on it,
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: circus at the top. And it'd say like, Willie's Circus,
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: you know, or Risky Rick's Circus, you know. And it
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: would say like, admit one, just on this ticket, you
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: can get it anywhere. So they were just giving out
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: free tickets, you know? And it would be like, this
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: petting zoo fucking rocks, it would say, or something like
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: that on the back. Or where petting zoos go to fuck.
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: It would say shit like, that's a lot. But it
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: was a big deal back then when the circus came.
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: Because you'd see them setting up in that big top,
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: that tent. And they'd wheel all animals in there And
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: some of the animals they'd been through a lot. They'd
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: look like they'd maybe just got back from war or something,
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: World War II or something. You know, some of them
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: missing an ear, you know, have a fake ear. You know,
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: they'd have an elephant, but then one of his ears,
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: they'd have just two, you know, they'd put a damn
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: potted plant in the hole over there and he'd have
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: a damn elephant ear plant growing out of the side,
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: you know, and they'd paint that bitch gray over there.
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: You'd see a guy on a ladder just painting that elephant,
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: you know, just painting a big, planty or gray just
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: trying to line it all up and they put a
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: big bow tie on him call him big ginger or
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: whatever spray paint red hair on his back there you
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: know it was just you know you you'd see a
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: giraffe but that bitch had a short neck on him
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: you're like god you'd see a damn giraffe he was
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: four foot four and that bitch was just you know
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: pissed too pissed it almost looked like if you tickled
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: him the right way his neck would just just you know,
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: get to the right size. You know, he's just like
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: that wide neck. Remember that fellow wide neck that was
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: running around. He was, um, kind of an African American,
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: like running back that only played drugs or whatever. Like,
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying? He didn't have a sport
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: and that was the circus. And it meant something. You
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: were excited about it. And you talk about it at
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: school and you'd go over there. And I just saw
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: the flyer that a new one, it was, it was
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: called the circus. It's like a, it kind of had
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: looked like a Cirque du Sole Cirque, like a Cirque
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: du Sole Circus kind of, you know, it just looked
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: like a, like a rave for children kind of, you know,
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: they had a couple of damn drones out there, you know,
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: Palantir just shooting popcorn in the kids' mouths and stuff. Just,
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: you know, it had a different sort of etiquette to it.
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: And I don't even know if they had any animals.
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: They had a couple of kind of gender neutral dudes
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: just kind of whistling in each other's mouths type of deal.
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: You know, they had a blind fella just kind of,
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: Just singing Fred again lyrics and stuff. It's just gotten
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: very progressive. It feels like the circus. You know, they
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: used to have real animals. You'd go out there, you'd
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: see a couple monkeys out there. And you're over there
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: and one of them be smocking for you. And, you know,
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: you pay, get you 50 cents over there. Go visit
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: that smocking monkey. See if he'll ash on your mama's back,
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: you know, or something. And they had long arms. They'd
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: ash on her. Ashing a baby carriage or something like that.
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: It was, you know, it was more involved. They let
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: the animals live a little. You know, and they used
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: to have real lions, too. You know, back then they
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: had real lions. Now you got a couple of hardy
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: women over there wearing Aiden Hutchinson jerseys. You know, and
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: just complaining that their breasts are too big. Now they
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: got a gluten-free concession stand. just a, you know, uh, they,
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: the peanut allergies, they got that. So it's, you know,
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: back in the day, they had a dude, you would
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: find a dude at the circus with a peanut allergy.
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: They would find that dude. They would give him a
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: couple of handfuls of peanuts and then send that bitch
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: running through a ring of fire, baby. While people in
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: the crowd sang for those about to Now it's just,
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: they find a dude with a peanut allergy, right? They
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: put him in a hazmat suit. They have him run
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: and jump through a ring of peanuts into his two
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: mother's arms. So it's, I'm just saying, yeah, it's just
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: a different time, man. It's just a different time. And
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: that's what time does. It keeps making things different, doesn't it? Man,
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: time does not like to wear the same outfit, baby.
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: That's the truth. Time likes to, uh, Time likes every
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: minute just freshly ironed, baby, right out the package. Time
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: is just, you know, it's just, it likes to feel
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: brand new, baby. But God, that circus was fun. You
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: go over there. And sometimes some of the circus workers,
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: they just set themselves on fire and just collect damn
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: workman's comp right there, right in front of you.
• 7:40
  Speaker 2: Fuck.
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: People would cheer and just damn just, you know, God
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: and just pray. So yeah, it was just a different time, man.
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: That's the circus. That's the circus. It's back. Um, and
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: we had a circuit, we had a circus last week
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: in New York in New York city. And I want
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: to talk about that. I want to, uh, I want
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: to just go through it. Cause there's like a lot
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: of stuff out there, speculation and all of that. And
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: I want to just get super clear on it.
• 8:09
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: Cause I think a lot of people, um, don't know
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: like what went on and it wasn't that crazy what
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: went on and I wish it was going to be
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: a more exciting story, but I just want to, uh, Yeah,
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: I just want to share with you kind of what happened,
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: I guess. And I don't want to make it a
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: big deal, but I think, but I do want to
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: like just kind of go into it, right? You know,
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: so mental health is important to me, right? It's important
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: to me. We talk about that kind of stuff on
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: here a lot. And hold on. And yeah, I think
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: it's been something that we talk about a great deal
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: and just think about and kind of explore, right? So
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: I had a comedy special that we were taping. We
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: were taping it last week. And about a month before
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: I started, I quit taking some antidepressants I was taking.
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: I just kind of self-weaned myself off. And the reason
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: why was because I wanted... like during the comedy show,
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: I wanted to have a little bit more emotion during it.
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: I wanted to have this kind of like, I just
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: wanted to have some more feelings. You know, if, um,
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: if you ever take an antidepressants or if you haven't, uh, they,
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: it kind of takes away your feelings kind of, you know, uh,
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: so you just kind of stay in this space where
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: you're okay. And it's nice. It's a safe space, but
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: you don't, you're like the astronaut that kind of stays
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: on the ship sometimes. And you get to do the
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: thumbs up and shit, but other dudes are like, you know,
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: other people are out there. Anyway, so I quit taking
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: my medication because I wanted to have a little bit
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: more feelings during the show. I wanted to be able
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: to talk about stuff a little bit more that meant
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: something to me and put it into the comedy show.
