Latest / TFEs: Thoughts. Feelings. Emotions. (sports) / Hello, Baby!

Transcript

Hello, Baby! · TFEs: Thoughts. Feelings. Emotions. (sports)

0:04
Speaker 1: What's going on? Welcome into a very special episode of
0:07
TFB's Dallin Cuff, Kelsey Riggs Cuff. And the only way
0:14
to do this, I feel like, is just to put
0:17
it right out there. We're having a baby. I'm pregnant.
0:23
There we go. We're pregnant.
0:28
Speaker 2: It's you're pregnant. We're having a baby down the road.
0:31
You're pregnant.
0:33
Speaker 1: That's usually what I say. Kelsey's pregnant. That's what I agree.
0:37
But we are having another baby. And there are so
0:42
many thoughts, feelings, emotions, DFVs to share surrounding this. It
0:50
is something that we are so, so, so, so, so
0:53
excited and overjoyed and grateful for. And also, you know, personally,
0:59
definitely grateful I'm also anxious and scared and a million
1:03
other emotions. So I know that I'm going to talk
1:07
a lot. I know that I'm going to cry a lot.
1:09
I know that I'm going to try and make some
1:11
sense of what I've been feeling. So why don't you
1:15
start with TFEs? I should have put the tissues here
1:18
in this episode. Yeah.
1:20
Speaker 2: I'm kind of a mess. And we haven't even started.
1:23
My TFEs, again, well, I may as well just say this.
1:30
We did an episode like six weeks ago where we
1:32
started the show and you just said, we're pregnant.
1:34
Speaker 1: Okay, but it wasn't six weeks ago. I was literally
1:36
like six weeks pregnant at the time.
1:38
Speaker 2: Okay, so 14 weeks ago. It was a while ago
1:42
by which I was completely caught off guard. Like, what
1:45
the hell, we're doing this? But I didn't fight you.
1:47
Speaker 1: And you're like, dude, we're not. I was kidding.
1:49
Speaker 2: So you let me go for a good 90 seconds
1:51
and kind of fumble through my TFE's in that instance.
1:54
And when I think back of, I don't think I
1:55
watched it back, but like where I felt then to
1:58
where I feel now, is way different. I think the
2:01
thoughts are kind of the same. There's like an excitement.
2:03
There is a, a gratitude. There is a, a belief that,
2:08
you know, it's going to work out and this is
2:09
everything happened for a reason for us to get here. And,
2:13
and it's going to be good. Now I feel like I,
2:15
I thought that before. I feel like I feel and
2:17
believe that more now. I think obviously getting through or
2:21
almost through the first trimester is really important. Um, or
2:25
I guess are we technically we're through the, through the
2:27
first trimester. Um, obviously really important. And I think that,
2:32
I think you've, you know, we'll get to your feelings,
2:35
but from my side, like everything's going as planned. Like
2:38
the doctors are very happy with all the, everything's kind
2:41
of gone the way it, you know, we pray that
2:43
it does continue to go. So I guess my feelings
2:46
are like a lot of gratitude in that right now
2:48
and a little relief, but I still, I have a
2:50
little bit of apprehension, but compared to where I was before,
2:52
I was like, I don't want to tell my parents.
2:55
I'm not telling family. Like I was very much like,
2:59
it wasn't shut it down. It was just, let's hope
3:03
and see what happens and try not to think about
3:05
the worst and definitely don't try to think about the
3:07
best either yet. I think right now I'm just in
3:09
a much better spot. I'm, I'm, I feel like, yeah,
3:13
like we got to tell Lyra and Dace and that
3:15
was awesome. And Lyra was so funny. Oh my God,
3:19
you're pregnant.
3:20
Speaker 1: You're, you're pregnant. Screw it.
3:23
Speaker 2: And she was so happy and so excited and Dace
3:25
wanted a treat at that moment. But since then, he
3:28
keeps talking about the baby and it's so cute. He
3:30
kisses your belly. The whole process has been super sweet
3:34
and everything I hoped and wanted it to be. So
3:37
I think there's a feeling of optimism, of positivity, of
3:42
little anxiety around what our house is going to look
3:44
like come late February. And those other kind of things,
3:49
like that stuff where my brain can go to, I
3:53
think I went there early on, like, where's Lyra going
3:55
to move?
3:56
Speaker 1: Or what are we going to do here?
3:58
Speaker 2: Now I'm just kind of happy that, you know, you're
4:00
in a really good spot, I think, like at least
4:02
from a health standpoint, from the doctors saying that. And
4:06
I believe, you know, my like emotional state is just very,
4:10
I feel very positive around this. And I think we're
4:13
really going to enjoy and hopefully enjoy the last four
4:15
or five months of our family looking like this. And
4:18
then the new edition of our family will look like
4:21
after late February. So I think I'm just really grateful
4:25
for where we're at. And I feel really content in
4:29
it with a little tiny apprehension, but way more positivity
4:32
than any of the negativity. Whereas you go back 15 weeks,
4:36
it was drastically the other way.
4:37
Speaker 1: Yeah. I think that was well said. I think I
4:40
echo a lot of what you've said. I definitely have
4:43
more apprehension still than you do, which is good because
4:46
you have helped talk me off of multiple ledges and
4:51
some of my worries and spirals and just fears surrounding
4:55
it all. It's a wild ride. Like it's a wild
5:00
ride no matter what. But I feel like this time is...
5:07
It's different. It's different every time, regardless of what you've experienced.
5:12
But I just... Like the first time with Dace, when
5:15
we were pregnant, it was like, you always know that
5:20
you can have miscarriage. But when you haven't lived that personally,
5:24
it's like a far off thought. It's like, you know
5:28
it can happen, but it's not something that you have
5:30
that lived personal experience where you know what that feels like.
5:34
And so... Then the second time we got pregnant, it
5:40
was like, okay, well, we already had a healthy pregnancy.
5:42
So like, we're good. Like we know this can happen,
5:44
but we're good. And then it happened. And so then
5:47
the third time that we got pregnant, it was like, well,
5:52
I know this can happen, but surely it's not going
5:55
to happen again. Like we already did that. We already
5:57
went through that pain. Like I'm healthy. This time it's
6:01
going to be okay. But surely we're not going to
6:02
feel that way again. And then we did. So this
6:06
time getting pregnant for the fourth time, it's like, I
6:09
felt like I had already lived through so many emotions
6:12
each time that we had been pregnant before that it
6:15
was like, I've lived through, okay, it could happen, but
6:18
we had a healthy pregnancy. Okay, it did happen. Okay,
6:21
it couldn't happen again, but it did happen again. So
6:23
now it's like, I know it can happen again, even
6:25
when you think that there's no way that it can
6:27
happen again. And so I was overjoyed And terrified at
6:37
the same time. You weren't here when I found out.
6:40
It's actually hilarious because you were in town and I
6:43
would have waited. You went and played golf that day.
6:46
And I, that night, was supposed to go to this
6:49
college throwback beer pong flip cup thing. And we don't
6:55
drink like that. So I was like, still I think
6:58
a week away from when I would have started my period.
