Latest / The Dr. Sarah Hensley Show / Episode 4, Season 1: Why Women Won't have Sex with their Husbands/Partners

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Episode 4, Season 1: Why Women Won't have Sex with their Husbands/Partners · The Dr. Sarah Hensley Show

0:08
Speaker 1: Welcome the Love Doc Podcast, Episode four. I'm your co host,
0:13
Speaker 1: Reina Butcher here with the lovely doctor Hensley.
0:16
Speaker 2: Hey, Hey, Hey.
0:18
Speaker 1: Tell us a little bit about yourself, Doctor Hensley.
0:20
Speaker 2: Well, I'm a specialized social psychologist and I've been studying
0:23
Speaker 2: the science of attachment and attraction in cide romantic relationships
0:27
Speaker 2: for over fifteen years. So I am here to answer
0:30
Speaker 2: everybody's burning relationship questions and talk about love and life
0:35
Speaker 2: and all things surrounding it.
0:36
Speaker 1: And today we got a doozy. So today we are
0:40
Speaker 1: actually going to talk about probably one of your most
0:43
Speaker 1: what I would say, controversial videos that you did on
0:47
Speaker 1: TikTok that actually went super super.
0:50
Speaker 2: Viral, mega ultraviral.
0:52
Speaker 1: Yeah. In fact, I think on x which used to
0:55
Speaker 1: be Twitter, it had like seventeen million views.
0:58
Speaker 2: Oh, it got up to like thirty crazy. Yeah, USA
1:01
Speaker 2: Today picked me up USA Today.
1:03
Speaker 1: That is crazy. So I'm sure everyone's very curious what
1:07
Speaker 1: this topic is, and it is why women will not
1:12
Speaker 1: have sex with their husbands or aka partners. And of
1:16
Speaker 1: course this topic goes into deep rooted pathologies of attachment
1:24
Speaker 1: and lots of different things that you're going to touch
1:27
Speaker 1: on today. And this is an opportunity really for you
1:29
Speaker 1: to get to expand on that video because it did
1:32
Speaker 1: go viral, it did, and it was only what like
1:35
Speaker 1: seven minutes long, and it got.
1:37
Speaker 2: Yeah it I quite remember how long.
1:39
Speaker 1: Most of your videos is about seven eight minutes long.
1:41
Speaker 1: But it got lots of people pretty upset, and so
1:44
Speaker 1: I think this is a really great men It got Okay,
1:47
Speaker 1: it got the men really upset. But here's the thing. Uh,
1:52
Speaker 1: you know, what you're trying to do for men is
1:55
Speaker 1: teach them what it is that can make their sex
1:59
Speaker 1: life more feeling, trying.
2:01
Speaker 2: To help them get laid. Yeah, I mean, how can
2:04
Speaker 2: you hate on that? Right? I know though there was
2:07
Speaker 2: men listening quietly and taking notes.
2:10
Speaker 1: Yes, I know there were, for sure. And those were
2:12
Speaker 1: the ones I think that gave you some I mean
2:14
Speaker 1: there were men that gave you good feedback.
2:15
Speaker 2: Sure there were a handful, yeah, yeah, but a lot
2:18
Speaker 2: of men were very triggered.
2:19
Speaker 1: Yeah, for sure.
2:20
Speaker 2: And here's the crazy thing, though, I've been coaching now
2:23
Speaker 2: for a while, and when you try to support women,
2:28
Speaker 2: the men get really mad. When you try to support men,
2:30
Speaker 2: the women get really mad. The women want to blame
2:33
Speaker 2: all the relationship problems on men, and men want to
2:35
Speaker 2: blame it all on women, and the fact of the
2:37
Speaker 2: matter is they're equally screwed up.
2:39
Speaker 1: That's right, that's right, So we don't we're not favoring
2:42
Speaker 1: men over women, women over men. That's not what this
2:44
Speaker 1: is about. Really. Ultimately, what this is about is what
2:47
Speaker 1: I just said, which is helping people, right, It's helping
2:51
Speaker 1: people acknowledging what it is that you know makes specifically
2:54
Speaker 1: a woman feel safe when it comes to intimacy, and
2:58
Speaker 1: so you know, touch on that because I know, really
3:01
Speaker 1: what's it's ultimately about is about emotional safety, right.
3:04
Speaker 2: It is. So in short term relationships, in the dating phase,
3:09
Speaker 2: you know, there's a big physical attraction component, there's a
3:11
Speaker 2: huge chemistry component. In the honeymoon phase, we are releasing
3:15
Speaker 2: so many chemicals that make us physically attracted to someone, right,
3:20
Speaker 2: And so our sexuality can be largely driven by physicality
3:25
Speaker 2: and this physiological response. But in terms of long term relationships,
3:31
Speaker 2: when those chemicals have died down and reality has set
3:34
Speaker 2: in and we see people's flaws and we've had conflict
3:39
Speaker 2: over time, sex takes on a little bit of a
3:44
Speaker 2: different role in a relationship, and individuals really struggle to
3:54
Speaker 2: understand how to keep the spark going, to keep it
4:00
Speaker 2: where it's enjoyable and it's a priority. And there's very
4:07
Speaker 2: few things in relationships that I'm like, there's a clear
4:10
Speaker 2: gender difference here, but this is just one of them. Yeah,
4:13
Speaker 2: this is just one of them where being female is
4:18
Speaker 2: a very different experience in terms of one sexuality in
4:21
Speaker 2: a long term relationship versus being male. And so for women,
4:27
Speaker 2: and I will die on this hill. I mean, hey, USA, today,
4:31
Speaker 2: I'll die on this hill. Right. For women, the biggest
4:35
Speaker 2: reason not the only reason, but the biggest reason that
4:39
Speaker 2: they lose attraction for their husbands is because their attachment
4:43
Speaker 2: needs are not met, and because their attachment needs are
4:46
Speaker 2: going unmet, they do not feel emotionally safe with their husbands.
4:53
Speaker 2: And if you do not feel emotionally safe, you lose
4:56
Speaker 2: your desire to open up your body because there's of
5:00
Speaker 2: intimacy when safety goes and being naked and doing the
5:05
Speaker 2: dang thing is intimate.
5:08
Speaker 1: Yeah, well that's the most vulnerable year it.
5:10
Speaker 2: Are, It's extreme vulnerability. Yeah, And so if someone is
5:15
Speaker 2: hurting you emotionally, you will not want to open up
5:20
Speaker 2: your body to door. And this it like blew men
5:24
Speaker 2: away like this was this insane foreign concept.