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: So that was all going fine, right? I was doing
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: fine with that. We're headed into the comedy show, and
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: then the Charlie Kirk thing happened, right? The Charlie Kirk
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: murder happened, which is really crazy. You know, it was
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: just a crazy thing. I've talked about it before. I'm
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: not going to talk about it anymore right now. But
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: a few days after that, or maybe a week after that,
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: the Department of Homeland Security put a video up online
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: talking about, they started making like trap beat edits and
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: like banger edits to evicting people from the country, right?
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: Or eliminating illegal, illegals, maybe some criminals, some people just undocumented, all,
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: you know, just across the spectrum, right? So they put
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: a video of mine that I'd made for somebody in
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: a parking lot, probably like maybe a year and a
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: half ago, just jokingly, they put, I think it was
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: a year and a half ago, They put it in
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: at the front of this Department of Homeland Security, like,
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: trap beat. I think they had, like, I'm not sure
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: if they had, like, young boy layers or whatever they had.
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: But it was kind of ridiculous. And the video was
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: a girl had walked up to me in a parking lot,
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: and she had said, hey, my friend just got deported.
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: What do you have to say? Or do you have
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: a message? I can't remember what it was. And I
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: was just like, bye. you know, and I didn't know
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: if it was real or not. I had no idea.
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: I was just joking around. It's a stranger came up
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: to me in a parking lot. I think it was
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: after a show and there were some people gathered around
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: and we were just kind of like, um, BS and,
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: and taking, uh, pictures and just kind of, uh, associate. Right.
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: So anyway, long story short, that happens. So this video
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: goes mega viral, 25 million, 30 million views. It's everywhere.
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: And the front of the D of that Homeland security video,
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: it's on the white house thing. It's on everything. It's,
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: it's everywhere. And the first 10 seconds of it are me, right? Like,
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: I don't have anything to do with this shit. Nobody
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: asked me about it. Um, you know, like nobody said, Hey,
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: this is going to have like, and, and I have
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: a lot of different thoughts about immigration, right? They're like
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: showing people getting arrested. Like, it's just an intense thing. Like,
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: and why is the government even making these? I don't know. I,
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: but that's where we're at in the world. And, And
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: I have a lot of thoughts about immigration, right? I
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: have a ton of them and we don't need to
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: go into them all right now. I've talked about them
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: on other episodes. I feel like they're doing a lot
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: of bookkeeping in the country right now because we're going
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: to get into a surveillance state and everyone is going
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: to have to be on the books, right? So that's
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: where I believe that we're headed. But this was just wild,
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: you know, and people are like sending messages and like
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: hateful stuff and you know, you think all these illegal
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: shits and all this type of shit. And like, I
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: could talk to you ad nauseum about that, but, but
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: this wasn't the time for it. It just was something
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: that they used and put out there and everybody saw. Right.
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: So I'm getting a ton of hateful stuff and, and, and,
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: and I'm trying to remember everything. I'm trying to kind
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: of remember everything right now. And, um, but this video
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: goes everywhere and I'm getting like a lot of like, dude,
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: what the fuck? Just all kinds of shit.
• 13:39
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: Like my phone just blown. I'm like, what the hell?
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: It's just like the last thing I needed.
• 13:43
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: There's a week left to this special. And this happens.
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: You know, this thing comes out. And my father immigrated
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: here from Nicaragua, right? Like one of my prized possessions
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: is I have his immigration papers when he came here.
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: And I have them in a frame and him and
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: his siblings when they came here. And so I have
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: tons of thoughts about it. But this was just fucked up, right?
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: It was fucked up. And it was everywhere. It was
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: like on all platforms and stuff. So, so that had
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: me really kind of paranoid, you know, that had me
• 14:20
  Speaker 1: start to get kind of paranoid and, um, you know,
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: like closing, like, you know, I had the curtains in
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: my house kind of closed. I was just like, you know,
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: you're paranoid. I woke up the next morning. Sorry, I
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: need some water. I woke up the next morning to
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: a text from a high government official saying, Hey, if
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: you need, uh, some extra security in your neighborhood, um,
• 14:49
  Speaker 1: or some extra police cars on patrol, let me know.
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: And I'm like, what, what are you talking about? Extra security.
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: I don't have any, like, you know, I don't even
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: know the code to my ring camera. Like I don't
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: even know how to log in. So it's like, and then,
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: and like, what are you just going to put police
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: cars in my neighborhood? What are my neighbors going to
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: think now they're fearful? Like it just like, I don't know, man, that,
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: that like really kind of shook me. It really kind
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: of shook me. Um, But you just, you keep marching on,
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: you know, and you start getting security. And then now,
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: but now you have security, right? And the thing is,
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: you just don't know. You just don't know, right? There
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: was a moment on the, like, it was White House,
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: because the White House also put this out. Thank you,
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: White House.
• 15:38
  Speaker 2: That.
• 15:40
  Speaker 1: And look, I'm all for like the board. I'm all
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: for tighter boards. I'm all for like accurate knowing who's on.
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: I'm all for knowing who is in a country. I'm
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: all for knowing what's in the cupboard of a society.
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: I think you should know every item on the log.
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: I think it should be known, right? I do. Now,
• 15:54
  Speaker 1: how do you get there? That's the bigger question. And
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: we don't have to discuss that today, right? It's not
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: about that. And sorry, I'm going slow here. I'm trying
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: to piece this together. So... Now I have this thing
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: with security, but then you get a security person and they,
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: now you're, if you're walking on a security guy, then
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: that's kind of uncomfortable. Cause now you're like, it kind
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: of makes you spooked. You're like, what's going on? So
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: there's just like all of that's happening. And then we
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: get to just the job, the job, right? Like, which
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: is performing, speaking in front of strangers. Like you had
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: just seen this thing with Charlie Kirk, right? It's like,
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: like we all watch somebody get lit up. We all
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: watch somebody get, get murdered casually on our phones right
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: like and I don't mean to say it like that
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: but that's how it all it came across to us
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: there's no warning on a lot of video you see
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: in like so just a lot of uh I think
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: unnecessary pressure a lot of stress going on that I
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: did some of it I was aware of and some
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: of you just don't know you're aware of it I
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: think you know because I think like um Like you
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: just sometimes you don't know what stress you're holding. You know,
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: one day there was a I got a call from
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: a friend of mine and they said they were going
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: into rehab and I just started bawling.
