Latest / My Third Place Pod / Dungeon Crawler Carl Book 1 Reading

Transcript

Dungeon Crawler Carl Book 1 Reading · My Third Place Pod

0:03
Hello and welcome crawlers. So lately I've been getting into
0:13
this book Dungeon Crawler Carl. I'm already on book 2, but you
0:24
know, I started out not thinking that this book was going to take
0:28
over my life, my stream, my entire everything, that I'm
0:34
going to be addicted, that I was going to be obsessed.
0:36
I didn't realize that. So start out, I was in the live
0:42
stream on TikTok. Like usually I go live and like
0:47
I usually do my podcast from there and then do multiple
0:55
streams. Riverside on here, go to YouTube
0:59
and then go it goes to TikTok. I record from TikTok, it goes to
1:04
YouTube, it goes to Spotify, it goes to Riverside.
1:07
I had it on Riverside, but you know, I was already done with
1:14
the podcast and we we were done recording everything and I was
1:18
just like after show, which is hanging out with my friends and
1:22
everybody just hanging out in the chat and this person comes
1:25
in there. I keep forgetting her name.
1:29
I don't know, but she just showed up and says dungeon
1:36
crawler Carl and I'm like, what is that?
1:41
So she tells me the book it's a lit RPG and I'm like, still
1:46
don't understand what that means.
1:49
So I just said, all right, let me look it up.
1:51
So I looked it up and based on everything that's just the first
1:56
few sentences that what it does. I was basically looking at the
2:01
subnosis of what it would be like.
2:04
The apocalypse will be televised.
2:05
It was just on the back of the book.
2:06
Of course. Welcome to the first book and
2:10
OK, I didn't read any of that. You know what's worse than
2:12
breaking up with your girlfriend?
2:13
Being stuck with your prize when he killed Cat.
2:15
And you know what's worse than that?
2:16
In alien invasion, destruction of all man made structures on
2:19
earth. And so the magic quotation of
2:22
the survivors are statistic in their active game show.
2:24
That's what. OK, welcome, Crowler.
2:28
Welcome to dungeon survivors optional.
2:30
Keep any of yours entertained as not once you start, you won't
2:33
put it down. Patricia Briggs.
2:35
And I'll just start reading all that.
2:36
I was like, all right, cool. So obviously I went to TikTok
2:39
and I looked it up and I didn't understand any of it because
2:43
like, I'm not I wasn't there yet.
2:45
I was like, OK, so out of curiosity, I went to Walmart,
2:52
picked up the book immediately, just all right.
2:57
So I read the first chapter, 50 pages, and I was like, hi, I
3:03
like it already. But you know, it's like what I
3:07
wanted to do was like, all right, what if I read this in
3:10
the live? You know, what if I read this on
3:13
the live stream, would that work?
3:19
Knowing me, I would have wanted to like whisper it, but they
3:24
want to like really whisper it. It is just something I just like
3:28
thought of doing because then it would take too long if I
3:32
whispered it right. OK, maybe not.
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So I just started reading it. Few of my friends were on there,
3:43
a few few regulars, and they just like got into it.
3:53
Also, that's what I love. It's like, oh shit.
3:56
You know, I wasn't expecting this to transform into an
4:01
obsession, an addiction error. I rather be reading this or
4:06
anything. And here's the thing, the girl
4:11
never came back. She came back few like a month
4:15
later. Sigh.
4:17
Every time she was there, I was doing something else.
4:20
But right when I was about to tell her, hey, I read.
4:23
I got your book. I got the book you told me to
4:25
read, and I read it and it's fucking awesome.
4:28
I love it. But she gone by that.
4:31
So I never got to say anything to her until like a few weeks
4:33
later. I was like, yeah, I love it.
4:35
And she's like, oh, cool, yeah, I'm glad you too.
4:41
But obviously I started looking up how many books?
4:45
Matt Deneman has written everything and and I'm just
4:52
like, I'm OK, let me read book one first and see how it goes
4:56
and see how I like and all that stuff.
4:58
I wanted to listen to podcast, but podcast, there's one
5:02
podcast. It's like reading 10 chapters
5:04
and then talking about it each episode and I'm like, I'm not
5:07
even there yet. It's like, all right, we I gotta
5:10
wait. I gotta wait for that.
5:11
Then let me read the whole thing and then we'll go back to listen
5:14
that chap talk about cast podcast.
5:17
I learned another podcast where she was like this girl unspoiled
5:21
the unspoiled podcast and she was just reading it 3 chapters,
5:29
4 chapters and telling us how she felt about it, what she
5:32
thought about it and all this. Like that's what I want to
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listen to. You know, take your time with
5:39
your chapter and tell me how you feel about that first chapter.
5:42
Not ten chapters. And like, whoa.
5:46
So and so, so, so in like an episode.
5:49
Yeah. I was like, take your time in
5:52
it, you know, like, I want to know what you think because I
5:55
felt the same way. Do I think the same way?
5:57
I don't know. Maybe I did.
5:58
Maybe I did. So, you know, as I kept reading
6:05
and like towards the end of the chapter that I was in, I was
6:08
just like, all right before I read this, the end of the
6:10
chapter, I got to go buy the new book, the second book, and I was
6:16
looking all over the place. I was going to 2nd and Charles
6:18
couldn't find it there. It was all in the back.
6:21
I found it later, but then I went to Barnes and Noble.
6:27
They had it and immediately as I walked in, because second and
6:31
Charles was in the back, I couldn't find it.
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Immediately as I walk into Barnes and Noble, they have it
6:38
front and center. Sorry, I'm using this as a
6:42
bookmark. Immediately as I walk in, they
6:45
have it in front and center right there.
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Sold like All right, cool. So I bought the second book.
6:51
I bought some stuff, I bought some magnets.
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I bought everything that they were selling.
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I was like, I'm addicted. I want it, let's go.
7:01
And it worked out. Came home and showing the chat.
7:05
Look what I got. Yay.
7:07
OK, so the reason I want to go back to the first book, the
7:11
first few chapters, because I want to do the exact same team
7:15
but on YouTube and maybe whisper some of it, who knows.
7:20
It's it's so far it's worked out for me.
7:24
And like I did try to like read the book and post it on YouTube
7:31
on here, but it was already like chapter 30 something.
7:35
I don't know what chapter was and I went live and I went live
7:39
doing it. But you know, some like my
7:44
audience maybe doesn't know what this book was.
7:48
And so I said, all right, I got to start somewhere.
7:52
I got to start from the beginning.
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Either I do a podcast episode of it and we can go back to the
7:58
very first episode of the very first book, the 1st chapter, and
8:04
recap the entire chapter and do all that.
8:08
Or we can just read a book. And I chose to read the book
8:14
chapter by chapter, episode by episode.
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Each episode is going to be a chapter basically.
8:19
Maybe maybe I'll just like 30 minutes.
8:26
I don't know. Maybe it'll be like up to
8:30
chapter, like, you know, chapter 2-3 chapters and one sitting in
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one recording. Maybe I'll do that.
8:38
I don't know yet. I don't want it to go for an
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hour, over an hour or maybe 30 minutes.
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I'll go 30 minutes. But I'll tell you how I feel
8:46
about it or anything. But if I don't understand
8:51
something, please, please just let me know.
8:56
Give me the lore of it. You know, just school me on it.
9:02
Don't don't be mean about it. Don't overdo it and be like, no,
9:06
this is this and this and this. Like, no, just screw me into it.
9:10
Tell me, hey, this is what it means.
