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Christian Builders - Jay Montgomery | Sacred Men · Sacred Men

0:00
What's going on? Then Pastor Justin back with the
0:03
Sacred Men YouTube channel got a little bit of an update for you
0:07
today. First off, the video that you're
0:10
about to watch, it is with Jay Montgomery of Montgomery
0:15
Companies, a good friend of mine and he's been on the show before
0:18
and we did a 2 hour long podcast.
0:22
It was long form. We interviewed Jay and got some
0:25
insights on this idea that we've been talking about it being a
0:29
builder, consumer or destroyer. Jay coaches and leads leaders,
0:34
and so he's got some good insight on that.
0:36
But unfortunately, the software we're using, the Wi-Fi, we had
0:41
all kinds of problems, didn't know we were having those
0:43
problems. So the video was cutting in and
0:45
out a little bit and the audio cut off after the one hour mark.
0:49
So I apologize to you, but instead of not posting a video
0:54
this week, our goal for the year is to post a video every single
0:57
Wednesday, one video a week. We want to stay consistent with
1:01
that. So rather than not posting a
1:03
video, I'm going to post this video.
1:05
We're going to kind of chop it up a little bit because there's
1:07
still some good stuff in there. So I apologize for the quality.
1:10
I apologize for the, you know, the fact that it's not fluid and
1:15
just that 2 hour conversation. But I still hope you watch it.
1:18
I still hope you listen to it. I hope still hope you enjoy it
1:20
and I hope it's a blessing to you.
1:22
Guys, if you've got. Ideas or insights or questions
1:26
that you want me to address about being a builder, a
1:29
consumer, a destroyer, about anything about manhood, man.
1:31
You can send them to me at justin.dean@sacredcitychurch.com.
1:36
And I will do my best to answer those on the podcast.
1:40
Man, I would really appreciate it if you subscribe to the
1:42
channel, if you give us a like, we're trying to put more effort
1:46
and more work into these podcasts to help you be better
1:49
men, virtuous and strong men and a weak and effeminate culture.
1:53
And so guys, again, I apologize for kind of the.
1:56
Technical screw ups here, but hopefully you still find some
1:59
gold in this video. God bless and I'll talk to you
2:03
soon. We have been talking about
2:05
virtue when we have been talking about this idea of being
2:09
builders or consumers and destroyers.
2:11
And I told you in the last video that I'm going to start at least
2:16
once a month interviewing some people that I think are builders
2:20
and picking their brains and letting them speak and just
2:24
getting them up here on the podcast to highlight them and to
2:28
maybe inspire others and kind of learn.
2:33
What does it mean? How does a person become a
2:35
builder? And what does it look like to be
2:37
a builder and kind of put some flesh on those bones?
2:42
So, Jay, thanks for coming back. Thanks for having me.
2:44
Yeah, I appreciate you. So before you start asking
2:47
questions, I want to start as I've been watching this, as we
2:50
started talking about this, I want to hear from you a little
2:54
bit more behind like like why are you talking about this in
2:56
the 1st place? Like when you started thinking
2:58
about our church and our people and the men and the folks that
3:02
are watching videos, like what? Why did we land on like this is
3:08
content we need to cover. Like here's an idea and a
3:10
framework that I want to start explaining it or sharing.
3:15
I mean, there's a lot of reasons that I've kind of landed on
3:20
this. Number one, we have 100 year
3:24
vision at our church that we want to make disciples, plant
3:28
churches and renew the city that we want not just to be in the
3:33
city and consume. And then we teach our kids just
3:37
to be kind of consumers. And you can consume anywhere.
3:40
You don't have to be in the Quad Cities to consume, right?
3:43
I want my, I want our folks to have a builder mindset where
3:48
they're thinking of themselves as like pioneers or as
3:55
frontiersmen that they go to a certain place and they land in a
3:57
certain place, or if they're born in a certain place and they
4:00
put down roots and they build something that lasts.
4:03
So of course we want to build our family, but we want to build
4:07
businesses and we want to build schools.
4:09
We want to build an infrastructure.
4:10
We want to build it. We really want to build a
4:12
society. We're, I'm just honest, we're
4:14
not happy with the one that we're living in and we think we
4:16
can improve it, but that kind of improvement doesn't happen
4:20
typically just over a decade. It takes a lot longer runway to
4:25
make a real impact and to change a culture.
4:28
And so consumers don't change anything.
4:31
They just eat what's available to them and consume what's
4:34
available to them. And the, the mentality that of
4:38
the consumer, you know, get a good job, a good paying job,
4:41
make sure you got benefits and then just consume.
4:45
That's it. Just just consume.
4:46
And hopefully you're putting enough away in your 4-O1K or
4:48
whatever. So then when you retire, this is
4:51
kind of the baby boomer mentality.
4:52
And when you retire now, you can do whatever you want, which
4:56
always means consuming, even if it's just sitting on the couch
4:59
and watching TV all day or if it's golfing every single moment
5:03
you can possibly golf or if it's travelling.
5:05
You don't really think that you have a responsibility back home
5:09
to your kids still, your adult kids or to your grandkids.
5:13
And you know, the idea was to retire as early as possible and
5:18
then just to consume the rest of the rest of your life and then
5:22
die and go and be with Jesus. And you know, John Piper
5:27
challenged a lot of people not to live that lifestyle in one
5:30
sense, not to go. You know, the goal of life isn't
5:32
to go pick up seashells on the beach when you retire and not to
5:36
waste your life. And so that's going on in my
5:39
head. I want to build something that
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lasts. And we want to build.
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You know, we have this 100 year vision at the church.
5:44
The second thing that's going on, these kind of two things are
5:47
coalescing. The first one would be, I've got
5:52
a Gen. Z kid in my household.
5:55
I got a few of them actually, but one is 18, about to be 19.
6:00
And we've raised him to love the Quad Cities, to love his family,
6:03
to love Jesus and to figure out how to build something.