• 17:23
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: And I didn't realize that there was a part of
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: me that was waiting to hear that from them and
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: that it it really made me feel some type of way,
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: you know. So sometimes it's like you just don't know
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: what stresses you're holding. Anyway, so anyway, so we get
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: to the shows, right? We're there, and it's a lot,
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: you know? It's a lot. There's a lot of, like,
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: last-minute choices to be made. It seemed to go messier
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: than the past specials that I'd taped, right? It seemed
• 17:55
  Speaker 1: to be a lot more confusion, and it all could
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: have been just kind of my perception, right? Because what
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: started to happen was on this day I was starting
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: to feel– a little bit like, I don't know if
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: manic is a word. I don't know what manic means.
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: I've said manic, but I don't manic meaning. Let me see.
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: What does it mean when someone is manic? Oh, it
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: says trying to meet mans. That's the first one. Like
• 18:21
  Speaker 1: this is fucking, see, this is how bad shit's gotten. You're,
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: you know, you're trying to figure out if you have
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: some sort of an anxiety disorder and next thing you know,
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: you're getting damn emails from like, uh, a local men's
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: bar or whatever. It is defined as an extremely unstable
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: euphoric or irritable mood along with an excessive activity or
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: energy level. Okay. Excessively rapid thought and speech. I probably
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: could have used a little more of that. Um, so
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: I think I started to feel kind of mildly manic.
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: I think it was just being off the medication. I think, uh,
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: and it wasn't insane. It was just little things like
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: the second I got on stage, the first show, my,
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: I couldn't feel any moisture in my mouth. And I
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: started to feel like, um, You ever remember that feeling
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: if you were in high school when you got high
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: and then you were standing there talking to your friends
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: and you were just too high and you were just
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: literally standing there just trying to pretending to be yourself
• 19:11
  Speaker 1: a little bit? So I had a little bit of
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: that going on. And it started off choppy. The first show,
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: it started off kind of choppy. We were doing like
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: a new intro with Joey Diaz at the last minute
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: and he was pretty goomed up. You know, he's Coco.
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: And it was a blessing that he was there, but
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: we hadn't ran through it. And so it's just like
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: a lot of things at the last minute. But yeah,
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: I'm on stage, and the second half of the first
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: show went good. And there were some beats that I
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: got that had like an emotional piece to them that
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: I wanted, and that felt exciting. But, but the whole show,
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: it was, it was, uh, there were parts where I
• 19:53
  Speaker 1: just couldn't remember the next thing. I couldn't remember like
• 19:56
  Speaker 1: my next sequence. Like I was having trouble just keeping
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: track of stuff. And that's when I really was like,
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: Oh man, I'm, uh, I'm just off tonight. You know,
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: I just, You know, it is just like I'm just
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: off tonight. And I even I think I remember saying
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: to the audience, like, thank you guys just for being
• 20:20
  Speaker 1: here for me, you know, like and and the audience
• 20:24
  Speaker 1: was cool, man. People were were happy to be there.
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: They were super stoked when I came out. I started
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: to feel bad that I wasn't giving them the best show.
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: But the show ended up going a little bit long, blah, blah, blah.
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: We get to halftime or in between the two shows
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: and Chris Rock is backstage. He's there. My favorite, right? Like,
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: I mean, I see Chris Rock smile and you just
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: feel like it's going to be good. You know, this is,
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: it's almost like when, you know, somebody that was good
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: in class at making a good joke and then you
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: see him and you're like, oh, that Michael Jordan has arrived,
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: you know, like that thing, like, um, so anyway, seeing
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: him and it kind of like, I kind of, I
• 21:08
  Speaker 1: was like almost way so excited about seeing him. Like
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: I was very excited, but then I realized I was
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: kind of overexcited. Um, he enjoyed the show, you know? And,
• 21:20
  Speaker 1: and so I went into the second show feeling like, okay,
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: I got to figure some of this out. I couldn't
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: tell if people were, like being like legit, like, okay,
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: was it good? Was it bad? What was going on?
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: And then I took an ice bath between the shows.
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: I was doing my yoga, the same usual stuff I do. Anyway, sorry,
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: I know this is getting long, but, uh, and then
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: we did the second show and the second show was
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: started out fire. First 22 minutes we're cooking. And then
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: I just, I couldn't remember stuff. And we didn't put
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: a teleprompter. We like, we've done it for other specials.
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: We didn't do it. And that was a bad choice.
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: I don't know if I probably made the choice for sure.
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: I don't remember, but so I had to ask for how,
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: you know, I was like having to ask off stage
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: because I wanted to get everything in sequence, you know,
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: and I think I got stuck on this like sequence thing. And, um,
• 22:19
  Speaker 1: and it was just hard, man. It just, you know,
• 22:20
  Speaker 1: I just did it. I didn't feel like myself. I
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: felt like I was trying to kind of pretend to
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: be myself And it wasn't insane or extreme. It just,
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: that was it. And we got to the end of
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: the show and we were standing around afterwards with the
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: producers and the director, my friend Kevin, and just like,
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: did we get it? You know, did we get it?
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: Excuse me. Did we get it good enough? You know,
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: because I'll, I want this special to be, you know,
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: you do the material for so long. And my buddy
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: Neil Brennan said this the other day before it. He said,
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: I got hair in my eyes today. He said, dude,
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: this is the last time you'll ever spend with this material.
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: You know, it's really the last time you'll probably ever
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: do it. And this material has been a friend to
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: me over the years. It's been, you know, it's taken
• 23:19
  Speaker 1: me around the world. You know, it's gotten me to
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: see a lot of people that love me and that
• 23:24
  Speaker 1: I love. Um, so that was just a neat sentiment
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: of a way to like embrace the material stuff. But
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: I was just at the end of the night. I
• 23:32
  Speaker 1: was like, I don't know if we got it. And
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: they're like, yeah, well, let's edit together something and see.
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: And I was like, okay. But I just, I don't,
• 23:39
  Speaker 1: I couldn't feel the magic, you know, I just was off. And,
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: and that was it. We left the show. We left
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: the theater. Um, We took pictures. You know, I went
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: up by the stage at the end of each show
• 23:53
  Speaker 1: and we're like taking pictures of people that are sitting there.
