Latest / Serious Beef Podcast / Holy Cringe Batman

Transcript

Holy Cringe Batman · Serious Beef Podcast

0:15
I went to the doctor. I'll go and see Kayla at the
0:18
doctor and she says to me, oh, is it your time of year and be
0:21
sick? No, Kayla, I'll tell you why I'm
0:23
sick fucking constantly. I feel like I haven't in a long
0:27
time. And then all of a sudden it just
0:28
feels like lately, if it's not you, it's me.
0:31
One of us is sick. And I can guarantee you I'm
0:32
going to leave here today and be sick by the end of the week
0:36
after being with you. So we'll just keep bouncing it
0:39
back and forth. You don't even know my house.
0:41
My house is so set up. I'm so prepared for the
0:45
sickness. OK.
0:46
Because Ash and I are both sick right now, of course.
0:49
And I feel I'm. I'm much, much better than I was
0:52
yesterday. Yesterday, I was more like
0:53
delusional. I was so sad.
0:55
OK. I'm glad you glad you bounced
0:57
back so quickly. I was so not well.
0:59
She does have the inhaler here at the ready.
1:01
Just a taste, Naylor. I had my, my, my.
1:06
I got an inhaler by night stand. I've got the VIX.
1:09
I got Dayquil. I got Nyquil.
1:11
I got tissues. I got a empty an empty box of
1:15
tissues. That's where the used tissues
1:16
go. OK, OK.
1:18
Good. All over the floor.
1:20
We ran out of tissues. OK, so I lied about having
1:23
tissues on the night stand. It's just a roll of toilet paper
1:25
right now. At this point, I have a nose in
1:27
need. You use what you use.
1:29
Yeah, I have nose in need. I know that's already an
1:31
episode, but I've deserved the puff.
1:34
I'm just glad that you you have bounced back.
1:36
So it's true. I think you have the beef this
1:38
week. I do you do I do you know what?
1:44
And maybe we should start with the sauce.
1:46
Well, or should you start with the beef and then say the sauce?
1:49
Well, let's you know what the sauce is.
1:52
I honestly don't know if this is how it's pronounced, but this is
1:54
how I'm going to pronounce it. It's douchey sauce, douchey
1:57
sauce, DOUCHI sauce, juicy sauce, juicy sauce, juicy sauce.
2:04
I can't say it now. Now I'm just done.
2:06
This sauce is fermented bean condiment that adds depth to
2:11
dishes like stir fry, soup and marinade.
2:15
It's real. It's real.
2:17
OK, Now, why have we chosen the sauce, Abby?
2:21
Why? Well.
2:23
Well, Sir, you may know that. Actually, I and what boy had
2:25
nuts eating shop? You still do?
2:28
Yeah, well, we put on hiatus because I don't have the time to
2:30
use, oh, Disney orders right now.
2:31
I did not know that. OK, well, let me take it back to
2:34
2023. OK, this goes back to 2023, back
2:41
two years, two years. OK, this is important to the
2:43
story. We received an order from a
2:46
gentleman. I won't be.
2:47
I won't name any names, even though I could, but I won't.
2:51
We'll just call him douche bag. We'll call him Douche, Sir
2:55
Douche. If he's OK and douche bag, do we
2:58
give him so? And maybe we shouldn't give him
3:00
such a nice title as Sir. You're right, Sir.
3:02
Loin is going to be said. We'll call him Private Parts.
3:10
Maybe he was military. Maybe I'm saving the I'm saving
3:14
this man's dignity. Not really.
3:18
His dignity is gone, but I will save his his, you know, name his
3:22
name, will he will ring provide private parts.
3:25
OK, private parts or has places in order praises places in order
3:30
for a sticker that we sell. Sticker says fuck you.
3:34
My big script letters. The stickers that Abby and
3:37
Ashley sell are very niche market or are the stickers
3:43
they're they're quite funny, pretty funny.
3:45
Our our biggest seller is the as per my last e-mail.
3:48
That is a good one. That is a good that one is the
3:50
most. We've all been there for that.
3:52
So OK, so he orders the sticker you orders the fuck you sticker.
3:54
You promptly put it in the mail, I assume, right.
3:57
We put in the, we don't get like tracking numbers because we just
4:01
put in an envelope stamp, you know, write out the person's
4:04
address and mail it because to get something with tracking
4:07
would cost so much more to ship it.
4:10
You would make no profit. No.
4:12
And so there's no tracking number.
4:13
So plus it's not valuable enough to really need to turn it.
4:16
No, I'm like it's $3, you know, they put in the mail and you
4:22
know, we assume that he receives it, right?
4:24
And if you, if you don't receive it, you can message us and we
4:28
can get you another one. It happened once before, right?
4:30
Luckily he was one of our friends and it happened too.
4:32
And so we were like, oh easy peasy.
4:34
You know, we just send him another one, fix it.
4:36
Well, two years later he orders in 2023, right, Right.
4:40
He waits until 2025. He waits until like 2 weeks ago,
4:44
private parts does and he messages us and says I never got
4:48
my sticker. I'm sure he said it exactly like
4:51
that. Certainly he did.
4:53
And and he, he, you know, he says he wants a refund.
4:59
And I'm just like, first of all, it's 4:00 AM on a Sunday.
5:03
It's 4:00 AM on a, maybe this was only a week ago, doesn't
5:05
matter. 4:00 AM on a Sunday, I get this message and I'm like
5:08
years after he's made the purchase.
5:10
Yeah. And I'm like, what in the world?
5:13
And here's the thing, I'm like, why are you messaging me at 4:00
5:16
AM on a Sunday? Who knows?
5:18
You know, I'm like whatever, I don't care, it's $3, I'll refund
5:22
it. Who gives a shit, you know?
5:23
Well, well here's the issue. I know the issue.
5:27
Here's the issue. Etsy doesn't let you refund
5:29
anything beyond 180 days. 180 is generous.
5:32
Most places you can't get a refund after 90 days, 6-6
5:36
months. This man had to message me and
5:37
say he never got his sticker so he waited two years.
5:40
He wouldn't be really sure he was waiting.
5:43
He was checking the mail every day.
5:45
Two years, nothing. Finally he hit that two year
5:48
mark and he went, I guess it's not coming.
5:51
It's not coming. He reaches out.
5:56
He reaches out and I'm like, you know, hey, sorry.
6:02
Yeah, you know, sorry about your order.
6:04
Unfortunately, you know, per Etsy's policy, I can't refund
6:09
anything beyond, you know, 180 days, but I can send you a
6:15
replacement, send a new one, you know, let me know how you'd like
6:19
me to proceed. And, and he, this is the
6:24
douchebag Park. This is the douchebag.
6:27
Now he responds like, are you kidding me?
6:32
It's three $3. Just send the refund.
6:34
And I'm like, I literally don't have the option.
6:37
I cannot do it right. I'm being very polite.
6:39
I'm a professional. 2 1/2 is not.
6:42
So I'm just they wouldn't have Etsy shop.
6:44
They wouldn't have Etsy shop. He's not some we're not going to
6:46
fly off the handle. What do you call it?
6:47
Fly by night? Some slip shod.
6:49
Yeah, slip slod slod organization.
6:51
Organization. OK, we're very professional.
6:53
And so I said, you know, I I literally do not have the option
6:56
to issue you don't fund, but I can send you another one again.
7:00
So you restated the policy exactly.
7:03
And he's like, he's like, it is $3, get real.
7:06
Just like send me it via PayPal or Venmo.
7:11
And I'm like, I cannot put my finance like financial
7:15
information. There's literally like a little
7:17
thing at the bottom that says like, do not put your personal
7:20
financial information in the messenger in Etsy because like
7:23
if you get hacked or they get hacked, whatever, now
7:25
everybody's got your you know, Etsy is not going to be
7:27
responsible. No, I can do that.
7:29
Absolutely not. So I'm like, I cannot do this.
7:31
I cannot issue you a request to mention I'm not giving you my
7:35
personal financial information, my PayPal account or whatever
7:38
you want, right, No, not doing it exactly.
7:40
I'm like, I like so I was like, I cannot do that.
7:43
Sorry, random citizen, sorry, private part.
7:46
It's not happening, not happening.
7:47
And so that's so then he says to me, holy cringe.
7:51
Do you work for an HR department?
7:53
Just send it like meeting the sticker and like cringe Batman,
7:57
cringe Batman. And Ash was like Ashley was
8:00
like, what is like keyboard warrior?
8:02
Are we like talking to a 13 year old right now?
8:04
Who says who's? Holy cringe.
8:07
I have no idea. Like what the world and why
8:10
would you even say that was cringe?
8:11
This is the policy. This is the policy.
8:15
What do you mean? Like I'm being, I think I'm
8:17
being very generous. You are very nice and very
8:19
generous because no, after two years, no one has to do
8:23
anything. You're not responsible.