6:07
So he's wanted to be a business owner his whole life and he's
6:11
tried out a lot of few fun ideas, but we want to raise him
6:17
to be a builder, right? And so that's going on.
6:19
And then the one that coalesces with that is our economy and our
6:25
society has changed in such a drastic way and is about to
6:30
change in even a more drastic way that man, it is not a safe
6:37
place for consumers. It is not a safe place.
6:40
Well, for, for destroyers don't really talk about those, but
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the, it seems like the opportunities that still exist
6:49
for Gen. Z and the next generation after
6:52
them, they're going to all the opportunities are going to be
6:55
gobbled up by builders because AI, you know, is going to do so
7:01
much of the menial stuff, the brainless stuff, the paper
7:05
pushing, the, the rubber stamping, you know, AI and
7:08
computers are going to be able to do a lot of those jobs.
7:11
You're not going to be able to go and just get some mindless
7:13
degree and then expect to find some high paying job that's
7:17
going to be able to support a family.
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And we know that, you know, it's increasingly most employers are
7:23
not paying a family wage these days where one income earner can
7:28
support a whole family. And So what happens then?
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You get this mindless job and you get squeezed out of the
7:35
market. Your pay goes down.
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Now your wife's got to go to work.
7:38
Now who's going to watch the kids?
7:40
Who's going to raise the kids? Who's going to educate the kids?
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It creates a lot of problems. And so raising my own son who's
7:48
Gen. Z and then seeing the, the
7:52
economy change and our, our society as a whole change led me
7:58
to think through and what we're seeing out in the world.
8:00
And, and just let me think through this idea of OK
8:02
builders, consumers and destroyers.
8:06
And unfortunately, until we start locking up the destroyers,
8:11
you know, they're always going to be there tearing stuff down
8:14
that the builders build. But this market of the
8:17
consumers, which I think is the majority of people in America is
8:23
that in this consumeristic mindset, they are the ones that
8:27
are really going to be squeezed and there are opportunities for
8:31
future advancement are going to be limited unless they can grow
8:35
and to become builders. Yeah.
8:36
And, and I know that the AI is one of the examples that you're
8:39
using. What's interesting to me about
8:42
is that as I've started to to think more about this, the
8:45
definitionally like if, if you're a consumer, like you rely
8:49
on builders to build things for you to consume, right.
8:53
And as there's been, I'll call it, cultural shifts, as those
8:58
things have started to shift and, and we're starting to see
9:00
that like the, the, the percentage of consumers or
9:04
builders like shift, there's less stuff to consume, right?
9:08
And, and so in a funny way, if you're a consumer, even if
9:12
you're a really good one, you start to work yourself out of a
9:15
job, like definitionally. And you're consuming trash.
9:21
That's the other thing if you don't.
9:22
There's less high quality stuff to consume, right?
9:24
So you got to. That's it.
9:25
If you don't have the right builders, if you don't have the
9:27
builders, like right now. It's a trope, but it's real.
9:31
You can't find you can hardly find an old fashioned, you know,
9:37
Western or an old fashioned man is the hero show on Netflix.
9:43
Every single one of them has a female lead who's basically
9:47
taking the male role like she's, you know, not just boss babe,
9:51
she's GI J, you know, and she's throwing, you know, an AR over
9:56
her shoulder and she's knocking out dudes left and right.
9:58
And it's just, it's like, Oh my gosh, dude, I I joke with my
10:02
wife. I'm like, I just want to watch a
10:04
good guy kill a bad guy and I've got to watch this lady, you
10:10
know, complete fictional reality.
10:12
I got to watch this happen and it's just gross, you know, and
10:17
there's less, you know, examples for men doing men things out
10:24
there. Now the ladies are doing the men
10:25
things. And so why why we can't even be
10:29
as good of a consumer as we used to be because there's not good
10:31
stuff to consume. You know, every movie is a
10:33
remake of Marvel. Every movie is, you know, a
10:36
remake of Disney, every room. And now it's just you throwing
10:40
in black characters and you're throwing in Indian characters.
10:42
And of course, let's switch out the man for a woman.
10:44
And yeah, so I think we need to be builders, right?
10:49
And you know, some people that would look like going into that
10:52
industry and writing great scripts and building great
10:55
movies and storylines and stuff, stuff like that.
10:59
And for some of us, it's just going to be, you know, building
11:02
a construction company or, or building a company like you've
11:05
got or whatever it is in the Quad Cities.
11:08
But the the mindset has to change.
11:11
And the Gen. Gen.
11:12
Z ers, many of them, they've woken up to this reality that
11:18
their father and grandfather's world is gone.
11:21
And this idea of, you know, going off to Iowa, getting your
11:24
degree and then go landing a cushy job at Deer, right?
11:28
That's probably not going to be true for them.
11:31
On top of all this, you've got, you know, I know it's been, it's
11:34
been lessened, but you've got immigration and you've got
11:38
massive immigration and you've got illegal immigration.
11:41
You've got the H1B visas, you've got all this kind of stuff that
11:44
now our sons and, and daughters aren't just competing with local
11:48
workers, they're literally competing with the world, right?
11:51
And more than likely they're competing with somebody who
11:54
would take a lower rate, lower wage than, than they would.
11:59
So this has created some troubling realities in the
12:04
market and in the world. This Gen.
12:08
Z is waking up to it. And some of them are taking the
12:10
black pill, which means they are, they are now seeing
12:14
themselves through a victim mindset.
12:18
The whole world is set against me and I'll never achieve.
12:23
And many of them, not all of them, but many of them are
12:25
despairing and they're just throwing themselves.
12:27
They despond it and they're throwing themselves into video
12:30
games and online world. And all right, I'll just sit in
12:33
my hands until universal basic income shows up, right?
12:38
And I'm going to be, I'm going to live like a bug in a cage and
12:42
just eat what my masters give me.
12:45
And if you're a consumer, yeah, that might be the future.
