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Happy Hour with Tina: Sleep Wars, Parenting & Not Stopping at No · How Hard Can It Be? with Diana Maria Riva

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: Here we are.
• 0:04
  Speaker 2: How hard can it be with my besie for forty
• 0:06
  Speaker 2: years tuning in from Cincinnati, Ohio, our hometown.
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: So you know it's happy hour with Tina Woo.
• 0:14
  Speaker 3: We got for letting us have an amazing happy hour
• 0:20
  Speaker 3: and allowing us to enjoy you so much.
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: Oh yes, thank you, thank you.
• 0:26
  Speaker 2: I can't wait to talk to you about this episode
• 0:29
  Speaker 2: that just blew me away.
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: I blew me away.
• 0:34
  Speaker 2: Meeting Holly Robinson Pete having fallen in love with her
• 0:38
  Speaker 2: one she was on twenty one Jump Street. Felt seen
• 0:42
  Speaker 2: because she had hair like me, and then to hear
• 0:45
  Speaker 2: and find out that she is a mother and a
• 0:50
  Speaker 2: sister and a wife of that is walking through so
• 0:54
  Speaker 2: many things that we are walking through in life.
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: She was just a breath of fresh air and laughts.
• 1:00
  Speaker 3: It was so fun to be in the same room
• 1:03
  Speaker 3: with her.
• 1:04
  Speaker 2: My face hurt from laughing so hard with her. She
• 1:07
  Speaker 2: is just the most delightful and most just fantastic sense
• 1:12
  Speaker 2: of humor. Ever, but how how much did you not
• 1:16
  Speaker 2: just love the way she even referred to a husband.
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: She's like her husband.
• 1:19
  Speaker 2: Rodney Pete, NFL quarterback, can't talk to him about the
• 1:22
  Speaker 2: fact that he's eating kitkats and he shouldn't.
• 1:26
  Speaker 3: And the big dog and the bed. Yeah, I was
• 1:29
  Speaker 3: losing it.
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:31
  Speaker 2: I mean, you've been married as long as Holly Robinson has.
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: And you you know.
• 1:36
  Speaker 2: What she means when she's talking about there are things
• 1:38
  Speaker 2: that he's doing that I cannot. I've got to let
• 1:41
  Speaker 2: go and just let him be who he is, even
• 1:43
  Speaker 2: though she might be like you, sure you want that
• 1:45
  Speaker 2: kit cat.
• 1:46
  Speaker 3: That's right. But you know what I love is hearing
• 1:49
  Speaker 3: that because I want to tell so many of the
• 1:53
  Speaker 3: women I know, friends of mine, this bedroom thing is
• 1:56
  Speaker 3: a thing like that's happening here in Cincinnati. I know
• 2:01
  Speaker 3: several couples that have adopted this new practice.
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: Separate bedrooms we're talking about because.
• 2:06
  Speaker 3: Let's face it, we need to sleep. Yeah, if we
• 2:09
  Speaker 3: were getting to that point where our sleep because of
• 2:12
  Speaker 3: these lovely, lovely years, they you know, we're awake half
• 2:17
  Speaker 3: the night sometimes, yeah, or that we fall asleep and
• 2:21
  Speaker 3: then we can't go back to sleep.
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: But I want to ask you, you don't think that,
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: do you?
• 2:27
  Speaker 2: I wonder, because I don't have a separate bedroom from
• 2:30
  Speaker 2: my partner, do you think it could play into lack
• 2:35
  Speaker 2: of intimacy?
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: Well?
• 2:40
  Speaker 2: Do your friends sleep in separate bedrooms. Do they say
• 2:42
  Speaker 2: it it kind of.
• 2:45
  Speaker 3: No, No they don't. They said, no, it doesn't. They
• 2:49
  Speaker 3: said that it is meant for sleep, and they love
• 2:52
  Speaker 3: it because they're getting better sleep because of the snoring
• 2:55
  Speaker 3: factor and the possible factor, and that they're getting better sleep.
• 2:59
  Speaker 3: But they just they designate this cracks me up. They
• 3:01
  Speaker 3: designate one bed. It's the bed, you know, the intimate bed.
