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Transcript

Why Self-Love Is Not Selfish And How To Stop Disappearing In Your Own Life · Your Utmost Life

• 0:00
  Misty Celli: There's a voice in your head that speaks up every time you try to do something for yourself.
• 0:04
  Misty Celli: It whispers when you sit down to read a book.
• 0:06
  Misty Celli: You should be doing laundry.
• 0:08
  Misty Celli: It screams when you take time to exercise.
• 0:11
  Misty Celli: Your family needs you.
• 0:12
  Misty Celli: This is selfish.
• 0:14
  Misty Celli: It paralyzes you when you try to rest.
• 0:17
  Misty Celli: You haven't done enough.
• 0:18
  Misty Celli: Do you really think you deserve this?
• 0:20
  Misty Celli: That voice, that's guilt.
• 0:22
  Misty Celli: And for most of you listening, that voice has become a prison guard that keeps you locked away from your own life.
• 0:29
  Misty Celli: You can't take time for yourself without feeling selfish.
• 0:32
  Misty Celli: You can't prioritize your needs without feeling guilty.
• 0:35
  Misty Celli: You can't rest without feeling like you're failing everyone who depends on you.
• 0:39
  Misty Celli: So you keep giving, keep serving, keep sacrificing, keep running yourself into the ground, believing that this is what love looks like.
• 0:48
  Misty Celli: This is what good mothers do.
• 0:50
  Misty Celli: This is the price of having a family you adore.
• 0:53
  Misty Celli: This is what an ambitious woman does.
• 0:56
  Misty Celli: But here's what nobody tells you.
• 0:58
  Misty Celli: When you can't put yourself first, everyone loses.
• 1:02
  Misty Celli: Not just you, everyone.
• 1:04
  Misty Celli: Because you can't guide anyone to safety if your light goes out.
• 1:08
  Misty Celli: If you're tired of feeling like you don't know who you are anymore, and when you look in the mirror, you catch yourself thinking, is this all there is?
• 1:15
  Misty Celli: You're in the right place.
• 1:16
  Misty Celli: I'm Miss Tichelli and I help women step into their highest potential and design a life that feels true, rich, and deeply satisfying.
• 1:23
  Misty Celli: A life built by design, not by default.
• 1:26
  Misty Celli: On this podcast, you will learn the principles and strategic tools that create real lasting transformation in your health, your relationships, your confidence, your goals, and the deeper parts of you like purpose, growth, love, and parenting.
• 1:38
  Misty Celli: This is where you begin the process of becoming your utmost self and reclaiming a life that feels like yours again.
• 1:44
  Misty Celli: Welcome to your utmost life podcast.
• 1:47
  Misty Celli: Today we're talking about the guilt prison, why you can't put yourself first, where this crushing guilt actually comes from, and why self-love isn't selfish.
• 1:58
  Misty Celli: It's the only way you can fully show up.
• 2:00
  Misty Celli: And if you've been running unemptive for so long, you don't remember what full feels like, this episode is for you.
• 2:07
  Misty Celli: Let me describe what living in the guilt prison actually feels like.
• 2:11
  Misty Celli: Because if you're there right now, I need you to know you're not alone.
• 2:15
  Misty Celli: It's not just a nagging feeling, it's crushing.
• 2:19
  Misty Celli: You do everything for the people you love.
• 2:21
  Misty Celli: Everything.
• 2:22
  Misty Celli: And somehow you've become non-existent to them.
• 2:26
  Misty Celli: The very people you're doing it all for don't seem to see you anymore.
• 2:31
  Misty Celli: You feel invisible, used up, worn out, like you've faded from their lives and you no longer have real purpose.
• 2:38
  Misty Celli: They've moved on and you're pathetic enough to keep trying to be part of it.
• 2:42
  Misty Celli: You're not needed anymore.
• 2:44
  Misty Celli: Not really.
• 2:45
  Misty Celli: Not as a person, just as someone who does things, provides service, manages logistics.
