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Sober Talk SA - Henry 2 · Sober Talk SA

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  Welcome to Sober Talk. I'm Dennis and I've lived
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  experience of alcohol. If you or anyone you know is
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  struggling with alcohol, please call Alcoholics Anonymous on
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  1300 double 22222 or check out their website on aa.org dot a U
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  I'll just run through the preamble of Alcoholics
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  Anonymous. Alcoholics Anonymous is a
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  fellowship of men and women. We share their experience,
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  strengthen up with each other. They must solve their problems
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  and help others to recover from alcoholism.
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  The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop
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  drinking. There are no Jews of Feast for A
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  membership. We are self supporting through
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  our own contributions. A is not allied with any sect,
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  denomination, politics, organization or institution.
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  Does not wish to engage in any controversy, neither endorses or
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  oppose any causes. Our primary purpose is steer.
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  So many help other Alcoholics achieve sobriety.
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  Good on My name is in Realman alcoholic and it's really good
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  to be able to share me story. I I grew up in a little southern
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  in the West W Australia. And I always, I could say that I
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  had a pretty good childhood. My parents were immigrants from
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  Europe and yeah, me dad, me dad was quite religious so as my mum
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  and I had. Well, I've got an older sister,
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  two older brothers and a younger brother, so I'm sort of in
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  between at school. I just want, you know, sort of
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  do very well at school. I wasn't really interested in
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  being at school. I was more interested in, you
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  know, getting me and. Starting to work as soon as I
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  could really. I was scored fourteen, which was
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  you know pretty common landing. This is back in the early 70s.
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  Turned 14 and 74 we get as a builder so I just write a letter
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  and said that. Henry's got a job.
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  And if you kind of let us find that you got a job, you could
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  leave school at 14. So I think I've turned 14 and
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  then two weeks later, just school.
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  And I can remember that day. I thought that was best, one of
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  the best days of life, leaving school like I was free.
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  But then I started working, you know, so I was only a kid.
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  But. I always, always had this sense
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  of, you know, not not quite fitting in as as much as I want
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  to sit in. And like I said, you know, the
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  parents are very religious and we did the church sing every
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  Sunday and you know, dad would cry before every meal and then
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  like at evening meals. Make sure to do the Bible
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  reading and talk about the reading.
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  And so I had a lot of religious instruction, if you like, and I
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  had a lot of No Fear I suppose or anxiety as a kid and I didn't
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  quite know why or I didn't really question that actually.
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  I just it was just the way it was for me and.
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  You know, so at a very early age I remember I can it must have
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  been in grades and also in primary school and I'm seeing a
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  couple of balls of beer and I brought a ball of beer eating
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  that was like a big deal and that was good fun and stuff.
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  So and I got an older brother of life looked up to him and.
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  He'd sort of he's, he like drinking and stuff as well.
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  And well, there's school. I started, you know, drinking on
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  the weekends and that and getting sick, of course.
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  But a lot the why the alcohol made me feel and that was the
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  whole thing, that it made me feel good.
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  It made me sort of escape that anxiety.
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  And that inbuilt fear and there was this thing where I remember
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  Miguel always used to say you know, like don't be going down
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  the pubs and stuff like that. There was just a lot of fear
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  about real drinking pubs and that and course like I just, I
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  just wanted to be part of that, you know and so.
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  I think I was more of been 15, but it didn't seem that much
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  long after on last school. Then the older brother took me
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  to the pub and they'll send the party with a beer on the bar.
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  And also, wow, this is really, really cool, like, you know?
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  It was that thing of now that you work like a man, you can
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  drink like a man. And I had this sense of like
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  blackouts and I didn't know what a blackout was until, you know,
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  I got to I I many years later. But I did have blackouts for the
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  ability smoked dug as well. That was a big part of our
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  story. So smoke and dug.
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  A drink and then just basically run into mutt.
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  But there was that one saw to me that felt that I just, I wasn't
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  right. And then there was the other
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  sword of me that I just I just sort of couldn't connect with.
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  And it wasn't until years and years later that I got into I,
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  I, and all sort of mating 1. One time, and this guy said that
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  he always felt like he was too bad for the goodies and too good
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  for the baddies. And that's what I felt like.
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  It's OK. I could hang out with the
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  baddies if you like all the people that you know, didn't
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  sort of bother too much about what was going on, mate.
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  They seemed to have this thing where?
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  You know, But you know, for me, I'd get up in the morning after
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  being out and doing stuff and stepping out on the drink, and
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  then the next morning I'd I'd get that guilt kicking in and
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  people that I like hanging out with when I was drinking.
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  I didn't seem to have that, that fear and stuff the next morning.
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  Where? With me, I remember many, many
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  times like I'd wake up before the sun come up and I there was
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  part of me that I just couldn't wait for that sun to come up to
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  find out what what actually happened the night before, what
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  I'd done cause I couldn't remember.
