Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / GRADE A SUPPLY: Why the "Best" Partners are the Easiest to Replace 💎♻️

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GRADE A SUPPLY: Why the "Best" Partners are the Easiest to Replace 💎♻️ · The Mental Healness Podcast

0:00
Boom. You think because you're
0:03
successful, beautiful, gorgeous, and loyal that you're safe from
0:09
being replaced by a narcissistic person.
0:12
I get so many people just to say, Lee, I am grade A supply.
0:16
I got all this going for me. It's going to be hard for them
0:19
to replace me. You might think that you're the
0:23
exception to the rule, but as a diagnosed narcissist, I'm going
0:27
to tell you right now, Grade A, your your Grade A supply status
0:31
is exactly why I targeted you or that narcissist targeted you and
0:36
exactly why they always have a backup plan waiting just in case
0:41
they stop getting whatever they want from you.
0:44
That's that, that. That's just it right there.
0:45
Yeah. I get to talk.
0:46
I talked to so many people that that are dealing with a
0:50
narcissist that think because they are great, a supply, that
0:53
they are high worth, high value or whatever, that a narcissist
0:57
won't leave them or a narcissist won't leave them alone or
1:00
narcissist won't find new supply.
1:02
Woo boy, oh boy, you might be wrong right there, y'all.
1:07
You might just be a little bit wrong when you're dealing with
1:11
the narcissistic person, y'all? That's what we talk about there,
1:12
y'all, Grade A supply. Grade A narcissistic supply.
1:16
See people using it all the time, so we got to talk about it
1:19
today, y'all. So we're gonna hop right into
1:22
it, y'all? Grade A supply, What is what?
1:24
What is grade A supply? Why do narcissists want it and
1:29
why it could be so easily to replace somebody that is
1:34
considered grade A supply? What's going on right there,
1:37
y'all? So I think most survivors of
1:39
narcissistic abuse or toxic relationship dynamics think that
1:43
a lot of narcissists look for weak people, like narcissists
1:46
are on the hunt for somebody that is weak, somebody that is
1:49
vulnerable. And that could be true, right,
1:51
'cause I don't, I don't speak in absolutes and that could be
1:53
true. But most times, y'all, most
1:56
times they're not looking for somebody that's weak and
1:59
vulnerable. That's a myth.
2:02
Narcissists want the full package, the full package.
2:07
They want the totality of the full package and whatnot.
2:11
That's what goes on like what's up, what's up, what's up, going
2:14
to the live y'all. But yeah, they want the full
2:17
package. Will they settle for somebody
2:19
that is vulnerable and weak? Yeah, sometimes, right?
2:22
If they're running out of supply, they or they don't want
2:24
to be by themselves. But most times they're looking
2:26
for somebody that is grade A supply.
2:28
What is grade A supply? Y'all?
2:29
Let's hop right into it. The four pillars of narcissistic
2:33
grade A supply #1 you know, y'all can take notes if you want
2:37
to. But number one, what y'all think
2:40
it is high empathy, You got to have at least the fake capacity
2:49
for empathy, right? You got to have at least a
2:53
little bit of it. You got to have a little, you
2:55
got to have enough empathy to give to me, to give to that
3:00
narcissistic person. You got to have enough to go
3:03
around. I don't got enough.
3:06
That narcissistic person in your life that you're dealing with,
3:08
they don't got enough. But you know, who do you do you
3:13
do you got to have enough? You absolutely right there.
3:20
That's it. You got to have enough empathy.
3:22
If you don't have it, That's why a lot of people who are dealing
3:25
with narcissists will consider consider themselves empaths,
3:28
right? You was like, I'm an empath.
3:30
That's what you would consider yourself, right?
3:32
So they got to have a lot of empathy.
3:35
This is why. So do narcissists end up with
3:37
narcissists sometimes? Yes.
3:40
But This is why it's more likely that a narcissist ends up with a
3:43
borderline person, right? Borderline people, empathy just
3:47
be going up and down, just kind of off the charts, right?
3:50
That's why you got to have a high capacity for empathy.
3:53
The second pillar, the second foundational block of a grade A
3:58
supply is high status or some reasonable, reasonable success,
4:05
right? You got to make me look good to
4:10
the neighbors, to my boss, to my friends and family.
4:15
You got to make me look good. When you look good, you feel
4:19
good. When you feel good, I play.
4:21
You see what I'm saying? You got to make me look good.
4:23
You are the trophy. You have this.
4:25
You hear the term trophy, wife, trophy, husband.
4:28
You got to be the trophy, right? I don't want to petition.
4:32
Look, I don't want a participation prize or petition
4:35
participation medal. I want the trophy.