7:01
And I was like, let me, it had only been
7:03
a couple months since we'd had the miscarriage. And I
7:05
was like, just make sure I'm not pregnant. Like if
7:08
I'm going to drink, like I haven't in years, like
7:11
I should just, I'm not pregnant. And then there was
7:13
like a faint line. I was like, wait a second.
7:19
What is that? So you were shocked when you came home,
7:24
did not see that coming, fair to say? Yeah. I'm
7:27
trying to remember. Did you got me the video again?
7:29
I sat you down.
7:30
Speaker 2: I can't remember what exactly happened on the couch. You
7:32
put something up there. So I have like a.
7:33
Speaker 1: I took a... Remember when we were pregnant with Dace,
7:36
I took Polaroids. And I wrote you a note and
7:39
I was like, I love our life together. And it
7:42
was like Polaroids that we had taken from before. And
7:44
you thought you were flipping through like a scrapbook. And
7:47
then the last page was a Polaroid of a pregnancy test. Yeah.
7:51
So I took a Polaroid of her pregnancy test again
7:54
this time to show you because I figured as soon
7:55
as you saw the picture, you would be like, what
7:57
are you doing? What is this?
7:59
Speaker 2: I don't know why I can't really remember that happening.
8:01
Maybe it's like, I don't know. It's just everything. You
8:03
don't remember it the first time or this time? No,
8:05
I clearly remember it the first time. But I also
8:07
remember seeing the video the first time.
8:08
Speaker 1: I don't know.
8:08
Speaker 2: I remember, I know what I was wearing in that
8:10
video for some reason because I came back from a trip.
8:13
Coming back from this, I don't know why I don't.
8:17
Maybe because in that moment too, that past trauma, I wasn't,
8:21
There isn't the same level of, you know, oh my God,
8:24
this is so crazy.
8:25
Speaker 1: This is going to happen. It's more like, okay, happened.
8:29
You're guarded. Yeah. Is that a good thing?
8:32
Speaker 2: I mean, no, it's a good thing, but it's like,
8:34
will it be a good thing? Will it all be good?
8:35
Or will we be feeling what we felt before?
8:37
Speaker 1: I wonder. I don't know. That's interesting.
8:42
Speaker 2: I do know this, not to take it on a
8:44
random side though, but I was looking for something in
8:48
our room the other day and I opened your top
8:50
drawer and And I just saw a bunch of sticks
8:54
that had been peed on in a plastic bag. And
8:56
I was like, I'm just going to shut this. I
8:58
was like, they are in a plastic bag. They are
8:59
in a plastic bag, but they're sticks that are covered
9:01
in urine that are just sitting there. But anyway, I digress.
9:04
So one of those sticks was revealed to me in
9:06
a picture.
9:07
Speaker 1: Which is actually very hard to get a picture, a
9:09
Polaroid of a pregnancy test. Because it's way too dark.
9:13
You can't see. So just like last time with this,
9:18
I took a bunch. And I honestly think subconsciously in
9:20
my brain, that was like the first, I was like,
9:23
how am I going to tell him? Cause I didn't
9:24
mean to find out without you. And same thing that
9:27
last time I didn't with days. I was like, I'm,
9:29
I really want the sushi, but I'm like, I'm probably
9:31
not pregnant. Let me just make sure. It was a
9:34
poke bowl. I'm like, I really want to order this,
9:36
but I'm like, yeah, let's just take it just in case.
9:39
Speaker 2: So, um, You did it another time too, where you
9:41
took a test upstairs and you walked down and you
9:43
like handed me a, a pee stick that.
9:46
Speaker 1: Was the first that was the second pregnancy yeah the
9:48
first time we had a miscarriage.
9:50
Speaker 2: Yeah three out of four of these you've done with
9:51
me I'll be in the room which isn't I don't
9:53
think there's anything wrong with that like if you got
9:55
it if you have reasons you want.
9:56
Speaker 1: To know what's going on in your body. Or no,
9:58
did I not tell you I was doing that one?
10:00
I thought we did the other ones together. No.
10:03
Speaker 2: Yes.
10:04
Speaker 1: Remember? The third one we did together. No. Remember that
10:06
one was the one that there was one also where
10:08
we had like a false positive. Ah, that's right. Yeah.
10:11
Cause the other ones I think we did together. That's
10:14
wild too. That's just like wild to sit here and
10:16
have this many memories and Anyways, and some people have
10:20
a lot more. Yeah, I too, like the video I
10:24
have of me finding out about this time is I'm hysterical.
10:27
Actually with Deysa, I was hysterical too because it was
10:29
like so happy. And then so also just like, oh
10:31
my gosh, I can't believe that this is happening. And
10:34
oh my God, I can't believe I just did this
10:35
without Dallin here and you were out of town. This
10:39
time it was like, I was scared. Like, and I
10:41
was so happy, but I was so happy to be scared.
10:45
And then also... You know, like every time that I
10:49
have been lucky enough to have a positive pregnancy test
10:52
or we've been lucky enough to get pregnant, like my
10:55
mind goes to like all my friends and family that
10:57
haven't gotten experience that yet. That's hard for me every time.
11:01
Even if like, you know, having a miscarriage is really hard,
11:04
but I have always said like, at least we get
11:07
the joy, at least a little. It's like knowing that
11:09
we're pregnant and feeling that, because that is just like
11:12
once in a lifetime kind of, feeling because it changes
11:16
every time you're pregnant after that. So it always makes
11:21
me emotional because I think about the people that I
11:23
love that are trying or haven't been. And then we
11:25
also had someone really close to us that had just
11:28
found out that their ability to conceive was going to
11:32
be really hard. And so in that moment, I was like,
11:35
I'm happy but scared. But then also like, not even
11:40
just like as an empath, just as a human, I
11:42
like immediately... And how is my news going to affect
11:47
other people that I love? Because I don't want to
11:49
add to their hurt. And now I understand it more
11:52
intimately that two things can happen at the same time.
11:56
You can be incredibly happy for the people in your
11:59
life that are pregnant. And those pregnancy announcements can also
12:03
cut a little piece of you. Both things can exist
12:05
at the same time. It doesn't take away from how
12:07
much you'll love them and support them and want all
12:10
of the best for them and be so happy for them.
12:13
But it's another physical reminder of somebody else getting something
12:15
that you're wanting or praying for or trying for. So
12:19
the video I have of me when I took the
12:20
test and found out is I'm like literally sobbing, hysterical.
12:26
And then telling you I was still wrapping my head
12:28
around it. And then I feel like since then, that's
12:34
kind of like what it's been is still wrapping my
12:36
head around like, At what point do you let your
12:42
guard down and let yourself feel like this is happening?
12:47
And I'm not saying you have to have.
12:48
Speaker 2: An answer to that. Because I think that's a good question.
12:52
But something you said there I think is pretty interesting.
