Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #1260 - Funny Questions About Sex

Transcript

#1260 - Funny Questions About Sex · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

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Speaker 1: I just love Fridays. Fridays are the best day of
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Speaker 1: the week. But none tomorrow, it's the weekend. Tomorrow, We've
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Speaker 1: got a great interview dropping with a former vice president
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Speaker 1: of what Disney Corporation who's going to be on the pod.
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Speaker 2: You've clearly told Emily about this interview. Yes, she asked
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Speaker 2: me if I listened to it.
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Speaker 1: Oh, oh, yes. She is a little bit nervous because
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Speaker 1: I asked him about roadblocks. I just said one word
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Speaker 1: answer yes or no.
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Speaker 2: She's like, maybe you don't need to listen to that.
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Speaker 1: One moment, She's still begging for it. I just thought
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Speaker 1: it no, not going to happen. But the main reason
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Speaker 1: that I love Fridays is because this is the Happy
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Speaker 1: Families Podcast episode where we talk about what went right
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Speaker 1: or what went wrong in the week just gone. We
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Speaker 1: deconstruct it and we talk about how we can make
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Speaker 1: our families happier by being more intentional learning the lessons
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Speaker 1: of the week that just was. So we're really glad
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Speaker 1: to have you along for The Happy Families Podcast is
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Speaker 1: where we give you real parenting solutions every day on
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Speaker 1: Australia's most downloaded parenting podcast. We are justin and Tyley
1:00
Speaker 1: Coulson Kylie.
1:02
Speaker 2: Last week on the pod, we interviewed, well, actually you interviewed, yes,
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Speaker 2: Michelle Mitchell. Yes, in relation to her book Where Do
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Speaker 2: Babies Come From?
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Speaker 1: So this is a book for eight twelve year olds
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Speaker 1: so that parents know how to have the talk. Yes, yes,
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Speaker 1: I did.
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Speaker 2: And we did share the story where one of our children,
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Speaker 2: literally when they were learning for the very first time
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Speaker 2: about where babies came from, looked at you and I
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Speaker 2: and said, do you mean you've done this four times? Yeah?
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Speaker 1: So we were talking about elder she had three younger sisters.
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Speaker 1: She's done the master really quickly and gone, oh my goodness.
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Speaker 1: So we jumped onto Facebook shared the story and it
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Speaker 1: was just just such a funny moment. We said, what
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Speaker 1: is the funniest and most unexpected thing that your child
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Speaker 1: has said when learning about intimacy and how babies are made?
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Speaker 1: And you did not disappoint. I just want to read, Kylie.
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Speaker 1: You don't know what these are. I just told you
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Speaker 1: that we had them. So I'm going to share what
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Speaker 1: happens when we ask our Facebook community to tell us
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Speaker 1: the funny things that happened. And they were having these
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Speaker 1: conversations with their kids Sarah said, when explaining breastfeeding, my
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Speaker 1: nine year old said, please tell me I was bottlefed.
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Speaker 1: Here's the next one from Tomorrow Thompson. My fifth child
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Speaker 1: was ten when we felt pregnant with her little sister.
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Speaker 1: When she announced to her class that we were having
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Speaker 1: another baby, she quickly added, but don't worry they did
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Speaker 1: if they definitely did not do it. One of my
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Speaker 1: favorites came from Isabel, who said, when our eldest was four,
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Speaker 1: she asked the questions we gave her the answers using
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Speaker 1: anatomically correct names a matter of fact discussion. She then
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Speaker 1: asked if she could please watch next time we make
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Speaker 1: another baby. No way, I mean she was four, right,
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Speaker 1: so you can allow that. Another one that cracked me
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Speaker 1: up was from Andrea. Child one said two things. One
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Speaker 1: I wish I'd never asked, and two I hope you're
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Speaker 1: not going to do that again. Child too said don't worry,
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Speaker 1: which wins. Remember they only had to do it, and
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Speaker 1: that was it. I just love this stuff. We had
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Speaker 1: so many come through, like really really, really fun conversation.