12:48
I know it sounds dystopian, but the majority of the books that
12:51
I'm reading talking about AI right now from insiders and the
12:56
the guys that are, are writing the code, let's say they are
13:00
dystopian. And it is, it is deeply
13:04
concerning. And we're it's not something
13:06
that's coming. It's something that's already
13:08
here. And it's, I mean, everybody uses
13:11
AI except maybe you're, you know, boomer dad who can't
13:15
figure out his iPad. But whether it's just, you know,
13:19
using it like Google or whether it's, you know, I pulled up to a
13:24
drive through the other day and the person behind the counter or
13:28
the, the, the window was 100% AI.
13:31
It took me a second to figure it out, but she was so polite.
13:34
Then I was like, oh, yeah, this is a, this is AI.
13:36
This is clearly not real. This ain't a real person.
13:39
So those kind of bottom tier jobs, middle tier jobs are
13:42
probably going to be disappearing.
13:44
And that is going to create some kind of mass chaos, which is
13:50
why, you know, Elon Musk and these others are saying there's
13:53
going to be some kind of universal basic income to keep
13:57
the lemmings and these lower, to keep these people satisfied,
14:01
satiated so they don't riot in the streets.
14:04
Well, I'll, I'll flip it and say, I, I, I think there's a,
14:07
there's somewhat of a silver lining.
14:09
And this, this is something I'm certainly messaging to my own
14:11
children is at, at the same time that is true.
14:16
What I do think it does is present like a really unique
14:19
opportunity for young people, especially to differentiate
14:22
themselves much more easily, much more quickly, right.
14:26
So the ability to stand out amongst your peers, whether it's
14:30
academically, professionally, early stages of business, I, I
14:34
think it's easier than it ever has been.
14:37
It right now it's, it's, it's easy to become despondent.
14:39
It's easy to, you know, well, I guess this is, you know, what we
14:42
got and we can't do anything about it.
14:44
So, you know, I'm just going to rot away until, you know, Jesus
14:48
comes back, right? But.
14:50
Yeah. And that's why, you know, I can
14:52
see it already. That's why you are a builder,
14:55
because you see this obstacle as a potential opportunity for
15:01
people to take advantage of, right and, and you know,
15:05
maximize it. And that's the reality.
15:07
That's that is a builder's mindset, right?
15:10
It's, it really isn't. I know I people don't like this
15:14
illustration, but it's not much different than when, you know,
15:18
Ford created the automobile and it's going and it's going to put
15:22
a whole lot of carriage makers out of business, right?
15:26
Stables, all the stuff that went along with raising horses and
15:30
horse drawn carriages and all this kind of stuff.
15:34
It and and Ford saw this. Yeah, it's going to do that.
15:38
But it's going to create opportunities, you know, in
15:42
other industries. Other industries are going to
15:44
arise. And so the carriage maker or
15:47
even the wheel maker of the carriage, he needed to go, OK,
15:51
I'm going to be out of a job. How can I use what I already
15:55
know my skill set that I already have?
15:57
And how can I transition to tires or whatever, right?
16:01
How can I transition to bicycles?
16:03
How can I whatever I already know how to do this?
16:06
How can I transition and meet the mark, the demands of the
16:08
market and now maximize it, right?
16:12
And so if you have that builders mindset, then the the
16:17
difficulty, the obstacle that comes in your way, you don't
16:21
just throw your hands up and say, oh, we're screwed.
16:22
You say, no, I know how to do something really well.
16:26
How can you know? How can I shift what I'm doing
16:29
to meet this and make it into an opportunity?
16:31
Yeah. So I I think one, one thing I'd,
16:35
I'd love to hear just more like when you're explaining these
16:39
ideas, when you're talking about this like who is this for?
16:42
Is this for young people and you're saying, hey, to be a
16:46
builder, like this is what needs to shift and or change or here's
16:49
what that needs to look like. I would say even with the other
16:52
categories, is this hey to be a good contributor or Hey, you
16:57
might be more of a destroyer than you actually realize.
17:00
Like if you're thinking about that in the context of whether
17:03
it's even just our church or the, you know, like our, our
17:06
community. Yeah.
17:08
So in one sense, I think this is for everyone and, and let me
17:13
bring it down to the very bottom, social media and you
17:19
know, just let's just say our screens, technology and our
17:22
screens have made us less human in some sense.
17:27
We struggle with relationships now more than we've ever have in
17:33
the past. We, we just are entertained by
17:36
this and we're, it's just me and the screen.
17:38
It's very selfish. It's very self oriented, self
17:41
oriented. So then when human beings are
17:44
getting into the presence of people, they're almost treating
17:47
people like that, like this thing is requiring nothing of me
17:50
but but my attention. That's all it's requiring of me.
17:54
And so now we start showing up to church just as a consumer,
18:00
Like I'm not there as a functioning member.
18:02
I'm not there as a part of the body.
18:04
I'm not there to ask, you know, brother so and so how his day
18:08
was, how his week was, how his kids are, how I'm not there to
18:11
add value. I'm just there to consume you.
18:15
And then you take this into our personal relationships or our
18:18
missional community relationships and we show up as
18:21
consumers and guess you know what it's you cannot be a friend
18:25
to a person if you're just a consumer, right?
18:28
I'm in this relationship to get something from you.
18:31
Like that's a one way friendship.
18:34
And anybody that's a builder eventually is going to cut you
18:37
off and find someone else because they want a mutually
18:41
beneficial relationship, right? That's how the world works is I
18:46
add to your life and then you add to my life and we're better
18:49
because we're friends. And so at the very bottom level,
18:53
I see, you know, kind of this consumeristic individualistic
18:57
mindset as destroying human communication, human
19:01
relationships and kind of making us all a cog in the machine,
19:06
right? The the big technological
19:09
machine. The second person that this is
19:12
for is specifically, I already said kind of like Jen's ears,
19:16
Young, young folks just getting out of high school, maybe just
19:19
getting out of college and they see the world changing.
19:23
They're like right on the cusp of like, I got to go get a job.