12:54
So you were of the mind when it comes to pregnancy,
12:56
like that famous phrase, you're better to have loved and
12:59
lost than never loved at all. So you'd rather go
13:02
through the joy that we felt and the pain of
13:06
the loss than neither?
13:09
Speaker 1: That's making me cry the way that you're saying that. Yeah.
13:15
Speaker 2: Yeah.
13:16
Speaker 1: I mean, I just know that amidst joy, even when
13:18
you're scared that you get to feel the gratitude, the
13:21
like answered prayers, the, okay, I don't have to worry
13:26
is something wrong or what are the next steps? Or
13:29
are we not going to be able to conceive the
13:32
like answered prayer of like, okay, like we are pregnant.
13:35
And a lot of people never get that. And a
13:37
lot of people don't have answers. I don't wish the
13:40
pain of miscarriage or pregnancy loss on, on anybody. Um,
13:46
but I do feel grateful and I am aware that
13:50
that is a feeling that I have had, that I
13:53
have friends and family that, you know, haven't had, um,
13:57
yet and that they're still waiting for those moments. And
14:01
you certainly want it to be a moment that leads
14:03
to nothing but happiness, um, moving forward. Um, But no
14:09
matter how small the joy is, I think that's what
14:11
opened my eyes so early. I mean, last time with
14:14
our losses, it was pretty early in the first trimester.
14:18
And not that I discounted how much that hurt other
14:21
people when they experienced that. But in my head, it
14:25
was like it lessened the blow or something. I can't imagine...
14:30
going through that now at this point. But I couldn't
14:33
imagine it then either. Like it doesn't hurt less. It
14:36
just gives you more, like longer that you believe and
14:39
you get reassurance that everything's still good and to have
14:41
that taken away. It has to be a whole different
14:45
level of pain that I hope we never know. Yeah.
14:50
Speaker 2: So I guess this is to both your points or
14:51
questions because one is like, when do you feel like
14:53
you can just feel good? And I guess in part
14:57
of that is I don't know if I'm just like
15:00
blindly leading myself into what would be more painful, but yes,
15:03
I do think the longer we go on, um, and
15:07
the more doctor's appointments, the more you're told everything's good.
15:09
Speaker 1: I think the harder that would hurt. Yeah.
15:12
Speaker 2: There's not, I'm not comparing one to the other, but
15:14
I guess I am.
15:15
Speaker 1: Yeah.
15:16
Speaker 2: Having two miscarriages really, really sucked. It was really hard,
15:21
but because of what happened previously, I didn't get so
15:24
far down the road. Like right now I'm fully down
15:25
the road. So that would be probably the hardest that
15:28
that's going to hit if that, if that happens. So
15:30
let's pray that doesn't happen. And I think part of what,
15:34
I guess my approach is it, it is different. Like
15:36
it's not my, it's not my body.
15:38
Speaker 1: It's you.
15:39
Speaker 2: It's like you, I don't know how you feel or
15:41
what you can feel or what felt in comparison to
15:44
when you had days or felt in comparison to the losses.
15:47
Speaker 1: Like I have no idea.
15:49
Speaker 2: So all I'm going on is like, Honestly, it's like,
15:52
what does science and statistics tell you? Like likely we
15:55
could be in a better, we're in a much better
15:56
spot now than we were eight weeks ago or 14
15:59
weeks ago, for sure.
16:00
Speaker 1: So let's hope that's right.
16:03
Speaker 2: And I guess that's where, I mean, it is with
16:06
your kids in general, you're always going to have some
16:07
level of worry and concern, but how do you feel
16:11
like comfortable, comfortable and confident that like it'll work out
16:15
the right way? The hardest part with this for me
16:16
is there is no control. Once they're out in the world,
16:20
there's things you can do to protect them or to
16:23
expose them to things or whatever it may be.
16:24
Speaker 1: You don't have control. That's what we talked about last week.
16:26
Speaker 2: You don't have control, but you can impact their level
16:30
of safety or danger or whatever. You have a role.
16:34
I have zero role, like no role. You have a
16:37
major role, but you still can't necessarily control.
16:42
Speaker 1: The process.
16:42
Speaker 2: So I can't imagine what you're feeling. I'm going to
16:46
go with the belief that like, Like I said earlier,
16:49
we went through those things for a reason. This has
16:52
happened at this time for a reason. And it's gonna
16:57
work out. And I'm gonna believe that. And I'm gonna
16:59
pray for that. And I hope that's gonna be the situation.
17:01
Because other than that, I feel like I would, for me,
17:03
it would be A, sad, debilitatingly negative and anxiety-ridden to
17:12
continue to think about what could happen, what could be
17:14
the worst outcome versus believing the positive outcome is gonna happen.
17:19
If it goes the other way, we'll have to deal
17:20
with that. And like I said, that fall is going
17:21
to be really, really hard, but I hope we never
17:23
feel that. To live in that world where I'm going
17:26
to be pessimistic and anxious and worrisome and feel and
17:30
not get to feel the joy feels like I'm kind
17:33
of wasting the whole experience. And I'm looking at it
17:35
in a lens that doesn't benefit me, won't benefit you,
17:39
won't benefit any of us for me to kind of
17:41
shut myself off to that. So I'd rather, I guess
17:44
in some regard, yeah, exposed by, uh, like be very
17:48
vulnerable in that and just believe it's all going to
17:50
be great and you're doing great. And doctor's going to
17:53
keep saying everything's great and it's going to work out
17:55
and we're going to have another little animal like the
17:57
one below us. And that would be amazing. So that's,
18:00
that's how I'm approaching it. And I don't, I, I
18:02
realize it's, again, it's such a huge flip from the
18:04
first like 12 weeks from here. So tend to like,
18:06
especially the first like seven or eight, I don't like
18:08
to think about it. I don't, especially given what we've
18:10
been through, I'd much rather live in the positive and
18:15
deal with the negative than live in the negative.
18:18
Speaker 1: For the next five months, six months. Well, not that long, but...
18:23
I would... Five months? Two things. Yeah, almost. October, November, December, June, October,
18:27
five months. Two things. First of all, to say that
18:31
you don't have a role. I was... Almost non-existent during
18:37
the first trimester. So to say that you don't have
18:40
a role in this... I was down for the... One
18:43
of the first things Lyra said was like, is that
18:45
why you've been sleeping so much? I was like, yes.
18:47
Speaker 2: Because it's relatively you never sleeping or never taking a
18:50
nap or never like you're always doing shit so that
18:52
you weren't doing as much crazy stuff.
18:53
Speaker 1: You had a huge... huge role because you were picking
18:56
up all of the, I don't want to call it slack,
18:59
but you know, like you were, you were carrying way
19:01
more than your load and still are. And you have
19:04
helped immensely. So to say like, yeah, maybe physically you
19:06
don't have a role, but you were like helping keep
19:08
us and the children alive in the first trimester when
19:11
I was barely surviving.
19:11
Speaker 2: I appreciate that. But I don't, I don't feel that way.
19:14
I don't carry that. burden or think that's real.
