Latest / Something to Say / Ep 01: "Auntys Gonna Aunty"

Transcript

Ep 01: "Auntys Gonna Aunty" · Something to Say

• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: Hello! Oh my god! Welcome to Something to Say with Me, Kari Bhaj.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: AK Amritha.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: And I am just so excited for today.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: I'm feeling really good.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: It's my first day really sitting down fully and properly with my entire setup for this new podcast after having a great conversation with my one of my longtime friends, one of my best friends and producer, Zayna.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_00: Shout out Zaina.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_00: It's just something I've been wanting to do this, and maybe you listen to the previews where I first recorded, but this is my first real episode, my first real recording that's gonna come out with something to say.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: And I am just really excited to be back doing this.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: It's something that means so much to me, just as an outlet, a way to get things off my chest.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: And I my hope is that it reaches more people and inspires people.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, I'm just after a break, after a six-month break, this feels really good.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_00: And it just took sitting down, having a friend tell me that they're totally following what I'm saying, all the ideas I'm putting out.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: And I finally sat and I was like, let me get it together and let me just start because I know I want to do it, and I know once I started, it's gonna be it's like working out.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: If you take a break and you're like, oh, life is getting a law and I can't get to the gym or whatever, then you stop and then you get back into it.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: The first one might be a little, the first workout is a little rough and tumble.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: But then after that, you're like, cool, we got this, we're back in it.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: It's like that.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like it took a little bit of, I took a break and I was doing a bunch of other things.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: I had other priorities in my life.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: And now that I'm sitting down and just here with a new setup, if you've seen any of my other podcasts or heard anything, I don't know if anything sounds different, but things definitely look a little different.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_00: And I am just, I don't know, I'm just really excited to be here and to share with everyone.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: The this podcast is gonna be a little bit, a little different from Masala Musings, my my older podcast, and They Diaries, which is another brief podcast that I did.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: It was like a trial situation with House of Davy.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_00: And I decided that because I'm just generally really chatty, yes, I'm gonna have my topics and all that stuff, but I am also gonna start off by just rolling out however I'm feeling things that are on my mind, just say things.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, I think it also gives it a fun little timestamp of what's going on in my mind, what's going on in my life, and maybe what's going on in the world.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_00: Right now it's raining outside.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_00: There's a little thunderstorm.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_00: So if you do hear claps of thunder in the background that don't get edited out, that's what that is.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: If you hear meows, that is my kitty.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: That's my kitty cat.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: Her name is Hara.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: I just adopted her, like oh my god, it's been like two weeks officially, but I've had her since the beginning of the year as a foster.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: And gosh, I'm so in love with this baby.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_00: She's just so cuddly and so cute.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_00: And she's like sitting in the big chair in my room, in this office room, just snoozing.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: But every now and then, because it's just me and her, I feel like every time I get on the phone, or I talk out loud and I'll talk to her so much.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: So I feel like every time I get on the phone or I'm engaged in conversation with someone, she'll just meow back, or sometimes I tell her to stop yelling at me because I feel like she just starts meowing at me, and I'm like, I'm not talking to you.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_00: Which I think offends her, but she's a cat.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, what does she know?
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_00: No, I'm kidding.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_00: But yes, that having I'm now officially a cat lady, which I was before because I love cats, but I officially have one now to call my own, and she just brings me so much joy, and it's like having I I'm not gonna equate it to having a baby, but it's all like a human baby, but also she's my baby because I am like, I gotta work and put food on the table for you.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: And she's been like, she's had a couple of ailments, and I'm like, oh my god, my poor baby, and how many medications she's on.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_00: She hasn't even turned one yet.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_00: She turned one like five days before I adopted her.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: So she turned one, then I adopted her.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: It was because she was finally like medically cleared and all I like feel it so much, and when I have to leave her and go to work, and she like watches me as the door closes, I'm like, oh my god, I'm so sorry.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_00: Bye.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_00: I love you.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_00: Does anybody else say goodbye to their pets before they leave?
