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Single & Set Apart: Patience, Surrender, and Dating in Your 30s · For Such a Time as This

0:04
SPEAKER_00: Welcome back to another episode of Christian Times that is a podcast about calling, timing, and trusting God in the season that you're actually in, not just the one you hope to be in.
0:14
SPEAKER_00: My name is Bethany and I'm your host.
0:16
SPEAKER_00: This season is our second season.
0:18
SPEAKER_00: It's called Single and Set Apart.
0:20
SPEAKER_00: So I'm talking to um Christian singles or people that were single kind of later in life but aren't single anymore.
0:28
SPEAKER_00: Um and I'm super excited for what you guys might learn in this season.
0:32
SPEAKER_00: Um, so let's just sit back, relax, and see what God might have for you in this episode.
0:38
SPEAKER_00: Hi guys, this is my friend Annie.
0:40
SPEAKER_00: We're here on another season of a first such time as this.
0:44
SPEAKER_00: I'm super excited to have you here.
0:46
SPEAKER_00: So let's just like jump right in.
0:48
SPEAKER_00: Who are you?
0:49
SPEAKER_01: Where are you from?
0:50
SPEAKER_01: Hi, um, so I'm Annie.
0:53
SPEAKER_01: Um, I am from just to get this out of the way, because it will come up.
0:58
SPEAKER_01: I'm I'm sure people will be guessing the entire time.
1:00
SPEAKER_01: And and no, I'm not from Australia.
1:03
SPEAKER_01: Um, and so I'm from South Africa and I am 36.
1:07
SPEAKER_01: Uh-huh.
1:08
SPEAKER_01: Um, we'll be 37 in June.
1:10
SPEAKER_01: And so yeah, getting up there in the years.
1:14
SPEAKER_01: Um, but uh yeah, and I've been in the US 10 years, and so um, yeah, that's like just my generalized story of like who I am and where I'm from.
1:25
SPEAKER_00: Perfect.
1:26
SPEAKER_00: Um, and then what's your what's your singleness journey been like, like in your adult life?
1:31
SPEAKER_00: Oh boy.
1:33
SPEAKER_01: Oh boy, um, it's been it's been a journey for sure.
1:37
SPEAKER_01: Um I have gosh, I'm trying to think like since high school of like when dating became a thing.
1:47
SPEAKER_01: Um, and I feel like in today's day and age, like dating becomes a thing so much sooner.
1:53
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
1:53
SPEAKER_00: Um I didn't even date until I got out of high school, but nowadays kids are that coming home from kindergarten and be like, Mom, boyfriend.
2:03
SPEAKER_00: You're like, oh.
2:04
SPEAKER_01: Um, and so I think like, you know, I think like officially dating, I think it was probably when I was like in the ninth or tenth grade.
2:16
SPEAKER_01: Um, but really, like even in high school, didn't really like the way that I would put it is that I really didn't feel like I had that much luck in in dating.
2:26
SPEAKER_01: Like I was surrounded by friends who did date and um and kind of uh was just in that mix.
2:35
SPEAKER_01: If I'm being completely like vulnerable and honest, like I I was in a pretty much like everybody at 16, 15, 16, had a supreme awkward stage.
2:47
SPEAKER_01: And um, and so I I feel like I just wasn't in a place where people found me very interesting or attractive or like wanted to be with me.
2:58
SPEAKER_01: And so I um just that just never really like happened in high school.
3:04
SPEAKER_01: And then after high school, I kind of like found myself almost and kind of like felt comfortable in my skin and who I was, and um, and then I moved to the US for the first time and wasn't up here and um that didn't that whole year just nothing.
3:24
SPEAKER_01: Um, and then when I got home, like I like met this guy, and it was probably the most chaotic start to my like dating like journey.
3:34
SPEAKER_01: So all that to say, I would say dating officially dating probably started when I was like 18, 19, somewhere out there.
3:42
SPEAKER_01: So I would consider myself a late bloomer.
3:45
SPEAKER_01: Um, but same is same.
3:48
SPEAKER_01: And so sorry.
3:51
SPEAKER_01: And so I but I feel like if I'm thinking back on it, like the dating and just my single, like they were just all these patterns.
4:01
SPEAKER_01: Like, how do I attach myself to this person?
4:04
SPEAKER_01: How do I make this like something that I want it to be?
4:07
SPEAKER_01: Um, no, all the words I'm using is I, I, I.
4:12
SPEAKER_01: Um, and so um the like the first boyfriend that I had, it was it was a mess because like, yeah, I wanted to be with this person.
4:23
SPEAKER_01: Um he kind of like just was very abrupt and um where I'm also the type of person of like, hey, I'm gonna call you out.
4:35
SPEAKER_01: Like, I don't like that.
4:36
SPEAKER_01: Like, I don't like you talking to me like that, especially in front of people, like in a restaurant in front of my friends, and I was like, absolutely not.
4:47
SPEAKER_01: And he was like, Oh, now that I look back on it, I'm like, dodged a bullet.
4:53
SPEAKER_01: Um, and I was 19 at the time, so it was it was definitely not a prayer, but like all that, like I've dated here and there.
