Latest / Morrow Marriage | Disrupting Divorce / Can't Afford Marriage Counseling? Read This First | The 'NEW' Marriage | Ep475

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Can't Afford Marriage Counseling? Read This First | The 'NEW' Marriage | Ep475 · Morrow Marriage | Disrupting Divorce

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: I can't afford marriage coaching counseling program.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: How to love without losing your identity.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_00: How people test your emotional availability.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: Letting go versus giving up the marriage roommate trap.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: Carrying the load.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: The emergency poop story.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_01: I can't afford marriage coaching counseling program.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_01: Ah! Welcome to Moral Marriage Podcast, guys.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_01: And I want to talk very probably briefly on this, but very seriously.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_01: You guys are fucking idiots when you say that.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_01: Idiots.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_01: You're literally making an excuse about money when I know without even being in your home, you do have money that you waste.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_01: I know because I've talked to over 20,000, probably 25,000 men in nearly five years.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_01: And every guy who says, even I'm living paycheck to paycheck, I don't have enough money to get through this week.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_01: Every man has spent money that week on something he shouldn't spend money on.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_01: Every man.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_01: Every man has something in his home he can sell.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, that's not true.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_01: I did talk to a couple guys over the years who lived on the street and had their cell phone.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I'm not gonna.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_01: That's probably not you.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_02: That's a small percentage of people that we talked to.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_01: It's not even a handful, it's not even one hand.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_02: I've spoken to one woman that lived in her car.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_02: One.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_01: Like, it's just it's ridiculous.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_02: You all And I think she joined the program.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_01: Actually, I I also had one.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_01: I had one guy do that.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_01: He was living in his truck and he joined the program.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and by the way, there's many of you living in your vehicles because your stalls kicked job, right?
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_01: Or living at the shelter because it needs to be safe, right?
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_01: Like, the problem is you guys make it too fucking easy on yourself.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_01: And I want to go further than money on this, okay?
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_01: Money is just obvious.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_01: You all obviously spend money on stupid shit.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_01: Listen, if I couldn't afford anything and our kids were in diapers and I needed to learn more, I'm at the stage of my life looking back where I would figure out how to do cloth diapers.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_01: I know that sounds ridiculous knowing me in diapers and I just get another job.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_01: I just get another job.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_02: I just go to work somewhere.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_02: Starbucks.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_02: We talked about Starbucks a lot.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, but that is like the that is like the the number one way you think about it.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_01: And that's what's holding you back.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_01: I would just get another job.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_02: Listen, I he's talking about though being resourceful.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_02: That's why he said cloth diapers.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_02: I guarantee you he wouldn't do cloth diapers because he'd have to wash them too.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_02: But the point is if you are stuck, how do you get unstuck?
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_02: That's what he's trying to say.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_02: What do you do differently rather than woe is me, I don't have diapers.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_02: You figure it out.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_02: You probably make diapers out of a bed sheet or something.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_01: It's honestly fucking crazy to you because at one point there was a diaper out of it.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_01: Well, at one point there was no diapers.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_01: You know what I mean?
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_01: Like, what the fuck are you?
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_01: Like, and I'm just I just grabbed that as an example, you guys.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_01: Now I want to go further in this because I know that I don't need to lecture you on how stupid you are with your money.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_01: But I do need to go further because some of you are stupidly trying to buy love.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_01: And we've talked about this a lot of times, but fuck man, in the last week alone, I had somebody who is going to Disneyland right now.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_01: He's in Disney World.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_01: He canceled his call, said he thinks things are good because we're gonna go to Disneyland.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_01: Dude, you're gonna come back from Disneyland and you will have had fights, you will have um had no sex and intimacy, you will have got some sort of tension and build up and explosion in front of your children because of you and your wife.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_01: I've seen this with a guy, I think I talked about in the podcast before, a hundred thousand dollar truck he bought his wife.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_01: Broke now.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_01: By the way, she took the truck and she left the home.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_01: You guys, I've seen it with kitchen renovations.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_01: If I just give her the kitchen she's wanted, I just filmed a reel just a moment ago before we started filming podcasts where I said, you're fighting over everything.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_01: It's not the cup in the sink, it's not the kitchen renovation.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_01: It's not.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_01: The problem is you're trying to fix something.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_01: It kitchen might have been part of it.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_01: She wanted to be a part of the design.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_01: She was tired that you didn't follow through.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_01: You didn't fucking budget to get it done, and it's been four years.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_01: You couldn't put the screw in the freaking cupboard when the cupboard was falling off because you're too lazy.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_01: She doesn't love me enough, so you drank too much.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_01: Buying the thing will not fix the marriage.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_01: It will not.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_01: You love you love having money now, I think.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_01: Like money didn't matter to you when I met you.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_01: You're like, fuck, I couldn't.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_02: I like the things that money buys for sure.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_02: I like having the freedom to do what I want to do and buy what I want to buy.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_01: Now, when I was abusing you, okay, did we have money?