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_00: Let them know you love them.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_00: I I either turn on the TV for her, uh, I put on cat TV, or I play music for her.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: And I will almost always leave treats in like I'll put them in hiding places so that she can be, she'll be motivated to go different places around, either up in her cat tree or in my office or in my bedroom, and just be like looking for them and engaging with that.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_00: Just because she deserves it.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: She's the bestest little girl, even though sometimes she does annoy me, like like all pets and children will do, is that I love you, but you're annoying.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: That's just how it is.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_00: But anyway, that's about Hero, my little kitty.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_00: What's going on in the world right now?
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_00: There's so much.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: Today, oh my god.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so the day of this recording is also gonna be Stephen Colbert's last episode of the late show.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: And I have been to his show before.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_00: It was god, I I can't even.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_00: It was definitely almost it wasn't 10 years ago because he's only been on air for like 11.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_00: But it was definitely before I moved.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_00: It must have been it must have been roughly 10 years ago.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_00: I think 2016 or 2017.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: Something like that.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: I'm trying to remember because I had bangs.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_00: I had bangs, I had fringe bangs, and that was quite a choice because I also have a I have a cowic on one side.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: So to have fringe bangs in the front of my face where there's also a callic, which means that my hair still stands, it doesn't go down, it just stays up, was quite the choice.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_00: But that's what I remember about that.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: Anyway, huge fan of him, and I even I went to the show with my brother, and then my brother recently turned 30, and I gifted him tickets to the show.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_00: It was a whole workaround that I did not factor into consideration.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_00: But him and his best friend turned 30, and I was like, I don't know what to get you, so here's tickets to a show.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_00: It's good that's gonna end soon.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_00: And so they both went and it was cool.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_00: I was really glad I got to do that and it worked out for them.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_00: And they got to check out his show.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_00: They were in the they went to the show where Jimmy Fallon came.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_00: So they kind of got a two for the price of one almost situation.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_00: Two hosts in one show.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_00: So today's that, and I have been like, I think like other people who are a fan of him, waiting with Baited Bruff to see what, or just see what are the last few shows gonna be like.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_00: And yeah, tonight's the last one, and I'm kind of nervous for him.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_00: But I'm also excited to see what else he does because he's definitely someone who's gonna do more stuff.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_00: Of course he is.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and also something that's recent is as of a couple, I guess now it's a little bit of old news, but I did post about this the JP Morgan scandal situation with the accuser, Chirayuranu, Chirayu, excuse me, with the accuser, Chirayurana is someone I knew in college or from col from my college days.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_00: He dated my uh freshman year suite mates.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_00: We had sweets that meant we had three rooms and whatever.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_00: Essentially, my roommate or one of my roommates from freshman year dated her.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_00: She nicknamed him Chi.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that's funny because if you're South Asian, you get it, because chi is something that you say either it's like a shame or a you.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: Like if a baby's running around without their diaper and you're like, Gi, where are your pants?
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_00: Oh no, look at you.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_00: Or like someone says something like really like a really like gross joke, or something you're like, chi, what are you saying?
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_00: Like, why are you like why are you saying that?
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_00: So I just I thought it was funny.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_00: I thought it was funny, and he listened.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_00: The photo that's circulating of his is not does it's not a great photo.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_00: I I don't know if he is making it up or not.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_00: I know that's the big joke, is that like or I don't know if it's a joke necessarily.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_00: I just I'm referring in my head to Josh Johnson on the Daily Show making fun of him, being like the guy made it up.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know what's true or not, but I then I didn't know him that deeply in college.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_00: I do remember seeing him, and he's a soccer player, and he's tall, like buff.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_00: And I think what and he was clearly obviously brown, he is Nepalese.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_00: Uh and so I was like, oh, he's brown, and I remember just being like, oh, that guy's really cute, like seeing him in the dining hall or something like that.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_00: Then the roommate who also played soccer, uh all of a sudden, like this man was like in my dorm, and I was like, what?
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_00: And it turns out that they were dating.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, oh, alright, whatever.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_00: And she said that she called him G, and I was like, cool.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and then later at the end of college, uh, of our college years, he lived.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_00: I we both lived in the same apartment off technically off campus, and he was my upstairs neighbor.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, oh, what's up?