5:27
Speaker 1: You don't want to just have sex to have sex,
5:30
Speaker 1: Like I feel like some of the men that no,
5:32
Speaker 1: you know, that hated on it were kind of had
5:35
Speaker 1: that mentality of like, wait, like it's not just this
5:38
Speaker 1: physical thing.
5:39
Speaker 2: Absolutely not like there was a separation between sex and emotion.
5:45
Speaker 2: Hate to tell you. In long term relationships for women,
5:50
Speaker 2: these things go hand in hand.
5:53
Speaker 1: And I think that you and I again, there's there's
5:56
Speaker 1: lots of examples we can give in terms of the
5:59
Speaker 1: attached insecurities. From a personal standpoint, Oh, for sure, because
6:04
Speaker 1: we came from relationships that you know, we really struggled
6:09
Speaker 1: to be able to give ourselves fully to them sexually, absolutely,
6:13
Speaker 1: because we didn't feel emotionally safe. Absolutely, and and I
6:17
Speaker 1: mean without getting too deep into that, like some examples
6:21
Speaker 1: in terms of our personal life, but some examples of
6:25
Speaker 1: attachment insecurities, like real life examples give some examples of Okay.
6:30
Speaker 2: So you know, this does require a little background on attachment.
6:33
Speaker 2: So I definitely think people should go over to my
6:36
Speaker 2: YouTube channel or my TikTok channel and kind of do
6:38
Speaker 2: some deep dives. But for example, we may have somebody
6:42
Speaker 2: who has fearful avoidant attachment, and they have a huge
6:47
Speaker 2: betrayal wound, and so their biggest attachment need is to
6:50
Speaker 2: trust and that sort of takes the form of being seen, heard,
6:54
Speaker 2: and understood inside of their relationship. They really need to
6:57
Speaker 2: feel like somebody knows me deeply. My partner can predict me.
7:00
Speaker 2: My partner can sort of guess my needs and swoop
7:03
Speaker 2: in there and meet them for me because he knows
7:06
Speaker 2: me deeply. And since he knows me deeply and he
7:09
Speaker 2: meets my needs without having to be asked, I can
7:11
Speaker 2: trust him. Right. Pair somebody like that with a dismissive
7:15
Speaker 2: avoidant who is sort of emotionally blind. Right. They don't
7:20
Speaker 2: study other people, they have the blinders on. They're very
7:24
Speaker 2: self directed individuals. They miscues for connection. They don't pick
7:28
Speaker 2: up on other people's needs and meet them very easily.
7:30
Speaker 2: And you have a recipe for that fearful avoidant woman
7:35
Speaker 2: to feel extremely emotionally unsafe because she feels like her
7:40
Speaker 2: needs are never being noticed when she does bring them up.
7:45
Speaker 2: The dismissive avoidance does what dismissive avoidance do, and they
7:49
Speaker 2: dismiss other people's needs. Oh you shouldn't feel that way,
7:52
Speaker 2: Oh you're wrong, you're oversensitive, and so they have absolutely
7:57
Speaker 2: no way of getting their needs met inside of a relationship,
8:00
Speaker 2: especially their emotional needs.
8:01
Speaker 1: And that's just the day to day things that they're
8:03
Speaker 1: dealing with. Yeah, then you bring sex into the equation, right,
8:06
Speaker 1: and it's like oh no, no, no, right, like you
8:08
Speaker 1: dismissed me over here two days ago. You didn't care
8:11
Speaker 1: about me at all, right, and you expect me to
8:13
Speaker 1: give myself to you fully now, there's no way.
8:15
Speaker 2: Right, It doesn't feel safe, right, right, It feels like
8:18
Speaker 2: you don't care about me.
8:19
Speaker 1: It feels icky. It feels so icky, it really does,
8:22
Speaker 1: like and I know people gave you flack for even
8:25
Speaker 1: using the word iky, but I mean, there's no other
8:28
Speaker 1: way to describe it, like there's in speaking of the
8:31
Speaker 1: FA I was going to ask you like the FAFA
8:33
Speaker 1: dynamic because I feel like that's the backgrounds that we
8:37
Speaker 1: came from in our past relationships. And I know that
8:40
Speaker 1: there was no emotional safety with my partner who was
8:43
Speaker 1: also a FA.
8:44
Speaker 2: Right because too fearful avoidance. Fearful avoidance tend to be
8:48
Speaker 2: very emotionally reactive. They have the most trauma, They're triggered easily,
8:53
Speaker 2: they tend to have their dominant trauma response be the
8:55
Speaker 2: fight response. They are prone to getting more mean, more
8:59
Speaker 2: spiteful during conflict because if they've been made to be
9:02
Speaker 2: in pain, they need to make you in pain because
9:04
Speaker 2: their deepest need is to be understood. And so when
9:07
Speaker 2: they make you in pain, then in their subconscious mind
9:10
Speaker 2: it's like, well, you know you made me in pain,
9:12
Speaker 2: I've made you in pain. The playing field's level, we
9:14
Speaker 2: understand each other, we can connect, and we can work
9:16
Speaker 2: this out. Even though that's completely dysfunctional and doesn't make
9:19
Speaker 2: a lot of sense consciously, that's what ends up happening.
9:22
Speaker 2: And so you have two people who are hidden below
9:26
Speaker 2: the belt yea, and really saying hurtful things or doing
9:29
Speaker 2: hurtful things, even becoming physically aggressive. And then how do
9:35
Speaker 2: you repair that to where you can be soft and
9:41
Speaker 2: open and loving and sensual and feminine and right when
9:46
Speaker 2: somebody has called you horrible names or disrespectiveness terribly right,
9:53
Speaker 2: or you know you've been in this abuse dynamic or
9:57
Speaker 2: whatever it is. There's all sorts of ways, depending upon
10:01
Speaker 2: your attachment style, that you may feel emotionally unsafe. Yeah,
10:05
Speaker 2: the dismissive avoidant woman, which they get no attention. So
10:08
Speaker 2: I'm going to bring to light, you know, that attachment
10:11
Speaker 2: style for that gender. Their biggest need is for peace
10:15
Speaker 2: and harmony in relationships. And if they are married to
10:19
Speaker 2: an FA who is then hyper critical of them when
10:22
Speaker 2: the biggest thing that hurts them is criticism because they
10:25
Speaker 2: feel defective on the inside. They're not gonna want to
10:28
Speaker 2: have sex with you right, right because they feel constantly criticized,
10:31
Speaker 2: constantly defective, constantly never enough, never doing it right. And
10:37
Speaker 2: how does that foster any degree of physical attraction? You can't,
10:41
Speaker 2: It's impossible.