9:12
Like I'll bitch. I doubt it was going to happen
9:16
because I already read it. I was like, I want to read
9:18
through it again, why not? And this is the second reaction.
9:23
And then once we get to the second book or the third book
9:26
and we can do an actual reading of it live as I go through, it
9:32
didn't work out right, Right. All right, I already talked long
9:39
enough for 10 minutes, so I say we get it to the first chapter
9:43
of The Book of Dungeon Crawler Carl, written by Matt Deneman.
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OK, where are we? Here we go, Chapter 1.
9:58
The transformation occurred at approximately 2:23 AM.
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OK, before we start on this, before we started it, I
10:06
understand that there's an audio book already.
10:11
I get it. Jeff Hayes, I think is his name,
10:17
right? He's the sound of the guy.
10:19
Like, I'm not trying. I'm not going to try to be in.
10:23
I've seen TikTok videos where this one guy is saying it's like
10:28
in his head. Donut the cat doesn't sound
10:31
British like it because he's reading it.
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He doesn't want to. He listened to the audio.
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He heard the audio and then said I was like, oh, he doesn't sound
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British to me. He's just like a regular normal
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cat. So do as with that as you may,
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you know, as you wish. Just read it the way you want to
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read it. It doesn't have to have like
10:55
crazy ass voices. I laughed so hard at this book.
11:01
I laughed so hard. So you'll see me like with the
11:04
same reactions because it's been it's been what, a few months
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since I last read the first chapter again?
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I'm in the 2nd and I'm fucking dying my ass off of his hair
11:14
with everything that's been going on.
11:18
I'm not at at book 3 yet. I'm not.
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I don't want spoilers. I won't understand the spoilers.
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I've seen the tik Toks and I'm just like every time I click on
11:30
something and it's like some new name that I don't recognize, I
11:33
immediately go away from there. Trust me, I, I I've avoided
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spoilers up to this point. I have no idea what's going on.
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I just want to get to there to that point slowly, like I don't
11:45
want to rush into it. OK, OK, all right, so here we
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go. Chapter one.
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I'm not going to do voices. So whatever comes out, comes
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out. Chapter 1.
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The transformation occurred at approximately 2:23 AM Pacific
12:02
Standard Time. As far as I could tell, anyone
12:04
who's indoors when it happened dies instantly.
12:07
If you had any sort of roof over you, you were dead.
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That included people in cars, airplanes, subways, even tents
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and cardboard boxes. Hell, probably umbrellas too,
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though I'm not so sure about that one.
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I'm not going to lie. You guys who are inside,
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probably warm and asleep and dreaming about some random
12:26
bullshit, I'm jealous. You're the lucky ones.
12:29
You were just gone, splattered into dust during the
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transformation. It was a Tuesday and the
12:35
calendar had just ticked over to January 3rd.
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A terrible winter storm had descended on North America and
12:41
half the country, with bird and snow and ice in Seattle.
12:44
We didn't have too much snow that night, but it was well
12:47
below 0, which was unusually cold even for January.
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OK, so like every time someone mentioned this part where it was
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like it was Tuesday, it was calendar had just ticked over to
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generate third on Tuesday. I'm like the kind of person
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where I want to do the math, where I'm just like, OK, so when
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would that be like just like it was a good day?
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When someone figured out what exactly that date was, When the
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Seattle Sonics, when the Lakers beat the Super Sonics, when the
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Goodyear blimp said Ice Cube the Pimp, when all this has stuff,
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all this stuff have happened and someone found the exact date
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that it was a good day. Me, I just decided, OK, when
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would it be? January 3rd?
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On the Tuesday? Because this book was written in
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2020, right? Or it came out in 2020.
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So he must have like written it around 2018-2019 to 2018, like
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all that stuff. So I had to go back all the way
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back to around those eight dates.
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It turns out this, this day right here when it happens, it's
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January 3rd, Tuesday, January 3rd, 2017.
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Let me double check that fact for a minute because I want to
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know too. I want to know now.
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Yeah, January 3rd, 2017 on a Tuesday.
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And here we are. So three years later it comes
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down 2020. So at the end of the world, the
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whole thing is televised. Happened January 3rd, 2017.
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Great. So, all right, so I'm glad I got
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to figure that one out. I'm sure in other parts of the
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world where it was warmer and not in the middle of the night,
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many more people survived. Many more.
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I also bet most of them were probably wearing more clothes
15:01
than I was time of the incident. And those assholes were smart
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enough not to go into light. Me, I didn't have a choice.
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Like I said, it was below freezing.
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I was outside and I was wearing boxers, a leather jacket, and a
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pair of pink croc sandals that barely fit me.
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I was also holding a crying, scratching squirming in a
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spitting cat named Princess Donut, the Queen Anne chunk.
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She was a tortoise shell Persian cat worth more than I made in a
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year. My ex-girlfriend called her
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Princess Donut for short. I just stuck with Donut.
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So let me back up about 10 minutes.
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I wasn't. I won't bore you with too much
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back story, but some of these details may be important.
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My name is Carl, I'm 27 years old.
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After a stint in the US Coast Guard I ended up working as a
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marine tech fixing an electrical systems for rich assholes and
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their petty boats. I, up until a few days before
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this started, live with my girlfriend in our apartment in
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Seattle. Her name was Beatrice B, she
16:03
went to the Bahamas for a New Year's thing with a bunch of
16:07
friends. She didn't tell me her
16:08
ex-boyfriend went along with her on the trip.
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I figured out pretty quick when I saw the picture of her sitting
16:13
on his lap on Instagram. I don't like drama and I don't
16:17
deal well with it. Whether she was actually
16:19
cheating on me or not, it didn't matter too much.
16:22
She lied. So I called her up and I told
16:25
her we were done. I promised I'd have all her
16:27
stuff ready for her to go when she got back.
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No drama, no fuss, but we were done.
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She'd asked her parents to come get the cat, but they lived on
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the other side of Cascades and nobody was getting through any
16:38
of the passes with this weather. So I promised I'd look after her
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until Beatrice got back. So every time I describe the
16:46
book, I tell him about this part.
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Yeah, this guy's working. Did this.
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He found out his ex-girlfriend was cheating on him in the
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Bahamas and he found out on Instagram.
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And maybe like she didn't know what her friends like invited
17:06
him and that's what happened. And that's what I was hope would
17:13
happen. But as we get along to the story
17:15
and just like find out new information and just like, Nah,
17:19
she did that. She did that shit on purpose.
17:22
So it was just like, yeah. And Speaking of spoilers, I'm
17:29
not going to spoil it for you, but because I didn't read it,
17:31
but like, I saw this TikTok and this person was on book 5
17:37
already. And they're like, when you find
17:39
out that what, what other shit Beatrice did and I'm like, come
17:44
on, dude. There's no way we're still going
17:46
to be talking about this girl. Even that book 5 will be damn.
17:52
OK. All right, back back to this
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part right here. So let me tell you about Donut
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the cat. Like I said, she's one of those
17:59
fluffy flat faced cats that look like they need to be sitting on
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the lap of a Bond villain. B and I shared A2 bedroom
18:07
apartment and one of those rooms was dedicated to the cat if that
18:10
tells you anything. More specifically, the room was
18:13
devoted to Donuts, best in show ribbons, her best in breed of
18:18
ribbons, and countless trophies and framed photographs of her
18:21
sitting on the table looking all fussy and pissed off while being
18:25
a judge stood behind her. B probably has fifty of the
18:28
patrons. B had probably.
18:31
B probably had fifty other pictures.