• 2:51
  Misty Celli: There's no connection anymore.
• 2:53
  Misty Celli: No real relationship.
• 2:55
  Misty Celli: You can't connect with them because you don't even know who you are beyond what you do for them.
• 3:00
  Misty Celli: And when you try to be part of their world, their actual lives, not just the support system for their lives, you feel like a nuisance, an interruption.
• 3:09
  Misty Celli: Someone who doesn't quite fit anymore.
• 3:11
  Misty Celli: This makes you physically sick.
• 3:13
  Misty Celli: Your stomach is in knots, you can't sleep, you're exhausted but wired.
• 3:17
  Misty Celli: And underneath all of it, this voice is telling you, you should be grateful.
• 3:22
  Misty Celli: Look at this amazing life.
• 3:24
  Misty Celli: These people could be gone one day.
• 3:27
  Misty Celli: If this exhaustion is the price of having them, that's okay.
• 3:31
  Misty Celli: Just keep going.
• 3:32
  Misty Celli: Don't be ungrateful.
• 3:34
  Misty Celli: But even as you say those words, I am grateful.
• 3:38
  Misty Celli: I am blessed.
• 3:39
  Misty Celli: I love them.
• 3:40
  Misty Celli: There's this twinge, this whisper underneath.
• 3:43
  Misty Celli: I wish I wasn't so exhausted.
• 3:46
  Misty Celli: I wish I was different.
• 3:48
  Misty Celli: This isn't really who I thought I would be.
• 3:51
  Misty Celli: That's the guilt prison, and it's suffocating.
• 3:54
  Misty Celli: I want to tell you about a time when I tried to paint my nails.
• 3:59
  Misty Celli: Now I know that sounds ridiculous.
• 4:02
  Misty Celli: Like, who needs a story about nail polish?
• 4:04
  Misty Celli: But stay with me because this is important.
• 4:06
  Misty Celli: I had decided that I wanted to do something nice for myself.
• 4:10
  Misty Celli: Something small, something that would make me feel a little bit more pretty, more human, a little more like a woman instead of just a mom and a task manager.
• 4:19
  Misty Celli: So I got out the nail polish and I started painting my nails.
• 4:22
  Misty Celli: And the entire time I could feel this crushing guilt building inside of me.
• 4:27
  Misty Celli: I was taking too long.
• 4:29
  Misty Celli: This was taking longer than it should.
• 4:31
  Misty Celli: There were a million other things I should be doing.
• 4:34
  Misty Celli: I should be more productive, doing more productive things, things that would benefit everyone else.
• 4:40
  Misty Celli: The guilt got so intense that I just took the nail polish off.
• 4:44
  Misty Celli: Went naked for months because even nail painting, painting my nails, felt too selfish.
• 4:50
  Misty Celli: Do you realize how insane that I sound?
• 4:52
  Misty Celli: I couldn't even give myself 10 minutes to paint my nails without feeling like I was stealing from my family.
• 4:58
  Misty Celli: And here's the thing: it wasn't just the nails, it was everything.
• 5:02
  Misty Celli: I tried to clean out the bathroom cabinets once, something that I genuinely wanted to do, something that would make me feel better.
• 5:09
  Misty Celli: And I felt guilty the entire time because I wasn't doing something more directively productive for everyone else.
• 5:16
  Misty Celli: Think about that.
• 5:17
  Misty Celli: I was literally working, I was organizing and improving our home, and I still felt guilty because it wasn't something I wanted to do, it was something I wanted to do rather than something that they needed me to do.
• 5:29
  Misty Celli: Eventually, I found a solution to the nail polish problem.
• 5:32
  Misty Celli: I got up extra early, painting them before anyone else was awake, before I should be doing something for everyone else.
• 5:39
  Misty Celli: Because apparently, the only way I could do something for myself was to steal the time from sleep, to carve it out of the margins of my life when no one else would notice or need me.
• 5:50
  Misty Celli: And here's what that pattern created: I ran myself into the ground.