10:42
Speaker 1: So I'm curious, why is it that? Why do you
10:45
Speaker 1: think psychologically that men aren't the same? Why don't they
10:52
Speaker 1: have that same or do they?
10:54
Speaker 2: Right?
10:54
Speaker 1: Do they have some degree of having to feel emotionally
10:57
Speaker 1: safe as well to have sex.
10:59
Speaker 2: I think it depends on their attachment. But I also
11:02
Speaker 2: think there is a gender component. I think that naturally,
11:07
Speaker 2: even even anxious preoccupied men, which is a little bit
11:11
Speaker 2: of a rare breed. I rarely find a true anxious
11:14
Speaker 2: preoccupied men, but I do have some in my practice.
11:18
Speaker 2: Even they can compartmentalize a little bit better than the
11:21
Speaker 2: anxious preoccupied woman can. There's a hormonal component I mean
11:25
Speaker 2: testosterone makes you want to get it on. Yeah, So
11:29
Speaker 2: there's some different physiological aspects. And when we study men's physiology,
11:34
Speaker 2: I mean they can they can get into it more
11:36
Speaker 2: quickly than we can, right, And so I think their
11:40
Speaker 2: ability to compartmentalize, plus just their faster physiological response makes
11:46
Speaker 2: it easier for them to meet that need and sort
11:49
Speaker 2: of put the problems in a box and get that
11:53
Speaker 2: need met, right, and then when it's over, you know,
11:58
Speaker 2: realize that there's problems right, right, like uncompartmentalized. Yeah, And
12:03
Speaker 2: a lot of women struggle more to do that. That's
12:07
Speaker 2: why that dismissive avoidance are largely men. Yeah, we see
12:12
Speaker 2: very few women dismissive avoidance. I would say it's probably
12:16
Speaker 2: an eighty five fifteen split if I had to guess, Yeah,
12:19
Speaker 2: and fewer anxious, preoccupied men.
12:22
Speaker 1: Yeah. And I wonder too if men are more apt
12:26
Speaker 1: to use it as this or view it as this
12:30
Speaker 1: band aid. Right, it's this way that they know things
12:33
Speaker 1: are not good, right, but they feel like in this
12:37
Speaker 1: moment they can be right that.
12:39
Speaker 2: Yeah.
12:40
Speaker 1: Yeah, if that can be close, like this is sometimes
12:43
Speaker 1: the only way I can feel close to my partner,
12:47
Speaker 1: you know, And this is I say this as a
12:49
Speaker 1: way to kind of give the men out there, you know,
12:52
Speaker 1: some understanding, because yes, there's this physiological standpoint, but also
12:58
Speaker 1: I think too sometimes they think, well, this is my chance,
13:01
Speaker 1: you know, to feel close to my partners.
13:04
Speaker 2: So if we have a dismissive, avoidant man who really
13:08
Speaker 2: struggles with emotional vulnerability, like they're terrified of emotional vulnerability
13:12
Speaker 2: subconsciously and so they're very emotionally distant, one of the
13:16
Speaker 2: ways that they do seek connection sometimes is just through
13:20
Speaker 2: physical intimacy. And so when they don't get that, then
13:23
Speaker 2: there's no connection at all, right, because that's the only
13:26
Speaker 2: form of connection that's safe connection. And then number two,
13:29
Speaker 2: A lot of men use sex for validation because I
13:32
Speaker 2: think about the culture. I think about teenage boys. You
13:35
Speaker 2: have a teenage boy, yeah, I do, you know, and
13:37
Speaker 2: so you're sort of like you're a little bit in
13:39
Speaker 2: that culture. I mean, we remember teenage boys from high school, and.
13:44
Speaker 1: Let's be honest, I mean females seek sex for validation
13:49
Speaker 1: as well.
13:50
Speaker 2: I think in a different way though. I think men
13:53
Speaker 2: seek it for outside validation and women seek it for
13:57
Speaker 2: internal valid or. I think women, especially younger women, and
14:03
Speaker 2: this is heartbreaking. But this is just this is honestly
14:07
Speaker 2: my personal opinion. I don't have any science behind this.
14:11
Speaker 2: Some women, when there's such attachment insecurities, they feel like
14:15
Speaker 2: that's the only card they have to play, and so
14:18
Speaker 2: you play it first because they feel like it's they
14:22
Speaker 2: feel like it's a you know, of their sleeve, and
14:28
Speaker 2: if it means doing that versus being abandoned, while I'm
14:31
Speaker 2: going to do that right because my fear of abandonment
14:33
Speaker 2: is so big, right, So there's some internal validation there
14:36
Speaker 2: that I'm wanted, I'm chosen if I do this right,
14:40
Speaker 2: and that might sort of you know, make me more
14:42
Speaker 2: attractive or that will make them want me. But actually,
14:46
Speaker 2: you know, the research shows the opposite. The research shows
14:50
Speaker 2: the all fact opposite that if you hold out, you
14:54
Speaker 2: have such a higher probability of that man bonding with
14:57
Speaker 2: you and actually sticking around.
15:00
Speaker 1: Right, and ultimately a better sex life. Oh goodness, yes,
15:03
Speaker 1: because achieving your attachment security, I mean, that's one thing
15:07
Speaker 1: that's one benefit of achieving your attachment security is that
15:10
Speaker 1: you just have an overall better sex life.
15:12
Speaker 2: Oh my goodness.
15:13
Speaker 1: Because the intimacy is I mean, you experience sex on
15:18
Speaker 1: this deeper level, you have more connection with your partner,
15:21
Speaker 1: you feel more, you feel safer, you know, I mean,
15:24
Speaker 1: there's all these things that allow you to to just
15:27
Speaker 1: enjoy it so much more.
15:29
Speaker 2: You can fully enjoy the pleasure. You can let go.
