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Stop Letting Other People Define Who You Are (S5) S35:E1 Saturday · Inspirations for Your Life

0:23
Well there, hello everyone, and welcome once again
0:26
to the ever-popular Inspirations for Your Life
0:29
show.
0:29
It's so great to be with you.
0:31
It is a Saturday, and it is August
0:34
22nd, 2026.
0:36
And you know what Saturday means, guys, in
0:37
case you didn't know.
0:38
A Saturday means that we are on a
0:40
brand new Master Topic.
0:42
Yes, today, guys, I'll tell you the show's
0:45
Master Topic in a minute for the week,
0:47
but it is a Series 5 show, number
0:51
35.
0:53
If you've been here before, that's great, but
0:55
first of all, if this is your first
0:57
time here, I want to say thank you,
0:58
and I want to say welcome.
0:59
If you've been here one, five, 10, 100
1:01
or more, or lost track of the count,
1:02
I want to say thank you, welcome, but
1:04
I also want to say the words, guys,
1:05
welcome back.
1:06
You are all very welcome here, and I'm
1:08
so grateful that you are choosing to be
1:11
part of the show.
1:13
So guys, if you're thirsty or hungry, feel
1:14
free to go grab yourself something.
1:15
I got a decaf tea here, which is
1:19
really delicious.
1:21
And maybe you want to get yourself a
1:22
water or fruit, juice, I don't know, something
1:26
healthy or not, candy, you know, granola bar,
1:28
whatever it is, feel free to grab that
1:30
and come on back to the show, guys.
1:33
That is something I think you guys are
1:35
going to enjoy.
1:37
Don't forget to check out BelieveMeAchieved.com, of
1:40
course, for more of my amazing, inspiring creations,
1:43
which, incidentally, guys, you can do 24 hours
1:46
a day after the show is over, okay?
1:49
So, again, it is so great to be
1:51
with everyone here.
1:53
I'm glad you decided to tune in and,
1:55
again, be part of this great show and
1:58
hopefully gain some amazing knowledge, all right?
2:02
All right.
2:03
So, without any further ado, guys, let's kick
2:05
this show off.
2:06
Are you ready?
2:07
I know I am.
2:08
So, ladies and gentlemen, in case you didn't
2:10
know, this is the Inspirations for Your Life
2:14
show.
2:14
Yes.
2:15
I'm John C.
2:16
Morley.
2:17
I'm a serial entrepreneur, engineer, marketing specialist, video
2:22
producer, podcast host, coach, keynote speaker, a passionate
2:26
lifelong learner, graduate student at Montclair State University,
2:30
and so grateful now to be a published
2:33
author.
2:34
Welcome, everyone.
2:36
The granular, I should say, the master topic
2:39
first is become someone your future can depend
2:41
on, series five, show 35.
2:45
Stop letting other people define who you are,
2:49
series five, show 35, episode number one.
2:54
Become someone your future can depend on is
2:56
our weekly, and, again, our granular is stop
2:59
letting other people define who you are.
3:02
It's Saturday, guys.
3:04
Welcome to the ever-popular Inspirations for Your
3:07
Life show.
3:08
I'm John C.
3:09
Morley.
3:10
It's so great to have you here once
3:11
again.
3:13
This week's topic, become someone your future can
3:18
depend on, starting with knowing who you actually
3:21
are.
3:23
So many voices are all about opinions, about
3:27
who you should be, but who are you
3:31
when they all go quiet?
3:34
Today, how to stop letting others define you
3:38
and start building an identity you trust and
3:42
respect?
3:44
Number one, guys, know who you are without
3:47
an audience.
3:49
Confidence is easy with a crowd cheering.
3:52
Who are you when nobody's watching?
3:56
Your value shouldn't disappear with the audience.
3:59
Number two, stop borrowing other people's definitions.
4:05
Their version of success may not be yours.
4:09
Define it for the life you actually want
4:11
to live.
4:12
Number three, guys, decide what you stand for.
4:19
Know your principles before you're under pressure.
4:24
Number four, separate your identity from your reputation.
4:28
Reputation is what people believe.
4:31
Identity is who you actually are.
4:36
Build character, not just a perception.
4:39
Number five, guys, stop becoming whoever the room
4:43
expects you to be.
4:45
Adapt your communication, not your core self.
4:52
Number six, know what matters when nobody agrees.
4:55
Listen to real criticism.