4:39
You see what I'm saying? That's what goes on right there.
4:42
I want the trophy. I do, I do.
4:48
So if you in that space right there, it goes up right it, it
4:52
really does. You got to have high empathy and
4:55
you got to be a trophy. You got to be trophy, trophy
4:57
esque, trophy esque, right, trophy esque.
5:02
If you're in the live drop, drop a trophy in there in the comment
5:05
section like like Kathy did. I can't even click on it.
5:08
For some reason, Kathy won't let me click on it.
5:10
Mine used to call me a trophy. You see, you might be on
5:14
something. You might be grade A supply ish.
5:18
Right. You see what I'm saying?
5:20
You do do you do do you got to have a lot of empathy?
5:23
Yeah, you do have a lot of empathy.
5:24
And you have to have some reasonable success.
5:27
When I say when I say reasonable success, I don't mean like I got
5:31
a lot of trophies dropping. Do you all day?
5:33
Hey, bunch of trophies. I don't mean I say reasonable
5:38
success. I don't mean like little
5:40
marginal success. I mean, I mean I don't mean like
5:42
you have to be rich and famous, just success.
5:44
You have to have your own stuff, right?
5:46
You have to have your own. You can't be super dependent
5:49
upon me. I have to, you have to have your
5:51
own. I have to, oh, you have to look
5:53
good. All right, Success can be
5:54
looking good. You can be successful.
5:56
We have successful looks and that goes on right there, right?
6:00
So you have to have some type of reasonable success and what not.
6:04
Y'all that you got to make the narcissist look good.
6:07
You do hiller #3 If y'all think it is resilience, resilience,
6:17
you don't quit. You don't want to give up on me.
6:21
You got to be resilient. Whatever.
6:24
What's another, what's a, what's a shorter term for resilient?
6:28
Well, not a shorter term. What's a different term for
6:30
resilient in what you hear, Like right what you hear ride or die.
6:37
You hear that right there, right?
6:38
You, it's you have to be a ride or die.
6:41
You got to be resilient. You don't quit, you don't give
6:44
up on a relationship. You want to fight for the
6:46
relationship, right? You will literally stay in a
6:49
burning house trying to put out the fire.
6:52
Why? Why the why?
6:53
The narcissist is the one holding the matches.
6:55
You're throwing water. They're throwing gas.
6:58
They're throwing gas and flicking matches.
7:00
You're throwing water, trying to put it out.
7:02
You don't want to leave the house.
7:03
This your house. You built, build this house.
7:05
And you want me to. You want to fix me, right?
7:10
You want to fix me. What's going on, Joe?
7:12
You want to fix me. This is what happens.
7:16
This is what? Cathy, is that stupid?
7:20
You got you got to fix B. You want you stay through it.
7:24
You to ride or die. You gonna be my ride or die?
7:27
Yeah. I don't want to be a ride or die
7:29
chick. You don't want to do that
7:31
because you ride, then you die. And guess what happens when you
7:35
emotionally die? They move on to someone else,
7:39
right. That you move on to someone
7:42
else. Jesse Lee Peterson.
7:44
Is that the is that the weird black dude?
7:46
Is it Just see Lee Peterson? Oh, hell no.
7:55
I ain't going to talk to Jesse Lee Peterson.
7:57
Hell no. That's what I thought it was.
7:59
You say that like hell no. Hell, no.
8:04
The the fourth pillar, it's got reflect.
8:10
Reflectability. You have a light that the
8:14
narcissist doesn't have, right? You possess qualities that the
8:17
narcissists have like they want to stand next to, they want to
8:21
stand next to someone that lights up the room.
8:24
But it makes it seem like it's coming from the narcissist.
8:28
You know what I mean? It makes it seem like it's
8:30
coming from the narcissistic person.
8:33
That's the way it goes right there.
8:35
It's just in the in this mindset, in this mentality,
8:37
that's literally how it goes. That's the mental like they need
8:41
something. You have to have something that
8:43
I don't. That's why you don't narcissist
8:45
don't go over typically go for people who act and behave
8:48
exactly like them. That's not how it works, right?
8:51
That's literally not how it works.
8:54
It just this, this is how it goes.
8:55
Like I don't go on somebody who acts just like me because that
8:58
would be narcissistic. I need somebody that possesses
9:00
something that I don't have. You know what I mean?
9:03
I need somebody that has something that I don't.
9:06
So what would be the point? You right?
9:07
Yeah. Yeah, you.
9:08
Absolutely. You ride and then you die.
9:10
That's why you're telling people like you can't just say it like
9:12
narc, narcissist, like ride or die.
9:14
No, you don't want to be a ride or die.
