Latest / High n' Dry Podcast / Episode 68: Futuristic Brain Cleanses & Stewie Griffin vs. Link (feat. Jay Darkmoore, Author)

Transcript

Episode 68: Futuristic Brain Cleanses & Stewie Griffin vs. Link (feat. Jay Darkmoore, Author) · High n' Dry Podcast

• 0:15
  SPEAKER_01: We've never minded upsetting people.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_00: I messaged Ryan and I said, uh do Link versus Joe Rogan, but he said, No, we can't do that.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_01: I don't believe Joe Rogan's real.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_01: I think he's created by AI.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: It's a fake with the imagination.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: He's not real.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: He lives in Texas now, doesn't he?
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_00: For real?
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_01: I don't think he lives.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: He's not real.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, I'll try getting you there.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: I try getting you.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: Link versus I don't know.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: Sonic?
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: No, I think you've done Sonic.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_02: Uh how about uh so we didn't do it last time.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_02: We could try and do her again um Wednesday.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_00: I still haven't watched it.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: No, I've not.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_00: I haven't.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_02: Alright, so no good there.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_00: No good there.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: Let's see.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, because she's got superpowers in the new one, hasn't she?
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_02: Pretty much, yeah.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_02: I mean it's just her lack of empathy translates into making her better than everyone else.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_02: It's I mean, it's a psychopath.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: It's analysis basically.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_00: She's my ex-girlfriend.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_00: Hey, great.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_01: The glorification of psychopaths is like definitely taking over.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_02: We talked about that.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_01: Uh let's see.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so Link versus Stewie.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_02: All right, fellas.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_02: Let's get down to business.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_02: Everyone, welcome to High and Dry Podcast, the only podcast where we do all of our own stunts.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_02: I'm your host, Ryan Barron North.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_02: With me as always, James Crosslin.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_02: James, what's going on, man?
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_02: Not that we haven't been talking for 20 minutes.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_02: What's that?
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_01: Uh uh, you know, the last 20 minutes have been really shitty, but everything else is going great.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_01: I'm happy to be here, obviously.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, you know, this is this is the biggest time we have to hang out.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_01: Uh hopefully we'll hang around, and if you got time after, we'll do a one-on-one.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_02: Hell yeah.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_02: Awesome.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_02: Awesome.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_02: And so joining us again, a returning guest, fans of the show of the deep cuts may recall independent author Jay Darkmore.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_02: He's uh crime, horror, dark fantasy author.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_02: Great time had him on last time, and hopefully it'll be great again.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_02: Um we'll see how he does.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_00: We'll see how we can.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm working I'm working on an OnlyFans as well, but uh that's not really supposed to be right now.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_02: We're all very excited.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_02: It's 90% of the people who come on this show have an OnlyFans independent pocket.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_02: When someone says independent author, I assume there's an OnlyFans attached to that.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_00: It's like senior accountant.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_02: So what's going on, man?
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_02: How you been?
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: I'm all good, man.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: I'm all good.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: I really enjoyed the show we did last time.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: That was really, really fun.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: When you said come back on, I uh I jumped out of my uh my Leotard uh in order to just bounce on and get here.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, man, really good.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: It's a little bit later where I am now, but you know, I've got uh I've got some nice booze to to consume responsibly, of course.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: Uh consume responsibly while I'm talking to you two amazing fellas.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, happy to be here, happy to be on.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_00: Let's do it.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_01: Hell yeah.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_01: Well, thanks, man.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_01: Thanks.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_01: I demand your consumption is irresponsible for the entirety of this podcast.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_00: I'm British, so we're all borderline alcoholics anyway.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_00: It's the only way we get through the weather.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_02: As long as you don't get I mean, you guys have a public transit system, so you should be fine.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: Don't mean it works very well.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: Well, so for uh terrible.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_02: Well, for those of you people uh joining us um for the first time, this is how this shit works.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_02: We start everything, every episode off with a question, a moral conundrum, a quandary, and then it devolves into a fist fight, as those things often do.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_02: But before we do that, what makes it so special and so great is that we get extra drunk and extra high.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_02: Um, so James, what are you smoking this week?
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, that's a great question.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_01: Uh so this week, I'm gonna be a good one.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my god.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_01: So much I don't know.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_01: So I already started a little bit.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_01: Uh this one is called uh Bubba Mince.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_01: It's gonna be a flower, also.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_01: Uh it has a really peppery taste, uh, and it's very chill.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm probably gonna go.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_01: It's just gonna last week it, you know, I got up really high, and today's good, I think it's gonna take me down a little bit.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_02: All right, all right, cool.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_02: All right, and uh so Jay, you're joining us as uh a fellow boozer.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_02: Um what do you what are we drinking?
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: Today I'm drinking Glen Murray, which is a single malt Scots whiskey.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_00: Uh it's devilishly delicious, and it's very, very dangerous because it's just straight out of the bottle, and uh, you know, you're having a good time.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_00: I can't fit I can't feel my gums already, so I don't know how this is gonna go.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_00: So hey, well no, it's really nice, really good.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_02: Cool.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_02: All right.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_02: Well, I'm gonna be joining you guys with Doughball.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_02: It's a cookie dough flavored whiskey.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_02: Oh yeah.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_02: 70 proof.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_02: You know it's good because it has a twist off top that just kind of cracks.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_02: There's no cork involved.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_02: Um got it for$20, and it smells like just pure maple syrup.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_02: And uh it smells like a pancake house.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: So the end of the bottle, it's got written at the bottom, you now have diabetes.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, oh yeah, they'll take your foot for this guy for sure.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_02: Holy shit.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_02: Well, but it had a bulldog on the front, it was$20.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_02: I couldn't say no.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_02: Um, this won't air during the holidays, but it is the holidays, and it just felt very holiday.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_02: We'll see how it goes.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_02: We'll see how it goes.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_02: Well, let's let's line them up.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_02: Get your shit together, gentlemen.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_02: Boom, boom, boom.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_02: Line them up and pour here.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_02: Oh.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_02: Oh yeah.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_02: No, it sticks to the side of the glass just like oh wow.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: What's that gonna do to your insides?
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_00: I don't get it.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_02: I don't get it.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_02: You gotta use a finger like it's a jelly shot to get it ready.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: Like it's yellow.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_01: I hate drinking like it was really thick, like it's syrup, right?
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_02: I I mean, I don't know.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_02: It smells like it, but we'll we'll see how it goes once it's gonna be.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I wanna know what happened to the dog on the front.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_00: I think the dog with on the front of the bottle was the owner who created it, who accidentally drank some on the floor, and he put him on the bottle to commemorate his memory.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_02: His death, yeah.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_02: Well, here it goes.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_02: So our first toast, first hit, this one goes to our our guest, our returning guest, Jay Darkmore, who is here.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_00: Neat scotch.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: Nice.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_00: The bourbon.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_02: That uh that was pretty wild there.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: Is that is that a bourbon or is it like what is it other than just pure sugar?
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_02: Uh cookie dough.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_02: Um it's just so it just says whiskey.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_02: It just says whiskey.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_02: There's no stipulation beyond that.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_02: It just says cookie dough and whiskey, and it tastes it's got legs.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_02: It's a whiskey that has legs.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_02: And it tastes like just pure fucking sugar.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_02: It tastes like legs.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_00: Sugary sweet legs.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_02: It it tastes like uh like if you got pancake syrup that was spicy.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_01: Fuck it up.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_01: I knew it was gonna be syrupy.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, very syrupy.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_02: So uh well, James, how was yours?
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, mine's great.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_01: Um I absolutely love this one.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_01: It's a nice smooth smoke.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_01: Uh yeah, Bubba Ments.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_01: Great stream.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_01: That's what's that.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_02: That's what's and uh Jay, yours?
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_00: Coffee on the tongue.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_00: Coffee on the tongue, so it must be good.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_02: Well, we should probably get moving then keep him alive.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_02: Line up your second one, boys.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_02: It's time this next one goes out to our newest listeners.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_02: Just popped up today.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_02: There's two actually.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_02: Um, two new ones, two fresh little areas there.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_02: We got uh a Banjar Pakung Bali.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, we got some of Bali there, and then uh let's see, Osnabruck, Lower Saxony.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_00: Awesome.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_02: Wherever the f that is like uh both of our eyes just sort of drifted to you.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_00: Uh yeah.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_00: Saxony France?
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_00: Either way, amazing people, and they are complete wreckheads like the rest of us.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, here's here's the Bali.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_00: I'm the other one.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_01: I'm interested in this.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_01: I think Sax I think Saxony is in France.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: I just thought saxophones thought it's very mad.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_01: Something makes me think like medieval French, like uh Saxony, Alex Germany.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_01: Oh okay.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_00: Guten Abend.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_00: Well, there you go.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, Guten Tag or Guten Morgen.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_02: Well, it's time to line up the third one now that we know that it's in Germany.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_02: Gutengott! So this third, our third toast, third shot, third hit.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_02: This is my favorite.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_02: Guests toast, Jay.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_02: What's it to?
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, this is to, I think I said this last time, but it still stands.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_00: All the creators out there trying to make something, uh, make a living out of the creativity, trying to do, you know, just let that phoenix burst out of their flaming souls, you know.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_00: Just yeah, I had something poetic planned.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_00: Obviously, that's gone to rap shit, hasn't it?
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_00: No, just people out there just just trying to make a living or trying just you know do something they enjoy.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_00: And uh yeah, expressing their love for mankind.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_00: And and the ch you know, the the the the the children, I want to say, you know, love them and and my mother and father, you know, everyone.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_00: And people listen to this as well, of course.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_02: Well, here's his academy speech.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_02: Cheers, everybody.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_02: Cheers.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_00: It's up way too much of a mouthful then.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_01: Did did I hear you uh hope that uh flaming birds burst from everyone's chests?
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, man.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_00: Was that part of the toast?
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_00: That's how we say hello in England.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, how are you?