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: And that's when some girl, there was a clip of me,
• 24:02
  Speaker 1: which I think this is what really like, this is
• 24:04
  Speaker 1: what made things ridiculous. Where in passing, I just was like,
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: or I don't know if it was in passing. I
• 24:12
  Speaker 1: haven't seen the clip, honestly. And I haven't been online. Um,
• 24:16
  Speaker 1: I woke up the next day to like a bunch
• 24:17
  Speaker 1: of things like, bro, what's up? Or things like that.
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: And I was like, oh my God, you know, what's
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: going on? Like, did, you know, did I, you know,
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: did I steal somebody's horse? Did I hit somebody with
• 24:28
  Speaker 1: a vehicle? You know what? I have no idea. It
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: was just kind of alarming. Um, and then a buddy
• 24:33
  Speaker 1: of mine sent me a clip and I could just
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: see the outside and it was like, uh, you could
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: see me on stage. And then people were asking me
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: about suicide and I was like, oh God. And I
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: don't even remember exactly what I said, but I can
• 24:50
  Speaker 1: certainly see me saying something like, oh, just try not
• 24:52
  Speaker 1: to take my own life, which I understand it's not
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: a joke to some people. It's not a joke to me.
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: But it is something that I'll say stuff sometimes. I
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: say stuff, right? You know that. If you've listened to
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: this show before or seen anything, you know, I say stuff. Um,
• 25:18
  Speaker 1: I would never take my own life. I would never
• 25:20
  Speaker 1: take my own life. Okay. You hear that Israel? I
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: would never take my own life. I'm grateful to God, uh,
• 25:32
  Speaker 1: for his grace in my life. Um, I love my siblings. Um,
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: I have so many friends and people that love me
• 25:42
  Speaker 1: and people that I want to see their children grow up.
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: I'm hopeful that I get to have a wife and
• 25:47
  Speaker 1: meet my own children one day. Like there's a ton
• 25:49
  Speaker 1: of things in my life that keep me alive and hopeful, right?
• 25:53
  Speaker 1: I want to be able to have an impact in
• 25:54
  Speaker 1: the world. Those are just a few of them probably,
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: you know? I mean, so many just moments we've shared
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: on this show that I'm like, oh, I live for
• 26:05
  Speaker 1: those things, you know? I mean, I want to see
• 26:08
  Speaker 1: Vandy win a, uh, a championship. So I'm going to
• 26:13
  Speaker 1: have to be alive for a long time. You know
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: what I'm saying? Type shit. Uh, so, but anyway, so anyway,
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: that was, uh, you know, so I woke up to
• 26:22
  Speaker 1: that and I was like, oh man. Um, and I
• 26:31
  Speaker 1: guess I had like a lot of different, uh, Well,
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: in addition to that, people wrote articles. Oh, this is bad.
• 26:42
  Speaker 1: And look, it wasn't great. I didn't love it. And
• 26:47
  Speaker 1: I had a lot of people that said it was
• 26:49
  Speaker 1: great though. Like I have people say, dude, we loved it.
• 26:53
  Speaker 1: It was great. So, but I didn't think it was,
• 26:57
  Speaker 1: I didn't think it was perfect, you know, for sure.
• 27:01
  Speaker 1: But I thought, let's just look at the edit and see. Um,
• 27:05
  Speaker 1: and so we still haven't decided we might shoot again
• 27:06
  Speaker 1: at some point. I don't know what's going to go on,
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: but there was just this energy now where it was like,
• 27:12
  Speaker 1: everybody started checking on me and, uh, I was like,
• 27:15
  Speaker 1: oh man, this is tough. And, and there's people that
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: would think like, oh, well he failed or who want
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: to write up, write up something that says he failed
• 27:23
  Speaker 1: or make a meme. I saw one thing. It said, uh, uh,
• 27:27
  Speaker 1: bombs Netflix or whatever, taping or whatever. Awesome. Thank you, dude. Um, But, homie,
• 27:34
  Speaker 1: I was fucking in that bitch, cuz. You should have
• 27:37
  Speaker 1: seen me, dog. You should have seen me. You know,
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: you ever see that show, dog? And a lot of
• 27:44
  Speaker 1: times you'll see that dog show. And it's that, uh, Wiesterminster.
• 27:48
  Speaker 1: I think it's Wiesterminster. The Wiesterminster dog show. You see
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: that bitch, boy? And they got some dogs in that bitch.
• 27:56
  Speaker 1: And then they got that other, bruh. They got that
• 27:59
  Speaker 1: other little, uh. That little... I mean, this bitch is
• 28:03
  Speaker 1: just a little thought waller, this bitch, you know. They
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: got that little male thought waller rolling up. You're like, damn,
• 28:09
  Speaker 1: that little bitch. You know, he got a little, maybe
• 28:11
  Speaker 1: an anklet on or something. Maybe he got a house
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: arrest bracelet on his tail, but that bitch is in there.
• 28:17
  Speaker 1: And they're like, damn, he ain't supposed to be here.
• 28:20
  Speaker 1: But he's over there. He's listening to DMX.
• 28:23
  Speaker 3: We right here.
• 28:26
  Speaker 1: And all the other dogs got all them crazy tricks,
• 28:28
  Speaker 1: and he just fucking, he'll gamble on his phone real
• 28:30
  Speaker 1: quick or do something like that. Or he'll fucking run
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: a parlay or something on his phone. And that's his trick.
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: And he'll smoke a Virginia Slim right there and hit
• 28:40
  Speaker 1: that bitch. You know what I'm saying? So anyway, what
• 28:43
  Speaker 1: I'm saying is, bitch, I'm out there. I'm in the ring, bro.
• 28:48
  Speaker 1: And I failed so many times. You could write, bro,
• 28:51
  Speaker 1: write what you want, big dog. Write what you want.
• 28:57
  Speaker 1: It wasn't perfect, man. I'll agree to that. And if,
• 29:01
  Speaker 1: you know, and if, I've gotten so used to times
• 29:04
  Speaker 1: I have failed. It's okay. I eat failure for breakfast,
• 29:06
  Speaker 1: but I'm fucking... You fill me up with failure flakes
• 29:09
  Speaker 1: over the years, kids. And it's okay, man. That's part
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: of the job. The first 10 years of doing comedy
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: is failure. So much of my life, the best things
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: that have ever happened on my life have been on
• 29:24
  Speaker 1: the other side of failure.
• 29:30
  Speaker 3: And.
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it would be great if one day we could
• 29:34
  Speaker 1: all live in a space where we all, you know,
• 29:35
  Speaker 1: we lived in a neighborhood where everybody, when they went
• 29:37
  Speaker 1: out in the world, they was potentially going to fail. boy.
