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My boyfriend accused me of LYING... because I couldn't pay for his car! -r/relationships | Reddit Stories | EP3119 · ok storytime

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Hey, this is Dakota.
• 0:01
  Speaker 2: And this is Angie, your favorite OK Storytime hosts. And
• 0:04
  Speaker 2: we've got some great stories coming up.
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: But before that, we have a quick two-minute break from
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: the sponsors that keep the show alive.
• 0:11
  Speaker 3: My boyfriend accused me of lying because I couldn't pay
• 0:14
  Speaker 3: for his car.
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: Sorry, I'm all out of money.
• 0:16
  Speaker 2: I spent it all on my Legos. Oh boy, doozy time.
• 0:20
  Speaker 3: Travis, 30 male, and I, 28 female, have been together
• 0:24
  Speaker 3: for one and a half years. When we met, he
• 0:27
  Speaker 3: was in a little bit of financial trouble, and I
• 0:29
  Speaker 3: was able to help him, but I never offered because
• 0:32
  Speaker 3: I didn't want money to become an object in a
• 0:34
  Speaker 3: relationship so quickly. He also had a good job with
• 0:37
  Speaker 3: income to support him, but not pay his massive student
• 0:39
  Speaker 3: debt or bills just to support himself. After about a year,
• 0:43
  Speaker 3: so six months ago, after seeing that this relationship was
• 0:46
  Speaker 3: promising and we both agreed, heading on the marriage route
• 0:48
  Speaker 3: at some point or another, no set plans on when,
• 0:51
  Speaker 3: could be one year, could be five.
• 0:52
  Speaker 2: Before we got engaged, we're not in a rush.
• 0:54
  Speaker 3: I told him I could help, and I pretty much
• 0:56
  Speaker 3: insisted on doing so. I paid off about $ 6, 000 of
• 1:01
  Speaker 3: debt so far, and I've been paying for his rental
• 1:03
  Speaker 3: car every month, which is about $ 1, 000 a month for
• 1:06
  Speaker 3: the last three months. He has horrible credit, and I
• 1:09
  Speaker 3: didn't have enough to outright.
• 1:10
  Speaker 2: Buy him a car.
• 1:11
  Speaker 3: By the way, this comes from Financial Woes123, and if
• 1:15
  Speaker 3: you want to submit your own stories, go to the
• 1:16
  Speaker 3: r slash okstorytime subreddit.
• 1:18
  Speaker 2: I'm Sophia. I'm Savannah.
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: I'm Keon.
• 1:21
  Speaker 3: And we're here to give good advice goofily, but we
• 1:22
  Speaker 3: don't have all the answers. We only know what we do.
• 1:24
  Speaker 3: So let us know what you would do in the comments.
• 1:26
  Speaker 3: I've also been helping out with a few bills here
• 1:28
  Speaker 3: and there. I have always offered for what I pay for.
• 1:30
  Speaker 3: He has never insisted or asked. We've always discussed and
• 1:33
  Speaker 3: he's never been selfish, always very grateful. After some time,
• 1:36
  Speaker 3: I was able to have enough to buy him a
• 1:38
  Speaker 3: nice car and exactly what we wanted. We agreed to
• 1:40
  Speaker 3: have my name on the title, but have him insured
• 1:42
  Speaker 3: to drive it until we got married. We live in
• 1:45
  Speaker 3: a state that neighbors a state about three and a
• 1:47
  Speaker 3: half hours away that always has smoking deals on cars.
• 1:51
  Speaker 3: We were all set to buy one and then my
• 1:53
  Speaker 3: medical bills from about a year ago came to haunt me.
• 1:56
  Speaker 3: I had ovarian terminal illness, but now in remission and
• 1:59
  Speaker 3: it halted our tracks to buy the car for a
• 2:01
  Speaker 3: few weeks until I could settle my bills or find
• 2:03
  Speaker 3: a way to pay them off since the bill was
• 2:05
  Speaker 3: quite extensive. They aren't kidding when they say terminal illness
• 2:08
  Speaker 3: is an expensive sickness. Anyways, that was about.
• 2:11
  Speaker 2: Three weeks ago.
• 2:12
  Speaker 3: Last night we went golfing and I could tell he
• 2:14
  Speaker 3: was a little bit on edge, stressed out. So I
• 2:16
  Speaker 3: asked him what was up. I had gotten a little
• 2:18
  Speaker 3: bit behind on paying the $ 200 a week for the
• 2:20
  Speaker 3: rental car and he was feeling stressed since the bill
• 2:22
  Speaker 3: was due and he had $ 10 in his account.
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: What is he spending his money on?
• 2:26
  Speaker 3: 10 golfing apparently like $ 10 in his account if he's
• 2:31
  Speaker 3: not like if he's doing nothing he's not getting anything
• 2:35
  Speaker 3: you do nothing you get nothing sorry.
• 2:37
  Speaker 2: But I'm not like I don't know how did you
• 2:40
  Speaker 2: how do you not know how to do.
• 2:41
  Speaker 3: This I told him I would write him a check
• 2:43
  Speaker 3: and we could meet up for lunch tomorrow and I
• 2:45
  Speaker 3: would give him a check for that and the amount
• 2:46
  Speaker 3: of the car that he wants so that he could
• 2:48
  Speaker 3: feel at ease. I got home late after our date
• 2:50
  Speaker 3: and logged on to my bank account to only find
• 2:53
  Speaker 3: two dollars in it.
• 2:55
  Speaker 2: No, no, no, no, no.
• 2:56
  Speaker 3: Please don't tell me you were stupid enough to give
• 2:59
  Speaker 3: your bank information to this man.
• 3:01
  Speaker 2: Please don't tell me that. That is so bad. Oh,
• 3:07
  Speaker 2: you do nothing. You get nothing. I flipped.
• 3:09
  Speaker 3: There was a huge withdrawal from my account. I went
• 3:12
  Speaker 3: and looked at what had happened. And lo and behold,
• 3:14
  Speaker 3: when I was 24, my dad passed away and my
• 3:17
  Speaker 3: mom had no income.
• 3:18
  Speaker 2: And was struggling.
• 3:19
  Speaker 3: So I piggybacked her onto my bank account so that
• 3:22
  Speaker 3: she could have some support. It worked out really well
• 3:24
  Speaker 3: for a couple of years, and then she got a
• 3:25
  Speaker 3: job and didn't need my help. But her name was
• 3:28
  Speaker 3: never taken off my account. Stupid on my part, but
• 3:30
  Speaker 3: I had always trusted her and had no reason to
• 3:32
  Speaker 3: believe she would do anything malicious. About six months ago,
• 3:35
  Speaker 3: she ran off with her boyfriend to Germany. It was weird,
• 3:38
  Speaker 3: and really had an impact on me, where I'm an
• 3:40
  Speaker 3: only child and was left parentless. She cut off all
• 3:43
  Speaker 3: contact and really just kind of abandoned me. I really
• 3:45
  Speaker 3: struggled with it, but I mean, people do weird things.
• 3:48
  Speaker 3: Travis thought it was really strange at the time and
• 3:50
  Speaker 3: almost didn't believe that she had just run off to Germany.
• 3:53
  Speaker 3: But he's never met my mom, as she lived in
• 3:55
  Speaker 3: another part of the US than I did, and Travis
• 3:58
  Speaker 3: and I never got around to visiting her. Anyways, I'm
• 4:00
  Speaker 3: getting off track. Like I said, this is a doozy.
• 4:02
  Speaker 3: My mom had made the withdrawal all of my money.
• 4:04
  Speaker 3: I had a long talk with my bank and- an attorney,
• 4:08
  Speaker 3: and legally I cannot do anything about anything. Her name
• 4:11
  Speaker 3: was on my account. I had supported her in the past. Legally,
• 4:15
  Speaker 3: she didn't do anything wrong.
• 4:16
  Speaker 2: Morally, yeah, she.
• 4:17
  Speaker 3: Did some effed up stuff. I haven't been able to
• 4:19
  Speaker 3: get a hold of her, and honestly, I really don't
• 4:21
  Speaker 3: think I will be able to. So I texted Travis
• 4:24
  Speaker 3: after all of this and told him what was going on.
• 4:26
  Speaker 3: I asked him to to be calm since I was
• 4:28
  Speaker 3: freaking out and needed some moral support.
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: His response?
• 4:31
  Speaker 3: If you didn't want to help me out, you could
• 4:32
  Speaker 3: just say so. He went on about how whenever he
• 4:35
  Speaker 3: really needs help or I'm about to make a big
• 4:37
  Speaker 3: purchase for him, there's something that just conveniently happens. OP's
• 4:40
  Speaker 3: medical bills for her terminal illness?
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: That's convenient. Literally buy all.
• 4:45
  Speaker 2: Of her money? Why don't you, I don't know.
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: Get a job!
• 4:48
  Speaker 2: Contribute to society! Do anything other than mooch off of
• 4:52
  Speaker 2: everyone else in your life!
• 4:54
  Speaker 3: Freak!
• 4:54
  Speaker 2: These big things that are just so rare that they
• 4:57
  Speaker 2: don't happen. I get that.
• 4:58
  Speaker 3: And I 100% understand his point of view. But I'm
• 5:00
  Speaker 3: also frustrated and don't feel trusted.
• 5:03
  Speaker 2: But I get it. It is like Hollywood crap status.
• 5:05
  Speaker 2: It's so easy to prove. Yeah. It's so easy to prove.
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: It's so genuinely easy to prove.
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: You go.
• 5:12
  Speaker 2: Baby, baby boy, look at my bank account. Empty.
• 5:15
  Speaker 3: I've got no money. Did you think that after all
• 5:17
  Speaker 3: this time of me paying over $ 10, 000 for you, I
• 5:21
  Speaker 3: was just going to stop?
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: You think I like doing that?
• 5:23
  Speaker 2: I was just going to lie to you?
• 5:25
  Speaker 3: I am going over there later tonight after I gather
• 5:27
  Speaker 3: myself since I am stressing the heck out. I don't
• 5:30
  Speaker 3: even know how to broach this with him where he
• 5:32
  Speaker 3: can trust me.
• 5:33
  Speaker 2: Help, I don't know what to do. Break up.
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: Well, let's do a couple things here.
• 5:37
  Speaker 2: Can I get a break up?
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: Well, that first.
• 5:38
  Speaker 2: Let's take your mom off your account.
• 5:40
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: Let's start there. Let's do that one first.
• 5:42
  Speaker 2: Yeah, because she's going to steal that $ 2 next. And
• 5:45
  Speaker 2: that's all you have to your name. You got $ 2.
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: Easy.
• 5:49
  Speaker 3: Update. So I had quite a few update requests, and
• 5:51
  Speaker 3: it's been about two weeks since I posted. The day
• 5:54
  Speaker 3: of my post, I went over to his house that evening.
• 5:56
  Speaker 3: I had scrapped together some cash to get him some
• 5:58
  Speaker 3: groceries and dinner from his favorite place to lighten the mood.
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: Because, hey, I'm a giver.
• 6:03
  Speaker 2: You're giving too much.
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 6:04
  Speaker 2: How did you even do that?
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: How'd that, how?
• 6:07
  Speaker 2: Girly Pops got $ 2 to her name. And so what
• 6:10
  Speaker 2: she did was spend it on someone else? Now I'm
• 6:13
  Speaker 2: kind of like. concerned maybe she needs help.
• 6:16
  Speaker 3: She definitely does she needs some financial spending help because
• 6:19
  Speaker 3: this is this is bad anyways i walked in as
• 6:22
  Speaker 3: i usually do and he was on his couch and
• 6:24
  Speaker 3: in front of him was a brand new golf bag
• 6:27
  Speaker 3: i just set the groceries in the fridge and told
• 6:29
  Speaker 3: him what i got us for dinner he said i
• 6:30
  Speaker 3: don't want it i'm fine i just brushed that common
• 6:32
  Speaker 3: off since i really wasn't wanting to argue with him
• 6:34
  Speaker 3: i asked him about his new golf bag and he
• 6:36
  Speaker 3: bought it with his club credit which made me soften
• 6:39
  Speaker 3: up a little bit so i sat down in the
• 6:40
  Speaker 3: recliner across from him and started scribbling on my notepad
• 6:44
  Speaker 3: a game plan for him and us with a budget
• 6:46
  Speaker 3: for him and a way he could afford a car.
• 6:49
  Speaker 2: At every point you get to like, you know, you
• 6:52
  Speaker 2: get to a path and it's like, should I choose this?
• 6:55
  Speaker 2: or this one. And she chooses her own one. And
• 6:56
  Speaker 2: it's like, hmm, one is very shiny, nice, has unicorns
• 6:59
  Speaker 2: and rainbows. The other one is scary and has witches
• 7:03
  Speaker 2: and torture devices. And she goes, hmm, I don't know.
• 7:07
  Speaker 2: I'm at an impasse.
• 7:08
  Speaker 3: I just don't know. I told him the game plan
• 7:10
  Speaker 3: and he curtly said, sounds good. Then I went out
• 7:12
  Speaker 3: into his backyard. He lives on a beautiful farmland with
• 7:15
  Speaker 3: a nice deck out back. Said I just didn't want
• 7:17
  Speaker 3: to deal with him. And I just sat outside and cried.
• 7:20
  Speaker 3: He came outside and started fiddling with some stuff in
• 7:22
  Speaker 3: his yard and didn't say a word. He said, so
• 7:25
  Speaker 3: should I just plan on you not talking tonight? And
• 7:27
  Speaker 3: then went on about how I have been such a
• 7:28
  Speaker 3: source of disappointment for him financially. Because you're not an
• 7:31
  Speaker 3: open bank now.
• 7:33
  Speaker 2: That's crazy.
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: That's crazy.
• 7:36
  Speaker 2: Oh my God. Oh my, again, put him right in
• 7:39
  Speaker 2: front of me.
• 7:40
  Speaker 3: Ladies, ladies, and actually anybody out there, lesson to never
• 7:44
  Speaker 3: give out money to your partners after a year of
• 7:48
  Speaker 3: dating in this way and this amount. So I didn't
• 7:51
  Speaker 3: say a word. I took the groceries and dinner I
• 7:53
  Speaker 3: bought and told them we're done. I blocked his number
• 7:55
  Speaker 3: and he is no longer a part of my life.
• 7:57
  Speaker 2: That's the best thing to come out of the story. Oh,
• 7:59
  Speaker 2: thank God.
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: Anything else?
• 8:01
  Speaker 2: Is she going to?
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: No, that's done.
• 8:02
  Speaker 2: Wait, that's the end? That's freaking it. That's the end
• 8:03
  Speaker 2: of it.