• 5:55
  Misty Celli: There were seasons where I didn't even take time to rest, didn't prioritize sleep, didn't pause when I was getting sick.
• 6:02
  Misty Celli: And you know what happened?
• 6:03
  Misty Celli: I ended up in bed.
• 6:04
  Misty Celli: I was sick for days.
• 6:07
  Misty Celli: And instead of resting and recovering, I felt guilty, guilty that I wasn't able to do anything for anyone else.
• 6:13
  Misty Celli: Frustrated with myself for not being stronger, angry that my body had failed me.
• 6:18
  Misty Celli: I couldn't even get sick without guilt.
• 6:20
  Misty Celli: Because when you're in the guilt prison, you believe that your needs don't matter, that your body's limits are character flaws, and that requiring rest is weakness.
• 6:30
  Misty Celli: And so you push and push and push until your body makes the decision for you and it shuts down.
• 6:37
  Misty Celli: Here's the truly tragic irony.
• 6:40
  Misty Celli: The more you sacrifice yourself, the more invisible you become.
• 6:44
  Misty Celli: You think that you're earning connection by serving.
• 6:47
  Misty Celli: You think that you're building relationship by being endlessly available.
• 6:52
  Misty Celli: You think you're showing love by having no needs of your own.
• 6:56
  Misty Celli: But what's actually happening is this you're teaching everyone around you that you do not matter.
• 7:01
  Misty Celli: Not intentionally.
• 7:02
  Misty Celli: They don't mean to treat you like that.
• 7:04
  Misty Celli: You're invisible or but you've trained them.
• 7:06
  Misty Celli: When someone compliments you, you brush it off.
• 7:08
  Misty Celli: Oh, it's no big deal.
• 7:10
  Misty Celli: When someone thinks you, you dismiss it.
• 7:12
  Misty Celli: It's what good moms do.
• 7:14
  Misty Celli: When someone acknowledges your effort, you minimize it.
• 7:17
  Misty Celli: I do it because I love you.
• 7:19
  Misty Celli: You think those words sound humble, loving, and self-sacrificing.
• 7:23
  Misty Celli: But what those words actually say is what I do doesn't matter.
• 7:28
  Misty Celli: I don't matter.
• 7:29
  Misty Celli: Don't treat this, don't treat me like I am important.
• 7:33
  Misty Celli: And so they don't.
• 7:34
  Misty Celli: Not because they're bad people, but because you've literally told them not to.
• 7:38
  Misty Celli: You've trained them that appreciating you is unnecessary, that your efforts are just what you do, that you're fine, you're handling it, and you don't need anything.
• 7:47
  Misty Celli: And then you feel hurt when they believe you.
• 7:49
  Misty Celli: You feel invisible when you've been teaching them not to see you.
• 7:53
  Misty Celli: You feel used when you've been presenting yourself as an endless resource with no means.
• 7:58
  Misty Celli: And underneath it all is guilt, crushing, suffocating guilt that you can't put yourself first without feeling selfish.
• 8:06
  Misty Celli: So where does this guilt actually come from?
• 8:10
  Misty Celli: Because you weren't born feeling guilty about taking care of yourself.
• 8:13
  Misty Celli: The guilt comes from a belief, a deep, often unconscious belief that goes like this Putting myself first equals selfish.
• 8:21
  Misty Celli: Good mothers sacrifice everything.
• 8:24
  Misty Celli: If I prioritize my needs, I am failing the people I love.
• 8:28
  Misty Celli: This belief sounds noble, doesn't it?
• 8:30
  Misty Celli: It sounds like love, like dedication, like being a good person.
• 8:35
  Misty Celli: But let me show you what this belief actually does.
• 8:38
  Misty Celli: First, we need to understand something crucial.
• 8:40
  Misty Celli: Not all guilt is the same.
• 8:42
  Misty Celli: There's real guilt, the kind you feel when you've actually done something wrong, when you've hurt someone, when you've violated your own values, or when you need to make amends or change behavior.
• 8:53
  Misty Celli: Real guilt is useful.