8:24
No, not at all. Like I said, 90 days is actually
8:28
very generous. Most places you get 90 days
8:31
right period. And then the store or whatever
8:33
will tell you not a problem, not my problem, you know.
8:36
Well, and so here's The thing is that I'm like, so I said, OK,
8:41
great. You know, we are like, we're
8:42
going to put in the mail, all right, we're just going to send
8:45
you a new one, buddy. Sorry.
8:46
So we at who'd have pride ourselves on making up for for
8:53
problematic order. So we gave him not one, but two
8:55
free stickers, freebies, 2 freebies.
8:57
In addition to the one you ordered to his fuck you sticker,
9:03
he also received a free dickhead sticker in the free don't be a
9:08
dingus sticker. So Can you imagine he opens you
9:17
in the world, Fuck you. Don't be a dingus, dickhead.
9:22
Which you would add a douchebag one that would have been
9:24
perfect. Honestly, it's all perfect and
9:27
so and what could he say? These were legit freebies.
9:30
These are actually legit in it. Good freebies, stickers.
9:33
I kind of put like off cuts in there, put shitty stickers in
9:36
there. I didn't hate him.
9:37
Nice stickers give him nice stickers and dingus, don't be a
9:40
dingus and dickhead and fuck you.
9:43
Which is what he ordered, which is what he asked for.
9:47
He asked for it for the now. And I assume that this morning
9:49
that he received his stickers because he messaged me.
9:52
Fuck you. I like to think I got the last
10:05
left. I think you did.
10:07
Because, you know, you got him good.
10:08
Because he had to respond. What is he gonna mad?
10:11
He opened that up and he was mad.
10:13
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
10:13
What is what is he gonna say? You gave me you gave me
10:17
freebies, right? You're trying to send a message.
10:19
Yeah, you're absolutely right. I'd try to send a message, but
10:21
you don't know that. We sell.
10:22
We sell. Don't be a this is what we sell.
10:25
Oh, that's that is fantastic. That was a perfect way, perfect
10:30
way to handle it. I figured if you're ordering the
10:31
fuck you, sugar, you got to be you're in the market for don't
10:34
be a Dick head look, and now you can pass them along, pay it
10:37
forward, pay it forward sometimes mail it back if you're
10:41
mad. I can guarantee you sometime in
10:43
his life someone is going to be a dickhead to him, But it's me.
10:49
I actually know I was very courteous.
10:50
You were incredibly professional.
10:51
I said I said have a great day, because if it was Ash, Ashley
10:55
been like fuck you, Ashley. Ashley went a few prompt, had a
11:00
had a few choice words. I was not happy with this day.
11:04
I was like I will handle the customer interactions.
11:07
So there you go. So lesson learned here people
11:10
don't wait two years to say something.
11:11
Don't stand by the mailbox for two years waiting for your
11:13
package. Speak up.
11:17
Look at the term, look at the terms and conditions of the when
11:20
when I said that it it shipped within two days of your order
11:24
and it's been 2 years. How long do you think it takes
11:27
to get from Illinois to where he doesn't even know where it's
11:29
coming from. Well, he well, you're right.
11:31
He doesn't see where it's coming from.
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But even cross country. Come on, it doesn't take two
11:36
years to get. And I'll tell you it wasn't
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cross country. Yeah, it's only halfway it could
11:40
I live in Illinois. No matter where you live, it
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can't be cross country. Exactly.
11:45
You're in a good spot for for an I didn't even have any issues.
11:48
I we had some international orders didn't even have an issue
11:50
then. Really.
11:51
That's very cool. Anyway, also rule a lesson #2
11:55
that you could learn from this. Be nice, just be nice.
11:58
Be nice because you didn't even have to send him a new sticker.
12:01
No, he's well past the terms. You're right.
12:04
You could have just said not my problem.
12:05
You didn't even have to say sorry.
12:07
That wasn't your fault. That was a post office fault
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postal system, which is, you know, unreliable at best.
12:14
You know, and I have to assume when he said fuck you, he meant
12:16
fuck you received legit. That's what he meant.
12:22
He was probably he was probably thrilled.
12:24
So so the beef, I think, is douchebags who message me and if
12:32
you ever say anything to me like holy cringe, know that I will
12:37
get the last laugh in this, because now it has turned into
12:40
let's see who can like really piss the other person off the
12:43
most, because I'm going to win that every time.
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I am a I am a the face of professionalism.
12:48
I'm running who to have. You know, I'm on a straight and
12:51
narrow. I will not be out snarked.
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You know, it's true. It's true.
12:55
And you are very willing to play the long game.
12:58
So you and your sister Sam, both.
13:00
Yeah. Well, you know what Depends.
13:02
Certain situations. I think Sam is even more willing
13:04
than you. 100 percent, 100%. I will accidentally play the
13:07
long guy game. Yeah.
13:10
Because this ties in. This ties in.
13:13
I have a set of post it notes on my desk.
13:16
OK. And there's zebra print around
13:18
the border. And Sam got him in, like,
13:20
probably high school, college. Did you pick these out?
13:23
No, and she wasn't using them. And so I was like, well, I use
13:27
post notes every day. I'll take them and use them.
13:30
So I took them to work and I'm using the post notes I'm
13:33
getting. It's a pretty big stack, right?
13:36
I'm working my way through them naturally.
13:39
And I tear off the top one just the other day and it'll be
13:44
written in Abby's handwriting. It says, fuck you, Sam.
13:50
I was like, what the hell? I had at some point, probably in
13:54
high school, flipped to a random one, wrote fuck you, Sam, you
13:59
know, put the back of the room and waited.
14:03
I'll have you know I flipped through.
14:04
There's several more. You left her several messages.
14:10
What's he saying? I don't even remember.
14:12
Oh my God, As I get to them, I'll have to send you a mess.
14:16
I'm saying I'm staying in the office.
14:19
I'm laughing my ass off. I'm like, this has got to be
14:21
Abby, because Liv would have been too young.
14:24
When Sam got that, I sent a Snapchat.
14:28
What the hell? Found this pleasant message.
14:31
Good job, 17. Abby, you were you were killing
14:34
it. Say it.
14:36
That joke is that joke, Sir. That joke's like 1415 years old.
14:39
The thing is, say I've never got any of the message because I was
14:41
going to get all the messages. It's really the well, you've got
14:46
a you've got a pre made fuck you, Sam sticky.
14:49
Just change you need it. Stick it right there on it, I
14:51
guess on her door, on her door for it, and she's her desk.
14:56
There you go. So so that was that was a quite
14:58
the surprise for me. Pretty good.
15:00
I'll play the long game. Yes, so that was that was pretty
15:04
funny. Anyway, I have actually been
15:06
saving up some stories OK, you tell me that I've been wanting
15:09
to tell you and they don't relate to animals for some
15:11
reason. I don't know why, but you know
15:12
it's what I hear on the news. You know it is what it is or if
15:15
I'm reading an article. So the first one I heard was OK,
15:19
a dude was in Norway or he lives in Norway.
15:22
It's from this happened in Norway and a polar bear OK was
15:26
was charging him. Oh OK and he fire hit a shotgun
15:32
looking longer gun fire rifle maybe or something right?
15:35
Fired a shot into the air. Okay think it might scare him
15:39
away. Didn't work so he drops the gun
15:43
and runs and gets on his little snowmobile thing and rides away
15:47
gets away in time as the polar bears running after him.
15:50
The polar bear is now running at him.
15:52
Yeah, it is charging him. He takes off running gets on the
15:56
on the snowmobile and it's not super fast, you know, finally
16:00
builds up speed enough that he gets away.
16:02
That was that looked very terrifying and that's where the
16:07
story ended. Basically they talk about it's a
16:09
it's kind of an abandoned mining town near is Norway, near
16:13
Russia, said Russian. And it's kind of over lots of
16:18
animals, lots of Arctic type animals are in this area.
16:22
And they even say like if there's any tourists in there,
16:24
don't go out without a guy because it's too dangerous
16:26
because of the animals that are there.
16:28
Anyway, the story ends and I'm thinking, well, yeah, it was
16:35
pretty dangerous before, but now there's a polar bear with a gun.
16:39
You should have been eating your slutty.
16:49
That polar bear is just even the playing field.
16:54
The dude would drop the gun. I'm sitting there watching the
16:58
news. What are we going to do about
17:00
this polar bear with a gun? Well, he doesn't have thoughts.
17:02
He doesn't. But you know, you never know.
17:04
You'll need something to pull trigger because you can figure
17:06
it out. Animals evolve every day.
17:10
These are the these are the these are my gut reactions when
17:13
I hear stories. I have to share this with you.
17:16
Well, since we're trading stories, that's pretty good.
17:18
That's pretty good. I have a a leftover that I have
17:22
forgotten to tell you for multiple.
17:24
Oh, OK, cool. OK, hit me.
17:26
So do you recall listener Katie's cousin Mitchell, who was
17:31
a big ass kid? Yes.