• 8:04
  Speaker 3: That's freaking it. She released me. She released me from
• 8:07
  Speaker 3: the hold of this story. I would have been pissed
• 8:10
  Speaker 3: if she was like, what do I do?
• 8:11
  Speaker 2: Do I break? No, she said, I'm done. She finally
• 8:14
  Speaker 2: saw the light. And that's the end of the story.
• 8:17
  Speaker 2: We're going to go on to the next one. I
• 8:19
  Speaker 2: secretly talk to my girlfriend every day and she has
• 8:23
  Speaker 2: no idea.
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: It's either really good or really bad. Let's find out.
• 8:26
  Speaker 2: My girlfriend of five years has been deaf since she
• 8:29
  Speaker 2: was six.
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: Still really 50-50 here. It's either really good or really bad.
• 8:34
  Speaker 2: She reads lips pretty well but prefers sign language. I
• 8:37
  Speaker 2: didn't know a single sign when I met her but
• 8:40
  Speaker 2: I could tell right away there was something between us
• 8:42
  Speaker 2: so I started learning after I got home from our
• 8:44
  Speaker 2: first date. That's a sweet.
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: Shut the hell up that's so cute i i hate it.
• 8:49
  Speaker 2: Fast forward a few years i'm now fluent in asl
• 8:53
  Speaker 2: and we use it to talk almost exclusively when she's
• 8:56
  Speaker 2: not looking though i talk to her even though she
• 8:58
  Speaker 2: can't hear me or see my lips to read i
• 9:01
  Speaker 2: tell her how much i love her how i'm going
• 9:03
  Speaker 2: to marry her someday how beautiful she is etc i've
• 9:06
  Speaker 2: been practicing proposing so it's not so terrifying when i
• 9:09
  Speaker 2: actually do it she has no idea and i plan
• 9:11
  Speaker 2: to keep it that way wait why is this like
• 9:14
  Speaker 2: a cute little.
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: Love story this is good by.
• 9:17
  Speaker 2: The way this comes from just a dude 183 and
• 9:20
  Speaker 2: if you want to submit your own stories go to
• 9:21
  Speaker 2: the r slash okay story time subreddit i'm savannah i'm
• 9:24
  Speaker 2: dakota and we're here to talk about some stuff give
• 9:26
  Speaker 2: some advice but we don't have all the answers I
• 9:29
  Speaker 2: don't want to tell you what we would do, but
• 9:30
  Speaker 2: let us know what you would do down in the comments.
• 9:31
  Speaker 2: PresentChampion1662 says, I need an update on this. That's wonderful.
• 9:36
  Speaker 2: It's surprising how many family members of deaf people that
• 9:39
  Speaker 2: don't learn sign language. OP responds, she's lucky. Her immediate
• 9:43
  Speaker 2: family are all fluent, and most of her extended family
• 9:45
  Speaker 2: has learned at least a few simple phrases and words.
• 9:48
  Speaker 2: My side of the family has started learning too, since
• 9:50
  Speaker 2: they know she'll be part of the family pretty soon.
• 9:53
  Speaker 2: Most deaf people aren't so lucky. I'm really glad she
• 9:56
  Speaker 2: has such good people in her life.
• 9:57
  Speaker 3: Hey!
• 9:58
  Speaker 2: I'm the OP. Aloha. of people are asking for an update.
• 10:01
  Speaker 2: It's only been four days so there's not much to
• 10:04
  Speaker 2: tell but here you all go anyway. We're still together,
• 10:07
  Speaker 2: of course. She's trying to convince me to get a puppy.
• 10:09
  Speaker 2: I'm having a hard time convincing her not to. I
• 10:12
  Speaker 2: still talk to her when she doesn't know, and she
• 10:14
  Speaker 2: still has no clue. After some comments on the original post,
• 10:17
  Speaker 2: I'm getting ready to propose soon, but it still won't
• 10:19
  Speaker 2: be for a little bit. I'll definitely record it, but
• 10:22
  Speaker 2: I probably won't post it anywhere. She'd be pretty uncomfortable
• 10:24
  Speaker 2: with that, and to be honest, I would too. That's
• 10:26
  Speaker 2: about it, I guess. I have no idea why people
• 10:29
  Speaker 2: are so interested in my love life. Y'all are creeps.
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: You posted it online. What? Because it's cute and sweet,
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: you idiot.
• 10:36
  Speaker 2: Because you don't see people like this every day.
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: So yeah, I couldn't essentially understand or speak to the
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: woman I love at all when I met her, but
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: I knew immediately that there was something between us. Shut up.
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: Of course people are interested in that.
• 10:48
  Speaker 2: Isn't that it?
• 10:48
  Speaker 3: Oh, F.
• 10:49
  Speaker 2: Now even more people are pushing for the puppy. The
• 10:52
  Speaker 2: TTT10 says, how come you don't want the puppy? Is
• 10:55
  Speaker 2: it because you don't like them or is it more...
• 10:58
  Speaker 2: economical op responds it's just economical we already have two
• 11:02
  Speaker 2: cats and we aren't exactly rich however she does this
• 11:05
  Speaker 2: thing with her eyes that i just can't say no
• 11:07
  Speaker 2: to so we're going to the society tomorrow she knows
• 11:11
  Speaker 2: exactly how to convince me guinea pig cooper says how
• 11:14
  Speaker 2: did you meet her and what made you connect with
• 11:16
  Speaker 2: her on the first day op responds we met through
• 11:18
  Speaker 2: mutual friends she had just gotten out of a toxic
• 11:21
  Speaker 2: relationship and they thought she needed a reminder not all
• 11:23
  Speaker 2: guys suck Still don't know why they chose me, but
• 11:26
  Speaker 2: I'm so glad they did. In the first 30 minutes,
• 11:28
  Speaker 2: we both made the same obscure reference. We have practically
• 11:31
  Speaker 2: identical humor, even finishing each other's jokes. And honestly, she
• 11:34
  Speaker 2: was the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen in real life.
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: Not exaggerating.
• 11:38
  Speaker 2: She's way out of my league. As for her, she
• 11:40
  Speaker 2: told me on our one year anniversary that she knew
• 11:43
  Speaker 2: I was the one. because I didn't even mention that
• 11:46
  Speaker 2: she was deaf. I treated her more normally than even
• 11:49
  Speaker 2: her family. I honestly had no idea I did that.
• 11:52
  Speaker 2: I wasn't conscious at all, but I sure am glad
• 11:54
  Speaker 2: it worked. Update two, I propose 27 days later.
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: Oh my God. After all the.
• 12:01
  Speaker 2: Comments urging me not to wait, I decided to do it.
• 12:05
  Speaker 2: Life is too short to waste even a day. I
• 12:08
  Speaker 2: bought a very nice ring, silver with three small synthetic diamonds.
• 12:12
  Speaker 2: It's nothing too special, but it's exactly her style and
• 12:15
  Speaker 2: expensive by our standards without breaking the bank. So it
• 12:18
  Speaker 2: was perfect. I told her family my plans and they approved,
• 12:21
  Speaker 2: of course. My family was 100% behind it too. With
• 12:24
  Speaker 2: that arranged, I started planning the proposal. Both of us
• 12:27
  Speaker 2: had already agreed that we didn't want it to be
• 12:29
  Speaker 2: a huge disruptive event. Just the two of us. No
• 12:32
  Speaker 2: family to make a scene. She trusted me to pick
• 12:34
  Speaker 2: a good place. I decided on the beach. And we
• 12:37
  Speaker 2: happened to live just a few hours from one of
• 12:39
  Speaker 2: the best beaches in the world. So it was Our
• 12:42
  Speaker 2: anniversary was coming up and we both had the day off.
• 12:44
  Speaker 2: We had planned to go to a local museum, but
• 12:46
  Speaker 2: I asked to change plans to the beach. She was
• 12:48
  Speaker 2: definitely a little suspicious, but she didn't say anything at
• 12:51
  Speaker 2: the time. At the beach, I let the first few
• 12:54
  Speaker 2: hours pass normally. Just relaxing, playing in the waves, and snacks.
• 12:58
  Speaker 2: I kept the ring hidden in a zippered pocket in
• 13:00
  Speaker 2: my shorts. And even though I knew it was safe,
• 13:03
  Speaker 2: I think I checked it every five minutes at least.
• 13:06
  Speaker 2: When the sun started to go down, I led her
• 13:08
  Speaker 2: away from the crowded area to a more secluded spot.
• 13:11
  Speaker 2: We had a great view of the water, the sun,
• 13:13
  Speaker 2: and some boats further out. But a cluster of palm
• 13:15
  Speaker 2: trees and low bushes blocked us from other people. At
• 13:18
  Speaker 2: this point, she realized something was up. she started looking
• 13:21
  Speaker 2: at me funny so i knew i had to be
• 13:22
  Speaker 2: quick i reached for the ring and this is where
• 13:26
  Speaker 2: the anxiety i'm not a very confident person i knew
• 13:29
  Speaker 2: she would say yes and i knew i'd planned everything
• 13:31
  Speaker 2: perfectly there was no possible reason this could go badly
• 13:34
  Speaker 2: but i was still nearly paralyzed that's probably why i
• 13:37
  Speaker 2: dropped the ring as soon as i grabbed the ring
• 13:40
  Speaker 2: it slipped out of my fingers and got lost in
• 13:42
  Speaker 2: the sand i effing panicked i got on my knees
• 13:45
  Speaker 2: and started digging through the sand like an animal the
• 13:48
  Speaker 2: whole time she was trying to ask me what was
• 13:49
  Speaker 2: going on i wanted to explain but where would i
• 13:52
  Speaker 2: even start i found it after about 10 seconds which
• 13:54
  Speaker 2: felt like 10 hours unharmed as soon as i picked
• 13:58
  Speaker 2: it up she saw it and realized what happened she
• 14:00
  Speaker 2: completely froze for a second then she started shaking and
• 14:03
  Speaker 2: wheezing like she was having an asthma attack Then I
• 14:05
  Speaker 2: panicked again because I had no clue what was happening
• 14:08
  Speaker 2: and I thought something was even more wrong than it
• 14:10
  Speaker 2: already was. Then I realized she was crying and laughing
• 14:12
  Speaker 2: at the same time and I started crying and laughing too.
• 14:15
  Speaker 2: This is cute and funny and I love them.
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah, everybody just don't even bother with your proposal stories.
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: This one's the best one. This is the best relationship
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: and the best proposal.
• 14:25
  Speaker 2: I figured the proposal was already a mess so it
• 14:28
  Speaker 2: couldn't get any worse. I held it up to her
• 14:30
  Speaker 2: and just said, I think you dropped this. It sounded
• 14:33
  Speaker 2: a lot better in my head.
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: Be fair.
• 14:35
  Speaker 2: She effing lost it. I don't think I've ever seen
• 14:39
  Speaker 2: her laugh that much. Once we both calmed down, I
• 14:41
  Speaker 2: did it right, and of course she said yes. Despite
• 14:43
  Speaker 2: the complications, it couldn't have gone better, and we're both
• 14:46
  Speaker 2: very happy. We talked about the wedding a little, and
• 14:49
  Speaker 2: it will probably be sometime next summer, but we haven't
• 14:51
  Speaker 2: decided yet. I'm not expecting to make another post on
• 14:54
  Speaker 2: this account after this. As far as I'm concerned, our
• 14:56
  Speaker 2: story is told, and now it's time for the next
• 14:59
  Speaker 2: one to start. I have no idea what's next for
• 15:01
  Speaker 2: us after the wedding. We've talked about living in a
• 15:03
  Speaker 2: van to travel the country, so maybe that? Whatever happens,
• 15:07
  Speaker 2: we'll still be together and I'll still be talking behind
• 15:09
  Speaker 2: her back for as long as I can. To all
• 15:11
  Speaker 2: you guys, I hope you all have wonderful lives. There's
• 15:15
  Speaker 2: someone out there for all of us. Just be patient
• 15:17
  Speaker 2: and you'll find them. And if you found them but
• 15:19
  Speaker 2: haven't made it official yet, Do it. Life is short
• 15:22
  Speaker 2: and you only get one, so you shouldn't waste a
• 15:24
  Speaker 2: single moment of it. Don't let anything hold you back.
• 15:27
  Speaker 2: Jake and Lex signing off. I mean, cutest story I've
• 15:31
  Speaker 2: ever heard in my life. I'm going to throw up.
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: I'm going to freaking barf everywhere.
• 15:35
  Speaker 2: Oh, God, I already pissed myself.
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: This is so fun. I love this.
• 15:41
  Speaker 2: I'm tingling everywhere.
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: Her cousin's in town, so she's extra torqued up.
• 15:47
  Speaker 2: Oh, but that's the end of that story.
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: My boyfriend nagged me over a cheesecake for two straight weeks. Cheesecake?
• 15:56
  Speaker 2: More like sleaze cake.
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: This Christmas, my boyfriend, 21 male, and his family asked me,
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: 20 female, to stay in town as opposed to going home.
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: I have been here for about a month now. I
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: attended school here but I'm out for the break. During
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: the week my boyfriend works and I stay at home
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: with his family. I love to bake and cook. When
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: he is working I would bake something or make dinner
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: for when he gets home. The entire time we've been
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: dating I have always catered to what he likes and
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: doesn't like. I missed making a few things and brought
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: up that I wanted to make a couple things but
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: He knew he wouldn't like it. He supported me and
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: gave me the okay. We went to the store and
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: got what I needed. He got mad at me for
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: some of the stuff I was getting and even yelled
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: at me for getting cookies when we already had graham
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: crackers that could be used for a crust. Hey, man.
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: Not the same. You're yelling at me over groceries? I'm
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: living at your family's house? Shut up.
• 16:56
  Speaker 2: You're yelling at me over crackers, dude?
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: You're yelling at me over cookies from the grocery store?
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: I break up with you.
• 17:02
  Speaker 2: That's on God.
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: I should have known and just stopped there. I was
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: planning on making cheesecake bars with a chocolate topping. He
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: said once that it may be too big and it
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: would be wise to downsize. Everything I had made in
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: the past week was nearly gone right after I was
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: done making it. I talked to his mom and asked
• 17:22
  Speaker 1: what she thought. And she said to make the full
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: size deal. So I make it. in the next few days.
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: When he got home, he instantly was making comments, chocolate
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: is gross, you should have done half without chocolate, it's
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: too big, blahdy blahdy blah. It has been about a
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: week and a half now, and he makes a comment
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: every day.
• 17:44
  Speaker 2: Like, what is the point of that? To make me
• 17:46
  Speaker 2: feel bad about something that I already did, that we
• 17:49
  Speaker 2: already decided was, like, you know, good? Maybe I went
• 17:51
  Speaker 2: against your wishes. As in, we don't need that much.