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_00: Very messy, very messy, but you know, it's fine.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_02: Oh my god.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_00: You're okay, man.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_02: I bet you it would go really good in some eggnog.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_00: No, I've never had eggnog.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, really?
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_02: You've never had eggnog?
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_01: No.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I'd like to.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_00: It's not alcoholic egg whites.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_00: No, no, no, no, no.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_01: It's like uh it's like a creamy think of like have you ever had like a thicker hot chocolate?
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_01: Like one that's not like so, so, so it's like it's like got the consistency of a hot chocolate, but it's almost like a custardy kind of taste.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_01: So it's like a yeah, it's like a custardy drink.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so right after this show, and I mean right after.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_02: You should just hop in the car.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_02: Uh swing on down to the corner store, pick yourself up some eggnog.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_02: I I recommend uh um uh Southern Comfort myself.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, Southern Comfort Eggnog.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it'll it'll treat you right.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_00: I'll keep my eye up for it.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_00: I don't think I'll get very far, but I'll keep my eye out.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_00: If they don't have it, I will complain because that's what British people do.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_00: But I will cue first.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_00: I will cue and I will complain the shit out of it, but I'll be very passive, aggressive, and then if you don't get it, I'll go full Karen on their ass.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_00: I want to see their manager.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_01: I just want to tell you, when when the person says, you know, when you say I've got a complaint and they say get in line, they don't mean a literal cue, it's different here.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_01: They just mean go.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_00: This would be yeah.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_00: If I go to the state says I've got a complaint, they get in line and be like, okay, where's the line?
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_00: Well it's in this one.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_00: I will wait for as long as it takes.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, the locking up, the go in is a bye.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_00: It's like, but the line.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_02: I always remember the uh whenever this joke pops up.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_02: I remember the uh the bit in Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, when uh Martin uh Martin Freeman, is that the guy you played him?
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and they and they talk about getting in line.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and it's the first time in the sh in the movie that he has something to bring to the table.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_02: All right, so anyway, the producers are telling me to keep it moving.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_02: So it's time to get into the first part of this podcast um where we're gonna have a little question.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_02: We're gonna jump into it, we're gonna figure this thing out, we're gonna talk it through, and luckily we're in the right mindset to do so.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_02: So the question I have for you gentlemen today, um, it's a sort of a near future question here.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_02: Do you feel that um developments and advancements in brain science should change the criminal justice system?
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_02: And the for example here, so we're getting we're reaching a point now where we can identify, like we look into you know Jay's brain, and the government is like, we're spotting a lot of proclivities that aren't ready for civilized society.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_02: Should that so like so well it's for a real example then?
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_02: So like let's say that we we can we can now identify that this person right here, 80% chance of being a child molester.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_02: Um, should that change our criminal justice system?
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_02: Because we could just spot it.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_02: It's right there in your brain.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_02: You have that proclivity.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_02: Should we change our system for it?
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_02: Should we let them commit the crime first?
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_02: And then taking it one step further if you're feeling like doing some extra credit, if we have the ability to pluck it out of you, should we do that?
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_02: So guests first.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, it sounds a very minority report where you know, oh, this person, there's a 95% chance they're gonna commit a crime, they're gonna commit murder, uh, then you know, where will they stop that?
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_00: But then the argument is free will versus determinism.
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_00: So are you determined to make that to make that uh crime, that act, that choice, whatever you decide to do, regardless of whether you know, like a chaos theory or butterfly effect comes in.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_00: So what if you don't get the bus uh to the place where you were on the way to kill somebody?
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_00: What or what if something happens to them?
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_00: You know, the amount of different events would have to occur in order for you to kill one person, they would have to get to a certain place and so many different variables there.
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_00: Same with yourself and all the rest of it.
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_01: So if we're not gonna if we get rid of the buses, it's no more murder.
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_01: Nailed it.
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_00: Oh fucking three miles.
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, there you go, folks, for the second part of our podcast.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_00: I I I don't think you should be able to know because I think you become because who decides?
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_00: So at what level does it become you would take it out?
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_00: Is it is it 99% certainty?
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_00: Is it does it have to be 100% certainty?
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_00: There is no way this person will not do this.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, well, what if it's 80%?
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_00: Well, then that's still four fifths.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_02: Well, let me give you this side of it.
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_02: So we we identify this gentleman over here, he's he's part of the Catholic Church.
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_02: And it's it's right there in his head.
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_02: We see it, the brain science is there.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_02: He has that oh shit, my camera's going crazy, but I'll fix him in my uh he has that proclivity where some altered boys are in some serious fucking trouble, right?
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_02: He goes ahead, he does what we thought he was gonna do anyway.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_02: Should as our criminal justice system like, well, it's not his fault, it's in his brain.
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_02: Like, what was he supposed to do?
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_02: Should he just go home?
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_02: Well, like what happens?
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_02: Like, well, you know, we we know it's there.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_02: Um, we know that it's just part of his brain makeup.
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_02: Um, what do we do?
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_00: I think for a well, in I don't know what it's like in America, but for UK law, it has to be the act and the and the mentality to know that you're doing it.
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_00: So so if someone is you know insane or they're not in sound mind, if they go kill someone, they technically haven't committed the crime because they weren't aware of what they were doing.
• 16:45
  SPEAKER_00: And the same as you can think of killing someone, you can go, I want to kill somebody and never do it.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_00: So I think it should be only the state and the the criminal department should only get involved after the act has been committed.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_00: Because I think it's fairer that way, because then you have evidence and you can say this has actually happened, rather than go, you might have done this in the future because you really wanted to, you know.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_00: I think everyone's guilty.
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_00: We'd all be in prison if we were um in prison for our thoughts because we've all wanted to hurt someone, we've all wanted to, you know, do something.
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_00: Pretty bad.
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_02: No, never not wants to have one, we got a live one.
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_00: But no, I mean, like we've all had we've all had dark thoughts where we've wanted to to do something um which we want to be proud of afterwards, but we've not done it because with there's morality and there's consequence, and so no, I think that if if if we start judging people on their thoughts, then you get into George Orwell territory, and that didn't end too well.
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_02: So that's nice, that's my name.
• 17:56
  SPEAKER_02: Well, James, what do you think?
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_01: I think George Orwell has had too much of a control over this narrative for the last 80 years or whatever.
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but but really I think that uh I might be able to provide an interesting perspective here as someone who who works in tech.
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_01: Tech not you have to remember that tech is created by people.
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so when when I create a website or something, I'm making assumptions based on my perspective on how people are going to interact with and what they want out of whatever system I create.
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm imperfect as a creator.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_01: And so the people who are building these scans and designing these tests, all of their biases are uh are brought into their both the both the technology and and the data visualization and the interpretation from the people who make the decisions, all of that has tons of biases in it.
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_01: So, just based off of that, even if without even saying like it's a perfect system, there are huge problems there.
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and and we already see those in medicine today, you know, medicine that we interpret through technology, where the same thing happens.
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_01: So that's an issue.
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, and let and let's say that's not an issue.
• 19:20
  SPEAKER_01: Let's say it's perfect, right?
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_01: I think that it's a miss start to the conversation to talk about criminal justice as the as the action that gets taken, even if it was perfect, we could see it.
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_01: You know, like we I think I think part of Western society for the last couple centuries has been very, you know, punishment or consequence of the state focused.
• 19:47
  SPEAKER_01: Like that's what that's what uh is the response to anything uh you know that's an issue to society.
• 19:55
  SPEAKER_01: Uh it's really it's really it's really turned into that.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_01: Where in in the past before that, there was a lot of there was a lot more social systems to help people, even if they weren't the state.
• 20:06
  SPEAKER_01: Like religion, when religion was more intertwined with society, there was a presumption that religion would take care of those who are needy.
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_01: And now, you know, if you think about religion today, where you know, you're like, oh, a church is helping people?
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_01: Wow, that's nice, you know, because that's the case anymore.
• 20:24
  SPEAKER_01: That's pretty fucking wild.
• 20:27
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and um and now you know that's not it.
• 20:35
  SPEAKER_01: So I I I think that there needs to be like a radical shift toward, you know, instead of thinking it like should the criminal justice system get involved if someone's brain is hardwired to make them more likely to do a crime, you know, have them get in touch with a society that helps keep them on track, you know, and and gives support and and uh you know helps helps them avoid that because our brains are actually changed by our circumstances over time.
• 21:04
  SPEAKER_01: People who are stressed literally have their neural pathways changed to be wired for stressful thinking.
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, being in a situation that's calming over time can can break that, you know, and so putting people in situations where they're able to build empathy or able to, you know, uh uh be away from things that might trigger them to do a crime, why why do cry?
• 21:29
  SPEAKER_01: You know, why have how why have criminal justice involved?
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and and I think that that would be a better a good thing to do for society even without this brain imaging technology.
• 21:40
  SPEAKER_00: I like you uh I like you thinking with that.
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_00: So rather than let's focus on the individual which might commit such an act, let's work on the circumstances surrounding that person, thus making it less likely and more betterment society as a whole.
• 21:53
  SPEAKER_00: And I agree with you, we should be doing that anyway.
• 21:56
  SPEAKER_00: It works in some places, some places it doesn't, but there's a multitude of different things.
• 22:01
  SPEAKER_00: But I think as well, is we're we're working on uh guarantees, aren't we?
• 22:05
  SPEAKER_00: There's a high chance this person will do this, therefore they should be locked away, or they should be have their liberty restricted or whatever.
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_00: But a high probability doesn't mean that it's it's certainly Are going to happen.
• 22:17
  SPEAKER_00: You're presuming, based on a statistic, that somebody is absolutely going to commit a crime or do something heinous.
• 22:24
  SPEAKER_00: But what if that person ever does?
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_00: You've you've punished them or you've taken them out of society before they've actually committed the act.
• 22:31
  SPEAKER_00: So that's that's the issue I have with it.
• 22:34
  SPEAKER_00: You're making and plus who decides?
• 22:36
  SPEAKER_00: Is it a jury decides?
