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We Choose ... Q&A with Fiona Facinelli (pt 1) · I Choose Me with Jennie Garth

0:01
Speaker 1: You're listening to I Choose Me with Jenny Garland. Hi, everyone,
0:09
Speaker 1: welcome to I Choose Me. This podcast is all about
0:13
Speaker 1: the choices we make, and today's episode is gonna be
0:16
Speaker 1: a little different and probably a little emotional. My baby
0:21
Speaker 1: bird Fiona is joining me before she goes off to
0:26
Speaker 1: college for a mommy and me advice episode. You've sent
0:32
Speaker 1: us in some questions and we are so excited to
0:34
Speaker 1: get to them. You asked about communication, how to handle
0:39
Speaker 1: smothering parents, divorce, celebrity, and yes we even talk about
0:44
Speaker 1: sex and of course what it really means to choose
0:48
Speaker 1: yourself in a whole new chapter. Here we go. I
0:55
Speaker 1: think Fiona, you should take the first question because I
0:59
Speaker 1: can see here that it's gonna just throw us right
1:02
Speaker 1: into the deep end.
1:03
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, Well, the first question is from Jenny Martin
1:07
Speaker 2: for a weight, How can I tell my mom I
1:10
Speaker 2: want to get on birth control?
1:14
Speaker 1: Well? Yeah, like I said, here we go. Okay, So
1:22
Speaker 1: I mean, how did you tell me? Let's start with that.
1:25
Speaker 2: Yeah. Well, I think I'm fortunate enough to have kind
1:29
Speaker 2: of an open relationship with you. When I feel like
1:32
Speaker 2: I need something, I come and talk to you. So
1:34
Speaker 2: I feel like I kind of just asked you if
1:37
Speaker 2: you could sit down and talk with me about it.
1:39
Speaker 2: I remember that and.
1:41
Speaker 1: Are you scared?
1:42
Speaker 2: I feel like I wasn't scared because I knew that
1:46
Speaker 2: it's not something to be embarrassed by. I mean, whether
1:48
Speaker 2: you're using it for sex or using it for just
1:52
Speaker 2: like irregular periods or anything like that. I feel like
1:55
Speaker 2: it's something every woman should have access to. So I
1:58
Speaker 2: didn't feel embarrassed to you and asking.
2:00
Speaker 1: You that's great.
2:02
Speaker 2: I know that some people have different situations, though, so
2:07
Speaker 2: I would say that if you're worried or if you
2:11
Speaker 2: feel like you can't really go to your mom and
2:12
Speaker 2: talking about I feel like just being open and as
2:16
Speaker 2: honest as possible. I know that at first I was
2:19
Speaker 2: kind of nervous to tell you that it was like
2:21
Speaker 2: for sex purposes, Like I didn't at first, I was
2:24
Speaker 2: like kind of blamed it all my periods, and I
2:25
Speaker 2: know a lot of my friends that have also done that,
2:27
Speaker 2: been like, yeah, my periods are really bad, but actually
2:30
Speaker 2: it was because like we didn't want to get pregnant.
2:33
Speaker 2: But yeah, I mean, were you, like, what did you
2:38
Speaker 2: feel when I came to you and talked to.
2:39
Speaker 1: You about it? Well? Lucky for you, you have two
2:43
Speaker 1: older sisters, so this wasn't new territory for me, and
2:48
Speaker 1: I kind of thought, you probably talk to your friends
2:51
Speaker 1: about it, talk to your sisters about it, and you
2:53
Speaker 1: certainly probably you know everything about everything now because of
2:57
Speaker 1: just the way the world works, you have access to
3:00
Speaker 1: to anything you want to know about. Back in Mott
3:03
Speaker 1: when I was going to my mom, it was a
3:06
Speaker 1: very different situation. And if you do want to hear
3:08
Speaker 1: a terrible slash funny slash awkward slash terrible story, Yes,
3:14
Speaker 1: So I went. We went to the Planned parenthood, my
3:21
Speaker 1: mom and I in the valley. Yeah, it's been around
3:27
Speaker 1: a long time. Yeah, And my mom went in there
3:31
Speaker 1: and it was to go on birth control because I
3:34
Speaker 1: had irregular period and I had a boyfriend and I
3:40
Speaker 1: just wanted to be safe and I didn't want to
3:43
Speaker 1: have a baby without, you know, being ready for it.