19:26
How can I afford a house where, you know, where can I put down
19:29
roots? And they're trying to figure
19:31
out, you know, a, a new landscape that that old, that
19:37
old pattern of go to high school, go to college or go to
19:41
the military, find that easy job, get married, you know, work
19:45
for whatever 30 years and then retire.
19:49
That pattern that's just gone. That's just gone.
19:54
And so it's for those types of people.
19:57
And then the third type are the people who are maybe my age or
20:02
around my age, and they followed that pattern and now they're
20:06
stuck in the middle of a woke organization, right?
20:12
Specifically, if you're a white man and you're stuck in the
20:15
middle of this organization, you know that.
20:20
There's other people that are maybe less qualified than you
20:22
that are going to get that job ahead of you.
20:24
They're going to get that final promotion that you're looking
20:25
for because they make meet DEI quotas, right?
20:29
And I know all, yeah, we're not doing DEI anymore, but they all
20:33
just change the language. And so they're in this kind of,
20:38
in one sense, it might be a well paying job, but it's this dead
20:40
end, dead end mindless job. And I want them to start
20:45
thinking about being a builder because you can't hand off your
20:49
middle management or middle of the road job.
20:51
And Deer, you can't hand that off to your kid.
20:54
But if you're an accountant or an attorney or an engineer or
20:57
whatever at Deer and you create your own thing, you build that.
21:01
You've already got the knowledge, the expertise, you
21:03
get those clients, you build that thing and then you can hand
21:07
that off to your kids. And so you're putting down roots
21:10
in the Quad Cities. You're making the city better by
21:12
being a a builder and you're giving your children more
21:16
opportunities, right? And it's not just the exact
21:19
thing, but if you build that business, you're going to need
21:21
marketers, right? You're going to need everything
21:25
that you. Yeah, you've got, you've got
21:26
vendors. Yeah.
21:28
So your kids are going to have different opportunities that you
21:31
can actually pass off to them. So I think those are the three
21:35
categories of people that I'm thinking about.
21:39
And then just even moms and stay at home moms like thinking about
21:42
being a builder and and. Or how to raise builders.
21:45
Yeah, how to? How to raise builders?
21:47
Right, There's a there's different skill sets, there's a
21:50
different mindset, right, that's associated with that.
21:52
So as much as we are, you know, and this channel is is designed
21:56
to teach training equipment. I think a lot of this is also
22:00
for our wives, right, Coming under that mission to
22:02
understand, like, what does that look like?
22:03
What skills and abilities and gifts and mindsets do that we
22:07
need to be cultivating inside of our own children?
22:09
Yeah. Right.
22:10
And that's like that's building a productive household.
22:14
Yeah, right. So back in the day, they would
22:16
have saw that as, you know, we're raising animals and, you
22:19
know, we've got chickens, we've got all this kind of stuff or
22:22
we're, you know, harvesting whatever.
22:24
And we're going to go sell it. And but the household itself is
22:27
raising productive human beings, right?
22:30
They're raising builders. They're raising people with
22:32
ingenuity and entrepreneurship. And you're creating avenues for
22:37
your kids to go, you know, sell the eggs or go, you know, raise
22:41
the pigs and, and, and breed them and do whatever.
22:44
And now they're creating their own little niche.
22:47
Well, we can do the same thing today.
22:49
You don't have to be a homesteader to do that.
22:52
You can. Yeah, I'm not raising chickens.
22:53
Yeah, I know. I know some are doing it really
22:55
well and it's been really valuable for them.
22:57
I just. Yeah, Davenport has a A6 chicken
23:02
limit. OK, so we did it for a few years
23:05
and my family would eat more eggs per day than the chickens
23:09
would produce, so it wasn't really beneficial for us, but
23:12
thank God we got some folks out of the country that do provide
23:15
us with things. I think as I'm hearing you talk
23:18
about this, the, the one thing that I would, I would want to
23:22
encourage most is like when you were talking about group 2, that
23:25
in so many ways, I think there's, there's so much of like
23:29
young people disenfranchise that this path that has been talked
23:34
about like by their parents and their grandparents of like the
23:37
graduate from college, get a steady job.
23:40
You know, it's, it's 30 to, you know, 40 years at, at an
23:42
organization. And while that's somewhat like
23:46
gone or it, it's certainly much more scarce than it used to be.
23:50
And I think there's a lot of like just discourage young
23:53
people like, you know, and so I think so much of what excites me
23:57
about like this conversation and, and what you're starting to
24:00
talk about is giving those young people hope that there is a
24:03
different path. It looks different, like we're
24:05
going to have to do things differently.
24:06
It's going to it's going to look differently than it did,
24:08
certainly for our parents, But there is a lot of opportunity.
24:11
In it, Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you're willing to embrace the
24:14
risk, you know, And risk is John Piper.
24:19
Again, I don't know why he keeps coming up, but John Piper had a
24:21
chapter in one of his book that just said risk is right.
24:24
Risk is right. To accomplish great things,
24:28
you've got to take risks and there's little risk in going to
24:32
some global company. It's safe and you kind of know
24:37
what you're going to get. You know, if you're willing to
24:41
embrace the risk and push through that risk, the
24:44
opportunity and the rewards on the other side are a lot greater
24:47
potential of freedom that you can have from that and return on
24:53
it is exponential. So I think we, so the the
24:57
younger folks, you're right that the safe path has been shut off
25:02
to you, but the risky path that has great rewards that's still
25:07
out there, that's still. Available maybe greater than.
25:10
Ever. Yeah, maybe.
25:10
Greater than ever. I think it's got to be greater
25:12
than ever because of the Internet.
25:17
Like, let me come on if you. Create a widget.
25:24
OK, and for those who don't know a widget.
25:26
Just means. It just means anything.
25:28
All right, you create a. Cool belt, you create a cool
25:30
pair of shoes, you create glasses, you create something
25:36
and you're. Willing you know you get some
25:38
seed money you. Throw you know, 1000 bucks,
25:43
10,000 bucks. Whatever you can get into
25:45
marketing, you can get 5050 thousand 500,000.