9:15
You get nothing from that. They get something from it.
9:19
You're ride or die. You're in the burning house.
9:21
You're in the crashing car. Like you don't want to jump out
9:23
the car when it's about the wreck.
9:25
No, you don't want to do that right there, right.
9:27
All right. Narcissist don't choose you
9:29
because you were easy to break, y'all.
9:32
They choose you because you're a challenge.
9:34
You're a challenge. This is why sometimes you'll
9:36
see, This is why sometimes you'll see in these spaces right
9:40
here, right, when you're dealing with toxic narcissistic people
9:44
and whatnot that they don't go for people that have the same
9:49
values that they do, right? A lot of times you see this in
9:52
that actually, you actually see this in like the, the political
9:54
spectrum sometimes, right? You'll see a narcissistic
9:56
conservative weirdo that just goes for, just tries to go for
10:00
Democrats and, and opposite, right, the opposite goes, right?
10:03
You just see these couples together that don't match.
10:06
You got a narcissist on one side and an empath on the other side
10:09
and they go for each other. Like why don't you go for
10:11
somebody who thinks just like you do No, they want to break
10:14
somebody they want to break you, they want to take you out of
10:18
here. They want to hurt you or harm
10:20
you and do something like that right.
10:21
They want to break you like a horse like y'all see that?
10:24
I always I always use this analogy right here.
10:26
Y'all see the movie, the old old kids movie spirit right.
10:30
There were all those horses that everybody could ride the the
10:33
other horses were were ready to be ridden, but they wanted to
10:37
break spirit like now I want to break that horse right there.
10:40
I want to ride spirit, your spirit, all these other horses
10:44
out here ready to be ridden, but your spirit, right?
10:48
Your spirit. And this is what they got.
10:50
They had to go out right here. They want to break you.
10:52
What's going on, Ladonna? They want to break you and
10:54
whatnot. You got to think about that too.
10:56
You know what I mean? So when you're like so
10:59
narcissistic people like, so 2A narcissist like you.
11:03
I said, I thought I'd say it's all sounding crazy. 2A
11:08
narcissist. You are not like a real person,
11:11
right? You're like high, high octane
11:15
fuel. What is it, 93 you, you, you are
11:17
not 87, you 93 gas and your grade A, grade A narcissistic
11:23
supply is 93 fuel, right? But when the tank runs dry, they
11:28
don't sit like narcissistic people don't sit around and wait
11:32
for the car to be filled up. They go get some different gas.
11:34
They find another gas station, like when I can no longer get
11:37
gas or supply from you, grade A supply, they go find it from
11:41
someone else. That's why, like I said, they
11:44
can replace like it's like they can absolutely replace you.
11:47
And I think, I think so many people just like it's gonna be
11:49
hard to replace me. And then they end up with
11:51
somebody really quick. And then you start looking at
11:53
yourself like when you think you're grade A supply, right?
11:57
When you think you're grade A supply and then they replace you
12:00
really quick, you start looking at yourself like something wrong
12:03
with me. I thought I was great a supply.
12:08
I got empathy. I'm reflectable, I have
12:11
reflectability. I'm resilient.
12:14
You see what I'm saying? I'm resilient, I'm successful.
12:17
How can they replace me, right? And sometimes what y'all, what
12:21
y'all would think will happen is they will down y'all.
12:23
This is what y'all was saying. They'll they, they downgraded.
12:26
They downgraded. They found somebody who not even
12:28
successful, who don't look, there's a such there's a such
12:31
thing called transitional supply, right?
12:35
There's a such thing called transitional supply.
12:38
Well, they will go for somebody who doesn't meet every single
12:40
need. They just don't want to be by
12:41
themselves. So they'll find somebody else,
12:43
right? They will find somebody else,
12:46
right? And they and they just keep it
12:48
moving. They long as it's supply, it's
12:49
supply sometimes, right? And this is what goes on right
12:52
here. You know what I mean?
12:53
Like when the grade A supply runs low or it doesn't feel the
12:57
same anymore, right? Sometimes they want look when
13:01
they say look think about like this.
13:03
Even if you use 93 fuel high octane fuel, your car will run
13:09
on 87. Your car will drive perfectly
13:13
fine on 87 for a little while. You can get where you want to go
13:15
on 8793 just make it burn smooth just make it burn cleaner right
13:20
87 look in diesel. You can say there's some diesel
13:24
in there. It really just depends on these
13:26
in these situations. They'll they'll it'll look
13:29
somehow your damn car. Look back in the day, your car
13:31
can run on Everclear. The old, the old strong pugnant
13:34
repugnant liquor Everclear. You put enough Everclear take
13:38
it, it can run. They will take Everclear supply
13:40
sometime Everclear supply not great a supply they don't need
13:48
and they'll always need 93. They can use Everclear to get
13:50
the point at the point B if they need to.