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Speaker 1: I actually got a text from Michelle Mitchell. She said
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Speaker 1: that podcast episode really had an impact because our shop
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Speaker 1: went bonkers when it dropped, like and I'm so glad,
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Speaker 1: Like she deserves it. She has written a book that
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Speaker 1: I truly believe if you want to know how to
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Speaker 1: have this conversation with your kids and do it in
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Speaker 1: a really positive, fresh, helpful way, they're the books that
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Speaker 1: you've got to buy. She's I don't get any kickbacks.
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Speaker 1: This is not sponsored. Michelle doesn't even know that we're
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Speaker 1: talking about this again today. But the books that she's written,
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Speaker 1: they're available at her shop. Just type in Michelle Mitchell
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Speaker 1: into Google and you can go to the shop and
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Speaker 1: find them. The book's about puberty, The Girl's Guide and
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Speaker 1: the Guy's Guide to Puberty, and the book where do
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Speaker 1: Babies Come From? And other questions. Eight to twelve year
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Speaker 1: old ask, I just think that they must have. If
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Speaker 1: you're a parent, you got to buy it.
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Speaker 2: You know you're on a good thing. When you're eleven
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Speaker 2: year old picks it up of her own free will
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Speaker 2: and just wants to have a read.
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Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, like she loves them.
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Speaker 2: And when she saw the new book sitting on my
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Speaker 2: bedside table, she was like, ah, she didn't have a book.
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Speaker 1: Yep, you're so excited. So Michelle if you hear this
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Speaker 1: podcast episode, you're welcome. And Emily's your number one fan.
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Speaker 1: She really is. She just thinks you're great. Okay, let's
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Speaker 1: talk about older better tomorrow, Kylie. I'm going to jump
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Speaker 1: in and kick on with my one first, because mine's
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Speaker 1: a good news story and I think that it's nice
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Speaker 1: to come to the weekend knowing that there's room for improvement.
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Speaker 1: And I know from what you've told me, I think
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Speaker 1: you're going to be reflective and give us room to improve. So,
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Speaker 1: very very briefly, recently, when I was in Sydney, I
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Speaker 1: caught up with somebody who was having a really tough
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Speaker 1: time with their child. It's not an overexaggeration to say
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Speaker 1: that this child had been hospitalized and was dealing with
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Speaker 1: a persistent desire to no longer be in this family
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Speaker 1: and to be alive. This child was really truly struggling
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Speaker 1: in the deepest and most profound way. About fourteen years old,
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Speaker 1: little boy and I sat down with his dad. His
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Speaker 1: mum couldn't make the conversation, but I sat down with
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Speaker 1: his dad and we had a long chat. It's rare
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Speaker 1: that I get the opportunity to do this, but it
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Speaker 1: was a real. I just felt like a real gift
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Speaker 1: to be able to talk and listen and understand and
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Speaker 1: be there. At the end of the conversation, they were
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Speaker 1: already getting good help. They were signed up with some
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Speaker 1: outpatient care with a hospital. But I said, in spite
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Speaker 1: of everything that you're getting, there are a couple of
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Speaker 1: things that stand out to me. Number One, I feel
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Speaker 1: like one of the most important things you can have
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Speaker 1: is something to look forward to, something to live for.
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Speaker 1: And right now, after this conversation, I feel like he
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Speaker 1: wakes up every day and there's nothing to look forward to.
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Speaker 1: And I suggested, is there some way that you can
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Speaker 1: get a weekend off or a day off, even pull
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Speaker 1: him out of school for a day, or give him
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Speaker 1: a mental health day or whatever, and give him something
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Speaker 1: to look forward to, whether it's a mountain bike ride
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Speaker 1: or a surf or what is it that you do.
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Speaker 1: And they talked it through and they said, yeah, we
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Speaker 1: actually we really do like bike riding. I said, so
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Speaker 1: maybe go for a bike ride, go camping for a weekend.