• 17:54
  Speaker 2: I don't really like it. Sorry, you don't like it,
• 17:56
  Speaker 2: but your family likes it and they asked me to
• 17:58
  Speaker 2: do it and I want to do it for them.
• 17:59
  Speaker 2: I'm staying at their house. Be like, I owe them something.
• 18:01
  Speaker 2: I'm going to do that. I don't care if you
• 18:03
  Speaker 2: don't like it. You don't have to eat it.
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: Like, oh my God, what a white crap. I can
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: make myself five pounds of cheesecake bars if I want.
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: Shut up. By the way, this comes from CheesecakeThrowaway1. If
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: you want to submit your own stories, go to the
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: r slash OKStoryTime subreddit. I'm Dakota. And I'm Savannah. We're
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: going to read this story and have our thoughts. You
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: get to put yours in the comments below where we
• 18:21
  Speaker 1: can read them. Just remember, nobody knows everything. And OP says,
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: We have discussed multiple times that I will make it
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: smaller next time and that I was sorry. Girl, I'm sorry.
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: Does his family see this behavior? Do they not see
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: this as problematic?
• 18:36
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I know. Are they just like not around when
• 18:37
  Speaker 2: he makes these comments or is he making them like
• 18:39
  Speaker 2: when they're not in the room and stuff?
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: I'd be so pissed. My boyfriend keeps bringing this up.
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: Last night was his breaking point. I made chicken, but
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: it had skin and bone, which he voiced he didn't like.
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: I offered to use just normal chicken breast, and he
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: said he would just try it how it should be.
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: After I had cut all the ingredients and was about
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: to start cooking, he tells me it's too big. I
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: tell him other people can have some. And I left
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: it at that. He didn't like it, but told me
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: he did. He took some to work and didn't even
• 19:11
  Speaker 1: eat it. He had to throw it away. And there's
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: still some of the cheesecake and chicken in the fridge.
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: This morning, we were cleaning up and he looked in
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: the fridge and said, yet again, you need to make
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: this smaller and should have listened to me about the chicken.
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: I confronted him saying he shouldn't have taken the chicken
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: if he didn't like it because other people said they
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: would eat it. But also that it isn't necessary for
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: him to bring it up every day that I made
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: too much. and that he didn't like the cheesecake. He said, well,
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: it's been in there every day. We argued, and I
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: explained I messed up, but also that it isn't okay
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: for him to keep nagging me and bringing it up
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: every day. It doesn't make me feel good or make
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: me want to make something again. He said I am
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: wrong and that I am being wasteful. What do I
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: do or say? I am hurt he keeps bringing up
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: that he didn't like it and that it was too big.
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: It seems like he's just trying to prove he was right.
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: But being rude about it, and there's an edit, he
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: doesn't say it nicely and is speaking down to me.
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: We have had about four or five discussions about making
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: it smaller or what I should do next time. That
• 20:14
  Speaker 1: I shouldn't make it again because he didn't like it.
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: Then also would bring it up maybe once a day
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: on top of the other discussions we have had. Every
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: time he opens the fridge, he'd say something. And you
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: can private message me for the recipe. i tried to
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: talk to him again he was playing fallout the whole
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: time and laughed when i asked him to stop okay
• 20:32
  Speaker 1: so we just break up with this guy.
• 20:34
  Speaker 2: Yeah if he doesn't like the way that you're cooking
• 20:36
  Speaker 2: or you know baking or whatever like one you're doing
• 20:39
  Speaker 2: it for him so don't freaking complain i understand if
• 20:41
  Speaker 2: like you didn't like it then you'd be like oh
• 20:43
  Speaker 2: i didn't like that like you know but if you
• 20:44
  Speaker 2: like it cool then you can keep making it i
• 20:46
  Speaker 2: just won't eat it like that's all you have to
• 20:48
  Speaker 2: say instead he just keeps bringing it up like Then
• 20:51
  Speaker 2: make it yourself. If you don't think I make it right,
• 20:53
  Speaker 2: why don't you find time instead of playing Fallout and
• 20:56
  Speaker 2: laughing at me? Like, go do something for yourself then.
• 20:59
  Speaker 2: Or no, you can't because you don't know how. You
• 21:01
  Speaker 2: just want to complain that everything's getting catered to you.
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: Bye. Bye. There's an update. After I posted on Reddit,
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: my boyfriend, who I will name James, was still being unreasonable.
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: After we talked the first time I laid in bed
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: as he played a game of League of Legends, another
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: great red flag, just break up with him right now.
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: He acted as if everything was fine or I was
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: not there. I was replying to all of you wonderful
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: people in bed and he was on the ground. That
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: is how he normally plays. He would casually ask me
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: what I'm up to, why I'm upset, or just not
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: say anything at all. I would say back to him
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: that everything is not okay and the way he was
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: treating me was ridiculous. He would not say anything. Eventually,
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: I had it. And said to him that he's being
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: totally inconsiderate and that he's making all this fuss over
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: a cheesecake. That he was being immature and ungrateful. And
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: not only that, but not taking into consideration how things
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: make people feel, me especially. He finally responded and said
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: the way I was talking did not make him want
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: to apologize and that he did not do anything wrong.
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: so he did not need to apologize. I continued by
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: saying that his reaction does not make me want to
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: make anything again, whether it be for him, myself, or
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: his family. Due to the fact, he seemed so spoiled
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: and unappreciative of what I do for him. When I
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: said this, he said that he pays for the groceries
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: and that when I made something, he always tells me
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: it's good. I responded that there are times I will
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: spend the whole day in the kitchen making something special
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: for him, and it would be nice sometimes to get
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: more than a, that tasted good. I told him I
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: take my baking and cooking seriously and that him constantly
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: berating me over a cheesecake is disrespectful. Here's everything he
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: said to me over the week about the cheesecake. Oh boy.
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: You should have made half with chocolate, half without. Gross.
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: It has chocolate. No, I have no idea how anyone
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: likes this. You should have listened to me and made
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: it smaller. I was right.
• 22:50
  Speaker 4: No one liked the cheesecake. The reason the cheesecake isn't
• 22:53
  Speaker 4: gone is because I'm not eating it. You need to
• 22:56
  Speaker 4: eat the rest of the cheesecake. You're being wasteful. Don't
• 22:59
  Speaker 4: make this cheesecake again. No one liked it, obviously. Why
• 23:03
  Speaker 4: is this still here?
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: We had multiple conversations about how next time I will
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: make it without chocolate and make it smaller. I told
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: him that the recipe called for the same amount of
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: ingredients as a normal cheesecake, but the style in the
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: pan it was made in, people naturally took smaller portions.
• 23:18
  Speaker 1: It was in a 13 by 9 cake pan instead
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: of a cake form. He told me that I was
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: wrong and and should have made less like he said.
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: He continued to insult me for not listening to him,
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: acting as if I should listen to only him, and
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: that everyone else is wrong. At this point, I said,
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: I'm done cooking and baking, and left with his mom
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: to the store. She knew everything that was going on,
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: and she said she's so lucky to have me here. What? What?
• 23:42
  Speaker 1: What does that mean? What is this?
• 23:44
  Speaker 2: I'm so lucky you're here because I also hate my son.
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: She says that I do more for their family than
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: all her sons combined. That I cook almost every night
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: and do the dishes and trash and recycle without being asked.
• 23:55
  Speaker 1: And she wished her boys were like that. She apologized
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: for how James was acting and told me how unacceptable
• 24:01
  Speaker 1: it was. That even if I did make half the cheesecake,
• 24:04
  Speaker 1: the ingredients were all in odd numbers and the rest
• 24:06
  Speaker 1: would have had to be thrown away, which is... True.
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: We spent a few hours out and then came back
• 24:12
  Speaker 1: and I went back into the room. He pretended like
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: I was not there and I just got back into bed.
• 24:17
  Speaker 1: After an hour or so, he moves to playing Fallout
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: and I go to the ground because I don't want
• 24:21
  Speaker 1: to be near him. He starts talking casually, asking me
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: about the game since I've played more than him. I
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: stop him and tell him I'm not going to be
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: pretending everything is okay. His behavior is unacceptable. He asked
• 24:33
  Speaker 1: me to explain and I did. The entire time... He
• 24:37
  Speaker 1: played Fallout, and when I asked him to stop, he
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: kept messing around with the pause screen. I told him
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: it doesn't make me feel like he cares about how
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: I feel because of the way he's acting. He snarkily
• 24:48
  Speaker 1: replied that he is paying attention and that I didn't
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: say anything when I started talking for him to stop.
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: I told him every time we talk... I asked him
• 24:56
  Speaker 1: to stop. He said, He then lays back and closes
• 25:01
  Speaker 1: his eyes as I talk. When I asked for him
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: to look at me and not act like he was
• 25:05
  Speaker 1: asleep or did not care about what I was saying,
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: he laughed. I asked him why he laughed and he
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: said nothing while glaring at me. I went and took
• 25:14
  Speaker 1: a bath. When I came back, he acted... Again, like
• 25:17
  Speaker 1: everything was fine. I told him to cut it out.
• 25:20
  Speaker 1: That I was done being treated like a maid and
• 25:22
  Speaker 1: he better consider how I feel. That I am done
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: with how he is acting. He wants me to be
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: open with him. That he needs to quit acting like
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: a child and own his mistakes. And do what he
• 25:33
  Speaker 1: can to make it better. That I deserve better and
• 25:36
  Speaker 1: he is making a fuss over something small. He then
• 25:39
  Speaker 1: said that he was so sorry for making me upset.
• 25:42
  Speaker 1: And here comes the real BS. He said that he
• 25:45
  Speaker 1: was jealous because lately it seemed like I was not
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: making stuff with him in mind. That I was more
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: considering what his family or myself would want as opposed
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: to him. Also that we don't cook together really anymore
• 25:59
  Speaker 1: and that it was our thing, which no, not really.
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: It never was. I do all of the work while
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: he just stands over my shoulder nagging me and he
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: does the dishes. He apologized and hugged me. A couple
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: of days later, he asked if he could cook with
• 26:13
  Speaker 1: me and he just acted grumpy the whole time, nagging
• 26:16
  Speaker 1: me about how I should do it this way and
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: why I don't do it that way. If I even
• 26:21
  Speaker 1: say anything to him, such as I know what I'm doing,
• 26:24
  Speaker 1: he immediately gets snarky. To be honest, I don't know
• 26:27
  Speaker 1: what to think anymore. He does small things that I'm
• 26:31
  Speaker 1: starting to pick up on. When we went to the
• 26:33
  Speaker 1: store and I wanted to get something for myself, he said, well,
• 26:36
  Speaker 1: if you ever need anything important, then you're on your own.
• 26:39
  Speaker 1: I'm starting to realize there is a bigger problem now.
• 26:41
  Speaker 1: He says a lot of negative things and it seems
• 26:43
  Speaker 1: like the fact I haven't had money and don't have
• 26:46
  Speaker 1: anywhere to go, he holds above me. Yesterday I gained
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: a small inheritance. I probably shouldn't have told him about it.
• 26:53
  Speaker 1: I got my first small payment of about $ 2, 000. and
• 26:56
  Speaker 1: I should be getting about $ 7, 500 a month for a
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: few months. When I told him and the money was
• 27:03
  Speaker 1: in my account, it went from, that money is yours,
• 27:06
  Speaker 1: do what you want, to, we should start splitting stuff.
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: I really don't know what to do about it. I'm
• 27:12
  Speaker 1: really starting to not feel like the priority in our
• 27:14
  Speaker 1: relationship anymore. Everything's about him. Pleasing him. What he wants
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: to do. Making him happy. It does not seem like
• 27:21
  Speaker 1: the same goes for myself. He got me pillows and
• 27:24
  Speaker 1: cookbooks for Christmas. Then also said we would go to
• 27:27
  Speaker 1: the mall and I would get a shopping spree. I
• 27:30
  Speaker 1: brought that up the other day and he said, we're
• 27:31
  Speaker 1: going to have to keep it small since we just
• 27:34
  Speaker 1: got sushi. Yeah, this doesn't make any sense because he
• 27:37
  Speaker 1: almost has $ 2, 000 in the bank with no expenses whatsoever.
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: He also just bought a new PlayStation when he already
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: has an Xbox, but whatever, it's his own money. How
• 27:45
  Speaker 1: do I deal with my inheritance? How do I set
• 27:48
  Speaker 1: guidelines with him about it? How do I discuss not
• 27:51
  Speaker 1: being the priority anymore? Do I stop cooking? Should I
• 27:54
  Speaker 1: cook without him or ask him not to cook with me?
• 27:56
  Speaker 1: Should I even stay with him anymore? There we go.
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: Any advice, OP says.
• 28:01
  Speaker 2: Truthfully, OP, there is nothing else you could possibly do.
• 28:05
  Speaker 2: Even if you made him something that he likes, that
• 28:08
  Speaker 2: was like perfect in every way possible, he is going.
• 28:12
  Speaker 2: To find something wrong with it. He's going to find
• 28:15
  Speaker 2: something to complain about. He is not happy. He's not
• 28:18
  Speaker 2: happy in his life. And he's taking it out on you.
• 28:20
  Speaker 2: He's just projecting all of that unhappiness that he has. Because,
• 28:23
  Speaker 2: I don't know, the family likes you better than him
• 28:25
  Speaker 2: because he does nothing. I don't know. But it's just like, girl,
• 28:28
  Speaker 2: you gotta wake up. Smell the roses. Get out of there.
• 28:31
  Speaker 2: There's nothing. There's nothing for you here. That's the end
• 28:35
  Speaker 2: of that story. And we got another one coming right up.
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: Hey, it's Dakota, your favorite rat brain host here. And
• 28:41
  Speaker 1: we're going to get back to the stories soon. But
• 28:44
  Speaker 1: here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors. I go
• 28:47
  Speaker 1: on solo adventures because my husband stays home. Now he
• 28:51
  Speaker 1: resents me for it.
• 28:53
  Speaker 2: I'm sorry. I don't want to be boring.
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: My husband doesn't like to go out much. It's not
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: something that I've ever faulted him for or been mad
• 29:02
  Speaker 1: at him about. We've never gotten into fights about it
• 29:05
  Speaker 1: until now, and it's something he told me up front
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: when we had first gotten in the relationship four years ago.
• 29:12
  Speaker 1: He said, I'm never going to be the kind of
• 29:14
  Speaker 1: person that likes to go out a lot. I just
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: want to hang out at home. And I, of course,
• 29:19
  Speaker 1: said that was fine because that's not a flaw to me.
