Latest / The Play Therapy Circle / Episode 22- When You Feel Lost in CCPT - Trust Yourself, Trust the Child, Trust the Process

Transcript

Episode 22- When You Feel Lost in CCPT - Trust Yourself, Trust the Child, Trust the Process · The Play Therapy Circle

0:00
Hi there and welcome to the Play Therapy Circle.
0:04
Before we begin, Please note this podcast is for
0:07
informational and educational purposes only.
0:10
It does not provide therapeutic advice and listening does not
0:14
create a client therapist relationship.
0:17
All views expressed are my own and any case example shared have
0:21
been de identified to protect privacy if you're seeking
0:25
personal support. Please reach out to a qualified
0:28
mental health professional in your area.
0:33
Hi and welcome to an episode of the Play Therapy Circle.
0:38
I'm Kylie Ellison, a therapist, clinical supervisor and play
0:42
therapy trainer, and I'm so grateful you're here.
0:45
This podcast is a space for thoughtful, soulful
0:49
conversations about child centred therapy, play based work
0:53
and what it means to show up with presence and compassion,
0:57
both for our clients and for ourselves.
1:00
Whether you're a seasoned play therapist, a student just
1:03
starting out, or someone deeply passionate about working with
1:07
children, you belong here. Welcome back to the Play Therapy
1:12
Circle podcast. I'm your host, Kylie Ellison,
1:16
and I am so glad you are here, guys.
1:21
I am sick. Welcome back, welcome back.
1:25
I am back in my home now. I'm not in Hawaii anymore, which
1:29
is devastating on so many levels.
1:32
Thank you so much to everyone who followed along.
1:36
We had the best time. And it was really fun to
1:39
actually record in Hawaii, too. It was so beautiful there.
1:43
It literally was the same kind of temperature and weather that
1:48
we have here in Britain, Brisbane.
1:49
So it wasn't a very difficult adjustment for many reasons, but
1:55
I came back sick. So if anyone is flying at the
1:58
moment or you're overseas, because we have listeners in 31
2:04
countries, you guys. So if you are coming from any
2:07
countries outside of Australia right now, and especially those
2:10
that are experiencing winter, technically in Hawaii it was
2:14
winter, but it was 27°C. So for those of you who do
2:19
Fahrenheit, I can't help you. But Celsius here in Australia,
2:23
it was very pleasant, very warm for winter.
2:27
But going back on the plane, there was so many sick people on
2:32
the plane. So I obviously caught something
2:34
because that's just my luck. So I have been very sick over
2:39
the weekend and finally functioning kind of getting back
2:43
into the groove. We have two weeks left at our
2:47
practise and then we're going to be having three, just over 3
2:50
weeks off and I'm so excited. It's, it's going to be a really
2:52
lovely break. So we are on the countdown you
2:56
guys. So how are you doing?
2:59
How are all you guys doing? Are you, are you alive, are you
3:02
there? Are you surviving, Are you
3:04
surviving? Are you thriving?
3:06
Either or Props to you. I hope you're thriving because
3:11
I'm not thriving at the moment. I am surviving.
3:13
I am surviving. No, I'm not.
3:14
I'm not that dramatic. I am that dramatic.
3:16
But it's not that bad. I'm OK.
3:20
I have a full week of clients and supervisors this week.
3:24
I had the privilege of connecting with a group of
3:28
incredible practitioners over the weekend to talk all things
3:32
filial, which was amazing, and I really, really enjoyed it.
3:36
And I've been kind of holding those stories of our reflections
3:41
over the weekend and just the incredible work that each of of
3:45
those wonderful therapists are doing.
3:48
And it just got me thinking. I wanted to do an episode to pay
3:54
homage to all of our CCPT practitioners out there in the
3:58
trenches right now in December, holding space for families in
4:03
our community because we know families in our community are
4:07
doing it really tough right now. So I'm excited to unpack that a
4:12
little bit more. It's kind of stayed with me
4:14
after the weekend and I really wanted to dedicate an episode to
4:19
send just a huge amount of support and love and hope and
4:25
leaning into Roger's self actualization principle that I
4:28
believe in everyone that I get the opportunity to connect with.
4:32
And so I want to extend that to each of you listening on the
4:35
podcast right now or watching on YouTube.
4:38
You guys, it's like 8:00 at night here on a Monday night.
4:42
And I'm looking a little rough today, you guys, a little rough.
4:47
So if you're watching on the YouTube, I apologise.
4:49
I apologise. It's a lot right to see this at
4:52
8:00 at night. On the plus side, I am wearing
4:56
Christmas nails. I don't know, does that help the
4:59
vision? I don't know.
5:01
I am a big fan of Christmas. Love it.
5:04
It's just been a really hectic year this year so I haven't
5:07
really even gotten a chance to get into the spirit.
5:09
Anyone who has done their Christmas shopping?
5:11
It's the 8th of December here in Brisbane right now and I'm
5:15
recording. If you are doing or have already
5:18
done your Christmas shopping, you are showing off because
5:22
truly, I have not even started. Not even started.
5:26
So if you haven't, we're together in this like, what's
5:30
the chances we're going to be doing some like, panic online
5:33
shopping with express shipping? Yep.
5:36
To make Christmas happen this year.
5:37
For reals. So anyone not kicking goals this
5:41
week? We're together.
5:43
Yeah, that's us right now. We're in the trenches, It's OK.
5:47
So what if I titled this episode?
5:50
I was really thinking about last week and the week before.
5:54
I apologise. I'm going to be stifling through
5:55
this because I have a cold and literally I love this podcast so
5:59
I'm going to do an episode anyway, even with the flu.