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_00: And honestly, again, no other real personal opinions about Triu, like deep running opinions of him or his personality or anything like that.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_00: But he was a better upstairs neighbor than my current upstairs neighbor is.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_00: So they're still pretty courteous.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_00: I never really had a problem with him, or also maybe it was college and the rules were different, and I'm like 35 now, so maybe I just have a lower tolerance of nonsense or whatever.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, but yeah, I posted a video on my grid, and if I if you've been following me at all for an amount of time, whether it be long or short, I never really post anything super topical.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, I don't like using trending audio because I believe that the it gets stale quickly.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you'll get the numbers, but then nope, it's not like anybody cares for the rest of your content.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_00: And I like to my whole intention is to talk about things that are helpful and relevant to the person, to people who have similar thoughts as me, are the similar are similar age as me, similar interests or whatever, similar feelings, similar predicaments as me, which is my whole intention.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_00: So I think doing something trending doesn't necessarily always land because I'm also not the kind of person who's always constantly, consistently putting out content just because that's just not my jam.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_00: So when I so I don't really do anything trending, I'll find something that I might find an audio that I like and then save it and then use it when I when it so inspires me.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_00: So that was my first time when I posted about Tri, that was my first time riding the wave of the new essentially the news cycle and what was gonna be trending, what was gonna be out there.
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_00: And I put it out and I got I got trolled so hard.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_00: I had people calling me fat, which I did respond to just because that whole thing, the guy that called me moti, meaning fat, I was like so bothered by it but for a whole day, and then I was like, whatever, I'm over it.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_00: And but the but me responding about that and putting a whole video out about that has to do with body image, which is something that I'm not gonna go into today, but it is something that sat deeply with me, and then I was like, I'm gonna talk about this real quick and put out content about that because that is something that's more my lane where I'm like, I'm gonna talk about the fact that I have body image issues.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_00: But the funny thing is that once even though even like when I call myself fat, I'm being so mean to myself, but when someone else calls me fat, I'm not like, yeah, I am fat.
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, fuck you, nope, I'm not.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_00: Or even if I am, who cares?
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_00: Get off my get out of here.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_00: It's not for you.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, but yeah, I got, and people were like, oh, I just wasted my time here.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_00: They called me out for because at the end I was like, oh, I have a new podcast coming up.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_00: Because I knew it was gonna land on a bunch of people's timelines.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, if they make it through the entire video, which most of the time most people don't make it through the entire thing.
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_00: It depends on, I guess that it depends on the content.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_00: And I said that on the back end, I was like, oh, by the way, follow me, I have a podcast coming out.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_00: And people are like, ugh, how desperate.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, or marketing.
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe I know how to market because now you've seen it, and whether you think I'm riding this wave or not, you've now engaged with my content by taking the five seconds to write this comment.
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_00: And when this podcast does come out and I post about it, you're gonna know.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_00: Sips tea, literally.
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_00: My cup has little lemons on it, and if you see behind me, there's a lot of lemon motifs, and I've talked about my lemon thing.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_00: My necklace, gifted to me by Zaina, also has a lemon on it.
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_00: But yeah, if you listen to the other episode or the preview, I talk about why the lemons.
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_00: Shout out to my therapist for calling me a lemonade queen, and that's what this is all about is just trying to share my life lessons, share my lemonade with people.
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_00: And on that note, though, on the whole triu thing, I want to talk about being judgy.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_00: That's today's topic.
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_00: I that's what I have to say today.
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_00: I have to say being judgy or passing judgment is something we all do, right?
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_00: It's in our nature.
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_00: I think it's something that we do ref reflexively, like it's a reflex to pass judgment, and that it's our conscience that tells us how we should react, or tells us how we won't tells us how to react.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_00: Some people judge and act poorly as a response.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_00: Some people judge and keep it to themselves because they know it's not an out loud kind of thought, or or they know who their safe space is, their safe place to pass that judgment without then being judged again.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_00: And in in a line with my Curry Bacha persona, this podcast is always gonna have a Sex in the City reference.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_00: But talking, thinking about that and the characters, my first thought was Samantha.
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_00: Samantha is her choices are often judged because she's promiscuous and she's very she's opinionated with a capital O.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_00: Pun intended.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_00: Night.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, that was a good and also as a result of her being so opinionated, her judgment of others is also very harsh.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, I think just going as just based on that how independent, how fiercely independent she is, and again, how heavily opinionated she is as well.