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Speaker 1: Just do that. I said, there are two other things
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Speaker 1: that are really important. Number one relationship and number two
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Speaker 1: being outside. I said, if you can build physical activity
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Speaker 1: relationship and outside into his life and give him things
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Speaker 1: to look forward to. They don't have to be expensive,
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Speaker 1: they can be as cheap as anything. It's about getting
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Speaker 1: out there and doing it. And I got an email
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Speaker 1: the other day from this dad and he said, Hey,
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Speaker 1: it's been a while since we chatted. I wanted to
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Speaker 1: give you an update on my son. In short, in
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Speaker 1: the past few months, we have seen a wonderful turnaround.
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Speaker 1: I went from not even recognizing my boy when we
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Speaker 1: last spoke to having our amazing, happy kid back. The
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Speaker 1: hospital program was excellent at giving us support and tools
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Speaker 1: that we needed, but probably the tool that has had
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Speaker 1: the greatest effect was from you. Let's create our own
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Speaker 1: purpose together. We've done this through mountain biking together and
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Speaker 1: it's been transformational. The trips, the trails, camping, the pizza afterwards,
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Speaker 1: the car ride, watching YouTube videos and so on. The
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Speaker 1: intentionality of always creating something to look forward to has
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Speaker 1: been a game changer. Lots more to say, but I
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Speaker 1: can't thank you enough for your advice and being there
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Speaker 1: when I really needed it. I'm sure there'll be up
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Speaker 1: and in the future, but we are so much better
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Speaker 1: equipped to handle it now. I get a message like that,
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Speaker 1: and I just think, oh, my goodness. So first of all,
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Speaker 1: let me make it about me for a sec. It
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Speaker 1: is so gratifying to know that I can help people.
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Speaker 1: It's why I do what I do. But the thing
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Speaker 1: that really touches me, the thing that I'm most grateful for,
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Speaker 1: is there's this teenage boy who doesn't feel like life
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Speaker 1: is worth living, and with a couple of small and
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Speaker 1: generous tweaks from his parents, they start to find something
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Speaker 1: to look forward to. Together, they start to spend time
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Speaker 1: in relationship, they spend time doing physical activity, and all
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Speaker 1: of a sudden, life feels amazing. One more really interesting
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Speaker 1: thing on this I gave the data quick call and said,
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Speaker 1: your email has just made my day. Thank you for
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Speaker 1: sharing that. I said, tell me one other thing, how's
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Speaker 1: he going with his screens? Because I didn't really talk
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Speaker 1: about screens much in our conversation, but I knew that
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Speaker 1: screens was also a problem, and at the heart of
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Speaker 1: getting it outside going and doing these trips with Dad,
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Speaker 1: what I knew would happen is that he's going to
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Speaker 1: have reduced screen time. And Dad said, he's barely touched
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Speaker 1: Fortnite since we started doing this, Like he's just not
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Speaker 1: looking for that outlet anymore because he's got this new
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Speaker 1: outlet that we're engaged in. And I just thought, Yeah,
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Speaker 1: you get kids off screens, you get them active, you
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Speaker 1: get them outside, and it makes such.
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Speaker 2: A difference when I hear that story. What stands out
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Speaker 2: to me the most is that for so many parents,
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Speaker 2: we watch our children's behavior, whether it's challenging in that
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Speaker 2: he's spiraling down or they're angry and they're pushing us away,
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Speaker 2: our kids are desperate for our connection. They're desperate for it,
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Speaker 2: and they don't know how to ask for it, and
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Speaker 2: it's not cool to ask for it and all the
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Speaker 2: eggs that goes around it. And yet I would say
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Speaker 2: that what ninety nine percent of the challenges that our
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Speaker 2: kids experience would change almost overnight if we took intentional
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Speaker 2: effort to create connection. Yeah.
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Speaker 1: I mean, there's always going to be challenges and sometimes
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Speaker 1: it's not that easy. But this kid was in a
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Speaker 1: complex and challenging situation. He'd been hospitalized and his parents
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Speaker 1: really were wondering if he would wake up the next morning,
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Speaker 1: Like it was extremely intense. Getting back to those basics,
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Speaker 1: they're profound, they're so basic that we overlook them, and
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Speaker 1: we feel like we've got to go and have all
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Speaker 1: these specialist appointments and things, and sometimes we do, but
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Speaker 1: those basics are so profound, they're so impactful. And you
9:28
Speaker 1: get a letter like that or an email like that,
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Speaker 1: and you go, Okay, let's go back to basics again.