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She'd won a mess of reverends and trophies and photographs
18:35
pretty much every time Beatrice took Donut to an event and B
18:39
took that damn cat to a show almost every weekend.
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Her whole family was into raising and showing Persian
18:45
cats. Me, I didn't really know much
18:49
about that whole cat show world. I didn't want to get too
18:52
involved. Like I said, I don't do drama.
18:55
Let me tell you something about Cat people.
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More specifically Cat Show people.
19:00
Actually, never mind. Fuck those guys.
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All that's important is me and Donut.
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We're a part of this whole world I didn't want anything to do
19:07
with. I never considered myself a big
19:10
fan of Cat, but if we're being truthful here, I like Donut.
19:14
That Cat did not give two shits about anybody or anything, and I
19:17
could respect that. If Donut wanted to sit on my lap
19:20
while I was blasting away a PlayStation, then she sat on my
19:22
damn lap. If I tried to pick her up, she
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hissed and scratched and jumped right back up there and then she
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looked at me with a squished face and said, what do you do
19:31
about it? I've been tempted more than once
19:33
to throttle this thing, but I'm not an asshole.
19:36
Plus I could respect the little monsters tenacity.
19:40
Some of my buddies would give me crap about it.
19:41
Me spending all this time with a fuzzy cat that was probably
19:44
worth more than I would make in a year.
19:46
But I enjoyed it. I enjoyed having that ball of
19:49
fuzz sitting on my lap. One of Beatrice Aaron clad does
19:53
not negotiable rules with no smoke in the apartment.
19:56
So after I fight some breakup, I'd make a point of smoking as
19:59
much as I could. I know it mature, but it was
20:02
freezing outside. Donut didn't seem to like to
20:04
smoke too much and the smell clogged to be to their hair.
20:08
So as a compromise, I would crack the window when I smoked.
20:11
So when I woke up at about 2:00 AM, having been startled awake
20:15
by a dream, I decided to smoke. I pulled out my pack, cracked
20:18
the window, and I lit a cigarette.
20:21
Donut, who had been sleeping right next to me in the bed,
20:23
decided that every moment that she wanted to, for the first
20:26
time in my her feline life, go outside and explore, she jumped
20:31
up on my shoulder and she leaped out the second story window onto
20:34
the tree outside my apartment. Just like that, I'd had the
20:39
window open. I'd had Just like that I'd had
20:43
the window open dozen of times over the past year, and she
20:45
never even given the window a special glance.
20:49
And she never even give the window a second glance to
20:52
tonight, on the coldest night of the year, the furry asshole
20:57
decided to Lewis and Clark her way out of the apartment.
21:01
She scampered down the street, sniffed at the sidewalk a few
21:04
times, and then promptly realized it was cold as fuck.
21:08
Her adventure over as quickly as it began, she rushed back up the
21:11
tree and stared at me over the five feet from the window to the
21:14
branch. The adventure all drained out of
21:17
her. Donut decided not to worth
21:18
jumping back inside, so instead she decided to start howling on
21:21
top of her lungs. I spent the I spent the next
21:25
several minutes cursing at the cat trying to coke her back
21:28
inside. I opened the window all the way,
21:30
sending gales of ice cold air in the previously toast the
21:33
apartment. The fuzzy black and beige and
21:36
white cat just sat there bitching and howling so much I
21:39
feared one of my neighbors might wake up and shoot her.
21:43
I left my boots on the dryer all the way in the building's
21:45
basement. I didn't know where the hell my
21:47
running shoes were. So in a momentary decision I
21:51
would quickly come to regret, I squeezed my feet into a pair of
21:54
my ex girlfriend's Crocs. I pulled a heavy leather jacket
21:58
on and I rushed outside to grab the cat.
22:00
A part of me kept saying it. Screw it, it's not your cat.
22:04
Let the freeze. That's the fucker freeze.
22:06
But like I said, I'm not that much of an asshole.
22:09
As much as Beatri deserved it, she loved that damn cat, and
22:11
poor stupid donut wouldn't stand a chance out here in the cold,
22:15
not for long. Plus, again, the cat was right
22:18
there, howling on someone's eating her children in front of
22:21
her. I rushed down the stairs and I
22:23
jumped outside, rushing to the street that sat between the
22:25
sidewalk and the building. I immediately regretted not
22:28
taking the time to put her proper clothes on.
22:32
The cold windy air sank his claws into my legs and feet.
22:36
Donut was right there, sitting on a tree, just out of reach,
22:39
looking between me and the open window into the apartment.
22:41
She continued to howl. A light popped up in an
22:44
apartment on the 1st floor. I groaned.
22:47
I groaned. Miss Parsons.
22:50
Grumpy. I like to file complaints, Miss
22:52
Parsons. Donut, I said.
22:55
Come on you little shit. I held on my arms.
22:57
The cat could jump into my arms. It was something I trained her
23:00
to do. I could shake a bag of cat treat
23:03
and she jumped right up there. I could make a sound as she
23:08
sometimes jump up on my shoulder.
23:11
I cursed myself for not bringing cat treats out with me.
23:14
The window of the first floor apartment slid open.
23:16
What in God's name is going on out there?
23:19
Miss Parson called, sticking her head out the window.
23:21
The old woman had her head wrapped in some sort of towel,
23:24
making it look like a swami. Her beady eyes focused on me.
23:27
Carl, is that you? Yes.
23:29
Miss Parson just said sorry. My God, get out.
23:32
And I'm trying to get her in there before she freezes to
23:34
death. It looks like you're the one
23:37
who's going to freeze to. And Miss Parson never finished
23:40
the sentence slam. It happened so fast the building
23:44
smashed down to the ground. I watched it happen.
23:47
The seven story apartment building was there one moment
23:49
and then it was gone. But it hadn't disappeared.
23:51
I was looking right at Miss Parson when it went down.
23:54
It was like the building was a massive tin can that had been
23:56
crushed by a giant cosmic boot. I saw it, and I heard it.
24:00
Wind rushed at me and it was instantly dark outside.
24:03
The street lamp just to my left was gone.
24:06
The buildings all around me were gone.
24:09
The cars from the street were gone too.
24:12
Everything was done except the trees and the bicycles in the
24:15
bike tracks, and majority Williams melted, which was all
24:18
still booted by parking enforcement.
24:21
I looked around, the freezing weather momentarily forgotten in
24:24
the dark, overcast night. I could barely see anything in
24:28
the distance, a distance I could now see thanks to the lack of
24:32
buildings. A fire burned.
24:34
There was utter, complete silence.
24:38
What the hell? I said, spinning in circles.
24:41
Couple random things remain, like the bikes rack.
24:44
The stop sign was there, but the street sign next to it was gone.
24:46
It didn't make sense where the cars were parked on the road.
24:51
The car shaped indentation of dirt appeared as if they've been
24:53
pulled down towards the center of the earth, being ripped
24:56
directly to their asphalt. Donut jumped my out still
24:59
outstretched arm. I looked at the car now knowing,
25:02
not knowing what to do or say. What the hell?
25:05
I said again. All the remained of my building
25:07
was a rectangle of turn dirt rocks.
25:12
And then I saw it right near my feet.
25:14
It was Miss Parsons head in the dark.
25:17
It was Miss Parsons head in the dark.
25:19
It was hard to discern, but it merely knew what it was.
25:23
It hit me at that moment. The sudden shock of the building
25:26
was one thing, but there were people in those buildings.
25:29
It was almost everybody in that damn city.
25:32
Hell, even most of the homeless people were in shelters.