5:03
SPEAKER_01: Um, and I will say, like, there have been portions of my dating journey that the Lord has been in it.
5:11
SPEAKER_01: And there's been portions of my dating journey where the Lord has not been in it.
5:14
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
5:15
SPEAKER_01: And um where it's that frustration of like, I'm I'm just gonna do this.
5:22
SPEAKER_01: I'm just gonna take hold of it and I'm gonna do it myself.
5:24
SPEAKER_01: Um and yeah, really not working out, not worked out really well.
5:30
SPEAKER_01: Um, and so I I think even until like I that I'm sitting here right now, I am like on this, not like I want to use the word desperate, but it's like intentional.
5:42
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
5:42
SPEAKER_01: An intentional moment of like, Lord, I have tried this myself.
5:49
SPEAKER_01: It is, it is not working, it is not um, it is not great.
5:54
SPEAKER_01: Um, to the point of, you know, just some real big heartbreaks of like you know, where you think you're gonna end up with someone, and it's this will work out that way.
6:07
SPEAKER_01: And um, and you just learn so much about yourself in that journey of like, what do I really want?
6:14
SPEAKER_01: Um, what do I really deserve?
6:16
SPEAKER_01: Um and how do I how do I cling to keeping the Lord in the center of it all?
6:24
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
6:25
SPEAKER_01: Cause it's so hard.
6:26
SPEAKER_01: Oh yeah.
6:27
SPEAKER_01: Um, and and so yeah, I like I will say it's been a roller coaster.
6:32
SPEAKER_01: That's probably the word that I really are words that I want to use.
6:35
SPEAKER_01: Um and even now like sitting here, like I don't have it all figured out.
6:41
SPEAKER_01: I am still trying to be like Lord, like you this, you have to do this.
6:47
SPEAKER_01: Like I cannot, it has to be different.
6:50
SPEAKER_01: Um, I'm in like I'm in a stage now where like that, I'm I'm literally sitting like this and going, I if I touch this, it's not gonna be great.
7:03
SPEAKER_01: So you have to do this.
7:04
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
7:05
SPEAKER_00: And so yeah, so do I think about I try, I go back and forth because like I want to always be in this.
7:10
SPEAKER_00: Like, go ahead, Lord.
7:11
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, but then I get impatient and I'm like, never mind, you're taking too long.
7:15
SPEAKER_00: Right.
7:16
SPEAKER_00: Something out, right?
7:17
SPEAKER_00: And then I try something, I'm like, never mind, go back, go back.
7:20
SPEAKER_00: Right, yeah.
7:21
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's all that like I am envision the Lord like doing this whole like okay, yes, Henry going, don't say I told you so, right, like kind of thing.
7:35
SPEAKER_01: And um, and it is it, and that's right, like I just love the word journey because it is it is a journey.
7:42
SPEAKER_01: It is like what lessons are you picking up along the way?
7:45
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, what um who are you learning things from?
7:48
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, as the Lord definitely puts people in your path that um I know I'm really grateful for um friends in my life and people like, hey, uh the these are things you wanted for yourself.
8:00
SPEAKER_01: Are you keeping true to that?
8:02
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
8:02
SPEAKER_01: Um, and um, and sometimes I'm like, Miller, and um like uh I had a conversation with a friend yesterday, and I was like, you know, when you say that to me, I figuratively want to throw punch you know, um, and she's like, Yeah, I could sense that.
8:19
SPEAKER_01: And I was like, but I know that I need you to tell me these things.
8:24
SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
8:25
SPEAKER_01: Or um, and so you need those people in your life that are themselves are Christ-centered and intentional and have their own journey, but are keeping you accountable to what you want, what you deserve, and what the Lord has in store for you.
8:41
SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
8:42
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I might think I'm I've learned to be like grateful the last like year or so of like I didn't get married young, I didn't get married to the guy I was dating when I was 19 or 21, or whenever.
8:54
SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, yeah, that was I'm glad I did that about that.
8:58
SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
8:59
SPEAKER_00: Thank you, Lloyd, for doing that.
9:00
SPEAKER_00: Because as much as it's hard to be like single in your 30s right now, I wouldn't want to be like divorced in my 30s either.
9:09
SPEAKER_01: No, so I'm like, I just no grateful for where I yeah, I I'm grateful.
9:14
SPEAKER_01: There are days where I'm like, I'm not great at all.
9:16
SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
9:16
SPEAKER_01: Right, exactly.
9:18
SPEAKER_01: And then there are days where I'm like, yeah, I'm I'm definitely grateful for the lessons I've learned about myself, about what's out there, um, about you know, just and and then just hearing the Lord's voice in in everything.
9:33
SPEAKER_01: And so um yeah, it's it's it's hard.
9:39
SPEAKER_00: What do you think?
9:40
SPEAKER_00: What do you think is the hardest part?
9:43
SPEAKER_00: Like if you want to pinpoint the hardest part of like being single in your 50s right now.
9:47
SPEAKER_01: The hardest part is all those around you like that are in a relationship, everyone around you, and you know, you get the comments of like, oh well, it's uh not always rosy, like yeah, on the it's always it's just a highlight real, or you're and you just see one aspect, and I'm like, yeah, but you still have that person, even when it's hard, you still have that person that wants to be in that hard with you.