17:33
Riding, riding around him. What was he riding on in his
17:36
underwear? The Rascal.
17:37
The Rascal. Rascal.
17:38
And he drove over her cousin and go.
17:41
No, Yes. And the grandpa said well, that
17:45
put some hair in your chest. True.
17:46
But I said April 15th, 5:45 PM Follow up question, my mom wants
17:51
to know, did this instant put hair on Nolan's chest?
17:54
OK. And an hour later she said and I
17:58
then forgot to tell you. She says I couldn't tell you.
18:01
Chest was too covered in grass stains to see anything.
18:08
He's got this green, green. I'm dying.
18:13
I was dying. I was like, OK, that's pretty
18:15
fucking funny. That's funny.
18:17
It's pretty funny. Why?
18:18
Reminds me to know, but we may never know the answer to that
18:21
question. That's hilarious.
18:22
Oh my gosh. Now I've got a question for you
18:24
because I wrote down, you know, I I write down like funny stuff.
18:30
I've got AI just haven't. I have a note in my phone.
18:32
Yes, me too. OK, yeah, you know, I've got a
18:34
note. My phone just labeled funny and
18:36
it's some stuff. OK, so I have one from you and I
18:43
need you to see if you can tell me some context for this, OK?
18:47
It just says, mom, we're sitting in the Champions Club, baby
18:52
daiquiris on tap. I sent that message.
19:00
I was sitting in the Champions Club at the Cardinals game,
19:04
which is my favorite place to sit at the Cardinals in Busch
19:06
Stadium. OK, I love it.
19:08
They have a they have, it's all inclusive.
19:11
You have all the food and, and drinks.
19:13
OK, OK, open bar, hard liquor, you name it daiquiris.
19:18
And they literally have the slushi machine that you get your
19:20
slushi out of in their slushi machine.
19:22
They have daiquiris. Let me tell you something.
19:24
If I become a billionaire, I won't tell anybody.
19:27
There will be signs. There will be signs.
19:29
You have the daiquiri and then the Nacho cheese dispenser.
19:32
Yes, they they have, they have, they have two.
19:35
One is daiquiris, 1 is pina coladas.
19:38
Oh, you can even mix them if you want.
19:40
You could go up the right. It's true.
19:44
It's my favorite place to go. Favorite place to go in Carl in
19:47
Bush day dream. I was living the dream.
19:49
I loved it because one, I was having a great night.
19:51
So I was sending you guys. I was letting you know this is
19:53
what we were doing. I was excited.
19:56
That cracked me up. OK, OK, OK.
19:57
Well, they continue. OK, next story.
20:03
Miami airport security officers found a surprise last week.
20:10
I don't know what year this happened or what day it was in
20:13
2024. OK, OK.
20:14
And so basically the security found a bag of snakes hidden in
20:24
a passenger's trousers. I was going to say that that's
20:28
my dream, but not in the trousers.
20:30
Not I don't want trousers snakes.
20:31
Please don't do have trousers snakes.
20:33
This is a bad idea to have trousers snakes.
20:37
He's got a bag of snakes in his pants.
20:39
What the hell? Wow.
20:41
OK. And they caught him thankfully
20:43
at like the last checkpoint or something.
20:45
So there was almost, OK snakes on the plane.
20:49
Almost, nearly nearly tired of these motherfucking trousers.
20:52
That was like, that was my motherfucking trousers.
20:54
I heard that story saying the same thing.
20:56
I'm tired of these motherfucking snakes and motherfucking
20:58
trousers. Didn't make it up to like didn't
21:01
make it good job security. Way to nip that one in the butt.
21:06
If the snake did, the security will security will get you.
21:10
So that was interesting. I've been holding on that one
21:12
for a long time. I literally have the little tab
21:14
open forever to tell you that story.
21:16
These are great. Next one I literally said to
21:18
you, what do these stories have in common?
21:20
We got cool with the what's the I said I said nothing holy.
21:24
Your stories have said animals. Seriously, these are all just
21:26
kind of random. I don't think they have anything
21:27
common Animals. Turns out animals.
21:29
Well, see, The thing is I read this story that I've written
21:31
here does not include animals. So I went, Oh no, I guess I
21:34
really don't have a link and it seems like just one random one
21:37
that doesn't have animals. OK, this one OK, California
21:43
people live in California, OK, and Californians, they claimed
21:49
claim, made an insurance claim. Oh, OK, that on their car
21:53
because they claimed it had been destroyed by a bear, OK, And
21:58
they were claw Marks and other things.
22:01
This is a bear. Even things are torn up in this
22:04
car. OK, Well, of course, the
22:08
insurance company and it was like a Mercedes, so expensive,
22:14
OK. Then all of a sudden there's
22:16
another one, but this time it's on a Rolls Royce, OK.
22:21
And OK, they want like, you know, we're talking hundreds of
22:26
thousands of dollars in in compensation, right?
22:29
These are nice cars. Yeah.
22:30
And so the insurance company gets a little suspicious, right?
22:35
And so they call the police, I guess, and have have them look
22:39
into it, OK. And apparently there's video
22:43
footage. It was not a bear.
22:46
It was not a real bear. It was a bear with a gun, no
22:52
bullet holes. So we know it wasn't, you're
22:54
right. But that polar bear, there is a,
22:57
there is video of this air quotes bear inside the Mercedes.
23:03
OK. And oh, they had a department.
23:07
I have a biologist come in and look at the footage and they
23:09
were like, that's a human and a bear costume.
23:16
These people were arrested and charged with insurance fraud.
23:19
You have the you have the undamaged car.
23:23
Why would you damage the car? I bet they stole it.
23:29
But then it's like you stole the car and took out an insurance
23:32
policy on a stolen car and then got a went as far as to get a
23:36
bear cost. I don't know all the insurance
23:40
and outs but it seems a little far fetched to me to make a
23:43
couple $100,000 like I know but they tried it and failed.
23:50
They were they were say it was stolen.
23:54
True. I mean they had to seal it and
23:55
then somehow get it into their name.
23:57
I mean or they bought it. What if they bought it with a
24:01
with a bad check and the check hadn't cleared yet and then they
24:03
destroyed it and then they claimed, see, that's it.
24:08
That's it for not giving you any ideas, giving any ideas.
24:12
Don't do this, Don't do this. Clearly, if you're going to do
24:14
this, get a better looking bear costume.
24:16
That's all I'm going to It's true.
24:17
And it had the bear roll run. Hire a real bear.
24:21
There's bears for hire. I mean, I'm telling you, we know
24:23
one's got a gun. We don't know one we've heard
24:27
of. We've heard we don't.
24:28
We've heard of one that potentially has it that the
24:33
polar bears in Norway have guns, right?
24:36
OK, this one is just kind of cool.
24:38
Check this guy out. It's a little blue creature of
24:41
some sort, also known as by by the wind sailors.
24:45
The food floating Valila Valila, Valila Valila.
24:50
They are some kind of sea creature also known as by the
24:54
wind sailors that are like washing up on the beaches in
24:57
California. Again with the Californians.
24:59
Bob, I'm complete plain, whatever you call that the dink,
25:03
dink, dink, dink, you know, come on, you know, come on.
25:07
Don't you ever watch the Game Show Network or grandma?
25:11
I do think I know what you're talking about.
25:12
What he is. And you're like cheeseburger, is
25:15
that it? It could be like Salt Lake.
25:21
Like salt is a word. Leg is second.
25:23
Oh, you're right. Lake Superior.
25:25
You know what I mean? That's it.
25:26
That's it. You're right.
25:26
That's each one kind of connects to the next one.
25:29
You have no idea what the game show is called.
25:31
Hey, listener posted Abby here. The game show is chain reaction,
25:37
but I was too delusional at the time to think of it.
25:39
So you could have been playing that and could have been playing
25:42
that with your fucking thing. You you could be like snakes to
25:47
the polar bear, which is animals polar bear to the bear in
25:51
California, California, California.
25:53
I could have been connected every single of your stories to
25:55
the same word, California to California.
25:59
I would say that give you something like similar that
26:01
makes sense. I could have connected every
26:02
single one of them to get Chris or my this is like 7° Kevin
26:07
Bacon. Look at this.
26:08
Look at these things, though. So what's going on?
26:11
It's just these these they're they're they are not jellyfish.
26:16
They drift and swim in ocean currents.
26:19
OK, OK. Jellyfish.
26:22
Sorry. Jellyfish drift and swim in
26:24
ocean currents. The Vilela.
26:26
I'm not sure if I'm even saying that right.
26:28
They're at the mercy of the wind, OK.
26:30
That's why they're called wind sailors by the wind sailor, OK,
26:33
because they just, they have a translucent lucent sail shaped
26:37
limb that pokes up into the sky and the the air current helps it
26:43
move along. Good for them.