• 22:37
  SPEAKER_00: Is it scientists?
• 22:39
  SPEAKER_00: Is it one person?
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_00: Nah, you fucked it, you mate.
• 22:46
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 22:47
  SPEAKER_00: 78% chance.
• 22:48
  SPEAKER_00: I saw the way you looked at that person.
• 22:50
  SPEAKER_00: Oh no.
• 22:51
  SPEAKER_02: It'll be decided by the cast of high and dry and one guest every week.
• 22:59
  SPEAKER_01: I think we should just kill them all.
• 23:01
  SPEAKER_01: Kill them off.
• 23:02
  SPEAKER_01: Kill them off.
• 23:03
  SPEAKER_02: Well, so I mean it and it so there's there's two parts that I I wanted to kind of touch on.
• 23:10
  SPEAKER_02: So like I we're we're definitely closer to recognizing these things inside of a person's brain and removing them than we are to creating a society that's no longer dependent on the criminal justice system hellscape that we've created for ourselves.
• 23:27
  SPEAKER_02: And uh so I I think that I I think the answer for how it should affect the criminal justice system is more prudent.
• 23:37
  SPEAKER_02: Because we're not, as is I mean, like I wish we could.
• 23:41
  SPEAKER_02: Everything James said, yeah, let's do that.
• 23:44
  SPEAKER_02: But I know that's not gonna happen.
• 23:46
  SPEAKER_02: It has to be mentioned.
• 23:48
  SPEAKER_01: So we might need to figure out how this is gonna affect this bullshit system.
• 23:54
  SPEAKER_01: I think we should be able to do the the brain surgery from space, and if we can do that, you know, just with a space laser, just who right in when they're not paying attention.
• 24:04
  SPEAKER_01: Perfect.
• 24:06
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, thank you.
• 24:08
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you, Microsoft.
• 24:10
  SPEAKER_02: Now, well, and then so just uh bringing it back to you guys one last time.
• 24:14
  SPEAKER_02: But the the final so we we there's sort of like we lean into that minority report, like all right, we're eventually going to be Tom Cruise having the chance to beat the system, um, running around shooting guns and whatnot.
• 24:29
  SPEAKER_02: Except a bit smaller.
• 24:30
  SPEAKER_02: So the question I have here on this second go around here, and your final thoughts are if we see in a person's brain that he has this proclivity, you know, to uh Catholic Church it up and you know do it, and he does it, because it's in his brain, should the punishment be lessened?
• 24:50
  SPEAKER_02: Um, because like, well, it's right there, it's not technically his fault, you know, he was born this way.
• 24:56
  SPEAKER_02: Should I mean should we go the other's way with it?
• 24:59
  SPEAKER_02: Or you know, should we just shoot him with a laser from space?
• 25:02
  SPEAKER_00: I think if you if you're saying that they were always gonna do it, and therefore, uh it's like you said, you know, this person will kill someone one day, and then when they do kill someone, you go, Well, it's in his nature, let's you know, we can't punish him.
• 25:18
  SPEAKER_02: How could we punish someone who was, you know, it's not their fault?
• 25:22
  SPEAKER_01: Let's let bygones be bygones.
• 25:26
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, you anyway like any serial killer documentary that's running through Netflix right now, there's no point in the series where you go, oh, he almost wasn't a serial killer.
• 25:39
  SPEAKER_02: It was like from he was three years old sitting there fucking with a raccoon corpse.
• 25:45
  SPEAKER_02: You know, like we knew it was gonna go down.
• 25:48
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so when he finally does the killing, well, I mean it's not his fault, right?
• 25:52
  SPEAKER_02: Or what do you think?
• 25:53
  SPEAKER_00: Uh yeah, and I mean I'd still say it's absolutely his fault.
• 25:58
  SPEAKER_00: He still chose to do it, regardless of what impacted him.
• 26:01
  SPEAKER_00: He still chose to do it.
• 26:02
  SPEAKER_00: Now, whether he had the mental capacity to understand what he was doing is another story because then you'd have a psychological evaluation and all the rest of it.
• 26:10
  SPEAKER_00: But no, I still think that it should be tried.
• 26:13
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, I don't think they should be let off easily uh or easier because because they had uh a faulty defect in the brain or they had more of a certain hormone or different neurolinguistic pro uh you know pathways on and all the rest of it, no.
• 26:29
  SPEAKER_00: But that yeah, if they're not of sound mind, then we would look at an alternative thing, maybe housing them in a psychiatric world rather than a prison.
• 26:39
  SPEAKER_00: That's my thoughts.
• 26:41
  SPEAKER_02: Well, well, so so for your final, final thought then, you walk outside and little Jay Dirkmore Jr.
• 26:47
  SPEAKER_02: is sitting there playing with you know fucking raccoon that he killed that made that when he did it, it felt like heaven.
• 26:54
  SPEAKER_02: Well would you just take him down to the near future clinic and have those thoughts plucked out, or would you let it would you let it roll?
• 27:02
  SPEAKER_02: Would you let it ride?
• 27:03
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know, it was a bit of a twat anyway.
• 27:05
  SPEAKER_00: So uh I'd I'd if I knew he was gonna be a serial killer.
• 27:11
  SPEAKER_00: I'd I'd probably buy the rights of the Netflix documentary before it happened.
• 27:18
  SPEAKER_00: On the bright side, guys, you know, at least if he's a murderer, at least he'll be remembered.
• 27:22
  SPEAKER_00: We don't remember the victims, just remember the murderers, you know.
• 27:25
  SPEAKER_00: I'll be there next week.
• 27:28
  SPEAKER_00: Come on, son, make me famous, make me some money.
• 27:31
  SPEAKER_02: You know, dark commentary.
• 27:33
  SPEAKER_00: Well the boss.
• 27:36
  SPEAKER_00: It's fine.
• 27:37
  SPEAKER_01: Well, James, what about you?
• 27:38
  SPEAKER_01: What do you think?
• 27:39
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I think if we get to the point where this technology is like, I mean, we're we're getting close to the kind of data aggregation uh and you know uh computation to come up with like algorithms to predict to predict stuff.
• 27:53
  SPEAKER_01: Uh so I mean I feel like this could also be applied to like hold that's gonna get weird.
• 28:00
  SPEAKER_01: Hold on.
• 28:01
  SPEAKER_01: So uh so I think that could also be applied to like structure their whole life as well.
• 28:07
  SPEAKER_01: And I think this is this is the perfect solution, is so we we know that these that all these people are gonna be like criminals or whatever, and what you do is you set up situations where they are set up to do that to each other, so you just create like little pockets, you know, you're like, oh, they get a job offer in this city that they just can't resist, and then you know, oh, this this apartment is cheap, you know, and they get like these targeted advertisements to lead them down like a you you basically like control the direction of their life where they're all in contact with each other, and then they'll just kill and rob each other, and you know, uh and then you know everything kind of works out.
• 28:52
  SPEAKER_02: So it's like it's like Netflix and HBO got in on the Truman show.
• 28:58
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 29:06
  SPEAKER_01: We can track every bit of their lives and just set it up so the serial killers are killing each other.
• 29:11
  SPEAKER_01: And uh all the all the violent people end up in like just really concentrated areas in the American South.
• 29:19
  SPEAKER_00: And camps, concentration camps, no one's done that before that ended, that'll end well.
• 29:25
  SPEAKER_01: Well, it's not it.
• 29:26
  SPEAKER_01: Well, it's weird, like we're already like you don't put them, don't put them on trains.
• 29:31
  SPEAKER_01: You like I said, you you basically set up their they're still just gonna be living their lives, they don't know the difference.
• 29:36
  SPEAKER_01: You know, it doesn't this this is a concentration camp that's not enclosed, they can leave whenever they want, but you're like social, like social, you're social engineering their pathway, and uh you're accidentally describing what we've already done to the south.
• 29:52
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I know.
• 29:53
  SPEAKER_01: No, I yeah, I'm saying it's perfect.
• 29:55
  SPEAKER_01: I no notes.
• 29:57
  SPEAKER_02: No notes.
• 29:59
  SPEAKER_02: It's perfect.
• 30:00
  SPEAKER_02: Well, at least can we work on making the north a utopia while we're at it?
• 30:03
  SPEAKER_02: God damn it.
• 30:03
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
• 30:05
  SPEAKER_01: It's fine.
• 30:06
  SPEAKER_01: It's already happening.
• 30:07
  SPEAKER_01: You know, all the people who are getting lured to Texas from around the US?
• 30:10
  SPEAKER_01: Like that's it's just happening.
• 30:12
  SPEAKER_01: They're all shitheads, and that's exactly what's happening is every now the rest of the country is gonna be a utopia, and all the shitheads are gonna be in one place.
• 30:25
  SPEAKER_00: I'm all right, I can't come up with shit like this.
• 30:27
  SPEAKER_02: Well, that's that's why uh Joe Rogan just moved down there.
• 30:30
  SPEAKER_02: So uh so James, you walk outside, there's little James Jr.
• 30:35
  SPEAKER_02: It's like, damn, look what I just did to the dog.
• 30:39
  SPEAKER_01: Do you have you uh have you ever been to the Alamo?
• 30:44
  SPEAKER_01: So you just drop them off in Texas.
• 30:50
  SPEAKER_01: It's American history.
• 30:54
  SPEAKER_02: You don't take him to the clinic or anything.
• 30:56
  SPEAKER_02: Like, look, you're gonna wind up here anyway.
• 30:58
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I'm just gonna drop you off at the bus stop in Alamo.
• 31:02
  SPEAKER_00: Well, make sure you sign those Netflix rights.
• 31:04
  SPEAKER_00: I'm telling you.
• 31:05
  SPEAKER_00: It's a no, it's a chain to gold mine now.
• 31:08
  SPEAKER_01: Can you put your little signature on this dog?
• 31:12
  SPEAKER_01: Just sign the dog for me, please.
• 31:13
  SPEAKER_01: I'll keep it.