3:48
Speaker 1: So we went in and the appointment was to explore
3:52
Speaker 1: birth control options. So they took for some reason, they
3:58
Speaker 1: took either it was al it must have been a
4:01
Speaker 1: yeurine test because we got the results right away. So
4:03
Speaker 1: we got I took a year ine test. We're sitting
4:04
Speaker 1: in this doctor or this clinician's office and they come
4:09
Speaker 1: in the room and my mom and I are just
4:11
Speaker 1: waiting for what she's gonna say, and she says, well,
4:16
Speaker 1: you're pregnant. And I was like what, And then all
4:21
Speaker 1: of a sudden, like the cat was out of the bag.
4:26
Speaker 2: Was the boyfriend my dad?
4:28
Speaker 1: No? No, I think it was before your dad. Oh yeah.
4:33
Speaker 1: But it was like I was instantly just like read
4:40
Speaker 1: all over. I was hot, like sweaty, like I didn't
4:42
Speaker 1: know what to do because I had, in that moment
4:44
Speaker 1: to be honest with my mom in the most uncomfortable
4:47
Speaker 1: situation about the fact that I had already had sex
4:51
Speaker 1: and that I had been lying to her about it,
4:55
Speaker 1: and that was a lot more traumatic and dramatic than
4:59
Speaker 1: if I had I had just gone to her and
5:01
Speaker 1: talked to her about it, I think. But I too
5:03
Speaker 1: was really scared to talk to my mom about to
5:05
Speaker 1: the point where I actually lied and hid the truth
5:08
Speaker 1: from her. Yeah.
5:09
Speaker 2: I feel like that can be the case a lot,
5:11
Speaker 2: Like you just kind of don't say anything and you
5:14
Speaker 2: know you're safe obviously, but the safest way is to
5:19
Speaker 2: get on birth control. So I think there are a
5:22
Speaker 2: lot of side effects though, So I feel or like,
5:24
Speaker 2: you know, there's so many so I feel like talking
5:28
Speaker 2: to your mom and figuring out the best option is
5:30
Speaker 2: something that is best for your body.
5:33
Speaker 1: I know when we did it, we talked about it
5:36
Speaker 1: and then I urged you, being over eighteen, to go
5:41
Speaker 1: to your gynecologist or gynecologist and just have a really open,
5:46
Speaker 1: honest conversation with her. And it's really important you guys,
5:48
Speaker 1: that you find a gynecologist or a doctor, a female
5:52
Speaker 1: doctor for your daughters. That is somebody that they can
5:56
Speaker 1: feel safe and comfortable to talk to. I highly reckon
6:00
Speaker 1: commend a female and I know in our situations that
6:04
Speaker 1: has been a lot more kind of comfortable. Don't you
6:08
Speaker 1: want to know if I had a baby or not? Yeah?
6:11
Speaker 1: I was like, I don't know. You didn't even ask
6:13
Speaker 1: about the end of that story.
6:14
Speaker 2: Yeah, did you?
6:15
Speaker 1: No? It was someone else's urine test.
6:17
Speaker 2: Oh my god.
6:19
Speaker 1: So cut to me and my mom having this emotional
6:22
Speaker 1: like breakdown in they left the room. It was just
6:24
Speaker 1: me and my mom and like truth time, and then
6:28
Speaker 1: you're like, mom, I have been But then she came
6:31
Speaker 1: back in, Oh oops, that was not your pee, that
6:34
Speaker 1: was someone else's peak.
6:35
Speaker 2: Oh my god.
6:36
Speaker 1: I was furious tru always comes out yep, so so true.
6:40
Speaker 1: I just think it's important to open up the channels
6:43
Speaker 1: of discussion, you know, because there's nothing you shouldn't talk
6:47
Speaker 1: to your mom about. There's nothing, you know, there's nothing embarrassing.
6:51
Speaker 1: Like you said, there's no shame around it. It's a
6:54
Speaker 1: natural thing and it deserves, you know, feeling comfortable. Okay,
7:00
Speaker 1: I'm gonna ask the next question. This is from Emily Underscore, USA.
7:04
Speaker 1: I can't talk Oh hey, another sex question. Great. I
7:08
Speaker 1: can't talk to my parents about sex, but I'm eighteen
7:12
Speaker 1: and I want to try. I have questions about birth control,
7:16
Speaker 1: but my friends seem like they know as little as me.
7:19
Speaker 1: What do I do? So at school, like I don't
7:25
Speaker 1: know how this works. Like in the girls' locker room,
7:28
Speaker 1: you guys all talking about like what do you use?
7:30
Speaker 1: Are you on birth control? Not really?