• 29:23
  Speaker 1: It's just a character trait. Yeah, my guy's boring. He
• 29:26
  Speaker 1: never does stuff.
• 29:28
  Speaker 2: He just likes to sit at home and watch TV.
• 29:30
  Speaker 1: Hmm. I used to suffer from depression due to a
• 29:33
  Speaker 1: lot of traumas in my life. I found it really
• 29:36
  Speaker 1: hard to go outside at all and especially alone. I
• 29:40
  Speaker 1: missed out on a lot of experiences because of this
• 29:43
  Speaker 1: in our first year of dating he got me to
• 29:45
  Speaker 1: have more confidence in myself so I stopped hiding I
• 29:49
  Speaker 1: got a therapist and have been on a wonderful little
• 29:52
  Speaker 1: antidepressant we got married one year later and I'm still
• 29:55
  Speaker 1: happier than I have ever been And I'm incredibly grateful
• 29:59
  Speaker 1: to have him in my life. That hasn't changed one bit. Now,
• 30:04
  Speaker 1: I know that this isn't what he does. I know
• 30:07
  Speaker 1: that he doesn't stay inside because he's depressed. It's because
• 30:11
  Speaker 1: it's in his nature to be a house cat.
• 30:14
  Speaker 2: He's just a little tabby cat. He don't want to leave.
• 30:17
  Speaker 1: He's just a cat man.
• 30:19
  Speaker 2: Everything's here. Why would you want to leave?
• 30:21
  Speaker 1: Is he a cat man or a man cat?
• 30:24
  Speaker 2: Man cat.
• 30:25
  Speaker 1: Like I said, I'm still fine with that. Lately, he's
• 30:29
  Speaker 1: not okay with me doing this, though. By the way,
• 30:32
  Speaker 1: this comes from Keep Pouring Out of Me. If you
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: want to submit your own stories, you can go to
• 30:37
  Speaker 1: the r slash ok story time subreddit. I'm Dakota.
• 30:40
  Speaker 2: And I'm Savannah.
• 30:41
  Speaker 1: And we are going to read this story and give
• 30:42
  Speaker 1: our little good advice goofily, but we don't have all
• 30:44
  Speaker 1: the answers to life's mysteries. We need a crystal ball
• 30:48
  Speaker 1: for that, and they're hard to find.
• 30:51
  Speaker 2: I want one.
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: But if you have a crystal ball, send us your
• 30:54
  Speaker 1: magical orb. And also tell us in the comments what
• 30:56
  Speaker 1: you would do. And OP says, If I ask him
• 31:00
  Speaker 1: if he wants to see a movie with me and
• 31:02
  Speaker 1: he said no, or the more common, I don't know, maybe,
• 31:06
  Speaker 1: I'll usually ask him two more times and then if
• 31:09
  Speaker 1: he still says no or maybe I'll go by myself.
• 31:12
  Speaker 1: It's the same with going out to dinner or taking
• 31:14
  Speaker 1: little classes, etc. We had fun with this at first.
• 31:19
  Speaker 1: I would come home from doing the thing and then
• 31:21
  Speaker 1: I would excitedly tell him what I had done and
• 31:23
  Speaker 1: the people I'd met. He'd happily listen and hug me
• 31:26
  Speaker 1: and kiss me on the forehead. It was a really
• 31:28
  Speaker 1: beautiful thing. Little forehead kisses.
• 31:31
  Speaker 2: I love little forehead kisses.
• 31:34
  Speaker 1: At one point, we called it my little adventures, and
• 31:37
  Speaker 1: I would take Polaroid pictures and show them to him
• 31:40
  Speaker 1: and then hang them on the kitchen wall. It was
• 31:42
  Speaker 1: a seriously beautiful point in our relationship, and the times
• 31:46
  Speaker 1: that we would go out and take Polaroids together were
• 31:48
  Speaker 1: some of the happiest times in my life. I even
• 31:51
  Speaker 1: made it a point to have us do or go
• 31:53
  Speaker 1: to do things together that he liked to do. It
• 31:56
  Speaker 1: was great. It was seriously so great. It's like having
• 32:00
  Speaker 1: a sick little Victorian child you come home to and
• 32:03
  Speaker 1: you go, look at the outside world, little Timmy. And
• 32:07
  Speaker 1: he goes, ah.
• 32:09
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 32:10
  Speaker 1: He goes, it looks so wonderful outside.
• 32:14
  Speaker 2: What does it smell like, mom?
• 32:16
  Speaker 1: About two years ago, I asked him, hey, I've been
• 32:19
  Speaker 1: really passionate about learning a language. And eventually going to
• 32:24
  Speaker 1: this language's place of origin. Do you want to study
• 32:27
  Speaker 1: it with me and then go there too? And he
• 32:29
  Speaker 1: said no to the language. But maybe to going with me. Well,
• 32:33
  Speaker 1: I don't know.
• 32:33
  Speaker 2: I mean, learning a new language is hard. So if
• 32:35
  Speaker 2: he doesn't have any interest in it, then it's like, okay.
• 32:38
  Speaker 2: But yeah, I'll go on vacation.
• 32:41
  Speaker 1: Cut to now, and I'm pretty dang good at this language.
• 32:45
  Speaker 1: I decided about four months ago that I am going
• 32:47
  Speaker 1: to this place. I asked him if he would still
• 32:50
  Speaker 1: like to come with me, and he said no, and
• 32:53
  Speaker 1: got kind of upset that I had learned this language
• 32:55
  Speaker 1: without him. He said, you're the one that's going to
• 32:58
  Speaker 1: know anything. There's really no point in me going.
• 33:02
  Speaker 2: What?
• 33:02
  Speaker 1: That's why you should have learned the language, big dog.
• 33:06
  Speaker 2: That's honestly... I don't know. It's kind of manipulative in
• 33:09
  Speaker 2: my opinion.
• 33:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah, huge red flag if you have a partner who's like,
• 33:12
  Speaker 1: why are you not as boring as me? I resent
• 33:16
  Speaker 1: you for not being boring and doing new things.
• 33:20
  Speaker 2: Screw you for having ambitions.
• 33:22
  Speaker 1: I was kind of taken aback because during the process,
• 33:24
  Speaker 1: he was really supportive. I didn't really push it, but
• 33:27
  Speaker 1: I apologized and went somewhere else to clear my head
• 33:29
  Speaker 1: about things, and we were fine later on that day.
• 33:32
  Speaker 1: I bought the tickets for me and my mother to
• 33:34
  Speaker 1: go to The Place about four weeks ago. And ever
• 33:38
  Speaker 1: since then, things have been really tense. If I ask
• 33:41
  Speaker 1: him to do minor things like come to the grocery
• 33:43
  Speaker 1: store with me, he gets a bit of an attitude.
• 33:46
  Speaker 1: I can tell that he knows this is ridiculous, though,
• 33:49
  Speaker 1: because he'll say sorry almost immediately and be sad and
• 33:52
  Speaker 1: quiet the rest of the time.
• 33:54
  Speaker 2: Dude, man up and have a conversation. So annoying to
• 33:57
  Speaker 2: be like passive aggressive, be like, I'm mad. I'm gonna
• 34:00
  Speaker 2: I'm gonna make her feel bad about me saying no.
• 34:03
  Speaker 2: about everything that she asked me to do together. Oh,
• 34:06
  Speaker 2: let's make her feel bad about it.
• 34:07
  Speaker 1: Really, really not loving the vibe.
• 34:09
  Speaker 2: Yeah, this man, annoying.
• 34:11
  Speaker 1: I've tried to talk to him about what's bothering him,
• 34:14
  Speaker 1: but he keeps either saying that it's nothing and he
• 34:16
  Speaker 1: doesn't want to talk about it, or will tell me
• 34:18
  Speaker 1: not to press it and then get mad and leave.
• 34:21
  Speaker 1: I don't know what to do at this point. I
• 34:23
  Speaker 1: think you should just start talking to him in the
• 34:25
  Speaker 1: language that you learned. That's what you should do.
• 34:27
  Speaker 2: True.
• 34:28
  Speaker 1: You should ask him what's wrong in whatever language. He
• 34:32
  Speaker 1: doesn't understand. He'll just go, what are you saying?
• 34:35
  Speaker 2: What's going on? Just keep saying it.
• 34:37
  Speaker 1: Just keep talking to him in that language until he
• 34:38
  Speaker 1: cries and lets it out.
• 34:40
  Speaker 2: And then you can have a normal conversation.
• 34:42
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Our relationship has been so great, but I can
• 34:45
  Speaker 1: feel things being strained. I can feel him kind of
• 34:49
  Speaker 1: slipping away. I don't know what to do. I thought
• 34:51
  Speaker 1: about buying him a ticket to the place anyway and
• 34:54
  Speaker 1: surprising him because I really would love it if he
• 34:56
  Speaker 1: could go with me. And I know for a fact
• 34:59
  Speaker 1: it's somewhere he's always been interested in. But I also
• 35:02
  Speaker 1: don't want to force him because I hate forcing people
• 35:04
  Speaker 1: to do things. However, I also don't want to stop
• 35:08
  Speaker 1: having these experiences for myself just because he doesn't want to.
• 35:13
  Speaker 1: I've never faulted him for wanting to be at home.
• 35:15
  Speaker 1: So why is he faulting me for wanting to be outside?
• 35:19
  Speaker 1: I don't know how to talk to him or what
• 35:21
  Speaker 1: to say. If I have to stop doing things, then
• 35:24
  Speaker 1: I guess I will. No, you won't.
• 35:28
  Speaker 2: No, don't stop.
• 35:30
  Speaker 1: Don't do that. I feel like the core of this
• 35:34
  Speaker 1: issue is just he is like insecure and he stays
• 35:39
  Speaker 1: inside because he's scared.
• 35:40
  Speaker 2: I agree. He seems like he has like a kind
• 35:44
  Speaker 2: of like pessimistic look on things just because maybe he's
• 35:49
  Speaker 2: scared to do things like he has some sort of.
• 35:51
  Speaker 1: Like it might not even be a thing he's aware of,
• 35:54
  Speaker 1: but it just feels like such a. Like such a
• 35:56
  Speaker 1: strong emotional driver in people's lives is fear and they
• 36:00
  Speaker 1: just don't even recognize that that is what it is.
• 36:03
  Speaker 2: Yeah, truthfully. And then they get themselves into these like
• 36:08
  Speaker 2: positions of like, oh, why do I feel this way?
• 36:09
  Speaker 2: And then they're mad at themselves for feeling this way.
• 36:12
  Speaker 2: But it's like, dude, you could have just said yes.
• 36:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you could just got out of the bubble. He's
• 36:17
  Speaker 1: in the bubble of like, I stay at home. I
• 36:20
  Speaker 1: know what's up here. I'm in control. I'm comfortable. Yeah,
• 36:24
  Speaker 1: I know what's happening here. I am the master of
• 36:27
  Speaker 1: my destiny. Yeah, if you.
• 36:29
  Speaker 2: Walk outside, anything could happen. He wants to be in control,
• 36:33
  Speaker 2: and that's fine, but also you're going to miss out
• 36:37
  Speaker 2: on stuff, and then you can't feel bad because you
• 36:39
  Speaker 2: say no.
• 36:40
  Speaker 1: I would also feel bad for having to stop, but
• 36:43
  Speaker 1: it's not worth getting a divorce over or having things
• 36:46
  Speaker 1: escalate that bad. I just don't know what to do
• 36:49
  Speaker 1: or where to go from here, and there is an update,
• 36:51
  Speaker 1: and I would say that totally is divorce-worthy.
• 36:56
  Speaker 2: If he's making you feel bad about things that you
• 36:58
  Speaker 2: do all the time, even when you ask him and
• 37:02
  Speaker 2: he's like, I don't want to do it, I don't
• 37:03
  Speaker 2: want to do it, me, me, me. Okay.
• 37:05
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 37:06
  Speaker 2: Then don't complain when I go and do it on
• 37:08
  Speaker 2: my own and then you're like, oh, now I missed out.
• 37:11
  Speaker 1: He's not even complaining. It's like the undercurrent of like, hmm.
• 37:16
  Speaker 2: Oh, sorry.
• 37:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah. No.
• 37:19
  Speaker 2: Which is honestly, in my opinion, even worse because it's like, oh,
• 37:22
  Speaker 2: my God. Now. Now what, baby? Yeah.
• 37:24
  Speaker 1: What do we need to do in a vacuum? I
• 37:25
  Speaker 1: would totally say if someone's like, hey, I do a
• 37:28
  Speaker 1: bunch of cool stuff, but my partner doesn't and he's
• 37:32
  Speaker 1: getting mad at me about it or he's getting resentful.
• 37:34
  Speaker 1: He's getting weird feelings about it. Should I stop doing
• 37:38
  Speaker 1: things or or should I leave my partner if it
• 37:42
  Speaker 1: doesn't get better? It's like the answer would always be
• 37:46
  Speaker 1: to leave. No one would ever tell you, oh yeah,
• 37:48
  Speaker 1: just stop doing anything outside of your house. Stop going
• 37:53
  Speaker 1: on adventures.
• 37:54
  Speaker 2: I mean, that's it though. It's like, I don't know
• 37:58
  Speaker 2: what he's looking for. Does he want her to not?
• 38:00
  Speaker 2: I feel like he fell in love with her for
• 38:02
  Speaker 2: being spontaneous and being adventurous and wanting to do all
• 38:06
  Speaker 2: these things. He just isn't like that, which that's completely fine.
• 38:09
  Speaker 2: She's accepting him, but he's not accepting her for wanting
• 38:11
  Speaker 2: to do all these things.
• 38:12
  Speaker 1: Yeah. So it's not like you just go and leave
• 38:16
  Speaker 1: him out of the picture. He chooses that.
• 38:19
  Speaker 2: In no world should you ever have to wait for
• 38:21
  Speaker 2: someone in order to do what you want to do.
• 38:24
  Speaker 2: You don't have to. There's no reason to wait for
• 38:27
  Speaker 2: him to all of a sudden have a change of heart.
• 38:29
  Speaker 2: You know what? After like four months and be like, OK, well,
• 38:33
  Speaker 2: you know, can we learn this language now? You know,
• 38:36
  Speaker 2: the answer is still going to be no. So it's like,
• 38:38
  Speaker 2: how long can you wait?
• 38:40
  Speaker 1: It's your thing. Yeah. Do what you want to do. Um,
• 38:43
  Speaker 1: he had a bit of a long talk. I'm kind
• 38:45
  Speaker 1: of a mix of exhausted, drained, and excited now. That's
• 38:49
  Speaker 1: a weird combo. So, I apologize if I make a
• 38:51
  Speaker 1: lot of typos or word something wrong, but in a
• 38:54
  Speaker 1: kind of big nutshell, he said he feels like he's
• 38:57
  Speaker 1: drowning in my success.