• 8:55
  Misty Celli: It's your conscience telling you that something needs to be addressed.
• 8:58
  Misty Celli: But then there's this false guilt, the kind you feel when you haven't actually done anything wrong, when you're simply having needs, setting boundaries, or taking care of yourself.
• 9:10
  Misty Celli: False guilt is the voice that says you're selfish for resting, that you're failing for having limits, or that you're a bad mom for needing time alone.
• 9:18
  Misty Celli: And here's what you need to understand the guilt you feel about putting yourself first, that's false guilt.
• 9:26
  Misty Celli: You haven't done anything wrong by having needs.
• 9:28
  Misty Celli: You haven't failed anyone by requiring rest.
• 9:31
  Misty Celli: You're not selfish for being a human being with limits, but you've been conditioned to believe that you are.
• 9:37
  Misty Celli: Think about the messages you received growing up.
• 9:40
  Misty Celli: Maybe you had a mother who sacrificed everything, burned herself out, and learned that's what good mothers do.
• 9:46
  Misty Celli: Maybe you were praised for being helpful, accommodating, self-sacrificing.
• 9:50
  Misty Celli: Maybe you learned that your value came from how much you could give, not from who you were.
• 9:55
  Misty Celli: Maybe you were taught implicitly or explicitly that women's needs come last, that good women don't ask for things, that loving someone means having no needs of your own.
• 10:06
  Misty Celli: Or maybe you grew up in a religious environment that taught that self-sacrifice is holy, that dying to yourself is virtuous, that putting yourself first is the opposite of love.
• 10:16
  Misty Celli: None of this is your fault.
• 10:18
  Misty Celli: You absorbed these messages because you were a child trying to understand how the world works and what makes you valuable.
• 10:24
  Misty Celli: But here's the problem those messages are creating the guilt prison you're living in right now.
• 10:30
  Misty Celli: And this isn't just my experience or yours.
• 10:33
  Misty Celli: This is backed by research.
• 10:35
  Misty Celli: There was a fascinating study that looked at what they called unmitigated communion, which is basically the tendency to focus exclusively on others' needs while ignoring your own.
• 10:47
  Misty Celli: What they found was shocking.
• 10:50
  Misty Celli: Women who scored high on unmitigated communion had significantly higher rates of depression, anxiety, and physical health problems.
• 10:58
  Misty Celli: They also reported lower relationship satisfaction and lower self-esteem.
• 11:03
  Misty Celli: Think about that.
• 11:04
  Misty Celli: The very thing that you think is making you a better mother, a better wife, a better person, endless self-sacrifice is actually making you sick.
• 11:14
  Misty Celli: And it's not even improving your relationships.
• 11:17
  Misty Celli: There was another study I found that tracked mothers over five years, and that that study found that mothers who consistently prioritize everyone else's needs over their own experienced what uh researchers called depletion syndrome.
• 11:32
  Misty Celli: They became emotionally flat, basically exhausted and relationally disconnected.
• 11:38
  Misty Celli: And here's the kicker: their children reported feeling more anxious and guilty, not less.
• 11:44
  Misty Celli: Because children don't want a martyr for a mother.
• 11:46
  Misty Celli: They want a whole person who models healthy self-care.
• 11:50
  Misty Celli: When you sacrifice yourself endlessly, you don't teach your children that you love them.
• 11:56
  Misty Celli: You teach them that mothers don't matter, that women's needs are negotiable, and that love means self-erasure.
• 12:03
  Misty Celli: I know this isn't what you really want them to learn.
• 12:06
  Misty Celli: But here's what's really happening underneath the guilt.
• 12:09
  Misty Celli: Fear.
• 12:10
  Misty Celli: You're afraid that if you put yourself first, you'll be called selfish.
• 12:15
  Misty Celli: You're afraid that if you have needs, you'll be too much.
• 12:18
  Misty Celli: You're afraid that if you stop being endlessly available, people will stop loving you.
• 12:25
  Misty Celli: So let me be very clear.