7:32
Speaker 2: No, that's I mean, you don't really talk about the details.
7:35
Speaker 2: I mean girls more so than guys. I can get
7:37
Speaker 2: into like what happened and all that. But obviously I
7:41
Speaker 2: think like if a friend needed a conum like you
7:45
Speaker 2: would go with them. I remember I would go. I
7:48
Speaker 2: went to my friend to CBS one time to get
7:50
Speaker 2: some so it's so embarrassing to tell you.
7:54
Speaker 1: That a lot of times, so that's how it happens.
7:56
Speaker 1: Girls are more comfortable talking to their girlfriends about stuff
7:59
Speaker 1: like that then they're moms. But a lot of times
8:03
Speaker 1: the girlfriends, like Emily is saying, they know as little
8:06
Speaker 1: as she did. Yeah, so they're not really getting the
8:09
Speaker 1: best information. Like what do you recommend if kids don't
8:13
Speaker 1: feel comfortable talking to their parents, maybe they don't have
8:16
Speaker 1: any family that they can go to, Like what do
8:18
Speaker 1: they do? Yeah?
8:19
Speaker 2: I think you know, there are some amazing sites online,
8:22
Speaker 2: like I know one called a maize dot org that's
8:24
Speaker 2: really great. It gives you all the information that you
8:27
Speaker 2: need and if you feel like you can't talk to
8:30
Speaker 2: your own about it, I feel that it's a great
8:33
Speaker 2: alternative option for you. What is it, am amazed dot org?
8:37
Speaker 1: Oh amazing.
8:37
Speaker 2: I actually learned about it. Yeah in school. It's a
8:40
Speaker 2: great website to try. Okay, cool, just finding someone or
8:44
Speaker 2: an internet source that can tell you what you need
8:46
Speaker 2: to hear before you go ahead and do it, you know,
8:50
Speaker 2: because I think the most important thing the first time
8:54
Speaker 2: is feeling really comfortable and if you even are like
8:56
Speaker 2: the slightest bit uncomfortable. Then you're not ready, you know,
8:59
Speaker 2: like you need to feel one hundred percent like you
9:02
Speaker 2: know what's gonna happen, you know what you're doing, you
9:04
Speaker 2: know how to handle it, and you're not gonna feel
9:07
Speaker 2: upset or regretful after.
9:11
Speaker 1: Yeah, that that's not a good feeling. Yeah, Okay, maybe
9:15
Speaker 1: we'll just take a break from sex questions. Second, I
9:18
Speaker 1: need a little moment.
9:19
Speaker 2: Okay, Next question. M M r Ray forty two says, Oh,
9:24
Speaker 2: wonders if Fiona me is worried that people are going
9:29
Speaker 2: to know that I'm your daughter, how will I manage
9:31
Speaker 2: being a celebrity kid on campus? I mean kind of
9:36
Speaker 2: my whole life, I've had to like navigate that. I
9:39
Speaker 2: feel like, growing up in LA there are a lot
9:42
Speaker 2: of other celebrity kids, so it's kind of it's not
9:47
Speaker 2: the biggest deal is I mean, I don't.
9:49
Speaker 1: Think it's like the biggest here. Yeah, like the.
9:51
Speaker 2: Biggest deal here. I think when people notice that or
9:56
Speaker 2: they like are like, oh, I love your dad in
9:59
Speaker 2: this movie, your mom, and to know they kind of
10:01
Speaker 2: just they talk to me about it. I don't think
10:03
Speaker 2: it feels ever feels like super weird to be your daughter.
10:07
Speaker 2: I mean it is cool, but I think it's like
10:10
Speaker 2: something that people like stop me and be like, oh
10:12
Speaker 2: my god.
10:13
Speaker 1: Yeah, well what about like when remember my biggest fan,
10:18
Speaker 1: your friend at school? Oh, they would get really excited
10:21
Speaker 1: when I would come around, which was uncomfortable for you. Yeah, no,
10:24
Speaker 1: I do remember that.
10:26
Speaker 2: They they I have had. Like the worst thing was
10:30
Speaker 2: in high school when people would just like pull up
10:33
Speaker 2: like videos or pictures and like just like show me
10:36
Speaker 2: or just kind of like always talk about it, or
10:39
Speaker 2: like weirdly like videos of me online because if you
10:42
Speaker 2: look up my name, like pictures of me at like
10:44
Speaker 2: age seven come up.
10:45
Speaker 1: And so just having those pictures though, yeah, like video compilations.