4:58
But disagreement doesn't make you wrong.
5:01
We can agree to disagree all day long.
5:03
Sometimes you stand alone.
5:06
Number seven, quit measuring yourself through reactions.
5:13
Likes and criticism are reactions, not measures of
5:18
worth.
5:20
Number eight, guys, let your choices reveal your
5:22
identity.
5:24
Anyone can claim to be honest or disciplined.
5:28
Your repeat actions with you showing up are
5:31
the real proof of who you are.
5:34
I think sometimes people, they get caught because
5:40
they change who they are because of the
5:45
room.
5:46
I think that's the worst thing you actually
5:47
could do, change who you are because of
5:51
the room.
5:51
But I didn't say change who you are.
5:54
Number nine, guys, stop changing yourself for temporary
5:58
approval.
5:59
If approval costs your values, it's too expensive.
6:03
It's too expensive.
6:05
Number 10, know which options deserve wait.
6:09
Consider whether the person knows you, understands the
6:13
situation, and wants you to succeed.
6:17
Number 11, refuse labels that keep you small.
6:21
Old labels may be outdated and irrelevant now.
6:25
So I think those are important things that
6:26
we have to think about because what we
6:29
once learned before may have changed.
6:33
The rules may have changed.
6:36
I think that's an important piece for all
6:37
of us to digest.
6:39
Number 12, learn to build confidence from evidence.
6:45
Huh.
6:47
Kind of like working backwards.
6:52
So your track record of solved problems and
6:57
survived challenges is proof of your capability.
7:01
I think we need to lean into that,
7:03
and we definitely need to celebrate those wins,
7:05
guys.
7:07
We have to celebrate them because if we
7:09
can celebrate them, our life can truly change.
7:14
Our life can truly change.
7:16
And I think that's something that a lot
7:17
of people today, they just get stuck.
7:21
They get stuck in a pattern.
7:23
And this pattern causes them to get frustrated.
7:26
It causes them to say, you know what?
7:28
I'm not enough.
7:29
I'm not this.
7:30
I'm not that.
7:33
And that's a very powerful thing.
7:36
So your voice becomes your reality.
7:39
Your voice becomes your reality.
7:45
That's a very important thing for us all
7:49
to realize.
7:51
Your voice becomes your reality.
8:01
And I know what you're probably saying to
8:03
me.
8:03
I know you're probably saying, John, this doesn't
8:04
make a lot of sense.
8:05
But I want to tell you that it's
8:07
true.
8:09
It's true who you are.
8:12
But you have to lean into that a
8:14
little bit.
8:15
You have to lean into it.
8:16
And if you can lean into it, life's
8:19
going to change for you.
8:20
If you don't, you're going to be like,
8:22
oh, how do I get to where I
8:24
want to be?
8:27
If you're constantly trying to redefine yourself because
8:29
of other people, you're doing what they want.
8:34
You're not doing what you want.
8:36
I think that can be challenging, again, for
8:39
a lot of people.
8:41
A lot of people that say maybe this
8:43
isn't the way it should be.
8:46
Okay?
8:48
Maybe.
8:48
Maybe not.
8:51
But if you don't understand it, you're going
8:54
to cause more problems, more challenges.
9:00
And those are things that we got to
9:01
think about.
9:05
And those things can affect our perceptions.
9:08
They can affect our outcome.
9:12
Okay?
9:13
And I think that can be something that
9:15
can really change, again, the trajectory of not
9:19
just us but the people around us.
9:25
And you might be saying, John, this is
9:30
interesting.
9:31
But then again, you may say, no, it's
9:34
not.
9:37
Okay?
9:40
And I can tell you that there are
9:44
capabilities to being part of something.
9:52
And that can change a lot of who
9:55
we are, what we're doing, what's happening, what's
9:59
going on.
10:00
And most importantly, you know what it changes?
10:04
It changes our belief in what we can
10:07
do and what we can't do.
10:09
I think that's sometimes the thing that's hurting
10:12
us is that we put in this track
10:15
that we can't do something.
10:25
We can't wait for what that is.
10:31
That's really true, guys.
10:35
Really true.
10:36
Number 13, stop explaining yourself to everyone.
10:39
Not every decision needs a defense.
10:43
Number 14, know what you will not compromise
10:48
on.
10:49
What are your boundaries that you're not going
10:51
to cross?