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_00: So she is both harshly judged and I think judges harshly.
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes depends on the depends on the thing, right?
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_00: Like sometimes with Charlotte, she's just kinda because I think Charlotte and Samantha are like the light in the dark.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_00: I think about when Samantha was hosting a party and she's dressed kinky, but then Charlotte shows up just wearing the cute outfit and he and she's just a regular outfit, and she's but I told you to dress kinky, and she goes, I kinked my hair.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, that's so funny.
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_00: Because of how opposite they are, and so yeah, so I think also Charlotte is always is almost always first to judge Samantha, and then Samantha is first to judge Charlotte's choices because hers are because Charlotte's choices are prim and proper, I think.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_00: Like when she decides to be a stay-at-home mom rather than work.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_00: Kind of, I guess actually, probably Miranda also really judged her for that.
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_00: And then, yeah, again, we know Samantha is being super promiscuous, sleeping around a lot, and even she she called herself a trisexual.
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_00: At one point, she said, I'll try anything, you know, and she gets judged for that.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_00: So, yeah, but I think as a society, I think on the note of judgment, I think as a people, as a society, we need to learn how to give grace and try our best not to immediately judge people.
• 18:13
  SPEAKER_00: I know it took time to learn how to maybe keep judgment inside and give grace instead.
• 18:22
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I might have an immediate reflexive thought about something that I don't agree with or don't like or whatever, but then I've learned that maybe it's not something I need to say out loud.
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_00: I can just keep it to myself.
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_00: I was just talking with a colleague of mine about how some friends will learn the giving grace at different times and stages.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_00: They may not give grace when you need it, but then you learn to give grace when they need it, and then they will then learn that oh, I could have given better grace, and now I know, and now I understand where and how I can get that grace and maybe move better moving forward.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_00: And I know I've experienced that in my life, and I even had an instance where some friends shared their opinion or something with me, assuming that I would agree with them, and when I didn't, I just politely told them, Oh, I understand how you're frustrated, I but I see it differently, and I may not be the best person to give or not give feedback, but have your back on this instance, and then you would just agree to disagree that oh, we just don't see it the same way, and that's giving grace rather than being like judgy of ooh, oh, why would you even think that way?
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_00: That's unnecessary.
• 19:46
  SPEAKER_00: And I again I have been that person where someone's I've made this decision and I'm like, allow me to give you my I'm judging you on it, and then I'm gonna give you, I'm gonna share that with you.
• 19:57
  SPEAKER_00: And for me, I've learned that I've learned it the hard way, that okay, maybe you don't need to, as long as it's not directly affecting me.
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_00: You can disagree with a friend or a loved one or anything like that, and then just agree to keep it to yourself.
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_00: This is also how I've I I feel like my relationship with my dad has gotten better.
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes he'll say some things where I'm just like the judgment is wants to fly out of my mouth, and I'm just like, I have argument, like I want, I'm ready with things to say.
• 20:33
  SPEAKER_00: And it used to be me, very much used to be me, and it would spark an argument, and then we'd have we would just yell at each other, and now I'm just like, you know what?
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_00: As long as it has nothing to do, as long as his thought and his opinion and his whatever has nothing to do with me, I may be like, it's that's a crazy thought, or that's a crazy choice, or that's a crazy whatever, has nothing to do with me, as long as it's not affecting me personally, I'm just gonna let it go.
• 21:03
  SPEAKER_00: And I definitely have a better relationship with my dad as a result, because I'm just able to just let it go.
• 21:11
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, I'll think to myself, or like my brother and I will talk about it and be like, huh, what?
• 21:19
  SPEAKER_00: But yeah, and we may safe person to judge with.
• 21:22
  SPEAKER_00: We may judge together, but then we're all like, we both get it, why it's weird, right?
• 21:28
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, cool.
• 21:29
  SPEAKER_00: But yeah, I've learned thanks to therapy and just years of life living, uh I can separate the core of the relationship or what I want, how I want that relationship to flourish, as long as that choice doesn't directly affect me, right?
• 21:47
  SPEAKER_00: That choice, that thought, that opinion, that whatever.