• 39:00
  Speaker 2: And there it is. The truth is revealed.
• 39:02
  Speaker 1: Well, I like the honesty, but I still don't like that. Yeah, that's-
• 39:06
  Speaker 1: Not gonna lie.
• 39:07
  Speaker 2: You cannot- be jealous of your partner.
• 39:10
  Speaker 1: I said I would learn a language and I did it.
• 39:13
  Speaker 1: I said I would lose 180 pounds and I did
• 39:16
  Speaker 1: it earlier in our relationship and got the skin surgery.
• 39:19
  Speaker 1: I have a pretty stress-free job and it's getting to him.
• 39:23
  Speaker 1: He's been trying really hard to just be happy, but
• 39:25
  Speaker 1: it's hard. He understands that it's wrong to feel this
• 39:28
  Speaker 1: way and between feeling guilty about it and feeling this
• 39:31
  Speaker 1: way at all, it's just been taking its toll. He
• 39:34
  Speaker 1: also has a skin condition that makes him feel cautious
• 39:37
  Speaker 1: of going outside, especially in another country. I never thought
• 39:42
  Speaker 1: this would be the problem, because he's always acted as
• 39:45
  Speaker 1: though it's not a bother to him at all, and
• 39:47
  Speaker 1: he doesn't care. He's going to keep trying, though, and
• 39:49
  Speaker 1: to seek therapy independent of me because he thinks that
• 39:52
  Speaker 1: he also may really be suffering from depression. Now I
• 39:56
  Speaker 1: have to say that we do have communication problems. Our friendship,
• 40:00
  Speaker 1: which was two years before dating, started off long distance
• 40:04
  Speaker 1: in an MMORPG. World of Warcraft. So we're still kind
• 40:09
  Speaker 1: of better with text talking than out loud speaking.
• 40:12
  Speaker 2: No.
• 40:13
  Speaker 3: No. No.
• 40:15
  Speaker 2: No. Yeah, you got to have a face-to-face conversation.
• 40:20
  Speaker 1: I mean, if you guys just met up in the
• 40:24
  Speaker 1: last couple months, sure, we're better at texting. I assume
• 40:29
  Speaker 1: it's been a while. That's not that valid. Sometimes we
• 40:33
  Speaker 1: have a hard time saying when things are bothering us
• 40:35
  Speaker 1: out loud, so we'll text it out and then read
• 40:38
  Speaker 1: off of that text because we find it hard to verbalize.
• 40:41
  Speaker 1: And sometimes we just take things harder than we should.
• 40:44
  Speaker 1: I feel like that's a very normal thing people do.
• 40:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that one seems pretty normal.
• 40:48
  Speaker 1: Where it's just like, oh, I have something I want
• 40:50
  Speaker 1: to say clearly. Let me write it first.
• 40:53
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 40:54
  Speaker 1: So I know what I'm going to say.
• 40:55
  Speaker 2: Oh, I did that all the time. I still do it.
• 40:58
  Speaker 1: We've agreed to go to marriage counseling and we're making
• 41:01
  Speaker 1: an appointment tomorrow together. So there are good things afoot.
• 41:06
  Speaker 1: For more good news, he has agreed to go on
• 41:09
  Speaker 1: vacation with me and my mother.
• 41:11
  Speaker 2: Oh.
• 41:12
  Speaker 1: Huzzah.
• 41:13
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 41:15
  Speaker 1: Also, I just want to say thank you to every
• 41:17
  Speaker 1: single person who commented. It means a lot that people
• 41:20
  Speaker 1: would wish us good luck and give advice and even
• 41:24
  Speaker 1: say they were going to pray. Thank you for all
• 41:27
  Speaker 1: of the advice. I'm trying to go down and thank
• 41:29
  Speaker 1: everyone one by one, but it might take a while.
• 41:33
  Speaker 1: And in case I can't, thank you for helping save us.
• 41:37
  Speaker 1: Edit to the edit. I would also like to add
• 41:40
  Speaker 1: that I messed up on this too. I liked to
• 41:43
  Speaker 1: think that hearing maybe or other Apathetic answers instead of
• 41:46
  Speaker 1: just yes or no didn't bother me, but it did.
• 41:50
  Speaker 1: And sometimes, as some people pointed out, I would get
• 41:53
  Speaker 1: kind of passive-aggressive about it. I'd ask him simply because
• 41:56
  Speaker 1: it meant that I tried at times. I'm not proud
• 42:00
  Speaker 1: of it, but it happened. I'm going to work on
• 42:02
  Speaker 1: that more and myself as well. I don't know. I
• 42:06
  Speaker 1: don't think you should be faulted for that.
• 42:08
  Speaker 3: I mean.
• 42:09
  Speaker 1: You just want to do stuff with your husband.
• 42:11
  Speaker 2: Why is that a bad thing?
• 42:13
  Speaker 1: It's just the element of when somebody constantly says no
• 42:17
  Speaker 1: to your plans, like, there just comes a time where
• 42:21
  Speaker 1: you don't give as much to the ask because you
• 42:25
  Speaker 1: just don't want to be like, oh, okay. So it's
• 42:27
  Speaker 1: just like a, hey, do you want to go to
• 42:29
  Speaker 1: this thing?
• 42:29
  Speaker 2: No?
• 42:30
  Speaker 1: All right.
• 42:31
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 42:32
  Speaker 2: I do that.
• 42:32
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 42:33
  Speaker 2: Sister all the time we have very different interests and
• 42:35
  Speaker 2: i'll be like oh like do you want to you
• 42:37
  Speaker 2: know like we have emo night um on friday i'm
• 42:40
  Speaker 2: like oh you want to come to emo night she
• 42:41
  Speaker 2: would like i don't know if she would hopefully i
• 42:44
  Speaker 2: didn't really ask her but it.
• 42:46
  Speaker 1: But she will probably say no i ain't like you're
• 42:49
  Speaker 1: already at the point where you just like don't even ask.
• 42:51
  Speaker 2: I will true it's because i know she's gonna say
• 42:53
  Speaker 2: no and it's gonna hurt me to not have like
• 42:56
  Speaker 2: i want to do stuff with her.
• 42:58
  Speaker 1: And that's why you're getting a divorce from your.
• 43:01
  Speaker 2: Sister But yeah, no, I think marriage counseling is going
• 43:04
  Speaker 2: to work out because I think that he needs to
• 43:07
  Speaker 2: work on some stuff. I think that he is depressed.
• 43:09
  Speaker 1: He needs to start swimming instead of drowning. Yeah. He's
• 43:13
  Speaker 1: drowning in it. He needs to start swimming.
• 43:15
  Speaker 2: I think he needs to do some sort of physical activity.
• 43:18
  Speaker 2: But yeah, I think everything will work out. It seems
• 43:21
  Speaker 2: like you both are now working towards the same goal
• 43:23
  Speaker 2: instead of being divided. So I think.
• 43:25
  Speaker 1: It'll work out.
• 43:26
  Speaker 2: But that's the end of that story. And we got
• 43:27
  Speaker 2: another one coming right up. My husband wanted to try
• 43:30
  Speaker 2: polyamory so he could date his young coworker. Oh, I
• 43:35
  Speaker 2: hate it.
• 43:37
  Speaker 1: I hate it so much.
• 43:39
  Speaker 2: We've been married for seven years. Mostly good marriage until
• 43:43
  Speaker 2: the last year. My husband got promoted at work and
• 43:46
  Speaker 2: started bringing up this one coworker, 26 females.
• 43:49
  Speaker 1: Yeah, mostly good until he started obsessing over boinking his
• 43:53
  Speaker 1: 26-year-old coworker.
• 43:55
  Speaker 2: The first time I hung out with them all outside
• 43:57
  Speaker 2: of work, alarm bells started ringing. My husband spent the
• 44:00
  Speaker 2: whole night entertaining her while I felt like the third wheel.
• 44:04
  Speaker 2: I asked my husband to distance himself from the co-worker
• 44:07
  Speaker 2: and he said he would implement some boundaries. Months passed,
• 44:11
  Speaker 2: I stopped hearing about the co-worker. I think everything is good.
• 44:14
  Speaker 2: Then last week, my husband sat me down and said
• 44:17
  Speaker 2: that he wanted to try polyamory. I didn't want to
• 44:20
  Speaker 2: talk about who at first, but eventually he admitted he
• 44:23
  Speaker 2: wanted to take the co-worker out on a date. I mean,
• 44:27
  Speaker 2: I think in this situation it is maybe a little
• 44:30
  Speaker 2: better than just doing it behind your back.
• 44:33
  Speaker 1: I mean, sure, it's a little bit better.
• 44:36
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a little bit better than lying about it.
• 44:38
  Speaker 1: Than him having just been like, yeah, I was cheating
• 44:40
  Speaker 1: on you and I want to cheat on you with this.
• 44:42
  Speaker 1: I mean, that's basically what he's saying.
• 44:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 44:45
  Speaker 1: He's saying, I would have liked to cheat on you
• 44:48
  Speaker 1: with this woman, but instead, let's do the loophole.
• 44:51
  Speaker 2: By the way, this comes from FantasticSorbet9395, and if you
• 44:56
  Speaker 2: want to submit your own stories, go to the r
• 44:57
  Speaker 2: slash OKStoryTime subreddit. I'm Savannah.
• 45:00
  Speaker 1: I'm Dakota.
• 45:01
  Speaker 2: And we're here to give some good advice in a
• 45:02
  Speaker 2: little goofy way, but we don't have all the answers.
• 45:05
  Speaker 2: We would only tell you what we would do, but
• 45:06
  Speaker 2: let us know what you would do down in the comments.
• 45:08
  Speaker 1: Yes, and Polly people, I don't hate you. I just
• 45:11
  Speaker 1: hate this guy.
• 45:13
  Speaker 2: Yeah. I told my husband I am monogamous. Our relationship
• 45:17
  Speaker 2: has always been monogamous. I have no interest in being poly.
• 45:22
  Speaker 1: Yes, I married you seven years ago because of this.
• 45:27
  Speaker 2: He asked me why I didn't like her. The conversation
• 45:29
  Speaker 2: ended when I said he couldn't have a wife and
• 45:32
  Speaker 2: a girlfriend, but he's been moping around and crying on
• 45:35
  Speaker 2: and off since. Why don't you like her?
• 45:39
  Speaker 1: I just want to sleep with her. I just want
• 45:43
  Speaker 1: to be with her intimately, even though we've been married
• 45:47
  Speaker 1: for seven years. Why aren't you like her?
• 45:49
  Speaker 2: It's literally crying. It's like you told a kid, like,
• 45:51
  Speaker 2: they're like, oh, can I have a popsicle? And you're like, no.
• 45:55
  Speaker 2: But I really want a popsicle. Like, he's literally acting
• 45:59
  Speaker 2: like a child.
• 45:59
  Speaker 1: I hate this man. Girl, leave. Let him have her.
• 46:02
  Speaker 1: Get out of there. I'm sorry.
• 46:05
  Speaker 2: I want to save my marriage, but it's not in
• 46:07
  Speaker 2: my control. It's up to my husband and what he
• 46:10
  Speaker 2: wants to do next. That's not true.
• 46:12
  Speaker 1: Well, if you want to save the marriage, yeah, sure,
• 46:15
  Speaker 1: but maybe not. Maybe let's not do that.
• 46:18
  Speaker 2: Yeah, if you want to save it, I guess you
• 46:20
  Speaker 2: have less control over it because he has to be
• 46:22
  Speaker 2: the one to make the effort.
• 46:23
  Speaker 1: It'd be different if he brought this up and then
• 46:26
  Speaker 1: was like, okay, clearly this is not something you're open to.
• 46:29
  Speaker 1: I value you over anything else, so I'll immediately put
• 46:34
  Speaker 1: this to rest and put up firm boundaries between me
• 46:37
  Speaker 1: and this person that I had a little infatuation for.
• 46:42
  Speaker 1: But instead he's, what about today?
• 46:46
  Speaker 2: Now?
• 46:46
  Speaker 1: Is it okay now?
• 46:50
  Speaker 2: I'll give you a week to think about it. Nothing
• 46:53
  Speaker 2: physical has happened yet. He hasn't even told her about
• 46:56
  Speaker 2: his crush yet. He said he wanted to ask me first.
• 46:59
  Speaker 2: I think I could forgive him for this if things change,
• 47:02
  Speaker 2: but I don't know what's reasonable to ask him for.
• 47:05
  Speaker 2: What are reasonable stipulations? Couples counseling for sure, but what else?
• 47:10
  Speaker 1: I think there comes a time when you have to
• 47:12
  Speaker 1: make calls in your own head where you go, okay, like,
• 47:17
  Speaker 1: what am I cool with? Like, if I was you,
• 47:19
  Speaker 1: I would be shocked and it would all come down
• 47:22
  Speaker 1: to his vibe. I'd be like, like, if you talk
• 47:25
  Speaker 1: it out and you go, hey, no, not cool with this.
• 47:29
  Speaker 1: I'm monogamous. I'm not changing that. And now that you've
• 47:33
  Speaker 1: said this, like, you need to put up firm boundaries
• 47:36
  Speaker 1: and blah, blah, blah. If he ever brings it up again, immediately,
• 47:43
  Speaker 1: I'm getting all my ducks in a row to leave him. Immediately.
• 47:46
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Because that's going to piss me off, truthfully. It'd
• 47:49
  Speaker 2: be like, okay, so do you want to be with
• 47:52
  Speaker 2: me or with this random woman that you just, you know,
• 47:55
  Speaker 2: you're going to throw away seven years of marriage just
• 47:57
  Speaker 2: to be like, oh, I like this girl now.
• 48:00
  Speaker 1: And also, of course, couples counseling. It will be required
• 48:04
  Speaker 1: to move forward.
• 48:05
  Speaker 3: Yes.
• 48:05
  Speaker 2: There's an update here. I talked to her two best friends,
• 48:09
  Speaker 2: a married couple who have been like family to my
• 48:11
  Speaker 2: husband and me for many years, about what's been going on.
• 48:14
  Speaker 2: To say they were upset on my behalf is an understatement.