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Speaker 1: Things are falling apart. How can we get out of
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Speaker 1: the house. How can we go for that walk to
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Speaker 1: the park, the beach, to the top of the hill.
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Speaker 1: How can we go camping for a weekend? What do
9:41
Speaker 1: we need to do to slow it down and to
9:45
Speaker 1: make things feel natural and connected again? Anyway, that's my
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Speaker 1: older bed tomorrow. It's not actually about what I've been
9:51
Speaker 1: doing at home with our family, maybe because I've been
9:52
Speaker 1: in perpole week, but it does highlight just how impactful
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Speaker 1: these changes can be when we truly connect, get active
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Speaker 1: and get outdoors with our kids. Okay, what's your bad news?
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Speaker 1: What's your older better tomorrow? After everything has gone wrong
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Speaker 1: this week, well after.
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Speaker 2: Last week's I'll do better tomorrow, and having that beautiful
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Speaker 2: conversation with our eldest daughter melt your heart kind of stuff.
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Speaker 2: I just was floating on cloud nine. It's hard to
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Speaker 2: believe that I'm down in the valley right now, feeling like.
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Speaker 1: You can't live on top of the mountain. You got
10:32
Speaker 1: to come down to the valley.
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Speaker 2: Oh, it's been a hard week.
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Speaker 1: It's been a really hard week.
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Speaker 2: We have four cars in our house. You and I
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Speaker 2: each have our own car because you travel so much,
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Speaker 2: and then each of our teenage daughters have a car
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Speaker 2: as well. And this week, for nearly three days, we
10:49
Speaker 2: were down to one car in our house, which meant
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Speaker 2: I became everybody's taxi. I literally felt like I was
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Speaker 2: in the car and I was going in every direction.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, and it ran times as well, yes, completely. So
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Speaker 1: our year ten daughter had a whole lot of practical
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Speaker 1: practical stuff. So one morning she had to meet everyone
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Speaker 1: at like six o'clock, nearly an hour away from here,
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Speaker 1: and another morning it was at nine point thirty, half an
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Speaker 1: hour away from here.
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Speaker 2: But then needs pick ups at different times. It's not
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Speaker 2: like school times, and.
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Speaker 1: That just annihilates your schedule, absolutely rubbishes the routine.
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Speaker 2: Well, and it didn't coincide with anyone else's schedule. So
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Speaker 2: I would literally have to go pick her up and
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Speaker 2: come home and then go and get the other daughter.
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Speaker 2: Who was in a completely different direction half an hour later.
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Speaker 2: Like it was just insane what I was trying to do.
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Speaker 1: And when the kids, I mean, like you normally set
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Speaker 1: your kids up to go to a school nearby because
11:40
Speaker 1: it's convenient, you don't have to do long drives, but
11:42
Speaker 1: all of a sudden, you're driving forty minutes there and
11:43
Speaker 1: an hour there and.
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Speaker 2: Then stuck in school traffic.
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Speaker 1: I haven't had to do that, so your life is
11:49
Speaker 1: so hard, first world problem.
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Speaker 2: But then on top of that, because we'd had a
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Speaker 2: weekend away last weekend while you were speaking at the
11:57
Speaker 2: Key Assets gala night, meant that I didn't do my
12:01
Speaker 2: usual Saturday shop and I didn't do any food prep,
12:04
Speaker 2: so we had no food in the kitchen. I didn't
12:07
Speaker 2: have any meal prep done or meal list done.
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Speaker 1: Because we're driving our country school live. No time to
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Speaker 1: go and do the shop because you're spending all day
12:17
Speaker 1: in the car driving kids around, and then you.
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Speaker 2: At school homeschool to it, and it has been an
12:22
Speaker 2: absolute shamuzzle. And I was thinking about this idea of
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Speaker 2: when we keep ourselves accountable and we look at what
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Speaker 2: we're doing and we decide that we want to make
12:32
Speaker 2: these changes. So one of the biggest changes that we've
12:34
Speaker 2: chosen to make is to kind of live more on
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Speaker 2: a raw diet, to involve more fruits and vegetables into
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Speaker 2: our lives in a way that we've never done before.