13:53
Like if the grade A supply start setting boundaries, the grade A
14:00
supply start setting boundaries and stuff like that.
14:03
It, it doesn't feel like grade A supply anymore.
14:05
It feels like it feels like less than grade A supply.
14:08
You know what I'm saying? It does.
14:10
It just feels like less than grade A supply.
14:15
It feels different. So they move on.
14:17
You start setting, you start setting boundaries.
14:19
You start using the word no. You start doing things like
14:23
that. You right here.
14:25
You should, man. Now you're no longer grade A
14:27
supply. Doesn't feel good anymore.
14:28
You're broken. You got boundaries.
14:30
You want. You want me.
14:30
You want me to take accountability.
14:32
You want me to stop lying. You want me to stop going out
14:34
with my friends and cussing you out.
14:35
You want me to stop smear Commander.
14:37
No, you're not grade A supply anymore.
14:39
So guess what happens? They find somebody else.
14:42
You might see you might consider yourself grade A supply.
14:44
You might be grade A supply, right?
14:46
But you might they when they pop out 24 hours later and you're
14:50
hurt, you going to think, how can they replace me again?
14:54
It's because I'm not looking for you.
14:57
I'm looking for what you provided.
14:59
And that's narcissistic supply. So I know a lot of people ask me
15:02
like, well, Willie, how do I stop being supply?
15:07
I don't want to be supply for the narcissist.
15:10
I'm glad you asked. You literally literally have to
15:15
become low value to a narcissistic person.
15:20
It can be as simple as that. Low value.
15:22
Stop giving them what you give them.
15:24
If you are taking care of them and I hear, I hear this so much
15:26
y'all when I'm doing my one on ones over zoom or and stuff like
15:30
that. When you are taking care of
15:31
them. You can check my website out
15:32
right here. Y'all, when you are taking care
15:34
of the narcissistic person doing this stuff right here, like stop
15:39
it. If you were to take paying all
15:41
the bills in the house and you're you got to you mean stay
15:44
at home Prince, you got a man at home that's not doing shit
15:48
around the house, just just being around the house.
15:51
You got to stop it. Whatever you're doing for them,
15:53
you have to stop it. You have to start setting
15:56
boundaries which they don't like, which they will try to run
15:58
over. You have to start using the word
16:00
no, right? You have to start becoming, you
16:03
have to become difficult to them.
16:05
You have to become too much work.
16:06
It's too much. You become too much work.
16:09
It takes too much effort for me to get that supply, regardless
16:12
of whether it's grade A or not. You have to start standing up
16:15
for yourself. Of course, y'all use discretion
16:17
because some of these bastards are crazy and will lose their
16:19
minds on you, right? Of course you have to do it like
16:21
that, right? You have to do that.
16:24
You have to reclaim your value, like the qualities that made you
16:27
grade A supply. Your strength, your beauty, your
16:29
power, your money, your success, your finances, your empathy,
16:32
your heart. They've still belong to you.
16:35
You had them before me. You had it before me.
16:38
You had that before. You're a narcissistic partner.
16:40
They didn't give them to you. You already had them.
16:43
So if you already had them before, they can't be taken away
16:46
from you. I know things have changed while
16:48
you've been in this relationship.
16:49
I know you might feel weak. I know you might feel tired.
16:51
But that's what ends up happening.
16:52
They drain you, they make you look different, they make you
16:55
feel different. They take away your self esteem.
16:56
So the stuff that you, the stuff that you had originally, you
16:59
still have it. You just have to get it back.
17:01
They cannot take away what they didn't give you.
17:03
Y'all narcissistic people just come into your life.
17:06
They use those things for a while they take them away from
17:09
you. They make it seem like they take
17:11
them away from you and then they dip out.
17:13
Y'all, that's what ends up happening.
17:15
You are stronger. Do you?
17:17
You do you think you are? You were like again, you were
17:19
not chosen because you were weak.
17:21
You might have felt weak. You might have been in a
17:22
vulnerable state, but you're not weak.
17:24
You were chosen because you're you were that powerhouse Y'all.
17:26
You were powerful. You were strong beyond measure.
17:29
That's what ends up happening right here.
17:30
Y'all. You have to keep doing this type
17:31
of stuff. You have to empower yourself.
17:33
Yes it got pray God will help you pray God will help you, but
17:36
also put the work in right you've got to pray God will help
17:40
you but also put that work in what's going on the go.
17:43
How are we doing? Good.
17:45
Drop, pop and lock it pop drop your like, yeah, you got to do
17:48
something right there in that situation right there, y'all.