6:01
OK. So persist with me, please.
6:05
So after our episode last week and the week before on impostor
6:09
syndrome, I joked a lot about trust the process as a caption.
6:13
It's not just a caption, it's a way of being for us as CPT
6:16
practitioners. But I want to offer that message
6:20
again because I feel like it's something we don't hear enough.
6:24
But that is so vital to our practise and holding space and
6:30
holding to the modality. And so this is a gentle hug, I
6:35
guess you could call it. I always talk about I'm sending
6:40
big love to anyone I connect with.
6:41
It's sending that big love to each of you listening right now
6:44
who might be feeling a little bit like, am I helping?
6:49
Like last week was all about kind of imposter syndrome and
6:53
where do I belong and do I belong This week I want to talk
6:57
about is this working? Am I helping?
7:01
I don't know, feeling lost, you guys feeling lost.
7:05
If you are experiencing that right now, you know, I say this
7:09
all the time because I'm here and I want to share this message
7:12
with you. You are not alone.
7:14
You truly aren't. You aren't alone.
7:16
We all feel lost at different times in our CCPT journey, and I
7:21
want to dedicate that episode this episode See, I'm so tired.
7:25
I called it that episode far out.
7:27
You guys, I am so tired. This is I'm probably going to
7:30
waffle as well. This is most likely going to be
7:32
a two part of I can see that happening as well.
7:34
So come for the ride, you guys come for the ride while we talk
7:37
about feeling lost and how to trust the process because it's
7:41
really, really important. So let's name the lost element
7:46
and what that feels like. So I know when I connect with
7:50
supervisees often times they are struggling in the trenches.
7:55
I use that word a lot but I truly mean it.
7:57
I probably need a T shirt for that too.
7:58
In the trenches I watched home alone.
8:02
This is my ADHD right now. I watched Home Alone and Home
8:05
Alone too over the weekend and he says that too in the movie
8:09
about another Christmas in the trenches.
8:10
So I think I got it from from Macaulay.
8:14
What is it? Macaulay Culkin?
8:16
I think that's his name, the Home Alone kid.
8:18
Anyway, moving on, why do we feel lost?
8:21
Why are we in the trenches that I'm just talking about that I
8:25
need to get to a point about. So after our sessions, I think
8:28
sometimes as beginning play therapist and seasoned play
8:32
therapist, this lives in everyone's experience.
8:35
We can feel like we are comparing ourselves to others in
8:40
the field, comparing ourselves to other clients that we work
8:43
with. There's lots and lots of
8:45
comparisons that will often happen.
8:47
We will overthink because that's what we do as play therapists.
8:51
We might start to feel really flat or kind of dread our
8:55
sessions. We might feel like we want to go
8:59
and rescue or teach or fix for our clients.
9:04
So that's a basic definition I guess of what the feeling of
9:09
lost can look like in your practise.
9:12
So if you are experiencing any of those, there's nothing wrong
9:16
with you. It actually means that you
9:18
really care. You are certainly wanting to do
9:21
the best job you can and you're starting to experience that
9:24
feeling of being lost. You may have thoughts like I'm
9:28
not good enough, this isn't working, I'm missing something,
9:34
maybe I need to do some more PD. You can go into kind of those
9:38
different thought patterns when you are feeling that experience
9:41
of lostness. I'm going to call it lostness.
9:43
I don't think that's a word, but you know what I'm saying.
9:46
How can this manifest in our practise?
9:49
There's kind of two ways I want to highlight here so we can lean
9:53
into over functioning as a therapist.
9:57
So we might start to really direct in the playroom, we might
10:01
start to ask questions, we might need to start filling the
10:04
silence. We may need to want to pull in
10:07
other interventions because we're kind of like, ah, it's not
10:10
working. So maybe we need to pivot to
10:12
this or maybe I need to do that. So that's one way.
10:17
And I think I've said, I think I've given an analogy in
10:20
previous podcasts about a client that taught me this recently
10:23
where I felt like I needed to lean into kind of open ended
10:26
questions. And I think when we are saying
10:29
that we live and breathe CCPT, we know that one of those
10:33
tenants is congruence. So I would not be showing up as
10:37
my authentic self if I said to you each week in the playroom,
10:40
I'm kicking goals that that that would not be truly being
10:45
authentic and congruent. So whenever you listen to this
10:47
podcast, you're absolutely going to get honesty.
10:51
You have nothing else and some ADHD kind of random firing
10:56
thought patterns as well. Ioffer both in these programmes.
10:59
So one way you can look like is over functioning.
11:01
The other way it can look like is collapsing within.
11:05
So hesitating, avoiding limits, avoiding making decisions,
11:10
avoiding conversations you might need to have or shrinking in
11:14
your practise and not necessarily participating as
11:17
much in the sessions. If you notice any of those
11:21
things, that's OK. That's what this episode is here
11:23
for, to get you thinking about that and reflecting on that so I
11:26
can offer you some ideas I'm going to from here.
11:30
What I find interesting when we reflect on this and we dive into
11:33
this space is what often comes up is recognising, honouring,
11:39
identifying, potentially underlying grief.
11:44
So what do I mean about that? When I'm talking about us
11:48
feeling really lost and feeling like we're over functioning,
11:52
overcompensating or withdrawing. And when I'm talking about
11:57
potentially at its core, we are connecting with a sense of
12:01
grief. There is a grief component with
12:05
us, our role as play therapist, seeing families struggle and
12:09
seeing families so stretched, seeing kids having experiences
12:15
or carrying things that they never should carry, that they
12:19
are overburdened with some of the worries and issues and
12:26
problems and experiences that kids shouldn't have to deal
12:29
with. There is a grief in the part
12:33
that we as a community and as society emphasise a culture of
12:38
being busy and the busyness of life.