10:49
Speaker 2: Compilations of our family. Yeah, and so that is that's
10:55
Speaker 2: a little hard, but I feel like managing that. I
10:58
Speaker 2: just I mean, that's my family. It's not I don't
11:01
Speaker 2: think it's anything. It is out of the normal, but
11:04
Speaker 2: for me, it's normal.
11:05
Speaker 1: So yeah, well, I'll try to wear like a disguise
11:10
Speaker 1: when I'll move you into say.
11:11
Speaker 2: Sometimes it's kind of cool, like if like one of
11:13
Speaker 2: my professors is a fan, maybe they'll give me.
11:16
Speaker 1: Oh that's true. It does work in your favor sometimes
11:18
Speaker 1: with the teachers because they're usually a little bit more
11:21
Speaker 1: into like that world, or like they are familiar with
11:24
Speaker 1: me because maybe they watched the show when they were younger.
11:27
Speaker 2: Yeah, definitely.
11:29
Speaker 1: Yeah. I actually loved it because I was like, ooh,
11:32
Speaker 1: maybe if they like me, then they'll be nicer to her.
11:34
Speaker 2: Yeah. But that's why I was always like, mom, people
11:37
Speaker 2: come to remember. I was always begging you to come.
11:40
Speaker 1: And I was like, no, I can't do it, I
11:42
Speaker 1: can't do it. But I did it. Yeah, Okay, I
11:51
Speaker 1: have a question from s underscore Mushkin. How did you
11:57
Speaker 1: balance giving your daughter freedom while still making sure she
12:00
Speaker 1: knows you're there for her. Gee? Yeah, yeah, Well, instead
12:05
Speaker 1: of like calling her every five minutes or texting her
12:09
Speaker 1: for five minutes, I would just look at your location
12:13
Speaker 1: and check where you are, because that would give me
12:15
Speaker 1: like either a sense of comfort or a sense of panic.
12:18
Speaker 1: And if it gave me a sense of panic, then
12:20
Speaker 1: I would start like berating you with text messages constantly,
12:22
Speaker 1: and I would freak out. But no, I'm just kidding.
12:27
Speaker 1: It's actually this time in your life is a really
12:30
Speaker 1: great opportunity to kind of create a whole new kind
12:34
Speaker 1: of connection with your almost grown child. And I found
12:39
Speaker 1: that when kids come home for breaks, I think it's
12:42
Speaker 1: really important to make that not like let's do your
12:46
Speaker 1: laundry and like me interrogating you about what's been going on,
12:50
Speaker 1: how are your grades, are you getting your homeworkun what's
12:52
Speaker 1: the work load? Like just kind of trying to make
12:55
Speaker 1: that when the visit home, make it more of a
12:59
Speaker 1: special occasion, more fun, a little bit more lighthearted. Maybe
13:05
Speaker 1: plan little things together, like let's go to lunch, or
13:08
Speaker 1: let's cook our favorite meal together and put some music on,
13:12
Speaker 1: let's go shopping. But I think just ways to because
13:16
Speaker 1: the dynamics in apparent child relationships are shifting so much.
13:22
Speaker 1: Because I used to be in charge of everything for you,
13:27
Speaker 1: all of your schedules, all of your needs, what you
13:30
Speaker 1: ate when you slept, Like as a mom, you go
13:33
Speaker 1: through all these phases. As a parent, you go through
13:35
Speaker 1: all these phases of different levels of responsibility, and for
13:38
Speaker 1: so long it was all encompassing. But now as you
13:41
Speaker 1: start to differentiate and you start to come into this
13:45
Speaker 1: experience of stepping out on your own, that's now sort
13:49
Speaker 1: of handed over to you the kid. And I often
13:55
Speaker 1: think to myself, like that must be a really sort
13:58
Speaker 1: of overwhelming fee when you're not only leaving high school,
14:04
Speaker 1: you're going into an atmosphere college and moving into a dorm,
14:08
Speaker 1: a whole new world that you've never even yeh been to.
14:12
Speaker 2: I can imagine that'd be hard for you to kind
14:14
Speaker 2: of cope with, Like not, I mean, do you think
14:17
Speaker 2: you'll still have my location.
14:18
Speaker 1: And does a bear in the woods. Yeah. I have
14:23
Speaker 1: everybody's location. I have my best friend's location, I have Dave's,
14:28
Speaker 1: you know, all your sisters. I just like to be
14:30
Speaker 1: able to, like, if that's no, I like that. I
14:32
Speaker 1: want you to know where I am too, Like if.