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_02: No.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_01: No.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_01: When I was abusing you, did you get to go everywhere you wanted to go?
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_02: Not easily, no.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_01: No.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_01: But you found ways to be happy.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_01: When I was abusing you, and I'll call this not abusing you, when I was still not treating you as well as I needed to, because I hadn't learned everything yet.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_01: Earlier in our journey, girls were little.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_01: Did you find other ways to make you happy?
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_01: That didn't cost a lot of money?
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_01: One of those things you still do a lot of today, dog rescue shit on social media.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_01: I couldn't buy my fucking wife and buy the piece that she needed.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_02: You guys there was nothing at that time.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_02: There was nothing you could have bought.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_01: No.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_02: That would have changed our situation.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_02: Literally nothing.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_01: No.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_01: You only have one option, and that is to invest in yourself because numbnuts, this guy that I was talking to this week, very, very nice guy, by the way.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_01: I really liked his reflection.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_01: I'm calling him Nun Nuts because I said to him, I'm not, I have nothing to sell you.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_01: And he had actually thought I was gonna be.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_01: That's what you all think.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_01: We're just gonna sell you something.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_01: Dennis had a guy this week too.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_01: I talked to him actually, and Dennis, he he was the guy was so impressed about our president because Dennis didn't sell him anything.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_01: Like, excuse me, why?
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_01: This not that this guy was buying anything, it's this guy did need to invest in coaching, but this guy wasn't even ready to reflect for help.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_01: He had something to prove so badly.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_01: This is the guy that um his wife was having an affair.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_01: Oh gosh, check this out.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_01: While he, him and the kids are sleeping upstairs, she lives in the basement right now, she stuck a guy in, a family friend, into the house.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_01: That's awful.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_01: Like that's next level affair.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_01: By the way, I didn't tell him this on the call.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_01: By the way, if that happens, they're so far past the hiding stage, they don't care.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_01: And you know what he said?
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_01: I talked to him two days in a row.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_01: You know what he said?
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I don't want to assume she's having an affair.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_01: She said that they're not sleeping together.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_01: Dude, if she doesn't care about who she's sneaking in the house, she's been fucking his brains up.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_01: Just duh.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_01: Like they're way past getting caught.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_01: They don't give a fuck.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_01: Like, even if the kids could find out.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_01: Think about that.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_01: But I didn't sell them anything.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_01: Meaning I didn't let them hire me for a coach.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_01: Why?
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_01: Because you have to want help.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_01: You don't have to, you can't have anything to prove anymore.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_01: Go back to when we were broke and I was selling everything I could, even for a book.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_01: I wanted to change and I had nothing to prove.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_01: I only needed to know for myself.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_01: Why do you think it was slower than I want it to be?
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_01: Because I still had something to prove to Catherine.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_01: That's the thing.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_01: That's the ticket.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_01: You can't afford marriage coaching.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_01: That's bullshit.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_01: But you can't afford to not position your mindset to where you need somebody to look at your blind spots.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_02: Oh yeah.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_01: You need it.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_01: It's called a reality check.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_01: You need to find a way to be resourceful.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_01: I sold shit.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_01: I borrowed a friend's credit card.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_01: Guys, some of you would be too embarrassed to do something like that.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_01: What is it that you want to look stupid for your friend?
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_01: Or look stupid for your partner, for your kids, for yourself?
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_02: Or be stupid and do nothing.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_01: That's even even crazier to me.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_01: Crazier.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_01: You can't afford to not to.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_01: More importantly, you can't afford to listen to somebody who's been there before you tell you what you're seeing wrong.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_01: Like you have nothing to prove.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_01: Guys, do you want the outcome?
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_01: Or do you want to say, I did it?
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_01: Because guys, I didn't even do it alone.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_01: And we still don't do it alone.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_01: What makes you think you should do it alone?
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_01: No rich person got rich alone.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_01: Everybody who got ripped learned how by learning from someone else.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_01: Nobody just magically made all this shit up.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_01: Even the original rip people, even the great relationships now, even the very first person who made money.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_01: Everybody had to figure it out by learning from someone else who did it.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_01: You can't afford not to.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_01: See you next time.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_02: Bye.