17:50
So you have to empower yourself. So I got a few minutes for a
17:53
couple questions. Drop some questions in the
17:54
comment section and we will answer get those questions
17:57
answered and whatnot. Right, La Donna, la Donna.
18:01
What's up on girl? Nicole says what about when they
18:05
act like they want to stay around so they do like backup
18:10
plans. You can go from being the grade
18:13
A supply, the main supply to being the backup.
18:16
You can't absolutely transition to the backup.
18:19
You how many times I've heard this happen before while I'm
18:21
doing I'll do like something over zoom right or phone call.
18:24
I do one-on-one zooms and phone calls right where you will be
18:27
married to them. You'll be that you will be their
18:29
husband or you you'll be the husband or the wife or
18:32
boyfriend, girlfriend of the narcissistic person right?
18:34
And then they'll cheat on you or leave you with somebody else and
18:38
then they'll come back into your life and still be trying to
18:40
sleep with you and successfully, duh, it successfully works.
18:45
I've talked to people before that have got left and became
18:49
the side chick side dude. Like man, I'm still asleep with
18:51
my ex. They left me for somebody else.
18:53
I just can't stop clapping the cheeks.
18:57
Damn it, you know what I'm saying?
19:00
Damn it, my head is still jacked.
19:01
It takes time to heal. Then don't rush.
19:02
Don't do not rush the healing process.
19:04
Y'all do not rush the healing process.
19:08
Don't do that. It helps nobody.
19:09
It doesn't help you. It only benefits the narcissist
19:12
when you rush the healing process because that's what ends
19:14
up happening when you try to rush the healing process, you
19:16
try to find somebody else, you'll hop into another
19:19
relationship and you'll find a worse person.
19:24
They out there, they out there, Ayesha said.
19:28
What if they beg you to have a baby while they have supply?
19:37
If they begging you to have a baby and they have somebody
19:40
else, don't. I'm gonna talk to you like it.
19:44
My sister don't fucking have a baby by them.
19:46
Why? Why on earth would you do that?
19:49
Why on earth would you use some shit like that?
19:51
Don't do that. That will be in that you do not
19:54
do that. I'm just saying just like that,
19:57
don't do that because why? Why would you do that?
19:59
They're with somebody else. They have a baby by you just to
20:01
keep you around, to waste your time, effort, energy and life
20:04
and to have your baby struggle and not know who their parent
20:06
is. You know what I'm saying?
20:07
Or be a very, very low, low part time parent that just pops in
20:12
and out of the baby's life to be the second family.
20:15
Don't do no shit like that. Don't do that.
20:17
Don't, don't. Hell, now don't do that.
20:19
So I had to cuss at you. So now, yeah, y'all be.
20:23
It's coming from a place of love.
20:27
Hell no. Our kids deserve better than
20:29
Aisha. Please don't do that.
20:31
Begging to have a baby while begging to have a baby while
20:33
he's with somebody else is fucking insane.
20:35
He's crazy. That's that's psycho shit.
20:38
Hell no, Jordan said. That's what I done.
20:42
I started standing up for myself and I said no.
20:44
And I stood on it, blocked that noise.
20:46
There you go. There you go.
20:48
No, no, all right, there you go see.
20:50
She said no, no, no, it's good. It's like, look, so I look.
20:52
So now I got to go into Big Brother mode.
20:54
I got to be like, don't you do that?
20:56
It's good luck. Y'all believe this or don't
20:59
believe this. I get chillbox.
21:00
What I'm saying I can see my my arms getting chillbox.
21:03
I want y'all to win regardless. I was like, well, a narcissist
21:06
wants you to win. No, I want you to live a good
21:08
life. I want you to have an empowered
21:10
life. I want you to have a great life.
21:12
I want your kids to live a great life.
21:15
I don't want y'all suffering intoxic relationship dynamics
21:18
that you don't have to be in right?
21:19
I know everybody's situation is different.
21:21
I know some people just can't up and leave right now, right?
21:23
I don't I understand. I completely understand that
21:25
some people don't want to leave. Hey, taste their own right?
21:28
I don't tell people to leave anymore.
21:29
That's something that you have to decide to do on your own
21:32
right? I just give you the information
21:33
when people, people, why do you want to book a one-on-one?
21:35
When people do one on ones with me or take a course, the courses
21:39
and whatever I have going on, the one on ones, they are
21:41
literally just to get to, to provide you information for you
21:45
to make a conscientious decision on your own whether you want to
21:48
leave or stay. You know what I'm saying?
21:50
I don't tell people to leave anymore.
21:51
That's something you have to do on your own.