12:41
And so we don't get a lot of opportunities these days to slow
12:45
down, to stop, to reflect, to connect.
12:49
And an interesting reflection that I came across recently is
12:53
this idea of we can't out therapy the world.
12:58
I mean, that's an interesting reflection, right?
13:02
But I think if we are truly empathetic and leaning into a
13:05
tenant of empathy and congruence, an unconditional
13:08
positive regard with every child and family that we connect with.
13:12
It goes without saying that there is going to be a burden
13:15
that we will carry in seeing and hearing children and family
13:19
stories that are really tough and that really impact us in the
13:25
way of our, I guess, expectations for children and
13:30
families, our expectation for our communities.
13:33
That comes into dissonance with that.
13:36
So there is a grief with that. So I want to talk about, I guess
13:41
when we look at this feeling of being lost, how can we reframe
13:45
it? How can we reframe that feeling
13:47
of being lost? So one of the ways we can look
13:51
at it in terms of our work is if we feel like we're carrying too
13:56
much in this space, if we really are working with so many
13:59
incredibly complex families, accessing support.
14:03
And what I mean by support, so clinical supervision, connecting
14:07
with your CCPT practitioners and community, going to personal
14:11
therapy, connecting with family, doing all of those things to
14:16
access that support as a practitioner as a whole,
14:20
holistically, we may need to actually contain the play.
14:26
So it may be a situation where we need to reframe to provide
14:31
clearer limits in the playroom. That may be an option of what
14:34
might be going on in the playroom that we need support
14:36
with. It also might be that we're
14:39
feeling that pressure to get through things and to get
14:42
outcomes for our clients. There might be financial
14:45
constraints. There might be parental
14:46
expectations, there might be stakeholder expectations.
14:50
There might be time limitations. There can be so many reasons we
14:53
really need to grant ourselves back into our approach and
14:57
return to our CCPT stance and pace ourselves instead.
15:02
So there is certainly ways to reframe it in a way that doesn't
15:06
make it sound like we are not doing a good enough job and we
15:11
are not doing enough for our clients.
15:13
But really truly recognising that there's more to, I guess,
15:19
the complexities of this feeling of being lost and how can we
15:23
reframe it in a way to access support for ourselves as
15:26
practitioners. So what are some of the family
15:30
community kind of contextual constraints?
15:33
I've kind of alluded to some, but I want to unpack it a little
15:35
bit more. And it's something that I've
15:37
been talking to a lot of supervisees about in recent
15:41
months. I'm definitely influenced by a
15:43
lot of research papers I'm reading in this space around, I
15:47
guess that 4 to 6 year old age group which we had an episode on
15:50
you can check out about the impact of anxiety and what's
15:53
happening for our kids in that age group.
15:56
But holistically, when we're looking in our communities, and
15:59
again guys, I can talk primarily to my local area in the Bayside
16:03
area of Brisbane, we have a lot of families that have two parent
16:08
working households. So what do I mean by that?
16:10
Both parents work either part time or full time.
16:13
So what does that mean in terms of the flow on to the family
16:17
dynamic? It means parents are incredibly
16:20
time poor. If you are in a space in a
16:23
community right now where you're really struggling to engage your
16:26
parents in parent consultations because they are so over
16:29
scheduled that they are struggling to find the time to
16:32
meet with you, you are not alone.
16:35
You are not alone. This is the community that we're
16:38
serving at the moment. So it requires us to think
16:43
strategically about how can we meet the needs of the client as
16:48
well as the parents that we're working with because they are
16:51
under a lot of stress and pressure and time constraints.
16:55
So they're often very overextended and very depleted.
16:59
So home now becomes more about logistics and transitions as
17:05
opposed to quality time together.
17:07
And that's not across the board. I just want to kind of give a
17:09
full disclaimer here that I don't want to paint every family
17:13
family in the same light. But definitely in the last 10
17:18
years of my private practise, I've seen an increase in those
17:23
challenges around time constraints for for parents and
17:27
for families. So we are seeing that over
17:30
scheduling of children and parents.
17:33
So what's happening for our kids in our community, they're having
17:36
long days. They might have before and after
17:39
school care or maybe even just after school or just before
17:41
school. They may have extracurricular
17:44
activities outside of school in the afternoons, on the weekends.
17:48
Then we have parents who have an incredible mental load that
17:52
they're trying to carry in just keeping up with the schedule.
17:55
I feel like I might have said this in a previous podcast, but
17:58
I came across some sort of statistic.
17:59
Please don't quote me on this 'cause I'm sure it's wrong but I
18:02
read somewhere where it's like in a year a parent with a school
18:06
age child will do something like 1200 admin tasks just to
18:11
coordinate their kids engagement in school and extracurricular
18:15
activities. And I was like I have never
18:16
heard a statistic where I feel more seen and heard.
18:19
For reals. Like the mental load of just
18:23
keeping up with your kids is crazy.
18:26
So if you are a working parent right now and you feel like you
18:30
can't keep on top of your admin, I am that person who has my
18:34
emails in my inbox and I don't like to.
18:36
You're either a person who has like 10,000 emails in your inbox
18:40
or you have like 3 because I'm that person where I like to put
18:43
them in folders. Everyone's different, right?
18:45
But I literally will have like life admin for the kids tasks in
18:50
my inbox for weeks. Like I can see it there and I'm
18:54
like, Yep, got to do it. And then 10,000 things turn up
18:57
and I can't. So interesting.
19:01
It's very interesting. I don't know how I'm going to
19:02
fix that because that is life, right?