• 3:09
  Speaker 2: So the obviously, let's be honest, if you're sleeping in
• 3:11
  Speaker 2: a separate bedrooms, unless your house is huge and you
• 3:13
  Speaker 2: have two master bedrooms, someone got the good bedroom and
• 3:16
  Speaker 2: someone got for the kid's bedroom, right, And I'm sitting.
• 3:19
  Speaker 3: Here thinking like i'd want that bed where I get
• 3:22
  Speaker 3: to stay in the bed after like I don't want
• 3:24
  Speaker 3: to get.
• 3:24
  Speaker 2: Up, dude.
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: It was like the less movement, the better. So when
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: we're done, good night, see you the room. Now, see
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: my way out the door. I'm cozy right here in
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: the master bedroom.
• 3:38
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that's what I was thinking the whole time.
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: Never thought of that.
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: I need to I need to remember that if that
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: day should come. Well, I'm glad to hear, because we
• 3:46
  Speaker 2: don't know what affects our sleep until we do it,
• 3:48
  Speaker 2: until we until we try something different is a big deal.
• 3:52
  Speaker 3: What's really interesting, as though I was listening, was recently
• 3:55
  Speaker 3: Mike took a trip with his brothers and he was
• 3:57
  Speaker 3: gone Monday through Thursday. Yeah, and the weirdest thing, I
• 4:01
  Speaker 3: didn't sleep all week. Ah, that was the opposite. I
• 4:04
  Speaker 3: didn't sleep all week and then the even the night
• 4:08
  Speaker 3: he got home, I slept like a rock that night.
• 4:12
  Speaker 3: So I think too, sometimes your body, your persona, and
• 4:16
  Speaker 3: your mind, everything gets used to the pattern in the
• 4:19
  Speaker 3: ways and you just you know, that's that's your comfort zone.
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so but.
• 4:23
  Speaker 2: I will say that I don't. I mean, even though
• 4:26
  Speaker 2: we're in a cow king so it's a huge bed.
• 4:28
  Speaker 2: I have built a fort around me with pillows because
• 4:31
  Speaker 2: I need a pillow on this side and on this
• 4:33
  Speaker 2: side and one behind me obviously, so I can sleep
• 4:36
  Speaker 2: at a three quarter. I can't sleep on my side
• 4:38
  Speaker 2: because it smushes my face and I started noticing a
• 4:41
  Speaker 2: crease and my nose here from sleeping on that side.
• 4:44
  Speaker 2: I can't sleep on my back because I get nightmares,
• 4:46
  Speaker 2: and I can't sleep on my stomach because it's uncomfortable.
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: So I have to.
• 4:49
  Speaker 2: Sleep at a three quarter, which means I have to
• 4:51
  Speaker 2: wedge myself with an entire fort of pillows, and he's.
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: Like, hey, hey, how's it going. I'm just be over here.
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: I'm the neighbor. I'm the neighbor. I mean it's like so,
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: I mean we're kind of there, but you know, not really.
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: But then the other day he's such a quiet sleeper,
• 5:12
  Speaker 2: and the other day he week he was snoring every night,
• 5:15
  Speaker 2: and I.
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: Was just like, I can't. This is killing me.
• 5:18
  Speaker 2: Like I've got I already sleep poorly as it is,
• 5:21
  Speaker 2: like you said, with menopause and perimenopause uh symptoms. And
• 5:26
  Speaker 2: I was like, I cannot take on a snore. And
• 5:28
  Speaker 2: at this point, you can't start snoring.
• 5:30
  Speaker 3: Now you didn't, you can't. They got to go.
• 5:43
  Speaker 2: She went on to talk about not letting anyone define
• 5:48
  Speaker 2: your child's future.
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: How was that not a showstopper?
• 5:53
  Speaker 3: Yeah, there were so many There were so many entities
• 5:57
  Speaker 3: of that conversation that I could relate to. And that
• 6:00
  Speaker 3: was in a personal a personal side, and a professional side.