14:34
Speaker 2: I ever, like am in like a scary situation too,
14:37
Speaker 2: that'd be nice to know that you have it.
14:39
Speaker 1: So for sure, So don't not share your location. I
14:43
Speaker 1: would recommend that it will it'll solve some some stuff.
14:47
Speaker 1: But I think, just yeah, it's it's this is a
14:50
Speaker 1: huge change for not just you the child, the kid,
14:56
Speaker 1: but also the mom. And yeah, yeah, it's something that
15:00
Speaker 1: has to be kind of handled with care. Yeah, but
15:06
Speaker 1: I didn't really do that. I was like, see your mom,
15:08
Speaker 1: I'm out. I didn't go to college. I went. I
15:13
Speaker 1: moved out of our apartment into my own apartment in
15:16
Speaker 1: a totally different area of LA and I know that
15:20
Speaker 1: was really hard on her, but I wasn't the most
15:22
Speaker 1: sensitive to it. I hope they face her to me.
15:25
Speaker 2: Yeah, sometimes kids get caught up in like the initial freedom.
15:29
Speaker 2: They're like, I'm so excited to be away that they
15:31
Speaker 2: forget that the moms it's their first time living too.
15:35
Speaker 2: And I feel like, I feel like you definitely went
15:37
Speaker 2: through that with my sisters, and a lot of my
15:39
Speaker 2: friends moms are going through it at the moment.
15:41
Speaker 1: So yeah, I remember. I remember like whenever your older
15:45
Speaker 1: sisters would kind of like go through a milestone where
15:50
Speaker 1: they were, you know, during the sassy years like the teens,
15:55
Speaker 1: you know, those teen years that were like a little
15:57
Speaker 1: eye rolly and stuff. But then also so when they
16:00
Speaker 1: moved out, I remember you seeing me go through the
16:05
Speaker 1: you know, different levels of that, and I remember you saying, Mommy,
16:07
Speaker 1: I'll never do that to you. I'm so sad. I
16:12
Speaker 1: just remember that now. I'm no, But honestly, it's not
16:14
Speaker 1: about me. It's not about my feelings through all of this.
16:17
Speaker 1: It's about you stepping out into your own and like
16:22
Speaker 1: making your mark in the world and make, you know,
16:23
Speaker 1: figuring it out. So I don't want you to walk
16:26
Speaker 1: around and I don't think you will, but I don't
16:28
Speaker 1: want you to walk around feeling feelings about my feelings,
16:32
Speaker 1: Like you know, it's you don't need to do that
16:35
Speaker 1: as a kid. You don't need to take on your parents' feelings.
16:38
Speaker 1: You just need to be considered of them.
16:41
Speaker 2: Yeah, what got on the note of college? Squid Game
16:46
Speaker 2: one says my friends are always inviting me to go
16:49
Speaker 2: to parties where I know there will be alcohol. They
16:53
Speaker 2: sound really fun and I want to go, but I
16:54
Speaker 2: don't know if I'm ready to try drinking. Should I go?
16:57
Speaker 1: Anyway?
16:58
Speaker 2: What can I drink to not feel left out? This
17:03
Speaker 2: is a good one. Parties can be very scary because
17:08
Speaker 2: when you don't feel ready, it's like there is peer pressure.
17:12
Speaker 2: It is real. It's not just like something parents are like,
17:14
Speaker 2: don't get peer pressured. It's definitely a real thing. I think,
17:18
Speaker 2: especially in high school, like senior year. I know I
17:21
Speaker 2: went through that a lot, but I would say, you
17:25
Speaker 2: don't have to drink. It's honestly kind of really cool
17:27
Speaker 2: when you're the one person that's like, can I get
17:29
Speaker 2: a soda water or like whatever, like just like a
17:32
Speaker 2: just drinking water. No, one even notices when you have
17:35
Speaker 2: a red cup and you put water in it, like,
17:36
Speaker 2: no one's gonna notice. I remember Luca always told me,
17:40
Speaker 2: like my oldest sister always told me, like honestly, like
17:45
Speaker 2: she was the life of the party every single party,
17:47
Speaker 2: and she never drank and everyone was always like, look,
17:49
Speaker 2: Luca's so drunk and she was like dancing on tables,
17:52
Speaker 2: but actually she was just drinking water and having a
17:54
Speaker 2: good time. So alcohol doesn't amplify your your success rate
18:00
Speaker 2: of a good time, you know, it just it kind
18:02
Speaker 2: of just gets people to be stupid, so you're missing
18:05
Speaker 2: out on that part and still having good times. So
18:07
Speaker 2: I think that never be ashamed of that and still
18:10
Speaker 2: go and experience all the experiences that you can in college.