• 21:49
  SPEAKER_00: If it's not, if it's not influencing their that person's treatment of me or how we get along, then it's not my business.
• 21:59
  SPEAKER_00: You do you boo, but don't do it to me.
• 22:02
  SPEAKER_00: And if it does somehow come to me where I'm like, I don't love this, then a healthy relationship, I think, whether it's a romantic or a friendship or with a part whatever, with kids, whatever it is, it can just be like, hey, can we talk about where that is coming from, that choice or that reflex or whatever, where that's coming from?
• 22:25
  SPEAKER_00: It's not sitting well with me, and I just want to understand.
• 22:29
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that that kind of relationship, romantic or otherwise, like I said, will stand the test of time of you just being able to say, Hey, I'd like to talk about that.
• 22:38
  SPEAKER_00: So I can understand better.
• 22:39
  SPEAKER_00: And so that you can figure out how to give that grace, right?
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_00: I have had moments where I'm just trying to understand someone, and I'll be like, I may not like something that they say, but then I'll be like, Where's that coming from?
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_00: And they'll explain.
• 22:53
  SPEAKER_00: I'll be like, I see.
• 22:55
  SPEAKER_00: I see why.
• 22:57
  SPEAKER_00: Again, may not agree, but instead of combating them uh about it, just letting just trying to understand.
• 23:06
  SPEAKER_00: A friend of mine always says, Oh, just be curious about something, come like coming from a place of curiosity.
• 23:10
  SPEAKER_00: If something does rub you the wrong way, you can always be like, Why?
• 23:13
  SPEAKER_00: Where's that coming from?
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_00: Instead of like immediate judgment, which again, I know reflexively, we sometimes are like, but that that reflex of oh, I'm judging, could always just be like, I wonder why that person is saying it that way.
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_00: And you find out by asking, honestly.
• 23:30
  SPEAKER_00: But like I said before about my brother and I being the safe place to judge, judgment can sometimes be bonding.
• 23:38
  SPEAKER_00: Take Indian aunties, for instance.
• 23:40
  SPEAKER_00: They love to judge everything, and they always love to get together and they bond with each other.
• 23:44
  SPEAKER_00: Why am I not married?
• 23:45
  SPEAKER_00: Why do I have such a list of demands and my prospective future partner?
• 23:50
  SPEAKER_00: Nothing seems wrong with me.
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_00: But why can't I find a husband?
• 23:55
  SPEAKER_00: No, auntie's gonna auntie.
• 23:57
  SPEAKER_00: But also, I'm now an auntie.
• 23:59
  SPEAKER_00: My friends have kids, and the most auntie thing I think I do, or I I don't know if I do it or if it's just our collective group.
• 24:09
  SPEAKER_00: I have a small group of friends.
• 24:10
  SPEAKER_00: Ironically, the small group of friends, one of them has a three-year-old who I see all the time.
• 24:17
  SPEAKER_00: And we are so auntie with each other sometimes, where it's like, and the most auntie thing that we do is that even after spending five hours with each other, at the door or in the parking lot, we still have another 30 minutes to an hour of conversation with our keys in our hands, wearing the chupples, just talking.
• 24:39
  SPEAKER_00: We've had full outfit discussions at the door on the way out.
• 24:45
  SPEAKER_00: Those friends who are listening know who they are.
• 24:48
  SPEAKER_00: But it's funny because then I think about it all the time because I remember when I was a kid and we'd go to Budgeons with our families and stuff, and eventually we would say, We know our parents come looking for us, and we're like in someone's room upstairs.
• 25:04
  SPEAKER_00: Parents come looking like, okay, are you ready to go?
• 25:05
  SPEAKER_00: Because we have to go, and we're like, Oh man, but then also we know we've got another 20 minutes before we actually have to go because they'll either be talking or whatever, and they'll keep calling you from upstairs, hey, come now, that's it, we're going, let's go.
• 25:19
  SPEAKER_00: And you're like, Well, yeah, 10 minutes.
• 25:21
  SPEAKER_00: We can finish up either the game we're playing or whatever we're talking about or whatever.
• 25:25
  SPEAKER_00: So it makes sometimes I like when it's happening, I just laugh.