19:16
Speaker 1: I thought that way. I brought it up a lot.
19:18
I'd be like, I'm so sorry. I was like, you
19:19
took like a 30 minute nap. I'm like, yeah, take
19:21
a nap.
19:21
Speaker 2: Like, I mean, to me, it's like, please take a break.
19:24
You don't need to do all this shit.
19:25
Speaker 1: You can just relax. Well, I feel like you were
19:26
so caring too. Like you would have been regardless, but
19:29
like knowing what we've been through, you were like, take
19:31
care of yourself. So that was the first thing I
19:35
was going to say. The second thing was really interesting
19:37
that you just brought that up about how you want
19:41
to be present and be grateful and live in this
19:45
moment moving forward. Because it's something that I've been thinking
19:47
about over the last couple of days and I brought
19:49
up to my therapist. today because I would really like
19:53
to run this back and do this again after we
19:54
have a healthy baby and have two. You are undecided. Wait,
19:59
have two what? Have another one after this one. Oh, yeah, yeah.
20:03
You were like, two more is what you're thinking I
20:04
was saying after this one.
20:05
Speaker 2: I don't know what you just said. I was just like, wait, what?
20:08
Speaker 1: No, I've always said that I would love to have
20:11
after days two more. And you have said one more.
20:13
And then we've kind of gone back and forth about
20:15
what that looks like. But I had this realization the
20:18
other day. And, you know, like the majority of this
20:24
pregnancy I've spent being worried if I'm going to stay
20:26
pregnant was days... I worried and I knew it was
20:31
a possibility, but like, I love being pregnant. I think
20:34
it is the greatest gift and blessing in the entire world. Um,
20:40
even when it's hard, I just think it's so incredible.
20:43
And I had this realization of like, there's even if
20:49
you say yes, or I trick you into yes, like
20:52
there's no guarantee we get to do this again after
20:55
this one. And hopefully everything is good here. Um, But
20:59
I was like, I want to enjoy this. I don't
21:02
want to look back and be like, this entire pregnancy
21:06
was just so scared of what could happen. Because there's
21:09
a lot that could happen. There's a lot that could
21:11
happen in an everyday life. But it was just kind
21:14
of a weird realization of trying to have perspective of like, okay,
21:17
we're almost halfway through this. And so far, it has
21:22
been for me a lot of gratefulness primarily and fear
21:28
and anxiety. Right behind that. But not just happy. And
21:32
that was part of like, we talked a lot about
21:34
waiting even longer to tell the kids. And we're like, well,
21:37
we can't wait that long. Can't wait that much longer
21:39
for work. All these baggy jackets I'm wearing on air
21:42
are not really working. As per my cafeteria friend. Do
21:48
you want to tell that story? We'll get to that
21:50
in a second. That was funny. And so I wanted
21:55
to wait longer to tell the kids. And that's like
21:56
a protection mechanism. I know the pain that we felt
21:59
from not seeing it fully through and I didn't ever
22:03
want them to experience that. But then I was also like,
22:05
everything's good. Well past the first trimester, stop worrying and
22:10
allow yourself to be happy that this is what's happening.
22:14
And how can you not be happy when you have
22:18
kids that are talking about it and asking about it
22:20
and excited about it and forcing you to live in
22:23
the moment because the only moment they know is that
22:25
this is happening and like what what's it going to
22:27
be and when and how and all of these these
22:30
other things not how we haven't gotten there thank goodness
22:33
um i got asked some how questions last time and
22:35
i was like dylan take it away um But yeah,
22:40
I just, I think it's like this hard bounce. And
22:43
then part of me was like feeling guilty that I
22:45
like haven't been present and happy enough about it. Not that,
22:49
I mean, I'm obviously happy, but you know what I mean?
22:51
That I just haven't been able to be like, this
22:53
is great. I'm pregnant.
22:54
Speaker 2: Like truly living in it and relishing the moment and
22:56
enjoying the process.
22:56
Speaker 1: Yeah. And then the other side of it is we've
23:00
been saying that we were going to put it out
23:02
this week on social media and do podcasts and talk
23:05
about it. And I was spiraling. I called you crying
23:08
this morning because the thought of saying it out loud
23:13
and sharing it with everyone, a broader audience and people
23:18
who have supported us and loved us through all the
23:21
pain and shared their pain and their stories. And to
23:25
be able to sit here and tell people, it feels
23:28
so amazing to be on the other side. It feels
23:30
so good to know that that pain had a purpose
23:35
and that there is more. And I've told myself, no
23:37
matter what happens, I know that that pain had a
23:39
purpose and I know we will be okay no matter
23:41
what happens. I know God's got us. It will be
23:43
crushing if it's not what we want, but I know
23:45
that there's a plan. And I hope that this is
23:47
the plan. And to be able to tell people what
23:49
it feels like to be on the other side of that.
23:52
But then I was so scared because I was like,
23:54
what if we say it out loud and then we
23:56
find out that it's not okay again? Mm-hmm. And so
23:59
then that had me in a spiral this morning and
24:01
I went to the doctor and got a heartbeat check.
24:03
Everything's good. I think that matters a lot is having
24:06
people around you that really support you because they could
24:08
not have been more caring and understanding and just made
24:12
you feel totally normal when you know you're being like
24:14
a little bit crazy to have to go in and
24:17
then be like, this happens all the time. Totally understand.
24:19
Don't worry about it. Come in. Let's do a heartbeat
24:21
check and make sure that everything's good. Can I give
24:25
you my perspective on that this morning? Sure. Yeah. Uh,
24:29
not to be nervous about it.
24:30
Speaker 2: I mean, I get the phone call just as I
24:31
dropped Dave off from school and you're clearly crying. I'm like,
24:35
what's going on? And you're like, I gotta, I want
24:37
to go and I'll make sure everything's okay. And in
24:42
my head I was like, okay, she's spiraling. Go like, yeah,
24:45
go do whatever you got to do. But I hung
24:47
up and I called right back because then I'm like,
24:49
hold on. Is anything actually wrong?
24:51
Speaker 1: Like, I don't know.
24:52
Speaker 2: I didn't even ask the question because I made the
24:53
assumption this was about something you were feeling and thinking,
24:57
but there's no like evidence to this, which again, isn't rational,
25:01
but it's understood and go do your thing. And I
25:03
want you to feel, but it did just hit me
25:05
for a second.
25:05
Speaker 1: Like, hold on.
25:06
Speaker 2: She's not, there wasn't something she didn't say or I
25:08
did not hear because that's, that would have made me
25:12
feel a whole different way, obviously. Because it's like, okay,
25:15
I want you to find a way to feel comfortable
25:17
and confident and feel good about what's happening. So whatever
25:19
support they can give you, that's great. But I also
25:22
need to drop my assumption that that was it versus asking,
25:25
is something actually wrong? Because I think he would have
25:26
led with that, but I wasn't sure.
25:28
Speaker 1: He was crying. So I was like, what the hell
25:29
is going on? If I knew something was wrong, first
25:33
of all, I did not.