26:44
So. But the problem is they get
26:48
blown ashore. They wash ashore in Northern
26:53
California usually spring, spring, early summer, most
26:58
assuredly. Boom.
27:02
That was terrible. Anyway, basically it just look
27:06
at the beaches covered in them. Wow, they just, this happens
27:10
every happens every spring. Well, they're tiny and well,
27:13
this picture is way far away. I guess because it's the whole.
27:16
I don't have a thing for scale. Yeah, you have.
27:20
You have a rock. They are tiny in this picture.
27:22
Well, that's why. I mean, how big is the rock?
27:24
I don't know. These are all good questions.
27:26
Probably like 6-5. Look at the look.
27:30
Oh, you can see the sail thing that sticks out of the water.
27:32
That's crazy. I've never heard of this animal.
27:34
No, never. No.
27:36
I'll post some pictures. It's cool.
27:38
It's cool. But unfortunately, this happens
27:40
every spring and summer. They, the hundreds of them just
27:42
wash ashore and. OK.
27:43
OK, That's it. That's the end.
27:46
OK. Unless you can, unless you're
27:48
there and you can maybe grab it and throw it back in.
27:50
But I don't know if it's a good idea to grab it.
27:52
Well, yeah. I mean, if they're like, yeah,
27:55
you never know. Yeah.
27:57
I don't know how safe it is for you to touch it.
27:59
That's God played for them, right?
28:02
You know, you just got to. We're not to interview God's
28:04
will. It's true.
28:06
It's true. We're not going to intervene in
28:07
that. I'm not going to touch it.
28:08
Well, I'm not driving out to California.
28:10
Just toss some fish back. It's true.
28:11
They'll be dead by the time I get this.
28:12
True. All right, I got one more story
28:14
if you want to hear it. OK.
28:16
OK, as we know, elephants never forget, OK?
28:23
And they never forgive. It's true.
28:25
It's true Because in June of 2022, OK, a 70 year old woman
28:30
named Maya Murmur Murmu sorry, was attacked and trampled and
28:37
killed by an elephant. Oh, like I told them, they never
28:39
forgive. They don't.
28:41
You were right. You nailed.
28:42
You nailed it. She was she was collecting water
28:46
in a district of eastern India and the elephant had wandered
28:52
away from the wildlife sanctuary that it lived in when the woman
28:57
appeared in his line of sight. And that was it.
29:00
It was over spooked in and that was that.
29:05
Now elephant attacks are not anything new in different parts
29:09
of the world. In Africa, where elephants live,
29:12
the woman unfortunately did pass away and the family members
29:16
gathered for a funeral service. OK, what are you laughing during
29:23
this funeral service? The elephant returned.
29:27
The elephant returned, spotted Murmu's body.
29:34
This is a legit a story. This is a legit story.
29:38
Spider Man rushed toward it, trampling it.
29:44
Second, the elephant eventually tossed the body to one side and
29:49
stormed off. Killed at me.
29:55
Did you have the funeral at the same place?
30:02
Where did the elephant attack? Right.
30:06
That poor woman. She needs to deserve better.
30:09
She rested in pieces. Legit.
30:12
This poor woman. Oh, my God.
30:14
Well, it remains unclear. What?
30:17
What are we provoked the animal? I'll tell you what.
30:21
It was clear that something was to have done.
30:23
So theories have been presented that state that the woman may
30:29
have assisted poachers in killing the elephant's baby.
30:34
She had a comment in full view of the elephant.
30:38
She had a comment, but this is yet to be confirmed.
30:41
Legend. Legend.
30:44
Oh, my God. Well, I'll tell you what.
30:48
Elephant never forgives and they never forget.
30:51
It's true. You want me to read another one?
30:53
Well, I have the thing I wanted to ask you.
30:55
OK, Ask me. OK, So I last week, I had two
30:59
questions. OK, last week we discussed,
31:04
we're talking about, oh, you said, oh, those kebabs might be
31:06
your favorite food, right? Oh, yeah, Yeah.
31:08
And I said no, no, the pork sauce is about the wolves.
31:10
I said that's your favorite, my last meal.
31:13
You know, give me that. Pork sauce is true.
31:14
That's true. What would you have as your
31:17
last? What would my last meal be?
31:19
Oh, that's tough. No, it's tough.
31:22
I just told you pork sauce. No, it's incredibly tough.
31:25
How do you choose from from Japanese food, Thai food?
31:30
I don't want any of those things.
31:31
Seafood. I want my grandma's pork
31:33
sausage, mashed potatoes. I want that list.
31:35
A little bit of vinegar and I know what you want.
31:39
Corn on the cob from a Marie's. I don't even need no butter.
31:41
It's delicious. Use an emotional tie to that
31:44
meal. Clearly it's delicious.
31:46
It's also delicious. And then it also makes you think
31:48
of your loved ones, so that helps.
31:51
I don't have an emotional tie to a meal.
31:53
I don't think like that. You know, I don't really lobster
31:59
bisque. I'm just going to tell you what.
32:01
You're right. I'm going to.
32:02
The starter is going to be the lobster bisque from Porter's.
32:05
I'll tell you what you're going to have as a starter.
32:07
No, what you're going to have first, A starter, an appetizer,
32:11
anything, if you will. OK, the salad from Old Spaghetti
32:16
Factory with the pesto. Yes, yes, you're right.
32:19
My favorite salad. First course, that pesto
32:21
dressing. Delicious.
32:22
Love it. You're right.
32:24
Soup Lobster bisque from Porter's.
32:27
Absolutely. She licks the plate.
32:30
Lick the paint. Yes.
32:31
Lick the bowl. Help me.
32:32
Jesus. Lick the bowl clean.
32:33
That stuff is fan fabulous. Tectastic stuff.
32:38
I got no word and tabulous tastic.
32:40
Please take that. Cut that up.
32:41
Nope. I'll move.
32:41
You're in. I think of you from there.
32:45
Then it gets tough. Like do I go with some crab
32:49
Alfredo? Because Yum.
32:52
She really, you know, the seafood thing.
32:54
Oh, shrimp scampi, lobster Mac and cheese.
32:56
Oh, no, no, no. It's delicious, but it's not
33:00
going to be my last. It's not my last meal.
33:01
It could be Ashley's deep dish pizza.
33:05
No, it's well, delicious. Not going to be my last meal.
33:09
I had it, but then I lost it. Grandma's meatloaf.
33:13
Meatloaf is not going to be my last meal.
33:17
Like I said, I'm going to go like some amazing steak teriyaki
33:22
business, some pad Thai or something like that.
33:24
Stir fry, you know, yeah, something really gonna be.
33:27
But I said stir fry. I mean, again, like a hibachi.
33:31
The hibachi I love. She said bring in the whole
33:33
thing. I want to catch.
33:34
I want to catch a piece of broccoli in my.
33:36
I absolutely love the Japanese hibachi food.
33:38
Veg might be my fave. I bring a little bocce, chef.
33:41
Yes, you're catching slinging the veggies at me.
33:45
Got the little. What's the what's the liquid?
33:47
The sake, The sake squirt the sake.
33:49
I mean, yeah, that'd be a good last meal.
33:52
I'll tell you what, That'd be delicious.
33:54
Now I'll tell you what my because I have to have AI have
33:56
to have a combo of things. I want some.
33:57
I do want some lobster. No, no, no, some crab Alfredo.
34:00
I do want some hibachi. Yeah, I want to.
34:02
I'm going to have. I'm going to have a combo.
34:04
Here's how to. This is what you do.
34:05
OK, Last meal, I get what I said I was going to get and I get a
34:10
side of Red Robin's bottomless fried.
34:13
They never execute me because I've got bottomless fried.
34:18
I still have food on my plate. Well, I could before I finished
34:21
the last piece. I'd be like another thing of
34:23
fries. Another thing of fries, another
34:24
thing of Ries. Right?
34:26
It's true. That's it.
34:27
That's 22. You're right.
34:29
That's why Red Robins doesn't sponsor any execution.
34:36
It's not Red Robins. Not Red Robin.
34:38
Holy shit. Who would do that?
34:42
The electric company. The electric company.
34:46
I don't think they electrocute people anymore.
34:48
Do you know that in some states, you you can choose your form of
34:51
execution? That's true.
34:53
Like, like you can choose the electric chair like Alabama.
34:56
Did you choose that? That sounds painful.
34:59
Maybe just to drive up the taxpayers money.
35:03
One last just stick it through before you go out.
35:06
No, that's not going to be me. Not me, not me, chief.
35:09
I'm going to choose something painless.
35:11
Just put me to sleep and then do whatever the fuck you want after
35:14
that. I don't care.
35:14
Yeah, I got to Google something. What do you got to Google?
35:18
I had to look this up. Don't look, don't look, don't
35:20
look. Give me a year and I'll tell
35:23
you. Higher, Lower.
35:24
OK. What year do you think the last
35:27
execution by guillotine occurred in France?