25:50
Eyes on that thing. Like this through social media.
25:54
Through advertising, social media and so if you're willing.
25:57
If you've got. You know, production down and
25:59
you've got all the marketing down and you've got the
26:02
distribution down. You can.
26:05
You can make a lot of money, I mean.
26:08
You couldn't do that. That I mean we had door to door
26:11
sales. You remember that?
26:12
Like literally door to door sales and how many widgets?
26:15
Can you sales sell going door to door?
26:18
Well, not as not as many. And by making a video and
26:22
pushing a button that thing goes out.
26:25
Like you literally can determine I want to reach 500,000 people
26:29
and it tells you. OK.
26:30
Is that how much time you got in?
26:32
And you push it out and you do it and that's, it's not a secret
26:36
Pow, how even I passed your reserves, you know, and then
26:39
check here on all those guys. How they always.
26:41
Show your feet. They're paying for it for it,
26:45
they're paying for it and they don't know.
26:47
If I get my stuff out to distant people.
26:49
And they sign up for my friend, it's going to pay for itself.
26:55
So if you've got a good product, good content, and you get some
26:59
money, money for advertising, you can build a thing, you can
27:02
build a business. Public, public, OK.
27:04
So we have to talk talk where the opportunity is specific
27:11
sites and these are thesis, right?
27:12
So what are the blind sites you know and that would be able to
27:17
be on the online sites. What are the practicing things
27:20
that you've done? You've built a builder
27:22
literally. You also also built build
27:26
church, you physical church church one point a couple years
27:30
ago. What?
27:32
Do you mean to assist? You spend on.
27:34
Builders like what are the things things.
27:36
Like, like you seem to talk about them.
27:40
Yeah, yeah, First of all, first of all, first of all, they take
27:44
responsibility for everything. I I think that is what it is.
27:49
So this conversation for every day, I think that was that was
27:55
the point of things points for my head lately.
27:59
It's that responsibility. You actually came in the certain
28:02
strands this week and it's the difference of like what the way
28:06
you think you were. I would say specifically the
28:11
builders, like they, they spend almost almost all of their time
28:15
to become responsibility and it's very, very little on the
28:18
faults. It's regardless of what the
28:20
other tells or have them have. Yeah, it's a it's a fundamental
28:26
belief about myself in the world.
28:30
God made the world that if that I, I have to figure it out, the
28:35
opportunities there, like, like the opportunities there and how,
28:38
how difficult it is the opportunities there.
28:41
I, I have to figure it out and no one's going to help me.
28:44
Now, now, that's, that's not 100% true, right?
28:47
Right, because wife's going to help me.
28:48
My friends are going to help me, whatever, But at the bottom,
28:52
it's just responsibility of no one's going to help me.
28:55
It all relies on me, me and God like.
28:57
It's just so. I'm not.
28:59
I'm not going to wait for a customer to call me or if she's
29:02
going to show up, I'm going to get out there and make it
29:04
happen. And I'm going to need obstacles.
29:08
And they say, no, you're not good enough, you're not
29:10
whatever. No, no, taking that information.
29:14
I'm going to adjust and I'm going to push through it right
29:17
now. I'm just going to keep going.
29:18
I'm going to refuse to be denied and I'm going to tweak my
29:21
product, tweak my process, what I'm and I'm going to treat
29:25
myself. I'm going to learn and change
29:27
and adapt and grow and I will adapt and overcome.
29:31
But it's no one owes me anything.
29:36
I, I've never received a large sum of money from anyone like a
29:41
grandparent or my parents or they didn't pay for high
29:43
college. They didn't.
29:44
I had to figure out how to make that happen, right?
29:48
And. You've got to have that.
29:51
You've got to have that mentality.
29:53
And I know like, maybe some people.
29:55
Their parents pay for their college, but great.
29:57
That's that's an amazing opportunity.
29:59
I love that. But the builder has got to have
30:02
the mindset. He takes responsibility.
30:06
He doesn't. I mean, this is one thing is you
30:08
just don't take no for an answer.
30:10
You just don't take no for an answer.
30:11
Anytime I hear no, I'm kind of like, OK, let me think how I can
30:16
get around that. No.
30:18
Like or I'm going to prove you're wrong.
30:21
You don't think it can be done? You don't think?
30:23
This. OK, I think it can.
30:25
I'm going to prove you wrong, so there's this.
30:29
You've got to have a strong will.
30:31
OK. Because that's again what helps
30:33
you push through the obstacles and the people saying no and the
30:36
people denying your thing you have if you just.
30:39
Listen to everybody, you're going to fold right away.
30:42
Yeah, there's a tenacity, perseverance, and I would say at
30:46
a certain level also like a level of humility in that when
30:50
sometimes when you're met with an obstacle, it, it isn't
30:53
necessarily that you need to continue to push through it the
30:56
exact same way, but I might need to consider what I need to
30:59
change or do differently in the process.
31:01
Right. That that I'm, I'm open to
31:04
understanding of maybe that I need to do that differently.
31:09
I think one of the I would say the common traits of people who
31:13
like somewhat want to be a builder that are frustrated that
31:17
it's not happening either with the speed, with the ease or with
31:20
the success that they wanted to is they'll meet an obstacle and
31:24
their their only answer, the only tool in their proverbial
31:26
tool belt is to do the same thing harder, right.
31:31
And this is not a joke about your golf game, mind you, that
31:34
that was actually an honest answer.
31:35
But to say like, Hey, like, let me evaluate.
31:39
Let me ask the perspective or insight or input or ask for
31:43
feedback from somebody who's you know from the outside and has a
31:46
has a different perspective or who maybe has gone before me and
31:50
done it differently or what do you see?