19:06
And these are the families that we're working with.
19:09
So finding that time to do life admin when you're exhausted at
19:13
the end of the day and you've worked a full day and you've run
19:16
a household and then you just want 5 minutes to sit home to
19:18
and you know, relax yourself before you go to bed and there's
19:21
10,000 emails in the box on school stuff is not the
19:26
priority. So we feel as parents, I can say
19:30
this being a parent myself, so much guilt.
19:33
Let me tell you a story. I'm going off on a tangent, got
19:35
to get back to the content but I promise I'll get back to it.
19:38
I was having a conversation with my husband a couple of days ago
19:42
because I am at the moment. I came, I flew back on Monday
19:46
morning. We got home like 1:00 AM on
19:47
Monday morning. You guys, the flight delays were
19:50
real coming home from Hawaii. It was brutal.
19:52
But anyway, we got home, one AMI was back at work on the Tuesday.
19:56
So I got home Monday 1:00 AM back at work on the Tuesday I
20:00
worked through Yep, I worked Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday,
20:04
Friday, Saturday, Sunday. Today is Monday.
20:06
I have three more days Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and then I
20:09
get a day off. So how many days is that?
20:11
Tuesday. Wednesday.
20:12
Thursday. Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday
20:14
so I'm work day 7 and I've got 300 so it'll be a 10 day stretch
20:19
of working and that is a complete me problem.
20:23
Like I'm not looking for any sympathy with that.
20:25
But what I was saying to my husband, he works shift work, so
20:29
he's a little bit different to me, doesn't own a business, and
20:31
I don't think he ever will after supporting me.
20:35
So I said to him on the weekend in between work that I had
20:40
booked movie tickets on Friday to take my kids to the movies.
20:43
So if you follow along on our socials, brace yourself for all
20:47
of the movie spam that's coming on Friday.
20:49
You guys can follow along. Chelsea, Jake and myself going
20:53
to the movies. But anyway, I was explaining to
20:55
him that we were doing it and he's like, oh, you know, like,
20:57
what are you doing? Not following?
20:58
And just kind of in a way of like, that's movies, whatever.
21:01
And I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no.
21:04
I haven't really seen my kids for days.
21:08
Like I see them at night time and I see them in the morning
21:09
and that's it. So it's like the mom guilt is
21:12
next level Grant, Like next level.
21:15
So you can bet I am going to spend the entire day with my
21:18
kids on Friday because that mom guilt is real and I need to
21:22
overcompensate for real. No, I'm not going to
21:25
overcompensate. I like to make myself feel
21:28
better by saying it's quality over quantity, you guys.
21:31
That's what I'm selling myself right now, so.
21:34
That. Is just a window into somebody
21:37
who does not have her stuff together.
21:38
So I think that that guilt, if we can be authentic and
21:43
congruent with our clients and our parent clients to say, yeah,
21:48
I dropped the ball too. Like it is the juggle is real
21:51
and some days we're not doing a great job.
21:53
And I just recognise and I see in you that guilt that I know
21:57
you're feeling right now. There's definitely a pressure in
22:01
our communities for parents to get it right as well.
22:03
And I feel like as a 42 geriatric millennial, I can
22:07
speak to my people. It's not my people.
22:10
We're all in the trenches together.
22:12
Anyone that kind of goes on social media, there's always
22:15
like those videos about like how how a geriatric millennials
22:18
going, like, are we OK? Because I don't think we are.
22:22
It's this whole interior of like trying to function in a world
22:26
with, Yep, so many demands and high anxiety and high stress.
22:29
But there is also a component of parents feeling like they have
22:34
to meet certain expectations, get it right, you know, present
22:39
on social media a certain way of, you know, them doing fine.
22:43
So I think that there is so much there in terms of context of the
22:47
families that we're working with.
22:49
So holding that all in mind is so important when we're trying
22:52
to connect in this space. And so when we talk about this
22:56
idea of their capacity being low, connection is so much
22:58
harder even when you love your child immensely.
23:02
Love my kids, love my kids, but that is hard after a busy day at
23:06
work. So it's not an undergo, it's not
23:09
a no, but it's just what is parents capacity?
23:12
Sorry, what are some of the, I guess, contextual presentations
23:17
that we hear from parents when they connect with us in this
23:21
context of our communities? It's after school meltdowns,
23:25
it's bedtime battles, it's power struggles at home.
23:30
It's separation anxiety. It's they're fine at school, but
23:33
they fall apart at home. Yeah, yeah.
23:39
That's what it looks like. And that's what we're hearing
23:41
from our families. So any parents listening who
23:44
might be experiencing this as well?
23:46
I don't know if I have many parent listeners, but hi, if
23:48
you're there, it's nice to have you here that I hope helps to
23:54
validate that you are also not alone, that this is where our
23:58
parents in our community are. And I think one of the biggest
24:02
hurdles, I guess, in getting that message out to our
24:06
community is people not wanting to admit that they're
24:08
struggling. This was supposed to be a
24:12
podcast where I was just going to like chat and give like love
24:15
and light. And this has gotten real, you
24:17
guys, if you could see my face on YouTube.
24:20
For anyone listening on Spotify, the truth bombs are coming in
24:25
hard and fast. OK, so let's keep moving when
24:29
we're talking about other factors that might be
24:32
influencing family dynamics. Screen time again, you guys, all
24:37
disclosure here, no judgement, only love and light.
24:40
Only love and light. But I think in our modern
24:43
culture, screens become part of a survival kind of tool for us
24:47
as parents struggling to juggle it all and balance it all.
24:52
So what that can mean is when we've got that high stimulation,
24:55
it can reduce our ability to tolerate frustration.