• 48:17
  Speaker 2: While I was telling them what happened, one of them
• 48:19
  Speaker 2: started writing down her thoughts. Once we finished talking, she
• 48:23
  Speaker 2: had me call my husband over and she basically talked
• 48:26
  Speaker 2: to and yelled at him for being an idiot while
• 48:28
  Speaker 2: we went through each of her bullet points calling out
• 48:31
  Speaker 2: everything you all said. Starting with, manipulation isn't a valid
• 48:35
  Speaker 2: interest to polyamory it's true and ending with what are
• 48:39
  Speaker 2: you going to do to fix this but the most
• 48:42
  Speaker 2: danging accusation was you don't want to try polyamory you
• 48:46
  Speaker 2: just want to f your co-worker and truthfully yeah that's
• 48:51
  Speaker 2: you hit it right on the money that it is
• 48:54
  Speaker 2: it's true he doesn't care you know about actually opening
• 48:58
  Speaker 2: up a conversation or doing any of this like he
• 49:01
  Speaker 2: just wanted your permission to go and sleep with this
• 49:02
  Speaker 2: girl Which is crazy because you've been married for seven years. Like,
• 49:06
  Speaker 2: slow your roll, man. And also, this girl's 26. I
• 49:09
  Speaker 2: don't even know how old, you know, these people are.
• 49:12
  Speaker 2: So that, I don't know, seems a little concerning to me.
• 49:16
  Speaker 2: I've never seen someone so upset on my behalf. My husband...
• 49:20
  Speaker 2: didn't say much and when he did our friend clapped
• 49:23
  Speaker 2: back with a comment that i could tell really affected
• 49:25
  Speaker 2: him his whole mood changed after that then i said
• 49:28
  Speaker 2: my piece i told him that while i may not
• 49:30
  Speaker 2: raise my voice the way our friend had i felt
• 49:32
  Speaker 2: betrayed by him i reiterated all the points made and
• 49:36
  Speaker 2: told him divorce was something i was seriously considering By
• 49:39
  Speaker 2: the time I finished, he was crying again. Then I
• 49:41
  Speaker 2: sent him home to think about his actions while I
• 49:44
  Speaker 2: stayed with our friends. This is crazy. This is like
• 49:46
  Speaker 2: a little kid that I sent him home to think
• 49:48
  Speaker 2: about it, to think about what he's done.
• 49:51
  Speaker 1: The irreparable damage this would do to my relationship, it'd
• 49:55
  Speaker 1: just be over. I'd be so done.
• 49:57
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 49:58
  Speaker 2: It's just like, okay, so you're not choosing me anymore.
• 50:00
  Speaker 2: That's cool. Then go be with her. Be done with me.
• 50:03
  Speaker 2: I'm not going to be here when it doesn't work out.
• 50:05
  Speaker 1: Like I'm like a roadblock between you and your like,
• 50:09
  Speaker 1: You're a little fantasy, like, whatever, I will remove myself.
• 50:13
  Speaker 2: I'm sure I'll get flack for having our friends help
• 50:16
  Speaker 2: me talk to him, but I honestly felt better having
• 50:19
  Speaker 2: their support. It made it so he couldn't twist the
• 50:22
  Speaker 2: situation to get me back on his side. And it
• 50:24
  Speaker 2: seemed to knock some sense into him, because when I
• 50:26
  Speaker 2: came home later that night, he was crying on the
• 50:29
  Speaker 2: phone with his mom, telling her about how badly he
• 50:31
  Speaker 2: messed up and how scared he was that I was
• 50:33
  Speaker 2: going to leave him. We talked again, and he really
• 50:35
  Speaker 2: seemed to grasp the severity of the situation. He scheduled
• 50:38
  Speaker 2: us a couples therapy session and assured me I was
• 50:41
  Speaker 2: his top priority. He said during his next shift, he
• 50:44
  Speaker 2: would talk to his coworker and tell her that if
• 50:47
  Speaker 2: she thought anything was going on between them, it was
• 50:50
  Speaker 2: over now and they would be strictly platonic moving forward.
• 50:53
  Speaker 2: I don't know. He's kind of a baby to me.
• 50:55
  Speaker 2: He's like a man child. And it honestly, it, it
• 50:57
  Speaker 2: makes me more like turned off than anything.
• 51:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 51:00
  Speaker 2: Like I'm not going to sit here and explain to
• 51:02
  Speaker 2: you why what you're asking is inappropriate. Like, why do
• 51:07
  Speaker 2: you not know?
• 51:07
  Speaker 1: It's like two plus two equals four level like self-explanatory.
• 51:11
  Speaker 2: Yeah. And he didn't even come to you in the
• 51:15
  Speaker 2: way that, you know, how they said it was more
• 51:19
  Speaker 2: of like a manipulation tactic of like, well, I like her.
• 51:23
  Speaker 2: And and, you know, I just feel like I just
• 51:26
  Speaker 2: want your permission, you know, and, you know, nothing against you.
• 51:30
  Speaker 2: I just want to see where it goes with this girl. Like,
• 51:32
  Speaker 2: that's so disrespectful to me. It's like, oh, by the way,
• 51:36
  Speaker 2: I'm going to throw you to the side for a second,
• 51:38
  Speaker 2: see if I like this girl, and then probably break
• 51:42
  Speaker 2: up with you, like, divorce you later.
• 51:44
  Speaker 1: It's just so crazy. He's just talking like he's, like,
• 51:46
  Speaker 1: in a cover band, and he's telling his bandmates. He's like, yeah, no,
• 51:49
  Speaker 1: I'm just going to, like, do, like, one show with, like,
• 51:52
  Speaker 1: these other guys. Like, I'm not leaving. You guys are great.
• 51:56
  Speaker 1: I'll be here. I just want to go do this
• 51:59
  Speaker 1: other show. Yeah. Is that cool? It's like, that's not
• 52:01
  Speaker 1: what you're asking, bro. You're asking to go outside of
• 52:05
  Speaker 1: your marriage.
• 52:06
  Speaker 2: You are asking.
• 52:07
  Speaker 1: Which is kind of the point of getting married.
• 52:10
  Speaker 2: Literally.
• 52:11
  Speaker 1: He'd be on the thinnest little teeny, teeny, teeny, teeny
• 52:15
  Speaker 1: little sheet ice. And as soon as he falls through that,
• 52:19
  Speaker 1: I'm gone. Gone. I'm already gone.
• 52:21
  Speaker 2: Yeah, same.
• 52:21
  Speaker 1: I'm already gone. I'm so gone. I'm gone as well.
• 52:24
  Speaker 2: Well, he came home from work last night and he
• 52:27
  Speaker 2: hadn't had the talk with her.
• 52:28
  Speaker 1: Yep.
• 52:29
  Speaker 2: Instead, he doubled down on being Polly.
• 52:32
  Speaker 3: Hmm.
• 52:33
  Speaker 1: Well, it's going to be hard for him to be
• 52:36
  Speaker 1: Polly when he's divorced and single. That's not Polly. Now
• 52:40
  Speaker 1: you're just trying to date your coworker.
• 52:43
  Speaker 2: That's crazy. I mean, this guy. Bye. Bye-bye. He insists
• 52:48
  Speaker 2: nothing has happened yet, but that his coworker probably does
• 52:51
  Speaker 2: think there is something between them. I asked him why
• 52:53
  Speaker 2: she would think that, and he said, by her behavior.
• 52:57
  Speaker 2: At this point, it doesn't matter to me either way.
• 52:59
  Speaker 2: He is already so in love with another woman that
• 53:01
  Speaker 2: he is willing to break my heart. Looks like there's
• 53:03
  Speaker 2: nothing left of my marriage to save. It hurts, but
• 53:06
  Speaker 2: I'm not going to beg someone to choose me. So
• 53:08
  Speaker 2: now we are separated while I figure out what comes next.
• 53:12
  Speaker 2: We are in a no-fault state and he has no assets.
• 53:15
  Speaker 2: Does anyone have any advice for an uncontested divorce? I
• 53:19
  Speaker 2: do not.
• 53:19
  Speaker 1: My advice would be get a lawyer. And also, makes
• 53:23
  Speaker 1: a lot of sense this guy has no assets.
• 53:25
  Speaker 2: Yeah, he also has no brains. So, you know, whatever.
• 53:30
  Speaker 2: I don't wish him luck. I hope it turns out horrible.
• 53:33
  Speaker 2: And he's like, oh, dang.
• 53:35
  Speaker 1: He's going to talk to his coworker and she's going
• 53:37
  Speaker 1: to be like, oh.
• 53:38
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 53:40
  Speaker 1: I'm sorry. Literally, yeah.
• 53:42
  Speaker 2: He's never even really had a talk with her about
• 53:44
  Speaker 2: how he has attraction to her. And I'm sure when
• 53:47
  Speaker 2: he finally admits that, she's going to be like, what?
• 53:50
  Speaker 1: All of this for a probably. She probably likes me.
• 53:55
  Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't know. I haven't talked to her.
• 53:57
  Speaker 1: She's so scary.
• 53:59
  Speaker 2: It's like it's all up in the air. Nothing is
• 54:00
  Speaker 2: set in stone and you're like already effing it up.
• 54:03
  Speaker 1: You idiot. Oh, what is that? A girl might like me.
• 54:06
  Speaker 1: Maybe we blow up my entire marriage for that.
• 54:08
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 54:09
  Speaker 2: But that's the end of that story. And we got
• 54:11
  Speaker 2: another one coming right up. My husband was secretly talking
• 54:15
  Speaker 2: about me and I accidentally overheard.
• 54:18
  Speaker 1: Well, accidents happen.
• 54:20
  Speaker 2: I've been with my husband for almost 10 years, married
• 54:23
  Speaker 2: for two years. We've always had a pretty great relationship,
• 54:26
  Speaker 2: but lately life has been kicking our butts. Issues with
• 54:30
  Speaker 2: health insurance, rising cost of living, work drama, family drama,
• 54:34
  Speaker 2: teenage kid drama, tours building up, paying off debt, never
• 54:37
  Speaker 2: having time to ourselves, etc. So a normal American household.
• 54:42
  Speaker 1: Just getting blasted.
• 54:45
  Speaker 2: That sounds like a normal Monday to me. We both
• 54:48
  Speaker 2: have been taking turns being miserable, stressed out, and not
• 54:51
  Speaker 2: our best selves. We try to acknowledge that it's life
• 54:55
  Speaker 2: making us feel this way, and we're still good, but
• 54:57
  Speaker 2: sometimes it's hard, you know? We sometimes get snippy or
• 55:01
  Speaker 2: sarcastic with each other, and I hate that.
• 55:03
  Speaker 1: Yesterday, I woke up.
• 55:05
  Speaker 2: Alone in bed and in a mood. I wasn't feeling well.
• 55:08
  Speaker 2: I woke up with a massive, painful cold sore. I
• 55:11
  Speaker 2: was tired and grouchy and just didn't want anything to
• 55:14
  Speaker 2: do with anything. I walked into my kitchen to make
• 55:17
  Speaker 2: myself some coffee and I noticed my husband sitting on
• 55:19
  Speaker 2: the couch with his back to me and his AirPods
• 55:21
  Speaker 2: in his ears. He had no idea I was out
• 55:24
  Speaker 2: of bed and in the kitchen. He was on his
• 55:26
  Speaker 2: phone with one of his childhood best friends who has
• 55:29
  Speaker 2: been having some issues in his own marriage for a
• 55:31
  Speaker 2: long time now. I heard my husband say my name
• 55:34
  Speaker 2: and I froze. I swear I wasn't trying to eavesdrop.
• 55:39
  Speaker 2: I just wanted my coffee. This is what I heard.
• 55:42
  Speaker 2: By the way, this story comes from Mardik's murder. And
• 55:45
  Speaker 2: if you want to submit your own stories, go to
• 55:47
  Speaker 2: the r slash okay story time subreddit. I'm Savannah.
• 55:50
  Speaker 1: I'm Dakota.
• 55:50
  Speaker 2: And we're here to give some good advice, Goofly. But
• 55:53
  Speaker 2: guess what? We don't have all your answers, surprisingly. They're
• 55:56
  Speaker 2: not all here. But we're going to tell you what
• 56:00
  Speaker 2: we would do. Let us know what you would do
• 56:01
  Speaker 2: down in the comments. As OP says, I remember when
• 56:06
  Speaker 2: my name and I first started dating. I would drive
• 56:09
  Speaker 2: 45 minutes to her parents' house to hang out with her,
• 56:12
  Speaker 2: watch Netflix on the couch until like 4 a.m., then
• 56:15
  Speaker 2: drive back home and get ready for work. I did
• 56:17
  Speaker 2: that crap like three or four times a week. I
• 56:20
  Speaker 2: was so tired, but I didn't mind it because I
• 56:22
  Speaker 2: just wanted to be around her. Okay, this is starting
• 56:26
  Speaker 2: off well.
• 56:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but it's starting off in like the, oh yeah,
• 56:30
  Speaker 1: this is what I went through. I was so tired,
• 56:32
  Speaker 1: but I liked her back then, I guess.
• 56:35
  Speaker 2: But now I hate her guts. We weren't even fooling
• 56:39
  Speaker 2: around or anything because my son was still little and
• 56:42
  Speaker 2: sleeping in her room. But it didn't matter because I
• 56:45
  Speaker 2: just loved being around her and couldn't wait to see
• 56:47
  Speaker 2: her again. It's different now because we've been living together
• 56:51
  Speaker 2: and I don't have to do all that driving anymore.
• 56:53
  Speaker 2: And we're stressed out about life and money and stuff.
• 56:56
  Speaker 2: But I still love being around her. That feeling never
• 56:59
  Speaker 2: went away. OP is my best friend and she makes
• 57:02
  Speaker 2: me happy as crap, man. The best thing I ever
• 57:05
  Speaker 2: did in my life was marry her. If it weren't
• 57:07
  Speaker 2: for her and my son, I don't think I would
• 57:09
  Speaker 2: have made it this long. When she's not home, I
• 57:12
  Speaker 2: freaking miss her. When I'm out with you guys, my
• 57:15
  Speaker 2: mind is on her. You and friend's wife haven't been
• 57:18
  Speaker 2: good for a long time. I don't remember you guys
• 57:21
  Speaker 2: ever being happy, even when you were first dating. Therapy
• 57:24
  Speaker 2: isn't working for either of you. Maybe it's time to
• 57:26
  Speaker 2: pull the plug and find someone who makes you feel
• 57:28
  Speaker 2: the way I feel about her. Okay, I thought this
• 57:31
  Speaker 2: was going to be so bad.
• 57:33
  Speaker 1: It's good.
• 57:35
  Speaker 2: It's a good story. Yes.
• 57:37
  Speaker 1: It's overhearing in the good way.
• 57:41
  Speaker 2: This could go south. He could be like, just kidding.
• 57:43
  Speaker 2: Or like, psych, I hate her. I hope that's not
• 57:46
  Speaker 2: the case.
• 57:47
  Speaker 1: He just goes, wouldn't that be funny if that's how
• 57:49
  Speaker 1: I actually felt?