35:30
In France, guy, Like 2022 or some shit?
35:33
Well, for God's sake. And a no lower.
35:35
OK, 1980. Lower 70.
35:39
A little bit higher 7578 77 There you go 771977 They were
35:46
still using the guillotine. Wow.
35:50
Jamita Jan Doobie was executed on September 10th, 1977.
35:56
He was beheaded in Marseille. Wow.
36:01
There. Well, that's that's I'm I'm
36:04
first of all in 1981. OK, Nice.
36:06
I first of all, have a plan on not doing anything.
36:11
It's for the best to to be sentenced to death.
36:13
Or I thought you were just stopping there without doing
36:15
anything. If I can, if I can avoid it,
36:20
yes. But you know, if not, I'm not
36:24
going to get sentenced to death. That's not going to be my plan.
36:27
And yeah, so then I don't have to choose the last meal.
36:29
I can just enjoy those things whenever I want.
36:31
So. But now you've made me extremely
36:33
hungry for all of my favorite foods.
36:36
What would you what would be your dessert, though, because
36:40
you still got the fries going, but you got to have get some
36:42
dessert in there. We should get Red Robin to
36:45
sponsor us because they could be the side of fries for our for
36:47
our series peas. Nice.
36:49
We just free coupon for bottles, fries or Red Robin.
36:52
Oh my God, But you got to pay for it.
36:54
But there are bottles. It's a free coupon for bottles,
36:56
fries that you make any any of your side of bottles.
36:59
That's a joke. They're already they're already
37:00
bottles. Look at this girl.
37:03
What would be your dessert? That's tough one.
37:06
It's tough one. I know it's not going to be.
37:09
Man, I like cake, but I do prefer pie.
37:11
But nothing Bundt cake. Oh my goodness.
37:14
I think that's for a drink. I'm having a slushie for it to
37:17
drink. You would have a slushie?
37:18
Yes, I think. Not me.
37:19
I want pie. I have some wine.
37:23
But then, oh, you know what? You're right.
37:25
I'm not having a slushie. Somebody's going to go out there
37:27
and they're going to find me some motherfucking beer. 04204
37:33
Somebody's going to brew you the salty, the brew, the salted
37:37
caramel beer that you can't find anywhere, or the vanilla
37:41
pumpkin, or. I mean, we had it.
37:43
No, we didn't. We didn't.
37:44
Something's in line for 2 fleeting. 2 fleeting now.
37:47
I mean, you could get some good cheesecake from The Cheesecake
37:50
Factory. I'm between two.
37:51
You're between two. OK, OK.
37:52
Number one, yes, for three. I'm between 3.
37:56
Me too #1 yes, that, that Ice Cream Sandwich thing, that
38:03
dessert. Yeah, it's got peanut butter or
38:05
chocolate and ice cream sandwiches.
38:07
That's got peanut. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
38:08
That's some delicious stuff I make that.
38:10
I made that last time I made that.
38:11
You 3 girls audibly cheered. Actually, it was like, what's
38:16
happening just thinking about it.
38:19
No, or or I'll just love fruit and general fruit pizza.
38:24
No, no, I love fruit in general. So you don't like the sugar
38:27
pizza on the strawberries or just strawberries?
38:29
Yeah, sugar on the Peaches. Just Peaches.
38:32
I'm good with all all these things.
38:33
So you're a fruit platter? Just a fruit platter.
38:35
A fruit salad. Fucking no.
38:36
No, don't mix it. No.
38:38
Oh my God. Call back.
38:40
No, I love a good fruit salad. No, no, no, I would.
38:43
It's separated because you put fucking cantaloupe in there.
38:46
No, no, no, no, no cantaloupe. And you put watermelon in there.
38:49
It absorbs the flavor of everything.
38:50
And so then I can't just enjoy my fucking watermelon because it
38:53
tastes like God and grape tastes like pineapple or grapes or
38:56
something. I just put it on the side.
38:58
OK, OK, so just separated fruit fruit platter.
39:01
Yes, it's all section of fruit platter.
39:03
If you're some watermelon, some pineapple, some, you know, don't
39:07
don't bring no fucking grapes on my on my fucking green grapes.
39:10
That cream. Oh, well, yeah, don't bring me
39:13
no for my last meal cream premium.
39:16
No, cuz you know, they're gonna bring me some fucking brown
39:18
fucking grapes. They might don't bring no
39:20
bananas, but I love bananas. Bring me yellow ones, you know,
39:24
I prefer the green. It's true, which is weird, but
39:26
you know, that's you. I'm one there.
39:28
Unless they're almost there. Be What about what about Kiwi?
39:31
Absolutely. Bring me the Kiwi.
39:32
What about blueberries? That's how I'm looking.
39:34
Bring me mountains of Kiwi. I will try to put myself into an
39:39
allergic shock. She is a little bit allergic, a
39:41
little bit. But I'm hoping if I can just eat
39:42
a mountain of Kiwi, it could kill me.
39:45
And you just die by Kiwi, Dead by Kiwi.
39:47
That's how I psych them out. There You go, psych them out.
39:52
She's done the job for me. Blue Bowl.
39:54
Everybody has gone to my execution.
40:00
David, those are fair 5,000,000 lbs of Kiwi.
40:04
Why is it allergic to Kiwi in her files?
40:09
She never don't make those fun right at the radar.
40:13
What's your third thing? Oh my God.
40:16
For pizza that is. Specifically the apples with the
40:19
fucking. That's the taffy apple pizza.
40:21
That's the dense to peanut butter.
40:23
It's got peanut butter and apples and caramels.
40:25
Oh, it is It's that's probably your dad's favorite thing.
40:27
I got to tell you mine. I've I've settled on mine.
40:30
OK, this is this is my emotional tie to to a food.
40:34
OK, your grandma's always banana cream pie.
40:38
Yeah. Yep.
40:39
That is the my favorite thing and probably on in the whole
40:43
damn planet. This is great.
40:44
Your grandma's banana cream pie. Yeah.
40:45
Ask her how she's making bad. I know.
40:47
She gave me recipe and I've made it and it mine is subpar only
40:51
because I don't make my own crust.
40:53
Well, she makes the pie crust and I'm too lazy and I take the
40:58
easy way out. Sure.
40:59
So mine is good, but grandma's is excellent.
41:03
It could be great. It could be great, but I do know
41:06
how to make her pie. And I've made it before.
41:07
Oh, thank God. And your dad is very happy with
41:09
it. He's OK.
41:10
He doesn't care if it has the homemade crud. close one. close
41:13
one. Yeah.
41:13
So you're right. It's good.
41:15
But it could be great. Well, OK.
41:17
I've got one more question for you.
41:19
OK. OK.
41:20
Here we go. So I saw this article.
41:23
The University of Kyoto in Japan.
41:25
OK, at graduation they allow you to wear whatever you want to
41:29
graduation. Legit, no caps and gowns, no
41:31
whatever you want. So a lot of people dress up,
41:34
they wear costumes, they wear whatever.
41:37
There are no restrictions. There are no restrictions.
41:39
You can't come naked though. You know what it is you have to
41:42
wear or something. OK, so people dress up.
41:46
There's a lot of you've seen like cosplay and whatnot.
41:49
A lot of people come in like full blown cosplay.
41:51
There's people in like full mascot uniforms and things like
41:54
that. OK, So my question is, what
41:57
would you wear? Wow.
41:58
OK, here's the thing. I would definitely have to get
42:01
my masters and my PhD because I would want three opportunities
42:05
to go with their graduates. And they mean in the Soviets.
42:09
If they offer it, they offer it, but they probably don't.
42:12
OK, wow, there are so many possibilities.
42:17
Right, Right, right. What in the world?
42:20
I would have to say that I loved my wedding dress.
42:27
I wore my mom's wedding dress. OK, And I was an absolute
42:32
Princess. OK, absolute.
42:34
Was I not? You've seen pics?
42:36
I've seen I was Cinderella embodied tiara, the works.
42:41
OK, I can I can remember seeing my friends at the reception.
42:45
They're like, you look just like a Princess.
42:46
And I was like, I have a Princess.
42:49
And so that would be one. I'm coming down the aisle, ball
42:54
gown, tiara. I'm gonna be a Princess.
42:57
OK. I loved it.
42:59
I looked amazing. I've never looked so good, true,
43:02
in my life. It's all downhill after my
43:04
wedding day. Well, so I think a lot of men
43:08
would say that. So that would be one.
43:14
OK, OK, that's like my bachelor's maybe.
43:17
OK, now let me show you this picture here.
43:20
OK, look at these people all dressed up.
43:22
Hold on, this isn't the picture I want to show you.
43:23
Oh my gosh, a little bit lower. So look.
43:27
OK, so this is what I was trying to find some of our like
43:30
traditional traditionals. Look at gorgeous Mamis in boxes.
43:34
He's a box robot type guy. We got look at this flower
43:37
person. Yep, covering the ghosts, you
43:41
know. Oh that's this is Sailor Moon.