15:32
Speaker 2: That's why a lot of women can't experience pleasure during
15:35
Speaker 2: sex is because they cannot let go. They cannot let
15:38
Speaker 2: go of how do I look, what's busy in my
15:42
Speaker 2: head for the day, or my problem. I still struggle
15:45
Speaker 2: with this, right, I can't get in a mental space
15:48
Speaker 2: where I can truly be free, free of judgment, free
15:52
Speaker 2: of my judgment against myself, of fearing of my partner
15:55
Speaker 2: judging me right, and I can just let go and
15:59
Speaker 2: just focus on the pleasure. The more secure you get,
16:03
Speaker 2: the easier it is to do that, because you're letting
16:06
Speaker 2: go of the judgment of yourself. And if you are
16:09
Speaker 2: in a secure and healthy relationship, your partner is only
16:13
Speaker 2: reinforcing how wonderful you are and beautiful and accepted you are,
16:18
Speaker 2: and when you feel fully accepted and fully beautiful and
16:21
Speaker 2: fully loved and safe. And for women, it's such about
16:27
Speaker 2: safety because we are the more vulnerable sex. And that's biblical.
16:32
Speaker 2: It says we're the weaker sex, and people get so
16:34
Speaker 2: offended by that. Oh gosh, Okay, all right, let's get
16:39
Speaker 2: in the weight room and let's take the average ten
16:41
Speaker 2: men and the average ten women, and let's see who
16:43
Speaker 2: can live more work, right, right? I doubt that men
16:45
Speaker 2: have to walk around every day in a dark parking
16:48
Speaker 2: lot worrying about whether they're going to be assaulted. That
16:51
Speaker 2: doesn't happen very often. We worry about it every day.
16:54
Speaker 1: Of our life, every single day.
16:55
Speaker 2: We're the weaker freaking sex, right, And it is of
16:59
Speaker 2: the masculine to want to be protected, but not just physically.
17:02
Speaker 2: And that's what men run with. They're like, well, I'm
17:04
Speaker 2: this physical provider, I'm this financial provider. Okay, are you
17:09
Speaker 2: the emotional provider for your household?
17:11
Speaker 1: Right?
17:11
Speaker 2: You should be in charge of the emotions of your household.
17:14
Speaker 2: You should be who everybody's looking to for the emotional
17:19
Speaker 2: tone of the house.
17:19
Speaker 1: Yeah.
17:20
Speaker 2: And a spiritual leader is absolutely and that goes I mean,
17:23
Speaker 2: that goes hand in hand.
17:24
Speaker 1: It all goes hand in hand.
17:25
Speaker 2: Yeah.
17:25
Speaker 1: Well, and I mean if you take those components that
17:27
Speaker 1: you just listed, I mean that really is living in
17:31
Speaker 1: true masculine yeah, oh yeah, and not having that wounded masculine.
17:37
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, the wounded masculine is terrible. It's awful, it's toxic,
17:40
Speaker 2: and you know, I hate I even don't like the
17:43
Speaker 2: word toxic masculinity. But the wounded aspect of the masculine, Yeah,
17:51
Speaker 2: it can.
17:51
Speaker 1: Be touched on that because I'm curious and I'm sure.
17:54
Speaker 2: Because I think it's gone too far. Right, there's always
17:57
Speaker 2: like the pendulum that just swings too far. When we
18:00
Speaker 2: start acting like all masculinity is toxic, then.
18:02
Speaker 1: We're in trouble, right, right.
18:04
Speaker 2: Masculinity is needed, yes, it is needed, but people don't
18:08
Speaker 2: understand what masculinity is. Like. Being vulnerable is masculine because
18:13
Speaker 2: it's brave. Yeah, it is not brave to be completely
18:18
Speaker 2: stoic and hide all of your emotions and run off
18:20
Speaker 2: and go into your turtle shell and just then distract
18:23
Speaker 2: your way through life because because of fear of telling
18:27
Speaker 2: your truth and being who you are, and because with
18:30
Speaker 2: vulnerability there's fear of rejection, there's fear judgment, and that's
18:32
Speaker 2: freaking brave. And so really masculine men are vulnerable with
18:38
Speaker 2: their emotions with women.
18:41
Speaker 1: And that's what some men. I don't not all, but
18:43
Speaker 1: some men don't fully understand or they're just they're just
18:48
Speaker 1: reluctant to want to accept that, you know, they just
18:52
Speaker 1: they feel like they have to be you know, four tough, yeah,
18:58
Speaker 1: or like Superman, and that's not that's not the case
19:02
Speaker 1: here because and you know, and that that kind of
19:04
Speaker 1: brings up the idea that men also need to soften.
19:08
Speaker 1: To the idea, this is something that I touched on
19:11
Speaker 1: a few times within your practice when I was coaching
19:14
Speaker 1: with a few clients that felt that had that wounded masculine,
19:18
Speaker 1: masculine that felt like they had to always be you know,
19:21
Speaker 1: chess puffed out. You know, I got to take care
19:23
Speaker 1: of this and I got to take care of that
19:25
Speaker 1: when no, what I was trying to teach him was actually,
19:28
Speaker 1: you also need to soften. You need to become more vulnerable.
19:32
Speaker 1: You need to become more accepting of things that you
19:35
Speaker 1: know your partner may want to do that doesn't feel
19:38
Speaker 1: like something that she shouldn't do because it feels too masculine,
19:41
Speaker 1: and that's something that you have to do for her,
19:44
Speaker 1: Like that's not what it's always about. And it teeters
19:47
Speaker 1: right like there has to be this really great balance
19:50
Speaker 1: between the feminine and the masculine. And even though I mean,
19:54
Speaker 1: we kind of went down this rabbit hole, it's it
19:57
Speaker 1: just kind of that's where when it comes to intimacy
20:00
Speaker 1: and sex, it leads you right right, because it's when
20:03
Speaker 1: you're when you're in an intimate sexual relationship. It's all
20:07
Speaker 1: about the roles of the masculine and the feminine. Yeah,
20:10
Speaker 1: because they come to.
20:11
Speaker 2: Light, they do. And so the true masculine, the unwounded,
20:17
Speaker 2: secure masculine, is a leader without being bossy. He takes,
20:25
Speaker 2: He is a decision maker while taking into deep consideration
20:30
Speaker 2: the needs, wants, and desires of his partner. He is
20:35
Speaker 2: a doer, so he is not passive waiting for somebody
20:40
Speaker 2: else to make the decision. He is a doer. But
20:43
Speaker 2: because he is so intimately in touch with his wife,
20:48
Speaker 2: he chooses things that ultimately make her happy.
20:52
Speaker 1: That's because he that's where we've lost touch.
20:55
Speaker 2: Because he uses the data on his wife to make
21:00
Speaker 2: the decisions, because he has developed the capacity to study.
21:06
Speaker 1: Her, right right, And he's taken inventory.
21:10
Speaker 2: He's taken inventory, and he thinks about things and then
21:15
Speaker 2: he leads. And then the feminine is to receive. The
21:20
Speaker 2: masculine is absolutely to give, and the feminine is to receive.