21:53
Because if I, if I tell you to leave, right?
21:55
If I tell you to leave, it's me telling you to leave.
21:57
That's not you wanting to leave. You have to want to leave.
21:59
You have to do it on your own, 'cause I tell you to leave
22:01
subconsciously. Subconsciously you like, well,
22:04
Lee told me to leave or you know what I'm saying, or Lisa told me
22:08
to leave. Ladonna told me to leave.
22:10
Vicki told me to leave. It's not me wanting to do it.
22:13
So you have to make that conscious, conscientious
22:17
decision right there. You have to leave very
22:19
carefully. Yeah, absolutely.
22:22
Why are there so many narcissistic people nowadays or
22:24
people that are screwed up? I think narcissists have always
22:26
been around, right? I think social media and things
22:30
like that have just shined a brighter light on it, right?
22:34
I think that's what ended up happening.
22:35
Narcissists have always been around social media and all this
22:38
other stuff has just shined a brighter light on it, just
22:40
shined a spotlight on the right. It's like we narcissists been in
22:42
the darkness being social media. Just put the light on it.
22:45
I'm look, just think about this like you've reached you're
22:48
reaching around, you're reaching around in a dark room and you're
22:51
not just because you're not touching something doesn't mean
22:54
that there doesn't mean that there's nothing there.
22:56
Something is there right? You just can't touch.
22:58
You can't see it when the light gets shined on, you're like oh
23:00
shit, it's been here the whole time, right?
23:05
You're not a real person, that's for sure.
23:06
They just interact with the idea of you.
23:08
It ends up happening right there.
23:09
Y'all do they ever change? Very rarely.
23:14
Very, very, very, very rarely, right?
23:17
Very rarely. Sorry, I was going through the
23:21
comments social media big time. It became a great tool for
23:24
supply. Yes, my ex is a bum and new
23:27
supply gave him a place to live. I left him.
23:29
I wouldn't allow that. Why in the hell would he be
23:32
hoovering when he has new supply providing him a roof?
23:33
Because just because, like you remember I said earlier, he
23:36
might have just joined what I said earlier about transitional
23:39
supply. This is a transition.
23:43
This is why I lay my head. But I still want you.
23:46
You know what I'm saying? I still want to have you around,
23:48
but this is my transition. I'm just in, you know, I'm in a
23:51
group. This is me going from, I'm in
23:53
the group home right now, right? This is, it's kind of like going
23:56
from jail to use a halfway house.
23:58
It's kind of like from going from jail to a halfway house to
24:01
release right there. That's the like transitional
24:03
plot. Transitional supply is like the
24:05
halfway house, right? This what ends up happening?
24:08
Have I changed? Yeah.
24:09
So people will say I've changed. Have I worked to myself with
24:13
nine years of therapy? Yeah, I've absolutely put the
24:16
work in. Nine years of therapy.
24:17
Yeah. I'm 40 years old.
24:19
I've been in therapy since I was 32 years old.
24:21
I've been in therapy since I was 32.
24:23
I'm turning 41 in July, Right. So I've had nine years of work.
24:27
I had over 100 therapy sessions, right.
24:30
I've spent 10s of thousands of dollars in therapy and self help
24:33
and stuff like that. So I've changed my behaviors.
24:35
So I've been able to modify my behaviors or my reactions over
24:39
the last nine years. Yeah, I've been working.
24:42
Thank you, Lee. You helped me go to no contact
24:44
for more than a year. Had to break it recently because
24:47
our kid went to college. The X&R still looks for me to
24:50
help with our son. So it really just depends on how
24:53
you feel right there, right now. Right now, it really depends on
24:56
how you feel. Protect your peace as long as
24:57
you're protecting your peace and mental health, just just do
25:00
that. Let's just don't let that person
25:01
back in there set boundaries and stuff like that.
25:03
It's your it's to your comfort level, right?
25:07
Of course you you're in no contact.
25:08
Be be proud of yourself. I'm happy I'll be I'll be
25:10
cheering for y'all. I don't think I'll understand
25:12
that man. If y'all, like I said, even in
25:14
my support group, right? I people in my support group, we
25:16
have a, a Sunday, a Sunday night meeting every week.
25:19
They tell I we one thing we do every every Sunday night in my
25:22
zoom support group is we literally talk about the wins.
25:25
What's a win for this week? What's something you, what's a
25:27
victory that you achieved this week?
25:29
What's something you're proud of?
25:30
That's what we do. We move forward in the group.
25:32
Y'all, everything, y'all, literally everything is at
25:34
mentalillness.net. And we're not also my courses
25:42
and I think courses, yeah, everything I said, you go to my
25:45
website, go to my course website,
25:46
rightherecourses.mentalillness.net. Enter the code mothers or
25:51
fathers. You get 50% off the courses, you
25:53
know, and it's the the courses are super affordable.