25:35
There'd been a whole thing on the news about them rounding
25:37
everybody up because of the extreme cold.
25:39
It was tuna damn morning on a Monday night.
25:41
Everyone would be in bed, and that meant everyone was dead.
25:46
I kept spinning in circles like an idiot, not knowing what to
25:48
do. I felt sick to my stomach.
25:50
Donuts started to squirm, having decided I was useless.
25:54
She clawed on me, but I wouldn't let that cat go.
25:57
Then came the voice. A male robotic voice.
26:01
It spoke in my mind. The voice was like a physical
26:04
thing, a spike in my brain, scratching me.
26:06
It wasn't speaking English, but I understood the word.
26:09
As the person spoke, the text also appeared, floating in front
26:13
of me. All right, so this is the part
26:15
where I tell people like at least a 15 second of it like OK,
26:23
so this guy is, you know, tell after I tell him that what
26:29
Beatrice did. So the cat goes outside, he
26:33
leaves open and the cat thorough goes outside and he goes outside
26:36
to try and grab the cat. This landlady looks out at him
26:40
and tells him to go back inside. It's going to freeze.
26:45
And then just like a freaking soda can, when you're crushing
26:49
down the soda can like this, the whole building collapses and her
26:53
head pops out and she's dead. And he hears some crazy freaking
26:57
words to tell him to go inside. That's how I tell.
27:01
That's how I tell everybody to That's how the the book starts.
27:09
So now he has this AI talking to him and he can hear the voice in
27:15
his head, like a physical spoke in his head.
27:23
The voice was like a physical thing, a spike in my brain,
27:25
scratching me. It wasn't speaking English, but
27:26
I understood the words. Basically, it's like has some
27:30
core mechanism where everybody can understand this voice, even
27:33
to know if it's not speaking English at all, and it's
27:38
basically the AI. He explains, explaining to him
27:43
what's happening. Surviving humans, take note what
27:47
I said out loud. What's that?
27:48
Who's there? I kicked floating with my foot
27:51
and the two small croc went flying.
27:53
So there we go. That's what happened to the
27:57
croc, because everybody was wondering.
28:01
It's like what happened to the Crocs that he had on.
28:03
He kicked it. He just tried kicking something
28:07
and the croc went flying. I hopped over and quickly shoved
28:10
my foot back in. The words moved with me, flowing
28:13
just a few feet in front of my face.
28:15
Even the letters were in English.
28:16
They crawled down, not across the screen.
28:18
But I knew them, understood them like I've been reading the
28:20
language my entire life. Persyndicate rules Subsection
28:24
543 of the Precious Elemental Reserve Code, having failed to
28:28
fire a proper appeal for mineral and elemental rights within 50
28:31
solars are for contact. Your planet has been
28:34
successfully seized and it's currently being mined of all
28:37
requested elemental deposits by the assigned Planetary Regent.
28:42
Every interior of your world has been crushed and all raw
28:46
material, organic and inanimate, are in the process of being
28:48
mined for the requested elements.
28:51
Per the Mined Material Reclamation Act along the
28:54
subsection 35, the Indigenous Planetary Species Protection
28:57
Act, any surviving humans will be given the opportunity to
29:00
reclaim their lost matter. The Boring Corporation, having
29:03
been assigned Regency over the solar system, is allowed to
29:07
choose the manner of the Reclamation and they have chosen
29:09
option three, also known as the 18 level World Dungeon, the The
29:17
Boring. The Boring Corporation retained
29:22
all rights to broadcast, exploit, and otherwise control.
29:25
All aspects of the World Dungeon ever remain in control as long
29:28
as they adhered to Syndicate regulations regarding world
29:31
resource reclamation. Upon successful completion of
29:35
the level 18 of the World Dungeon, Regency of this planet
29:38
will revert to the successor. A Syndicate Neutral Observer AI
29:44
myself has been creating dispatch to this planet to
29:47
supervise the creation of the World Dungeon and to ensure all
29:50
the rules and regulations are properly followed.
29:55
Please pay careful attention to the following information as it
29:58
will not be repeated. Per Indigenous Planetary Species
30:02
Protection Act, all remaining materials, estimated to be
30:05
99.99999% of the sifted matter is currently being repurposed
30:12
for the Subterranean World Dungeon.
30:14
The first level of this dungeon will open approximately 18
30:17
seconds of the unit this announcement.
30:19
The first level entrances will be open for exactly 1 human hour
30:22
and 1 hour only. Once the entrance are closed,
30:25
you may no longer enter. If you enter, you may not leave
30:28
until you have already completed after until you have either
30:32
completed all 18 levels of the World Engine or if you meet
30:35
certain other requirements. If you choose not to enter the
30:38
World Dozen, you will have to sustain yourself upon the
30:40
surface of your planet and this may be the last communication
30:43
you received during your lifetime.
30:45
All previously processed matter elements are for effect,
30:49
however, you are free to mine and utilize any remaining and
30:51
naturally occurring resources for your own benefits.
30:55
The Boring Company Witnesses wishes you luck and thanks for
30:58
you for the opportunity. For those who wish to exercise
31:01
their right of resource reclamation, please take note.
31:05
There will be 150,000 level 1 entrance added to the world.
31:09
These entrances will be marked and easy to spot.
31:11
If you still choose to enter the first level of the dungeon, you
31:13
will have 5 rotations of your planet to find the next level
31:17
down there will be 75,000. Entrance to level 2, there will
31:20
be 37500 enters this to level 318, thousand, 750 to level
31:25
four, 9325 to level 5, and 4688 enters this to level 6.
31:31
The number of available enters to the next lower level will
31:34
continue to create by half rounding up until the 18th
31:37
level, which will only have two entrances and a single exit.
31:41
Crawlers who choose to enter the World Dungeon must find a
31:43
staircase and descend to the next level down before the
31:46
allotted time is up for that level.
31:48
Once the time has passed, the level will be reclaimed and all
31:51
remaining matter in the level Organic Inanimate will be
31:54
forfeit. Generated loot and other matter
31:58
that is not getting reclaimed by be played in the Syndicate
32:01
Market. Each lower level will have a
32:03
longer period of reclamation. Additional rules come into play
32:06
once any crawler is sent to the 10th floor.
32:08
These rules will be explained when and if any crawlers reach
32:12
this level. If you so choose to enter the
32:14
World Dungeon, it is highly recommended you merely find and
32:17
utilize a tutorial Guild. Multiple tutorial guilds will be
32:20
seated throughout the dungeons on levels one through three.
32:23
If you have any additional questions or you wish to file an
32:25
appeal, such request will be must be submitted in writing
32:28
directly to close the Syndicate office.
32:31
Thank you for being a part of the Syndicate.
32:32
Have a great day. What the fuck?
32:41
It is so long that he sat, he stood there listening to this
32:45
whole thing and I'm just like, I lost.
32:51
I I, I would been like, you're talking too much, dude.
32:56
I would need a lawyer. Like I'm not a lawyer, but I
33:00
would need somebody to like translate this because even I'm
33:04
like, this just happened. This whole thing just happened
33:07
and I'm just sitting there like everybody's gone, everybody's
33:11
either dead or like lost or something and you're giving me
33:18
like this whole freaking 600 word essay about what's going to
33:27
happen to us. No way.
33:29
I, I, I, I hello. We're from divine generation.
33:35
We're from the TikTok generation.
33:37
We can't even pay attention to our like a minute videos.
33:40
You want me to listen to you like a 10 minute of you talking?