• 31:16
  SPEAKER_01: I don't want to see the dog.
• 31:17
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 31:18
  SPEAKER_01: The eye is a knife.
• 31:21
  SPEAKER_01: We don't even have a dog.
• 31:23
  SPEAKER_01: Lovely.
• 31:24
  SPEAKER_00: Lovely.
• 31:24
  SPEAKER_02: Well, it's time to get into the second part of this podcast.
• 31:27
  SPEAKER_00: Fuck me.
• 31:30
  SPEAKER_02: It's time to move into our fist fight this week.
• 31:33
  SPEAKER_02: We got uh Link of the Legend of Zelda series versus Stewie Griffin of the Family Guy saga.
• 31:41
  SPEAKER_02: But before we get into that, we gotta get a little more drunk, we gotta get a little more high.
• 31:46
  SPEAKER_02: So let's load him up.
• 31:47
  SPEAKER_02: I get another little uh little dash of pancake syrup here.
• 31:52
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, that was a paint strip on the pack.
• 31:55
  SPEAKER_02: That was heavy.
• 31:57
  SPEAKER_02: Alright, uh, so here are two of our contestants this week: Stewie Griffin and uh Link.
• 32:04
  SPEAKER_02: Cheers.
• 32:05
  SPEAKER_02: Cheers.
• 32:08
  SPEAKER_01: That's Link from the Legend of Zelda series.
• 32:11
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, not just like how long has uh weed been legal in the U in the USA for now, like in California.
• 32:21
  SPEAKER_01: In California, I think it's been like maybe like six years or seven years or eight years recreational, something like that.
• 32:29
  SPEAKER_01: But uh it's not even in the whole country, it is still not legal.
• 32:33
  SPEAKER_01: How so in certain states?
• 32:35
  SPEAKER_00: That's so strange because America's that big that yeah, you know, you can you can have a joint in your pocket in one place and you find you can cross a state line and it's illegal.
• 32:46
  SPEAKER_00: That is so crazy.
• 32:47
  SPEAKER_02: The the system it like it makes sense.
• 32:51
  SPEAKER_02: Like if we did what we like, the the actual truth of it, like if we made interstate travel and moving and resettling easy as fuck, and you don't want to live the Alabama life no more, you want to live the California life, and we just oh yeah, you just send an email to the government saying, Hey, I'd like to move into a state that caters to my beliefs, that'd be awesome.
• 33:15
  SPEAKER_01: We would have we would be at war though, because one state would have all the people who are like, I want to fucking kill the other states.
• 33:23
  SPEAKER_03: And then they vote on it.
• 33:28
  SPEAKER_00: So can you not can you not so if I wanted to if I lived in Texas and I wanted to live in New York, I literally couldn't just buy a house in New York and drive there.
• 33:38
  SPEAKER_00: Would I have get permission off the state to live there?
• 33:40
  SPEAKER_00: No, no, no, no.
• 33:41
  SPEAKER_02: No, you could yeah, you definitely it's just we we've turned it into such a financial pitfall.
• 33:47
  SPEAKER_02: Yes in everyone.
• 33:48
  SPEAKER_01: That's a financial burden to do anything.
• 33:51
  SPEAKER_00: Ryan is every it's not like you, Ryan, to be a pessimist, you know.
• 33:56
  SPEAKER_02: Like, yeah, like I've made I've made some terrible decisions in my life based off of this financial pitfall and the hopes that I'll get out of it.
• 34:04
  SPEAKER_00: So uh one day, one day.
• 34:07
  SPEAKER_00: One ball of whiskey at a time.
• 34:09
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, one day.
• 34:11
  SPEAKER_02: So, anyways, time to get into our fight.
• 34:13
  SPEAKER_02: So, for those of you who are joining us for the first time, um, found this at season three and decided, you know what, the fuck, let's do high and dry.
• 34:18
  SPEAKER_02: Um, this is how we do it.
• 34:20
  SPEAKER_02: Our fights are broken down into a three-round method, guaranteed to get you the greatest results.
• 34:24
  SPEAKER_02: Round one, we enter into a legally distinct Applebee's.
• 34:27
  SPEAKER_02: We're escorted into the basement fight club pit where Val Kilmer is ready to uh judge our contestants.
• 34:34
  SPEAKER_02: Um Round two, we move into a City View where uh these characters now have 24 hours to kill the other one, and they have everything that makes them them at this point.
• 34:44
  SPEAKER_02: And then round three is the same thing as round two, except this time they get to be to bring a friend.
• 34:49
  SPEAKER_02: So transitioning into round one, we've been escorted downstairs.
• 34:52
  SPEAKER_02: Val Kilmer is sizing up the opponents.
• 34:54
  SPEAKER_02: He's removing all weapons, all little special powers, stripping them down to their drawers.
• 34:59
  SPEAKER_02: Uh meanwhile, Cher and Carl Urban have been escorted up to the box seats, followed by the high dry high and dry philosophers and uh their one guest.
• 35:07
  SPEAKER_02: It's all Cher's allowing right now.
• 35:09
  SPEAKER_02: And we're ready to go.
• 35:10
  SPEAKER_02: So they've weighed in, they've punched it out.
• 35:12
  SPEAKER_02: Let's see who's gonna win it.
• 35:14
  SPEAKER_02: Guests first, Link of Legend of Zelda versus Stewie of Family Guy, who's gonna win?
• 35:20
  SPEAKER_00: I think if it's Link versus Stu without any powers or anything, I think Link's got this all day.
• 35:26
  SPEAKER_00: I think I think Link's just gonna use his head as a football, he's gonna beat his little ass around the place.
• 35:33
  SPEAKER_00: Stu is gonna scream, he's gonna cry, you know, he's gonna he's gonna use his catchphrases, but it's not gonna it's not gonna matter.
• 35:42
  SPEAKER_00: Uh and uh yeah, he's gonna absolutely stomp his brains out and eat them, I think.
• 35:46
  SPEAKER_02: Alright, alright.
• 35:50
  SPEAKER_02: Well, so he's not gonna because we we just in the previous part of the episode we did recognise those those tendencies in Link and we've had them removed.
• 35:59
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, alright.
• 36:01
  SPEAKER_00: Oh he's just gonna strangle him then.
• 36:05
  SPEAKER_00: Um but he will sing it to him afterwards.
• 36:08
  SPEAKER_00: He likes to sing the lake and swim in it all majestically afterwards.
• 36:12
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, but yeah, my one is on Link first.
• 36:15
  SPEAKER_00: First, no arms, like unarmed.
• 36:19
  SPEAKER_00: Depends on how you want to go.
• 36:21
  SPEAKER_01: I think that uh I think that Stewie Griffin has been in protracted fights before, uh, but they're usually with a dog.
• 36:31
  SPEAKER_01: So uh I think that I think that the adult human man would beat the child.
• 36:41
  SPEAKER_00: Toddler, toddler in a space.
• 36:43
  SPEAKER_00: Like infinite.
• 36:44
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, he's he's that one one or two years old.
• 36:48
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, all right.
• 36:49
  SPEAKER_02: Uh the the only counter I I would potentially give is so there are a few episodes where Stewie is locked in Mortal Kombat with someone else, um, whether it's you know his brother that uh you know he'd beat in the womb, or with uh I forget her name right now, but he he had a very uh a single episode girlfriend who was as evil as he was.
• 37:10
  SPEAKER_02: And you know, they make it on top of a bus.
• 37:13
  SPEAKER_02: They're fighting with a strength that allows them to pierce the ceiling of this bus.
• 37:19
  SPEAKER_02: You know, Stewie is obviously a gifted martial artist, yeah.
• 37:24
  SPEAKER_02: Capable of you know action-esque feats of martial prowess.
• 37:30
  SPEAKER_02: So I I would just state that Link might you know think he's walking up on a baby, and then he comes to step and you know, Stewie cracks him in the throat.
• 37:41
  SPEAKER_01: Well, we we well Link wouldn't just walk up, he would tumble and leap away a bunch of times because that's what you do on every enemy is you target, tumble, leap away, tumble, leap away.
• 37:53
  SPEAKER_00: And then find your opportune moment and then strike.
• 37:56
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, he's got agility as well.
• 37:57
  SPEAKER_00: He's got agility, he's fast, he's a trained martial artist.
• 38:01
  SPEAKER_02: Well, my final point.
• 38:02
  SPEAKER_02: So Stewie had did track down Osama bin Laden and single-handedly beat up every man in that cave.
• 38:10
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, that is impressive.
• 38:13
  SPEAKER_00: You know, like that is very good.
• 38:17
  SPEAKER_01: I'm still saying I'm pretty sure Link's doing that in the next game.
• 38:21
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, Osama bin Laden.
• 38:23
  SPEAKER_00: He's he's he's infiltrating the Kremlin as we you watch the news, it's on he's in the Kremlin, he's he's code they got Vladimir Putin in a green naked chokehold, you know.
• 38:33
  SPEAKER_02: Why are you doing it, man?
• 38:35
  SPEAKER_02: Well, uh Jay, final thoughts and a vote.
• 38:37
  SPEAKER_02: Round one.
• 38:38
  SPEAKER_02: Uh Link for me.
• 38:39
  SPEAKER_02: All right, James.
• 38:41
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I think it's Link.
• 38:44
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, no, I'm gonna have to agree entirely.
• 38:46
  SPEAKER_02: Uh definitely going to Link, round one.
• 38:49
  SPEAKER_02: So, round two.
• 38:51
  SPEAKER_01: I do want to say we didn't even get to I there was no point in really mentioning it, but it does it does require mentioning that he also has like immense strength.
• 39:00
  SPEAKER_01: He he beats like giants in wrestling in the fucking games.
• 39:04
  SPEAKER_02: But that's only once he gets like the belt, isn't it?
• 39:06
  SPEAKER_01: No, you can just do it.
• 39:07
  SPEAKER_02: Well, because I remember playing the game and he had to get an item before he could lift the fucking rock, and we took that item away, and so he's just you know a uh moderately a feminine 12-year-old.