• 12:27
  Misty Celli: In healthy relationships, that doesn't happen.
• 12:31
  Misty Celli: People who truly love you want you to take care of yourself.
• 12:36
  Misty Celli: They want you to rest, they want you to have interests and needs and boundaries.
• 12:41
  Misty Celli: So the fear that you'll be called selfish for basic self-care, that's the internalized voice of conditioning, not reality.
• 12:50
  Misty Celli: Now, yes, there might be people who benefit from you not taking care of yourself, people who like having you available 24-7 with no needs of your own, and people who have gotten comfortable with you being the only one who sacrifices.
• 13:06
  Misty Celli: Those people might resist when you start prioritizing yourself.
• 13:09
  Misty Celli: They might call it selfish, but their discomfort doesn't mean you're wrong.
• 13:15
  Misty Celli: It means they're uncomfortable with you changing the dynamic, and that's their work to do, not yours.
• 13:21
  Misty Celli: So here we are.
• 13:23
  Misty Celli: Now we're going to do the hard work of reversing this belief because understanding where the guilt comes from is one thing.
• 13:30
  Misty Celli: Actually, breaking free from the prison is a completely different.
• 13:34
  Misty Celli: So let's name what you currently believe.
• 13:37
  Misty Celli: Say it out loud.
• 13:38
  Misty Celli: Putting myself first is selfish.
• 13:40
  Misty Celli: Good mothers sacrifice everything for their families.
• 13:43
  Misty Celli: And if I prioritize my needs, I'm failing the people I love.
• 13:47
  Misty Celli: Notice where that belief lives in your body.
• 13:50
  Misty Celli: For most women, it sits heavy in the chest.
• 13:53
  Misty Celli: It feels like pressure, like you're constantly being evaluated and found wanting.
• 13:59
  Misty Celli: Before we dismantle this belief, I need you to understand you're not wrong for believing this.
• 14:05
  Misty Celli: You were taught this by mothers and grandmothers and a culture that benefits from women believing their needs don't matter.
• 14:12
  Misty Celli: You learned that self-sacrifice equals love because that's what you saw modeled, and that's what you were praised for.
• 14:19
  Misty Celli: That's what kept you safe, valued, and accepted.
• 14:22
  Misty Celli: This belief made sense in the context that it was formed.
• 14:25
  Misty Celli: You're not broken for having it.
• 14:27
  Misty Celli: You just need to examine whether it's actually serving you or the people you love anymore.
• 14:32
  Misty Celli: Now, let's look at the flaws in this belief, and there are many.
• 14:36
  Misty Celli: Imagine a lighthouse.
• 14:38
  Misty Celli: Its job is to guide ships safely to shore, to keep them from crashing on the rocks and to be a beacon of safety in the darkness.
• 15:26
  Misty Celli: Now, imagine that lighthouse decides that keeping its light burning is selfish, that all its energy should go to worrying about the ships, not maintaining its own power source.
• 15:38
  Misty Celli: So it stops taking care of itself, it stops refueling, stops maintaining its light, pours all of its energy into caring for the ships by what?
• 15:48
  Misty Celli: Worrying, watching, trying to help without actually having the resources to help.
• 15:53
  Misty Celli: Eventually, the light goes out.
• 15:55
  Misty Celli: And now what?
• 15:56
  Misty Celli: Can it guide anymore?
• 15:58
  Misty Celli: Can it keep anyone safe?
• 15:59
  Misty Celli: Can it serve its purpose?
• 16:01
  Misty Celli: No, it's just a dark tower, useless to everyone who needs it.
• 16:05
  Misty Celli: You are the lighthouse.
• 16:07
  Misty Celli: Your family, the people you love, they need your light.
• 16:10
  Misty Celli: But you cannot guide anyone to safety if your light goes out.
• 16:14
  Misty Celli: So putting yourself first isn't selfish.
• 16:17
  Misty Celli: It's the only way you can actually show up fully for the people who need you.
• 16:22
  Misty Celli: Here's another way to see the flaw.