25:34
Speaker 2: But when you answer the phone and you're crying already,
25:36
my assumption was something was wrong.
25:37
Speaker 1: I know.
25:38
Speaker 2: And then you said you were spiraling. So I'm like,
25:40
all right, this is really just in her head. But
25:41
I'm like, I need to confirm again because that was bizarre.
25:44
Speaker 1: But you know what's crazy is like some of it,
25:45
like you don't know if it's in your head. Like
25:47
I told you, like for weeks now, I have felt
25:50
little baby movements, which has been so cool because it's
25:52
so much sooner than I did with Jace. And they
25:54
say that that happens when you're pregnant again. Your body
25:57
knows what it's doing. It knows what it's feeling. Your
25:59
muscles are already stretched and that you can feel things
26:00
a lot sooner. So I definitely have been feeling things.
26:02
But then over the last couple of days, I was like,
26:05
have I been feeling things? Mm-hmm. What if something's wrong?
26:08
And that's just like my uterus still contracting or like,
26:11
what if I'm making it up? And so then I
26:13
was like talking myself out of things. And it really
26:16
did come down to like putting it out there and
26:20
telling whatever people there are on our social media and
26:25
podcasts and everything else that we're pregnant. And like, honestly,
26:29
in a perfect world, I would just live my life
26:32
this pregnancy and just not be like, I'm pregnant. Here's
26:35
the big thing. I truly would. I would just, when
26:38
I was seven months pregnant, you would know. And before that,
26:41
you would just like wonder if I like, you know, look,
26:43
my body looked a little different. Well, it looks a
26:45
little large. And you wouldn't ask unless you were, my
26:48
belly looks a little large. Belly looks a little large.
26:51
It's seven months. Other than more things in your belly
26:53
can look large. I know, I'm just kidding.
26:55
Speaker 2: Not yours, not you, but other humans, other women.
26:58
Speaker 1: No, every woman. I'm judging all of them. Every woman's perfect.
27:00
This is getting better for me, every word I say.
27:02
Just stop talking. I'll just tell them about the cafeteria
27:05
guy who congratulated me on my pregnancy. I was like,
27:08
that guy's bold. That was unexpected. He did. He was like,
27:12
you're doing it again. And I'm like, what? Ordering food?
27:15
I have to order dinner every night that I'm here working.
27:17
And he was like, yeah, congrats, you're doing it again.
27:19
I'm like, what?
27:20
Speaker 2: And he's like, baby, right? And I was like... Did
27:23
he look super concerned when he.
27:25
Speaker 1: Uh-huh.
27:27
Speaker 2: When he was like a baby.
27:28
Speaker 1: And I was like, oh, yeah, but I literally just
27:37
told my bosses this morning, like, these people don't... No
27:41
one knows. He's like, oh, I saw you the other day.
27:43
And I was like, in my head, in the other day,
27:45
I was also wearing a big baggy jacket. Then I
27:47
came home, told you the story, showed you the jacket.
27:49
And I was like, I mean... What the heck? And
27:52
you're like, you're not fooling anybody. And I was like, okay, cool.
27:55
There's a baby in your belly. This is the deal here.
27:57
We can get into this on another one. That's a
27:59
whole nother thing of being on TV with that. I'm sure.
28:03
When you have worked hard to be healthy and be
28:08
all of these things, and then you're going to be
28:10
critiqued either way. Or talked about either way and then
28:14
trying to figure out your body when it's publicly on
28:17
display and you haven't announced it yet. So then this
28:20
all relates back to the fact that truly in a
28:22
perfect world in this scenario of this pregnancy, I would
28:25
just show up eight months pregnant. And when I would
28:28
see people, I would see people and they would know
28:30
that I was pregnant because at that point, there's no guessing. Um,
28:34
but being on TV changes things. And like you, I,
28:38
I do want people to know I'm pregnant. A of all,
28:40
so we can talk about it so that we can
28:41
celebrate it so that we can talk about what it's
28:44
like to be on the other side of some of
28:46
the hard things. Also, we have a.
28:47
Speaker 2: Podcast called TFE. So hard to not bring up that
28:51
you're pregnant while we're out.
28:52
Speaker 1: We've been doing it less because we're like, how do
28:54
we be authentic and not talk about the biggest thing
28:57
that's going on in our life right now? Um, But yeah,
29:01
being on TV and being like, well, I don't feel
29:03
like myself. I don't look at myself. Let me wear
29:04
this big thing. That's a weird side of it too.
29:08
So I did want to share the happy news. I
29:10
did want to be able to like us, be grateful
29:14
and sit in the moment and talk about it and
29:17
be excited about it and not just live in the fear.
29:19
But I just feel like there's just so many TFTs
29:23
that come with it. I have to talk about the
29:26
cafeteria worker briefly. Yeah. There's a line in Wedding Crashers.
29:30
That's my guy.
29:30
Speaker 2: There's a Wedding Crashers rule, okay? You don't commit to
29:33
a relative unless you're sure they have a pulse. For
29:35
any dude on the planet, since you were like a kid,
29:38
since you understood what a private meant and what it
29:41
did to the woman, female body and how all this
29:43
thing all worked since like 16 years old, it's been
29:45
really clear to you, I think as a man, you
29:48
don't ever say, are you pregnant without somebody already telling
29:52
you or coming out of your mouth, I'm pregnant or
29:56
she is pregnant. It is being told to you and
29:58
then you can make a comment about said individual. whim
30:03
at four months plus pregnant, that dude's got some stones
30:07
or a death wish. Because if the answer is no,
30:10
I can't imagine. A, he would be mortified, but the
30:13
woman might break down into tears in that moment and
30:16
may want to kill him in the same time.
30:18
Speaker 1: I don't know. But it's just insane that he said that.
30:20
I would like to just give him the benefit of
30:23
the doubt and say that it is because of our
30:26
very close relationship. friendship that we have developed over all
30:31
the years of me having the cafeteria keep me alive
30:35
on those long days at work. What's his name? I'm
30:38
not going to say his name on the podcast. Oh,
30:39
that's right. Damn. I was calling. I'm not sure you know.
30:42
I do know his name. Oh, okay. Just checking. I'm
30:44
not going to say it on the podcast, obviously. Clearly.
30:46
Because I wasn't upset by it at all. I just
30:49
was so shocked. And then I do like, he always
30:53
asked me about you. He asked me about days. He
30:55
asked about the kids. Like he asked about, like we
30:57
talk about not just sports there.
31:00
Speaker 2: Like we talk about life. Most of the cafeteria people
31:02
at ESPN were awesome. And we do develop these relationships.
31:04
Speaker 1: Yeah. Now some of them. That's why I was so
31:06
sad when Mr. Joe passed away. I know. I know.
31:08
But you don't always.
31:09
Speaker 2: There are people that, especially post-COVID, there was a lot
31:12
of coming and going where I didn't know everybody's name anymore.
31:14
Speaker 1: Pre-COVID, I mean, I knew everybody's name. Well, I started asking.