10:52
Set the non-negotiables, integrity, health, relationships, before
10:57
they're tested.
10:59
Because if you don't set the boundaries hard
11:02
and things go a certain way, you're going
11:04
to give in.
11:06
And then that boundary that you had is
11:08
going to fall apart.
11:12
It'll fall apart and you'll be like, oh
11:13
my gosh, what am I going to do?
11:18
Okay?
11:19
That's the key, guys.
11:21
That's ultimately the big key, all right, for
11:25
us to understand.
11:26
Number 15, become comfortable being misunderstood.
11:33
Correct real misunderstandings.
11:35
And I think that's one that, again, a
11:37
lot of people don't really understand.
11:38
But I'm here to tell you that you
11:40
can make that difference if you believe.
11:48
Then let go of managing everyone's interpretation of
11:53
you.
11:55
Number 16, let your values outlast trends.
11:59
Build on principles, not what's currently popular.
12:04
Number 17, stop performing versions of yourself.
12:11
Adjust communication, not your core identity.
12:16
Number 18, trust what experience has taught you.
12:20
Don't relearn lessons you already know.
12:24
There's no need to rebuild the whole wheel
12:26
from scratch.
12:27
You know the wheel, right?
12:29
Why do we have to do it again
12:30
and again and again?
12:32
Why?
12:35
That's the question I want to ask.
12:36
Why do we have to do it again
12:37
and again and again and again?
12:41
Very big challenge for a lot of people
12:44
to understand.
12:46
But it's an important one, guys.
12:48
Number 19, choose identity before image.
12:53
Ooh, that's tough.
12:56
That means we've got to put our egos
12:57
down for a minute.
13:00
You see, image asks how you'll look.
13:05
Identity asks who you want to be.
13:11
Choose substance.
13:13
When you choose substance, you're going to find
13:15
people around you are going to gravitate towards
13:18
you.
13:18
Because they want to be part of substance.
13:27
That's a very keen thing, guys.
13:30
A very keen thing.
13:32
But it takes time.
13:40
It takes time.
13:45
And this time is something that I think
13:47
a lot of people don't really understand.
13:53
They don't really understand it.
13:56
But they could.
13:59
They could understand it if they made the
14:06
choice to.
14:07
Set the boundaries.
14:10
Right?
14:13
If you could do those kinds of things,
14:16
your life could change like in an instant.
14:20
Not tomorrow.
14:21
Not the next day.
14:22
But it would change quickly.
14:27
All right?
14:28
It would change quickly.
14:36
And that's important to understand.
14:44
And when we start to understand this, things
14:47
change.
14:54
Right?
14:58
That's something that a lot of people don't
15:01
understand today.
15:02
But they keep making the story that they
15:08
can't do it because of some reason.
15:10
But the reason is no different than anything.
15:13
They just keep putting blocks in their way.
15:17
There is no block.
15:19
But they create a block.
15:23
They create a block.
15:24
And that block is something that I think
15:27
a lot of people don't realize that they
15:30
actually have.
15:32
A block that's preventing them from being the
15:36
best version of themselves.
15:38
Okay?
15:39
So, let's think about this for a moment.
15:42
Number 20.
15:43
Know yourself outside your achievements.
15:46
You're more than your career.
15:48
Your title or your accomplishments.
15:51
But some people get so hung up on
15:53
their accomplishments that there's nothing else to do
15:55
but you can do so much more.
15:58
Okay?
16:00
You can do so much more if you
16:02
just believe in it.
16:04
If you just believe in it.
16:09
But you first got to believe yourself, don't
16:10
you?
16:15
When you want to do something, but for
16:17
whatever reason it doesn't work, and you say
16:21
to yourself you can't.
16:22
You keep looking for ways to prove that
16:26
this isn't going to work.
16:29
But you can do it the other way.
16:31
You can actually come up with ways that
16:34
it will work.
16:35
But that happens, ladies and gentlemen, because of
16:37
what?
16:38
Because of your belief system.
16:41
Because of your RAS.
16:42
Your reticulator activating system.
16:45
Your RAS.
16:46
And that's the key to becoming the best
16:51
version of yourself.
16:53
If you can become the best version of
16:56
yourself, you're going to help other people become
16:58
the best version of themselves too.
17:05
I can tell you, if you think you
17:11
can, you're right, as Henry Ford said.
17:14
If you think you can't, guess what?
17:16
You're also right.