• 29:42
  Speaker 1: We riding right on the edge, baby. You know? And
• 29:47
  Speaker 1: that we admired that about each other. So anyway, I'm
• 29:52
  Speaker 1: not looking to like downplay it or make it, you know,
• 29:55
  Speaker 1: we might reshoot it again. We'll see what happens. And
• 29:58
  Speaker 1: that's it, you know? Because if you're not on that
• 30:02
  Speaker 1: risk of failing, I don't know what I'm going to be.
• 30:04
  Speaker 1: If I'm not on that risk of failing, I don't
• 30:06
  Speaker 1: know what I'm going to be. It's like a bulb,
• 30:09
  Speaker 1: you know, a plant bulb. If you saw, like a
• 30:13
  Speaker 1: plant bulb is kind of brave, right? Like a floral bulb, right?
• 30:19
  Speaker 1: Because if he just stays a bulb, he's just that
• 30:21
  Speaker 1: little green little monster, right? That little nugget. But when
• 30:28
  Speaker 1: he blasts open, he don't know what he's going to
• 30:30
  Speaker 1: get out that bit, bro. He might be a rose.
• 30:32
  Speaker 1: He might be a daffodil, brother. He might be a
• 30:40
  Speaker 1: damn succubus or whatever. He might be a gladioli. You
• 30:45
  Speaker 1: don't know when you pop that top what you're going
• 30:48
  Speaker 1: to get out of yourself. Imagine you walk through the
• 30:50
  Speaker 1: woods and all the flowers are just loped out. They
• 30:55
  Speaker 1: all just in hiding, bro. They're all in witness protection
• 30:59
  Speaker 1: program bulbs. But nah, they took that shot.
• 31:03
  Speaker 3: Pow, bitch.
• 31:06
  Speaker 1: So anyway, I don't know if I'm rambling or just
• 31:08
  Speaker 1: fluffing my own ego. But so that was it, man.
• 31:12
  Speaker 1: And there was a video about, you know, and so
• 31:16
  Speaker 1: that stuff happened. But then the thing that like made
• 31:18
  Speaker 1: everything hectic was someone recorded a video of me making
• 31:23
  Speaker 1: a passive comment, joking around about suicide. And I didn't
• 31:29
  Speaker 1: even mean to, I didn't know people were recording me
• 31:31
  Speaker 1: at that time. I don't think, or I don't think
• 31:34
  Speaker 1: that they are anymore. And I think I got to
• 31:36
  Speaker 1: evolve in my own head that that's how things are now. So.
• 31:47
  Speaker 1: And another thing that happened, I didn't even tell anybody this,
• 31:49
  Speaker 1: but I went to the doctors like a couple weeks ago.
• 31:53
  Speaker 1: This was like, I think two days after the Charlie
• 31:56
  Speaker 1: Kirk shoot. I went to the doctors and, uh, And
• 32:01
  Speaker 1: I'm in the doctor room and it's just me and
• 32:03
  Speaker 1: a nurse and she comes in and I'm talking about,
• 32:07
  Speaker 1: you know, I got to get a checkup and everything
• 32:09
  Speaker 1: where they do your nuts or whatever, you know? And
• 32:12
  Speaker 1: so I'm taught, you know, we're talking about body and
• 32:15
  Speaker 1: everything and, uh, you know, um, you know, talking about
• 32:21
  Speaker 1: genitals or whatever, right. And body. And so we have
• 32:26
  Speaker 1: this conversation and then the nurse, uh, She says after,
• 32:31
  Speaker 1: she says, she's like, hey, I brought something for you.
• 32:39
  Speaker 1: I'm like, huh? And she's like, I brought something for you.
• 32:44
  Speaker 1: And it really spooked me, bro, because I'm in a
• 32:48
  Speaker 1: doctor's office, right? This is a place where you think
• 32:50
  Speaker 1: you can be safe. And man, that was a tough moment.
• 32:57
  Speaker 1: My mom was in town. And after that, I remember
• 32:59
  Speaker 1: sitting in my car with her. And I kind of
• 33:02
  Speaker 1: got a little teared up because I was like, oh, man,
• 33:05
  Speaker 1: no place is kind of safe anymore, you know. And
• 33:09
  Speaker 1: the girl just wanted to do something nice, right? I
• 33:11
  Speaker 1: think she wanted to give me something. I don't know.
• 33:13
  Speaker 1: But it was just that invasiveness of like, man, this
• 33:15
  Speaker 1: is like supposed to be a very private place. And
• 33:17
  Speaker 1: I mentioned it to the doctor. And then I even,
• 33:21
  Speaker 1: you know, I made sure that the nurse didn't feel
• 33:23
  Speaker 1: like bad. You know, she's just trying to be a
• 33:25
  Speaker 1: nice person. you know, I believe that her motives were
• 33:28
  Speaker 1: in a good place. Um, I don't hold any ill
• 33:32
  Speaker 1: will against her, but it was just like, uh, I
• 33:36
  Speaker 1: don't know. There was just a lot of little things
• 33:37
  Speaker 1: that were adding up to stress. And so, um, yeah,
• 33:40
  Speaker 1: that's what happened. Um, and it's just been like, I've
• 33:44
  Speaker 1: had so many people reach out. So thank you so much.
• 33:47
  Speaker 1: I've had so many people say nice things. I can't believe,
• 33:50
  Speaker 1: like to me, it felt very kind of like in passing. Um,
• 33:54
  Speaker 1: and then I was just kind of burnt out. but
• 33:59
  Speaker 1: just know that I'm never at a place like that.
• 34:02
  Speaker 1: I'm far from a place like that. There may have
• 34:06
  Speaker 1: been times when I was a kid or something where
• 34:08
  Speaker 1: I had some negative feelings. Some stuff was scary, but yeah,
• 34:11
  Speaker 1: I'm going to be here. I'm going to be here.
• 34:13
  Speaker 1: You're going to be here. And we're going to be
• 34:16
  Speaker 1: here together like we've always been. And that was it.
• 34:21
  Speaker 1: There was nothing else to the evening, we tried like
• 34:25
  Speaker 1: to really keep things together. Um, there was no drug issue.