25:55
It's not $1000 course $5000 course.
25:58
It's literally I forgot how much it got.
25:59
It's super cheap though. Y'all seriously
26:02
courses.mentalillness.net. I have two courses.
26:04
Understanding what you went through and how to successfully
26:07
leave a toxic relationship. Find it's not finding your why I
26:11
was that I was used to never saw it coming.
26:12
Yeah, a lot of people don't see it coming.
26:14
Don't be don't be ashamed of not seeing it coming.
26:15
Y'all so many people don't see it coming because like you get
26:17
blinded by love bombing, you get blinded by manipulation.
26:20
Like narcissists put their best foot forward, but you realize
26:24
it's a peg leg, right? They put their best foot forward
26:27
and look like this, like they, they'll put their best foot
26:30
forward and be like ha ha. And then they raise that shit up
26:33
and you realize that it's a peg leg.
26:35
It's not a real leg. Their best foot forward is a
26:38
fake foot. It's a false foot.
26:41
It's a false foot. He trying to lock you down.
26:44
Girl, what did I miss trying, But I feel like I'm feeling
26:51
look, look, fail, fail forward. I would say that right there.
26:56
Fail forward, what you got to do?
27:00
You're failing forward. Like sometimes you're going to
27:01
make mistakes, sometimes you're going to make errors, but you're
27:04
hot. You have to be you have to be
27:06
progressing, right? You might break no contact.
27:09
You might say, hey, look, but just because I said it like that
27:11
doesn't mean go break no contact, Lee said it's OK to
27:13
break no contact then fail. No, I did not say that.
27:19
I didn't say that at all. Yeah.
27:20
At least it's OK to break no contact.
27:22
No, I didn't. Have I ever been with a
27:25
borderline? No, I have not.
27:27
I've seen people borderlines. Borderlines.
27:36
The Captain Hook, Peg, like. Yes, Yes, ma'am.
27:39
The addiction to the honeymoon phase.
27:40
Once everything starts settling in, calming down, getting real,
27:43
It's boring for them. They panic.
27:44
The lies have the surface. They need their brains to
27:46
continue to light up. Yep, that's true.
27:48
Yep, that is true. I'm in a divorce process with a
27:52
narcissist. This shit is not for the weak.
27:53
No, keep going though, keep going, keep going, get through
27:57
it. You want to get through it,
27:58
power through it or whatnot. Seriously, you absolutely want
28:01
to power through it and whatnot y'all?
28:03
Oh shit, borderline. What do you do when they get
28:08
slow or slido? But it's really for attention?
28:11
You call the the the unaliving the self, the self deletion
28:15
hotline. Call that right there.
28:17
Call that and report them. You see what I'm saying?
28:21
Call that and report them. If they won't do it again, if
28:23
they're faking, they won't do that shit again.
28:24
Like they get they go, they get Baker acted and get put in a in
28:28
a get a grippy sock vacation for two days.
28:31
They'll stop doing that shit. How long is the honeymoon phase?
28:34
There's there's no set time limit for right?
28:38
There's no set time limit on the honeymoon phase.
28:41
It could be a couple weeks, could be a couple months, could
28:44
be a year. You just never know, right?
28:47
How do I get rid of the anxiety after leaving after learning
28:50
that he has been cheating on me for years, but claims no one can
28:52
ever take my place? You, you understand it Like
28:55
maybe. So let's say, let's be real
28:57
right here. He could absolutely mean that no
28:59
one could take your place, meaning that he thinks you
29:01
belong to him, meaning that he thinks you, he owns you, you're
29:04
his prized possession, right? And he also thinks that if you
29:07
stay with him, no one will ever put up with him getting no one
29:11
ever will ever put up with him cheating on them for years and
29:13
staying with him. So that's not a necessarily a
29:16
good thing. Breathe, you've been you like
29:20
you breathe. You've been traumatized.
29:22
I'm going to say this right here, because a lot of people in
29:25
here have been cheated on. Cheating is trauma getting they
29:31
they if they are cheating on you and you find out this, this
29:35
trauma, they are betraying you. That's a traumatic experience.
29:38
That's a traumatic experience. It's just it's literally just
29:42
imagine, just imagine your relationship is a vehicle.
29:45
Your relationship is a car, right?
29:48
You're driving along the road, right?
29:49
You're driving, you come through intersection, you you go through
29:52
the intersection and somebody T bones you out of nowhere.
29:54
You black out. That's trauma.
29:56
You get hit from the side, you get T boned out of nowhere.