18:15
Speaker 1: In high school. Yeah, I've heard you tell me a
18:17
Speaker 1: lot of stories about drunk people.
18:20
Speaker 2: Yeah, honestly, don't be the sloppy drunk person. Like I know,
18:23
Speaker 2: there's always that one person who can't handle their alcohol
18:26
Speaker 2: and they're just like a mess, and you never want
18:29
Speaker 2: to look like, I mean, everyone has to go through it,
18:31
Speaker 2: but like you don't want to be that person that's
18:33
Speaker 2: like had way too many drinks.
18:35
Speaker 1: And just sloppy.
18:38
Speaker 2: You don't want to be young.
18:39
Speaker 1: It's such a scary position to put yourself into.
18:43
Speaker 2: Yeah, and especially as a girl. I mean, I don't
18:46
Speaker 2: know if this is squid game one is a girl,
18:48
Speaker 2: but I feel like as a girl in college or
18:51
Speaker 2: high school, you have to be really careful of your
18:54
Speaker 2: surroundings because I know, I mean I have friends that
18:56
Speaker 2: have had things put in their cups and they like
19:00
Speaker 2: it was really.
19:01
Speaker 1: Bad, So I think what happened.
19:04
Speaker 2: I mean, I've just heard stories about and I have
19:06
Speaker 2: one personal friend who is literally drinking water I'm pretty sure,
19:09
Speaker 2: like something not like a hard alcohol drink and just
19:12
Speaker 2: left it there for like one second. And people will
19:15
Speaker 2: come and they'll just put stuff in there, and it's
19:18
Speaker 2: not like it's very common.
19:19
Speaker 1: Wait, like stuff like what like a roofie?
19:21
Speaker 2: Yeah, probably like getting what people will get roofied all
19:24
Speaker 2: the time. And like literally it's very common if you
19:28
Speaker 2: don't want your drink or even if you are not
19:30
Speaker 2: watching them, the bartenders.
19:32
Speaker 1: Make your drink.
19:33
Speaker 2: I know people that have had the bartender spike their drink.
19:37
Speaker 2: So just be very aware. And you can't be very
19:39
Speaker 2: aware when you're really drunk. So I think, and sometimes
19:44
Speaker 2: I would go through life being like, oh, nothing bad
19:46
Speaker 2: will happen to me. Like I'm just like, you know,
19:48
Speaker 2: like having fun, but you never know, you never know.
19:52
Speaker 2: I mean, things could happen at any point.
19:54
Speaker 1: So I think, don't you kind of have like a
19:57
Speaker 1: no open cup thing, or like you don't you only
20:02
Speaker 1: drink out of a water bottle or like when you
20:05
Speaker 1: say when you go to a party though, and like
20:06
Speaker 1: it's just like red solo cups everywhere.
20:08
Speaker 2: I think, yeah, just watching your drink, always having it
20:11
Speaker 2: in your hand, don't put it down. And if you
20:12
Speaker 2: put it down, just get a new one. Just get
20:14
Speaker 2: a new cup, and like, no, get a new drink,
20:17
Speaker 2: like I mean, get a new water, get a new
20:19
Speaker 2: whatever drink you're drinking. But it's not worth it to
20:22
Speaker 2: like even risk it. And it can even be like
20:26
Speaker 2: an intimate party with like ten of your friends and
20:29
Speaker 2: like things can happen, So I would really just be
20:31
Speaker 2: careful of that. But I think you should definitely still go.
20:34
Speaker 2: I mean, even if you're not ready to drink, you
20:38
Speaker 2: could still have a good time. And that's a lot.
20:40
Speaker 2: A lot of people make friends and you'll meet the
20:43
Speaker 2: right people if you're like in your right mind, you
20:45
Speaker 2: know at parties.
20:46
Speaker 1: So very true, very true. Okay, So Underscore fifty asks
20:59
Speaker 1: what it's been the hardest part of preparing for your
21:03
Speaker 1: daughter to leave and how are you taking care of
21:05
Speaker 1: yourself through it. To be honest, I am still into denial,
21:11
Speaker 1: Like I'm not really prepared at all. It's it's literally
21:15
Speaker 1: coming up in eight days, ten days, something.
21:19
Speaker 2: Like that, Yeah, next week.