31:53
Yeah. And I think that's every time
31:55
you meet one of those obstacles, it's a it's a learning
31:57
opportunity because it's quite possible you're you're you're
32:01
doing something wrong or you just suck at something and you
32:05
have to kind of do that after action report, come back and
32:09
say, OK, what's going wrong? What can I listen to this
32:12
person? How is he right?
32:13
What can I take in and then adjust your plan, right?
32:18
And so the tenacity stays the same.
32:20
But maybe it's like, oh man, my marketing is terrible.
32:23
I need to hire a marketer, right?
32:25
I need to hire this guy to come do my marketing and then maybe
32:28
that's the thing or I need to hire a bookkeeper or I need
32:31
whatever, you know, so there are a builder isn't Omni competent.
32:38
He's not, you know, good at everything.
32:41
He knows, he figures out, I'm going to say it like that.
32:44
He figures out what he's really good at.
32:47
And then he delegates everything else.
32:51
I mean, in the very beginning, you don't, you can't delegate
32:53
anything. Right in the very beginning of
32:56
this church, I was cleaning toilets and vacuuming floors
32:58
and, and straightening chairs and, and doing all that.
33:02
But then as you grow, then you you say, OK, if I'm doing that,
33:06
then I'm spending less time for me, I'm crafting my sermon, I'm
33:09
spending less time developing leaders, right?
33:12
And so I can't do that anymore because what I'm really good at
33:16
is preaching the gospel and developing leaders.
33:20
So I got to hire people for those other things, right?
33:22
So I think overall that the tenacious mindset of being a
33:29
learner and, and constantly willing to adjust your approach
33:34
to things, have the humility to, to listen to others, taking
33:38
advice. And then but again, at the base
33:42
of that is this responsibility that if it's not working, it's
33:47
my fault, it's my fault, it's on me.
33:50
It's not the economy, it's not my parents, it's not AI or the
33:55
social media program, you know, social media companies that
33:58
won't, you know, they won't promote my product.
34:01
No, it's me. It it comes back to me and I've
34:04
got to figure out a way to change and to make it happen.
34:08
Yeah, I'm going to go down a bit of a rabbit hole here for a
34:11
second. I, I think there is a, there's
34:15
an important point in something you just said here where even
34:17
when we're trying to do this, it it, it's a, it's sort of a
34:21
reflexive response that says what do I need to do
34:25
differently? What do I need to change?
34:27
What do I need to learn right. I think, and again, it's a it's
34:31
a sort of a a product of our current cultural moment.
34:34
But, and, and you can call it the, the, the modern sense of
34:39
like you're perfect just the way you are, like, you know, you
34:42
know, be true to you, whatever that that has sort of messaged
34:48
to, you know, everybody over like the last 30 years that it's
34:53
if, if there is resistance or an obstacle, it's not you, it's got
34:57
to be somebody else, right? And I would say like when you
34:59
start looking at, I would say like key characteristics or
35:03
hallmark traits of like good builders, their reflexive
35:08
response is always to look at themselves first, even if that's
35:13
like he's wrong. And now I've got to figure out
35:15
how to get what I want right by doing it differently.
35:18
Like their their initial gut level, like response is always
35:23
to look at themselves first verse, like the blame may be too
35:28
strong of a word break, but to look at that and say like, well,
35:31
that's that's them. Yeah, it's being self reflective
35:37
and knowing that I people receive me a certain way.
35:42
Maybe it's the way I said it, maybe it's how I said it,
35:44
whatever it is. And I need to be self reflective
35:48
and humble enough to go, OK, I didn't get the response that I
35:52
wanted. And the only way I can change
35:55
another person is by changing myself, changing the way I say
35:59
it, changing my approach to it. And so I have to, I have to
36:04
change if I want to see them change.
36:07
And again, you're right, that comes from this culture of
36:10
authenticity, that if I'm just going to be my authentic self,
36:14
the world will love me and accept me and I'm going to be
36:16
the next Justin Bieber or whatever.
36:18
Like it is. It's like, yeah nobody wants to
36:21
know a fake person, but sometimes your authentic self is
36:24
weird. Well, I, I think for most of us,
36:26
we would say, and, and it's certainly true of myself.
36:28
And I know you're well enough to know the answer for you.
36:30
Like my authentic self was pretty immature.
36:33
It's kind of annoying. Like I, I, you know, we, we all
36:36
started. As my authentic self was a big
36:38
jerk for sure you know it's like this you're a moron, so why
36:43
don't you just do it my way because you're a moron and you
36:45
you're not good at what you're doing so just get out of my way
36:47
and let me do it and surprisingly that guy didn't
36:50
respond well to. That that's right.
36:51
It's surprising. But if I learn how to be less of
36:55
a jerk and learn how to communicate and show him how
37:00
what I am doing will actually add value to him and make him
37:05
better or his organization better, he's a lot more likely
37:09
to let me do what I want to do or hire me or whatever.
37:12
Whatever The thing is. So I'm going to dive in.
37:16
This was something you mentioned in the last episode and you were
37:21
talking about what we call or refer to as like the power of
37:24
proximity. And it's this idea of, you know,
37:27
show me the five people that you spend the most time with, like
37:29
I'll, I'll show you, you know, your future type thing.
37:33
I think there is a legitimate skill that has to be built that
37:38
allows you to spend time around really successful people or you
37:43
know, whether whether it's successful, you know, in terms
37:45
of like worldly terms or just the type of people you want to
37:49
emulate. It's the, you know, the pastor
37:51
you you want to be like or the the husband or father you want
37:53
to be like. I think I think that is that is
37:57
a legitimate skill that has to be built.
37:59
And I don't think most people do that naturally.
38:04
I think that's something we have to learn.
38:06
I think most of us when we're young and we want to spend time
38:09
around with somebody that that's a little bit older, they're
38:11
often times more mature than we are.
38:13
We're more immature and our immaturity is grading and
38:17
sometimes frustrating to them and they don't want to spend
38:19
time with us, right. So we have to learn like,
38:24
hopefully like we have to mature and we have to learn how to like
38:29
be able to spend time with them in a, in a way that isn't a life
38:33
sucking, you know, burdensome task.