• 25:30
  SPEAKER_00: But then I also love to live in that moment where I'm like, Yeah, some things are just it's just how they are.
• 25:36
  SPEAKER_00: But also, it's funny because I being an Auntie, it also depends who's calling me Auntie, right?
• 25:43
  SPEAKER_00: Tangent.
• 25:44
  SPEAKER_00: I am an Auntie to my friends' kids, but also I do some work in a dance in the in my dance school.
• 25:52
  SPEAKER_00: And so usually I'm Amritha Akka, and Akka just means big sister, and so I'm like, yeah, I have no problem being everybody's big sister.
• 26:00
  SPEAKER_00: As someone who is also a big sister, I'm like, yeah, I got you.
• 26:04
  SPEAKER_00: But when someone says Amr the Auntie, and I'm like, no.
• 26:09
  SPEAKER_00: Are you under the age of 10?
• 26:11
  SPEAKER_00: If you were under the age of 10, I will accept it.
• 26:15
  SPEAKER_00: But if you are over, don't call me auntie.
• 26:19
  SPEAKER_00: Cue poo from K3 Dreaming, don't call me Mossy.
• 26:23
  SPEAKER_00: Don't call me auntie.
• 26:23
  SPEAKER_00: You don't need to.
• 26:24
  SPEAKER_00: You can call me Aka.
• 26:25
  SPEAKER_00: Don't call me auntie.
• 26:26
  SPEAKER_00: But yeah, uh, but speaking of being safe space, judgy aunties, uh, I guess the the previous channel, like my aunties, I'm like, we're not that kind of aunties.
• 26:37
  SPEAKER_00: My friends and I who are aunties, I think the way that we're aunties is we're less judge judgy of other people's lives and how they're living it.
• 26:45
  SPEAKER_00: But I know my little group of friends, we're all dance judgy.
• 26:49
  SPEAKER_00: We're all classically, as a dancer, you it becomes easy to meet other dancers.
• 26:56
  SPEAKER_00: But I find that we have all become very dance judgy and we live off of that.
• 27:03
  SPEAKER_00: It's so fun to be judgy about it.
• 27:06
  SPEAKER_00: And so now instead of judging, like I said, people's lifestyles, we're judging how dancers are not taking things as seriously as we used to, or maybe like our moms made us focus on dance in XYZ way, and so therefore, there's this finesse and there's this quality, and there's this respect, and there's this all.
• 27:28
  SPEAKER_00: But then kids today don't have that level of finesse and don't have that level of care and respect for the art or the time that it takes.
• 27:39
  SPEAKER_00: So we will sit and judge harshly about that.
• 27:42
  SPEAKER_00: We go to a show and we'll be like, it wasn't very good.
• 27:46
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe not often, but not often in the sense like we're not often going to a show just to be like it's not very good.
• 27:53
  SPEAKER_00: Or actually, no, we never do that.
• 27:54
  SPEAKER_00: We'll just see it and be like, oh, that was good.
• 27:56
  SPEAKER_00: Or sometimes we'll be like, no, that was it needed more finesse and it needed more this, and why was it?
• 28:03
  SPEAKER_00: We'll be judgy like that.
• 28:05
  SPEAKER_00: And it's fun.
• 28:06
  SPEAKER_00: So then it does make us sound old when we're like, we just don't understand kids today and how they don't put in the same kind of effort, or they don't, or maybe they're not subjected, but it's all the gentle parenting thing, which is not I'm not poo-pooing gentle parenting.
• 28:20
  SPEAKER_00: I just think it's crazy that as someone who is also actively involved in a dance school, when I'm trying to be actively involved in present and putting in time and commitment for things that parents of kids who have been subjected to be part of the same production that I'm in will not give that production the same level of importance that my mom used to enforce on me.
• 28:48
  SPEAKER_00: And so then I'll be like, sometimes the gentle parenting has gone too far, and what do you mean they don't have to practice?
• 28:55
  SPEAKER_00: Or what do you mean soccer is more important?
• 28:58
  SPEAKER_00: Like school, yes, is more important, but also you also wanted them to be part of this program in production, so you have to show up.
• 29:06
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, so I will judge those things, but also again, I keep them quiet.
• 29:10
  SPEAKER_00: I don't go to those parents and like, listen, here's what I think.