25:00
And obviously the difference with CCPT is we provide that
25:03
slowing down. We don't have screens in the
25:05
playroom. We can provide those
25:08
opportunities for attunement and connection.
25:11
I have a client in mind actually, where I think this is
25:13
really the case and I have gone through bouts of questioning
25:20
whether what I'm doing is enough.
25:22
And I think, you know, I'm 10 years down the line.
25:24
So if I'm having those doubts, if you are having them too,
25:28
you're not alone. But what I have come to know, I
25:33
guess in reflecting on it regularly, is recognising and
25:38
acknowledging that for this particular kiddo, it might be
25:44
tricky to have those experiences outside of play therapy for
25:47
various reasons. But in the playroom they get it
25:50
every week or every time they see me.
25:54
And that on its own makes such a difference to the trajectory of
25:59
kids in our community. So I hope in giving that
26:02
example, it genuinely is something that I constantly
26:06
reframe because I know deep down, and I think this is what
26:10
my call to action to each of you listening is as well, if I can
26:13
get serious for a minute, is that we know this works.
26:18
And I think that what I'm talking about here in terms of
26:21
context and variables and factors and how it comes up for
26:25
us, what does it all kind of boil down to?
26:29
Doubting ourselves, doubting the child, and doubting the process.
26:33
I think one of the easiest ways to counteract that is to trust
26:37
yourself. Why the truth bombs you guys?
26:41
Why fire out? I need to stop giving so many
26:46
hard truths. I mean that when I say that, I
26:49
mean it in such a respectful and empathetic way to anyone
26:54
listening because I'm saying this to myself as well, right?
26:55
I'm talking to myself while I'm talking to you.
26:58
That the biggest way I have found to give myself that
27:05
confidence and hope and conviction in what I do is truly
27:11
remembering that this is an approach that truly works.
27:15
It's just for the child that you're working with at the
27:17
moment or where you're at in terms of your clinical practise
27:22
that we real, excuse me, we really need to kind of lean back
27:25
into our tenants of CCPT and the reason why we started becoming a
27:29
CCPT practitioner in the beginning and why we fell in
27:33
love with this approach as the reason why this is going to work
27:38
and granting ourselves in those fundamentals.
27:39
I think that's really important because we can get that lost a
27:42
lot. And I think if we look at it
27:44
from a psychodynamic psychotherapy lens, because you
27:48
guys know, I always go there, it's also about how much we
27:51
carry from a transference and countertransference perspective
27:55
that can be cumulative. That can eventually kind of
27:57
weigh us down and get us doubting the approach, doubting
28:01
the the modality, doubting the potential for it to achieve
28:05
those goals and outcomes that we discussed with parents and
28:08
caregivers. When in fact it will, it will,
28:11
it absolutely will. It just might take time for that
28:14
particular family. So what are families needing
28:17
right now in terms of support? And this is something that I
28:22
have been chatting again to a lot of practitioners about in
28:25
the last couple of months because it's important that
28:28
we're responsive to our communities.
28:30
And I think also to something that has been consistent in my
28:34
experience really for quite a few years now when I've
28:38
connected with supervisees is this feeling of I need to have
28:42
some worksheets, I need to have some handouts, I need to have
28:45
some psychoeducation, I need to have some strategies so that
28:48
parents feel like they've got something tangible to take away.
28:51
So if you are feeling that way, and I generally see that most
28:56
with beginning play therapists when they're not feeling enough
28:59
confidence in themselves and they feel like they need to lean
29:02
into a bunch of handouts to help give them that confidence, I
29:06
want to talk to you. Those of you who feel that at
29:09
the moment or this far down the line feel like you need to be
29:12
giving lots of information and advice.
29:15
We truly as CCPT practitioners need to get back to basics.
29:20
And I'm not even kidding. I feel like if we go back to
29:23
Maslow's hierarchy of needs, this is what I'm sharing with
29:27
supervisees and parents and families in our community at the
29:31
moment. What's most important is that we
29:33
are looking after the basics first.
29:36
So when we are meeting with parents and caregivers, checking
29:39
in, are you getting enough sleep, Are you getting a break?
29:43
How are you doing? How are you doing?
29:46
Because if we have a parent that is completely stressed out, over
29:50
scheduled, overburdened, overextended, and you try and
29:54
give them strategies and homework and handout sheet, you
29:57
can bet as soon as they get to the car, they've forgotten it
30:01
guaranteed after they've left your session.
30:03
So what do we need to do? We need to get back to basics,
30:07
making sure that they are looked after enough and they are enough
30:12
of a baseline to then just start that process of reconnecting
30:16
with their child. Because so much about this is
30:19
that misalignment or misconnection.
30:21
So it's about repair after rupture.
30:24
It's about predictable routines. It's about small moments of
30:29
undivided attention. So we know often in suggested in
30:35
filial work is that 32nd burst of attention.
30:37
For example, something that is achievable for the parent where
30:41
they can spend some time with their child instead of giving
30:44
them a bunch of strategies to try.
30:47
Because parents are not in a great space right now and
30:52
especially at this time of year, everyone is exhausted.
30:56
I've actually been going off on attention again.
30:58
I've actually been avoiding going to the shopping centres.
31:01
So again, talking to Brisbane. So I don't know where you are,
31:03
if it's a little better if you're in a smaller town or
31:06
community, but this time of year is crazy, you guys crazy.