31:20
Speaker 2: Showing up though too with the whole online stuff it
31:22
was like you were standing there waiting for your food
31:24
anymore and then chatting it up yeah it became a
31:26
different product all this stuff changed.
31:27
Speaker 1: But also the new people had your name because you
31:29
sent it through an app or because you're on TV
31:31
but I was just like they're always talking to me
31:33
so but then you get to this point in introductions
31:35
like where you're like well I've been talking to you
31:37
for two months like this is awkward to ask your
31:39
name but I finally was like get over yourself because
31:41
you talk to these people every day how can you
31:43
not know what their name is.
31:44
Speaker 2: So well I can't wait to get off air just
31:46
to hear who it was because I should have asked
31:47
that before I was just so blown away by it
31:48
I was like what the.
31:50
Speaker 1: Yeah, that was funny. But yeah, not hiding it well, apparently. Again,
31:56
there's a belly there, but go ahead. I know, which
31:58
is a blessing. No, it's a good thing. It's such
32:00
a good thing, yes. You can't hide. Trust me, I
32:02
look every day at the belly. I'm like, okay, good.
32:04
It's bigger. Things are going well. This is like my
32:06
mental checklist of like, are we okay? But yeah, I
32:10
just think that there, I don't know, Dale, are like
32:14
so many different layers to it. And I want to just...
32:20
Push forward and be happy and be grateful. And I'm
32:23
sure I'll spiral about other things occasionally. Occasionally. Constantly. Not constantly.
32:33
You like to spiral. On this issue, I hope you don't.
32:36
Speaker 2: Like on this thing, as you just said, we may
32:40
not do this again. For whatever reason, it may never
32:43
happen again.
32:44
Speaker 1: Okay?
32:45
Speaker 2: So.
32:46
Speaker 1: If you can... But it might. But it might. Yeah,
32:49
it might. But you mentioned... Maybe more than once. You
32:52
never know. I do know that.
32:55
Speaker 2: There's absolutely zero shot there will be three more kids.
32:59
Speaker 1: Like, done. Flat out.
33:02
Speaker 2: I will fix my own situation. When you get pregnant again,
33:04
it could be twins or triplets.
33:06
Speaker 1: Okay, Kelsey. Let's just... Can we just be positive in
33:10
the moment here?
33:10
Speaker 2: I was trying to deliver this, be positive in this
33:13
moment right now. If you can only control how you
33:17
respond to certain things, you can only control yourself, as
33:20
we've gone through many a time now. I think the
33:23
best thing for me, for sure, is to, like I
33:26
said before, live in the positive. I think it's the
33:28
same for you. To really enjoy it, to relish it,
33:31
and to believe everything's going to be okay. Because the alternative,
33:33
it's not good for you, and it's not good for...
33:36
I think when you look back on it, you would
33:38
be like, I wish I wouldn't have done that.
33:40
Speaker 1: So.
33:41
Speaker 2: It's like building in a potential regret that I don't
33:43
think needs to live that way. Even if it doesn't
33:45
go the way we want, you will still enjoy the
33:47
time feeling as just like you were with Dace, floating
33:52
on cloud nine. You will enjoy that you got to
33:54
feel that for a period of time.
33:55
Speaker 1: Yeah. I talked about it with my therapist in part
33:58
this morning because we're talking about worry and anxiety is
34:01
a bigger thing. And I told her this morning and
34:03
worrying about talking about it and wanting to go get
34:06
a check and everything. And she was like, but let me...
34:09
just ask you this, like, what if it did happen again?
34:16
Can you live in that moment for a second? Of course,
34:18
I started crying. And I was like, it would be hard.
34:20
It would be heartbreaking. It would be miserable. It would
34:22
be so sad. And then the bigger thing is, I
34:25
was like, but we would be okay. We would find
34:27
a way to be okay. You know, just like we
34:29
were in the future. I mean, in the past. And
34:32
I think that is what my big picture takeaway has
34:36
tried to be is like, you know, no matter what happens,
34:40
it's going to be okay. And some of that is like,
34:42
you know, praying. Like I know that if whatever happens,
34:45
I hope that this is it, but like, we're going
34:48
to be okay. And I think I find definitely some
34:53
peace in that and not like, that doesn't mean that
34:55
it takes my worries away, but I feel like it
34:57
helps ground me in some of the harder or more
35:01
scary moments of like, okay, what is the worst case
35:04
scenario and what would happen next? Like we would be okay.
35:07
We would, we would, find a way to be okay.
35:12
And so we'll live in the, we are okay. And
35:18
the baby is okay. And the kids are really happy.
35:21
And I think that like, this has been just, you know,
35:24
although it's only been a couple of weeks since they've known,
35:26
it's been like so surreal to just kind of like
35:30
get to live in those moments. Like you mentioned telling
35:33
them and we had them do a little scavenger hunt
35:35
and then like, Lyra figuring it out was so cute.
35:39
She's like, Dace, do you want to be a big brother?
35:42
And he goes, no. I want a treat because that
35:47
was dumb. One of my clues had something to do
35:49
about a treat. So then that's all I could think about.
35:53
Speaker 2: The cutest thing for me with her, honestly, sorry if
35:55
I cut you off there, was just been her telling
35:58
her friends and other people's families, like, have you.
36:00
Speaker 1: Heard the news? Show them, Kyle. Show them. Show them.
36:04
Speaker 2: She points to her stomach. It's so funny. I'm like,
36:07
these are things that like, I... years later, hopefully when
36:10
she's pregnant, I can retell that story and be like,
36:13
if you literally was so excited to tell me when
36:14
you made her show people she hardly knows sometimes her
36:17
belly and other women that you are friends with.
36:19
Speaker 1: Be like, yeah, I am pregnant. And at that point,
36:20
still a pretty little belly. Like right now, it's like
36:23
definitely more like, oh, you're... pregnant if i show you
36:26
yeah but they were like.
36:28
Speaker 2: Sure sure it's like whoa whoa we can just tell
36:31
them but okay show her i'm like this is weird
36:33
belly up.
36:34
Speaker 1: Yeah i think it's been a fun experience with her
36:36
for sure because she had been asking us lately yeah
36:39
like are you guys gonna have more kids i'm like
36:41
gosh she has like six.
36:42
Speaker 2: Cents i know she asked me after after you were
36:44
already pregnant was probably six weeks in and.
36:46
Speaker 1: I was like a couple weeks after that she started
36:47
asking me about it yeah yeah so that's been really
36:50
fun and then the little moments with days too And
36:57
then the director of the school on the way out
36:59
the other day said, oh, by the way, congratulations, Stace
37:02
told us the news. And I was like, wait, what?
37:05
And so that was cool. It's like, he's been talking
37:07
about a baby and kissing my stomach and saying, you know,
37:10
mommy's baby.
37:11
Speaker 2: I can't wait to have my first baby. Which is
37:14
so cute. When you do his voice like that, I'm
37:16
not sure what that accent was.
37:18
Speaker 1: I can't wait.