• 6:08
  Speaker 3: So when I was working as a certified driver, we
• 6:12
  Speaker 3: have specialists. I can't tell you how many families we
• 6:19
  Speaker 3: would talk to that they're seventeen to twenty five ish
• 6:25
  Speaker 3: is normally the range where these young adults want to
• 6:29
  Speaker 3: start driving with that diagnosis of autism or some portion
• 6:34
  Speaker 3: of the spectrum. And when she said that that it
• 6:40
  Speaker 3: was a physician, wasn't it.
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: Yes, it was a pediatrician.
• 6:44
  Speaker 3: That said the never to her. I was sitting there shaking, going,
• 6:48
  Speaker 3: do you know how many times that these people have
• 6:52
  Speaker 3: been told they'll they'll never drive? And some do not,
• 6:56
  Speaker 3: some with the diagnosis do not, and some do. That's
• 7:00
  Speaker 3: just one of those things that you're not going to
• 7:02
  Speaker 3: know until you get there, Until you try. I would
• 7:04
  Speaker 3: tell so.
• 7:04
  Speaker 2: Many money and nobody can predict that necessary, right, Yeah.
• 7:07
  Speaker 3: And then they will do you think they're going to drive?
• 7:09
  Speaker 3: And I'd say, I have no idea, But how do
• 7:13
  Speaker 3: you know until you try?
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: Yeah?
• 7:15
  Speaker 3: Yeah, there's no reason to give up. Thank god she
• 7:18
  Speaker 3: didn't give up, or her husband with their foundation and
• 7:22
  Speaker 3: the things that they did for him, because here he is,
• 7:25
  Speaker 3: you know, her son Dodgers killing it.
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: It's really it really turned out to be. And and
• 7:33
  Speaker 2: you know, I can't wait for everyone to listen to
• 7:35
  Speaker 2: this episode and hear what we mean when we're referencing
• 7:39
  Speaker 2: never Day. You gotta go and listen because this can
• 7:43
  Speaker 2: come from so many perspectives of somebody in your child's life,
• 7:47
  Speaker 2: a physician, a school counselor a friend, or even sometimes
• 7:51
  Speaker 2: a family member making a diagnosis or prediction about your
• 7:56
  Speaker 2: child because.
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: They think they know.
• 7:58
  Speaker 2: And the truth of the matter is is that you
• 8:00
  Speaker 2: have to take it one day at a time with
• 8:02
  Speaker 2: your child and see what truly is going to come
• 8:06
  Speaker 2: to path, because nobody really knows until you walk through it.
• 8:11
  Speaker 2: And for someone to put that that boundary on you,
• 8:16
  Speaker 2: or not even that boundary, build that wall before you've
• 8:19
  Speaker 2: even had an opportunity to explore, is really something that
• 8:22
  Speaker 2: we could we could fall into a person can a
• 8:24
  Speaker 2: parent can fall into the belief that this school counselor
• 8:30
  Speaker 2: or this physician are demigods and they know more than
• 8:35
  Speaker 2: me because I'm not a school teacher and i haven't
• 8:37
  Speaker 2: seen all this, or I'm not a doctor. And the
• 8:38
  Speaker 2: truth of the matter is that they're human and they
• 8:40
  Speaker 2: made mistakes all the time, and it's worth, it's worth
• 8:45
  Speaker 2: always giving your child an opportunity to prove all of
• 8:48
  Speaker 2: them wrong, prove them wrong.
• 8:50
  Speaker 3: Yeah, So the same thing happened in high school with
• 8:54
  Speaker 3: my daughter. She really really wanted to do with this
• 8:57
  Speaker 3: mission trip. And this mission trip was very worn't to her.
• 9:00
  Speaker 3: It was going to be her junior year. She had
• 9:02
  Speaker 3: to do things ahead of time to even be considered
• 9:05
  Speaker 3: as a candidate for the mission trip. So she accomplished
• 9:09
  Speaker 3: all of the things that it took to be a
• 9:12
  Speaker 3: candidate for the mission trip. Then gets accepted, and then
• 9:17
  Speaker 3: they came back with with Lily's type one diabetes, we're
• 9:23
  Speaker 3: not sure if this is a good idea for her.