17:20
So these are very interesting things.
17:23
But for some reason, we don't always know
17:27
why they're a certain way.
17:30
As I said to you before, stop letting
17:32
other people define who you are.
17:35
And if we can stop doing that, then
17:38
we can show up as we want to
17:40
be.
17:40
Not the way somebody else wants us to
17:43
be.
17:43
And I think that's the most important thing
17:45
for tonight.
17:46
Is that if we show up that way,
17:49
if we say, hey, this is the way
17:50
I want to be, but this isn't the
17:52
way I'm going to be.
17:55
It changes your perceptions.
17:56
It changes your level of involvement.
18:00
It changes your belief.
18:03
And your belief, guys, is huge.
18:07
Your belief is huge.
18:11
So huge that you might just amaze yourself
18:17
knowing that you can do it.
18:20
You can do it, but you've got to
18:22
believe in it.
18:24
If you didn't believe, you'd be done.
18:32
The difference between a successful person and one
18:34
that's not successful is the successful person has
18:37
just learned how to hang on a few
18:40
minutes longer.
18:41
That's it.
18:42
Or a few seconds longer.
18:46
But when other people cause interference to our
18:50
plans, sometimes it causes us to change our
18:54
path.
18:55
It shouldn't.
18:58
No one has the right ever to make
19:02
you feel inferior about yourself unless you give
19:04
them permission.
19:05
So why would you give them permission?
19:07
That's the dumb question I have.
19:10
Why would you give them permission?
19:16
Tell me that.
19:16
Tell me why would you give them permission.
19:23
I just want to know why.
19:27
I want to know why.
19:30
Because you're the one that's going to make
19:32
that decision to whether you can do something
19:35
or not.
19:36
Number 21, guys, stop needing constant validation.
19:40
You don't need a pat on the back.
19:42
You don't need a you're good at this.
19:44
Learn to evaluate your own choices.
19:47
Be sustainable.
19:49
Pat yourself on the back.
19:53
And even when you praise yourself, you still
19:58
can get benefit from it.
20:00
The praise doesn't have to come from other
20:02
people.
20:02
It can come from you.
20:05
Build on eternal reference, number 22.
20:08
The eternal reference point is key.
20:09
Ask yourself, did I act on my values?
20:12
Was I honest today?
20:14
Did I treat people well or not?
20:17
If you can't have this conversation, chances are
20:21
you're probably not being fair to yourself or
20:25
to others.
20:27
Number 23, let consistency define you.
20:32
Identity is built through repetition.
20:35
Practice discipline and courage even when no one's
20:38
checking.
20:40
That's a key, guys.
20:42
Number 24, become harder to manipulate.
20:44
Not knowing yourself lets praise, criticism, fear, and
20:51
guilt control you.
20:54
You don't want people or guilt to control
20:56
you, do you?
20:56
No.
20:59
Number 25, stop surrendering your identity for belongingness.
21:05
If belonging requires shrinking yourself, question its worth.
21:10
It probably isn't.
21:11
You're better than that.
21:12
Number 26, choose what represents you.
21:15
Your work, words, and treatment of others carry
21:19
your name.
21:21
Make them reflect your standards, not someone else's.
21:25
Number 27, let confidence become quieter.
21:30
True confidence doesn't need a performance for everyone
21:35
or a grand gesture.
21:38
Quiet confidence ushers in success.
21:44
You don't have to rub success down anyone's
21:49
throat.
21:51
Quiet success becomes loud to people.
21:58
Number 28, know yourself before the world names
22:01
you.
22:02
Your profession, mistakes, and past are only pieces
22:05
of your story, not the whole of it.
22:09
Number 29, your identity directs your decisions.
22:12
Seeing yourself as someone who keeps commitments, learns,
22:18
and solves problems shapes how you act.
22:26
That's key, guys.
22:27
Number 30, become someone you recognize and respect.
22:32
Not perfect, not universally liked, just someone whose
22:37
actions increasingly match their values, who can admit
22:41
mistakes, and stand alone when necessary.
22:44
I always say you're going to love me
22:45
or hate me, and I'm still going to
22:47
go on doing what I'm doing respectfully.
22:49
Because let me tell you something, guys.
22:50
When you get successful, you may not have
22:54
a lot of friends, and that's okay.
22:59
You get people that are jealous.
23:02
You get people that are, well, how come
23:04
it wasn't me?