33:44
No way. But but here it is, like, all
33:47
right, I you said stuff and I'm just trying to figure out what
33:50
you meant by that. My brain could barely parse any
33:55
of what the voice has said, so bewildered was I at everything
33:58
that had just happened. I could no longer feel my legs.
34:01
I've been outside much too long. Exactly.
34:03
He's cold and you expect him to listen to any of this stuff?
34:08
I was been cold. I've been out much.
34:10
I've been outside much for long and I was in serious danger of
34:13
reasoning to that and losing toes into cold.
34:15
Had to get inside and had to do it now.
34:17
But there was no inside anymore. There weren't any, even any
34:20
cars. I had the fire that continue to
34:22
rage a few blocks over. I need to get over there and
34:24
fast. I turned and I started to
34:26
shuffle run the wind, which had been a light freeze before the
34:29
buildings. All the spirit was now a
34:30
constant freezing Gale that's dank of the ocean.
34:34
Donut twisted in my arm, scratching at me, trying to get
34:36
free. She jumped in with my shoulder,
34:39
but my jacket protected me. I clutched the cat tighter.
34:42
It was a dream. Had I accidentally been doughed
34:44
with some sort of hesitation? World Dungeon?
34:47
What's the actual hell? What's that even mean?
34:50
My mind continued to race. I immediately thought of
34:53
Pathfinder and Dungeons and Dragons and other games I hadn't
34:56
played. And since I was on active duty,
34:59
I couldn't see a single damn person.
35:02
I was surrounded by only the sound of the wind.
35:05
A horn like a trumpet sounded blasting through the night air.
35:08
I stopped dead. Looking around what's now it's
35:13
the dungeon appearing, I saw this is happening.
35:16
Holy shit, this is really happening.
35:20
Less than 100 feet to my left, right in the middle of what had
35:23
one spin a thrift store, a spotlight burst into the air.
35:26
I saw an additional spotlight appear about a mile away.
35:28
I turned and I saw a few more litter throughout the city.
35:32
Even from the distance I could feel the warmth radiating from
35:35
the brightly lit hole in the ground.
35:38
I didn't think about it, and my head still swung with all the
35:41
information that had been thrown at me.
35:43
The pink Crocs barely fit on my feet.
35:45
The distant fire was farther away than I thought I had seen
35:49
first hand with hypertraminated to people.
35:51
So I turned toward the light and I ran.
35:54
All right, so Part 1. So I think we do have a time for
36:09
Chapter 2, so let's do that. Chapter 2, dungeon floor one
36:18
time to level collapse, 5 days. So he has five days until the
36:21
level collapses and he has to get to the next floor for two or
36:25
three. An ornate staircase.
36:29
An ornate staircase let down into the light.
36:32
Each step appeared to be made of wrought iron, and the whole
36:36
thing was wide enough to accommodate 20 people walking
36:38
side by side. Glowing warmth radiated from the
36:41
hole. I took a step, falling down a
36:44
little farther than I anticipated.
36:46
My footballs echoed into the brightness.
36:49
This was a city of almost 1,000,000 people and I was the
36:51
only one here. Doughnut would stop fighting
36:55
clutch into my shoulder and started growling over the side.
36:58
This doughnut who has stopped fighting clutch into my shoulder
37:05
and started growling as we descended toward the bright
37:07
light. Welcome.
37:09
Glorious warmth beckoned me deeper.
37:12
My legs and feet which I hadn't been able to feel were now
37:15
starting to burn. I hadn't been out in the cold
37:17
long enough to sustain any real damage, but I was for frost.
37:21
Been to hell. The stairs seemed to go on
37:24
forever. The iron steps were carved in an
37:27
odd pattern depicting what could have been fish or maybe demons.
37:33
The almost Asian looking carvings gave me an uneasy
37:36
feeling. These stairs weren't here just a
37:38
few minutes ago. This whole thing is made of
37:41
buildings and cars and people of the world.
37:43
Who did this? How did he do it?
37:48
By the time I reached the bottom of the stairs, the temperature
37:50
had risen to a humid bombing 80°F or so.
37:53
The metal stairs ended at a marble floor and a hulking door
37:57
that stood about 30 feet tall and was just as wide.
38:02
The wind arch door was carved in the shape of a massive fish
38:05
demon like the stairs. I looked up at the double doors.
38:10
What the hell is this thing? I muttered as I stared at the
38:14
door and inform machine. As I stared at the door and
38:17
information box popped up over the door.
38:20
The box appears so suddenly and unexpectedly that I stepped
38:23
back. It was like I was in the game or
38:26
maybe wearing special contact lenses that popped up
38:28
informational foot toe tips. It even has a little X in the
38:31
corner to close it out. This is the rendition of a
38:35
Kuatin, the dominant species of the Boron system and principal
38:38
owners of the Boron Corporation. Make sure you recognize these
38:42
guys. They'll be a test later.
38:46
Was that last part supposed to be a joke?
38:49
I focus on the accent, the corner, mentally close the box,
38:52
I thought. I looked up at the carbine again
38:54
and I felt something almost like a slight haptic tingling in my
38:58
brain. The information box popped up
39:00
again. I closed it.
39:02
Weird. I can control the information
39:04
with my mind. I could open information boxes
39:07
on certain items by focusing on them.
39:09
I could close the box by mentally clicking the exit with
39:12
my mind. That means they're in your head.
39:15
Maybe this isn't really happening.
39:17
Maybe you're asleep in this awesome sort of high tech
39:20
stimulation like in the Matrix movies.
39:24
The pain in my warming up legs and feet reminding me that
39:29
stimulation or not, it didn't matter.
39:32
Not when I could hurt. With my Winfrey hand I pushed
39:35
the door. It opened easily inward,
39:37
revealing a long hallway lit by multiple torches.
39:40
The hallway was just as wide and tall as the door mark, A tunnel
39:45
for a double lane roadway and for someone to walk through.
39:49
In the distance I could see several branches leaning.
39:53
In the distance I could see several branches leading off the
39:56
main hall. A blinking light appeared near
39:59
the first branch. It seemed to be a sign of some
40:02
sort, but I couldn't read it from here.
40:05
Ow, I cried, A doughnut jumped down on my hand.
40:09
I dropped a cat and she bonded. Ow I cried, A doughnut jumped
40:14
down on my hand. I dropped a cat and she bounded
40:17
forward into the hallway. She stopped about 10 pages and
40:20
looking around with a confused star look on her face.
40:23
I stepped toward the cat and the door slammed behind me.
40:26
The light from the entered room cut off and was was replaced
40:29
with a dust like dimness. Welcome crawler.
40:34
Welcome crawler, welcome to the first floor.
40:39
This was a new voice, it was male sounding overly
40:42
enthusiastic. Welcome crawler, welcome to the
40:45
first floor. There you go.
40:51
Welcome crawler, welcome to the first floor.
40:55
This was a new voice. It was male sounding overly
40:57
enthusiastic, almost like a game show host.
41:00
It wasn't the same person or speaker from the original
41:03
announcement. The words appeared floating
41:05
before me and were simultaneously spoke in my mind.
41:09
Unlike the tool tip like box, I wasn't able to close it out.
41:13
This was more like subtitles. A timer appeared in the upper
41:18
right of my vision. It was at four days, 23 hours
41:21
and 48 minutes and counting down.
41:23
I again swept the characters didn't go away.
41:27
I closed my eyes and the information and disappeared.
41:30
It was unsettling and gave me a slightly queasy feeling to my
41:34
stomach. Donut remained her spot several
41:37
spaces in front of me, but the chunky cat was swiping at the
41:41
air in front of herself. She sees it too.
