Latest / feel your feelings with Ethan Jewell / stop romanticizing your pain.

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stop romanticizing your pain. · feel your feelings with Ethan Jewell

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  Stop romanticizing mental illness.
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  When I was going through the worst time in my life, I thought
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  that everything was totally fine because of this weird romance
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  that we hold within suffering. Pain is comfortable, pain is
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  romanticized. It's this beautiful thing.
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  The suffering artist is encouraged.
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  So I thought in order to grow, in order to create art, in order
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  to be me, I needed to be suffering.
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  But this couldn't be further from the truth.
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  As I've healed, I've unlocked new parts of myself, parts of
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  myself that I thought were lost forever and that I love so
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  dearly. My name is Ethan Jewell and
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  welcome back to Feel Your Feelings.
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  This is another episode of Talk About IT Tuesdays where I'm
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  gonna read you a poem that I wrote while I was suffering the
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  most and talk about That Feeling.
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  Today's poem is called This Isn't Helping.
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  Don't post positive quotes. That doesn't help me.
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  I'm severely ill and you're not helping.
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  My mind is twisted and you're not helping.
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  My body is bleeding and you're not helping.
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  Because this illness isn't cute. It's not for writing beautiful
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  poetry. It's not for singing pretty
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  chords. It's not for you to be there for
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  me. It's not for me to be
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  understood. This isn't helping.
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  None of this is helping. There's no worse feeling than
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  being unable to get out of bed, struggling with your mental
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  health so much that you can barely function and somebody
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  just sends you a positive quote or tells you to smile, or tells
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  you to just get outside. It is an impossible feeling when
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  you don't want to live, you don't really want to do anything
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  except just sit in bed except just rot away.
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  And it is very, very difficult when the entire world is trying
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  to help you, but nothing helps when there are people
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  legitimately with good intention trying to get you to heal.
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  And you just can't accept it because it's not realistic.
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  And that's my biggest issue with this whole thing is this
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  unrealistic view of how mental illness works.
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  We almost romanticize it through these simple steps that we have
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  to go through. You know, you can heal your
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  mental health so fast if you just get outside, if you just
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  exercise, if you just eat better, you know, fix your gut
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  and you can fix your mind. There's so many simple ways to
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  do this, but it's not simple. There's nothing simple about
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  pain. There's nothing simple about
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  trauma. There's nothing simple about
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  mental illness. And the sooner we can accept
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  that, and the sooner we can accept how complex the journey
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  is, the sooner we can begin to heal.
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  Trauma cannot be solved by an Instagram quote.
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  Deep rooted internal pain cannot be solved by taking deep
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  breaths. Complex mental illnesses cannot
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  be solved by drinking enough water.
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  Yes, these things can be helpful, but when they're shoved
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  down your throat, when you're struggling with your mental
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  health, it almost feels insulting.
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  I can barely get out of bed. What do you mean I should start
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  exercising four days a week? And yes, there is some real
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  truth behind these things. I know there was some studies
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  coming out about how exercise can be almost as effective as
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  antidepressants, and that is incredible.
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  But the problem is getting to that point.
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  So we need to stop romanticizing the process of healing your
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  mental health so much. We need to stop romanticizing
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  mental illness. We need to stop saying that it
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  is simple, that you can get there quickly.
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  Because we have to accept the hard reality that it is hard.
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  And I tell you this not as a doctor, not as a professional
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  who has studied this, but as somebody who has been depressed,
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  as somebody who has been there. I remember sitting in my bed and
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  all day I would consume mental health content.
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  I would watch podcasts, I would watch videos.
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  And I would see all of these people telling me how I could
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  quote, UN quote, fix myself, how I could get better and when none
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  of it worked. When they're romanticized
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  versions of healing, When writing in a little journal,
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  when going on a walk didn't fix me instantly, I assume something
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  was wrong with me. Everybody likes to talk about
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  mental illness until it's real, until it's hard, until it's
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  gross. When I was depressed, there
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  would be days where I would go without showering, days without
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  getting out of bed, without brushing my teeth.
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  Because mental illness does that to you, and it's not pretty.
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  It's not something to be romanticized.
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  And when people face that realistic part of the mental
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  health journey, they turn away. It gets difficult.
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  It's hard to find real support through that and find real
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  methods to heal your mental health when you're struggling
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  that much. It's simply unrealistic, and it
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  will lead you to be convinced that something is wrong with you
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  because all these quick fixes just aren't working.