• 57:51
  Speaker 2: And that's what I would say to a woman that
• 57:53
  Speaker 2: I love.
• 57:55
  Speaker 1: That's so funny.
• 57:56
  Speaker 2: The way my heart melted like a block of ice.
• 58:00
  Speaker 2: Every negative thought in my head, every eye roll out
• 58:03
  Speaker 2: of socks on the floor, every resentment I had built
• 58:06
  Speaker 2: up just melted away. I walked back into my bedroom,
• 58:09
  Speaker 2: coffee in my hands and tears in my eyes.
• 58:11
  Speaker 1: I'm just happy that this was you overheard your husband
• 58:14
  Speaker 1: being like, yeah, dude, I won the lottery. Your wife sucks.
• 58:20
  Speaker 2: It's true.
• 58:21
  Speaker 1: My wife rocks. I don't even think you like her.
• 58:25
  Speaker 1: Let me tell you about how much I like my wife.
• 58:28
  Speaker 2: She's the best in every way possible.
• 58:31
  Speaker 1: She's not even in the room. I have no idea
• 58:33
  Speaker 1: where she is. I wish she was in the room
• 58:36
  Speaker 1: with me. I love her.
• 58:38
  Speaker 2: I'm thinking about her.
• 58:39
  Speaker 1: When I'm hanging out with you idiots, I'm like, none
• 58:43
  Speaker 1: of these people are my wife.
• 58:45
  Speaker 2: My wife, my wife.
• 58:47
  Speaker 1: And it makes me sad.
• 58:50
  Speaker 2: Help me. Where's my wife? Give me my wife. An
• 58:56
  Speaker 2: hour or so later, he slipped into our bedroom and said,
• 58:59
  Speaker 2: good morning, love. I see you already have coffee, but
• 59:03
  Speaker 2: do I have some tea for you? Meaning the gossip
• 59:06
  Speaker 2: with his friend.
• 59:08
  Speaker 1: Oh, he's, he's, he's. a girly pop. That's the best kind.
• 59:12
  Speaker 1: He's just one of the girls.
• 59:14
  Speaker 2: I may not have everything that I want. There may
• 59:16
  Speaker 2: be bills and laundry and dishes piling up. And sure,
• 59:19
  Speaker 2: my car needs new tires, and I have no idea
• 59:21
  Speaker 2: where the money for that is coming from. But I
• 59:23
  Speaker 2: am so, so lucky, and I needed that reminder.
• 59:27
  Speaker 1: Aww.
• 59:28
  Speaker 2: Stop it. Lovey-dovey meet cute. I love. I love it.
• 59:32
  Speaker 2: That was really, really nice.
• 59:34
  Speaker 1: I love your wife. No.
• 59:38
  Speaker 2: I love your wife.
• 59:39
  Speaker 1: You love your wife.
• 59:40
  Speaker 3: No, I.
• 59:41
  Speaker 2: I love your wife as well.
• 59:43
  Speaker 1: Well, OP is loved by her husband.
• 59:47
  Speaker 2: And a lot of love in this story. But that's
• 59:50
  Speaker 2: the end of that story. And we got another one
• 59:51
  Speaker 2: coming right up. Hey, it's Angie, your favorite fake redhead
• 59:56
  Speaker 2: host here. And we're going to get back to the stories.
• 59:59
  Speaker 2: But here's a three minute ad break from our sponsors.
• 1:00:03
  Speaker 1: My wife cheated with a stranger, then did everything to
• 1:00:07
  Speaker 1: win me back.
• 1:00:09
  Speaker 2: Too little, too late.
• 1:00:11
  Speaker 1: My wife, 28 female, cheated on me, 29 male, two
• 1:00:13
  Speaker 1: months ago. She went out drinking with her friends, which
• 1:00:19
  Speaker 1: happens rarely, despite me asking her several times to stay
• 1:00:22
  Speaker 1: home with me that night and spend time with our
• 1:00:25
  Speaker 1: two-year-old son. Oh, I hate it. Apparently, at the bar,
• 1:00:30
  Speaker 1: this dude bought her several drinks, and she got wasted,
• 1:00:33
  Speaker 1: which was extremely atypical of her. Her friends had a
• 1:00:37
  Speaker 1: bad feeling and tried to bring her home, but she
• 1:00:39
  Speaker 1: insisted she would take a cab, and they eventually left
• 1:00:43
  Speaker 1: her alone with the guy. Bad friends. As it turns out,
• 1:00:47
  Speaker 1: she went home with him. The whole time I was
• 1:00:50
  Speaker 1: blowing up her phone, dozens of texts and calls, and
• 1:00:52
  Speaker 1: I kept asking her friends where she was, but I
• 1:00:55
  Speaker 1: got no answer. Then she comes back at 3 a.m.,
• 1:00:58
  Speaker 1: reeking of drink and covered in tears. She confessed to
• 1:01:03
  Speaker 1: everything right at the door, every single detail. She didn't
• 1:01:06
  Speaker 1: even know this guy's name, yet went to his house
• 1:01:08
  Speaker 1: and slept with him. She said as soon as her
• 1:01:11
  Speaker 1: head cleared up, she broke down in tears over what
• 1:01:13
  Speaker 1: she had done and took a cab home.
• 1:01:15
  Speaker 2: That's actually insane.
• 1:01:16
  Speaker 1: Like what?
• 1:01:18
  Speaker 2: I am not going to defend this girl at all
• 1:01:20
  Speaker 2: because I think that's very crappy. I like horrible freaking
• 1:01:24
  Speaker 2: friends who leaves their wasted friend at a bar by
• 1:01:28
  Speaker 2: themselves with a random guy. Yeah. Who does that?
• 1:01:30
  Speaker 1: Who was also like, this is don't take drinks from strangers.
• 1:01:34
  Speaker 2: I mean, if someone's going to buy me a drink, cool.
• 1:01:37
  Speaker 2: But like, I don't like that. I don't like your friends. Two,
• 1:01:40
  Speaker 2: they left you with a strange man who just kept
• 1:01:43
  Speaker 2: buying new drinks. Why didn't you say, like, oh, I'm married?
• 1:01:46
  Speaker 2: Or why didn't your friend say, oh, she's married or something,
• 1:01:48
  Speaker 2: you know? And then three, they leave. You go home
• 1:01:52
  Speaker 2: with this guy. And then you don't even know his name. Like,
• 1:01:56
  Speaker 2: that's insane.
• 1:01:57
  Speaker 1: Crazy. Crazy on multiple fronts.
• 1:02:01
  Speaker 2: I don't know. I've been wasted, but I still know
• 1:02:05
  Speaker 2: what I can still make cognitive decisions.
• 1:02:07
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that just makes me feel like that there is
• 1:02:09
  Speaker 1: something sketchy in the drinks. Now me, I was enraged,
• 1:02:13
  Speaker 1: but didn't want to say or do anything. I calmly
• 1:02:16
  Speaker 1: told her to shower and go to sleep. Then I
• 1:02:18
  Speaker 1: took off my wedding ring and got out of the house.
• 1:02:20
  Speaker 1: I just went driving around for a bit. Meanwhile, she's
• 1:02:23
  Speaker 1: blowing up my phone with messages and voicemails apologizing and
• 1:02:27
  Speaker 1: begging me to come back. By the way, this comes
• 1:02:29
  Speaker 1: from wife cheated throwaway. And if you want to submit
• 1:02:32
  Speaker 1: your own stories, go to the r slash OK Storytime subreddit.
• 1:02:34
  Speaker 1: I'm Dakota.
• 1:02:35
  Speaker 2: And I'm Savannah.
• 1:02:36
  Speaker 1: And we're going to read this story and give good
• 1:02:37
  Speaker 1: advice googly, but we don't have all the answers to
• 1:02:39
  Speaker 1: life's mysterious little situations. We only know what we know.
• 1:02:43
  Speaker 1: So let us know what you know in the comments.
• 1:02:46
  Speaker 1: And OP says, I come back a few hours later
• 1:02:49
  Speaker 1: and she's awake, still sobbing. I asked her what we
• 1:02:52
  Speaker 1: would do now, and she swore to do anything and
• 1:02:55
  Speaker 1: everything to regain my trust. I was of a mind
• 1:02:58
  Speaker 1: to divorce immediately, but I loved my wife. I didn't
• 1:03:02
  Speaker 1: forgive her yet but gave her a chance to try.
• 1:03:04
  Speaker 1: She was ecstatic but still in tears saying she doesn't
• 1:03:07
  Speaker 1: deserve it but will make the most of it. And
• 1:03:09
  Speaker 1: I guess she's been true to her word. She doesn't
• 1:03:12
  Speaker 1: go out to bars anymore without me. She gave me
• 1:03:14
  Speaker 1: complete access to all of her stuff. She only drinks
• 1:03:17
  Speaker 1: when I'm there and she has been giving 200% to
• 1:03:19
  Speaker 1: please me. Cooking all my favorite meals, buying gifts, continually apologizing,
• 1:03:25
  Speaker 1: doing more housework, even writing poems asking for my forgiveness.
• 1:03:29
  Speaker 1: Feels like Once something like that happens, all of those
• 1:03:33
  Speaker 1: things just become tinged with like, yeah, you cheated on me.
• 1:03:37
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:03:37
  Speaker 2: It's like, oh, you're only doing this to suck up
• 1:03:39
  Speaker 2: to me because you did wrong. Now you have to
• 1:03:42
  Speaker 2: do right. And you have. But it's like you never
• 1:03:44
  Speaker 2: know what point is going to be OK. You never
• 1:03:47
  Speaker 2: know when it's going to get thrown back in your
• 1:03:48
  Speaker 2: face like that.
• 1:03:50
  Speaker 1: You're just just a little just a little thing just
• 1:03:53
  Speaker 1: at the back. Here's your hamburger helper you love. I
• 1:03:56
  Speaker 1: cheated on you. I got you this watch. I cheated
• 1:03:59
  Speaker 1: on you. Oh, doth I love the way the love
• 1:04:04
  Speaker 1: me I cheated on you. She even confessed what she
• 1:04:07
  Speaker 1: had done to her friends who have been avoiding her
• 1:04:09
  Speaker 1: out of disgust for what she did. Shut up, friends.
• 1:04:12
  Speaker 2: That's insane.
• 1:04:13
  Speaker 1: Shut up, friends. You literally abandoned her with a strange
• 1:04:15
  Speaker 1: man at the bar.
• 1:04:17
  Speaker 2: Just went, all right, bye, see ya.
• 1:04:19
  Speaker 1: That's so gross.
• 1:04:20
  Speaker 2: And didn't even like... And, like, didn't even have the
• 1:04:22
  Speaker 2: audacity to tell the husband, who was also texting you guys, like,
• 1:04:26
  Speaker 2: where is she? And they just, none of them answered. Like,
• 1:04:28
  Speaker 2: who are you?
• 1:04:29
  Speaker 1: You're not friends. I would have had my Brody in
• 1:04:31
  Speaker 1: a headlock if something like that was happening.
• 1:04:33
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:04:33
  Speaker 1: I would have dragged him out of the bar. She
• 1:04:35
  Speaker 1: also told her parents what she did on her own
• 1:04:38
  Speaker 1: accord and explained that she was trying to save her marriage.
• 1:04:42
  Speaker 1: Not once did she try to blame the cheating on
• 1:04:44
  Speaker 1: me or remove any responsibility from herself. She accepted full
• 1:04:48
  Speaker 1: blame and owned up to her actions. She still cries
• 1:04:51
  Speaker 1: from time to time out of remorse, like before bed,
• 1:04:54
  Speaker 1: during showers, or sometimes just while cooking. She's doing everything flawlessly.
• 1:04:59
  Speaker 1: Despite this, I just can't get the image out of
• 1:05:02
  Speaker 1: my head. Every time she tries to be intimate, I
• 1:05:04
  Speaker 1: think of her and him. I clam up and push
• 1:05:07
  Speaker 1: her away. Since that night, we haven't so much as hugged.
• 1:05:11
  Speaker 1: She's tried to kiss me before, but I just distance myself.
• 1:05:15
  Speaker 1: I've been sleeping in the guest bedroom while she begs
• 1:05:17
  Speaker 1: me to come to her and then cries herself to
• 1:05:19
  Speaker 1: sleep every night. I know that she's truly, genuinely sorry.
• 1:05:23
  Speaker 1: These aren't crocodile tears that most cheaters cry when they
• 1:05:26
  Speaker 1: get caught. She confessed immediately, changed her habits, and did
• 1:05:29
  Speaker 1: everything I asked. She sometimes asks me if I've forgiven
• 1:05:32
  Speaker 1: her yet, and I always say, not yet. I mentioned
• 1:05:36
  Speaker 1: possibly divorcing her a few weeks ago, and she broke
• 1:05:40
  Speaker 1: down saying she will never love another man, will never
• 1:05:43
  Speaker 1: allow another man to raise our child, and that I
• 1:05:45
  Speaker 1: mean everything to her. Despite all of this, I just
• 1:05:48
  Speaker 1: can't forget what she did. Our anniversary is in nine days,
• 1:05:51
  Speaker 1: and this keeps triggering memories of our relationship, the wedding,
• 1:05:55
  Speaker 1: the birth of our son, trips we took, and now
• 1:05:57
  Speaker 1: it just hurts. We've been together since high school, fully
• 1:06:01
  Speaker 1: committed and faithful, and I just can't grasp how she
• 1:06:04
  Speaker 1: could do this to me. Well, I can. You've been
• 1:06:07
  Speaker 1: together since high school.
• 1:06:09
  Speaker 2: Yeah, she... I mean, obviously, this was kind of like
• 1:06:12
  Speaker 2: in the back of her head, but never really came
• 1:06:16
  Speaker 2: to fruition until she... Could not control her actions.
• 1:06:21
  Speaker 1: I am here to ask. Is there any way I
• 1:06:23
  Speaker 1: can bring myself to forgive her? Or should I just
• 1:06:26
  Speaker 1: divorce her and move on? I want my son to
• 1:06:28
  Speaker 1: grow up with the belief that cheating is totally unacceptable.
• 1:06:31
  Speaker 1: And I feel like if I stay, my son will
• 1:06:33
  Speaker 1: learn that it's okay to forgive cheating. I'm thinking about
• 1:06:35
  Speaker 1: therapy for myself. I'm reluctant to do marriage counseling since
• 1:06:39
  Speaker 1: I fear the counselor will try to spin the whole
• 1:06:40
  Speaker 1: thing on me and blame me for creating an environment
• 1:06:43
  Speaker 1: that led her to cheat. Please help me. I don't
• 1:06:44
  Speaker 1: know what to do. And there's an update. Go to
• 1:06:46
  Speaker 1: marriage counseling, dude.