21:24
Speaker 2: And when women can truly receive that load, I mean
21:29
Speaker 2: women always complain about the mental load, right, it's just
21:33
Speaker 2: lifted and it is the most freeing. I'm getting chills
21:36
Speaker 2: saying this because I experienced this in my marriage and
21:41
Speaker 2: it is insanely beautiful and it makes me want to
21:46
Speaker 2: rip my husband's clothes off on the daily basis. I
21:50
Speaker 2: just want to I just want to get on that
21:53
Speaker 2: man all the time.
21:54
Speaker 1: Well, and this is the crisis, right, this subject that
21:57
Speaker 1: we're discussing right now is the marriage crisis if you
22:02
Speaker 1: really think about it, is because it's women taking on
22:06
Speaker 1: too much and not allowing their men, or the men
22:11
Speaker 1: just expecting to be taken care of and sitting back
22:14
Speaker 1: and you know, watching their TV shows, what you know,
22:17
Speaker 1: their wife friends around cooking and cleaning and doing seven
22:19
Speaker 1: loans of laundry and there's no true partnership there. And
22:23
Speaker 1: then there is this imbalance. There's this imbalance of you know,
22:31
Speaker 1: things that you have to get done within the house,
22:33
Speaker 1: but there is also this imbalance of like feeling like
22:37
Speaker 1: there's the females taking on too many roles that the
22:41
Speaker 1: ment that the man should do.
22:43
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I mean attachment needs are huge because that
22:46
Speaker 2: really makes an important difference, right, Like a dismissive, abordant
22:51
Speaker 2: woman is going to need a lot more space in
22:53
Speaker 2: an anxious, preoccupied order, right, So meeting specific attachment needs
22:58
Speaker 2: is really really important. However, if we zoom out right,
23:05
Speaker 2: the science really shows us what happy marriages look like. Okay,
23:09
Speaker 2: if we zoom out, and the happiest marriages are where
23:14
Speaker 2: the man is the leader and the decision maker, and gosh,
23:17
Speaker 2: the feminists are going to come after me. But when
23:20
Speaker 2: he is the leader and the decision maker, what he's
23:23
Speaker 2: doing is he has taken into account all of the
23:28
Speaker 2: wants and needs of his wife, and that is the
23:30
Speaker 2: primary piece of data he's using in his decision making.
23:35
Speaker 2: But he's taking the load off of her of having
23:39
Speaker 2: to make the hard decisions. Right, and when there's deep trust,
23:44
Speaker 2: there is no problem in allowing your husband to do
23:47
Speaker 2: that because I know, I fully one hundred percent know
23:53
Speaker 2: that every decision that my husband makes is going to
23:56
Speaker 2: be for my well being and I am ninety nine
24:00
Speaker 2: point nine nine nine percent likely to be extremely happy
24:04
Speaker 2: with that decision. And that is because we have true intimacy.
24:09
Speaker 2: He is in his true masculine. I am in my
24:12
Speaker 2: true feminine and then our sex life is great because
24:16
Speaker 2: of that, because I can let go and I can
24:19
Speaker 2: be free, and I can receive, and he knows that
24:23
Speaker 2: I respect him and I trust him, and men equate
24:26
Speaker 2: love with respect. Yeah, and they feel men feel so
24:31
Speaker 2: good being the leader? Do they feel so good being
24:35
Speaker 2: the leader? Nothing makes them happier. And let me tell
24:37
Speaker 2: you how this role reversal starts. It starts when and
24:41
Speaker 2: this happened in my first marriage. You've got a young couple.
24:45
Speaker 2: They start playing house, and the woman's like, I want
24:49
Speaker 2: that house, and I want that car, and I want
24:52
Speaker 2: this many babies, and I want all these things. And
24:55
Speaker 2: the man really just truly wanting to make his wife happy,
24:59
Speaker 2: is the yes man. Okay, we'll get that big house
25:02
Speaker 2: that we really can't afford. Okay, I'll get you that
25:04
Speaker 2: car that we really can't afford. Okay, you know, we'll
25:07
Speaker 2: have that third child that even though we're drowning into
25:10
Speaker 2: but you've got baby fever, We'll have that third child.
25:13
Speaker 2: And then here's what happens. She becomes insanely overwhelmed by
25:18
Speaker 2: all those choices that she made because in her mind,
25:22
Speaker 2: when she made them, and he said, yes, he was
25:25
Speaker 2: going to equally contribute to holding half of it up, right,
25:30
Speaker 2: But that's not how he views it in his mind.
25:32
Speaker 1: Right.
25:33
Speaker 2: He was like, you wanted it, you manage it.
25:37
Speaker 1: I gave it to you.
25:38
Speaker 2: I gave it to you, I helped pay for it.
25:41
Speaker 2: What more do you want? And so now she's juggling
25:46
Speaker 2: this mental load of how do I take it all?
25:49
Speaker 2: Care of all these kids? And how do I you know,
25:52
Speaker 2: we're behind on the bills and we've got all these things.
25:55
Speaker 2: And then he become and the more criticized he gets,
25:57
Speaker 2: he becomes more passive, and he comes more checked out.
26:03
Speaker 2: And this is not all men. Sure, okay, this is
26:05
Speaker 2: not all men. This tends to be I would say,
26:07
Speaker 2: you're not more of the avoidant men.
26:11
Speaker 1: Yeah.
26:12
Speaker 2: And then the woman's mad and she resents him she.
26:16
Speaker 1: Doesn't feel safe, and then she doesn't want to have
26:18
Speaker 1: sex with him, right.
26:18
Speaker 2: And then he's over here confused, is absolute, get out.
26:21
Speaker 1: Everything you wanted?
26:23
Speaker 2: Right, and like now you're unhappy, like you're never happy,
26:26
Speaker 2: You're never happy, And then that's their like mentality. And
26:29
Speaker 2: then the women and so here's the thing. Women play
26:32
Speaker 2: a role in this too. Women need to look to
26:35
Speaker 2: their husbands to be the final decision maker. Oh my gosh,
26:40
Speaker 2: I'm gonna get nailed to the cross for this. But
26:45
Speaker 2: but pick a husband that you are absolutely sure will
26:50
Speaker 2: make a sound and wonderful decision that you will.
26:54
Speaker 1: Be happy with. Here's a great example within my marriage.