29:59
That's betrayal, that's trauma. You get emotionally T boned, you
30:03
get emotionally, they flip your shit over.
30:05
That's traumatic. Somebody who traumatizes you
30:07
completely over and over again does not really truly care for
30:10
you. They think you belong to them.
30:13
But trail trauma is the worst. Absolutely.
30:17
Absolutely. Yeah.
30:20
I thought that mine was. I found out mine was married and
30:22
informed the wife. Everything and lies exploded and
30:27
he is creating stories that never happened.
30:28
I truly believe he believes his lies.
30:29
No. So no, he doesn't.
30:30
So getting right, he doesn't believe his lies.
30:31
He's just saying anything that he thinks will stick.
30:33
He's just making up a bunch of shit, hoping that somebody
30:35
believes it. No, no, no, no, I didn't really
30:38
sleep with her. I just, no, I didn't sleep with
30:40
her. We just had sex.
30:41
See, I didn't go to sleep. She went to sleep.
30:43
I put her, I put it on her. She went to sleep and then I
30:45
didn't go to sleep. I just, I had sex with her, but
30:48
I didn't sleep with her. You see, I never went to sleep
30:50
over there. Just stupid.
30:52
That sound, that sounds crazy, doesn't it?
30:55
Am I the grandiose type? I'm more covert narcissist.
30:57
Nobody, nobody in my real life knew I was a narcissist.
30:59
Y'all like being realistic, my friend for 30 years when I went
31:03
to DC last year, he I did a workshop in in DC.
31:06
He, he came up and told everybody.
31:08
He said, hey, I've been on this man for 30 years.
31:11
Nobody knows he's a narcissist. Don't come y'all.
31:13
Y'all can't just say I can tell by your eyes.
31:15
Nope. I never thought of treating his
31:21
trauma. What the heck that means the
31:22
last five years he has trauma. And he said, Oh yeah.
31:23
Oh yeah, girl, hell yo yeah, you got to if you still with him,
31:26
you got to have some work to do has some work to do right there
31:32
you mean but anyways, y'all I do got to hop off this thing.
31:34
I got to pick my son up from school and I got to pick pick my
31:37
both my sons up from school and then I pick my nephew up and
31:39
going to the wire to work out anyway, y'all like I said, if
31:42
you want to do a one-on-one over zoom or phone calls,
31:45
everything's at mentalillness.net.
31:46
My support group, my courses, everything is at
31:49
mentalillness.net. Check it out y'all, everything I
31:52
have is highly rated got a good got a lot of good reviews and
31:56
we'll not so check everything out and like I said, check
32:00
everything out over there at mentalillness.net.
32:03
You'll see after I had the opportunity to help a lot of
32:06
people, my one on ones over zoom, my courses I'm about to
32:08
start in my my in person workshops about to get started
32:11
back up as well y'all so y'all about to start see the in person
32:13
workshops for my folks in New York, my New York folks.
32:18
I'll be in New York City March I think 5th and 6th.
32:25
So if you're New York City, I might do like a little I might
32:27
do like a workshop. I might do like a not a
32:29
workshop. I might do like a little meet
32:30
and greet. I'll do I might go to a bar or
32:32
something like that and just say hey I'll be here if y'all want
32:34
to come say hey when I'm talking chat I'll be in New York City
32:39
the 5th and the 6th. If y'all want to click click
32:43
click this link right here to send you This is my reviews
32:45
right here. Y'all can check out my reviews
32:46
and stuff like that y'all. So I'll make something I say
32:49
when I'm when I get everything down packed, I will make, I will
32:53
put it out there about what time I'll be in New York and stuff
32:56
like that. Do I ever come to Virginia?
32:58
I live in North Carolina, so I'm in Virginia all the time.
33:01
Yeah, I live in North Carolina, so yeah, I'll be in Virginia and
33:04
whatnot. But anyways, y'all, I really,
33:08
truly appreciate y'all. I want y'all to win.
33:10
I'm thankful for you. I'm grateful for you.
33:13
Hit that subscribe button on my YouTube channel if you haven't
33:15
already. July 14th isn't my July 14th.
33:18
I'll be 4141. It's a blessing.
33:21
Getting old is a blessing, y'all.
33:23
Getting old is an absolute blessing.
33:25
You have a good day as well, Natalie.
33:27
I'm blessed to be getting old. All my folks who are 40 and up
33:30
love y'all. Let's get old together.
33:34
Anyways, y'all hit the subscribe button.
33:35
We will chat later this week. I'll probably be live again on
33:37
Wednesday y'all. And we will chat again y'all.
33:41
See y'all later y'all? Peace.
33:43
Oh my head is itching.