41:43
I saw. Holy crap, whatever this was, it
41:46
was happening to the cat just like it was to me.
41:49
Doughnut. I said, calling to the cat.
41:50
Stay with me. The cat being a cat, ignore me,
41:54
but I soon but I looked at her. I felt that same almost
41:58
imperceptible tingle I felt when I looked at the door.
42:02
I focused more tightly and an information box popped up over
42:04
the cat. Crawler number 4119 Princess
42:08
Donut, Level 1 race, Cat class not yet assigned.
42:15
I took a step forward, painfully aware that I was wearing Crocs
42:19
that didn't fit it. More tax assaulting me.
42:22
You have an designated crawler #4122.
42:27
You have been assigned the crawler name Carl.
42:31
You are assigned the race of Human.
42:32
You are currently level 1. You may choose a new race in
42:35
class as soon as you descend to the third floor.
42:37
Your stat points have been assigned based on your current
42:39
physical mental profile. See the stat menu for more
42:42
details. Menu.
42:44
I wondered how to pull a menu up, but before I could even try
42:47
to figure it out, I was balled over by a wall of tax.
42:49
Congratulations, you've earned your first achievement.
42:51
Crazy Cat Lady, you've entered the World Dungeon Company by a
42:55
cat. Isn't that sweet?
42:58
Reward You received a bronze Pet box new achievement Trail
43:02
Blazing Crazy Cat Lady, You're the first crawler to have
43:05
entered the World Dungeon accompanied by a cat.
43:08
You must really love that thing. Too bad you're both probably
43:10
going to die a horrible death at any moment.
43:14
Or maybe not. Look at the prize you just
43:16
received. Reward You've received a
43:18
legendary Pet Box New achievement.
43:21
Early Adopter. You're one of the 1st 5000
43:24
crawlers to enter a New World Dungeon Sucker.
43:28
Reward, you received a silver Adventure Box new achievement.
43:32
Empty pockets. You didn't bring any supplies.
43:34
None. You know you still got to read
43:36
right? Reward you received a bronze
43:39
adventure box new achievement. Why aren't you wearing pants?
43:43
You enter the dungeon wearing no pants.
43:45
Dude, seriously. Reward, you receive the gold
43:47
apparel box new achievement on armed combat.
43:52
So you're just going to wasss right into something called a
43:54
World dungeon? You're not even going to bring a
43:56
weapon. You're either brave and you look
43:59
or you're just an idiot. Good luck with that Van Damme.
44:03
Reward. You've received a bronze weapon
44:05
box. New achievement Loner.
44:09
You enter the dungeon without any human companions.
44:11
Did anyone teach you their safety in numbers reward?
44:14
None. Ha ha, you are so dead.
44:19
I stared at those last words as they fade away.
44:21
You are so dead. Donut was against wiping at the
44:24
air menu. I said out loud.
44:26
Nothing happened. Stats, nothing.
44:29
How the hell was I supposed to look at my information?
44:31
It said I'd received multiple. What loop boxes?
44:36
That sure as how it would sound like, which meant I had some
44:39
sort of inventory. I remember something from the
44:42
initial announcement, something about finding a tutorial guide.
44:46
Something about finding a tutorial Guild.
44:48
I looked up at the neon sign about 100 meters down the dark
44:51
tunnel. Would that be it?
44:54
I started to shuffle jog down the tunnel toward the blazing
44:57
sign. I patched Donut, who sat upon
44:59
the ground, licking her paw and rubbing it against her forehead.
45:02
After a moment, the cat seemed so to sigh and decide to follow
45:06
the neon sign. Read the tutorial Gill with an
45:09
arrow pointing down a thin dark alleyway.
45:12
I shuffled to stop the switch of my foot.
45:14
Falls echoed in the large empty tunnel appeared in the darkness.
45:18
It was pitch black in there behind me.
45:20
Donut me out with concern. I stepped into the alley.
45:24
New achievement, fall into an obvious trap.
45:27
Reward. Well, if there's a heaven and
45:28
you haven't been too much of an asshole, maybe they'll let you
45:31
in because you're about to meet your maker.
45:37
He's such an asshole. So, so later on, he's not an
45:42
asshole anymore. He's just like, you know, he,
45:45
he's really sassy about it. So this is the AI who's just
45:50
like, OK, you're getting achievements and you're getting
45:52
rewards. So like, obviously he's just
45:57
messing with him. And I was like, you know, oh
45:59
shit, you survived this long, I might as well be nice to you
46:01
then. You know, that kind of thing.
46:03
But I see he's like AI is like that with everybody, the new
46:07
people, all, everybody that's joining in.
46:10
And he's probably doing that thing too, like be mean and
46:15
everything to everybody that's there.
46:20
Three lights flipped on, blinding me.
46:22
I covered my eyes and took a step back.
46:24
Something mechanical hissed and what sounded like a steam engine
46:27
roared to life. Three lights slipped on,
46:35
blinding me. I covered my eyes and took a
46:37
step back. Something mechanical hissed and
46:39
what sounded like a steam engine roared to life.
46:42
I heard laughter, high pitched and squealing.
46:45
I turned and I ran. Both of my pink rocks went
46:47
flying as I turned down the main tunnel, headed away from where
46:50
I'd come down the stairs. Donut yelled and rushed after
46:53
me. So this is where he lost the
46:55
trucks, right at chapter 2. They're gone.
46:59
All right, now we know he's barefoot.
47:02
I has edited a look over my shoulder and saw the contraption
47:05
rocket out of the alleyway, almost crashed into the far wall
47:09
and then slowly start to back up and turn facing me.
47:13
The machine was the size of a tractor and ran on threads like
47:15
a tank. The thing was built out of
47:17
mismatch 2 rusting hunks of metal and it was looked at if it
47:20
would fall apart at any moment. A spinning spike covered wheel
47:24
dominated the front of the death machine.
47:26
On top of the tractor 3 green huge humanoid monsters stood
47:29
screaming and pointing in my direction.
47:31
Each of those monsters looked to be about four feet tall and was
47:34
dressed in leathery crack rags. Winniped to be wearing a kitchen
47:38
pot on his head. He grunted and screamed as he
47:40
worked the controls for the tall machine.
47:43
Black smoke billed from several pipes, the spinning wheel weird
47:46
or even faster as the machine right itself and stared started
47:50
barreling toward me. A tool tip popped up.
47:53
Goblin murdered though their contraption.
47:55
A goblin built steam powered machine designed to melt down
47:58
and slaughter unsuspecting dungeon crawlers.
48:00
I hope you up to date with your tetanus shots.
48:03
Three more tool tips popped up over the three writers. 2 of
48:06
them read Goblin level 2, Small, green and smart.
48:10
With goblin's lack of physical strength, they make up for
48:12
impure spunk. The third goblin, the pod's head
48:16
and driving the machine had a different description.
48:19
Goblin Engineer Level 3 engineers the insults of the
48:22
goblin world. They have a hard time finding a
48:24
date, which makes them extra angry.
48:26
If there are any females in your party, they will attack them
48:29
first. So the goblins say females.
48:33
All right. I didn't have time to think
48:36
about the stupidity of the jokes or the fact I was for the first
48:40
time looking upon a group of real live monsters trying to
48:42
kill me. I rushed down the hallway and
48:44
reached another junction. I could go three ways forward,
48:47
right or left. Right was another half lit
48:51
hallway, about half as wide as the last, but still plenty big
48:54
enough for the goblins to follow.