21:21
Speaker 1: But yeah, taking yourself through this this change is really important.
21:25
Speaker 1: You know, I always talk a lot about feel your feelings.
21:28
Speaker 1: You know, it's going to feel lonely, it is going
21:31
Speaker 1: to feel like it's just you know, a huge part
21:35
Speaker 1: of you has left. Yeah, you know the building. They're
21:40
Speaker 1: out of your day today, every day, and and and
21:43
Speaker 1: it's it's really kind of it's a feeling of loss
21:47
Speaker 1: like it's actually requires in some cases, like a form
21:51
Speaker 1: of grief to sort of process through your body. Because,
21:57
Speaker 1: like I said, we've spent our lives raising our children
22:01
Speaker 1: and then all of a sudden they fly the nest.
22:04
Speaker 1: And it's definitely important to work through it. So I
22:09
Speaker 1: would definitely say allow yourself to feel the feelings, don't
22:12
Speaker 1: be embarrassed to express it, and to talk about it,
22:16
Speaker 1: you know, talk about it to your partner, talk about
22:18
Speaker 1: it to a friend or a therapist. But there are
22:21
Speaker 1: a lot of things going on inside, and I don't
22:24
Speaker 1: think it's really great for you to just hold them
22:26
Speaker 1: all in even go stand in front of the mirror
22:28
Speaker 1: and talk to yourself about, oh man, this is really
22:32
Speaker 1: this is really hard. You know, I'm missing my kids
22:35
Speaker 1: so much right now and it hurts, Like I didn't
22:38
Speaker 1: know how bad this would hurt. Like, just really get
22:40
Speaker 1: in touch with the feelings and speak to them and
22:44
Speaker 1: just you know, allow yourself to feel them. And yeah,
22:49
Speaker 1: give yourself a pat on the back, like, take time
22:52
Speaker 1: to acknowledge this huge feat that you've accomplished, you know.
22:58
Speaker 1: I mean, that's a big deal. I'm always in awe
23:03
Speaker 1: of myself because I've kept you three girls alive, like
23:07
Speaker 1: literally the day. At the end of the day, I'm like, yep,
23:09
Speaker 1: I did it again. Okay, let's see how we do tomorrow.
23:12
Speaker 1: But that was really early on. But yeah, you got
23:15
Speaker 1: to give yourself a round of applause, and really important,
23:20
Speaker 1: start thinking forward, start focusing on your self, because this
23:26
Speaker 1: is your time as a grown up to really reconnect
23:31
Speaker 1: with you and what brings you joy. You know, maybe
23:35
Speaker 1: make a list of things that hobbies that you used
23:38
Speaker 1: to do that you never had time for being a parent,
23:41
Speaker 1: or things that used to do that brought you joy,
23:44
Speaker 1: and take a look at that list and ask yourself,
23:47
Speaker 1: what do I want for this next exciting chapter of
23:53
Speaker 1: my life. I think at first we get really scared
23:55
Speaker 1: and we allow the pain to kind of take over
23:58
Speaker 1: our brain. But once you kind of feel those feelings,
24:01
Speaker 1: let them out. I would just suggest really get excited
24:04
Speaker 1: about what's next for you personally, because it's a whole
24:09
Speaker 1: new game.
24:11
Speaker 2: Okay, let's see Kenzie as says, I love my high
24:17
Speaker 2: school friends so much. I'm going to college, but I
24:19
Speaker 2: can can't imagine ever making friends like them. I'm sad
24:22
Speaker 2: and actually scared.
24:23
Speaker 1: Are you What will you do? Well?
24:29
Speaker 2: Kenzi? I'm really happy that you love your high school friends.
24:35
Speaker 1: Yeah, because no, Yeah, I tighten it.
24:37
Speaker 2: Honestly. High school you bond with people so much, you
24:41
Speaker 2: find like your little group, and you're with them for
24:44
Speaker 2: four years. It's like most people that I know have
24:46
Speaker 2: had friends for the four years that they've stayed with
24:50
Speaker 2: and that's all they've known. That's like who they've grown
24:52
Speaker 2: up with. Those are really formative years fourteen to eighteen.