26:59
Speaker 1: I married some one who has no children. I have
27:02
Speaker 1: a child. Mm hm. And I would one hundred percent,
27:06
Speaker 1: even in my forties, if my husband came to me
27:09
Speaker 1: and said I want a child and I think this
27:11
Speaker 1: is something we should do, I would one hundred percent
27:15
Speaker 1: give him that child.
27:16
Speaker 2: So different than me, I've been like or at least
27:19
Speaker 2: I would try to.
27:22
Speaker 1: I know you said, Sarah told me one time, five
27:23
Speaker 1: million dollars. You want to give.
27:25
Speaker 2: Five million dollars? To come up with five million dollars,
27:27
Speaker 2: and I'll do it.
27:28
Speaker 1: But so there have been moments, Yeah, there have been
27:32
Speaker 1: moments where so we have we have decided, of course
27:34
Speaker 1: to not have children. Yeah, and you know I have
27:37
Speaker 1: a child, But there have been moments that I have
27:43
Speaker 1: said let's have a child. Yeah, let's do this, And
27:48
Speaker 1: instead of being a yes man, Josh has stood firm
27:53
Speaker 1: and saying no, this isn't what our life is going
27:58
Speaker 1: to be. I am okay with this. I love you.
28:02
Speaker 1: What we have is enough, and we are going to
28:04
Speaker 1: build this beautiful life together. Yeah. And then I can
28:07
Speaker 1: sit back and because as a female, it's difficult for
28:10
Speaker 1: me to let that part of myself go right right,
28:13
Speaker 1: Like I told him once that like I was mourning
28:17
Speaker 1: my womb, like yeah, literally, and he was. But I
28:20
Speaker 1: trust him. I trust that when he says, not that
28:24
Speaker 1: I haven't brought it up a few times, but I
28:26
Speaker 1: trust when he says that he is okay, he's accepted
28:30
Speaker 1: that part of his life that he will never father children.
28:34
Speaker 1: I trust that that is his truth. Yeah, And so
28:37
Speaker 1: I live it, and I live the fact too that
28:40
Speaker 1: our life will be wonderful without it.
28:43
Speaker 2: Girl, who's gonna get to travel?
28:48
Speaker 1: Sleep? I know, I get to sleep now. It's great,
28:51
Speaker 1: It's amazing. I know it's I mean.
28:54
Speaker 2: You don't have a child screaming in the alexa at
28:56
Speaker 2: two in the morning because they're too hot or they
28:58
Speaker 2: need a drink of water. We're coming and standing in
29:01
Speaker 2: your face and scaring the absolute crap out.
29:03
Speaker 1: Of you, you know.
29:05
Speaker 2: I mean, we're just starting to get out of that.
29:07
Speaker 2: Our youngest to six and we're just starting, yeah, to
29:12
Speaker 2: get out.
29:13
Speaker 1: It's still hard though, you know, because you know, my
29:16
Speaker 1: husband is just this wonderful, beautiful, morally just man that
29:21
Speaker 1: would just make the most beautiful father, and so like
29:25
Speaker 1: part of it, part of me mourns it for him
29:28
Speaker 1: as well. But again I trust that when he says, hey,
29:31
Speaker 1: this is something that even before I met you, I
29:34
Speaker 1: had I had to be okay with, right, like I
29:38
Speaker 1: had accepted that, you know, you know, I was a
29:40
Speaker 1: little long in the tooth, and you know that, you know,
29:43
Speaker 1: children for me probably just wasn't gonna happen, you know,
29:46
Speaker 1: and so and you know, and he takes his job
29:49
Speaker 1: as a stepfather very very serious and and he is
29:53
Speaker 1: he is such a good dude.
29:55
Speaker 2: And that's the thing. And man, that doesn't that give
29:58
Speaker 2: you some respect for him? Absolutely, But he stood his ground.
30:01
Speaker 1: Because he could be like, all right, you know you,
30:03
Speaker 1: let's do that. If you're mourning your womb, I'll give you.
30:06
Speaker 1: I'll try.
30:08
Speaker 2: Your womb is probably kind of fleeting, it is, and
30:11
Speaker 2: a hormonal decision. And he's able to see a little
30:13
Speaker 2: bit past that, right and into the future and trajectory
30:17
Speaker 2: of your lives and taking into account how you live
30:20
Speaker 2: your lives now and everything he knows about you and
30:22
Speaker 2: everything he knows about what you really want, right, and
30:26
Speaker 2: so like there usually ends up happening to be a
30:29
Speaker 2: final decision maker. Now, I always stress compromise. I mean,
30:34
Speaker 2: my whole foundation of coaching is about things have to
30:38
Speaker 2: work for both people. And at the end of the day,
30:42
Speaker 2: when you got two people, somebody's got to be the tiebreaker, right, right, right,
30:46
Speaker 2: And you need to have a man that you trust
30:50
Speaker 2: enough that his tie breaking decision is going to ultimately
30:54
Speaker 2: be the right one. So when he makes it, you
30:55
Speaker 2: can let go and be like, I trust it, okay,
30:58
Speaker 2: And I feel good about that, and I'm and I
30:59
Speaker 2: feel relieved. I actually feel relieved.
31:01
Speaker 1: Yeah, relieved. It's great, it's great this load, Thank you
31:06
Speaker 1: very much.
31:07
Speaker 2: And man, I don't think there's anything that turns a
31:08
Speaker 2: woman on more than that. No, No, there's nothing that
31:11
Speaker 2: makes me want to have sex more than my more
31:13
Speaker 2: with my husband than when he makes a decision.
31:16
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's very sexy. It's so sexy.
31:18
Speaker 2: I don't even want to choose where we eat.
31:20
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't.
31:21
Speaker 2: I don't. I don't want to make any I don't
31:23
Speaker 2: want to make any real decisions.
31:25
Speaker 1: I'm still learning, I have to admit, I'm still learning
31:29
Speaker 1: to let that part of me go. Another you know,
31:34
Speaker 1: real life example is, you know, I randomly bought chickens
31:37
Speaker 1: online and without talking to my husband about it, and
31:43
Speaker 1: you know, I will say he was he wasn't happy
31:45
Speaker 1: about it. He was like, how why would you buy
31:52
Speaker 1: four chickens without at least telling me that you're going
31:55
Speaker 1: to do this, you know. And but again, he's been
31:59
Speaker 1: a trooper and terms of and this is one reason
32:02
Speaker 1: why I do respect Josh so much is that I
32:07
Speaker 1: can do something that maybe is the old me, and
32:14
Speaker 1: he puts me in my place, and so then it
32:16
Speaker 1: allows me to really recognize that, oh I just I
32:20
Speaker 1: just did something that the old me really would have done, and.