10:16
SPEAKER_01: And um, and and so I'm like, it sounds terrible, but I'm like, does nobody want to be in the hard with me?
10:25
SPEAKER_01: Oh it sounds terrible, but um but I'm like if it is that's the hardest piece is like you know, going to the engagement parties and the weddings and the um the baby showers and the you know and the first and the birthday parties and being like, oh you can just look after the babies because yeah, you know, you don't have yeah, I don't have or like you know, your um from Valentine's Day is coming up and you know it's like, oh well you can yeah, do you want to be your your guy you do it?
11:01
SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, yeah, I want to waller in my self-pity with my ice cream and feel sorry for myself.
11:08
SPEAKER_01: I need time for that.
11:11
SPEAKER_01: Um, and so that is the hardest part for me is just being in it, like and going, okay Lord, where are you?
11:20
SPEAKER_01: What are we doing?
11:22
SPEAKER_01: Also, like I'm like mid to I'm now my late 30s, like in that later range.
11:32
SPEAKER_01: And it is like I won't lie, like I have this ticking time bomb in my head of like, okay, Lord, like I'm closer to 40 than I am to 30.
11:42
SPEAKER_01: I I want children, like I have a desire for children.
11:46
SPEAKER_01: Um, is that your desire for me?
11:49
SPEAKER_01: Like I, you know, um, and so and that's where the like I just need to I need to take the reins and I need to do it peace comes in.
12:00
SPEAKER_01: Um and it just I feel like it um makes it come out so much quicker.
12:05
SPEAKER_01: Yeah because of that.
12:06
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
12:07
SPEAKER_01: Um, but I think the first step is acknowledging like, hey, that's you you feel that way because of these things, like, and just like continue to lay that at the Lord's feet and be like, here it comes again, like I'm feeling that again, like here, um Lord, you you have it.
12:25
SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
12:26
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
12:27
SPEAKER_00: And I think I hear all late because even though I'm like a little bit younger than you, I um gonna share some like vulnerable things right now.
12:35
SPEAKER_00: But um I like my mom and my grandmother went into like men post early.
12:40
SPEAKER_00: So I um like figured out.
12:43
SPEAKER_00: I was like, let me go figure out go my egg kind of, and it's like, um, your I kinda's like what a normal 40-year-old is and not a 30-year-old, and love that.
12:53
SPEAKER_00: Um, so I'm also like, um God, I know like you can make it happen later if it needs to, but I'm nervous.
13:02
SPEAKER_00: Right, yeah, right.
13:04
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
13:04
SPEAKER_01: And it's like, how do you sit in that and and hear the Lord's voice?
13:10
SPEAKER_01: And being like, and that and that's something I I personally struggle with.
13:14
SPEAKER_01: I don't want to speak for other people, but I'm like, Laura, hear something.
13:19
SPEAKER_01: Is it me?
13:21
SPEAKER_01: Or is it you?
13:22
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, like I and so it's really just like kind to really try to tap into that.
13:30
SPEAKER_01: And um how do you really deeply know?
13:34
SPEAKER_01: And um someone shared this with me recently.
13:37
SPEAKER_01: Like, how do you know in your knower?
13:39
SPEAKER_01: Deep in your knower.
13:41
SPEAKER_01: Um, and and sometimes I will say, like, having that urge like to like pray for someone or like really speak up, or like I know I like feel it in my gut where it's yeah, like the Lord is like prompting.
13:54
SPEAKER_01: And so how do we tap into that in these aspects of my life?
13:58
SPEAKER_01: Oh yeah, like Lord, is that you?
14:00
SPEAKER_01: Am I feeling this in my gut because I just want to throw up right now because I'm like so out of it, or right, or is that but is that you?
14:08
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I feel you.
14:09
SPEAKER_00: It came out later.
14:10
SPEAKER_01: But yeah, it's the it's the not knowing and it's the hey Lord, like I feel like I'm running out of time.
14:17
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
14:18
SPEAKER_00: And I I go back and forth, but like recently I've been in the headspace of like, I know that there's a person for me.
14:25
SPEAKER_00: But there has been times recently even where I was like, what if there's just not a person for me?
14:32
SPEAKER_00: Um, and I've like sat in that for a while.
14:34
SPEAKER_00: But I think honestly, this like this season of the podcast, I've already recorded a couple um like episodes already, and just talking to the people, mostly talking to the guys that I talk to.
14:43
SPEAKER_00: I'm like, well, I ask them, like, what do you what if there isn't a person?
14:49
SPEAKER_00: And they're like so like, there is a person.
14:53
SPEAKER_00: That's why God says he made a help me for people for the guys.
14:56
SPEAKER_00: Like, we need a help me.
14:57
SPEAKER_00: And that's why you were created, like you were created to be a help me.
15:00
SPEAKER_00: We were like, Okay, okay, cool.
15:04
SPEAKER_01: I just had a prompt, like, I'm reading, um, doing a Bible study on the one of misspeaks.