• 39:19
  SPEAKER_00: Skinny guy.
• 39:22
  SPEAKER_01: In Twilight Princess, he was almost able to wrestle the Gorans without the iron boots.
• 39:28
  SPEAKER_01: He just had to stop from falling over, which is why he needed the iron boots.
• 39:33
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 39:34
  SPEAKER_02: All right, well, well, there you have it, folks.
• 39:36
  SPEAKER_02: Round one, the uh young man murders the child.
• 39:40
  SPEAKER_02: Um moving into round two, we've now zoomed out into the city view.
• 39:45
  SPEAKER_02: These characters now have 24 hours to kill the other one.
• 39:47
  SPEAKER_02: They've received a manila envelope beneath their apartment doors, giving them the instructions.
• 39:52
  SPEAKER_02: They have everything that makes them them, everything that they normally have access to, or they could just go out and buy a shotgun.
• 39:58
  SPEAKER_02: So, what's gonna go down?
• 39:59
  SPEAKER_02: Guests first, Jay, what do you think?
• 40:02
  SPEAKER_00: Is Link Nintendo?
• 40:05
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, yeah.
• 40:07
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so he's got all of the all the Nintendo buddies to see we can go help, go find.
• 40:11
  SPEAKER_02: So he doesn't get a buddy until round three.
• 40:14
  SPEAKER_00: So he has to do this on his own.
• 40:18
  SPEAKER_00: So he's so what can he do now then?
• 40:20
  SPEAKER_00: He just he just goes round the the city trying to just like you said, just acquire items.
• 40:26
  SPEAKER_01: He's gonna he's gonna break a lot of parts.
• 40:29
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, what's in this one?
• 40:31
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I think he's gonna go typical sword and shield.
• 40:35
  SPEAKER_00: I think he's going sword and shield, you know.
• 40:37
  SPEAKER_00: He's he's good with the weapons, he's fast, he's quick, uh, he's got his babies back, I think.
• 40:42
  SPEAKER_00: So I think uh Stewan would be in a lot of trouble when uh when he's faced with a sword and shield.
• 40:47
  SPEAKER_00: Certainly if you if you know it's magic, it's got magic enchantments as well.
• 40:50
  SPEAKER_00: So and then boots, so he can't be can't be thrown around.
• 40:55
  SPEAKER_00: So Link's gonna go shopping.
• 40:58
  SPEAKER_00: Link's gonna go shopping and get some goodies.
• 41:00
  SPEAKER_00: He has quite the arsenal, seriously.
• 41:03
  SPEAKER_00: He's got a bow and arrow as well, he's got loads of stuff.
• 41:05
  SPEAKER_00: You can think of he's got like a chain flame.
• 41:08
  SPEAKER_00: Bombs, bombs and arrows, fairies, magic.
• 41:15
  SPEAKER_01: He's doing well.
• 41:17
  SPEAKER_01: But Stewie is also so Ryan, I actually kind of want you to go next so that you can tell us all the Stewie technology that you think that he would bring to the table.
• 41:28
  SPEAKER_01: And I want to, because Link has a ton of shit too, and I want to kind of see how they stack up.
• 41:33
  SPEAKER_02: Alright, well, I mean, so right off the bat, um I'll I'll start from earlier seasons and transition into the later ones as we go.
• 41:39
  SPEAKER_02: Um, right off the so first, uh, you know, Link's.
• 41:43
  SPEAKER_01: Just tech.
• 41:44
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, just tech.
• 41:45
  SPEAKER_02: Link's gotta go break pots to find, you know, pretty basic, but shit.
• 41:50
  SPEAKER_02: And Stewie, he just opens the door of his secret door in his bedroom and he has access to an arsenal to include doomsday weapons.
• 41:59
  SPEAKER_02: Early on, he has a ship that he shrank down and inserted into his father.
• 42:05
  SPEAKER_02: As he moves further on, he has um anti-gravity technology.
• 42:11
  SPEAKER_02: Um, he has uh a time machine.
• 42:15
  SPEAKER_02: He has got mind control devices that he uses to change the family guy universe.
• 42:24
  SPEAKER_01: That's so funny because all of these are also things that Link has.
• 42:28
  SPEAKER_01: He has a ship that shrinks down and grows, he has time travel, linked to the past.
• 42:34
  SPEAKER_01: He literally travels back and forth in time.
• 42:36
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, he has a teleportation device with his Ocar, with his Ocarina.
• 42:42
  SPEAKER_01: He has he can he can reverse gravity with his float boots, he uh he has like all of the same tech.
• 42:50
  SPEAKER_01: It's very interesting because I did not go into this fight thinking that they were both like gadget guys, but like very much a gadget character.
• 43:00
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, so uh, I would also so Stewie, Stewie's essentially a baby Rick Sanchez.
• 43:06
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 43:07
  SPEAKER_02: And they've even made references to that, you know, family guy has in their show.
• 43:14
  SPEAKER_02: You know, it was just talked about uh how uh you know Rick and Modi stole a lot from us.
• 43:20
  SPEAKER_02: And so there are the episodes where Stewie can uh he travels to all the different dimensions and he does all those things, and I would say um, and then just anyone that uh he wants to defeat who is not Lois and who is not um a peer, like who's not like a true peer in terms of go to the same kindergarten as he does, um, he defeats immediately.
• 43:48
  SPEAKER_02: Like it's it's a no-brainer, easy as hell.
• 43:51
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, he's he there's episodes where he's even killed you know his own family members besides Lois.
• 43:57
  SPEAKER_02: So as long as Link isn't Lois, um I I think that you know Stewie's just I have whatever technology in my diaper will take out Link.
• 44:06
  SPEAKER_02: Well, James, Link Link, in my opinion, still has to find it.
• 44:10
  SPEAKER_02: It's always Link's part portion of it is that he has to go through the development.
• 44:15
  SPEAKER_02: And beat the level to gain that next bit of technology.
• 44:18
  SPEAKER_02: And I think Stewie is just going to come hard in the first five minutes of this fight, and Link isn't going to have the time.
• 44:25
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, that's fair.
• 44:26
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't think of that because yeah, so Link has to, like James and you guys like both said, he has to break a lot of shit to find his stuff.
• 44:34
  SPEAKER_00: And he has to get lucky, and he's got a full town of breaking today within 24 hours.
• 44:39
  SPEAKER_00: Now that's a lot of breaking, you know.
• 44:41
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, so I didn't take that point into consideration where you said, like, uh, Stewie's just got his house with all this stuff there.
• 44:51
  SPEAKER_00: But then again, James, you've seen much more of a an expert on Link than I am.
• 44:56
  SPEAKER_00: Can he use disguises at all?
• 44:58
  SPEAKER_00: Could he dress as Lois?
• 45:00
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, he actually has a thing where he disguises himself as a woman uh kind of frequently.
• 45:05
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, and I feel like he could disguise himself as Lois, but I don't know if he would.
• 45:09
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 45:10
  SPEAKER_02: Well, uh Stewie also frequently disguises himself as a woman.
• 45:14
  SPEAKER_02: It's true.
• 45:15
  SPEAKER_00: They're very similar, they're very similar characters, yeah.
• 45:19
  SPEAKER_00: I did not think that this would be such like an even match.
• 45:22
  SPEAKER_00: Like when I when we suggested these, I really didn't think it would be like this.
• 45:26
  SPEAKER_00: I thought it'd be a clear winner.
• 45:28
  SPEAKER_00: But now I'm like, hmm.
• 45:31
  SPEAKER_00: Well no, um, I'm thinking more swayed towards Stewie in this round.
• 45:36
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 45:36
  SPEAKER_02: Well, so is that your vote for round two?
• 45:38
  SPEAKER_00: That's what I'm thinking of round two, yeah, Stewie.
• 45:41
  SPEAKER_00: Just because I think you'll be able, like you said, to get his equipment much faster.
• 45:45
  SPEAKER_00: I'll be able to go after him quicker.
• 45:47
  SPEAKER_00: Whereas that you said Link would have to find it.
• 45:49
  SPEAKER_02: Alright.
• 45:50
  SPEAKER_02: Uh so James, your uh final thoughts on a vote?
• 45:53
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I think Link needs to go through trials and tribulations to win his to win his battles.
• 46:01
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, they did make you know I think the the impromptu nature of Stewie, and like you said, Rick and Morty, you know, basically the same thing.
• 46:17
  SPEAKER_01: I think the impromptu nature uh and propensity toward, you know, like really graphic cartoon violence, you know, like gratuitous, gratuitous violence.
• 46:29
  SPEAKER_01: I think that that does make a difference in this fight.
• 46:31
  SPEAKER_01: Theme kind of uh theme kind of wins in this short encounter that doesn't have much complexity because it's just uh, you know, sure it's out in the world and they get their gadgets, but it's not like it's hard to tell a story in 24 hours, and it's you're never gonna beat a fucking uh Zelda game in 24 hours.
• 46:48
  SPEAKER_01: You're still gonna you're not gonna get all this special shit in 24 hours.
• 46:52
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 46:53
  SPEAKER_01: Um so yeah, I'd say Stewie also.
• 46:57
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 46:58
  SPEAKER_02: No, and I would just have to say, um, because you know, Stewie's so like Link's stuff, and when you play a new Zelda game, you're waiting for those moments where you get that shit from the last game that you remember a lot.
• 47:10
  SPEAKER_02: Like he's got trademark signature items, and then they introduce like the new thing.
• 47:15
  SPEAKER_02: Um, where Stewie's power is literally reactionary.
• 47:18
  SPEAKER_02: Any situation he's in, here's the gadget I built for this.
• 47:23
  SPEAKER_02: Which is a very potent power.
• 47:27
  SPEAKER_01: Whereas Link's the opposite, where he gets in this situation and then he's like, What do I have?
• 47:32
  SPEAKER_01: I need this gadget.