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: Wow.
• 9:27
  Speaker 2: After accomplished and she went through all the measures of
• 9:30
  Speaker 2: accomplishing the prerequisites to be accepted into this mission program,
• 9:35
  Speaker 2: a high school program, and then they decide.
• 9:40
  Speaker 3: After the fact, which was worse.
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: Of course.
• 9:42
  Speaker 3: Then I went to our doctor had children's and said, okay,
• 9:47
  Speaker 3: here's the parameters. That doctor looked at me and she said, Tina,
• 9:51
  Speaker 3: I have people. There are type one diabetics all over
• 9:56
  Speaker 3: this world doing things much more ter than Lily is
• 10:01
  Speaker 3: planning to do. She goes, We're still in the United States,
• 10:04
  Speaker 3: for God's sake. Yeah, and by the way, this isn't
• 10:07
  Speaker 3: a disease that's like gonna I mean, she's managed well, yeah,
• 10:11
  Speaker 3: she she has this disease in perfect management. There was
• 10:14
  Speaker 3: no reason and the doctor said, who do you need
• 10:17
  Speaker 3: me to what do you need to be sign? What
• 10:19
  Speaker 3: do you need me to write? This is ridiculous. She goes,
• 10:21
  Speaker 3: this is ridiculous. So we did. We called the meeting
• 10:25
  Speaker 3: it and by that time my daughter was like, I
• 10:28
  Speaker 3: don't want to go. You know they She was like,
• 10:32
  Speaker 3: they're they're acting like I am this liability.
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: That they can't handle.
• 10:36
  Speaker 3: She said, you know what, I don't need that on me.
• 10:38
  Speaker 3: I'm not going for that reason. I don't want to
• 10:40
  Speaker 3: be that person that gets all this attention or that
• 10:44
  Speaker 3: has to have these special circumstances or this stuff shipped in.
• 10:48
  Speaker 3: And there was just a lot of parent things that
• 10:51
  Speaker 3: we would have to do ahead of time, and we
• 10:54
  Speaker 3: were willing to do them, but again it was ridiculous.
• 10:57
  Speaker 3: And so I was listening to Holly thinking.
• 10:59
  Speaker 2: Yeah, uh well, how it propelled her like you to
• 11:04
  Speaker 2: this advocacy for your child which changed changed everything. So
• 11:08
  Speaker 2: let me just ask you.
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: Did Lily not go?
• 11:11
  Speaker 3: She didn't go.
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: She didn't go, but it was on her terms, right,
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: it was on her terms.
• 11:17
  Speaker 3: They then said, oh, okay, you can go.
• 11:19
  Speaker 2: Yeah. See that's the thing, like before it gets to
• 11:22
  Speaker 2: that point where they crush a person's dream and then
• 11:25
  Speaker 2: it makes them think differently about themselves, which she went.
• 11:29
  Speaker 2: She walked out with her pride and dignity and said,
• 11:32
  Speaker 2: I'm not placating you guys, but i will say that
• 11:35
  Speaker 2: it is really something to see a mother or a
• 11:40
  Speaker 2: parent step in with advocacy for their child. And it
• 11:44
  Speaker 2: starts from day one. They're specialists, or there's counselors, or
• 11:47
  Speaker 2: there there are guidance people, or there are people in
• 11:50
  Speaker 2: positions of decision making. Whatever, they're not all right, and
• 11:54
  Speaker 2: it is it is up to us to to listen
• 11:57
  Speaker 2: to our guts like Holly did and her and her
• 12:00
  Speaker 2: husband Rodney, and the two of them went on to
• 12:04
  Speaker 2: do really amazing things for the autism in Parkinson's community
• 12:08
  Speaker 2: and for their son's life. Cheers to parents never stopping
• 12:12
  Speaker 2: at no there we go clinklink. How hard can it be?
• 12:19
  Speaker 2: With the anamadea Ariva is a Hyphenit Media group production
• 12:22
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• 12:26
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• 12:29
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