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  I'd be lying there racking my brains trying to work out what
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  happened the night before, and I'd get stuff where I'd get
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  this. Hang a fear, kicking me out so
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  I'd realize I'd go, wow, what did I do or what did I say?
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  And then there was another side of me where I just didn't want
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  the sun to come up and I didn't wanna know what happened the
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  night before. So I was stuck in that crazy
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  dilemma. But you know, I got married
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  later on and I had some kids and.
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  I suppose I was what they call a high functioning alcoholic.
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  So I've always worked and I had that work ethic instilled in me
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  from a very young age. I was that thing, you know, if
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  you don't work you donate. So, you know, I've always worked
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  hard and stuff, so I've always had money, but but but there was
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  that thing and again, you know, what's the stuff that I know
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  now? I only know because, you know,
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  I've been in the room. So I've been in Alcoholics
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  Anonymous for a few while now, and I've learned a lot about
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  myself as an alcoholic. And you know, there was a time
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  there, you know, like I've got married, I had kids, had three
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  beautiful kids, had a beautiful wife.
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  The house, like I had it all. And yet, you know, there was.
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  There was no. Satisfying this.
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  And again, this is what I heard in I I, you know, I heard this
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  someone described as a hole in the soul.
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  And I really, really that that that phrase really resonated
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  with me. That was that you know, I got
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  everything that I thought would fix me on the outside.
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  And then it was what? What next?
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  What next? What next?
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  I didn't describe like this too. It was like someone described.
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  It was like having like having a cold night.
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  And I've got this blanket, this blanket, and it's not quite long
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  enough. So like I'll cover my feet.
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  Like my chest is exposed. I've got a cold chest and I lift
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  the blanket up and I just there was that sense.
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  Of frustration that I had, and I think that's closer to how I
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  could describe how I felt for many, many, many years.
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  A sense of frustration and asked me what I was frustrated about.
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  You know, I couldn't. I couldn't really know it down
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  to one thing. It was many, many things.
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  And so, you know, I left my wife, I left my three beautiful
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  kids, so, you know, I could drink and I didn't know.
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  But that's the reason I did that at the time, You know, I blamed
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  many other things. I'm not blind, other people, you
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  know, from my marriage breakdown.
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  But you know, I've since I've been cyber, I've come to realize
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  that it was. Alcoholism and you know there's
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  a part in the big book that talks about the alcoholic being
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  self-centered and selfish to the very core and that was me
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  through on the three. You know, there's a part in the
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  big book too, describes the alcoholic as like, you know,
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  tornado going through people's lives, you know, breaking hearts
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  and. Panel did all that.
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  You know, there's a thing and I say that Alcoholics and it was
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  just the most expensive clump to get into.
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  And it's not only monetary terms but you know mostly in that to a
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  lot of, you know, people around me, the people that love me the
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  most, I I paid all costs for me to get in the rooms too.
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  But I was so grateful. That I did get in the rooms and
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  you know, Alcoholics Anonymous has has just been an incredibly
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  a learning process to be able to live with me and you know, the
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  alcohol standard, my emotional growth.
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  So I picked up me first. Well, I started, I was seriously
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  treating on the weekends and that and I was about, you know,
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  1415 And then so when I finally got sober that the age of 43, I
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  had the emotional makeup of a, you know, maybe a 14 year old.
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  Kid and I thought I was a man because, you know, I provided, I
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  worked hard and I brought home the money and that.
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  But emotionally, you know, I have to say I wasn't there for
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  more kids and I wasn't there for my wife neither, you know, So,
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  but I can only see that after, you know, all coming up for 20
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  years this year. And I'm playing Cyber now and
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  and that's not, you know, thanks to me it's it's thanks to, you
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  know Alcoholics Anonymous and and and I really believe, you
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  know that the program that's a viral 1II is a living program
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  and when I say living program, it's the fellowship that has
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  held me. In good state throughout these
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  20 years that I've been sober, you know, I've been, you know,
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  I've been married in sobriety, been divorced in the sobriety of
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  had houses in sobriety, of lifting tents and sobriety, you
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  know, of had family members die a lost opportunity and I haven't
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  needed to pick up a drink. And that's solely because of,
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  you know, the program, the fellowship, and a high power
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  that I really don't understand, but I really feel now that, you
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  know, I haven't got that insidious sense of frustration
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  going on with me anymore. You know I really feel a sense
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  of well-being about me in a sense of peace that I was
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  chasing the bottom of the bottle throughout when it all time I
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  was drinking. I just wanted to feel OK and and
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  I think it did. It didn't relieve, it didn't
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  relieve me, but what it end up doing it just.
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  Just destroyed anything good in my life and but on the other
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  side of the coin you know I I have you know given leap back so
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  many things people in my life well that you know I'd cause so
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  much trouble for in my path I'd get on with well there.
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  And you know, I've got, I've got resemblance towards anybody
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  anymore because the resentment, you know, just destroys, just
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  destroys. I don't want to have any
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  resentment to anybody or anything anymore.