37:18
Speaker 2: That's how he says it. I can't wait to have
37:21
my first baby. Yeah, the rest of it became some
37:23
southern damsel in distress, but okay.
37:25
Speaker 1: I can't wait.
37:26
Speaker 2: Well, otherwise, he's like this British boy, British. Well, I
37:29
can't wait to have my first baby. It's more like that.
37:32
The can't wait is the weird part. The rest of
37:33
it sounds.
37:34
Speaker 1: Whatever. The point is, he says that, but you don't
37:37
know if he... Like, he's two. You're like, does he
37:39
actually understand? No. And then they were doing a family
37:43
tree at school. And so they were talking about, and
37:45
they had pictures of us with Dace and Lyra. And
37:48
then he said, and mommy's having a baby. And mommy
37:50
has a baby on her belly. So I thought that
37:52
that was really cool. And then we were out at
37:54
the beach the other day and you got those pictures
37:58
where he's kissing my belly. And sometimes he'll just like
38:01
lay on it. If you say like, do you want
38:03
to say something? The baby's like talking to it. It's
38:06
just like, it's surreal. Cause it's like, you realize through
38:12
the heart, like how much of having a child is
38:15
a miracle. It's like a full miracle, every sense of it.
38:20
And you're laying here with this like little baby who
38:22
is your like perfect miracle baby child that you got
38:26
to have a healthy pregnancy and like laying here now
38:29
with living a life where that baby is getting to
38:32
talk to the next baby in your belly. And just,
38:34
I don't know. It's like things that I dreamed and
38:37
hoped that I would have. And honestly, that like, I
38:40
mourned some through the losses of like, what, what will
38:44
this look like? Cause you can't help, but project ahead
38:47
and think what life would have looked like having, um,
38:50
kids when you're pregnant. So it's just been really sweet
38:54
and special to live it with you, but to also
38:58
like live it with the kids and have them mostly
39:01
be so excited. Sometimes Dave says, no, he doesn't want
39:03
another baby. And the rest of the.
39:05
Speaker 2: Time, I'm not sure what he really understands. Lyra's super excited.
39:08
He's really sweet. And, uh, Back to like everything happens
39:11
for a reason. I mean, he just is on the
39:13
cusp of understanding this now, which is pretty cool. He
39:16
thinks he understands it. Well, it's an added benefit that
39:19
like he kind of gets what is happening. That he's
39:23
going to have a sibling and somebody else will live
39:25
here and her baby in the house like that's that's
39:28
cool and that wouldn't have been the case before.
39:30
Speaker 1: That's true um we're gonna talk about this a lot
39:34
more on all of the podcasts that we do from
39:36
here on out I'm sure um are we gonna find
39:39
out what it is.
39:41
Speaker 2: Um I'm leaning towards no I think I go more
39:44
towards no daily almost and you go more towards yes
39:48
it seems I don't know.
39:51
Speaker 1: I just feel like I loved not knowing with Jace.
39:54
I loved the moment that you got to say it's
39:56
a boy. I loved every interaction we had with our
39:59
family and then coming in and finding out that we
40:02
had had a boy and Lyra finding out. It was
40:06
just so special and I truly believe it is one
40:08
of life's only real surprises. My mom always said that.
40:12
It's part of why I wanted to do it because
40:13
I was like, yeah, this is the really only real surprise.
40:16
I'm curious, like, I keep thinking, would pregnancy feel... Would
40:22
I have a different experience with pregnancy knowing? Is it
40:26
also a different level because you picture even more of
40:29
what your life looks like? Because you know if it's
40:31
a little boy or a little girl that you're raising
40:33
in the future. You know if Lyra's getting the little
40:36
sister that she's been talking about for a couple years
40:38
or if we're going to have two crazy little boys
40:41
running around trying to... Lyra trying to hold her own
40:44
and I don't know. It doesn't change anything either way,
40:50
no matter what happens. And I really don't have... I
40:53
just want a healthy baby. I feel like with Dace,
40:56
I had zero feelings of what he was until the
40:59
last three or four weeks. And I was like, I'm
41:01
pretty sure this is a boy. I don't know why.
41:03
Just when I thought about it was a boy. For
41:05
whatever reason, when I think about this baby more, I've
41:07
been thinking about a girl. It's not like I feel
41:10
like it's a girl, but I find myself assigning she
41:14
just to my thoughts more than... he, which is interesting
41:18
because you say he a good bit accidentally when you
41:21
talk about it. But that's what I mean. I mean
41:22
the subconscious. I think subconsciously my brain is going she. Yeah.
41:26
Speaker 2: I mean, I don't, I have no feeling, obviously, especially
41:30
at this point. I think that, I think a girl
41:34
strengthens my case that we could be done, but that's
41:37
neither here nor there, I guess. But I just, I
41:40
feel like, It was a couple of weeks ago and
41:42
we took that trip. And the same spiel you just
41:45
gave like three minutes ago, blinding out all how great
41:49
it is to not know. That began to push me
41:51
to be like, yeah, I don't want to know.
41:53
Speaker 1: Like, I don't want to know.
41:54
Speaker 2: And I just think it's either way. If the baby's healthy,
41:57
that's all. And even if the baby's not healthy, but
41:58
it comes into the world and we're going to figure whatever.
42:01
I just, I don't think me knowing.
42:05
Improves our experience at all.
42:08
Speaker 1: I don't think it improves it, but I feel like
42:10
it changes it. And do I want to know what
42:12
it's like to have that feeling too? Clearly, I was
42:16
saying I'm more 51% find out and 49% not find out.
42:21
And at the time, I think you were like 51, 49.
42:24
I think I've moved to 55% find out and I
42:26
think you've moved to like 60.
42:28
Speaker 2: I'm at like 95% don't find out, which is problematic
42:32
as I was.
42:33
Speaker 1: I'm hanging out.
42:34
Speaker 2: Hey, I was playing golf with a couple of guys
42:35
at an event with my buddies, my buddy and his
42:38
friend I had met before. Um, neither of them had
42:41
found out what their, I guess he had two kids.
42:43
He has two kids. So all four of them, they
42:45
never had found out or sorry, three of them hadn't
42:47
found out the latest one.
42:48
Speaker 1: The guy had that. I didn't know.
42:49
Speaker 2: He was like, um, he's like, my wife called me
42:52
just hysterical, like two weeks before the due day, just
42:55
freaking out.
42:56
Speaker 1: And I go, what, what, what? He's like, she's like,
42:58
I found out.
42:59
Speaker 2: I accidentally found out. So she's all heartbroken. She's like,
43:03
he's like, okay. She's like, what's the deal?
43:05
Speaker 1: It's a girl. Oh, great. Okay.
43:07
Speaker 2: And he's like, so I was going to go pick
43:09
up some girl clothes to come home to him.
43:10
Speaker 1: Like, yeah.
43:11
Speaker 2: Hey, I know, you know, but this is a good thing.