• 47:33
  SPEAKER_01: What do I have?
• 47:34
  SPEAKER_01: And then he has to go get that gadget.
• 47:36
  SPEAKER_01: And that gadget is part of the story.
• 47:38
  SPEAKER_00: Give me an hour.
• 47:39
  SPEAKER_00: I'll be back in an hour.
• 47:41
  SPEAKER_00: Hey there, don't move.
• 47:42
  SPEAKER_00: I'll be back in an hour.
• 47:46
  SPEAKER_02: I I think that's like a really defined, like you put a baby against a grumble man, um, the baby obviously is gonna get his ass kicked, but I think a defining theme of this is gonna be just because Link's a video game, he's designed that so that you have interaction with him and that you grow with him, while Stewie is designed to solve problems in usually as a B story within 10 minutes.
• 48:09
  SPEAKER_01: I wouldn't even say a B story, I would say a blurb most of the time.
• 48:12
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, is the violence or tech or technology uses is just like a one-off joke.
• 48:18
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's meant to be quick.
• 48:19
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it doesn't, it doesn't require any depth at all.
• 48:23
  SPEAKER_02: Well, so uh now so transitioning to round three, it's the same thing as round two, except this time they do get to bring a friend.
• 48:29
  SPEAKER_02: So, Jay, guests first.
• 48:31
  SPEAKER_02: Who are they bringing?
• 48:32
  SPEAKER_02: What happens?
• 48:33
  SPEAKER_02: Take us there.
• 48:34
  SPEAKER_00: I'm thinking I was thinking a couple of characters, but I kind of thought of this one, and I really wanted to go with it to see what happens.
• 48:41
  SPEAKER_00: I'm thinking Link is a swordsman with a shield.
• 48:44
  SPEAKER_00: I'm thinking he needs a dragon.
• 48:46
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm thinking Spyro the Dragon.
• 48:49
  SPEAKER_00: He gets to jump on Spyro the Dragon because Spyro has uh abilities, he can run fast, he can use his home.
• 48:54
  SPEAKER_00: Spyro is Sony, Spyro is Sony.
• 48:56
  SPEAKER_00: But I can I not use Spyro?
• 48:58
  SPEAKER_01: Oh no, it's gotta be someone from his in a game with.
• 49:04
  SPEAKER_00: It's gotta at least be linked.
• 49:07
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 49:08
  SPEAKER_00: It's gotta be linked to Link.
• 49:09
  SPEAKER_00: I'm trying to think of it.
• 49:11
  SPEAKER_00: You put me on the spot now, guys.
• 49:13
  SPEAKER_00: Uh Sonic?
• 49:14
  SPEAKER_00: Is Sonic uh are are they I think they're in they're they're in one of those like uh brawl games.
• 49:23
  SPEAKER_02: No, no, they're not.
• 49:25
  SPEAKER_02: Link is attached to Smash Bros., which is all Nintendo.
• 49:28
  SPEAKER_00: Oh uh Bowser.
• 49:29
  SPEAKER_00: We'll go Bowser.
• 49:31
  SPEAKER_00: Bowser, he is Bowser's powerful.
• 49:33
  SPEAKER_00: Bowser is powerful.
• 49:34
  SPEAKER_00: Bowser can make himself absolutely huge.
• 49:36
  SPEAKER_00: He can uh breathe fire.
• 49:39
  SPEAKER_00: He's got a huge ass shell, he's very formidable.
• 49:42
  SPEAKER_00: He can scare people by you know looking at him, screaming at him.
• 49:45
  SPEAKER_00: I think a huge, big, massive dinosaur setting fire to everything would intimidate Stuart, and then I think he may have to run back and reassess his situation to find another gadget by which point Link will be there waiting for him, ready to destroy him.
• 50:00
  SPEAKER_00: That's what I think.
• 50:02
  SPEAKER_00: So I think you've got a very you've got a smaller, uh, nimble, great swordsman who has magical powers and magical items, as well as the huge behemoth monster with him, who is able to cause absolute carnage, and plus he can shrink and make himself bigger too.
• 50:19
  SPEAKER_00: So he's uh he's very durable and very uh very dynamic, his Bowser.
• 50:25
  SPEAKER_01: That's a good choice.
• 50:25
  SPEAKER_01: I really like that choice.
• 50:28
  SPEAKER_02: Damn.
• 50:29
  SPEAKER_01: I think that did we say who Stewie was gonna bring?
• 50:32
  SPEAKER_01: Did you say who Stewie was?
• 50:33
  SPEAKER_02: Not yet.
• 50:34
  SPEAKER_02: I I do have thoughts on that.
• 50:35
  SPEAKER_02: I got a lot of thoughts on that.
• 50:36
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, well, I'll defer to you on that one.
• 50:38
  SPEAKER_01: Uh for Link though, I think he would bring.
• 50:42
  SPEAKER_01: Does anybody remember uh Voldo from Soul Calibur 2?
• 50:47
  SPEAKER_00: Which one was he?
• 50:48
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, which one was he?
• 50:50
  SPEAKER_01: He was the creep, the creepy clown guy who didn't who didn't have any bones.
• 50:55
  SPEAKER_01: Voldo.
• 50:57
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 50:58
  SPEAKER_01: I remember.
• 50:59
  SPEAKER_01: I do remember.
• 51:01
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that Stu would be very confused uh for many reasons.
• 51:08
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, he was fucking weird, man.
• 51:11
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, he's a really weird guy.
• 51:12
  SPEAKER_00: Look at him, he's doing all like much.
• 51:14
  SPEAKER_00: What the fuck?
• 51:15
  SPEAKER_00: He would scare the shit out of me just anyway.
• 51:17
  SPEAKER_00: No mind, Link.
• 51:18
  SPEAKER_00: I'll just run the other way.
• 51:20
  SPEAKER_01: Voldo, Voldo is something something Stewie has never seen before.
• 51:27
  SPEAKER_01: But that was that was a joke.
• 51:29
  SPEAKER_01: I would have him bring Archaeus from the Pokemon series because he shows up in Smash Brothers and he's their god.
• 51:35
  SPEAKER_01: So he brings in another universe's god to f to Pokemon fuck with this universe.
• 51:43
  SPEAKER_01: And uh Stewie, I don't know.
• 51:46
  SPEAKER_01: You go ahead, Ryan.
• 51:47
  SPEAKER_01: Tell us who Stewie would bring.
• 51:48
  SPEAKER_02: Well, so this is this is what I feel would go down here.
• 51:52
  SPEAKER_02: So with uh with both of those.
• 51:55
  SPEAKER_02: Either way, I think just with Stewie's Rick Sanchez style technology and everything like that, we're looking at one hell of a fight.
• 52:04
  SPEAKER_02: It's gonna be pretty neck and neck.
• 52:06
  SPEAKER_02: And what I think's gonna happen here, so Stewie's gonna have two choices.
• 52:09
  SPEAKER_02: So like you were talking about Bowser intimidating Stewie.
• 52:12
  SPEAKER_02: If that is successful, you know, I see a situation where like we have Brian, who's not a capable fighter.
• 52:20
  SPEAKER_02: Like anytime he's tried to help Stewie fight, he he just he gets in the fucking way.
• 52:24
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 52:25
  SPEAKER_02: But and but Brian is there for when Stewie is a baby, um, and reminds Stewie that, hey man, you're you're Rick Sanchez.
• 52:34
  SPEAKER_02: And Stewie's like, oh yeah, and then fucking annihilates.
• 52:38
  SPEAKER_02: The second option I see him bringing is Peter Griffin, and at which point you have you're you're bringing in Homer Simpson.
• 52:47
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, Homer Simpson energy, of course.
• 52:50
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and you know, you will look at any chicken fight, and Peter Peter is junction calories, man.
• 52:58
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, Peter is capable of surviving any sort of damage and putting any sort of damage out.
• 53:04
  SPEAKER_02: And then on top of that, Peter has had conversations with the Judeo-Christian God.
• 53:11
  SPEAKER_02: Um and you know, like in elevators, the two of them have hung out.
• 53:15
  SPEAKER_01: He's a personal friend with Jesus.
• 53:18
  SPEAKER_01: Listen, the Judeo-Christian God can't even stop gay people.
• 53:21
  SPEAKER_02: So I think that universe is power.
• 53:26
  SPEAKER_02: In the family guy universe, uh, he doesn't really care about them at all.
• 53:30
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, he's just doing his thing.
• 53:31
  SPEAKER_00: He's just doing his thing over there.
• 53:32
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah, he doesn't care.
• 53:35
  SPEAKER_02: And so I I would say um, you know, in one of those situations, because again, it goes back to that first five minutes where Link's got to collect his shit.
• 53:46
  SPEAKER_02: And so at that point, it falls either on either an overgrown turtle who has problems taking out a Penguin Empire, or um a Pokemon god, you know, which you know you unleash Peter on it.
• 53:59
  SPEAKER_01: And um I think it's different when because now that he has people with him, he's in Smash Bros universe, which they don't they don't take five seconds to get going.
• 54:08
  SPEAKER_01: Like Smash Bros.
• 54:09
  SPEAKER_01: You get dropped in and you start fighting now.
• 54:14
  SPEAKER_00: Would would Link already have all his equipment by this point?
• 54:17
  SPEAKER_00: Or would you have to complete his stuff?
• 54:19
  SPEAKER_02: 24 hours, you get in a manila envelope underneath your apartment door, and then you have a friend who's you know he was he stayed the night last night for whatever reason.
• 54:29
  SPEAKER_02: You guys could write your own fanfic on that.
• 54:32
  SPEAKER_01: Look, 24 hours dropped into a Smash game.
• 54:36
  SPEAKER_01: Guess what?
• 54:36
  SPEAKER_01: They've got every awesome item from the Smash universe.
• 54:39
  SPEAKER_01: That's pretty he's got a collection of pokeballs on his fucking belt.
