Latest / Pathological Positivity / The Best Investment You’ll Ever Make – Episode #711
Transcript
- This is Live On Purpose Radio episode 711, the best investment you'll ever make. Now is the only time to create and live the life you love. I'm doctor Paul Jenkins, the positivity psychologist. My job is to connect you to powerful positive psychology principles that immediately upgrade your relationships, business, and mental health. Are you ready? Let's jump in. Hello. Welcome back to Live On Purpose Radio. I am doctor Paul the shrink who expands your life. What if the greatest investment that you could ever make has nothing to do with money? In this episode, let's get into one of the most remarkable findings from the eighty plus year Harvard study of adult development. Are you ready to jump in? It's what we hoped. You know, the... This finding surprised some people, but I think there are others who intuitively knew that this was the case and now it's being borne out in the research. This study has been going on now for more than eighty years. It has looked at thousands of lives and relationships now. The conclusion? The greatest predictor of a happy, healthy, satisfied life is the quality of your relationships. And notice this is not what a lot of people might have assumed, that it's about your achievements or it's about success as measured in some other way. Really, the most meaningful thing that it comes down to for people is the other people, their key relationships. My sister has a pillow, a little throw pillow out in the visiting area of her home, one of those little front rooms that you visit people in. And it says this, the best things in life are not things. Sometimes we spend enormous amounts of effort accumulating things, But the things we treasure most can't be bought, like trust or love, friendship, family, belonging, those relationship assets. I did an episode not too long ago about how wealth and money aren't the same thing. They're often correlated and associated with each other, but it's not the same thing. The truly wealthy person is surrounded by meaningful relationships. And it's interesting in this Harvard study that that seems to be true across demographics. And so it's not just about people who are wealthy or people who are in the poverty level. It it seems to span across different demographic groups. And I believe that the definition of wealth is when you love your life. And what the study is pointing out to us is that you tend to love your life the most when you are surrounded by meaningful, connected, healthy relationships. Now a little disclaimer here because not all relationships are created equal because you don't have to look very far to find toxic relationships that suck the joy out of life. And why do we get into those? See, I think we have such an innate need as social creatures to connect with other humans that sometimes we do that to our detriment. And so we'll spend a minute, later on talking about what a healthy relationship looks like. K. But let's let's frame this as an investment for just a minute. Relationships are investments. Now the title of this episode, the best investment you'll ever make. And according to the study, this is the best investment you can make in your personal happiness and wealth. And I believe that there's some economic correlates to, but remember, we're talking about wealth as it relates to loving your life. Think about other investments. Every investment includes deposits, right, where you make contributions, withdrawals, where you get some return, compound interest, now that's an interesting thought to apply to relationships, the the investments that we make in a relationship, like listening, expressing appreciation, practicing the nine principles. I know I've shared those in other episodes too, but as a quick recap, positivity, values, humility, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreation. These are the principles that establish and maintain successful relationships, and they're powerful. Powerful principles. Even that first one, you know, positivity. That's my whole career. Right there. I've developed models, psychological models explaining what that is and it's not just think positive. You know, the tripe, fluffy version. It's really understanding how to operate the equipment of your own mind and then secondarily, how that interfaces with other human minds because those are the people that you're going to have the relationships with. How are we doing with our investment? Years ago, I got to meet and interact a little bit with, one of my favorite songwriters. His name is Michael McClain, and he wrote a song with this title, are you giving the least to those who matter most? Now that's a powerful question. Many of us unintentionally or maybe on purpose give our best energy to our clients, to our work, our career, and the families get the leftovers. Are we giving the least to those who matter most? So who's getting the best version of you? And does that jive with your key relationships, the ones that are really the most important to you? You remember, perhaps that the the previous episode here at Levon Perpstra Radio was about negativity and how there's there's a power almost in negativity that we have to watch out for. The title of that episode was the gravity of negative thinking because negativity can sap the power of the positives that we're trying to add in. This is a little vexing, a little troubling to me because I also know that light always wins. Think about a dark closet. For example, you open the door to a dark closet and what happens? The dark rushes out and fills up the room. No. The light rushes in and displaces the darkness. There is power in positivity. But the problem with negativity is that it tends to consume. It's a consumer, not a producer. It's a consumer, and so it tends to suck up some of the positives that we bring to the table. Think of a relationship, for example. You hear 10 compliments and one criticism. What's the effect? Now we'd like to say, oh, well, we're gonna focus more on the compliments. No. We won't. You... And it's because of the design of your brain. Remember, your brain's main job is to keep you safe. And to do that, it's always safer to identify and focus on the threat than it is to identify and focus on the friend. Both are important. Okay? But just developmentally speaking and from an evolutionary standpoint, our brain has evolved to keep us safe. And so we will hone in on and notice and carry with us a negative more than we will a positive. And that's just the nature of our existence. So being aware of that, we get to be a little more intentional about piling on the positives and reducing the negatives. So it would be reasonable, right, to say, well, if you wanna have a better relationship, if you really want to invest in your key relationships, add more positive interactions. Yes. And sometimes, we need to pay a little attention to eliminating criticism, contempt, chronic distraction, or endless scrolling. You know, the doom scrolling on the little device that interferes with some of your relationships. Or resentment, defensiveness, assuming bad or evil intent. One criticism can erase many compliments just because of what your brain is programmed to pay attention to. One sarcastic remark can undo hours of connection. It reminds me of the poem that I quoted in my book, called Builders and Wreckers. I'm not sure if that's the actual title, but that's kinda how I refer to it in my mind. It's written by Charles Benvigar, and it goes something like this. I watched them tear a building down, a gang of men in a busy town. With a ho heave ho and a lusty yell, they swung a beam and a sidewall fell. I asked the foreman, are these men skilled as the men you'd hire if you had to build? He gave me a laugh and said, no, indeed. Just common labor is all I need. I can easily wreck in a day or two what builders have taken a year to do. I asked myself as I went my way which of these two roles have I tried to play. Am I a builder who works with care, measuring life by the rule and square? Am I carefully laying a well made plan and then patiently doing the best I can? Or am I a wrecker who walks the town content with the labor of tearing down? This is what the positivity model is for. And it's not just adding the positives. It's combating and reducing the negatives. Positive relationships don't result because we live life perfectly. I think they are built intentionally and and brick by brick at little by little as we choose a different approach. Peace, confidence, hope, all of those are available within relationships. Sometimes the highest return on an investment isn't about earning more. It's about stopping the leaks. So I invite you as we wrap up this episode today to consider these three questions. Who matters most to me? Just think about that. What investment in that relationship have I been postponing? What negative pattern could I remove this week on purpose? You know, at the end of our life, nobody's gonna come and measure our success by what we accumulated. Like that bumper sticker that says, whoever has the most toys wins. They're going to remember how you loved, how you served, how you invested in the people around you. The best investment that you can ever make isn't even about your financial statement. It's in the relationships that you nurture every day. Are you ready to go apply this? It's time. Let's go live on purpose. Did you get what you came for? Give yourself the gift of taking real action on what you realized today. Please share this episode with someone you know would value it, and leave us a rating too. It's time now to live on purpose.