31:13
Like if you don't get to the shops by like 9:00 in the
31:16
morning, you're not getting a car park in kind of the week
31:19
before Christmas. So we know and I don't know if
31:22
anyone's been to the shops during that time, I genuinely
31:25
avoid it. But if I absolutely have to go,
31:28
if you are an empath, you immediately kind of walk into
31:31
shopping centres like that and you feel like this wave of just
31:34
like intensity. I don't know if anyone knows
31:36
what I'm talking about, but if you do, let me know.
31:39
But we are feeling that literal intensity in our communities
31:43
right now on many levels. So we need to get parents back
31:47
to basics is my shorthand message of what we are talking
31:50
about here. So why does CCPT doubt happen
31:57
and what is happening here in terms of this approach for us?
32:02
So the change that can help us shift this and reframe this so
32:07
that we don't feel so lost, we don't feel that doubt is really
32:11
celebrating the winds, celebrating the winds.
32:14
So things like a child that returns into session that will
32:18
leave the room is refusing to leave but comes back in, that is
32:24
huge, Huge for a child that we're working with who might
32:28
have say, separation anxiety or high anxiety, tolerating limits
32:32
for the first time. So you're putting in limits, but
32:34
you're actually starting to see them respond to it.
32:36
Huge, huge, starting to show feelings in their play.
32:42
Amazing. Allowing you to come into the
32:46
play seeing new themes, seeing quicker settling or softer
32:52
endings. So those little tiny shifts,
32:55
they're subtle and they're not linear.
32:57
You guys. We will feel like we've had such
32:59
an incredible session and then the next week it might be like
33:02
Groundhog Day again and we've gone 10 steps back.
33:04
That's OK. That's what growth looks like.
33:07
It's messy and it's not linear and it's not going to be in
33:11
rapid speed either. We need to recognise those
33:14
little wins along the way, you guys, because everyone listening
33:17
right now, serving our kids in the playrooms using CCPT, you
33:23
are doing incredible. Regardless of where you are,
33:28
what you have done, your background, how you practise
33:32
now, whatever that looks like for you in whatever country
33:36
you're coming from in the world, you are doing an incredible job.
33:41
So how can I help anchor you? If you're feeling a little bit
33:45
lost or you're feeling that sense of doubt right now, here's
33:47
3 anchors. And you know what I'm going to
33:49
say before I say it, but the first one is trust yourself.
33:53
Trust yourself, not I know everything.
33:59
It's I can return to CCPT every time and I can seek that
34:05
consultation and I can seek that support and come back to the
34:09
practise that I love. If we're feeling that sense of
34:12
loss, evidence of your trustworthiness, this is
34:15
important for you guys to see in your everyday practise that you
34:19
are reflective, that you're ethical, that you want to learn
34:24
and that you're showing up each week that shows that you care
34:28
and that you deeply want to improve in your practise.
34:32
So what are some questions that can help you return back to
34:35
CCPT? Because CCPT is always going to
34:37
be there. It's always going to be there.
34:39
And sometimes we might feel like we've gone off on a little
34:42
journey away from it, but it's it's patiently waiting in the
34:44
background for you to come back. So what are some of those
34:47
questions to return us? What does the child need right
34:51
now? Do they need my presence?
34:54
Do they need safety? So do need, do they need some
34:56
therapeutic limits? In fact, do they need some
34:59
reflecting feelings? What is it that they're looking
35:02
for in that connection with us right now?
35:06
Am I trying to prove something? Man, this is I should have a
35:13
disclaimer saying truth bombs beware.
35:15
And the third one, what's the smallest helpful next move?
35:22
What is something little that I can do?
35:24
I'm going to give you some suggestions after this because I
35:27
think that's important for you to have some takeaways.
35:29
Are they going to be detailed? No, no, no, no, because Maslow's
35:32
hierarchy of needs. I know right now for all of you
35:35
listening, you are exhausted too.
35:38
Well, you might not be. And happy days for you.
35:42
But for the rest of us? In the trenches, in another
35:46
Christmas in the trenches. I'm going to be saying that a
35:48
lot this week. I think now I'm kind of eating
35:51
that every time Presents beats performance, right Then on a
35:57
T-shirt, presents beats performance.
36:01
Go back to what you love and be present with the child as
36:05
opposed to needing to have extra skills, needing to have extra
36:09
interventions, needing to have extra strategies, needing to
36:12
prove your worth. No, no presents beats
36:16
performance. Thank you #2 What I want to tell
36:19
you, trust the child. Trust you and trust the child.
36:24
Trust the child knows exactly what they need to tell us in
36:29
their time, in their way. Repetitive play can be something
36:37
really important that it tells us about their world.
36:40
They might be processing something, they might be trying
36:42
to have control over something. So when you're seeing certain
36:45
things like testing in the playroom, that repetitive play,
36:49
things like that, it's not that they're necessarily not getting
36:52
anything out of therapy and play therapy, but it's more about us
36:56
doing that reflection to understand a little bit more
36:58
about what they are trying to tell us through play.
37:01
Because play is the communication.
37:07
Play is the communication I am truly, truly passionate about,
37:13
And I probably said truly too many times in that sentence, I'm
37:16
really passionate about the opportunity we get in every
37:21
interaction we have with a child to understand their world by
37:25
simply just observing their play.
37:28
I find. I know I've talked about this in
37:30
the previous podcast, so I weren't going into too much
37:31
detail, but I find that when I watch a child interact with me,
37:36
or I watch them interact with others, or I watch them interact
37:39
with other children, it tells me so much information that words
37:45
never would. It gives me an incredible window
37:48
into understanding their, their perception and their unconscious
37:53
processing in the first five years of life of what
37:56
relationships look like and how that how they navigate it, and
37:59
especially in terms of stress. So I learned so much from just
38:03
observing children's play. So get back to basics.