15:12
SPEAKER_01: Let me have a look at what it is called.
15:14
SPEAKER_01: Okay, um, and so um, but part of it is Hebrews is in it, and so it is called uh more Jesus reading plan on um you version, and so I am it's just like through the scriptures of where Jesus is showing up, like the story of Jesus and his the foretelling, and um so mostly Isaiah and then um Hebrew is in Hebrew, sorry, is kind of like what he has called us to do.
15:45
SPEAKER_01: And so Hebrews 10, which I was reading just last night, is and one section is about the perseverance in faith.
15:53
SPEAKER_01: It's like you need to persevere in your faith.
15:56
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and that's hard because faith is not tangible.
16:03
SPEAKER_01: There is not like I'm gonna grab a hole of this object, and here's my faith.
16:07
SPEAKER_01: Right, exactly.
16:08
SPEAKER_01: There it is.
16:09
SPEAKER_01: I have it, I know it, it's there, and it's it's having a belief in the unknown.
16:16
SPEAKER_01: And and that for my rational brain sometimes is so hard to like comprehend.
16:23
SPEAKER_01: But yeah, it um, but yeah, just like clinging to the scriptures and really like diving in.
16:30
SPEAKER_01: I feel like what's helped me in this season that I'm in is really sticking close to to the word and sticking close to worship.
16:39
SPEAKER_01: Um, and I say that only because like recently, um, probably like a a couple months ago, like I could feel like a shift, something was different.
16:48
SPEAKER_01: And I was trying to, I was really wanting to grab a hold of things myself again and be like, okay, Lord, I could do this.
16:54
SPEAKER_01: Like thank you for trying.
16:56
SPEAKER_01: Um the Lord's like, ah, here we go again.
17:00
SPEAKER_01: And um, but what I noticed on the outside of that is, and now I'm probably gonna sound like a supreme like Christianese here, but um I was listening to so much secular music, and I was in social media so much.
17:18
SPEAKER_01: And I um like, you know, watching these like romance movies, and it's like playing up all these wonderful aspects of what it would be like to have a person and you know these secular songs that are like, you know, he loves you, like this is what he'll do.
17:35
SPEAKER_01: And so like you put this comparison on it.
17:38
SPEAKER_01: And um, and then I just like sat back one day and I'm like, I am so lost in what the Lord has for me, yeah, and trying to put this label on it that like the world wants it to be.
17:53
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and and so I was like, I I have to stop, like I have to stop, and so you know, Lord, I have to stay close to the scripture, I have to stay close to the word because this is what's true of you, and and this is what this is the truth of what you you have for me, and and like deep dive into worship music and like really just bring it back.
18:16
SPEAKER_01: And every time I feel like the spiral is about to take place, just like kind of draw it back in and um yeah, okay, Lord, where are you in this and what are you trying to do?
18:27
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, um, but yeah, and yeah, again, hard for sure, but um, but yeah, hopefully your butt will work out at some point.
18:36
SPEAKER_00: Oh yeah, yes for sure.
18:39
SPEAKER_00: What's um what's something like specific that you can think of that God's like taught you in this season?
18:49
SPEAKER_01: Oh yeah, sorry, the first one that came to mind is um my self-worth is um and this is not just my time with the Lord, but also people that he has in my life.
19:03
SPEAKER_01: Like they notice that that the minute something doesn't go right or it doesn't go the way that I want, I attach my my whole being of my worth to it.
19:14
SPEAKER_01: Um and and that like even this morning I was like, you know, as I was driving over here to like do this, I was thinking, like, what is a scripture that's really stuck uh out in my brain?
19:28
SPEAKER_01: And um there's two.
19:30
SPEAKER_01: Um one is um Psalm 139, 14, which is um wonderfully and um but now I'm gonna butcher it.
19:38
SPEAKER_01: Um wonderfully made, and um and so that is it's so true.
19:48
SPEAKER_01: Like he he has made me in his image for a purpose.
19:54
SPEAKER_01: Can I trust him that he is guiding me to that purpose?
19:59
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
20:00
SPEAKER_01: And then the other one, um, which I know will like everybody will think it's a cliche, but I have this like tattoo on my own, um, Jeremiah 29, 11.
20:09
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and um, you know, I have plans for you to prosper you and not to harm you.
20:14
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
20:15
SPEAKER_01: And um, and so having belief that the Lord has a planned for me, and and so what I will say is that people will probably come and be like, Have you read the whole book of Jeremiah?
20:26
SPEAKER_01: Like, because you've gotta, because you know, you're studying this one scripture and you're probably taking out of context.
20:31
SPEAKER_01: And it's like, funny enough, I actually have read the whole book of Jeremiah, and it is it's my life, maybe not 70 years in Babylon, but definitely an isolation of like, hey, I've I'm here, I'm here.
20:48
SPEAKER_01: You keep denying that I'm gonna work this for your good.
20:54
SPEAKER_01: But um, and I'm so I'm going to isolate you from these things where I need you to deeply know me.
21:02
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
21:03
SPEAKER_01: Like the Lord purposely going, I'm gonna remove these things from your life because I need you to know who I am.