• 16:24
  Misty Celli: If putting yourself first is selfish, then putting yourself last is virtuous, right?
• 16:29
  Misty Celli: But let's apply that universally.
• 16:31
  Misty Celli: Would you want your daughter to put herself last always?
• 16:34
  Misty Celli: Would you want your best friend to never prioritize her needs?
• 16:38
  Misty Celli: Would you want your mother to sacrifice her health, her sanity, her identity for others?
• 16:44
  Misty Celli: Of course not.
• 16:45
  Misty Celli: You'd want them to take care of themselves.
• 16:47
  Misty Celli: You'd want them to rest, want them to have boundaries and needs in a life beyond service.
• 16:53
  Misty Celli: So why?
• 16:54
  Misty Celli: Why would the rules be different for you than for everyone you love?
• 16:59
  Misty Celli: They're not.
• 17:00
  Misty Celli: The belief doesn't hold up when you apply it universally.
• 17:03
  Misty Celli: So let's get brutally honest about what this belief is costing you and everyone around you.
• 17:08
  Misty Celli: First, you're exhausted, depleted, running unempted.
• 17:12
  Misty Celli: You don't remember the last time you felt full, rested, alive.
• 17:16
  Misty Celli: You became a shell going through the motions, believing that this is what motherhood is.
• 17:21
  Misty Celli: Your marriage suffers because your spouse didn't marry a martyr.
• 17:26
  Misty Celli: They married a whole person with interests and energy and presence.
• 17:31
  Misty Celli: But you've become so depleted that you can't be present.
• 17:35
  Misty Celli: You're just going through the motions.
• 17:38
  Misty Celli: Your kids lose the real you.
• 17:40
  Misty Celli: They get the stressed, exhausted, resentful version, not the alive, energized, interesting version.
• 17:47
  Misty Celli: You think that you're giving them everything, but you're actually giving them the dredges of yourself.
• 17:52
  Misty Celli: You're teaching your children, especially your daughters, that mothers don't matter, that women exist to serve, that having needs is selfish, and that self-erasure is love.
• 18:02
  Misty Celli: Is this really what you want them to learn?
• 18:05
  Misty Celli: Is this the legacy you want to leave?
• 18:07
  Misty Celli: Here's the belief that's actually true.
• 18:09
  Misty Celli: Self-love isn't selfish.
• 18:11
  Misty Celli: It's the only way that I can show up fully.
• 18:14
  Misty Celli: Caring for myself allows me to genuinely care for others.
• 18:18
  Misty Celli: My light has to stay on if I want to guide anyone to safety.
• 18:22
  Misty Celli: This isn't selfish.
• 18:23
  Misty Celli: This is wisdom.
• 18:24
  Misty Celli: You cannot pour from an empty cup.
• 18:26
  Misty Celli: You cannot guide from an extinguished light.
• 18:29
  Misty Celli: You cannot give what you do not have.
• 18:31
  Misty Celli: So what does it look like to actually show up full instead of empty?
• 18:35
  Misty Celli: When I prioritize my personal growth, when I read, when I learn, when I invest in my own mind, I have something to offer in conversations.
• 18:44
  Misty Celli: I become interesting.
• 18:45
  Misty Celli: I'm engaged.
• 18:46
  Misty Celli: I'm not just the same predictable person I've been for decades.
• 18:50
  Misty Celli: Think about it.
• 18:51
  Misty Celli: If your husband never shared anything new in his life, never grew, never changed, what would you have to talk about?
• 18:57
  Misty Celli: If your children stopped learning and evolving, what would your relationship be built on?
• 19:02
  Misty Celli: The same is true for you.
• 19:03
  Misty Celli: When you prioritize yourself, you don't become selfish.
• 19:07
  Misty Celli: You become more interesting, more engaged, more present.
• 19:12
  Misty Celli: You have things to share, insights to offer, energy for real connection, not just task management.
• 19:19
  Misty Celli: Showing up fully means that being emotionally regulated instead of reactive because you're not running on fumes.