43:43
That is Sailor Moon. I see it there's some anime type
43:47
people that's a car wash. I guess I don't know what that
43:49
is. It looks like a bike rack even
43:52
Okay, maybe you know look at these.
43:54
This is the mass mass I have no, I think that's ET That looks
43:58
like a jackalope. You're right.
44:00
That does look like ET. This dude is like not wearing
44:04
much of anything. He's he's he's really jacked,
44:07
right? I think he I got some shorts or
44:09
something on, but yeah, yeah, I think he's what is this TTT?
44:12
And then what is he? I don't know.
44:15
I don't know what that is. I'm not sure.
44:16
Oh, here's. Is this the Roman God?
44:18
Roman. No, that's Jesus.
44:19
Oh, that's Jesus. I thought it was Caesar.
44:21
That's Jesus. These guys are dressed up like a
44:23
game queue and and ATV screen nip slip.
44:28
Yeah. Well, Jesus, you know what?
44:29
Oh, here's a bodybuilder. It doesn't.
44:31
But a Speedo he is. That is, that is smaller than a
44:34
Speedo. That is what that is.
44:36
So. Yeah.
44:36
So you can, you could be gotta be kidding with whatever you
44:39
want. That's hilarious.
44:40
OK, so I said one of mine. What would one of yours be?
44:43
I mean, I don't know if I had no budget.
44:45
No budget. No budget.
44:46
Yeah. I'm going full Cinderella ball
44:48
gown, tiara, glass slippers, the whole thing.
44:50
The Sky's the limit. You could do anything.
44:53
I know. What would it be?
44:57
This is this is tough. Truthfully, yes.
45:01
I think I would like to go dressed as Snuffaluffagus from
45:05
Sesame Street. That would be phenomenal.
45:06
I love Snuffaluffagus more than I can say.
45:09
Yep. Yep.
45:10
I would need in a second person because someone had to fill in
45:13
the back end, right. It's true.
45:15
It's true. That would that would be a
45:17
that's an excellent choice. I bet you they've never seen
45:20
this in Philippicus there. But they've seen lots of
45:22
princesses, I'm sure. Yeah, mine's not very original.
45:25
Yeah, I'll say it, but I'm but I'm doing it for me.
45:27
But you're wearing your wedding dress.
45:28
That's also a layer to it. That's true.
45:30
It's because how many times do you get to wear your wedding
45:32
dress and what do you tease your hair and like a Frankenstein,
45:35
Like a bride of Frankenstein. Well, that was that was my next
45:37
thing was going to be something, something classic monster like
45:41
Godzilla. Oh my God, do you?
45:44
I could get one of those like Creature of the Black Lagoon,
45:46
like Godzilla. The next kid.
45:48
You could go with Godzilla. I could go with King Kong.
45:50
There we go. Oh my God.
45:50
We're going to graduate together.
45:52
We're going back, We're going back to school.
45:54
We'll get our masters and get masters.
45:56
That's it. Godzilla and King Kong or, or
46:00
I'm Mothra. That would be an excellent
46:02
option as well. OK, if you're Godzilla, women
46:04
that inspire me, I like it. The women that inspire me,
46:07
Legit, I like that even better. You're out.
46:10
Sorry. I'm all through.
46:11
You're in. OK.
46:12
And And I think for my doctorate, Yeah, I think.
46:15
I think I got to go. I got to be a doctor.
46:19
OK, So that's what I'm thinking. I could be the Doctor
46:24
Frankenstein and you could be the Monster or Doctor Jekyll.
46:29
I don't know. I could be Mr. High.
46:32
Very good. Just be different doctors.
46:33
Doctor Frankenstein. I'm Doctor Jekyll.
46:35
See, I could be Doc Ock. I go as doc.
46:39
That's it. That's it.com.
46:41
We just had a revelation. You could literally see light
46:44
bulbs going. We're masters in the universe.
46:47
I'm Skeletor. I've been he man.
46:51
Are you living with me? Oh, no, no, he man.
46:53
I'm he man all the way. You're he man, and I'm Skeletor.
46:55
Hell yeah, 'cause we're masters. Hell yeah.
46:58
Oh, OK. That's for our masters.
47:00
You're right. You're right.
47:00
You're right. You're right.
47:03
I mean, and this is in Japan, right?
47:05
Look at this one. I just noticed.
47:07
It's a balloon. Balloon.
47:08
That's all my balloons. She's a queen.
47:09
Excellent. And look at these two, Luigi.
47:12
But they're also elephants. But they're elephants.
47:14
I got to tell you, this is in Japan, right?
47:16
Did you say Japan? Yes.
47:17
The University of Kyoto. I'm ditching the Princess.
47:19
We got to do Godzilla and Mothra.
47:21
I mean, you're in Japan. You're right.
47:24
That's the Master Godzilla. And then we're masters of the
47:28
Universe. Legit Skeletor doctors.
47:31
One of us is. Doc.
47:33
Hold on. Let me, let me.
47:34
I got to. I got to look up famous doctors.
47:36
Kevorkian. No, that's terrible.
47:40
No, thank you. Let's see.
47:45
Let's see. Let's see.
47:46
Let's see. List of fictional doctors.
47:48
I want to be a cool doctor. I know, I know.
47:52
Let's see. Doctor Seuss.
47:54
Oh, Doctor Seuss. That's a great one.
47:56
Doctor Zoiborg. Zoiborg.
47:58
That's Oh, my God. We could be Doctor Honeydew and
48:01
Beaker. No, that would be awesome too.
48:04
Doctor Strange. Doctor Evil.
48:06
Oh, yeah, I do like the Botnik. That's the bad guy from Sonic.
48:11
Doctor Pepper. No, I don't like Ashley would be
48:13
Doctor Pepper. Ashley would actually would be
48:15
Doctor Pepper. 100%, A hundred percent, 100%.
48:18
Oh, my gosh. I will be Doctor Hannibal
48:22
Lecter. You had the best.
48:24
I could wheel you. Wait.
48:25
Oh, my God, You would have to wheel me in.
48:27
Oh, my God. Now that would be cool.
48:31
You're getting your doctorate. You 100%.
48:33
You could dress up as as the female scientists from Jurassic
48:40
Park. She's a doctor, I think.
48:41
Well, yeah, but you know, no one's going to be like, why are
48:43
you hearing a button up shirt and shorts like there's a
48:46
dinosaur? No, You want to be a doctor as
48:48
well. I still think you need to do
48:50
Doc. OP.
48:50
That's really an excellent choice.
48:52
You could be. You could be Doctor Dre.
48:55
You could be Doc. We've.
48:58
I know exactly who you're going to be.
49:00
Who. I still like Doctor Seuss, but
49:05
who you got? She thought of it most it folks,
49:07
it's gone. She's thinking really, really
49:09
hard. I depending on your kind of
49:12
doctor that you become who is Doctor Strangelove, But no one
49:18
would recognize me. You mean Doctor Frankenfurter.
49:21
Absolutely, 100%. You've nailed it.
49:24
You've done it again, Abby, you mad genius.
49:28
I would be absolutely Doctor Frankenverter.
49:31
Yes, because I'd still be maybe young.
49:33
We got to do this when I'm young and I'm still looking good.
49:36
Pretty good. OK.
49:37
All right. We got it.
49:38
We figured it out. We got it.
49:39
We're ready. OK.
49:40
Now we just got to get into this college and sure get some kind
49:44
of degree. How hard could it be?
49:45
Can't be that. Like, it's hard.
49:47
In the words of the woods. Yeah.
49:49
Like it's hard. It's hard.
49:50
We got this. Exactly.
49:51
Oh, my gosh. Nailed it.
49:53
As long as they do online courses.
49:55
You could have been, Doctor T Could have been.
49:57
We had all kinds of options, man.
49:58
Lots of options. Lots of fictional doctors.
50:00
Yeah, we're good. We're good.
50:02
Not a lot of fictional female doctors.
50:05
It's true. I'm taking note.
50:06
I'm noticing Marie Curie. You can walk in like glowing
50:11
radiation poison. She's not a fictional Dr. It's
50:15
true. She's a real doctor, and she's
50:17
amazing. But Doctor Who.
50:20
I said Doctor Who. You missed.
50:21
Oh, I completely missed it. You missed it.
50:23
All right. How much time do I got?
50:24
One more story to read. Oh, you.
50:25
Plenty of time. I just heard on the news this
50:29
past weekend actually, that there was a massive power
50:33
outage, but in Spain, Portugal and France, somebody opted for
50:39
the electric chair. It shouldn't have outlawed the
50:42
guillotine. Save more power that way.
50:46
Problem solved. Oh my gosh.
50:50
Now I was, it was an article and I see the headline about this
50:54
massive power outage in Spain, Portugal and France, and it says
50:57
click here to see the picture. You had to say, thought I did.