23:06
And they're, like, blaming you for your success.
23:09
You don't need that.
23:11
As I get ready to close the show
23:13
for today, I want to ask you something.
23:16
How much of who you are today was
23:20
actually chosen by you versus shaped by others
23:24
and their expectations?
23:26
Old labels, comparisons, or the need to belong.
23:30
You fit into that mug, into that box
23:33
that somebody labeled you as, right?
23:38
I still remember this many years ago when
23:42
I was in the reading group.
23:44
And I was shy when I was starting
23:45
to read, and I wasn't given the encouragement,
23:49
so I was in a lower reading group.
23:52
But later on, I read better than anybody.
23:56
It was the belief that I wasn't a
23:58
good reader.
23:59
Now I read and I speak professionally.
24:03
But if I would have let that belief
24:05
that some teacher, that some students told me,
24:08
I think I still remember, I was in
24:09
the Holt group.
24:10
And then there was the MacMillan group, which
24:12
is the middle.
24:13
And then there was another group.
24:15
I forget what the third group was.
24:16
There was another group, too.
24:18
But Holt and MacMillan were the two groups
24:21
that they had.
24:22
Holt was lower.
24:23
MacMillan was higher.
24:26
The reading was a little harder in MacMillan,
24:28
but not much.
24:29
It was a social thing.
24:30
They should have just brought everybody together at
24:32
once, and we all would have read together.
24:35
Later on, that happened.
24:36
See, this isn't about ignoring good advice, guys.
24:39
Some of our best growth comes from someone
24:42
caring enough to tell us the truth.
24:44
The goal isn't to stop listening.
24:46
It's to stop surrendering ownership now.
24:51
Listen to good advice.
24:53
Evaluate criticism.
24:55
Consistent, constructive feedback, right?
24:57
Learn from the experience we get.
24:59
Change when the evidence calls for it.
25:02
But don't give everyone else the authority to
25:05
define who you are.
25:07
No one has the right to do that.
25:09
Know what you stand for.
25:13
Know what you won't compromise.
25:18
Know your non-negotiables.
25:20
Build confidence from evidence.
25:23
Choose identity before image.
25:26
Let your values survive changing trends.
25:30
Let comfortable situations happen.
25:35
But when they're not comfortable, don't be afraid
25:38
to get out of that shell when others
25:41
don't understand you.
25:42
Stop needing an audience to confirm your worth
25:45
or your value.
25:48
The strongest identity isn't built from what you
25:50
tell people you are.
25:53
It's built from the decisions you make when
25:57
nobody is watching.
25:59
Because those, ladies and gentlemen, filter into who
26:03
you are when you're in public.
26:05
That future version of you is being constructed
26:08
right this very moment.
26:10
Every boundary.
26:14
Every kept promise.
26:16
Every commitment.
26:17
Every lesson learned.
26:18
Every time you chose values over approval, it's
26:22
now adding up.
26:23
It's cumulative, guys.
26:25
Start with identity.
26:27
Know yourself before the world names you.
26:29
Let your choices speak louder than the labels.
26:32
Let consistency become your evidence.
26:36
Ladies and gentlemen, if you don't know who
26:38
I am by now, I'm John C.
26:39
Morley.
26:40
I'm a serial entrepreneur.
26:41
I thank you so much for choosing to
26:42
join me for another amazing episode of the
26:44
ever-popular Inspirations for Your Life show.
26:47
As we kicked off our brand new master
26:49
topic for Series 5 Show 35.
26:52
You don't need everyone to understand who you're
26:58
becoming.
26:59
You need to understand why you're becoming that
27:03
person.
27:04
Stop letting other people define who you are.
27:08
Become someone you recognize, trust, and respect.
27:16
And I know that can sound scary.
27:19
But I said to you that success does
27:22
not lie in the comfort realms.
27:25
It lies where you become uncomfortable.
27:30
People use that as a manipulative tool to
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push you into their corner.
27:37
Car salesmen do this all the time, right?
27:39
But when you don't give in to them,
27:42
they have no power.
27:46
That's powerful, guys.
27:48
So stop letting others around you define who
27:54
you are.
27:56
Don't let them limit your capabilities because that's
27:58
what you're doing.
27:59
I hope you have a great rest of
28:00
your day or evening.
28:01
And be sure to check out BelieveMeAchieve.com
28:03
for more of my amazing inspiring creations.
28:05
Be well, everyone.