• 54:44
  SPEAKER_00: As well, as well, Ryan, when you think of the Peter Griffin fights, especially in like the when he's fighting the chicken fight, they're only punching each other.
• 54:52
  SPEAKER_00: And yes, they hit each other with heavy objects and throw each other through things.
• 54:55
  SPEAKER_00: They're not being magically attacked, they're not being slashed with cells, they're not being set on fire.
• 55:00
  SPEAKER_02: In in the Peter Griffin chicken fights, they they have grabbed on to a shuttle being launched from Cape Canaveral, survive holding on to the fucking shuttle, destroy the shuttle, crash back to Earth, continue their fucking fight.
• 55:17
  SPEAKER_02: When he fought Homer Simpson, they both went through the nuclear power plant, gained superpowers, fought through the end of the superpowers, and kept fucking fighting.
• 55:30
  SPEAKER_02: So I would say that Peter would be there as like sort of a weapon of mass destruction to just supplement Rick Sanchez standing behind him, or you would have you know Stewie actually go through an arc where his dog picks him back up again and you know reminds him of the good.
• 55:48
  SPEAKER_00: I think uh I think the Peter Griffin one will be better because like you said, Brian's just there as like a cheerleader, he's not really there to help him fight with him, so he's not really grip back up.
• 55:57
  SPEAKER_00: And if anything happens to Brian, then Stewie's lost his morale, so to speak, like he's he's a life coach next to him.
• 56:04
  SPEAKER_00: So I think if you want a more of an even fight, I think you'd have to have um Peter Griffin there with him.
• 56:12
  SPEAKER_00: What do you guys think?
• 56:13
  SPEAKER_00: Who do you think uh do you guys think this goes out?
• 56:15
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I'm gonna go.
• 56:16
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna guess, but I'm asking you.
• 56:18
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, I mean I would give one more possible option, which would be Stan Smith.
• 56:23
  SPEAKER_02: They've crossed paths before, they're in that same universe, and they're just as likely to team up as Link and Pokemon God.
• 56:31
  SPEAKER_02: And Stan Smith brings all the unstoppable technology of Cartoon CIA.
• 56:38
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, but that's just two technology guys.
• 56:41
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 56:41
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, we already got a Rick Sanchez anyway, so so this was a hell of a fight.
• 56:47
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I mean, at one point Stewie did use his technology to take over the entire world.
• 56:53
  SPEAKER_02: And so he already beat the CIA once, and Stan was in that episode.
• 56:57
  SPEAKER_02: So But Link has saved the entire world.
• 56:59
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, but now he's bringing out now he's bringing evil people with him.
• 57:03
  SPEAKER_02: Stan has already sacrificed his morality here.
• 57:06
  SPEAKER_00: See, this is I've got it.
• 57:07
  SPEAKER_00: This is an interesting problem, what you just said.
• 57:09
  SPEAKER_00: So you got Link altruistic, want to save the world, Bowser who wants to destroy and dominate the world.
• 57:15
  SPEAKER_00: So would them two maybe fight each other?
• 57:18
  SPEAKER_00: Would there be a bit of internal conflict there?
• 57:20
  SPEAKER_01: Here's what I think is gonna happen.
• 57:22
  SPEAKER_01: Bowser is going to go fight Stewie because Bowser is a narcissist and he thinks he can beat anybody.
• 57:30
  SPEAKER_01: And then Link, all Link has to do is for 24 hours not do anything, and then the moon comes crashing into the planet because that was in one of the games.
• 57:43
  SPEAKER_01: So all he has to do is not do anything and then be on the other side when the moon comes crashing down, and technically he wins.
• 57:51
  SPEAKER_02: Well, see, the only thing I've seen is so they're all done.
• 57:54
  SPEAKER_02: Well, well, my last my last point before I let you guys have a few of your last points, uh, because we do gotta move on, um, is just in in the terms of hierarchy of who beats who, Bowser is consistently defeated by a mundane plumber.
• 58:10
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 58:10
  SPEAKER_01: But he protracts it.
• 58:11
  SPEAKER_01: He's a time waster.
• 58:13
  SPEAKER_02: We we have already decided that just on their own with their own shit, as round two, Stewie's gonna beat Link.
• 58:20
  SPEAKER_02: And so Bowser's gonna come up and Stewie's just gonna kill the fucking turtle.
• 58:25
  unknown: Okay.
• 58:25
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe.
• 58:26
  SPEAKER_00: I'm can't also say that all you need to do to defeat Bowser is jump on his head three times.
• 58:31
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
• 58:31
  SPEAKER_00: And I What's he gonna do about Pokemon God, huh?
• 58:34
  SPEAKER_02: Like I do not I do not think that Mario could beat Stewie.
• 58:40
  SPEAKER_02: And Mario consistently beats Bowser.
• 58:43
  SPEAKER_02: So I think it would be a very quick one, and then it would just be back to round two.
• 58:47
  SPEAKER_02: Um, as far as Pokega God.
• 58:49
  SPEAKER_01: I think Mario could beat Stewie, but that's a whole nother talk.
• 58:52
  SPEAKER_01: That's a whole nother thing.
• 58:54
  SPEAKER_02: Which will never happen because we already used Stewie unless we do the last tournament against Pokega God, you know.
• 59:02
  SPEAKER_02: I I see just like we're we're gonna be watching a goddamn episode of Rick and Morty.
• 59:07
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and and we're gonna be watching an episode of Rick and Morty, and the the only difference I would say between Rick Rick and Morty is more um nihilistic and Rick and Morty die all the time.
• 59:22
  SPEAKER_02: Where um Family Guy, the characters you know, they survive.
• 59:26
  SPEAKER_01: So Link always survives too.
• 59:28
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, Link always survives too, though.
• 59:30
  SPEAKER_01: So uh I'll just go Stewie.
• 59:33
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know.
• 59:33
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know.
• 59:34
  SPEAKER_02: I I well let's let's turn it to the votes then.
• 59:36
  SPEAKER_02: Uh Jay, what do you think's gonna go down?
• 59:39
  SPEAKER_02: What's your vote?
• 59:41
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, this is a tough one.
• 59:43
  SPEAKER_00: This is a tough one.
• 59:44
  SPEAKER_00: I think all everything weighed up.
• 59:46
  SPEAKER_00: I think I'm gonna have to say Stewie and uh Peter would win.
• 59:51
  SPEAKER_00: Stewie and Bowser and uh and Link.
• 59:55
  SPEAKER_02: I would watch Peter.
• 59:55
  SPEAKER_02: We should have done Peter versus Bowser.
• 59:57
  SPEAKER_02: That would have been a fun thing.
• 59:58
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, that would have been great.
• 1:00:00
  SPEAKER_02: Next time.
• 1:00:00
  SPEAKER_02: Next time.
• 1:00:04
  SPEAKER_01: I think instead instead Link brings Solid Snake, and Solid Snake shoots uh shoots both of them in the head.
• 1:00:12
  SPEAKER_01: And uh I think it's really quick, I think it's really quick like that.
• 1:00:17
  SPEAKER_01: I think that's exactly what happens.
• 1:00:19
  SPEAKER_01: Uh and uh yeah, Link wins.
• 1:00:21
  SPEAKER_00: It's like that scene out of Indiana Jones, isn't it where the guy jumps out with the swords and starts dancing around with the swords and he just turns around and shoots him.
• 1:00:28
  SPEAKER_00: And it's like that was easy.
• 1:00:31
  SPEAKER_02: Fucking silence, mate.
• 1:00:34
  SPEAKER_01: He was in a smash bro.
• 1:00:36
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, he was.
• 1:00:37
  SPEAKER_01: No, and uh he gets in a cardboard box, nobody sees him.
• 1:00:41
  SPEAKER_00: I know that's brilliant, right?
• 1:00:44
  SPEAKER_00: Well we've established here, James, is that you play a shit ton of video games.
• 1:00:49
  SPEAKER_02: Like, so I'm just like I'm trying to make any run throughs through like the I mean Family Guy originally uh was kind of saved by Cartoon Network.
• 1:00:57
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I don't know, maybe Stewie brings Afro Samurai.
• 1:01:00
  SPEAKER_02: Um but uh yeah as well.
• 1:01:05
  SPEAKER_02: But uh I'm gonna just it the same thing happened with uh Rick Sanchez, and the only reason Rick Sanchez lost was because he was going up against Hubert Farnsworth, who was a more evolved um fucking Rick Sanchez.
• 1:01:20
  SPEAKER_01: And uh I think that when guns get involved, I think the I think that the uh I think that the family guy universe is not ready for what the real like so so that's the thing I think is the difference between like Solid Snake and and uh family guys.
• 1:01:36
  SPEAKER_01: The family guys like absurd violence.
• 1:01:38
  SPEAKER_01: There's no real guns, nobody gets shot or anything.
• 1:01:40
  SPEAKER_01: It's not brutal, you know, it's absurd gratuitous violence, but like Solid Snake, like I'm gonna we're gonna shoot people in the head.
• 1:01:48
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, and the job done quick.
• 1:01:51
  SPEAKER_01: There are gonna be corpses everywhere, and and that's a whole different vibe that literally this family guy cartoon cannot handle.
• 1:01:59
  SPEAKER_00: The family guy chicken fight would be much quicker if the family if uh the chicken just whips out a shotgun.
• 1:02:05
  SPEAKER_01: So now people actually died on mass in their universe.
• 1:02:09
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, well, so then you did kind of sway me a little further just because of uh one of the episodes where uh uh the news reporter lady, Diane Simmons, she's about to kill Lois, and Stewie puts a bullet in her head with a sniper rifle.
• 1:02:26
  SPEAKER_02: Um so yeah, just for me, I'm gonna have to say I'm gonna have to say Stewie, just because you know you can't be Rick Sanchez unless you're Hubert Farnsworth.
• 1:02:34
  SPEAKER_02: And there's my thoughts on it, so that's where I'm gonna have to vote.
• 1:02:37
  SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna have to vote for Stewie on that one.
