Latest / Darren “Whackhead” Simpson’s prank calls on Kfm Mornings / Whackhead Prank: Testing the super fan

Transcript

Whackhead Prank: Testing the super fan · Darren “Whackhead” Simpson’s prank calls on Kfm Mornings

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: Okay, so the only way I can describe this prank
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: today is anticlimactic.
• 0:04
  Speaker 2: How? Why?
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Was it a flop? Because I know you're not shy
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: to share your flops. No, not at all.
• 0:09
  Speaker 2: I get so far. Mm-hmm.
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: And I'd like to describe it as this man has
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: a great ability at pattern recognition. I see. Quite the skill.
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: He was going, going, going, and then I was gone.
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: He identified something. You pushed it too far. No, no, no, no.
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: You'll hear. Okay. You'll hear what I mean by pattern recognition. Okay,
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: so let's get into it. Yes, sir. Hi, it's Patrick here.
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: I'm calling you from North.
• 1:05
  Speaker 2: Yes, sir.
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: Regarding the booking for tomorrow.
• 1:09
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: Let me just cut straight to the chase here. Okay,
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: we see that it's booked in for a third time
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: now for the wheel bearings.
• 1:16
  Speaker 2: I've replaced them. This will be the sixth or seventh time,
• 1:18
  Speaker 2: I think.
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: Have you replaced it at different North?
• 1:22
  Speaker 2: The one where I bought the vehicle first, I replaced it,
• 1:24
  Speaker 2: I think, two or three times there, and the rest
• 1:27
  Speaker 2: was here by you.
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: Look, let me tell you what the problem is here, okay?
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: The car has hit 60,000. Yes. You're going through wheel
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: bearings every 10,000 k's. Correct. This is just not on.
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: We can't just, at our cost, keep giving you new
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: wheel bearings when you are mistreating them. I'm listening. It's
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: a case of ill-treating your vehicle at our expense.
• 1:54
  Speaker 2: I'm sorry to hear about your problems.
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: Well, what do you mean sorry?
• 1:57
  Speaker 2: I bought this vehicle brand new. And therefore, I feel,
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: and I've got record of it, that every single time
• 2:06
  Speaker 2: the wheel bearing became faulty, it was repaired.
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: Cars get recalled for common faults, all right? Now, let
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: me tell you, this is not a common Bantam fault.
• 2:16
  Speaker 2: It's a defect part, okay? It's a defect part, all right?
• 2:19
  Speaker 2: Manufactured by Floof. It's a defect part on Floof.
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: So what do you.
• 2:23
  Speaker 2: Therefore, you cannot come to me and tell me the
• 2:26
  Speaker 2: story about... It's not on.
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: Six times when the car comes in, it's like, oh, yes,
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: this oak again with the wheel bearings. Okay.
• 2:35
  Speaker 2: Hold on. Let's just do this.
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: Do you even have a license?
• 2:37
  Speaker 2: Please, just listen to me. I will get hold of
• 2:40
  Speaker 2: your head office, right?
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: And....
• 2:44
  Speaker 2: I'm boiling right now. Give me two seconds, please. I'm
• 2:47
  Speaker 2: about to scream at you.
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: Look, it's people like you that make our companies run
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: at a loss. And by the way, I am calling
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: you from head office, okay?
• 2:56
  Speaker 2: Can I just stop you there?
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 2:58
  Speaker 2: All right? Hello, Darren.
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: What?
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: Can I just say something to you very quickly?
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 3:11
  Speaker 2: Keywords, people like you. Darren uses that in every one
• 3:15
  Speaker 2: of his pranks. I'm the biggest fan you can find.
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: And the minute that Darren says people like you.
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: You are shitting me.
• 3:27
  Speaker 2: I am not.
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: Dude.
• 3:28
  Speaker 2: I am your biggest fan, my friend.
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: I was not aware of people like you.
• 3:35
  Speaker 2: You use, that is your key word. The second I
• 3:38
  Speaker 2: heard people like you, I knew it was you. You
• 3:42
  Speaker 2: are brilliant.
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: Dude, you're killing me. You have got to be, Lyle,
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: the sharpest guy that I have ever called to pick
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: that up.
• 3:55
  Speaker 2: I have never missed a racket yet.
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: Oh, my man. And you were at the tipping point.
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: You were right there.
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: I was right there.
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: How smart is that guy? Sure, but talk about a
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: super fan. That guy deserves, as you say, his flowers. No,
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: he's just a massive fan, Darren, and he knows your ways.
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: People like you. I fear you may be too famous
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: for this now. No, are you joking? Are you joking? Oh, dear,
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: we're in trouble. No, people said that 15 years ago.
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: They said that 15 years ago. You're going to have
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: to find creative ways to navigate the pranks now. You
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: get like these little crutch words, these little bad habits.
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: But it's more than just a crutch.
• 4:43
  Speaker 3: It's very effective on your pranks.
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: People like you, there's a reason you use it. It's infuriating.
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: He pushes the buttons. It's like, tell a lady, shh,
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: in a fight.
• 4:58
  Speaker 3: Just calm down.
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: Just relax, little lady. Just calm down. Calm down. It's
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: not the end of the world. All trigger words. Is
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: it that time of the month? Come on.
• 5:17
  Speaker 2: Is it though?
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: It must be, Brad.
• 5:21
  Speaker 2: Brad, can I speak to the man of the house, please?
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: Can you just control your hormones, please? Because it's people
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: like you. My eyes are flashing. People like you. Is
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: this perimenopause? You're only 35, but is this perimenopause? Where's
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: the man of the house?
• 5:39
  Speaker 2: Can I speak to the man of the house? Hmm.
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: Okay, listen, brother. You were fantastic. You really were. That
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: was super smart and well picked up. I've now banished
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: that from my vocab. It's Dermot Kennedy with Turnstile here
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: on KFM Mornings. 23 minutes after 8 o'clock. Good morning, Wednesday.
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: It is Wednesday. Just Tuesday. Sorry, I lost the day.
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: My day ahead is Tuesday.
• 6:04
  Speaker 2: Tuesday.
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: Tuesday. Tuesday. Let's get some of your messages on from
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: the prank this morning. Give that guy a coke, brandy,
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: and a lot of ice. Yo, people like you. Dad
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: and everybody knows your voice. You must change it, man. Listen,
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: wheel bearings. You can't put wheel bearings on a small
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: car if you have big wheels. Just give him that advice, please.
• 6:30
  Speaker 3: I think I'm the one. Also like that guy, Darren
• 6:33
  Speaker 3: would never prank me. He would never prank me because
• 6:37
  Speaker 3: I've been following all his pranks from the day one
• 6:41
  Speaker 3: from January to December.
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: He would never prank me. Please prank that guy. Those
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: are such famous last words. Okay. Well, pop me an email.
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: Darren S. at kfm.co.za.
• 6:57
  Speaker 2: Those were my wife's famous last words too.
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: Yes, they were. And you pranked her. They were. Just
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: takes the right moment, right context, and the right story.
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: That's right. Okay. Let's squeeze a song. We've got news
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: and sports coming up in just a sec.