24:56
Speaker 2: I mean four years with friends. I mean, you can
24:59
Speaker 2: grow a lot with them, and it's scary to imagine
25:02
Speaker 2: that you'll ever find people that understand you as much
25:05
Speaker 2: as they did. But I think, and I've been talking
25:09
Speaker 2: a lot to my high school friends about this, is
25:11
Speaker 2: like we are all going off to our separate adventures
25:14
Speaker 2: and stuff. But I feel like there's always going to
25:16
Speaker 2: be a place for us to come back and things
25:19
Speaker 2: won't change, you know, like when we come back to
25:21
Speaker 2: our hometown and we all are back in the same place,
25:23
Speaker 2: like things won't be different, Like we'll also be friends.
25:27
Speaker 2: I think that the friends you make in college are
25:31
Speaker 2: going to be even more impression Like they're going to
25:34
Speaker 2: be even more exciting because they're going to see you
25:37
Speaker 2: grow up even more and like into who you really
25:40
Speaker 2: want to be and what you want your next chapters
25:42
Speaker 2: to be. And I think you'll find the people that
25:44
Speaker 2: kind of share more interests you being like you know
25:49
Speaker 2: people of your classes and like your specific majors and
25:51
Speaker 2: stuff like that. I think you'll find even more people
25:56
Speaker 2: that will see you more than your high school friends.
25:58
Speaker 1: Did you know, Yeah, because it seems like in high
26:01
Speaker 1: school everybody gets caught up yeah, and who each of
26:06
Speaker 1: us are in the you know grade and kind of
26:09
Speaker 1: labeled maybe sometimes or stereotyped. Yeah, And this is a
26:15
Speaker 1: real opportunity for you to break that mold, to just
26:21
Speaker 1: like let it shatter and step out into a whole.
26:24
Speaker 1: Like I say to you, you get to define who
26:27
Speaker 1: you want to be every single day.
26:29
Speaker 2: I agree with that completely because I feel like when
26:32
Speaker 2: you walk into high school, like the first impression you
26:34
Speaker 2: make is kind of what sticks, and the friends you
26:37
Speaker 2: have around that are they all see you as this
26:40
Speaker 2: one certain version of yourself. But now you have the
26:42
Speaker 2: chance to kind of be a completely new person in
26:46
Speaker 2: a new place and find friends that you really, you know,
26:50
Speaker 2: have common interest with. And I think those friends will last,
26:55
Speaker 2: you know, lifetimes. I mean most people I know like
26:58
Speaker 2: met their best friends through college. And that doesn't mean
27:00
Speaker 2: your high school friends have to stay high school friends,
27:03
Speaker 2: Like you can grow up with them as well. You
27:05
Speaker 2: can stay in contact. I think making efforts to really
27:08
Speaker 2: like check in with them, be like hey, how are you,
27:10
Speaker 2: How how is college?
27:11
Speaker 1: How are like?
27:12
Speaker 2: How are your classes? And make an effort to continue
27:15
Speaker 2: those connections because if you don't, like, I feel like
27:17
Speaker 2: they may fizzle a little bit, but if you put
27:20
Speaker 2: the effort into keeping them strong, then they will continue
27:24
Speaker 2: to be strong.
27:25
Speaker 1: Are you since you haven't started college yet, are you
27:29
Speaker 1: feeling nervous about I mean, do you know anybody that
27:33
Speaker 1: you're going to be going to school with?
27:36
Speaker 2: I don't know anybody, and I think I'm really excited
27:39
Speaker 2: for that though, Like I purposely chose a place that
27:42
Speaker 2: I knew not a lot of my friends were going to,
27:46
Speaker 2: wasn't like a common school at my school to go to.
27:50
Speaker 2: And I love that because I kind of just get
27:52
Speaker 2: to start over fresh and make a whole new bunch
27:57
Speaker 2: of friends and you know, trying new things without having
28:01
Speaker 2: like people of my high school be like, oh I
28:03
Speaker 2: know that girl, and Matt, this is what she's like.
28:05
Speaker 2: You know, Like I can be like a whole new person,
28:07
Speaker 2: and I think I'm really excited for that. I'm and
28:09
Speaker 2: excited to make new friends as well.
28:12
Speaker 1: Yeah it is. That's it. This is a very cool
28:16
Speaker 1: time in a kid's life. Oh my god, I'm so
28:18
Speaker 1: excited for you. Thank you for doing this with me, Fiona.
28:21
Speaker 1: I'm reminded again and again how ready you are for
28:25
Speaker 1: your next chapter. And yeah, I'm sad, but I'm also
28:29
Speaker 1: really excited for you, and thanks to everybody out there
28:33
Speaker 1: who's sending their questions. You know what, we have so
28:36
Speaker 1: many more, so stay tuned. We will be back with
28:39
Speaker 1: more