• 34:30
  Speaker 1: There was no, like, I mean, when Coco showed up,
• 34:32
  Speaker 1: there was smoking, you know, it's like, but there was no, uh,
• 34:36
  Speaker 1: there wasn't like, it was just, there was just like,
• 34:41
  Speaker 1: just the fuse was short going into it. The fuse
• 34:45
  Speaker 1: was short going into it. I remember right when we
• 34:47
  Speaker 1: got to the theater, some guy was supposed to show
• 34:50
  Speaker 1: me to my dressing room. He took me on like
• 34:51
  Speaker 1: a seven minute journey out into the caverns of some building.
• 34:56
  Speaker 1: I don't even know where we were. We were like,
• 34:58
  Speaker 1: there was like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles there. And I
• 35:00
  Speaker 1: was like, oh, fuck, I'm already, this is, I could
• 35:02
  Speaker 1: feel my fuse being pretty low. So, but I still tried.
• 35:09
  Speaker 1: I think that looking back, maybe I should have like
• 35:11
  Speaker 1: pulled the cord. You know, I don't know though. You know,
• 35:14
  Speaker 1: you don't kind of know until you know where you,
• 35:16
  Speaker 1: until where you are, you know? And so, I don't
• 35:20
  Speaker 1: think I would have done anything different. I made all
• 35:21
  Speaker 1: the choices. I didn't realize how much stress I had
• 35:23
  Speaker 1: and that's it. But I do want to say this
• 35:27
  Speaker 1: about suicide, right? Like, you know, a friend of mine,
• 35:34
  Speaker 1: a close friend of mine, years ago his sister was
• 35:41
  Speaker 1: dealing with a lot of stuff. She was dealing with
• 35:43
  Speaker 1: a lot of stuff. And she couldn't say she was
• 35:47
  Speaker 1: having trouble talking about it. Like, you know, she was
• 35:50
  Speaker 1: having trouble talking about it. She didn't want to bother people.
• 35:58
  Speaker 1: and she finally told a member of their family and
• 36:02
  Speaker 1: they didn't want to worry everybody in the family with
• 36:04
  Speaker 1: it and so they kind of told the rest of
• 36:07
  Speaker 1: the family that she had mono and so she was
• 36:08
  Speaker 1: suffering and then like within a year she had taken
• 36:17
  Speaker 1: her own life right she just couldn't handle where she
• 36:21
  Speaker 1: was at and I think it's And I just want
• 36:25
  Speaker 1: to say her name, Christiane, and just let her know
• 36:30
  Speaker 1: that people think of her and that her brothers love her.
• 36:37
  Speaker 1: And that she's an angel out in the universe keeping
• 36:39
  Speaker 1: tabs on people. And that's a beautiful thing. But I
• 36:45
  Speaker 1: think about that story from my buddy sometimes. And it's
• 36:48
  Speaker 1: like I think people get stuck in a space where
• 36:50
  Speaker 1: they're like, yeah, I'm going to bother somebody if I–
• 36:52
  Speaker 1: or I've already told my friends so many times and
• 36:54
  Speaker 1: I'm not doing good. I don't, none of that stuff matters.
• 36:57
  Speaker 1: It's like, however you have to speak up about something,
• 36:59
  Speaker 1: if you have to, um, I think it's worth trying
• 37:08
  Speaker 1: to try and more, you know, and I don't know
• 37:11
  Speaker 1: if that means anything. I'm just saying, yeah, I don't
• 37:18
  Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. I think I just wanted to, uh,
• 37:24
  Speaker 1: just have a moment and just let it be known that, um,
• 37:27
  Speaker 1: that that young lady has missed. I think maybe that's
• 37:30
  Speaker 1: something that I just wanted to think about out loud
• 37:34
  Speaker 1: and that however you have to say something, say it.
• 37:36
  Speaker 1: But I was just joking, man. And I know it's
• 37:38
  Speaker 1: not something to joke about. And I get that. And
• 37:40
  Speaker 1: I appreciate all like the beautiful concern and the thank
• 37:43
  Speaker 1: yous and like just the outpouring. I just started to
• 37:46
  Speaker 1: feel like, God, I don't even know how to tell
• 37:48
  Speaker 1: everybody that I was just joking. Um, And I joke
• 37:52
  Speaker 1: about some dark stuff sometimes. And I joke about everything.
• 37:54
  Speaker 1: And I think that's what makes you able to do
• 37:57
  Speaker 1: comedy sometimes. I don't know. I don't want to look
• 37:59
  Speaker 1: at myself too much like that because that gets kind
• 38:01
  Speaker 1: of ego-y. But yeah, I'll be here forever. And we
• 38:07
  Speaker 1: got to see how this fucking circus goes, you know?
• 38:11
  Speaker 1: We got to see how this short giraffe balls out.
• 38:18
  Speaker 1: So I love you. And thank you for loving me.
• 38:21
  Speaker 1: It would take me forever to thank everybody for the
• 38:24
  Speaker 1: nice messages. It really would. But gosh, I'm fine. Don't
• 38:28
  Speaker 1: treat me weird. Don't be weird. I'm not weird. I'm chill.
• 38:31
  Speaker 1: You're good. We riding, bro. We riding, bro. Type shit, boy.
• 38:39
  Speaker 1: Let's get to a few calls that came in here.
• 38:43
  Speaker 1: And maybe we'll keep it in this space. Let me
• 38:45
  Speaker 1: see what we got right here. Here's one right here.
• 38:47
  Speaker 1: Let's get to it. You know, I've always had a
• 38:50
  Speaker 1: money goal. Have me a goal, give me some money,
• 38:55
  Speaker 1: achieve that goal. That's been it. I wanted to go
• 38:58
  Speaker 1: to Antarctica or Antarctica. That's what I used to think
• 39:00
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• 39:03
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• 39:05
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• 39:08
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• 40:05
  Speaker 1: View important disclosures at acorns.com slash T-H-E-O. You know, sometimes
• 40:08
  Speaker 1: I feel like my brain just kind of leaves the building.
• 40:11
  Speaker 1: Just on its own. Like a school child at 3 p.m.
• 40:14
  Speaker 1: They hear that bell. Whoo, boy. And when my brain
• 40:17
  Speaker 1: starts to check out, you got to ask yourself, do
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• 41:43
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• 41:50
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• 41:59
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• 42:52
  Speaker 1: is sponsored by BetterHelp. Hey, I've needed help. We've all
• 42:57
  Speaker 1: needed it. I've gotten it on and off over the years.