21:09
SPEAKER_01: Um, and not just in relationships, but in so many aspects of my life.
21:13
SPEAKER_01: And and so I um obviously if I didn't really believe or want to cling to this scripture, I would never have put it on my my body.
21:26
SPEAKER_01: But um, but I do I do feel that it is a true telling of like a reminder to me that the Lord does have plans for me to to prosper me and not to harm me.
21:36
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
21:36
SPEAKER_01: Um, and even though sometimes it does feel very harmful.
21:40
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
21:40
SPEAKER_01: Um but you know, it the beauty in it is that you do have that opportunity to look back and go, thank you, Jesus.
21:46
SPEAKER_00: Right.
21:47
SPEAKER_00: And you again you can't grow with some butt the pain.
21:49
SPEAKER_00: So because it feels harmful.
21:51
SPEAKER_01: No, painful growth because it's painful growth.
21:54
SPEAKER_01: Very like, can we just have a growth part, please?
21:56
SPEAKER_01: And but um, but yeah, it's It's it's like I said the two uh really yeah.
22:04
SPEAKER_00: I recently I was um looking for verses on like the Lord hearing us.
22:11
SPEAKER_00: Um and Jeremiah 29, 12 is one of those verses.
22:15
SPEAKER_00: So I was like talking to a friend and I was like, how convenient that like right after he says like I am plans to like cross for you and not to harm you is like he's also telling you, like, I hear you, I fear what you're saying, I hear you complaints, but but I'm I actually just say it in this.
22:30
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
22:31
SPEAKER_01: I need you, I have plans for you and you need to learn.
22:35
SPEAKER_01: Um and so that it's it definitely is it's a journey, and um and I'm probably gonna have tongue in cheek here when I say this, but I'm thankful for it, Lord.
22:47
SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
22:48
SPEAKER_01: Right, yeah.
22:50
SPEAKER_01: Um right now I've it in this very moment today.
22:53
SPEAKER_01: I will say thank you, Jesus, for for being a part of it and that I get to like seek him twice in it.
23:01
SPEAKER_00: And yeah.
23:02
SPEAKER_00: Hey you guys, it's me again.
23:04
SPEAKER_00: Don't worry, I'll be right back with our guests.
23:07
SPEAKER_00: I just wanted to take a moment and say thank you so much for spending time with us today.
23:11
SPEAKER_00: I hope you're enjoying the episode so far.
23:14
SPEAKER_00: Let's sit and think about what might have been said that can relate to your life today.
23:19
SPEAKER_00: And if you're enjoying it, make sure you like, subscribe, follow, comment, all the things you can find us on YouTube for such a time as this with Bethany Garner, or you can find us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.
23:35
SPEAKER_00: All right, let's get back to them.
23:37
SPEAKER_00: What does dating practically like look like for you right now?
23:43
SPEAKER_01: Dating practically in in this world of here.
23:48
SPEAKER_01: Obviously, I am still very involved in the church.
23:52
SPEAKER_01: Um and so and so that's its own crazy train uh and and dating in itself.
24:00
SPEAKER_01: And yeah, I I'm sure a lot of singles in the church will probably resonate with that.
24:07
SPEAKER_01: Um dating in general, I've I feel like I've tried it all short of standing on a corner with a sign.
24:15
SPEAKER_01: Um say, hey, please date me.
24:16
SPEAKER_01: Leah, let's not do it.
24:17
SPEAKER_01: Oh, listen.
24:19
SPEAKER_01: Don't do that.
24:20
SPEAKER_01: Um, and so I have done the online dating.
24:23
SPEAKER_01: I've done the like the e-homey and then the apps and like you know, all versions of it.
24:30
SPEAKER_01: And I am just like, this is it's just not for me.
24:37
SPEAKER_01: And I um I feel like I hear the Lord's voice, and I really hope it's the Lord's voice.
24:44
SPEAKER_01: Um, and like, hey, this is not what I have for you.
24:47
SPEAKER_01: Like, why do you keep going down this road?
24:49
SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, because it's convenient.
24:51
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's convenient, it's easy.
24:53
SPEAKER_01: But in convenience and easy, there is this like you become expendable.
25:00
SPEAKER_01: Like the amount of men in this world that I'm I don't know if they just got like the rapture came early for them or they like and just left the rest of us but just suddenly vanish um is beyond me.
25:16
SPEAKER_01: Um and like not even in like serious conversation, and all right, you know, and I think it's whereas the intentionality in dating remove the intention exactly and the and the commitment and the like hey, I I want to do this with you.
25:41
SPEAKER_01: Um it kind of removes that and it's like, oh well, if you're being you're asking me too many questions or you're I want to dive in like too quickly to like get to know who I am as a person, yeah, but this is how this works.
25:57
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
25:57
SPEAKER_01: Um is um they're just like, okay, next, because I have like this array of people that I think from and I'm not saying I'm not putting that all on guys, like you know, sure like um girls to do it too.
26:13
SPEAKER_01: And I and I, if I'm being completely honest, I've I've probably done it myself.
26:17
SPEAKER_01: Like where in like where I'm like well, this is too much, okay.
26:22
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, exactly.