• 1:06:48
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you definitely have to go.
• 1:06:49
  Speaker 1: There's no way. You can't just stay in this weird
• 1:06:53
  Speaker 1: thing where she does everything at 200% trying to make
• 1:06:57
  Speaker 1: you feel better and you just go like, ugh.
• 1:07:00
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like you're not even trying to... Well, it's hard.
• 1:07:04
  Speaker 2: I couldn't imagine. If my partner cheated on me, I
• 1:07:07
  Speaker 2: immediately would want to leave. But also, it's like we've
• 1:07:10
  Speaker 2: been together for years. There's a child, you know.
• 1:07:14
  Speaker 2: Like this is all I've ever known and now what
• 1:07:17
  Speaker 2: are we supposed to do now? It's a horrible situation.
• 1:07:20
  Speaker 2: But I truly believe that if you want to make
• 1:07:24
  Speaker 2: it work, You will find a way. But if you
• 1:07:27
  Speaker 2: don't want, I think you're still kind of throwing it
• 1:07:30
  Speaker 2: up in the air of, do I want to be
• 1:07:31
  Speaker 2: with her? Do I not want to? And now you
• 1:07:34
  Speaker 2: are bringing in your son and being like, oh, what
• 1:07:37
  Speaker 2: would he think, you know, when we grow up? And
• 1:07:39
  Speaker 2: then he learns that. And then I stayed like, you know,
• 1:07:42
  Speaker 2: it's not okay for him to think that that's all right.
• 1:07:45
  Speaker 2: But the thing is, you have to worry about yourself
• 1:07:47
  Speaker 2: in this situation. And I feel like you're really worrying
• 1:07:50
  Speaker 2: about her, which obviously you love her. You want her
• 1:07:52
  Speaker 2: to feel okay. And she's worrying about you. I think
• 1:07:56
  Speaker 2: you both need to worry about yourselves right now and
• 1:08:00
  Speaker 2: understand where you want to go in the future with this.
• 1:08:03
  Speaker 2: Because obviously she wants to be a thing, but you're
• 1:08:06
  Speaker 2: up in the air about it. Which is totally understandable.
• 1:08:09
  Speaker 2: Your life just got flipped upside down. But you need
• 1:08:13
  Speaker 2: to express that to someone outside of the situation. And
• 1:08:16
  Speaker 2: I feel like individual therapy would be very good for
• 1:08:19
  Speaker 2: both of you. And then also marriage counseling would be great.
• 1:08:23
  Speaker 2: Because that's going to bring you That's going to let
• 1:08:25
  Speaker 2: you guys understand it from an expert point of view.
• 1:08:29
  Speaker 2: Here's the thing. This is not the first time this
• 1:08:31
  Speaker 2: has ever happened and it won't be the last, you know,
• 1:08:33
  Speaker 2: in any marriage. I'm just not saying like she's going
• 1:08:36
  Speaker 2: to go cheat again. I'm saying like, you know, people
• 1:08:39
  Speaker 2: cheat in marriages and they still make it work. And
• 1:08:42
  Speaker 2: sometimes people cheat in marriages and it doesn't work. Which
• 1:08:44
  Speaker 2: one do you want to be?
• 1:08:45
  Speaker 1: I mean, I think with the context of everything, it
• 1:08:48
  Speaker 1: could be salvageable, but you 100% can't do it alone. Mm-hmm.
• 1:08:53
  Speaker 1: And you can't just be like, oh, I won't do
• 1:08:55
  Speaker 1: it because I'm afraid that they'll pin on me it's
• 1:08:57
  Speaker 1: like if they do that then just leave the marriage
• 1:09:00
  Speaker 1: oh I figured out what I'm gonna do I'm going
• 1:09:04
  Speaker 1: to ask her for the full truth about this guy
• 1:09:06
  Speaker 1: I find it weird that she remembers he's divorced to
• 1:09:09
  Speaker 1: 33 and not in shape but can't remember his name
• 1:09:12
  Speaker 1: I'm just going to get the full truth out of
• 1:09:14
  Speaker 1: her and then steal myself to suggest divorce As one
• 1:09:18
  Speaker 1: user said in a private message, she will suffer most
• 1:09:20
  Speaker 1: if I leave her. In her own words, she said
• 1:09:23
  Speaker 1: that would destroy her, but I'm not divorcing her just
• 1:09:26
  Speaker 1: to spite her. I'm doing it because I don't want
• 1:09:29
  Speaker 1: to remain in a ruined marriage and because she betrayed
• 1:09:32
  Speaker 1: me and I'm not willing to be a doormat. I
• 1:09:35
  Speaker 1: probably won't change my mind, but I'll come back with
• 1:09:37
  Speaker 1: an update later anyway. Dude, honestly, for you to be like,
• 1:09:41
  Speaker 1: I don't want to do marriage counseling because they might
• 1:09:45
  Speaker 1: say that it's my fault. And then to instead just
• 1:09:47
  Speaker 1: listen to just random unqualified people on the internet. Which
• 1:09:51
  Speaker 1: is what we are. But we tell you that. That's
• 1:09:54
  Speaker 1: why we're telling you go talk to someone qualified to
• 1:09:56
  Speaker 1: deal with your issues.
• 1:09:57
  Speaker 2: We give the CTA that we don't have all the answers.
• 1:09:59
  Speaker 1: But there's a second update. I thought long and hard
• 1:10:02
  Speaker 1: about what to do after reading all the responses and PMs.
• 1:10:06
  Speaker 1: And even had a phone conversation with another Redditor who
• 1:10:09
  Speaker 1: was kind enough to lend me his time. I confronted
• 1:10:11
  Speaker 1: her for the full truth yesterday. Same old stuff, her
• 1:10:14
  Speaker 1: crying and apologizing and begging for forgiveness. She didn't remember
• 1:10:18
  Speaker 1: his name, since it didn't come up after their introduction,
• 1:10:21
  Speaker 1: and she said the reason she kept talking to him
• 1:10:23
  Speaker 1: was because he was practically drooling over her and she
• 1:10:26
  Speaker 1: took pity on him for being recently divorced, losing his house, custody, money, blah, blah, blah, blah.
• 1:10:31
  Speaker 1: So basically, my wife tried to comfort him and got
• 1:10:34
  Speaker 1: her ego stroked at the same time, then slept with him.
• 1:10:37
  Speaker 1: Her phone was on silent the whole time, very unusual
• 1:10:39
  Speaker 1: for her, but she wanted to hang out with her
• 1:10:41
  Speaker 1: friends undisturbed. She swore on her life that she would
• 1:10:45
  Speaker 1: do whatever it takes for as long as it takes
• 1:10:47
  Speaker 1: to save our marriage. I asked her what lengths she
• 1:10:49
  Speaker 1: was willing to go to, and she said if what
• 1:10:51
  Speaker 1: it takes is me being with another woman right in
• 1:10:53
  Speaker 1: front of her, then she would go for it. That
• 1:10:55
  Speaker 1: sounds healthy!
• 1:10:56
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's not the way to go. It's not fight
• 1:11:00
  Speaker 2: fire with fire, an eye for an eye.
• 1:11:01
  Speaker 1: That's, nope, not it. If it took having a half-open
• 1:11:05
  Speaker 1: relationship on my end, then she would do it. If
• 1:11:07
  Speaker 1: it took her admitting to our son when he's an
• 1:11:10
  Speaker 1: adult what she did, she would do it. Another question.
• 1:11:13
  Speaker 1: terrible idea there's just some things your kids don't need
• 1:11:16
  Speaker 1: to know yeah if you're worried like i don't want
• 1:11:18
  Speaker 1: my kid to think that cheating's okay then maybe just
• 1:11:21
  Speaker 1: never ever tell him that your wife cheated on you
• 1:11:22
  Speaker 1: and you guys stayed together after marriage counseling yeah unless
• 1:11:25
  Speaker 1: it becomes relevant she said she would do whatever it
• 1:11:28
  Speaker 1: takes and i'll admit i was surprised and touched by
• 1:11:31
  Speaker 1: this in that moment i understood that my wife was
• 1:11:33
  Speaker 1: truly remorseful and loved me beyond measure i saw that
• 1:11:37
  Speaker 1: her apology her efforts and everything she had done was
• 1:11:39
  Speaker 1: genuine i loved my wife Then I remembered that many
• 1:11:43
  Speaker 1: people go through life without ever cheating on their partner.
• 1:11:46
  Speaker 1: For the 12 years of our relationship, I have not
• 1:11:48
  Speaker 1: strayed once despite having several opportunities. My wife did all
• 1:11:52
  Speaker 1: she could to try and atone, but once something is broken,
• 1:11:55
  Speaker 1: you can't restore it to what it once was. I'd
• 1:11:57
  Speaker 1: rather be unmarried than stay in a once-broken, repaired marriage,
• 1:12:00
  Speaker 1: even if I took her back. The marriage would never
• 1:12:03
  Speaker 1: be the same, and I don't want to constantly be
• 1:12:05
  Speaker 1: in paranoia wondering if she's actually working late or hurting
• 1:12:09
  Speaker 1: me again. I told her I wanted a divorce and
• 1:12:11
  Speaker 1: she broke. I explained to her why, despite her pleading.
• 1:12:15
  Speaker 1: She got on her knees and begged at my feet,
• 1:12:16
  Speaker 1: saying she would rather pass away than be without me.
• 1:12:19
  Speaker 1: I told her that actions have consequences and I will
• 1:12:22
  Speaker 1: never forgive her for cheating. I told her to move
• 1:12:24
  Speaker 1: back in with her parents for the time being, and
• 1:12:26
  Speaker 1: I said I would take care of our son, but
• 1:12:28
  Speaker 1: she's allowed to visit him anytime. She kept crying and begging,
• 1:12:31
  Speaker 1: but I was firm on this, and she's moving out
• 1:12:34
  Speaker 1: in two days. I mean, you're not wrong, but I
• 1:12:36
  Speaker 1: don't like that. I don't. I don't know why. I mean,
• 1:12:40
  Speaker 1: you're not in the wrong, but it really feels like
• 1:12:43
  Speaker 1: you guys were together since high school. It's like the
• 1:12:45
  Speaker 1: most like cliche, like, oh, why did someone cheat? It's like, well,
• 1:12:48
  Speaker 1: you're the only person I've been with for 12 years.
• 1:12:51
  Speaker 1: It's like, I don't know. Out of all of the
• 1:12:53
  Speaker 1: context in which like, with all the context of the story,
• 1:12:57
  Speaker 1: I think you guys should have tried marriage counseling, but whatever.
• 1:13:00
  Speaker 2: I feel like, OP, you're just comparing yourself to other
• 1:13:04
  Speaker 2: people instead of trying to really feel what you want
• 1:13:08
  Speaker 2: to do. Like, what do you really want to do?
• 1:13:09
  Speaker 2: Do you want to divorce or do you want to
• 1:13:12
  Speaker 2: keep trying? And I feel like you think that if
• 1:13:15
  Speaker 2: you keep trying, like you do want to try, you
• 1:13:17
  Speaker 2: do love your wife, you want to be together, but
• 1:13:20
  Speaker 2: you're thinking too much about what everyone else is going
• 1:13:22
  Speaker 2: to think.
• 1:13:23
  Speaker 1: But you're also not wrong. You're not wrong. There's just
• 1:13:27
  Speaker 1: two wolves inside you and one loves your wife and
• 1:13:29
  Speaker 1: one just always remembers that she cheated on you. And
• 1:13:31
  Speaker 1: that wolf is eating the other wolf.
• 1:13:34
  Speaker 2: Yeah, they're just fighting. You gotta deal with the inner
• 1:13:37
  Speaker 2: turmoil that's happening.
• 1:13:38
  Speaker 1: I guess there's really only one wolf in you now.
• 1:13:40
  Speaker 1: It's the wolf that remembers your wife cheated on you.
• 1:13:43
  Speaker 1: I plan to meet with a divorce lawyer soon and
• 1:13:45
  Speaker 1: get the ball rolling. I've already decided to remain on
• 1:13:48
  Speaker 1: civil but minimal terms with her when we are divorced.
• 1:13:51
  Speaker 1: Never will I entertain the idea of reconciling, but I
• 1:13:54
  Speaker 1: will be polite in our future interactions solely for my
• 1:13:57
  Speaker 1: son's sake. For the next few months that we're apart,
• 1:14:00
  Speaker 1: I'm going to make the most of it. I will
• 1:14:02
  Speaker 1: focus first and foremost on my son. I won't go
• 1:14:05
  Speaker 1: out and mingle with new women until I'm divorced. I
• 1:14:09
  Speaker 1: will spend more time at the gym and focus my
• 1:14:11
  Speaker 1: free time on my hobbies, playing the piano and painting.
• 1:14:14
  Speaker 1: I won't update anymore. Thanks to all who gave advice
• 1:14:17
  Speaker 1: and tried to help me make the right decision. I'm
• 1:14:19
  Speaker 1: confident in what I'm doing and I pray things work
• 1:14:21
  Speaker 1: out for me. And that is the end of that story.
• 1:14:24
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:14:25
  Speaker 1: Again, I got to just say you're not wrong, but man,
• 1:14:29
  Speaker 1: for the kid, I don't know, but maybe it's for
• 1:14:32
  Speaker 1: the best for the kid. Like you said, maybe it's,
• 1:14:34
  Speaker 1: you know, maybe the kid needs to understand, hey, yeah,
• 1:14:36
  Speaker 1: you know, there are lines you don't cross and lines
• 1:14:40
  Speaker 1: you don't come back from, but I don't know. A
• 1:14:42
  Speaker 1: lot of cheating is black and white, but this one
• 1:14:44
  Speaker 1: felt a little grayer, but again, you're not wrong. It
• 1:14:47
  Speaker 1: just is hard and sucks.
• 1:14:49
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and I don't, truthfully, OP, I feel like if
• 1:14:53
  Speaker 2: you stay in it, you're never going to actually forgive her.
• 1:14:55
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:14:56
  Speaker 2: So.
• 1:14:56
  Speaker 1: Not without counseling, which you were not going to do,
• 1:14:59
  Speaker 1: so I guess that's.
• 1:15:00
  Speaker 2: So that's off the table.
• 1:15:01
  Speaker 1: And counseling might not have even worked either.
• 1:15:03
  Speaker 2: True.
• 1:15:04
  Speaker 1: It sounds like it honestly probably wouldn't have. Sometimes that's
• 1:15:07
  Speaker 1: just the way the cookie crumbles.
• 1:15:08
  Speaker 2: But that's the end of that story and the end
• 1:15:10
  Speaker 2: of this episode.