• 19:26
  Misty Celli: Showing up fully means that you're having enough energy for actual conversations instead of just logistics.
• 19:32
  Misty Celli: Being present in the moment instead of mentally running through your to-do list, offering genuine care instead of resentful service.
• 19:40
  Misty Celli: You're modeling healthy boundaries instead of endless martom.
• 19:44
  Misty Celli: That's not selfish.
• 19:45
  Misty Celli: That's the best version of you.
• 19:48
  Misty Celli: And that's what the people you love actually need.
• 19:51
  Misty Celli: So how do you actually live this?
• 19:54
  Misty Celli: Because remember, your worth isn't based on what you provide.
• 19:57
  Misty Celli: You don't have to earn your right to rest, to have needs, to take care of yourself.
• 20:02
  Misty Celli: You're inherently worthy of care simply because you exist.
• 20:06
  Misty Celli: How you treat yourself teaches others how to treat you and how to treat themselves.
• 20:11
  Misty Celli: If you want your children to have healthy boundaries, you have to model it for them.
• 20:15
  Misty Celli: If you want your spouse to prioritize self-care, you have to show them what that looks like.
• 20:20
  Misty Celli: This is the guidance you've been trying to give your children.
• 20:23
  Misty Celli: This is what you've wanted for them, for your spouse, for your best friend.
• 20:27
  Misty Celli: So why not for yourself?
• 20:29
  Misty Celli: To be your best self, you need to care for yourself.
• 20:32
  Misty Celli: To be your best for others, you need to present your best self, not a depleted, resentful, exhausted version.
• 20:40
  Misty Celli: And that best self isn't created by disappearing from their life in the name of service to run off and do tasks.
• 20:47
  Misty Celli: Even tasks for them.
• 20:48
  Misty Celli: Presenting your best self means being your best self.
• 20:52
  Misty Celli: Loving, authentic, emotionally regulated, and actually present instead of physically there, but mentally checked out.
• 20:59
  Misty Celli: That requires care, rest, and boundaries.
• 21:02
  Misty Celli: It requires time for yourself.
• 21:04
  Misty Celli: Not someday, but now.
• 21:05
  Misty Celli: Here's the truth that's hard to accept.
• 21:07
  Misty Celli: The guilt prison door isn't locked from the outside.
• 21:11
  Misty Celli: It's locked from the inside.
• 21:12
  Misty Celli: And you hold the key.
• 21:14
  Misty Celli: You always have.
• 21:15
  Misty Celli: The guilt that you feel isn't being imposed on you by your family.
• 21:20
  Misty Celli: In most cases, they're not even aware you feel guilty.
• 21:23
  Misty Celli: They're just living their lives, assuming you're fine, because you keep saying you're fine.
• 21:27
  Misty Celli: The guilt is self-imposed.
• 21:30
  Misty Celli: It comes from the belief that putting yourself first is selfish.
• 21:34
  Misty Celli: But now you know that belief is false.
• 21:37
  Misty Celli: You've seen the flaws, you've counted the cost, you've understand that self-love isn't selfish, it's essential.
• 21:44
  Misty Celli: So the question is, are you going to use the key?
• 21:47
  Misty Celli: Let me tell you what happens when you start putting yourself first.
• 21:50
  Misty Celli: At first, it does, it feels wrong.
• 21:52
  Misty Celli: Your nervous system is wired to believe that having needs is dangerous.
• 21:56
  Misty Celli: So when you start to prioritize yourself, expect discomfort, expect the guilt to scream at you, expect to feel like you're doing something bad.
• 22:05
  Misty Celli: That's normal.
• 22:06
  Misty Celli: That's just old programming resisting change.
• 22:09
  Misty Celli: Some people might be uncomfortable.
• 22:12
  Misty Celli: If people have gotten used to you being endlessly available with no needs, they might resist when you set boundaries.
• 22:19
  Misty Celli: They might question and wonder and be confused.
