Latest / Overwhelmed Working Woman: Boost Productivity, Master Time Management, Overcome Overwhelm & Stop People Pleasing / #159| Why Boundaries Are Life-Changing for Overwhelmed Working Women (You Can Do It!)
Transcript
- 0:00Michelle Gauthier: The boundary is there and I just get to keep the ongoing peace because the rule is in place.
- 0:10Michelle Gauthier: You're listening to Overwhelmed Working Woman, the podcast that helps you be more calm and more productive by doing less.
- 0:17Michelle Gauthier: I'm your host, Michelle Gauthier, a former overwhelmed working woman and current life coach.
- 0:22Michelle Gauthier: On this show, we unpack the stress and pressure that today's working woman experiences and in each episode you'll get a strategy to bring more calm, ease and relaxation to your life.
- 0:37Michelle Gauthier: Hi, friend, thanks for joining.
- 0:38Michelle Gauthier: Today I'm going to talk about something a little different.
- 0:40Michelle Gauthier: If you've been listening to the podcast for a while, you know I talk a lot about problems, people pleasing, saying yes when you don't want to, feeling overwhelmed, and I give you tons of ideas on how to fix those things.
- 0:51Michelle Gauthier: But today I want to talk about what happens after you fix them, because that's where the magic really is.
- 0:58Michelle Gauthier: That's the part that we're all really going for, and what reminded me of this was something Tasha, who's a former client of mine.
- 1:05Michelle Gauthier: She was on the Monday episode if you haven't listened to that one yet, episode 158.
- 1:09Michelle Gauthier: She shared how she set a boundary with her kids, which was basically when I walk in the door after work, I need 15 minutes to myself before I answer any questions, and just like that.
- 1:19Michelle Gauthier: Obviously, kids don't listen on the first try.
- 1:21Michelle Gauthier: You have to keep reminding them.
- 1:22Michelle Gauthier: But after that boundary was implemented, her evenings got so much easier, so much less chaotic.
- 1:28Michelle Gauthier: Her kids got used to it.
- 1:30Michelle Gauthier: That one small boundary for her to have 15 minutes to go gather herself, change clothes, move into mom mode from boss mode had a ripple effect that changed their entire family routine.
- 1:43Michelle Gauthier: That change their entire family routine and it's still going today.
- 1:49Michelle Gauthier: So when you listen today, you learn how setting just one small boundary can unlock big relief in your daily life, like fewer demands, less decisions to make and more calm moments that just keep lasting.
- 1:59Michelle Gauthier: I'm going to give you a couple real life examples that aren't dramatic or confrontational.
- 2:04Michelle Gauthier: They're just small, little boundaries that I've put in in my life, and that couple examples that will really give you a good idea for what happens after you do this kind of work.
- 2:13Michelle Gauthier: So at the start of this episode I mentioned my client, Tasha, in this small shift that she made where she put a boundary in that her kids weren't allowed to ask her any questions for 15 minutes after she first got home from work.
- 2:27Michelle Gauthier: Let's just think about the effects of that, the impacts of that.
- 2:31Michelle Gauthier: So now when she walks in the door she no longer has them asking her questions and if they do, she just reminds them I need 15 minutes.
- 2:40Michelle Gauthier: Then for her.
- 2:41Michelle Gauthier: She goes upstairs and changes her clothes and kind of gets herself together and into family mode and comes down back down with her kids and let's just think about the effect of her whole evening and the effect on the whole family that that stressful part is skipped.
- 2:56Michelle Gauthier: She can just be present, be with her kids, enjoy dinner there.
- 3:02Michelle Gauthier: It's so nice because once you put a boundary in place, you don't even have to worry about people pleasing or that stressful saying no, because the boundary is just, you can't ask me any questions and you just have to keep reminding them of the boundary.
- 3:14Michelle Gauthier: And if you think about let's just make the assumption that the night that they spend together is much nicer because they didn't have this tense 15 minute interaction when their mom first walked in the door.
- 3:26Michelle Gauthier: And then let's just say that that happens not just like one day, but that happens every day and over time.
- 3:33Michelle Gauthier: The kids aren't even, you know, asking anymore.
- 3:36Michelle Gauthier: They're just waiting until that 15 minutes is over to start interacting with her.
- 3:40Michelle Gauthier: And so they don't have one nice night, but they have a week full of nice nights and a month full and a year full and pretty soon it's just not an issue at all anymore and there's so much less stress happening.
- 3:52Michelle Gauthier: So even though this is a tiny boundary, the way that it carries out and keeps going is so big.
- 4:00Michelle Gauthier: So if you think about some place in your life where you could set a small boundary like this.