38:36
Right. So while you're describing there
38:39
that immaturity comes off as consumerism that went, but I
38:46
just need one hour of your time. I just need one hour of your
38:48
time. And we walk in there and we are,
38:51
we walk in with our handout. That's basically what we're
38:54
doing. We're walking in with our
38:55
handout and we're wanting this guy who's got what we want,
38:59
whether it's family, ministry, business, whatever it is and
39:03
just tell me, just tell me, just tell me instead of walking in
39:08
there and you, you know, you like this guy's got everything.
39:12
You know, it seems like he's got everything I could possibly
39:15
want. I couldn't add value to this
39:16
guy, but there there are ways to add value.
39:20
You can walk in and just say, hey, man, I really appreciate
39:23
what you've done. You don't know it, but whoever
39:26
it is, but you've blessed my life and I want to tell you, I'm
39:30
just thankful to know you. I'm just, you might come in
39:33
with. So here's something I did.
39:35
There was a pastor and it was probably 25 years ago who I had
39:40
benefited from. And it was all online.
39:44
I was watching his sermons, I was reading his books.
39:46
I was doing all this stuff. And I just had this thought, you
39:50
know what I'm taking from this guy.
39:54
I'm just, you know, a consumer. And so I was not, I was broke at
39:59
the time, but I remember, I think it was, I got him a gift
40:03
card and I found the address to the church and I wrote his name
40:08
on it and I wrote him a letter, thank again.
40:10
Then I put like a $25.00 gift card in the mail and send it off
40:15
to him. It might have been an iTunes
40:17
gift card. I, I can't even remember what it
40:18
was, but it was something, something lame.
40:21
And I got an e-mail back from him saying thanks for the gift
40:26
card and. I, I gave it to my daughter and
40:30
she really loved it, blah, blah, blah, blah, or something like
40:32
that. And it's just that little,
40:34
that's what I'm talking about. If you're going to, if you need
40:37
a mentor or if you're wanting to meet with somebody who's above
40:41
where you want to be, try to add value.
40:44
Like try, don't be a consumer. And just like this baby bird
40:48
that shows up and just says, feed me Mama, right?
40:51
Thank him, bring him a coffee, bring him, you know, get him a
40:57
gift. If you're making a widget, bring
40:58
the widget, give him the widget. I one thing I notice I've been
41:02
watching a lot of the the Sean Ryan show lately, and every
41:05
guest that shows up on the Sean Ryan Show, he's got a gift for
41:08
him. Really.
41:10
Yeah. Half the time they're cigs.
41:12
Yeah, Custom made cigs. Custom made cigs.
41:14
He slides it off. He's like, I got something for
41:16
you. And then half the time the, the
41:18
person's like, hey, I got something for you too.
41:20
Whether it's their book or whether it's their hoodies or
41:22
whether it's whatever it is, their Mama made cupcakes, I
41:24
don't know, but they're bringing something.
41:27
So they're not just consumers because they're, when you enter
41:31
that meeting, you're getting, you're going to gain wisdom,
41:34
right? And you're going to get this
41:35
guy's time. He's not going to get anything
41:37
from it. If he's above you, he's not
41:39
getting anything from it, right? So now he might in the future if
41:43
you blow up and you do something great and he's got a
41:45
relationship there, but potentially he's getting
41:47
nothing. So you should walk into that
41:48
meeting with something. Add value.
41:51
Add value to that conversation. And.
41:54
If it's more of like an informal relationship, you're going
41:57
golfing with a guy, you're going to spend coffee, you know, or
42:00
it's more of a repetitive relationship.
42:04
You, you need to ask him how he's doing.
42:06
You need to you know, it needs to be a reciprocal relationship.
42:10
Even though he's above you. It need you can't just be a time
42:15
suck for the guy and every time he meets with you, you're fixed.
42:20
He's trying to fix your problems, right?
42:23
It needs to be mutually beneficial and and a a builder
42:27
wants to do that. OK, so let's, could we just RIP
42:32
and just rapid fire? It does not need to be in order.
42:35
This isn't like a step like list of steps to follow, but like
42:38
just things you've stolen things that you've done.
42:40
Maybe it can even be things that you've done that didn't work
42:42
Well, right. I, I certainly have some moments
42:45
in my life where I'm like, I'm, I'm a little embarrassed of how
42:48
I showed up in that moment of I wish I would have done that
42:50
differently. But but again, I think with so
42:54
many of these things, sometimes it's just the Uber practical,
42:57
like, you know, just, hey, here's how I did it.
43:00
Like this is what I did differently, right?
43:04
And like just just RIP a couple of those things, like ideas like
43:07
again, if people are looking, if there's a business owner they
43:09
want to spend time with, if there's, you know, a husband,
43:12
father, if there's a mentor, right, etcetera, like just just
43:15
RIP through that real quick. It's when you enter the
43:19
relationship, I'm entering the room with a tool belt on.
43:25
That's my, my mentality is I'm entering the room, every room
43:28
I'm in, I'm in there with a tool belt on.
43:30
And if I've got my tool belt on, that means I'm here to work.
43:33
And so when I hear him, you know, maybe I'll ask a question
43:37
and if I hear anything from him where I can add value, where I
43:42
can fix something, where I can do something.
43:45
So it might be he needs his, you know, he's going to be working
43:49
on a project at home. I'll come help you.
43:52
Can I come help you work on that project and while we're working
43:54
on that project? I'm, I'm.
43:56
Then we're doing different things.
43:57
Yeah. Then we're having a
43:57
conversation. We're having a conversation.
43:59
We're going to eat lunch. We're going to do this, but I'm
44:00
adding value. I'm adding value to him.
44:03
He might, oh, my snow blower's broken.
44:06
I got to go drop it off at a thing.
44:07
Can I go drop that off? Can I take care of that for you
44:09
or, and if you don't know how to fix it, can I go take care of
44:12
that for you? It's I'm, I'm wanting access,
44:17
but I'm willing to do something for it.