26:23
SPEAKER_00: And then I was like, okay, oh yeah.
26:24
SPEAKER_00: And then there's people that have probably messed up back then, like, yeah, people sure are not there anymore.
26:29
SPEAKER_00: Right, I'm just I can't not do this, yeah.
26:32
SPEAKER_01: Um, and so it's I feel like there are different definitely aspects where I'm like, this is the only option we have.
26:41
SPEAKER_01: Like, um, and then you know, obviously in the church, like I don't think I've dated anybody in in the church, like beside like meeting them in the hallway kind of thing.
26:56
SPEAKER_01: Like I you know, I've dated a couple people that are like connected to the church, but um, it didn't kind of feel like oh I met you in like a group or oh yeah, or like I met you um in those kind of sittings where um it's kind of I feel like in the church, young people or young-ish um is they're kind of like existing around each other and like not nobody's really like you have this group of guys who are like, I need to find myself in the Lord.
27:30
SPEAKER_01: You're like, I don't know what that means.
27:32
SPEAKER_01: Um okay, I too am finding myself in this journey with with the Lord.
27:36
SPEAKER_01: Right.
27:37
SPEAKER_01: Um, but that's a constant journey, like that doesn't end.
27:40
SPEAKER_01: So I think you're also understand that it is it's hard where I'm like, I what?
27:48
SPEAKER_01: Like do and it just turns out like they just don't know.
27:52
SPEAKER_01: There's no intention there, like and and also the Lord's in their journey, and you have to be like, okay, the Lord's in your journey, and if I'm not your person, that's fine.
28:04
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, um, but I'm gonna need you to come up with a better excuse.
28:07
SPEAKER_01: Um, or yes, like a better way to handle this.
28:10
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
28:11
SPEAKER_01: Um, but yeah, like just dating.
28:15
SPEAKER_01: If I'm being frank, dating sucks in your 30s, it's hard.
28:21
SPEAKER_01: Like, I have definitely had moments where I've stated, like, okay, like I have to make peace with the fact that I'm most likely going to meet someone that has that's divorced and has children.
28:39
SPEAKER_01: Because I like honestly, if there is someone that's my age or older, I'm even asking the question of like, how did you get here without being married or having children?
28:57
SPEAKER_01: I have questions.
28:58
SPEAKER_01: I have my reasons, however, you are here.
29:02
SPEAKER_01: I just don't know what yours are.
29:03
SPEAKER_01: What are your reasons?
29:05
SPEAKER_01: Um and so it's it's definitely hard, it's not easy, and um and I just I feel like I feel like the church doesn't help yeah very very well.
29:22
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
29:22
SPEAKER_00: What do you think they could do better?
29:26
SPEAKER_00: I agree with you.
29:26
SPEAKER_01: I just like you're thinking I think there could be intentionality.
29:33
SPEAKER_01: I I get that like singles ministries are hard.
29:41
SPEAKER_01: They're a hard thing to manage, they're a hard thing to to guide, and because things can get weird real quick.
29:54
SPEAKER_01: And and so it's like, well, how do we organically guide people and really like feed into uh these uh godly men that like hey this is this is what the Bible says as a godly man.
30:10
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, like go forth and on this journey, yeah.
30:14
SPEAKER_01: And and even like ladies, like this is what the Lord says to be a godly woman.
30:19
SPEAKER_01: Like this is um but I I have yet now I can't blanket statement this for like churches everywhere known to man, but in my experience I have not encountered that.
30:33
SPEAKER_01: Um and so it's they're they're not doing a great job now.
30:42
SPEAKER_01: I don't think I've ever heard a sermon on singleness.
30:50
SPEAKER_01: Um I've heard a sermon on marriage, right?
30:54
SPEAKER_01: And um and like and like families and but never like hey, you might be in this season of singleness with a like the Lord has like pulled like kept you apart.
31:11
SPEAKER_01: And these are the encouraging words we have for you.
31:16
SPEAKER_01: Like this is what scripture says um to you, and you know.
31:22
SPEAKER_00: Um I'm gonna say I'm gonna plug my church for just one second.
31:25
SPEAKER_00: Go ahead.
31:27
SPEAKER_00: It is the only church that I've had the experience that I've had where it like I mean they're not perfect, of course, right, but they do do a like decent job of like taking care of the singles.
31:39
SPEAKER_00: Um, like over at Union, they have like we have singles night and we have like relationship series, so they're preaching like relationship series for like the month of February, and like it's not perfect, like people still are like awkwardly not meeting in the church, but at least they're trying, which I can't say that before I found union I hadn't found anywhere else.
32:01
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, no, um, and so it's yeah, it can be confusing of like be close to the Lord, be in this community, be with these people.
32:15
SPEAKER_01: Okay, great.
32:16
SPEAKER_01: You're like, I'm here, I'm doing, I'm doing all the things.
32:19
SPEAKER_01: Um now what?
32:23
SPEAKER_01: Like now I do I like do I wear the sign that says I'm available?
32:30
SPEAKER_00: Like, right.
32:31
SPEAKER_00: Um or like I feel like it's recently for me at least, there's like this constant like battle in my head of like, I don't know, is a woman supposed to approach a man?