48:56
Left let into the dark, left LED into a tight dark hall that'd be
49:02
way too thin for the bulldozer. The obvious choice would be to
49:04
flee down the dark hallway. I paused, it was too obvious of
49:08
a choice. I sensed another trap.
49:10
I couldn't go straight because the next junction was too far
49:12
away and the machine would catch me for sure.
49:15
I turned right, donut followed, choosing to stay by my side,
49:18
which was very UN donut like behavior.
49:20
This hall was only as wide as a regular Rd. with a smooth 15
49:23
foot ceiling. Green looking like Rouse green,
49:28
green looking like growth glowed in the brick walls and ceilings,
49:33
giving the tunnel an odd glow. Behind me the goblins wheeled as
49:36
they struggled to maneuver the murder dozer.
49:38
This thing had a wide turning radius and it would take them at
49:41
least a minute to pursue. I had another group of junctions
49:44
appeared, but just before the intersection, I spied a single
49:47
plane wooden door belt into the wall.
49:49
A simple sign was attached to the wall above the door.
49:52
The words were painted the same color as the dark red rigs of
49:54
the wall and I could barely read it.
49:56
A red tutorial Guild. The words were in that same odd
49:59
language. The moment I read the sign, a
50:02
glowing green box appeared highlighting the name.
50:04
New achievement you discovered in red and artificial dungeon
50:07
sign. Wow.
50:08
You can read whoopee reward. All official dungeon signage
50:15
will not be highlighted in an easier spot.
50:17
Nearby Guild will appear on your mini map.
50:20
A mini map? I really needed to figure this
50:23
out. Behind me the murder dozer had
50:25
gotten stuck in the corner and on one of the level 2 goblin was
50:28
shouting and he beating on the pot helmet of the engineer.
50:31
It would look like a stick. The third looked at me and shook
50:34
a fist. Would they follow me to the
50:36
Guild? I didn't know.
50:37
I grasped the brass door handle and tried to run it.
50:40
Turn it, I didn't open locked. What the hell?
50:43
I said, banged on the door. I banged on the wooden door.
50:47
Hey, I called, is there anybody in there?
50:49
The two level 2 violence seemed to give up on waiting for the
50:52
people to negotiate the right turn, and they hopped off and
50:54
started jogging toward me. They were unarmored, but both
50:58
wielding would appear to be wooden sticks with a pineapple
51:00
on the end of it. They catch up in a minute.
51:03
Next to me Donuts started to growl in his.
51:05
From behind the door I heard the rattling of chains and turning
51:07
of locks. The door cracked only pulling
51:10
open part way. A single chain remained keeping
51:13
the door from openings. Rider.
51:15
A bearded rat like creature appeared in the doorway.
51:17
I could barely make out his features but he was about to
51:19
head shorter than me, so taller than the goblins but not by
51:23
much. What do you want?
51:24
The voice said. You mobbed ain't allowed in here
51:27
you know that. Hey this is a tutorial.
51:29
Good right? The thing I said I was supposed
51:31
to go in there. The eye wide unless it looked at
51:34
me. You're you're a crawler.
51:37
Wait. The rat creature stepped back as
51:39
if to get a better look at me. I was immediately reminded of
51:41
Master Splendor, the rat sensei from Teenage Mutant Ninja
51:44
Turtles. You are by his left hit.
51:48
We opened up and I didn't even noticed.
51:51
I must have slept through the announcement.
51:53
Nobody tells Mordecai anything. There used to be a newsletter.
51:56
It was delivered every few cycles.
51:57
Reliable scam be, but then just stop budget cuts.
52:01
I'm guessing there was cutting corners.
52:02
I started. We were opening for another two
52:04
years. Hey, let me in.
52:06
I interrupted. I turned to face the two goblins
52:08
who jogged up to stop. One moved to my left, the other
52:11
moved to cut off my retreat. Open the damn door.
52:13
I cried. Linda Goblins said something to
52:17
Rat Man behind me the door, whose name appeared to be
52:19
Mordecai. I can't understand the goblin
52:21
language. It was grown since weeks.
52:23
Mordecai responded in the goblin language.
52:24
They both laughed. Sorry Crawler, you took so long,
52:28
Mordecai said. Thought the Mordecai said
52:31
through the door. Chain door.
52:33
I can't open if they are mobbed directly outside.
52:35
Rules are rules. I took too long, I said.
52:38
I moved to a fighting stance. One of the goblins fainted,
52:41
swinging at me with this club. The pineapple at the end of the
52:45
club fell off with he swung it and he hit the ground with a
52:48
splat. The goblin cursed and kicked it
52:51
away. I took a step back.
52:52
Donut stood between my legs, hissing and spinning.
52:55
At least tell me how to open a damn door.
52:57
At least tell me how to open those damn loot boxes.
53:00
Mordecai was silent for a moment, as if he was
53:02
contemplating on whether and how to tell me.
53:04
It's in the awards and boxes tab in your inventory menu.
53:07
The rat man said. But you can't access it yet,
53:09
kid, How do I get access to the inventory menu?
53:12
Then the second goblin, the one who still had a pineapple on the
53:16
end of his Dick, swung at me, missing by a wide margin.
53:19
Up close, the goblins look much like they did in movies and
53:22
video game. Short, green, mostly bald, with
53:25
pointed ears, angular phrases, and sharp teeth.
53:29
I briefly wondered on that. It seemed the aliens are
53:31
whatever knew a whole lot about Earth mythology and lore.
53:35
Far behind me, far behind him, the murder dozer had finally
53:38
backed up properly and had us straightened out.
53:41
It rumbled down the hallway toward us.
53:43
Yeah, you got to complete the tutorial.
53:46
The pineapple goblin swung at me again.
53:48
I waded into the globe past the apex of his arc and stepped in,
53:51
hit the goblin square in the nose with a jab, and then left
53:54
the a left hook to his right temple.
53:57
It crumpled to the ground in the heap.
53:59
A bar appeared over the creature's head the moment I hit
54:01
it. A health bar.
54:02
I realized it hadn't appeared until it took damage.
54:05
The bar went down more than halfway, turning from green to
54:08
red. The goblin had more than half of
54:10
his life drained. I clocked it pretty good, but
54:13
not that good. It was like I just punched a 10
54:15
year old. The second government looked at
54:18
his friend open mouth, then turned and ran back toward the
54:22
dozer. My fist ache.
54:24
I hadn't been in an actual physical fighting years.
54:26
Most of my time as a Coast Guard man was aboard a cutter as an MK
54:30
technician. I was never involved face to
54:33
face with any sort of real law enforcement.
54:35
That says most people I encounter who'd been ever been
54:38
in the service didn't realize that we trained as much as we
54:40
did. People thought of us as
54:43
glorified lifeguards. They had no idea how much.
54:46
They had no idea how much we trained in hand to hand combat.
54:50
How do I, hell, how the hell do I do that if you don't open the
54:53
door? I yelled as I kicked down the
54:55
home goblin. The ribs.
54:56
I felt a satisfying crunch. Can't you just let me have
54:59
access now? Doesn't work that way, kid.
55:01
More, the guy said. We can just have untrained
55:03
crawlers wandering around the Sungen, you know?
55:06
Besides, you can't open boxes unless you're in a safe zone,
55:09
and unless you're a complete idiot, you can probably guess
55:11
you're not in a safe zone right now.
55:14
The goblins how far had moved deep into the red, but he wasn't
55:17
dead yet. A distant part of me just seemed
55:19
horrified that I was planning on killing this thing.
55:21
Despite his weapon, he was incredibly easy to hurt.