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Speaker 2: And we did so well for the first two weeks.
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Speaker 2: Not only did the meal's taste amazing, but we felt amazing.
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Speaker 2: We felt an absolute change, everyone did, including Emily. And
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Speaker 2: then we've had a week like this, and it's so
12:59
Speaker 2: easy to feel like you've absolutely failed, like all the
13:04
Speaker 2: wheels are coming off the wagon and there is no
13:07
Speaker 2: there's no point of return here. We've completely completely thrown
13:11
Speaker 2: everything out that we wanted so desperately to implement, but
13:17
Speaker 2: so much of our week has been out of our control.
13:21
Speaker 2: A car in the shop that wasn't supposed to be
13:23
Speaker 2: in the shop for a week and a half, a
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Speaker 2: car that needed servicing. All of the things and family
13:28
Speaker 2: life is like that. But it just reiterated to me
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Speaker 2: how important structure and routine is. And sometimes we don't
13:35
Speaker 2: have any control over whether we can have that structuring routine,
13:38
Speaker 2: but we can recognize the importance for it. So it's
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Speaker 2: not really it's I mean, it's been a hard week,
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Speaker 2: but the reality is I know how to get back
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Speaker 2: on track structure. Yeah, and it just requires intention and refocus.
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Speaker 1: Okay, and you need your car back. Well, the good
13:56
Speaker 1: news is the car came back yesterday, so we are
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Speaker 1: okay again. But yeah, you you're absolutely right. Structure helps
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Speaker 1: you to feel competence. Right. When you feel competence, that
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Speaker 1: basic psychological need you are being in, motivation go up.
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Speaker 1: But when you do not have the structure, when you
14:10
Speaker 1: don't have the framework, when you don't have the boundaries,
14:12
Speaker 1: the guidelines, the formula, when the system breaks down, you're
14:16
Speaker 1: feeling competent. And life is hard. And that's really what's
14:18
Speaker 1: happened this last week.
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Speaker 2: Yeah, and I think the other thing I really wanted
14:22
Speaker 2: to just reiterate is just when you're making change, it's
14:25
Speaker 2: hard to make it stick. Yeah, it's really hard, but
14:28
Speaker 2: don't give up.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, and it's not just hard because of old patterns.
14:31
Speaker 1: It's also hard because life is variable and random and volatile,
14:35
Speaker 1: and things happen that you're not expecting. It's great, I'll
14:38
Speaker 1: do but it tomorrow. It's great reminder about the importance
14:40
Speaker 1: of routine and structure. It really makes a difference to
14:42
Speaker 1: help your family to function. Well, I'm glad you shared that,
14:44
Speaker 1: and hopefully they take our message from my story about
14:48
Speaker 1: the dad that I spoke to and his son. Hopefully
14:50
Speaker 1: that resonates as well, and it helps people whose kids
14:52
Speaker 1: are really struggling to just have a sense of where
14:55
Speaker 1: to go and what to do. I guess the hardest
14:57
Speaker 1: thing is convincing your kids to get on board with it.
14:58
Speaker 1: But usually if you're promising going to take them camping
15:01
Speaker 1: or mountain bike riding or whatever it is, they usually
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Speaker 1: feel pretty good about that. Hey, have a great weekend.
15:06
Speaker 1: Please listen to our episode tomorrow. I can't wait for
15:08
Speaker 1: you to hear the interview with Scott Novis, the former
15:11
Speaker 1: Walt Disney vice president, who is going to talk about
15:13
Speaker 1: kids and games and how to stop the problematic gaming
15:17
Speaker 1: in ways that doesn't that don't require you to have
15:20
Speaker 1: a big war to turn off the TV or the screen.
15:22
Speaker 1: It's going to be great stuff. The Happy Families podcast
15:24
Speaker 1: is produced by Justin Rowlin for Bridge Media. More information
15:28
Speaker 1: and resources to make you family happier you can find
15:30
Speaker 1: it at happy families dot com dot a u