• 1:02:39
  SPEAKER_02: Um, congratulations, Stewie.
• 1:02:42
  SPEAKER_02: You won round three by a blowout.
• 1:02:44
  SPEAKER_02: We all agree.
• 1:02:47
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, Jesus, the the syrup of that uh cookie dough space.
• 1:02:52
  SPEAKER_02: It's got my throat.
• 1:02:54
  SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna have to wash that down real quick.
• 1:02:56
  SPEAKER_00: Wash it down with more syrup.
• 1:02:58
  SPEAKER_00: I like the thinking.
• 1:03:00
  SPEAKER_02: And need some more cookie dough.
• 1:03:01
  SPEAKER_02: Here we go.
• 1:03:01
  SPEAKER_00: Oh well, Ryan, I'm gonna have to join you, man.
• 1:03:03
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna have to join you if uh if you're having a having a talk, mate, I'll have to join you, dude.
• 1:03:07
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, of course, of course.
• 1:03:08
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, man, it was it was good having you back on.
• 1:03:10
  SPEAKER_00: Oh man, I've absolutely loved my time here.
• 1:03:12
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, here's one more to you, bud.
• 1:03:15
  SPEAKER_02: Cheers.
• 1:03:17
  SPEAKER_00: Just to let you know as well.
• 1:03:19
  SPEAKER_00: I um I accidentally hit myself in the face with a toolbox about a week ago.
• 1:03:24
  SPEAKER_00: And uh there, this rat above my lip has been in absolute agony for about a week.
• 1:03:29
  SPEAKER_00: And every time I've had a sip of whiskey, it's just set it off again.
• 1:03:32
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm I'm I'm suffering for you guys.
• 1:03:36
  SPEAKER_00: I hope you know that.
• 1:03:37
  SPEAKER_02: What are a goddamn doctor?
• 1:03:39
  SPEAKER_02: Socialist medicine having ass bastard.
• 1:03:43
  SPEAKER_00: The best part is because it's free over here, we just never go.
• 1:03:46
  SPEAKER_00: It's fine.
• 1:03:47
  SPEAKER_00: I don't need to go.
• 1:03:48
  SPEAKER_00: It's free and go anytime.
• 1:03:50
  SPEAKER_00: It's not going anywhere.
• 1:03:53
  SPEAKER_00: It's fine.
• 1:03:54
  SPEAKER_01: How good can it be if it's free?
• 1:03:57
  SPEAKER_00: It's not great.
• 1:03:57
  SPEAKER_00: Let's put it that way, it's not great, but it is free.
• 1:04:00
  SPEAKER_00: But you'd also have to wait for 12 hours and then get told that you just got home.
• 1:04:04
  SPEAKER_02: So I mean, like speaking to a bunch of them to a couple Americans who've gone without.
• 1:04:11
  SPEAKER_02: I'll wait in line for 12 hours.
• 1:04:15
  SPEAKER_01: I have I have like insurance now, I have like really good insurance now, and I don't I still don't go to the doctor because I don't want to wait for anything.
• 1:04:22
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I'll say that to people over here, like when you complain, oh, I was waiting 10 hours in the hospital the other day.
• 1:04:26
  SPEAKER_00: It's like, yeah, but what did it cost you anything?
• 1:04:29
  SPEAKER_00: No, right, go to America and pay thousands of thousands of dollars for a routine checkup.
• 1:04:35
  SPEAKER_00: Or alternatively wait ten hours.
• 1:04:38
  SPEAKER_02: Don't go at all and die.
• 1:04:41
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 1:04:43
  SPEAKER_00: Wait 10 hours or death.
• 1:04:45
  SPEAKER_01: Well, you know.
• 1:04:46
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 1:04:46
  SPEAKER_01: I think that what people are really mad about with the waiting 10 hours is that's they were doing it to get a sick note for work.
• 1:04:53
  SPEAKER_01: And like that's the thing that's fucked up is that we don't like allow people to like take care of themselves.
• 1:04:59
  SPEAKER_01: They have to like do it to justify other things.
• 1:05:02
  SPEAKER_01: I think if we if all we had to worry about was like, oh, I'm not feeling well, and everyone was like, no, no, no, you don't feel well.
• 1:05:07
  SPEAKER_01: Let's make sure everything's okay.
• 1:05:09
  SPEAKER_01: Then we'd all go, right?
• 1:05:10
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
• 1:05:11
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, for sure.
• 1:05:13
  SPEAKER_00: But people tend to fish with that massively.
• 1:05:14
  SPEAKER_00: People are massively said, Oh, I don't want to go and work.
• 1:05:16
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I'm not well again.
• 1:05:18
  SPEAKER_00: Again, yeah, it's come back.
• 1:05:21
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I'm dead again.
• 1:05:22
  SPEAKER_00: It's fine.
• 1:05:23
  SPEAKER_02: I I've never gone to work and worked more than two hours, like at any given time.
• 1:05:28
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I mean, it's like any test you have, we don't need you.
• 1:05:31
  SPEAKER_02: Go take care of yourself, man.
• 1:05:33
  SPEAKER_02: I don't need a fucking diagnosis.
• 1:05:36
  SPEAKER_02: I don't give a shit.
• 1:05:42
  SPEAKER_00: It's weird that they send you to work for eight hours expecting that for those eight to ten hours of the day, you'll be as productive as you possibly can.
• 1:05:49
  SPEAKER_00: Fucking hell, man.
• 1:05:50
  SPEAKER_00: We're human beings.
• 1:05:51
  SPEAKER_00: We we get bored, we procrastinate, we you know, our mind wanders, you might have short bouts of productivity.
• 1:05:58
  SPEAKER_00: It'd be, I think it'd be better if you had the day was four hours long and you worked solid for those four hours rather than doing an eight to ten hour day.
• 1:06:06
  SPEAKER_00: That's that's that's what I think.
• 1:06:08
  SPEAKER_01: You know, we can take that procrastinator part of your brain out now.
• 1:06:15
  SPEAKER_00: This is the thing.
• 1:06:16
  SPEAKER_00: So, of course, Louie and uh um Stewie and Link were gonna fight, but they wouldn't ever get there because the space laser just take out the desire to fight.
• 1:06:24
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so it's it's it was irrelevant anyway.
• 1:06:26
  SPEAKER_02: It was totally irrelevant.
• 1:06:27
  SPEAKER_02: But I mean, like the research is out, like we know, like as a society, we know that people only work two hours a day and the rest is filled with bathroom breaks and cell phone time.
• 1:06:38
  SPEAKER_02: And we know scientifically that you're more productive when you just you know, like, all right, you gotta work two hours today.
• 1:06:46
  SPEAKER_02: Like, we're aware, but we for office jobs for sure.
• 1:06:49
  SPEAKER_01: I think that we should all have to rotate and do two hours at an office job and two hours at manual labor, and then everyone will only have to do like two hours of that monotonous manual labor, and we don't have to have like foist it all onto certain people, you know.
• 1:07:04
  SPEAKER_01: For sure.
• 1:07:05
  SPEAKER_00: Work from home as well.
• 1:07:06
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, working from home, I know I've had to work from home a couple of times, uh, as well as going in like the office and stuff like that, and I'm much more productive at home, and then I like it more because I have to sit in traffic all day.
• 1:07:19
  SPEAKER_00: I get to be at home, I get to be with my kid and my dog and my you know girlfriend, and I get so much more done.
• 1:07:24
  SPEAKER_00: But yeah, yeah, for some reason you you have to, and plus, like you're saying, you can sit down, do your bit, a nice productive half an hour, maybe have a 10-minute break, you know, maybe have a nap.
• 1:07:35
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and uh and you get much more done, but of course it's gotta be no, we have to be in work for 10 hours and not see your family and drive to work an hour there, an hour back.
• 1:07:45
  SPEAKER_02: No, it just makes no sense, but how the second, the final half of this episode brought to you by anti-work on Reddit.
• 1:07:51
  SPEAKER_02: Um well, there you guys have it.
• 1:07:56
  SPEAKER_02: Um, thank you all so much for listening.
• 1:07:57
  SPEAKER_02: Uh Jay, as always, it's been a pleasure.
• 1:08:00
  SPEAKER_02: Where can we find you?
• 1:08:01
  SPEAKER_00: No, guys, it's it's been an absolute honor to have me on again.
• 1:08:04
  SPEAKER_00: Really, really enjoy myself.
• 1:08:06
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so you can find me on Amazon, you can find me on Instagram, Jay Dartmoor Author, you can find me on Facebook, Jay Dartmoor, uh, TikTok, you can find me Jay Dartmoor Author.
• 1:08:16
  SPEAKER_00: You know, everywhere, just type in my name.
• 1:08:18
  SPEAKER_00: Look out for my OnlyFans as well, which will be coming soon.
• 1:08:22
  SPEAKER_00: You know, and uh yeah, but if you want to check out um any any of my books, any of my writing, Jay Dartmoor Author on Amazon.
• 1:08:29
  SPEAKER_00: And uh I'll love you forever.
• 1:08:31
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my god as well.
• 1:08:32
  SPEAKER_00: Sand some website, jdartmouther.com, and you will receive a free novella, which is very appreciated.
• 1:08:37
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah.
• 1:08:38
  SPEAKER_02: So fun.
• 1:08:38
  SPEAKER_02: All right, so yeah, send it, go over to his website, find his OnlyFans, read some novellas.
• 1:08:42
  SPEAKER_02: James, as always, it's been great.
• 1:08:44
  SPEAKER_02: We don't need to really say where you are, they're listening to us.
• 1:08:48
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, keep keep going to where you are for more of us.
• 1:08:51
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, for more of us, stay right here.
• 1:08:55
  SPEAKER_01: All right, all right, guys, take it easy.
• 1:08:57
  SPEAKER_01: It's been a blessed.
• 1:08:58
  SPEAKER_02: Bye.
• 1:08:59
  SPEAKER_02: See you later.
• 1:09:00
  SPEAKER_02: Alright.