44:19
I'm willing, willing to add value for it.
44:22
And even if he's Aceo, he's still got stupid stuff that he's
44:26
got to do. You know, he's still got stupid
44:29
stuff he's got to do. Maybe it's hanging Christmas
44:31
lights, right? I'll do it for you.
44:34
I'll help you do it. Maybe it's picking somebody up
44:36
from the airport. I'm willing to go do that with
44:38
you. I'll drive you there.
44:40
I'll be your chauffeur because I want to rub shoulders with you.
44:43
Hear how you interact with that client you're picking up.
44:46
It's those kind of practical things.
44:49
I want to, I want to kind of you can get invited into a room I
44:54
feel like once, but if you don't add value, then a leader is
44:59
going to start pushing you away from you.
45:01
You have to earn a spot in that room.
45:03
OK. So one of the things that I
45:05
think is probably important to call attention to, and I would
45:08
say this was absolutely true of me in earlier stages of my life.
45:13
I probably did not appreciate, certainly did not understand it
45:18
and did necessarily absolutely did not appreciate how many
45:22
different things were vying for like the the leader that I want
45:27
to spend time, Like how many times things were vying for
45:29
their time and their attention, Like how, how many things on
45:32
their To Do List were not getting to be done as a result
45:34
of like what I was asking. And I think understanding and
45:38
appreciating that is, is really important that when when we're
45:41
asking for their time, that often times comes the cost of
45:44
saying no to two or three other things.
45:47
I think understanding that is probably one of the most
45:51
important things for us to do. It should hopefully shape the
45:55
way that we do it and how we do it.
45:59
But as you were talking about that a second ago, there's like
46:01
2 quotes that were sort of like ringing through my head.
46:04
One was from John Maxwell, the other is from Craig Ochell.
46:07
One says honor produces access. The other one talks about
46:11
honoring the leader's agenda. I know one thing that I have
46:14
done that has been enormously helpful.
46:16
Like if I need your time, like what are you doing?
46:19
I'm going to go do it with you. Like you're painting, I'm
46:22
painting, you're hunting bourbon.
46:23
I'll hunt bourbon. Like how?
46:24
How do I and? Now listen, The funny thing is
46:26
this is from that principle is actually derived from the 10
46:31
commandments. Honor your father and mother.
46:35
And when you break that down, it's all of the leadership
46:38
structures in the world, right? Honor the emperor.
46:41
The New Testament says you honor those who are above you and you
46:44
don't show honor to them if you show up constantly just taking,
46:49
taking, taking, right? And so that's a, that's a
46:52
biblical principle, right? You honor those who are above
46:55
you and you honor precedes access.
47:00
Is that what you said? Honor produces access.
47:02
Honor produces access, it's true.
47:04
And and as a leader, when someone honors you, guess what?
47:08
You want to give them greater access in the future.
47:11
Absolutely. You want to be around them and
47:13
and it's. Not honoring once.
47:15
Often times it like this is we're, we're doing this like,
47:20
you know, in perpetuity. And because I will tell you,
47:22
most of us have a sense like when I know that somebody's only
47:25
doing something like so they can get something like that, that
47:28
feels gross and we're going to push away from it, right?
47:32
But when people do it in a way that is winsome and genuine.
47:37
It's not buying access. Yeah, it's.
47:39
Absolutely not. But there there's just you just
47:43
want to be around people like that.
47:44
You just want to be around people.
47:45
Hey, I'll buy you a round of golf.
47:46
I got some stuff to talk to you about, about my wife or about my
47:49
kids or whatever. And it's like, that's that's
47:52
what I'm talking about. You know, it's like you're
47:54
blessing someone because you know he's going to bless you,
47:57
they're going to bless you. And it's it's just a it's a
48:03
human. It's it ordained by God?
48:05
It's, it's in the natural world and it's, I think too many
48:09
people don't understand it, you know?
48:12
One of the other things you were mentioning there and again I
48:14
think this is just like sort of a a really practical thing.
48:17
Often times we are asking for this time or insight or somebody
48:23
teaches that they're they're in a position in life where like we
48:26
don't have much to give them right.
48:28
Like candidly, like in in certainly in the business
48:31
setting, often times I want to learn from somebody they're
48:34
making a lot more than I do. So there's very little that I
48:37
could afford to buy them that like they couldn't buy
48:39
themselves really, really easily.
48:42
Somebody shared with me once, like the greatest thing that you
48:44
can do to like honor somebody in that position, like it is just
48:48
to share with them what you've learned.
48:51
And so I, I don't know where I stole it, if I can remember, I
48:53
would give them credit, but but it was sort of this rubric of
48:57
like reporting back to them, say, hey, here's what I learned,
49:00
Here's where I implemented, here's the impact that it had.
49:04
And I know for me, I certainly like when I know that people are
49:08
doing something with what I'm giving them, when they are
49:11
taking action with that, those are the people that I get
49:14
excited to spend time with. Those are people that I want to
49:17
pour into more. And, and the exact opposite
49:20
being true. Like if I got to tell somebody
49:22
the same thing three times, they're not taking action on any
49:24
of it. Like that is the quickest way
49:26
for me to say like, hey, I'm sorry, but I don't have time for
49:29
that. Yeah.
49:30
Yeah. Man, once again, if you made it
49:31
this far, thank you for watching this video.
49:33
Thank you for subscribing to Sacred Men.
49:36
I really appreciate you guys. We're building a community here.
49:40
We're gaining some momentum and I'm really thankful for it.
49:42
Sorry again, we just had to cut that video off that our tech was
49:46
going crazy. Hopefully we got some of those
49:48
things figured out. We're going to be interviewing
49:50
someone else next month and I'm stoked for that one.
49:54
He's a builder as well. And so guys, again, like us
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subscribe and shoot some comments down below and I'd love
50:01
to chat with you down there. I will see you next week.
50:04
God bless and go act like men.