• 29:15
  SPEAKER_00: I talk to it about other I we I judge with my other friends who agree.
• 29:21
  SPEAKER_00: We all share the same opinion, and we talk about that.
• 29:25
  SPEAKER_00: Believe it or not, I have also had instances where I've tried hard not to judge harshly, and I tried so hard to not judge that it pushed me to anxiety and made me feel like I was a bad person for expecting something else, and I've had these moments as a single person where I feel like my partnered friends are not able to make space for me, and then reflex kicks in and I start to judge.
• 29:58
  SPEAKER_00: Then I stop and tell myself, okay, you don't know what it's like to have a husband or in-laws or children that are all your top priorities or pulling you in a particular direction.
• 30:10
  SPEAKER_00: You can't punish friends for that.
• 30:11
  SPEAKER_00: Learn to understand, learn to be considerate, stop it.
• 30:15
  SPEAKER_00: And while I stand by that to some degree, right, that's the that's me giving grace.
• 30:20
  SPEAKER_00: My therapist helped me acknowledge that it's still very okay to be bothered and understanding at the same time.
• 30:28
  SPEAKER_00: You can give grace and still be upset.
• 30:32
  SPEAKER_00: Because both can be true and both can be valid.
• 30:36
  SPEAKER_00: And if you needed to hear this, I'm telling you.
• 30:40
  SPEAKER_00: The two things can be there.
• 30:42
  SPEAKER_00: And they can come, they can exist at the same time.
• 30:44
  SPEAKER_00: Especially now when I have other married and mom friends who can make space for me and actively do, and even passively do.
• 30:52
  SPEAKER_00: And by passively, I may not see them often or chat with them all the time, but once in a while, I either will think of them and check in, or they will do that with me.
• 31:03
  SPEAKER_00: And that is such a beautiful thing to just be like, yeah, it's not all the time, but know that I think of you, and I make that effort, but then yeah, but then I do have friends, or and it's not to say that I don't like those friends anymore.
• 31:21
  SPEAKER_00: It just becomes one of those things where friendships change.
• 31:24
  SPEAKER_00: Not every friendship is meant to last your entire lifetime.
• 31:29
  SPEAKER_00: So while some do, some stand the test of time.
• 31:32
  SPEAKER_00: Some you do have a moment of judgment, and then you go, okay, you know what?
• 31:36
  SPEAKER_00: I need to understand where this came from because it's not sitting well with me, and then you can have a healthy conversation, or you can just say agree to disagree and move on.
• 31:44
  SPEAKER_00: Some really do stand that test of time, and others just in my particular instance that I'm mentioning is I tried and I was considerate and I tried and then I got anxious, and I tried smaller.
• 31:57
  SPEAKER_00: Then, like, okay, maybe instead of trying like giving a hundred, let me give 50, and then I was like, let me give 20.
• 32:04
  SPEAKER_00: And when things just simply don't work out, and the other side doesn't try at all, then it's also okay, sometimes that's just life.
• 32:15
  SPEAKER_00: And uh especially after years of convincing myself that oh, I shouldn't be so judgy and all that stuff.
• 32:24
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, yeah, that's fine to not judge, but also do what's best for you.
• 32:28
  SPEAKER_00: That's okay.
• 32:29
  SPEAKER_00: That's okay to just do what's best for you, and it's okay for friendships to gradually go in their separate ways.
• 32:37
  SPEAKER_00: And it's I don't know if you've seen this quote out there on the interwebs, but I really do love it.
• 32:43
  SPEAKER_00: It's I still want you to eat, just maybe not at my table.
• 32:47
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe not friendships in that especially especially in that exact context, but it's like I still wish these people well, and it's if a friendship doesn't work out, it's not because it's like we had a whole fight and it's a terrible thing, and that it had to be a formal breakup.
• 33:03
  SPEAKER_00: It's just more of, you know what, it seems like it's not really working, and despite all the attempts, we just have different lives now.
• 33:12
  SPEAKER_00: And so my life went is was going in one way and their lives are going in another way.
• 33:17
  SPEAKER_00: And I do also think it's very important to have friends in your life that are on this in the same have the same chapter as you, right?