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  Speaker 1: at BetterHelp.com slash T-H-E-O. That's BetterHelp.com slash Theo. Here's one
• 43:58
  Speaker 1: right here. Let's get to it.
• 43:59
  Speaker 2: Theo, my name is Tom, and I've called a number
• 44:03
  Speaker 2: of times.
• 44:05
  Speaker 1: What's up, Tom? Brother, thank you for calling, man. Well,
• 44:09
  Speaker 1: thank you for calling back.
• 44:12
  Speaker 2: Onward. I just want to thank you again for everything
• 44:15
  Speaker 2: that you do. just for being real, for not.
• 44:19
  Speaker 3: Being too.
• 44:22
  Speaker 2: Good for anybody. And that's hotline, bro. I'm sure it
• 44:26
  Speaker 2: means a lot to a lot of people. Lost my
• 44:29
  Speaker 2: son a year and a half ago to suicide. And
• 44:34
  Speaker 2: it was tough, man. I still have nightmares and visions
• 44:39
  Speaker 2: of just seeing that, finding that, And I don't know, man.
• 44:51
  Speaker 2: It's hard to talk about. But I found your show about,
• 44:57
  Speaker 2: I'd say, four months after that happened. And when I
• 45:01
  Speaker 2: tell you that you gave me a reason to laugh
• 45:03
  Speaker 2: for the first time ever since it happened, you did, bro.
• 45:09
  Speaker 2: And I got to say that being an addict and...
• 45:13
  Speaker 2: being clean for the last five and a half years,
• 45:16
  Speaker 2: it would have been real easy to use as an
• 45:18
  Speaker 2: excuse to go back. But I didn't. And I truly
• 45:24
  Speaker 2: believe that God, number one, and just being able to
• 45:31
  Speaker 2: laugh again kept me free. And I feel like honestly
• 45:37
  Speaker 2: saved my life, brother. And I appreciate it. I love you.
• 45:40
  Speaker 2: I love what you do. Thank you for everything.
• 45:44
  Speaker 1: Praise God, man. Thank you, Tom. Thank you, brother. I'm
• 45:47
  Speaker 1: so sorry to hear about your son. I bet he
• 45:49
  Speaker 1: misses you and I bet he loves you. And they
• 45:53
  Speaker 1: may not even have feelings over there where you miss people.
• 45:56
  Speaker 1: I bet it's just pure love, but, um, but I'm sorry.
• 46:01
  Speaker 1: I'm sorry. I can't even, there's not a word I
• 46:06
  Speaker 1: could give you, you know, except that I'm happy to
• 46:09
  Speaker 1: hear your voice today, you know, and thanks. Uh, Thanks
• 46:15
  Speaker 1: for letting me make, thank you for letting me be
• 46:18
  Speaker 1: a part of your laughter. You know, sometimes when I'm
• 46:21
  Speaker 1: like in pain and stuff, I won't even let people
• 46:23
  Speaker 1: make me laugh kind of. It's like, you know that
• 46:25
  Speaker 1: stuff when you're like young or something or something's rough
• 46:27
  Speaker 1: and you want to laugh and it's like, you won't
• 46:31
  Speaker 1: let somebody make you laugh. It's like almost out of
• 46:33
  Speaker 1: posterity and stuff. But man, thank you, bro. Thank you
• 46:40
  Speaker 1: just for sharing that story today and for letting us
• 46:44
  Speaker 1: have a moment to remember him. I don't even know
• 46:46
  Speaker 1: what he looks like, you know, but I'm just going
• 46:48
  Speaker 1: to remember a sweet soul, uh, that loved his father
• 46:52
  Speaker 1: and that was trying his best in the world. Yeah,
• 47:04
  Speaker 1: that's cool. That's cool. He seems like a, he feels
• 47:10
  Speaker 1: like a neat kid. So thank you so much, Tom,
• 47:13
  Speaker 1: for sharing that with us today. Let's hear another call.
• 47:21
  Speaker 1: We'll take one more here. What do we got here?
• 47:23
  Speaker 3: Hey, what's up, Theo? My name is Lane.
• 47:28
  Speaker 1: What's up, Lane, baby? And you hear a lot about
• 47:31
  Speaker 1: that lane, baby. The HOV lane, brother, that threesome, huh?
• 47:36
  Speaker 1: Let's hear more about it.
• 47:38
  Speaker 3: And I just want to call in and give my
• 47:41
  Speaker 3: son a shout out. His name is Mateo. He's three
• 47:44
  Speaker 3: years old, and he's finishing chemo for the second time.
• 47:47
  Speaker 3: Let's go!
• 47:51
  Speaker 1: Let me catch his name again.
• 47:54
  Speaker 3: I just want to call in and give my son
• 47:56
  Speaker 3: a shout out. His name is Mateo. He's three years old,
• 48:00
  Speaker 3: and he's finishing chemo for the second time. And I
• 48:04
  Speaker 3: just want to ask for a prayer, brother. You know,
• 48:07
  Speaker 3: a prayer that that shit don't come back. Prayer from
• 48:09
  Speaker 3: the community. And, yeah, shout out to my wife for
• 48:14
  Speaker 3: holding us down through this hard time. And I want
• 48:17
  Speaker 3: to speak into existence that, you know, fuck it, I'm
• 48:20
  Speaker 3: going to do some stand-up comedy. You know, you've been
• 48:23
  Speaker 3: a big inspiration, so shout out to you too, Theo.
• 48:25
  Speaker 2: Peace.