32:23
Speaker 2: It casts problems for you.
32:25
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, because I mean, even though it's kind of
32:28
Speaker 1: this ongoing joke now about the chickens, chickens are a
32:32
Speaker 1: lot of work. Don't let anybody tell you to be different,
32:36
Speaker 1: you know. But he always had like all these projects
32:38
Speaker 1: that he has to do, like chicken projects. He's made
32:40
Speaker 1: these jokes like, you know, well, your next husband's really
32:43
Speaker 1: gonna love that project, because he's kind of putting his
32:46
Speaker 1: foot down. But Josh really puts me in my place too.
32:50
Speaker 1: Not only is he great at like making decisions, but
32:54
Speaker 1: he puts me in my place when when I haven't,
32:57
Speaker 1: when I am maybe being too when I'm being too controlling.
33:01
Speaker 2: But in a loving way, absolutely in a respectful way,
33:04
Speaker 2: in a compassion kind way. And that's the difference. That's
33:07
Speaker 2: what we're talking about here. We're not talking about a
33:09
Speaker 2: man bossing around a woman.
33:10
Speaker 1: No, no, no, no.
33:12
Speaker 2: There's no bossing around. There's no controlling going on here
33:16
Speaker 2: at all. There's mutual respect, mutual respect for sure.
33:18
Speaker 1: That's really what it is. It's just mutual respects.
33:21
Speaker 2: Mutual respect. And so that's the zoomed out perspective. If
33:26
Speaker 2: we zoom in and we get really specific, what makes
33:31
Speaker 2: each woman feel emotionally safe is absolutely related to her
33:35
Speaker 2: attachment style. So I agree there's this gender component where
33:41
Speaker 2: women need to be in their feminine They need to
33:43
Speaker 2: feel free, they need to be of the receiving, they
33:47
Speaker 2: need to be able to trust, they need to feel
33:50
Speaker 2: lots of respect for their husbands and that turns them on.
33:54
Speaker 2: But part of the way that we get there is
33:58
Speaker 2: through her individual attack needs being met, right, So the anxious,
34:03
Speaker 2: preoccupied person really needs reassurance. They need lots of words
34:08
Speaker 2: of affirmation that they are loved. They need lots of
34:11
Speaker 2: quality time spent with them. They actually want all the
34:15
Speaker 2: level languages, all of them.
34:16
Speaker 1: They need all of.
34:17
Speaker 2: The things equally right. They want the gifts to touch,
34:20
Speaker 2: the quality time, the acts of service, and they need
34:23
Speaker 2: it a lot. And I mean they do. Their needs
34:27
Speaker 2: bucket is big, and yeah, do they need you to
34:32
Speaker 2: do some work around that. Absolutely, But if you know
34:35
Speaker 2: this about your partner and you love them and you're
34:38
Speaker 2: trying to love them in a way that feels good
34:40
Speaker 2: to them, some sensitivity to that and being aware of
34:44
Speaker 2: that and doing what you can to meet their needs
34:48
Speaker 2: while setting your own boundary, while setting your own boundaries
34:51
Speaker 2: right is going to make her more physically attracted to you,
34:55
Speaker 2: because she's going to feel safe and more secure and
34:58
Speaker 2: more secure. You're full avoidant woman fear full avoidance want
35:02
Speaker 2: to be loved for who they are, and they want
35:05
Speaker 2: to be seen, heard and understood. They want to be
35:07
Speaker 2: their messy, dysregulated, you know, quirky self and still be
35:13
Speaker 2: loved and know that they're not going to be abandoned,
35:16
Speaker 2: and they're not going to be judged. Yeah, they want
35:21
Speaker 2: to be seen, heard, and understood deeply. They want people
35:23
Speaker 2: to study them because they study other people. And they
35:25
Speaker 2: want people to anticipate their needs and meet them. And
35:28
Speaker 2: my husband is so good at anticipating my needs. Am
35:33
Speaker 2: I at my desk and I don't have my water?
35:36
Speaker 2: Guess what? He notices that I left it on the
35:38
Speaker 2: counter and brings it to me, you know, Like it's
35:42
Speaker 2: those little things all throughout the day, the small little
35:47
Speaker 2: things that he notices about me and sweeps in there
35:51
Speaker 2: and does it. And that is leadership. That is leadership,
35:54
Speaker 2: That is safety, that is protection, That is leadership. That
35:57
Speaker 2: is intimacy. And feel so cared for and so safe
36:02
Speaker 2: with him. And we have the same attachment style, right
36:05
Speaker 2: Like he's a former fearful avoidant where I'm former FA.
36:09
Speaker 2: We've both earned our security, but we are both hyper vigilant.
36:13
Speaker 2: We both have the same need to be seen, herd
36:15
Speaker 2: and understood. And I think it works because we meet
36:18
Speaker 2: that for each other really well. The dismissive avoidant woman
36:22
Speaker 2: does not want to be criticized. She wants to be
36:24
Speaker 2: spoken to really gently, really softly. She wants to be
36:30
Speaker 2: seen as good She wants to be seen as somebody
36:37
Speaker 2: who is valued in the relationship for you know, all
36:43
Speaker 2: of her qualities, especially her drivenness and her focus and
36:51
Speaker 2: her hard work. They're usually really really hard workers. They
36:55
Speaker 2: want to just be asked if their partner has a need.
37:00
Speaker 2: They just want to say, hey, you know, could we
37:02
Speaker 2: do this? I would really like it if we did
37:04
Speaker 2: this thing or if this happened in our relationship. Instead,
37:07
Speaker 2: if you don't do this and I don't like it, right,
37:09
Speaker 2: that is so painful. The attachment style that can accept
37:13
Speaker 2: criticism the least is the dismissive.
37:15
Speaker 1: Avoidant because they feel so diffect.
37:17
Speaker 2: They feel so defective. And so if you have a
37:21
Speaker 2: dismissive avoidant woman and you're criticizing her all the time
37:25
Speaker 2: and you're saying, you don't prioritize me, and you didn't
37:27
Speaker 2: do this, and you're not thoughtful and you're you know,
37:30
Speaker 2: there's shut down. They're just going to shut down. And
37:34
Speaker 2: so when you're not meeting a woman's attachment needs, she
37:37
Speaker 2: cannot be in her feminine energy. She cannot feel safe
37:41
Speaker 2: to receive. And let's face it, a lot of what
37:46
Speaker 2: helps us be in the mood is.