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  And it is that thing of going through the steps and you know,
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  I have handed my will and my life I don't care of.
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  You know more hell whatever that is call it called call it you
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  know cried outdoors called call it a group of drugs.
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  GID. You know which is you know the
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  the fellowship of the Alcoholics are almost which is carried
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  through and it's it's 20, you know, 24/7 support and it
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  doesn't cost anything to go to meetings.
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  I don't. And the thing that really blew
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  me away when I first started coming into I I was that you
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  know I can shared this story almost fear my story near.
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  And it was that there was that thing of attraction where, you
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  know, they said if you want what we've got and maybe you can do
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  what we've done. And it wasn't when.
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  I was in more drinking. You know many people are rarely
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  on side of me. You gotta stop drinking.
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  You gotta stop drinking. But no one run of these people
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  would show me how to stop because I didn't know where I
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  had for in the 1st place. Only another real alcoholic can
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  understand another alcoholic and his destiny.
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  That thing is. One alcoholic to the other and
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  what I really loved about I I is that and I'll still do is that
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  you know there's not people you know pointless finger at me can
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  you got to do this and you got to do that like I said before
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  you know and I shared this story and I said this is how we did
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  it. And if you want what we got,
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  maybe you can do what we've done it, you know I've tried.
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  I've tried to do that to the best of my ability and it it's
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  not about getting it done perfectly right.
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  It's about drawing in that 12 step it, you know, it's having
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  out of spiritual awakening. We try to carry this message to
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  Alcoholics and practice these principles in all our fears.
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  And when I realized that that's all I've got to do is try and
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  all succeeding because you know, there was a part, a time in my
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  cyber life where you know, I was talking what's the newcomers and
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  that to meetings and stuff and and most of them would go out
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  and drink and we can. And I thought maybe I'm doing
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  something wrong. Maybe I'm doing something wrong?
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  And then, you know, like the someone said to me one night at
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  a meeting, they said, well, what do you mean?
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  I said, well, they're not saying this over.
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  And they said, well, are you God, are ya?
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  And that pulled me back in my place and I realised that I went
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  back and had a look at that true step and it says, you know,
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  tried. And once I once I tried and I'll
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  keep trying, I've succeeded. And that's the beautiful thing
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  about it. And even.
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  You know, you know, I think I haven't picked up a drink since
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  I've been in, but like 10 years before I come in, I reckon I was
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  about in my 30s, so I might have been a bit young, a bit old.
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  I can't remember exactly when I came to one meeting and I
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  didn't. I didn't stay and for me there
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  was definitely a case of, you know, I went back out there and
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  I lost everything and still put off come and come back in and
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  you know, all really believe that support is a gift.
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  But I can lose it. I can lose it if I don't hang on
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  to it. And he'll and he'll hang on to
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  it is that I'll try and be grateful every day for my
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  support. You know I'm I'm like a
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  gratitude just in my mind about the things that I've got and you
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  know I don't dwell I don't while I in all the stuff that's
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  happened in the past or that all my dark past.
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  But again you know it's it's amazing program this amazing
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  fellowship and you know it talks about as an alcoholic my past
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  becomes my greatest assets. My darkest path becomes my
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  greatest asset. And I don't think you know when
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  I first started getting a grips on that concept you know I was
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  just so grateful for that as well.
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  So there's nothing negative finally as an alcoholic in this
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  program, even if you know and God forbid that I had a slip and
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  I'll bastard, you know at least even that process that I'll slip
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  up the stairs. I don't fall down the stairs
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  because what it does, it Orient writes to me that I am an
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  alcoholic and to be an alcoholic and not drink one day at a time
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  that is a miracle. And Oh no, I am a walking
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  miracle. And I truly find that and I've
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  got an amazing sense of purpose in my life and and what primary
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  purpose is to stay sober. If I do that everything else is
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  going to be OK. And it is OK.
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  I'm well looked after. I'm more than OK.
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  All my needs are provided. I want for nothing or get on
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  really well with more, you know, with more kids or get on well
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  with my ex wives, you know, You know, my life is full and I'm
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  very grateful and I'm very grateful that as I would be she
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  and I try more shares, you know, won't be able to help somebody
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  out there that's looking for an answer to give up drinking.
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  So thanks very much. Good on your end.
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  Thanks a lot, Matt. Well said.
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  Cheers. Mate, we have local meetings for
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  the full week in the local area. Monday is Gala meeting at 8:00,
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  Tuesday is Elizabeth E at 8:00, Wednesday is Elizabeth E at
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  8:00, Thursday is 2 Wells at 8:00 and Friday is Salisbury at
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  8:00. There's a meeting at Devon Park
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  at 12:00 and on Sunday there's a maintenance Salisbury at 7:00
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  and many of the maintenance in the area.
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  For details of your local maintenance please phone 13
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  under 222222. And once again, if anyone you
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  know is struggling with alcohol issues, police call Alcoholics
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  Anonymous on 13 under 222222. The website isaasa.org dot a U.