38:06
If you're feeling really lost, that could be a way to go and #3
38:10
trust the process. T-shirts are coming you guys, I
38:14
promise. I don't know, I haven't
38:16
organised anything, but trust the process, trust the process.
38:20
So the process is the relationship, which is the
38:24
relationship and what that helps in terms of containing the child
38:29
in the space, providing limits and helping repair.
38:34
That's it. So it's non linear change.
38:37
When safety increases, expression increases.
38:41
So we can't expect a child to beautifully transition through
38:46
all of the stages of play. It's just not going to happen.
38:49
So take the pressure off yourselves if you don't feel
38:53
like you're seeing that progress in the children that you're
38:56
working with. That change doesn't happen in a
39:00
beautiful compact, you know, set of sessions.
39:05
Replace the idea of needing to prove that your CCPT is valuable
39:11
with what you're noticing instead.
39:14
So what is something really small that you've noticed has
39:18
shifted? Something really minor?
39:20
It could even be something as little as children making eye
39:24
contact with you for the first time.
39:27
Like, that doesn't seem like a huge thing, but for some of our
39:30
kids, and I want to lean into my incredible neurodivergent
39:36
teachers, teachers community that I get the privilege of
39:42
serving. Eye contact can be huge.
39:46
So celebrate that. That's incredible.
39:50
And that is progress that no other modality would have been
39:54
able to achieve in the way that you have.
39:57
So track the three process metrics of regulation, shifts,
40:03
relational bids, and flexibility.
40:06
So my job is conditions, not control.
40:13
Play is the communication, and presence beats performance.
40:17
So many takeaways. So what do I want to give you in
40:20
terms of choosing your toolkit? I do not want you to do all of
40:22
these things. I'm going to list a few things
40:24
here that might just help anchor you back into CCPT and find your
40:29
way home to CCPT. So things like track more and
40:33
talk less, track more, talk less.
40:40
Pick one skill for that client session that you're going to
40:44
focus on and that might just be reflecting feelings.
40:48
Go back to basics. Pick one of those skills so that
40:52
you feel like you can grant yourself back into this
40:54
modality. Look at 1 lens that you want to
40:58
look through a session with. So it might be regulation, it
41:01
might be a tune, and it might be attachment, It might be
41:06
particular themes. So learned helplessness, power
41:09
and control, safety and security.
41:12
Have a go at the end of the session deciding, OK, I want to
41:18
have a bit more of a look at this session from this lens.
41:20
Have a look at that Slow your body.
41:23
I find on those days when I'm really under the pump, one of
41:27
the things that I like to do is just where I do a lot of
41:30
internal talking, self talk. But I will say to myself, just
41:34
take it one session at a time and just slow down and pace
41:41
yourself through the day and breaking my day up into
41:45
digestible chunks instead of feeling that overwhelm of the
41:48
day and what's about to come. So give yourself a minute to
41:52
breathe between sessions. Ground yourself in the room.
41:55
I know you guys know. I talk about my fluffy rug in my
41:59
playroom as well. Fluffy rugs for the win, you
42:01
guys helps to ground me every time.
42:04
Potentially for clients that you're struggling with, choose
42:07
to use limits as containment to help support the child micro
42:14
repairs and full confession, you guys, the confession and the
42:20
truths today I definitely found the week or two before I left I
42:25
have as you can imagine, I have a lot of long term clients who
42:29
have been with me for over 2 years at this point.
42:32
So I absolutely, truly loving it all, all of my clients and all
42:37
of my families, they are incredible, incredible families.
42:41
But and because of that, obviously over 2 years, more
42:45
more than two years, you build relationships with them, right?
42:49
And I've got kids that are now moving into who have been kids
42:52
who are now moving into the preteen and teen age groups.
42:55
So they've been with me for a while.
42:56
Anyway, I did have a client not long ago and it was towards the
43:01
end of the day, I think it was session eight of eight without a
43:04
lunch break. And I welcome this child in and
43:08
I'm sorry, like I'm breathing in as I'm telling the story because
43:10
I'm already like, Oh my God, I was so tired that day.
43:13
But I remember saying to him, mate, welcome back to the
43:17
playroom. I just got to let you know
43:19
you're my last appointment for the day, mate.
43:21
And I'm pretty sure I'm not operating at full capacity here.
43:25
So I just want to let you know I'm here with you now, but I
43:29
might look a little tired because it's been a big day.
43:31
That is, I think at its core, congruence.
43:36
We have to be authentic in our connections with children
43:40
because they will pick up on it anyway, especially for our kids
43:44
that are hyper vigilant, hyper aroused.
43:46
So I am doing more for that relationship in letting the
43:49
child know, hey mate, hi. It's been a big day.
43:53
It's been a big day to kind of welcome them into the space, but
43:56
to let them know I'm valuable too.
43:59
I'm not a perfect therapist and I'm.
44:01
I'm not going to purport to be. So.
44:03
So micro repairs if we find in the session that we've drifted
44:08
off and we've been thinking about our grocery list and we
44:10
need to bring ourselves back to let no woof.
44:14
Yeah, I, I got a little busy, but I'm back with you now.
44:17
I'm here. I'm here.
44:19
I think that can do so much in helping to maintain that
44:22
relationship where children may interpret our disassociation or
44:27
disengagement as something related to them that they've
44:29
said or done. So making sure that we stay
44:33
present and stay congruent and stay authentic is always going
44:36
to be my go to consultation around ethics.
44:40
Making sure that you are accessing clinical support to
44:43
ensure your competent practise. It's not weakness, it shows that
44:48
you care and it's important to reach out to your supervisor if
44:51
you're needing that help and support the next right thing.