• 48:29
  Speaker 1: Oh, well, thank you, thank you, thank you for the call, man. Yeah,
• 48:32
  Speaker 1: I'm sorry. Mom, I'm sorry. I'm glad your son is
• 48:36
  Speaker 1: being a warrior, you know. I'm glad you're here speaking
• 48:41
  Speaker 1: prayer towards your son. I'm glad you're requesting prayer. I'm
• 48:50
  Speaker 1: glad that you're reminding us it's okay to call others
• 48:54
  Speaker 1: and ask for prayer and ask for energy, you know. God,
• 48:59
  Speaker 1: we forget that. I forget that all the time. I
• 49:03
  Speaker 1: forget that all the time. Yeah, I'll say a prayer
• 49:08
  Speaker 1: right now. God, we lift up Mateo to you and
• 49:14
  Speaker 1: just keep his smile hopeful and keep him... cancer-free god
• 49:21
  Speaker 1: um and let him have the joy that he wants
• 49:25
  Speaker 1: in the world uh and we lift up his mother
• 49:29
  Speaker 1: to you god and just all the all the energy
• 49:31
  Speaker 1: you continue to give her and all the mothers out
• 49:33
  Speaker 1: there who who um who have to deal with children
• 49:39
  Speaker 1: who are suffering with illnesses. Man, that can be a
• 49:44
  Speaker 1: heavy burden. And we give thanks, God, that in witnessing
• 49:56
  Speaker 1: other people triumph and witnessing this man, witnessing his young
• 50:00
  Speaker 1: son battle through chemotherapy, that it inspires him to go
• 50:05
  Speaker 1: out and do things. that inspires him to take on
• 50:07
  Speaker 1: things that, like if he wants to do comedy or
• 50:10
  Speaker 1: he wants to sing or he wants to do a
• 50:13
  Speaker 1: backflip online or whatever he wants to do, you know,
• 50:16
  Speaker 1: that it inspires him, that it pushes him through any
• 50:21
  Speaker 1: potential failure, you know, because failure is just a little
• 50:26
  Speaker 1: bit of bootleg fear. That's all that shit is. That's
• 50:30
  Speaker 1: all that shit. That's aftermarket fear, cut. But God, we
• 50:37
  Speaker 1: lift him up, man. Man, it's inspiring. Isn't it inspiring
• 50:42
  Speaker 1: to see a little three-year-old fella out there waddling around,
• 50:46
  Speaker 1: ringing that chemo, that cancer-free bell out there? Him and
• 50:52
  Speaker 1: Randy Moss out there ringing that bitch. That's beautiful, man.
• 50:57
  Speaker 1: And I lift up my buddy, MK, man. There's a
• 50:59
  Speaker 1: friend of mine named MK and his wife and their
• 51:01
  Speaker 1: family is dealing with a lot of tragedy right now.
• 51:04
  Speaker 1: Their brother... her brother got shot and I don't know
• 51:09
  Speaker 1: even the situation right now, but, um, but yeah, I
• 51:14
  Speaker 1: just want to lift him up, God, and just, just
• 51:17
  Speaker 1: let his heart know that he's not alone and let
• 51:19
  Speaker 1: her heart know and her brother's heart know that they're
• 51:22
  Speaker 1: not alone, that people are thinking of them. And, uh, yeah.
• 51:31
  Speaker 1: So in your name we pray. Amen, man. Um, I
• 51:36
  Speaker 1: think we did pretty good today. This is as good
• 51:38
  Speaker 1: as I can do today, guys. You know? I appreciate you.
• 51:43
  Speaker 1: I appreciate you getting all the warm messages. I'm sorry
• 51:45
  Speaker 1: I rambled a lot about what happened in New York City,
• 51:50
  Speaker 1: but I wanted to take a few days to kind
• 51:52
  Speaker 1: of digest it because it was all out of my control.
• 51:54
  Speaker 1: It wasn't all out of my control, but there was
• 51:56
  Speaker 1: a lot of stuff going on. I'm like, some of
• 51:57
  Speaker 1: this is real, some of this is not. And I
• 52:01
  Speaker 1: don't like to take any action when I'm a little
• 52:02
  Speaker 1: bit tired. You know? So I want to thank the
• 52:09
  Speaker 1: people that did come out to the show. And it
• 52:13
  Speaker 1: was what it was. It was what it was, boy.
• 52:20
  Speaker 1: At that we Smith stuff, bro. No, but thank you.
• 52:23
  Speaker 1: Thank you to anybody that's come out to my show.
• 52:25
  Speaker 1: Thank you to anybody that's just been supportive, that's been
• 52:27
  Speaker 1: a part of this group. We're good. We're good here.
• 52:32
  Speaker 1: We're good here. So I just want you to know
• 52:36
  Speaker 1: that wholeheartedly. I'm not here. We're good here. And I'm
• 52:47
  Speaker 1: looking forward to actually taking some time off. I just
• 52:50
  Speaker 1: want to do things that are fun for me. I
• 52:52
  Speaker 1: want to spend time around my friends and stuff like that.
• 52:55
  Speaker 1: And then at the same time, I got to get
• 52:56
  Speaker 1: a little bit of space. Sometimes I spend so much
• 52:58
  Speaker 1: time on my phone, these things like just texting, so
• 53:01
  Speaker 1: many things that are just kind of like I just
• 53:03
  Speaker 1: want to be able to have a little bit of
• 53:04
  Speaker 1: peace for myself. And I deserve it.
• 53:07
  Speaker 3: Right?
• 53:08
  Speaker 1: And I deserve it. We all deserve it. And so, yeah,
• 53:14
  Speaker 1: I want to thank everybody for their calls. I want
• 53:15
  Speaker 1: to thank everybody for their care. I want to thank
• 53:17
  Speaker 1: everybody for their calls, sharing their own words and stories
• 53:23
  Speaker 1: and on the hotline. And I did get back on
• 53:29
  Speaker 1: my medication. I want people to know that, you know,
• 53:32
  Speaker 1: I'm not worried about that kind of stuff. You know,
• 53:38
  Speaker 1: And maybe one day I'll be able to be off
• 53:42
  Speaker 1: of it, you know. I'm going to make sure that
• 53:43
  Speaker 1: I work with a doctor if I think about that again.
• 53:49
  Speaker 1: But one day it would be nice to, you know,
• 53:52
  Speaker 1: be able to kind of have all your feelings, you know,
• 53:55
  Speaker 1: in a manageable way and to have all of your feelings,
• 53:59
  Speaker 1: you know. So, all right. Thank you guys so much. And, man,
• 54:06
  Speaker 1: we've got a lot of life to look forward to.
• 54:08
  Speaker 1: I believe that, and I know you do too. And, yeah,
• 54:13
  Speaker 1: you guys be good to yourselves. I'm going to do
• 54:14
  Speaker 1: the same thing, okay? I promise. All right? I'm upstairs.
• 54:20
  Speaker 3: Gang, baby.
• 54:21
  Speaker 1: Now I'm just floating on the breeze And I feel
• 54:25
  Speaker 1: I'm falling like these leaves I must be cornerstone oh
• 54:33
  Speaker 1: but when I reach that ground I'll share this peace
• 54:36
  Speaker 1: of mind I found I can feel it in my
• 54:40
  Speaker 1: bones