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  So what do we do? I will tell you exactly what I
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  did in order to heal. I had to stop convincing myself
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  and others that my mental health was doing just fine.
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  I had to stop romanticizing the fact that I was sick.
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  I had to stop attaching my identity to my mental health
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  struggles. I had to accept the fact that I
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  would be healing for a very, very long time.
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  Because these social media posts, these podcast gurus, they
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  try to make it seem like this easy step by step program, but
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  real healing is hard. And it's in the quiet moments.
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  The real work is when you're by yourself and you've spent years
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  getting to this moment and you will get there.
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  I've gotten there. And I know it might kind of
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  sound contradictory because on this podcast, I often talk about
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  the little steps. I talk about trying to keep
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  moving forward. And the big difference is the
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  mindset. I know it sounds ridiculous, but
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  truly mindset means so much when you're trying to heal your
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  mental health. So instead of seeing journaling
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  as the thing that's going to save you, instead of seeing
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  drinking enough water as the thing that is going to help your
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  mental health immensely in this moment, think of it more as a
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  future investment. This is why I always preach
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  start ridiculously small to form habits over time.
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  So instead of thinking I'm going to journal out all my thoughts
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  today and it's going to help so much.
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  Instead try journaling just a little bit, a couple of lines, a
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  couple of thoughts or or struggles that you've been
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  having. By doing this, it switches the
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  expectation from this beautiful, dramatic, unrealistic
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  expectation that doing some journaling will just magically
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  help so much, and instead makes the expectation that you are
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  trying to just form a habit a healthy habit.
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  This is what helped me the most. Over one 2-3 years I formed
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  small little habits every single day and instead of thinking them
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  as the thing that was going to help me the most, I instead just
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  thought about doing a favor for myself.
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  And I started so ridiculously small that it became easy over
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  time. There's comfort within
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  suffering, but there is no peace.
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  I know how it is to attach part of your identity to that
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  suffering and to romanticize it and do not want to take those
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  little steps, but you are capable.
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  You are so much more than your mental health struggles.
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  Just because that pain is comfortable, just because it
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  feels safe, because you've been there for so long, doesn't mean
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  that you have to stay there. There is a whole world outside
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  of this pain. There's a whole world outside of
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  the suffering, and it just takes one small step at a time.
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  So start ridiculously small. Start one habit today and then
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  do it again tomorrow. Start so small that it feels
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  like it won't make a difference, and slowly over time it'll build
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  up. I feel like these past few
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  podcasts episodes, I've sounded like a bit of a broken record.
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  I've continued to push this idea that you have to start
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  ridiculously small, but I'm pushing it because I feel like
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  it's so important and it's what I personally do every single day
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  to this day. Six years into my mental health
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  journey, I add to my habits just a little bit every day.
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  I try because that's all we can do.
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  We need to stop romanticizing this journey.
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  We need to be realistic about it.
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  And instead of just saying, oh, maybe journaling will be the
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  thing that helps me the most. Instead, we can say, I'm going
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  to journal a little bit today to hopefully help me tomorrow and
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  the day after. I'm going to take a little bit
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  better care of my body today in order to help me tomorrow.
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  And yes, sometimes the Instagram quotes are helpful.
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  Yes, sometimes the romanticized content can be comforting, but
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  you can't find your identity with that.
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  We need to have realistic expectations, and I don't mean
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  to come in here and just be a total downer about consuming
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  content. I think it's very helpful to see
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  support, even if it's through a silly little social media post.
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  I think that that is important, but we cannot root our entire
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  mental health journey within that.
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  So if the poem at the beginning of this episode felt relatable,
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  just know you are not alone. And that feeling of
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  helplessness, that feeling of feeling like something is wrong
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  with you does not hold any power.
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  There's nothing wrong with you, you are just figuring out
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  difficult feelings and you can start one day at a time, cut
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  down all the romance and truly do the work.
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  You are capable of healing. That's going to wrap it up for
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  today's episode. Thank you so much for being
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  here. If you like this podcast and
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  want to support it, one of the best things you can do is get
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  this book right here. I feel everything all the time
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  by Ethan Jewel. Only get in the description
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  along with my merch. Also, if you need help feeling
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  your feelings, you should check out my music on all platforms
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  under the name of Ethan Jewel. I almost guarantee it'll make
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  you cry. So thank you so much for being
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  here. Thank you for listening to my
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  little rant about taking mental health realistically.
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  Thank you for understanding that you are capable of going one
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  step at a time, even when it feels like nothing else is
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  helping. And as always, thank you for
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  feeling your feelings. I'll see you next time.