- 4:06Michelle Gauthier: It feels sometimes a little stressful to set the boundary, but I just want to remind you how long the effects will keep going.
- 4:14Michelle Gauthier: I'll tell you a personal story about this that made a big deal in my life my kids, so they're 14 and 17.
- 4:22Michelle Gauthier: Gosh, we'll be 18 by the time this podcast goes live, and they both have their own money.
- 4:25Michelle Gauthier: They get allowance for the chores that they do at home and then they have jobs.
- 4:26Michelle Gauthier: So they have their own money.
- 4:27Michelle Gauthier: They get allowance for the chores that they do at home and then they have jobs.
- 4:31Michelle Gauthier: So they have their own money.
- 4:32Michelle Gauthier: But when my son first started driving and when my daughter first started up basically realizing what Starbucks is and that it's delicious and cool, it's like a cool thing to have at middle school, then they would both ask me for you know, can we go out to fast food, or can you take me to Starbucks and I can get Starbucks, and over time, it really, first of all, it's a lot of time and it's a lot of money.
- 4:54Michelle Gauthier: So I decided that what I needed to do was put a boundary in place that I don't pay for Starbucks at all and if I have groceries in the house which I always, always do.
- 5:08Michelle Gauthier: But you would just rather go to Cain's Chicken or whatever.
- 5:11Michelle Gauthier: You're welcome to do that, but I am not funding that.
- 5:14Michelle Gauthier: It has just saved me so much mental energy and this has been like probably a year since I put this boundary in, so they don't even ask me anymore.
- 5:23Michelle Gauthier: Just today I was at Target with my daughter and we were doing some shopping and I was actually buying something for her Sometimes I do, sometimes I don don't and as we were checking out, she said I really want to go get a Starbucks.
- 5:33Michelle Gauthier: Do we have time for me to go grab it, because there's a Starbucks in our Target?
- 5:36Michelle Gauthier: And I said sure, yeah, did you bring your wallet?
- 5:38Michelle Gauthier: Yes, I did.
- 5:39Michelle Gauthier: So she went and bought it.
- 5:40Michelle Gauthier: She would not ask me to buy her that anymore, because it's just a boundary that I don't buy that.
- 5:45Michelle Gauthier: And the fun thing about it is, instead of having a fight or me sometimes buying it and sometimes not, they know what to expect.
- 5:54Michelle Gauthier: They know exactly what to expect.
- 5:55Michelle Gauthier: They also know if they don't have the money, then they can't have it.
- 5:59Michelle Gauthier: And it is really fun sometimes, like, let's say we're on a vacation or something, I'll say, oh, I'll treat to Starbucks, what would you like this time?
- 6:05Michelle Gauthier: Then she's like Thank you so much, mom, that's so great of you to do that for me.
- 6:08Michelle Gauthier: So I can't even imagine how many asks that I just don't get because they just don't ask me about it anymore.
- 6:16Michelle Gauthier: The boundary is there and I just get to keep the ongoing piece because the rule is in place.
- 6:22Michelle Gauthier: Another boundary that can give you a lot of freedom is deciding that you don't answer work emails after a certain point of the day, maybe like five or six o'clock.
- 6:30Michelle Gauthier: Imagine what your evenings would look like if you just didn't look at your work stuff.
- 6:34Michelle Gauthier: It would give you so much more freedom.
- 6:37Michelle Gauthier: So I think the moral of the story today is, if you want to learn exactly how to set a boundary I have quite a few episodes that will talk about the nuts and bolts of how to do it, but I really today just wanted to talk about the freedom and what happens when you have a boundary and you stick to it, because once you stick to it and you get the gains from it, they just keep coming.
- 6:59Michelle Gauthier: So I highly recommend you to think about this week where's a place where I could set a boundary?
- 7:04Michelle Gauthier: And when I do that, what will it look like for me?
- 7:08Michelle Gauthier: How different will it feel?
- 7:10Michelle Gauthier: And how long will I feel differently?
- 7:12Michelle Gauthier: And the answer is probably like forever, which is the best part.
- 7:15Michelle Gauthier: I will put a link in the show notes, too, to a couple of the episodes that you can listen to if you're not a long time listener or you just need a refresher and you want to learn about how exactly to set a boundary and what the steps are for doing that and how to communicate it to the person.
- 7:30Michelle Gauthier: And then I'll also link an episode that tells you many different ways to say the word no.
- 7:37Michelle Gauthier: Okay, so get out there, set a new boundary and see what effects it has on your life.
- 7:47Michelle Gauthier: Thank you for listening to the Overwhelmed Working Woman podcast.
- 7:50Michelle Gauthier: If you want to learn more about my work, head over to my website at michellegauthiercom.
- 7:56Michelle Gauthier: See you next week.