43:13
And let's say, and he's like, but it did occur
43:15
to me. How did she accidentally found out? Cause we
43:18
had been talking totally. I've been telling all our practitioners
43:21
and nurses and doctors that You know, we don't want
43:23
to know. So they say, I'm going to say she
43:25
during this thing, or I'm going to say he, or
43:27
I'm going to say baby, whatever that person does so
43:28
that they're not tipping their hand. He's like, but it
43:32
dawned on me on the paperwork in our state, like
43:35
it has to be printed, they told us. So don't
43:37
scroll too far into things. She said she accidentally found out.
43:40
She went to page five. It was a six-page document.
43:43
He goes, that's not an accident, okay? You are clicking
43:46
down or next page until you find what you wanted
43:49
to find. He goes, she just broke. She wanted to know,
43:51
and that's fine. It was not an accident. It was
43:54
five pages down. I say all this to tell you
43:57
that it's in the chart, right?
43:59
Speaker 1: That's exactly where I was going.
44:00
Speaker 2: They want to write it down for us and put
44:02
it in an envelope.
44:02
Speaker 1: I said, absolutely not. I don't want it in our house.
44:05
Speaker 2: I don't want it in our house because I don't
44:06
think we're going to survive that. The chart, I think,
44:08
is a big enough concern, especially if you're going 55-45.
44:12
Speaker 1: You might accidentally find out. Okay. I think the most
44:16
psychotic thing to other people about this pregnancy... is that
44:20
we've had the results for like nine weeks and we
44:22
haven't looked at it. People that I tell that to-
44:24
Out of sight, out of mind. People that I tell
44:26
that to are like, are you freaking kidding me?
44:29
Speaker 2: But isn't the results, it's on, they do the test anyway.
44:31
Speaker 1: They do it. They know what's going on. Yeah, but
44:33
we could have opted to not have it on there,
44:35
but we weren't sure if we wanted to know. So
44:37
we said, yeah, go ahead and put it on there
44:38
and then we'll decide. Can we call and tell them
44:40
to take it off? No, it's on there. It's in
44:42
my MyChart. That's what I'm saying. But I think the
44:44
majority of people are like, there's no way that I
44:47
would have that self-control to just not look at it.
44:50
I truly don't think about the fact that we have
44:52
the results until somebody asks if we know what we're having.
44:55
And I'm like, well, we don't know if we're going
44:56
to find out yet, but we've had the results since
44:59
we were like eight weeks pregnant. They're like, are you
45:01
freaking kidding me? And then I think part of their
45:03
reaction is I'm like, yeah, I don't know. It's kind
45:05
of cool not knowing. And So- I'm concerned now.
45:09
Speaker 2: I feel like the implied odds, if this is Vegas,
45:11
it's like minus 200, you find out.
45:13
Speaker 1: No, because what I was going to say is, you
45:16
know that I am a sentimental moments person. I would
45:22
never just look at that. That would have to be
45:24
a moment that was special with us, with the kids.
45:28
I would be so sad to just see it.
45:32
Speaker 2: There's some spiraling that could happen. There's a lot of hormonal...
45:35
There's a lot happening here. I don't understand.
45:37
Speaker 1: Don't blame it on my hormones. I'm just saying. I'm
45:41
just saying. You never know. You told me the other day,
45:44
you literally said, well, you're the one that's literally carrying
45:47
the child. If you want to know, I'm going to...
45:49
If you want to know, then yes. I'm just telling
45:51
you where I'm at. No, I'm not doing that by myself.
45:54
I'm not making that decision. If we're finding out, it's
45:56
because we decided to find out. I do not want
45:59
to know. I'm not, I have, I literally have no
46:01
desire to look at that thing. Even when they send
46:03
me like a Mari chart appointment, there's like a completely
46:05
different tab for test results. You have to click through
46:08
12 different things. You can see that. I'm like scared
46:11
to even click on the, like my appointment because I'm
46:14
scared that it'll accidentally show up somewhere.
46:16
Speaker 2: So, well, here's the thing. Like, This is what's challenging
46:20
about this. It is true. If you really want to
46:23
find out, I don't want you pitching me on why
46:26
we should do it, like why we should find out. Ultimately,
46:29
to me, it's like your decision. If you really want
46:31
to do that and that really means a lot to you,
46:33
then we are going.
46:33
Speaker 1: To do it. But I don't know if I do.
46:35
Speaker 2: That's where we're at right now. But I'm saying if
46:37
in three months, you're just like, I need to know.
46:40
I am not going to want that to happen, but
46:43
I'm also not going to stand in the way and
46:45
say we have to do that.
46:46
Speaker 1: I just... ultimately the ball is in your court. This
46:50
is also kind of what we did with Dace. I
46:52
was like, do you want to find out? Do you
46:54
want to find out? We're both kind of like, no,
46:55
be cool to not know, but I don't know. And
46:57
then all of a sudden it was like 21 weeks
47:00
and we were like, well, we waited this long. We're just,
47:02
we're not finding out. It does make the appointments that
47:05
much more stressful because you're like, please do not tell
47:07
us when we've waited this long. Do not somebody accidentally
47:10
screw up.
47:11
Speaker 2: I'm not as stressed because the whole thing is if
47:13
they know they don't know, as long as they don't
47:14
say like, oh, I'm sorry. Like, They could say any word.
47:18
Like he, she, baby.
47:19
Speaker 1: They don't like that. I wouldn't say it. If somebody
47:21
ever said she first, it would tip me off. He,
47:23
I feel like is what your brain goes to more
47:25
as like a default. So when people were, we did
47:27
have some people, a thousand percent.
47:31
Speaker 2: When you think your brain goes to a default, like
47:33
if you're a guy, you can choose when you walk
47:34
into the room saying, I'm going to say she. Like
47:37
that person at the agency in their mind to be like,
47:39
for me to not ruin this for them, I'm going
47:41
to say she. I don't think you do it on
47:43
a subconscious level because you don't want to be the
47:45
person to mess it up. So it's like, you go
47:46
with the game plan. Well, the person that told us
47:48
they were going to say both. I think it's a
47:50
good idea. I think it's a good idea. But the
47:52
first thing they said is he. And I think it's like,
47:55
at first they were saying baby. And then when he
47:57
slipped out, then they slipped some she's in. I think
48:00
it's because he slipped out because they saw his little thing.
48:02
Speaker 1: But we had no idea. And retroactively, you can say
48:04
that's what happened. If we don't find out and somebody
48:07
says she in appointment this time before they say he,
48:10
I'm going to be like, well.
48:11
Speaker 2: That's... girl that's called post rationalization because we know what
48:14
he came out as so you can say that that
48:16
appointment you knew or whatever but come on babe we
48:19
have no idea there were a lot of appointments a
48:22
lot of different doctors doing a lot of different things
48:23
two of them said he took first that could be
48:26
there's a 50-50 chance that whoever they're right there I'm
48:28
just saying if they say she first this time then
48:31
they'll be like well now we know don't screw us
48:34
up um all right we're having a baby we're having
48:39
a baby can't wait Can't wait.
48:43
Speaker 1: I can't wait.