32:42
SPEAKER_01: Like, are you like I was literally just having this thought today?
32:45
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it yeah, it and and so many people have so many different opinions on it.
32:49
SPEAKER_00: On like there's no right opinion, I guess.
32:51
SPEAKER_00: But like I don't know, some guys like want the woman to approach them because they want the woman to show interest before like they'll pursue and I'm okay.
33:02
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I feel like society has messed that up for us slightly.
33:08
SPEAKER_01: Why I say that is because in in the world, if we want to like say the difference of like in church or right in the world, in the world, like when a guy approaches you in in a bar, for instance, it immediately girls are like, What are you doing?
33:29
SPEAKER_01: Why?
33:30
SPEAKER_01: So I'm like, okay, like yeah, you're making this awkward, stop it.
33:33
SPEAKER_01: But like, you know, and so when you come into the church and they're like, Do I do I approach them the same way?
33:43
SPEAKER_01: Oh wait, it didn't go so well.
33:46
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
33:46
SPEAKER_01: So now I'm just gonna stand in my corner and hopes, and then girls are like, Well, I've been in church a long time, and what I've learned is that the man must approach me.
33:58
SPEAKER_01: And so I'm just gonna stand here in my corner.
34:01
SPEAKER_01: Right, so we're both waiting for everybody and waiting for what?
34:05
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, like I don't we're not like married people to come on to be like you here we can yes.
34:11
SPEAKER_01: Um, we're also gotta say, married people, I need you like to do that.
34:16
SPEAKER_01: Help, help, help.
34:18
SPEAKER_01: Clearly, it's not I don't need like help.
34:22
SPEAKER_01: Like this is um, it's hard.
34:25
SPEAKER_01: And so they like you had these situations where and and truth be told, there's some statistics, and I'm I do not have them off the top of my head, but they are statistics that like women go to church for themselves and men come to the church through their woman.
34:42
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
34:42
SPEAKER_01: And so it's like, and I love that.
34:46
SPEAKER_01: Like I love that you like men want to know the Lord deeply and have their own journey.
34:53
SPEAKER_01: Um and so it's hard being single in the church when you're like everybody's like, oh well, they're a newbie Christian, or so do you really want that?
35:06
SPEAKER_01: Like, well, I don't know what else there is.
35:10
SPEAKER_01: Like for well, you know, and it's not it's not a terrible thing, but it's like, well, I don't I'm on my own journey.
35:19
SPEAKER_01: They need to be on that journey themselves.
35:22
SPEAKER_01: I don't want them to be on that journey because of me.
35:25
SPEAKER_01: Right, yeah, exactly.
35:26
SPEAKER_01: And so I'm ready in itself, that's huge.
35:30
SPEAKER_01: That that is a great thing that you want to know the Lord out of your own.
35:34
SPEAKER_00: That's true.
35:34
SPEAKER_01: And um, and so I I don't know how the church will be like, you know, I don't know, maybe one Sunday in service and be like, find a single person.
35:46
SPEAKER_00: Find a single person.
35:47
SPEAKER_00: I remember like you know it, you know what Pastor did, um, because we're in the relationship series.
35:51
SPEAKER_00: So now by the time this like launches, it'll be over.
35:53
SPEAKER_00: Sorry you guys watch it on YouTube.
35:55
SPEAKER_00: But um this was this past Sunday was our first week of relationship series, and he and his funny self, I don't know if he was being funny or being serious, but he always is like high-five three people and then sit down.
36:07
SPEAKER_00: He said, high-five three people, ask them if they're single, and then sit down.
36:10
SPEAKER_01: And I was like, I don't know if I want to do that.
36:18
SPEAKER_01: It's uh yeah, I'm hey, it's one way, right?
36:21
SPEAKER_01: Like, you know, I I remember a few years ago I um helped uh coordinate a wedding.
36:29
SPEAKER_01: Um, I kind of did their ceremony, like helped coordinate, like do the wedding coordinator planner side.
36:35
SPEAKER_01: Um, and these two people um met because of a um like a greeting at Jury Sunday service.
36:44
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
36:44
SPEAKER_01: He turned around and was like, hi, good morning.
36:47
SPEAKER_01: And that's their how their story started.
36:50
SPEAKER_01: So and so those those stories are out there, yeah, but they are few and far between.
36:55
SPEAKER_01: Right.
36:56
SPEAKER_01: Um, and so it's I don't I don't know, like short of the church, like being very intentional with it and being like, we are going to guide you appropriately and not only be here when it's a mace.
37:17
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that's sure.
37:18
SPEAKER_01: Um, and so yeah, I will say I'm grateful for my people that I have because they are trying to be intentional with me now.
37:29
SPEAKER_01: Um not that they haven't been, I think I just maybe personally, and I'll take this, like I haven't wanted to hear it.
37:36
SPEAKER_01: I wanted to just be like, let me do it.
37:38
SPEAKER_01: And um I um I would say probably the last two people that I've dated, um both misses both did not need to be in them.
37:52
SPEAKER_01: Like they I was not in a good place, the other person wasn't in a good place, um, and especially like the last person I dated, it was I I know of Jesus.