51:03
I've sit here going, I don't think I need to click here
51:06
because they're all just going to be black.
51:07
It's all going to be dark. Like what am I going to see?
51:10
What are you going to see? There's this black image.
51:12
Here's the, you know, here's the avatar that should have been lit
51:15
up. Nothing.
51:15
That's all under there. And here's here's my house.
51:19
Nothing dark, dark, dark from the inside.
51:22
I'm dying. Like this is a fantastic
51:24
headline. Click here to see pictures.
51:25
I don't need to do that. I can imagine.
51:28
I've got it. I've got, I know exactly what
51:30
everything looked like, especially with my old eyes.
51:34
I can't see in the dark period. Oh my God, I thought that was
51:37
hilarious. I'm cracking up.
51:39
I'm like, OK, Abby will get this.
51:40
And you did 'cause you had the same thought I did as soon as I
51:43
said it. Thank you.
51:44
Excellent, excellent. Alright, well, I got one more
51:46
question for you. OK, let's hear it.
51:47
Ashton and I were on a Hunger Games kick.
51:50
Oh, this weekend. So we binged on the movies,
51:53
'cause we, like I said, we were both sick.
51:55
Those we've talked about this a lot recently because there's new
51:58
new book, a new book came out in the Sunrise on the Reaping.
52:01
And then there's is the other book out yet another book,
52:05
Sunrise all the reading is the newest book that came out.
52:07
That's the newest book. What was the one right before
52:08
that? The Ballad of Songbirds and
52:11
stakes. That's the one I was thinking
52:12
of. OK.
52:12
And that and that movie's been made.
52:14
That movie was made, yes. And then the new book is out
52:17
Sunrise, all the reading. That's Hamish's games and
52:20
they're making the next that movie.
52:22
The next movie is set to come out November 20th, 2026.
52:25
Oh, OK. About a year and a half ish.
52:27
OK yes. So we've been talking about this
52:30
actually this past weekend, because I have loved Suzanne
52:32
Collins since The Underland Chronicles.
52:35
The regular overlay. I think you read that in junior
52:38
high. Yeah, it was.
52:38
It was made for a younger audience than the 4th or 5th
52:41
grade. You were reading those?
52:42
Yeah. Love those.
52:43
Love those. And then, of course, love Hunger
52:46
Games. And I told Sam I was like, I
52:47
cannot even imagine being living in a world where The Hunger
52:51
Games would come out and I'd read the first one and didn't
52:53
have any more books and then had to wait for the other ones to
52:56
come out because on the edge of my seat.
52:58
It was when they came out. You were too young to to read
53:01
them. And then I let you read them.
53:03
No, no, no, I no, I was in high school.
53:05
I read those when they came out. Oh, you did wait.
53:07
You did wait. Yeah, they came out.
53:09
And I was really. They came out.
53:10
Oh, you know what? And I remember you guys going to
53:12
the movie Now you're right now that you see that.
53:15
I remember you guys going to being like first in line to go
53:18
to the see the movie or second in line masters at the.
53:23
Because let me tell you something, The Hunger Games is
53:25
probably my favorite series of all time.
53:27
The more that I think about it, the more it's cemented for me.
53:29
It's my favorite series. She is an amazing author,
53:32
truthfully an amazing author. We probably would read anything
53:35
she writes. She really is incredible.
53:37
The Hunger Games, as a mom, I was like, I can't believe you
53:41
guys like the series. This is really disturbing.
53:43
This is, you know, Yeah. And then I had, I read the first
53:48
one saying we had a like a library club or library book
53:51
summer reading thing. And you had to read a book that
53:54
was a suggestion for someone else.
53:55
And Sam suggested I read that first book and I read it and I
53:57
was like, Oh my God. I get it kind of just kind of
53:59
pulls you in. It is there are, in my opinion,
54:04
not many authors I think that could pull off The Hunger Games
54:08
and get the message across that she's trying to get across
54:12
because it because it is fascinating.
54:14
It's sort of like growing up when I were being like 7th very
54:17
learning about like the Holocaust, right?
54:19
It sort of pulls you in terrible fascination, right?
54:22
It's this fascination with like the depths of human depravity,
54:25
how how low most of us are can't even imagine, right.
54:30
And it's just doing it's one the more the more you dig into it,
54:34
the worse it gets, the more things that come up, you know,
54:38
and it's similar in that way that like it is like this like
54:42
nightmarish type thing of like you could how could this ever of
54:45
this. No one would ever allow this to
54:47
happen, right. Get it?
54:48
Yeah, get it, get it now. And of course, The Hunger Games
54:52
are not a real thing, right, That we know of right now.
54:55
But you could sort of see based on, you know, human history of
54:59
the terrible things. I mean, we had gladiator
55:01
competition, you know, the times and what not.
55:04
And, and all that was volunteer people have not been kind to one
55:08
another through the history of mankind.
55:10
And you can imagine somebody being fucked up enough to to do
55:15
this whatever. And I think that there, I don't
55:17
know that there are many authors who could really pull off this
55:21
like, because you have this fascination, it does pull you
55:23
into this like like almost excitement around the whole
55:28
thing because it is, it is like this horrible thing.
55:32
But it's also like the, the marketing of it to the capital
55:38
and whatnot. And being a, a, a spectacle and,
55:42
and oh, it's an honor. And if you win and all this kind
55:45
of stuff. And how, how it's all completely
55:47
reframed for the people living in the capital as opposed to the
55:51
districts is, is so well done. I think in the most recent
55:55
movie, the second most recent book, there is a line that
55:59
Peter, Peter Dinklage's character says something like,
56:02
now we know the like the price people are willing to pay for
56:06
good entertainment, right. And it's like, yeah, like, what
56:10
is what's the price you're willing to pay for good
56:12
entertainment? Yeah, that's crazy.
56:14
It's crazy. And she absolutely nails it, in
56:17
my opinion. I think, I think she, she walks
56:20
a very fine line where it's like, it is a very good book,
56:25
It's very entertaining to read, but she never lets you forget
56:28
the whole way through how fucked up the whole thing is.
56:31
Yeah, yeah, it's really messed up, you know, And the movies
56:33
actually were done well. I they have the same director
56:37
has directed every single one, which is smart.
56:39
They did very, very good. And I'll be honest with you, if
56:42
they're on, I'll stop and watch them even though every time,
56:44
even though it gets me, I know they're good.
56:47
They the story is it's like a train wreck and you just can't
56:49
look. Every single one of those movies
56:51
has APG 13 rating. And I remember when the first
56:54
one was coming out and they were like, it's going to have APG 13
56:56
rating. And I get it.
56:58
Because your audience was, you know, anywhere from 12 to 18 was
57:03
probably your main audience. Yeah.
57:05
And just trying to imagine, like we're, you know, like, how the
57:10
hell are they going to pull off a PG13?
57:14
It's kids going in an arena to kill each other.
57:16
Yeah, That's the story about murdering children, right?
57:19
How were they going to pull off? And they did.
57:20
They did it. They did it.
57:21
And it was, I thought it was very well done because it, it
57:24
balanced like doing it tastefully.
57:26
It implied things. It didn't have to be gory and
57:29
disgusting. No, it didn't.
57:30
You knew. You knew what was happening.
57:31
Yeah, absolutely. And And So what was your
57:33
question? Oh, you had a question.
57:36
How long do you think you'd last?
57:38
Oh, no, not at all. I wouldn't last at all.
57:40
You think you died in the bloodbath or would you run?
57:42
Here's the thing. I'm, I'm putting myself in there
57:44
now, so not, but that's not I wouldn't be in there now.
57:46
That's not I wouldn't, I would be in there as a kid.
57:48
OK, so as a as a kid, yeah, I was very fast, right.
57:54
So I might have survived. I'll tell you what, I I guess a
57:58
little longer than some, because I would have booked it.
58:02
I think I would have run. Yeah.
58:04
Yeah. I was really athletic kid.
58:06
Yeah, I was a bigger kid. I think I could have held my own
58:08
against. Yeah.
58:08
If I went in, if I was like 1670, I think I've been OK.
58:11
Yes. I don't know that I would want,
58:13
but I don't think I would have died immediately because I would
58:15
not have run to the center. Well, that's the thing.
58:17
Yeah. No, no, no, no.
58:18
Don't run to the center. You got to book it out of there.
58:20
I spent a lot of time outside as a kid and I went to camp on
58:25
stock every year that I could go.
58:27
I knew how to build a fire, which it probably shouldn't be
58:29
in. I guess if you build a fire
58:30
during the day, maybe that wouldn't give you away, but you
58:31
might see the smoke. So we know fire is not a good
58:33
idea. But I knew I was taught some
58:37
different, how to identify some plants.