• 33:26
  SPEAKER_00: The friends that you make in college are obviously in the same chapter as you at that point.
• 33:31
  SPEAKER_00: But I think as you become an independent person, and there's not a factor like classes where you're seeing each other all the time or something like that, and you're just maintaining friendship, it's like things are gonna change, lanes are gonna shift in people's lives, priorities are gonna shift in people's lives.
• 33:46
  SPEAKER_00: And when you make friends as an independent person outside of factors like school or class or whatever, I think it's important to find those friends in different either hobbies or different interests of your life so that you have that anchor, but also it's like, I think as a single person, it's it is important for me to have single friends.
• 34:04
  SPEAKER_00: Just because it's it will help, it helps me.
• 34:10
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna say it for my own context, that it helps me feel less alone.
• 34:14
  SPEAKER_00: Like I can talk to someone about something and they just get it.
• 34:19
  SPEAKER_00: Or my little complaint, however little it may be, the person, the other friend who also doesn't have a husband and kids and in-laws and etc., like they're just gonna get it.
• 34:30
  SPEAKER_00: They're just gonna be like, yeah, as you should be upset about that.
• 34:33
  SPEAKER_00: Now, I'm not saying that my married friends or fret mom friends don't get it.
• 34:37
  SPEAKER_00: It's just different.
• 34:38
  SPEAKER_00: It's just different.
• 34:40
  SPEAKER_00: And I it's something that I tell people, I'm like, you you should try to make friends who are in the same space as you.
• 34:45
  SPEAKER_00: I know if you know about the little brown diary on Facebook, I I very distinctly remember someone posting in probably maybe it was just a my cities group, uh, a woman saying, Hi, I'm a single person who just moved to the city and I'm looking, or I think she just like I'm new to the city and I'm looking to make friends, anybody else interested, etc.
• 35:11
  SPEAKER_00: etc.
• 35:11
  SPEAKER_00: Please reach out.
• 35:12
  SPEAKER_00: I'd love to.
• 35:13
  SPEAKER_00: And then I think a bunch of people were, I think there was a small, whatever, there's a group of people who said, Oh, my husband and I just moved, huh?
• 35:19
  SPEAKER_00: We'd love to meet up.
• 35:20
  SPEAKER_00: And she edited her post to be like, I am single, and while I have nothing wrong with meeting married people like people who are married, I would love to meet other single people right now.
• 35:34
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, I have so much respect for that because it can be hard.
• 35:41
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe, and also giving her grace, like maybe she had a bad experience and just needed some space, and I was like, I really don't want to be with a I'm making friends with someone who has a husband and all this other stuff that are gonna become priority.
• 35:57
  SPEAKER_00: I want to have girlfriends who are in the same page as me and the same chapter as me.
• 36:02
  SPEAKER_00: I know I at one point didn't want to be around a particular like one group of friends because everybody had a partner, and I was like, it's nothing against them, it's nothing against any other partners.
• 36:14
  SPEAKER_00: I just don't want to be surrounded by it right now.
• 36:19
  SPEAKER_00: And I had to do what's best for me, and again, nothing against them, stove them, their partners are great.
• 36:27
  SPEAKER_00: Just like I just don't want to be around it.
• 36:31
  SPEAKER_00: That's all I have to say for today.
• 36:33
  SPEAKER_00: I hope someone was out there listening who felt like they needed to hear it.
• 36:38
  SPEAKER_00: Especially if I don't know you or you don't know me, or you stumbled upon this, or however you came across this podcast, or my page, or me.
• 36:46
  SPEAKER_00: I hope you got to hear something today that just helped you or sat with you.
• 36:50
  SPEAKER_00: And that's why we all have something to say, and I think it's important we just say it because then we feel just a little bit less alone.
• 36:57
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah.
• 36:59
  SPEAKER_00: Uh thanks for hanging out with me, and I hope you look forward to the next one uh that's gonna actually feature a really cool guest who also knows a little something about being single and feeling singled out.
• 37:15
  SPEAKER_00: That's a little hint for you.
• 37:16
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 37:17
  SPEAKER_00: So stick around, stay tuned, and I hope you enjoy something to say.
• 37:23
  SPEAKER_00: Bye.