44:56
So making sure that we are pacing ourselves, we have a calm
45:00
presence because we know that, you know, we might feel that
45:05
sense of lostness, doubtness, they're not even words, but you
45:09
know what I'm saying. So bringing ourselves back to
45:12
that presence in the room is important and celebrating those
45:14
wins when we see it is so, so important.
45:18
So they are just some of the ideas to offer you guys.
45:24
If you don't do any of them, that's OK, that's fine as well.
45:28
That's an important part of believing in each of you
45:34
listening right now and your capabilities and your
45:38
capacities. And everyone is on their own
45:40
journey. Everyone's on their own journey
45:43
but it has been an incredibly big year.
45:46
We have so many families struggling and we have so many
45:50
therapists in our community who have done such incredible work.
45:54
Each of you practising CCPT right now are so important and
46:00
so needed in our communities. So what do you offer?
46:03
You offer steadiness, attunement and a safe relationship in an
46:08
incredibly fast paced world. Families don't need perfect,
46:14
they need predictable connections.
46:18
So trust yourself, trust the child and trust the process.
46:23
Is my extension to each of you listening at home So so
46:29
important. Don't do this alone and make
46:32
sure that you're always celebrating even the smallest,
46:35
smallest wins because what you do matters everyday.
46:41
When you're connecting in the playroom, regardless of how you
46:44
got to CCPT, regardless of where you work, whether you're in
46:49
private practise, in an organisation, whatever that
46:52
looks like for you right now. When you hold space in the
46:55
playroom and you offer them CCPT and you work in that way and
46:59
offer that relationship, relationship of achievement and
47:02
connection, what you do matters. And thank you for doing it.
47:06
Thank you for your hard work in this space.
47:10
That brings me to the. End of the episode you guys,
47:13
almost 50 minutes. I truly cannot stick to the 30
47:17
minute guidelines anymore. I think we will probably break
47:20
this up into two episodes, so stay tuned for that.
47:25
We are just so incredibly grateful for the support.
47:29
Truly, this year we have been blown away by how many people
47:34
have loved the podcast and are tuning in each week.
47:38
Our downloads are growing exponentially, Our followers are
47:41
growing exponentially, and we're now reaching 31 countries.
47:44
So our CCPT love is reaching more paper each week and we're
47:49
so, so proud and so grateful of that.
47:52
We have some incredibly guiding projects coming up for 2026.
47:58
You are not going to want to miss it.
48:01
We have two projects in particular that we are going to
48:04
announce in the next week. So please, please, please for
48:08
further information, follow on Instagram and Facebook, the Play
48:13
Therapy Circle podcast. Look us up, follow us.
48:17
I am going to be posting now that I am like out of bed and on
48:22
the mend, you guys, I can get back to posting on socials.
48:27
So stay tuned for that in the coming days.
48:30
Follow us because we have two huge announcements before
48:33
Christmas. So we are going to be announcing
48:35
that in the next week of two exciting announcements that you
48:38
are absolutely going to want to be a part of as part of our CCPT
48:43
Play Therapy Circle podcast family.
48:47
So we are looking forward to sending you and sharing those
48:52
announcements with you in the coming weeks.
48:54
So please stay tuned on our socials.
48:57
I will continue to tease about it and some details in the next
49:01
couple of weeks as we release information.
49:05
So please follow us, like us on Apple Podcast, Spotify, and
49:10
wherever you get your good podcasts.
49:12
We're also on YouTube. So for those of you who have
49:15
watched me on YouTube, again, my apologies, I look terrible.
49:19
It's time for me to get into my PJS and go to bed.
49:23
But thank you everyone for listening.
49:26
Thank you and we will continue to do episodes.
49:30
You can bet that I am going to keep doing them because I truly,
49:34
truly love this. This is what I feel I was
49:36
definitely intended to do in my career is to share this CCPT
49:42
experience and love with each of you.
49:44
So thank you so much for supporting us.
49:47
I will have an episode next week and then we'll have an episode
49:50
for Christmas. So I may actually dress in
49:53
Christmas gear, you guys, if I remember.
49:57
I'm usually a huge Christmas person and I just, I'm exhausted
50:02
this year, you guys. So next year we're going to have
50:06
regular breaks. We're going to look after our
50:08
self care. It's going to be a thing, I
50:09
swear, but it's going to be huge.
50:12
I have lots of speaking engagements already in the
50:15
works. I've got training and travel and
50:18
all sorts of things planned already next year, but I
50:20
wouldn't have it any other way. So thank you so much for being
50:23
here. I am sending my love to each and
50:26
everyone of you. To anyone who is practising as a
50:30
child centred Play therapist, who have done child centred play
50:33
therapy training and are working as a practitioner in the
50:37
community supporting children and families, thank you.
50:41
Your work matters, you are incredible and keep going.
50:45
I believe in you. So have a wonderful rest of your
50:49
week, wish me luck getting to Friday and then feel free to
50:53
follow along on the socials when I take my kids in a mum guilt
50:56
trip to the movies. We will release an episode again
51:00
next week. Please please, please look after
51:02
yourselves and each other. Thank you so much for being
51:04
here. Big love to all of you and see
51:07
you again soon. Bye.
51:10
Thank you so much for being here for another episode of The Play
51:13
Therapy Circle. If anything resonated with you
51:16
today, I'd love it if you could follow the podcast, share it
51:20
with a colleague, or leave a short review.
51:23
It really helps others find our circle.
51:25
And if you have a topic or question you'd love me to
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explore, I'd love to hear from you.
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This space is for you and I wanted to feel like a
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conversation. Until next time, take care of
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yourself and remember you belong here.