55:23
But one glance up at the bulldozer, which had stopped to
55:26
pick up the second goblin, relieved me.
55:28
I have any potential for Red. I put my hands on the either
55:31
side of the unconscious goblin's head and it smashed down on the
55:34
stones. I smashed down again and again
55:36
until his house bar completely drained away.
55:38
Hey, hey. Mordecai yelled.
55:39
Hey, stop, who's starting you on anyway?
55:42
I asked, whirling on the creature.
55:44
But then I realized the rat wasn't talking to me.
55:46
You can't come in here. He was saying, his back now
55:49
turned donut. He was talking to the God damn
55:51
cat. She had decided she had enough
55:54
of this hallway and wandering to go through the crack door, a
55:58
whole wall of new cheap notifications speed, along with
56:01
a couple other new notifications.
56:03
But instead of auto playing like they did before, they appeared
56:05
those little messages in the upper left of my screen.
56:10
I sensed I could mentally click on them, but not now.
56:13
The AI or whatever the hell was running the circus seemed to
56:16
know that right now is not an opportune time to cover up my
56:19
Steiner site with game bullshit. Not with the real danger
56:23
barreling down on me. Open the fucking door.
56:25
I cried. Kid, get your creature more.
56:27
Guy said, turning toward me, a strange hint of panic in the
56:30
rat's voice. I'll get in trouble if they find
56:32
out I let a crawler sneak against the rules.
56:35
Open the door. I repeat it.
56:36
Look, it's clear, but it won't be in about 5 seconds.
56:40
Let me in. The door slammed, the last chain
56:44
rustled, and then it opened all the way.
56:46
I rushed inside. Just the murder doser barreled
56:48
by, swirling directly over the bloody corpse of their friend.
56:51
The brakes screamed, but the dozer continued its forward
56:54
momentum sliding on the body as it smeared down the hallway.
56:57
The two columns turned and met my ass, and I flipped them both
57:00
off. They squealed and raged as I
57:01
slammed the door. Damn, I love it.
57:08
All right, so yeah, chapter 3 to 4 is long, so I'm a stop right
57:18
here. But we meet Mordecai who is a
57:23
rat splinter, I guess from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
57:30
That's what he described him as and he's the tutorial Guild, I
57:34
guess. All right, so he's a tutorial
57:36
Guild. Like no guessing.
57:37
We know what's what's coming up. We meet Mordecai, who is the
57:43
tutorial Guild, and obviously he can't open the door because
57:50
there's danger outside. Like you can't let the danger
57:52
in. But one of the Commons come out
57:58
and Carl hits them over the head and that's when he realizes in
58:03
the video games like, oh, you know, health bar.
58:05
So like he does what he does in video games and starts beating
58:09
it so the heart bar can go away. And it's done.
58:15
The dangers now over so he tells Mordecai to open the door if
58:19
Doughnut is the one that sneaks past in and stuff.
58:25
And she's she's probably like, you know, I've had enough of
58:29
this mumbo jumbo talk. Let us and you foul mouse
58:33
creature and being the queen that she is, the Princess
58:37
Doughnut that she is, she decides to just say screw it.
58:43
I'm going in like she say it's her.
58:47
It's her book. She's the main character.
58:48
Obviously she saved both her she saved she saved Carl basically.
58:54
So there it is. All right.
58:57
So this is the the the second chapter.
59:02
I think I was right into it. I was on chapter 3.
59:07
I was starting to read chapter 3 and I said I I am so in I I'm in
59:11
here. I'm like in a cult now because
59:13
everybody keeps saying if like once you enjoy the book, you're
59:16
in a cult. It's like, yeah, it feels like
59:18
that. That's when I started looking up
59:19
things, looking up when what the next chapters are called and
59:24
everything. And you know, looking up stuff
59:27
on TikTok and they're pretty funny.
59:31
They're pretty funny stuff. Yes.
59:37
Think that about it for this one and everybody that just that's
59:43
watching this. Thank you for stopping in and
59:45
hanging out with me and listening to this and me ramble
59:49
on about my favorite book so far and what I think about it.
59:58
So you all got to hear chapters one and two and you know, let me
1:00:03
know what you guys think and I'll do more of it.
1:00:06
Maybe I'll do some more quieter versions of it.
1:00:13
I also have a podcast as y'all can see that's like I'm not
1:00:16
putting this on the podcast, but you know if if it's maybe if
1:00:22
it's good enough, maybe if you guys enjoy it and maybe I will
1:00:25
put it on the podcast. I'll have it as an episode of
1:00:28
separate episodes and we'll do like separate episodes, solo
1:00:31
episodes of this and you know, might as well do it, you know.
1:00:38
So for those that don't know, the podcast is called my third
1:00:42
place podcast and three Pi go live on YouTube, TikTok and all
1:00:49
that. Usually around Thursdays.
1:00:54
I mean Saturdays, Saturdays, I'm sorry, Saturdays and the show
1:01:00
goes on Spotify on Sundays. Sometimes on Wednesdays.
1:01:05
I record on Wednesdays when there's the premium live event
1:01:08
going on on that Saturday or that weekend.
1:01:12
So we do an episode on Wednesdays and we do
1:01:14
predictions. Me and my team of two other
1:01:20
people. Menace is with me on Wednesdays
1:01:26
and then Greg is with me on Saturdays.
1:01:30
So yeah, usually on TikTok, if you guys want to stop by my name
1:01:36
on TikTok is Evolution of a Geek.
1:01:38
I'll have it in the show notes so you guys can come out and
1:01:42
follow and hang out on. Like I said, I'm reading chapter
1:01:46
the book too, and I'm so invested in it and I'm just like
1:01:50
reading it in the chat and everything.
1:01:52
They're all like into it as well.
1:01:54
And that was chapters one and two of dungeon crawler Carl.
1:01:58
The apocalypse has officially begun, Carl has entered the
1:02:01
dungeon, Princess Donut is already judging everybody, and
1:02:05
somehow this story has gone from Guy in Boxer's holding a cat to
1:02:08
intergalactic death game reality show in record time.
1:02:15
I couldn't I can tell this series was going to get wild
1:02:18
from the start and it was pretty fun.
1:02:21
It was a fun ride for the book 1 if you enjoyed the style of
1:02:26
episodes. Kind of laid back late night
1:02:29
book club mixed with whisper deck storytelling.
1:02:33
Let me know because if enough people buy with it, I might make
1:02:37
these live reading recaps and discussions of the regular
1:02:40
fixture here on the podcast. Who knows?
1:02:43
The full reading session for chapters 1 and 2 will also be
1:02:45
going up on the YouTube channel, so check the show notes for the
1:02:49
link if you want the full experience.
1:02:51
And if you really want the raw first time reactions.
1:02:54
I've been reading Dungeon Crawler Car live over on TikTok.
1:02:57
We hang out, chat, react in real time and descend deeper into the
1:03:02
dungeon together with interactive commentary from the
1:03:05
community while I experience the story for the very first time.
1:03:08
It's fun. So you want to want to leave you
1:03:11
a few. So if you want to witness the
1:03:13
chaos live, pull up until next time.
1:03:17
Whether you're listening at work, driving home late at
1:03:19
night, sorting comics, grinding levels, or trying to survive
1:03:22
your own dungeon crawl out there in the real world, Thank you for
1:03:27
spending time with us here in the 3rd place, The place that's
1:03:31
not home, not work, but somewhere in between, we can all
1:03:35
hang out together. This has been the M3P podcast
1:03:38
where community, creativity and just the right amount of chaos
1:03:44
always collide. See you next time.