37:48
Speaker 1: Receiving that's right. That is ultimately you have to be
37:54
Speaker 1: able to be able.
37:55
Speaker 2: To do yeah, so you have to be able to
37:58
Speaker 2: receive it. Even think about the physiology and our anatomy.
38:03
Speaker 1: That's what I just meant.
38:05
Speaker 2: The men are the givers and the women are the receivers.
38:08
Speaker 2: Not always, but it's tipped in that balance, right, yep.
38:13
Speaker 1: So there's all these components. It's spiritual, it's physical, yeah,
38:18
Speaker 1: it's emotional, but ultimately it all equates to safety.
38:24
Speaker 2: Safety. Safety.
38:26
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm feeling safe with your partner.
38:28
Speaker 2: And the definition of safety has not been well defined.
38:34
Speaker 2: Men have a skew Okay, let me take that back.
38:38
Speaker 2: Not all men, right, many men, the haters that were
38:41
Speaker 2: commenting on Twitter have a skewed view of what safety
38:45
Speaker 2: in a marriage looks like. They think, I'm a physical
38:48
Speaker 2: protector and I'm a financial provider. And what more does
38:51
Speaker 2: she want?
38:53
Speaker 1: Right?
38:53
Speaker 2: She wants you to love her in the way that
38:55
Speaker 2: she wants to be loved. She wants you to pay
38:58
Speaker 2: attention to what her needs are, and she wants you
39:01
Speaker 2: to meet those needs emotionally for her, and then she
39:03
Speaker 2: will feel motivated and turned on.
39:07
Speaker 1: And then she'll do the same for you.
39:09
Speaker 2: Yes, and then in return, you're gonna get respect, and
39:12
Speaker 2: you're gonna get trusted, and you're gonna get kindness and
39:15
Speaker 2: a lot's a great. So like, I'm just trying to
39:19
Speaker 2: help you out.
39:19
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, don't don't. Don't come at us, okay, because
39:23
Speaker 1: we are. We are really truly trying to help to
39:26
Speaker 1: help the guys out here.
39:28
Speaker 2: And there's there's just a lot of science behind this.
39:30
Speaker 2: This is not just some random psychologists' opinion about this. Yeah,
39:35
Speaker 2: there's science around the happiest marriage dynamics, and the happiest
39:39
Speaker 2: marriage dynamics are ones where the man is the leader
39:43
Speaker 2: of his household physically, emotionally, spiritually, and financially.
39:48
Speaker 1: Yep, check check check check check check check check. Yeah. Well,
39:52
Speaker 1: I think that this was a great opportunity really for
39:56
Speaker 1: you to expand on this subject and hopefully clear up
39:58
Speaker 1: some things. You know, you might so have some haters coming.
40:00
Speaker 1: I don't know.
40:01
Speaker 2: Oh gosh, yeah, but you know what, I don't care.
40:02
Speaker 1: I know, you don't. I know you don't do you.
40:04
Speaker 2: Know how how little I care about I know, I know,
40:07
Speaker 2: and it matters this.
40:09
Speaker 1: I'm so you for that, I really am.
40:12
Speaker 2: I refuse to live a life where I am not
40:15
Speaker 2: authentic and where I don't speak my truth because that's
40:17
Speaker 2: a prison.
40:18
Speaker 1: That is a prison.
40:19
Speaker 2: Talk about feeling free, being free and inner peace or
40:23
Speaker 2: like hand in hand and if if you let let
40:27
Speaker 2: somebody else that doesn't even know you like their opinion
40:32
Speaker 2: bother you, that's a prison.
40:35
Speaker 1: Yep.
40:35
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't want to be in that prison, and
40:37
Speaker 2: I won't be in it and I never will be
40:38
Speaker 2: I know.
40:39
Speaker 1: So I'm really proud of you.
40:40
Speaker 2: Had you just drive up the traffic go ahead, comment away,
40:45
Speaker 2: that's right.
40:45
Speaker 1: I feel like it was probably a lot of the
40:47
Speaker 1: haters that actually really drove the algorithm for that.
40:51
Speaker 2: We're sure, thank you haters.
40:54
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's right.
40:56
Speaker 2: USA Today linked my website.
40:58
Speaker 1: That's right. Well, if you are having intimacy issues within
41:04
Speaker 1: your relationship and you want to learn more about doctor
41:07
Speaker 1: Hensley's services, please visit her website at the Datingdecoder dot
41:11
Speaker 1: com and please continue to tune into this podcast. We
41:15
Speaker 1: have so much more to come. And you know, I
41:18
Speaker 1: say it every time. Doctor Hensley has so much knowledge
41:20
Speaker 1: to share with us, and she's just this huge, huge,
41:24
Speaker 1: great resource when it comes to your intimate relationships. So
41:29
Speaker 1: please like, subscribe, follow all the things, share et cetera,
41:33
Speaker 1: et cetera, and yeah, we love you, and listen, here's
41:37
Speaker 1: to good sex, right, like this wonderful part of why
41:45
Speaker 1: I never had no idea. I had no idea, And really,
41:50
Speaker 1: what good sex equates to is true intimacy and I'm
41:53
Speaker 1: just so grateful that I now have it. And honestly, again,
41:57
Speaker 1: what we're trying to do here is is it's teach
42:01
Speaker 1: people so that everybody can have that right. We want
42:03
Speaker 1: everyone to have for sure, that deep intimate experience that
42:07
Speaker 1: we get to have with our partners.
42:09
Speaker 2: Again, and nothing that I'm saying here isn't backed up
42:12
Speaker 2: by psychological research, by solid science. I mean, we've studied
42:16
Speaker 2: marriage dynamics, we've studied sex. We know, right, and so
42:20
Speaker 2: it's not just like, oh, this is some rambling opinion. No,
42:24
Speaker 2: I mean there's a science to this, right, and I
42:26
Speaker 2: think that that's why. And again, this isn't the only reason. Okay,
42:32
Speaker 2: I'm not saying the only reason women don't have sex
42:35
Speaker 2: with their husbands is because they're not in their feminine
42:37
Speaker 2: energy and because their attachment needs aren't being meant. There
42:39
Speaker 2: are other factors, sure, but when we're talking about the
42:42
Speaker 2: most common things, the biggest reasons. Ye, that's what it is.
42:46
Speaker 1: Well, if you want to learn more about doctor Hensley's services,
42:48
Speaker 1: please visit her at the dating dakoder dot com and
42:50
Speaker 1: continue to tune in and until then, peace, love, and perspective.
43:00
Speaker 1: They have per