• 22:22
  Misty Celli: They might call it selfish.
• 22:24
  Misty Celli: They might push back.
• 22:25
  Misty Celli: Let them.
• 22:26
  Misty Celli: Their discomfort is not your emergency.
• 22:29
  Misty Celli: They'll adjust.
• 22:31
  Misty Celli: Your relationships will actually improve.
• 22:34
  Misty Celli: When you show up fully instead of depleted, people get the real you, the engaged, present, alive.
• 22:40
  Misty Celli: Version, not the resentful martyr who's keeping score.
• 22:44
  Misty Celli: Your children will learn healthy patterns instead of learning that mothers don't matter.
• 22:48
  Misty Celli: They'll learn that everyone deserves care, including you, including them.
• 22:54
  Misty Celli: You will remember who you are because you're not constantly running on empty.
• 23:00
  Misty Celli: You have energy for interests, growth, connection.
• 23:03
  Misty Celli: You become interesting again to yourself and to others.
• 23:07
  Misty Celli: Remember the lighthouse metaphor?
• 23:09
  Misty Celli: Here's how that plays out.
• 23:11
  Misty Celli: When you prioritize keeping your light on, when you care for yourself, rest, refuel, maintain your energy, you can actually fulfill your purpose.
• 23:20
  Misty Celli: You can guide people to safety.
• 23:22
  Misty Celli: You can be the beacon you're meant to be.
• 23:25
  Misty Celli: But when you sacrifice yourself endlessly, believing it's selfish to maintain your own light, you go dark and everyone loses.
• 23:33
  Misty Celli: Not just you, everyone who depends on you.
• 23:36
  Misty Celli: Your family doesn't need your sacrifice.
• 23:39
  Misty Celli: They need your light.
• 23:40
  Misty Celli: And keeping that light burning, that's not selfish.
• 23:43
  Misty Celli: That's the most loving thing you can do.
• 23:46
  Misty Celli: So here's where we are.
• 23:47
  Misty Celli: I want you to do something simple.
• 23:49
  Misty Celli: Do one thing for yourself without justifying it, without earning it first, without apologizing for it.
• 23:55
  Misty Celli: Read for 20 minutes.
• 23:57
  Misty Celli: Take a walk alone.
• 23:58
  Misty Celli: Paint your nails without rushing.
• 24:00
  Misty Celli: Rest before you've done enough.
• 24:03
  Misty Celli: And when the guilt shows up, because it will, remind yourself I am not being selfish.
• 24:10
  Misty Celli: I am keeping my light on so I can guide the people I love to safety.
• 24:15
  Misty Celli: Because that's the truth.
• 24:16
  Misty Celli: And the more you practice it, the more the guilt loses its power.
• 24:20
  Misty Celli: Next week, we're going to go even deeper.
• 24:23
  Misty Celli: We're talking about where all of this actually comes from.
• 24:27
  Misty Celli: Because here's the thing: the guilt that you feel, that belief that you have to sacrifice everything, that pattern of making yourself invisible, we're going to talk about why that voice in your head sounds suspiciously like that seven-year-old self of you.
• 24:41
  Misty Celli: And when your seven-year-old is directing your 40-year-old life, you don't want to miss it.
• 24:46
  Misty Celli: So make sure you're subscribed to Your Upmost Life Podcast.
• 24:49
  Misty Celli: And if you want to go deeper in this work with me between episodes, join my email community at your upmostself.com forward slash join.
• 24:57
  Misty Celli: Because this episode or this podcast, it reaches you once a week.
• 25:01
  Misty Celli: But breaking free from the guilt prison, that's daily work.
• 25:05
  Misty Celli: And I want to support you through it with insights, practices, and permission you won't find anywhere else.
• 25:11
  Misty Celli: So until next week, remember you're not selfish or having a light.
• 25:15
  Misty Celli: You're selfish if you let it go out and expect to guide anyone in the darkness.
• 25:20
  Misty Celli: So keep your light on.
• 25:22
  Misty Celli: I'll see you next time.