58:39
I knew how to swim really well. Yeah, I, I was, I knew how to, I
58:45
went hiking. You know, I did the things
58:46
right. So as a kid, yeah, I, I would
58:48
have maybe survived. I like my odds a little bit
58:50
better, but I don't. But I was also smaller on the
58:53
smaller side. So even though I played sports
58:57
and I was fit, don't think that I would have been able to.
59:00
You could have played that up, though, because.
59:02
Because Joanna. Joanna.
59:04
Yeah. In the she, you know what?
59:06
Do you know her character, which character she is?
59:08
OK. She's from like the the
59:10
woodcutting district. OK.
59:12
So when she goes in her game, she's also small and whatnot.
59:15
She plays up this very meek, very weak small girl and she
59:19
like hides this whole thing and then it gets up like 6 people
59:22
left and then she like fucking reveals I know how to use an axe
59:25
and kills everybody. And that's how she wins because
59:28
she plays up, oh, I'm so weak I couldn't do anything.
59:30
And nobody sees her as a prunt. They just leave it there.
59:31
We'll pick her off later. We'll just get her when we're
59:33
done. Yeah.
59:34
I would have definitely wanted a bow and arrow.
59:36
I could, I could. I'll shoot a good shot.
59:38
Yeah, I could shoot pretty well with that.
59:40
I love the bow and arrow, the archery down at camp.
59:43
I loved it. So I would definitely would have
59:45
wanted those if and I was good at climbing trees.
59:48
So if I could get up in a tree, I climbed up a good tree.
59:49
I gave me a bow and arrow. I'm going to pick some people
59:52
off that way. This is a gruesome conversation
59:55
that we're having here, But. And being small might make it
59:58
easier for me to hide. That's true.
1:00:01
So if you're fast and you could climb, you could just stay up in
1:00:04
the tree, right. If you could drop them to a
1:00:06
couple. But you have to get wood.
1:00:08
Yeah, that's true. I mean, you have to get food and
1:00:11
definitely water. Yeah.
1:00:13
So. That's they said, they said
1:00:15
that, you know, like most of them die from starvation or
1:00:19
dehydration. Yeah.
1:00:20
You don't have enough water. Well, I think that's just it.
1:00:22
I think that I would not most, but a lot.
1:00:24
I think I could rely on a little bit of charisma with Caesar
1:00:27
Flickerman. I think that I could I could win
1:00:30
the people over. I could be a little funny.
1:00:31
That's true. You would you would be good at
1:00:33
that. That's true.
1:00:34
I know. I know.
1:00:35
I would not win. I could not win it.
1:00:36
I don't know. I don't think I when I was, I
1:00:38
couldn't win it as a kid if I wanted, but I might have been in
1:00:41
better odds than some. I think back against my back
1:00:45
against the wall. I'm I'm not going down about a
1:00:48
fight for sure, but I think I get picked up by some fucking
1:00:52
like new taste or something like that.
1:00:53
I get some stupid shit like that would happen to me if I'm up in
1:00:56
the tree and those Cracker Jackers, whatever the fuck,
1:00:59
Cracker Jack, Cracker Jackers, that's not what they're called.
1:01:09
I can't remember the day that prize inside and get you
1:01:11
everyday that prize inside. Stay with me, tracker jackers.
1:01:16
Call me tracker jackers. I love the dream.
1:01:18
You didn't Stamie. It was pretty good.
1:01:19
That's a cracker jacker. I honestly I know I wouldn't win
1:01:24
because I don't know how I would kill another person you and I'm
1:01:30
saying I don't know the wall 100%.
1:01:32
When they sit, you know, they say you don't know what you're
1:01:35
capable of when you're in a desperate situation.
1:01:38
So who knows? Who knows?
1:01:40
You know, my mind, the thought of it sounds horrible, just is
1:01:43
so, so awful that I'm like, well, I'm going to bite it
1:01:47
because I can't do it. But you, but you're sometimes
1:01:49
your survival instincts kick in and you never know who knows,
1:01:53
right? But then we talked about this
1:01:54
too. Who were the lucky ones, The
1:01:55
winners of the people who died because the winners, right,
1:01:58
They're fucked in the head for the rest of their lives.
1:02:00
Oh yeah, 'cause you had to kill these people is some of the
1:02:03
Hamish. It's like nobody decent ever
1:02:05
wins the games. And he's like nobody ever wins
1:02:07
the games. Nobody are survivors.
1:02:08
But no one wins. No one wins.
1:02:10
Because even the careers, these careers that are in, you've read
1:02:13
the book that the ones that train, train and volunteer,
1:02:18
they're already fucked in that they don't come out of this,
1:02:21
they don't come out. They're already sociopaths,
1:02:25
psychopaths, who knows? They're already, they've been
1:02:29
they've been manipulated and and and they've been raised, yes, So
1:02:33
think this way and that's messed up.
1:02:35
Well, and, and even though, again, it doesn't matter who it
1:02:37
is, well, I mean the what's his face?
1:02:40
Cato is the one from he's the kid from 2:00 that's like
1:02:43
favored to win. And he, like, by the end of it,
1:02:47
he's, he's fucked up because he's like, you know, he goes in
1:02:52
like, this is gonna be easy. I'm gonna win, right?
1:02:55
This is gonna be fun. I'm gonna enjoy this.
1:02:57
By the end, it's just like, I just want this to be over with
1:03:00
because it's horrible. It's horrible, so horrible.
1:03:03
Of course it is. Yeah.
1:03:04
And so that's probably my favorite series.
1:03:07
I won't go on, but I could I Sam and I talk about this.
1:03:12
All the you guys both love this series.
1:03:14
You being sick this past weekend, I heard you marathoned
1:03:17
the well, that's what I said. We've watched and now you've got
1:03:20
me in the mood to watch something.
1:03:21
I think we're going to reread about our next.
1:03:23
We will because I've only read, I'll be honest with you, what I
1:03:25
want. And I haven't read about the
1:03:28
sunbirds and snakes or the newest one, right?
1:03:30
So I have only read book 1, so I would be I'd be up for for
1:03:36
reading. Well, and Ashley said that she
1:03:39
goes, you guys are gonna you guys are rereading this.
1:03:40
And I said, yeah, she goes. I'll reread Ashes in Ashes in.
1:03:43
So I think, OK, I think that's probably gonna be our next one.
1:03:46
Listener, if you would have read along to The Hunger Games, Yeah,
1:03:49
we're probably gonna read that. We'll have to update our
1:03:50
progress next time. I, I would, I it's a great, it's
1:03:55
a it's, it's a great, it's a great, terrible series, right.
1:03:58
Let's sing Jinks in the end of that one last time.
1:04:01
Like everything, the layers that she puts into it, everything
1:04:05
links up. There's nothing in there by
1:04:06
accident. And I and Sam and I picked that
1:04:08
apart. You every single, every single
1:04:12
person that's in the series you can pick apart.
1:04:15
Like we were really going on about the girl in book one from
1:04:19
that's from District 1 that she dies by like the tracker jackers
1:04:22
or whatever, right, that Candace drops on him.
1:04:25
And we're just picking apart the scene that she's shooting at
1:04:27
Candace with a bow. And it's like, well, why if
1:04:30
she's that bad with a bow, why does she have it on her?
1:04:32
And is she playing along? I mean, we are it is every
1:04:36
single thing they're picking apart all these theories, right?
1:04:39
It's hilarious. It's all the details because
1:04:41
there's so much theory in the in the whole thing and and there's
1:04:44
so many layers to it. So I sing the praise of Suzanne
1:04:46
Collins every day. This is not normally a series
1:04:49
that I would type a series I would read because I don't know,
1:04:54
it just it typically this I like something a little happier or
1:04:58
funny or, you know, something heartwarming or even romance,
1:05:01
whatever. But but but this what?
1:05:03
This is so good. Yeah.
1:05:04
This is this is an exception for lots, lots of people have tried
1:05:07
to do the dystopian and it has only been done really well by
1:05:12
maybe a handful of art or a person.
1:05:14
I would say. I'd say Suzanne Gald, maybe
1:05:17
exclusively. It's hers is the best.
1:05:18
Yeah. 100 percent, 100%. Well, if you can't tell, we
1:05:21
really like, I really like it. Like I said, listener, if you
1:05:25
ever get me alone in a conversation and want to talk to
1:05:27
me about The Hunger Games theories, I'm so in.
1:05:29
She's down to talk down to talk about that.
1:05:31
I I could go on for forever. Like I said, I literally, let's
1:05:34
say this to the end so that I would be forced to be cut off at
1:05:37
some point about this because we'd have a whole episode,
1:05:40
nothing of nothing about the theories from The Hunger Games.
1:05:42
Hunger Games, 100%. If nothing else from my
1:05:45
generation survives with the hungry, I'd be OK with that and
1:05:47
be OK with that. All right?
1:05:48
Absolutely. Well, about you.
1:05:51
But after this, I'm gonna need some serious beef and maybe some
1:05:55
serious Cracker Jackers. I love Cracker Jacks.
1:06:00
Bye bye.