38:05
SPEAKER_01: Sorry.
38:06
SPEAKER_01: I will come to church to be with you.
38:09
SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
38:10
SPEAKER_01: Um, and I'm like, and that if that said, hold up because it's this well, I don't really I don't want that.
38:18
SPEAKER_01: Like I want to how do you tell someone like I want this to work because I need you to love Jesus yourself, not because I told you to?
38:26
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
38:27
SPEAKER_01: I feel like I'm talking to a child.
38:29
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
38:30
SPEAKER_01: Um and so and that was probably should have been indicator number one that um this was not going to be great.
38:36
SPEAKER_01: Um, but yeah, so something is something is happening in the church.
38:42
SPEAKER_01: Like I've even seen it like this past weekend, like we have a lot of young people.
38:46
SPEAKER_01: They are like these guys are like, I see what the word is saying because I'm on this journey on my own.
38:53
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, with the Lord and I.
38:55
SPEAKER_01: I see what the word is saying.
38:57
SPEAKER_01: I don't want to date just because.
38:59
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
39:00
SPEAKER_01: I don't want to date, like I want to date with intention.
39:02
SPEAKER_01: So it's there.
39:04
SPEAKER_01: And then you have us that have like, we've been here a while.
39:08
SPEAKER_01: Caught me dating this young person.
39:10
SPEAKER_01: Because exactly are very young.
39:12
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
39:13
SPEAKER_01: Um, so how do we catch up?
39:16
SPEAKER_01: Like, yeah, like how where can how can that intention be like spread throughout?
39:24
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
39:24
SPEAKER_01: Um, and so I don't have the audis.
39:28
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
39:28
SPEAKER_01: Um, and um, you know, I hope that like all churches have like someone in their in their body that is cold to like, hey, I want to be a part of like changing this for the next generation or for our next like um families that are gonna be in this church and that are gonna carry it on.
39:47
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
39:48
SPEAKER_01: Um and so it's like how do we like as a community and as a Christian body, like come around that?
39:55
SPEAKER_01: And not even like your your own church's body, but like the big C church.
39:59
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, exactly.
40:00
SPEAKER_01: So like everyone, like, hey, this is intentionality and yeah, this is what the Lord wants us to do.
40:05
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
40:06
SPEAKER_00: So yeah.
40:09
SPEAKER_00: Last question for you is what's one like piece of encouragement that you'd give someone that's in like the same season that you're in right now?
40:18
SPEAKER_01: I'm learning this one and um and I'm a fond believer in that if it if the same statement keeps popping up with different people, you gotta pay attention and it's it's be slow.
40:33
SPEAKER_01: It's hard.
40:36
SPEAKER_01: Um it is um definitely be slow.
40:39
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
40:40
SPEAKER_01: It's um there's this song by SEU worship um that I have listening.
40:46
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
40:48
SPEAKER_01: And the words are the slower I go, the faster I arrive.
40:52
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
40:53
SPEAKER_01: Um, and it is.
40:56
SPEAKER_01: Um, and that is what I'm trying to sit in, and I encourage others to do because I feel like when you try to rush it, yeah, is when you take the reins and you want it to be somewhere that the Lord is like, mm-mm, I don't need you to be there right now.
41:14
SPEAKER_01: So go slow, be patient.
41:18
SPEAKER_01: Even though I hate praying for patient, right?
41:20
SPEAKER_01: I know it's like, sure, let me let me show you all the ways you give me patia.
41:25
SPEAKER_01: Um be patient and just stick close to uh people who are speaking truth to you, yeah, people who are encouraging and people who aren't afraid to tell you okay, you're veering away from what you want.
41:43
SPEAKER_01: Like when you are desiring what the Lord has called you to do, yeah, I you need a turn back around.
41:48
SPEAKER_01: But yeah, like those that's part of my encouragement is like uh find those things that are gonna remind you of like the Lord's in this.
41:58
SPEAKER_01: We could do this, but uh I'm waiting with a purpose.
42:04
SPEAKER_01: Which sounds counterintuitive, but uh oh that's waiting.
42:07
SPEAKER_01: I'm waiting with a purpose, yeah.
42:10
SPEAKER_00: And so yeah, because waiting is hard.
42:14
SPEAKER_01: That's good.
42:15
SPEAKER_01: That beauty happens in the waiting, yes, and so beautiful.
42:20
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, thank you.
42:21
SPEAKER_00: Uh Annie, thanks so much for joining us, Billy.
42:23
SPEAKER_00: I loved having you on.
42:25
SPEAKER_00: That would be all right.
42:27
SPEAKER_00: Bye guys.
42:29
SPEAKER_00: Thank you guys so much for spending time with us today.
42:32
SPEAKER_00: I really loved having you here.
42:34
SPEAKER_00: If you liked this episode, make sure you share it with someone you know.
42:37
SPEAKER_00: I'd also love if you guys would comment any questions you might have that we can answer on future episodes.
42:43
SPEAKER_00: Remember that each one of you was born for such a time as this.
42:47
SPEAKER_00: Until next time.
42:49
SPEAKER_00: Bye.